Face Off

In this episode, we go on a school excursion, take a T-Bob tangent, and discuss bad kissers, progressive dinners, gossip, English texts, boys who flip their hair, and Mum's cooking. 

And remember, if you think you know us - no, you don't!

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
I've known my bestie for fifteen yearsnow, but what was she like before
I met her? Welcome to Direof my Bestie, where she reads to
me her childhood diaries. Well,names and identifying places have been changed to
protect the innocent and the guilty.We're also staying anonymous ourselves, so if
you think you know us, noyou don't. Welcome back to Dire of
My Bestie. Hello bestI, HelloBestie. Sorry to everyone for missing a

(00:26):
couple of weeks. It was myfault. The stars did a line and
the busyness and all the things,so yes, sorry about that, but
it was kind of cool to havea little break after doing twenty episodes.
It is that weird thing where I, during the week, I have a
block of time, and during theweek you have a block of time,

(00:49):
and it's just we literally missed eachother by half a day or a day
or something like that, and it'sjust we couldn't make it work, and
it was just so behind the curtainfor listeners. We've actually been on the
call for an hour jabbering away abouteverything and things we can't disclose for that

(01:10):
is a good taste and actually legalreasons. But yeah, we're already an
hour into this, so yeah,until it lines up. It's like,
here's everything that's happened to me inthe last three weeks. There pretty much
I was. I was pulling thingsand showing things off and like, oh,
look at this cool thing. Andthere was biscuit ribiscuit recommendations and medications

(01:33):
and bad jokes and really purps andyes, humor, yes, yes,
let's leave it at humor. Okay, yes, right, but I'm excited
to get back into your world,the world of twenty thirty years ago,
and see what's happening. It's fadedfrom my brain a little bit, but

(01:53):
it's I've held onto the important thingsand I'm looking forward to slipping back into
that. Well, I'll do alittle recap, yes please, yes,
and I'll keep my listeners can't seethis, but if you look at me
and my eyes are closed, it'sa new concentration thing I'm trying where Okay,

(02:15):
you close your eyes and your visualize. Okay, Well, I am
in grade nine, still thirteen.I haven't turned fourteen yet. We've just
wrapped up the year's school musical whereI fell in love with a boy called

(02:36):
Marcus Sanderson. Otherwise known as Sandy. I've been quite sick with a COLDI
fluy thing, and I have notlong started a new diary. That's right,
yes, okay, I am sufficientlycaught up. Okay, great,
So now that your memory is joked, I shall continue, please do.

(03:01):
Tuesday, August twenty eighth, nineteenninety I found out today that Marcus only
likes me as a good friend.Missed opportunity, Marcus Poor. For I
don't know if things will change inthe future, but at this point in

(03:22):
time, it looks like no gobetween us. And you wanted it to
be go, didn't you. Iwanted it to be go, Yes,
very much. Boohoo, missed opportunity. You dropped the ball there, Marcus
Poor. That's on how many daysbefore there's a new crush in my life?

(03:44):
Days? I'm surprised if it's notthere by the end of this paragraph.
Do you want to have a guess? It's Tuesday, August twenty eighth.
I know I'm serious. By theclose of day, you will have
from the roll of decks of crushesthe next person. You're essentially the nineteen
nineties Tailerswift a right, the tortureddiarists. I have been holding back.

(04:13):
I've been holding back on that becauseI have a project I want to attempt
on the weekend and it's about twoor three hours. Just be like headphones
on, let's go. I listenedto Taileswift when I'm mow. Okay,
nice because I can. I canqueue up speak now and by the time
I get to the end of thestory of us, I can nail the

(04:35):
backyard. So that's sort of likea timing thing. So anyway, I
like it. There's an insight intome. If you didn't know, I'll
think of you mowing the law andevery time I listen to Taylor Swift.
Yes, that's a visual. Wehave our history excursion tomorrow. It should

(04:57):
be good. I'm taking Clint's camera. I didn't have my own camera.
Clint, if you remember Clint ourborder, Oh yes, yes, yes,
So he had a pretty good cameraand he was loaning it to me
for the day. I'm sitting nextto Hannah on the bus and the ferry.

(05:18):
Ah so signed seating. No,I think we just decided we were
going to sit together. Okay,So we didn't end up sitting by ourselves
like Nigel's today in English. Isat next to Craig White because I was
mad at Matthew for scribbling on myCorey Haynes picture. Mm hmmm, Miss

(05:41):
Irish was at asat, which isa I think that was a thing,
kind of like the what's that thingthe American people do the SATs yeah kind
of thing. Yeah, and wehad no one supervising us anyway, So
is this the practice or the actualthing? This is? Oh, we

(06:04):
were just in our English class,but the teacher was supervising the other things,
and for whatever reason, we didn'tget a relief teacher. Okay,
so it was just havoc anyway.Craig kept trying to get on to me.
I didn't think he was like thatphrasing as in physically get on to

(06:28):
you like rider like or No,it's probably more like make a move on
me, cracking onto you. Yeah, yeah, okay, you did say.
You just did say. It waschaos. The ideas of humans writing
other humans was not that far away. I was really really short, so

(06:49):
I hope he wasn't trying to rideme like a tonton. See now you've
got me flashing back to There wasthis show Cartoons where there was this little
round egg shaped robot that had wheels? Was it Mask? Probably is Mask

(07:10):
where one of the junior members ofthe team rode on this. It was
Mask. I'm sure I'm falling down. Okay, this rabbit hole needs to
be solved or I'll be distracted.Let's go ask egg robot how good is
my memory? Let's have a book. I don't even know what it's for

(07:40):
my TV show. This is importantpeople, you have to Yes, I
was right, Mask TV show.It was. It was a public service
note it was. I don't knowwhat the robot's called, but yeah,
it was a robot. And thenit went and stuck its arm out and

(08:03):
had a wheel that came out underneathit, and it was Yes, brain
still functions. Is it a singlewheel? Yes? So it was like
a unicycle robot. When you saidstuck his arm out and I had a
vague recollection of something like that.T Bob was his name, Scott and
T Bob from Mask. There yougo. I'm going to have to look

(08:24):
that up because it's sounding familiar.Thank you for everyone indulging me in that.
So what were we talking? Oh, Craig was trying to get on
to ride you like a Tom yes, or t Bob, T Bob,
you're tea besting. During history JustinMajor was making eyes at me. See

(08:52):
I told you by the end ofthis star entry. But he was only
mucking around because we're really great friends. Okay, flashback to a few sentences
ago. You're upset your other friendisn't cracking on. Okay, let's go,
must go to sleep now, goodnight reading James Harriet's Dog Stories.

(09:15):
I still have that book, likeSandy, So I still like Sandy.
I haven't moved on yet, Okay, Okay. Wednesday, August twenty nine,
nineteen ninety So next day, yep, six thirty five am. Yeah,

(09:37):
it's the more. I woke upand now I have a crush on.
It's the morning of the history excursion. It should be good. Yes,
we established that I had a terribledream. Oh no, what terrible
dream could have occurred? It wasa school dream? Oh no, what
school dream that was terrible could haveoccurred. I don't remember exactly what happened,

(10:03):
but I do know that Sandy wasin it, and he was ignoring
me. Don't don't du At leastthat doesn't happen at school in real life.
Sometimes he smiles and waves. Sometimeshe says, hello, I don't
think that's him ignoring me, doyou? I think that's basic human interaction.

(10:26):
Oh my god, that person wavedat me like a human. I
love in capitals. I've got dreams. Aren't all that true? If he
ignores me in the future, I'llprobably think differently. Maybe it was a

(10:46):
in his defense, your subconscious mind. He doesn't live in Oh not.
I found out yesterday that Tisha's birthdayis the tenth of septem four days before
mine. Cool, Now my brainis not great. T Shirt already featured

(11:07):
in my class. She is Sandy'syounger sister. Okay, all right,
yeah, okay, well I mustgo now it's six forty three am.
Waking up early to diary. Thatjust wasn't me. Well, I had
to leave early for the excursion,so yeah. But even so, it's

(11:30):
like when I wake up in themorning, it's like, yeah, no,
I'm I'm asleep. I'm not gettingup in diary. Yeah. It's
just it's a foreign world to me, is what I'm saying. I had
to write all about my terrible dreamof being ignored. It's life changing stuff,
you know, I get it.Yep. Ten pm, Oh,

(11:54):
okay, yep. The excursion wasace. It wasn't just good, it
was ace. Should we make ashould we bring back ace? Let's bring
back ace? I think let's makeace happen. We saw dolphins on History

(12:16):
tour. Well, we had tocatch fairy, jellyfish, graves, prisons,
houses, kilns, silos, walls, cows, plovers, cannons,
and water. Now without disclosing thelocation, mm hmmm, knowing where you

(12:39):
are at this time and the nearestbody of water that would require the trip
of a fairy, that's not aclose bus ride. That is a significant
three we stop bus ride. No, it wasn't that that far away.

(13:00):
Is there some mysterious body of waternear your town that I'm unaware of that
has a faery? No, it'sprobably closer to where you are. Okay,
but that's still not a bad drive. I think I know. Okay,
Right, so it was kind oflike a little island. I think

(13:24):
I know the one stuff on it. Yeah, I think, I know,
Yeah, I think. But stillnot a bad back then, particularly
with the state of the roads backthen, it would not be a quick
trip. I would have made acrappy bus too. Oh yeah, yeah,
But it was a good, goodexcursion. I still remember bits of

(13:46):
it. Yeah. I've never beento that island by the way, so
oh it's pretty cool. Yeah,with the graves and the prisons. Prisons
usually have graves. Yes, yeah, Hannah reckons Justin Major likes me.
Nay, it wasn't either guy makingeyes at you. But you're just friends.

(14:09):
Okay, yeah, because remember NickMajor. Yes, boyfriend from the
year before, his younger brother who'sin my grade. Okay, Okay,
sometimes it does seem like that,but I doubt it. He hasn't said
anything. He just gets all shywhen Hannah asks him if he likes me.

(14:33):
Wow, thirteen year old boys.Okay, I reckon. Lindy Herman
likes Craig Seppelt. Tina Macon andDavid Urbacker got together on the bus on
the way home. Rewind that whatwas her name? Tina Macon? Okay,

(14:56):
all right, No, it's exactlyas I heard. Macon is just
just your kids, just going tobe teased for years with the last name.
They got together on the bus.They go together on the bus on
the way home. Tina is goingout with someone else, okay, scandalous

(15:20):
and Terry Winslow got with Marie.He's going out with someone else too.
Okay, big talk from you hasnot been beyond doing that. So you
no, I would never you haveand you wrote it down yourself. These

(15:43):
are some tabloid things, like Isaid, I did this to me and
Hannah talked about what an awful kisserNick Major is. So you've both had
a crack. Mm hmm. Idoubt anything has changed. He takes half
your face off, and this isnot the Major that watch you now.

(16:04):
This is a different Major brother Iwent out with. Yeah, justin Reckons.
It's because my face is small.So not only are we dissing Nick's
kissing abilities, we're doing it infront of his brother who might like you.
Yeah you know, okay, yeah, okay. Raymond kept making cracks

(16:37):
at Hannah's wide nose all day.Trust him. Raymond. Raymond is just
another guy in our history class.Yep. He lives down the road from
Sandy and Reckons. He's a realwanker. Okay. He didn't tell me
why though, because he probably wantsto suck half your little face off.

(17:00):
I found out that Brett Pugh isa Christian. His mum gave him this
book called Sex, Dating and LoveSequel to Sex, Love and Infatuation,
and he brought it along. Itwas quite good. Everyone on the whole
bus was reading it. Uh.For those who missed it, a dude

(17:21):
with the last name Pugh is aChristian. Shocking news. Did you know
that Sebastian Lassan is now taller thanme? So unfair? How do I
put this in the most loving wayI've got. I love you with all

(17:42):
my heart? You know that,But how are people being taller than you
a noteworthy thing? Everyone's taller thanyou? Yeah, it was because when
he was shorter than me, itwas great because I wasn't the shortest person
in that Okay, yeah, triedto thread that needle of not it's just

(18:02):
like it's like we're you're at thirteenand not the smallest person in the class
is a thing of note. Yeah, okay. Terry Winslow has finally realized
that there is more to life thansex. Is he correct? He told

(18:23):
me that he felt he was missingsomething in his life more sex. I
told him that it might be Jesus. So it's not more sex. Now.
All those flashing in the back ofmy mind is that that meme Jesus

(18:45):
man thinking of the dollar and goingto jay Town. Jtown is the backwards
capture the surfing. I told himthat it might be Jesus. He said,
probably that that would be great day. Yeah. Anyway, I'm really

(19:07):
tired after my long, thoroughly exhaustingday, so I'll take a well deserved
sleep, beauty sleep. I needall the help I can get. Reading
nothing at the moment, like questionmark, question mark, question mark.
Reading sex books on the bus triphome? Everyone was you notice I wrote

(19:33):
more about the bus trip than theactual excursion. Yes, because like there
was no sex books on your excursion. It was all in the bus,
true people making out with each other. It could have been such a crappy
bus that your excursion was literally thebus to the aisle and you ran out
of time. You had to comeback Thursday. It's just funny. It's

(19:57):
a history. It's a history ssion, and you didn't record any of the
history history. Probably just google itnow anyway. True True Thursday, August
thirty, nineteen ninety next day,tenh three pm. You're never going to

(20:21):
believe this diary. Only only Deborah, Matthew, Marie, Hannah, Tracy,
and Amanda no, Okay, yourother preggers are in love. Are
you ready for it? Uh?Hell? Well else could I guess?

(20:42):
M Yeah, no, Matt,preggers are in love. No, you
could never be ready for this.Don't faint. I like Nick Major again.
Okay, his brothers there. Godknows why. I just don't know

(21:07):
why I do. I just do. You loved getting half your face sucked
off. I saw him at thetuck shop today. I said to him,
do you hate me? And hesaid no, why? I said,
it's a right of question. Younever talked to me anymore and he

(21:29):
said, you don't talk to meeither, that's point. Yeah, and
you also came up and said youhate me, not like hey, the
traps that are set for the Okay. Then later I just come downstairs from

(21:51):
Building G and I saw him andhe goes hello, and I go hello,
Okay, it's yeah. We watchedMy Brilliant Career at lunchtime. It

(22:12):
was quite good. So this waspart of me catching up on some stuff
that i'd missed while I was sick. Because they watched it. They'd watched
it in class. I think itwas for English, and yes, because
I watched it for English. Yeah, so I had to catch up at
lunch time. Deborah Coole is cominground at about six point thirty tomorrow night

(22:37):
because she's coming to the youth groupprogressive dinner, which should be good.
Okay, I'm going to have tostart taking my cough tablets and medicine again.
Yes, I'm still coughing my gutsup. So the progressive thing is

(23:00):
each person's house or is it justlike a Yeah, we have like entree
at somebody else's house Maine, somewhereelse, desert somewhere else, and have
like games and stuff at each location. Yeah. I did heaps of exercise
this afternoon. I'm going skating onSaturday to see Rachel and guess who two

(23:29):
feet and heartbeat yep, Amanda isgoing to find out if he's going with
anyone. She likes doing things likethat. You're trying to get some major
action, thank you very much.Anyway, I'm going to go and get

(23:49):
Cleo and then read about Nick inmy last diary. Okay, no kidding,
but I've always thought of him asthe first guy I ever really loved.
Isn't that every guy that you've everhad a crush on? Yeah,
but this one lasted a whole threeweeks or something, so you know it

(24:11):
was extra special, fair cool.Yeah, must go now, dearest darling
diary reading my last diary like nick, major slag and all ocause in you
know, saliva, it's a technique. Yeah. Friday, August thirty first,

(24:36):
nineteen ninety the Progressive dinner went well. I found out tons of things.
I'm guessing I gossiped more than anythingelse during this dinner, I'd assume.
So one Debora found out that Kevinis only go going out with her

(25:00):
as a joke between him and ChristineSchofield. Okay, explain that to me.
See if you remember, Deborah andKevin are a bit on again,
off again. Yeah, and Kevinis also on and off again with a
girl from his hockey club called Christine. Okay, so they had apparently made

(25:23):
up this let's play a joke onDeborah. You go out with her as
a joke and we'll laugh about itthat hockey Okay. I think I think
Kevin he is a bit of agenius because he's like, yeah, let's
joke go out with this girl wherehe gets basically a crack it too,

(25:44):
yeap. In other words, he'susing her, Yes, of course he
is, and his girlfriend's cool withit. She's dropping him on Monday.
Okay, well, hy wait thatlong that's the problem because Friday night she
won't see him till Monday. Okay. Two. Nick Major is going out

(26:11):
with dear Dree. I'm sorry,maybe it's just as well you like your
face in your current configuration. ThreeElizabeth likes Nick two okay. Four Kenneth

(26:34):
Campbell is going with Lynnette Smith.Okay, he nods, feigning the nose.
Lynette's in my grade. Kenneth Campbellis in my brother's grade. Okay,
all right. Five Kenneth Campbell likedme at the start of the year.

(27:00):
He was going to ask me out, but he knew Dad, Mike
and Mum would want a word withhim, and he didn't want to spoil
his friendship with Mike. Okay,yeah, all right, yay, responsible
but not really kind of creepy okay. Yeah. So between yeah, I

(27:25):
mean, it's no nineteen year oldat the drive in, but it's yeah,
thirteen year old and his sixteen yearold is not really cool but slightly
better than less statutory yes see yareading nothing like Nick Major? And then
in brackets, Kenneth question mark.Okay, Okay, I was off for

(27:56):
a few days. Yeah, Iwas off for a few days. Okay,
Well let's see how Kenneth. ButKenneth is after this other chick.
Yeah, or he's with the otherchick. They're going out. Yeah,
just because he said, you know, you're not too bad, you've gone
Okay, Well he's now a candidate. So yeah, he's shown me that

(28:17):
little bit of interest, and I'mlike, whoa two feet and heartbeat yep.
Saturday, September one, nineteen ninetyone pm. It's the first day
of spring. It's a gorgeous day. I can hear birds and lawn mowers,

(28:37):
true signs of spring. Very much. So I'm going skating soon.
I'm picking up Mask and my brilliantcareer as well. So the video store
was near the skating rink, andI needed to watch them for English.
We Mask the Jim Carrey movie orMass the Masquerade Fighters whose vehicles turned into

(29:03):
helicopters. Mask the Eric Staltson's shareone. I mentioned it before, So
Eric Staltz plays the guy with thedisease that causes facial deformities. Okay,
and no, no, it wasactually it's terrible Eric. I know that

(29:26):
was a little bit of a misdirectedslat, but I thought it still had
merited to throw in. I lovethat movie made. It was a cool
movie. But also there's like lotsof Harley's in it, so okay,
Bikey's. I can't wait till skating. I don't have long to wait because
it starts in an hour. Iget to see rach and me Agan and

(29:51):
Nick. Better get your skates on. I hope Wade Leath or Sean Bille
there because then I will like oneof them and want to go out with
them, and I'll forget all aboutNick two feet and a heartbeat. I'm
just trying to get my mind ofhim because he's taken worse. It could

(30:14):
be trying to split him and hisgirlfriend art, but I'm not. Oh,
you're ethical, Yeah who Okay.I've noticed that lots of boys at
school are interested in women dominated careers. Kenneth Campbell wants to be a nurse

(30:34):
and Joseph Woodburn wants to be ahairdresser. In Kenneth's defense or accusation,
he's tagging two chicks at the sametime, so him going into female dominated
industries. Let's just not put thehalo on him right now, going aren't
you're a great guy? He's like, ah, all the options are.

(30:57):
I don't think either of them endedup in those careers. They're no sad
Pool boy at Buddings. No,they're not. I actually said, I'm
coming up to see you in acouple of weeks time. We've got to
go to Bunnings Justice for Kent.Yes, all right, more after skating.

(31:18):
See ya. I've got that compulsionto go by every time you do
that. But I'm like, no, she's not speaking to me. Sunday,
September two, nineteen ninety one,thirty one am, a early morning
journaling Father's Day. Ah, okay, Rachel is going with Gavin Kidman.

(31:45):
She doesn't like him that much though, so she might be dropping him.
Okay, I don't know why yougo out with someone you don't like much.
It's not that, okay, I'mgoing to be put out a thing.
It's not that I I'm not interestedin it. It's just there's so
many names and stuff like that,and the fleeting nature of all these going

(32:07):
with and dropping and stuff. It'snot that I don't care, but it's
like I'm out of emotional spoons toput into these fleeting relationships to go.
Okay, cool, I want toknow who you're going out with. I
will tell you when there's something worthinvesting your spoons in. Okay, okay,
cool, awesome, excellent, thankyou. She doesn't feel right with

(32:31):
him. She got with him Wednesdaynight, the first guy she's ever got
with before, as in kissed.Yeah. Yeah, I am under no
illusion that if people started banging youwould have pages of information about not just
getting to be like, oh mygod, I have to go and buy

(32:52):
a new diary just for this.Yeah, Naomi was going with guy Dutton,
but he was trying to kiss Shona, Kim and Rachel, so she
dropped him. Is that one personwith three names or three people? Three
people? Okay? Right, yep. So if you remember Rachel is my

(33:14):
skating friend. Yes, she's gottwo sisters, Naomi and Kim mm hmm,
and then hanging around with them allthe time. Is also Naomi's friend
Shona. Okay, So basically there'slike a tight knit group of four three
sisters and a friend. So guysgoing out with one of them and trying

(33:37):
to kiss the other three. Butto be fair, you talked about some
dude's brother in front of him thathe liked you. So the going through
of the family things is not exclusiveto that person. That's a good point.
Yes, Shona was going with WesleyUrbacker. I don't know what happened
between them. I hadn't seen Rachelfor a while, so I was just

(34:00):
catching up on order on all herfamily gossip. Maybe they started down the
path and just realized that it couldn'twork, so he had to go back.
You are on fire tonight. I'vehad ice cream. Roseanne was fighting

(34:20):
with Marie and Dinnette and Dinnelle.Brendan Hughes, he was that guy that
I got with at the All NightsGate that time when I was going out
with someone else that magically split intoeighty five other people. Yeah, seven
hundred and fifty two. Yeah,seven hundred and fifty two. Yes,

(34:42):
okay, So Brendan Hughes has togo to court. And what did Brendan
hust do. Let's find out hewas picked up by the cops last night.
Get this drunken and disorderly? Wohow does one orderly when they're drunk?

(35:04):
Is a fifty? He's in gradetwelve by this time, ours a
sixteen year old drunk and order,so he's in trouble. Well, I
think the biggest news of the dayis who I like now, not that
I got with a now accused felon. Who I like now is dot dot

(35:30):
dot Conrad Clark. Okay, anew player enters the arena and his Conrad.
He lives in the same street asme, just a few houses down
from East Point Shops. That's handy. He's thirteen and in grade eight at

(35:52):
my school and you're in grade nine. Yeah, I'm still thirteen, so
we're not that far apart in age. He has my phone number, and
he told Kim he was going tocall me. He likes Michelle and Cheryl
a bit, but they supposedly arejust leading him on a bit, and
he hasn't got a chance with themanyway. So Michelle and Cheryl were other

(36:15):
people at skating, but they werelike, probably about grade eleven. Okay,
all right. I talked to Kimon the phone tonight for about one
and a half hours, from elevenpm till twelve thirty am. Conrad smokes,

(36:37):
but Kim reckins he'd give up forhis girlfriend. Okay, he hasn't
wrung me by three pm tomorrow afternoon. I'm ringing him. Clint's going to
help me. Why is Clint helping? I guess if I didn't have the
guts to actually make the call.Okay, he would probably call us to

(37:01):
speak to him and then pass midfonte. Okay, Yeah, must go.
I need to sleep for church tomorrowmorning. I love Conrad reading Blessed the
Beasts and Children? Mm hm doyou ever have to do that book?

(37:21):
No? Okay? Or if Idid, I boxed it out. I
don't remember March except them driving thecar out woo somewhere and they're being though
it's America, it's not whoop woop. What do they call whoop woop in
America? Middle? Yeah, Idon't know. And they're being like big

(37:42):
herd of like buffalo, a bisonor something. It's pretty much. Don
remember Dance of the Walls. I'veseen it so many times. Good trade.
Yeah, like Conrad Clark, megahunk. I love the way I
love the way he hit his hairfalls over his eyes and the way he

(38:07):
flicks it over and looks does yourhair flicker? Is he? Yeah?
Alright? Monday, September third,nineteen ninety six. Oh, five pm.
Here's Deborah to say a few wordsabout Kevin, Guy and Conrad.

(38:29):
Mm hmm, okay, okay,Hi, it's Deborah and first Kevin.
Kevin, Well, I broke upwith him yesterday, but we're just friends
now. So she did it,she dumped him, yep, yep.

(38:50):
Next Guy, well, that's okay, sorry, yep. I think you
should go out with him because helikes you a real lot. I can
tell there'll be a bit more ofan explanation of that where that came from,
thank you. But if you remember, guy was the guy who tried

(39:10):
to kiss three other people only hada girlfriend. Yeah, yep, so
just keep that in mind. Andfinally Conrad, he sounds okay over the
phone. Isn't he isn't a virgin, But then again a lot of people
aren't. Maybe I'll go out withhim, just joking. I gotta go

(39:32):
now see her. That was allthat was. That's certainly went a few
different directions, it did. Okay, Well, I was on the phone
to Conrad and he said that hewouldn't go with me because he likes Michelle
Parker and the other night he spenthalf the night kissing her. Okay,

(39:57):
all right, ah, okay,I'm heartbreaking for you. Yeah, I'm
mostly confused, but I'm heart breakingfor you. I asked Guy out for
Belinda Stanwick today and he goes,oh, I don't know a sorry.

(40:25):
So if you remember Belinda Stanwick isin my form class. Yes, she's
in grade eight. Yes, sheliked Sandy when I liked Sandy. Yes.
She told me she liked Guy andsaid, would you ask him out
for me? And so I did. Okay, see you're saying this like

(40:45):
it's a it's a normal thing,but I was never asked out by anyone,
so all this is weird to me. So then at lunchtime assembly,
Belinda goes, I was talking toStewart at lunch, and I go,
yeah, And she said that Stuarthad been talking to Guy, and Guy

(41:07):
told Stuart that he'd wanted to gowith me ever since he first met me.
You as in me asn't you?Apparently Guy has always had a bit
of a thing for me. Yep, Okay, I don't mind Guy.
He's really nice and pretty cute too. I'm losing track of all these humans,

(41:30):
so I'm saying that Guy is reallynice, but he just tried to
kiss three okay, okay, yep, yep, yeah, okay, back
on track now. Yeah, andhe's a virgin, I think, and

(41:51):
he doesn't swear or say bad thingsas much as Conrad. Maybe I should
go with Guy instead. I wastalking, you know, we need to
have a safe word that I cansay, so I don't have to say
you know, I love you withall. Let's call it fish sticks.

(42:12):
Okay, fish sticks, fish sticks. Just choose bloody one of them.
I just just have a crack andjust get it done. I was talking.
I was talking to Guy on thephone, okay, and Deborah was
too, and he said that whatBelinda said could be true for those falling

(42:34):
on home. I'm now holding upmy fingers as substitute humans so I can
keep track of what's bloody happened.Okay, Deborah reckons Guy does like me.
Mm hmm. Gee, guys aretrouble. You're the faith. Okay,
okay, okay, before I needmultiple fish sticks, let's go.

(43:01):
I was talking to Hannah and Georgeat lunch about Conrad. George. George
is Hannah's boyfriend. Okay, yeah, cool, right, he's in grade
twelve. Ah, okay, yeahthat makes sense. And George goes where
is he? So I pointed Conradout and George goes up to him and

(43:22):
says, are you Conrad. I'mliking George. George is a big fan
of George because he's like, excusethe bad language, but he's cut the
crap, cut through the bullshit,right Conrad, Conrad right here? Okay?
What happens next? Then after schoolI went up to Hannah in George's

(43:46):
car. Hang aha, well,rewind So He's gone up to con whatever
this dude's name is, and goon, right, are you that?
And that was it. Yeah,he got well basically, Conrad kind of
freaked out because he was his gradetwelve coming up to him and going are
you Conrad? Okay, and he'sjust like yeah. And then I can't

(44:07):
remember what George said, but itwas probably on the lines of oh hi,
and then that's missing con sext clues. I was I was chasing okay,
sorry, my bad. So thenafter school I go up to Hannah
in George's car so I could walkpast Conrad. It was in the opposite
direction of where I needed to go, but Conrad was like standing there.

(44:29):
I wanted to walk past Conrad,so I was like I go yep to
Hannah and I go, he's justover there, And George said, oh,
isn't he sexy? He's so funny? Okay, and stand by listeners
for about three pages of Bestie describinghow sexy Conrad is. Well, I

(44:53):
already told you about the hair flip. Yeah, I know, I know,
I'm not expecting it. Yeah hestarted the hair you're moving down.
Zachary Jones and Stuart McFarlane told ConradI was frigid, so unfair. Yes,
aren't you frigid? No? Okay, Zachary Jones should know I used

(45:20):
to kiss him underwater at the poolin grade seven during swimming lessons. Well,
none of us knew that. Youdidn't mentioned that. Well, well
we know that I let Nick Majortake half my face off. Yeah,
I know, you know, okay, I'm just so you let him.
But also complained about it, soI didn't think it was completely consensual.

(45:45):
Yep. So Deborah goes, she'snot. If you don't believe me,
ask Nick Major. Yeah, she'sa slut. And Nicole tells you she
is sorry. That a little bitharsh and hardcore, But you know what
I was saying, what was it? Brazen? Harsey. Yes, yeah,

(46:07):
we put son in in our hairthis afternoon. Do you know what
that is? Okay, say thatagain? Son In is hyphen iron?
Is this like it was in alittle plastic spray boddle? You think?
And it was a very very moldperoxide that you sprayded in your hair and

(46:28):
you sat out in the sun andit gave you beach blonde hair exactly.
Okay, Debrahs went really blonde.Mine only went kind of blonde because your
hair doesn't necessarily take the bond.Yeah, and you were blonde later on,
weren't you? But that talk abit of work, yes, okay,

(46:52):
all right, so I remember things. Ye, Well, I've got
to either have a shower or eattea now, all right, moll see,
I'm interested in what you're having fortea. That's that's where my brain
goes. I'm not sure. Isay what you need to do is you
need to ring up mama bestie andsay what type of stuff do you make

(47:14):
for dinner? I remember a fewthings. Okay, she was farey like
she was good cook, but shesaved her good stuff for dinner parties.
And that because she worked full time, so did my dad. So we
need, Yeah, we need awe need a mini cookbook of Bestie's parents

(47:35):
top dishes. It was stuff,you know, I like lamb chops or
sausages with mashed potato, and beergiespotatoes in their jackets with filling. She
always made really good roast lamp dinner. Can you ask her for her her
roast lamb recipe? Yeah, becauseI've got a few around and I just

(48:00):
can never seem to nail the perfectone I want so well. She had
a really old fashioned electric frying pantthat she always did her boasts in.
Okay, cool, she's got anytips and tricks, get her to send
it through. I'll do that later. I wash. Hang on, I

(48:22):
just how about I just come upand she cooks it for I don't know
she might. She doesn't cook alot of like big dinners anymore. She
just finds it too much for herhands and her wrists. Just just ring
her up and go, mum,Bessie's coming up? Can you make him
a lamb? All right, I'mgonna ask I reckon she would do.

(48:49):
I've written it down, yep.I washed my hair. The hot water
must have made the sun and reactmore because it's even blonder. It does
very much. It activates the whatis it? The yeah, the I
was going to say the fancy chemicalname, but it's too late on a

(49:10):
Friday night for you to accurately saywhat it is. Clint said, it
looks much much lighter. M Ican't wait until school so I can see
Conrad and Guy. Also, Deborahwas washing her hair tonight, so it
probably went even lighter too. Ihope she doesn't get into trouble because this

(49:34):
was the hair dye you bought whenyou weren't allowed to use hair dye,
wasn't it. Yeah? Yeah,because I was supposed to be natural?
Yes, natural? Can we havea quick like thirty second, like a
thirty second Google break? Sure?So sun On sonny in, Oh,

(49:55):
suny in, sorry hair. Therewas also super sun In, which was
a bit strung than regular. Okaysun In Hair Lightner Review twenty twenty four.
Okay, you can still get it, okay, Oh oh yeah.

(50:28):
The lightning effects of sun In isbased on a permanent version of hydroxide hydrogen
peroxide, which can weaken their hairsproteins, making it prone to break.
So oh yeah, mine was likestraw. The I think the issue being

(50:49):
is that when you get a normalperoxide job done at a hair salon,
they have things to stop the peroxidereactions, whereas sun In was just like
his hydrogen peroxide and good luck.Yep. So there's an interesting study.

(51:13):
If anyone's wanting to do a sociologicalaspect, go and find everyone who used
sun in a lot when they wereyounger and see how their hair is now.
Mine did thankfully recover. But Ido remember it being like straw.
I even remember a teacher once saying, have you ever tried doing a deep

(51:34):
conditioning treatment in your hair? Yeah? Because it didn't. I remember it
didn't say used condition afterwards. Itwas just oh yeah, uh, let
me just have a look straw thewhole time. Yeap, like straw.
Oh yeah, let's let's let's coverup the massive skin lesions caused by it

(52:00):
and returned back to the story.Back to the story, someone apparently bypassed
the spray feature and just poured iton their head and rubbed it in.
Oh no, yes, and itwas undiluted hydrogen peroxide. Yeah. Oops.
And what was worse is if yousprayed lemon juice in it. If

(52:22):
you spread lemon juice in it withit. Oh, we used to try
lemon juice on its own, neverdid anything. Problem is hydroen peroxide mix
lemon juice and that type of citricjuice is there is a citric acid which
is a kulating agency agent, whichbasically means that the hydrogen peroxide is given

(52:43):
a extra boost more than it shouldhave. Oh dear, so it actually
the kulation would go into the hair, surround part of the nutrients in their
hair and pull them out. Sowhen you washed out, you were washing
in the hydroen peroxide and flushing outthe nutrients in your hair. Oh no,
oh, yes, it's not atall. There's a reason why when

(53:07):
you buy pure lemon fragrance it comesin a dangerous goods, highly flammable container
because it's it'll strip the moisturiity skin. Oh yeah, yeah, so yep,
there's your little chemistry. Things likehydro peroxide and citric acid are no

(53:27):
good. Yes, professor Bestie.You know I don't have much hair anymore.
So what I know is, andI when I was in my twenties,
my hair was I think I gotup to twenty seven different colors in
a year. It's the dill myhair every two weeks, different colors now
I know. I even what's theone where you put the cap on and

(53:51):
you pull the things through with theknitting needle. Oh the streaks. Yeah,
I did streaks on my hair andit didn't work well because I was
trying to do the things and Icut it off but not far enough,
so the back of my head wasspotted like a leopard. And I went
to work and the boss walked upthe stairs and all I heard was come

(54:15):
up the stairs and all I hadwas dickhead, and then walked past me
because the back of my head justlooked like a leopard spot because it was
brown hair with like white yellowy dotssitting on the back of So, no,
it was justified. I did it, and I'm saying it's justified.
Okay, I wish you didn't haveto look at it. I guess,

(54:36):
yeah, that's the thing. Icouldn't see it, so I didn't know
how bad it was. Because itwas super bad, I would have trimmed
it more. So I just cutit with a with the thing myself.
I didn't know that. Oh yeah, no, there's still bits that are
spotted. Yeah, my hair dying. I went I was purple, I
was red, I was green,I was everything I used to Well,

(55:00):
I won't say too much about it, but let's just say this is not
the first the only time that Iever dabble in hair coloring. Okay,
I know I've seen photos. Yeah, well, I must go get some
sleep. It's ten oh one pm, so I'll go now. Blondes Rule

(55:20):
Seeya reading Bless the Beasts and childrenlike One Conrad Clark, two Guy Dutton.
Okay, Okay, Tuesday September four, nineteen ninety seven, ten am,

(55:42):
ten days till my birthday. Ican't wait. I hope I'm going
with someone by then, so Ican get a present from him. Okay,
that's a right man. Two seasonsthat would be excellent. Dinner at

(56:04):
Lofties will be good too, Andif I have a boyfriend, I'll invite
him along. Put it this way, if I'm not going with Conrad by
next Monday, I'll probably go withGuy. I forgot to tell you last
night. Do they have choices inthis all? Maybe not not in my

(56:32):
not in my mind. I forgotto tell you last night that before I
rang Guy, Belinda Standwick Rank.Okay, you're not you're you're still reading
the dory. You're not actually talkingto me because you said it in the
exact tone and cadence you do.You're like, oh, I forgot to
tell you last night, and I'mjust like she talking to me. Yeah.

(56:54):
See, if you remember, shehad asked me to ask him.
That's right. Ye, she toldhim she didn't really want to go with
him, and if she ever didagain, she'd ask him herself. Okay,
so she didn't want to go outwith him, but if she did

(57:15):
want to in the future, she'dask him out herself, Yeah, without
rather than get someone else to doit. So I don't know why she
asked she asked me that. Ithink she's a saving face because he turned
it down. That's like, oh, never, I was never going to
ask you out, but if I'mgoing to do it again, but you
just said you never did. Goodpoint. So much for her saying he's

(57:37):
really cute and nice, Well hecould be cute, nice and just yeah.
Good point at skating. I'll askConrad if anything else has happened between
him and Michelle. If nothing has, I'll ask him if there's any chance
of us going out. If not, I'll forget about the whole thing,

(57:57):
and then maybe I'll go with guy. Bye, Okay, there is a
that that is a plan. Yes, yeah, nine pm. Deborah's mum
is buying her some more son into finish her hair fix or finish.

(58:22):
I think, like because we shareda bottle that like hars ended up uneven
are something like that? Yeah,I would say it would. She had
very very thick, curly hair,so ah, okay, yeah, so
you need to do the volume thingsand yeah, sister, I know,
I know about the yep, Iknow about the things. Guy wrote Belinda

(58:46):
Stanwick a letter. It had alist of girls' names and how much he
rated them out of ten bold Igot a nine, nice, good,
excellent, like that Belinda. Iagree with him? Well not, but

(59:07):
Belinda got a ten. He turnedher down, but she gets a ten
and I only get a nine?But he likes me. What's going on?
But maybe she's an ugly cow inside? Yeah, could be. Maybe
it's not all about looks for him. Could be. Yeah. I kind
of talked to Conrad today. Hesaid hello, oh wow, and normal

(59:35):
human greeting. Lets us get marriedand live together for fifty years, and
made a few smart remarks about Deborah'sbaby and baby is in inverted comments.
I have no idea what that's about. It has to be some kind of
inside joke that we had, possiblyeither pet boy friend or did you do

(01:00:01):
those things where you had to takean egg home and look after it or
something. No, I don't knowwhat it was about. I talked to
Stuart and he said he didn't tellConrad I was frigid, but Conrad insists
that he did, And how wasStewart though, well, I went out

(01:00:25):
with Stewart. Yeah, we nevereven held hands. So is that where
he's getting that assumption from. Maybehe didn't make a move on me either,
so maybe he thought you were frigid. Maybe not to defend the dude,
but hey, it could have beenlike if there is a leading presumption

(01:00:49):
that you are frigid, then hewas going ultra slow and then you were
sitting there going come on, havea crack, and he's like, I'm
not going to have a crack.You're fridgid. I didn't have to go
to the orthodontist today because he wassick. Yeah, yeah, you still

(01:01:10):
have to go to the Yeah.I talked to Zachary mm hm so I
think Zachary was at school with us. It's important. I'm just trying to
make the connection. He was inprimary school. Do you end up boning

(01:01:31):
him? No? Important. Ican't remember if he went to our high
school, but he was friends withConrad anyway, okay to Conrad's friends.
Yep. I talked to Zachary andhe said he would be coming around to
my place, but he didn't knowabout Conrad. So the idea was that
because I liked Conrad, he wouldtry and convince Conrad to come round to

(01:01:53):
my house after school. Okay,all right, that's a That is a
a type of plan. I'm notgoing to say it's good, but it's
a type waste of conversation because noone turned up. Oh see, he's
missed the opportunity to turn up andhave a crack at you. Yeah.

(01:02:16):
Well he was one of the oneswho told Conrad I was frigid, so
you know. Yeah, but stillyou would have been invested interest in you
proving that you're not good. Point, I'll have to speak to them tomorrow.
That means he must have been atschool, because I said I'll have
to speak to them tomorrow. Okay. I'll also have to have a little

(01:02:36):
word to Zachary about telling Conrad Iwas frigid. Okay, very invested in
you're investing. You're invested in dispellingthe dispelling the rumors that you're not a
slut. Yes, listen to me, people, I'm a slut. Just

(01:03:00):
no one's had a crack anyway,excuse me, anyway, I'd better go
to bed now. Sorry this entryis so short, but I'm real tired
for being a slot slut nad easy. There there's episode titled slut d easy

(01:03:27):
reading Bless the Beasts and children likeone Conrad, two, Zachary HM three
guy we need is Dexter and GlennEvans to come out. Oh whoa,
You've got a perfect wasn't it.Oh? Oh and at the end,

(01:03:53):
yes, and you can win atrip to the with Sundays with somebody you
hardly know. And now that's actuallya TV show in itself. Go on
a romantic date to the Weird Sundaysand let us film it. Oh,
marry a stranger and let us filmit. No, it's an experiment.

(01:04:15):
It's an experiment. Sorry, it'sfor science, because every time I watch
it, they're going, oh,the experiment I'm like, experiment is code
word for yeah no, it's justa terrible promise, so terrible, terrible.
But I watch it anyway. Isit at the other end of the
house while my loved ones watch it. I have a moral moral morally upsets

(01:04:40):
me that that show exists, doesit It's okay for thirteen year old girls
to get with seven hundred and fiftytwo guys. Look it was a different
time, and look, I've neversaid it was okay. I My objection
is, at the time it wasreleased, some of my life the ones
couldn't get married for reasons. Yes, so I had I had an objection

(01:05:06):
to turning one thing into a gameshow. At the same time, they're
not being able to say a verygood point. That is where my objection
maintains. It's like, ye,the commodoisation for entertainment doesn't sit right for
me. Well, I avoided ituntil last year, and then I accidentally

(01:05:28):
like channel surfing. It's like,oh, WA's this it's married with third
Before I could change the channel,boom do Like, I had to see
the whole thing through. I'm aterrible person, any right, You just
you just have to you have toget onto a real moral hell bed saying
no morally object to it. Soyes, but I don't morally object to

(01:05:51):
it. It would be hard.And even my dad watches it. That's
amazing. My dad watch his farmerwants a wife. I I kind of
want to come in next year andwatch, come visit watch maps with your
dad. Now, yeah, wecould probably hook something up. I'll cook

(01:06:13):
everyone. That'd be cool and thenyou can go down the other end of
the house while we all watch it. That and football. Them at the
other end of the house is mydaughter. I can't watch sport with my
daughter because she's just like I'm like, oh, calm down, you made
that. No, my wife madeher like that. Essentially, it's like

(01:06:36):
the doors closed and at the otherend of house here is from both of
them, and I can't tell whoit is, So yes, but that
is that is my story. Butokay, so who do you think it's
going to be? Conrad, Zacharyor Guy fish Sticks? Knowing you it

(01:07:00):
can be all three, You'll haveto wait till next episode to find out.
We are going to have let meform an English sentence. Yes,
we'll have to wait till next week. I had the correct words that were
just in a completely different sense.I just didn't want to come out in
the correct order. All right,Well, I have learned is probably the

(01:07:27):
incorrect term. I have observed more, I have absorbed more information about this
time in your life. I'm stilltrying to line up all the pieces,
and I'm waiting for a payoff.Essentially, That's what I'm waiting for.
I'm waiting for you to get oneguy and just rah. But yeah,
there might be a little bit oftime till that happens yet, but I

(01:07:51):
promise that when it does, it'sgoing to be worth it. Oh I'm
not saying a bonk. I'm justsaying like it even just kidding, sorry
about that age can't but there willcome a time in the near future when
one single person will dominate pretty muchan entire year of my life. Do

(01:08:13):
we start the countdown clock now?Like twenty four? Right? Ye?
Okay? All right, well that'sa there's a teaser to keep everyone involved.
And look, not saying I wasout, but I'm back in because
one person would be a holiday.Just to keep track off again, the

(01:08:36):
flow chart is just like that memeof the guy from Almost Sunny where he's
got the board in the red string, and it's just like, okay,
this person here and that person allright, well, thank you, besty.
I think everyone needs a As mygrandfather would say, beck's in a
good light down after trying to unscramblethat egg. But thank you very much.

(01:09:00):
I love you very much. Instagrametings told the people Yeah. At
Diary of my Bestie, Yes,where we share little sneak peaks before every
episode and usually once a week,I parise a question which we would very

(01:09:21):
much like, well, very muchwelcome people to answer, and there might
be a few lamb recipes coming.There may be yes, juicy juicy lamb.
All right, well, thank youeveryone, love you bestie, and

(01:09:42):
let's let us take a breath fora week and we will get back to
it next week. Everyone, ByeBestie, Bye,