November 16, 2023 • 29 mins
The titular setting for the show was "a seedy bar and grille on New York's Third Avenue". The cast had Ed Gardner as Archie, Alan Reed as Finnegan, Pattee Chapman as Miss Duffy, Jimmy Conlin as Charlie, Veda Ann Borg as Peaches La Tour, and Herb Vigran as Second Story Jackson.
The radio version of Duffy's Tavern ended in 1952. When the TV version began two years later, Gardner's involvement was limited to acting. He said, "In radio, I was the producer and the director and half the time the writer and also Archie." The TV version had Hal Roach Jr. as producer and Harve Foster as director.[6]This program was the second effort to have a TV version of Duffy's Tavern. An earlier, hour-long version was filmed for showing as part of the All Star Revue series. It was never broadcast because the Revue was sponsored by a milk company, and the barroom setting conflicted with the company's image.
The radio version of Duffy's Tavern ended in 1952. When the TV version began two years later, Gardner's involvement was limited to acting. He said, "In radio, I was the producer and the director and half the time the writer and also Archie." The TV version had Hal Roach Jr. as producer and Harve Foster as director.[6]This program was the second effort to have a TV version of Duffy's Tavern. An earlier, hour-long version was filmed for showing as part of the All Star Revue series. It was never broadcast because the Revue was sponsored by a milk company, and the barroom setting conflicted with the company's image.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
It's Duffy's Tavern, the Friday nighttranscribed feature on NBC's All Star Festival of
Comedy, Music, Mystery, andDrama, brought to you by RCA Victor,
world leader in radio, first inrecorded music, first in television by
Chesterfield. The cigarette that has foryou whatevery smoker wants mildness, trust,
no unpleasant aftertaste. The cigarette thatbrings you Bing Crosby and Bob Hope,
(00:25):
And by the makers of Annison forfast relief from pain of headache, New
Ritis or New Rouser. And nowhere we go, Friends to Duffy's Tavern
with Bert Gordon as the mad Russian. Hazel Sherman is MS. Duffy,
our guest Bill Baker and starring Archiehimself Ed Gardner. Hello, Duffy's Tavin
(01:03):
when you elite, Medee, don'tyou to mind just speaking? Duffy,
ain't here? Hello Duffy tonight,Phil Baker from the sixty four dollar Questions
Now take it or leave it?Yeah, that's why you stand up in
front of everybody and ask you questions, sort of a night court with prizes.
Well, anyway, Duffy, youwant to see what I got on
the menu? In honor of PhilBaker special take it or leave at dinner.
(01:34):
Well, so far one guy tookit and he left it. But
it'll be nice to see Phil again. No, he's an ald friend of
mine, huh, an all friendof yours coming down tonight too, And
I count him to check the books, and I count you want to want
(01:55):
Duffy, My conscience is clean.Still at the cash register stuff, Fuck
Duffy. This is a fine accusation. If the hold is I've worked for
you, I'm surprised. In fact, I'm hurt. That's all many years
if association means to you, andI'm sorry, Holy Daddy's wise to me?
(02:21):
What am I gonna do twenty years? What am I warning about?
Your oll man? Just trying toscam in there? Why are you showing
the books and scare them back?There's nothing wrong with them books. The
books is piping good evening. Iam Alma water Price CPA, oh dissatisfied
(02:44):
public account man. You are archie. I take it. He's archy and
he took it. It's not Look, I won't make yourself the home at
the water Price. There here,let me take your hat and briefcase to
us a minute all I want todo is look at the books. Hey,
(03:09):
I said, I want you toshow me the books. Hen here,
where are you saying the stranger?That's funny, I can hear them
perfectly. Okay, then you showhim the books, your man, your
man, stuff that's falling? Now? Where are the books? Alman?
(03:30):
To me, you're a family man. Yes, you got a wife and
kiddies that love you. Dealing?Why, yes, I have helmn it
so happened, said, I'm soongoing to be loaded with dough. You
see, I got a picture calledthe Man with my face, and United
Notis themselves is releasing it, andnaturally we're figuring I'm making a lot of
(03:52):
money. Yes, yes, goon, So I thought, I think
I got him winging. I thoughtmaybe if I gave you, in a
family a couple of passes to thepicture, young man, Do you know
that bribing is a penal offense?Okay, then pin on me. The
(04:17):
books is over there on the count? Fuck phony count? Could you think
you'll find out the bookstone balance?How can you miss things? The reader
balance? Thought? They're unbalanced?How do you do Russian? Yes?
What are you doing here? Soearly? I am inviting you to dinner
(04:40):
at my home so you could meetmy mother. Sorry, I'll have to
meet it some other time. Yousee him a mommy, wait to jail.
Oh, in that case, youcan meet my father. You mean
to tell me that that your father'sin jail. Yes, they locked him
(05:00):
up for something you didn't do.Well, what didn't he do? Wipe
his fingerprints off to save Russian andthat family you ays, kind of gets
around, don't they. Oh?Yes, especially my brother. Every spring
(05:21):
he goes up the river, goesup the river, the jail, No,
up the river. He's part salmonRussian. That's just ridiculous. How
could your brother be part salmon?Mother was a fin. But you should
(05:46):
see my sister. Your sister,Huh, what's wrong with her? Absolutely
nothing? She's a perfectly normal halibaRussian Russians. Did you ever have your
head examined? Yes, but theydidn't find anything. This I can understand.
(06:13):
Now, Where am I going todig up some money? Now?
Excuse me? Hello? Hello Phil, Phil Baker? What you're on your
way down? But you got lost? Or what part of toney in going
down? Parking you and joining thesmell of the spring in the air.
Well, it's not walking East tillthe smell turns to pastami. Okay,
(06:39):
say in a little while, PhilHotay, who is this Bill taker thanking
Russian? It's Bill Baker from takingto leave it, the guy that gives
away to sixty four dollars every weekwhere you're a roper. That's the way
(06:59):
I can get the dope to coverthe shortage on the books. Do you
mean you're gonna win as a contestant? Why not? Ms Duffie. I
have a reasonable modicum of intelligence,got common sense, a good memory.
I think fast on me feet.Yeah, but you don't know anything.
Oh. I can answer any questionanybody around here can ask. I say,
(07:21):
young man, oh what's your come? Yes, sir, I have
a question for you. Why areall the figures in this column a race?
Well, you see, Elmer,the trouble is with the figures.
You know her same thing? Wouldyou like to try for Alcatraz? Now
(07:55):
here's a word from R. C. A victor. Last week, the
curtain went up on the seventh fifthanniversary of the National Baseball League and the
fiftieth anniversary of the American League.And there's no better way to celebrate than
by enjoying it firsthand. The thrillsin the clean sportsmanship that have made baseball
today the American way, of course. Next best thing to a seat in
(08:16):
the stands is a seat in frontof nineteen inch RCA Victor television. Those
big nineteen inch pictures are clear,steady bright. RCA Victor's new extra powerful
picture pickup gives you the best possiblereception everywhere. An RCA Victor quality so
apparent in every feature in detail,is safeguarded when you buy the RCA Victor
(08:39):
Factory Service contract for expert installation andmaintenance. Next chance you get, take
your pick of nineteen inch television modelsnow on display at your RCA Victor dealers.
It's million proof television quality proven andover two million homes. Encyclopaedia is
(09:01):
full of valuable information. Ambilge Aberdeen, Abersnia, Afghanistan. Let's up,
you just listen to this. Theaverage wind velocity in Afghanistan is nine point
seven miles per hour and the prevailingwind direction is from east to west.
Valuable information. What's for well,aby, it should happen to be in
(09:26):
Afghanistan on a wedindy day and dameswalked by in them loose salungs I know
which corner to stand on. Well, as I've always said this, nothing
like an education, thank you,And what you have is nothing like in
education? Oh every wise? Guy, here take the encyclopaedia. Go ahead,
(09:52):
ask me some questions. Okay,Oh, here's one. You want
to know what hitster Isaac Newton' thehead? Missus Isaac Newton? You now
have zero? Would you like tofly from minus one? Coffee? So
(10:16):
funny? I'll answer the next onetwice to bring up the average. I
go ahead, all right, whatis the formula for a hydrogen? That's
simple, half hydra and half gin. Go ahead, honey, hit me
one another. Okay, answer thisone. What is the population of madagast
(10:39):
What year nineteen twelve? What monthFebruary? The population of Madagascar for February
nineteen twelve was two million, sevenhundred and fifty six and twenty four Holy
cat, that's terrific. Hid youknow I'm bluffing too, Why Baker,
(11:09):
Well, that's the sixty four dollarquestion himself. Phil. It's a pleasures
to welcome to the tavern, thestar of taking to leave it? Thanks,
So now that I'm here, I'dlike to leave it. Tell me
why? Because I can't take it. For goodness sake, Archie, why
don't you open that window? Ican't open the window faces the fish market.
(11:31):
Oh, I'm sorry, apologies exemptly. I guess the fish market would
object to the smell from here.The two cents. I squeezed this guy's
head together so you couldn't tell itfrom his accordion right away, Phil,
you didn't happen to bring that there. I think you know the accordion with
(11:54):
you by Anny Kamp. Oh,yes, I have it right here.
I'll play just as soon as we'rethrough talking, Phil, let's keep talking.
Tell me how's things going? Sinceyou're back on your quiz shows?
Not the better odds? You know, you must be a very brilliant person
to run a program like that.Well, one does have to know a
few questions and answers. Where doyou get the question? I hold him
(12:16):
in my left hand, and heanswers I hold him in my right hand.
Then, as I understand it,your brilliance consist of rolling your eyes
from left to right. Well,occasionally I had live a bit. I
blink, how daring? If youfew? Is it easy field daker?
(12:37):
Archie? What is this? Nocoaching from the audience. Water Bill,
I'd like you to meet miss Stuffythe question to a maiden's prayer? How
do you do? Miss Duffy?I'm very happy to know you, donor
(12:58):
four or five? Nine eight?I beg your pardon. Oh you're always
asking questions. I thought i'd giveyou the answer first. Oh, by
the way, mister Baker, Ihave a t L for you. Really?
What's the t L? My girlfriendTessey Lockcheck, she thinks you're the
(13:20):
funniest and cleverest comedian on the air. Ye, that's quite a compliment from
a girl who can't even understand English. And now that we've met, mister
Baker, I have a rather personalquestion. I'd like to ask you.
When you take out a girl andyou bring your accordion along, which one
(13:45):
do you squeeze first? That dependson which one has the better bills?
In your case, Miss Duffy,the accordion, I'll beat it, say,
mister Baker. May I interject aninterjection? Why Alexander Graham Bell and
(14:09):
nineteen forty two? What's that?Two answers? You figured out the questions,
Pachie, what's this a fugitive fromwe the people? No, Phil,
(14:33):
it's just nature's proof that two headsis not necessarily better than one.
We call it the mad Russian.I see mad Russians. How do you
do? How do you do?Is that a dollar question? Or are
you just making conversations? Well,let's call it the dollar question. I'll
(14:54):
give it to you again. Howdo you do? Can I have three
guessers? All right? I giveup Russian? Then why did you want
three guesses? I don't give upso easy. I didn't have to excuse
him. You see, when hewas born, the doctor was near sighted,
(15:18):
and the Russian got slapped on thehead. Mister Baker, Speaking of
questions, I have one for you. What is it? Leave the city?
(15:43):
Name the city? Hmmm? Couldyou give me a hint? Ye?
San Francisco. Okay, San Francisco. You're wrong to lookle it on.
(16:03):
It's Connectedy, Yes, yes,s E H E N E C
T at wide Russian. That's amazing. You just spoke Connectedy. I did,
Yes, I thought I spoke inFrancisco. Coagulations Russing. You have
(16:23):
just won the jerk spot. HowArchie, how about letting me play my
accordion? You're an accordion Phil?Do you have to play that stomach steinway,
it turns everything out. A guycan't even think on that. I'm
still going over the books, andthere are certain shortages I'd like to have
explained, shores and phil Oh,you like to thrill us with some nice
(16:45):
accordion music and make it good andloud. That was really wonderful, really
(18:42):
terrific. Quick place them on.Just just aementute, young man, stop
that stalling. Your books are short. Fifty seven dollars a chie Is there
any way I can help you getthe books to balance? Mister Baker,
You couldn't get those books to balanceif you held your accordion in one hand
(19:03):
and a palace call in the other. Short that stuff, he'll send me
to jail. Oh we can't havethat. Arch See, I've got an
idea. Why don't we put onmy sixty four dollars question show right here
on the tab of the night.If you win, you can cover the
shortage. I mean, well,all you have to do is use your
brains. Give us. Oh yeah, give me that psyclopedia. Let me
(19:33):
see now, Ambuline Aberdeen Abyssinian,here are two guys who don't need an
encyclopedia. They give you the rightanswer for what every smoker wants. Now
you're chester Fuel's answer to symonal divergieract Bobo. I top easy, dad,
(19:56):
But we only have a minute hereto sell chester Well, let's get
to it. That are tasting.Chesterfield is the only cigarette that combines for
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Just make Chesterfield mildness test, youknow, open the pack and enjoy
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(20:18):
and only cigarette taste panel. Somake our cigarette your cigarette. The reasons
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Yes, chester Fields a milder,milder posso aftertaste. Who open up pack
and you've a much sniff than yousmoke them? Well, fill them all
(20:41):
set Russian and Earth the quiz Showpresenting mister Taking It or Leaving It?
Phil Baker, I thank you,and featuring your friend not mine, he
started taking it and lossing it up. Pachi, all right, at you
(21:10):
you're our first contestant. Let's getstarted. Are you ready? Go ahead?
Me brain has brought them at theleash. All right, well select
the category. Like the category rightaway starts with a trick question. Oh
no, no, I mean choosea subject. Oh that, well,
(21:32):
what subjects have you got? Well, let's see what we have on the
board. Now, there's ancient Aztecsceramics, early Buddhist poetry, medieval Slavic
etymology. How about famous saloons?I'm straight. M oh, I'm sorry,
we don't have that. How aboutcalculus or ancient Roman history? Ancient
(21:53):
Roman history? That sounds pretty good, you'll be maybe, man, fella,
ain't you got something a little morecultural? Cultural? Yeah? Easy.
The only subjects left are baseball andetiquette. That's right up for me.
(22:14):
Baseball, no equate, verry,Well, the subject is eidequate.
Now for one dollar, what isetiquette? Wow? Elquent is? That's
correct? You have one dollar?Now, Hey, I'm hot tonight.
How would you like to try fortwo dollars? You think I'm gonna quick
(22:36):
when I'm in the middle of awinning street. All right, for two
dollars? What is a finger ball? Oh? Finger ball? That's equitt
Huh, yeah, that's that's thething you wash your fingers in. That
is absolutely correct. Yeah, incase your fingers is full of mashed potato.
What are you trying to do?Talk your way back to zero?
(22:57):
Now? For four dollars? Whowrote the book co etica? Phil?
Could you give me a hint?Okay? The last name is Post?
All right? Could your hint madea first name? Now? But I'll
tell you this. The initial isE. I got it, Yes,
(23:21):
Edgar Allan Post, Edgar Allan Postpays you four dollars for originality. How
for eight dollars? What implement isused at the dining table for picking up
lumps of sugar? Picks up sugar? Sugar tongs afore them? M Marie,
(23:45):
I got it? Yeah, BobHope. One, Bob Hope picked
up lumps of sugar. It ain'they, brother, it ain't right either.
I'll give you one more chance.I ain't see an importment to pick
up sugar coaching from the audience.Please stop me, Please get back to
(24:10):
work and stop waving them sugar tongue. That's the answer. What what you
just said? Get back to worknow, stop waving now the sugar tongue.
Yes, amazing. How some peoplehave trouble with these quizzes. Pilln't
hit me with a sixteen dollar question? All right, thought, geez,
(24:33):
tell me what is the largest cityin Italy? Oh? Are you sitting?
Wait a minute? What's that questiongot to do with etiquette? What
have your answers got to do withthe questions? Go ahead? What is
the largest city in Italy? Isee? Why are you sitting in Italy?
Oh? Give me a home?Where the buffalow room? I got
(24:56):
it? What is it? Buffaloo? No? No, thank go
chie you? Where do you haveto be to do as the Romans do
Romania? Well, we'll give youcredit for a near miss. Now shall
(25:17):
we both try for the thirty twodollars question? Okay, well with both
privates, But the lemus get backto me favorite subject to vadequate? All
right? Does one eat peas witha knife or a fork? That's so
probviious? One uses a fork?That's right, just use the knife to
mesh him one. Oh, dainty, Well you have thirty two? Would
(25:41):
you? Would you take it?I mean, I own a book's fifty
seven? Then why don't you trythe sixty four dollar question. You'll be
sorry if you do. You'll bein jail if you don't. Okay,
well, hit me again, verywell the sixty four dollar question. This
question concerns table matters. Oh that'ssomething. Now, the King of England
(26:04):
comes to your house for dinner.Natural, where does he eat? He
eats in entiring room. Of course, you think I put the King of
England in the kitchen. Oh no, I mean does he sit to your
right or you're left? Well,if it's the King of England, he
sits to me right. That's correct, absolutely correct. I see. How
(26:26):
did you know? Well, Iwouldn't want I'm sitting around the side of
the table where he can look intothe bathroom watching. You're brilliant. You
went sixty four dollars. Okay,Oh uh, mister water Price, here's
the dough now, so the bookswon't be short, and to show you
the kind of a guy you're darnwhat you can keep the change. That's
(26:47):
the moment a young man. Iowe you an apology. Huh, I've
made a mistake in my figures.The books are not short at all.
He ain't sure? You mean Iworked me bringing to the bone for nothing?
Well, Archie you've got sixty fourdollars. Now you can take out
your girlfriend Peter's latour. What megoing on? What is strip tease?
(27:08):
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(27:30):
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Listen again next week, Friends toDuffy's Tavern. The Friday Night Transcribe
feature on NBC's All Star Festival ofcomedy, music, mystery and drama,
(28:38):
brought to you by RCA Victor,world leader in radio, Burst in recorded
music, Burst in Television, byChesterfield, The cigarette that has for you
what every smoker wants, Mildness fusno unpleasant after face, and by Annison
for fast relief from pain of headache, neurritis or new rout. Listen Tomorrow
(29:00):
Evening for a Man called That,Starring Herbert Marshall, the Saturday night feature
of the All Star Fester
It's Duffy's Tavern, the Friday nighttranscribed feature on NBC's All Star Festival of
Comedy, Music, Mystery, andDrama, brought to you by RCA Victor,
world leader in radio, first inrecorded music, first in television by
Chesterfield. The cigarette that has foryou whatevery smoker wants mildness, trust,
no unpleasant aftertaste. The cigarette thatbrings you Bing Crosby and Bob Hope,
(00:25):
And by the makers of Annison forfast relief from pain of headache, New
Ritis or New Rouser. And nowhere we go, Friends to Duffy's Tavern
with Bert Gordon as the mad Russian. Hazel Sherman is MS. Duffy,
our guest Bill Baker and starring Archiehimself Ed Gardner. Hello, Duffy's Tavin
(01:03):
when you elite, Medee, don'tyou to mind just speaking? Duffy,
ain't here? Hello Duffy tonight,Phil Baker from the sixty four dollar Questions
Now take it or leave it?Yeah, that's why you stand up in
front of everybody and ask you questions, sort of a night court with prizes.
Well, anyway, Duffy, youwant to see what I got on
the menu? In honor of PhilBaker special take it or leave at dinner.
(01:34):
Well, so far one guy tookit and he left it. But
it'll be nice to see Phil again. No, he's an ald friend of
mine, huh, an all friendof yours coming down tonight too, And
I count him to check the books, and I count you want to want
(01:55):
Duffy, My conscience is clean.Still at the cash register stuff, Fuck
Duffy. This is a fine accusation. If the hold is I've worked for
you, I'm surprised. In fact, I'm hurt. That's all many years
if association means to you, andI'm sorry, Holy Daddy's wise to me?
(02:21):
What am I gonna do twenty years? What am I warning about?
Your oll man? Just trying toscam in there? Why are you showing
the books and scare them back?There's nothing wrong with them books. The
books is piping good evening. Iam Alma water Price CPA, oh dissatisfied
(02:44):
public account man. You are archie. I take it. He's archy and
he took it. It's not Look, I won't make yourself the home at
the water Price. There here,let me take your hat and briefcase to
us a minute all I want todo is look at the books. Hey,
(03:09):
I said, I want you toshow me the books. Hen here,
where are you saying the stranger?That's funny, I can hear them
perfectly. Okay, then you showhim the books, your man, your
man, stuff that's falling? Now? Where are the books? Alman?
(03:30):
To me, you're a family man. Yes, you got a wife and
kiddies that love you. Dealing?Why, yes, I have helmn it
so happened, said, I'm soongoing to be loaded with dough. You
see, I got a picture calledthe Man with my face, and United
Notis themselves is releasing it, andnaturally we're figuring I'm making a lot of
(03:52):
money. Yes, yes, goon, So I thought, I think
I got him winging. I thoughtmaybe if I gave you, in a
family a couple of passes to thepicture, young man, Do you know
that bribing is a penal offense?Okay, then pin on me. The
(04:17):
books is over there on the count? Fuck phony count? Could you think
you'll find out the bookstone balance?How can you miss things? The reader
balance? Thought? They're unbalanced?How do you do Russian? Yes?
What are you doing here? Soearly? I am inviting you to dinner
(04:40):
at my home so you could meetmy mother. Sorry, I'll have to
meet it some other time. Yousee him a mommy, wait to jail.
Oh, in that case, youcan meet my father. You mean
to tell me that that your father'sin jail. Yes, they locked him
(05:00):
up for something you didn't do.Well, what didn't he do? Wipe
his fingerprints off to save Russian andthat family you ays, kind of gets
around, don't they. Oh?Yes, especially my brother. Every spring
(05:21):
he goes up the river, goesup the river, the jail, No,
up the river. He's part salmonRussian. That's just ridiculous. How
could your brother be part salmon?Mother was a fin. But you should
(05:46):
see my sister. Your sister,Huh, what's wrong with her? Absolutely
nothing? She's a perfectly normal halibaRussian Russians. Did you ever have your
head examined? Yes, but theydidn't find anything. This I can understand.
(06:13):
Now, Where am I going todig up some money? Now?
Excuse me? Hello? Hello Phil, Phil Baker? What you're on your
way down? But you got lost? Or what part of toney in going
down? Parking you and joining thesmell of the spring in the air.
Well, it's not walking East tillthe smell turns to pastami. Okay,
(06:39):
say in a little while, PhilHotay, who is this Bill taker thanking
Russian? It's Bill Baker from takingto leave it, the guy that gives
away to sixty four dollars every weekwhere you're a roper. That's the way
(06:59):
I can get the dope to coverthe shortage on the books. Do you
mean you're gonna win as a contestant? Why not? Ms Duffie. I
have a reasonable modicum of intelligence,got common sense, a good memory.
I think fast on me feet.Yeah, but you don't know anything.
Oh. I can answer any questionanybody around here can ask. I say,
(07:21):
young man, oh what's your come? Yes, sir, I have
a question for you. Why areall the figures in this column a race?
Well, you see, Elmer,the trouble is with the figures.
You know her same thing? Wouldyou like to try for Alcatraz? Now
(07:55):
here's a word from R. C. A victor. Last week, the
curtain went up on the seventh fifthanniversary of the National Baseball League and the
fiftieth anniversary of the American League.And there's no better way to celebrate than
by enjoying it firsthand. The thrillsin the clean sportsmanship that have made baseball
today the American way, of course. Next best thing to a seat in
(08:16):
the stands is a seat in frontof nineteen inch RCA Victor television. Those
big nineteen inch pictures are clear,steady bright. RCA Victor's new extra powerful
picture pickup gives you the best possiblereception everywhere. An RCA Victor quality so
apparent in every feature in detail,is safeguarded when you buy the RCA Victor
(08:39):
Factory Service contract for expert installation andmaintenance. Next chance you get, take
your pick of nineteen inch television modelsnow on display at your RCA Victor dealers.
It's million proof television quality proven andover two million homes. Encyclopaedia is
(09:01):
full of valuable information. Ambilge Aberdeen, Abersnia, Afghanistan. Let's up,
you just listen to this. Theaverage wind velocity in Afghanistan is nine point
seven miles per hour and the prevailingwind direction is from east to west.
Valuable information. What's for well,aby, it should happen to be in
(09:26):
Afghanistan on a wedindy day and dameswalked by in them loose salungs I know
which corner to stand on. Well, as I've always said this, nothing
like an education, thank you,And what you have is nothing like in
education? Oh every wise? Guy, here take the encyclopaedia. Go ahead,
(09:52):
ask me some questions. Okay,Oh, here's one. You want
to know what hitster Isaac Newton' thehead? Missus Isaac Newton? You now
have zero? Would you like tofly from minus one? Coffee? So
(10:16):
funny? I'll answer the next onetwice to bring up the average. I
go ahead, all right, whatis the formula for a hydrogen? That's
simple, half hydra and half gin. Go ahead, honey, hit me
one another. Okay, answer thisone. What is the population of madagast
(10:39):
What year nineteen twelve? What monthFebruary? The population of Madagascar for February
nineteen twelve was two million, sevenhundred and fifty six and twenty four Holy
cat, that's terrific. Hid youknow I'm bluffing too, Why Baker,
(11:09):
Well, that's the sixty four dollarquestion himself. Phil. It's a pleasures
to welcome to the tavern, thestar of taking to leave it? Thanks,
So now that I'm here, I'dlike to leave it. Tell me
why? Because I can't take it. For goodness sake, Archie, why
don't you open that window? Ican't open the window faces the fish market.
(11:31):
Oh, I'm sorry, apologies exemptly. I guess the fish market would
object to the smell from here.The two cents. I squeezed this guy's
head together so you couldn't tell itfrom his accordion right away, Phil,
you didn't happen to bring that there. I think you know the accordion with
(11:54):
you by Anny Kamp. Oh,yes, I have it right here.
I'll play just as soon as we'rethrough talking, Phil, let's keep talking.
Tell me how's things going? Sinceyou're back on your quiz shows?
Not the better odds? You know, you must be a very brilliant person
to run a program like that.Well, one does have to know a
few questions and answers. Where doyou get the question? I hold him
(12:16):
in my left hand, and heanswers I hold him in my right hand.
Then, as I understand it,your brilliance consist of rolling your eyes
from left to right. Well,occasionally I had live a bit. I
blink, how daring? If youfew? Is it easy field daker?
(12:37):
Archie? What is this? Nocoaching from the audience. Water Bill,
I'd like you to meet miss Stuffythe question to a maiden's prayer? How
do you do? Miss Duffy?I'm very happy to know you, donor
(12:58):
four or five? Nine eight?I beg your pardon. Oh you're always
asking questions. I thought i'd giveyou the answer first. Oh, by
the way, mister Baker, Ihave a t L for you. Really?
What's the t L? My girlfriendTessey Lockcheck, she thinks you're the
(13:20):
funniest and cleverest comedian on the air. Ye, that's quite a compliment from
a girl who can't even understand English. And now that we've met, mister
Baker, I have a rather personalquestion. I'd like to ask you.
When you take out a girl andyou bring your accordion along, which one
(13:45):
do you squeeze first? That dependson which one has the better bills?
In your case, Miss Duffy,the accordion, I'll beat it, say,
mister Baker. May I interject aninterjection? Why Alexander Graham Bell and
(14:09):
nineteen forty two? What's that?Two answers? You figured out the questions,
Pachie, what's this a fugitive fromwe the people? No, Phil,
(14:33):
it's just nature's proof that two headsis not necessarily better than one.
We call it the mad Russian.I see mad Russians. How do you
do? How do you do?Is that a dollar question? Or are
you just making conversations? Well,let's call it the dollar question. I'll
(14:54):
give it to you again. Howdo you do? Can I have three
guessers? All right? I giveup Russian? Then why did you want
three guesses? I don't give upso easy. I didn't have to excuse
him. You see, when hewas born, the doctor was near sighted,
(15:18):
and the Russian got slapped on thehead. Mister Baker, Speaking of
questions, I have one for you. What is it? Leave the city?
(15:43):
Name the city? Hmmm? Couldyou give me a hint? Ye?
San Francisco. Okay, San Francisco. You're wrong to lookle it on.
(16:03):
It's Connectedy, Yes, yes,s E H E N E C
T at wide Russian. That's amazing. You just spoke Connectedy. I did,
Yes, I thought I spoke inFrancisco. Coagulations Russing. You have
(16:23):
just won the jerk spot. HowArchie, how about letting me play my
accordion? You're an accordion Phil?Do you have to play that stomach steinway,
it turns everything out. A guycan't even think on that. I'm
still going over the books, andthere are certain shortages I'd like to have
explained, shores and phil Oh,you like to thrill us with some nice
(16:45):
accordion music and make it good andloud. That was really wonderful, really
(18:42):
terrific. Quick place them on.Just just aementute, young man, stop
that stalling. Your books are short. Fifty seven dollars a chie Is there
any way I can help you getthe books to balance? Mister Baker,
You couldn't get those books to balanceif you held your accordion in one hand
(19:03):
and a palace call in the other. Short that stuff, he'll send me
to jail. Oh we can't havethat. Arch See, I've got an
idea. Why don't we put onmy sixty four dollars question show right here
on the tab of the night.If you win, you can cover the
shortage. I mean, well,all you have to do is use your
brains. Give us. Oh yeah, give me that psyclopedia. Let me
(19:33):
see now, Ambuline Aberdeen Abyssinian,here are two guys who don't need an
encyclopedia. They give you the rightanswer for what every smoker wants. Now
you're chester Fuel's answer to symonal divergieract Bobo. I top easy, dad,
(19:56):
But we only have a minute hereto sell chester Well, let's get
to it. That are tasting.Chesterfield is the only cigarette that combines for
you mildness with no unpleasant aftertaste.The mildness is a sense to prove you.
Just make Chesterfield mildness test, youknow, open the pack and enjoy
that milder aroma. Then smoke themand you'll know that Chesterfields are mild and
Chesterfield leaves no unpleasant aftertaste. Thatfact has been confirmed by the country's first
(20:18):
and only cigarette taste panel. Somake our cigarette your cigarette. The reasons
go together like this by Chesterfield.Chesterfield the one that proves this case.
Yes, chester Fields a milder,milder posso aftertaste. Who open up pack
and you've a much sniff than yousmoke them? Well, fill them all
(20:41):
set Russian and Earth the quiz Showpresenting mister Taking It or Leaving It?
Phil Baker, I thank you,and featuring your friend not mine, he
started taking it and lossing it up. Pachi, all right, at you
(21:10):
you're our first contestant. Let's getstarted. Are you ready? Go ahead?
Me brain has brought them at theleash. All right, well select
the category. Like the category rightaway starts with a trick question. Oh
no, no, I mean choosea subject. Oh that, well,
(21:32):
what subjects have you got? Well, let's see what we have on the
board. Now, there's ancient Aztecsceramics, early Buddhist poetry, medieval Slavic
etymology. How about famous saloons?I'm straight. M oh, I'm sorry,
we don't have that. How aboutcalculus or ancient Roman history? Ancient
(21:53):
Roman history? That sounds pretty good, you'll be maybe, man, fella,
ain't you got something a little morecultural? Cultural? Yeah? Easy.
The only subjects left are baseball andetiquette. That's right up for me.
(22:14):
Baseball, no equate, verry,Well, the subject is eidequate.
Now for one dollar, what isetiquette? Wow? Elquent is? That's
correct? You have one dollar?Now, Hey, I'm hot tonight.
How would you like to try fortwo dollars? You think I'm gonna quick
(22:36):
when I'm in the middle of awinning street. All right, for two
dollars? What is a finger ball? Oh? Finger ball? That's equitt
Huh, yeah, that's that's thething you wash your fingers in. That
is absolutely correct. Yeah, incase your fingers is full of mashed potato.
What are you trying to do?Talk your way back to zero?
(22:57):
Now? For four dollars? Whowrote the book co etica? Phil?
Could you give me a hint?Okay? The last name is Post?
All right? Could your hint madea first name? Now? But I'll
tell you this. The initial isE. I got it, Yes,
(23:21):
Edgar Allan Post, Edgar Allan Postpays you four dollars for originality. How
for eight dollars? What implement isused at the dining table for picking up
lumps of sugar? Picks up sugar? Sugar tongs afore them? M Marie,
(23:45):
I got it? Yeah, BobHope. One, Bob Hope picked
up lumps of sugar. It ain'they, brother, it ain't right either.
I'll give you one more chance.I ain't see an importment to pick
up sugar coaching from the audience.Please stop me, Please get back to
(24:10):
work and stop waving them sugar tongue. That's the answer. What what you
just said? Get back to worknow, stop waving now the sugar tongue.
Yes, amazing. How some peoplehave trouble with these quizzes. Pilln't
hit me with a sixteen dollar question? All right, thought, geez,
(24:33):
tell me what is the largest cityin Italy? Oh? Are you sitting?
Wait a minute? What's that questiongot to do with etiquette? What
have your answers got to do withthe questions? Go ahead? What is
the largest city in Italy? Isee? Why are you sitting in Italy?
Oh? Give me a home?Where the buffalow room? I got
(24:56):
it? What is it? Buffaloo? No? No, thank go
chie you? Where do you haveto be to do as the Romans do
Romania? Well, we'll give youcredit for a near miss. Now shall
(25:17):
we both try for the thirty twodollars question? Okay, well with both
privates, But the lemus get backto me favorite subject to vadequate? All
right? Does one eat peas witha knife or a fork? That's so
probviious? One uses a fork?That's right, just use the knife to
mesh him one. Oh, dainty, Well you have thirty two? Would
(25:41):
you? Would you take it?I mean, I own a book's fifty
seven? Then why don't you trythe sixty four dollar question. You'll be
sorry if you do. You'll bein jail if you don't. Okay,
well, hit me again, verywell the sixty four dollar question. This
question concerns table matters. Oh that'ssomething. Now, the King of England
(26:04):
comes to your house for dinner.Natural, where does he eat? He
eats in entiring room. Of course, you think I put the King of
England in the kitchen. Oh no, I mean does he sit to your
right or you're left? Well,if it's the King of England, he
sits to me right. That's correct, absolutely correct. I see. How
(26:26):
did you know? Well, Iwouldn't want I'm sitting around the side of
the table where he can look intothe bathroom watching. You're brilliant. You
went sixty four dollars. Okay,Oh uh, mister water Price, here's
the dough now, so the bookswon't be short, and to show you
the kind of a guy you're darnwhat you can keep the change. That's
(26:47):
the moment a young man. Iowe you an apology. Huh, I've
made a mistake in my figures.The books are not short at all.
He ain't sure? You mean Iworked me bringing to the bone for nothing?
Well, Archie you've got sixty fourdollars. Now you can take out
your girlfriend Peter's latour. What megoing on? What is strip tease?
(27:08):
Me an intellectual? When we askyou to try anison for the relief of
(27:30):
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Listen again next week, Friends toDuffy's Tavern. The Friday Night Transcribe
feature on NBC's All Star Festival ofcomedy, music, mystery and drama,
(28:38):
brought to you by RCA Victor,world leader in radio, Burst in recorded
music, Burst in Television, byChesterfield, The cigarette that has for you
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