November 16, 2023 • 30 mins
The titular setting for the show was "a seedy bar and grille on New York's Third Avenue". The cast had Ed Gardner as Archie, Alan Reed as Finnegan, Pattee Chapman as Miss Duffy, Jimmy Conlin as Charlie, Veda Ann Borg as Peaches La Tour, and Herb Vigran as Second Story Jackson.
The radio version of Duffy's Tavern ended in 1952. When the TV version began two years later, Gardner's involvement was limited to acting. He said, "In radio, I was the producer and the director and half the time the writer and also Archie." The TV version had Hal Roach Jr. as producer and Harve Foster as director.[6]This program was the second effort to have a TV version of Duffy's Tavern. An earlier, hour-long version was filmed for showing as part of the All Star Revue series. It was never broadcast because the Revue was sponsored by a milk company, and the barroom setting conflicted with the company's image.
The radio version of Duffy's Tavern ended in 1952. When the TV version began two years later, Gardner's involvement was limited to acting. He said, "In radio, I was the producer and the director and half the time the writer and also Archie." The TV version had Hal Roach Jr. as producer and Harve Foster as director.[6]This program was the second effort to have a TV version of Duffy's Tavern. An earlier, hour-long version was filmed for showing as part of the All Star Revue series. It was never broadcast because the Revue was sponsored by a milk company, and the barroom setting conflicted with the company's image.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
It's Duffy's Tavern, brought to yourtranscribed by the National Broadcasting Company with Charlie
Canters, Finnegan, Hazel Sherman isMiss Duffy. Let's be shown at the
piano our guest Deams Taylor and starringArchie himself Ed Gardner. Come on,
(00:31):
isquiet? Everybody? Hellout Duffy's tavern? Why you late may theat ochie to
manage us making Duffy ain't here?Holdout Duffy. I guess who's coming down
tonight? The man who made musicalcriticism of household word. Oh not President
(00:58):
Truman, that was no household word. Now it's Teams Taylor, demes.
You know I can deems them anddoes you never heard of him? But
(01:23):
Duffy's an institution. Deems is toAmerican music? What or grotten is the
cheese buck Tuffy? Remember when weused to turn on the radio and listen
to them dull conscerts. You know, well, he's the guy that used
to liven them up with that dulltalk. That's the guy, yeah,
(01:44):
from the Philharmonica. It was hisjob to kind of blab about what was
going on in the stage. Sortof a combination store pigeon and peep and
Tom huh oh, yes, verydistinguished, you know, or steer dignified,
aristocratic, bald headed kid Ball isa bat. It's the only actor
(02:08):
on television that can get away withshowing more flesh than Dagma. Well he's
coming down tonight to listen to anopera I wrote for television. Look,
(02:29):
duffy a crude volga. Sound likethat? Don't make you no deems tail
it? I mean, so manypeople don't seem to like television. Well,
let's see here. I better checkthis opera to see if I made
any mistakes. Let's see Act one. The curtain rises, that's your Christmas
(02:53):
Day quiets. As the opera opens, the duke has lost his entire fortune.
As he comes home from his mother'sfuneral, he learns that his son
has been run over by a beartruck. So racked with fever and malaria,
he walks into his house and hefinds his wife in the arms of
(03:14):
his best friend. So, turningto the audience, he stabs himself with
his dagger as he sings, Ohwhat a beautiful morning. Well, that
part's okay. I just wonder whatI should call this opera. What would
be a good title for an operaFats lawn Gren. Yeah, that sounds
(03:38):
a little corny. Hobart Palliachi.Now, it don't sound like it'd be
a name of the catche on HorbotFigaro. Don't be silly, that's a
vitalizer. Well we're getting clothes.What do I mean? I don't mind
(04:05):
when I want lousy criticism. Mylast Dems Taylor for who's Deems Taylor?
Who is Deams Taylor? He onlyhappens to be such a big name in
the music world. He has hisown key to the washroom at the met
That's one guy that knows everything thereis to know about music. Yeah,
(04:27):
then why he got his own band? Well facts, she's a critic.
You know. The guy ain't gotno count himself. He's just an authority.
He tells other paper what's wrong withthem. You know, he can
take any opera they say, likeTannenbaum. You know, he can tell
(04:49):
you exactly how many notes there ison page sixteen. Suppose nobody ask him.
Dames is the type of man whowill tell them anyway. Yeah,
he can even tell you anything youwant to know about any composer, living
(05:10):
or dead. Hold on and again. Hey, what's that you're writing?
I'm knocking out an opera? Ohdid he tell you could you use a
good soprano? Who the soprano?Me? In order to be a soprano,
you got to be a name.Oh then it wouldn't be what you
(05:32):
were singing. What's your murdered thing? Up and studying? You want to
hear me sing up the scale?Perish for bid? Oh listen, that
was up the scale. Now leaveme hear you sing down the scale.
(05:54):
I was voice saying badly. He'sgot a horble sense of direction. Oh
lord, you can't have everything.Look who learned you to sing like that?
Anyhow, Miss Duffy, No,wasn't, Miss Duffy. I learned
it from listening to the budge tothe birds. Budges can sing better than
(06:15):
noney bully. Birds can sing.Why are you talking? People can sing
rings around birds anything. Oh yeah, yeah. Take Lily Punt. She
can hit an f above a highseat while balancing herself on the telephone wire
(06:41):
well or scratching herself behind the earwith her left leg. Okay, and
you made your point, nothing thehard way, but now leave me.
Get back to my opera now,let me see you all, I'm miss
Duffy. Don't bother me here,I mean, I'm busy. Now is
there? And goes up revealing thesecond Cadenza are our hero. And you
(07:05):
know everything you write always has astamp of your personality on it. Your
work is always So what's the wordindividual? No? Unique, no,
imaginative? No, I'm afraid yourvocabulary is that's the word. Now,
(07:30):
if you ask me, I ain'tasking you. Why do women know about
composing music anyhow? Oh yeah,oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.
Could I take part in this conversation? All right? And again,
what do you want to say?Oh? Well, that throws a different
(07:53):
light on it. Ms Duffy,I defy you if you can name me
one great woman composer who was amember of female sex. A great woman
composer, Uh Joan Sebastian Bach.Well her, yeah, but but that's
(08:22):
just one. Let me see yourname another? Uh Paderuski. Padaruski was
a guy. I am referring tohis mother. She was a woman.
What's that got to do with it? Who you think beat him? So
we'd learned to play the piano?Oh waste big time, Archie. You
(08:45):
seem to forget that I have amusical background only when you're standing in front
of a jukebox. Uh, wheredid you get a musical background from my
grandfather? Your grandfather, he wasa musician, a musician. He was
an organ grinder and a hurdy gurdy. Some musician just a minute. In
(09:07):
Daniel Webster's Dictionary, a musician isdefined as one who produces music. Right,
So what do you think came outof that hurdy gurdy? Chopped liver?
Okay, so your grandfather was anothermcrand enough he was better. I'd
like to see how good mcgrananoff couldplay with a cop chasing him down the
(09:28):
street or sitting on a telephone whilesscratching his hair with his left leg.
So this is what you call amusical background. Huh? How about Papa?
What about him? He's always singing? Your old man always sings,
certainly every time he's in the bathtub. May'd be much better off if he
(09:48):
sang off now? Oh yeah,have you ever heard him sing Sweet Adeline?
Only once at with a lamp post. The lamp post sounded better.
Now beat it, Miss Duffy.I gotta get back and make creative mood.
Oh, Fats. Yeah, Fats, play me some opera to put
me in a mood. Huh,sorry, Boss, I don'tly know the
(10:09):
popular stuff. Holding Okay, thenplay some popular stuff. It may please
the peasants. Just picture a penthouse. We're up in the sky with hinges
on timmuts for cars, rolled bythe sweet slice of heaven. Progest you
and I when we'll hold from outof society, we will still live in
(10:35):
propriety. There on our rule toheavenly hermits, we will be in true
when we all we live life's madpattern. As we view all Manhattan,
we can't thank how lucky stalls thatwe live in. As we all in
(10:56):
our little penhouse will always control keeploving Romance forever live and view the Hudson
just over the drive when we alonewe live lives mad pattern as we view
(11:37):
old Manhattan. We can't thank ourlucky stalls that we live in as beyond
and our little pet hospital always contrivedto keep loving Romance forever live and view
the Hudson just over the drive whenwe alone and my boy Fats, but
(12:09):
I kind of finished this opera nowbefore Dems gets here. Let's see as
the curtain goes up the Duke hasstabbed everybody on the stage, so,
not wishing to go out into theaudience, he now stabs himself. As
he guessed for breath, he pullsup his sleeve and there, to his
(12:31):
surprise, he finds a boit mark, it is a Soundsbury strawberry. He
good, gad, he yells,I am my own half brother. I
mistaught you. Yeah, Fats,you want to taste this and soup the
seed? That's all right, okay, okay's all right. I don't know
(12:52):
what it is, but I'll tellyou one thing, Archie. What you
are sipping it in? E flatthem? Well, dames, glad to
see you back at the tavern again. How does the whole place look to
(13:16):
you? Well? Now I knowhow Orpheus felt and heyes, this I
ain't acquainted with. Have you anyother observations? Well? I must compliment
you on one thing, aren't you? What's that the way you have erased
the customers in such neat piles.I suppose you are used to the Metropolitan
(13:41):
with a sleep setting up, Butdon't underestimate this place, dames. You
know something what Irving sat at thisvery table and he himself wrote that music
(14:05):
right there on that table cloth.Well, that's what it is on that
table cloth. Let me see,very interesting out what happened? One of
the half notes just jumped off thetable and bit my hand. I guess
it was just professional jealousy. Well, this has all been very delightful.
(14:26):
Now I think I'll go go,But you just got here. Can you
think of a better time? Butwe ain't even chit chatted, demes,
Tell me what you've been doing.They've been working on FM FM. Yeah,
television. You should be great onit. Huh. Well, to
(14:50):
be, Frank, I am ratherphotogenic. Well, everybody scared it,
Frank, I understand it. Evenwhen Melton Boil started, his hair stood
right out and he wouldn't have toworry about that. Archie. Please,
I'm a little sensitive about my departedpompadour. Oh it's a rather sad chapter
(15:15):
in my life. Kay, sensitiveman? Well, then leave us not
talk about it, thank him,not at all. I don't. We'll
talk about something else. Yes,I mean, how'd you get so badly?
Beams? Well, I gave myhair to my profession. You gave
your anti a profession. Yes,I was attending a rehearsal of an Indian
(15:37):
opera. Naturally, I fell asleepand when I woke up, I was
scalped. But you can't say theIndian wasn't thorough. But I am being
a thoughtless mine host. How abouta bite to eat? Dems, fats
take mister Taylor's order? Huh?What have you? Fats? Well?
(15:58):
Would you like the thirty cent dinneror what's the difference with the fifty cent
dinner? You get a fly swatter, Give me the fift dinner. I
need the exercise? What is it? Who's the guy with the crew head
cut? Hey, the crew veiledout come in this happens to be names
(16:32):
Towner, and he's very sensitive aboutit, his lack of no hair.
See, so remember don't mention hairwhen you're talking. Tom Oh, not
a word. Don't leave it tobe well things Taylor, I live and
break? Oh you do, don'tyou? And Simon and simultaneously too?
(16:57):
Is it okay to talk to ye? I only remember what I told you.
I got a nice day today,ain't it? Certainly is my?
But you're looking well? Thank you? Tell me? Who does your scalp?
You matter? Did I let itslip? Talk to the guy about
(17:22):
something else? Talk about you.Say you to mister Tyler, Why do
I always get you confused with SpikeJones because you're a jake. Oh that's
it. I couldn't quite put myfinger on this now, Archie. Uh,
you're you're much too intolerant. Finnaganhas to be treated with understanding and
(17:44):
patience. Finnigan, my friend SpikeJones is an exponent of jazz and musical
burless, while I, on theother hand, I'm what they call a
long hair. What you don't leaveit home? Archie? What was that
(18:07):
word you used? A moment ago, Jake, Thank you, Fendigan,
you're a joke. Bets. Whysay, Archie, this is a surprise.
I knew you had a piano here, but I didn't know it was
a baby grand I beg your pardonthemes this is miss Duffy. Oh the
(18:29):
piano is the one over there withthe shapely legs. So you're Deams Taylor,
the well known critic. That's Ryan. So what have you got to
be so critical about Miss Duffy?That's his job. The guy criticizes music.
Do you hate music? No?I love it? Then why criticize
(18:49):
it? Well, why don't youcriticize architecture. Really, I haven't the
slightest interest in architecture. That's right. Throw k a trinky Yarbs's mother out
of work. Good drinking yabus ismoney. She's a steeple jack. How
did k drinky yabucks get into this? I suppose she's not welcome just because
(19:12):
she's from Lithuania, Miss Duffy.Look, I'm only trying to tell you
that my field is music. Sowhat's wrong with the music from Lithuania?
Mims stuffy? Please, let's dropthe subject and go on to something,
(19:33):
shall I say more important? Well? I know it's mean, but frankly
you're much too old for me.In fact, you remind me of my
father. Well that makes us evenyou remind me of my father. Fuck
my stuffy, You have just beenaccident. And now look, James,
(19:56):
I got a little surprised for you. Another yep. Yeah, I guess
A lot of morons come to youwith operas they have written. Oh that's
right, where's yours? Right here? And it's the first opera ever wrote
for television. It's years ahead ofits time. I can wait, but
(20:21):
I can't, so, uh,why don't you take it over in the
corner? And read it, youknow, just quietly, couldn't I scream?
Just once? Well, if themood seizes you, let me look
at this. You say you wrotethis opera for television. Mm hmm.
What are you trying to do?Bring back radio? Say Archie? Yeah,
(20:56):
James, it says here on theopera written by ARCHIEI is that you?
Of course, I figured Archie wastoo plain for opera, so I
decided to adopt a musical name,you know, a metronome. Well,
tell me, Demes, did youlook over the opera? Yes? What
do you think of it? Well, considering the fact that you never went
(21:19):
to school, it's horrible. Look, Dames, you're just looking at the
raw music. It'll sound better whenyou hear yourself singing it. I would
rather drop dead, not until thesecond act. Well what do you say?
Will you sing it? Yes?Or no? No? No,
(21:41):
Demes, I got twenty three morebull headed jokes you have. Yeah,
he was glad to have you inthe cast. Now he if and again,
Miss Duffie, here's your parts.Fats, you're the orchestra overture.
Please, thank you, ladies andgents. I am honored to present a
(22:07):
new opera wrote by me his theeemedself. This opera tells the story of
an ancient and royal Italian family namedthe Pastos and their enemies, the Antipastos.
The part of Prince Katchatori Pasto willbe sung by mister Deames Taylor,
(22:33):
our eminent contemporary and Mezso Barracuda,Thank you, not a part of his
sweetheart, Princess Vermicelli. Antipasto willbe sung by the well known lyric falsetto
and popular cashier and girl after menabout town, Miss duffy a. And
(23:02):
now the house lights dim and thecurtain rises on the first libretto. Okatcha
toy? How can I live withoutyou? Oh ver Machelle, I'm so
mad about you. Oh oh Joeagad boy? Is this bad? Please?
(23:26):
Mister Taylor tonight. You are nota critic. You are merely a
broken down opera singer. Oh I'msorry. Oh what a tragedy this you
are telling me? Dear? Shallwe laugh and cry? You laugh and
(23:49):
I will cry? Oh Archie,Yeah, this music, Yes, it's
(24:15):
I don't know immobile. Thanks andit gets even better. Contain your orchestra,
oh, Princess, Oh, Princessa man cometh through the forest.
It's night, trusty servant an oldfamily container. Oh, princess, princess
(24:37):
with a rotto? Hi, whetherhere, whether art thou? What highs
you? Hence I come, tinysad parrys, tiny fat terrence, I
get the shadow. I got newsfor you, Princess. Your old man
(25:04):
the baron gorganzol and the Pasto approachesfort with he had found out that you
are in love with the son ofa mort Lena, Oh, quickly catch
a tory. We must flee sun. It is too late to flee,
(25:26):
my love. Here's your father?Now well, where is our old man?
And you're the father? Hollo,my daughter, what are you doing
with the son of the man?I hate Prince katatory with there is your
father. I ain't wear the righthair Anti pastor would make out of it.
(25:48):
Now please, no, says popPasto. I hurte you and I
hate you. Oh, I hateyou and I hate you. I hate
you more than you hate me.Oh no you don't, oh yet,
I do we hate each other?With the lord huh ant the pasto,
(26:22):
Yes, Pastle, didst thou bringthou swordedoods woods fights woods, then sir
on guard before they thunder each otherfrom limb to limb. I cannot very
matellian nless they will sunder me.Then I will stop them, though accort
(26:45):
me my blood like Kazouks. Theprincess has run betwixt him. She's just
been stabbed on stage left. Okaywith Duffy, there's your cue, drop
dead. Oh he huh tis thedeath rattle. I ain't fear I have
(27:11):
stabbed your daughter to the quick.No, potto, they have stabbed dine
own dord. What the earlier?What dire loud doest thou sayest thou man?
Tis the truth? I speak posto. I am the old nice And
when the prince and princess were merebabes and arms, I got him all
(27:34):
mixed up. Now mixes them up, Yeah, I mixes them up.
I got him all mix this up. I couldn't tell him apart. I
got him all mixed us up.I mixed him up. I'm mixed.
Then, then Vermicelli, I amyou, yes, Tory, and I
am you, and he is sheand she is he? And god stop
(28:03):
it. Don't massic create this normalmusic? Now go ahead, miss Duffy,
will you please resume dying? Oh? Catch you, Tory. I
am dying. My tide is ebbingfast day way, Oh, Princess perfect,
they do not leave me. I'msorry, my prince, but the
(28:25):
time has come when im die.Gabriel blows his horn at I don't die,
Oh Princess, don't leave me likethis. Oh no, you can't
just die and leave the prince likethis. Oh God, you go.
(28:45):
Oh no no no, yes,I must go. Yes, I must
go. Oh no no no,yes, I must go. Oh no
no no, there she is notthe only one there. Gohoes teams haddle,
he can stand it seems come backnames no, r G. I
(29:10):
must leave Mithing. But first I'dlike to say that this hair opera lit
again. That's meek. Friends toDuffy's tavern franscribed by NBC
It's Duffy's Tavern, brought to yourtranscribed by the National Broadcasting Company with Charlie
Canters, Finnegan, Hazel Sherman isMiss Duffy. Let's be shown at the
piano our guest Deams Taylor and starringArchie himself Ed Gardner. Come on,
(00:31):
isquiet? Everybody? Hellout Duffy's tavern? Why you late may theat ochie to
manage us making Duffy ain't here?Holdout Duffy. I guess who's coming down
tonight? The man who made musicalcriticism of household word. Oh not President
(00:58):
Truman, that was no household word. Now it's Teams Taylor, demes.
You know I can deems them anddoes you never heard of him? But
(01:23):
Duffy's an institution. Deems is toAmerican music? What or grotten is the
cheese buck Tuffy? Remember when weused to turn on the radio and listen
to them dull conscerts. You know, well, he's the guy that used
to liven them up with that dulltalk. That's the guy, yeah,
(01:44):
from the Philharmonica. It was hisjob to kind of blab about what was
going on in the stage. Sortof a combination store pigeon and peep and
Tom huh oh, yes, verydistinguished, you know, or steer dignified,
aristocratic, bald headed kid Ball isa bat. It's the only actor
(02:08):
on television that can get away withshowing more flesh than Dagma. Well he's
coming down tonight to listen to anopera I wrote for television. Look,
(02:29):
duffy a crude volga. Sound likethat? Don't make you no deems tail
it? I mean, so manypeople don't seem to like television. Well,
let's see here. I better checkthis opera to see if I made
any mistakes. Let's see Act one. The curtain rises, that's your Christmas
(02:53):
Day quiets. As the opera opens, the duke has lost his entire fortune.
As he comes home from his mother'sfuneral, he learns that his son
has been run over by a beartruck. So racked with fever and malaria,
he walks into his house and hefinds his wife in the arms of
(03:14):
his best friend. So, turningto the audience, he stabs himself with
his dagger as he sings, Ohwhat a beautiful morning. Well, that
part's okay. I just wonder whatI should call this opera. What would
be a good title for an operaFats lawn Gren. Yeah, that sounds
(03:38):
a little corny. Hobart Palliachi.Now, it don't sound like it'd be
a name of the catche on HorbotFigaro. Don't be silly, that's a
vitalizer. Well we're getting clothes.What do I mean? I don't mind
(04:05):
when I want lousy criticism. Mylast Dems Taylor for who's Deems Taylor?
Who is Deams Taylor? He onlyhappens to be such a big name in
the music world. He has hisown key to the washroom at the met
That's one guy that knows everything thereis to know about music. Yeah,
(04:27):
then why he got his own band? Well facts, she's a critic.
You know. The guy ain't gotno count himself. He's just an authority.
He tells other paper what's wrong withthem. You know, he can
take any opera they say, likeTannenbaum. You know, he can tell
(04:49):
you exactly how many notes there ison page sixteen. Suppose nobody ask him.
Dames is the type of man whowill tell them anyway. Yeah,
he can even tell you anything youwant to know about any composer, living
(05:10):
or dead. Hold on and again. Hey, what's that you're writing?
I'm knocking out an opera? Ohdid he tell you could you use a
good soprano? Who the soprano?Me? In order to be a soprano,
you got to be a name.Oh then it wouldn't be what you
(05:32):
were singing. What's your murdered thing? Up and studying? You want to
hear me sing up the scale?Perish for bid? Oh listen, that
was up the scale. Now leaveme hear you sing down the scale.
(05:54):
I was voice saying badly. He'sgot a horble sense of direction. Oh
lord, you can't have everything.Look who learned you to sing like that?
Anyhow, Miss Duffy, No,wasn't, Miss Duffy. I learned
it from listening to the budge tothe birds. Budges can sing better than
(06:15):
noney bully. Birds can sing.Why are you talking? People can sing
rings around birds anything. Oh yeah, yeah. Take Lily Punt. She
can hit an f above a highseat while balancing herself on the telephone wire
(06:41):
well or scratching herself behind the earwith her left leg. Okay, and
you made your point, nothing thehard way, but now leave me.
Get back to my opera now,let me see you all, I'm miss
Duffy. Don't bother me here,I mean, I'm busy. Now is
there? And goes up revealing thesecond Cadenza are our hero. And you
(07:05):
know everything you write always has astamp of your personality on it. Your
work is always So what's the wordindividual? No? Unique, no,
imaginative? No, I'm afraid yourvocabulary is that's the word. Now,
(07:30):
if you ask me, I ain'tasking you. Why do women know about
composing music anyhow? Oh yeah,oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.
Could I take part in this conversation? All right? And again,
what do you want to say?Oh? Well, that throws a different
(07:53):
light on it. Ms Duffy,I defy you if you can name me
one great woman composer who was amember of female sex. A great woman
composer, Uh Joan Sebastian Bach.Well her, yeah, but but that's
(08:22):
just one. Let me see yourname another? Uh Paderuski. Padaruski was
a guy. I am referring tohis mother. She was a woman.
What's that got to do with it? Who you think beat him? So
we'd learned to play the piano?Oh waste big time, Archie. You
(08:45):
seem to forget that I have amusical background only when you're standing in front
of a jukebox. Uh, wheredid you get a musical background from my
grandfather? Your grandfather, he wasa musician, a musician. He was
an organ grinder and a hurdy gurdy. Some musician just a minute. In
(09:07):
Daniel Webster's Dictionary, a musician isdefined as one who produces music. Right,
So what do you think came outof that hurdy gurdy? Chopped liver?
Okay, so your grandfather was anothermcrand enough he was better. I'd
like to see how good mcgrananoff couldplay with a cop chasing him down the
(09:28):
street or sitting on a telephone whilesscratching his hair with his left leg.
So this is what you call amusical background. Huh? How about Papa?
What about him? He's always singing? Your old man always sings,
certainly every time he's in the bathtub. May'd be much better off if he
(09:48):
sang off now? Oh yeah,have you ever heard him sing Sweet Adeline?
Only once at with a lamp post. The lamp post sounded better.
Now beat it, Miss Duffy.I gotta get back and make creative mood.
Oh, Fats. Yeah, Fats, play me some opera to put
me in a mood. Huh,sorry, Boss, I don'tly know the
(10:09):
popular stuff. Holding Okay, thenplay some popular stuff. It may please
the peasants. Just picture a penthouse. We're up in the sky with hinges
on timmuts for cars, rolled bythe sweet slice of heaven. Progest you
and I when we'll hold from outof society, we will still live in
(10:35):
propriety. There on our rule toheavenly hermits, we will be in true
when we all we live life's madpattern. As we view all Manhattan,
we can't thank how lucky stalls thatwe live in. As we all in
(10:56):
our little penhouse will always control keeploving Romance forever live and view the Hudson
just over the drive when we alonewe live lives mad pattern as we view
(11:37):
old Manhattan. We can't thank ourlucky stalls that we live in as beyond
and our little pet hospital always contrivedto keep loving Romance forever live and view
the Hudson just over the drive whenwe alone and my boy Fats, but
(12:09):
I kind of finished this opera nowbefore Dems gets here. Let's see as
the curtain goes up the Duke hasstabbed everybody on the stage, so,
not wishing to go out into theaudience, he now stabs himself. As
he guessed for breath, he pullsup his sleeve and there, to his
(12:31):
surprise, he finds a boit mark, it is a Soundsbury strawberry. He
good, gad, he yells,I am my own half brother. I
mistaught you. Yeah, Fats,you want to taste this and soup the
seed? That's all right, okay, okay's all right. I don't know
(12:52):
what it is, but I'll tellyou one thing, Archie. What you
are sipping it in? E flatthem? Well, dames, glad to
see you back at the tavern again. How does the whole place look to
(13:16):
you? Well? Now I knowhow Orpheus felt and heyes, this I
ain't acquainted with. Have you anyother observations? Well? I must compliment
you on one thing, aren't you? What's that the way you have erased
the customers in such neat piles.I suppose you are used to the Metropolitan
(13:41):
with a sleep setting up, Butdon't underestimate this place, dames. You
know something what Irving sat at thisvery table and he himself wrote that music
(14:05):
right there on that table cloth.Well, that's what it is on that
table cloth. Let me see,very interesting out what happened? One of
the half notes just jumped off thetable and bit my hand. I guess
it was just professional jealousy. Well, this has all been very delightful.
(14:26):
Now I think I'll go go,But you just got here. Can you
think of a better time? Butwe ain't even chit chatted, demes,
Tell me what you've been doing.They've been working on FM FM. Yeah,
television. You should be great onit. Huh. Well, to
(14:50):
be, Frank, I am ratherphotogenic. Well, everybody scared it,
Frank, I understand it. Evenwhen Melton Boil started, his hair stood
right out and he wouldn't have toworry about that. Archie. Please,
I'm a little sensitive about my departedpompadour. Oh it's a rather sad chapter
(15:15):
in my life. Kay, sensitiveman? Well, then leave us not
talk about it, thank him,not at all. I don't. We'll
talk about something else. Yes,I mean, how'd you get so badly?
Beams? Well, I gave myhair to my profession. You gave
your anti a profession. Yes,I was attending a rehearsal of an Indian
(15:37):
opera. Naturally, I fell asleepand when I woke up, I was
scalped. But you can't say theIndian wasn't thorough. But I am being
a thoughtless mine host. How abouta bite to eat? Dems, fats
take mister Taylor's order? Huh?What have you? Fats? Well?
(15:58):
Would you like the thirty cent dinneror what's the difference with the fifty cent
dinner? You get a fly swatter, Give me the fift dinner. I
need the exercise? What is it? Who's the guy with the crew head
cut? Hey, the crew veiledout come in this happens to be names
(16:32):
Towner, and he's very sensitive aboutit, his lack of no hair.
See, so remember don't mention hairwhen you're talking. Tom Oh, not
a word. Don't leave it tobe well things Taylor, I live and
break? Oh you do, don'tyou? And Simon and simultaneously too?
(16:57):
Is it okay to talk to ye? I only remember what I told you.
I got a nice day today,ain't it? Certainly is my?
But you're looking well? Thank you? Tell me? Who does your scalp?
You matter? Did I let itslip? Talk to the guy about
(17:22):
something else? Talk about you.Say you to mister Tyler, Why do
I always get you confused with SpikeJones because you're a jake. Oh that's
it. I couldn't quite put myfinger on this now, Archie. Uh,
you're you're much too intolerant. Finnaganhas to be treated with understanding and
(17:44):
patience. Finnigan, my friend SpikeJones is an exponent of jazz and musical
burless, while I, on theother hand, I'm what they call a
long hair. What you don't leaveit home? Archie? What was that
(18:07):
word you used? A moment ago, Jake, Thank you, Fendigan,
you're a joke. Bets. Whysay, Archie, this is a surprise.
I knew you had a piano here, but I didn't know it was
a baby grand I beg your pardonthemes this is miss Duffy. Oh the
(18:29):
piano is the one over there withthe shapely legs. So you're Deams Taylor,
the well known critic. That's Ryan. So what have you got to
be so critical about Miss Duffy?That's his job. The guy criticizes music.
Do you hate music? No?I love it? Then why criticize
(18:49):
it? Well, why don't youcriticize architecture. Really, I haven't the
slightest interest in architecture. That's right. Throw k a trinky Yarbs's mother out
of work. Good drinking yabus ismoney. She's a steeple jack. How
did k drinky yabucks get into this? I suppose she's not welcome just because
(19:12):
she's from Lithuania, Miss Duffy.Look, I'm only trying to tell you
that my field is music. Sowhat's wrong with the music from Lithuania?
Mims stuffy? Please, let's dropthe subject and go on to something,
(19:33):
shall I say more important? Well? I know it's mean, but frankly
you're much too old for me.In fact, you remind me of my
father. Well that makes us evenyou remind me of my father. Fuck
my stuffy, You have just beenaccident. And now look, James,
(19:56):
I got a little surprised for you. Another yep. Yeah, I guess
A lot of morons come to youwith operas they have written. Oh that's
right, where's yours? Right here? And it's the first opera ever wrote
for television. It's years ahead ofits time. I can wait, but
(20:21):
I can't, so, uh,why don't you take it over in the
corner? And read it, youknow, just quietly, couldn't I scream?
Just once? Well, if themood seizes you, let me look
at this. You say you wrotethis opera for television. Mm hmm.
What are you trying to do?Bring back radio? Say Archie? Yeah,
(20:56):
James, it says here on theopera written by ARCHIEI is that you?
Of course, I figured Archie wastoo plain for opera, so I
decided to adopt a musical name,you know, a metronome. Well,
tell me, Demes, did youlook over the opera? Yes? What
do you think of it? Well, considering the fact that you never went
(21:19):
to school, it's horrible. Look, Dames, you're just looking at the
raw music. It'll sound better whenyou hear yourself singing it. I would
rather drop dead, not until thesecond act. Well what do you say?
Will you sing it? Yes?Or no? No? No,
(21:41):
Demes, I got twenty three morebull headed jokes you have. Yeah,
he was glad to have you inthe cast. Now he if and again,
Miss Duffie, here's your parts.Fats, you're the orchestra overture.
Please, thank you, ladies andgents. I am honored to present a
(22:07):
new opera wrote by me his theeemedself. This opera tells the story of
an ancient and royal Italian family namedthe Pastos and their enemies, the Antipastos.
The part of Prince Katchatori Pasto willbe sung by mister Deames Taylor,
(22:33):
our eminent contemporary and Mezso Barracuda,Thank you, not a part of his
sweetheart, Princess Vermicelli. Antipasto willbe sung by the well known lyric falsetto
and popular cashier and girl after menabout town, Miss duffy a. And
(23:02):
now the house lights dim and thecurtain rises on the first libretto. Okatcha
toy? How can I live withoutyou? Oh ver Machelle, I'm so
mad about you. Oh oh Joeagad boy? Is this bad? Please?
(23:26):
Mister Taylor tonight. You are nota critic. You are merely a
broken down opera singer. Oh I'msorry. Oh what a tragedy this you
are telling me? Dear? Shallwe laugh and cry? You laugh and
(23:49):
I will cry? Oh Archie,Yeah, this music, Yes, it's
(24:15):
I don't know immobile. Thanks andit gets even better. Contain your orchestra,
oh, Princess, Oh, Princessa man cometh through the forest.
It's night, trusty servant an oldfamily container. Oh, princess, princess
(24:37):
with a rotto? Hi, whetherhere, whether art thou? What highs
you? Hence I come, tinysad parrys, tiny fat terrence, I
get the shadow. I got newsfor you, Princess. Your old man
(25:04):
the baron gorganzol and the Pasto approachesfort with he had found out that you
are in love with the son ofa mort Lena, Oh, quickly catch
a tory. We must flee sun. It is too late to flee,
(25:26):
my love. Here's your father?Now well, where is our old man?
And you're the father? Hollo,my daughter, what are you doing
with the son of the man?I hate Prince katatory with there is your
father. I ain't wear the righthair Anti pastor would make out of it.
(25:48):
Now please, no, says popPasto. I hurte you and I
hate you. Oh, I hateyou and I hate you. I hate
you more than you hate me.Oh no you don't, oh yet,
I do we hate each other?With the lord huh ant the pasto,
(26:22):
Yes, Pastle, didst thou bringthou swordedoods woods fights woods, then sir
on guard before they thunder each otherfrom limb to limb. I cannot very
matellian nless they will sunder me.Then I will stop them, though accort
(26:45):
me my blood like Kazouks. Theprincess has run betwixt him. She's just
been stabbed on stage left. Okaywith Duffy, there's your cue, drop
dead. Oh he huh tis thedeath rattle. I ain't fear I have
(27:11):
stabbed your daughter to the quick.No, potto, they have stabbed dine
own dord. What the earlier?What dire loud doest thou sayest thou man?
Tis the truth? I speak posto. I am the old nice And
when the prince and princess were merebabes and arms, I got him all
(27:34):
mixed up. Now mixes them up, Yeah, I mixes them up.
I got him all mix this up. I couldn't tell him apart. I
got him all mixed us up.I mixed him up. I'm mixed.
Then, then Vermicelli, I amyou, yes, Tory, and I
am you, and he is sheand she is he? And god stop
(28:03):
it. Don't massic create this normalmusic? Now go ahead, miss Duffy,
will you please resume dying? Oh? Catch you, Tory. I
am dying. My tide is ebbingfast day way, Oh, Princess perfect,
they do not leave me. I'msorry, my prince, but the
(28:25):
time has come when im die.Gabriel blows his horn at I don't die,
Oh Princess, don't leave me likethis. Oh no, you can't
just die and leave the prince likethis. Oh God, you go.
(28:45):
Oh no no no, yes,I must go. Yes, I must
go. Oh no no no,yes, I must go. Oh no
no no, there she is notthe only one there. Gohoes teams haddle,
he can stand it seems come backnames no, r G. I
(29:10):
must leave Mithing. But first I'dlike to say that this hair opera lit
again. That's meek. Friends toDuffy's tavern franscribed by NBC
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