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September 3, 2025 17 mins
If you an the SO are in a fight can you go buy them flowers the next day and make up? One of our listeners is on the recieveing end of the flowers and wants to know if they should still be mad or not? 

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Dumb in the Morning with Melissa Moore, the podcast on
Cool one oh five. The snow came in from listener Kaylee,
and it's like, we need to talk about this. This
made me l ol. Okay, Kaylee wrote in and said,
do you think flowers are an acceptable gift when apologizing?

(00:23):
So as my husband really pissed me off on Monday
and we went to bed in a fight. I was
still mad yesterday morning. Yeah, which is funny, and we
should jump in and just say that's you know, the
whole thing about never going to bed angry.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
It's like, sometimes it just happens.

Speaker 1 (00:39):
Sometimes it does, sometimes it's organic. I don't necessarily buy
the fact that if you're doing an artificial you know,
truce or whatever. Right, It's like, sometimes you need to
think about things well.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
And sometimes you don't want to stay up fighting into
the night when you're both overly exhausted either because then
you say you shouldn't.

Speaker 1 (01:01):
Yeah, great point to mean, she says, we went to
bed in a fight, I was still mad yesterday morning.
When he came home in the afternoon, I guess this
would be yesterday afternoon, he said he was really sorry
and offered me flowers. Offered, Okay, yeah, I guess he
had them. He held him.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
It wasn't an iou for flowers, Go get you some flowers.

Speaker 1 (01:23):
No, he brought her flowers.

Speaker 2 (01:24):
Brought her flowers. Okay, Just making sure I'm clear.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
Kayley says, am I a jerk because that almost made
me madder like flowers? Will forgive him being a jack.
I love when people use that word. She says, he
couldn't believe I didn't swoon when he gave them to me.
And I told him that flowers are like the worst
I'm sorry gift you can give someone. They're so average.

(01:48):
So now we're in another argument over that. I thought
i'd ask you and see if anyone agrees with me
or if I'm being a jerk. I honestly think I'm
right about this.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
One, though everybody who writes it and thinks they're right.
That's the trend. So we get that, we get it,
We get that you really want everybody to agree with you,
because that's how we all are.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
We are having a good laugh over this. Note from Kayley,
who got into an argument on Monday with her husband.
They both went to bed mad. She says she was
still mad yesterday morning. And then when he came home
yesterday afternoon, he said he was sorry, and he brought
her flowers, and she's like, dude, that kind of made
me even more mad because flowers, she says, they are
the worst I'm sorry gift you can give someone because

(02:29):
they're so average. Just like, here, here's some flowers. I
just stopped it, you know, the grocery store, and I
guess you some flowers.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
It's not like he got her a fake flower that
smelled like cigarettes from the gas station. I mean he
got a real flowers. Wrote it's pretty good.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
Grace wrote in and said, at least she got an apology.
That's more than I ever got. Perhaps that's why I'm
happily divorced. She says, take it away and move on.
That's funny. Penny says, I'd rather have money. Yeah, ok, ella,
give me a danwet Hey, honey, I'm so sorry. Here's
one hundred bucks right right?

Speaker 2 (03:06):
What I'm not I can't even found that. I can't.
I don't get I thought it was a nice gesture
because he didn't really have to do anything. He could
have just been like whatever.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
Right, he could have just said I'm sorry. But uh,
Lydia from Castlerock says she is a queen of sorrow.
Flowers are the sweetest gift for anyone. Okay, I gotta
stop you there. I mean you mad. You're right for you,
I'm sure, but flowers are not the sweetest gift for anyone.
I'll tell you right now one person who can't stand

(03:38):
getting flowers, and that is the person I'm married to.
What Gretchen thinks, flowers are the lamest thing you can give,
not for a fight, just in general. And I used
to in relationships, used to always buy flowers because I
thought it was sweet, and I got them for her
when we were dating, like two or three times. And

(03:58):
it was finally when she said, you know, you don't
have to buy me flowers anymore. And I said, you
don't like flowers? She goes, I like to grow flowers
outside in my garden. She goes, but bringing me flowers,
she goes, that's lame. You don't need to do that.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
Oh, I love flowers, like I drop hints all the
time to my husband. Golly, I wish I had some flowers.
The kitchen looks kind of empty only I had flowers.

Speaker 1 (04:24):
That's funny, Katie and castle Pine says a bag of
dead bugs, dog poop and divorce papers would be worse.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
Yes, I mean that's taking it to an extreme, but yes,
uh's what Patrick said. He said, it sounds like my wife.
I can't get her flowers because she has floral training.
I can't take her out to dinner because she has
culinary training. I was like, dude, I'm sorry, they do
for it right. I don't know, Patrick, I don't you
just sit at home and look at each other.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
I will tell Kaylee, who wrote in that Karen has
your back. She says flowers are for dudes that are
bland and uncreative. I'd throw them right back in his face,
take your eight dollars, apology and kick rocks.

Speaker 2 (05:04):
Wow, I guess I think there's so nice. Yeah, I'm
just different. I guess there are women that don't like
flowers and would find that offensive.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
Carmen lives in Henderson. She goes, yeah, it's too easy.
Get her something she would enjoy if you're really sorry,
like a gift card, or he could have brought her
lunch that afternoon.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
Well, is nice? A gift card to me feels like money,
which money feels weird.

Speaker 1 (05:29):
That feels. I agree. I wouldn't do a gift card,
but I think some other like if you know she's
into a certain whatever thing that you could get for her, yeah,
rather than a gift card. I like the You know,
the thing is with the lunch is that they're still
mad at each other. So when somebody's mad at you,
say hey, want to go to lunch, They'll be like, yeah,

(05:50):
so I can dump this bowl of pasta in your face, right, like.

Speaker 2 (05:53):
So we can spend more time together. No, I don't.
I don't want to go to lunch.

Speaker 1 (06:00):
Oh my god, this is funny. Uh, Patsa's flowers are
better than nothing. He say, well, I'm not going to
get into that other part of your note. Yeah yeah,
Jeffrey goes, does he have to present a diamond ring
for Frianda's What were they fighting about? That has a
lot to do with it. We don't know. That's the
beauty of this.

Speaker 2 (06:19):
Right, It's not about the fight. It's about the makeup
or the try to makeup. And maybe that's what it is.
So I know a lot of couples when they have
a disagreement, they both say they're sorry, they still disagree,
and they move on. So for somebody to bring somebody
flowers or do a nice gesture, don't you just appreciate
the gesture or is it really the fact that if

(06:40):
you're not a flower person, now you are upset about
the gesture.

Speaker 1 (06:44):
Okay, So here's here's where I come at this, because
I'm not saying that one hundred percent agree with Kaylee.
But I see her point, and it's that it's so
I'm sorry. It's just so she used the word average,
and I see what she's trying to say. It's like,
that's what you know. The textbook says, Yeah, if you

(07:05):
or if you know, if we're in a fight, you
just go get me flowers and guess what you've bought
me off and everything's fine. I see it as too try.
It's like very trite, basic because what is it?

Speaker 2 (07:19):
Kind of basic?

Speaker 1 (07:20):
Yeah, that's a better way of putting it. I guess, Melissa,
is that it's very basic. It's tried. It's just like, yeah,
I'm told that, you know, flowers will make you happy. See,
here have flowers. It's not him doing something to show
that he really is sorry. It almost is like I
just want to get this fight over with. Here's flowers.

Speaker 2 (07:39):
But maybe he's not sorry. Maybe that's the point. Maybe
he woke up still mad too and feels like he's right,
so he's just trying to get the piece and be
the peacemaker. It's like, let's have some flowers here, you go,
I'm sorry. Now you're turned. You say I'm sorry, and
she's like, I'm not sorry, nor do I want the flowers,
which makes it even weirder.

Speaker 1 (08:00):
Matthew from Lovelin said, listen to what Matthew's put some
thought into this. He says, as flowers have been scientifically
proven to reduce stress levels and improve mental health. Oh jeez,
Kaylee needs to take a long hard look at those
flowers and just relaxed. Flowers are more effective than I'm sorry.
But the combination of both undefeated and undisputed.

Speaker 2 (08:20):
Oh my wow, that was a lot.

Speaker 1 (08:23):
What a lot of people are doing is they're projecting
their own personal feelings about it onto everybody, Like, you know,
there's no disputing the fact that this is a great
I'm sorry gift. Well, but it is disputed, that's the thing. Yeah,
so you still got a few minutes to sound off.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
Yeah, people are going on, yeah, I guess.

Speaker 1 (08:44):
So, wow, you want to talk about starting a firestorm.
Kaylee wrote in I guess apparently had an argument with
her husband and got pretty heated. They went to bed
Monday night mad at each other. We're still mad yesterday morning.
And then he came home yesterday he said he was
sawing already brought her flowers, and she says that made
her matter. She's like, how average, m that's it. You

(09:05):
think you can buy me off with flowers? And it's
so funny. The text line has blown up with.

Speaker 2 (09:13):
This because some people are where I came from, was like, look,
he didn't have to do anything. He may not even
feel like he's in the wrong. So it was a
nice gesture. But there's a lot of people, a lot
of women saying uh uh. They're all with Kaylee on
this one, like that that's bogus.

Speaker 1 (09:28):
Uh les Uh from Littleton says flowers are wonderful, but
sadly they are a temporary band aid.

Speaker 2 (09:35):
Well, of course they are. I mean, you're still going
to have to talk about the thing that got you there.
But maybe a nice gesture can kind of like throw
a little water on the fire. I think is kind
of the thought.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
Uh Ramone says in My opinion, it's not right to
use flowers as an apology. It should be more heartfelt
than getting something that will probably be dead in a
few days.

Speaker 2 (09:56):
Well, I mean, yes, if you look at it like that,
I guess you could get her a plant. I don't know,
but I don't think you have to get either. Either
of the people have to get each other anything. So
when somebody does try to do something nice, can't you
just appreciate the gesture? I guess is my thought.

Speaker 1 (10:14):
Here's Carlene, Carleen, good morning, welcome to the show. Thank
you for calling. What do you want to say about this?

Speaker 3 (10:21):
Yeah, I just wanted to chime in and see what
your listeners thought about woman buying man flowers after they
have an argument. Again, it is about the gesture, and
it can be a way of just saying, hey, we're
okay and let's move on.

Speaker 2 (10:41):
So you did this, Carlen, Is that right?

Speaker 3 (10:44):
Absolutely? I did just last week, and you know, the
flowers are still on my counter and they wait like
this gentlemen said, they do make me happy knowing that
I made the extra effort to do something.

Speaker 1 (10:58):
No, wait a minute, so did you buy the flowers
or did your partner? By the flowers.

Speaker 3 (11:03):
I bought the flowers for.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
Him, okay, all right, and he was happy with that.

Speaker 3 (11:10):
He was the only comment he made. And that's one
that kind of throws me, is you didn't need to
spend the money on this. I did at him know
that we were Okay, what what was between us is done.

Speaker 1 (11:29):
Can we listen. We got to run, so we need
this really fast. But can we ask what the fight
was about?

Speaker 3 (11:34):
What was the fight about?

Speaker 1 (11:37):
Don't even remember now, see that's the thing.

Speaker 3 (11:42):
You let it gory.

Speaker 1 (11:46):
We got to run. Thank you so much out there.

Speaker 2 (11:50):
Yeah, but it is funny. So if if you and
Gretchen got in a fight she doesn't like felllowers, but
she got us in flowers, what would you do? Just pretend?

Speaker 1 (12:00):
I'd think, no, get me like a scott.

Speaker 4 (12:04):
I knew it.

Speaker 2 (12:05):
I knew it was gonna be bourbon, Scotch bourbon.

Speaker 1 (12:07):
I don't need flowers, right, bottle of bourbon.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
Yeah. I don't see my husband being thrilled with flowers.
I love Carlene's point that it was just a gesture
to say everything's cool.

Speaker 1 (12:17):
But yeah, well you want to get to all the calls.
We're just if you're on hold and we don't get
to your call. Don't be upset with us. We're just
up against time. We're going to do the best we can.
Here's Rick, Rick, what do you want to say about this?

Speaker 4 (12:29):
Well, it's a great conversation and two sided every story.
I mean, he made an effort, whether it be right
or wrong, whether it was the right choice or not.
What does she do other than throw a bucket of
gas on a fire?

Speaker 1 (12:42):
I we'll tell you, Rick. A bunch of people, both
men and women, have written in with that same question.
They're like, he did something, what has she done?

Speaker 2 (12:51):
That's kind of how I took it too. I'm right
there with your Rick out of this one.

Speaker 1 (12:55):
You know, the interesting thing is, I guess you could
look at it from who started the fight though, like, like,
is he the guy who did something you know, outrageous
that caused the fight? Then I'm not sure it needs
to be Well.

Speaker 4 (13:09):
It's irrelevant. You can't fix it, it's already happened. But
a compromise is what you need. A compromise both sides
give up something. In this case, he gave up something,
she gave up nothing.

Speaker 1 (13:23):
Well, that's well said. Thank you very much for that.
I appreciate that an of course. You know they say
that the definition of compromise is when both people are unhappy.

Speaker 2 (13:32):
It's so true. But that I mean any kind of negotiations,
it's so true. Neither of you get what you really want.

Speaker 1 (13:39):
Listen, we're going to try our but we couldn't get
to all the calls. Thank you so much for reaching
out about this. We're up against time. How long is
it going to take us to write it back on
all of these text messages? Do you think could be
another hour? Right? It could be.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
It could be. If you don't hear back from us,
just know we're reading it and we appreciate it, and
we will we will do the best.

Speaker 1 (13:59):
Yeah, and I hope to hear back from Kaylee on
this one too, with maybe maybe she's gonna after hearing this,
maybe she's gonna try something.

Speaker 2 (14:11):
Oh my gosh, Steven just wrote in the Hope diamond
isn't available. Get over it.

Speaker 1 (14:15):
Wow, Deah gone buddy, quickly. Let's put a cap on
this discussion that we had for the last thirty minutes.
Kaylee was saying that she and her husband had a
fight and he came home the next day and brought
her flowers and She's like, that is just so cliched
and average, you know, and she's like that made her
even a little bit more mad. She's like, you can't
do better, you know, apologizing than just doing the cliche. Granted,

(14:39):
we're getting a ton of text from people saying, you
know that, what did she want the perfect gift or
something like that. I hope I'm saying, yeah, that's funny.
I'm saying I kind to see her point. I mean,
I still would have graciously accepted them, but I kind
to see what she's Some guys are just not very
creative when it comes to, you know, doing stuff for

(15:01):
their partner. It's the fact.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
But the thing is nobody had to do anything.

Speaker 1 (15:06):
Yeah, okay. So that leads to this note that I
want us to talk about, just very briefly, because I
think it's a great point from Shirley from Loveland who
wrote in and she said, maybe it's just too soon
to mend. And what a great point, because so many
times people feel like you have to rush a resolution

(15:28):
to a problem, and sometimes it's you're just not ready yet.
And I know everyone's like, oh, you need to make
up immediately. Some of us live in the real world,
and it takes sometimes just because you get bruised by things,
and sometimes it just takes a little bit more time
before you're able to come together and say, all right,
this was stupid. Let's just get on us. I don't

(15:49):
think you have to rush a makeup if it's not
ready yet. Do you agree with that?

Speaker 2 (15:56):
Hi, here's it. It's so funny because I've got a
couple of people in my family that are fighting right
now now, and one of them is ready to make
up right away, and the other person's like, I need
more space and time. So I think that's I think
you knowing that other person, are they a processor? Do
they need to kind of go sit and like like
go over everything. I am somebody where it's like let's

(16:18):
hash it out, let's have it, let's be done, let's
move on. And not everybody's like that. So now you've
also got personality traits that come in here where or
the processor may be like nope, still mad, still working
through all this, and the other person's like, I slept
on it, I'm over it, let's be done. Here's some flowers.

Speaker 1 (16:34):
Shirley. I think it was a great point, and you
did it all in just seven words.

Speaker 2 (16:39):
Nice job.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
Shit, maybe it's just too soon to mend as well.

Speaker 2 (16:44):
Next of the day, I think right there.

Speaker 1 (16:45):
I think so too. We'll give it to her. Appreciate
you guys reaching out being part of the show Don
in the Morning with Melissa Moore, the podcast on Cool
one oh five. Subscribe now so you never miss an episode,
and learn more about the show at cool one o
five dot com
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