February 16, 2024 • 15 mins
I haven't been talking about my dating life much on the pod recently...and for good reason. But I still have a story of the most dissapointing non-starter to date.
I tried to get back into the dating pool and almost di*ed from strangulation by red flags....this is the Dr Ice Cream Villain Origin Story #dating #datingadvice #over30 #single
I tried to get back into the dating pool and almost di*ed from strangulation by red flags....this is the Dr Ice Cream Villain Origin Story #dating #datingadvice #over30 #single
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay, fine, I'll tell a dating story. It's what you want.
You want to hear about my suffering. And then you
may have noticed that I've been quite on the dating
stories front ever since my breakup last November, which was
(00:22):
an event so traumatic that I honestly considered moving to
the moon. They say that nothing lives on the Moon,
that it's just dead, it's just rock, there's no sign
of life, there's no one around. Absolutely perfect. I would
have absolutely loved to have just flown to the Moon
during the months of November and December. This, however, is
(00:45):
not the story of that relationship. That story is buried
in a deep, dark vault in outer space that shall
never be recovered by humans unless you know, I start
a Patreon one day and charge ten dollars a month
for it. Otherwise that story's gone. This is the story
of me trying to get back in the dating pool
(01:06):
and drowning. I'm hyping this up so much. I didn't
even go on a date with this guy. It was
just a dating app conversation. That was the biggest red
flag that I think I can possibly see for myself.
(01:27):
And I want to tell you the story to see
what the feedback is like, am I overreacting or is
this genuinely like the biggest no. So I hadn't really
spoken to anyone on any of the apps for two
or three months. I was taking a bit of me
time to heal. And also I am an avoidant attachment style,
(01:49):
so I was avoiding anything to do with love, romance,
dating anything. But I open for some reason. I remember
I was sitting on the couch and I was like,
you know what, I'm going to give this one try.
I'm just gonna open Hinge. I just have the vibe.
I was like, I'm gonna I'm gonna see I just
have this feeling that there might be someone on there
for once, for once in my life, because you know,
(02:12):
there never is, Like there's never anyone. I'm in a
small town. There's never anyone. I like Bathlone likes Melone,
anyone incompatible. There's just it's just a barren desert. And yes,
I know I wanted to move to the desert, but
I mean not that, not the dating desert. The dating
the dating desert is where I already live. But I
(02:34):
just had the vibe, okay to check it out. So
I opened Hinge and immediately this profile comes up that
said this says new you know, like when someone's got
a new profile that will say new on here or
just joined. And I was like, he doesn't. He does
not look like a local. I don't know where he's from,
but he looks a bit different. Oh, this is where
(02:55):
all my dating story starts. So a few years ago,
when I very very very first started online dating, like
eight or nine years ago, I used to say, I
think I may have told this an ago before, but
I always used to say to my friends, you know,
I like them interesting. I do like them. I need
them to be interesting or I'll get bored. And my
(03:18):
friends looked at me and said, Crystal, the ones you're
choosing are a little bit too interesting. They were living
in caravans, they were living in sheds, they were fathering
eleven million children across the globe. They were a little
bit too interesting the men that I was choosing. So
I've always kept that in the back of my mind.
(03:39):
But of course I see this profile and I'm like, oh,
he looks he looks interesting. That should have been red
flag number one. I should have been out of there.
But you know, I am a girl who loves to laugh.
You know, if there's one thing that will get me.
I absolutely love a laugh. Guys, I love to laugh.
And this guy's profile, it is the genuinely, genuinely they
(04:04):
all try to be funny. Every not every single profile,
but so many profiles on these apps. There's trying so
hard to be funny, and you can just tell they
think they're really funny. I've never so much as like
rais an eyebrow or smiled at any of these jokes
on there, but this profile, I laughed. I actually did
a laugh out loud, and so for I messaged him,
(04:28):
which I've only I've only messaged first a handful of times,
but I messaged him with a compliment saying, this is
the only hinge profile that has ever actually made me laugh.
So he was like, okay, thanks, I made you laugh,
(04:50):
And I was like, so you agree, you think you're
really funny, But I was being really funny back, and
we were joking. We were just on the same wavelength.
We were like emphasizing with each other about being introverts
who hate going outside. We were telling so many jokes.
It was just such a good vibe, like back and forth,
bang bang bang. It's the longest Hinge conversation I've had
(05:10):
in years. It's possibly the longest conversation I've had in
years in general. Hahuh. We were honestly, guys, it was
so electric. It was so electric that I was thinking
about texting my friend. This is where I go from
zero to one hundred. I was thinking about texting my friend.
I found him. I've actually found my soulmate. Like I
don't know where he's been all along. He's new in town,
(05:33):
red flag number two. He's new in town. But like
we just we're just clicking. We're meant to be. The
good times have started, and the good times are going
to continue forever. They're can continue to the isle, the isle,
the honeymoon, the house. It's happening. We can build a
(05:53):
future and a few laughs shared on Hinge. But in
all seriousness, I was kind of excited about it because
because I was like, well, I found him attractive, attractive enough,
you know, they just need to meet that threshold. He
was attractive enough, he was my type, and we were
getting along so well. I was just like genuinely thinking
(06:13):
my vibes were right. I was sitting on the couch
thinking I should open Hinge and I've done it, and
I can't say anything going wrong. I double checked his
profile to check if anything was a bit off, and
it all seemed legit. So we were having a very
in depth conversation about ice cream. Of course, what else
(06:36):
do I like to have an in depth conversation about.
It's almost the only thing I can talk about in depth.
And he was asking me where the best place for
ice cream is what my favorite flavors are? And I
said I can go in many directions to that question.
I said, this is not an easy this is not
a simple question. What's my favorite flavor? It has got
(06:56):
so many variables and there are so many different depths,
different dimensions to this question. I was like, this is
a question that needs to be answered in person over
some ice cream. So he was really kind of like pushing,
like Wednesday, I want to meet up to get ice cream.
And I was ready to be like right now, like
I will leave. I was making dinner, I was making
(07:17):
like was I making a chicken ripe or something? And
I was ready to chuck that in the bin, get
down the street, get some ice cream, get my pants. No,
I was ready. I was ready to go and live
a life of just ice cream and laughter with this guy,
and he was almost like not even believing how much
I love ice cream. And I said, they don't call
(07:39):
me Doctor ice Cream for nothing. Now, he thought the
name doctor ice Cream was very funny. He said that
sounds like a super villain name, and I said, correct,
I'd never thought about it that way. But I loved
this statement that he made. I loved this observation, doctor
(08:00):
ice Cream sounds like a super villain. I was like, correct,
and he loved that. He vibed back, and he said, Okay,
when can I meet this Doctor ice Cream in person?
And thank god at this stage, I didn't say doctor
ice Cream is no joke. I have a podcast called
Doctor ice Cream. I knew something. Just said, don't say that,
because he'll go and look it up. And Doctor ice
(08:25):
Cream does not want the people she dates to have
already listened to the Doctor to the Doctor ice Cream podcast.
I mean, if you have listened to it and still
like me, we're going to get married tomorrow. But this
is not people, Yeah, this isn't. I don't necessarily want
this to be like the first impression people have on
me this podcast. So I didn't say that, but I
(08:46):
did really hype up ice cream and the concept of
a villain called doctor ice Cream. But before we made
our date plans, I was just checking he was actually local,
like can he actually come and meet me at the
local ice cream places? And he said yes, we just
(09:07):
moved to insert town name here, and I did a
little pause at that. I was like, we, who's who's we?
Who's we? And I went back and looked at this
profile again to do a check that he wasn't an
ethically non monogamous person, because that's not what I wanted.
(09:28):
But I couldn't see ethically non monogamous anymore anywhere. But
I just I just sometime message saying are you single?
And he replied straight away yep, don't worry, I'm not.
I don't like cheaters. I don't condone cheating. I'm definitely
one single. So I was like, oh, okay, maybe the
(09:49):
wei is him and his kids or him and his pets,
I don't know, or they just moved here and then
just split. So I was a little bit. I was
a little bit hesitant, so I just sent back something saying, oh, oh,
thank good, Mike, that's all good. But he said, yeah,
(10:11):
my situation's a bit interesting, and I understand if it's
not for you, and my heart just sang. I was like, oh,
come on, this was gonna be that. This was gonna
be the hero to my villain. This we were gonna
be the dynamic duo, the ice cream loving duo. And
(10:36):
I was like, what's this situation? And I thought, what's
the worst thing it could be? If there's a way involved.
He says he's single. So I said, you don't live
with your ex, do you? And he replied with yes.
(10:58):
This is where doctor I Cream really did become the
super villain that sits before you today. I just shut down.
You live with your ex? And you know, I think
I gave it one more chance. I said, do you
have any plans to move out? Like I see this
(11:22):
just may be a very temporary situation, like you're moving
next week. No. He then went on to send me
three gigantic pages of explanation for why they moved here together.
They separated a year ago and they moved from Melbourne
to this area together after separating, bought a house together,
(11:45):
sleep in separate rooms because it's best for the kids
and it just works for them. Cool, fantastic, I love
that that works for you. If that's great for you
and your situation and your kids, that's great for you.
That is not great for me, and it never will be.
And this is where my controvert may be controversial, but
(12:08):
I'm not. I don't think it is. This is where
my opinion on this topic comes in. I don't think
you're actually single in a situation like this. You're not
single in the truest sense of the word. You're living
with someone, You're actually partnered with someone. Maybe you're not
effing them, maybe you're not shagging, but you're living together.
You've started a life together, you're in a partnership together
(12:30):
that you've got no plans of leaving. But you want
a date. And he said, oh, my ex even like
helped me make my profile. She's cool with it, and
he tried to taut me around, but I gos said,
I was out of there. I didn't even reply because
I was really disappointed and that I wanted to sort
of like the only response I could have made was
(12:53):
to make my opinion known, because I honestly think it's
kind of a shitty thing to do unless you're being
upfront with it on you proiphile. What you actually are
is you are being ethically non monogamous. You're being non
monogamous because you already have a partner, whether you're actually
screwing them or not, you have a partner that you're
living with. You've got no plans to leave that arrangement.
(13:15):
You're already partnered up, you're already in a relationship. So
it's just not I don't think it's fair or true
in this situation to say that you're single, because you're
just not. And from my perspective, I want someone to
make a life with Like that doesn't necessarily mean full
(13:36):
on serious am I take years, it might take a
long time, but I want to have my life like
I want to meet someone where we can have a
life together, not where they've already got a life with
someone that they're not gonna leave. Like how I think,
how would that even? How would this even work? In practicality?
It would only end with me constantly feeling like really
(13:57):
really bad and feeling like I was a mistress or
I was like the side piece or whatever, because that's
essentially what I would be. And you can justify however
you want, but that is what it would be. Like,
I don't think that's single. Let me know if you
think in a situation like that, when you're living with
(14:18):
an X like that, I know there's other situations where maybe,
like you are about to move out, you're just waiting
for the least to end. This wasn't that they had
bought a house together after splitting. They were. He was saying, like,
this is just the situation with no plans of changing it.
I do not This is not single. This is I
don't care how often you're having sex with the person.
(14:40):
You're not single if you've bought a house and they're
your primary folk, like your primary partner. So let me
know if you think differently about that. Was I too
quick to end the conversation we were I know we
were vibing. We were vibing like never before, and he
was very interesting. Look, it's giving me a bloody podcast episode.
(15:03):
This is why I always pick the interesting ones and
look out, that's going for me. It ain't babes, it
ain't going well for me at all. Anyway. That's the
end of this little quick scoop or a double scoop,
a triple scooping Sundae serve of the doctor Ice Cream Show.
Thanks for listening, watching and getting to the end if
(15:24):
you have, I'll see you next time on The Doctor
ice Cream Show.
Okay, fine, I'll tell a dating story. It's what you want.
You want to hear about my suffering. And then you
may have noticed that I've been quite on the dating
stories front ever since my breakup last November, which was
(00:22):
an event so traumatic that I honestly considered moving to
the moon. They say that nothing lives on the Moon,
that it's just dead, it's just rock, there's no sign
of life, there's no one around. Absolutely perfect. I would
have absolutely loved to have just flown to the Moon
during the months of November and December. This, however, is
(00:45):
not the story of that relationship. That story is buried
in a deep, dark vault in outer space that shall
never be recovered by humans unless you know, I start
a Patreon one day and charge ten dollars a month
for it. Otherwise that story's gone. This is the story
of me trying to get back in the dating pool
(01:06):
and drowning. I'm hyping this up so much. I didn't
even go on a date with this guy. It was
just a dating app conversation. That was the biggest red
flag that I think I can possibly see for myself.
(01:27):
And I want to tell you the story to see
what the feedback is like, am I overreacting or is
this genuinely like the biggest no. So I hadn't really
spoken to anyone on any of the apps for two
or three months. I was taking a bit of me
time to heal. And also I am an avoidant attachment style,
(01:49):
so I was avoiding anything to do with love, romance,
dating anything. But I open for some reason. I remember
I was sitting on the couch and I was like,
you know what, I'm going to give this one try.
I'm just gonna open Hinge. I just have the vibe.
I was like, I'm gonna I'm gonna see I just
have this feeling that there might be someone on there
for once, for once in my life, because you know,
(02:12):
there never is, Like there's never anyone. I'm in a
small town. There's never anyone. I like Bathlone likes Melone,
anyone incompatible. There's just it's just a barren desert. And yes,
I know I wanted to move to the desert, but
I mean not that, not the dating desert. The dating
the dating desert is where I already live. But I
(02:34):
just had the vibe, okay to check it out. So
I opened Hinge and immediately this profile comes up that
said this says new you know, like when someone's got
a new profile that will say new on here or
just joined. And I was like, he doesn't. He does
not look like a local. I don't know where he's from,
but he looks a bit different. Oh, this is where
(02:55):
all my dating story starts. So a few years ago,
when I very very very first started online dating, like
eight or nine years ago, I used to say, I
think I may have told this an ago before, but
I always used to say to my friends, you know,
I like them interesting. I do like them. I need
them to be interesting or I'll get bored. And my
(03:18):
friends looked at me and said, Crystal, the ones you're
choosing are a little bit too interesting. They were living
in caravans, they were living in sheds, they were fathering
eleven million children across the globe. They were a little
bit too interesting the men that I was choosing. So
I've always kept that in the back of my mind.
(03:39):
But of course I see this profile and I'm like, oh,
he looks he looks interesting. That should have been red
flag number one. I should have been out of there.
But you know, I am a girl who loves to laugh.
You know, if there's one thing that will get me.
I absolutely love a laugh. Guys, I love to laugh.
And this guy's profile, it is the genuinely, genuinely they
(04:04):
all try to be funny. Every not every single profile,
but so many profiles on these apps. There's trying so
hard to be funny, and you can just tell they
think they're really funny. I've never so much as like
rais an eyebrow or smiled at any of these jokes
on there, but this profile, I laughed. I actually did
a laugh out loud, and so for I messaged him,
(04:28):
which I've only I've only messaged first a handful of times,
but I messaged him with a compliment saying, this is
the only hinge profile that has ever actually made me laugh.
So he was like, okay, thanks, I made you laugh,
(04:50):
And I was like, so you agree, you think you're
really funny, But I was being really funny back, and
we were joking. We were just on the same wavelength.
We were like emphasizing with each other about being introverts
who hate going outside. We were telling so many jokes.
It was just such a good vibe, like back and forth,
bang bang bang. It's the longest Hinge conversation I've had
(05:10):
in years. It's possibly the longest conversation I've had in
years in general. Hahuh. We were honestly, guys, it was
so electric. It was so electric that I was thinking
about texting my friend. This is where I go from
zero to one hundred. I was thinking about texting my friend.
I found him. I've actually found my soulmate. Like I
don't know where he's been all along. He's new in town,
(05:33):
red flag number two. He's new in town. But like
we just we're just clicking. We're meant to be. The
good times have started, and the good times are going
to continue forever. They're can continue to the isle, the isle,
the honeymoon, the house. It's happening. We can build a
(05:53):
future and a few laughs shared on Hinge. But in
all seriousness, I was kind of excited about it because
because I was like, well, I found him attractive, attractive enough,
you know, they just need to meet that threshold. He
was attractive enough, he was my type, and we were
getting along so well. I was just like genuinely thinking
(06:13):
my vibes were right. I was sitting on the couch
thinking I should open Hinge and I've done it, and
I can't say anything going wrong. I double checked his
profile to check if anything was a bit off, and
it all seemed legit. So we were having a very
in depth conversation about ice cream. Of course, what else
(06:36):
do I like to have an in depth conversation about.
It's almost the only thing I can talk about in depth.
And he was asking me where the best place for
ice cream is what my favorite flavors are? And I
said I can go in many directions to that question.
I said, this is not an easy this is not
a simple question. What's my favorite flavor? It has got
(06:56):
so many variables and there are so many different depths,
different dimensions to this question. I was like, this is
a question that needs to be answered in person over
some ice cream. So he was really kind of like pushing,
like Wednesday, I want to meet up to get ice cream.
And I was ready to be like right now, like
I will leave. I was making dinner, I was making
(07:17):
like was I making a chicken ripe or something? And
I was ready to chuck that in the bin, get
down the street, get some ice cream, get my pants. No,
I was ready. I was ready to go and live
a life of just ice cream and laughter with this guy,
and he was almost like not even believing how much
I love ice cream. And I said, they don't call
(07:39):
me Doctor ice Cream for nothing. Now, he thought the
name doctor ice Cream was very funny. He said that
sounds like a super villain name, and I said, correct,
I'd never thought about it that way. But I loved
this statement that he made. I loved this observation, doctor
(08:00):
ice Cream sounds like a super villain. I was like, correct,
and he loved that. He vibed back, and he said, Okay,
when can I meet this Doctor ice Cream in person?
And thank god at this stage, I didn't say doctor
ice Cream is no joke. I have a podcast called
Doctor ice Cream. I knew something. Just said, don't say that,
because he'll go and look it up. And Doctor ice
(08:25):
Cream does not want the people she dates to have
already listened to the Doctor to the Doctor ice Cream podcast.
I mean, if you have listened to it and still
like me, we're going to get married tomorrow. But this
is not people, Yeah, this isn't. I don't necessarily want
this to be like the first impression people have on
me this podcast. So I didn't say that, but I
(08:46):
did really hype up ice cream and the concept of
a villain called doctor ice Cream. But before we made
our date plans, I was just checking he was actually local,
like can he actually come and meet me at the
local ice cream places? And he said yes, we just
(09:07):
moved to insert town name here, and I did a
little pause at that. I was like, we, who's who's we?
Who's we? And I went back and looked at this
profile again to do a check that he wasn't an
ethically non monogamous person, because that's not what I wanted.
(09:28):
But I couldn't see ethically non monogamous anymore anywhere. But
I just I just sometime message saying are you single?
And he replied straight away yep, don't worry, I'm not.
I don't like cheaters. I don't condone cheating. I'm definitely
one single. So I was like, oh, okay, maybe the
(09:49):
wei is him and his kids or him and his pets,
I don't know, or they just moved here and then
just split. So I was a little bit. I was
a little bit hesitant, so I just sent back something saying, oh, oh,
thank good, Mike, that's all good. But he said, yeah,
(10:11):
my situation's a bit interesting, and I understand if it's
not for you, and my heart just sang. I was like, oh,
come on, this was gonna be that. This was gonna
be the hero to my villain. This we were gonna
be the dynamic duo, the ice cream loving duo. And
(10:36):
I was like, what's this situation? And I thought, what's
the worst thing it could be? If there's a way involved.
He says he's single. So I said, you don't live
with your ex, do you? And he replied with yes.
(10:58):
This is where doctor I Cream really did become the
super villain that sits before you today. I just shut down.
You live with your ex? And you know, I think
I gave it one more chance. I said, do you
have any plans to move out? Like I see this
(11:22):
just may be a very temporary situation, like you're moving
next week. No. He then went on to send me
three gigantic pages of explanation for why they moved here together.
They separated a year ago and they moved from Melbourne
to this area together after separating, bought a house together,
(11:45):
sleep in separate rooms because it's best for the kids
and it just works for them. Cool, fantastic, I love
that that works for you. If that's great for you
and your situation and your kids, that's great for you.
That is not great for me, and it never will be.
And this is where my controvert may be controversial, but
(12:08):
I'm not. I don't think it is. This is where
my opinion on this topic comes in. I don't think
you're actually single in a situation like this. You're not
single in the truest sense of the word. You're living
with someone, You're actually partnered with someone. Maybe you're not
effing them, maybe you're not shagging, but you're living together.
You've started a life together, you're in a partnership together
(12:30):
that you've got no plans of leaving. But you want
a date. And he said, oh, my ex even like
helped me make my profile. She's cool with it, and
he tried to taut me around, but I gos said,
I was out of there. I didn't even reply because
I was really disappointed and that I wanted to sort
of like the only response I could have made was
(12:53):
to make my opinion known, because I honestly think it's
kind of a shitty thing to do unless you're being
upfront with it on you proiphile. What you actually are
is you are being ethically non monogamous. You're being non
monogamous because you already have a partner, whether you're actually
screwing them or not, you have a partner that you're
living with. You've got no plans to leave that arrangement.
(13:15):
You're already partnered up, you're already in a relationship. So
it's just not I don't think it's fair or true
in this situation to say that you're single, because you're
just not. And from my perspective, I want someone to
make a life with Like that doesn't necessarily mean full
(13:36):
on serious am I take years, it might take a
long time, but I want to have my life like
I want to meet someone where we can have a
life together, not where they've already got a life with
someone that they're not gonna leave. Like how I think,
how would that even? How would this even work? In practicality?
It would only end with me constantly feeling like really
(13:57):
really bad and feeling like I was a mistress or
I was like the side piece or whatever, because that's
essentially what I would be. And you can justify however
you want, but that is what it would be. Like,
I don't think that's single. Let me know if you
think in a situation like that, when you're living with
(14:18):
an X like that, I know there's other situations where maybe,
like you are about to move out, you're just waiting
for the least to end. This wasn't that they had
bought a house together after splitting. They were. He was saying, like,
this is just the situation with no plans of changing it.
I do not This is not single. This is I
don't care how often you're having sex with the person.
(14:40):
You're not single if you've bought a house and they're
your primary folk, like your primary partner. So let me
know if you think differently about that. Was I too
quick to end the conversation we were I know we
were vibing. We were vibing like never before, and he
was very interesting. Look, it's giving me a bloody podcast episode.
(15:03):
This is why I always pick the interesting ones and
look out, that's going for me. It ain't babes, it
ain't going well for me at all. Anyway. That's the
end of this little quick scoop or a double scoop,
a triple scooping Sundae serve of the doctor Ice Cream Show.
Thanks for listening, watching and getting to the end if
(15:24):
you have, I'll see you next time on The Doctor
ice Cream Show.
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Gregg Rosenthal and a rotating crew of elite NFL Media co-hosts, including Patrick Claybon, Colleen Wolfe, Steve Wyche, Nick Shook and Jourdan Rodrigue of The Athletic get you caught up daily on all the NFL news and analysis you need to be smarter and funnier than your friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com