Dr_ Velma TALKS-dating_ relationships and marriage_ Season 2_ Episode 3

Welcome, everyone, to the second season of Dr. Velma TALKS, dating, relationships, and marriage. 

For Season 2, we are doing a deep dive into 8 characters from the CATCH series – 4 female characters in books one and two, and 4 male characters from Book 3. Let's find out why they continue to make the wrong choice in a mate by using the SWOT analysis that Pastor Greyson shares.

Today, we examine the woman and women like her, who date the Sturgeon - men who like to nibble and date mutilple women.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello everybody, and welcome to another episode of Doctor Velma
talks dating, relationships and marriage. It's a conversation with me
as your media personality podcast host of this episode, Doctor
Velma talks as well as finding your voice, and I'm
a co host of Words I Choose to Live By,
which is coming back in August. I'm excited. I'm a

(00:23):
best selling Christian author, certified dating and relationship coach and
our day minister, professional speaker trainer, and a woman who's
been blessed with the marriage of over fifty years. So
welcome to this next episode. This is episode number three,
and we are examining the women in the Catch series

(00:45):
and determining why they kept making the wrong mistakes over
and over choosing the wrong men. So we're doing a
swat analysis, something that the character Pastor Grayson recommended to
the women and the men that he spoke to at
the conferences, and that's what we're going to do today.
So let me just share with you the fact that

(01:05):
we're taking the character Shanta to determine why she and
women like her kept choosing men who did not want
to date only one woman. So today we're going to
be talking about the sturgeon and why they dated sturgeons.

(01:26):
Let me read the card to you. First of all,
it's taken out of the story. It's taken out of
book one of the Catch series. And I'll read the
card concerning the sturgeon. The sturgeon. This is the guy
who's your standard charmer and will weasel his way into
your heart, saying everything you want to hear. This fish

(01:48):
is sneaky. The angler sits for a long time fishing
but doesn't notice that the bait is gone from his
fishing pole. That's because the angler was unaware that the
fishing line wasn't moving with the current. He was unaware
that the fishing line wasn't moving with the current. But

(02:09):
the small movements that he saw was caused by the
sturgeon who was slowly nibbling the bait off the line.
The man who is like the sturgeon loves nibbling and
will go wherever he's permitted to do. So, that's your sturgeon,
the nibbler. So are we talking about believers in their

(02:29):
dating habits today, Yes, we are. These are believers that
experience these kind of situations all the time. Matter of fact,
I grew up watching a sturgeon in action at my
old church. So I want you to understand that these
are real stories, are relatable because they're happening every day.

(02:50):
So today we're going to talk about the character of
Shanta and why women like her continuously choose men like
this knowing that they're going to be balancing and dating
multiple women at the same time. And once the sturgeon nibbles,
he goes on to his next challenge. So here we

(03:13):
are SWAT analysis again. Let me remind you about the
SWAT analysis and what it does. S stands for strengths,
which is basically looking at the qualities. So women are
not all bad people. It's just they have some things
they need to fix and pay attention to. First, they
have to identify them and pay attention to what they

(03:33):
need to correct. Then it tells you about their weaknesses,
the w's weaknesses. Those are those areas that are their
vulnerabilities things they need to improve. And then there's opportunities
the oh those that's where improvements need to be made.
And then finally threats. These are the causes and the

(03:56):
problems that definitely have to be fixed at some point.
So let's take a look at the Sturgeon and why
women like Shanta the character accept men like this who
are dating multiple women. So here's her strength. She's open minded.
So that's a quality she has. And not to say

(04:17):
that this is something she should apply in dating and
discovering her maid, but they like accepting non traditional relationship arrangements.
So here's what I want to say about that. Anytime
you see the word non traditional, already you're breaking from
God's pattern. Anything non traditional, you most likely will be

(04:39):
breaking God's pattern. God never called us to create relationships
outside of what he's called a marriage. Neither does he
call us to get into arrangements that's not what he
calls a marriage. So it's important for you to understand.
If it says non traditional, then you're already going down
the wrong path. Another one of her qualities. She's capable

(05:02):
of navigating complex relationship dynamics. That may be great, and yeah,
we can give her the award for being so great
at it, but it's wrong, it's not okay. Self awareness,
she recognizes her preferences and her choices, so she knows
she's wrong. She knows what she's choosing is not okay,

(05:23):
and willingness to explore so she's open to accepting this
kind of relationship or arrangement, which is not okay with God.
So although it might be considered her strength, maybe the
strength as it applies to work relationships or work situations,
but not when you're in a situation where you're trying
to discover the mate God has for you. So here's

(05:46):
the weakness. She has the potential for emotional hurt. So
accepting men who date others might lead to feelings of
jealousy insecurity. And we know low self esteem is there
because if you're accepting someone like this, and look, everybody
we've talked about so far have fallen into some of

(06:06):
the same patterns self esteem, poor self worth, Their value
of themselves are so low, I mean they set the
bar way below what you would consider standard or acceptable.
So we could see some of those clues already. So
potential for her low self esteem, poor self worth, lack

(06:27):
of boundaries, may not force clear boundaries or communicate her
needs effectively. She's not communicating anything because she's accepting what
this person is offering her, which is really nothing below standards.
So please make sure you acknowledge that this is what's
happening with this character accepting less than what she deserves.

(06:50):
Who does that? A person who doesn't value themselves, A
person who says, well, this is all I got, this
is all I can get. I guess this is all
I deserve. No, those are all lies. You need to
work on who you are and tap into your value
and your worth. A pattern of unfulfillment. So somebody who

(07:12):
is just used to never being fulfilled will accept that
pattern as normal, and it isn't. It's not the standard
that God has set for you. Here are the opportunities,
and here's where she can approve self reflection again, assessing
why you're doing what you're doing, identifying why you're doing,
and identifying those shortcomings in yourself poor self worth, poor

(07:35):
self esteem, poor value of yourself. Clarify what your own
needs and desires are and then set boundaries around them.
Then there's room for personal growth, developing your confidence, poor
self confidence, just poor worth all we could put poor
on all of those names. This is what she sees
about herself, and then understanding with the red flags. And

(07:58):
I'm not talking about red flags that are people are
writing about and publishing. My red flag is capital are period,
Capital E period, Capital D period flags retreat extremely dangerous.
These are things that you see that you should turn
around from right away. That's why we have them danger retreat,

(08:18):
extremely dangerous. It's important that red flags be acknowledged and
understand what she truly values, and that's where she needs
to do the deep dive, do the swade analysis, you know,
take her time to examine why she's at the state
that she's at. This is not the time for her
to be dating anyone because these guys and the ones
I've talked about so far, they pick out women like

(08:41):
this because they know they're vulnerable and so seeking supportive relationship.
We talk about Wise's council in the Catch series. Connecting
with Wise counsel friends and mentors, counselors who can reinforce
her value and worth and her standards. Set standards for yourself,
no standards you'll be taken advantage of. Here are the
threats that causes the problems. Emotional distress, ongoing disappointment, which

(09:06):
is what she's gonna have. Jealousy and feelings of feelings
of inadequacies. She's gonna have them because she hasn't set
any boundaries and she doesn't have any limits. So you
must have standards for yourself and not make adjustments missed opportunities.
So she could have missed out on some wonderful opportunities

(09:27):
because she's still hanging out with a person that will
never offer her anything worth anything, erosion of who she is.
Her self esteem will continue to be eroded and devalued.
She will continue to be devalued, She'll continue to be
treated as substandard, feeling less than. All of those things

(09:47):
will shake her confidence even more. Repeated patterns of unfulfillment.
If she doesn't address those underlying issues, she'll keep attracting
the same kind of person, whether it's this one, the salmon,
whether it's the catfish, any one of those guys. If
we see so far, these women that we've examined so far,

(10:10):
they all have some of the same issues, very similar,
and so they attract the wrong catch for that reason.
And so the SWAT analysis showed her strengths that she's
open maybe, but what does that mean? Just open herself
up to hurt and harm and disappointment. Her weakness is

(10:33):
potential for hurt, lack of boundaries, it hinders their emotional
well being. It's going to erode all of it concerning
her worth and value opportunities. Is the time for her
for self reflection. It's time for her to do an examination,
her own SWAT analysis, setting boundaries and understanding what a
true relationship looks like, as none of the examples I've

(10:56):
talked about so far are and then the threat emotional pain,
missed opportunities in a fulfilling relationship, and a decrease in
her self esteem, her value will continue to erode. So
you can see why it's important to conduct this SWAT analysis.
You can see why it's important for us to do this,

(11:18):
and why writing these stories was important to me. So
if you know anyone that fits this pattern or it
sounds like someone you know, make sure you get the
books and get them some help and give them some support.
I want to thank you for tuning in and for
those of you who are listening in on the audio,
please make sure you email your comments. For those listening

(11:39):
and watching the video, make your comments stay what you
think about what I shared today. Those on audio you
can send email me your comments at ADENI Publishing at
gmail dot com, a d o NI Publishing at gmail
dot com. I'd love to hear what you have to say.
If you want to easily get reminders of about the

(12:00):
upcoming podcast. Then subscribe to my YouTube channel and then
set the reminder you'll be notified of the upcoming episode.
So this is episode number three. I have one more
episode where I'm going to address one of the female characters,
and then we switched to talk about the men and
do a swat analysis on some of the male characters
and why they were making the mistakes of choosing the

(12:22):
wrong women. So I want to thank you for tuning
in to another segment of Doctor Beauma Talks. You all
have a wonderful day.