July 12, 2025 • 14 mins
Are you ready? Season 2 of Dr. Velma TALKS explores eight characters from the CATCH Series to analyze why they continue to choose the wrong person to date - 4 female characters and four male characters. Get your CATCH books ready, as we perform a SWOT analysis (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats) on each of them. Today we explore why the female character in the book dates men like the Catfish character or bottom feeders.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Good afternoon, everyone, and welcome to season two of Doctor
Velma Talks. I'm so excited to have you join me
today and I welcome all of you to a new
season of Doctor Velma Talks, Dating, Relationships and Marriage. It's
a conversation with me, a media personality, a podcast host
of two podcasts. So I have Doctor Velma Talks that's
(00:26):
going to be airing on Saturdays at noon PST, and
I have Finding Your Voice which is airing on Tuesdays
at three pm PST. I'm going to be co hosting again.
And a third podcast that I've enjoyed in the past
and it's coming back in OCDS. It's called Words I
(00:47):
Choose to Live By, So stay tuned for more information
about that. But I'm a best selling author, certified dating
and relationship coach, ordained minister, professional speaker, and a woman
who's been blessed to be married fifty plus years. So
I do have some things to share and I hope
you're going to enjoy this season. So here's what we're
going to do with season two. There's going to be
(01:09):
eight episodes. Four episodes are going to be addressing challenges
that women face in the problems they had in the
stories of the Catch series, and then four sessions will
be focused on the problems the men had, some of
the challenges they faced in choosing the wrong mate. So
(01:30):
in every case, male and female, why do they keep
choosing the wrong mate? So in the book Pastor Grayson
in the Catch series from book one, this is book one,
he talked about the swat analysis, and it's important for
us to do that on our own. You can conduct
a squat analysis on just about anything if you want
(01:51):
to do an assessment to determine what may be happening
with whatever project or program, our situation you're facing. So
here we're doing a swat analysis on these characters. The
first character is going to be on the women who
were falling for the catfish. This is a little snippet
that I did on a cart It's called the catfish
(02:13):
and let me tell you his problem. One female character
in the book, the very first book of the Cat series,
searched for a husband at the church and became frustrated.
She decided the local club would provide more options. It
was there she met a catfish. The catfish hangs out
(02:34):
at the bottom of the lake and eats dead smelly food.
That's the catfish. The female character'sbility gave off a strong
smell from the moment she walked into the club, and
the catfish smelled that odor. These guys can tell when
(02:55):
a woman has poor self esteem, poor self worth, poor values,
have a poor view of their value. They can smell that.
It's a strong smell to them. And so the woman
married that catfish she met that night, and in a
few short years he almost ruined her mentally and financially.
(03:18):
Beware of the bottom feeders. They're catfish. So let's do
an analysis of why how could this woman have done that?
Didn't she see the signs? Well, let me be honest
with you, a lot of women are just ignoring the
science period. Matter of fact, many of them are not
looking at it for any signs. They're just going after
what they see and assuming that everything is just fine
(03:39):
just because it looks that way, and they are not
performing any kind of assessment to determine this person, asking
the right questions, to make sure that this person who
is who they perceive to be, making sure you're getting
to the core of their hearts, making sure that you
understand their character. Ask the questions because the things you
(04:01):
see on the outside. Those are what we call conditions
pastor grace, and the character in the book calls those
conditions and conditions will change in time. So here we
go swat analysis. It's fourth areas. S's for strength, W
is for weaknesses, O is for opportunities, and T is
(04:23):
for threats. So let's look at this woman's strengths, because
I want you to understand it's they're not weak in
every area of their lives, but here are some of
the strengths of this kind of personality. In the book,
she desires to be celebrated. So this is an example
of a woman who's seeking a wedding, not trying to
(04:45):
determine what her responsibilities are once she becomes a wife,
which is more important. But she's just seeking a wedding.
That's why she got frustrated looking for her husband at
the church, which which we should not be doing anyway,
because never know where God is going to cause you
to meet him. I have stories I've written about where
a couple met on the volleyball field at a local park.
(05:10):
Another couple met in passing at a grocery store. So
you don't know where you're going to meet him. Don't
assume that everybody is marriage material at the church. They're not.
So her strengths she values the wedding day, she does
value that, but her emotional resilience. Despite the negative relationship
(05:31):
she entered into, she may still seek happiness and recognition,
and she keeps trying to find it in the same
old guy. The cap Issu's unable to give her that
awareness of her feelings. She might recognize early signs of
his disrespect and his exploitation of her, but she may
(05:51):
or may not seek to change, And even if she does,
she still doesn't expect the change potential for growth. Yeah,
she has POTENTI for growth if she recognizes the issues
that motivate her to seek a healthier relationship for her future.
That's if she does that. But the way it looks
(06:11):
right now, she's not in good shape. Weaknesses. Prior toizing
superficial goals, that's what she did. Her goal was to
get married, and that's what she did to whoever wanted
to be married to her. Marrying for the wedding or
the event, rather than seeking a person who loves you
and has the capability to love you the way God
(06:32):
has determined He should, and Jesus is the every man's example.
Compatibility can lead to a long term when you look
for the wedding rather than compatibility. In the long term,
you're going to be fulled with dissatisfaction. That's what this
character was full of. Her vulnerabbility, and manipulations. Her partner's
(06:59):
behavior was meaning and disrespectful. He used her money. He
was a hustler, so it was good to have a
regular income for him. And that all indicates a toxic relationship,
and she did not recognize that such because her only
goal was to get married. So look at how her
(07:19):
value of herself, her poor self esteem, her poor self worth.
She tolerated mistreatment due to underlying insecurities neglect of personal wellbeing.
She didn't make herself a priority, which is what she
should be to her husband. Her satisfaction his loving her
(07:39):
should be his priority. Treating her well and in a
loving way should have been his priority. And every believer
should know an abusive situation is a no. No. There's
nowhere in scripture where God tells you to stay where
you're being harmed, mistreated, misused. No, that's no if he's
(08:01):
not treating you like Jesus would, it's a no, and
so creating harm in a relationship is a deal breaker,
whether emotional or financial health. But she wasn't thinking that far.
Opportunities there are some for her if she chooses it
self reflection, recognizing her worth and understanding what that means
(08:25):
and what she needs to do to empower herself to
make healthier choices, to get help and support. Everybody has
a group of friends or associates that we consider wise counsel.
Some recall it the inner circle. In the book, we
refer to it as wise counsel people who can speak
into your lives and tell you what's right. And so
(08:48):
recognizing her worth and understanding her needs can empower her
to make healthier choices, and the support, whether counseling or
therapy or support groups, can help or rebuild what needs
to be rebuilt, what's been torn down in her, and
address those abusive patterns she's accepted. Education, learning, how learning
(09:10):
about healthy relationships? What does that look like? How to
set boundaries, how to know when to say no, how
to say I'm not going to accept that I deserve
better than that. When she begins to feel that she
has that level of worth and then planning for the future.
She can work towards independence and being emotionally healthy, financially
(09:32):
and socially and leave the harmful relationship because it's no good.
She can't expect for it to get any better. Here
are the threats emotional and financial abuse. Continued mistreatment can
cause lasting trauma and financial hardship. Some may be difficult
to overcome, but it's possible. Loss of self esteem over
(09:55):
ongoing disrespect can erode her confidence. Really, if she she
had little self worth, little solidtle value in herself, poor
self esteem, it will erode even more being in a
relationship with this kind of person, she won't feel she
means much to anyone or to herself. And then there's
(10:17):
the isolation. Her partner's behavior might may isolate her from
friends because she may not want anybody to know. It's
not always him isolating her. Sometimes it's her isolating herself
that she doesn't want anybody to know, may not want
anybody to see, so it increases her dependence on him,
(10:37):
which means further manipulation. Then there's missed opportunities for real,
genuine love. How about that staying in a place of hurt,
experiencing this kind of manipulation and abuse and missing out
on the opportunity to really experience true love. Staying in
(10:58):
an unhealthy marriage prevents her from finding a respectful and
loving partnership. And there are many of examples of people
who have gone through this kind of experience and God
help them to heal and recover and bless them with
someone that loves them and cherishes them so it is possible. So,
(11:18):
in summary, the personality of the woman who gravitated towards
a catfish to highlight the SWAT analysis, her strengths may
have been resilience and aware of her feelings. Her weaknesses,
such as tolerating mistreatment, pose a significant risk for her
the opportunity seeking support and healing and building independence that
(11:42):
builds her worth and value so that she can see
herself differently and see herself worthy of better treatment. Threats
include her emotional and financial harm, low self esteem, Mischances
for healthier relationships are a help happier life. She can
use this understanding to prioritize her well being and consider
(12:05):
leaving the harmful situation to pursue a healthier one course
forgiving herself forgiving him and seeking God's help to do
it all, because that's what's necessary to move on. God
did not call a woman to suffer abuse in a marriage.
It doesn't matter what kind of robe or financial crown
he wears. It is out of order. This kind of
(12:29):
treatment contradicts everything God says a man is to be
for his wife. Remember Jesus is a picture Jesus's relationship
with as Christ and the church, the Church as his bride.
Remember his example of what a husband should act like
in a relationship. Called to be a king, not a scum.
(12:52):
Called to be a leader, not one who lacks what
he's been called to. Call to be, one who prays
for family, not someone who punishes instead of praise. Called
to love her, not someone lackluster and lousy. So that's
our squad analysis today. I hope you found something that's
(13:16):
helpful to you and beneficial, which is the reason we
have these characters in the book. This is episode one.
I hope you stay tuned for more. The more is
coming as we go through four. This is the first
of four as we assess some of the characters in
the book as to why they kept choosing incorrectly. So
(13:36):
I want to say to all of you, thank you
for watching, Please post your comments or questions. If you
have something you like something we covered it in this
topic this episode, I promise to address them. If you're
listening by audio, you can send your comments to my
email at and I Publishing at gmail dot com. Let
me know how you enjoyed the message and the focus
(13:59):
of this particular scene. For those listening on YouTube, you
can subscribe to my YouTube tube channel, Doctor velmoul Bagbee
and then set it so that it reminds you when
the episodes air. That way, you'll get a little reminder
to your email. Thank you for your time. This has
been the first segment of season two of Doctor Velma Talks.
(14:20):
Take care. Make sure you share with others who might
need to hear this, but I thank you for tuning in.
Take care.
Good afternoon, everyone, and welcome to season two of Doctor
Velma Talks. I'm so excited to have you join me
today and I welcome all of you to a new
season of Doctor Velma Talks, Dating, Relationships and Marriage. It's
a conversation with me, a media personality, a podcast host
of two podcasts. So I have Doctor Velma Talks that's
(00:26):
going to be airing on Saturdays at noon PST, and
I have Finding Your Voice which is airing on Tuesdays
at three pm PST. I'm going to be co hosting again.
And a third podcast that I've enjoyed in the past
and it's coming back in OCDS. It's called Words I
(00:47):
Choose to Live By, So stay tuned for more information
about that. But I'm a best selling author, certified dating
and relationship coach, ordained minister, professional speaker, and a woman
who's been blessed to be married fifty plus years. So
I do have some things to share and I hope
you're going to enjoy this season. So here's what we're
going to do with season two. There's going to be
(01:09):
eight episodes. Four episodes are going to be addressing challenges
that women face in the problems they had in the
stories of the Catch series, and then four sessions will
be focused on the problems the men had, some of
the challenges they faced in choosing the wrong mate. So
(01:30):
in every case, male and female, why do they keep
choosing the wrong mate? So in the book Pastor Grayson
in the Catch series from book one, this is book one,
he talked about the swat analysis, and it's important for
us to do that on our own. You can conduct
a squat analysis on just about anything if you want
(01:51):
to do an assessment to determine what may be happening
with whatever project or program, our situation you're facing. So
here we're doing a swat analysis on these characters. The
first character is going to be on the women who
were falling for the catfish. This is a little snippet
that I did on a cart It's called the catfish
(02:13):
and let me tell you his problem. One female character
in the book, the very first book of the Cat series,
searched for a husband at the church and became frustrated.
She decided the local club would provide more options. It
was there she met a catfish. The catfish hangs out
(02:34):
at the bottom of the lake and eats dead smelly food.
That's the catfish. The female character'sbility gave off a strong
smell from the moment she walked into the club, and
the catfish smelled that odor. These guys can tell when
(02:55):
a woman has poor self esteem, poor self worth, poor values,
have a poor view of their value. They can smell that.
It's a strong smell to them. And so the woman
married that catfish she met that night, and in a
few short years he almost ruined her mentally and financially.
(03:18):
Beware of the bottom feeders. They're catfish. So let's do
an analysis of why how could this woman have done that?
Didn't she see the signs? Well, let me be honest
with you, a lot of women are just ignoring the
science period. Matter of fact, many of them are not
looking at it for any signs. They're just going after
what they see and assuming that everything is just fine
(03:39):
just because it looks that way, and they are not
performing any kind of assessment to determine this person, asking
the right questions, to make sure that this person who
is who they perceive to be, making sure you're getting
to the core of their hearts, making sure that you
understand their character. Ask the questions because the things you
(04:01):
see on the outside. Those are what we call conditions
pastor grace, and the character in the book calls those
conditions and conditions will change in time. So here we
go swat analysis. It's fourth areas. S's for strength, W
is for weaknesses, O is for opportunities, and T is
(04:23):
for threats. So let's look at this woman's strengths, because
I want you to understand it's they're not weak in
every area of their lives, but here are some of
the strengths of this kind of personality. In the book,
she desires to be celebrated. So this is an example
of a woman who's seeking a wedding, not trying to
(04:45):
determine what her responsibilities are once she becomes a wife,
which is more important. But she's just seeking a wedding.
That's why she got frustrated looking for her husband at
the church, which which we should not be doing anyway,
because never know where God is going to cause you
to meet him. I have stories I've written about where
a couple met on the volleyball field at a local park.
(05:10):
Another couple met in passing at a grocery store. So
you don't know where you're going to meet him. Don't
assume that everybody is marriage material at the church. They're not.
So her strengths she values the wedding day, she does
value that, but her emotional resilience. Despite the negative relationship
(05:31):
she entered into, she may still seek happiness and recognition,
and she keeps trying to find it in the same
old guy. The cap Issu's unable to give her that
awareness of her feelings. She might recognize early signs of
his disrespect and his exploitation of her, but she may
(05:51):
or may not seek to change, And even if she does,
she still doesn't expect the change potential for growth. Yeah,
she has POTENTI for growth if she recognizes the issues
that motivate her to seek a healthier relationship for her future.
That's if she does that. But the way it looks
(06:11):
right now, she's not in good shape. Weaknesses. Prior toizing
superficial goals, that's what she did. Her goal was to
get married, and that's what she did to whoever wanted
to be married to her. Marrying for the wedding or
the event, rather than seeking a person who loves you
and has the capability to love you the way God
(06:32):
has determined He should, and Jesus is the every man's example.
Compatibility can lead to a long term when you look
for the wedding rather than compatibility. In the long term,
you're going to be fulled with dissatisfaction. That's what this
character was full of. Her vulnerabbility, and manipulations. Her partner's
(06:59):
behavior was meaning and disrespectful. He used her money. He
was a hustler, so it was good to have a
regular income for him. And that all indicates a toxic relationship,
and she did not recognize that such because her only
goal was to get married. So look at how her
(07:19):
value of herself, her poor self esteem, her poor self worth.
She tolerated mistreatment due to underlying insecurities neglect of personal wellbeing.
She didn't make herself a priority, which is what she
should be to her husband. Her satisfaction his loving her
(07:39):
should be his priority. Treating her well and in a
loving way should have been his priority. And every believer
should know an abusive situation is a no. No. There's
nowhere in scripture where God tells you to stay where
you're being harmed, mistreated, misused. No, that's no if he's
(08:01):
not treating you like Jesus would, it's a no, and
so creating harm in a relationship is a deal breaker,
whether emotional or financial health. But she wasn't thinking that far.
Opportunities there are some for her if she chooses it
self reflection, recognizing her worth and understanding what that means
(08:25):
and what she needs to do to empower herself to
make healthier choices, to get help and support. Everybody has
a group of friends or associates that we consider wise counsel.
Some recall it the inner circle. In the book, we
refer to it as wise counsel people who can speak
into your lives and tell you what's right. And so
(08:48):
recognizing her worth and understanding her needs can empower her
to make healthier choices, and the support, whether counseling or
therapy or support groups, can help or rebuild what needs
to be rebuilt, what's been torn down in her, and
address those abusive patterns she's accepted. Education, learning, how learning
(09:10):
about healthy relationships? What does that look like? How to
set boundaries, how to know when to say no, how
to say I'm not going to accept that I deserve
better than that. When she begins to feel that she
has that level of worth and then planning for the future.
She can work towards independence and being emotionally healthy, financially
(09:32):
and socially and leave the harmful relationship because it's no good.
She can't expect for it to get any better. Here
are the threats emotional and financial abuse. Continued mistreatment can
cause lasting trauma and financial hardship. Some may be difficult
to overcome, but it's possible. Loss of self esteem over
(09:55):
ongoing disrespect can erode her confidence. Really, if she she
had little self worth, little solidtle value in herself, poor
self esteem, it will erode even more being in a
relationship with this kind of person, she won't feel she
means much to anyone or to herself. And then there's
(10:17):
the isolation. Her partner's behavior might may isolate her from
friends because she may not want anybody to know. It's
not always him isolating her. Sometimes it's her isolating herself
that she doesn't want anybody to know, may not want
anybody to see, so it increases her dependence on him,
(10:37):
which means further manipulation. Then there's missed opportunities for real,
genuine love. How about that staying in a place of hurt,
experiencing this kind of manipulation and abuse and missing out
on the opportunity to really experience true love. Staying in
(10:58):
an unhealthy marriage prevents her from finding a respectful and
loving partnership. And there are many of examples of people
who have gone through this kind of experience and God
help them to heal and recover and bless them with
someone that loves them and cherishes them so it is possible. So,
(11:18):
in summary, the personality of the woman who gravitated towards
a catfish to highlight the SWAT analysis, her strengths may
have been resilience and aware of her feelings. Her weaknesses,
such as tolerating mistreatment, pose a significant risk for her
the opportunity seeking support and healing and building independence that
(11:42):
builds her worth and value so that she can see
herself differently and see herself worthy of better treatment. Threats
include her emotional and financial harm, low self esteem, Mischances
for healthier relationships are a help happier life. She can
use this understanding to prioritize her well being and consider
(12:05):
leaving the harmful situation to pursue a healthier one course
forgiving herself forgiving him and seeking God's help to do
it all, because that's what's necessary to move on. God
did not call a woman to suffer abuse in a marriage.
It doesn't matter what kind of robe or financial crown
he wears. It is out of order. This kind of
(12:29):
treatment contradicts everything God says a man is to be
for his wife. Remember Jesus is a picture Jesus's relationship
with as Christ and the church, the Church as his bride.
Remember his example of what a husband should act like
in a relationship. Called to be a king, not a scum.
(12:52):
Called to be a leader, not one who lacks what
he's been called to. Call to be, one who prays
for family, not someone who punishes instead of praise. Called
to love her, not someone lackluster and lousy. So that's
our squad analysis today. I hope you found something that's
(13:16):
helpful to you and beneficial, which is the reason we
have these characters in the book. This is episode one.
I hope you stay tuned for more. The more is
coming as we go through four. This is the first
of four as we assess some of the characters in
the book as to why they kept choosing incorrectly. So
(13:36):
I want to say to all of you, thank you
for watching, Please post your comments or questions. If you
have something you like something we covered it in this
topic this episode, I promise to address them. If you're
listening by audio, you can send your comments to my
email at and I Publishing at gmail dot com. Let
me know how you enjoyed the message and the focus
(13:59):
of this particular scene. For those listening on YouTube, you
can subscribe to my YouTube tube channel, Doctor velmoul Bagbee
and then set it so that it reminds you when
the episodes air. That way, you'll get a little reminder
to your email. Thank you for your time. This has
been the first segment of season two of Doctor Velma Talks.
(14:20):
Take care. Make sure you share with others who might
need to hear this, but I thank you for tuning in.
Take care.
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