Dr_ Velma TALKS August 24_ 2024 #Mathinrelationships #godlydating #christiandating

Math in Relationships

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello everybody, and welcome to Doctor Velma Talks, my podcast
to discuss dating, relationships and marriage. I'm so glad this
is another episode is August twenty fourth episode, and I'm
looking forward to it and we have for the past
several weeks been discussing The Love is a Choice workbook
based on the series The Catch series. All throughout the series,

(00:26):
it's referenced, especially in book number one, when the pastor
Grayson provides it to his daughter as a part of
her basket of things he wants her to work on
before she goes back to looking at discovering her mate.
He wanted her to get herself together first. So look,
I am doctor Velma Bagbee. I am an award winning

(00:48):
best selling Christian author. I am a cast host. As
you can see, I am a certified dating and relationship
coach Christian coach. Also, I have been blessed to be
married fifty years and I am currently seventy years old.
So I am the definition of the Titus two women,
the one that God says and Titus two that the older,

(01:12):
the elder women teach the younger. And so that's why
I'm here. I believe that that's part of my platform as well.
But a lot of my conversation is centered around the
stories in the fictional books that I wrote in the
Catch series, and so this is my opportunity to expound
upon what I talked about. And so the past three weeks,

(01:32):
past three episodes, we've been talking about The Love is
a Choice workbook that's referenced in book number one because
it was given to the pastor's daughter for her to
go through to get herself ready. All throughout the book,
the message is about self examination and really looking at
where there may be areas that you don't realize are

(01:56):
there that you drag along, as Paul says, carrying around
those weights and will create problems later in a marriage
if it doesn't already in the relationship, it can affect
your ability to see clearly. What I mean by that
is that in the book we talk about looking at
conditions versus characteristics of the person, really get into the

(02:18):
core of who this person is. But we're getting this
happened today of dating strangers. We get into relationships with strangers.
I don't get that. That's crazy and dangerous. What we
should be doing is examining if you are dating for
marriage because that's where I'm coming from. I'm talking about
a new strategy other than the strategy you used in

(02:41):
high school. And there are some grown people today still
using the same strategy they used in high school in
dating that person based on high school principles, but dating
for marriage takes it to a whole new level. It
takes us back to what God had designed for us
in the very beginning. One that the woman and who
you are one that allows you to see a man

(03:06):
of commitment who knows his role as God has given him,
and will take on that role and would eagerly take
on that role. And that includes marrying you, because you
don't have anyone until you have officially done that according
to God's word. Anything outside of that is just an arrangement.

(03:27):
So I just have to say that because we even
have people. I've met people who are married according to
the law of the land, but if you really examine
what they have, they really don't have a marriage as
God would define it. They have an arrangement. They live
in the same house, but I didn't see a marriage.

(03:48):
So that's really how I got started. I wanted to
make sure that I can bring those principles forward for
those who really needed to know and really needed to learn.
Is it's not being talked about anymore. People don't pick
up the Bible as they should. The fourth book is
eighty Scriptures which discuss, discuss and describe the characteristics the

(04:12):
behavior of fools. God calls them fools and what he
considers a fool is someone who you definitely do not
want to entertain as a possible name. And so it
gives you a guideline excuse me, in terms of what
God says a fool's behavior looks like. And I'm telling
you it's really telling. If it doesn't matter if you
read the scripture or not, these scriptures will really speak

(04:35):
to you concerning what God says a fool looks like
and acts like. Where the male or female. So in
the book, I just wanted to touch upon something today,
and that is it goes through dealing with grieving process
and how to deal with grief. It goes through identifying
your current relationships and what those people mean. It goes

(04:57):
through all of that. I mean, the book takes its
time and you through scripturally the areas in your life
you really need to examine. And that's why it's always
a go to resource for me. If I'm talking to
someone single who's interested in discovering their maid, the very
first place I asked them to start is examining themselves first.

(05:18):
Because I said this before on the podcast. My grandmother's
message and I quote her, God will not give you
a broken glass to cut your lip. And what that
means is, if you're broken, you're sharp, you got sharp edges.
Why would God give the man of God he wants

(05:39):
to match up with a wife, give him someone that
would turn around and cut him up? And the same
goes for you. Why would God, who wants to give
you his best as a woman and send a man
that's broken ready to cut you up? And so that's
what we have to really examine. And that's because we
can't use those high school days methods. We have to

(06:01):
use the dating for marriage strategy, which means that you
have conversations, you ask questions, You get into really deep
conversation regarding who this person is, how they think, decisions,
they've made, difficulties they've had, and how they have become.
Some of those pre marriage, pre marriage questions we bring
to the forefront, and I'm gonna have some surprises for

(06:22):
you later on I'll announce it later, but I want
you to really grasp what this book will help you
to do. It also gets into the relationship, your relationship
with God. So that's something we hadn't talked about on
the podcast. I really wanted to address that today and
we're going to do an alphabetic We're going to have
a math session, a math. If you weren't good in math,

(06:46):
you might not like this, but you'll enjoy it. If
you were good in math, you're gonna love it. In
our relationship with God, we know that God is the
center of everything. He is God and God by himself.
He's the one and only, true and living God. Period.
That's let me say that. I'm not here to argue
with what days of the week you worship. That's not

(07:06):
what I'm talking about. I'm only here to talk about
the one God I believe in, the one and only,
true and living God, period, God, the Father, the True
on God, God, the Father, God, the Son, God, the
Holy Spirit. Who are three personalities but one God. That's
the God I'm talking about. That's the God my stories

(07:27):
are based on. That's the God I believe in and
serve and worship. And so your relationship with God is important.
You cannot establish a great relationship with anyone if your
relationship with God has not been established. God says, the
number one thing that we have to do as believers

(07:47):
is the love the Lord, thy God with all thy heart,
thy mind, thy soul. And if you can't do that,
it doesn't even talk about relationships with other people yet.
The very on the Tears of Love there's three levels.
Love God first, get that an order first. If you
can't get that an order, you're not even ready. You

(08:09):
haven't even read the Love is a Choice work book yet.
But I'm telling you, if you can't get your love
with God first, then therein lies the problem. So I'm
trying to put the work book up here. Love is
a choice work but comes first, and so that's important
to establish a relationshipship with Him. And in the book

(08:29):
it uncovers some issues that comes up when you have
col dependency issues that's been identified how that affects your
relationship with God. God doesn't care about all the other
relationships you're having. He doesn't even care about how great
your business is. The number one relationship he expects you
to hold on to and maintain is your relationship with him.

(08:51):
That's number one. Period. After that, he says to love yourself,
So we hear a lot about self care or self love.
All of that. Scripture doesn't use the word itself because
the word self is considered sinful. It's attached to sinfulness
and behaviors that are sinful. So God in the scripture

(09:14):
refers to self as that other side of you that
once you accept Jesus Christ as your savior, once you
accept him and once you have established a relationship with God,
self is placed aside. So you have to understand that
what God describes as self is different from what the
world uses in their buzzwords. And that's not what I'm

(09:36):
talking about today. I'm talking about the love tears. He
said love God first, and God was the first to
tell us to love ourselves. So if you want to
talk about caring for yourself, taking care of yourself, all
of that. God's set that in motion all along. We
just forgot about it. And so herein lies what we
have to do. You can't love anyone else until you

(09:58):
learn to love yourself, and that's important. So God first,
then you, then everyone else. So there in lies your husband,
your maide. Because keep in mind when you, God should
be first in your life. When you marry, whoever you
marry becomes second in your life. God always remained the position,

(10:18):
that's maintains the position first position loving him because if
you love him and then in a marriage, you're in
a relationship that's that third tier. You will always treat
that person appropriately because if you love God, you will
do what God has instructed you to do in terms
of how you love them, how you show grace, how

(10:40):
you give forgiveness constantly regularly, how you let it go
because you trust God with the outcome, not you, but
you trust God with the outcome. So I just want
to say that to you today. And I want to
just share a couple of things that I brought up.
The number one. I said, God is the one and only,
true and living God. God is one God, period. That's it.

(11:04):
The number one doesn't compete with any of the numbers
in math, and math and mathematicians know this too. One
is it now? It's interesting. And Ecclesiastics chapter four, it
talks about the importance of two and this speaks to
people who promote themselves as something special. When God says

(11:26):
nothing is special by yourself. He says that two is important,
and it speaks to I want to share with you
what it says. It says, I'm sorry, I'm going to
Ecclesiastics four talks about how two is better than wrong one,
and how two if somebody comes after one, and that two,

(11:48):
the two can attack and respond to one. By yourself
can't keep yourself warmed, but that second person can keep
you warm. So Ecclesiastic really breaks down the importance of two.
Oh no, he says again, if two lie together, then
they have heat. But how can one be warm alone?

(12:09):
If one provail prevail against him, two shall stand stand
shall withstand him? And the threefold court should not be
broken here in life. So we've heard about one God
being one, then there's two. There's also two can cost
division two When there's two together, division can happen between

(12:30):
those two. But God is this in verse twelve when
he says that a threefold court cannot easily be broken.
So now we have one, we have two, and then
we have three the threefold courts. A lot of people
misunderstand that that's used in terms of a marriage because

(12:53):
two God brings two together to form a union, and
he says two people shall become one, which means they
operate together as one. Every decision my husband and I
make together, we make, we make, we make together. He
has an idea, he brings it to me. If I
have an idea and bring it to him, we make
it together. And so that's our union. That's operating as one,

(13:15):
that's deciding as one, that's not ignoring the other person,
the other party and just going off doing things on
your own. I've seen that in marriage relationships. That's not
what we're talking about today. So two operates as one.
But then he throws in the threefold chord, which means
that the threefold cord cannot be broken. And we know

(13:37):
that you bring together two people and then there's God.
So there's the third chord. But I want you to
understand that particular chord was already present because if I
have Christ in my life and God is at the
center of everything I do, then therefore, when I meet
the one that I marry, like when I walk down
the out to marry my husband, the three cord came

(14:00):
together to bind us. So God was already present. He
doesn't just show up at the way and by the way,
if it's a marriage relationship, that God does not ordain,
he does not bless us. It's not blessed. There's no
chord present, and so they're in liesah protection having that
third chord. So I just thought I wanted to just

(14:20):
give you that little math lesson today. One, two and
three three represents divine completion. That's the number biblically in three.
Two represents union and unity, and I want you to
understand that as we work together, we're two. It also
represents a testimony. You need a witness, so one with

(14:43):
the second person has a witness or testimony. But three,
when that threefold chord is bound, it keeps you tightly
knit together and you can't have it any other way. Look,
that's your message for today because I'm full on just that.
Continue to Get the Love is a choice workbook. It's

(15:04):
on sale I noticed on Amazon now for twelve dollars.
I remember it was almost fifteen or sixteen when I
first started talking about it. Make sure you get it.
I have other things that you can take a look
at in my own store. I have the Woman of
Worth Cup. It's nothing like drinking a hot cup of
coffee in the morning with my Wow cuff, my Wild cup,

(15:25):
Woman of worth. And then my husband has his that
has a gold crown that says I am his crown
and he's drinking coffee out of his Check it out
on my website at ww dot Doctor Velma Bagby dot
com and please start take a moment to subscribe so
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(15:47):
to be giving away some free love is a choice workbooks.
Make sure you subscribe in order to take advantage of it.
Please make sure you let me know that you heard
this information on So I have the Wild t shirt,
I'll wear it the next time I have the Wild Cup.
I'll show that to you as well. This has been

(16:07):
doctor Delma Bagby Talks. I want to thank you all
for your patience. I've been in the process of moving,
still unpacking, but I am committed to come into you
on Saturdays to make sure you hear a little something
that I hope will bless your life, that will help
you move in the direction that God has always wanted.
God wants it's best for you, but we have to
want it to. We create so much stuff and have

(16:30):
created so much independence in the world today, we have
totally ignored the road to blessings that God has laid
out before us, but you have to understand it and
know where it is. So I want to thank you,
thank you for joining me today. Until next time, God
bless you all.