November 15, 2023 • 23 mins
The titular setting for the show was "a seedy bar and grille on New York's Third Avenue". The cast had Ed Gardner as Archie, Alan Reed as Finnegan, Pattee Chapman as Miss Duffy, Jimmy Conlin as Charlie, Veda Ann Borg as Peaches La Tour, and Herb Vigran as Second Story Jackson.
The radio version of Duffy's Tavern ended in 1952. When the TV version began two years later, Gardner's involvement was limited to acting. He said, "In radio, I was the producer and the director and half the time the writer and also Archie." The TV version had Hal Roach Jr. as producer and Harve Foster as director.[6]This program was the second effort to have a TV version of Duffy's Tavern. An earlier, hour-long version was filmed for showing as part of the All Star Revue series. It was never broadcast because the Revue was sponsored by a milk company, and the barroom setting conflicted with the company's image.
The radio version of Duffy's Tavern ended in 1952. When the TV version began two years later, Gardner's involvement was limited to acting. He said, "In radio, I was the producer and the director and half the time the writer and also Archie." The TV version had Hal Roach Jr. as producer and Harve Foster as director.[6]This program was the second effort to have a TV version of Duffy's Tavern. An earlier, hour-long version was filmed for showing as part of the All Star Revue series. It was never broadcast because the Revue was sponsored by a milk company, and the barroom setting conflicted with the company's image.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
The Special Service Division. Invite youSoldiers, sailors, and Marines of the
United Nations to drop in at Duffy'sTavern. Allow, Duffies, where you
lead me to hockey? The managersBacon Duffy ain't here. Hello, Duffy,
tonight. Lucille Ball from Hollywood.The tomato with the carrot hair.
(00:31):
Yeah, very nourishing. Oh you'dlike a dish like that. Huh.
But you also like frinds and brunettestoo, whether you draw the line,
oh you don't like bull head ofJames. Yeah, well, Duffy,
I can't talk now. I gottaget ready for good old Lose Seal.
Oh sure, her and I usedto be nips in the butt together.
(00:54):
Certainly she's from Brooklyn. Huh.No. When she was a kid,
her parents migrants and out up there. Yes, yes, to escape persecution.
Her father was a Yankee fan.Yes, that'd be Yeah, it's
gonna be old homework. Okay,I'll call you back, good bye.
(01:15):
Hey, I'm a mister Archer.Yeah, he couldn't move. The actress
Miss Ball just called. Oh yeah, good old Lucie. Him my dear
friend and the chili sweetheart. Yeah, your dear friend and childish sweetheart just
called and wants to know who's archers. She was kidding, Eddie. She
and me were tomboys together, Panee. She was a pretty girl. Yeah,
(01:40):
she was a pretty girl, andshe was madly in love with you,
and she would die for you,and she wanted to marry you.
He was psycho panty, Eddie,How did you know? That's easy?
I just followed the truth and stayedas far away from me as I could
listen, Eddie, yesterday that mighthave been funny, But of course yesterday
I was a nobody. Today,who knows, maybe I will be an
(02:07):
old friend of mine is gonna haveme listed in that book of famous men.
Who's that? You don't mean?Whom's who? And whom? Who?
You mean? Who's whom? Andyou splitting infinitive? You must first
modify the participle, No, Eddie, this is a similar anthropology. It's
(02:31):
it's called who's that? Read thisletter? Eddie, dear read the name
of the publisher human and schwitzt dearboyhood friend Art? How are you art?
Old pal? I am doing verywell, as you can see by
(02:52):
feeling this very extensive stationary. Ijust remember that you are an old friend,
and consequently I'm in a position tohave your name lifted in our book?
Who's that? Since you are anold friend, this will cost you
nothing. Always glad to help anold friend. Signed your old friend they
(03:15):
went worth Castle formerly Joe Clinker.Yeah, good old stinker Clinker. I
haven't seen him in years. Thatwas his nicknames, thinking why did you
call him that? And besides noneof us could stand him? So you
(03:36):
see any went with me? Namecoming out? And who's that? We'll
see a bullet and no position?The snuffer toes at me? Tim is
somebody too good? Evening Finnigan?How do I look tonight? Pretty?
No? Ugly? And yours yourwine? Well, don't you know my
(03:58):
shot? I share? Don't mustagben again? You never had no mushtag?
No, I wonder why I shakethis morning? Let me look at
the back of your head, hI thought, so, I think you
better shave it back on again,Kenny? Look, why are you so
(04:19):
worried about your looks tonight outside ofwhat's obvious? Well, the let's see
a bull's coming down here? Ain'tyou don't want there? You? I
got naughty thoughts? What do youmean? Well? I figured maybe if
I play my cards, I she'llgive me your free pass to the movies.
(04:43):
Bennigan. That's a very naughty thought. Yeh. I know what.
Sometimes I don't know what comes overme. The hey just Lucia Ball the
red hair of her? Is thatreal? My shirt? May it's real?
And that way for more the naturalhair it's probably heredita. So I
(05:12):
don't believe in why not look atmy mother red hair, work at my
father red hair? Look at me? No? Yeah, and interesting for
mamma gaman has had to see you. Well well, well, but it
isn't my old pal, my oldfriend Argy Wait a minute, knowing not?
(05:35):
Yeah, Jay went Worth, AshleyStinker Clinker. Excuse me, I
mean that stinker Ashley. Oh no, you can't say that anymore, odde.
It doesn't rhyme with Ashley like Idid with Clinker. Never know it
did rhyme. Well, how areyou? How are you doing? Oh?
(05:55):
Never mind about me? How areyou doing? Odd? Well?
I can't say that I'm in richesprocess, but I've saved up a pretty
penny at two. Good. I'mglad I'm not wasting my life. I
mean, I'm glad you're not wastingyour life. Well, art, you
always glad to see an old bread. Now let's get down the business.
Beck, come the gold break.Archie, Schubern and Schuster have sent me
(06:18):
here to say that they would behonored to list you the author of Duffy's
First Reader in the nineteen forty fouredition of Who's that you mean? I'm
gonna be immoralized? Gee, that'sanna huh an honor. Well, just
look at some of the names youwould be listed with, John, Charles,
Roberts, HV. Costallanas, CecilB. De Gaull, and Mendel
(06:46):
Wilkie boy, and what names?And my name will be there too,
huh, mister Ashley, Yeah,yes, sir Archie. And let's go
over to the table and fill outthis questionnaire already. Don't let nobody bother
me. I gotta fill out thisquestion there for Shulmann and Chain. Let's
see in her name, Archie,address one hundred and thirteen in the quarter
(07:12):
each thirteenth street. He's better puton your zone number zone. Oh yeah,
upstairs in the bank. Boy,he can't getting in this book at
some honor. Huh, dog,do you send them an application to get
on these fucking lists or do theyjust pick your name at random? What
(07:34):
do you mean the guy didn't askme for no dog? Did he?
Oh? If they're too young,Eddie, please don't be so speptical,
Hake, Have you got another octorcoming down here tonight? Yeah? Mustufie?
Uh hule sale ball? And what'swrong with actresses? Nothing? But
why do they always have to bekilled? They got a strict rule in
(07:56):
Hollywood that all actresses have to begirls. Listen, why was you so
late tonight? Where was you?Yell the ten jolly girls they see an
athletic club canteen and ten ugly damn'sgot a canteen? Now, well,
what do you do for the guys? Well, first we get the soldier
a cup of coffee, and thenwe asked if he has a sweetheart back
(08:18):
home, And if he has asweetheart, we just keep asking till we
find one that hasn't. Well,suppose you don't find one that hasn't,
then we close for the night,but usually find at least one. What
a man trop don't worry, achie, we have very strict rules. No
(08:39):
jolly girl is allowed to kiss afella unless he's been overseas gee, you
should have seen a handsome soldier dearfoverty kiss tonight whereabouts overseas? Had he
been Oklahoma? That ain't overseas.You got across the Mississippi to get there,
(09:00):
and the ocean flows into the Mississippi, doesn't it. No, the
Mississippi flows into the ocean to waitthere has already kissed him. I'm surprised
you don't just put a pan ofshort water in a joint and hop across
it. The ocean flows into theMississippi. Could be Could I come down
to your canteene some night? Ohof course, mister Johnston, Hey,
(09:24):
you can come down in this thingfor it. I'd be glad to what
time do the door is closed?Well, the doors a lot at twelve
o'clock. Yeah, the doors lockat twelve o'clock. But you're a strong
looking guy, Johnny, you cannotfight your way out. Listen, paint
no attention to it. Go aheadand sing something, sing that paper doll.
Huh, I'm gonna buy a paperdoll. Thought I can call my
(09:52):
own a doll that other fellows couldn'tsteal. And then the flirty flirty guys
with the flirty flirty eyes We'll haveto flirt with dollies that are real.
When I come home at night,she will be waiting. She'll be the
(10:16):
truest doll in all the world.I'd rather have a paper doll to call
min and have a pickle minded reallife girl. I'm gonna buy a paper
doll that I can call my own, a doll that other fellows wouldn't steal.
(10:41):
And then the flirty, flretty guyswith the flirty flirty eyes. We'll
have to flirt with dollies that arereal. When I come home midnight,
she will be waiting. She'll be'sthe truest dollar in the world. I'd
(11:05):
rather have a doll that I cancall my home and have a back call
my real longe. Do listen now, Eddie, I gotta finish this question
(11:31):
and now leave us see here.Education, well I put there, tell
him the truth, leave it blank, got out. Let's see now education.
For three years, I attended atthe Varsity at U c l A
at an Arbor, Michigan. Uc l A ain't in Michigan. Oh,
(11:54):
huh okay, I'll change it.University of Montana. I know that's
in Michigan. Uh. Let's seeUniversity of h M WO and funny,
I went there and I can't spellit. We'll make it U c l
(12:15):
A. That's you can spell.Yeah. Uh, I particulated from u
c l A. Uh where Igraduated non campus Memphis. Uh, honey,
I got it. What does itmean, eddie? That means with
high honors? Oh? Natural PhDuh Now uh, let's see. Uh
(12:41):
post graduate work. What does thatmeans? That means it PG correspondence for
oh, put in that one youtook on muscle building. I can't take
you. Never got no diploma,never got no muscle us. Wait a
minute, that he here comes,so seel born on here. You better
(13:03):
beat it. Why one chee isprobably wanna be a lonely You know this
sentimental moment? Well, loose sailboar o Lucilia, I haven't changed the
bid that secondly touches me hot tosee you again? You show her the
(13:24):
sentimental moment. Oho, my littlesteeler. Think of some of the nicknames
of guys you used to know whenyou was a kid. Well, let's
see, there was one we calledthe shorty, the jerk. That wasn't
you, Oh, I was atall guy. Then there was another one
we call handsome. No, Icome on, thank you? Wait,
(13:48):
you're not Sammy to sissy perish forbid? What guy louse sailer? Maybe
I can refreshing up your memory.Remember on how the gang used to get
under the fire hydrant? Remember getunder the fire hydrant, whole gang and
a hot sayan. And you wassuch a snob. You always insisted on
(14:09):
wearing the bathing suit. Fire Youremember left these Metropolitan Museum of Pool where
all the bums used to hang out. Oh no, I remember you,
yeah, Archie, yeah fire.If I sold you my nickname, you
(14:31):
would would have remembered me in asecond. I don't want to say it
was what was it? The sheep? Harry's forbid? So huh yeah?
(14:54):
And this is my stuff. Butyou remember how the little homely kid that
everybody said she'd throw lot of itand she didn't know. Oh yes,
I remember the one you used tochase all of the boys, trip'em,
sit on'em and kiss'em.Likewise, ain't cure. How are
you in the stuffer? You lookvery very lovely, very lovely. No
(15:15):
wonder the games didn't recognize me.She's blind? Uh you know before it
surprising You've been in Hollywood for years, and yet you still kind of doesn't
act that in your verse you're anerd. If you'll pardon my church or
words, I don't think nothing toit. So see you why the Hollywood
(15:41):
Scott, Well, what's wrong withthat? It's all matters. What if
you'll would Hollywood is movie stars inBrooklyn? Maybe aur you remember? What's
what I mean is movie you do? All right? If one wants to
make a stilly to hear kissing adistant fellow every day, one day cross
(16:06):
Tables kissing you, and then thenext day Tilom Power, and then the
next day Rock of Taylor. Anyways, where did Papa get another cashi in?
Oh? I stuffy? Please?Papa desires the muscling inventory. Go
count the pickled pigski please well,lou sill uh. Oh, by the
(16:30):
way, you don't mind me callingyou little seals, not at all?
She well, miss ball you uhyou haven't mentioned how you like the place
is? Oh yes, I haveunder my bris uh huh well we herret
we like ladies comments and this isn'tthe lady's coming. Well, anyways,
(16:55):
it's lovely to see you again.You don't know what it's been like you
know, you one Hollywood's me inNew York, over three hundred miles apart
as the crow flies. How elsewould I go? Yeah, I was
afraid with all that horrible expanse betwixtUs said that our twins would never meet?
(17:18):
How twage? Yeah, Twid?What was it? What was I
saying? Again? You were sayingsomething about you being a nobody? Was
I? Well, I assumed it. Well, that's where you were wrong.
I am no longer and nobody.Since I wrote this book, this
(17:41):
Duffy's first Rader, you'll remember Ialways got a talent for writing. M
Yes, I remember those fences inBrooklyn. Not only Fencers I used to
write on well, mostly it wasSpencer. Anyways, suddenly I write this
(18:03):
book and well and gets hold.Overnight, I wake up and who's that?
What's that? Who's that? Who'son? First? We'll steal who's
that? There's a sort of awho's who? What's what? In the
(18:25):
world? Well, now that makesit really hard, makes it really hard.
What do you mean? Well,now, if you and I take
up where we left off, aren'tyou all the colonists will say, what's
their name? Fella for who's this? Because he's in Who's that? Yeah?
A silly girls, don't worry aboutwhy do you care? What idle
gossip mangas? And don't forget theold pervert. Any publicity is good publicity
(18:56):
as long as they don't mention yourname. Ah, let's see him.
You look lovely standing there with thatred hair of yours lighted up by the
soft glow from the pinball machine.You know something about that hair of yours?
What about it? Well? Ibelieve in traffic roads, but that
red don't make me wanna style mm. I believe in traffic rules too,
(19:21):
but that complexion of yours? Whatabout it? That green makes me want
to go? Let's see you know? Uh, I'm filling out a questionnaire
here, and it is a questionthat says the type of woman preferred.
Uh, why do you think I'mgonna put down female? Well? Yeah,
(19:45):
but uh, what a little coaching, I could change it from uh
female to uh red headed female.And where it says name, I could
easily change it from archie to archieball. Are you sure you're not shorty
the jerk cut the kit ha?This is wonderful, sill you knowing me
(20:06):
working on this question ans together,you know, sort of intimate, like
sending out our laundry in the samebag. Hey, that's an idea,
sending out our laundry together. Youthink there's any chancellors here? Not as
much chance as there is getting itback? Am I to take it that
your spring to be known as thefuture? Missus auchie crazy and HMIe,
(20:30):
have you finished the question today yet? Oh? Yeah? By the way,
miss Ball, this is mister Ashleigh, mister Ashley, miss Ball,
mister Rashley, May I present?How do you do? I understand this
is the sort of a reunion.Biggest laugh we yet tonight? Uh?
(20:55):
This is a homewek, you know. Uh. Stinker here is from the
old neighbor. Please, Archie,miss Ball. Stinker is just a boyhood
nickname. You know. Children sometimeshave cruel tongue. Good, but thank
you. I think you can talkplainer than that now, Archie, I
(21:21):
like your opinion of one more fee. What kind of leather do you think
the book should be bound? Oh? Wown well? All books about Oh?
I must remember that that's a goodthing for a writer to know.
H What kind of boundings have youdone? Well? The Morocco pig skin
pin seel calf skin Swede, Well, swede is nice, but I hate
(21:45):
to thinking I'm killing all them littleswage just to cover well, Archie,
I'll be running along now. Whowere miss Ball? Before I leave?
Could I have your autograph? AndArchie, I would like to have you
sign here took Thank you both,and that's your friend. Next time I
come to see you, I hopei'll be bringing you news that you've been
(22:07):
awarded the Nobel Pride. Well,I'll be just satisfied with a Putzeler Prize.
Well, so long sink, goon out and here's your receipt.
Thanks. You know the steel isnothing like old friends. And what do
you mean by a receipt? Waita minute, what is this thing?
(22:30):
Let me see, I undersigned,agree to purchase. How do you like
that one? And Ashley, that'sthinker turned out to me. Wait a
minute, I signed one of thosethings too. How do you like that?
An old friend from Brooklyn? Yeah, and he told us the bridge
The Special Service Division. Invite youSoldiers, sailors, and Marines of the
United Nations to drop in at Duffy'sTavern. Allow, Duffies, where you
lead me to hockey? The managersBacon Duffy ain't here. Hello, Duffy,
tonight. Lucille Ball from Hollywood.The tomato with the carrot hair.
(00:31):
Yeah, very nourishing. Oh you'dlike a dish like that. Huh.
But you also like frinds and brunettestoo, whether you draw the line,
oh you don't like bull head ofJames. Yeah, well, Duffy,
I can't talk now. I gottaget ready for good old Lose Seal.
Oh sure, her and I usedto be nips in the butt together.
(00:54):
Certainly she's from Brooklyn. Huh.No. When she was a kid,
her parents migrants and out up there. Yes, yes, to escape persecution.
Her father was a Yankee fan.Yes, that'd be Yeah, it's
gonna be old homework. Okay,I'll call you back, good bye.
(01:15):
Hey, I'm a mister Archer.Yeah, he couldn't move. The actress
Miss Ball just called. Oh yeah, good old Lucie. Him my dear
friend and the chili sweetheart. Yeah, your dear friend and childish sweetheart just
called and wants to know who's archers. She was kidding, Eddie. She
and me were tomboys together, Panee. She was a pretty girl. Yeah,
(01:40):
she was a pretty girl, andshe was madly in love with you,
and she would die for you,and she wanted to marry you.
He was psycho panty, Eddie,How did you know? That's easy?
I just followed the truth and stayedas far away from me as I could
listen, Eddie, yesterday that mighthave been funny, But of course yesterday
I was a nobody. Today,who knows, maybe I will be an
(02:07):
old friend of mine is gonna haveme listed in that book of famous men.
Who's that? You don't mean?Whom's who? And whom? Who?
You mean? Who's whom? Andyou splitting infinitive? You must first
modify the participle, No, Eddie, this is a similar anthropology. It's
(02:31):
it's called who's that? Read thisletter? Eddie, dear read the name
of the publisher human and schwitzt dearboyhood friend Art? How are you art?
Old pal? I am doing verywell, as you can see by
(02:52):
feeling this very extensive stationary. Ijust remember that you are an old friend,
and consequently I'm in a position tohave your name lifted in our book?
Who's that? Since you are anold friend, this will cost you
nothing. Always glad to help anold friend. Signed your old friend they
(03:15):
went worth Castle formerly Joe Clinker.Yeah, good old stinker Clinker. I
haven't seen him in years. Thatwas his nicknames, thinking why did you
call him that? And besides noneof us could stand him? So you
(03:36):
see any went with me? Namecoming out? And who's that? We'll
see a bullet and no position?The snuffer toes at me? Tim is
somebody too good? Evening Finnigan?How do I look tonight? Pretty?
No? Ugly? And yours yourwine? Well, don't you know my
(03:58):
shot? I share? Don't mustagben again? You never had no mushtag?
No, I wonder why I shakethis morning? Let me look at
the back of your head, hI thought, so, I think you
better shave it back on again,Kenny? Look, why are you so
(04:19):
worried about your looks tonight outside ofwhat's obvious? Well, the let's see
a bull's coming down here? Ain'tyou don't want there? You? I
got naughty thoughts? What do youmean? Well? I figured maybe if
I play my cards, I she'llgive me your free pass to the movies.
(04:43):
Bennigan. That's a very naughty thought. Yeh. I know what.
Sometimes I don't know what comes overme. The hey just Lucia Ball the
red hair of her? Is thatreal? My shirt? May it's real?
And that way for more the naturalhair it's probably heredita. So I
(05:12):
don't believe in why not look atmy mother red hair, work at my
father red hair? Look at me? No? Yeah, and interesting for
mamma gaman has had to see you. Well well, well, but it
isn't my old pal, my oldfriend Argy Wait a minute, knowing not?
(05:35):
Yeah, Jay went Worth, AshleyStinker Clinker. Excuse me, I
mean that stinker Ashley. Oh no, you can't say that anymore, odde.
It doesn't rhyme with Ashley like Idid with Clinker. Never know it
did rhyme. Well, how areyou? How are you doing? Oh?
(05:55):
Never mind about me? How areyou doing? Odd? Well?
I can't say that I'm in richesprocess, but I've saved up a pretty
penny at two. Good. I'mglad I'm not wasting my life. I
mean, I'm glad you're not wastingyour life. Well, art, you
always glad to see an old bread. Now let's get down the business.
Beck, come the gold break.Archie, Schubern and Schuster have sent me
(06:18):
here to say that they would behonored to list you the author of Duffy's
First Reader in the nineteen forty fouredition of Who's that you mean? I'm
gonna be immoralized? Gee, that'sanna huh an honor. Well, just
look at some of the names youwould be listed with, John, Charles,
Roberts, HV. Costallanas, CecilB. De Gaull, and Mendel
(06:46):
Wilkie boy, and what names?And my name will be there too,
huh, mister Ashley, Yeah,yes, sir Archie. And let's go
over to the table and fill outthis questionnaire already. Don't let nobody bother
me. I gotta fill out thisquestion there for Shulmann and Chain. Let's
see in her name, Archie,address one hundred and thirteen in the quarter
(07:12):
each thirteenth street. He's better puton your zone number zone. Oh yeah,
upstairs in the bank. Boy,he can't getting in this book at
some honor. Huh, dog,do you send them an application to get
on these fucking lists or do theyjust pick your name at random? What
(07:34):
do you mean the guy didn't askme for no dog? Did he?
Oh? If they're too young,Eddie, please don't be so speptical,
Hake, Have you got another octorcoming down here tonight? Yeah? Mustufie?
Uh hule sale ball? And what'swrong with actresses? Nothing? But
why do they always have to bekilled? They got a strict rule in
(07:56):
Hollywood that all actresses have to begirls. Listen, why was you so
late tonight? Where was you?Yell the ten jolly girls they see an
athletic club canteen and ten ugly damn'sgot a canteen? Now, well,
what do you do for the guys? Well, first we get the soldier
a cup of coffee, and thenwe asked if he has a sweetheart back
(08:18):
home, And if he has asweetheart, we just keep asking till we
find one that hasn't. Well,suppose you don't find one that hasn't,
then we close for the night,but usually find at least one. What
a man trop don't worry, achie, we have very strict rules. No
(08:39):
jolly girl is allowed to kiss afella unless he's been overseas gee, you
should have seen a handsome soldier dearfoverty kiss tonight whereabouts overseas? Had he
been Oklahoma? That ain't overseas.You got across the Mississippi to get there,
(09:00):
and the ocean flows into the Mississippi, doesn't it. No, the
Mississippi flows into the ocean to waitthere has already kissed him. I'm surprised
you don't just put a pan ofshort water in a joint and hop across
it. The ocean flows into theMississippi. Could be Could I come down
to your canteene some night? Ohof course, mister Johnston, Hey,
(09:24):
you can come down in this thingfor it. I'd be glad to what
time do the door is closed?Well, the doors a lot at twelve
o'clock. Yeah, the doors lockat twelve o'clock. But you're a strong
looking guy, Johnny, you cannotfight your way out. Listen, paint
no attention to it. Go aheadand sing something, sing that paper doll.
Huh, I'm gonna buy a paperdoll. Thought I can call my
(09:52):
own a doll that other fellows couldn'tsteal. And then the flirty flirty guys
with the flirty flirty eyes We'll haveto flirt with dollies that are real.
When I come home at night,she will be waiting. She'll be the
(10:16):
truest doll in all the world.I'd rather have a paper doll to call
min and have a pickle minded reallife girl. I'm gonna buy a paper
doll that I can call my own, a doll that other fellows wouldn't steal.
(10:41):
And then the flirty, flretty guyswith the flirty flirty eyes. We'll
have to flirt with dollies that arereal. When I come home midnight,
she will be waiting. She'll be'sthe truest dollar in the world. I'd
(11:05):
rather have a doll that I cancall my home and have a back call
my real longe. Do listen now, Eddie, I gotta finish this question
(11:31):
and now leave us see here.Education, well I put there, tell
him the truth, leave it blank, got out. Let's see now education.
For three years, I attended atthe Varsity at U c l A
at an Arbor, Michigan. Uc l A ain't in Michigan. Oh,
(11:54):
huh okay, I'll change it.University of Montana. I know that's
in Michigan. Uh. Let's seeUniversity of h M WO and funny,
I went there and I can't spellit. We'll make it U c l
(12:15):
A. That's you can spell.Yeah. Uh, I particulated from u
c l A. Uh where Igraduated non campus Memphis. Uh, honey,
I got it. What does itmean, eddie? That means with
high honors? Oh? Natural PhDuh Now uh, let's see. Uh
(12:41):
post graduate work. What does thatmeans? That means it PG correspondence for
oh, put in that one youtook on muscle building. I can't take
you. Never got no diploma,never got no muscle us. Wait a
minute, that he here comes,so seel born on here. You better
(13:03):
beat it. Why one chee isprobably wanna be a lonely You know this
sentimental moment? Well, loose sailboar o Lucilia, I haven't changed the
bid that secondly touches me hot tosee you again? You show her the
(13:24):
sentimental moment. Oho, my littlesteeler. Think of some of the nicknames
of guys you used to know whenyou was a kid. Well, let's
see, there was one we calledthe shorty, the jerk. That wasn't
you, Oh, I was atall guy. Then there was another one
we call handsome. No, Icome on, thank you? Wait,
(13:48):
you're not Sammy to sissy perish forbid? What guy louse sailer? Maybe
I can refreshing up your memory.Remember on how the gang used to get
under the fire hydrant? Remember getunder the fire hydrant, whole gang and
a hot sayan. And you wassuch a snob. You always insisted on
(14:09):
wearing the bathing suit. Fire Youremember left these Metropolitan Museum of Pool where
all the bums used to hang out. Oh no, I remember you,
yeah, Archie, yeah fire.If I sold you my nickname, you
(14:31):
would would have remembered me in asecond. I don't want to say it
was what was it? The sheep? Harry's forbid? So huh yeah?
(14:54):
And this is my stuff. Butyou remember how the little homely kid that
everybody said she'd throw lot of itand she didn't know. Oh yes,
I remember the one you used tochase all of the boys, trip'em,
sit on'em and kiss'em.Likewise, ain't cure. How are
you in the stuffer? You lookvery very lovely, very lovely. No
(15:15):
wonder the games didn't recognize me.She's blind? Uh you know before it
surprising You've been in Hollywood for years, and yet you still kind of doesn't
act that in your verse you're anerd. If you'll pardon my church or
words, I don't think nothing toit. So see you why the Hollywood
(15:41):
Scott, Well, what's wrong withthat? It's all matters. What if
you'll would Hollywood is movie stars inBrooklyn? Maybe aur you remember? What's
what I mean is movie you do? All right? If one wants to
make a stilly to hear kissing adistant fellow every day, one day cross
(16:06):
Tables kissing you, and then thenext day Tilom Power, and then the
next day Rock of Taylor. Anyways, where did Papa get another cashi in?
Oh? I stuffy? Please?Papa desires the muscling inventory. Go
count the pickled pigski please well,lou sill uh. Oh, by the
(16:30):
way, you don't mind me callingyou little seals, not at all?
She well, miss ball you uhyou haven't mentioned how you like the place
is? Oh yes, I haveunder my bris uh huh well we herret
we like ladies comments and this isn'tthe lady's coming. Well, anyways,
(16:55):
it's lovely to see you again.You don't know what it's been like you
know, you one Hollywood's me inNew York, over three hundred miles apart
as the crow flies. How elsewould I go? Yeah, I was
afraid with all that horrible expanse betwixtUs said that our twins would never meet?
(17:18):
How twage? Yeah, Twid?What was it? What was I
saying? Again? You were sayingsomething about you being a nobody? Was
I? Well, I assumed it. Well, that's where you were wrong.
I am no longer and nobody.Since I wrote this book, this
(17:41):
Duffy's first Rader, you'll remember Ialways got a talent for writing. M
Yes, I remember those fences inBrooklyn. Not only Fencers I used to
write on well, mostly it wasSpencer. Anyways, suddenly I write this
(18:03):
book and well and gets hold.Overnight, I wake up and who's that?
What's that? Who's that? Who'son? First? We'll steal who's
that? There's a sort of awho's who? What's what? In the
(18:25):
world? Well, now that makesit really hard, makes it really hard.
What do you mean? Well,now, if you and I take
up where we left off, aren'tyou all the colonists will say, what's
their name? Fella for who's this? Because he's in Who's that? Yeah?
A silly girls, don't worry aboutwhy do you care? What idle
gossip mangas? And don't forget theold pervert. Any publicity is good publicity
(18:56):
as long as they don't mention yourname. Ah, let's see him.
You look lovely standing there with thatred hair of yours lighted up by the
soft glow from the pinball machine.You know something about that hair of yours?
What about it? Well? Ibelieve in traffic roads, but that
red don't make me wanna style mm. I believe in traffic rules too,
(19:21):
but that complexion of yours? Whatabout it? That green makes me want
to go? Let's see you know? Uh, I'm filling out a questionnaire
here, and it is a questionthat says the type of woman preferred.
Uh, why do you think I'mgonna put down female? Well? Yeah,
(19:45):
but uh, what a little coaching, I could change it from uh
female to uh red headed female.And where it says name, I could
easily change it from archie to archieball. Are you sure you're not shorty
the jerk cut the kit ha?This is wonderful, sill you knowing me
(20:06):
working on this question ans together,you know, sort of intimate, like
sending out our laundry in the samebag. Hey, that's an idea,
sending out our laundry together. Youthink there's any chancellors here? Not as
much chance as there is getting itback? Am I to take it that
your spring to be known as thefuture? Missus auchie crazy and HMIe,
(20:30):
have you finished the question today yet? Oh? Yeah? By the way,
miss Ball, this is mister Ashleigh, mister Ashley, miss Ball,
mister Rashley, May I present?How do you do? I understand this
is the sort of a reunion.Biggest laugh we yet tonight? Uh?
(20:55):
This is a homewek, you know. Uh. Stinker here is from the
old neighbor. Please, Archie,miss Ball. Stinker is just a boyhood
nickname. You know. Children sometimeshave cruel tongue. Good, but thank
you. I think you can talkplainer than that now, Archie, I
(21:21):
like your opinion of one more fee. What kind of leather do you think
the book should be bound? Oh? Wown well? All books about Oh?
I must remember that that's a goodthing for a writer to know.
H What kind of boundings have youdone? Well? The Morocco pig skin
pin seel calf skin Swede, Well, swede is nice, but I hate
(21:45):
to thinking I'm killing all them littleswage just to cover well, Archie,
I'll be running along now. Whowere miss Ball? Before I leave?
Could I have your autograph? AndArchie, I would like to have you
sign here took Thank you both,and that's your friend. Next time I
come to see you, I hopei'll be bringing you news that you've been
(22:07):
awarded the Nobel Pride. Well,I'll be just satisfied with a Putzeler Prize.
Well, so long sink, goon out and here's your receipt.
Thanks. You know the steel isnothing like old friends. And what do
you mean by a receipt? Waita minute, what is this thing?
(22:30):
Let me see, I undersigned,agree to purchase. How do you like
that one? And Ashley, that'sthinker turned out to me. Wait a
minute, I signed one of thosethings too. How do you like that?
An old friend from Brooklyn? Yeah, and he told us the bridge
Popular Podcasts
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.