Dr_ Velma TALKS

Dr. Velma goes live for her final show of Season One. She closes this episode with a dare!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hello, everyone, Hold on just a moment. We are live
and I'm going to make sure I connect to Instagram,
so hold on just one second. There we go. Hi. Well,
welcome to this final episode of season one of Doctor

(00:24):
Velma Talks. I'm so glad I had an opportunity to
talk to you all today, so I hope that you
have a good time. Again. This is our conversation. This
is your conversation with me. I'm live today so that
in case you have any questions you want to put
something comments in the comments section, you can. For those
of you who are listening to the audible version, I

(00:45):
understand that you can't post, but you can always go
over to my page on LinkedIn on YouTube and make
comments later. So for those of you who are live
with me, I just wanted you to know that I'm
doctor Velma Bagbee. I am a best selling and award
winning sorry award winning Christian author. I'm a certified dating

(01:08):
and relationship coach and our Day minister speaker, and a
woman married fifty bless years. And as your podcast host,
I'm looking forward to being as transparent with you as possible.
So welcome again. This is the final segment of season
one of Doctor Velma talks Woo. I'll return again in

(01:30):
July next year, twenty twenty five, and we'll take this
through October. But here I'm going to leave you with
a nugget, and I expect an assignment, and I hope
that you will achieve that assignment. So I'm looking forward
to hearing more from you. So here's what I want
you to know. This is what we've done through these

(01:51):
episodes and all of the books. You'll see much of
what we talked about was highlighted in the fictional stories.
I gave you real examples of what happens when you
date incorrectly, lots of examples of that. Showed you the
behavior of the men that the women dated. In book three,

(02:12):
I showed you the behavior of the women that the
men dated in the book that's Shield Tear Down the
House that was for the men. And then book four
was is the Book of Fools. It's a nonfiction, but
it gives you highlights of what foolish behavior looks like.
God calls these individuals a fool, not me, but that's
his definition. But I only gave you eighty references. God

(02:36):
has over two hundred in the scriptures. So all of
those are intended to help you to date smart, to
use a new strategy other than high school dating methods,
which is pretty much fall in love with everything you
see on the outside without knowing anything about who this
person is really. And last, during the last episode, I

(02:57):
referenced a movie that was I believe if it was
produced in twenty twenty by Tyler Perry and it was
entitled A Fall from Grace. Let me make sure I
have the title correctly. Let's see. I think it said
A Fall from Grace. If I get it wrong, I'll
go back. Yeah, the movie was called Fall from Grace

(03:19):
and it was by Tyler Perry. I mean, what shocked
me first of all is Felicia Rashada not seen her
act as a devious, evil woman, and in this movie
she does. But the woman does the exact thing that
I talk about with falling and getting captivated by what
the guy says, how he moves, how he acts, how

(03:41):
he behaves. He acted like a gentleman at first, but
she did nothing, zero blank to look at what were
the actual, the actual behaviors of this man, what was
at the center of his heart. She didn't look at
any of those things. So that was the sad part.

(04:03):
So I just want you to know that I wanted
to share that movie because my husband and I just
recently saw it. I didn't see it in twenty twenty.
We saw it pop up as an option, and when
we watched its, oh my gosh, this movie shows you
everything I've been talking about about why we get ourselves
into trouble. She dated a stranger, which is what I

(04:25):
call it. When you date a stranger, you're not taking
the time to really get to know who this person
is really. And I remember on Listen Linda's podcast, I
was asked a question about what I think about social media,
and we kind of had a conversation around it, and
we both agree social media is not the place for
you to do yourself exe to do an examination. Yeah,
go and look, but remember there's a lot of falsehood

(04:48):
on social media. That's my daughter's dog back there, that's Nike.
And so I just want you to know that that movie.
If you get a chance, I'd like for you to
watch that movie. I like for you to watch it
and then come back and post in the comments what
you learned because it's so true. And then as believers,
we trust, we are supposed to trust God for everything

(05:11):
we are supposed to believe. But God also expects you
to use what He's given you. You prayed throughout God
showed me the red flash. God, reveal what I need
to see. Let me do my work, my due diligence,
and really look and help me to find whatever I
need to know about this person. You should be doing that,
and why we want to blame God when it turns

(05:33):
out wrong when you didn't do what you were supposed
to do. You didn't do your due diligence and really
examine this person closely. So we did a lot of
a lot of We talked a lot about these things.
And I thought about that movie and I wanted to
bring that back to your attention. So we learned that
in the beginning, you must believe. You're wasting your time

(05:56):
as a believer if you don't believe, and when you believe,
you should be able to speak what you believe. Therefore,
pray for that husband. That was one of the things
I said to you. Pray for him even though you
haven't met him yet. Pray that God would cover and
keep him, protect him. And when the moment is right,
the two of you will cross paths because remember, you

(06:16):
have work to do on your own heart as well.
You don't want to bring the husband that you're asking
God to bring and be the godly man of your
life and you're broken and you've got unresolved issues and
you have things that you need to address. It would
cause a lot of hiccups in your marriage to go
into the marriage in that condition. So it's important for

(06:37):
you to really examine your heart, and so I want
you to know that that's important. And then the other
thing we talked about was learning how to create your
list your husband to be prayerless, and that is to
believe the list. You have to build the list, believe
the list, and then you have to also trust the

(06:59):
list as well. I'm just looking to see if I
have any comments. I apologize, hold on just a moment.
You want to make sure that you build a list created,
you want to make sure that you believe it. You
have to trust and believe that God will do what
he says, and then you have to do your due

(07:20):
diligence and make sure that you are paying attention to
that list as well. So that's one of the things
I wanted to make Hello. Hello, Mayrah, it's good to
see you. I'm glad you're tuning in. So that's one

(07:41):
of the things I wanted to make sure you remember.
Let's see what else did we talk about. We talked
about the strategy not being a high school strategy, but
being the strategy God has given us all along, and
that is to date for a marriage. When you get
to this age, in the age that we're most of us,
most of the followers are, you want to be serious

(08:02):
about who you're examining and who you're going out with,
and your whole purpose is examined the heart of the person.
You've learned about being healthy yourself, making sure you're dealing
with some of the challenges you have, so that when
he comes, you know that he's not coming to make
you happy. You're already happy. You know that he's not

(08:22):
coming to complete you. You're already complete. In Christ. God
makes us brand new. Anyone in Christ is a new creature.
Old things have passed away, and behold, all things have
become new. So you want to make sure that he's
not coming to fix you either. If you're broken and
you have some past that you need to address, you
need to deal with that before he arrives. Because remember

(08:45):
Proverbs eighteen and twenty two, and I'm going to read
the n CV version. When a man finds a wife,
he finds something good. There's twice that God refers to
women as good. So don't ever consider yourself as something bad.
God called you good when he looked at Adam and
saw that he didn't he was out there alone, completing

(09:05):
the charge that he had given him. Adam wasn't lonely
and never says that he had fellowship with God in
the garden. But it was God who made the determination
it is not good for man to be alone. He
meant it then and he means it today. And so
therefore it was he that called you the good, because
he said, let me create a companion for him. You

(09:26):
were the good that would satisfy the situation that was
not good with Adam. So that's twice God called you
us women good back in the garden. And then here
in Proverbs eighteen twenty two, when a man finds a wife,
he finds something good. She's good all the time twenty
four to seven. So there you go, you are good.

(09:49):
It shows that It also completes by saying it shows
the Lord is pleased with him. So remember he's praying too.
He's asking for the want, the mate that God has
for him too, So pray for him as well. So
when he finds that word in the original language means
when he meets her. And I can tell you in

(10:11):
my very first book, I interviewed some couples and wanted
to find out if this particular part was true. It
was for my husband and I, but I wanted to
find out from other couples, and so in my very
first book, your atom is asleep until God opens his
eyes I validated in many of the couples I interviewed,

(10:32):
I asked them how did it happen? And you'll find
in every story it wasn't until the man's eyes open
to the person that he knew that this was a maid.
So keep in mind that when you begin dating and
going out and applying the strategy dating for marriage, and
you're using the questions that you should ask because you remember,

(10:53):
you're examining who this person is. And I have a
list of questions. I love this list that was given
by crosswalk dot com. If you go to crosswalk dot com,
they have what's called fifty questions to ask before you
fall in love. It's kind of my same message. So
I love their questions. I wrote to them to ask

(11:14):
if I can share them, and they agreed that I could,
so I'm grateful that I can share it. I'm going
to be posting a copy a sample of their questions
on my website so you can have access to them.
But I also ask you to google questions to ask
during pre marital sessions. And the reason I say that
because you get into some real strong, nitty gritty type

(11:35):
questions that you need to ask early on. Because remember,
the whole goal is that you're examining the person before
you fall in love with them. Stop falling in love
like we did in high school on what we see
on the outside. We were just happy. He was tall,
he was good looking, he liked me. He was the
first one that asked me out. You know, we looked

(11:56):
at that kind of stuff in high school. Well, you're
not in high school anymore, so you really have to
ask some credible questions. Hey, thank you for joining mess.
Jacqueline Cox, Thank you, Miss Wendy. It's good to see you.
So this is our final episode for season one. Who
I appreciate all of you for your support. So I'm

(12:16):
talking about I mentioned the movie. I'm inviting everybody. Somebody
please put it in the comments section for me at
the look for the movie Fall from Grace by Tyler Perry.
I believe it came out in twenty twenty. Put that
movie in the comments. I want everybody who's tuning in
to go and look at that movie because it's the

(12:38):
perfect example. It's so telling the things that I talk about,
where the woman just got captivated over what she saw,
and boy, the monster came out after she married this
guy because she did nothing to really thank you, missus Cox,
nothing to really examine us hard. It was so telling,
and not only that she was an older woman and

(12:58):
marry somebody young, so you've got to see the end
of it and what happens in it. But this is
why it's so important to be careful these days and
really examine. Thank you, Myra. Yes, I was shocked by
Felicia Rashott. I've never seen her play in a role
where she was evil and mean and sneaky, but boy,

(13:20):
you will see it here. Thank you, Miss Wendy. Perfect
example of what we've been talking about, stop getting caught up.
She did the high school dating method at her age,
So this is not age specific. There's a lot of
women still making mistakes even after divorce. Be careful as
you get back out there, making sure you've cleaned up

(13:40):
the things that you held on too from that bad
relationship prior relationships. Making sure that you do your self examination,
because you'll only attract what is in your heart. So
the fact that she attracted this kind of man show
what was in her heart already, So keep that in mind.
So we talked about that. Eighteen twenty two says when

(14:01):
a man finds his wife, which means that when his
eyes open to you. The original language says when he
meets her. In every case that I examined the couples,
referring back to my very first book, Your Adam Is Asleep,
I examined and asked and inquired of a few couples
that gave me permission to put their stories in the

(14:21):
book because I wanted to validate. I knew that it
was the same for me when my husband's eyes open
to me. We had known each other since tenth grade,
but nothing happened until sometimes later after graduation. So I
want you to know that his eyes have to open
at the right time. And ladies, you cannot force a
man's eyes to open. If you do that kind of mess,

(14:43):
you're already creating a mess for the future for yourself.
Let his eyes open, Let it be in the order
that God has already designed it. When his eyes open
to the one that God's had has for him, then
you'll know. But that does not excuse self examination because
he may be a perfect, perfect person to marry, but

(15:06):
is he your person? So don't just assume because he
has all these qualities he's the one for you. Not
necessary yourself. Examine the heart of the man. And I
want you to know that the catch acronym C A, T,
C H it stands for christ slice characteristics. That's the
first C christ Like characteristics. The A is at the

(15:31):
T is the the C is core, and the last
age is his or her heart. So same for the man.
If you're looking for a woman, it has to be
at the core of her heart. For the women, it
has to be at the core of his heart. You're
looking for what's at the core of this person? Who
are they really examining? And these days we have access

(15:51):
to all kinds of background checks and things that we
can validate what he says about himself. Don't put that
beyond your don't think that this is beyond what you
can do. When you're really examining the heart of a
person God, you want to trust what God is telling you, Yes,
but you also want to do your due diligence. It's
like going into business before you sign on the contract.

(16:13):
You want to research that business reputation. You want to
make sure the history is what they say their history is.
You want to make sure that financials is what the
financial say they are. And look, money is one of
the questions you're going to have to ask him at
some point. Have you ever had any financial issues? And
it's going to be one of the questions you need
to answer. Have you ever had any financial issues? What

(16:35):
did you do when you got into a bad place?
How did you handle it? How did you come out
of it? Have you ever lost the place because of finances?
Maybe it was because your job fired you and you
lost your income for a short time. It could be
very honest reasons for it. But these are things you
want to ask because in the movie, he robbed the
woman of the money she has saved in her house,

(16:56):
had paid it off and he fabricas some documents and
went and borrowed against the house over four hundred grand.
And not only that, he took money from her company,
robbed her of her private code because she worked for
a bank and stole three hundred grand from the company
and they fired her thinking she took it. So look
looking at the financial history in the background and history

(17:19):
of a man is important. Then we looked at the
red flags is really something I always talk about, r
ed retreat extremely dangerous. I see people posting red flags
on social media. On Facebook, I saw someone doing a
workshop or something regarding red flags. My red flags, My
red is all caps R dot E dot d dot

(17:43):
retreat extremely dangerous. Now if you see somebody repeating that,
you got to send me an email, said doctor velma ooh,
they're taking trying to pil for your information. So minus
capital R dot E dot d dot red flags treat
extremely dangerous. And so when you begin to ask these questions,

(18:04):
I want to share with you a couple of general
questions that should happen to the very first conversation. What
is your purpose and intention and dating me? Why is
that hard for us to ask? What are your short
term goals? What are your long term goals? You're trying
to understand what's his plan? Does he have a plan?

(18:25):
What's his goal? What are your plans for this relationship?
That's four questions? Do you know? With those four questions
one you can stop talking to him after that answer
if it's not the right answer. And look the fact
that I'm pretty, you're gorgeous, You're pretty, you're gorgeous. That
doesn't work. You have to already know you're pretty and

(18:46):
you're gorgeous. Come on, somebody, I don't see any ugly
people that's listening to me right now. You're pretty and
you're gorgeous. God calls you good now. If he's using
those fake responses to who you are, then that's a
red flat. You already know you pretty and gorgeous. You
better come up with something more credible than that. What

(19:06):
are your short time goals? Well, I don't have any
right now? Read stop talking? What are your plans for
this relationship where I'm just here to have fun? Read
wrong answer you sent for a simple question and you
already know this is not the person. Move on and
don't get attached. Oh he was good looking, Oh he

(19:28):
looks so nice. Oh, he talks so soft, fictitious, fake conditions.
Stop doing that, Stop looking at conditions and what's on
the outside. Come on, somebody tell me what you think
about what I've said so far those questions. I will
be posting them on my website. I was updating the handout.
I've had them for a while, but I will put

(19:49):
them on the website. They will be free to anyone
who subscribed or have already subscribed. Excuse my little Nike
in the background. That's my daughter's friendship back there. So
I want you to know. Those are some of the
things I wanted to make sure recover today that we
look at why it's important. And I'm going to end
today with a dare for all of you. For those

(20:12):
of you are looking, and those of those you know
are looking or waiting for that person to come into
their lives, you must here's your dare. I dare you
to apply what God has given us in these episodes
and trust that He does something as a result. I

(20:32):
dare you. That's my dare. I dare you to trust God.
I had to trust him. I wasn't looking for anybody.
I was busy establishing my career, going to school at night.
The first thing I wanted to do after I graduated
was go to school at night. I knew I wasn't
going to go full time because I needed to get
off of my mother's payroll. That was my goal. My

(20:55):
mother raised seven children, and I thought the least I
could do is at least remove myself her payroll and
be responsible for myself. That she had two more children
after me, So that was my goal. So I wasn't
focused on trying to find anyone. I was focused on
establishing my career. And because I began at the age
of eighteen working for the State of California, that was

(21:17):
the job I retired from. After working up the ranks
to become a deputy administrator, I retired after thirty eight
years back in twenty twelve. So I want you to
know that that was my goal. I wasn't looking for
Pastor Bruce. I wasn't looking for anyone. So that's my story.

(21:38):
I want you to understand that you have goals even now.
Don't be so consumed about discovering the maid. I love
the fact that I know some of you are working
on books, doing other things, building your brand. Some married
couples are building brands too. I see online Missus Cox
and the Cox family. I know that there are other things,
and some of you are single and probably saying not

(22:00):
gonna find you one. No you're not, because it's in
your mouth. See, faith comes by hearing, but faith activates
when it comes out of your mouth. Notice that whenever
someone came to Jesus and asked for healing or asked
for his help, he said, well, he would ask them,
what do you believe? It was important for it to
come out of your mouth. Even our salvation, it's not

(22:23):
until Yes, it's true that God can save us. Yes,
it's true that he would wipe away all your past
the moment you accept him. But guess what it requires
if thou would confess with your mouth, the Lord Jesus,
it has to come out of your mouth. It's not
enough for you to say, yeah, Lord, I believe you
have a husband for them. Yeah, Lord, I believe this
is going to happen until it comes out of your mouth. God,

(22:45):
I'm waiting on you. So what I'm saying to you
is everything I've talked about and written about in my
books and what I've talked about on the episodes not
only applies to your dating life. It applies to everything.
So I hope you got that these are these practices
that I talk about. It applies to everything. I remember
I was waiting. I had to learn how to do this.

(23:08):
I was waiting on God to make a change in
my husband. And it was something about my husband I
had to bring before the Lord because see, we can't
nag the change. Nagging won't bring a change out. It
will be cause of change, but it won't be the
changes that you want. I had to pray for him,
and I remember it took fifteen years, but it wasn't
the time that it took for God to change him.

(23:31):
Because God can speak in an instant in your situation.
That's already done. But it goes back to waiting on
the Lord. In the process of waiting, we're building our
faith muscles. God is changing us because what who he
changed first was me. He was working on my heart
the whole time I was waiting for my change, the

(23:51):
manifest He was working in me, on me because the
man that God was the thing that God was getting
ready to change would affect me too. So we had
to make sure I was where I needed to be first.
He didn't come become a pastor overnight. So God had
to change me first. And that's why I talk to
you all about self examination first. Be the best version

(24:15):
of yourself that you can present. Honor God in making
those changes in you. And that's you telling God God,
I'm making the changes because I know you have one
a person for me. I'm not going to sit in
my misery. I'm not going to sit around and speak
the wrong things because many of the things we experience
you are experiencing because you've been speaking it the whole time.
God gives you the authority to speak blessings and curses.

(24:39):
Now what are you doing with your life? I don't
say that it always. I don't say that word in
those words anymore. It always this. Never, I don't say
those God. I know that this hasn't happened yet, but
it will happen because I'm believing you to do it.
You have to speak that out of your mouth. Can
I just help somebody today? Fifteen years I didn't count

(25:03):
up the time when I waited for my second child.
It was twelve of you, almost thirteen years. When she arrived,
it was thirteen years. I thought, Okay, God, what am
I doing? I went to the sessions that they had
back then. They really didn't have credible doctors back then.
What I was expecting to have a child. So the

(25:24):
little test that they gave me, Oh, nothing's wrong with you,
missus Bagman, I said, well, you know what, God, I'm
just gonna have to trust you. And I began to say, well,
at least I have one child. God, there are some
women out there having had their first one. So I
began to pray the hand of prayer, and then I
stopped myself from praying the hand of prayer, and I said, God,
I can't pray the hand of prayer because Hannah didn't

(25:44):
have any children. I have one. So I'm going to
change mine and thank you for the one child I have,
and if be your will, we will have another child.
I had the flus later on that year, at least
I thought it was the flu, and it was my
daughter who told me she was thirteen. Moms, you need
to go and take a pregnancy test. Tells you how

(26:04):
times had changed. We had to go into the doctor's
office to take a pregnancy chest test and then they
put it in a box. I took that test and
little Taylor Bagby was on the way. I want you
to understand that I'm not telling you something I haven't
applied in my own life. I will not speak those
never ever statements. I will not speak those over my

(26:26):
life because those are curses. I will not speak those
things that I think will speak against what I'm believing
God for. So I'm saying to you, this is your dare.
I dare you to trust him because I stepped out
and did it several times in my life, and God
showed up in a way I'm telling you you would
not expect. So I hope this encourages somebody. This is

(26:51):
my dare. Will you trust him not only in your
maid but will you trust him for anything you're waiting
for God to do in your life? I trust him,
and I dare you do this the saying, look, this
is doctor Velma talks. I thank you all for joining me.
I appreciate you all. Believe him no matter what it
looks like. Remember that train I showed you and then
the caboose were all your emotions. Keep those emotions over

(27:14):
there in the cabous. The cabuus has no power, no authority.
What you think, what you feel, what you see, because
what you see in the natural is not the truth
because what God are dains in the heaven will eventually manifest,
but you gotta trust him until it shows up. Then
your natural eyes will see the truth that it really did.
God did hear. God did respond. I trust in God

(27:39):
for my Savior, who would never fail. He never fails me,
So I invite you to do the same. I hope
to hear great things the next time we talk with
each other. That's my dare to you. Trust you. Some
of you are gonna receive a little gift from me.
I'm gonna pull some names out of a hat and
I will shoot over some special gifts. I don't have
them in front of me, but they're my believe cups,

(28:02):
my believe mugs. I'm going to send them over to you.
Three people will win them. So I want to say
thank you. Thank you, Miss Wendy, You're always supportive. Thank you,
missus Cox, You're always supportive. Thank you Miss Quinny for
always supporting and Miss Myra always being there for me.
Please share, like and share this episode. There are people
out there making some terrible mistakes in their approach to dating.

(28:25):
And if they're not dating for marriage, and then what
are they doing because you should know who this person is.
And just those first four questions I shared with you,
so let's share and help people get out of the
mess that they're putting themselves in. It bothers me, and
that's the reason I'm passionate about helping women to become
the right maid so that they can attract the right maid,

(28:46):
because your heart has to be right to you, and
it's your heart that will be attractive to him. Take care, everybody,
have a great one. Thank you for joining me today.