Mutual Evolution with WEAVER Tressa Yonekawa

What is your Earth Archetype?  Take the Quiz!
https://quiz.eartharchetypes.com/

Does your life follow a pattern or do you design it? 
Either way, is it on purpose?

Do you have conversations or connections?
Why the heck does that matter?

What role does ambiguity and curiosity play in your life?
How did such a question become an important one on the Earth Archetype quiz?

These are just some of the questions I got to ponder with friend and Weaver Tressa Yonekawa.  

As a keynote speaker known for her ability to create a full experience from the stage and a coach who will ask the toughest questions with the tenderest love…

Join in as we weave a whole lotta dichotomies with grace and a-has!

**************

Tressa Yonekawa Bundren does only one thing, she fixes relationships. She is an award-winning keynote speaker and coach in corporate culture, creativity, and couples relationships. She is a co-founder of Taproot Ventures, a Portland based culture-first consultancy with F100 clients. Her uni degrees are in the neuroscience of cognition and she has spent over two decades successfully working with thousands of top leaders and couples. She was turned down for her first business bank loan out of grad school and became a dominatrix with high profile entertainment and finance clients for two years while also working in medical communications and compliance, built a non-physical, integrity and power domina start-up which funded the medical staffing business she was turned down to finance. Tressa is a fractional autism services coordinator, older child adoption advocate, and adoptive mom of three incredible daughters from the foster care system. 

Find out more about Tressa here, here, and here…
https://epicoto.com/
Intentional Dating and Relating:  https://www.intentionaldating.love/
Insta: https://www.instagram.com/tressayonekawa/
LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tressayonekawa/
YT: https://www.youtube.com/@tressayonekawa

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And if you liked this episode, you'll also enjoy my 2 part podcast with Weaver Type Stephanie Zhong.  Episodes 4 & 5.  

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
So reciprocity to me is is mutual understanding and fair is not always equal

(00:06):
So both those things are true to me at the same time that do we understand do we have a mutual understanding?
Can we agree on this point in this point or this facet and this facet even if we can't agree on the whole disco ball?
You know, so what what elements of what's happening here?

(00:27):
Are you lit up by are you struck by are are important to you?
What are you hearing me say what am I hearing you say?
This is reciprocity to me. Are we having a mutually beneficial?
connection not just conversation but connection
Welcome to the earth mates podcast together

(00:50):
We explore how to find your path from climate anxiety to community action by asking
Who are you?
Because just like any relationship that matters
So get ready to be raw and real but also playful and silly with me

(01:11):
Chief relationship officer amber peoples as we discover
What's possible through the lens of the five earth archetypes?
Curiosity and subscription buttons highly encouraged
Welcome my friend today as we record this session

(01:35):
We are in this liminal place of
Winding our way towards springtime here in the northern hemisphere for those of you in the southern hemisphere
Of course you are starting to get warm and cozy in your sweaters as winter is arriving and then ask your listening to this
Who knows what time of year it is it could be absolutely anytime. That's the joy of the podcast world

(01:57):
Is that when you when the time is right for you to listen to this you will be listening to this
But at the beginning of every show we like to tune in with what that is
What is that moment that surrounds you?
What is what is nature's story in that moment that you are a part of as being part of nature?
And in this episode we're going to do something a little bit different where I'm going to ask you to

(02:18):
Tune in a little bit more specifically to a part of your body and that part of your body is your hands
And just kind of rubbing them together whether it is springtime and
And the mornings are cold in the afternoon
So you don't know if it's rainy or sunny yet and maybe your fingertips need a little bit of warmth or

(02:39):
Maybe it's heading into winter and you're feeling that or
Maybe it just feels really good no matter what time of year to notice how alive that feels and that that energy and that heat that builds up right in your hands
And knowing that that's the same energy that
Exists all over this planet of friction and energy that heats up when we bring two dynamic forces together

(03:08):
And I'm just going to pause for a moment and silently count to five inside my head while you allow yourself this moment to fully
Commit to that sensation
Thank you

(03:38):
Now I'm delighted to introduce you to our weaver earth archetype trissa yana kawa bundrin
I honestly don't remember when or how we met
Was it dance and event through your partner
We definitely lived in the same town for many years and we definitely had heart to heart talks because that's what we do and

(04:05):
As her meteor bio promises trissa will disrupt your life in the best ways
So about two years ago trissa
Posted an opportunity to join her at an event in Puerto Rico and I was ready to say yes
Since then we continue to support and grow together in manifesting our wild and wonderful dreams

(04:30):
Finding language for our inner most desires and feeling rooted to the earth
So I'm excited to have another heart to heart conversation today while you all listen in and now without further ado
Welcome trissa. I am so curious to hear what your version of that story is

(04:51):
Amber, thank you so much my version of that story first of all
I want to say
Thank you for that that intro with the
Reving our hands together and getting really present because I
Need that and I think so many of us forget how
Important it is to just get really here

(05:12):
Before taking on anything and it makes everything better and more connected and more juicy and more powerful
And therefore, hopefully more successful
so thank you for that and my version of
Of our meeting is that I don't remember either ethereal magic has just

(05:33):
brought us together and and when certain things come up like the you know finding words for things and and creating larger things
That impact the earth in in beautiful ways. I always think of you so the invitation to
Join me in Puerto Rico where I was speaking was part of
This is a this is a dynamic

(05:54):
Event full of really incredible human beings who are intent on changing the planet in better ways changing their lives in the world
And and ourselves in better ways and you are the first person who came to mind
Oh lovely yeah, it's in these moments of
How do we continue to evolve? How do we continue to emerge that we we think of one another and I think that's a huge part of this podcast is

(06:21):
Having people reflect on what are those relationships in our lives?
Science is proving behavior science is proving that in any kind of more altruistic thing
Or worldwide thing not directly self-interest related thing that the biggest needle mover it could be voting

(06:41):
It could be climate change action. It could be a whole host of things the biggest thing is what are your friends expect you to do
That's such an interesting point. There's this piece to all of us
That that I'm connected with right now that is ever evolving
I don't know very many people who've done the same thing in the same way for a significant amount of time

(07:04):
I think that as we evolve we continue to change we we are daring enough to
Be out here in the progress of change and that's a very vulnerable place to be
But I think that so many of us are really engaged in
Not being stagnant not being stuck and an understanding that that evolution occurs first internally

(07:25):
Even if we're joining something external that is evolving that that the true change comes from self-aware
integration interaction connection togetherness
So one of the things I love about you is that I never know what to expect from you next
Oh, I love that

(07:46):
Thank you
Oh that reminds me of I was I was taking out just enjoying a festival
This summer and a friend who's known me for probably as long as you have she wanted to take a picture of me
And she's like will you stop changing for like two seconds so I can get a picture
So I absolutely love that and I love that

(08:08):
That that is in your very nature and your calling in this world to encourage people to do that
In fact, what is such an interesting thing is that you claim that the question you wake up with every day
That you pursue every day that you wonder as you go to sleep every night is
What changes in the world when we learn to connect without fear of ourselves or projection of our stories on each other

(08:38):
And how do we get there right now and so it's it's so so beautiful to hear
That you know in that it is this welcoming it is this embracing it is this encouragement of change
And I'd love for you to say more about that
Well, you know, it's important to me because I didn't always do it

(09:00):
And I think that's you know so much of maybe maybe we always teach what we know and continue to learn
So I
You know got the degrees
Went to university and did the things that I thought I was supposed to do
And they've been helpful. I'm not going to say that I regret that at all
But I did it so that I would have the letters behind my name to indicate that I knew what I was doing

(09:21):
So the things so many of the things that I did when I was younger. I'm going to say in air quotes
Were in order to prove that I was worthy or that I knew or that I could handle and
so much of that was just complete
fluff could I have learned what I learned without going to university absolutely

(09:43):
And the degrees have certainly helped me on the way so have the what I call day cover jobs
And I did several corporate day cover jobs where I would
Be the person that you know manage the things and and helped grow the things and
My soul was dying

(10:04):
I didn't know why because I was accomplishing everything that the world told me I was supposed to
accomplish to be
successful
I had the right car. I threw the parties. I wore the right boots, you know, and I
At one point stopped and said this is not you know going back and forth to the dry cleaners or having things delivered
Is not making me happy what makes me happy is being in service to

(10:27):
Self-aware presence and connection that I was learning literally as a child in the mountains of Montana
from from nature
And so when I started to
read
text
From all over the world and recognize that the things that I had learned in nature were very resonant with the things I was learning in

(10:49):
significant texts from all over our planet for you know thousands of years
It it really impressed on me that we come in with a lot of the answers
We just need to have the right stimulus
To remember to recall and to continue to learn so that we don't ever get stuck
Yeah, I think that word stock is such a such a critical thing that so many people in modern developed countries

(11:16):
feel a lot of times is this feeling of
being stuck and in particular around climate change
There is one of the things that I
Feel like is my mission to help people with is when they get into this emoji shrug character
And they go, but what can I do? And it is it's a stuck question. It's a relatively de fetus question

(11:42):
It is a cop-out question
There's there's a lot of layers of complication to it. I there's no blame there whatsoever
But it is being an honest giving it an honest look at at what it is that's happening
And that feeling of of stock and how do we how do we unstick from that?

(12:04):
When it feels daunting when it feels scary and
When you're working with people you're working oftentimes with them in some form of relationship that could be a work relationship
That could be a personal relationship
In those in those first beginning phases when people are feeling
There's there's so immersed in the feeling of being stuck

(12:26):
That's why they they have accepted that there's a problem and they need some kind of help and they seek that help
But I'm wondering how do you start with people in that moment?
Yeah, that in that moment I ask what makes you happy and
surprisingly
Many people can't answer that at that point
But it gives us a place to jump off from and you know when we talk about getting stuck with with climate

(12:51):
My daughters and I when they were younger we decided that for a year we wouldn't purchase anything wrapped in plastic
That just no plastic at all and it
Rosely limited what we could buy and it was
grossly limited what we could buy and we got used to it and it was fine
And so close to the end of the year we're we're congratulating each other in ourselves thinking oh look

(13:12):
We did this great thing for the planet by not
Buying anything in plastic and we drove by a building we were living in Portland, Oregon for about a decade
We drove by a building that was just going up that was completely wrapped in thick
plastic
And we went oh so
So what really what really were we doing you know

(13:35):
What statement were we making and so I definitely can feel that
frustration, agitation and and stuckness with how do we move forward
With the planet in our lives with our relationships in work all of those things
So the place to begin is with self-awareness about what's important to me
What what is success? What is love? What is you know how how am I built? What is my calling um purpose

(14:03):
Those are kind of flimsy terms to me
What is true?
What are my truths and true is subjective
Truth is is a totally subjective construct of our brains
But when we move that into our whole being
What is my truth? What are my truths
And when we can start there we can move into happiness because a lot of us don't even know

(14:27):
How to describe our own happiness. What is happiness to me?
If we take a moment and just reflect on that
Do we have do we have an answer for that?
Yeah, I think that is such an important question
And so in that journey that you take people on and this is one of the things that I love about the weaver type

(14:51):
Is this place of ambiguity is is very it's a very tangible place
Uh, specifically for the weaver type for those in other types
It can it can feel different and it can feel oftentimes um
It can have challenging
Associations with it of especially if you're on the side that is more that likes things precise and likes things

(15:17):
Concertized then ambiguity can be something that like it's your mission to make sure none of that exists
That it's all clarified
And on the side that's more about embodiment and sensations
They are still trying to refine that ambiguity in a certain way
Whether it's twirling like Sufis do or poetry like roomy dead

(15:42):
There's there's a refinement of it and with the weaver type there's this um almost wholehearted embrace
Of this place of ambiguity because it's it's known to be this place that helps you
Get from where you are to where you want to be
And so tell me more about your relationship with ambiguity and how you

(16:05):
Can hold that space for other people when they are working through it and they're they're they're
On challenges that come up in that space
I love this question because I'd never really thought of it in in that way with that those semantics
So thank you for that
I'm going to use that in the future this place of ambiguity is a place where incorporate

(16:25):
Industrial work. I use the term curiosity
So can we get curious about what hasn't been achieved? What's possible? What's um what we're willing to do?
What we're not willing to do? Can we get curious about why we're willing and not willing to do those things?
Can we get curious about how those things could possibly happen or how in in our reality?

(16:46):
They've already happened and now we can deconstruct in order to construct
So this place of ambiguity is all openness all possibility all potential how exciting is that
And now where do we take it in in this in the concretized as you said terms um in in in a way that makes sense to
How we interpret success and what we want our outcomes to be so

(17:09):
What what is true now? What do you want to be true?
As we're working together and when we're done working together and now
Let's be get curious about how that's going to happen because it's going to happen and can we
Can we outfit ourselves from the beginning and remind ourselves to the journey of any relationship of any communication?
When I'm when I'm doing mediation

(17:31):
Um with people especially people who are very angry with each other are very frustrated or things have built up over time
Can we get curious here?
Not only about why we ended up here because that's that's the story that we can tell on a on a on the
Psychology couch for the next 10 years if we want to
But can we get curious about why we got here in such a way that it helps us propel and improve

(17:54):
How we do better together moving forward?
So if that means that we're going to be come to a more elegant exit or if that means we're going to flourish and and re
Annoying this this joining you know this this togetherness whatever that is whether it's corporate culture or partnerships or we're going public with our company or this is our marriage or our family or whatever

(18:16):
The same rules and tools apply to
Excellent leadership as they do to excellent lovers excellent partnering excellent parenting
And I think that's a phenomenon of this getting curious and being able to move in the spaces of ambiguity
Without necessarily meeting all the foot and handholds because that's how we get stuck

(18:37):
We get in the patterns of feeling safe because we're
Pattern in the comfort of the continuation of something not necessarily
That we are moving through ambiguity with
Curiosity so that we can do it better together
Well, I love that that element of curiosity it is
When I have my copywriting brain on that is that is the ultimate lever that I want to push it

(19:01):
It's like this this little hook and you get people to like come along
With this this promise of something and I love that you put it also in the context of of relationship that there is both the internal aspect of that and the owning of whatever that truth is
and and owning

(19:23):
the ambiguity
Until like you're able to find those touch points and so turning into nature again as
The in my opinion the ultimate relationship it is the air we breathe it is the food that we eat
It is the water that we drink it is literally the gravitational pull that allows us to stand

(19:45):
um
As a relationship
What do you think we can do to be more curious in a relationship that has become?
pretty distant
uh a relationship that people joke about
How uncomfortable they would be if they had to be closer to it
relationship that

(20:06):
um
We've somehow created this weird hierarchy where we're at the top of it but yet not even part of it at the same time
And so I'm curious where where you see
The work that you do interacting with that relationship
Hmm yeah, I see that the the work that I do you know foundationally
I believe that that all of us have three different

(20:29):
callings ultimately foundationally
One is to help other people one is to help animals one is to help the planet and it can be a combination of those are one of those
but ultimately
We are driven by one of those motivators
So it's it's rare and I think dysfunctional when we're motivated to help only ourselves. I think that um

(20:53):
The the purpose behind the work that I do ultimately you know, if we're going to talk about it in in granular terms is
Is the truth of us is this benevolence this love beyond love if you want to use that terminology but this um
ability to

(21:13):
Use our power use our intelligence use our skills to be purposeful and
one of the things that that I have found working with in geriatrics
and in hospice care
Is that when we lose our purpose when our purpose is taken away when we out
age
age out of our purpose

(21:35):
we
have
such little ground
So if our purpose can be
reattentioned reattannuated to
um
The self-awareness in connection with all it is
in order to

(21:55):
make better
something
within our within our control and also so far beyond our grasp
So it's the it's the concept of if I plant a tree today and I never see the shade of the tree
But somebody 20 years from now does
That's that's a win
And can we can we embrace that with self-awareness so that

(22:19):
The purpose is not that we fill our pockets with as many coins as we can today
But that we are in a more benevolent curious way
able to have success while also contributing to the success of others
To the planet are we treating each other better so they're not trying to scrape everything

(22:39):
off of this this earth so that we can profit from it
Can we then if we have better relationships within ourselves and where our self-worth is
Healed and healing and we're not needing to grasp at things and we're not so impacted by marketing psychology that says
You're nothing if you don't have this thing oh not now this thing and now this thing and if you don't

(23:01):
dress this way or you know those kinds of things that make us all crazy and that so many of us chase
With good reason we've been so entrained there
But what if we can become more self-aware self, you know
Empowered present benevolent that we aren't groping
To get ahead of each other in such a way that it harms us

(23:23):
And other people and the world we live in
Then what I mean, I've often said and I believed since I was a kid and I check in with this all the time
If there is if there is something evil
Here
It is fear because look at what we do to ourselves and each other

(23:44):
From fear fear of not fear of you know being seen as dumb or not able or whatever fear of not having
You know all the fears that make us harm ourselves
And harm each other and disregard the planet that supports us

(24:04):
By come back to a phrase that I
I think is foundational to the work I do it's foundational to the moment I had where I'm like wow
I can't have just heard what I just heard and and look any other direction but this direction
And it started with the phrase earth is our home
And that and it wasn't I didn't even yet know that the

(24:28):
ECO eco that that that
Prefects to words when you go back to the Greek where it came from actually means home
So ecology is the study of home economy is the management of home is
Is
Is this powerful place of this this point that you're talking about of

(24:54):
of
I'm curious because I don't want to put words in your mouth
But it almost sounds like this this the word belonging is what comes to mind
And I'm wondering if that fits in with this cosmos you're creating
Yeah, absolutely belonging is a huge part of it and one of the the main
Complaints that I hear especially in couples also in in corporate culture is

(25:20):
I I got into this to to belong to be connected and I don't feel belonging
I just feel this kind of terminal velocity of having to do certain tasks in order to keep things going
And so this place of belonging right this slice of belonging is huge and we join groups to belong

(25:41):
We you know we we join partnerships to belong. We join companies to belong
Companies market to us so that we feel like we can belong
We're supposed to know that we can get into a love relationship to belong for that for that
like amazing connection of
total belonging and total approval and total you know reception

(26:02):
And then we find out that it's different because we have all these games in our head that we've learned
So what happens when again we get curious when we get into this space of ambiguity where
Maybe we don't have the answers, but but what's here? What's available?
And then that becomes more playful
We can we can say oh

(26:24):
I don't know, but what if we try this? Well, what if we try this? Well, what happens if we do this?
How are you feeling if I do this and then those phrases that come up with like authentic or intentional relationships
Which would be hearing you say that I notice I
And what I just heard you say was this is that is that true?

(26:45):
Is there anything that that I need clarification on from you? So when we when we have this
This new very old way of interrelating
We have more belonging because we have more understanding of each other because we're seen
We know that we're being seen because we have the reflection of being seen. We're not just talking heads

(27:06):
Which is why when I do keynotes
It's I create an experience. I have people stand up and actually interact and lead them through prompts
Which make sure that they have an experience of
Belonging of not belonging of belonging again of how to power of
Disempowerment of power again of benevolence of a lack of benevolence of benevolence again so that we can see and compare and contrast

(27:31):
What's true for us and typically what I will hear
After after I've done a keynote in and I get to meet people is I have never had an experience like that before
I have never
looked at
How I relate to myself and other people like that before and to me that surprising because I have had to have those

(27:55):
Experiences for the last 25 years because of what I've chosen to do and just the circumstances I've been thrown into which
Affirm that I'm doing the right work here
And when somebody says I've never done that before or my partner and I haven't felt that way about each other since the first six weeks
That we knew each other or you know whatever that is we didn't know that was sustainable or could continue to grow or was still there

(28:17):
um
Those things affirmed to me that
We're on the right path because we still have the curiosity and we still have the ability
To have belonging
That's beautiful and it gave me such a powerful aha moment
Because with the weaver type of course what and when you have a loom you have strings that are going one way and strings that you are weaving through in the other direction and you're with every

(28:46):
um
Wave of that string going up and down you're deciding which colors on top and which ones on the bottom and
And something that I know about you as a weaver type is that you do embody a wide range of of either ors
You have you're in neuro cognitive science and intuition you speak and you listen you laugh and you cry

(29:08):
Your business and pleasure you have these dichotomies that you know how to hold
Like these two different strands of the weave and the larger that capacity is and this is the aha the larger the capacity of the weaver
the more
Ambiguity the more curiosity you have space to play with

(29:29):
For what the options are of this way that you define truth earlier
Yeah, that net playfulness is such a necessary part of human existence where we're here in these bodies to experience
And so part of the experience you know it's it's not all supposed to be drudgery and work and and 10 xing everything

(29:50):
um part of the experience is is the playfulness and the intrigue and the interest and the desire and the you know
What does ice cream feel like when I swallow it and you know how does rain feel if I'm outside
you know like
splashing through puddles rather than avoiding them and
These experiences we tend to deny ourselves in order to feel like we are

(30:12):
complicit in societal norms
And I'm just going to say societal norms are are necessary and also
Which which of those do you want to be complicit with and because they serve you and because they serve
Society and which are self-imposed because of what you've seen and heard from other people who didn't have the tools to grow and evolve in the way that you can

(30:37):
Yeah one one way that I've heard that
Uh when we look at the systemic qualities of climate
Change and and all that's involved in that and people are in that place of what can I do
One way I've heard it so powerfully expressed is
Well culture is a collection of individual choices

(30:57):
That we kind of agree to and so if you as a person start to make different choices yes, there is the problem of
Holy cow that entire building is wrapped in plastic even though I just did this year of plastic free
But then you know
When when you have these moments that you share with more and more people

(31:18):
Then it becomes what ultimately is culture and and that's where the the change velocity is and I thought that was such an interesting
dichotomy that you had earlier that I know I skipped over because I had this other aha
But it was this difference between belonging and I think you called the velocity of like the to-do list

(31:41):
I was like whoa
That's a statement
This comfort that we get from cultural norms which are a blessing
There's no doubt about it our our human species needs that where our brain isn't always
Having to make decisions all of the time but can rely on certain things um and and pathways in our brain

(32:04):
But to have this power to be curious and to question them is
is the
At first I wanted to use the word radical, but it's not even radical. It doesn't have to be that extreme
It just is like one of the things that I love is a sentence that you use a lot is simply I'm here for it

(32:28):
Whatever it is it's it's it's it's not extreme. I'm just here for it
So I'm wondering how when I like you know our the listener right now just heard that and and had their own reaction
But I'm wondering when you say that to people and you're seeing their instant response you're seeing their eyes

(32:49):
You're hearing how their breath changes or doesn't
What I think it's such a phenomenal phrase because we don't hear it, but we crave it
And so I'm curious what response you get from people when you are putting that
Amazingly powerful yet simple sentence out into the world the encouragement you know to to try it on

(33:12):
is is part of the experience of
Living and of working with me. So
You haven't thought of it this way. Well try it just say I'm I'm showing up for this right now and see if it fits
And if it doesn't find and if it does fine
Um, and then let's go on to the next prompt and let's see if that fits

(33:34):
You know that that we are such creatures of
not just habit but of the comfort of
um
The hamster wheel
You know and so if if
Comfort is derived by going to the same job every day for 50 years and doing the same thing or slight variations on the same thing

(33:56):
And that's that's where you choose to be and that feels good
We need you there
Right, so there's nothing wrong with
Desiring to to be doing something same or similar over long periods of time that is beautiful when that's your choice to be there
And after working with government agencies where the people would say

(34:19):
um upon first meeting
And I would ask as a consultant
What what how do you feel about being here right here right now and
Almost all of the government employees at that time in that place
would say
Well pretty good. I've got only got 17 years

(34:40):
four months
14 days
eight hours and 32 minutes before I retire
whew
heavy
heavy stuff and then you know and that was early in my career and so that impacted me so

(35:00):
much as well as working at that time with many many many couples
um
The spouse would come in with with the primary person who was coming in for for services
um who and these couples had been married for 50 years or more and so I was going to write the next great novel on how to have love that lasts forever

(35:21):
by
interviewing all these people that I had access to and saying
How has love lasted? How have you stayed married for over 50 years? What's the secret and so enthusiastic and curious
And the answer I got 99.99% of the time from the women was
You just learned to put up with a lot
Almost exactly that phrasing

(35:44):
Every time over hundreds and hundreds of couples and from the masculine from the men
male-bodied people was
Almost a hundred percent of the time also
Well, I have a shop in the basement or I have a shop in the garage or I have a place that I go to get away
to do my thing and
I

(36:05):
Was shocked
Oh, so this is what partnering is for a long time you just learn to put up with a lot and you find a place to get away
How how how is that serving us?
And so then and that was
Oh 25 years ago now so then my quest was really ignited to figure out

(36:28):
Where do we go wrong with what's happening that that love and that
Connectedness and that belonging
Get so disintegrated and become such a chore that we're just putting up with time in order to alleviate us
of that

(36:49):
tension or boredom or sameness and it's not that we need to be jumping out of airplanes every Tuesday or you know
This Tuesday and something next Tuesday something different
But it is that we have to keep checking in with ourselves and each other to recognize where change is happening
where change is desired

(37:09):
So that we're not just you know having hot dogs every Tuesday, right or veggie dogs every Tuesday and
Because that's what we've done and because our partner or because
Somebody said that that's what they liked one time and so we assumed that that was a forever thing
So
This place of you know
It's very resonant with be here now. It's very resonant with you know

(37:30):
Eckert tolle and in different people who have just simplified
Life and living fully living to being fully present
It's a dare it's a concept. It's an invitation. It's an allowing it's
It's an offering and you don't have to take it you don't have to accept it
But can we get curious about what happens if we do

(37:53):
Yeah, and what I what I hear in this and it's interesting because I I rarely use this word
But I'm using it for the second time today is it almost feels like a bit of a rewilding
That's a term that's that's used a lot within circles that teach
Practices like tracking and bow and arrow and and things like that of of strategies to be

(38:18):
more at the the speed of
Of nature
Somebody mentioned to me that the the speed of being able to perceive is at top notch like bicycle speed to go into the science of it
one of the fascinating things that is being shown is just like we know that

(38:39):
Heart variability is really important like we want to be able to get our heart pumping really fast
And then it's a sign of health if once we stop whatever that activity is our heart can go back to resting state
Pretty quickly if it takes a while
It's actually a sign that our heart needs needs some needs some support and some some health support
and they're seeing the same thing in regards to

(39:00):
Things like vagal nerve things around ruminating and worrying that yes
There is a time in a place to elevate our into fight or fight there is a time where we do want to be concerned
and then once that is gone can we
Quickly or how quickly can we reset back to

(39:23):
What is truly here? What is truly now?
right and if not then why and the why so often why we can't reset
and be very present is often an unmet need an unfulfilled something and
A learned habit or pattern it can be so many different things

(39:45):
But when we get to the foundational source of why that's true of why we can't get really present typically it is
I mean some of the things that have come up for some clients in the past 10 years even are
um a fear of failure
I can't reset because this is my this is my conflict arc

(40:06):
And if I don't go through my conflict arc
I don't really know what's happening
I can't just stop like one of the things that I encourage
People to do in conflict is just stop just have a sign do something
Stop and just take a few breaths jump up turn around and touch the ground if you need to to disrupt the pattern of that
conflict arc so that you can have choices so that you can do it differently because there's nothing that says

(40:30):
Nothing that's written that you need to do something and then keep going because now you'd be embarrassed if you stopped
Is ultimately what's happening for people it's embarrassing to stop so I need to run it through its course
Make sure people are still around make sure that nobody's left me make sure that you know whatever
Whatever I'm expecting to happen that is my pattern and it's often negative

(40:52):
Has happened so that I know how to recover and readjust and come back to to what is true
Um, but without needing to go through that conflict arc and none of us need to there it's totally
potential
To not have to have those dramatic arguments at all when we have the tools of conversation and communication and belonging

(41:13):
The the tools of connection
So how can we get to this place of not having to have the conflict not having to harm ourselves in each other in order to come back and have to do the repair
So that we we recognize the pattern and it feels comfortable
And I love that you've kind of brought us to this place of the word pattern because another term for the weaver type is designer

(41:37):
This is where you know whether it's designing
A formula whether it's designing like an architect or a community organizer
There often tends to be an element of design
That becomes paramount within within this type in this way of thinking and and operating and offering the world and I'm curious

(42:00):
um
When you when you look at this way of being that you're describing
Do you do you feel that there is some kind of design
Um because I think I think a lot of people that's where they get stuck is they might be able to hear what you're saying
But then go but how do I do that?
When I would go in as a consultant and I would get a basic excavation understanding of what was happening

(42:24):
I could see the web and when you see the web you see what's lit up and what's not lit up on the web
You see the little packages of lit up not lit up you see who on the web is in the right place not in the right place maybe
needs to be you know reengaged or disengaged
Very clearly and that that design then that comes from that is what do we want this to look like?

(42:48):
Do we want all of these you know dead or dying packages in the web um or do we want to
um
Make sure that things are in evolution
One of the things that I've found that I've been surprised by is in this work is that
creatives often
Will come to me or creative teams because what this work does is reengage

(43:12):
self-awareness and enthusiasm for the integration and the understanding that
We're not trying to replicate something that's already out there. We we definitely need the muse or the muse is
But the design the the design comes from letting go of the pattern
and that can be
conflicting information to people who really want the pattern who really want to follow something who are rule followers

(43:38):
And I love rule followers. I am one
But when I can get outside of that and say okay, I'm following the rules I'm following the rules and now now what's available?
Now what what's possible then that's when true creativity and and things come
Through our teams and through us that maybe don't exist yet that maybe we're ahead of and I think that's something that I've found

(44:01):
Um through my careers. Oh, why don't we just call somebody who can do this and then finding out from my teams that it's not happening anywhere
Nobody's doing that. Okay, well, how do we do it? Um, you know, those kinds of things and when we can inspire that kind of creativity in each other
Then more possibility more plausibility and and then that's how that's how we do this thing called life together in really enthusiastic ways when we're not

(44:27):
taking harming
From each other in order to
progress
pointed idea so when we can stay in the design right what is in the design we have so much room so much more room than staying in the pattern
From my head as a storyteller, I'm hearing pattern as a now on which is kind of a set known thing and design

(44:53):
um
uh more as as an active word as a verb something that is
constantly being done and questioned and and curious about and and so that's how you're seeing that that difference is that
accurate
That is that is how I see it. Yeah, it's very similar to you know when people used to make quilts

(45:15):
I don't I hope people are still making them because they're lovely
But when people used to make quilts and I would see um quilts that people had done that had the squares and everything was square
And they're so beautiful and they're you know displayed and and
They're gorgeous and then I would see the quilts where just odd pieces of things had been sewn together
And to me that would draw me in so much more and I would get curious about what what's this thing and why is this an odd angle and how did that get in there?

(45:41):
And so the the pattern that we follow to me is more
regimented and more clean and so some people feel much better and more
connected to the pattern and that's beautiful. There's nothing there's neither pattern nor the more nontraditional um

(46:05):
design uh
Are right or wrong, you know, it's it's really just where people feel compelled
To feel and know their safety when we have a foundation of safety
We can create and show up in so many ways that are more beneficial

(46:27):
Then I'm scared to not follow the pattern
If I love the pattern and I feel safe and I'm going for the pattern
Yes, if I just do the pattern because I just want to make sure I don't mess up
That's that's where we run into areas of growth and places to get curious
Hmm

(46:47):
beautiful
So we've spent a good 50 minutes really honing in on essentially the superpowers of
Of this of this weaver type and this designer type and all the gifts that it brings the world
unique ways of looking at the world
But just like anything, you know, we've been talking about dichotomies

(47:08):
There's also places of challenge for this type and we we want to honor those just as much
Because those could be places to do our own inner work. It be places to be like
Oh, I do need to find some support with that whether it's my community or it's a different way of thinking
And that's where you know the diversity really makes things super juicy

(47:28):
I'm curious um
What your thoughts are on what what challenges either you have or you feel like any of these thoughts
We've been talking about if taken to an extreme um the challenges that can come up
One that I know I've always struggled with with the weaver type is

(47:49):
That in some some ways it can almost become a bit of a cool kids club
Where it seems this these thoughts we've been talking about seem so self evident
That if you don't also see them you're not part of the cool kids club
And so I'm curious with with all these amazing things we've been talking about where do you see is the challenge in this way of thinking

(48:13):
I think the challenge is you know, I've always felt like the weirdo not like the cool kid at all
I've always felt like you know the the outside or the outlier and somebody who had you know
Strange ideas and
Ideas that didn't fit the norm were the in a in a world where the norm is so
appreciated and where we're we're taught to stay small to stand to the radar to stay quiet

(48:38):
You know, you're a good kid if you're not making a lot of noise
I've had the challenge of
I'm so weird. Am I ever going to find other people who are you know who even can tolerate me
So far from the cool kids club, you know, I think where were the weirdos the the rebels the people who rub up against
What people want us to do so they feel safe and I mean I'm guessing that most of us have tried that we have tried

(49:08):
To look normal, you know, and I think where you know when you talk about neurodivergence and all of the um
The words that we now have to describe
What so many people have been going through all their lives? I'm glad that we have the semantics for it now
Ultimately what it comes down to is
How do we fit in how do we belong and I think it's one of the reasons that belonging is so important to me is that

(49:32):
Belonging is challenged by
The ability to show up in a way that other people expect so that they feel safe and comfortable and attuned to you
Or to themselves through the reflection of you and so when people don't get that then you you get bullied
You you get ostracized you feel like you don't belong in a world that challenges itself very little

(49:55):
To grow and to connect and to um be benevolent and kind. I think we're seeing it more and I'm you know heartened by
um
By the movement toward inclusion, but I think that inclusion
um
doesn't fully
Allow us to envelop

(50:15):
The connection that is simple
That is simple that is breathing together that is humanizing
We want to still put labels on things in an inclusive
container
And what I found in working in that arena is that it's really hard work for one and for another

(50:37):
I've gotten the most traction when I can help people
Just be real together
And it's almost too simple for our human monkey brains
To to encompass, but it's you know 10,000-year-old yogic technology
brought into modern day which is in our presence

(51:00):
What is possible in love, in kindness and connection
How can we do this better together and and one of the tools that I that I offer people immediately when when we start working together
Whether corporate or or couples and families is simply
Holding your arms open your heart is exposed your palms are open and and facing up

(51:24):
um and and just asking that question
How can we do this better together? I really care about about you about us
How can we do this better together
And in that question of how can we do this better together? I wonder what the role of reciprocity

(51:49):
Uh has and within that for you within this place of how do we be here now
What does reciprocity look like and the reason I ask that is because I think with nature
In particular, it's a key component of it because we're so used to extracting
When it comes to nature and we do it with each other as humans as well. There's no doubt about that

(52:14):
Um, but I think in particular, I mean we we don't even call it tree a tree necessarily. We call it a resource
Uh, or we call it a material
Uh and not not a living being
Uh or or even necessarily what specific type of tree it is like an oak or a maple
Um, that would put us in a in a closer relationship with it. So I'm curious in that space that you hold open

(52:39):
What does reciprocity look like?
Hmm. Yeah, that's a beautiful question
So reciprocity to me is is mutual understanding and fair is not always equal
So both those things are true to me at the same time that
Do we understand do we have a mutual understanding?

(53:00):
Can we agree on this point and this point or this facet and this facet even if we can't agree on the whole disco ball, you know
So what what elements of what's happening here?
Are you lit up by are you struck by are are important to you?
What are you hearing me say? What am I hearing you say?
This is reciprocity to me. Are we having a mutually

(53:24):
beneficial connection not just conversation but connection
I think one of the most valuable things um like Steve Sims
Um and and some of my other teaching
Coaches who've taught me how to be on stages have said um
Tom McCarthy, I think was the other one that
This is not

(53:47):
You speaking
This is you helping to collaborate a conversation
And when we can come in reciprocity to collaborating in communication
um
Rumies attributed with this and we know that

(54:10):
Not everything attributed to roomies roomie, but um the attribution is
There are a million ways to say I love you words are about one
And so in this reciprocity is an energetic an elemental a time and space of
of you know
motivation and and cognition intellect and um

(54:33):
holding space
That if it's not reciprocal
We can ask when we have the tools
Hey, I have a story that this is happening is that is that true is that is that is that what's happening for you?
And allowing inviting the other person honestly requiring the other person to participate and collaborate in a reciprocal

(54:58):
condition
of connection
Well in that in that zone of reciprocity
I always end my podcast episodes with the same question which flips the script just a little bit
and asks you
What's something you wish I would have asked

(55:18):
What's something that I missed what's something either about the topic we've been on or something personal to you
That you wish we would have had some time to explore and now in this moment we get to
I love that so much one of the one of the things that I love
Discussing with you and that we'll never get old is how

(55:39):
Does how you show up on the planet amber um impact people around you? What's your perception of your impact
on planet and people in in your
I'm going to call it sphere of influence, but it really is within the ripples that you make
hmm

(55:59):
Wow, yeah, that's such a such a big question um impact um I would say for me
um
It's it's changed a little bit uh in the last four years in particular as um

(56:21):
Due to the the goals that I had I really became much more aware of audience
Which is interesting to say because
I'm trained classically in theater and by definition theater doesn't exist unless you have an audience
Like you can practice all day long you can get up on stage you can create all the fancy sets and costumes

(56:43):
But unless you actually have an audience in the seats you technically do not have theater
But I think in the last four years I've really looked at that question a lot deeper um around what does it mean to

(57:05):
consider
How it is that somebody else sees the world in order to meet them there
And not in a traumatized way because I do have a traumatic upbringing that I know hyper hyper alerted me to that
I'm in a way where I was like you said seeking my safety and thus I was reading people's reactions

(57:28):
To to keep myself safe and and not get hurt in physical emotional
verbal ways
But just in a way that is truly about
If what I'm trying to get across is important enough to spend this energy to do this
Why wouldn't I

(57:49):
Crafted in a way that I feel like you will best be able to hear and or receive
So that we can get in a place of
of alignment
In particular in this realm of climate communications the harsh reality
We have to look at is that what we've been trying for 50 years hasn't worked

(58:11):
It's been in very informative. It's been very scientific
um and in that vacuum
Organizations and industries that have
Perhaps nefarious goals have inserted themselves into that vacuum and planted the seeds of stories that may or may not be true

(58:33):
um to
to
Actually take us away from empower in us and and providing solutions
But I think in this moment it's finding that balance between impact
Impact is such a powerful word
People talk about um, you know, they're in documentaries. We have impact campaigns

(58:53):
For businesses. We have impact that we want to make
There's also the negative things of impact that we have
There's also like physical impact and what does that mean for conflict and so there's so many
Ranges of that word and I think in this moment
I'm just feeling really aware of all of that range and

(59:14):
Finding the places within that that need a little bit of a little bit of tending
There's a huge there can be a huge impact when we invite and allow ourselves
Simply to rub our hands together like you had us do at the beginning of the podcast or
offer ourselves the amount of time that it takes a couple to take a couple of longer slower deeper breaths

(59:39):
And how does that impact how we move forward from this moment from that moment when we're done taking the two breaths for rubbing our hands together
Noticing our full presence or most of our full presence
How does that impact how we move forward with ourselves within ourselves and with each other and it can have a
huge even
Life-day moment changing impact when we

(01:00:02):
Become
The weaver when we become for a moment someone who's curious about what can happen if we
Allow ourselves to be fully present here in a way that can contribute to our happiness and to each other's happiness to our safety to each other safety

(01:00:24):
And when you're talking about you know your your presence and how you've evolved in the world to do what you do
Every time I talk with you every time I presence you think about you email with you
I am reminded that I have choices in how I show up in the world
And I'm really grateful to you for that because you you role model that you demonstrate that all the time
Thank you. That feels like such an honor to be gifted that reflection

(01:00:50):
especially for you know somebody that
um
We've just spent an hour talking about the polethora of choices and how you hold people through that and so it feels like
such a beautiful honor to be able to
contribute to that and and be in reciprocal relationship in that way with one another and so thank you for that that

(01:01:13):
That gift of that question and and that reflection
Thank you, Amber
Hey, Earthmate, how did that episode resonate?
Did it stretch you?
Inspire you or perhaps urke you?
I'm here for it, so please reach out
Besides the socials, we have a community to practice with on our website

(01:01:36):
eartharchetypes.com
Where more earth archetypes can guide your path and become dear friends
A great place to start is the quiz to discover your type
Oh, and on your way, I'd love for you to hit the subscribe button
See you again soon


(01:01:58):
[ MUSIC ]