June 1, 2023 • 55 mins
Did you know that to much nagging will send your husband into the arms of another woman? No? Well then today’s episode will be a real treat for you!
On this weeks episode, Tash and Kass are taking a modern spin on vintage marriage advice. Kass purchased some vintage Delineator magazines from 1932/1933 at a local vintage store here in SLC which inspired this episode.
These articles are a good reminder that living in modern day 2023 is 1000% better than Victorian era because this advice isn't not for the faint of heart. Maybe there is a silver lining among all of these old world advices but we aren’t sure we found any.
Research links:
https://www.easyweddings.com.au/articles/old-world-marriage-advice/
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/bad-retro-marriage-advice_n_6679188
https://www.countryliving.com/life/g3822/weird-victorian-marriage-advice/
Links to us:
Website: https://www.va-bridal.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/versailles_atelier_bridal/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vabridal TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@versaillesatelierbridal? Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/VA_Bridal/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBJqW5cox4z0GqgE9vwRAZA
Have questions or episode ideas? Email us at everybodypod@va-bridal.com
On this weeks episode, Tash and Kass are taking a modern spin on vintage marriage advice. Kass purchased some vintage Delineator magazines from 1932/1933 at a local vintage store here in SLC which inspired this episode.
These articles are a good reminder that living in modern day 2023 is 1000% better than Victorian era because this advice isn't not for the faint of heart. Maybe there is a silver lining among all of these old world advices but we aren’t sure we found any.
Research links:
https://www.easyweddings.com.au/articles/old-world-marriage-advice/
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/bad-retro-marriage-advice_n_6679188
https://www.countryliving.com/life/g3822/weird-victorian-marriage-advice/
Links to us:
Website: https://www.va-bridal.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/versailles_atelier_bridal/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vabridal TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@versaillesatelierbridal? Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/VA_Bridal/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBJqW5cox4z0GqgE9vwRAZA
Have questions or episode ideas? Email us at everybodypod@va-bridal.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:15):
Do you want to tell me then, what your hands smell like? Like
a ditch vintage Like you're gonna saycheese since you're currently eating a snack cheese.
I mean, yeah, but Ihaven't opened it yet. Okay,
but you opened one already. Yeah, but I ate that with the like
I didn't touch it because I wastouching those Well, do you want to
tell our listeners or what today's episodeis about? Yes? So I had
(00:38):
gone to an antique vintage door inSalt Lake, and I had gotten a
couple of magazines Minor nineteen thirty twoin nineteen thirty three, and I thought
it was interesting with how much marriageadvice is and there bridal I don't know,
(01:02):
Yeah, I mean marriage advice whetheryou are married or looking to be
married. But there was a lotof skincare articles of how to look essentially
like a child so that men willwant to date you, or like how
to make sure your husband's always happyand because we're more worried about his well
being than your own or you know, as a team. That's fine,
(01:26):
it's fine, but there were somereal interesting even ads in there for cooking
for children. I love the adsthat essentially we're saying, your husband's not
that stupid, so get him thisitem. Do you want your husband to
be happy? Get him this soapslike must of them were soaps or like
(01:53):
soups or something. Yeah, youknow, there was a lot of Campbells.
There was a lot of soaps.There's Mabeling Gerber, Yeah there was.
I believe there was some nooxema becauseI was like, no shit,
Noxima's that old, like the oldface, like the face loans and stuff.
Yea, so well, I didsome research online and did find different
(02:15):
articles that I'll have listed in theshow notes that have vintage or old world
marriage advice. I'll kind of differentterms, but essentially the same thing.
Um. The first one I wantedto read from is easywddings dot com dot
au Mm, so we're going allover and this one is way fun.
(02:38):
I'm excited. Did you know naggingwill lead to infidelity? I think it
would have been single a lot longerago. It says I verily believe that
the happiness of homes is destroyed morefrequently by the habit of nagging than by
(02:58):
any other one. A man maystay that sort of thing nagging for a
long time, but the chances areagainst his standings that permanently. If he
needs peace to make life bearable,he will have to look for it elsewhere
than in his own house. Andit is quite likely that he will look.
And this is from Sex, Satisfactionand Happy Marriage by Reverend Alfred Henry
(03:22):
Tyreer of nineteen fifty one. Wow, thank you, Reverend Alfred. And
the fifties I just think of likeshut up and make me a sandwich,
get in the kitchen. Those werealways like family jokes. My brothers used
to crack oh yeah to me allthe time. They'd be like, shut
up, will would make me asandwich? I mean in loving ways,
like they don't aren't that way,But that was always I mean, that's
(03:44):
my family, and I think it'shilarious. So I loved that one.
That's a good one. This onewould not suit well for me. Always
be groomed, so always look yourbest. Actually, ah, that's my
mother. I feel like that waswhat I always heard from my mom.
And you know, I mean mymaternal grandma not so much. Yeah,
(04:10):
but my paternal grandma was always ifyou don't look pretty, no man will
want you. Really, you know, Oh yeah, Baba is very much
that way. Oh, I couldsee that. I mean she has the
beautiful eyebrows. And without those eyebrows, my Adatta wouldn't have wanted her stop
eyebrows. So what she says?Datta say that no, but Babba loves
showing me their engagement photo. Whenher eyebrows were like pristine where they like?
(04:33):
Do they like bushy or just theywere groomed? I love that?
Really nice, But it's always eyebrows. I could picture that, so in
this always be groomed. Nothing appealsmore to a man than immaculate cleanliness.
A stunning beauty who looks even slightlysoiled will lose out every time to her
(04:54):
plain faced sister, so pleasing tothe senses. Here are a few little
things that greatly less us in awoman's charm in most men's eyes. Red
hands or arms, red hand fingernailstoo highly polished or shaped like swords.
Oh that's you, that's me.Fat women with bobbed hair, Oh shit,
(05:18):
oh my god. Why do theyhave to throw two and wine?
Hair that is doctored in any way? Does that mean colored? I don't
know that one up. Cheap perfumes, whiny voices, giggling, and earrings
that look like chandeliers. What thisshould be enough to start you thinking along
(05:43):
the right lines. The Passion calledLove by Eleanor Glynn from nineteen twenty five.
That's hilarious, but I'm curious.What is doctored hair? Yeah,
for real, let's see what thegrimmed part though. It's pretty funny because
we are watching and Riley and Iwere watching Too Hot to Handle Germany the
other day and it's dubbed over becausetheir speaking German. Oh, doctor hair
(06:09):
is fake hare like harrickstitchins. I'mso interesting, but sorry what we're saying.
Um So, Riley and I werewatching Too Hot to Handle Germany the
other day and there's this girl onthere honestly probably just stubble armpits. I
could barely see it. But mymom is freaking out that her armpits are
not shaved well, and I'm like, mom, I can barely even see.
(06:32):
Tell her not to look at Rachelmcadam's recent photos and whatever L Magazine
or Vogue or mom, I couldshow you worse. And also, you
know, if somebody wants to havehairy armpits, that's their choice. It
wasn't even that bad, like itwas probably like two days not shaped.
I love that. Yeah, umyeah, okay, here's another one.
(06:56):
So this, like I said,this article be in the show notes,
so if you want to get onto read it. But I love that
is I didn't even see who theauthor was. I should say that I'm
here while I'm reading it. Ohit doesn't say it must be like a
blog post. Okay, well,I guess I don't feel bad that I
didn't say shout out to the author. When he comes home from work,
(07:16):
Make him comfortable, have him leanedback in a comfortable chair, or suggest
he lie down in the bedroom.Have a cool or warm drink ready for
him, arrange his pillow, andoffer to take off his shoes. Speak
in a low, soft, soothingand pleasant voice. Allow him to relax
and unwind. From The Good Wife'sGuide, an American hall economics book from
(07:39):
the nineteen fifties which is actually thoughtto be fake. M interesting, Let
me just get all my hands andknees and let you rest your feet on
me. I hope you're comfortable,But did I so? Back in Serbia,
Yeah, it was a thing thatthe wives would have to wash the
(07:59):
men's feet when they'd come home fromwork, they take their shoes and socks
off, and the wives huh wouldhave a warm, sudsy bowl of water
and they would clean their feet.Oh gross, right, mine, just
hop in the shower your feet realquick. You're sat be like, I'll
wash your feet if you wash mine. Let me just prop my foot up
(08:20):
here. You get mine too,exactly. But I feel like that this
last one is probably the most commonthat pokes fun at, like the nineteen
fifties housewife or like literally they arethe last one to bed, but first
one. Alak. Hair is alwayspristinely done, makeup is done, They've
(08:41):
got their girdle on underneath, suckit all in like they're Yeah, they're
like cute little A line dresses andtheir heels and they're like cleaning the house
with a cigarette and their mouth anda martini in one hand. And I
love that. That's what I envisionedin the fifties. It's perfect. I'm
sure it was exactly that way inyou talk. Oh that would be interesting
(09:03):
to look out. Okay, Soon pre marital hanky panky, excuse me,
I can't. The more mature girlknows that she doesn't need to resort
to either slapping or running in orderto deal with the too amorous boyfriend.
She wards off unwelcome behavior with afarm refusal to cooperate, accompanied by a
(09:28):
knowing smile and the suggestion of somealternate activity. She may say, not
now, Ambrose, let's go geta hamburger. I'm hungry. The Art
of Dating by Evelyn Millis Duval innineteen sixty seven. Yes, that's exactly
what I'm tell a dude. Youknow, well, let's not have sex.
How are we gonna get a hamburger? I'm famished. Also, I
(09:52):
just don't even know what to say. Tell me how well that worked on
some people in that day in hI just want to be like, hey,
sex and then we can get ahamburger too, all right, or
let's feed ourselves before we have anight of it. I'm for real,
but I mean, yeah, thatis sound advice. It's perfect, okay.
(10:18):
On choosing a mate, a girlshould be wary of selecting a mate
who is very emotional. Such aperson thrives on thrills and maybe much too
interested in sex. Not uncommonly,he works in some job like radio or
the movies, where he helps tofind glamor and excitement. How to Pick
a Mate, A Guidebook to Love, Sex and Marriage by doctor Clifford R.
(10:39):
Adams, nineteen o two. Interesting, that's from nineteen o two,
because I feel like movies in Hollywoodwere really really early on. Right,
I'd have to like research that onebecause the date doesn't in my mind.
I could see more like nineteen twentytwo. Right, No, that would
(11:01):
make more sense. Wow, lookat these frilly underwear. Oh that's do
you think a really short dress likethat looks like the little short she put
on baby girls for like easter dresses, like those really frilly dresses and they
got there like the blooms or whateverthe hell they're So the next one is
(11:22):
about being in the boudoir. Atthis point, dear reader, are we
in uh Bridgerton? Dear reader,that's what lady will stile down where she's
always like, hello readers. Ilove that. Okay, So at this
point, dear reader, let meconcede one shocking truth. Some young women
(11:43):
actually anticipate the wedding night or dealwith curiosity and pleasure. Be aware of
such an attitude, a selfish andsensual husband can easily take advantage of such
a bride. One cardinal rule ofmarriage should never be forgotten. Give a
little, all, give seldom,and above all give grudgingly. Otherwise that
could have been a proper marriage.Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage
(12:09):
could become an orgy of sexual lust. I love that from a text and
tiled Instruction and Advice for the YoungBride eighteen ninety four. Oh so apparently
you need to give little, giveseldom, and above all give grudgingly.
Perfect. Let me just reredo everythingI've done, just inform Riley, be
(12:33):
like from now on, no moreuntil the wedding night, and then this
is all you're getting. Oh mygod, And just like that, he
leaves me. I can't even imagine, but it is that. I mean,
a lot of people are raised tothink that you're not supposed to enjoy
it as a female. That's true. You're just a vessel for burying children,
(12:54):
for procreating. Yeah, which,m oh, so, here's one
about your underwear. Oh God.That the underwear should be spotlessly clean goes
without saying. But every woman shouldwear the best quality underwear that she can
afford, and the color should bepreferably pink and lace and ruffles. I
am sorry, to say, addto the attractiveness of underwear and are liked
(13:16):
by the average man. Oh HerSex and Love Life by doctor William Joseph
Robinson, nineteen seventeen. Wow,and here's another. Now, if you
are one of those frigid or sexualand and this I'm struggling. Yeah,
(13:41):
if you're one of those ladies,sorry, I run ahead and got distracted.
That's amazing. All right? Areyou ready for this advice about if
you are If you are a womanwho enjoys sex, absolutely okay, don't
be in a hurry to inform yourhusband about it. To the man,
it makes no difference in the pleasurablenessof the act whether you are frigid or
(14:05):
not unless he knows that you arefrigid, And he won't know unless you
tell him, and what he doesn'tknow won't hurt him. Heed this advice.
It has saved thousands of women fromtrouble. Hm. So you're supposed
to just lay their stuff as aboard. It's a love snot everywhere,
thanks cast Just Kennet lay there.You're just there, that's what it sounds
(14:28):
like, right, So how couldhe God know that you're being frigid without
telling him. My god, itsounds horrible like they're doing it with corpses,
Like, what are they talking someneck philia there? Do you want
me to just be cold as well? Like let me go stand outside in
(14:52):
the snell for a few minutes.Did they only do missionary as well?
Apparently? I don't know. That'shilarious. Oh. But on the flip
side, from the same doctor WilliamJoseph Josephus, oh did he change his
mind? But in case of anoccasional lapse on the part of the husband,
(15:16):
they're a bit of advice may proveacceptable. And my advice would be
forgive and forget, or still better, make believe that you know nothing.
An occasional lapse from the street pathdoes not mean that he has ceased to
love you. He may love youas much. He may love you a
good deal more. M So loosenup a little. Have fun? Are
we talking about? No? Wherehe has fun, no whom he has
(15:43):
fun with? I don't know.Was it a big thing back then,
like swinger parties? I don't know. I've never see I'm not I'm trying
to understand if it's the m yeahback your area, or if it's a
let him go out and happen withsomeone else, because then it's one list
thing you gotta deal with. It'sprobably all of the above. So whatever
(16:06):
the not straight path is. Yeah, I don't know. I have no
idea. It's not very You're notvery clear, doctor William Josephus Robinson.
Man, your your advice is differentthan the one I have next to me
they have. These are all fromthose ones. Last three were from nineteen
seventeen, written by the same guy. Oh see your decades not far from
mine. That's interesting. So thisis the last one on my article.
(16:30):
Don't show him how clever you are. Oh, be as dumb as Joseph
Simpson. Chicken of the sea isit? Is it chicken or tuna?
We the other day when we werebuilding our pool, my dad had this
(16:51):
neon and flamingo and he was tryingto turn it on but yet not pointing
the remote at it at the sunstartthat is on there. And I was
like, Dad, you gotta pointthrough a mote at this censor and he
doesn't and it turns one. He'slike, how'd you get so smart?
And I was like, I havea no cloonies like it must be genetics.
And I was like, no,it's not. But it's fine.
(17:15):
Are you sure? Yeah? Ilove all right, Well here's my last
one. Okay, with not showingthem that you're clever, The average man
marries a woman who is slightly lessintelligent than he is. That's why many
brilliant women never marry. They donot come in contact with sufficiently brilliant men.
Were failed to disguise their brilliance inorder to win a man of somewhat
(17:36):
less intelligence. College mills tell usthat they want a girl for a wife
who is intelligent but makes them feelthat they are more intelligent. I'm back
to how to Pick a Mate,A guide book to Love, Sex,
and Marriage by doctor Clifford R.Adams nineteen o two. Man, we
should get that book. It's gota lot of great advice. But I
mean, none of this advice surprises. Are they a self proclaimed doctor?
(18:02):
It seems like I mean, I'msure it was you showed up to class
and had a heartbeat and you gota doctorate. I'm sure that there wasn't
a lot of requirements then to becomea doctor. Oh my gosh. My
cardiologist tells me about back in theday when he went to med school at
the U and like the price ofclasses back then, because I tell him,
I was like, yeah, Ipaid two grand for one class and
(18:25):
he's like, I went through medschool with the no debt. He's like
the class was back then or likea hundred bucks. And I was like,
you might just want to shut upnow. How is that even a
thing? I don't know. Yeah, but he came out of med school
no debt, He never had totake out a loan, nothing. Damn
I know. How will that beright? I can't even no doctor,
(18:47):
no one in medical school now coulddo that. No, absolutely not.
Okay, well it's your turn.Why don't you read some marriage advice before
I move on. Well, it'sfunny because I know you and I both
read this article and this is nineteenthirty two from the delinator or delineator who
(19:10):
knows, but it says so thearticle says, if I could tell the
young bride but one thing. Soyou think it's going to be like super
cute. Yeah, but let meread the last paragraph for you. For
feminine health and mental serenity. Lysoldisinfectant has been advocated by the physicians of
(19:32):
Europe for nearly half a century.Lysol is almost universally used by our obstetricians
for the delicate ministrations of childbirth.It is safe, gentle efficient. It
is not merely anti antiseptic. Itis germicidal, safeguarding the frail of overtired
wife from taxations upon her health,which all too often she is not physically
(19:57):
qualified to meet. Do I spreadsome lysol down there? Is her one
thing to a bride, you know, I mean we have you know,
we have had really good medical adviceover the last hundred and twenty years.
(20:18):
Um. I can imagine hardcore drugs, but lysol in my privates sounds like
an infection waiting to happen and likea chemical burn, right, because that's
like I have never even spread lysol. I mean I've accidentally spread it on
my hand, you know what Imean, or like as white. Yeah,
(20:41):
and it's not a big deal,right, But I still wouldn't like
rube that shit on my face orlike any other part of my body,
especially down there. Absolutely not.Yeah, I cast when I first read
it toward the other day, She'slike, wait, like, did you
say lysol as in the disinvent?I was like, of course, I
did, absolutely right down there ithelps with childbirth. Sure, yeah,
(21:03):
sure, helps with your child comingout blind. It lubricates. I think
of uh, baby mama when they'retalking about rubbing Crisco, isn't it olive
oil order? And she's like,can't I just spray pam? It makes
me wrong? Right? I lovethat. Well, I'm glad we are.
(21:26):
We have moved past the point oftelling brights to lice all their privates
before the wedding to cleanse themselves.That was like, like, that was
only less than one hundred years ago. Yeah, it's almost one hundred years.
But like, did the ingredients change? What are you working on?
I'm sure the ingredients have changed themand they're probably less chemically than they were
(21:48):
that because things are more regulated now. I like the CDC and stuff.
I would think, well, itdepends, because I mean, I feel
like CDC's doing better than the FDA. But who knows. I don't know.
US is stupid. Who knows whatelse you get over there? Um?
I've got some poems, okay,a mother on her daughter's wedding day.
(22:12):
Oh god, some of these arejust weird. Um. So before
dawn once more, through the neardoor, I creep to watch beside your
sleep, you do not stir.Now are here to that new life so
far from this My dreams will followsilently as now my love will stand smoothing
(22:33):
your pillow with untouching hand. Okay, so you're creepily watching your child's sleep,
right, I do that all thetime. I'm sneak in my kid's
rooms when they're sleeping to make surethey're alive. Put my fingers under their
nose still, even though they're likehuge giant children, to make sure they're
still breathing. I love what Soit's good to know that I'll do that
(22:53):
to Shanna on her wedding day someday. Yeah, wedding night, just
patch your sleep, like she'll wakeup and be like, what the hell
are you doing? Weirdos the partsof Breeze and why I can't sleep with
my door open are unlocked? Well? I like the Dressing the Bride,
(23:14):
but a lot of these I reallystruggled to say, because I feel like
I'm reading from the Bible. Theway that these are phrased and words put
together. Who knows, But dressingthe bride be slow, my heart be
cool, my fingers under each touch, so much love lingers excuse me?
(23:37):
Who is this referring to the mom? The mom? Still all of these
are the mother on the wedding thing. Why what's wrong with the mom's hands?
Why do they have to be cool? They're hot and they're cold and
yes and no in there okay gross, but yeah, be cool my fingers,
(24:03):
be slow, my heart okay,growth whatever works, I can't.
Yeah. During the prayer, ohthey had prayers back then, during the
weddings cast. Of course they did. Everything was in his chart. Okay,
So no wonder I feel like I'mreading the Bible. I don't think
you could actually get married if itwasn't in a church. Really, Yeah,
(24:26):
everyone was a part of a religion, whether they actually believed in it
or not. Like everyone was religious. That's so weird. Not literally.
I don't think you could just likewalk in to the courthouse and say can
I get ordained to marry my friends? They'd be like, no, you
need to go get father whoever fromthe church down the street to do it.
(24:48):
Great. So that's probably why youthink you're reading the Bible. Yeah,
I mean these words. Where wasI I was watching something and they
kept using the word needn't, whichI used last episode I needn't. I
was like, this is the firsttime ever I'm hearing it. I like
the word shan't I shan't I shan'tbe married just sounds like shot. It
(25:15):
does nice shan't my pians. Somy next that's nice, guest. So
my next article is from HuffPost dotcom and this is ten pieces of retro
marital advice that have no place inmodern marriage. Love this, okay?
So number one? First things first, earn that ring. Now it is
(25:37):
up to you to earn the proposalby waging a dignified, common sense campaign
designed to help him see for himselfthat matrimony, rather than bachelorhood, is
the keystone of a full and happylife. How to make him propose?
From nineteen fifty one? Where wasthis article? I waited three years man?
Okay? Number two, rearrange yourwhole day for him. Oh,
(26:00):
change around your schedule so that youwill always be there when your husband needs
you. Accept his emotional distortion andto build up his self esteem. Ladies
Home Journal, April nineteen fifty Mmmm, that ain't happening. My husband is
very self sufficient and can do thingsall on his own. Sometimes I'd like
to think that, but it's fine, Okay. Well about Riley, I'm
(26:23):
gonna say Riley is different than Shock'sgood to me. Doesn't listen to the
podcast. This is the first episode. Listen. I feel like I'm sorry,
honey. I love you number three. Remember he doesn't want to hear
about your lady troubles. M don'tbother your husband with petty troubles and complaints
when he comes home from work.Sex Today and Wedded Life by Edward Podolski,
(26:48):
nineteen forty three. Wow, ifmy man would have left me a
long time ago. Also, myhusband and I both bitch to each other
when one of us gets home,whoever's been home older. It's like,
I love our children, but Ineed adult interaction. I'm gonna kill one.
My favorite is when I hear shotand say we've got one despair.
(27:11):
Yeah, we got one despair.That's why we had three. I love
about number four. It's four fourfour it is, and now we're on
number four. I love that.That's amazing. Never nag him or he'll
cheat on you. Now I gotsomeone else. Oh no, it's the
same one. Oh so yeah,it's the it's the exact same one.
(27:33):
I just saw who came from it'sagain from Reverend Alfred. So oh,
from a reverend. I love that. So we've got now two sources making
fun of this reverend for his adviceon like you nag your husband and he's
gonna go put it in someone else. So I love that. Number five,
stay squeaky clean, which we readin the other one too, oh
(27:55):
gosh, which, oh well,this exact quote wasn't in the other article,
but it's by that William Josephus Robinsonand says the wife, whether the
bride of a day or the brideof thirty years, should be clean,
literally from the crown of her headto her very toes. She should be
clean, so clean as to beable to stand inspection, even in complete
(28:17):
nudity. Who the hell is inspectingme and my crevices? Sir? Oh?
What the hell? Why if Ihave to? That's just too much
work. Also, can I justreiterate there are some men out there who
(28:37):
are nasty? Oh you say some, I'd say most. My husband's not
one. I said most. It'ssaid. I'm not calling him out,
but like, I have definitely metsome men where I'm like, holy rancid.
When was the last time you bathed. I haven't necessarily been in that
(29:00):
position, but I mean I wasin a sorority. I've seen many frat
houses as well as like my brotherwould not allow my mother to wash his
football gloves why, or like goodluck or something that it was superstitious and
they were rancid. I there wereso many times where I'm like, can't
you just walk home? I'm like, but then they'd say the same thing
(29:25):
about my volleyball knee pads. ButI'd love them. I'd love mom.
Wassh them so weird? You guysare weird. Yeah, it's I mean,
you didn't play a sport where you'vegot to be superstitious. I mean
there are people who are superstitious.I think it dance, but maybe I
didn't pay attention for I feel likeit's it depends. Yeah, I'm sure.
Well. The next one is alsoby our favorite William Josephus Robinson.
(29:48):
This man we need to get hisbook and just have it as a coffee
table for real, because there's somany, so much good advice in this
thing. He's got more advice onhow to make sure your man doesn't cheat
on you. Oh perfect, don'tclean to much? Or you'll cheat on
you. Men like a clean house, but fussing about all the time upsetting
the house in order to keep itclean. We'll drive a man from the
(30:11):
house elsewhere. How because if you'relike, stop putting your jink on my
coffee table, stop bringing your shoesover here. If you're that kind of
nagging while you're cleaning, he's goingto run a light sleep with someone else.
Mhm okay. And then if you'reunhappy with your sex life, just
(30:33):
grin and bear it from William Josephus. Also, oh my gosh, I
really need his booke now if youare one of those frigid or sexually.
Oh, it's the one I wasreading before. Yeah, it's the same
one that they had a different titleon it. William Josephus. Yeah,
let's go, and Josephus is joseph Us. What's the book called?
(30:57):
It just says married life and happylet's read. Oh, you can still
get the book. There's a linkto it. Hell yeah, and let's
see. Oh it's on Google Books, so it's been scanned in. Oh,
(31:18):
here's here's one I clipped on thebook. Some knowledge about children before
getting married. The prospective bride andmother should read some books or take some
special courses on how to bring upchildren. Every mother should know what to
do in an emergency, such asburns, cramps, convulsions, etc.
In short, every mother should havean idea about first aid so that she
(31:40):
can do something for the child beforethe doctor arrives. The mother's ignorance of
what to do in an emergency hasbeen the first step in the breaking up
of a home more than once.So if you're essentially not a CNA,
yeah, I was a CNA,and I'm Askett opened hood because of it.
(32:05):
Oh my gosh, this man's book. Okay did he change his name?
Why? Wait? What it's WilliamJosephus Robinson. Oh, William J.
Robinson. Okay, yeah, Ifound him. I found I think
the whole book. I'm just lookingat some of the contents. Oh,
here you go. This is fromModern Bride from nineteen fifty two. Oh,
(32:30):
okay, get along with kids andold people. Avoid poets and musicians.
Oh. Similarly, girls who willbe happy in marriage enjoy teaching children,
and have a fondness for old people. They are not strong admirers of
musicians and poets, though they maylike good music or poetry. They believe
mates should be virgins at marriage andfaithful thereafter. So apparently poets and musicians
(32:53):
are gonna make it unfaithful interesting ascandalous woman. You who wonder why it's
him. I'm really confused about WilliamJoseph as Robertson. If you're still out
there and you listen to podcast andneed some answers, I mean, I
(33:14):
haven't read that area. But marriedLife and Happiness or love and Comfort in
marriage, right, I love you. Scroll down It talks about the contents
within the book, and I justwant to know why all of a sudden
it starts to treatment of red nose, treatment of exeema, treatment of ringworm,
(33:36):
treatment of psoriasis. So he's teachingus how to treat these, treatment
of burning eyes, these health conditions. But it's married life and Happiness.
Well, yeah, because remember hereiterated that if you're going to be a
wife and a mother, you needto be able to take care of your
kids in any emergency before the housedoctor can arrive. Oh so he probably
(33:58):
has that in there as a fourone one Hey treatment of bed wedding,
that's a sign of a serial killer. Bed wedding. Yeah, there's like
a whole scale, and bed weddingis one, and liking to like things
on fire is one. Torture ofanimals as one. Like there's all of
(34:19):
these things, and so they useit when they profile like pre like older
serial killers, and they can findlike these commonalities amongst I like them.
Not the percentage of the bed wedding. We can google it. That's for
another podcast. True, that's forour just just murdered right tm T Countryliving
(34:39):
dot Com is my next article,and it's weird Victorian marriage advice, So
things like our great great grandmothers wouldhave received Darren first downplay your talents.
Victorian women didn't have careers. Buteven in special cases where they had god
given talents being an opera singer orwriting children's storybooks about the Bible, they
(35:01):
weren't considered marriage material. O'Neill explainedfor a wife to work was to declare
that her husband was incompetent and couldnot provide for his family. My husband
would disagree with that, I meanmaybe not. I haven't got goals.
We have sugar mom on like,that's my husband's goals too for me.
(35:24):
I know you guys are on linegoals Number two, get the talk from
mom on your wedding day. Whata proper Victorian lady wouldn't be expecting anything
more than a lovely snuggle on herwedding night, says O'Neill. And if
a courtship was done respectably, sheadds, a newlywed wife and husband barely
(35:45):
knew each other. The almost entirelymale marriage experts of the day were unanimous
in the belief that a mother wasdownright cruel to send her daughter off to
her nuptial bed without telling her whatawaited her, says O'Neill. They didn't
tell mothers what to say, O'Neillad, but they warned that a bride
could be traumatized if unprepared. Imean a lot of them had no idea
(36:08):
what happened. I know, butI don't want that on my wedding night.
Like the morning of the wedding,while you're getting married, Mom's like,
okay, are you ready to knowwhat's going to come? Actually,
she's button stupid. I don't knowif anyone in your do you want to
know what penis looks like? Idon't know if anyone in your family gave
the stupid thing No, I nevergot the talk No, not the talk
(36:29):
o. The Caitlin got it ata wedding party when she was young,
when it was the bed Snake thatE and I had a whole poem to
it. I think I have apicture of it, and so you can
beat his bed snake away when itwants to. Oh my, oh my
(36:51):
god. Maybe it should also belike chop the morning wood. Thank Yeah,
I've never well, I mean Ihaven't been to many parties and stuff,
so I can't say I've ever seenthat or heard of it. I'm
pretty sure I have a picture ofit somewhere that it was one of those
that I'm I was like, I'venever seen this before, and whoever gave
it to where the family laughed andwas like, oh, we've It's always
(37:15):
been a joke in the family.We get it for everyone. And I'm
like, the bedsnake bad. Thatis so awkward say that five thats beast.
I don't think I could. Allright. Number three, don't make
love purely for pleasure or fun.Doing so led to diseases like answer,
(37:35):
or at least that's what some Victorianera experts thought. These doctors very seldom
cited anything remotely connected to science fortheir beliefs. But they didn't need to,
says O'Neil. Most of the peoplewho bought their books thought being punished
by God and nature for transgressing theirdesigns made perfect sense. You're kidding,
no cancer, Yeah, so ifyou if you enjoy sex with your spouse
(37:58):
too much, you are getting cancer. I bet my great great grandmother was
told that her alopecia us due tosex. I mean maybe her mother enjoyed
sex and that's why she got alopecia. It's like a curse. Yep.
Don't make love when you're feeling absentminded. Not more. The thinking was
(38:22):
that a child conceived during a lessthan exciting encounter would itself to be dull
and absent minded. As evidence,they pointed to how many great men in
history, like da Vinci were bastards, says O'Neil. As bastards, it
was assumed they were conceived in passion, making their father seed more acute than
(38:43):
in normal situations. So the adviceabove was don't enjoy it too much.
But if you're going to enjoy it, you better be trying to make a
child so that they come out notabsent minded. I thought they were saying,
like, if you have a bastardchild, they're dumb. No,
no, no. What they're sayingis the reason why there's so many smart
men in history who are bastards isbecause these doctors believed that that when the
(39:07):
parents were having sex, they weren'tmarried, right, so that was sinful.
But they must have obviously had alot of passion and enjoyed said act,
and that's what made the father seedmore like, Hell, yeah,
we're gonna be like the smartest mothertrucker ever. I love that. So
you're not supposed to enjoy it toomuch. But also you don't enjoy it,
(39:28):
your kid's gonna come out real dumb. My sister is a bustard child,
and your oldest is a bustard chouldand so am I? Oh you
are? I was conceived before thewedding love, So it's a trend.
That's fine, Love me some goodbastard children. Number five Oh so the
first sound this episode final, right, so four was don't make love when
(39:52):
you're filling apps? Minded? Yeah. Number five is or under the influence
of alcohol. What Yeah, men, it's even more dangerous to try and
conceive if drunk, says O'Neill.That's how idiocy and numerous nervous maladies were
transferred to the child. Hey,um, you've got severe autism because your
(40:15):
parents conceived you when they were drunk, and you're just you're an idiot because
you were conceived while intoxicated. Yeahthat makes sense. I mean, I
will say drinking while pregnant the wholepregnancy would definitely cause them. Yeah,
that's different. If you go outand you're taking shots and then you go
(40:35):
home and have a wild night.I don't think your kid will come out
miss up. No, it won't. In Victorian era, yes, interesting.
I mean I guess they blame thingson other things to scare people,
right, So in this one,in the In the Victorian one, there's
(40:55):
also about not nagging your husband orasking too much of him. So nagging
like whining and kids as a sideeffect of being powerless. In a world
where a woman was at the mercyof her husband's mood and decisions, she
might find a lot to complain about, says O'Neil. But never mind all
that. American reformer William J.Reflecting on a Christian marriage, wrote during
(41:17):
the early nineteenth century that women mustnot complain, even if there's a reason
too, because the man's authority isthe consequence of the sin of your own
sex, your own female sex.Man, I really would not survive back
in the day. I don't thinka lot of women did, and I'm
sure that's why they did things tocope, like drinking legit coca cola with
(41:42):
cocaine. Hey, it's some medicinalrelief, right. Oh, here's another
reminder again, always like presentable toyour husband, even in the Victorian era
to like the nineteen thirties. It'sjust like it sounds like they could not
come up with new advices. Thesame thing is just slightly written different.
Yeah, so it reminds me ofyesterday. I had just put on pants
(42:08):
and black tank top to go getthe otie floats, and then I come
home. I was like, I'mgonna go change put on sweats and really,
guys, so you just put thaton to go out and I'm like,
fine, I'll stay on it whatever. Like the rest of the day,
I was so uncomfortable. You don'thave to get that cute to go
(42:28):
get it shape. It was justpants on a shirt. But I hate
clothes as I'm sitting here struggling tohold up my top, so my tit
doesn't come out. We just needa safety pin your top. Oh,
I brought some, but haven't gonearound to it. So in the looking
presentable, yeah, saying you alwayswant to look fashionable, but if you're
(42:50):
too fashionable, it looks like you'restraining your husband's pocketbook or appeared to be
putting on airs. I don't knowwhat that means. This included personal hygiene.
Being tidy was expected, but beingtoo clean could make others uncomfortable to
be in the presence of someone likeso like, so you need to be
clean but not too clean. Youneed to look fashionable but not too fashionable.
(43:14):
And I'm over here like I wantto look fancy as hell, but
on a beer budget. Oh andthen also, don't wear makeup interesting?
But I mean back then, Imean my grand my maternal grandmother was raised
by her father to believe that onlyladies of the night were makeup. I
could see that. Well, therewasn't many products out back then, right,
(43:37):
there was a There was a lotof makeup in the forties and fifties
when she was young, aren't Italking about Victorian era? Well, that
this one's from Victoria. But Iwas talking about like it just reminds me
of my grandma. Oh okay,but yeah, so Victorian era, there
wasn't much, No it was forme. I would think the makeup was
more like for performers, like stageperformers, right, which people always assume
(44:00):
if you were some type of performer, you also did performancing in the bid
I mean, I feel like alot of that came from like Mulan Rouge,
I think stuff. So, butin this one it says by the
same token, wives were expected tolook alluring, but not too alluring.
Nothing would humiliate a man more thanfor his wife to appear of easy virtue.
(44:20):
Makeup was discouraged. That's one morething a husband has to pay for.
But a pale, even skin tone, rosy lips, and sparkling eyes
were valued in a woman. Sothey would because I've seen things like they
would like pinch their cheeks to youknow, like get the plash to make
them pink and then bite their lipsand or even apply it like something cold
to like so interesting. Yep.Number nine, keep quiet about your husband's
(44:45):
philandering mark. If a Victorian wifelearned that her husband had been unfaithful.
The advice of the day warranted discretion, the reasoning, it's in a man's
nature to go searching for a newversion of the girl you used to be
before you bore him and my children. Michael made the comforts of his home
the envy of the neighborhood, explainsO'Neill, slided. Wives could take solace
(45:08):
in the fact that they were stillthe misses, the one he would always
have to take care of first.Says O'Neill, those were the unspoken rules
of Victorian cheating. Stop. No, hey, don't talk about it.
But your husband tried to get abetter you. I mean my bubba told
(45:29):
me, oh no that as longas they were essentially in a different area
code, who cares if they havea flame, You're not going to run
into them. Stop, But doyou guys something to say? What's your
list? Looking like? No,I think she was referring to my grandfather.
But oh my gosh. But still, but I mean, even if
(45:50):
he didn't like, there was neverlike a clear like ohit it It was
just a that was always her beliefAnd I'm sure that's how she was raised.
Right, that's so weird. Butlike if if these women are led
to believe they're not supposed to enjoyintimacy or to have like any type of
like intimate relationship with their husband otherthan to procreate, like of course,
(46:14):
they're going to also think like,oh, it's such a chore, like
please find someone else. Just makesure they don't live anywhere near us,
so we don't have to run intothem at the other than it's probably the
neighbor. But what I don't wantto understand is they're also being taught like,
don't have sex before marriage as well. Well, yeah, but most
(46:35):
men do. I don't talk aboutthe women. Oh yeah, women know.
So it's like, how did youfind somebody? Bro? You found
a wildcat? There's yeah, there'sa lot of women who did so weird.
Yeah, it's it's so contradicting,right because they just assume that men
do it before so that they knowhow to do things right. But most
(46:58):
of the time they're still doing itwith women. And you can only help
who knows. Back in the day, I'm not here to judge. I
ain't either, you do you thankyou? But maybe that's what it was.
Maybe Matt men found comfort in eachother since they weren't supposed to do
with women before marriage. Hm,I don't know. It is all interesting,
(47:23):
but yeah, so with um,your magazine's just kind of like set
me in a spiral of like allthis vintage marriage advice. Yeah, I
would not last back in the daynow, and I don't think any modern
woman would. But yeah, it'sjust yeah, it's it's interesting to see
(47:47):
how things changed. And I wonderwhen they started to change, because we
read up to fifties, yeah,and they were still similar. Yeah,
I mean, I honestly, I'msure there are a lot of people who
(48:09):
probably still think some of this stuffis true, but I think three is
the most modern women, don't.I mean even thinking like the like since
the year two thousand and now,like the last twenty three years, how
much has changed with like, youknow, women working in, men staying
at home to take care of thekids. And my brothers used to watch
(48:32):
the Talk Sex with Doctor SEUs showwhere like, oh yeah that was a
thing. Uh huh. She hada little like wooden doll figuring. She'd
used to show you when was redone was blue, and she'd show you
certain things with the starting Oh mygosh, how old was this I don't
(48:52):
know. My brothers watched it whenthey were like junior high in high school.
Well, my parents were divorced.Oh that's funny, let's see.
Yeah, But I mean we live, like I said, in a time
where there's just you, just doyou. And I think I would think
with a lot of because if thatadvice was still being given in the fifties,
(49:13):
that's when my grandparents were married andstarting to have my aunts and uncles.
Yeah, you know, so thatcould have trickled into like a lot
of our parents' generation marriage advice wheremaybe they knew that was messed up,
but also they didn't have any healthyrelationships to like lead by example, so
(49:34):
they knew they needed to do thingsdifferent, but had no examples of doing
it different. So now it's likeus being like, okay, well,
like our parents loved each other andhad like but on the flip side,
like neither sets of my grandparents gavemy parents any advice on sex, like
or any Like my mom got pregnantat like eighteen as well, kicked out
(50:00):
of the house at eighteen, soI know her parents didn't give her any
advice. And then my dad grewup in a very strong religious household with
the eldiesh Churage. Yeah. Yeah, and I mean my mom was too,
(50:21):
but yeah, I was at leastat least I had those conversations with
my parents, you know what Imean, And they had told me even
though their marriage didn't last, theystill have the same sound advice. And
yes, find somebody that intimately youare compatible with, that you have attraction
to. All of that is important, but you need more than just that.
(50:43):
You need someone you can have aconversation with someone, You can go
on adventures with someone that like,as you get old and you can't have
the intimacy as much anymore, theycan still enjoy each other's company. That
it should be more than that.But like I guarantee you, my parents
weren't like all about enjoying the intimacy. It was just a hey, should
(51:04):
we make it another kid? Ohmy god, absolutely, I mean that's
what they make it sound like.I could be wrong, and I hope
to God I'm wrong. Who knows, but I feel like for those who
are listening, I felt like alot of these advices coincide with is that
the right word? Yeah, itdepends on the rest of your sentence.
(51:28):
Coincides that the only ast church faithand teachings. Well, I think it
back in the day, I wasgonna, well, I'm gonna like i'd
said earlier, late nineties. Yeah, well, I mean we had the
um purity culture that we grew upwith right where it was abstinence until marriage
and the whole Like hold this flowerin your hand, now crinkle it and
(51:51):
then open your hand, try tostraighten it out. Can you make the
flower look the way it did before? No, so I can give yourself
away. Oh I never did it, but I had friends who that was
a thing. Oh gosh, butI'm but earlier when I had said,
you know, most are you know, one hundred plus years ago, you
could only get married by a religiousfigure because they were the only ones.
(52:14):
Because marriage was in the eyes ofGod. So that's why you needed a
priest or you know, pastor,pastor, a bishop, you know,
the earliest faith whoever to marry you, so that it was not only legal
by state, but legal by theeyes of God. But a lot of
this advice is very religious, nomatter what that religion is, because for
(52:37):
me, in my perception of religion, women are always meant to be subservient
to men. That men are thehead of the household, they're the ones
to make all the decisions. Butit was the female who was expected to
run the whole house. Like,even though they're running it and know the
ins and outs and everything, theyweren't allowed to make those decisions. Yeah,
(52:58):
even though they were running it,they had to be like submissive in
a way, like, yeah,oh, even though I'm running it,
it's his idea. Yeah, AndI got to stay home with my eight
children, yeah, and stay soberawful out numbered. Way too many times
(53:21):
I couldn't. And that's why alot of the older siblings would help raise
the younger siblings, because I know, I think about like Octo Mom,
Y're all the same mage, butshe had older kids before she had all
those babies. I think Shelley hadlike one or two or something. I
don't know, but still there wereolder ones. I don't think they were
much older, though I don't know. I don't really look at us too
much. But yeahso vintage marriage andjust happiness of marriage advice, and I'm
(53:50):
really glad that things have modernist yep, and that we allow all couples to
be in love with whomever. Yep, they need to be as long as
they are adults who are consenting,as well as you can speak your own
mind and be yourself and do whateveryou want. Yes, don't let somebody
else tell you you can't. Yeah, so I just yeah, it's it's
(54:15):
mind boggling. But these vintage magazinesare really fun to look out. Like
you said, the ads were reallycool. The articles made us cackle a
little bit. One of them haddifferent stories for women, like essentially smut
books. Yeah in there. Ihaven't read them because the print in these
things, my god, whose ownvision is good enough? Gosh eight they
(54:36):
are i'd say, slightly bigger thana normal magazine nowadays. But yet the
amount of words on one page,it sends my ADHD and anxiety off the
charts. I don't even think youcould actually read it. Oh, I
would be there like I can't finishthis and I'm only like one paragraph in
hell, no, I'm not surprisedyou got a paragraph. And to be
(54:59):
honest, well, I mean someof these paragraphs are tiny. You even
too much? That's true. Well, is there anything you want to end
with? I don't think so.Okay, Well, like Cass and I
said, we'll have all of thelinks in the show notes. If you
have any other ideas, please besure to email them to us at our
new email, which is everybody podat via dash bridle dot com. Oh
(55:21):
and yeah, we look forward tohearing from you guys, and just remember
that everybody is a Bridle body.See you later, goodbye and
Do you want to tell me then, what your hands smell like? Like
a ditch vintage Like you're gonna saycheese since you're currently eating a snack cheese.
I mean, yeah, but Ihaven't opened it yet. Okay,
but you opened one already. Yeah, but I ate that with the like
I didn't touch it because I wastouching those Well, do you want to
tell our listeners or what today's episodeis about? Yes? So I had
(00:38):
gone to an antique vintage door inSalt Lake, and I had gotten a
couple of magazines Minor nineteen thirty twoin nineteen thirty three, and I thought
it was interesting with how much marriageadvice is and there bridal I don't know,
(01:02):
Yeah, I mean marriage advice whetheryou are married or looking to be
married. But there was a lotof skincare articles of how to look essentially
like a child so that men willwant to date you, or like how
to make sure your husband's always happyand because we're more worried about his well
being than your own or you know, as a team. That's fine,
(01:26):
it's fine, but there were somereal interesting even ads in there for cooking
for children. I love the adsthat essentially we're saying, your husband's not
that stupid, so get him thisitem. Do you want your husband to
be happy? Get him this soapslike must of them were soaps or like
(01:53):
soups or something. Yeah, youknow, there was a lot of Campbells.
There was a lot of soaps.There's Mabeling Gerber, Yeah there was.
I believe there was some nooxema becauseI was like, no shit,
Noxima's that old, like the oldface, like the face loans and stuff.
Yea, so well, I didsome research online and did find different
(02:15):
articles that I'll have listed in theshow notes that have vintage or old world
marriage advice. I'll kind of differentterms, but essentially the same thing.
Um. The first one I wantedto read from is easywddings dot com dot
au Mm, so we're going allover and this one is way fun.
(02:38):
I'm excited. Did you know naggingwill lead to infidelity? I think it
would have been single a lot longerago. It says I verily believe that
the happiness of homes is destroyed morefrequently by the habit of nagging than by
(02:58):
any other one. A man maystay that sort of thing nagging for a
long time, but the chances areagainst his standings that permanently. If he
needs peace to make life bearable,he will have to look for it elsewhere
than in his own house. Andit is quite likely that he will look.
And this is from Sex, Satisfactionand Happy Marriage by Reverend Alfred Henry
(03:22):
Tyreer of nineteen fifty one. Wow, thank you, Reverend Alfred. And
the fifties I just think of likeshut up and make me a sandwich,
get in the kitchen. Those werealways like family jokes. My brothers used
to crack oh yeah to me allthe time. They'd be like, shut
up, will would make me asandwich? I mean in loving ways,
like they don't aren't that way,But that was always I mean, that's
(03:44):
my family, and I think it'shilarious. So I loved that one.
That's a good one. This onewould not suit well for me. Always
be groomed, so always look yourbest. Actually, ah, that's my
mother. I feel like that waswhat I always heard from my mom.
And you know, I mean mymaternal grandma not so much. Yeah,
(04:10):
but my paternal grandma was always ifyou don't look pretty, no man will
want you. Really, you know, Oh yeah, Baba is very much
that way. Oh, I couldsee that. I mean she has the
beautiful eyebrows. And without those eyebrows, my Adatta wouldn't have wanted her stop
eyebrows. So what she says?Datta say that no, but Babba loves
showing me their engagement photo. Whenher eyebrows were like pristine where they like?
(04:33):
Do they like bushy or just theywere groomed? I love that?
Really nice, But it's always eyebrows. I could picture that, so in
this always be groomed. Nothing appealsmore to a man than immaculate cleanliness.
A stunning beauty who looks even slightlysoiled will lose out every time to her
(04:54):
plain faced sister, so pleasing tothe senses. Here are a few little
things that greatly less us in awoman's charm in most men's eyes. Red
hands or arms, red hand fingernailstoo highly polished or shaped like swords.
Oh that's you, that's me.Fat women with bobbed hair, Oh shit,
(05:18):
oh my god. Why do theyhave to throw two and wine?
Hair that is doctored in any way? Does that mean colored? I don't
know that one up. Cheap perfumes, whiny voices, giggling, and earrings
that look like chandeliers. What thisshould be enough to start you thinking along
(05:43):
the right lines. The Passion calledLove by Eleanor Glynn from nineteen twenty five.
That's hilarious, but I'm curious.What is doctored hair? Yeah,
for real, let's see what thegrimmed part though. It's pretty funny because
we are watching and Riley and Iwere watching Too Hot to Handle Germany the
other day and it's dubbed over becausetheir speaking German. Oh, doctor hair
(06:09):
is fake hare like harrickstitchins. I'mso interesting, but sorry what we're saying.
Um So, Riley and I werewatching Too Hot to Handle Germany the
other day and there's this girl onthere honestly probably just stubble armpits. I
could barely see it. But mymom is freaking out that her armpits are
not shaved well, and I'm like, mom, I can barely even see.
(06:32):
Tell her not to look at Rachelmcadam's recent photos and whatever L Magazine
or Vogue or mom, I couldshow you worse. And also, you
know, if somebody wants to havehairy armpits, that's their choice. It
wasn't even that bad, like itwas probably like two days not shaped.
I love that. Yeah, umyeah, okay, here's another one.
(06:56):
So this, like I said,this article be in the show notes,
so if you want to get onto read it. But I love that
is I didn't even see who theauthor was. I should say that I'm
here while I'm reading it. Ohit doesn't say it must be like a
blog post. Okay, well,I guess I don't feel bad that I
didn't say shout out to the author. When he comes home from work,
(07:16):
Make him comfortable, have him leanedback in a comfortable chair, or suggest
he lie down in the bedroom.Have a cool or warm drink ready for
him, arrange his pillow, andoffer to take off his shoes. Speak
in a low, soft, soothingand pleasant voice. Allow him to relax
and unwind. From The Good Wife'sGuide, an American hall economics book from
(07:39):
the nineteen fifties which is actually thoughtto be fake. M interesting, Let
me just get all my hands andknees and let you rest your feet on
me. I hope you're comfortable,But did I so? Back in Serbia,
Yeah, it was a thing thatthe wives would have to wash the
(07:59):
men's feet when they'd come home fromwork, they take their shoes and socks
off, and the wives huh wouldhave a warm, sudsy bowl of water
and they would clean their feet.Oh gross, right, mine, just
hop in the shower your feet realquick. You're sat be like, I'll
wash your feet if you wash mine. Let me just prop my foot up
(08:20):
here. You get mine too,exactly. But I feel like that this
last one is probably the most commonthat pokes fun at, like the nineteen
fifties housewife or like literally they arethe last one to bed, but first
one. Alak. Hair is alwayspristinely done, makeup is done, They've
(08:41):
got their girdle on underneath, suckit all in like they're Yeah, they're
like cute little A line dresses andtheir heels and they're like cleaning the house
with a cigarette and their mouth anda martini in one hand. And I
love that. That's what I envisionedin the fifties. It's perfect. I'm
sure it was exactly that way inyou talk. Oh that would be interesting
(09:03):
to look out. Okay, Soon pre marital hanky panky, excuse me,
I can't. The more mature girlknows that she doesn't need to resort
to either slapping or running in orderto deal with the too amorous boyfriend.
She wards off unwelcome behavior with afarm refusal to cooperate, accompanied by a
(09:28):
knowing smile and the suggestion of somealternate activity. She may say, not
now, Ambrose, let's go geta hamburger. I'm hungry. The Art
of Dating by Evelyn Millis Duval innineteen sixty seven. Yes, that's exactly
what I'm tell a dude. Youknow, well, let's not have sex.
How are we gonna get a hamburger? I'm famished. Also, I
(09:52):
just don't even know what to say. Tell me how well that worked on
some people in that day in hI just want to be like, hey,
sex and then we can get ahamburger too, all right, or
let's feed ourselves before we have anight of it. I'm for real,
but I mean, yeah, thatis sound advice. It's perfect, okay.
(10:18):
On choosing a mate, a girlshould be wary of selecting a mate
who is very emotional. Such aperson thrives on thrills and maybe much too
interested in sex. Not uncommonly,he works in some job like radio or
the movies, where he helps tofind glamor and excitement. How to Pick
a Mate, A Guidebook to Love, Sex and Marriage by doctor Clifford R.
(10:39):
Adams, nineteen o two. Interesting, that's from nineteen o two,
because I feel like movies in Hollywoodwere really really early on. Right,
I'd have to like research that onebecause the date doesn't in my mind.
I could see more like nineteen twentytwo. Right, No, that would
(11:01):
make more sense. Wow, lookat these frilly underwear. Oh that's do
you think a really short dress likethat looks like the little short she put
on baby girls for like easter dresses, like those really frilly dresses and they
got there like the blooms or whateverthe hell they're So the next one is
(11:22):
about being in the boudoir. Atthis point, dear reader, are we
in uh Bridgerton? Dear reader,that's what lady will stile down where she's
always like, hello readers. Ilove that. Okay, So at this
point, dear reader, let meconcede one shocking truth. Some young women
(11:43):
actually anticipate the wedding night or dealwith curiosity and pleasure. Be aware of
such an attitude, a selfish andsensual husband can easily take advantage of such
a bride. One cardinal rule ofmarriage should never be forgotten. Give a
little, all, give seldom,and above all give grudgingly. Otherwise that
could have been a proper marriage.Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage
(12:09):
could become an orgy of sexual lust. I love that from a text and
tiled Instruction and Advice for the YoungBride eighteen ninety four. Oh so apparently
you need to give little, giveseldom, and above all give grudgingly.
Perfect. Let me just reredo everythingI've done, just inform Riley, be
(12:33):
like from now on, no moreuntil the wedding night, and then this
is all you're getting. Oh mygod, And just like that, he
leaves me. I can't even imagine, but it is that. I mean,
a lot of people are raised tothink that you're not supposed to enjoy
it as a female. That's true. You're just a vessel for burying children,
(12:54):
for procreating. Yeah, which,m oh, so, here's one
about your underwear. Oh God.That the underwear should be spotlessly clean goes
without saying. But every woman shouldwear the best quality underwear that she can
afford, and the color should bepreferably pink and lace and ruffles. I
am sorry, to say, addto the attractiveness of underwear and are liked
(13:16):
by the average man. Oh HerSex and Love Life by doctor William Joseph
Robinson, nineteen seventeen. Wow,and here's another. Now, if you
are one of those frigid or sexualand and this I'm struggling. Yeah,
(13:41):
if you're one of those ladies,sorry, I run ahead and got distracted.
That's amazing. All right? Areyou ready for this advice about if
you are If you are a womanwho enjoys sex, absolutely okay, don't
be in a hurry to inform yourhusband about it. To the man,
it makes no difference in the pleasurablenessof the act whether you are frigid or
(14:05):
not unless he knows that you arefrigid, And he won't know unless you
tell him, and what he doesn'tknow won't hurt him. Heed this advice.
It has saved thousands of women fromtrouble. Hm. So you're supposed
to just lay their stuff as aboard. It's a love snot everywhere,
thanks cast Just Kennet lay there.You're just there, that's what it sounds
(14:28):
like, right, So how couldhe God know that you're being frigid without
telling him. My god, itsounds horrible like they're doing it with corpses,
Like, what are they talking someneck philia there? Do you want
me to just be cold as well? Like let me go stand outside in
(14:52):
the snell for a few minutes.Did they only do missionary as well?
Apparently? I don't know. That'shilarious. Oh. But on the flip
side, from the same doctor WilliamJoseph Josephus, oh did he change his
mind? But in case of anoccasional lapse on the part of the husband,
(15:16):
they're a bit of advice may proveacceptable. And my advice would be
forgive and forget, or still better, make believe that you know nothing.
An occasional lapse from the street pathdoes not mean that he has ceased to
love you. He may love youas much. He may love you a
good deal more. M So loosenup a little. Have fun? Are
we talking about? No? Wherehe has fun, no whom he has
(15:43):
fun with? I don't know.Was it a big thing back then,
like swinger parties? I don't know. I've never see I'm not I'm trying
to understand if it's the m yeahback your area, or if it's a
let him go out and happen withsomeone else, because then it's one list
thing you gotta deal with. It'sprobably all of the above. So whatever
(16:06):
the not straight path is. Yeah, I don't know. I have no
idea. It's not very You're notvery clear, doctor William Josephus Robinson.
Man, your your advice is differentthan the one I have next to me
they have. These are all fromthose ones. Last three were from nineteen
seventeen, written by the same guy. Oh see your decades not far from
mine. That's interesting. So thisis the last one on my article.
(16:30):
Don't show him how clever you are. Oh, be as dumb as Joseph
Simpson. Chicken of the sea isit? Is it chicken or tuna?
We the other day when we werebuilding our pool, my dad had this
(16:51):
neon and flamingo and he was tryingto turn it on but yet not pointing
the remote at it at the sunstartthat is on there. And I was
like, Dad, you gotta pointthrough a mote at this censor and he
doesn't and it turns one. He'slike, how'd you get so smart?
And I was like, I havea no cloonies like it must be genetics.
And I was like, no,it's not. But it's fine.
(17:15):
Are you sure? Yeah? Ilove all right, Well here's my last
one. Okay, with not showingthem that you're clever, The average man
marries a woman who is slightly lessintelligent than he is. That's why many
brilliant women never marry. They donot come in contact with sufficiently brilliant men.
Were failed to disguise their brilliance inorder to win a man of somewhat
(17:36):
less intelligence. College mills tell usthat they want a girl for a wife
who is intelligent but makes them feelthat they are more intelligent. I'm back
to how to Pick a Mate,A guide book to Love, Sex,
and Marriage by doctor Clifford R.Adams nineteen o two. Man, we
should get that book. It's gota lot of great advice. But I
mean, none of this advice surprises. Are they a self proclaimed doctor?
(18:02):
It seems like I mean, I'msure it was you showed up to class
and had a heartbeat and you gota doctorate. I'm sure that there wasn't
a lot of requirements then to becomea doctor. Oh my gosh. My
cardiologist tells me about back in theday when he went to med school at
the U and like the price ofclasses back then, because I tell him,
I was like, yeah, Ipaid two grand for one class and
(18:25):
he's like, I went through medschool with the no debt. He's like
the class was back then or likea hundred bucks. And I was like,
you might just want to shut upnow. How is that even a
thing? I don't know. Yeah, but he came out of med school
no debt, He never had totake out a loan, nothing. Damn
I know. How will that beright? I can't even no doctor,
(18:47):
no one in medical school now coulddo that. No, absolutely not.
Okay, well it's your turn.Why don't you read some marriage advice before
I move on. Well, it'sfunny because I know you and I both
read this article and this is nineteenthirty two from the delinator or delineator who
(19:10):
knows, but it says so thearticle says, if I could tell the
young bride but one thing. Soyou think it's going to be like super
cute. Yeah, but let meread the last paragraph for you. For
feminine health and mental serenity. Lysoldisinfectant has been advocated by the physicians of
(19:32):
Europe for nearly half a century.Lysol is almost universally used by our obstetricians
for the delicate ministrations of childbirth.It is safe, gentle efficient. It
is not merely anti antiseptic. Itis germicidal, safeguarding the frail of overtired
wife from taxations upon her health,which all too often she is not physically
(19:57):
qualified to meet. Do I spreadsome lysol down there? Is her one
thing to a bride, you know, I mean we have you know,
we have had really good medical adviceover the last hundred and twenty years.
(20:18):
Um. I can imagine hardcore drugs, but lysol in my privates sounds like
an infection waiting to happen and likea chemical burn, right, because that's
like I have never even spread lysol. I mean I've accidentally spread it on
my hand, you know what Imean, or like as white. Yeah,
(20:41):
and it's not a big deal,right, But I still wouldn't like
rube that shit on my face orlike any other part of my body,
especially down there. Absolutely not.Yeah, I cast when I first read
it toward the other day, She'slike, wait, like, did you
say lysol as in the disinvent?I was like, of course, I
did, absolutely right down there ithelps with childbirth. Sure, yeah,
(21:03):
sure, helps with your child comingout blind. It lubricates. I think
of uh, baby mama when they'retalking about rubbing Crisco, isn't it olive
oil order? And she's like,can't I just spray pam? It makes
me wrong? Right? I lovethat. Well, I'm glad we are.
(21:26):
We have moved past the point oftelling brights to lice all their privates
before the wedding to cleanse themselves.That was like, like, that was
only less than one hundred years ago. Yeah, it's almost one hundred years.
But like, did the ingredients change? What are you working on?
I'm sure the ingredients have changed themand they're probably less chemically than they were
(21:48):
that because things are more regulated now. I like the CDC and stuff.
I would think, well, itdepends, because I mean, I feel
like CDC's doing better than the FDA. But who knows. I don't know.
US is stupid. Who knows whatelse you get over there? Um?
I've got some poems, okay,a mother on her daughter's wedding day.
(22:12):
Oh god, some of these arejust weird. Um. So before
dawn once more, through the neardoor, I creep to watch beside your
sleep, you do not stir.Now are here to that new life so
far from this My dreams will followsilently as now my love will stand smoothing
(22:33):
your pillow with untouching hand. Okay, so you're creepily watching your child's sleep,
right, I do that all thetime. I'm sneak in my kid's
rooms when they're sleeping to make surethey're alive. Put my fingers under their
nose still, even though they're likehuge giant children, to make sure they're
still breathing. I love what Soit's good to know that I'll do that
(22:53):
to Shanna on her wedding day someday. Yeah, wedding night, just
patch your sleep, like she'll wakeup and be like, what the hell
are you doing? Weirdos the partsof Breeze and why I can't sleep with
my door open are unlocked? Well? I like the Dressing the Bride,
(23:14):
but a lot of these I reallystruggled to say, because I feel like
I'm reading from the Bible. Theway that these are phrased and words put
together. Who knows, But dressingthe bride be slow, my heart be
cool, my fingers under each touch, so much love lingers excuse me?
(23:37):
Who is this referring to the mom? The mom? Still all of these
are the mother on the wedding thing. Why what's wrong with the mom's hands?
Why do they have to be cool? They're hot and they're cold and
yes and no in there okay gross, but yeah, be cool my fingers,
(24:03):
be slow, my heart okay,growth whatever works, I can't.
Yeah. During the prayer, ohthey had prayers back then, during the
weddings cast. Of course they did. Everything was in his chart. Okay,
So no wonder I feel like I'mreading the Bible. I don't think
you could actually get married if itwasn't in a church. Really, Yeah,
(24:26):
everyone was a part of a religion, whether they actually believed in it
or not. Like everyone was religious. That's so weird. Not literally.
I don't think you could just likewalk in to the courthouse and say can
I get ordained to marry my friends? They'd be like, no, you
need to go get father whoever fromthe church down the street to do it.
(24:48):
Great. So that's probably why youthink you're reading the Bible. Yeah,
I mean these words. Where wasI I was watching something and they
kept using the word needn't, whichI used last episode I needn't. I
was like, this is the firsttime ever I'm hearing it. I like
the word shan't I shan't I shan'tbe married just sounds like shot. It
(25:15):
does nice shan't my pians. Somy next that's nice, guest. So
my next article is from HuffPost dotcom and this is ten pieces of retro
marital advice that have no place inmodern marriage. Love this, okay?
So number one? First things first, earn that ring. Now it is
(25:37):
up to you to earn the proposalby waging a dignified, common sense campaign
designed to help him see for himselfthat matrimony, rather than bachelorhood, is
the keystone of a full and happylife. How to make him propose?
From nineteen fifty one? Where wasthis article? I waited three years man?
Okay? Number two, rearrange yourwhole day for him. Oh,
(26:00):
change around your schedule so that youwill always be there when your husband needs
you. Accept his emotional distortion andto build up his self esteem. Ladies
Home Journal, April nineteen fifty Mmmm, that ain't happening. My husband is
very self sufficient and can do thingsall on his own. Sometimes I'd like
to think that, but it's fine, Okay. Well about Riley, I'm
(26:23):
gonna say Riley is different than Shock'sgood to me. Doesn't listen to the
podcast. This is the first episode. Listen. I feel like I'm sorry,
honey. I love you number three. Remember he doesn't want to hear
about your lady troubles. M don'tbother your husband with petty troubles and complaints
when he comes home from work.Sex Today and Wedded Life by Edward Podolski,
(26:48):
nineteen forty three. Wow, ifmy man would have left me a
long time ago. Also, myhusband and I both bitch to each other
when one of us gets home,whoever's been home older. It's like,
I love our children, but Ineed adult interaction. I'm gonna kill one.
My favorite is when I hear shotand say we've got one despair.
(27:11):
Yeah, we got one despair.That's why we had three. I love
about number four. It's four fourfour it is, and now we're on
number four. I love that.That's amazing. Never nag him or he'll
cheat on you. Now I gotsomeone else. Oh no, it's the
same one. Oh so yeah,it's the it's the exact same one.
(27:33):
I just saw who came from it'sagain from Reverend Alfred. So oh,
from a reverend. I love that. So we've got now two sources making
fun of this reverend for his adviceon like you nag your husband and he's
gonna go put it in someone else. So I love that. Number five,
stay squeaky clean, which we readin the other one too, oh
(27:55):
gosh, which, oh well,this exact quote wasn't in the other article,
but it's by that William Josephus Robinsonand says the wife, whether the
bride of a day or the brideof thirty years, should be clean,
literally from the crown of her headto her very toes. She should be
clean, so clean as to beable to stand inspection, even in complete
(28:17):
nudity. Who the hell is inspectingme and my crevices? Sir? Oh?
What the hell? Why if Ihave to? That's just too much
work. Also, can I justreiterate there are some men out there who
(28:37):
are nasty? Oh you say some, I'd say most. My husband's not
one. I said most. It'ssaid. I'm not calling him out,
but like, I have definitely metsome men where I'm like, holy rancid.
When was the last time you bathed. I haven't necessarily been in that
(29:00):
position, but I mean I wasin a sorority. I've seen many frat
houses as well as like my brotherwould not allow my mother to wash his
football gloves why, or like goodluck or something that it was superstitious and
they were rancid. I there wereso many times where I'm like, can't
you just walk home? I'm like, but then they'd say the same thing
(29:25):
about my volleyball knee pads. ButI'd love them. I'd love mom.
Wassh them so weird? You guysare weird. Yeah, it's I mean,
you didn't play a sport where you'vegot to be superstitious. I mean
there are people who are superstitious.I think it dance, but maybe I
didn't pay attention for I feel likeit's it depends. Yeah, I'm sure.
Well. The next one is alsoby our favorite William Josephus Robinson.
(29:48):
This man we need to get hisbook and just have it as a coffee
table for real, because there's somany, so much good advice in this
thing. He's got more advice onhow to make sure your man doesn't cheat
on you. Oh perfect, don'tclean to much? Or you'll cheat on
you. Men like a clean house, but fussing about all the time upsetting
the house in order to keep itclean. We'll drive a man from the
(30:11):
house elsewhere. How because if you'relike, stop putting your jink on my
coffee table, stop bringing your shoesover here. If you're that kind of
nagging while you're cleaning, he's goingto run a light sleep with someone else.
Mhm okay. And then if you'reunhappy with your sex life, just
(30:33):
grin and bear it from William Josephus. Also, oh my gosh, I
really need his booke now if youare one of those frigid or sexually.
Oh, it's the one I wasreading before. Yeah, it's the same
one that they had a different titleon it. William Josephus. Yeah,
let's go, and Josephus is joseph Us. What's the book called?
(30:57):
It just says married life and happylet's read. Oh, you can still
get the book. There's a linkto it. Hell yeah, and let's
see. Oh it's on Google Books, so it's been scanned in. Oh,
(31:18):
here's here's one I clipped on thebook. Some knowledge about children before
getting married. The prospective bride andmother should read some books or take some
special courses on how to bring upchildren. Every mother should know what to
do in an emergency, such asburns, cramps, convulsions, etc.
In short, every mother should havean idea about first aid so that she
(31:40):
can do something for the child beforethe doctor arrives. The mother's ignorance of
what to do in an emergency hasbeen the first step in the breaking up
of a home more than once.So if you're essentially not a CNA,
yeah, I was a CNA,and I'm Askett opened hood because of it.
(32:05):
Oh my gosh, this man's book. Okay did he change his name?
Why? Wait? What it's WilliamJosephus Robinson. Oh, William J.
Robinson. Okay, yeah, Ifound him. I found I think
the whole book. I'm just lookingat some of the contents. Oh,
here you go. This is fromModern Bride from nineteen fifty two. Oh,
(32:30):
okay, get along with kids andold people. Avoid poets and musicians.
Oh. Similarly, girls who willbe happy in marriage enjoy teaching children,
and have a fondness for old people. They are not strong admirers of
musicians and poets, though they maylike good music or poetry. They believe
mates should be virgins at marriage andfaithful thereafter. So apparently poets and musicians
(32:53):
are gonna make it unfaithful interesting ascandalous woman. You who wonder why it's
him. I'm really confused about WilliamJoseph as Robertson. If you're still out
there and you listen to podcast andneed some answers, I mean, I
(33:14):
haven't read that area. But marriedLife and Happiness or love and Comfort in
marriage, right, I love you. Scroll down It talks about the contents
within the book, and I justwant to know why all of a sudden
it starts to treatment of red nose, treatment of exeema, treatment of ringworm,
(33:36):
treatment of psoriasis. So he's teachingus how to treat these, treatment
of burning eyes, these health conditions. But it's married life and Happiness.
Well, yeah, because remember hereiterated that if you're going to be a
wife and a mother, you needto be able to take care of your
kids in any emergency before the housedoctor can arrive. Oh so he probably
(33:58):
has that in there as a fourone one Hey treatment of bed wedding,
that's a sign of a serial killer. Bed wedding. Yeah, there's like
a whole scale, and bed weddingis one, and liking to like things
on fire is one. Torture ofanimals as one. Like there's all of
(34:19):
these things, and so they useit when they profile like pre like older
serial killers, and they can findlike these commonalities amongst I like them.
Not the percentage of the bed wedding. We can google it. That's for
another podcast. True, that's forour just just murdered right tm T Countryliving
(34:39):
dot Com is my next article,and it's weird Victorian marriage advice, So
things like our great great grandmothers wouldhave received Darren first downplay your talents.
Victorian women didn't have careers. Buteven in special cases where they had god
given talents being an opera singer orwriting children's storybooks about the Bible, they
(35:01):
weren't considered marriage material. O'Neill explainedfor a wife to work was to declare
that her husband was incompetent and couldnot provide for his family. My husband
would disagree with that, I meanmaybe not. I haven't got goals.
We have sugar mom on like,that's my husband's goals too for me.
(35:24):
I know you guys are on linegoals Number two, get the talk from
mom on your wedding day. Whata proper Victorian lady wouldn't be expecting anything
more than a lovely snuggle on herwedding night, says O'Neill. And if
a courtship was done respectably, sheadds, a newlywed wife and husband barely
(35:45):
knew each other. The almost entirelymale marriage experts of the day were unanimous
in the belief that a mother wasdownright cruel to send her daughter off to
her nuptial bed without telling her whatawaited her, says O'Neill. They didn't
tell mothers what to say, O'Neillad, but they warned that a bride
could be traumatized if unprepared. Imean a lot of them had no idea
(36:08):
what happened. I know, butI don't want that on my wedding night.
Like the morning of the wedding,while you're getting married, Mom's like,
okay, are you ready to knowwhat's going to come? Actually,
she's button stupid. I don't knowif anyone in your do you want to
know what penis looks like? Idon't know if anyone in your family gave
the stupid thing No, I nevergot the talk No, not the talk
(36:29):
o. The Caitlin got it ata wedding party when she was young,
when it was the bed Snake thatE and I had a whole poem to
it. I think I have apicture of it, and so you can
beat his bed snake away when itwants to. Oh my, oh my
(36:51):
god. Maybe it should also belike chop the morning wood. Thank Yeah,
I've never well, I mean Ihaven't been to many parties and stuff,
so I can't say I've ever seenthat or heard of it. I'm
pretty sure I have a picture ofit somewhere that it was one of those
that I'm I was like, I'venever seen this before, and whoever gave
it to where the family laughed andwas like, oh, we've It's always
(37:15):
been a joke in the family.We get it for everyone. And I'm
like, the bedsnake bad. Thatis so awkward say that five thats beast.
I don't think I could. Allright. Number three, don't make
love purely for pleasure or fun.Doing so led to diseases like answer,
(37:35):
or at least that's what some Victorianera experts thought. These doctors very seldom
cited anything remotely connected to science fortheir beliefs. But they didn't need to,
says O'Neil. Most of the peoplewho bought their books thought being punished
by God and nature for transgressing theirdesigns made perfect sense. You're kidding,
no cancer, Yeah, so ifyou if you enjoy sex with your spouse
(37:58):
too much, you are getting cancer. I bet my great great grandmother was
told that her alopecia us due tosex. I mean maybe her mother enjoyed
sex and that's why she got alopecia. It's like a curse. Yep.
Don't make love when you're feeling absentminded. Not more. The thinking was
(38:22):
that a child conceived during a lessthan exciting encounter would itself to be dull
and absent minded. As evidence,they pointed to how many great men in
history, like da Vinci were bastards, says O'Neil. As bastards, it
was assumed they were conceived in passion, making their father seed more acute than
(38:43):
in normal situations. So the adviceabove was don't enjoy it too much.
But if you're going to enjoy it, you better be trying to make a
child so that they come out notabsent minded. I thought they were saying,
like, if you have a bastardchild, they're dumb. No,
no, no. What they're sayingis the reason why there's so many smart
men in history who are bastards isbecause these doctors believed that that when the
(39:07):
parents were having sex, they weren'tmarried, right, so that was sinful.
But they must have obviously had alot of passion and enjoyed said act,
and that's what made the father seedmore like, Hell, yeah,
we're gonna be like the smartest mothertrucker ever. I love that. So
you're not supposed to enjoy it toomuch. But also you don't enjoy it,
(39:28):
your kid's gonna come out real dumb. My sister is a bustard child,
and your oldest is a bustard chouldand so am I? Oh you
are? I was conceived before thewedding love, So it's a trend.
That's fine, Love me some goodbastard children. Number five Oh so the
first sound this episode final, right, so four was don't make love when
(39:52):
you're filling apps? Minded? Yeah. Number five is or under the influence
of alcohol. What Yeah, men, it's even more dangerous to try and
conceive if drunk, says O'Neill.That's how idiocy and numerous nervous maladies were
transferred to the child. Hey,um, you've got severe autism because your
(40:15):
parents conceived you when they were drunk, and you're just you're an idiot because
you were conceived while intoxicated. Yeahthat makes sense. I mean, I
will say drinking while pregnant the wholepregnancy would definitely cause them. Yeah,
that's different. If you go outand you're taking shots and then you go
(40:35):
home and have a wild night.I don't think your kid will come out
miss up. No, it won't. In Victorian era, yes, interesting.
I mean I guess they blame thingson other things to scare people,
right, So in this one,in the In the Victorian one, there's
(40:55):
also about not nagging your husband orasking too much of him. So nagging
like whining and kids as a sideeffect of being powerless. In a world
where a woman was at the mercyof her husband's mood and decisions, she
might find a lot to complain about, says O'Neil. But never mind all
that. American reformer William J.Reflecting on a Christian marriage, wrote during
(41:17):
the early nineteenth century that women mustnot complain, even if there's a reason
too, because the man's authority isthe consequence of the sin of your own
sex, your own female sex.Man, I really would not survive back
in the day. I don't thinka lot of women did, and I'm
sure that's why they did things tocope, like drinking legit coca cola with
(41:42):
cocaine. Hey, it's some medicinalrelief, right. Oh, here's another
reminder again, always like presentable toyour husband, even in the Victorian era
to like the nineteen thirties. It'sjust like it sounds like they could not
come up with new advices. Thesame thing is just slightly written different.
Yeah, so it reminds me ofyesterday. I had just put on pants
(42:08):
and black tank top to go getthe otie floats, and then I come
home. I was like, I'mgonna go change put on sweats and really,
guys, so you just put thaton to go out and I'm like,
fine, I'll stay on it whatever. Like the rest of the day,
I was so uncomfortable. You don'thave to get that cute to go
(42:28):
get it shape. It was justpants on a shirt. But I hate
clothes as I'm sitting here struggling tohold up my top, so my tit
doesn't come out. We just needa safety pin your top. Oh,
I brought some, but haven't gonearound to it. So in the looking
presentable, yeah, saying you alwayswant to look fashionable, but if you're
(42:50):
too fashionable, it looks like you'restraining your husband's pocketbook or appeared to be
putting on airs. I don't knowwhat that means. This included personal hygiene.
Being tidy was expected, but beingtoo clean could make others uncomfortable to
be in the presence of someone likeso like, so you need to be
clean but not too clean. Youneed to look fashionable but not too fashionable.
(43:14):
And I'm over here like I wantto look fancy as hell, but
on a beer budget. Oh andthen also, don't wear makeup interesting?
But I mean back then, Imean my grand my maternal grandmother was raised
by her father to believe that onlyladies of the night were makeup. I
could see that. Well, therewasn't many products out back then, right,
(43:37):
there was a There was a lotof makeup in the forties and fifties
when she was young, aren't Italking about Victorian era? Well, that
this one's from Victoria. But Iwas talking about like it just reminds me
of my grandma. Oh okay,but yeah, so Victorian era, there
wasn't much, No it was forme. I would think the makeup was
more like for performers, like stageperformers, right, which people always assume
(44:00):
if you were some type of performer, you also did performancing in the bid
I mean, I feel like alot of that came from like Mulan Rouge,
I think stuff. So, butin this one it says by the
same token, wives were expected tolook alluring, but not too alluring.
Nothing would humiliate a man more thanfor his wife to appear of easy virtue.
(44:20):
Makeup was discouraged. That's one morething a husband has to pay for.
But a pale, even skin tone, rosy lips, and sparkling eyes
were valued in a woman. Sothey would because I've seen things like they
would like pinch their cheeks to youknow, like get the plash to make
them pink and then bite their lipsand or even apply it like something cold
to like so interesting. Yep.Number nine, keep quiet about your husband's
(44:45):
philandering mark. If a Victorian wifelearned that her husband had been unfaithful.
The advice of the day warranted discretion, the reasoning, it's in a man's
nature to go searching for a newversion of the girl you used to be
before you bore him and my children. Michael made the comforts of his home
the envy of the neighborhood, explainsO'Neill, slided. Wives could take solace
(45:08):
in the fact that they were stillthe misses, the one he would always
have to take care of first.Says O'Neill, those were the unspoken rules
of Victorian cheating. Stop. No, hey, don't talk about it.
But your husband tried to get abetter you. I mean my bubba told
(45:29):
me, oh no that as longas they were essentially in a different area
code, who cares if they havea flame, You're not going to run
into them. Stop, But doyou guys something to say? What's your
list? Looking like? No,I think she was referring to my grandfather.
But oh my gosh. But still, but I mean, even if
(45:50):
he didn't like, there was neverlike a clear like ohit it It was
just a that was always her beliefAnd I'm sure that's how she was raised.
Right, that's so weird. Butlike if if these women are led
to believe they're not supposed to enjoyintimacy or to have like any type of
like intimate relationship with their husband otherthan to procreate, like of course,
(46:14):
they're going to also think like,oh, it's such a chore, like
please find someone else. Just makesure they don't live anywhere near us,
so we don't have to run intothem at the other than it's probably the
neighbor. But what I don't wantto understand is they're also being taught like,
don't have sex before marriage as well. Well, yeah, but most
(46:35):
men do. I don't talk aboutthe women. Oh yeah, women know.
So it's like, how did youfind somebody? Bro? You found
a wildcat? There's yeah, there'sa lot of women who did so weird.
Yeah, it's it's so contradicting,right because they just assume that men
do it before so that they knowhow to do things right. But most
(46:58):
of the time they're still doing itwith women. And you can only help
who knows. Back in the day, I'm not here to judge. I
ain't either, you do you thankyou? But maybe that's what it was.
Maybe Matt men found comfort in eachother since they weren't supposed to do
with women before marriage. Hm,I don't know. It is all interesting,
(47:23):
but yeah, so with um,your magazine's just kind of like set
me in a spiral of like allthis vintage marriage advice. Yeah, I
would not last back in the daynow, and I don't think any modern
woman would. But yeah, it'sjust yeah, it's it's interesting to see
(47:47):
how things changed. And I wonderwhen they started to change, because we
read up to fifties, yeah,and they were still similar. Yeah,
I mean, I honestly, I'msure there are a lot of people who
(48:09):
probably still think some of this stuffis true, but I think three is
the most modern women, don't.I mean even thinking like the like since
the year two thousand and now,like the last twenty three years, how
much has changed with like, youknow, women working in, men staying
at home to take care of thekids. And my brothers used to watch
(48:32):
the Talk Sex with Doctor SEUs showwhere like, oh yeah that was a
thing. Uh huh. She hada little like wooden doll figuring. She'd
used to show you when was redone was blue, and she'd show you
certain things with the starting Oh mygosh, how old was this I don't
(48:52):
know. My brothers watched it whenthey were like junior high in high school.
Well, my parents were divorced.Oh that's funny, let's see.
Yeah, But I mean we live, like I said, in a time
where there's just you, just doyou. And I think I would think
with a lot of because if thatadvice was still being given in the fifties,
(49:13):
that's when my grandparents were married andstarting to have my aunts and uncles.
Yeah, you know, so thatcould have trickled into like a lot
of our parents' generation marriage advice wheremaybe they knew that was messed up,
but also they didn't have any healthyrelationships to like lead by example, so
(49:34):
they knew they needed to do thingsdifferent, but had no examples of doing
it different. So now it's likeus being like, okay, well,
like our parents loved each other andhad like but on the flip side,
like neither sets of my grandparents gavemy parents any advice on sex, like
or any Like my mom got pregnantat like eighteen as well, kicked out
(50:00):
of the house at eighteen, soI know her parents didn't give her any
advice. And then my dad grewup in a very strong religious household with
the eldiesh Churage. Yeah. Yeah, and I mean my mom was too,
(50:21):
but yeah, I was at leastat least I had those conversations with
my parents, you know what Imean, And they had told me even
though their marriage didn't last, theystill have the same sound advice. And
yes, find somebody that intimately youare compatible with, that you have attraction
to. All of that is important, but you need more than just that.
(50:43):
You need someone you can have aconversation with someone, You can go
on adventures with someone that like,as you get old and you can't have
the intimacy as much anymore, theycan still enjoy each other's company. That
it should be more than that.But like I guarantee you, my parents
weren't like all about enjoying the intimacy. It was just a hey, should
(51:04):
we make it another kid? Ohmy god, absolutely, I mean that's
what they make it sound like.I could be wrong, and I hope
to God I'm wrong. Who knows, but I feel like for those who
are listening, I felt like alot of these advices coincide with is that
the right word? Yeah, itdepends on the rest of your sentence.
(51:28):
Coincides that the only ast church faithand teachings. Well, I think it
back in the day, I wasgonna, well, I'm gonna like i'd
said earlier, late nineties. Yeah, well, I mean we had the
um purity culture that we grew upwith right where it was abstinence until marriage
and the whole Like hold this flowerin your hand, now crinkle it and
(51:51):
then open your hand, try tostraighten it out. Can you make the
flower look the way it did before? No, so I can give yourself
away. Oh I never did it, but I had friends who that was
a thing. Oh gosh, butI'm but earlier when I had said,
you know, most are you know, one hundred plus years ago, you
could only get married by a religiousfigure because they were the only ones.
(52:14):
Because marriage was in the eyes ofGod. So that's why you needed a
priest or you know, pastor,pastor, a bishop, you know,
the earliest faith whoever to marry you, so that it was not only legal
by state, but legal by theeyes of God. But a lot of
this advice is very religious, nomatter what that religion is, because for
(52:37):
me, in my perception of religion, women are always meant to be subservient
to men. That men are thehead of the household, they're the ones
to make all the decisions. Butit was the female who was expected to
run the whole house. Like,even though they're running it and know the
ins and outs and everything, theyweren't allowed to make those decisions. Yeah,
(52:58):
even though they were running it,they had to be like submissive in
a way, like, yeah,oh, even though I'm running it,
it's his idea. Yeah, AndI got to stay home with my eight
children, yeah, and stay soberawful out numbered. Way too many times
(53:21):
I couldn't. And that's why alot of the older siblings would help raise
the younger siblings, because I know, I think about like Octo Mom,
Y're all the same mage, butshe had older kids before she had all
those babies. I think Shelley hadlike one or two or something. I
don't know, but still there wereolder ones. I don't think they were
much older, though I don't know. I don't really look at us too
much. But yeahso vintage marriage andjust happiness of marriage advice, and I'm
(53:50):
really glad that things have modernist yep, and that we allow all couples to
be in love with whomever. Yep, they need to be as long as
they are adults who are consenting,as well as you can speak your own
mind and be yourself and do whateveryou want. Yes, don't let somebody
else tell you you can't. Yeah, so I just yeah, it's it's
(54:15):
mind boggling. But these vintage magazinesare really fun to look out. Like
you said, the ads were reallycool. The articles made us cackle a
little bit. One of them haddifferent stories for women, like essentially smut
books. Yeah in there. Ihaven't read them because the print in these
things, my god, whose ownvision is good enough? Gosh eight they
(54:36):
are i'd say, slightly bigger thana normal magazine nowadays. But yet the
amount of words on one page,it sends my ADHD and anxiety off the
charts. I don't even think youcould actually read it. Oh, I
would be there like I can't finishthis and I'm only like one paragraph in
hell, no, I'm not surprisedyou got a paragraph. And to be
(54:59):
honest, well, I mean someof these paragraphs are tiny. You even
too much? That's true. Well, is there anything you want to end
with? I don't think so.Okay, Well, like Cass and I
said, we'll have all of thelinks in the show notes. If you
have any other ideas, please besure to email them to us at our
new email, which is everybody podat via dash bridle dot com. Oh
(55:21):
and yeah, we look forward tohearing from you guys, and just remember
that everybody is a Bridle body.See you later, goodbye and
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!