Choosing to Live Naomi's Journey to Healing After the Unthinkable

CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains discussions of childhood trauma and abuse. Listener discretion is strongly advised.

In this soul-stirring episode of Emerge and Empower Podcast TV, Kath Essing joins us to share her courageous journey of survival, truth, and healing. After decades of living with the unspoken pain of childhood abuse, Kath found the strength to break the silence and reclaim her voice. Her powerful memoir, The Courage to Speak Your Truth, is not just a book, it’s a declaration that no woman should suffer in silence.

Kath takes us through her internal battles, the emotional toll of secrecy, and the moment she chose to speak out. This episode is an invitation to anyone who has ever felt silenced by trauma: healing is possible, and you don’t have to walk alone. Kath’s story is a testimony to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of truth.
📖 Learn more about Kath’s journey and her mission to inspire others through storytelling, advocacy, and radical honesty.

🔗 Watch now, subscribe, and share to empower someone else today.

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🎙 Emerge & Empower Podcast TV – Hosted by Dr. Linda Joseph

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⚠️Disclaimer: Viewer and listener discretion is advised. Content may include sensitive topics. Guest views are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Dr. Linda Joseph, Shemergence, or Emerge & Empower Media.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:17):
Imagine waking up every day feeling like you're trapped in
a nightmare. That was my reality after experiencing trauma. But
here's the thing, there's a whole world of light waiting
for you on the other side. Today we're diving into
the Emerge and Empower podcast, where survivors share their journeys
from darkness to triumph. You'll hear stories that'll give you goosebumps,

(00:37):
make you cry, and ultimately inspire you. From PTSD to healing,
from isolation to community, these tales prove that trauma doesn't
define you. It's time to reclaim your power, break free
from the chains of your past, and step into a
life filled with hope and purpose. Are you ready to
emerge stronger and more empowered than ever before. Let's dive

(01:00):
in and discover the life that's waiting for you after trauma.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
Welcome to Emerge and Empower podcast TV, a platform where
resilience meets transformation. Here we amplify voices that have faced trials,
trauma and adversity, stories that inspire hope, healing, and empowerment.
Every episode brings raw, unfiltered conversations with individuals who have

(01:27):
risen from hardship, embracing faith, strength and purpose. Join us
as we break the silence, uplift one another, and emerge
stronger together. New episodes air Wednesdays at six pm English
and Saturdays at six pm, with select Saturdays in Creole
for our Haitian audience.

Speaker 3 (01:53):
Hello everyone, once again, welcome to Emerge and Empower with
your host, Doctor Lynn j. And as you know, we
are here every week bringing you more empowerment and uplifting
stories of individuals who have gone through traumatic experiences and
I here to share those stories with you. I pray

(02:16):
that it's helping you heal in your healing journey. Healing
is continuous, healing is a lifetime. Some of these incidents
might have only happened but in a moment. For some
it might have been years of going through the trauma.
It takes time and I want you to allow yourself
the time to heal. But first of all, you need

(02:38):
to forgive yourself. You are not responsible for what had
happened to you. On today, we have another guest that
will be coming on and sharing her story on her
traumatic experience. Do you have a story to tell? This
is the platform to voice your story. You need a
place to voice it. Emergent and power is that platform.

(03:02):
So I've encouraged you to let a friend know, tell
your mother, your father, individuals and your family that you
know that might have gone through a traumatic experience. There
is no shame in this. This is time to heal,
and it's time to heal for real again. You are
not responsible for what had happened to you. Release yourself,

(03:27):
let go and truly glow on today. So we have
our guests that will be coming on today as she'll
be sharing her own story, and I would like to
introduce her to our audience. Allow me a moment. It's

(04:03):
taking time to bring up your information, all right. For
the first twenty years of her life, her father sexually
abused her, trafficked her, and subject her to satanic ritual abuse.
She was completely disassociated and depressed until the age of
twenty seven, when finally she started therapy after giving bird

(04:28):
to a second daughter. After dealing with and learning what
triggers her depression, the memories of a pause started to surface.
After the first memory came up, she was shocked and devastated.
After the first memory came up, she was shocked and devastated,
and at that time it was the first time ever

(04:49):
that our life started to add up and make sense.
It felt like a puzzle. Pieces of our life finally
started to connect. So for five months after she started
remembering and confronted her parents and siblings and shared with
them all that she remembered. Her father denied everything, and
her mother pretended not to know what she was talking about. Today,

(05:11):
she is a specialist in her field for psychosomatic therapy. One.
Let us welcome Naomi to the podcast. Naomi, welcome to
Emerge and Empower. How are you doing today?

Speaker 4 (05:27):
I'm great, Thank you and I'm very happy to be here.
Thanks for having me.

Speaker 3 (05:30):
Doctor Lynn, thank you so much, and I am truly
happy that you have joined us on today and wanted
to share your dramatic experience. Go ahead and introduce yourself
to our guests.

Speaker 4 (05:43):
I'm Naomi morand I currently reside in Atlanta, Georgia, and
I specialize in helping my clients heal the trauma that
is related to the difficulty they're dealing with today, the emotions,
the feelings, the issue that they feel stuck with today.
From my experience, everything that we're stuck with today, every

(06:05):
pain that we're dealing with, is related to early childhood trauma,
related to younger parts of ourselves that are still stuck
in trauma. It's like time capsulus, you know, frozen and
time that are still waiting to be rested and to
be saved. And when we're bring healing to those parts,

(06:26):
then our lives truly begin to transform.

Speaker 3 (06:30):
Indeed, indeed, as I was reading and of course in
our pre interview and for me to hear your story,
it's always a difficult time about going through confrontation. But
let's just dive right into your story on today, Naomi.
Take us to the beginning, Take us to what you remember,

(06:51):
Take us to what brought you back, Like you said
years later, to realize that something was wrong.

Speaker 4 (07:01):
Well, growing up, I was completely dissociated. The abuse began
very very early, like really literally a few days old.
Those are my first memories. But those memories only started
kicking in when I was twenty eight. Until then, my

(07:22):
life did not make sense. I felt like everything inside
of my body was like pitch black. I was depressed
a lot, even though I was happily married, I already
had two children, I had a really good life, and
still I didn't understand why I would continuously fall back

(07:43):
into depression, but it was manic depression, so I was
on the high and I was on a low, so
you know, there was some relief constantly coming back. After
I gave birth to my second daughter, I fell into
a black hole and I could not get out. And
eight months later a friend of mine said, listen, I

(08:05):
know the psychotherapist, psychosomatic therapist. He's really helped me. I said, great,
I'm ready. And that's really where my journey began. And
I started first dealing with my depression and learning what
gets me depressed, understanding that every time I get angry,

(08:27):
I fall into a depression. I had no awareness of
that and had no awareness that there was even a trigger,
that I had any responsibility or any any power that
is the right word in my own like creating my
own well being. And the more I learned what gets
me depressed, and I learned to backtrack, and eventually, once

(08:50):
I understood the trigger, it was amazing my depression would
dissolve within within seconds every time. Again. So once I
had mastered that and I was not depressed anymore, that's
when my childhood memories began to surface. And it was

(09:12):
until that moment I felt like I was locked inside
a cage within my body. I literally had like a
like a vision of like a prison cell and me
locked inside that prison cell. And the day that I
remembered it was like that first flash of memories and

(09:33):
it was like that prison door cracked open inside of me.
And the first I asked myself, can this be real?
Can this be true? Like I was shocked, Like if
you would have told me even a week before that
this is what happened to me, it was likely I
would have said, I don't know what you're talking about.
And that's really the power of the association. Yes, only

(09:56):
ready when you're ready to cope with whatever you need
to cope with one day before and true. So yeah,
that's when my memories began to emerge, and there was
one after another. Was slow at first. I re memory

(10:17):
at first was like completely overwhelming and take your time.
The pain was just overwhelming, Like I didn't know at
times whether I had the courage, the strength or the
will to face my past. Like the more I remember,

(10:40):
the more devastating it was for me. And I remember
one day I was driving home and my kids were
my girls were very little then they were I think
maybe two and four, three and five, and I was

(11:05):
thinking about whether I want to crash into the tree
or not, whether I wanted to live or to die.
And in that moment it was like a It really
was a turning point in my life because in that moment,
I was reminded of my children and I just couldn't

(11:31):
bear for them to grow up without me. But I
also knew that I couldn't continue living like that. I
couldn't be like with one leg in and one out.
I had to make a decision. And once I decided
that I was going to live, I decided that I
was going to live one hundred percent, that I was
going to live wholeheartedly, and whatever it took, I was

(11:54):
going to heal. And once I had that realization, I
like an understanding or knowing that I can heal one
hundred percent. And from that day on, every therapist that
I went to then in those days the years after

(12:17):
where a lot of healing took place, right I told
them I'm going to heal one hundred percent, and they
would look at me and they wouldn't know what to say.
They were like, yeah, you know, it's I don't know
if a hundred.

Speaker 5 (12:32):
You can heal, but you know one hundred percent, And
I was like, no, it's going to be one hundred
percent for me. It was either I go one hundred
percent in or I'm out or not or not was
there was no middle ground.

Speaker 4 (12:48):
That was like my one hundred percent commitment. Maybe one
hundred percent healing now that I think about it, was
one hundred percent commitment to my healing. Yes, I never
thought of it until the second.

Speaker 3 (12:58):
That's it. You were totally in and you know that
you wanted that, so you did what you needed to do.
So we're talking about you being twenty seven coming to
I guess now associate because you disassociated for twenty seven years.
So you mentioned from a baby, like from the womb.

(13:24):
All right, so let's go there. Let's take people through
what that was like for you as you come back
into remembrance.

Speaker 4 (13:42):
It was painful, it was overwhelming. It was it took
over my life, like I could barely be present the
first first five years after remembering, I was like, yes,
I was being a mom. I did what I needed

(14:02):
to do my children, but emotionally, it took everything I had,
like I was all of my energy went into healing
and every memory. And also during those days, I also
started studying. I knew that I wanted to help people

(14:25):
heal even before my memories came up, but I didn't
know how I wanted to help people. I knew it
wasn't the traditional path of traditional therapy. I was also
always very connected to the whole body mind connection, so
I started. My first training was three years of intense

(14:49):
body work. Was a technique. It was called the Greenberg method,
where you learn how to work with the body, and
through the body, you start working through the emotions and
a lot of memory that is stored and within ourselves
starts to come up to surface and you work through it.

(15:10):
And that was a great technique and I learned a lot,
and I'm very grateful for.

Speaker 3 (15:18):
These three years.

Speaker 4 (15:20):
But I understood that I've become I became an expert
in awakening trauma. But I didn't have enough tools. So
as I was studying and also reliving my own trauma,
I kept needing to go to other people for help
because I didn't have enough tools. I felt that whatever
I had and whatever I was given, it wasn't enough.

(15:43):
It wasn't like I needed a lot of support at
that time. That is the truth a lot.

Speaker 3 (15:49):
I'm glad you mentioned that, because as we open up
about the trauma, there's one thing to open up, and
then what next, what to do, how to heal, how
to close that door, how to confront it, how to
forgive yourself. There are so many layers that you have
to go through because it's one thing to talk, but

(16:10):
you also have to be ready to sit with others.
You have to be ready to be mentored, to be counseled.
You know, there's so much involved, more than just oh,
I have a story to tell.

Speaker 4 (16:23):
It's a commitment. It really is a commitment to yourself
to heal. It's a commitment to make a change. And
in my family, nobody wanted to hear about it. I
my family five months after I had remembered, and I
had remembered very little within the first five months, Like
I only remember it being ripped by my dad, all right.

(16:46):
I didn't remember any of the satanic ritual abuse. I
didn't remember being trafficked for twenty years. I didn't remember
any of that. And also the memories, like I said before,
we remember what we're capable to deal with at the
moment in time. It's not like you open that door
and coping.

Speaker 3 (17:05):
Yeah, opening mechanism.

Speaker 4 (17:06):
Yeah, it's a coping mechanism. It's not like you you
you know, so often people are afraid to touch their
pain because.

Speaker 3 (17:14):
They don't exactly, they don't want to feel.

Speaker 4 (17:17):
They don't want to feel. But on the other hand,
that pain shows up in everything that we do every.

Speaker 3 (17:22):
Way, whether you don't want to address it or not,
everything that you do is being affected by what you
think you don't want to deal with. It goes into
your relationships with yourself, with others. Uh, even down to
the way you dress, Okay, every detail of your life.

(17:42):
So that's why it's important to address it. A lot
of people wonder why their their relationships always end up
a certain way. It's because you did not address you're ignoring,
you know, so you're in other words, you're bleeding right,
and you're not taking care of the wood.

Speaker 4 (18:02):
Exactly, exactly, very very well said.

Speaker 3 (18:09):
Okay, so your memory, that first memory that came to you,
how old were you in that memory?

Speaker 4 (18:17):
I was five years old. I was in my sister's
bedroom on her bed, and my father was touching me.
That's all I remember. I didn't remember being raped. I
just knew it.

Speaker 3 (18:30):
Was sexual right, That was the first memory.

Speaker 4 (18:33):
That was the first memory.

Speaker 3 (18:35):
So take us to your next memory.

Speaker 4 (18:43):
To be honest, I remember really well the first memory.
The next memories, it's like it's a bit of a blur.
I have remembered I'm not exaggerating hundreds, maybe a thousand
memories over the last twenty five years, maybe even more.
And today I still have memories come up. But the

(19:05):
beauty is what I was explaining before. I felt I
didn't have enough tools. I needed a lot of support
and I didn't have enough tools to deal with my memories.
And every memory was like so overwhelming. It took me
weeks to cope with every memory. Also, the memories were
very long and traumatic. They often lasted. The abuse lasted

(19:28):
for hours. So it's like a lot of pieces to
process for one memory. It's not I was slapped in
the face or my parents beat me up. It took
ten minutes, and it was done very prolonged. It was
hours and hours, and one thing and another thing and
another thing. Right, So I kept studying. I studied and

(19:55):
studied and studied and studied. I learned so many different
somatic therapies and energy work and whatever. I could get
my hands on whatever I thought made sense and brought healing.
I continued studying. I traveled the whole world. I went

(20:16):
to South Africa, to England, to Israel, to Germany to
within the States, like I went everywhere to part yes
to find those teachers that knew, that had the knowledge
that could take me to the next step. And and

(20:42):
I often think I wish I knew and I had
the tools that I have today. But my search for
my own healing today really comes in service to my
work with my clients. What I was going to say,
even though it was overwhelming at first, what I've learned

(21:05):
with time that when we have the right tools, Yes,
it's painful. Every memory is painful. I still have memories.
I think almost every week, I still have a memory
come up, even today after twenty five years. Wow, there's
still things coming up because think about it, twenty years
of my life. The first twenty years of my life

(21:25):
were completely wiped out, and the abuse was ongoing from
age zero to twenty until I left my parents' house.

Speaker 3 (21:33):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (21:34):
Wow, So there.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
All this time, like you were saying, you knew that
you wanted to help others, but you had not subconsciously
all of your opinion and was locked away. You knew
something was wrong. You knew, for one, you needed help,
and you also knew that other people needed help. Because
a lot of times we come into wow, why it
is because of an experience that we ourselves have gone

(22:00):
through and now we want to not only heal ourselves,
but you know what, I believe I can help others.
So it became your why. So your research to find
help for yourself and also to help others has equip
you to be very effective and what it is that

(22:20):
you're doing today. So for those who are watching, I
want you to understand. Sometimes we say, well I won't
go to a therapist, but I can say this to you.
Most of the therapists that is their why. They too
had gone through unexperienced, so something like I'm not going
to go to this that they don't know what I
went through. These are the type of therapists, you know,

(22:44):
psychologists and different people mental health could transformative coach. All
of them have gone through some type of experience and
today that becomes their why. A lot of us are like, well,
I'm not gonna know this. They don't understand me. Well
in this field there is a great understanding because I

(23:06):
have yet to find someone who had not gone through
or a family member who had not gone through. So
it's very close to home. So if you're looking for
that empathy, you understand because we don't put in sympathy,
all right, and so so that's what it is. So
you didn't know what it was. You knew something was wrong.

(23:29):
So as you went through the pain, what you say,
it was erased immediately in your mind, or you just
decided to disassociate every time, or as you talk about
these Satanic rituals you think that might be another influence
for your memory.

Speaker 4 (23:52):
What you mean, why I remembered or why you forgot?
Why I forgot? I the first memory I had have
as I'm twelve days old and my father is programming
me that there's very sophisticated ways to program children, especially

(24:15):
in Satanic ritual abuse. They are masters and programming the
children not to talk and to it was like, you know,
I would know when to make the switch, like I
would only have to look at my father in order
to know, okay, now I'm gone.

Speaker 3 (24:36):
But you are twelve days old.

Speaker 4 (24:38):
Twelve days old, that's when the first when the first
when he first touched me, and while I was being
sexually touched, he programmed me. He said certain things to me,
and part of the programming was always choking related.

Speaker 3 (25:00):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (25:03):
So there was always that that fear of death, and
that was also always the threat like if I would
ever talk, I would be killed instantly.

Speaker 3 (25:11):
Always, that's always one, the number one that you know
abuses go to.

Speaker 4 (25:16):
Yes. Yeah, So a lot of choking. A lot of
times in my life where I lost consciousness where I
didn't think I was going to make it. Countless memories
where I thought like, Okay, this is it, that's it.
I didn't think I would come back.

Speaker 3 (25:32):
Mm.

Speaker 4 (25:35):
So really taking me to the edge, and basically from
that moment of twelve days old, I made that split.
I knew that this is the only way to survive,
and and that happened for everything that happened afterwards. And
the truth is I, even in the womb, I knew

(25:59):
what was waiting for me and I did not want
to be born.

Speaker 3 (26:09):
I remember we talked about this in the pre interview.
And it also because I say your revelations are coming
every day, there are new things that are coming every
day as you go through the healing. Journey, and I
remember that I had memories from in the womb, like
you know, this is something's happening. You understand. So it

(26:34):
didn't for me. Four years old was when you know
that first encounter physically happened. But when I look back
and I start thinking, I would say to my mom,
like there were fights, there were arguments, there were things
that happened where my father did certain things, and they

(26:56):
came to me like dreams. So I would say to
my mom, I keep having this dream and she was like,
you were too young. You didn't remember you are one
or you were two, and but she said, no, they
want dreams. They were real. So when you talked about
from in the womb of being aware that here's what's

(27:20):
going to happen, it was like no line because I
can go back to being in the womb. It's like
I'm having memories of you know what this is happening.
I felt like I was penetrated from within the womb.
That's how deep. Okay, it was so and I want

(27:42):
to put a pin here. When people tell people to
get over when get gone through things, to tell them
to get over it, and that does not work, and
you are not helping. Actually, you're you're creating an issue,
all right, because you cannot get over this. This becomes

(28:02):
your life. And even if we are on here talking
about it, sharing, we're still on our healing journey. We're
just brave enough to confront, deal with, bring it to
awareness to the people in our lives. When of course
they reject, deny all these things that happen, choose not

(28:22):
to believe the child, choose to sometimes get the children
out of the home. In my case, I was sent
away from the home. So the other person, the abuser,
was chosen. So I want us to understand that when
children come to you and say someone has touched them,

(28:43):
something has happened. This is not a go sit down moment.
That's not true. I don't believe this is for you,
as that adult, to be alert and understanding, caring investigation,
do your best to protect this child, okay, and not

(29:07):
to alienate, not to mistreet. You know, we've heard where
women fathers have called their daughters certain names, and all
of this stuff I'm saying this today that is stemming
from that person trying to remove the incident from themselves. Okay,
And so I'm glad you said that and I'm sure

(29:28):
there's a lot of people here. As you're watching, you
realizing Wow, no, Lie, there was more to this, So continue, Naomi.

Speaker 4 (29:40):
So I was talking about the womb. Yes, we can
hear inside the womb, and we can sense the energy.
It's people think that we're not aware, but we are
aware always, even if we can't remember. Yes, remember, And

(30:01):
that's why psychosomatic therapy so much speaks to me because
a lot of things we don't have maybe words for,
but it stays in our bodies. Yes, everything that happens
to us, every feeling, every sensation, every memory, everything with
the energy. You walk into space and you feel somebody

(30:23):
is angry, you feel it in your body.

Speaker 3 (30:25):
Oh yeah, it's like, oh.

Speaker 4 (30:27):
You know, your body tenses up. You walk somewhere in
somewhere and like everyone is sad. It will affect you
in the same way. Everything that we experience has an effect,
and it's in our bodies. So when we ignore that
things are stored memories, feelings, emotions are stored in our bodies,

(30:49):
then we can't really heal because unless we understand that
connection and we address both the feeling emotion and also
the felt body sense, we are stuck. We cannot because
our conscious mind doesn't have the ability to process a
lot of things. We don't remember in here and our

(31:10):
cognitive brain and our frontal cortex, we don't have that capacity.
It's only when we bypass the thinking mind and we
go and access our bodies are subconscious spirit spirit, that's
when true healing takes place. That's where the memories come from.

(31:34):
That's where the biggest healing. It's when we become present
to those parts that are lost in trauma. When I
become present to that twelve day old younger part, when
I become present to that five year old that I
first saw with my father in the room. I had

(31:55):
become present to all of those parts and become witness.
And you know you said before, we have to listen
to our children when they say someone is hurting us.
We have to listen because our friends. Yes, so don't
make up these things. We think that people make up stories,

(32:16):
but there's things that your mind wouldn't even think of
making up. Okay, there's a reason. It's a cry for help.

Speaker 3 (32:25):
Yes, yes, so you talked about human traffic, sexual trafficking.
So this also played. So it started from home, and
this played out in. Let's say, was it at certain

(32:45):
rituals that was happening, or was it different types of exposure.

Speaker 4 (32:52):
The trafficking was I would be used for pornographic movies.
I would be sold by the hour. I would be
sold for every hour of the night when I was
eight eight eight, wow, I would be sold for the day.

(33:21):
Just random people that my father wanted to please that
he was doing business with, or influential wealthy people or whoever. Now,
whoever was happy to pay. And it wasn't like we
didn't have money. We were actually wealthy. So it wasn't
from a place where you know, I need to sell

(33:42):
my child in.

Speaker 3 (33:43):
Order us Yeah.

Speaker 4 (33:44):
No, no, it was another source of income for sure,
But it wasn't because we needed the income. It was
just his passion. It was his It was his thing,
the ritual abuse, the trafficking. It was like a whole obsession.

Speaker 3 (34:10):
And so now you confront all of this and the reaction.
This was to the whole family. It was just you
and your mom and dad talking, or was this like
a family meeting?

Speaker 4 (34:30):
It was I invited all my family, we all lived
in different places at this point one in time, and
I invited everyone to my parents' house, and it was
amazing because when I invited everyone, it was like everyone
knew what it was about. It's like they knew and

(34:53):
they didn't know. I added, the dissociation was there, but
they knew why they were coming. It was like it
was just by the comments that they made.

Speaker 3 (35:03):
Right.

Speaker 4 (35:03):
And when I got there, I had written I was
I was very native at the time, and my dream
my childish dream because I never felt like we had

(35:25):
like there was always a lot of secrets in my family,
lots of things we were not allowed to talk about.
And as I would sit down at the table and
I would open my mouth, my father would tell me,
you know me, silence is golden, and I would shut up.

Speaker 3 (35:39):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (35:40):
I was considered the clumsy one. I was the youngest
of four, the stupid one, like I'm I was like the.

Speaker 3 (35:47):
Dun't believer, the don't believer one. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (35:55):
So I had this desire, this dream, this illusion that
if I would go home and I will confront my
dad and I will tell him everything that I remember.
And I wrote a letter to my mom and a
letter to my siblings, and I photocopied like thirty pages

(36:20):
to everyone with all the letters to all the family members,
and I thought if I would confront everyone and I
would share what happened, they would my dad would apologize,
and we could finally, I would help lift that family
secret and we could finally be one happy family. That's
why I went. I thought I could save the family,

(36:41):
I could fix it, and I could like And I
remember the therapist I was working with at the time,
she was begging me not to go. It was five
months after.

Speaker 3 (36:50):
I was still trying to get a handle of things.

Speaker 4 (36:53):
I'm still trying to get a handle of things. And
also I I went, like from the wrong I went
in order to fix something that you can't just fix
like that. Also, I didn't remember that much. I only
remembered very little at that point. So I went. I

(37:15):
sat down with my dad in a separate room. I
gave everyone else the pack of letters. I said read
while I sit with him. I read every letter where
I describe how he rapes me out loud to him.

Speaker 3 (37:27):
And you're talking about twelve days old. So they're like,
you're crazy.

Speaker 4 (37:32):
No, actually, the twelve days memory only came a few
years later. Oh okay, okay, that was not during that Okay.
My dad denied everything I was called. He's like, oh,
I have no idea what you're talking about. Like he
didn't get angry, he wasn't upset. He was like he
was like totally under one hundred percent control, showed no emotion.

(37:59):
Just Ice called and then later we met up in
the kitchen. You said them, sorry, I don't know what
she's talking about.

Speaker 3 (38:06):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (38:08):
And my siblings. The only thing that I remember that
they said to me, apart from the fact that they
didn't know, they were scared, scared to the bone themselves.
You know, they they It took me time to understand that.

Speaker 3 (38:25):
You know, they experience this.

Speaker 4 (38:29):
I cannot speak for my siblings, but I understood months
later that this was a big threat to them, and
that it was you know, we all have to cope
with our own story.

Speaker 3 (38:46):
Everyone have to tell their own story.

Speaker 4 (38:48):
Everyone has to tell their own story, and me telling
my story doesn't help them tell their story.

Speaker 3 (38:53):
And they were older than you, so you've been a
little you know, that means there was already a history,
there was a Paton. But again you're the youngest one,
so this is you coming out telling your story. The
one that was brave enough.

Speaker 4 (39:10):
Maybe the one that was strong enough to cope with
what happened. Yeah. True, Maybe I don't know, you know,
I do wonder sometimes is it for all of us
to remember and to cope? I don't know. I do
have that question. I think that when the memories do
come up the matter, do have the ability to cope.

(39:30):
I strongly believe that, I want to say, I know
that otherwise the memories wouldn't come up.

Speaker 3 (39:36):
So you're in this atmosphere you said it, people have
been reading, and you're not getting what you expected.

Speaker 4 (39:43):
Far from it. And it's sad funny to look back
at that weekend and the only thing I remember my
siblings saying. Beyond saying, I don't know what to do
with this, they said to me, one thing that is
clear is that these letters were not written by a
crazy person. And that was the best part of the

(40:09):
weekend indeed, indeed, and uh, lots of difficulties after that.
If anything, it just tore the family even further apart.

Speaker 3 (40:22):
Usually that's what happens, and.

Speaker 4 (40:24):
It became until today it's impossible really to be a
family like we. There is contact here and there. Some
are more for each other, some are less. Others never
talk right, But you know, it's a pink elephant that's
standing in the room, and as much as they try

(40:47):
to ignore it, it's there.

Speaker 3 (40:48):
It's there.

Speaker 4 (40:50):
You can't you can't unknow what you know, You can't
undo what's been done. The best thing you can do
is cope with it and move forward and find your
way to live with it. For each and every one
of us in the family, And I don't even blame them,
you know, I understand. We all each have our.

Speaker 3 (41:12):
Own yes, have to walk yes, and.

Speaker 4 (41:19):
That's the best we can do. Right.

Speaker 3 (41:21):
And I'm glad you said that, because there are and
I've spoken and I'm sure you have to those who
really do not want to talk about this with family
because they know it's going to destroy the family. It's
going to destroy certain relations and all of that. But
in the end, you must know you're not the only one.
Because these things repeat, they repeat unto the generations. Okay,

(41:47):
it repeats, and it stems off into nieces, nephews, it
goes on. So while you think you're not telling, you
actually are actually causing the person to continue. Okay, they're
getting better at what they're doing. So when you think
it was only you, I want you to know it's

(42:07):
not only you, and it's happening, okay, and it continues
happening until this person is apprehended or has come to light.
A lot of people do not want to cause friction
in the family, so they choose not to share their
story because this is gonna devastate our family. But it's

(42:27):
a lie. If the family is living on a lie,
so what you call you do not want to separate.
Everyone's living in a lie. So it's best that the
truth is told and everyone at least. This way, you're
protecting that person who were feeling uncomfortable at family gatherings,
so they don't have to show up. You understand what

(42:49):
I'm saying. They can choose not to come. I understand
why they're not here. Instead of causing people to keep
gathering together in these uncomfortable situations, repeating these cycles. A
lot of people come away from Thanksgiving, Christmas all of
these family gathering broken. Okay. They spend the rest of

(43:09):
the year trying to put their life together for maybe
a one day or three hour meeting that everybody came
together for. So I think as we're on here, families
who are watching, mother's fathers who were watching, who are
not understanding why so and so doesn't come home.

Speaker 4 (43:28):
They probably don't feel safe.

Speaker 3 (43:30):
That's the reason. That is exactly the reason, you know.
So I'm glad that we're talking about this because it's
it's major, it's major. I had a particular long lady
that I had to help. She did not want to
talk to anyone because these people was in the house

(43:51):
every day, three or four times a week. They were there,
but nobody knew what she was facing, what she was
dealing to, why she had to hide in her room,
why she couldn't didn't feel safe to be. And this
went on for years. And the thing was, I don't
want to break the relationship. I said, they did that
when they touched you. Okay, that was already done. And

(44:16):
once she told the story, yes there was separation family,
but it was necessary. Okay, these things are necessary because
we still have to continue protecting the individual. And it
didn't stop with one person. Okay, it repeated to others.
Being silent is actually a killer.

Speaker 6 (44:36):
Yeah wow, Well, Naomi, so we're still in this living
room and leaving and family separation.

Speaker 3 (44:55):
But you have your children. When did you tell them?
When did they know that your truth? Oh?

Speaker 4 (45:07):
Very early, my daughters earlier than my sons, who came
a few years later. Our whole family relationship changed. I
did not allow my father to come and see us.
I stopped all contact. We didn't really go to family gatherings.

(45:31):
We my mother and I. There were years when we
didn't speak. It was complicated. Yeah, And even though I
didn't go into detail of you know, gore detail of
what was done to me, I did tell them. I

(45:57):
did tell them that their grandfather has sexually abused me.
And that's why we're not talking to them, and.

Speaker 3 (46:04):
And they're understanding why that relationship is the way it is.

Speaker 4 (46:08):
Yeah, And it was challenging on many levels. And like
you said, holidays, we often did holidays alone, or we
would go to friends or it was always like a
very painful period. Yes, even if we were invited during
times where we did speak with my mother and you know,

(46:31):
and would get together with the family later in the years,
it would be always my dad was first, even though
my parents were separated at that point in time and all,
but it was always my dad had first preference. So
it would maybe come the day after for lunch, or
not come at all. But there was it wasn't easy.

(46:55):
And our boys, we told, you know, they already were
born into this new reality. It was a different upbringing
and and we told them later like they knew something happened,
but right it was really only like in their teens

(47:16):
mid teens that they started asking questions and I started
sharing more. And one wanted to know everything and the
other one didn't want to hear.

Speaker 3 (47:27):
There's always that one. He always wants to know this.

Speaker 4 (47:31):
I really don't like one of them. He was like, Mom,
I don't, don't, don't, don't talk to me about these
things and I don't want to hear it. And the
other one was like, just give it to me, you know,
I want to know it all. I want to understand
it all and tell me about this and tell me
about the Satanic ritual abuse. And like he wanted to
know everything. He was and the other one was like,
it was hard to deal with and it is a

(47:55):
lot understand that.

Speaker 3 (47:58):
I believe it brings awareness. Your children are not only
aware of the people that are around them, they're surroundings
what to look for, you know, They're more alert, so
they're not saying life like like whatever. They know that
these are real things because you know, here's what happened
to mom. You know, so that means I know for
I don't know about you. I did no sleepovers. My

(48:19):
kids never did sleepovers at anybody's house.

Speaker 4 (48:23):
As a result, I can very much relate to that.
I did allow my kids to have sleepovers. But I
can tell you I would look at the family ten times,
and I would look at the dad. And that was
the first thing I looked at when I met the families,
like who are you people? And do I feel like
and trust you? And some people I wouldn't want them
to go to their house. Right, They would like argue

(48:44):
with me, why and why can't I go there? I said,
child is welcome to come to our place, But right.

Speaker 3 (48:50):
I did the other way. I say, they could come
over to me.

Speaker 4 (48:53):
Yeah, problem, They're welcome to come, but no, they're not
sleeping over there or yeah wow wow wow.

Speaker 3 (49:04):
So Naomi, I really thank you for what you brought
to share. And I believe a lot of our audience
that are on here today this is a whole different level.
It goes even more in depth. Like I said, every
person that comes on their story has a little bit
more depth. There's more to it. But it's at the

(49:26):
end of the day. It's still pain, it's still a trauma,
and people are healing daily. And I believe we're going
to have to bring you here for part two because
we really could. We're just like like touching the surface ear.
So we'll bring Naomi back, Okay, So we'll do a
part to you continuation, so that way she can talk

(49:49):
and also speak to you as the specialist that she
has become in the field, not only through experience, but
how to help you want you of come to this realization.
Wants you everything that you had disassociated from that you
brought it together, and how to deal and how to
handle that, how to live a productive life, a not

(50:13):
blaming yourself life, how to take you out of that
black hole of depression and want to suck you in
like a quick fan. These are necessary, but you need
to find the right people to talk to, all right,
You must find the right people to talk to. So, Naomi,
as we are closing out this segment, what message would
you want to relate to an individual that has still

(50:38):
still in that place of I think it happened, I
don't want to deal with it, I don't want to
go back there. Person and then we're going to talk
to the parents of a child who had gone through
that experience.

Speaker 4 (50:56):
Ask Megan, I think, yeah.

Speaker 3 (50:57):
What would you say to that individual who is still
I don't want to talk something happened. I want to
deal with it, but I know it happened. You know
what would you say to that individual?

Speaker 4 (51:15):
I would say that the pain is there, whether they
deal with it or not, and they are right now
alone in that pain. And we often think, like you
said before, that we can't imagine that anyone could possibly

(51:36):
understand what's listen to them, and there's a deep healing
power and having someone sit with you and become witness
to your story. When you start opening that story and
opening your pain and starting to heel it's that's when

(52:02):
when you begin to talk, or when you begin to
take responsibility. As long as we don't talk and we hide,
we're in hiding, yeah, and there's no we are staying playing,
continuing to be in that victim mode. And once we
take responsibility and we say okay, I want to get better.

(52:26):
And this is really the most important part because I
always say I cannot help anyone who doesn't want to
be helped. I can't I can be. I could be
the most amazing therapist on this planet. But if the
person in front of me does not want to heal,
I cannot help them. So the first step is to
make that choice, to take that step and say, Okay,

(52:48):
I want a change. I want something different, and that's
something different has to be bigger than sitting in that
aloneness and that depression and the pain that you're in,
and the pain that we're in is the most comfortable
place to be in. As funny as this sounds, it's familiar.
We've had it our own whole life. We've got it all.

(53:11):
You know, I hear you, I feel you. You know
we will are on our own pain because we know it.
It's comfortable. And to put out of that pain takes
courage and it takes strength. It's true. And it's when
your life begins to change. And that's another scary thing

(53:31):
for people. They don't like change because they think that
change is scary. To me, it's much scarier to stay
in your in your same pain and frustration and loneliness.
To be stuck in that is, in my point of view,
a lot scarier. You can only gain by by taking

(53:56):
that step. Yes, that's my five cents.

Speaker 3 (54:01):
That's it. So today we would say to you to
choose freedom because you want to be free from the
shackles and the chains that hold you, all right, and
choose freedom, all right. Choose freedom because though you might
not see yourself behind bars, but you are living behind bars.

(54:22):
You are living behind your pain. You're living. You know
you're in prison. You're walking around free, but you're in prison,
and you should be free. The Bible says home he
sets free is free indeed. So on today I would
like and ask you to choose freedom. Choose to live,

(54:43):
all right, not exists. There's a big difference between existing.
Naomi existed, I existed, right, But then once we choose
to talk about it, confront it, true healing come, freedom comes,
and now you are living instead of existing. You know,
when you say, oh, I'm living, I'm in this relationship

(55:04):
because of the kids I'm dealing to that you're existing,
You're not living. Because when you're truly living, life is beautiful,
all right, life is free and liberating. You know, this
is who I am, unapolished, be on apologically you all right,

(55:25):
Whether people like your story or not, this is who
you are. And I give you permission today to just
take that step, right, take that step. You've been watching
Emergent and Power for a while, but you still haven't spoken.
But it's time. It's time to deal with that at

(55:49):
this time. So Naomi, that was the individual. So now
let's talk to the circle the support that they seek,
the family, the friends. Talk to that circle of people
how to be there for this individual when they do share.

Speaker 4 (56:12):
I think one thing is tell them what you need.
People don't know people's first instinct. First of all, they
feel often overwhelmed by other people's pain. They don't know
what to do, and they want to fix it. And
the last thing that you want usually is for someone
to fix it. You just want someone to be there

(56:33):
right ask for it. Ask. I know you really want
to help me, and I just really need you to
listen right now. I need to say what I need
to say, and if you could just just be there
for me, yes, that's all that I need.

Speaker 3 (56:52):
Yes, Well, thank you so much Naomi for being here
on the set. And like I said before, we'll be
back with Heart too, so Naomi can talk to us further.
It's just an hour, guys. We cannot tell someone's story
in an hour. It took a lifetime basically to be
able to talk about it. So it takes time, all right,

(57:15):
So we'll be back as Naomi continues with a story
and show us how her healing began and what happened
with her life as the healing happened, and to help
you get on the front row seat of your life.
So Naomi, thank you once again for being here on Emerge.
All right, thank you until next time.

Speaker 7 (57:35):
Bye bye, bye bye bye.

Speaker 3 (57:50):
All right, everyone, So I want to thank each and
every one of you that has been here on the
set with us on today again. There is so much
that it's out there. Stories that are out there. I
don't believe even if I came on every day three
hundred and sixty five days and this year, there will
be individuals that still have their stories to tell. That

(58:12):
person is in your home and your neighborhood. That person
is a relative. That person probably is a parent or
was a parent who dealt with a lot of trauma.
They dealt with a lot eve of bipolar or even
schizophrenia which was also stemming from a hurt or an
experience that they once had in their life, and it

(58:34):
is taking a toll. There are people who are in
physical prison right now due to something that had happened
to them as a child. Let us heal today. Let
us heal for real, because the journey of healing is continuous,
and I want to encourage you to get in the

(58:55):
front row seat of your life and make that decision.
It starts today, and also the psychological and generational curse
stops today. We need to say stop saying it is
what it is. We need to let go. We need
to truly heal the world we live in right now.

(59:18):
If you look on news, on your streets, neighborhood schools,
it's all hurt and we call it mental health. Well,
guess what Mental health is stemming from some form of trauma.
Not all are sexual. Some of it is verbal abuse.

(59:42):
How you treat individuals, how you live. We must allow
people to grow, We must allow people to heal. Don't shame.
The bullying is also trauma. So it's time to heal.

(01:00:04):
It's never too young because children are being bullied in kindergarten, preschool, elementary,
middle high, and into the school of life. All of
that is trauma. I tell you this. You remembered somebody

(01:00:28):
who said something to you when you was an elementary school.
You've never forgot what they said to you. Some of
you are still trying to prove that you're better than
what was said to you. That was trauma. You're living
that out. So let's heal for real. Let me pray, Father,
in the name of Jesus, I thank you for everyone,

(01:00:50):
every listener that had connected today, tomorrow, next year, in
the future. Whenever they are watching this, I want them
to realize that you speaking to them for their healing
and for their breakthrough. Let the healing be continuous. Let
your children be free, for you came to set the

(01:01:12):
captives free, on whom you set free at truly free. Indeed,
thanks for watching, everyone, until next time.

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
Welcome to Emerge and Empower podcast TV, a platform where
resilience meets transformation. Here we amplify voices that have faced trials, trauma,
and adversity, stories that inspire hope, healing, and empowerment. Every
episode brings raw, unfiltered conversations with individuals who have risen

(01:01:43):
from hardship, embracing faith, strength and purpose. Join us as
we break the silence, uplift one another, and emerge stronger together.
New episodes air Wednesdays. At six pm English and Saturdays
at six pm, with select Saturday days in Creole for
our Haitian audience MHM