July 27, 2023 • 25 mins
We had an official listener request! Thank you to Emily from Texas for sending us such a great topic to discuss 🎉
On this weeks episode, Tash and Kass are discussing how to choose who to invite to your wedding. This is probably one of the most emotionally driven areas of wedding planning. Most brides will hear "I better be invited" from a co-worker or from an extended family friend that they don't have a close relationship with. So how do you choose? And on top of that--do you allow children or no children to the wedding?
We always want to remind our listeners that the most important people are you and the person you are marrying. No one else. So always do what is best for you (both financially and emtionally) We hope this episode gives you a good base for start that daunting task of a guest list.
Links for wedding guest list and who to invite:
https://www.brides.com/story/questions-to-ask-before-inviting-wedding-guests
https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/who-should-i-invite-to-my-wedding
https://todaysbride.com/blog/planning/2018/11/19/quiz-who-should-make-the-guest-list/
https://www.zazzle.com/ideas/wedding/how-many-people-should-i-invite-to-my-wedding-quiz
https://www.weddingideasmag.com/take-guest-list-quiz/
Links to us:
Website: https://www.va-bridal.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/versailles_atelier_bridal/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vabridal
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@versaillesatelierbridal?
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/VA_Bridal/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBJqW5cox4z0GqgE9vwRAZA
Rainbow Wedding Network: https://www.rainbowweddingnetwork.com/formal-wear-apparel/ut/south%20jordan/versailles-atelier-bridal
Have questions or episode ideas? Email us at everybodypod@va-bridal.com
On this weeks episode, Tash and Kass are discussing how to choose who to invite to your wedding. This is probably one of the most emotionally driven areas of wedding planning. Most brides will hear "I better be invited" from a co-worker or from an extended family friend that they don't have a close relationship with. So how do you choose? And on top of that--do you allow children or no children to the wedding?
We always want to remind our listeners that the most important people are you and the person you are marrying. No one else. So always do what is best for you (both financially and emtionally) We hope this episode gives you a good base for start that daunting task of a guest list.
Links for wedding guest list and who to invite:
https://www.brides.com/story/questions-to-ask-before-inviting-wedding-guests
https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/who-should-i-invite-to-my-wedding
https://todaysbride.com/blog/planning/2018/11/19/quiz-who-should-make-the-guest-list/
https://www.zazzle.com/ideas/wedding/how-many-people-should-i-invite-to-my-wedding-quiz
https://www.weddingideasmag.com/take-guest-list-quiz/
Links to us:
Website: https://www.va-bridal.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/versailles_atelier_bridal/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vabridal
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@versaillesatelierbridal?
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/VA_Bridal/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBJqW5cox4z0GqgE9vwRAZA
Rainbow Wedding Network: https://www.rainbowweddingnetwork.com/formal-wear-apparel/ut/south%20jordan/versailles-atelier-bridal
Have questions or episode ideas? Email us at everybodypod@va-bridal.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:16):
I forgot the count in was onCast's vibin how are you doing today?
I'm here, You're here. Imean, that's all we could ask for.
But you did have an extra dayoff yesterday. It's very true.
I knew my favorite place. Yeah, but she actually kind of started wedding
(00:36):
planning. Sure. I mean youlooked at a venue in person, So
I'm a count that. I'll takethat as a win. Baby steps casts,
she's bright red over here, stressful. Well, I figured, since
(00:57):
you're in the early stages of weddingplanning, there is a cute ride.
She reached out to us the endof June, and side note, Cass
and I did record an episode aftershe sent us a message. It was
a day of Cass having absolutely nosleep and I had had Ovari insists rupture
the night before, so I wasgoing to edit said episode, and the
(01:21):
amount of tangents we went on thatmade absolutely no sense, made it to
the point that I could not editan episode. So here we are rerecording
about a month later. Sorr.You guys, we've both then running around
like women without heads on. Absolutely, we've been super just busy this month,
which I'm thinking, whoever above islistening. Thanks for making us so
(01:44):
busy, but we're also two peopledoing the work of probably five or six.
So podcast recording has gone by thewayside. Which my kids have three
weeks from today until school starts,so we'll be able to reprioritize again.
So we're almost there. But sinceCass was in the midst of starting wedding
planning, this cute bride of oursa follower of the podcast, I should
(02:07):
say her name is Emily and shelives in Texas. She's getting married in
November, and she went to ourfavorite Elizabeth Lee to have a custom dressed
on. So no idea what itlooks like, but I'm excited to see
what it ends up being. Yeah, absolutely love it. But she had
sent in this idea of an episodebecause right now she's struggling with how to
(02:30):
decide who to invite or not toinvite to the wedding, specifically, a
question of inviting co workers is somethingthat she's been struggling with herself, which
I think everybody has that struggle becausethe more people you invite, the more
money you got to spend. It'svery true, and of course a lot
(02:53):
of people also think that the moreyou invite, the more gifts you're going
to get. Not oh, noteverybody bring guest. I had a lot
of people not bring gifts or familywho went on a went in on a
twenty five dollars coffee pot, eventhough I had several and it was three
sets of aunts and uncles, sosix people total. And they're very proud
(03:14):
of themselves because they are all superreligious and don't believe in coffee, and
they bought me a coffee pot.And I bet it was like, since
it's twenty five bucks, it's noteven a good one. No, it
was a Walmart brand. It wasfunny. So but what I know since
your early stages of planning, youhave a fun little planner that you've been
(03:35):
using to kind of write down possibleguests. Yes, didn't have How did
you start prioritizing at least initially?And obviously nothing's been finalized because we still
have to figure out date, location, all that, But yeah, what
have you been doing to try andtake those steps on choosing who should be
invited and who should not be invited? So I got my planner off of
Amazon, which is great, butI'm also somebody that I like to see
(03:59):
digital as well as well, asit may not hold as many names as
I need got big family, Butyou can also do a spreadsheet where I
started out with listing immediate family tolike the next level of extended to cousins,
aunt's, grandpa, grandma's and stuff. And then I listed all of
(04:20):
my friends as well as like myparents, friends who have been there like
my whole life, as well asmy fiance's family and his friends. As
how I broke it down, arethere like four different pages of like family,
friends, family friends depending on theside. Yeah, So once I've
listed everybody, I'm going to gothrough and be like, well, when
(04:40):
was the last time I talked toyou? And like have you actually been
in my life kind of thing?Yeah, could you pick Riley out of
a lineup right? You know?Yeah? And I think that's valid at
least with us. Sean's older brotherhad already previously been married when we got
married. He was divorced at thetime or going through a divorce. But
(05:03):
when they were planning his wedding,they had built a spreadsheet like the boil
Side did, and they used thatfor like guest count addresses, so they
kind of had something that they madelike four years prior or five years priory,
so they were like, hey,we've already kind of got a leg
up. We'll just see if anybody'saddresses have changed. But these were the
(05:24):
people that were a priority for us, you know, so many years ago,
so we kind of used that toduplicate to do my mom and her
ex husband's side, as well asmy dad and stepmom's side, which you
know, there were still so manypeople. Yeah, but I worked at
a small, tiny bridle shop oflike me and an owner and then like
(05:47):
two part time people, so Ihad zero pressure on inviting anyone from morel
I invited the owner because she hadbeen my manager before she bought the store,
so at that time I was reallyclose to her, right So,
but I mean Sean didn't care toinvite any of his coworkers. But also,
my husband doesn't frightenize with people atwork. He's just like, let
(06:09):
me work and then let me gohome because I'd rather be with my family
than you people. I feel that, you know. So I was gonna
say you only have one person,that's true, But I mean I did
work in a hospital with Cenna's nurses. Ohyagers, housecleaning you name it,
and I would I would not inviteall of this handful of them. Most
(06:33):
of them I didn't really care fortheir attitudes or they're the way that they
talked towards me, or would putthemselves on a pedestal above me. So
it's like I'd really only invite theones that I like text oh yeah,
(06:55):
yeah, And I mean I thinkthat's fair. My I feel like my
mom's ex husband had invited people fromwork, but he was that type of
person. He liked to be showy. And the funny thing was, I'm
like, yes, you did helppay for the wedding, but not to
a level that you can be like, look what I've paid for kind of
(07:15):
thing. But we had told wow, it is raining hard, it's like
flooding outside. It's fine. ButI had told the parents, if you
want, like, you need totell me who is the top priority.
Yeah, and I prefer if it'sfamily and friends, but like people that
either you're super close to that youwant them to be there to celebrate my
marriage or people that I have met, but like we kind of categorized a
(07:39):
little bit. Yeah, But afterthat, I was like, hey,
with the amount of money, youknow, each side said that they could
help with on top of what Seanand I said, we could do it
narrowed in the amount of people wecould invite, so we said, you
need to prioritize, like we kindof split it in fourth essentially, right,
maybe thirds ish, you know,but um, we tried to split
(08:03):
it in that way and say,okay, this is how many everyone technically
can invite. Anything. On topof that, if you have a certain
side was specifically wanting more people thanwhat the amount could cover, they needed
to upfront more money essentially to bringthose others on. And that was really
hard because we were in a spacethat could hold a lot of people.
(08:24):
But also at the same time,I didn't want a huge wedding, but
I still had a giant ass wedding. So but I know there were some
coworkers there of like my dad's fromthe hospital. But my dad's worked at
the hospital since nineteen ninety I wasa year old when he started. Yeah,
like the hospital for a while.So yeah, so I mean,
and there's only a couple that likeI've met. Because my dad also isn't
super close friends with people. Mostpeople fear my father, which I love.
(08:48):
I get that it's so funny,but but yeah, it was.
It was really tough on deciding whowe were okay with and who we'd be
like no, and I felt likewe did more guests than knows just because
it was like, shit, eachparent is chipping in a decent amount of
(09:09):
money, so I don't want tobe an asshole and say give me your
money, but you can't invite soand so. In hindsight, though,
I probably would have been more like, we're going to keep this small,
yeah, and say I only wantone hundred and fifty people there, so
we can only invite immediate family andclose friends. I would have cut like
(09:31):
aunts and uncles because I'm not closeto a lot of them, and things
like that. What was that wegot hailing? Uh huh, it's hailing.
Oh my, that's big. That'sa good thing. My windows,
are you correct? It's fine.So but yeah, i'd say guest is
(09:54):
one of the hardests to map outfor a wedding, kind of why it
should be prioritized from the beginning.Yeah, So I don't envy anyone who's
in the throes of wedding planning becauseit is stressful, that's it, And
mine is I'm either a destination whatI mean, I guess they're kind of
(10:18):
destination weddings. Yeah, but therelikes only a couple hours. Yeah,
so it's either gonna be another countrya couple hour drive or Salt Lake.
So it kind of depends. Andit's I know, there's been some like
depending on the location in said country, like they maximum's twenty people and so,
(10:41):
and then of course Riley's telling allof his friends and they tell through
a grape Brian and I get thosepeople coming up to me. That's like,
so, what since I hear aboutgetting married in this place? And
I was like, excuse me,My best friend doesn't even know yet.
So Riley, you shut your goddamnmouth before I rip your head off,
(11:03):
because your entire friend group knows andmy best friend doesn't even know. I'm
like, you're inviting all these people, but I don't know if I can
bring them well. And I wouldsay the only way to bring them is
saying, hey, honey, we'regonna need more funds and we're not going
to be able to do this wholeelopement through whatever country dot com. We're
(11:26):
gonna need to actually find an eventplanner over there. And pay them to
plan an entire legit wedding just likewe would do here. Oh, I've
already told them that depending on whatI go with, depending on the amount
of people, these people may notgo. And I'm going to have you
tell them. Yeah. Yeah.And it's it's crazy to me that one
(11:52):
people ever put an expectation on ofwill you better invite me? Nothing drives
me more crazy than somebody assuming thatthey are allowed to come to something I'm
doing for myself, right, AndI've never even joked that way because I
mean, it'd be one thing tojoke with you, because I know if
(12:13):
you were like, hey, I'mgoing to this place and I've got to
condense, I'd be like, don'teven feel like you gotta invite me?
Like you go, do you?I don't care because it's about you,
not about me. But there's veryfew people I'm super close with that I
can joke that way with me andKatie exactly. That's it. Like anybody
else, I would just like Iwouldn't. Yeah, And I had plenty
(12:37):
of people who said that stuff tome, where they're like, I hope
you invite me, and I'm like, I don't know you from Adams,
So why would I invite you.I don't throw that guilt trip on me
either, Like if I wasn't toinvite you, Yeah, don't make me
feel like shit exactly because one that'snot like this. I just I guess
I've never expected somebody to invite meto things like like it makes me think
(13:05):
of when I was in like juniorhigh, right, and maybe there's a
certain group of girls or whoever you'relike, oh my gosh, I would
have loved to be their friend andlike go to their sleepovers or whatever,
and then you like get the pityparty invite to something. I don't want
that if you didn't think of mein the first place, I'm not a
priority and that's fine, right.So but I know here in the dynamic
(13:26):
of how I was raised, andmaybe it's a whole statewide thing because a
lot of people are raised similarly.I'm not sure, but I feel like
there's always a guilt about, well, we can't not invite this person or
that person because they're gonna get offended. And it's like, okay, well
let them get freaking offended because thiswe have to pay for them to be
(13:48):
there. It's not like these peopleare chipping in money like venmoing me twenty
five bucks ahead to cover everything,you know, and I don't. I
hate the guilt trip stuff, butI know what's going to happen, And
especially if parents are holding purse strings, there's always a likelihood of a guilt
trip coming from somewhere of well,you can't do this to me because I've
(14:11):
dreamt about this day, you know, your whole life. Yeah, and
I want to have whatever people there, I want to celebrate to like show
off the child I've raised and theglamorous life they're gonna have or what have
you. Like, I don't know, it just it drives me crazy.
Yeah, but I never dynamics different, Like I couldn't have said that stuff
(14:35):
to certain family. Yeah. Andit's like I don't know even I feel
like there's some family that I mightIf I don't get invited, that's fine.
Well, One, it means Idon't have to buy a present,
so I ain't got to spend money. Yeah, and I don't have to
show up and spend more time therethan I would like an acquaintance sweating exactly.
(14:58):
And then two because one if dependingon the person you know, you're
gonna get invited to a bridal showerand you got to show up with a
present. You're gonna get invited tothe bachelorette party, and if that's out
of one, they're going to expecta gift. And two, they're gonna
expect you to pay your weight atthis thing because most of the time it's
not local, right, And thenthree, they're gonna invite your ass to
(15:20):
the wedding and then also expect awedding gift. Wedding being a wedding guest
person or a bridesmaid or groomsman issome of the most expensive things you will
spend your money on as an adult. Yeah, So when somebody's like,
assuming they're invited, I'm like,assume. I'm not, Like, that's
totally fine. You don't need tospend your money on me. I'll keep
my money from myself. We'll hangout later and like grab dinner together,
(15:43):
and I'll be like, hey,congratulations, there you go. Obviously that's
for my priorities. We went todinner. I was there. Yeah,
we're set, we're set. ButI and then I know, I don't
believe Emily had that in there,but they other topic that it made me
think of because I've seen so manyarticles and even TikTok videos all of these
(16:04):
things of people asking is it okayto say that children are not invited to
the wedding? Absolutely, because there'sa huge controversy around that where some people
have said, well, that's notfair because I'd have to get a sitter,
and then it's like, don't go. Yeah, but I have been
to plenty of weddings where children arerunning amuck, which, let me tell
(16:27):
you, kids do that. Theyare kids. My kids do it all
the time. But there are certainareas of life. I know I will
not take my children to wedding receptionsare one of them, because they will
not sit and I'm gonna be screamingmy head off tom them to sit their
ass down. Sometimes there's your kidsscamming. I know, don't touch the
mirrors here, yes, Like Ihave anxiety of them coming into my store,
(16:51):
So why would I take them tosome fancy wherever? For real?
So if somebody says no children,I'm like date night exactly, and I'm
like, Mama can get a littleloosey goosey, but more loose than the
goose because the goose Violet can youtell what we do most of our free
time trying to find goddamn TikTok trends. So but I have seen that topic
(17:17):
so much in correlation with guest invitingbecause on top of people saying how do
you choose who to invite? Alwaysit's always an open ended question. It's
like that's a personal thing. Ican't tell you, but here's how I
navigated or how someone else did.But when it comes to children, like
we had children at our wedding,and some people's children were way out of
control that I was just like,yeah, I'm gonna have a heart attack.
(17:41):
And I think that's one way tolook at it because I'm such a
like a mother bearer, a helicoptereven like people I don't know, But
I don't necessarily punish other people's kids. But I'm constantly watching, yeah,
my own wedding. I don't wantto have to worry about somebody touching something
(18:06):
or running around. I already haveto watch adults. I don't want to
watch children. Yeah, And youshouldn't have to do those things on your
wedding day. You know, whenmy youngest brother had gotten married, the
first time they had it up atMillennial Falls, and they actually down in
(18:26):
the basement have like a kid roomand so they had somebody had like essentially
somebody there that you could check thekids in with and they could play.
Yeah. So that was one thingabout that venue at that time that I
remember I really loved because not alot of venues did that. Yeah,
but they had a child specific playSo I was down in the basement and
down there was like where the groom'sroom was, but they had like a
(18:48):
whole kid like indoor play area.Mostly more like a little kid you know,
right, but for the most part, if it's going to be like
a teenager, like, they maybe moody, but they usually can chill.
But I've never thought it was inappropriateever on an invite saying no children
(19:10):
allowed, let alone those people thatlike get offended about that. It's not
their right. I would never tellsomebody that it's not fair the way that
they invited me to their wedding.Yeah, I'm sorry, And yeah,
I mean, I know I'm fortunatebecause I have so many people here who
(19:33):
could take my kids, right,you know. And I know there's people
who maybe are living in another placeaway from family, so they don't really
have a sitter maybe that they trust. Yeah, for whatever reason, Like
I totally understand, but just letthe frind know, Like, Hey,
I really wish I could come,but I don't have a sitter for the
kids, so we won't be atthe wedding. But you know, if
(19:55):
you have a bridal shower or anythinglike that, please invite me so I
can at least still come celebrate withyou because I can leave the kids home
with dad or whatever. But butyeah, it's always interesting to read these
topics online because people definitely can easilyget offended, but at the same time,
(20:15):
and I also think it's the waythat you deliver it, because I
have read some things were like yousee how it was worded, and I'm
like, okay, well, nowonder people got mad at you. You
were polite about it. You're agiant middle finger like no way, and
it's like, okay, well,if you're gonna be that way, you're
going to get that reciprocated. Ihave your kids, yeah, had your
kids, had your veum. Iknow there's a few things online and I
(20:41):
haven't looked at them in a while, but they're kind of like those old
teen magazines where you follow the linesand find out who your boyfriend is.
Very styles. Yeah, okay,and but there's some that like should I
invite this person to my wedding?It's follow lines so we can always try
(21:02):
to linklin or something and show notes. Let's say I could look at that
and what was I gonna say?And then there was I think another one
I don't remember where we saw,but we were talking about how kind of
in that funnel of deciding who toinvite who not to invite, Like you
were saying, when was the lasttime you talked to this person? Do
(21:22):
they get a Christmas card from you? If you're a peron who sends out
Christmas cards? Like, do theyget a Christmas card from you? Or
do you receive one from them?Do you spend any time with them that
they have met the person you weremarrying and know both of you? Right,
Because at least in today's world,that's important. Yeah, you know,
because one we're starting to live througha recession again. People aren't wanting
(21:47):
to spend a whole lot of money. People aren't making a whole lot of
money, which I get to COVIDhappened and we all learned I only talk
to like twelve people through COVID,right, are the only twelve people they
are going to do anything with me. So but Emily, I hope this
helped. Just we're sending you allthe love we can and hopefully wedding planning
(22:10):
has gone well. Don't let anybodytry to tell you who you have to
and can't invite. Yeah, it'syour wedding, it is. And if
that means that maybe someone in thefamily isn't going to financially support you to
just remap the wedding and you knowyou're going to have to find that middle
(22:30):
ground. That's usually the hardest partis if somebody's holding that over your head.
But hopefully your family dynamic is nottoxic like in cases and how I
was raised that just have that openconversation, because that's what I hope in
the future if my children choose toget married, that they can have that
with my husband and I just sayingthis is what's important to us and how
(22:52):
we want to prioritize, because Ithink I'd rather my kids say I want
to go run away in a lopeand not have a wedding. I'd be
like, great, you're like lesshe let's do it. Yeah, just
please make sure you're wearing something thath is more than like an itty bitty
thong bikini on like some beach whatever. I'm in one of the Julie's no
cups, are you sure? Hey? As long as they put tape off,
(23:14):
I don't care. I don't.But also, like I mean,
if I've looked like a Victoria's Secretsuper if I look, I would be
naked on my wedding. But Iam not that I was looking like those
models in Tel Aviv. I don'tthink I'd still be in Utah. You
would live in a nudist colony.You would not be clothed one hundred percent.
(23:34):
Not only that, like I thinki'd try to be famous. You're
already trying to be famous Castle.You're not wrong, But I don't think
i'd be in Utah. You don'tput the UTAs that all right, Loves
Well, this was just a nice, short and sweet episode we wanted to
(23:55):
do just to kind of give ourinput on who to choose to invite to
your wedding. So hopefully this resonateswith more than just our sweet Emily who
reached out. If you have anyideas for episodes, please feel free to
email us at Everybody pod at vadashbridal dot com. We'll have all of
our normal social connection links in theshow notes. If Cass and I find
(24:18):
any good resources besides, like herlittle planner book she uses, any good
quizzes you can take, I willfind those before getting this up, so
that you guys have some good resourcesto try and utilize for wedding planning.
Absolutely, and feel free to messageus on any of those platforms. Or
(24:41):
my computer ain't working. Oh it'sbecause my phone. Don't blame that,
But go ahead and message us withany questions or topics that you would love
for us to address, or justsay hi. Absolutely, we love talking
to people. Yeah, so well, we hope you all have a wonderful
and just remember that everybody is abridal body. Talk to you soon him
(25:06):
and went back and then and then
I forgot the count in was onCast's vibin how are you doing today?
I'm here, You're here. Imean, that's all we could ask for.
But you did have an extra dayoff yesterday. It's very true.
I knew my favorite place. Yeah, but she actually kind of started wedding
(00:36):
planning. Sure. I mean youlooked at a venue in person, So
I'm a count that. I'll takethat as a win. Baby steps casts,
she's bright red over here, stressful. Well, I figured, since
(00:57):
you're in the early stages of weddingplanning, there is a cute ride.
She reached out to us the endof June, and side note, Cass
and I did record an episode aftershe sent us a message. It was
a day of Cass having absolutely nosleep and I had had Ovari insists rupture
the night before, so I wasgoing to edit said episode, and the
(01:21):
amount of tangents we went on thatmade absolutely no sense, made it to
the point that I could not editan episode. So here we are rerecording
about a month later. Sorr.You guys, we've both then running around
like women without heads on. Absolutely, we've been super just busy this month,
which I'm thinking, whoever above islistening. Thanks for making us so
(01:44):
busy, but we're also two peopledoing the work of probably five or six.
So podcast recording has gone by thewayside. Which my kids have three
weeks from today until school starts,so we'll be able to reprioritize again.
So we're almost there. But sinceCass was in the midst of starting wedding
planning, this cute bride of oursa follower of the podcast, I should
(02:07):
say her name is Emily and shelives in Texas. She's getting married in
November, and she went to ourfavorite Elizabeth Lee to have a custom dressed
on. So no idea what itlooks like, but I'm excited to see
what it ends up being. Yeah, absolutely love it. But she had
sent in this idea of an episodebecause right now she's struggling with how to
(02:30):
decide who to invite or not toinvite to the wedding, specifically, a
question of inviting co workers is somethingthat she's been struggling with herself, which
I think everybody has that struggle becausethe more people you invite, the more
money you got to spend. It'svery true, and of course a lot
(02:53):
of people also think that the moreyou invite, the more gifts you're going
to get. Not oh, noteverybody bring guest. I had a lot
of people not bring gifts or familywho went on a went in on a
twenty five dollars coffee pot, eventhough I had several and it was three
sets of aunts and uncles, sosix people total. And they're very proud
(03:14):
of themselves because they are all superreligious and don't believe in coffee, and
they bought me a coffee pot.And I bet it was like, since
it's twenty five bucks, it's noteven a good one. No, it
was a Walmart brand. It wasfunny. So but what I know since
your early stages of planning, youhave a fun little planner that you've been
(03:35):
using to kind of write down possibleguests. Yes, didn't have How did
you start prioritizing at least initially?And obviously nothing's been finalized because we still
have to figure out date, location, all that, But yeah, what
have you been doing to try andtake those steps on choosing who should be
invited and who should not be invited? So I got my planner off of
Amazon, which is great, butI'm also somebody that I like to see
(03:59):
digital as well as well, asit may not hold as many names as
I need got big family, Butyou can also do a spreadsheet where I
started out with listing immediate family tolike the next level of extended to cousins,
aunt's, grandpa, grandma's and stuff. And then I listed all of
(04:20):
my friends as well as like myparents, friends who have been there like
my whole life, as well asmy fiance's family and his friends. As
how I broke it down, arethere like four different pages of like family,
friends, family friends depending on theside. Yeah, So once I've
listed everybody, I'm going to gothrough and be like, well, when
(04:40):
was the last time I talked toyou? And like have you actually been
in my life kind of thing?Yeah, could you pick Riley out of
a lineup right? You know?Yeah? And I think that's valid at
least with us. Sean's older brotherhad already previously been married when we got
married. He was divorced at thetime or going through a divorce. But
(05:03):
when they were planning his wedding,they had built a spreadsheet like the boil
Side did, and they used thatfor like guest count addresses, so they
kind of had something that they madelike four years prior or five years priory,
so they were like, hey,we've already kind of got a leg
up. We'll just see if anybody'saddresses have changed. But these were the
(05:24):
people that were a priority for us, you know, so many years ago,
so we kind of used that toduplicate to do my mom and her
ex husband's side, as well asmy dad and stepmom's side, which you
know, there were still so manypeople. Yeah, but I worked at
a small, tiny bridle shop oflike me and an owner and then like
(05:47):
two part time people, so Ihad zero pressure on inviting anyone from morel
I invited the owner because she hadbeen my manager before she bought the store,
so at that time I was reallyclose to her, right So,
but I mean Sean didn't care toinvite any of his coworkers. But also,
my husband doesn't frightenize with people atwork. He's just like, let
(06:09):
me work and then let me gohome because I'd rather be with my family
than you people. I feel that, you know. So I was gonna
say you only have one person,that's true, But I mean I did
work in a hospital with Cenna's nurses. Ohyagers, housecleaning you name it,
and I would I would not inviteall of this handful of them. Most
(06:33):
of them I didn't really care fortheir attitudes or they're the way that they
talked towards me, or would putthemselves on a pedestal above me. So
it's like I'd really only invite theones that I like text oh yeah,
(06:55):
yeah, And I mean I thinkthat's fair. My I feel like my
mom's ex husband had invited people fromwork, but he was that type of
person. He liked to be showy. And the funny thing was, I'm
like, yes, you did helppay for the wedding, but not to
a level that you can be like, look what I've paid for kind of
(07:15):
thing. But we had told wow, it is raining hard, it's like
flooding outside. It's fine. ButI had told the parents, if you
want, like, you need totell me who is the top priority.
Yeah, and I prefer if it'sfamily and friends, but like people that
either you're super close to that youwant them to be there to celebrate my
marriage or people that I have met, but like we kind of categorized a
(07:39):
little bit. Yeah, But afterthat, I was like, hey,
with the amount of money, youknow, each side said that they could
help with on top of what Seanand I said, we could do it
narrowed in the amount of people wecould invite, so we said, you
need to prioritize, like we kindof split it in fourth essentially, right,
maybe thirds ish, you know,but um, we tried to split
(08:03):
it in that way and say,okay, this is how many everyone technically
can invite. Anything. On topof that, if you have a certain
side was specifically wanting more people thanwhat the amount could cover, they needed
to upfront more money essentially to bringthose others on. And that was really
hard because we were in a spacethat could hold a lot of people.
(08:24):
But also at the same time,I didn't want a huge wedding, but
I still had a giant ass wedding. So but I know there were some
coworkers there of like my dad's fromthe hospital. But my dad's worked at
the hospital since nineteen ninety I wasa year old when he started. Yeah,
like the hospital for a while.So yeah, so I mean,
and there's only a couple that likeI've met. Because my dad also isn't
super close friends with people. Mostpeople fear my father, which I love.
(08:48):
I get that it's so funny,but but yeah, it was.
It was really tough on deciding whowe were okay with and who we'd be
like no, and I felt likewe did more guests than knows just because
it was like, shit, eachparent is chipping in a decent amount of
(09:09):
money, so I don't want tobe an asshole and say give me your
money, but you can't invite soand so. In hindsight, though,
I probably would have been more like, we're going to keep this small,
yeah, and say I only wantone hundred and fifty people there, so
we can only invite immediate family andclose friends. I would have cut like
(09:31):
aunts and uncles because I'm not closeto a lot of them, and things
like that. What was that wegot hailing? Uh huh, it's hailing.
Oh my, that's big. That'sa good thing. My windows,
are you correct? It's fine.So but yeah, i'd say guest is
(09:54):
one of the hardests to map outfor a wedding, kind of why it
should be prioritized from the beginning.Yeah, So I don't envy anyone who's
in the throes of wedding planning becauseit is stressful, that's it, And
mine is I'm either a destination whatI mean, I guess they're kind of
(10:18):
destination weddings. Yeah, but therelikes only a couple hours. Yeah,
so it's either gonna be another countrya couple hour drive or Salt Lake.
So it kind of depends. Andit's I know, there's been some like
depending on the location in said country, like they maximum's twenty people and so,
(10:41):
and then of course Riley's telling allof his friends and they tell through
a grape Brian and I get thosepeople coming up to me. That's like,
so, what since I hear aboutgetting married in this place? And
I was like, excuse me,My best friend doesn't even know yet.
So Riley, you shut your goddamnmouth before I rip your head off,
(11:03):
because your entire friend group knows andmy best friend doesn't even know. I'm
like, you're inviting all these people, but I don't know if I can
bring them well. And I wouldsay the only way to bring them is
saying, hey, honey, we'regonna need more funds and we're not going
to be able to do this wholeelopement through whatever country dot com. We're
(11:26):
gonna need to actually find an eventplanner over there. And pay them to
plan an entire legit wedding just likewe would do here. Oh, I've
already told them that depending on whatI go with, depending on the amount
of people, these people may notgo. And I'm going to have you
tell them. Yeah. Yeah.And it's it's crazy to me that one
(11:52):
people ever put an expectation on ofwill you better invite me? Nothing drives
me more crazy than somebody assuming thatthey are allowed to come to something I'm
doing for myself, right, AndI've never even joked that way because I
mean, it'd be one thing tojoke with you, because I know if
(12:13):
you were like, hey, I'mgoing to this place and I've got to
condense, I'd be like, don'teven feel like you gotta invite me?
Like you go, do you?I don't care because it's about you,
not about me. But there's veryfew people I'm super close with that I
can joke that way with me andKatie exactly. That's it. Like anybody
else, I would just like Iwouldn't. Yeah, And I had plenty
(12:37):
of people who said that stuff tome, where they're like, I hope
you invite me, and I'm like, I don't know you from Adams,
So why would I invite you.I don't throw that guilt trip on me
either, Like if I wasn't toinvite you, Yeah, don't make me
feel like shit exactly because one that'snot like this. I just I guess
I've never expected somebody to invite meto things like like it makes me think
(13:05):
of when I was in like juniorhigh, right, and maybe there's a
certain group of girls or whoever you'relike, oh my gosh, I would
have loved to be their friend andlike go to their sleepovers or whatever,
and then you like get the pityparty invite to something. I don't want
that if you didn't think of mein the first place, I'm not a
priority and that's fine, right.So but I know here in the dynamic
(13:26):
of how I was raised, andmaybe it's a whole statewide thing because a
lot of people are raised similarly.I'm not sure, but I feel like
there's always a guilt about, well, we can't not invite this person or
that person because they're gonna get offended. And it's like, okay, well
let them get freaking offended because thiswe have to pay for them to be
(13:48):
there. It's not like these peopleare chipping in money like venmoing me twenty
five bucks ahead to cover everything,you know, and I don't. I
hate the guilt trip stuff, butI know what's going to happen, And
especially if parents are holding purse strings, there's always a likelihood of a guilt
trip coming from somewhere of well,you can't do this to me because I've
(14:11):
dreamt about this day, you know, your whole life. Yeah, and
I want to have whatever people there, I want to celebrate to like show
off the child I've raised and theglamorous life they're gonna have or what have
you. Like, I don't know, it just it drives me crazy.
Yeah, but I never dynamics different, Like I couldn't have said that stuff
(14:35):
to certain family. Yeah. Andit's like I don't know even I feel
like there's some family that I mightIf I don't get invited, that's fine.
Well, One, it means Idon't have to buy a present,
so I ain't got to spend money. Yeah, and I don't have to
show up and spend more time therethan I would like an acquaintance sweating exactly.
(14:58):
And then two because one if dependingon the person you know, you're
gonna get invited to a bridal showerand you got to show up with a
present. You're gonna get invited tothe bachelorette party, and if that's out
of one, they're going to expecta gift. And two, they're gonna
expect you to pay your weight atthis thing because most of the time it's
not local, right, And thenthree, they're gonna invite your ass to
(15:20):
the wedding and then also expect awedding gift. Wedding being a wedding guest
person or a bridesmaid or groomsman issome of the most expensive things you will
spend your money on as an adult. Yeah, So when somebody's like,
assuming they're invited, I'm like,assume. I'm not, Like, that's
totally fine. You don't need tospend your money on me. I'll keep
my money from myself. We'll hangout later and like grab dinner together,
(15:43):
and I'll be like, hey,congratulations, there you go. Obviously that's
for my priorities. We went todinner. I was there. Yeah,
we're set, we're set. ButI and then I know, I don't
believe Emily had that in there,but they other topic that it made me
think of because I've seen so manyarticles and even TikTok videos all of these
(16:04):
things of people asking is it okayto say that children are not invited to
the wedding? Absolutely, because there'sa huge controversy around that where some people
have said, well, that's notfair because I'd have to get a sitter,
and then it's like, don't go. Yeah, but I have been
to plenty of weddings where children arerunning amuck, which, let me tell
(16:27):
you, kids do that. Theyare kids. My kids do it all
the time. But there are certainareas of life. I know I will
not take my children to wedding receptionsare one of them, because they will
not sit and I'm gonna be screamingmy head off tom them to sit their
ass down. Sometimes there's your kidsscamming. I know, don't touch the
mirrors here, yes, Like Ihave anxiety of them coming into my store,
(16:51):
So why would I take them tosome fancy wherever? For real?
So if somebody says no children,I'm like date night exactly, and I'm
like, Mama can get a littleloosey goosey, but more loose than the
goose because the goose Violet can youtell what we do most of our free
time trying to find goddamn TikTok trends. So but I have seen that topic
(17:17):
so much in correlation with guest invitingbecause on top of people saying how do
you choose who to invite? Alwaysit's always an open ended question. It's
like that's a personal thing. Ican't tell you, but here's how I
navigated or how someone else did.But when it comes to children, like
we had children at our wedding,and some people's children were way out of
control that I was just like,yeah, I'm gonna have a heart attack.
(17:41):
And I think that's one way tolook at it because I'm such a
like a mother bearer, a helicoptereven like people I don't know, But
I don't necessarily punish other people's kids. But I'm constantly watching, yeah,
my own wedding. I don't wantto have to worry about somebody touching something
(18:06):
or running around. I already haveto watch adults. I don't want to
watch children. Yeah, And youshouldn't have to do those things on your
wedding day. You know, whenmy youngest brother had gotten married, the
first time they had it up atMillennial Falls, and they actually down in
(18:26):
the basement have like a kid roomand so they had somebody had like essentially
somebody there that you could check thekids in with and they could play.
Yeah. So that was one thingabout that venue at that time that I
remember I really loved because not alot of venues did that. Yeah,
but they had a child specific playSo I was down in the basement and
down there was like where the groom'sroom was, but they had like a
(18:48):
whole kid like indoor play area.Mostly more like a little kid you know,
right, but for the most part, if it's going to be like
a teenager, like, they maybe moody, but they usually can chill.
But I've never thought it was inappropriateever on an invite saying no children
(19:10):
allowed, let alone those people thatlike get offended about that. It's not
their right. I would never tellsomebody that it's not fair the way that
they invited me to their wedding.Yeah, I'm sorry, And yeah,
I mean, I know I'm fortunatebecause I have so many people here who
(19:33):
could take my kids, right,you know. And I know there's people
who maybe are living in another placeaway from family, so they don't really
have a sitter maybe that they trust. Yeah, for whatever reason, Like
I totally understand, but just letthe frind know, Like, Hey,
I really wish I could come,but I don't have a sitter for the
kids, so we won't be atthe wedding. But you know, if
(19:55):
you have a bridal shower or anythinglike that, please invite me so I
can at least still come celebrate withyou because I can leave the kids home
with dad or whatever. But butyeah, it's always interesting to read these
topics online because people definitely can easilyget offended, but at the same time,
(20:15):
and I also think it's the waythat you deliver it, because I
have read some things were like yousee how it was worded, and I'm
like, okay, well, nowonder people got mad at you. You
were polite about it. You're agiant middle finger like no way, and
it's like, okay, well,if you're gonna be that way, you're
going to get that reciprocated. Ihave your kids, yeah, had your
kids, had your veum. Iknow there's a few things online and I
(20:41):
haven't looked at them in a while, but they're kind of like those old
teen magazines where you follow the linesand find out who your boyfriend is.
Very styles. Yeah, okay,and but there's some that like should I
invite this person to my wedding?It's follow lines so we can always try
(21:02):
to linklin or something and show notes. Let's say I could look at that
and what was I gonna say?And then there was I think another one
I don't remember where we saw,but we were talking about how kind of
in that funnel of deciding who toinvite who not to invite, Like you
were saying, when was the lasttime you talked to this person? Do
(21:22):
they get a Christmas card from you? If you're a peron who sends out
Christmas cards? Like, do theyget a Christmas card from you? Or
do you receive one from them?Do you spend any time with them that
they have met the person you weremarrying and know both of you? Right,
Because at least in today's world,that's important. Yeah, you know,
because one we're starting to live througha recession again. People aren't wanting
(21:47):
to spend a whole lot of money. People aren't making a whole lot of
money, which I get to COVIDhappened and we all learned I only talk
to like twelve people through COVID,right, are the only twelve people they
are going to do anything with me. So but Emily, I hope this
helped. Just we're sending you allthe love we can and hopefully wedding planning
(22:10):
has gone well. Don't let anybodytry to tell you who you have to
and can't invite. Yeah, it'syour wedding, it is. And if
that means that maybe someone in thefamily isn't going to financially support you to
just remap the wedding and you knowyou're going to have to find that middle
(22:30):
ground. That's usually the hardest partis if somebody's holding that over your head.
But hopefully your family dynamic is nottoxic like in cases and how I
was raised that just have that openconversation, because that's what I hope in
the future if my children choose toget married, that they can have that
with my husband and I just sayingthis is what's important to us and how
(22:52):
we want to prioritize, because Ithink I'd rather my kids say I want
to go run away in a lopeand not have a wedding. I'd be
like, great, you're like lesshe let's do it. Yeah, just
please make sure you're wearing something thath is more than like an itty bitty
thong bikini on like some beach whatever. I'm in one of the Julie's no
cups, are you sure? Hey? As long as they put tape off,
(23:14):
I don't care. I don't.But also, like I mean,
if I've looked like a Victoria's Secretsuper if I look, I would be
naked on my wedding. But Iam not that I was looking like those
models in Tel Aviv. I don'tthink I'd still be in Utah. You
would live in a nudist colony.You would not be clothed one hundred percent.
(23:34):
Not only that, like I thinki'd try to be famous. You're
already trying to be famous Castle.You're not wrong, But I don't think
i'd be in Utah. You don'tput the UTAs that all right, Loves
Well, this was just a nice, short and sweet episode we wanted to
(23:55):
do just to kind of give ourinput on who to choose to invite to
your wedding. So hopefully this resonateswith more than just our sweet Emily who
reached out. If you have anyideas for episodes, please feel free to
email us at Everybody pod at vadashbridal dot com. We'll have all of
our normal social connection links in theshow notes. If Cass and I find
(24:18):
any good resources besides, like herlittle planner book she uses, any good
quizzes you can take, I willfind those before getting this up, so
that you guys have some good resourcesto try and utilize for wedding planning.
Absolutely, and feel free to messageus on any of those platforms. Or
(24:41):
my computer ain't working. Oh it'sbecause my phone. Don't blame that,
But go ahead and message us withany questions or topics that you would love
for us to address, or justsay hi. Absolutely, we love talking
to people. Yeah, so well, we hope you all have a wonderful
and just remember that everybody is abridal body. Talk to you soon him
(25:06):
and went back and then and then
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