June 15, 2023 • 47 mins
Happy Pride Month to our favorite Nearlyweds! 🏳️🌈
On this weeks episode, Tash and Kass wanted to share some great insights on planning a wedding if you identify with the LGBTQIA+ community. We know it can be challenging to know where to go for vendors, how to choose which side pays for what, as well as many other traditional wedding aspects that maybe you as a couple don't identify with or know how to navigate.
Plus, Tash found a great article that gives a few updated options for more gender neutral wedding terms if you don't see yourself as a bride or a groom! We are all about love, support and learning when it comes to our LGBTQIA+ friends!
Thank you to all of our listeners who have been supporting us on this fun journey of podcasting!
Links for this episode:
https://junebugweddings.com/wedding-blog/read-this-planning-lgbtq-wedding/
https://www.theknot.com/content/alternative-wedding-titles-equally-wed#:~:text=Marrier,person%20engaged%20to%20be%20married
Links to us:
Rainbow Wedding Network: https://www.rainbowweddingnetwork.com/formal-wear-apparel/ut/south%20jordan/versailles-atelier-bridal
Website: https://www.va-bridal.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/versailles_atelier_bridal/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vabridal
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@versaillesatelierbridal?
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/VA_Bridal/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBJqW5cox4z0GqgE9vwRAZA
Have questions or episode ideas? Email us at everybodypod@va-bridal.com
On this weeks episode, Tash and Kass wanted to share some great insights on planning a wedding if you identify with the LGBTQIA+ community. We know it can be challenging to know where to go for vendors, how to choose which side pays for what, as well as many other traditional wedding aspects that maybe you as a couple don't identify with or know how to navigate.
Plus, Tash found a great article that gives a few updated options for more gender neutral wedding terms if you don't see yourself as a bride or a groom! We are all about love, support and learning when it comes to our LGBTQIA+ friends!
Thank you to all of our listeners who have been supporting us on this fun journey of podcasting!
Links for this episode:
https://junebugweddings.com/wedding-blog/read-this-planning-lgbtq-wedding/
https://www.theknot.com/content/alternative-wedding-titles-equally-wed#:~:text=Marrier,person%20engaged%20to%20be%20married
Links to us:
Rainbow Wedding Network: https://www.rainbowweddingnetwork.com/formal-wear-apparel/ut/south%20jordan/versailles-atelier-bridal
Website: https://www.va-bridal.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/versailles_atelier_bridal/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vabridal
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@versaillesatelierbridal?
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/VA_Bridal/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBJqW5cox4z0GqgE9vwRAZA
Have questions or episode ideas? Email us at everybodypod@va-bridal.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:16):
Happy Pride Month. WHOA that wasnot enthusiastic at all. Try again,
please Happy Pride Month. You knowhow my days? Do you want to
tell the people? Why why you'reso upset in Pride Month? Whereen?
I've got my rainbow nails. Guys, I've cried like four times today,
(00:40):
and I've been a great friend toher by laughing laughing at me as I'm
crying. The day that we wererecording this is the day that Matt rives
problematic tour tickets We're going on sale. We're supposed to these tickets sold out
(01:00):
before they went on sale. Itshureted. I have been dying to see
him. Haines is never in Utah. This is my one chance and everywhere
is sold out. I just wantto know who there had to have been
someone who approchased every single ticket orjust leaked the promotion code to some people
(01:25):
that do this like it's a joke. Yeah. So she's been in a
mood today. I've cried, I'veraged, You've screamed, You've depressingly looked
at me with the sad Bobby dog. Because I have never seen her this
(01:46):
sad in my in the three yearswe've known each other. I've seen her
sad on some days, but usuallyI know how to fix it. This
is one of those days where Ican't do anything right, So why try?
Yeah, Like I said, we'lljust find out where he's saying,
what he's doing downtown. Let meget arrested. Well, I just all
(02:07):
of a sudden appear on his tourbus. It's fine. Don't listen to
this, Matt Rife, please.I doubt Matt Rife is listening to everybody's
The Bridal Body podcast. You neverknow. All right, Well, our
beautiful beauties, we are going totake this time to do an episode.
(02:28):
With it being the month of Juneand Pride month, we wanted to make
sure we took some time to helpour couples out there, our same sex
couples, and give them some greatinformation, some great resources to planning your
wedding, because even though you arehaving a celebration like normal heterosexual couples,
(02:49):
the process of planning is a littlebit different, just because the quote unquote
traditional aspects of planning, like thebride side does this, groom side does
that kind of goes out the window. Yeah, which in modern day,
I feel like that's already happening,but a little more so for our diverse
couples out there. Yeah. Andthen besides, so I found but real
(03:14):
quick, I'll say I found ajunebug Weddings dot com article on everything you
need to know if you're planning asame sex wedding, so that link will
be in the show notes as wellas the nott dot com has a wonderful
article on a glossary of gender neutraltitles and inclusive wedding terms. Oh I
love that because I was on Ithink it was somebody's Instagram. I think
(03:36):
it was Wedding Pro and they hadsomebody within the LGBTQ I A plus community
who is saying one thing you canreally do this month is make sure that
those normal traditional words are out thewindow, like brighton groom, his and
hers like yeah, and this personhas a bunch of different videos on those
(04:00):
pronouns that you can change it too, and all this stuff. Yeah.
Yeah, because I know we've hadthose conversations to not always talk about brides
but do like bridle or wedding orengaged, like try to keep sort of
more natural. But I'm glad thatthere's an article that gives a little bit
of guidance. Whether people identify withthis or not, at least it's a
(04:20):
starting point to kind of help educateus in how to be more inclusive for
our couples out there who are traditionalbride and groom couples. Right. Yeah,
And we recently I've got the articleup of the recent one. I
don't know if you guys follow fashion, celebrity news all of that fun stuff,
but we recently had Beanie Feldstein andBonnie Chance Roberts get married in the
(04:45):
cutest summer camp themed wedding. Ohyeah, their wedding was adorable, so
cute, and she worked Gucci,Like, yeah, I wish oh me
too. I wouldn't be part ofthe House of Gucci. I just want
to be hard of any designers askproduct if you listener, Oh god,
I would cry. Could you imaginebeing those girls on TikTok They're like,
oh my god, prodest let mepackage. Can you believe this is for
(05:08):
me? Showed up to the oneI was pissed off about the other day
was the dr packager. She's like, I showed up in. This is
just on my doorstat Like, isthis a Joe? I've been messaging everybody
at d or to make sure thatthis was meant for me. I'm like,
how the I w why do youhave their contacts? Like, if
(05:28):
you have their contacts, they're mostlikely meant to send this to you.
I love that. I mean,yeah, it's great. So one day,
one day we'll get stuff like that, Cast and we'll get and we
won't be buying the pro do outon a canal street in New York.
My designer Pillsbury, Yep, exactly, all right, kay, So we're
(05:53):
gonna jump into this episode. So, like I said, I'm gonna start
off with the junebug Weddings dot Comarticle on everything you need to know if
you're planning a same sex wedding.So as I kind of was saying to
Cast, planning a wedding, nomatter what is a lot I'm going through
right now. Yes, you area girl, and it can be a
(06:14):
lot because there's so much uncertainty inmodern day on which side of family pays
for what, who is responsible forwhat. Sometimes you still feel forced to
invite a certain amount of people,you feel obligated to do all of these
traditional things. Well, as weknow, in the year of twenty twenty
three, a lot of old worldtraditions are adapting, changing or being thrown
(06:39):
out the window, depending on youas a person and the lifestyle you live.
Yeah, but when it does cometo our LGBTQIA plus community, as
you are planning your wedding, itmay look different than the traditional couples that
we see all the time. Soin this article as it's going through everything,
(07:01):
first of all, when you goto it, the imagery of these
couples are all stunning, Like theseweddings were beautiful for real, So you're
gonna fall in love with that.Well, I don't mean to cut you
off. I don't know if wementioned this. Look, we are one
of the only bridle shops, secondone. We were the first a part
of the Rainbow Wedding Network. Ithink we're the only one now. The
(07:21):
last time I got on, theremay be another store I love that I'll
have to see. But yeah,we are a part of Rainbow Wedding Networks.
So we will also put that linkin the show notes so you can
kind of see our profile. Idid update it last year with newer imagery
and our everybody's a bridal body andeverything, and we have had more couples
recently who are same sex couples ortrans couples or anything like that, who
(07:43):
are shopping with us. None oftheir weddings have happened yet, so we
have limited photos right now. Butas we get more of that imagery and
we create more photoshoots that have thediversity of couples, we will be sure
to share all that. So hopefullyour listeners and our followers have the ability
to see someone who represents them absolutelyeven though we may not identify it,
(08:07):
but anybody with any identification, anyethnicity, we are allies. We make
sure to make that our space assafe space. Absolutely all are welcome here,
all are praised, all are loved, all are accepted. So no,
we are here for you. Soback to our article, it does
(08:28):
start out with like I was mentioningpaying for the wedding. So with any
of our couples, we always suggestsitting down and talking about your budget.
So no matter what type of coupleyou are, if you have close family
like parents, grandparents and uncles,anybody who is your support system, they
obviously there's no obligation for any familyto help pay, but have those conversations.
(08:52):
Plan us sit down dinner, alittle get together and have those conversations
with them of we're not expecting help, but we would just love to know
if there's anything you'd like to contribute, just so that we can plan our
budgets. Yeah, so don't don'tworry. I mean, sometimes our same
sex couples or anyone in the LGBTQIAplus community that is getting married, they
(09:16):
have parents that are still very traditional, and so the parents may struggle knowing
how to you know, separate whopays for what, So ask them what
would you like to help with?Would it be better if you just gave
us a lump sum and said hereuses towards your planning. Maybe you know
(09:39):
your mom is all about flowers,so let her help be involved with florals.
You know, maybe dad loves photography. Let's see if they want to
be involved in that. So seeif there's an area that like family or
whoever has an interest, or justsee if maybe they would prefer to give
a lump su um. But justknow that there's not going to be that
(10:05):
black and white clear line of whodoes what which. That has gone out
the window. Yeah, it reallyhas. And it's I've got very traditional
and laws. Maybe I don't they'renot necessarily traditional, but they just have
their own personalities. Yeah, they'rethey're different from i'd say now. But
(10:30):
they flat out told um Riley that, well, the bride's family pays for
it all, like that's what thebride's family does. It's or yeah,
yeah, like all this and Imean yes, but you know what that
tradition was around when the woman wasproperty owned by her father and then her
(10:52):
husband and a dowry was given,so it was like a legal contract.
So the dowry covered that crowd.I can't stand that. I'm more might
probably like half a cow. Iwas gonna say half a million, but
I thought that you're going with moneynow the Cawn film today, if we
(11:13):
would have recorded this a different day, it probably would have said like twelve
cows, half a cow, halfa cow. Today. Well, as
Cass had mentioned, with us beinga part of the Rainbow Wedding Network,
there are a lot of lgbtq IA plus community sites to help those couples
(11:35):
find vendors that are allies, thatare support systems that would absolutely love to
have them a part of their journey. So know that those resources are out
there and you can use those toolsto find companies who are open to helping
anyone who is getting married as wellas you know, some places want to
(12:00):
help these couples. Yeah, butthey haven't had an opportunity of these couples.
So and you know, even justask word of mouth. You know,
one thing that I love about thiscommunity is they are so supportive and
loving of each other that they areprobably some of the best resources to ask
what vendors they've used and everything.So and there's a lot of community support.
(12:24):
So yeah, so I would hope. I know that even just for
me, like trying to find vendors, I just get so scared of how
they're going to be, so Ican't even imagine what it would be like.
Yeah. Well, in I remembermy sister in law on my husband's
side, Chelse, was telling methat when she was looking for venues for
(12:48):
her in Kylie's wedding, she wouldsay, Hi, I'm Chelsea and my
fiance Kylie and I are looking fora wedding venue. Do you have these
states available? Like just very generic? Well, for the most part,
most people know Kylie to be afemale name and not a male name.
Yeah, So there was a lotof places I think that made assumptions they
were a same sex couple, andthere was a lot that didn't even respond
(13:09):
to chells that's so sad. Andthen they were just when they go to
these walk throughs, they're like,oh, I thought, and she's like,
yeah, no, he's a dude. So then she just started putting
his initials of like in it,for like, he goes by Katie because
his middle name is Thomas, butlike would use different things. And then
it was fine, but for awhile she's like, why is no one
(13:31):
responding, which I just found terriblein the first place. Yeah, whether
you're making an assumption or not.But it was just one of those that
it was kind of a eye openingthing. And I know our state has
been known to kind of fall withinthe bad demeanor. Yeah, just they
(13:54):
don't have good, good bedside manners, like they weren't taught maybe how to
respond in a situation that feel uncomfortablein which you know, it's like I
love to say this, and youknow, it's it's really easy to respond
and say thank you, but nothank you or you know, unfortunately we're
booked out or you know, whathave you. But it was it was
(14:18):
an interesting hearing from her point ofview, how wedding planning was because I
was fortunate I didn't have to thinkof anything other than, hey, my
future husband and I are looking forstuff and things being fine. So but
some of the other things in theJune Bug Weddings article that they suggest is
(14:39):
kind of how to choose your weddingparty, your guest list, you know,
kind of the bachelor bachelorette parties.So going back to wedding party,
they say, you know, don'tfret over separating your friends and family by
gender on either side of the altar. So many people now are doing mixed
lines, you know what I meanthat it's not just like the bride having
(15:01):
girls in the groom having guys,like it's a mixture of the most important
people to them. Yeah. Iknow for me, there was like that
would have been for me if somerelationships didn't go elsewhere. But I loved
that idea, Like I love,yeah, having the mixed lines. Yeah,
(15:22):
And I think it's great because youknow, I feel like historically within
friends, I knew there's a lotof my girlfriends that their best friends were
guys. But it was, youknow, weird to have the guy friend
in the girl lineup, so theguy friend was in the groom's lineup even
(15:43):
though they weren't a friend of thegroom or what have you. So so
they just reiterate, you know,don't feel stressed about trying to separate your
friends and family based on a brideside, a groom side, or you
know, as we get to thenext article that goes over those gender neutral
terms for people getting married, thatyou're just choosing people that you love and
(16:07):
who are supportive of the marriage andrelationship you're going into, and those are
the people you should have up therewith you as well as on your guest
list. You know, don't feelthat obligation that so many other people feel
in having to invite everyone, becausethat's the courteous thing to do. I
think that's one of the biggest thingsthat drives me crazy about this industry is
(16:30):
the process that it is selfish ofyou to think that it's not okay to
invite so and so because what ifthey're upset, Okay, well then let
them be upset. This is nottheir life, this is mine. Oh,
my mother and I had to talkabout this the other day. I
(16:51):
had even about my wedding. Oh, it's about my brother and his girlfriends
my soon hopefully soon to be Idon't know when they're thing to be married,
but his girlfriend, she just hasn'treally liked one of the people that
(17:11):
married a childhood friend of ours thatI mean, he doesn't even recognize who
we are. But we went tohis wedding and everything, and my mom
says that, like, they haveto invite them to the wedding even though
Jade doesn't like her but doesn't evenknow them. And I was like,
(17:37):
Mom, if she didn't like shedoesn't even know them, and she's like
so, and I'm like, it'snot your wedding. Yeah, I'm like,
back down. Yeah. So hopefullyas a unified whole, we can
help change that dynamic, because listen, the only people who can afford to
(17:59):
invite every bunny are the people whohave endless and copious amounts of cash that
it is a production anyways, absolutely, or the average person that is not
a thing. So you know what, to all of our couples or anyone
who is listening that is hoping tomarry someday or is in the process or
wherever you are in the stage,no, it's okay to say no.
(18:25):
Yeah, like no is a completesentence. No means no, Like I
tell my children all the time.If somebody says no or stop, that
means no, and you stop,does it? You know there's people who
might disagree with me in the worldI live in. Yes, that is
what it means. So but sogoing back to this article for bachelor and
(18:52):
bachelorette parties, one thing they suggestis, you know, you don't have
to necessarily do the separate part parties. You could still throw like an individual
party if you want, where likeyour future spouse isn't invited. But there's
a lot of people who are doingbig joint parties like renting the airbnb's going
(19:17):
you know, maybe to the barstogether or something at their house if they
own a home, like just invitingthe friends over to celebrate. But I
feel I feel like social media iskind of overly glamorized these bachelor parties because
I can tell you right now,I have never gone to a cool bachelorette
party in my life. They areprobably some of the most non exciting things.
(19:42):
And maybe it's the state we livein and a lot of my friends
got married super young, so likewe couldn't go out to bars right,
but mine was also nothing great.So I mean I've only been to one
and good lord, it was ashit show. I feel like all of
(20:03):
them are. I mean, yourstakes the case. Yeah, I don't
know about so. But another thingthat I think is great to remind anyone
who is a part of the LGBTQIAplus community is that there are wedding day
traditions and if they don't resonate,you don't have to do them. Or
(20:29):
if you like the concept of thetradition but you want to mold it to
what feels right for you, that'stotally fine and you're allowed to do that.
So they suggest in here with likewalking down the aisle, that you
could walk down the aisle together,like don't have a parent give you away,
quote unquote, but like walk downthe aisle together in a unified like
(20:52):
this is about us and only us, and we are choosing each other rather
than being given away to someone.So you can kind of do that,
or you could still be escorted bylike anyone in the family that you're close
to, whether it's your father oryour mother, a sibling, maybe a
close friend and aunt, whomever,Like you could choose somebody else another thing
(21:15):
that we know a lot of coupleshere like to do our first looks or
bridle photos. Meaning yeah, well, some people call him groomls. What
haven't you ever heard that word?No groommels, I've been informed groomels means
that the groom is going to beat the bridal photos to do a first
look. Then, But if it'sbridle, it's just the bride. But
(21:40):
sometimes people say bridles for even thegroom. Beit interesting. Yeah, I'm
surprised you haven't heard that at work. Most people call it bridles here and
outside of the state. Bridles arenot a thing, true. So,
but if you want to do thatfirst look, you can still do the
intimate one on one before you're youknow, whist away into the chaos of
(22:03):
the wedding day, because wedding daysare complete and utter chaos. But you
can still have like, you canstill do that Like it's not specific to
a type of couple. It's justa hey, have this moment where you
two get to be alone in seeingeach other before the craziness ensues. Yeah,
just because you're not following what peopleclaim is the typical or traditional doesn't
(22:30):
mean that you don't have to changeyour ways. Yeah, if you've always
had that idea of the father daughterdance or mother's son dance, like,
still do it with your parents,absolutely, do both, absolutely, Like,
yeah, dance with both your parents. I mean I had both of
my parents walk me down the aisle, you know, and it's and I've
(22:55):
even had people who have walked themselvesdown the aisle without anyone, And I
mean, then you don't have toworry about holding on to people and making
sure that you're bouquet is actually properlyplaced. But that's me. Yeah,
tell me that you have ADHD inOCD. But this part I personally also
(23:19):
resonated with was the ceremony itself,because I was baptized as Eastern Orthodox,
which is a Christian religion. Soit's just, you know, an off
shoot of the Catholic Church. Butyou didn't hear that from me, because
I'm going to be reminded the oppositefrom my father that apparently it's the older
(23:42):
or this I don't know, butanyway, so we'll even get in minded
that the Mormon Church is not apart of that. But it's fine,
it's fine. So I was raisedsort of in that way where it was
just Christmas Easter funeral type of churchservices. Sean had the kind the same
thing with the Catholic church upbringing whereyeah, you know, same type of
(24:03):
situations. Neither one of us though, are very religious. We each have
our own spiritual beliefs, but notlike super defined to a religion. Right,
But when you think of a ceremony, there's always usually a religious figure
of some sort who is giving theceremony, you know, reading of what
you're about to promise, and thenyou extend voles kind of do which is
(24:26):
so funny because what was it lastepisode episode before that I learned that like
for me, it's never been areligious thing, which is yeah, for
me, it is so interesting becauseit's I mean historically that's what it is.
It's right, you know, kindof a deal. And so anyways,
they talk about here for the LGBTQIAplus couples, how to write your
(24:52):
ceremony reading that is personal to you, but maybe encompasses if you have a
spiritual belief, some still have religiousbelief you know what I mean, So
finding ways to adapt it to matchyou as a couple, but not filling
the confines of maybe the beliefs thatyou don't have anymore or never really had,
(25:15):
right, but they have some goodlinks in this article on how to
write a gender neutral wedding ceremony scriptidea or non religious love it. And
so I know, for Sean andI the religion one it was an interesting
thing. So we had asked hiscousin, who we dubbed the rev.
That was her nickname for like ever, to get ordained, and she did,
(25:37):
and whatever sight she'd gotten ordained withhad really good like short mini lessons
to kind of teach how to writethese scripts because they said, hey,
essentially like, hey, if youare getting ordained to marry people, they
probably don't want religion because like,if you are affiliated with the church and
you can go through their teachings tobe an efficient for the church and marry
(26:00):
them under, it would be morewhat that person would look for. So
we probably spent months writing this becauseshe took bits and pieces and she's like,
hey, here is a full blowntraditional what I can find on the
internet. Sean and I each wentthrough and read it and we made our
(26:22):
own notes, and then she foundways to ask us certain questions and beliefs
and whatever, and so we kindof answered all these questions, and she
took time to like really write itout and planet so that it still brought
in the spiritual spirituality that we hadwithout defining to like a god or anything
(26:45):
like that, because that didn't reallyI really didn't want it. You know.
At the time, Sean was alittle bit more closer to like religious
than spiritual, But now after somany years together and us being parents,
were kind of more exploring a broaderpicture of what it is. Was at
a very religious school, yes hewas. He went to a Catholic high
(27:07):
school. But I think the onething that took me by surprise that his
cousin Jen asked me was we werekind of going over notes. We were
having wine and we were talking becauseshe was living with Sean's parents at the
time while she was here for work, and she had asked me and she's
like, okay, well, afteryou guys kiss at the end, how
(27:30):
do you want me to introduce you? And I was like, what do
you mean, how do you wantme to what do you mean? And
she's like, do you want meto say mister and missus? Yeah,
Like she's like, do you wantit to be the traditional mister and missus
Sean Boyle, or do you wantjust mister and missus Boyle or do you
want me just to say Sean andTosh or And I sat there and I
was like, I never realized Ihad a choice in what was said because
(27:53):
I never really thought like, notthat I felt like I couldn't let just
never something I thought of. Sofor any of the couples that are listening
to this episode, you know,make sure you have that conversation with whomever's
marrying you, like if you wantthem to announce like now introducing you two
as a couple, because you knowa lot of these couples are deciding do
(28:17):
they keep their own last names,do they take somebody else's name, do
they create a new last name thatis unique for both of them, whatever
the case may be. But that'sanother conversation that like I myself never thought
of, But well, I knowit meant a lot for me when I
was in a friend's wedding who theyone of them was transgender, and it
(28:41):
meant so much. Even though theperson that was their efficient new Frankie for
so long and was basically kind oflike an aunt to him, it meant
so much that she asked how theywant to be announced and stuff? Oh,
which is yeah, which is reallynice, you know what I mean.
(29:02):
So don't in essence, if somebodydoesn't ask these questions, inform them
in how you feel. Yeah,because you know, we try to make
sure that if we have, youknow, variations of people coming through our
doors, that I especially if it'spretty easy for us to tell, like
(29:25):
for the most part, because we'vehad conversation ahead of time on these couples,
which we always try to do becausewe want to know who is coming
here to shop before they come,We'll make sure that we are listening to
the information they're giving and then knowing, okay, we should make sure we
know how they identify so that aswe are talking to them. I am
(29:47):
so not necessarily brainwashed, but likemy brain's been molded that like I call
everybody honey, sweetie, sweetheart,love. It's just people do it.
Yeah, it's just ingrained in me. Yeah, And it's a their term
of endearment for me, and justin a way just to be very soft
and sweet and be very motherly orlike an ant or whatever you need.
(30:11):
But I want to make sure thatif I ever say those things, nobody
feels uncomfortable and like I'm not likeI didn't mean it in any sort of
way. So we try to makesure that we've because I know some people
can get really offended. I wouldhope that somebody would just inform me.
Yeah, and then we could say, that's so great to know. I
appreciate the feedback. I will makesure I take that and be more cognizant
(30:36):
in the future. Yeah, youknow so, but with a lot of
us vendors being very open and supportiveof all people getting married, if we
don't feel as informed as you wouldhope, please feel free to let us
know. Like we love getting feedback, so just feedback anything. Yeah,
(31:00):
So that's what we're here to do. We're here to support all and everyone
because everyone deserves to be in loveand to have this special moment to celebrate
their union. So yeah, we'llmake sure that the Stumbug Weddings is in
there because it has a lot ofextra external links for like wedding planning.
It's got a great breakdown. LikeI said, the imagery is beautiful in
(31:21):
it. But before we end theepisode, I will jump into the next
article from the not and it's aglossary of gender neutral titles and inclusive wedding
terms, which I am excited tosee because I know in recent like educational
things we've done through Whippa, they'vedone a lot to say, you know,
(31:45):
how to make sure that if youare saying you are a place of
diversity and supportive of others, thatyou do mix that in with like your
norm so like, you know,don't not appeal to the couples around you,
but make sure you you throw inthe inclusiveness with these other types of
couples. And they talked about thatwording of like, you know, don't
(32:07):
always use bride and groom, notthat people don't identify with bride and groom
because they do, or mister andmister and missus whatever, but try to
throw in others, you know,in terms which I can only hope most
vendors are able to incorporate that.Yeah, and I mean there are some
yeah, And I know it's apersonal choice and whether people agree with the
(32:31):
choice or not, we do havethe ability to make those choices. But
I was so raised to just bea giant heart until love people that the
thought of not loving people like justdoes not make sense. In my brain,
like I just I can't get pastit. Oh, I'm the same
way. And then even my wholelife being told I have this motherly figure
(32:57):
and just essence to how I takecare of people and everything. I don't
get or understand that, Like becausewhen working medical you do see those nurses
that have very religious faiths and justrerebugged by some things. But for me,
I'm like, we're here to helpeverybody, We're here to love everybody,
(33:21):
and I don't know how some peoplecan just easily cut it off.
Yeah, I don't know. Imean, there are definitely humans on this
planet that I can genuinely understand,not giving an F four, but they
are people who have done horrific thingsto other people. Oh yeah, and
I feel like that's the clear line, you know what I mean. Laurie
(33:43):
Vallen, that's for another podcast,Cassidy. Sorry, that's something coming to
my mouth. Something happened that wasweird. So here on then dot com
article, I'm just going to gothrough and read the terms and the descriptions
that they've written, so the linkwill be there so you guys can read
(34:07):
it yourselves. But it starts withcelebrant and A celebrant is an inclusive term
for a person engaged to be married. These people are the whole reason you're
celebrating, so call them the celebrantsis an apt title. Oh, instead
of like fiance. Okay, so, so, depending on how people identifying
(34:29):
their everyday life on any type ofgender term, this can be a really
great weight and more of a broadway to talk about these celebrants. So
instead of yeah, the fiance,so just another word love. The next
one is a merrier. If you'relooking for a non binary term for a
bride, marrier is the way togo. Like celebrant, this is a
(34:51):
word you can use to describe aperson engaged to be married. Okay,
and I thought marrier was cute.Yeah, I do like that one.
And then this one's also I mean, of these are pretty cute. So
this one is nearly weed. OhI love that. Like marrier and celebrant,
this is another synonym for an engagedperson set to be married. People
may also choose to combine the wordsbride and groom to form either broom or
(35:15):
or gride gride. I almost saidgrid, and I was like, no,
it's not grid, it's gride.I love the nearlywed. Yeah,
it is cute, So it's justanother option for like gender neutral wedding titles.
But newlywed is as simple to thepoint way of communicating someone's engagement in
a way that's easy to understand forpeople who may not have heard some of
(35:35):
the more unique wedding titles. Sonewlywed means they're already married. Nearly wed
means they're to be married. Soare you enjoying your snacks? Absolutely meeting
the true true frozen raspberries and thewhite and dark chocolate. Those are my
favorite already the whole doggration myself.Cass is just starting her as Mr.
(36:00):
No, I'm trying to pull themicroway from my mouth so that doesn't happen.
So the next one is to bewed. If newlywed, merrier and
celebrant aren't quite what the gender neutralterm you're looking for, this one also
has another way to communicate it aboutbeing engaged or being ready to be married,
(36:20):
so you could just say you're tobe wed, like, don't decline
individual, just you as a unit. The next one is wedding suite as
a replacement for the term bridal suite. This is the room in the venue
where the wedding party can get ready. So they just said it's a great
way for venues to kind of fulfillfor their various couples, saying like,
(36:45):
here are the wedding suits where youcan get ready, so each couple can
have their own suite for the purposeof getting ready. So yeah, I
feel like that's kind of a greatway to describe it because somebody's getting down
outside. Okay, we got someoneserenading us at our front doors, damn.
(37:09):
So and then for us, theysuggested using wedding gown that a dress
or gown worn on the wedding day. Similarly, wedding dress boutique is a
great swap for bridal boutique, sopeople don't identify with bridle. You can
just say wedding gown boutique or weddinggown store to just talk about the item
itself instead of defining. For Ifeel like we used that. I try
(37:32):
to change wedding dress wedding gown.Yeah, and I know a lot of
people say bridle shops, so Iknow, like in hashtags, I'll use
bridle shop a lot because it issomething people google. Yeah, I'm but
there are a lot of people.Yeah. There are a lot of people
though who use like wedding dress boutiquethat I've seen. So they're just saying,
(37:52):
if you want to kind of diversifya little bit, like in our
close world, that's a way todo it. Um to do a wedding
shower in lieu of a bridle shower, and it could be like a combined
party, which I love. Theother day I couldn't is it gender specific
(38:12):
with the showers? I can't rememberwed so in the way they were talking
about a baby shower and He's like, guys don't go to that, and
I was like, no, Ithink you can. So it depends on
how you were raised. I mean, I grew up in a world where
men did not go to a bridleshower or to a baby shower. That
was a woman's thing. Okay,Sean and I both think that's stupid.
(38:36):
Yeah, So, like I didhave a bridle shower because someone in my
life was adamant I was going tohave one, so I had one.
But like I've mentioned before, Ihate the stupid games that you play at
bridle showers or in this case,a wedding shower as well as a baby
shower. Nobody really gives two ships. They just want food and drink,
(39:00):
at least in my world for real, that's all food, drinks and hand
the gifts exactly. That's all youneed. Yeah, so I don't try
to guess the belly I measurement.I hate all of those games. But
I'm but yeah, we so Idid a bridal shower to appease people in
(39:21):
my life. I'm but I lovemore of the wedding shower concept, like
it's already about Like the wedding isabout the two of you. Invite people
over. If you have registry items, let people either give money towards it
or buy things for you. Side. No, if somebody has a registry,
for the love of God, followthe registry and do not buy random
shit they don't need or have notasked for. Do you talk about Nothing
(39:45):
drives me more crazy than people whojust buy stuff because they're like, oh,
I saw this and thought you'd likeit, and it's like, thanks,
I didn't ask for that, becauseI've got plenty of I agree.
I'm like, what's the point ofme stating where I'm registered if you're not
gonna look at it? Exactly?So the next one is opting into just
(40:06):
being partner blank and partner blank.So you know, um, so instead
of saying brider groom, you cansay they just have it listed partner A
and partner B. But just dependingon, like we said, how you
identify, make sure you let anyof your wedding vendors know if you want
to be called the grooms the brides, or do the broom and the gride
(40:30):
terms that, guys, I willget so confused if you tell me that.
I will do my best. Butthat is a tongue twister in my
room. I know Frankie and Maria'swedding, I believe it was I now
pronounce you life partners, okay,which I thought was really cute. That
is really cute. I like that. So so yeah, you can go
by like partner and then your nameor nickname or what have you. But
(40:55):
you could try that as swapping outfor bride and groom. Others are just
simply going by couple instead of sayingbride and groom. They'll just say,
you know, we're a couple,well just yeah, a couple in general,
So just saying so it says herein a similar vein simply referring to
(41:17):
the to be weds are the coupleis a simple swap instead of saying bride
and groom, Um, this one. So instead of it being the bridal
party or the groomsmen, you canhave a wedding attendance. So skip phrases
like bridesmaids and groomsmen instead call everyonewedding attendance. These are the members of
(41:37):
your wedding party that you've tapped tostand next to you and support you while
you say I do I love that? Um. The next one is person
of honor instead of like maid ofhonor or best man. So the person
of honor is essentially the people inthat role that is your number one person
(41:58):
who is the most supportive of youand your giving them an extra title in
your you know, wedding attendant lineup. Um. So they said you could
just do person of honor, butI think that's also great for couples to
keep in mind that maybe have someonein there, you know, attendant party
that identifies differently, just being like, oh, you can just be our
(42:20):
person of honor or if any ofthese other terms, you know that there's
other gender neutral terms that work.Best I think I've heard is it grooms
made m I think I've heard thatone here and there. Yeah, I've
heard that one too. And thenwe've got just a batch party. So
instead of being bachelorette or bachelor,just cropping it to batch, which I
(42:42):
feel like people crop to batch alot like, at least social media wise,
I've seen batch more. But thisother one. You can also use
the term bachelorette that has a Xat the ensil it's bachelor with an X.
What Bachelor Rex party? X?See, so it's Bachelor with an
(43:07):
X at the end? Sold BachelorRex party. Interesting. So if you
want to add more than just batch, I feel like I would constantly be
like, am I saying it right? Yeah, that's interesting for me?
And then instead of doing a flowergirl, you could do just flower child.
Cute. I like that anyways,Yeah, I think that's cute.
(43:30):
And then primary bouquet, um,so instead of being like the bride's bouquet
or bridesmaid's bouquet, just say primarybouque would be for like partner whoever,
who's standing up there. I feellike I typically just I feel like there's
(43:51):
nothing in front of the bouque forme. I just say, here's your
bouque or they're bouque, Like,I don't think I've ever really said bride,
okay, so that's interesting. Yeah. And then the last one they
have on this article is head table. So at the wedding reception, there's
often a focal point table where thecouple and their VIPs, either family or
(44:15):
wedding party will sit. While somerefer to this table as the king's table,
we're in favor of skipping the termbecause it reinforces, you know,
just things were used to essentially,So instead you could call it the main
table or head table or right orwhatever. I don't know what people typically
(44:35):
call it, because I feel likeit's just not a common thing here.
Yeah. I mean, I knowthey had asked us in our wedding planning
if we were going to have ahead table, but I feel like it
was just a head table where theywould put us. Yeah, the kings
or king's table. That sounds likea very old world term. If I
think of like a king's table,I think of everybody's on the exact same
(44:57):
table, but at the heads are, like I was gonna say, I
just think of the last supper picture. Oh that one too, that's a
good one. That's what I thinkof of like Keeping's table essentially. So
well, as we mentioned, theselinks will be in our show notes just
to kind of help give you somedirection to start if you are newly planning
(45:20):
a wedding, or if you knowyou're planning to propose soon or be proposed
too soon and you want to geta jump start on researching vendors. Both
of these links are great. Obviouslyin the footer of both sites, they've
got other suggested articles that maybe willresonate on how to continuously plan or find
like minded vendors out there who areready and willing to support you in your
(45:45):
next step of having a life partnerand being with someone forever. I love
it. And if you are avendor listening to this, all we can
do is ask you to be respectfuland loving as well and open arms absolutely.
And if anyone has any recommendations onsome of their favorite local vendors that
are supportive of the LGBTQ, Ia plus communications our way because we can
(46:09):
make sure we get that out.You know, we can always update the
show notes on these to add thoselinks in as well as you know,
we can do social media posts aboutit, and then if you have,
you know, any suggestions on thingsyou want us to talk about in the
feature, if there's any other thingsyou're like, I really wish I had
(46:30):
information on this. We always lovesuggestions for episodes. Love so well.
We're so excited to have you guyslisten and again, Happy Pride Month.
We're so excited for just all ofthe amount of colorfulness we see in the
month of June. Oh, it'sbeen so fine. I love it.
I can't even talk. I wastrying to be like, kay, let's
(46:52):
wrap up this episode, and Igot wrapped up in my brain you did,
and wrapped up in your tongue.I'll have more coffee and then I'll
be good. Up all right,everyone, and just remember that everybody is
a wedding gown body. Absolutely loveit. We'll talk to you soon.
Bye and by and bye,
Happy Pride Month. WHOA that wasnot enthusiastic at all. Try again,
please Happy Pride Month. You knowhow my days? Do you want to
tell the people? Why why you'reso upset in Pride Month? Whereen?
I've got my rainbow nails. Guys, I've cried like four times today,
(00:40):
and I've been a great friend toher by laughing laughing at me as I'm
crying. The day that we wererecording this is the day that Matt rives
problematic tour tickets We're going on sale. We're supposed to these tickets sold out
(01:00):
before they went on sale. Itshureted. I have been dying to see
him. Haines is never in Utah. This is my one chance and everywhere
is sold out. I just wantto know who there had to have been
someone who approchased every single ticket orjust leaked the promotion code to some people
(01:25):
that do this like it's a joke. Yeah. So she's been in a
mood today. I've cried, I'veraged, You've screamed, You've depressingly looked
at me with the sad Bobby dog. Because I have never seen her this
(01:46):
sad in my in the three yearswe've known each other. I've seen her
sad on some days, but usuallyI know how to fix it. This
is one of those days where Ican't do anything right, So why try?
Yeah, Like I said, we'lljust find out where he's saying,
what he's doing downtown. Let meget arrested. Well, I just all
(02:07):
of a sudden appear on his tourbus. It's fine. Don't listen to
this, Matt Rife, please.I doubt Matt Rife is listening to everybody's
The Bridal Body podcast. You neverknow. All right, Well, our
beautiful beauties, we are going totake this time to do an episode.
(02:28):
With it being the month of Juneand Pride month, we wanted to make
sure we took some time to helpour couples out there, our same sex
couples, and give them some greatinformation, some great resources to planning your
wedding, because even though you arehaving a celebration like normal heterosexual couples,
(02:49):
the process of planning is a littlebit different, just because the quote unquote
traditional aspects of planning, like thebride side does this, groom side does
that kind of goes out the window. Yeah, which in modern day,
I feel like that's already happening,but a little more so for our diverse
couples out there. Yeah. Andthen besides, so I found but real
(03:14):
quick, I'll say I found ajunebug Weddings dot com article on everything you
need to know if you're planning asame sex wedding, so that link will
be in the show notes as wellas the nott dot com has a wonderful
article on a glossary of gender neutraltitles and inclusive wedding terms. Oh I
love that because I was on Ithink it was somebody's Instagram. I think
(03:36):
it was Wedding Pro and they hadsomebody within the LGBTQ I A plus community
who is saying one thing you canreally do this month is make sure that
those normal traditional words are out thewindow, like brighton groom, his and
hers like yeah, and this personhas a bunch of different videos on those
(04:00):
pronouns that you can change it too, and all this stuff. Yeah.
Yeah, because I know we've hadthose conversations to not always talk about brides
but do like bridle or wedding orengaged, like try to keep sort of
more natural. But I'm glad thatthere's an article that gives a little bit
of guidance. Whether people identify withthis or not, at least it's a
(04:20):
starting point to kind of help educateus in how to be more inclusive for
our couples out there who are traditionalbride and groom couples. Right. Yeah,
And we recently I've got the articleup of the recent one. I
don't know if you guys follow fashion, celebrity news all of that fun stuff,
but we recently had Beanie Feldstein andBonnie Chance Roberts get married in the
(04:45):
cutest summer camp themed wedding. Ohyeah, their wedding was adorable, so
cute, and she worked Gucci,Like, yeah, I wish oh me
too. I wouldn't be part ofthe House of Gucci. I just want
to be hard of any designers askproduct if you listener, Oh god,
I would cry. Could you imaginebeing those girls on TikTok They're like,
oh my god, prodest let mepackage. Can you believe this is for
(05:08):
me? Showed up to the oneI was pissed off about the other day
was the dr packager. She's like, I showed up in. This is
just on my doorstat Like, isthis a Joe? I've been messaging everybody
at d or to make sure thatthis was meant for me. I'm like,
how the I w why do youhave their contacts? Like, if
(05:28):
you have their contacts, they're mostlikely meant to send this to you.
I love that. I mean,yeah, it's great. So one day,
one day we'll get stuff like that, Cast and we'll get and we
won't be buying the pro do outon a canal street in New York.
My designer Pillsbury, Yep, exactly, all right, kay, So we're
(05:53):
gonna jump into this episode. So, like I said, I'm gonna start
off with the junebug Weddings dot Comarticle on everything you need to know if
you're planning a same sex wedding.So as I kind of was saying to
Cast, planning a wedding, nomatter what is a lot I'm going through
right now. Yes, you area girl, and it can be a
(06:14):
lot because there's so much uncertainty inmodern day on which side of family pays
for what, who is responsible forwhat. Sometimes you still feel forced to
invite a certain amount of people,you feel obligated to do all of these
traditional things. Well, as weknow, in the year of twenty twenty
three, a lot of old worldtraditions are adapting, changing or being thrown
(06:39):
out the window, depending on youas a person and the lifestyle you live.
Yeah, but when it does cometo our LGBTQIA plus community, as
you are planning your wedding, itmay look different than the traditional couples that
we see all the time. Soin this article as it's going through everything,
(07:01):
first of all, when you goto it, the imagery of these
couples are all stunning, Like theseweddings were beautiful for real, So you're
gonna fall in love with that.Well, I don't mean to cut you
off. I don't know if wementioned this. Look, we are one
of the only bridle shops, secondone. We were the first a part
of the Rainbow Wedding Network. Ithink we're the only one now. The
(07:21):
last time I got on, theremay be another store I love that I'll
have to see. But yeah,we are a part of Rainbow Wedding Networks.
So we will also put that linkin the show notes so you can
kind of see our profile. Idid update it last year with newer imagery
and our everybody's a bridal body andeverything, and we have had more couples
recently who are same sex couples ortrans couples or anything like that, who
(07:43):
are shopping with us. None oftheir weddings have happened yet, so we
have limited photos right now. Butas we get more of that imagery and
we create more photoshoots that have thediversity of couples, we will be sure
to share all that. So hopefullyour listeners and our followers have the ability
to see someone who represents them absolutelyeven though we may not identify it,
(08:07):
but anybody with any identification, anyethnicity, we are allies. We make
sure to make that our space assafe space. Absolutely all are welcome here,
all are praised, all are loved, all are accepted. So no,
we are here for you. Soback to our article, it does
(08:28):
start out with like I was mentioningpaying for the wedding. So with any
of our couples, we always suggestsitting down and talking about your budget.
So no matter what type of coupleyou are, if you have close family
like parents, grandparents and uncles,anybody who is your support system, they
obviously there's no obligation for any familyto help pay, but have those conversations.
(08:52):
Plan us sit down dinner, alittle get together and have those conversations
with them of we're not expecting help, but we would just love to know
if there's anything you'd like to contribute, just so that we can plan our
budgets. Yeah, so don't don'tworry. I mean, sometimes our same
sex couples or anyone in the LGBTQIAplus community that is getting married, they
(09:16):
have parents that are still very traditional, and so the parents may struggle knowing
how to you know, separate whopays for what, So ask them what
would you like to help with?Would it be better if you just gave
us a lump sum and said hereuses towards your planning. Maybe you know
(09:39):
your mom is all about flowers,so let her help be involved with florals.
You know, maybe dad loves photography. Let's see if they want to
be involved in that. So seeif there's an area that like family or
whoever has an interest, or justsee if maybe they would prefer to give
a lump su um. But justknow that there's not going to be that
(10:05):
black and white clear line of whodoes what which. That has gone out
the window. Yeah, it reallyhas. And it's I've got very traditional
and laws. Maybe I don't they'renot necessarily traditional, but they just have
their own personalities. Yeah, they'rethey're different from i'd say now. But
(10:30):
they flat out told um Riley that, well, the bride's family pays for
it all, like that's what thebride's family does. It's or yeah,
yeah, like all this and Imean yes, but you know what that
tradition was around when the woman wasproperty owned by her father and then her
(10:52):
husband and a dowry was given,so it was like a legal contract.
So the dowry covered that crowd.I can't stand that. I'm more might
probably like half a cow. Iwas gonna say half a million, but
I thought that you're going with moneynow the Cawn film today, if we
(11:13):
would have recorded this a different day, it probably would have said like twelve
cows, half a cow, halfa cow. Today. Well, as
Cass had mentioned, with us beinga part of the Rainbow Wedding Network,
there are a lot of lgbtq IA plus community sites to help those couples
(11:35):
find vendors that are allies, thatare support systems that would absolutely love to
have them a part of their journey. So know that those resources are out
there and you can use those toolsto find companies who are open to helping
anyone who is getting married as wellas you know, some places want to
(12:00):
help these couples. Yeah, butthey haven't had an opportunity of these couples.
So and you know, even justask word of mouth. You know,
one thing that I love about thiscommunity is they are so supportive and
loving of each other that they areprobably some of the best resources to ask
what vendors they've used and everything.So and there's a lot of community support.
(12:24):
So yeah, so I would hope. I know that even just for
me, like trying to find vendors, I just get so scared of how
they're going to be, so Ican't even imagine what it would be like.
Yeah. Well, in I remembermy sister in law on my husband's
side, Chelse, was telling methat when she was looking for venues for
(12:48):
her in Kylie's wedding, she wouldsay, Hi, I'm Chelsea and my
fiance Kylie and I are looking fora wedding venue. Do you have these
states available? Like just very generic? Well, for the most part,
most people know Kylie to be afemale name and not a male name.
Yeah, So there was a lotof places I think that made assumptions they
were a same sex couple, andthere was a lot that didn't even respond
(13:09):
to chells that's so sad. Andthen they were just when they go to
these walk throughs, they're like,oh, I thought, and she's like,
yeah, no, he's a dude. So then she just started putting
his initials of like in it,for like, he goes by Katie because
his middle name is Thomas, butlike would use different things. And then
it was fine, but for awhile she's like, why is no one
(13:31):
responding, which I just found terriblein the first place. Yeah, whether
you're making an assumption or not.But it was just one of those that
it was kind of a eye openingthing. And I know our state has
been known to kind of fall withinthe bad demeanor. Yeah, just they
(13:54):
don't have good, good bedside manners, like they weren't taught maybe how to
respond in a situation that feel uncomfortablein which you know, it's like I
love to say this, and youknow, it's it's really easy to respond
and say thank you, but nothank you or you know, unfortunately we're
booked out or you know, whathave you. But it was it was
(14:18):
an interesting hearing from her point ofview, how wedding planning was because I
was fortunate I didn't have to thinkof anything other than, hey, my
future husband and I are looking forstuff and things being fine. So but
some of the other things in theJune Bug Weddings article that they suggest is
(14:39):
kind of how to choose your weddingparty, your guest list, you know,
kind of the bachelor bachelorette parties.So going back to wedding party,
they say, you know, don'tfret over separating your friends and family by
gender on either side of the altar. So many people now are doing mixed
lines, you know what I meanthat it's not just like the bride having
(15:01):
girls in the groom having guys,like it's a mixture of the most important
people to them. Yeah. Iknow for me, there was like that
would have been for me if somerelationships didn't go elsewhere. But I loved
that idea, Like I love,yeah, having the mixed lines. Yeah,
(15:22):
And I think it's great because youknow, I feel like historically within
friends, I knew there's a lotof my girlfriends that their best friends were
guys. But it was, youknow, weird to have the guy friend
in the girl lineup, so theguy friend was in the groom's lineup even
(15:43):
though they weren't a friend of thegroom or what have you. So so
they just reiterate, you know,don't feel stressed about trying to separate your
friends and family based on a brideside, a groom side, or you
know, as we get to thenext article that goes over those gender neutral
terms for people getting married, thatyou're just choosing people that you love and
(16:07):
who are supportive of the marriage andrelationship you're going into, and those are
the people you should have up therewith you as well as on your guest
list. You know, don't feelthat obligation that so many other people feel
in having to invite everyone, becausethat's the courteous thing to do. I
think that's one of the biggest thingsthat drives me crazy about this industry is
(16:30):
the process that it is selfish ofyou to think that it's not okay to
invite so and so because what ifthey're upset, Okay, well then let
them be upset. This is nottheir life, this is mine. Oh,
my mother and I had to talkabout this the other day. I
(16:51):
had even about my wedding. Oh, it's about my brother and his girlfriends
my soon hopefully soon to be Idon't know when they're thing to be married,
but his girlfriend, she just hasn'treally liked one of the people that
(17:11):
married a childhood friend of ours thatI mean, he doesn't even recognize who
we are. But we went tohis wedding and everything, and my mom
says that, like, they haveto invite them to the wedding even though
Jade doesn't like her but doesn't evenknow them. And I was like,
(17:37):
Mom, if she didn't like shedoesn't even know them, and she's like
so, and I'm like, it'snot your wedding. Yeah, I'm like,
back down. Yeah. So hopefullyas a unified whole, we can
help change that dynamic, because listen, the only people who can afford to
(17:59):
invite every bunny are the people whohave endless and copious amounts of cash that
it is a production anyways, absolutely, or the average person that is not
a thing. So you know what, to all of our couples or anyone
who is listening that is hoping tomarry someday or is in the process or
wherever you are in the stage,no, it's okay to say no.
(18:25):
Yeah, like no is a completesentence. No means no, Like I
tell my children all the time.If somebody says no or stop, that
means no, and you stop,does it? You know there's people who
might disagree with me in the worldI live in. Yes, that is
what it means. So but sogoing back to this article for bachelor and
(18:52):
bachelorette parties, one thing they suggestis, you know, you don't have
to necessarily do the separate part parties. You could still throw like an individual
party if you want, where likeyour future spouse isn't invited. But there's
a lot of people who are doingbig joint parties like renting the airbnb's going
(19:17):
you know, maybe to the barstogether or something at their house if they
own a home, like just invitingthe friends over to celebrate. But I
feel I feel like social media iskind of overly glamorized these bachelor parties because
I can tell you right now,I have never gone to a cool bachelorette
party in my life. They areprobably some of the most non exciting things.
(19:42):
And maybe it's the state we livein and a lot of my friends
got married super young, so likewe couldn't go out to bars right,
but mine was also nothing great.So I mean I've only been to one
and good lord, it was ashit show. I feel like all of
(20:03):
them are. I mean, yourstakes the case. Yeah, I don't
know about so. But another thingthat I think is great to remind anyone
who is a part of the LGBTQIAplus community is that there are wedding day
traditions and if they don't resonate,you don't have to do them. Or
(20:29):
if you like the concept of thetradition but you want to mold it to
what feels right for you, that'stotally fine and you're allowed to do that.
So they suggest in here with likewalking down the aisle, that you
could walk down the aisle together,like don't have a parent give you away,
quote unquote, but like walk downthe aisle together in a unified like
(20:52):
this is about us and only us, and we are choosing each other rather
than being given away to someone.So you can kind of do that,
or you could still be escorted bylike anyone in the family that you're close
to, whether it's your father oryour mother, a sibling, maybe a
close friend and aunt, whomever,Like you could choose somebody else another thing
(21:15):
that we know a lot of coupleshere like to do our first looks or
bridle photos. Meaning yeah, well, some people call him groomls. What
haven't you ever heard that word?No groommels, I've been informed groomels means
that the groom is going to beat the bridal photos to do a first
look. Then, But if it'sbridle, it's just the bride. But
(21:40):
sometimes people say bridles for even thegroom. Beit interesting. Yeah, I'm
surprised you haven't heard that at work. Most people call it bridles here and
outside of the state. Bridles arenot a thing, true. So,
but if you want to do thatfirst look, you can still do the
intimate one on one before you're youknow, whist away into the chaos of
(22:03):
the wedding day, because wedding daysare complete and utter chaos. But you
can still have like, you canstill do that Like it's not specific to
a type of couple. It's justa hey, have this moment where you
two get to be alone in seeingeach other before the craziness ensues. Yeah,
just because you're not following what peopleclaim is the typical or traditional doesn't
(22:30):
mean that you don't have to changeyour ways. Yeah, if you've always
had that idea of the father daughterdance or mother's son dance, like,
still do it with your parents,absolutely, do both, absolutely, Like,
yeah, dance with both your parents. I mean I had both of
my parents walk me down the aisle, you know, and it's and I've
(22:55):
even had people who have walked themselvesdown the aisle without anyone, And I
mean, then you don't have toworry about holding on to people and making
sure that you're bouquet is actually properlyplaced. But that's me. Yeah,
tell me that you have ADHD inOCD. But this part I personally also
(23:19):
resonated with was the ceremony itself,because I was baptized as Eastern Orthodox,
which is a Christian religion. Soit's just, you know, an off
shoot of the Catholic Church. Butyou didn't hear that from me, because
I'm going to be reminded the oppositefrom my father that apparently it's the older
(23:42):
or this I don't know, butanyway, so we'll even get in minded
that the Mormon Church is not apart of that. But it's fine,
it's fine. So I was raisedsort of in that way where it was
just Christmas Easter funeral type of churchservices. Sean had the kind the same
thing with the Catholic church upbringing whereyeah, you know, same type of
(24:03):
situations. Neither one of us though, are very religious. We each have
our own spiritual beliefs, but notlike super defined to a religion. Right,
But when you think of a ceremony, there's always usually a religious figure
of some sort who is giving theceremony, you know, reading of what
you're about to promise, and thenyou extend voles kind of do which is
(24:26):
so funny because what was it lastepisode episode before that I learned that like
for me, it's never been areligious thing, which is yeah, for
me, it is so interesting becauseit's I mean historically that's what it is.
It's right, you know, kindof a deal. And so anyways,
they talk about here for the LGBTQIAplus couples, how to write your
(24:52):
ceremony reading that is personal to you, but maybe encompasses if you have a
spiritual belief, some still have religiousbelief you know what I mean, So
finding ways to adapt it to matchyou as a couple, but not filling
the confines of maybe the beliefs thatyou don't have anymore or never really had,
(25:15):
right, but they have some goodlinks in this article on how to
write a gender neutral wedding ceremony scriptidea or non religious love it. And
so I know, for Sean andI the religion one it was an interesting
thing. So we had asked hiscousin, who we dubbed the rev.
That was her nickname for like ever, to get ordained, and she did,
(25:37):
and whatever sight she'd gotten ordained withhad really good like short mini lessons
to kind of teach how to writethese scripts because they said, hey,
essentially like, hey, if youare getting ordained to marry people, they
probably don't want religion because like,if you are affiliated with the church and
you can go through their teachings tobe an efficient for the church and marry
(26:00):
them under, it would be morewhat that person would look for. So
we probably spent months writing this becauseshe took bits and pieces and she's like,
hey, here is a full blowntraditional what I can find on the
internet. Sean and I each wentthrough and read it and we made our
(26:22):
own notes, and then she foundways to ask us certain questions and beliefs
and whatever, and so we kindof answered all these questions, and she
took time to like really write itout and planet so that it still brought
in the spiritual spirituality that we hadwithout defining to like a god or anything
(26:45):
like that, because that didn't reallyI really didn't want it. You know.
At the time, Sean was alittle bit more closer to like religious
than spiritual, But now after somany years together and us being parents,
were kind of more exploring a broaderpicture of what it is. Was at
a very religious school, yes hewas. He went to a Catholic high
(27:07):
school. But I think the onething that took me by surprise that his
cousin Jen asked me was we werekind of going over notes. We were
having wine and we were talking becauseshe was living with Sean's parents at the
time while she was here for work, and she had asked me and she's
like, okay, well, afteryou guys kiss at the end, how
(27:30):
do you want me to introduce you? And I was like, what do
you mean, how do you wantme to what do you mean? And
she's like, do you want meto say mister and missus? Yeah,
Like she's like, do you wantit to be the traditional mister and missus
Sean Boyle, or do you wantjust mister and missus Boyle or do you
want me just to say Sean andTosh or And I sat there and I
was like, I never realized Ihad a choice in what was said because
(27:53):
I never really thought like, notthat I felt like I couldn't let just
never something I thought of. Sofor any of the couples that are listening
to this episode, you know,make sure you have that conversation with whomever's
marrying you, like if you wantthem to announce like now introducing you two
as a couple, because you knowa lot of these couples are deciding do
(28:17):
they keep their own last names,do they take somebody else's name, do
they create a new last name thatis unique for both of them, whatever
the case may be. But that'sanother conversation that like I myself never thought
of, But well, I knowit meant a lot for me when I
was in a friend's wedding who theyone of them was transgender, and it
(28:41):
meant so much. Even though theperson that was their efficient new Frankie for
so long and was basically kind oflike an aunt to him, it meant
so much that she asked how theywant to be announced and stuff? Oh,
which is yeah, which is reallynice, you know what I mean.
(29:02):
So don't in essence, if somebodydoesn't ask these questions, inform them
in how you feel. Yeah,because you know, we try to make
sure that if we have, youknow, variations of people coming through our
doors, that I especially if it'spretty easy for us to tell, like
(29:25):
for the most part, because we'vehad conversation ahead of time on these couples,
which we always try to do becausewe want to know who is coming
here to shop before they come,We'll make sure that we are listening to
the information they're giving and then knowing, okay, we should make sure we
know how they identify so that aswe are talking to them. I am
(29:47):
so not necessarily brainwashed, but likemy brain's been molded that like I call
everybody honey, sweetie, sweetheart,love. It's just people do it.
Yeah, it's just ingrained in me. Yeah, And it's a their term
of endearment for me, and justin a way just to be very soft
and sweet and be very motherly orlike an ant or whatever you need.
(30:11):
But I want to make sure thatif I ever say those things, nobody
feels uncomfortable and like I'm not likeI didn't mean it in any sort of
way. So we try to makesure that we've because I know some people
can get really offended. I wouldhope that somebody would just inform me.
Yeah, and then we could say, that's so great to know. I
appreciate the feedback. I will makesure I take that and be more cognizant
(30:36):
in the future. Yeah, youknow so, but with a lot of
us vendors being very open and supportiveof all people getting married, if we
don't feel as informed as you wouldhope, please feel free to let us
know. Like we love getting feedback, so just feedback anything. Yeah,
(31:00):
So that's what we're here to do. We're here to support all and everyone
because everyone deserves to be in loveand to have this special moment to celebrate
their union. So yeah, we'llmake sure that the Stumbug Weddings is in
there because it has a lot ofextra external links for like wedding planning.
It's got a great breakdown. LikeI said, the imagery is beautiful in
(31:21):
it. But before we end theepisode, I will jump into the next
article from the not and it's aglossary of gender neutral titles and inclusive wedding
terms, which I am excited tosee because I know in recent like educational
things we've done through Whippa, they'vedone a lot to say, you know,
(31:45):
how to make sure that if youare saying you are a place of
diversity and supportive of others, thatyou do mix that in with like your
norm so like, you know,don't not appeal to the couples around you,
but make sure you you throw inthe inclusiveness with these other types of
couples. And they talked about thatwording of like, you know, don't
(32:07):
always use bride and groom, notthat people don't identify with bride and groom
because they do, or mister andmister and missus whatever, but try to
throw in others, you know,in terms which I can only hope most
vendors are able to incorporate that.Yeah, and I mean there are some
yeah, And I know it's apersonal choice and whether people agree with the
(32:31):
choice or not, we do havethe ability to make those choices. But
I was so raised to just bea giant heart until love people that the
thought of not loving people like justdoes not make sense. In my brain,
like I just I can't get pastit. Oh, I'm the same
way. And then even my wholelife being told I have this motherly figure
(32:57):
and just essence to how I takecare of people and everything. I don't
get or understand that, Like becausewhen working medical you do see those nurses
that have very religious faiths and justrerebugged by some things. But for me,
I'm like, we're here to helpeverybody, We're here to love everybody,
(33:21):
and I don't know how some peoplecan just easily cut it off.
Yeah, I don't know. Imean, there are definitely humans on this
planet that I can genuinely understand,not giving an F four, but they
are people who have done horrific thingsto other people. Oh yeah, and
I feel like that's the clear line, you know what I mean. Laurie
(33:43):
Vallen, that's for another podcast,Cassidy. Sorry, that's something coming to
my mouth. Something happened that wasweird. So here on then dot com
article, I'm just going to gothrough and read the terms and the descriptions
that they've written, so the linkwill be there so you guys can read
(34:07):
it yourselves. But it starts withcelebrant and A celebrant is an inclusive term
for a person engaged to be married. These people are the whole reason you're
celebrating, so call them the celebrantsis an apt title. Oh, instead
of like fiance. Okay, so, so, depending on how people identifying
(34:29):
their everyday life on any type ofgender term, this can be a really
great weight and more of a broadway to talk about these celebrants. So
instead of yeah, the fiance,so just another word love. The next
one is a merrier. If you'relooking for a non binary term for a
bride, marrier is the way togo. Like celebrant, this is a
(34:51):
word you can use to describe aperson engaged to be married. Okay,
and I thought marrier was cute.Yeah, I do like that one.
And then this one's also I mean, of these are pretty cute. So
this one is nearly weed. OhI love that. Like marrier and celebrant,
this is another synonym for an engagedperson set to be married. People
may also choose to combine the wordsbride and groom to form either broom or
(35:15):
or gride gride. I almost saidgrid, and I was like, no,
it's not grid, it's gride.I love the nearlywed. Yeah,
it is cute, So it's justanother option for like gender neutral wedding titles.
But newlywed is as simple to thepoint way of communicating someone's engagement in
a way that's easy to understand forpeople who may not have heard some of
(35:35):
the more unique wedding titles. Sonewlywed means they're already married. Nearly wed
means they're to be married. Soare you enjoying your snacks? Absolutely meeting
the true true frozen raspberries and thewhite and dark chocolate. Those are my
favorite already the whole doggration myself.Cass is just starting her as Mr.
(36:00):
No, I'm trying to pull themicroway from my mouth so that doesn't happen.
So the next one is to bewed. If newlywed, merrier and
celebrant aren't quite what the gender neutralterm you're looking for, this one also
has another way to communicate it aboutbeing engaged or being ready to be married,
(36:20):
so you could just say you're tobe wed, like, don't decline
individual, just you as a unit. The next one is wedding suite as
a replacement for the term bridal suite. This is the room in the venue
where the wedding party can get ready. So they just said it's a great
way for venues to kind of fulfillfor their various couples, saying like,
(36:45):
here are the wedding suits where youcan get ready, so each couple can
have their own suite for the purposeof getting ready. So yeah, I
feel like that's kind of a greatway to describe it because somebody's getting down
outside. Okay, we got someoneserenading us at our front doors, damn.
(37:09):
So and then for us, theysuggested using wedding gown that a dress
or gown worn on the wedding day. Similarly, wedding dress boutique is a
great swap for bridal boutique, sopeople don't identify with bridle. You can
just say wedding gown boutique or weddinggown store to just talk about the item
itself instead of defining. For Ifeel like we used that. I try
(37:32):
to change wedding dress wedding gown.Yeah, and I know a lot of
people say bridle shops, so Iknow, like in hashtags, I'll use
bridle shop a lot because it issomething people google. Yeah, I'm but
there are a lot of people.Yeah. There are a lot of people
though who use like wedding dress boutiquethat I've seen. So they're just saying,
(37:52):
if you want to kind of diversifya little bit, like in our
close world, that's a way todo it. Um to do a wedding
shower in lieu of a bridle shower, and it could be like a combined
party, which I love. Theother day I couldn't is it gender specific
(38:12):
with the showers? I can't rememberwed so in the way they were talking
about a baby shower and He's like, guys don't go to that, and
I was like, no, Ithink you can. So it depends on
how you were raised. I mean, I grew up in a world where
men did not go to a bridleshower or to a baby shower. That
was a woman's thing. Okay,Sean and I both think that's stupid.
(38:36):
Yeah, So, like I didhave a bridle shower because someone in my
life was adamant I was going tohave one, so I had one.
But like I've mentioned before, Ihate the stupid games that you play at
bridle showers or in this case,a wedding shower as well as a baby
shower. Nobody really gives two ships. They just want food and drink,
(39:00):
at least in my world for real, that's all food, drinks and hand
the gifts exactly. That's all youneed. Yeah, so I don't try
to guess the belly I measurement.I hate all of those games. But
I'm but yeah, we so Idid a bridal shower to appease people in
(39:21):
my life. I'm but I lovemore of the wedding shower concept, like
it's already about Like the wedding isabout the two of you. Invite people
over. If you have registry items, let people either give money towards it
or buy things for you. Side. No, if somebody has a registry,
for the love of God, followthe registry and do not buy random
shit they don't need or have notasked for. Do you talk about Nothing
(39:45):
drives me more crazy than people whojust buy stuff because they're like, oh,
I saw this and thought you'd likeit, and it's like, thanks,
I didn't ask for that, becauseI've got plenty of I agree.
I'm like, what's the point ofme stating where I'm registered if you're not
gonna look at it? Exactly?So the next one is opting into just
(40:06):
being partner blank and partner blank.So you know, um, so instead
of saying brider groom, you cansay they just have it listed partner A
and partner B. But just dependingon, like we said, how you
identify, make sure you let anyof your wedding vendors know if you want
to be called the grooms the brides, or do the broom and the gride
(40:30):
terms that, guys, I willget so confused if you tell me that.
I will do my best. Butthat is a tongue twister in my
room. I know Frankie and Maria'swedding, I believe it was I now
pronounce you life partners, okay,which I thought was really cute. That
is really cute. I like that. So so yeah, you can go
by like partner and then your nameor nickname or what have you. But
(40:55):
you could try that as swapping outfor bride and groom. Others are just
simply going by couple instead of sayingbride and groom. They'll just say,
you know, we're a couple,well just yeah, a couple in general,
So just saying so it says herein a similar vein simply referring to
(41:17):
the to be weds are the coupleis a simple swap instead of saying bride
and groom, Um, this one. So instead of it being the bridal
party or the groomsmen, you canhave a wedding attendance. So skip phrases
like bridesmaids and groomsmen instead call everyonewedding attendance. These are the members of
(41:37):
your wedding party that you've tapped tostand next to you and support you while
you say I do I love that? Um. The next one is person
of honor instead of like maid ofhonor or best man. So the person
of honor is essentially the people inthat role that is your number one person
(41:58):
who is the most supportive of youand your giving them an extra title in
your you know, wedding attendant lineup. Um. So they said you could
just do person of honor, butI think that's also great for couples to
keep in mind that maybe have someonein there, you know, attendant party
that identifies differently, just being like, oh, you can just be our
(42:20):
person of honor or if any ofthese other terms, you know that there's
other gender neutral terms that work.Best I think I've heard is it grooms
made m I think I've heard thatone here and there. Yeah, I've
heard that one too. And thenwe've got just a batch party. So
instead of being bachelorette or bachelor,just cropping it to batch, which I
(42:42):
feel like people crop to batch alot like, at least social media wise,
I've seen batch more. But thisother one. You can also use
the term bachelorette that has a Xat the ensil it's bachelor with an X.
What Bachelor Rex party? X?See, so it's Bachelor with an
(43:07):
X at the end? Sold BachelorRex party. Interesting. So if you
want to add more than just batch, I feel like I would constantly be
like, am I saying it right? Yeah, that's interesting for me?
And then instead of doing a flowergirl, you could do just flower child.
Cute. I like that anyways,Yeah, I think that's cute.
(43:30):
And then primary bouquet, um,so instead of being like the bride's bouquet
or bridesmaid's bouquet, just say primarybouque would be for like partner whoever,
who's standing up there. I feellike I typically just I feel like there's
(43:51):
nothing in front of the bouque forme. I just say, here's your
bouque or they're bouque, Like,I don't think I've ever really said bride,
okay, so that's interesting. Yeah. And then the last one they
have on this article is head table. So at the wedding reception, there's
often a focal point table where thecouple and their VIPs, either family or
(44:15):
wedding party will sit. While somerefer to this table as the king's table,
we're in favor of skipping the termbecause it reinforces, you know,
just things were used to essentially,So instead you could call it the main
table or head table or right orwhatever. I don't know what people typically
(44:35):
call it, because I feel likeit's just not a common thing here.
Yeah. I mean, I knowthey had asked us in our wedding planning
if we were going to have ahead table, but I feel like it
was just a head table where theywould put us. Yeah, the kings
or king's table. That sounds likea very old world term. If I
think of like a king's table,I think of everybody's on the exact same
(44:57):
table, but at the heads are, like I was gonna say, I
just think of the last supper picture. Oh that one too, that's a
good one. That's what I thinkof of like Keeping's table essentially. So
well, as we mentioned, theselinks will be in our show notes just
to kind of help give you somedirection to start if you are newly planning
(45:20):
a wedding, or if you knowyou're planning to propose soon or be proposed
too soon and you want to geta jump start on researching vendors. Both
of these links are great. Obviouslyin the footer of both sites, they've
got other suggested articles that maybe willresonate on how to continuously plan or find
like minded vendors out there who areready and willing to support you in your
(45:45):
next step of having a life partnerand being with someone forever. I love
it. And if you are avendor listening to this, all we can
do is ask you to be respectfuland loving as well and open arms absolutely.
And if anyone has any recommendations onsome of their favorite local vendors that
are supportive of the LGBTQ, Ia plus communications our way because we can
(46:09):
make sure we get that out.You know, we can always update the
show notes on these to add thoselinks in as well as you know,
we can do social media posts aboutit, and then if you have,
you know, any suggestions on thingsyou want us to talk about in the
feature, if there's any other thingsyou're like, I really wish I had
(46:30):
information on this. We always lovesuggestions for episodes. Love so well.
We're so excited to have you guyslisten and again, Happy Pride Month.
We're so excited for just all ofthe amount of colorfulness we see in the
month of June. Oh, it'sbeen so fine. I love it.
I can't even talk. I wastrying to be like, kay, let's
(46:52):
wrap up this episode, and Igot wrapped up in my brain you did,
and wrapped up in your tongue.I'll have more coffee and then I'll
be good. Up all right,everyone, and just remember that everybody is
a wedding gown body. Absolutely loveit. We'll talk to you soon.
Bye and by and bye,
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