SWOT Analysis of How Men Fall for Narcissistic Women

Welcome everyone to the second season of Dr. Velma TALKS, dating, relationships, and marriage. It’s a conversation with me, a Media Personality, Podcast Host of Dr. Velma TALKS, Finding Your Voice, and Co-Host of Words of Choose to Live By, a bestselling Christian author, certified dating and relationship coach, an ordained minister, professional Speaker, trainer, and a woman who’s been blessed to be married 50+ years. 

In Season 2 we are doing a deep dive into eight characters from the CATCH Dating Series. We completed the SWOT analysis on 4 female characters in the series, and now it's time to look at 4 male characters from Book 3 - The WRONG CATCH - She'll Tear Down the House. Let's find out why some men continue to make the wrong choice in a mate by using the SWOT analysis to identify the problem.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the second season of
Doctor Velma Talks. This is another episode that is dressing
the godly dating, relationships and marriage. It's a Conversations with Me,
a media personality podcast host of Doctor Velma Talks as
well as Finding Your Voice podcast, and I'm a co
host of Words I Choose to Live By, which is

(00:22):
returning next week. I'm a best selling Christian author with
about twenty five titles out now nineteen our bestsellers, and
I'm a professional speaker as well as a trainer. I'm
a certified dating and relationship coach or a day minister,
as well as a woman that's been blessed to be

(00:43):
married over fifty years, so I'm grateful for that. For
season two, I promised you we will dive into eight
of the characters from my Catch series and we're going
to be addressing Book four characters in Book four, sorry,
characters in Book three, which is the book that I
wrote for men in response to my male readers who

(01:04):
wanted to know about the wrong women to date. So
Book four is full of female characters and we're going
to be addressing a few things about them. But first
I want to give you a little preview of what
a SWAT analysis means. SWAT stands for strength, weakness, opportunities,
and threat And it's been very interesting the first four

(01:25):
that we did on the female characters in the Catch series.
This time we're addressing the actually we're addressing the men
and why they're choosing the women that they choose. So
the S stands for strengths, which is the positive attributes
and qualities of the person. Weaknesses w Weaknesses these are

(01:49):
the internal factors, are issues that may hinder our post
challenges to their relationship decisions and opportunities. Oh, these would
be external factors or circumstances that can enhance or benefit
the relationship if applied properly, and then T represents threats.

(02:10):
These are the external challenges or risks that could negatively
impact their relationship. So strengths what you do well in
the relationship. Weaknesses areas for improvements, are your vulnerabilities or
opportunities where you can improve or strengthen your relationship. And

(02:31):
threats those external risks that will cause you problems. So
notice it doesn't say what's right or wrong, but it
gives you kind of an analysis of the things you
need to look at, especially if you already know there
are some things wrong. So what I'm going to do
is I'm going to begin at least this episode the
next episode, and I can't promise you all the episodes

(02:54):
would do this, but at least the next two we're
going to be addressing the narcis Assistic women are characters
in the book. There's at least four, and not that
I was specifically addressed each and everyone, but just an
overall view of why men in the stories chose these

(03:14):
narcissistic women, and just so that you know, they're found
in the third book, the Blue Book, which is the
wrong catch. She'll tear down the house based on Proverbs
fourteen B. And we're going to be covering the vampire bats,

(03:37):
one character found in chapter six. Chapter seven. There's the
firefly found in chapter seven, and then chapter eight. There's
the nark mother narcissistic mother, and chapter four the people pleaser.
People might find her not appropriate for the narcissistic care

(04:00):
a category, but she is that she's a controller and manipulator,
So that's chapter nine. We may not address necessarily the
nark Mother, but we definitely are going to be addressing
the other three so it's important for us to know
that the firefly, the vampire bad, the people pleaser, and

(04:21):
the nark mother are all narcissistic personalities. And why this
is important, it's because most of the time we hear
about narcissistic men, but we don't hear a lot about
narcissistic women. But they're out there and you'll find that.
It's interesting how the men fell in to the pattern

(04:42):
of falling in love with such a woman. And I
usually say in my conversation, stop falling in love with
what you see. Wait to fall in love with what
you discover about the person, their qualities, those characteristics that
you will last. But what you see, many of those

(05:03):
things are what I refer to as conditions. Things you
see for now can be gone later. But I've talked
about that before. I'm not going to go over it
much again. But for the man, guys, this is for you.
Why do men focus on attraction and are not successful

(05:24):
because they can't get past the woman's beauty, what she
looks like, and so in turn they overlook the dangers
that she possessed, the negative qualities, and of course are
narcissistic behavior in those relationships. In the stories. The men
who are telling their story at the male conference. These

(05:46):
are guys telling the other men the mistakes they made
when they met these women, and most of them will
admit and least in the stories they fell in love
with what they saw, not in what they tried to
discover about her. So let's look at what causes a
man to fall in love with a narcissistic woman. So

(06:09):
the first thing we said was he overlooks getting to
know her characteristics, getting to know who she really is
deeper than what he sees. So the strength that he has,
openness to growth, willingness to learn from relationships and improve
dating discernment. He's ambitious, has drived motivated to pursue success,

(06:31):
so he has that his communication skills are often good
and having conversations making connections because many of these women
can be successful women. And his confidence and self belief.
He believes in his value and has healthy standards over
time and appreciation for achievement. He values what she's been

(06:53):
able to achieve and accomplish, so he's mathematized by that
as well. Here are his weaknesses. Charm based misjudgment early
influenced by charisma and charm, which is what narcissistic women
will use. They will pour on the charm, dress the part,
and look extremely successful and beautiful, so that you don't

(07:16):
have time to think about her characteristics. You're just mesmeorized
by what you see, her status all masking the red
flags about herself over idealizations. She tends to romanticize success
and beauty, minimizing the warning signs. So he's methmeorized by
what he sees, so you can't see the red flags,

(07:38):
not paying any attention to them. So struggles to ascertain
needs or enforce boundaries when his feelings are so strong.
And that's why you keep your feelings in check in
the beginning. And that is when I say to both
the men and the women, stop falling in love with
what you see. Please try to discover some credible qualities

(07:59):
that you can fall in love with. That's what you
want to wait to fall in love with, is the
qualities that you find I discovered. And so as a
result of what he's looking at, he discounts the red
flags that are right there in front of him. He
tends to rationalize narcissistic behavior. She's just stressed. Really, this

(08:21):
will change, really last time I looked at something red.
It's stayed red for a reason. It's red on purpose,
dependency risks, hopes that frame our beauty will fix personal
insecurities or past hurts or leading to an imbalance. He

(08:44):
just thinks that her looks will take care of everything wrong.
It won't matter of fact, it will hurt eventually. So
I want to stop there because we're going to get
into red flags next time, and oh, let me get
to do tie for threats. I'm not going to go
over the opportunities because I think it's important that we

(09:06):
focus on what's negative about this one. Narcissistic manipulation in
many cases is referred to as gas lighting. I'm hearing
people talking about setting boundaries and correctly being used. People
are talking about gas lighting and correctly being used. But

(09:26):
gaslighting is what people do psychologically, manipulating someone who's questioning
to get them to the point where they question their
own sanity or their own reasoning, are their own beliefs.
So the threats are manipulation, gas lighting, love bombing, financial control, isolation,

(09:48):
all of the same things that we see in a
male narcissists, emotional and financial risks, potential depleting, of self
esteem and resources. In the story, the woman made more
than the man in this particular story, and so therefore
she controlled him through the finances. Reputation is safety concerns,

(10:08):
public scrutiny or escalation and conflicts, risk of gas lighting,
undermining confidence, repetition of trauma patterns, reproducing past relationship dynamics
and making future dating harder. Physical risk and extreme cases
escalation are earth or abusive behavior. It can get to

(10:31):
that point. And so therefore at some point we need
to talk about the red flag that he does not
pay any attention to. Let me just read to you
an excerpt that's part of the Sweat and the Sorry
Swat analysis. I read to you the s, the strengths,
which are the positive positives, weaknesses, and the threats. Next

(10:59):
time i'll go over the upper tunities, but I'll go
over all four of those categories in just a moment.
In chapter six, Pastor Grayson says to the men at
the conference, let me describe a nark woman, as we
will address four of them. In your package. You'll see
the description of a woman. These women have a sneaky

(11:19):
behavior men don't pay attention to as a red flag.
It is because most assume a narcissist is always a man. However,
I want you to hear me when I say these
are narcissistic women. There are narcissistic women too. In the
woman's case, they appear to show care and concern, which

(11:39):
is simply a disguise. This woman is a schemer and
plans out her steps to establish control over you. This
character will pour on affection and love until she cuts
it off, leaving you to grab onto whatever scraps you
can get. This character regularly tells lies. You will abuse

(12:01):
your finances, become increasingly possessive, and make every effort to
make sure you feel guilty and not her. The only
goal she has is to be greedy and selfish because
of what she wants. It is her priority, her goal
to satisfy her own needs. It's never about you. A

(12:21):
nark woman is the queen of the blame game and
will make you feel as though she is the victim
to whatever happens, especially times when your innocence is clear.
She always strives to be the center of attention and
will act entitled to feed off your admiration and your praise.
You'll see the signs of a master manipulator found inside

(12:45):
your folder is what Pastor Grayson says. Be aware of
guilt tripping, where you are constantly being tricked into doing
something by making you feel guilty. If you don't, then
there is her need for isolation by pulling you away
from family and friends. Therein lies another red flag. This

(13:06):
is so you become dependent on her for all your
emotional support, again making those things the center of all
your attention. So now let's recap. She's a schemer who
wants control. Is sneaky fakes, Any expression of carrying or
concern can pour on affection and love. Possessive abuses, ninansis

(13:30):
acts innocent, makes you feel guilty, greedy, selfish, queen of
blame game plays. The victim loves being the center of attention,
feels entitled, feeds on admiration, likes isolation. And he says
to the guys, guys, remember the letters capital R, dot

(13:51):
E dot d read, which means retreat, extremely dangerous. Don't
ignore the red flags. I hope this helped you today, guys.
This is the beginning of our conversation around narcissistic women
and why men fall in love with them and why
they get tricked into dating and even some cases, marrying them.

(14:14):
This is found in the fiction story of book three,
The Wrong Catch, She'll tear down the House. That's based
on Proverbs fourteen one be so. I hope you enjoyed
this episode of Doctor Velma Talks. For those of you
listening in, you can always reach out to me at
doctor Velma bagbee dot com. Make sure you stay connected

(14:36):
with me. I'm on all social media platforms, and please
continue to enjoy the Catch series. Thank you all for listening.
Have a wonderful day.