July 19, 2025 • 12 mins
Welcome, everyone, to the second season of Dr. Velma TALKS, dating, relationships, and marriage.
For Season 2, we are doing a deep dive into 8 characters from the CATCH series – 4 female characters in books one and two, and 4 male characters from Book 3. Let's find out why they continue to make the wrong choice in a mate by using the SWOT analysis that Pastor Greyson shares.
Today, we examine the woman and women like her who date the Salmon - men who hate commitment.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/dr-velma-talks--6223789/support.
For Season 2, we are doing a deep dive into 8 characters from the CATCH series – 4 female characters in books one and two, and 4 male characters from Book 3. Let's find out why they continue to make the wrong choice in a mate by using the SWOT analysis that Pastor Greyson shares.
Today, we examine the woman and women like her who date the Salmon - men who hate commitment.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/dr-velma-talks--6223789/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Doctor
Velma Talks Dating, Relationships and Marriage. It's a conversation with
Me and Media personality podcast host of Doctor Velma Talks
and Finding your Voice, as well as a co host
of Words I Choose to Live By, which is returning
in August. I'm a best selling Christian author, certified dating
(00:25):
and relationship coach, our dained minister speaker, and a woman
who's blessed to have been married fifty plus years. So
today it's part two of our season to discuss some
of the challenges some of the female characters and male
characters had in the Catch series. Again, we're going to
(00:47):
be taking a story from book one, The Catching of
One Wants, and this personality, her name is Chanta, and
she is the person or character who dated the salmon
the man who does not like commitment. So what is
it about women who knows going into the relationship that
(01:09):
that man is not interested makes it very clear he's
not interested in a commitment at all, So he fights commitment,
which is what the salmon fish does. Fishermen hate catching
the salmon. They're strong and they will fly up out
of the water trying to knock that hook out of
its mouth. They hate commitment and makes it very clear.
(01:30):
So we're going to do what we've done before, another
swat analysis. So I hope that you enjoyed the first episode.
And look, if you know someone who's struggling in this
area and it sounds familiar with someone that you know
who's going through something similar, make sure you share this
with them so they too can determine why they keep
(01:53):
making these wrong choices. So let me read one of
the cards about the salmon. He does not want to
get caught or commit Yes, he looks the part on
the surface. A regular in church evidence. This is a
character in the book. He's a regular in church. This
evidence that he loves worship. He's well financed, his family
(02:18):
is well financed, always dresses immaculately and very friendly. The
female character in our story uses her friends to finagle
the crowd and order for her to get next to
this guy to introduce herself to him. So the two
eventually meet alone in the elevator at the church. After
(02:39):
talking in the elevator during their ride, they shared phone
numbers with each other and decided to talk by phone,
and they did for a few weeks after that meeting
in the elevator in time, she sensed something was off
about him, and her friends agreed is remember, he looks
the all right, but he's not interested in commitment. And
(03:03):
her friends, who was her wise counsel, we talked about
making sure you have a wise counsel, a group of
people who were seasoned and understand commitments and can help
you in vetting the person you may be interested in.
And so her group was really right on point as
they encouraged her to step away from this situation, to
(03:26):
get out of it. And later they discovered the mystery
of his choice to remain single, and it shocked them
to learn what that was. Not going to release that
or reveal that, you have to read the story because
it's an eye opener. So let's do our squad analysis.
This is the woman who dates men like the salmon.
(03:48):
Very clear, they're not interested in committing. They do not
want to marry you. It doesn't matter if you even
try to have kids with them. They will not commit.
It also means that you're not going to be only one,
so you've got to be ready to accept these choices.
But why do women fall for this kind of god?
So let's look at the SWAT. Remember the SWAT stands
(04:11):
for strength, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats. So let's find out
what it says. Here's the strengths. So here's the strength
about this woman. She's adventurous and spontaneous. But you can't
just throw yourself around willy nilly. That's not what God
has called us to do. We have to be very careful.
(04:32):
We are valuable. We are to be his. When he
discovers his wife, he finds a good thing. He finds
she is the crowning achievement of his life. She's his
crown and so therefore you have to value yourself at
that level. Unfortunately, like the episode one, the woman in
(04:52):
that episode as well as this one, these are women
who do not value themselves like in the way that
they should. Because of they did, they would choose better.
But let's look at what this says. She's okay her strength.
She's indentuous, adventerous, spontaneous, realistic about the relationship dynamics, so
(05:12):
she understands what it means. She knows he's not gonna
commit in not seeking a long term relationship, self awareness
about her preferences. She's clear about this and what kind
of relationship she still finds fulfilling. So she sees this
as a challenge. She sees it as interesting, flexibility, able
(05:33):
to adapt in the relationship. So I'm not sure if
these will really be considered strengths, but these are considered
strengths about her decision. Is it a strength about a
woman a believer who wants to find marriage? No? No,
not at all. So we're just doing an analysis on
this lady. Women like her, So here are the weaknesses.
(05:54):
Repeated heartbreak and disappointments. She's kind of habit constantly. He's
made it clear he's not committing to her, so she's
going to be consistently facing unfulfilled expectations. Why would she
have expectations for a guy who makes it very clear
he's not interested in committing. Then there's the potential for
(06:15):
emotional insecurity. Constantly dating non committal partners might lead to
feelings of instability. She might have that already, which is
why she choose these kind of things. Self doubt, doesn't
believe in herself, doesn't believe in the ability to find someone.
That's pretty sad, and then avoidance of deeper commission and commitments.
(06:39):
So connections. So that means that she already knows she
can't find it. So she makes a decision, let me
just accept what I can do. That's not okay. That
still devalues who you are, That still minimizes your worth
and you deserve better. These women don't feel they deserve better,
so they just accept it. And so the other weakness
(07:02):
is the risk of self esteem. What's obvious, she has
low self esteem for self worth, she doesn't see her value.
All of those things are there, she doesn't feel worthy.
So there's the feeling of unworthiness. And all this type
of guy is going to do is continue to affirm
those negative things that she's feeling about herself. What are
(07:23):
the opportunities exploring what she really wants in relationships, whether
she values commitment or enjoys variety. Well, if you enjoy
a variety, you're not looking for marriage. You're just playing around.
So that's not the group I'm talking to. I'm talking
to those who truly wants to find the mate that
God has for you. So this is a part of
(07:45):
your own self assessment that the character of Pastor Grayson
talks about in the Catch series. He tells the women
as well as the men, conduct your own SWAD analysis
of who you are so you can determine these same elements.
What are your strengths, what are your weaknesses, and look
for those opportunities for you to correct and change those weaknesses.
(08:05):
What are the threats, what's dangerous about your approach? And
so here's the person, the opportunity for personal growth, for
developing better clarity. It's also about meeting new people, exploring
who you choose to connect with, as well as therapy
or coaching to get to those underlying belief systems. That's wrong,
(08:29):
the belief that you don't deserve it, the belief that
you think that's all you can have. The belief that
you don't deserve doesn't need to set the bar higher.
Those are beliefs about love. That's not where you should be.
It's not healthy, and so your level of commitment and
even your self worth and value are below standards. So
(08:51):
you must get some help there. God is able to
do exceedingly abundantly above all you can ever ask or thinks,
so we always have access to help and wisdom. Then
there's the threats, emotional exhaustion, repeated cycles of dating, an
uncommitted partner, will lead to fatigue, especially if you think
(09:12):
you're looking for something better or hoping for something to change.
It won't. It won't change, it won't improve. Missed opportunities
which means you miss an opportunity to meet a real person,
a person, a guy that will really cherish and appreciate
who you are and value who you are, and then
again repeated disappointments, difficulty trusting and opening up. That's going
(09:35):
to happen over time. It's going to affect your ability
to truly meet mister Wright, meet the one that's right
for you. I didn't say mister perfect, the one that
is right for you, and so therefore you miss out.
So we can see in this person, it says that
her strengths are the fact that she's adaptable, she's self aware,
she knows what she's doing. Her weaknesses are she's gonna
(09:58):
have constant heartbreak, emotional insecurity, and it's going to hinder
her long term happiness. She's never going to have it
with someone like that and won't expect it, and that's
the sad part. Opportunities involve self exploration. She has to
look at and examine these issues that we talked about
(10:18):
and re examine her goals and how she's going to
get there, and the threats, the emotional exhaustion. So I
just want you to know that all of these things
points to a poor belief system. Self love is low commitment,
self worth, her value all set below the standard. And
(10:41):
then there's possibilities of some codependency issues because her view
of love is not healthy. She doesn't understand the true
definition of love. So I hope these things help you.
So I just want to review why this wide analysis
is important. So when we do the SWAT regarding what
(11:01):
type of relationships we've been experiencing, our having, and why
we repeat the same problems over and over, remember that
the strengths, those are going to identify your positive qualities,
your weaknesses. Those are going to identify the factors that's
in need of improvement, your vulnerabilities. It's going to help
you change the issues that it identifies, the opportunities that's
(11:25):
where you're going to need to improve. It's gonna identify
the things you need to do better. And finally, the threats.
It's the problems. It's going to show you and identify
the problems and the risks, the negative things about your
choices and why you need to change. I hope this
helps you today and again when you read the books.
They're fictional stories, however, they're relatable to what's happening today.
(11:50):
I've seen it over and over, so I'm hoping that
you're enjoying these SWAT analysis I am because it's really
shedding light on the stories and the character. So post
your comments your questions. Feel free to ask about the
topics we're covering. I hope that these resonate with you
(12:10):
and that you can see why it's important to do this.
On your own. You can also use chat GPT ask it,
tell it why, what are the problems you're having and
tell it ask it to do a SWAD analysis on you.
If you're listening about audio, you can send your comments
to my email A Deny Publishing A d n I
Publishing at gmail dot com. Let me know how you
(12:33):
enjoyed it and in your message. And for those listening, also,
you can connect with me and subscribe to my YouTube
channel with doctor Velma Bagbee. Please set the reminder on
the YouTube channel. It will remind you of my upcoming
episodes and thank you for your time today. I hope
you enjoyed this particular episode I did. It was interesting,
take care
Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Doctor
Velma Talks Dating, Relationships and Marriage. It's a conversation with
Me and Media personality podcast host of Doctor Velma Talks
and Finding your Voice, as well as a co host
of Words I Choose to Live By, which is returning
in August. I'm a best selling Christian author, certified dating
(00:25):
and relationship coach, our dained minister speaker, and a woman
who's blessed to have been married fifty plus years. So
today it's part two of our season to discuss some
of the challenges some of the female characters and male
characters had in the Catch series. Again, we're going to
(00:47):
be taking a story from book one, The Catching of
One Wants, and this personality, her name is Chanta, and
she is the person or character who dated the salmon
the man who does not like commitment. So what is
it about women who knows going into the relationship that
(01:09):
that man is not interested makes it very clear he's
not interested in a commitment at all, So he fights commitment,
which is what the salmon fish does. Fishermen hate catching
the salmon. They're strong and they will fly up out
of the water trying to knock that hook out of
its mouth. They hate commitment and makes it very clear.
(01:30):
So we're going to do what we've done before, another
swat analysis. So I hope that you enjoyed the first episode.
And look, if you know someone who's struggling in this
area and it sounds familiar with someone that you know
who's going through something similar, make sure you share this
with them so they too can determine why they keep
(01:53):
making these wrong choices. So let me read one of
the cards about the salmon. He does not want to
get caught or commit Yes, he looks the part on
the surface. A regular in church evidence. This is a
character in the book. He's a regular in church. This
evidence that he loves worship. He's well financed, his family
(02:18):
is well financed, always dresses immaculately and very friendly. The
female character in our story uses her friends to finagle
the crowd and order for her to get next to
this guy to introduce herself to him. So the two
eventually meet alone in the elevator at the church. After
(02:39):
talking in the elevator during their ride, they shared phone
numbers with each other and decided to talk by phone,
and they did for a few weeks after that meeting
in the elevator in time, she sensed something was off
about him, and her friends agreed is remember, he looks
the all right, but he's not interested in commitment. And
(03:03):
her friends, who was her wise counsel, we talked about
making sure you have a wise counsel, a group of
people who were seasoned and understand commitments and can help
you in vetting the person you may be interested in.
And so her group was really right on point as
they encouraged her to step away from this situation, to
(03:26):
get out of it. And later they discovered the mystery
of his choice to remain single, and it shocked them
to learn what that was. Not going to release that
or reveal that, you have to read the story because
it's an eye opener. So let's do our squad analysis.
This is the woman who dates men like the salmon.
(03:48):
Very clear, they're not interested in committing. They do not
want to marry you. It doesn't matter if you even
try to have kids with them. They will not commit.
It also means that you're not going to be only one,
so you've got to be ready to accept these choices.
But why do women fall for this kind of god?
So let's look at the SWAT. Remember the SWAT stands
(04:11):
for strength, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats. So let's find out
what it says. Here's the strengths. So here's the strength
about this woman. She's adventurous and spontaneous. But you can't
just throw yourself around willy nilly. That's not what God
has called us to do. We have to be very careful.
(04:32):
We are valuable. We are to be his. When he
discovers his wife, he finds a good thing. He finds
she is the crowning achievement of his life. She's his
crown and so therefore you have to value yourself at
that level. Unfortunately, like the episode one, the woman in
(04:52):
that episode as well as this one, these are women
who do not value themselves like in the way that
they should. Because of they did, they would choose better.
But let's look at what this says. She's okay her strength.
She's indentuous, adventerous, spontaneous, realistic about the relationship dynamics, so
(05:12):
she understands what it means. She knows he's not gonna
commit in not seeking a long term relationship, self awareness
about her preferences. She's clear about this and what kind
of relationship she still finds fulfilling. So she sees this
as a challenge. She sees it as interesting, flexibility, able
(05:33):
to adapt in the relationship. So I'm not sure if
these will really be considered strengths, but these are considered
strengths about her decision. Is it a strength about a
woman a believer who wants to find marriage? No? No,
not at all. So we're just doing an analysis on
this lady. Women like her, So here are the weaknesses.
(05:54):
Repeated heartbreak and disappointments. She's kind of habit constantly. He's
made it clear he's not committing to her, so she's
going to be consistently facing unfulfilled expectations. Why would she
have expectations for a guy who makes it very clear
he's not interested in committing. Then there's the potential for
(06:15):
emotional insecurity. Constantly dating non committal partners might lead to
feelings of instability. She might have that already, which is
why she choose these kind of things. Self doubt, doesn't
believe in herself, doesn't believe in the ability to find someone.
That's pretty sad, and then avoidance of deeper commission and commitments.
(06:39):
So connections. So that means that she already knows she
can't find it. So she makes a decision, let me
just accept what I can do. That's not okay. That
still devalues who you are, That still minimizes your worth
and you deserve better. These women don't feel they deserve better,
so they just accept it. And so the other weakness
(07:02):
is the risk of self esteem. What's obvious, she has
low self esteem for self worth, she doesn't see her value.
All of those things are there, she doesn't feel worthy.
So there's the feeling of unworthiness. And all this type
of guy is going to do is continue to affirm
those negative things that she's feeling about herself. What are
(07:23):
the opportunities exploring what she really wants in relationships, whether
she values commitment or enjoys variety. Well, if you enjoy
a variety, you're not looking for marriage. You're just playing around.
So that's not the group I'm talking to. I'm talking
to those who truly wants to find the mate that
God has for you. So this is a part of
(07:45):
your own self assessment that the character of Pastor Grayson
talks about in the Catch series. He tells the women
as well as the men, conduct your own SWAD analysis
of who you are so you can determine these same elements.
What are your strengths, what are your weaknesses, and look
for those opportunities for you to correct and change those weaknesses.
(08:05):
What are the threats, what's dangerous about your approach? And
so here's the person, the opportunity for personal growth, for
developing better clarity. It's also about meeting new people, exploring
who you choose to connect with, as well as therapy
or coaching to get to those underlying belief systems. That's wrong,
(08:29):
the belief that you don't deserve it, the belief that
you think that's all you can have. The belief that
you don't deserve doesn't need to set the bar higher.
Those are beliefs about love. That's not where you should be.
It's not healthy, and so your level of commitment and
even your self worth and value are below standards. So
(08:51):
you must get some help there. God is able to
do exceedingly abundantly above all you can ever ask or thinks,
so we always have access to help and wisdom. Then
there's the threats, emotional exhaustion, repeated cycles of dating, an
uncommitted partner, will lead to fatigue, especially if you think
(09:12):
you're looking for something better or hoping for something to change.
It won't. It won't change, it won't improve. Missed opportunities
which means you miss an opportunity to meet a real person,
a person, a guy that will really cherish and appreciate
who you are and value who you are, and then
again repeated disappointments, difficulty trusting and opening up. That's going
(09:35):
to happen over time. It's going to affect your ability
to truly meet mister Wright, meet the one that's right
for you. I didn't say mister perfect, the one that
is right for you, and so therefore you miss out.
So we can see in this person, it says that
her strengths are the fact that she's adaptable, she's self aware,
she knows what she's doing. Her weaknesses are she's gonna
(09:58):
have constant heartbreak, emotional insecurity, and it's going to hinder
her long term happiness. She's never going to have it
with someone like that and won't expect it, and that's
the sad part. Opportunities involve self exploration. She has to
look at and examine these issues that we talked about
(10:18):
and re examine her goals and how she's going to
get there, and the threats, the emotional exhaustion. So I
just want you to know that all of these things
points to a poor belief system. Self love is low commitment,
self worth, her value all set below the standard. And
(10:41):
then there's possibilities of some codependency issues because her view
of love is not healthy. She doesn't understand the true
definition of love. So I hope these things help you.
So I just want to review why this wide analysis
is important. So when we do the SWAT regarding what
(11:01):
type of relationships we've been experiencing, our having, and why
we repeat the same problems over and over, remember that
the strengths, those are going to identify your positive qualities,
your weaknesses. Those are going to identify the factors that's
in need of improvement, your vulnerabilities. It's going to help
you change the issues that it identifies, the opportunities that's
(11:25):
where you're going to need to improve. It's gonna identify
the things you need to do better. And finally, the threats.
It's the problems. It's going to show you and identify
the problems and the risks, the negative things about your
choices and why you need to change. I hope this
helps you today and again when you read the books.
They're fictional stories, however, they're relatable to what's happening today.
(11:50):
I've seen it over and over, so I'm hoping that
you're enjoying these SWAT analysis I am because it's really
shedding light on the stories and the character. So post
your comments your questions. Feel free to ask about the
topics we're covering. I hope that these resonate with you
(12:10):
and that you can see why it's important to do this.
On your own. You can also use chat GPT ask it,
tell it why, what are the problems you're having and
tell it ask it to do a SWAD analysis on you.
If you're listening about audio, you can send your comments
to my email A Deny Publishing A d n I
Publishing at gmail dot com. Let me know how you
(12:33):
enjoyed it and in your message. And for those listening, also,
you can connect with me and subscribe to my YouTube
channel with doctor Velma Bagbee. Please set the reminder on
the YouTube channel. It will remind you of my upcoming
episodes and thank you for your time today. I hope
you enjoyed this particular episode I did. It was interesting,
take care
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