August 11, 2025 • 20 mins
Hello, and welcome to the inglorious return of Doomsday: History’s Most Dangerous Mailbag Minisode!
We’ve seen an awful lot of $@!# across time and space and it’s only natural that you would have questions – so here is your chance hear them answered. Maybe learn something a little gross, maybe a little interesting. This is my chance to publicly answer some of the friendly, odd and occasionally gross questions that feed in through our various social media channels.
I really wanted to get actual content to you ASAP after some recent tomfoolery with my health, and a Mailbag fit the bill nicely as a way to tide you over before the next full length episode.
On this episode: I will answer which of the Final Destination deaths would be my personal preference and why; I’ll explain if I’d rather ride out the apocalypse in an on-going Civil War or a Zombie Outbreak scenario – the answer may surprise you; and I’m going to definitively answer the question “will there be a new disaster moviesode, and if so, which one”. I’ll even share my concept for a disaster screenplay so bold, the name is in all caps with an exclamation mark.
I love answering your weird and bizarre questions. I wouldn’t ask for them at the end of each episode if I didn’t. If you’re curious to hear my take on things rattling around upstairs, I'm already collecting questions for a 10th in the future so share away if you'd like to hear your thoughts expounded upon at length. Feel free to holler. You can reach out on twitter, instagram and facebook as DoomsdayPodcast, or fire an email to doomsdaypod@gmail.com
All our older episodes can be found wherever you found this one, and while you’re there, please leave us a review. And tell your friends.
If you care to support the on-going production of the show you can find us at: https://www.patreon.com/funeralkazoo or https://www.buymeacoffee.com/doomsday
And once again I want to shout out all those listeners who’ve contributed to the show, whether through your messages and questions, with your donations, or by telling other people about the show.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/doomsday-history-s-most-dangerous-podcast--4866335/support.
We’ve seen an awful lot of $@!# across time and space and it’s only natural that you would have questions – so here is your chance hear them answered. Maybe learn something a little gross, maybe a little interesting. This is my chance to publicly answer some of the friendly, odd and occasionally gross questions that feed in through our various social media channels.
I really wanted to get actual content to you ASAP after some recent tomfoolery with my health, and a Mailbag fit the bill nicely as a way to tide you over before the next full length episode.
On this episode: I will answer which of the Final Destination deaths would be my personal preference and why; I’ll explain if I’d rather ride out the apocalypse in an on-going Civil War or a Zombie Outbreak scenario – the answer may surprise you; and I’m going to definitively answer the question “will there be a new disaster moviesode, and if so, which one”. I’ll even share my concept for a disaster screenplay so bold, the name is in all caps with an exclamation mark.
I love answering your weird and bizarre questions. I wouldn’t ask for them at the end of each episode if I didn’t. If you’re curious to hear my take on things rattling around upstairs, I'm already collecting questions for a 10th in the future so share away if you'd like to hear your thoughts expounded upon at length. Feel free to holler. You can reach out on twitter, instagram and facebook as DoomsdayPodcast, or fire an email to doomsdaypod@gmail.com
All our older episodes can be found wherever you found this one, and while you’re there, please leave us a review. And tell your friends.
If you care to support the on-going production of the show you can find us at: https://www.patreon.com/funeralkazoo or https://www.buymeacoffee.com/doomsday
And once again I want to shout out all those listeners who’ve contributed to the show, whether through your messages and questions, with your donations, or by telling other people about the show.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/doomsday-history-s-most-dangerous-podcast--4866335/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hello, and welcome to the inglorious return of Doomsday Histories
Most Dangerous mail Bag minisod. You know, after all, we've
seen an awful lot of shot from across time and
space on this show, and it's only natural that you're
gonna have questions. So here is your chance to hear
(00:31):
them answered, you know, maybe learn something a little gross,
maybe a little interesting. This is my chance to publicly
answer some of the friendly, odd and occasionally disgusting questions
that feed in through our various social media channels. And
I love answering your weird and bizarre questions. I wouldn't
ask for them at the end of each episode if
I didn't, and I'm only answering three today. One is gross,
(00:54):
the second is I guess more thought provoking, and the
third is fun. On today's episode, I will answer which
of the final destination deaths would be my personal preference
and why. I'll explain if I'd rather ride out the
apocalypse in an ongoing civil war or a zombie outbreak scenario.
And I think the answer may actually surprise you. And
(01:16):
because so many of you who have asked over the
last couple of years, I am going to definitively answer
the question will there be a new disaster movie SODE,
and if so, which one. I'm even going to share
my concept for a disaster screenplay. Don't steal it. This
is a concept so bold that the name itself is
in all caps with an exclamation mark. Well, I hope
(01:40):
you like today's answers. Now let's get on with the show.
I believe it was Carrie in from the United Kingdom
who asked which of the final destination deaths I would prefer? Okay, sure, Well,
as far as final destination deaths go, there's so many.
I mean, there are just so many, and they're all awful.
So for the purposes of this question, I'm gonna limit
(02:03):
myself to just the main disasters, the ones that kick
off the different films. So I'm not going to die
in a tanning bed, I'm not gonna die from laser
eye surgery. I'm not going to get eviscerated by a
pool drain, and we're not going to be talking about
any complicated Rube Goldberg style apartment kitchen fire chain reaction scenarios. Instead,
(02:23):
let's see, we've got the mid flight plane explosion from
the first film, The highway pile up with the logs
from the second, the roller coaster derailment in the third,
people in the fourth got aerrated with car parts in
a race crash, a bridge collapses in the fifth, and
the last one bloodlines. That one started in a tall,
(02:45):
rotating restaurant called the Skyview Tower and it collapsed. Okay,
to begin right away, Number two is not happening, no
matter what I've seen this film, And I'm honestly, I
can't even make myself be dumb enough to dry behind
a logging truck on purpose, even as a joke. And I,
in all confidence, will tell you that, however it is
(03:06):
i do die, it's not going to be with a
log shaped gap over my head and shoulders. Used to be.
The plane explosion from the first film, well that sucks too.
It's loud, and it's terrifying, and it went on forever,
and it's not like it just exploded and everyone died
instantly and you didn't know what happened. It just went
on and on and on, and people were being ripped
(03:27):
apart by fuselage and I'm pretty sure at least one
person went through an engine and everyone else was just
falling and screaming, you know, till they weren't. So I'm
not in love with that scenario. And the exact same
thing for roller coasters now, crashing and falling to your
death off a roller coaster. It's shorter, sure, but it's
(03:48):
a roller coaster. So the whole idea, the whole thing
that makes them interesting, we're exciting in the first place,
is you're already supposed to be in fear for your life,
so now you're just all amped up and then you
actually do get to die. Thank you. No, I'm saying
most people are going to be afraid of planes, but
something about roller coasters just seems worse somehow. And you know,
(04:09):
the bridge collapse doesn't really work for me either. People
were falling off the bridge and dying. People were getting
splattered by falling debris, and there were flying bridge cables
just lashing people and bisecting people. And no, my memory
of that film was that not one person was softly
lulled into unconsciousness while the whole bridge dismantled itself around them.
(04:31):
Same for bloodlines, actually worse for bloodlines. Yes, a restaurant
fell over, However, before that, spoiler alert, people were getting
crushed by pianos. They were running around on fire, so
thank you, but no, I am going to go with
the death from Final destination for the NASCAR style one,
(04:52):
with all the decapitations and the squishings, so hear me out. Yes,
people were screaming and bleeding and it it was awful.
But if I knew I had been slated to die
and didn't really have to say except maybe, how thanks
Carrie Anne. I'm thinking this is the quickest of all
of the available options. Playing catch with an engine block
(05:13):
traveling two hundred miles per hour has got to be
a lot less terrifying than watching some dumb log bouncing
its way down the road till it finally bounces up
into my face. And to clarify, and I tell Carrie
in this every time, I don't actually want to do
any of these, you know that. However, in this case,
(05:33):
I'm gonna go with We had a fun day at
the track, and we didn't spend a lot of time
worrying about dying, and we got to see some kids
put tampons in their ears, and then we were just
very quickly killed at racing speed, not just staying in
there like some dunce just all sliced up and waiting
for the sections of my body to slide apart. Just
a quick splash and I'm done. Carrie Anne always comes
(05:58):
to the best questions. She asked if I would have
preferred being killed and eaten by a honey badger versus
a Tasmanian devil, and I went honey badger because I
figured there may be three percent cuter. And then she
informs me that honey badgers begin their attacks with genitals,
So like I said, fun, okay. Next up, Tannis from
(06:22):
down Under has asked if I would prefer to live
out an apocalyptic future, in an ongoing civil war scenario
or a zombie outbreak. And you've gotta love these questions.
It's like, here's two type of feces, which one is
your favorite? Still, the question, as ludicrous as it maybe has,
maybe never seemed so timely or plausible, So let's get
(06:46):
into it. Survive in a world where political factions are
locked in endless violent struggle for control of the debris
leftover after years of civil war, or live in a collapsed,
entirely defunct civilization that has nothing to offer outside of
wave after wave of mindless predators all right, let's work
this through humans. While dangerous, you can still talk to them,
(07:11):
You could negotiate or even partner up with them. Or
on the other side of that coin, you end up
having to deceive them and maybe even just avoid them
all together because you're on the wrong side. Or maybe
you just can't prove that you're not zombies though, no politics,
just baseless hunger. Zombies aren't going to tie you to
some chair in some dark room and shoot you in
(07:33):
the knee if your stance on taxation without representation doesn't
fall in line with the dogma of whoever it was
who tied you to the chair in the first place.
None of that drama. And actually, you know what, I've
seen a lot of movies and TV shows about what
happens in the zombie apocalypse, and I always feel like
they really overplay it. My feeling is people, by and large,
(07:55):
they will pull together against a common threat. I mean,
we have seen this. Couldn't even tell you how many
times in the course of this show. People are supportive.
They do not immediately turned into kill crazy monsters. I'm
talking about the survivors, not the zombies. I'm just gonna say,
no one ever has to question whether killing a zombie
is the wrong thing to do. So I'm given one
(08:17):
point to the zombie outbreak. I just had a thought,
and this is really dumb, but the people tying you
to the chair are probably going to be wearing like
chain mail and hockey pads, and the leader probably has
a severed bears head on his head. But zombies they
get stuck in whatever tired, old threads they were wearing
when they died. So as fashion ability goes, I'm giving
(08:39):
a point to civil war. Not that fashion is really
gonna matter, things like infrastructure and growing food. That's the
kind of thing that's still going to go on during
a civil war. You get stuck in the zombie scenario,
and I'm pretty sure we're drinking rain water and dining
on stolen cans of expired pet food, which seems awful.
(08:59):
So even though I will say this, even though the
People's Army of Tennessee might still want to cut off
my leg for food because I answered some question wrong,
I'm still given a point to civil war. And obviously
war can come to an end where the zombie outbreak
wouldn't actually finish till everybody was dead. So by that logic,
it feels like a nod to war, but I'm also
(09:21):
thinking it's a civil war and those can just drag on,
and historically they're the most brutal because they're the most personal.
A quick Google search will show you that civil wars
have always been breeding grounds for war crimes and new
torture techniques. So when you take all that into account,
the question is do I want to eke out an
existence in a never ending apocalypse or deal with people?
(09:46):
It's honestly hard to say, so I'm going to give
one point to each and in a zombie outbreak, you've
got to worry about getting infected if somebody bites or
scratches you. But on the upside, at least the rules
are very clear. I have been places where regular people
in non zombie scenarios have cemented broken glass and razor
(10:07):
blades onto the top of the walls around their homes
to keep people away, And I always try to remember
how much people love adding liquid feces to weapons and
traps to make them lethal after the fact in case
you get away. So until zombies learn how to use
blow dark guns, I'm given a point to them. One
point zombie outbreak and on that note, a well trained
(10:28):
human could ricochet a bullet off a stone wall and
remove your hat at any moments just to see what's
in your pockets. They could make improvise explosives. They could
put down trip wires or snare traps or machine gun sentries.
You have no idea. They might even have access to
various kinds of landmines. Whereas the other side shuffle, zombies shuffle,
(10:51):
and they do it slowly. So point zombie outbreak. Now. Psychologically,
on the one hand, watching society tear itself into pieces
is demoralizing, and killing monsters, on the other hand, can
be invigorating. Knowing you're never going to have a denver
omelet ever again, that just hurts. But knowing you could
(11:13):
just freely take a cricket bat to the head of
anyone shuffling around in an eyehop uniform, well that's got
to help. So point zombie outbreak. And it is possible
to find safe haven or some kind of free zone
from zombie infiltration, so that's good. Of course, the problem
is you want to keep the zombies out, but you're
also going to become a target for every roving horde
(11:36):
of fellow apocalytes from abroad looking to get in, and
even if you keep those walls tight, you're still a
potential target from some emotionally traumatized weirdo you're stuck with
on the inside. So think about it this way. You
hold a branch in front of your face and a
zombie might just wander by, But there is nowhere that
you're going to be able to hide from a motivated human,
(11:57):
So point zombie break. So what does the endgame look
like like? How does that work? I mean, unless you
find a cure or literally murder every zombie in the world,
they could just go on threatening humanity forever. Whereas with people,
all you really need to do is get them to
sit at a table and rationally talk about their differences
(12:19):
to affect some kind of meaningful change. And yeah, I
hear it too. The likelihood of either is pretty slim,
But in my estimation, in less time than it would
take to get humans to stop killing each other, zombies
would eventually just sort of start to physically break down
and collapse from tissue death. They've got no circulation and
(12:40):
they're constantly exposed to the elements, so there's no way
they don't just rot until they disintegrate. So I'm narrowly
giving this one to zombie outbreak, and that puts our
final tally when we count everything up civil war three
points versus zombie outbreak with an impressive six points. Clearly
(13:01):
I don't have a lot of faith in people. I mean,
don't misunderstand I love people. People are the best, but
desperate individuals are statistically more dangerous than sharks, and people
in groups can be even worse. So the only chance
of long term rebuilding some sense of normalcy comes with
accepting the idea that you're just going to have to
(13:23):
become a cog in some newer, slightly worse off political
system or maybe a religious cult, provided that your new
bunkie doesn't shivy in the middle of the night because
they think your thighs look juicy. If you know you
were going to die eventually from either, my math says,
why not try zombie outbreak? The actual best scenario is
(13:43):
to choose civil war, but yell, what's that? Then steal
a boat and then head to the next new yearest
country while your compatriots empty hundreds of rounds into the
woods or whatever it was you were pointing at. I mean, yeah,
you're a thief now and you stole a boat, but
I would rather be sitting in some foreign jail, well,
the marinating in the stupot of the former coach of
a high school football team turned warlord of the planes.
(14:07):
That's just me, though, And on to our final question
for today's mail bag, one that again a whole bunch
of you have asked, will there be another movie sode?
And because he asked which one? And like I said,
I get this a lot. And for those of you
who might have missed it a few years ago, I
wanted to shake things up a bit and I did
(14:28):
our very first disaster movie sode on Michael Bay's nineteen
ninety eight blockbuster Arma Gedden, and it was a lot
of fun. And I've thought about this question ever since.
Turns out it's maybe not the most scientifically accurate take
on how you were going to handle a media or
ever created. And yeah, it's fun treating some completely implausible
(14:49):
and absurd adventure film and just treat it dead serious. Now,
until I stumble on a life changing amount of money,
it's always going to be hard for me to make
time for every single so episode I'd love to create
but I am determined to do this one. In fact,
like I mentioned off the top, if I had all
the money in the world to trade for all of
my time back, I would currently be working on my screenplay,
(15:12):
which I'm going to tell you about right now. Please
don't steal it. It's called Flip all in caps with
an exclamation mark. Like I said, the whole idea is
that the world's magnetic poles are flipping, which you know
is supposed to take thousands and thousands of years, but
moviegoers don't know that. So I'm suggesting that it happens
over a long weekend and everything goes completelydership. You got
(15:37):
planes flipping out of the skies like throwing stars, Compasses
just burst into flames, birds just explode in the sky.
So it's up to scientists to race to save the planet,
and probably two of them are going to fall in love.
I haven't really had the time to figure all that
out just yet. And if you think it takes me
time to make one of these episodes, I can't imagine
(15:57):
how long it's going to take me to do a screenplay.
So let's get back to movie sodes. I said somewhere
that my first thought was nineteen seventy two's poside An Adventure.
I've got such a soft spot for that one. I
saw it on video when I was a kid, and
when I was thinking about it, it occurred to me
that it may very well have been my first disaster movie,
and since then I've managed to see it on the
(16:18):
big screen and even once live on stage. My second
thought was The Towering Inferno from nineteen seventy four, same
kind of idea, a bunch of suave idiots panicking, but
this time with fire instead of water. I like both
those films. They're not great, but they're a little nostalgic,
and I think what I actually like most about them
is that they're not based on true events. People will
(16:40):
say that they prefer movies based on true events, but
the reality is when they do make them, the audiences
get bogged down and comparing them to the actual true events,
and just the overall enjoyment suffers. I'll tell you from
my marketing background that people also think that they like bold,
rich coffee and thick, chunky pasta sauce, but then when
you time in to machines and test, it turns out
(17:01):
they prefer soft, milky coffee and thin Runney sauce. But
I liked about Armageddon is a choice back then. It's
over the top and it's not terribly accurate, so it's
kind of questionable storytelling, but it wasn't so so bad
that it forces you to stop watching altogether. And like
I said, these things are no small amount of work,
(17:21):
so if I'm going to do it, I want to
do it right. I wanted to really narrow it down
and focus on disaster movies that are just stupid well
I was gonna say preposterous, but just enough that you
have finished them and you are left with the feeling
that the writers and producers and director, just basically the
(17:41):
entire production crew definitely thought you're stupid. So it started
me thinking about twenty twenty two's Moonfall and Geostorm from
twenty seventeen. Those really nicely fit that bill. And you know,
then it hit me out of the blue, what's the
one really stupid, over the top disaster movie that made
me gag? From the incredibly off putting science and internal logic.
(18:05):
Oh yeah, Currently sitting at thirty four percent on Rotten Tomatoes,
a movie that critics called a modestly fun exercise and disappointment,
and as aggressively loud and obnoxious as it is tiresomely stupid,
a movie The New York Times described as be calming
and inauthentic, like taking a bath in non dairy coffee creamer.
(18:26):
A movie that I myself saw in the theater and
spend a good chunk of saying that's not a thing. Well,
that's not a thing. That's not a thing. Yes, the
two thousand and three film release. Notice, I didn't say
Blockbuster the core, And I promise when we are done,
it'll be more fun than having a flaming shart of
(18:48):
diamond stabbing you through the head. I promise. Well, I
hope you enjoyed that and maybe even gave you some
food for thought, and hopefully you like what you heard.
And if you didn't ask yourself of this, would your
second favorite podcast host put this much thought into your
random musings? Take advantage? Why not share your own? If
(19:08):
you are curious to hear my take on things, you
can always just reach out on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook
as Doomsday Podcast, or fire an email to doomsdaypod at
gmail dot com. All our older episodes can be found
wherever you found this one, and while you're there, please
leave us a review and tell your friends. If you
care to support the ongoing production of the show. You
(19:28):
can always find us at buy Me a Coffee dot com,
slash Doomsday or Patreon dot com slash Funeral Kazoo. We'll
be back with an all new full length episode by
popular demand, and in the meantime, keep your spears sharp,
maybe buy some gold and vegetable seeds, and maybe start
making friends now with the guy on your street most
(19:50):
likely to wear a second human head as a hat.
We'll talk soon. Safety goggles off, and thanks for listening
and
Hello, and welcome to the inglorious return of Doomsday Histories
Most Dangerous mail Bag minisod. You know, after all, we've
seen an awful lot of shot from across time and
space on this show, and it's only natural that you're
gonna have questions. So here is your chance to hear
(00:31):
them answered, you know, maybe learn something a little gross,
maybe a little interesting. This is my chance to publicly
answer some of the friendly, odd and occasionally disgusting questions
that feed in through our various social media channels. And
I love answering your weird and bizarre questions. I wouldn't
ask for them at the end of each episode if
I didn't, and I'm only answering three today. One is gross,
(00:54):
the second is I guess more thought provoking, and the
third is fun. On today's episode, I will answer which
of the final destination deaths would be my personal preference
and why. I'll explain if I'd rather ride out the
apocalypse in an ongoing civil war or a zombie outbreak scenario.
And I think the answer may actually surprise you. And
(01:16):
because so many of you who have asked over the
last couple of years, I am going to definitively answer
the question will there be a new disaster movie SODE,
and if so, which one. I'm even going to share
my concept for a disaster screenplay. Don't steal it. This
is a concept so bold that the name itself is
in all caps with an exclamation mark. Well, I hope
(01:40):
you like today's answers. Now let's get on with the show.
I believe it was Carrie in from the United Kingdom
who asked which of the final destination deaths I would prefer? Okay, sure, Well,
as far as final destination deaths go, there's so many.
I mean, there are just so many, and they're all awful.
So for the purposes of this question, I'm gonna limit
(02:03):
myself to just the main disasters, the ones that kick
off the different films. So I'm not going to die
in a tanning bed, I'm not gonna die from laser
eye surgery. I'm not going to get eviscerated by a
pool drain, and we're not going to be talking about
any complicated Rube Goldberg style apartment kitchen fire chain reaction scenarios. Instead,
(02:23):
let's see, we've got the mid flight plane explosion from
the first film, The highway pile up with the logs
from the second, the roller coaster derailment in the third,
people in the fourth got aerrated with car parts in
a race crash, a bridge collapses in the fifth, and
the last one bloodlines. That one started in a tall,
(02:45):
rotating restaurant called the Skyview Tower and it collapsed. Okay,
to begin right away, Number two is not happening, no
matter what I've seen this film, And I'm honestly, I
can't even make myself be dumb enough to dry behind
a logging truck on purpose, even as a joke. And I,
in all confidence, will tell you that, however it is
(03:06):
i do die, it's not going to be with a
log shaped gap over my head and shoulders. Used to be.
The plane explosion from the first film, well that sucks too.
It's loud, and it's terrifying, and it went on forever,
and it's not like it just exploded and everyone died
instantly and you didn't know what happened. It just went
on and on and on, and people were being ripped
(03:27):
apart by fuselage and I'm pretty sure at least one
person went through an engine and everyone else was just
falling and screaming, you know, till they weren't. So I'm
not in love with that scenario. And the exact same
thing for roller coasters now, crashing and falling to your
death off a roller coaster. It's shorter, sure, but it's
(03:48):
a roller coaster. So the whole idea, the whole thing
that makes them interesting, we're exciting in the first place,
is you're already supposed to be in fear for your life,
so now you're just all amped up and then you
actually do get to die. Thank you. No, I'm saying
most people are going to be afraid of planes, but
something about roller coasters just seems worse somehow. And you know,
(04:09):
the bridge collapse doesn't really work for me either. People
were falling off the bridge and dying. People were getting
splattered by falling debris, and there were flying bridge cables
just lashing people and bisecting people. And no, my memory
of that film was that not one person was softly
lulled into unconsciousness while the whole bridge dismantled itself around them.
(04:31):
Same for bloodlines, actually worse for bloodlines. Yes, a restaurant
fell over, However, before that, spoiler alert, people were getting
crushed by pianos. They were running around on fire, so
thank you, but no, I am going to go with
the death from Final destination for the NASCAR style one,
(04:52):
with all the decapitations and the squishings, so hear me out. Yes,
people were screaming and bleeding and it it was awful.
But if I knew I had been slated to die
and didn't really have to say except maybe, how thanks
Carrie Anne. I'm thinking this is the quickest of all
of the available options. Playing catch with an engine block
(05:13):
traveling two hundred miles per hour has got to be
a lot less terrifying than watching some dumb log bouncing
its way down the road till it finally bounces up
into my face. And to clarify, and I tell Carrie
in this every time, I don't actually want to do
any of these, you know that. However, in this case,
(05:33):
I'm gonna go with We had a fun day at
the track, and we didn't spend a lot of time
worrying about dying, and we got to see some kids
put tampons in their ears, and then we were just
very quickly killed at racing speed, not just staying in
there like some dunce just all sliced up and waiting
for the sections of my body to slide apart. Just
a quick splash and I'm done. Carrie Anne always comes
(05:58):
to the best questions. She asked if I would have
preferred being killed and eaten by a honey badger versus
a Tasmanian devil, and I went honey badger because I
figured there may be three percent cuter. And then she
informs me that honey badgers begin their attacks with genitals,
So like I said, fun, okay. Next up, Tannis from
(06:22):
down Under has asked if I would prefer to live
out an apocalyptic future, in an ongoing civil war scenario
or a zombie outbreak. And you've gotta love these questions.
It's like, here's two type of feces, which one is
your favorite? Still, the question, as ludicrous as it maybe has,
maybe never seemed so timely or plausible, So let's get
(06:46):
into it. Survive in a world where political factions are
locked in endless violent struggle for control of the debris
leftover after years of civil war, or live in a collapsed,
entirely defunct civilization that has nothing to offer outside of
wave after wave of mindless predators all right, let's work
this through humans. While dangerous, you can still talk to them,
(07:11):
You could negotiate or even partner up with them. Or
on the other side of that coin, you end up
having to deceive them and maybe even just avoid them
all together because you're on the wrong side. Or maybe
you just can't prove that you're not zombies though, no politics,
just baseless hunger. Zombies aren't going to tie you to
some chair in some dark room and shoot you in
(07:33):
the knee if your stance on taxation without representation doesn't
fall in line with the dogma of whoever it was
who tied you to the chair in the first place.
None of that drama. And actually, you know what, I've
seen a lot of movies and TV shows about what
happens in the zombie apocalypse, and I always feel like
they really overplay it. My feeling is people, by and large,
(07:55):
they will pull together against a common threat. I mean,
we have seen this. Couldn't even tell you how many
times in the course of this show. People are supportive.
They do not immediately turned into kill crazy monsters. I'm
talking about the survivors, not the zombies. I'm just gonna say,
no one ever has to question whether killing a zombie
is the wrong thing to do. So I'm given one
(08:17):
point to the zombie outbreak. I just had a thought,
and this is really dumb, but the people tying you
to the chair are probably going to be wearing like
chain mail and hockey pads, and the leader probably has
a severed bears head on his head. But zombies they
get stuck in whatever tired, old threads they were wearing
when they died. So as fashion ability goes, I'm giving
(08:39):
a point to civil war. Not that fashion is really
gonna matter, things like infrastructure and growing food. That's the
kind of thing that's still going to go on during
a civil war. You get stuck in the zombie scenario,
and I'm pretty sure we're drinking rain water and dining
on stolen cans of expired pet food, which seems awful.
(08:59):
So even though I will say this, even though the
People's Army of Tennessee might still want to cut off
my leg for food because I answered some question wrong,
I'm still given a point to civil war. And obviously
war can come to an end where the zombie outbreak
wouldn't actually finish till everybody was dead. So by that logic,
it feels like a nod to war, but I'm also
(09:21):
thinking it's a civil war and those can just drag on,
and historically they're the most brutal because they're the most personal.
A quick Google search will show you that civil wars
have always been breeding grounds for war crimes and new
torture techniques. So when you take all that into account,
the question is do I want to eke out an
existence in a never ending apocalypse or deal with people?
(09:46):
It's honestly hard to say, so I'm going to give
one point to each and in a zombie outbreak, you've
got to worry about getting infected if somebody bites or
scratches you. But on the upside, at least the rules
are very clear. I have been places where regular people
in non zombie scenarios have cemented broken glass and razor
(10:07):
blades onto the top of the walls around their homes
to keep people away, And I always try to remember
how much people love adding liquid feces to weapons and
traps to make them lethal after the fact in case
you get away. So until zombies learn how to use
blow dark guns, I'm given a point to them. One
point zombie outbreak and on that note, a well trained
(10:28):
human could ricochet a bullet off a stone wall and
remove your hat at any moments just to see what's
in your pockets. They could make improvise explosives. They could
put down trip wires or snare traps or machine gun sentries.
You have no idea. They might even have access to
various kinds of landmines. Whereas the other side shuffle, zombies shuffle,
(10:51):
and they do it slowly. So point zombie outbreak. Now. Psychologically,
on the one hand, watching society tear itself into pieces
is demoralizing, and killing monsters, on the other hand, can
be invigorating. Knowing you're never going to have a denver
omelet ever again, that just hurts. But knowing you could
(11:13):
just freely take a cricket bat to the head of
anyone shuffling around in an eyehop uniform, well that's got
to help. So point zombie outbreak. And it is possible
to find safe haven or some kind of free zone
from zombie infiltration, so that's good. Of course, the problem
is you want to keep the zombies out, but you're
also going to become a target for every roving horde
(11:36):
of fellow apocalytes from abroad looking to get in, and
even if you keep those walls tight, you're still a
potential target from some emotionally traumatized weirdo you're stuck with
on the inside. So think about it this way. You
hold a branch in front of your face and a
zombie might just wander by, But there is nowhere that
you're going to be able to hide from a motivated human,
(11:57):
So point zombie break. So what does the endgame look
like like? How does that work? I mean, unless you
find a cure or literally murder every zombie in the world,
they could just go on threatening humanity forever. Whereas with people,
all you really need to do is get them to
sit at a table and rationally talk about their differences
(12:19):
to affect some kind of meaningful change. And yeah, I
hear it too. The likelihood of either is pretty slim,
But in my estimation, in less time than it would
take to get humans to stop killing each other, zombies
would eventually just sort of start to physically break down
and collapse from tissue death. They've got no circulation and
(12:40):
they're constantly exposed to the elements, so there's no way
they don't just rot until they disintegrate. So I'm narrowly
giving this one to zombie outbreak, and that puts our
final tally when we count everything up civil war three
points versus zombie outbreak with an impressive six points. Clearly
(13:01):
I don't have a lot of faith in people. I mean,
don't misunderstand I love people. People are the best, but
desperate individuals are statistically more dangerous than sharks, and people
in groups can be even worse. So the only chance
of long term rebuilding some sense of normalcy comes with
accepting the idea that you're just going to have to
(13:23):
become a cog in some newer, slightly worse off political
system or maybe a religious cult, provided that your new
bunkie doesn't shivy in the middle of the night because
they think your thighs look juicy. If you know you
were going to die eventually from either, my math says,
why not try zombie outbreak? The actual best scenario is
(13:43):
to choose civil war, but yell, what's that? Then steal
a boat and then head to the next new yearest
country while your compatriots empty hundreds of rounds into the
woods or whatever it was you were pointing at. I mean, yeah,
you're a thief now and you stole a boat, but
I would rather be sitting in some foreign jail, well,
the marinating in the stupot of the former coach of
a high school football team turned warlord of the planes.
(14:07):
That's just me, though, And on to our final question
for today's mail bag, one that again a whole bunch
of you have asked, will there be another movie sode?
And because he asked which one? And like I said,
I get this a lot. And for those of you
who might have missed it a few years ago, I
wanted to shake things up a bit and I did
(14:28):
our very first disaster movie sode on Michael Bay's nineteen
ninety eight blockbuster Arma Gedden, and it was a lot
of fun. And I've thought about this question ever since.
Turns out it's maybe not the most scientifically accurate take
on how you were going to handle a media or
ever created. And yeah, it's fun treating some completely implausible
(14:49):
and absurd adventure film and just treat it dead serious. Now,
until I stumble on a life changing amount of money,
it's always going to be hard for me to make
time for every single so episode I'd love to create
but I am determined to do this one. In fact,
like I mentioned off the top, if I had all
the money in the world to trade for all of
my time back, I would currently be working on my screenplay,
(15:12):
which I'm going to tell you about right now. Please
don't steal it. It's called Flip all in caps with
an exclamation mark. Like I said, the whole idea is
that the world's magnetic poles are flipping, which you know
is supposed to take thousands and thousands of years, but
moviegoers don't know that. So I'm suggesting that it happens
over a long weekend and everything goes completelydership. You got
(15:37):
planes flipping out of the skies like throwing stars, Compasses
just burst into flames, birds just explode in the sky.
So it's up to scientists to race to save the planet,
and probably two of them are going to fall in love.
I haven't really had the time to figure all that
out just yet. And if you think it takes me
time to make one of these episodes, I can't imagine
(15:57):
how long it's going to take me to do a screenplay.
So let's get back to movie sodes. I said somewhere
that my first thought was nineteen seventy two's poside An Adventure.
I've got such a soft spot for that one. I
saw it on video when I was a kid, and
when I was thinking about it, it occurred to me
that it may very well have been my first disaster movie,
and since then I've managed to see it on the
(16:18):
big screen and even once live on stage. My second
thought was The Towering Inferno from nineteen seventy four, same
kind of idea, a bunch of suave idiots panicking, but
this time with fire instead of water. I like both
those films. They're not great, but they're a little nostalgic,
and I think what I actually like most about them
is that they're not based on true events. People will
(16:40):
say that they prefer movies based on true events, but
the reality is when they do make them, the audiences
get bogged down and comparing them to the actual true events,
and just the overall enjoyment suffers. I'll tell you from
my marketing background that people also think that they like bold,
rich coffee and thick, chunky pasta sauce, but then when
you time in to machines and test, it turns out
(17:01):
they prefer soft, milky coffee and thin Runney sauce. But
I liked about Armageddon is a choice back then. It's
over the top and it's not terribly accurate, so it's
kind of questionable storytelling, but it wasn't so so bad
that it forces you to stop watching altogether. And like
I said, these things are no small amount of work,
(17:21):
so if I'm going to do it, I want to
do it right. I wanted to really narrow it down
and focus on disaster movies that are just stupid well
I was gonna say preposterous, but just enough that you
have finished them and you are left with the feeling
that the writers and producers and director, just basically the
(17:41):
entire production crew definitely thought you're stupid. So it started
me thinking about twenty twenty two's Moonfall and Geostorm from
twenty seventeen. Those really nicely fit that bill. And you know,
then it hit me out of the blue, what's the
one really stupid, over the top disaster movie that made
me gag? From the incredibly off putting science and internal logic.
(18:05):
Oh yeah, Currently sitting at thirty four percent on Rotten Tomatoes,
a movie that critics called a modestly fun exercise and disappointment,
and as aggressively loud and obnoxious as it is tiresomely stupid,
a movie The New York Times described as be calming
and inauthentic, like taking a bath in non dairy coffee creamer.
(18:26):
A movie that I myself saw in the theater and
spend a good chunk of saying that's not a thing. Well,
that's not a thing. That's not a thing. Yes, the
two thousand and three film release. Notice, I didn't say
Blockbuster the core, And I promise when we are done,
it'll be more fun than having a flaming shart of
(18:48):
diamond stabbing you through the head. I promise. Well, I
hope you enjoyed that and maybe even gave you some
food for thought, and hopefully you like what you heard.
And if you didn't ask yourself of this, would your
second favorite podcast host put this much thought into your
random musings? Take advantage? Why not share your own? If
(19:08):
you are curious to hear my take on things, you
can always just reach out on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook
as Doomsday Podcast, or fire an email to doomsdaypod at
gmail dot com. All our older episodes can be found
wherever you found this one, and while you're there, please
leave us a review and tell your friends. If you
care to support the ongoing production of the show. You
(19:28):
can always find us at buy Me a Coffee dot com,
slash Doomsday or Patreon dot com slash Funeral Kazoo. We'll
be back with an all new full length episode by
popular demand, and in the meantime, keep your spears sharp,
maybe buy some gold and vegetable seeds, and maybe start
making friends now with the guy on your street most
(19:50):
likely to wear a second human head as a hat.
We'll talk soon. Safety goggles off, and thanks for listening
and
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