Smurf Curtains

Will we stuff up the intro again?

Who has cartoon character curtains in their bedroom?

Which boy will Bestie end up with - Conrad, Zachary, or Guy?

Listen in to find out.

And remember, if you think you know us - no, you don't!

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
I've known my bestie for fifteen yearsnow, But what was she like before
I met her? Welcome to Direof my Bestie, where she reads to
me her childhood diaries and I dothese weird things with my hands, like
going ah before I met her,And it's really weird because every time I
do that and no one can seeit because it's an audio podcast. But
anyway, all names and identificating identificatingplaces have been changed protect the innocent and

(00:26):
the guilty and those who can't talk. We are also staying anonymous. So
if you think you know us,no you don't. And after listening to
me butcher this introduction, you probablywouldn't want to know me. Welcome back
to Dire of my Bestie. HelloBestie, Hello Bestie. The rails.
The train came off the rails fromthe first sentence. I mean, I
hit record and I went oh waitno, and I'm like I will go

(00:49):
with it, and then yeah,it all forever. How are you going?
I'm pretty good better than you.I think. It's been a big
week. It's been a very bigone. Has been a very very big
evening as well, so it's allgood. Yes, it's my week has
been made infinitely better by talking toyou. And like I said, i've

(01:11):
talked with I've actually been thinking aboutlearning sign language. Really. That's something
like there are occasions in my sociallife where knowing sign language would be helpful
to a person I know, andjust generally so I've been toying with the

(01:32):
idea of like maybe I just learneda little tiny bit of introductory sign language,
but I just don't know where togo. I don't want to It's
that thing where I don't want tonecessarily go and have lessons from a person.
But I also know that it's amedium where you can't learn without interacting

(01:53):
with a person. So on mycard, we try tape for something I
have looked up TAFE. It's justlike having that commit that time available to
commit to doing it because if Iwanted to do it, I want to
do it properly. That's true.Yeah, So that's what's been in the

(02:14):
back of my brain all week,is like learn as land, learn side
language. Just so this person thatI know when they come up to me.
It came out of I was interactingwith them a couple of days ago
or a week or so ago aboutsomething very basic and I'd be like,
it would be nice for this personif someone could say, hey, would

(02:36):
you like this thing that we're servingand and meet them where that where They're
not having to read my lips andI'm not having to try and guess what
they're saying. Having that small bitof I guess some translation would make them
feel more comfortable and welcome and makeme feel better about this crazy thing that's

(03:00):
happening. So yeah, yeah,all right, that's awesome. I don't
know. I know, I knowthank you, and I know I know
the basic I thank you, andthat as that half a little extra step,
I think, yeah, just tomake this person's evening a little less
lonely is probably the wrong word,but isolated, a little less isolated.

(03:23):
As a start, you could evenjust learn the alphabet. I had thought
that, but like, my concernis that if I learned the alphabet and
I start to do the alphabet,there is kind of an implied thing like,
oh, you know sign language,and I'm like, no, the

(03:43):
first thing I want to learn isI do not know sign language. That's
the first thing I want to learn, because I'm like, okay, but
slow down, okay, I don'tknow sign language. But here I go.
Yeah, how about I suck atthis? But there you go.
Oh we'll learn that googling. NowOsland, how do you say I suck
at this? Oh? Hang on, I don't know the gestures. I

(04:08):
would have to be careful about thegestures about I suck at this because you
know, say it the wrong way. Oh yes, oops, yeah,
maybe not that family friendly events.I'm bad at this. Yes, I'm
bad at there you go. I'mjust starting be patient. So how are
you sorry? That was my littleOsland rant? So I just ate a

(04:32):
carrot cupcake with cream cheese icing andit was amazing. Okay, I just
smashed half a packet a half asleeve of Biscoffy biscuits, so we're both
in our happy places. Sugar iscoursing through my veins. Corn Olio okay,

(04:57):
yes, TP for your bung hole. There you go, so weary
up to in the world of View. Well, we finished off last episode
with me liking three boys. Mmhmmm camera, so the usual Zachary and
guy, I'm sorry, my dogjust made a really strange noise. Then

(05:23):
it wasn't me going it was mydog. Okay, something that's been kicking
around in my brain. I thinkI've told you this recently, is that
your name is what your parents chosefor other people to make noise at you
to get your attention. Yes,since you know that one of those things,

(05:46):
like you know how you can feelyour tongue in your mouth that when
someone says something about that and youcan stand on you and you can't.
Every time anyone has said my nameover the past week, I'm like really
making that noise, and I knowthat that noise means you want my attention,
and it's just been freaking my brainout. Yeah, I'm having a

(06:09):
brain exploding moment now. M combinedwith the sugar is imagine if I,
like, bestie, your parents chosethat that group of sounds to say,
hey, pay attention, and theyeven chose a middle group of sounds for

(06:30):
you, so you know when you'rereally really in trouble. Yeah, So
it's like, yeah, it's basicallyessentially what they did, but it's a
bit more structure and a bit moreso. Yeah. Yeah, yes,
so I will, Yeah, Iwill apologize in advance if I don't know
what is wrong with his dog,but she's making weird noises at me,

(06:51):
so she grants at me as well. I think she's a dog. Yeah,
I think that's the answer. What'swrong if your dog is their dog?
Okay, okay, yeah, wherewere we? Conrad? Yes with

(07:15):
the flippy hair, Zachary who thinksI'm frigid, and guy who tries to
talk to other girls when he hasa boyfriend girlfriend but I guy, Yes,
questionable guy. But you have togrant a small amount of points to

(07:35):
guy for difficulty rating three point fourhead of four for going I'm going to
try and crack on the two sistersand the best friend of my current girlfriend.
I mean that is a level ofdifficulty. The Russian judge would go,
yep, that's fair, yep,okay, all right, okay,

(08:00):
me down to Paradise City. Okay. Paradise City is beginning on Wednesday,
September the fifth, nineteen ninety seven. Ten am, I have photography today.
It should be good. I haveto remember to take the five dollars.

(08:24):
So this was a Yeah, I'mdoing photography as like a school sport
on Wednesday afternoons. The five dollarsthe fee to go towards film processing,
yeah, and all that stuff.I had a half weird half horrible dream.

(08:46):
Okay. Some weird bits were apet shop across weird bits weird bits
of the dream Okay, so yeahit came across as weird bitch, weird
bitch. Yeah. Some weird bitswere a pet shop across the road from
school called Balan Beach. Pet suppliesa portable computer in our locker, which

(09:11):
probably seemed I mean, it probablyseemed weird then, but not now.
Yep. All the people on Deborah'sschool bus wearing fluorescent pink shirts on the
last day of term and my birthdaynot being the fourteenth of September. Okay.

(09:33):
The horrible bit was that it wasDeborah's last day in Thornleigh. Okay,
she was moving two states away.There was this part where me,
Kevin, and Deborah were on theoval stands and Kevin and Deborah were playing
around a bit, and I said, Kevin, on Monday, we're both

(09:54):
going to be in the same boat, missing Deborah. So if you need
to talk to me, coul ThenI started crying bye. Seven am okay,
so pretty hard cool. Eleven osix pm. Photography was good.

(10:16):
I got some good photos. Iwas a good model too, ha ha
ha. Went to school, wentto the office to get a form.
Zachary and Conrad were up there.Conrad didn't want to do his detention,
so his mum wrote him a notesaying, please excuse Conrad from school at

(10:37):
one pm today as he has togo to a funeral. Good job,
mom had cool What a cool mom? Eh. Apparently Conrad was blowing up
a condom in class the other day. Okay, well he comes fit so

(11:00):
ooh man, I just thought ofsomething. Okay, Zachary and Conrad are
best mates, right, and soat Deborah and me. Right, So
if I go with Conrad, I'llbe spending time with him, right,
and Deborah will be hanging around meand Zachary around Conrad. Right. Well,

(11:22):
I think Deborah should go with Zachary. That's the sold plan. This
guy rang Belinda last night and askedher what I would say if he asked
me out. Belinda said no becauseshe likes Conrad. What a bitch reading

(11:43):
blessed the Beasts and children like ConradClark. So no, Zachary, no
guy anymore. So you focused onone MM and I finished the entry at
eleven fourteen pm, so you're timestampingwhen you're done. I am for some
reason. Thursday, September sixth,nineteen ninety seven. Ten am. No

(12:13):
assembly today in capital letters. It'sbecause of exams, Okay, we haven't.
Did you like assembly normally or no? Not really. It was a
full school assembly and it was onlysupposed to go for like one lesson,
okay, but it often went fortwo and sometimes it went into the third

(12:35):
lesson and ye yeah that sounds weird. It was a bit full on,
so they used the hall for examsand we couldn't have assembly then. Ah
yeah, because it was full ofdesks. We have an extra lesson of
science instead, we're doing a prack. I did my Citizenship education assignment last

(13:00):
night. I don't know, let'sjust roll with it because I don't want
to turn around because there's a scaryboogeyman behind me. I can see it.
I did my Citizenship education assignment lastnight. It's pretty good considering I
did the whole thing in two hours, a good old cram. Tonight,

(13:26):
I have to do sit air bulletinand five activities, my mask assignment,
plus any other homework. It's mylast assignment of the term. I have
a couple to do over the holidays, though, A music research assignment and
a history assignment, which is reallydumb. It's casual dress day on Monday.

(13:52):
I'm probably borrowing Hannah's Billabong T shirt. Okay, that was really cool.
It was purple. I loved it. There was no hypercolor T shirt
though not yet. I noticed theother day that George, Hannah's boyfriend,
reminded me of someone. At firstI thought it was Hannah because they actually

(14:13):
did look a little bit similar.So they both had the same color,
same color, not like that.Just bore that they had the same color
eyes and hair and so essentially siblingsmaybe. But then yesterday after photography,
it came to me Tom Watts.I remember I once had a crush on

(14:37):
him. He's a skating guy.Yeah. End of entry time stamp is
seven eighteen am ten thirty two pm. I love Conrad. I touched Conrad's

(14:58):
arm today. I went no moreall through my body. Was it consensual?
I don't know. I think withhim any any female touch would have
been consensual on his end. Mmhmm, that's what she said. I
know that sounds really stupid, butit's true. I found out that both

(15:20):
Cheryl and Michelle are going out withguys and they would never go out with
Conrad. That made my day.Okay, Okay, so they're the girls
that he was interested in. Okay, yep, okay, cool, yep,
thanks for catching me up. Ithink I'm in love. I feel

(15:41):
like I'm floating through the air.It's just great, Conrad. Conrad gave
me that look today, that flippyhair one. Okay, yeah, I
don't want to get a I don'twant to get a stye in my eye
from getting hair stuck in it.So it was very intense. Okay.

(16:07):
It would be a bit like youknow when someone puts their glasses on to
get a better look, and likeit's really tuned in and interested in you.
It was like, I'm gonna flipmy hair out of my eyes so
I can look at you. Okay, yes, and I swooned. I
just can't wait for school these days. Gee. I sound like when I
was with Nick Major. He wasthe first guy I ever really loved.

(16:32):
I think that Conrad will be thesecond. It's just like when I was
going with Nick, except this timeit's stronger and I'm not even going with
Conrad yet yet. Now, didn'tyou love other guys just as strongly?
At the time. I mean Iwrote it at the time, but obviously

(16:52):
not compared with Conrad. No,what has he got that they don't have
the flippy hair? Okay? Isthat all? Probably? That's why I
love you with all my heart.We're besties and we could never ever date
because I don't have the flippy hair. You don't have the flippy Okay.
You didn't have to say it withso much laughter in your voice. You

(17:15):
got the flippy beard. Okay,it's a majestic beard, but it's like,
calm down, do the flippy beard. I don't think I've ever flipped
my beard before. And honestly,if I came up to you, will
if I went came up to you, hey baby, and I went and
flicked my beard, I think he'dcalled the police and go this strange person
has escaped the hospital and needs tobe taken back for mental health care.

(17:38):
Beard flipping. Ten thirty eight pm. That's the end of the entry.
Ten thirty eight pm. And nowit is Friday, September the seventh,
nineteen ninety At seven fourteen, Iam, I'm really not getting much sleep
for a thirteen year old am Ino, no, hmm, I didn't

(18:03):
have enough time to tell you everythinglast night, so i'll tell you now.
Wednesday afternoon, on the bus backfrom Sport, Belinda and Guy got
together. Remember Belinda said she didn'treally like him and didn't want to go
out with him. Okay, theyweren't going together or nothing. And yesterday

(18:29):
Guy said to Belinda, I don'twant to go with you, but we
can still do what we did onthe bus. He's honest. Let's give
him points. That is crazy,to be fair to him. No,
it's not. I mean, you'vejust witnessed the birth of friends with benefits.

(18:52):
Yes, bus friends with benefits punchmy ticket. At least they're both
happy. Yes, it's consensual.Yeah, Brendan Hughes gives me dirty looks
whenever he sees me. That's allNightsgate guy who got picked up drunk and
disorderly. Okay, all right,yep, his hair has grown so long,

(19:18):
prison ages men. Mum and Dadwent to Video Easy last night.
Ooh fancy. The manager said theywould sell a secondhand copy of Dream a
Little Dream for thirty nine ninety nine. Oh that's hard. That's for mum

(19:45):
and dad. Reckon, it's arip off. Yeah, and Suches future
me right now. They're looking arounda bit more thirty nine ninety nine.
In nineteen nineties, money is agold played with director's head written notes or
something for like a three year oldVHS tape. Yeah, it's quite a

(20:07):
friend of mine. Video store ownershave him laugh? Isn't he so having
to laugh? Next time? TheYear's twelve to nine music students and year
eleven theater students are doing a productioncalled all the World's a Stage. There
will be music, singing, dancing, and acting. Debra and I are

(20:29):
doing a dance to Pink Cadillac.We're wearing some of Debra's dance costumes.
They are black hole to top dresses, mine with orange through and Debra's with
green. Okay, okay. Wewere discussing it in music yesterday and Deborah

(20:51):
goes, you ask as in goand ask a teacher, and I go,
no, you ask Natasha, thestupid bitch of an eavesdropper goes,
can I be in it? I'llask missus Durant for you if I could
be in it? As if we'dever let her in it. She made

(21:11):
a laughing slag. She made alaughing stock of the group dance we did
in year seven, So imagine whatshe'd do to a dance with three people.
It's easier with two people. Anyway, This is a world I didn't
know existed, and honestly slowly backingout the door of God. I hate

(21:36):
Natasha slag. She can she cango and get stuffed. She can just
get fucked. No one would everfuck her though, I have cut to

(22:00):
the will to the will Farrell whoathat escalated quickly? Mean, Now tell
me why would no one fucked this? She was just I'm dying. Do

(22:21):
I leave this laughing in or doI cut it down? You do,
because I want to know what aboutit? She was just that annoying,
like the one with the three barreledname who Yeah, babble barreled surname who
I just didn't like. She wasjust really annoying. But that doesn't go
to what makes her completely unfuckable.I don't know, but apparently I just

(22:45):
thought that anyone who did would haveto be pretty desperate. Said by the
girl who's accused of being frigid bymultiple people, and you're fighting hard to
fight back against that. Trust me, I'm not frigid saying, oh that
girl's unfusable. Yes, okay,oh yay, I bet you, I

(23:11):
bet you, I bet you.She's basically the village bike. Everyone had
a rock. Well, I loveConrad. And now I've said all that,
and it's just turned seven twenty eightam. So you know we're off
to a very strong start that morning. Yes, I mentionine her sitting there,
and she was probably sitting there inher room going so fun. Yesterday

(23:36):
I might be involved with these tworeally cool people who are going to let
me be in there dancing. I'mso looking forward that I'm going to try
my hardest. And here's she goingadd damn unsuckable bitch the sliding dots.
She's probably heartbreaking. She's like totry my best change the trajectory of her

(23:59):
life. Ever. Yes, sheprobably turned to a life of cheap horring
and she probably got with one hundredand seventy two guys that are skating drink
in one night. Been too pardosbetter. I'm sorry, I'm just thinking
of the line in that that songabout subtle horing. Yes, yes,

(24:22):
okay, it is. Now whathave I done? Yes? So that
was seven twenty eight am. Itis now we've skipped over the weekend.
It's now Tuesday, September eleven,nineteen ninety ten, thirty seven pm.

(24:45):
Sorry, I haven't written for ages. Just so much has happened. I
like Wade Leaf again, and helikes me. Yeah, well that's a
vital part of the interaction. Yes, this afternoon, I was talking to

(25:06):
Shona, Wade's sister. Yeah,my friend. She's going to ask Wade
what he'd say if I asked himto go with me. She said he'd
probably say yes. That would beso good. So these other dudes,
are they just done? I'm guessingthat things were a no go with Conrad,

(25:27):
so I've just moved on. I'mjust asking, is this like the
Happy Day's brother who just gets writtenout of after season one? We never
mentioned him again. It's just likeyep, okay, cool, it's now
just the Fonds living in the garage. Well, because I'm friends with Showona,
I dare say Wade will always probablypop up every now and then.

(25:52):
Okay, so so bah. Thewhole last couple of pages has been like
dah, Conrad, all right,welcome back to season two. Conrad's going
to be the second guy I've everloved in my life. So I have
to return to my home planet.I'm pouchy poachy. I haven't thought of

(26:21):
poochy news. Okay, there isa new kid in year nine. He
is seventeen. That's not the mathdoesn't work on that. Yeah, he
used to be in a boys home. Okay. Yeah. He has a
scar on his arm in the shapeof a pentagram in capital letters and underlined.

(26:48):
Okay, was it actually a pentagramor was it just an unfortunate birthmark?
And will you end up bonking him? It was actually a pentagram?
Okay, yes, it was justlike I think it was supposed to be
like home tattoo or something like thatthat he does. Like I was watching

(27:15):
the documentary The Devil Made Me doIt, but it got to be too
much for me. Okay, doyou remember that? No, it was
by one of the sixty minutes guysIan Something. I know you talking about.

(27:41):
The Devil is right in Turfy.It was Ian Something. I have
to look it up. So it'sthe Devil made Me do it. And
it was basically about like Satanism andstuff. It was a it was a
planet yet, but it was prettyfreaky. M hmm. Some of the
stuff they were doing, like they'reshowing this music video where people were like

(28:07):
singing about in the name of Setanand all this stuff, and for a
little Christian girl like me, Iwas like, this was awful, which,
funnily enough, was the entire pointof that is just to get the
reaction out of the exactly, soI turned it off. Ah, they're
reacting to this thing we made specificallyso they would react to it. Matthew,

(28:33):
So he's if you remember Chad's friendin my year, also friends with
my brother because of church and music, who had a crush on me.
M Matthew reckons he loves me.He reckons. I have fantastic looks.
Bullshit cut translation to guys, lookat a boobs, she has them.

(29:03):
Actually I didn't have them back then. Doesn't matter. Any port in the
storm. I from thirteen to fourteenyear old boy. I was super flat
chested. See you later. Ilove Wade Leaf. My birthday is in
three days, hooray. And isWadeley the port in the storm of wanting

(29:26):
a boyfriend for your birthday? Soyou can get actually a gift very possibly.
OK, not to call you outor anything, but definitely calling you
out. Yep. Wednesday, Septembertwelve, nineteen ninety seven. Oh seven,
am, I woke up at sixthirty am and couldn't get back to

(29:48):
sleep. Two days to go.Then I'll be at fourteen. Wow,
that sounds so much older than thirteen. That's how numerical counting works. Yes,
I'm waiting for Passion by banging theDrama to come on the radio.
Okay, that is my favorite song. My second is Epic by Faith No

(30:15):
More, and my third is Gloryof Love by Peter Satira. I still
love all those songs. Yes,I know, I am aware. Yes,
yes, you know that all theworld's a stage thing. Yeah.
Oh, sorry, you're not talkingto me again. So you deal it

(30:37):
with the cadence of like when we'retalking and you say, I'm like yeah,
sorry, just yeah, well Imean I'm talking to you too,
I know, but you back thenyou wrote how you talk to me now?
And it's just sometimes like, no, she's talking to me, Okay,
I have to sing a solo.Nice, So the the monfuckable slide

(31:00):
isn't messing up your dance anymore becauseyou're seeing it. Yes, and apparently
Natasha is spitting blood badly. Ohshe's spitting blood. Okay, she's gone
fully fully sick. Yeah, missus. Durant just walked in the room and
goes, oh, you're doing thesolo for the rose. I could have

(31:22):
died, So the rose is inthe bit Middler, I understand, but
my look on my face is morethan I could have died, sort of
like family Ties, middle daughter whojust starts talking like like like and everything,
I could have died. I've neverheard you say I could have died.

(31:45):
I'm like, where that come from. It wasn't Mallory, it wasn't.
She wasn't the middle sister. Shewas the younger sister. What was
her name, Jennifer, Jennifer,And she used to and there was a
period there where everything was live andeverything was like I remember that. Actually,
I thought when she did that,but then she started she did something

(32:07):
that was not safe or cool orsomething and it was a whole teachable moment.
But yep. Yeah, just whenpeople I sometimes say like and every
time I do it, I thinkback to that Family Ties sort of period
and go yeah, I say,and she goes and I go, yeah,

(32:28):
yeah, I do that in Ido that in situations where it's unprofessional
to do it, but still,yeah, it's very ealsy. Yes,
I have to go now. Don'tdo anything I wouldn't do. I don't
think a diary could do it anyway. I think my diary is safe.

(32:50):
Then okay. It fell in lovewith three diaries, just just by accident.
Wake up in the morning in lovewith another one. Nine twenty one
pm. I'm sitting here listening toWhenever There's a Night by Mike Reno.
That is such a beautiful song,never heard. It's from the Dream A

(33:13):
Little Dream soundtrack. Yep, Irang Shona. I told Mom I was
ringing Debrah. I'm guessing I wasn'tyour friend. Yeah, okay, but
I don't know. Mum didn't mindif I rang Debra all the time,

(33:34):
but if I rang too many peoplein one afternoon evening she got a bit
shirty, so so she didn't mindif you rang my Sharona. Wade answered
the phone. Oh okay, hisvoice is so gorgeous. So you weren't

(33:55):
ringing, You were ringing trying toring. Way, well, I would
have been ringing Shona to talk aboutWade answered the phone. It just happened
to what are the chances? Yes, now, Dreams Come True? By
Loane Justice is on. I lovethis song. It is so good.

(34:19):
It makes me want to watch DreamA Little Dream a million times. Slightly
obsessed. Back to Wade, he'dsay yes if I asked him out.
I didn't. Shona told Wade andme to have a big think and decide

(34:43):
if we really want to be togetheror not. Honestly, I like him
so much, but I'm just soscared of going out with someone after Chad.
I'm not frustrated. I'm just like, Okay, it sounds like when

(35:09):
I liked someone who didn't like meback, it was a safe thing.
You think, Now somebody likes meback. It's like, oh, so,
after twenty one episodes, you've justcotton on to my point of being
like you liked falling in love withthe idea of people. Yeah, though

(35:30):
I think also I probably maybe wasscared of getting dumped again. I would
say that, yeah, and lookin a roundabout way, let's say you
were kind of frigid and that wasopening yourself up to a potential that you
weren't comfortable going down, possibly goingdown, I know. I use it

(35:52):
purposely. Into The Mystic by VanMorrison is on. Now this music is
so relaxing. Do you know whata really great birthday present would be?
I haven't bought yours yet, Soyeah, what Wade asking me out?

(36:14):
Sharona is ringing me tomorrow afternoon.I'll tell her then she'll tell Wade.
Okay, but didn't Wade. Nowflash back to the conversation earlier on the
phone. Didn't Wade said he'd goout with you if Yeah, but I
think I'm trying to engineer him askingme out on my birthday as a birthday

(36:37):
present. God's sake, people,Just okay, debruh Reckons. I like
Kevin Sampson. I was flirting withhim during a performance today. Okay,

(37:00):
and okay, Natasha got so jealousshe likes him. I think you have
it out for Natasha more than anything. You're like no one Noor fuck her.
She can't be in a dance group. And ah, I get to
sing. But remember she did thatwhole thing trying to break me in Deborah
up saying that Deborah had said thesemean things about me. She hadn't,

(37:24):
I know, but one one revengeplot is enough a whole Macavelli and seven
part strategy. Yeah, speaking ofNatasha, she wrote me this stupid letter
and signed it with a nickname thatshe made up for herself, Nike.

(37:45):
Can you believe it? No?I can't. That's that's cringe. But
also, yes, fourteen year oldkids are cringey. Yes, this is
true. I don't think Debra wantsto be my best friend anymore. Why
are you thinking that she just ignoresme and everything? Can she try to

(38:08):
root everything? And you've got theseMacaveelian plans against people who wronged you like
two years ago. She I'm sayingshe ignores me, but like we were
literally just making plans for our dancein our dance costumes and stuff. And
she's saying that I like Kevin Andyeah, no, I don't know how
this works. Could you just bea little bit too needy? Oh?

(38:32):
Perhaps I've got a rash all undermy eyes. I think it's from the
pollen fight we had at school today, as one does. Aiden Coolidge rang
Shoner at five point thirty pm andthey talked for ages about nothing in particular.

(38:53):
Okay, okay, it's just you'regiving me data points and I'm like,
my brain's going and I want todo it, but hang on to
it because the data points. Butyou don't need to use your spoons.
Okay, cool, Well, I'mgoing to turn the Dream a Little Dream
soundtrack over back in the days ofcassettes yep. Cassettes on cassettes yep.

(39:19):
And go to bed because it's ninethirty six pm and it will be nine
thirty seven pm soon and I needmore sleep. It's nine thirty seven pm
now and it will be nine thirtyeight pm soon, so i'd really better
go. You need to dream aLittle Dream. I love Dream a Little
Dream. Yeah, I love WadeLeaf. PS. He's had six girlfriends.

(39:45):
PPS. It's nine thirty eight pm. Good night ppppps. You've had
about forty six all right? Firstday, September thirteenth, nineteen ninety very
close, seven twenty am. It'smy birthday tomorrow. I wonder what I'll

(40:12):
get. Mum says that Passion wouldbe part of it. I love that
song so much. Okay, Ididn't. I didn't know what was it?
Passion? Pop? Was it passion? Is it getting a passion?
I don't know, not passion.I've organized ways to come over and snug
you, Passion. I forgot totell you yesterday that I got a birthday

(40:37):
card from Wendy. So she's oneof my old Cambridge friends. She said,
hurry up and write because I haveheaps to tell you. I wonder
what's happened. Maybe she's going outwith JOHNO. How does that work?
Hey person, I'm writing too,right back to me so I can write

(41:01):
all the information to you, eventhough I've just literally she could have written
all that information yeah, and justsaid it to you. I think it's
because I probably it was my turnto write. She's probably waiting to hear
from me first. So John Iwas this guy that she had a crush

(41:22):
on for ages and ages and ages. So just the one guy. That's
very amazing, how normal. She'slike, Oh, well, I've got
to write you about this one bloke, and you've sent her a letter that's
twenty seven pages long. Going okay, you'll need an index and a bibliography
to work out all these people are. Here's a flow chart just for help.

(41:44):
WHOA you know how I used togo after older guys like Darren,
Tom Heath, Damien, etcetera.The fact that you have a list that
has an etcetera on it, Yes, we know bestI we know. Well,

(42:04):
lately it's been younger guys like StuartConrad guy and now Wade. But
I'm not after Wade. He likesme and I like him. There's no
one to get as in, I'mnot chasing after him because he's already mine
for the taking. If is itjust that you've gone through the roll index

(42:30):
of people in your city and thereare no other guys that left have?
Possibly not in that sense, ButI'm just saying, I want to know.
Has your brother just gone stop?It? Just washed his hands off
Maye by now he can't keep upeither. Maybe I don't know. Should

(42:50):
I wait for Wade to ask me? Or should I ask him? But
hadn't you set up this mac ofAllien Sken to get him to ask you
out? Yeah, well let's waitand see. Well, I better get
up and get dressed. It's seventwenty seven am. I'll write more this

(43:13):
afternoon after Shona rings there you go, see you later four point fifty three
pm. I can only write fora little while because I have to go
out to see to the birds.I got two parcels in the mail,
one from Auntie Glender and one fromRon, but I'm not allowed to open

(43:37):
them until tomorrow. Fair Natasha wroteme another letter. It was really spiteful.
Okay, okay, Wade is ringingme later on. I does anyone

(43:57):
in your house get to use thephone? Roughly not well. My parents
both worked full time, my brotherwas off and out of the house,
so there probably wasn't anybody else homein the afternoons except for me. Anyway,
mm hmm. I was talking toHannah today and she reckons I should

(44:22):
just say to Wade are we goingto go out or what? Or I
could say to Shona. I don'tknow whether to ask Wade or wait for
him to ask me, and she'dtell Wade and Wade would ask me.
So your choices are you just askedthe person that you know likes you and

(44:45):
that you like to do this,or you set this intricate plot in place
where everyone has to guess their intentions. Gee, whatever are you going to
choose? I don't know, buthell, I suppose I suppose you'd have

(45:07):
to be pretty fucking desperate to goout with me. That's not fair,
but also too, you have tokind of be a mathematician, a cardiologist
and a magician to try and figureout what all this like. Chad the
cunt only went out with me becausehe felt sorry for me. You can't

(45:35):
do this to me like you doingall this thing, You've lost confidence in
yourself. I have, Yeah,But this dude's basically going, yeah,
I'd go out with you. AllI need to know is like, would
you go out with me? Thisis a thing we haven't established yet.
All these checks to make sure thathe would go out with you, has

(45:57):
anyone said to Wade, yo,Wade, she's keen for it, have
a crack sun. I mean Shinaprobably did, but did she? Duh?
That's this is the missing data pointin this thing. Wade's probably going
going, I like this chick.I've made it clear I like her.
I wonder if she likes me.I just don't know. So he's sitting

(46:19):
there going do I take the punt? And you're sitting there going why hasn't
he taken the punt? Because you'retoo busy setting up these big, intricate
schemes of like, Okay, ifI put this signal on this pigeon and
send it off in dawn and itriches the thing here, just ask the
bloody dude. He's sitting there goinglike you wanna you wannah anyway? I'd

(46:46):
better go out to my birds now. Oh no, it's just started raining.
I'm going to get soaked. Fiveo three pm. Take that time
and that weather thing and look upfor the g o okate what was happening
at the time nine twenty seven pm. As of twelve o one am tomorrow

(47:16):
morning, the fourteenth of September,I will be officially going out with Wade
Anthony eat Leath Oh for the Lord'sexplain to me how this scheme exists?
Pretty well, do you have atimeline? And why is it like one

(47:37):
minute passed after midnight? It's gotto be the best birthday present out.
I appreciate that, and I lovethat, and I'm happy for you.
But how has this been manufactured thatat one minute past midnight you'll be going
out? Why aren't she just goingout? Now? Well? Talk why
these schemes? While these complicated,your bloody fourteen, your old kids,

(48:00):
just have a snog and get itover with. Well, we had a
chat because he called me yes andwe were like, are we going to
go out? Basically, and Iwas it would be a pretty cool birthday
present, and so we decided thatwe would make it so one minute past

(48:21):
midnight on my birthday. That wouldmean at that time we would be going
out, so I could say westarted going out on my birthday. I
love you with all my heart.You know that fish sticks. These things
matter when you are a teenage girl. Okay, okay. I looked good

(48:44):
on the both of you for nottripping over your own feet constantly and working
out. Yeah, we kind oflike each other, so let's do this
thing. Okay. Cleo is beingthe biggest dog is so cute. Do
you want to know a really juicysecret? Are you talking to the diary

(49:08):
or me? Both of you?Okay, yeah, well you know I
do. Wesley Rbacker has Smurf curtainsin his bedroom. Now, welcome everyone
to tonight's Game of You for missthem or actual description? Now, is

(49:32):
this a dude or a chick?A dude, a thirteen year old boy
with smurf curtains. Okay, that'sfine if it was a If it was
a thirteen year old chick with smurfcurtains, there would be a bigger discussion
about context and actually what smurf curtainsactually mean, and maybe some circulation issues.
But okay, yeah, he's gotsmurf curtains. Yeah, jicy secret.

(49:59):
He liked to he liked to becool, act like he was really
cool. Smurf curtains were cool.I mean, I think so too,
But at the time, probably itwas pretty dorky. Okay. And does
this young chap have a say inwhat curtains go up in his bedroom?
Probably not. He was Probably hecould have been from the wrong side of

(50:21):
the tracks. He could have beena bad boy gone good. This could
have been here re redemption arc.But his parents couldn't afford normal curtains.
All he could get was the salvosmurf curtains that some lady called barrels sewed
from some stuff she got there,and it was the only thing that kept
him the ability to go to sleepat night, wake up in the morning,
go to school, and make somethingof his life. Look, when

(50:43):
I was about twenty living in asharehouse, no curtains. Went to the
op shop. See what they havehere bound a pair of sesame street curtains
made out of an old bed sheet. Yes, you bet, I bought
those and hung them up. Thatwas cool. Then curtains are curtains.
Okay, this is a conversation.I'm backing out slowly of because yes,

(51:07):
and curtains. Curtains Again, let'sleave it at that end after aligning next
next, next sentence. So WesleyAirbacker has Smurf curtains in his bedroom and
all three herbacka boys are really neatand tidy. Shoney, excuse me.
Shonah went over there once and Davidwas showing her around. They went to

(51:28):
David's room last, and they werejust sitting there and David showed her all
his clothes. Me and Shoana boththought only girls did that. Three young
gentlemen who keep their rooms tidy andhave pride in their locations the heretics.

(51:49):
Do you see scandalous? It is? That person's not a slobby piece of
shit stoning yep. Three boys whohave to keep their house in order.
Oh my god, that's worse thanHitler. Lofties is booked out for two

(52:10):
weeks, So my birthday dinner isat dragon Palace instead. Does that still
exist? No? It does Loftystill exist? Time again? No,
it ended up being sold and theyturned it into a real estate agency.
We need to find a restaurant sowe can come up and have a birthday.

(52:32):
That's a good idea. That's agreat idea and we should do it.
Yeah, that's the thing. Shownotes. You need to tell us
where your birthdays will come up,and we do no, no birthday,
not mid day because b day canbe like we're not going to come up
and wash our bombs. And Ithink it's fine. Actually, what what

(52:55):
day is that on this year?I've got I've actually got you in my
diary. So let's have a quicklook. Ah it is no, that
was last year. That was thisweek. It's a Saturday. Yes,

(53:16):
nice, real, lock it inEddie done. Oh actually, oh hang
on, let me just have alook. Oh that's perfect. Oh well,
we'll have to discuss it because thatthing I was telling you about the

(53:36):
other us coming up that other timeis only a couple of weeks after that.
So do we do a combined thingnot on your birthday or do you
want us to come up for you. But we'll work it out. This
is a discussion for after the ship. I'll come up twice. Not a
problem, that's what she said.Anyway, Well, no I must.

(53:59):
If she's saying that, then there'ssomething different about the appendage. I was
going to add a little bit then, but it might be that's what she
said for the podcast. Okay,it's late, we're straying into our normal
conversation. So yes, anyway,I must go to sleep because I have

(54:21):
to get up and open my presence. What's Wade going to be there?
I love Wade Anthony Lee. Yes, and at twelve oh one, you
can say it non creepily. Ps. The baby finches are so cute.
Okay, all right, so let'ssee what I got for my birthday.

(54:49):
Oh what a shame? Mm hmmm. We're not going to find out until
next episode. I think it's agood episode, and I think it's a
not say for work ending that weneed because we're strained far too much into
our normal joke patterns. And it'sgoing to get very content explicit warnings on
the podcast, so very quickly fueledby tiredness and sugar sugar loads. And

(55:16):
yes, I've got to get upearly in the morning and do adventures and
so do you? So I do, yes, And now I've got to
wait for my stupid groceries. Forthose listening, I'm waiting for a grocery
delivery that was supposed to be deliveredtoo and half hours ago and aren't going

(55:37):
to be delivered for another hour,so it's going to be BROWT midnight and
I have to wait. I mean, we probably could record another podcast,
but it certainly wouldn't go well.It goes south very quickly. Yes,

(56:00):
but thank you everyone for listening.It has been I like it when you
hang. Thank you for giving mea reason to speak to my bestie every
week more than we normally do.And actually I'll frame it this way,
thank you for allowing me to carvetime out of my busy schedule that I
get to talk to my bestie everyweek and buy a video chat and not

(56:23):
just ten million reels on memes onInstagram. Yeah, although there has been
a stretch of six days where wedidn't say an English word to each other.
We just shared memes and had reactions. I went back and checked it
was six days. I think iton Instagram once and I counted how many

(56:46):
things that you'd left me in arow, and it was like twenty eight.
I was sitting sitting in a doctor'scision. I'm like, yep.
Next one Instagram served me up liketwenty six bangers in a arm. I
get that's gone yet, that's going? And I had that thing of going
about twenty, I've gone is thistoo Oh no, that's a bangle.

(57:06):
Let's go again. It's like we'retoo far gone now. I was scrolling
back through laughing, going bloody hell, Besty, how many any stupid things
did you send me? And lookI saved I now, honestly, I
see some and my on Instagram.You can do the saved one. I
save a few because I'm like,I've sent too much today. I've got

(57:29):
to spread it out, so I'vegot stuff in the morning, so I
wake up in the morning and that'swhere like I'll send you four or five
at like six point thirty in themorning. I'm like, cool, all
right, open up. Saved,bang, bang bang, it's ten ten
ten, I'll just do a feriodof time. We should have like a
it should have like a little buttonthat you can put on Instagram, like
that cat meme where put the catputting the poor on someone. After you

(57:51):
share like ten memes without a response, it's gone, like I can slow
down. It's like Netflix, areyou still watching? Do you really want
to send another one? Are youwhat? Are you really lose it gambling
with? Someone goes yeah, stopcool, well, bestie, I love

(58:20):
you. You know that always andthank you everyone, and this little bit
of madness the last couple episodes hasbeen it's it's it's building to something apparently,
and I'm just honestly, it's likei'll phrase it this way, but
it's not meant to be phrased thisway, but it is. And it's
late at night. We've all beenedged for like the episodes, and it's

(58:46):
like almost like, okay, comeon, come on, here's your tokens,
webcam girl, let's get us,get us to the good bits.
That's what we're talking about. ButI have nothing about it that I know,
but you know what I'm talking about. It's like it's like every time
there's something like ah, oh no, okay, disappeared yep. Sorry.

(59:10):
There's just lots and lots of extrasand cameos and bit parts in there,
but it's all about the adventure.It's all about learning about you and what
makes you the wonderful you that youare now. Lots and lots of crushes
apparently, yes, I don't.I don't think you've ever had a crush
on me. And I don't knowwhether to be insulted or sort of like

(59:32):
I'm special. Well, considering Iwas married like five years before we met.
But even then, I think it'slike that, that is the eternal
question. If we had met beforethen, I don't think you would have
I don't know. Ah, Look, I'm quite confident in saying I know

(59:52):
myself and I know oh, soyou know yourself. So you wouldn't have
reciprocated. No, No, Ididn't say Okay. That's a dangerous thing
for me to say, because Icould saytively something and it'd be interpreted incorrectly.
I know that at that age Iwould not be what I am learning

(01:00:13):
is. At that age, Iwould have not been someone who would have
crossed your radar. Probably not.I don't think we would have really crossed
paths, even if the geo locationwas similar in stuff. I think we
were too dissimilar to actually cross thinkingunless you were in the school musical.

(01:00:35):
Because remember I had a list oflike, I don't know, fifteen boys,
but see I was I would havebeen technical side of it. Probably
I would have been the plubs thatyou were too good too, you were
too busy calling people unfuckable bitches,and I just would have been the guy
going yes, Ms Besty, here'syour microphone on your hands and knees taping

(01:01:06):
cords down to the stage. Yes, I'm glad you finished that sentence that
way, because I don't know whereyou're going with that. I meant if
people in my social clubs I runwith. Now, my gaffer ability has
been quite highly praised, so wego. I can actually gaffer up an

(01:01:30):
electrical cord that electricians have been impressedwith. I've done without mechanical assistance,
so yes see, I may havenoticed that. Yeah, but the problem
is if you had started liking mebecause I could roll a good raffer tape,
I probably have gone, oh,that's too much for me. That's

(01:01:51):
even weird for me. I wouldhave got a phone call from one of
your friends going, she really likedhow you taped that cord down. Would
you go out of that? I'mlike, who is this person? And
how do I get a restraining order? The end of the show has gone

(01:02:12):
on too long and we are nowin delirium. Yeah all right, everyone,
Well, Instagram do the following ofthe things. Yeah, Diary of
my bestie and it's not as badas we are right now, so go
check it out, which is veryright. We love you all. And
I love you. Bestie. Ilove you, and I will seek to

(01:02:35):
you soon. Bye bye,