August 19, 2025 • 56 mins
02 - Section 02. Fanny Hill: Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure by John Cleland.
This book has been notorious since it first appeared and had been banned several times and in several countries. It is a fictional work that details the adventures of an orphaned girl who ends up working in a brothel in London. Early on she falls in love with a young man named Charles, but only to end up being separated from him. She then recounts her experiences as a prostitute who, in spite of her circumstances, manages to retain her humanity and undying faith in true love.
⚠️If you find insult/get offended or are against extreme descriptions of sexual acts PUT THE BOOK DOWN⚠️
This book has been notorious since it first appeared and had been banned several times and in several countries. It is a fictional work that details the adventures of an orphaned girl who ends up working in a brothel in London. Early on she falls in love with a young man named Charles, but only to end up being separated from him. She then recounts her experiences as a prostitute who, in spite of her circumstances, manages to retain her humanity and undying faith in true love.
⚠️If you find insult/get offended or are against extreme descriptions of sexual acts PUT THE BOOK DOWN⚠️
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Section two of Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure. This
LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Memoirs of a
Woman of Pleasure by John Cleland letter the first part
two about eleven at night, my two ladies came home, and,
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having received rather a favorable account from Martha, who had
run down to let them in for mister Croft's that
was the name of my brute, was gone out of
the house. After waiting till he had tired his patience
for Missus Browne's return. They came thundering up stairs, and
seeing me pale, my face bloody, and all the marks
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of the most thorough dejection, they employed themselves more to
comfort and reinspirit me than in making me the reproaches.
I was weak enough to fear I who had so
many jesture, and stronger to retort upon them. Missus brown
withdrawn Phoebe, came presently to bed to me, and what
with the answer she drew from me, what with her
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own method of palpably satisfying herself. She soon discovered that
I had been more frightened than hurt, upon which I suppose,
being herself seized with sleep and reserving her lectures and
instructions till the next morning she left me properly, speaking
to my unrest, For after tossing and turning the greatest
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part of the night, and tormenting myself with the falsest
notions and apprehensions of things, I fell, through mere fatigue
into a kind of delirious doze, out of which I
waked late in the morning in a violent fever, a
circumstance which was extremely critical to reprieve me, at least
for a time, from the attacks of a wretch infinitely
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more terrible to me than death itself. The interested care
that was taken of me during my illness, in order
to restore me to a condition of making good the
bad's engagements or of enduring further trials, had, however, such
an effect on my grateful disposition, that I even thought
myself obliged to my undoers for their attention to promote
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my recovery, and above all, for the keeping out of
my sight of that brutal ravisher, the author of my disorder.
On their finding, I was too strongly moved at the
bare mention of his name. Youth is soon raised, and
a few days were sufficient to conquer the fury of
my fever. But what contributed most to my perfect recovery
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and to my reconciliation with life, was the timely news
that mister Croft's, who was a merchant of considerable dealings,
was arrested at the King's suit for nearly forty thousand
pounds on account of his driving a certain contraband trade,
and that his affairs were so desperate that, even were
it in his inclination, it would not be in his
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power to renew his designs upon me, for he was
instantly thrown into a prison which it was not likely
he would get out of in haste. Missus Brown, who
had touched his fifty guineas advanced to so little purpose
and lost all hopes of the remaining hundred, began to
look upon my treatment of him with a more favorable eye.
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And as they had observed my temper to be perfectly
tractable and conformable to their views, all the girls that
composed her flock were suffered to visit me, and had
their cue to dispose me, by their conversation, to a
perfect resignation of myself to Missus Brown's direction. Accordingly, they
were let in upon me, and all that frolic and
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thoughtless gayety in which those giddy creatures consumed their leisure
made me envy, a condition of which I only saw
the fair side, insomuch that the being one of them
became even my ambition, a disposition which they all carefully cultivated.
And I wanted now nothing but to restore my health,
that I my be able to undergo the ceremony of
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the initiation conversation. Example. All in short, contributed in that
house to corrupt my native purity, which had taken no
route in education. Whilst now the inflammable principle of pleasure,
so easily fired at my age, made strange work within me,
and all the modesty I was brought up in the habit,
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not the instruction of began to melt away like jew
before the sun's heat. Not to mention that I made
a vice of necessity from the constant fears I had
of being turned out to starve. I was soon pretty
well recovered, and at certain hours allowed to range all
over the house, but cautiously kept from seeing any company
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till the arrival of Lord B from Bath, to whom
Missus Brown in respect to his experienced generosity on such
occasions proposed to offer the perusal of that trinket of mine,
which bears so great an imaginary value, and his lordship
being expected in town in less than a fortnight, Missus
Brown judged I would be entirely renewed in beauty and
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freshness by that time, and afford her the chance of
a better bargain than she had driven with mister Crofts.
In the meantime, I was so thoroughly, as they call it,
brought over, so tame to their whistle, that had my
cage door been set open, I had no idea that
I ought to fly anywhere sooner than stay where I was,
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nor had I the least sense of regretting my condition,
but waited very quietly for whatever Missus Brown should order
concerning me, who, on her side, by herself and her agents,
took more than the necessary precautions to lull and lay asleep,
All just reflections on my destination. Preachments of morality over
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the left shoulder, a life of joy painted in the
gayest colors, caresses promises, indulgent treatment. Nothing. In short, was
wanting to domesticate me entirely, and to prevent my going
out anywhere to get better advice, alas I dreamed of
no such thing. Hiththerto, I had been indebted only to
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the girls of the house for the corruption of my innocence.
Their luscious talk, in which modesty was far from respected,
their description of their engagements with men, had given me
a tolerable insight into the nature and mysteries of their profession,
at the same time that they highly provoked an itch
of florid, warm spirited blood through every vein. But above
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all my bed fellow, Phoebe, whose pupil I more immediately was,
exerted her talents in giving me the first tinctures of pleasure.
Whilst nature now warmed and wantoned with discoveries so interesting
piqued a curiosity which Phoebe artfully wetted, and, leading me
from question to question of her own suggestion, explained to
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me all the mysteries of Venus. But I could not
long remain in such a house as that without being
an eye witness of more than I could conceive from
her descriptions. One day, about twelve at noon, being thoroughly
recovered from my fever, I happened to be in Missus
Brown's dark closet, where I had not been half an
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hour resting upon the maid's settle bed before I heard
a rustling in the bed chamber, separated from the closet
only by two sash doors, before the glasses of which
were drawn two yellow damask curtains, but not so close
as to exclude the full view of the room from
any person in the closet. I instantly crept softly and
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posted myself, so that, seeing everything minutely, I could not
myself be seen. And who should come in but the
venerable mother Abbess herself, handed in by a tall, brawny
young horse grenadier molded in the Hercules style, in fine
the choice of the most experienced dame in those affairs
in all London. Oh, how still and hush did I
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keep at my stand, lest any noise should balk my
curiosity of bringing Madam into the closet. But I had
not much reason to fear either, for she was so
entirely taken up with her present great concern that she
had no sense of attention to spare to anything else.
Droll was it to see that clumsy, fat figure of
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hers flopped down on the foot of the bed opposite
to the closet door, so that I had a full
front view of all her charms. Her paramour sat down
by her. He seemed to be a man of very
few words and a great stomach for proceeding instantly to
the essentials. He gave her some hearty smacks, and, thrusting
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his hands into her breasts, disengaged them from her stays
in scorn of whose confinement they broke loose and swagged
down naval low. At least a more enormous pair did
my eyes never behold, nor of a worse color, flagging, soft,
and most lovingly contiguous. Yet such as they were, this
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neck beef eater seemed to paw them with a most
unenviable gust, seeking in vain to confine or cover one
of them with a hand scarce less than a shoulder
of mutton. After toying with them thus some time, as
if they had been worth it, he laid her down
pretty briskly, and canting up her petticoat, made barely a
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mask of them, to her broad red face that blushed
with nothing but brandy. As he stood on one side,
unbuttoning his waistcoat and breeches, Her fat brawny thighes hung down,
and the whole greasy landscape lay fairly open to my view.
A wide, open mouthed gap, overshaded with a grisly bush,
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seemed held out like a beggar's wallet for its provision.
But I soon had my eyes called off by a
more striking object that entirely engrossed them. Her sturdy stallion
had now unbu and produced, naked, stiff, and erect, that
wonderful machine which I had never seen before, and which,
for the interest my own seat of pleasure began to
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take furiously. In it I stared at with all the
eyes I had. However, my senses were too much flurried,
too much consented in that now burning spot of mine,
to observe anything more than, in general the make and
turn of that instrument, from which the instinct of nature,
yet more than all I had heard of it, now
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strongly informed me I was to expect that supreme pleasure
which she had placed in the meeting of those parts
so admirably fitted for each other. Long however, the young
spark did not remain before giving it two or three shakes.
By way of brandishing it, he threw himself upon her,
and his back being now towards me, I could only
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take his being engulfed for granted by the directions he
moved in, and the impossibility of missing so sticking a mark.
And now the beds shook, the curtains rattled, so that
I could scarce hear the sighs and murmurs, the heaves
and pantings that accompanied the action from the beginning to
the end, the sound, in sight of which thrilled to
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the very soul of me, and made every vein of
my body circulate liquid fires. The emotion grew so violent
that it almost intercepted my respiration. Prepared then and disposed
as I was by the discourse of my companions and
Phoebe's minute detail of everything, no wonder that such a
sight gave the last dying blow to my native innocence.
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Whilst they were in the heat of the action. Guided
by nature only, I stole my hand, up my petticoats,
and with fingers all on fire, seized and yet more
inflamed that center of all my senses. My heart palpitated
as if it would force its way through my bosom.
I breathed with pain. I twisted my thighs, wheezed, and
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compressed the lips of that virgin slit, and following mechanically
the example of Phoebe's manual operation on it, as far
as I could find admission, brought on at last the
critical ecstasy. The melting flow into which nature spent with
excess of pleasure, dissolves and dies away, after which my
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senses recovered coolness enough to observe the rest of the
transaction between this happy pair. The young fellow had just
dismounted when the old lady immediately sprung up with all
the vigor of youth, derived no doubt from her late refreshment,
and making him sit down, began in her turn to
kiss him, to pat and pinch his cheeks, and play
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with his hair, all which he received with an air
of indifference and coolness that showed him to me much
altered from what he was when he first went on
to the breach. My pious governess, however, not being above
calling in auxiliaries, unlocks of little case of cordials that
stood near the bed, and made him pledge her in
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a very plentiful dram after which and a little amorous parley,
Madam sat herself down upon the same place at the
bed's foot, and the young fellow standing sideway by her, She,
with the greatest effrontery imaginable, unbuttons his breeches, and removing
his shirt, draws out his affair so shrunk and diminished
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that I could not but remember the difference now crestfallen
or just faintly lifting its head. But our experienced matron
very soon, by chafing it with her hands, brought it
to swell to that size and erection I had before
seen it up to. I admired, then, upon a fresh account,
and with a nicer survey, the texture of that capital
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part of a man, the flaming red head as it
stood uncapped, the whiteness of the shaft, and a shrub
growth of curling hair that embrowned the roots of it,
the roundish bag that dangled down from it, all exacted
my eager attention and renewed my flame. But as the
main affair was now at the point the industrious dame
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had labored to bring it to, she was not in
the humor to put off the payment of her pains, but,
laying herself down, drew him gently upon her, and thus
they finished in the same manner as before the old
last act. This over they both went out lovingly together,
the old Lady having first made him a present, as
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near as I could observe, of three or four pieces,
he being not only her particular favorite on account of
his performances, but a retainer to the house from whose
sight she had taken great care. He tearedo to secret me,
lest he might not have had patience to wait for
my lord's arrival, but have insisted on being his taster,
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which the old lady was under too much subjection to
him to dare dispute with him, for every girl of
the house fell to him in course, and the old
lady only now and then got her turn, in consideration
of the maintenance he had, and which he could scarce
be accused of not earning from her. As soon as
I heard them go downstairs, I stole up softly to
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my own room, out of which I had luckily not
been missed. There I began to breathe fear, and to
give a loose to those warm emotions which the sight
of such an encounter had raised in me. I laid
me down on the bed, stretched myself out, joining and ardently,
wishing and requiring any means to divert or allay the
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rekindled rage and tumult of my desires, which all pointed
strongly to their pole man. I felt about the bed
as if I sought for something that I grasped in
my waking dream, and, not finding it, could have cried
for vexation, every part of me glowing with stimulating fires.
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At length, I resorted to the only present remedy, that
of attempts at digitation, where the smallness of the theater
did not yet afford room enough for action, and where
the pain my fingers gave me in striving for admission,
though they procured me a slight satisfaction for the present,
started an apprehension which I could not be easy till
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I had communicated to Phoebe and received her explanations upon it.
The opportunity, however, did not offer till next morning, for
Phoebe did not come to bed till long after I
was gone to sleep. As soon then as we were
both awake. It was but in course to bring our
lyabd chat to land on the subject of my uneasiness,
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to which a recital of the love scene I had
thus by chance been spectatress off served for a preface.
Phoebe could not bear it to the end without more
than one interruption by peals of laughter, and my ingenious
way of relating matters did not a little heighten the
joke to her, But on her sounding me how the
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sight had affected me, without mincing or hiding the pleasurable
emotions it had inspired me with, I told her at
the same time that one remark had perplexed me, and
that very considerably, I said she, What was that, why,
replied I, Having very curiously and attentively compared the size
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of that enormous machine, which did not appear, at least
to my fearful imagination less than my wrist, and at
least three of my handfuls long, to that of the
tender small part of me which was framed to receive it.
I cannot conceive its being possible to afford it entrance
without dying, perhaps in the greatest pain, since you well
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know that even a finger thrust in there hurts me
beyond bearing. As to my mistresses and yours, I can
plainly distinguish a different dimensions of them from mine, palpable
to the touch and visible to the eye, so that
in short, great as the promised pleasure may be, I
am afraid of the pain of the experiment. Phoebe at
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this redoubled her laugh, and whilst I expected a very
serious solution of my doubts and apprehensions in this matter,
only told me that she never heard of a mortal
wound being given in those parts by that terrible weapon,
and that some she knew, younger and as delicately made
as myself, had outlived the operation. That she believed, at
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the worst I should take a great deal of killing.
That true it was, there was a great diversity of
sizes in those parts, owing to nature child bearing frequent
overstretching with unmerciful machines, but that at a certain age
and habit of body, even the most experience in those
affairs could not well distinguish between the maid and the woman,
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supposing to an absence of all artifice and things in
their natural situation. That since chance had thrown in my
way one side of that sort, she would procure me
another that should feast my eyes more delicately and go
a great way in the cure of my fears from
that imaginary disproportion. On this, she asked me if I
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knew Polly Phillips undoubtedly says I the fair girl, which
was so tender of me when I was sick, and
has been, as you told me, but two months in
the house the same, says Phoebe. You must know then
she is kept by a young Genuesese merchant, whom his uncle,
who is immensely rich, and whose darling he is sent
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over here with an English merchant his friend, on a
pretext of settling some accounts, but in reality to humor
his inclinations for traveling and seeing the world. He met
casually with this Polly, once in company, and taking a
liking to her, makes it worth her while to keep
entirely to him. He it comes to her here twice
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or thrice a week, and she receives him in her
light closet up one pair of stairs, where he enjoys
her in a taste. I suppose peculiar to the heat,
or perhaps the caprices of his own country. I say
no more, but to morrow, being his day, you shall
see what passes between them from a place only known
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to your mistress and myself. You may be sure in
the ply I was now taking, I had no objection
to the proposal, and was rather a tiptoe for its accomplishment.
At five in the evening next day, Phoebe, punctual to
her promise, came to me as I sat alone in
my own room, and beckoned me to follow her. We
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went down the back stairs very softly, and opening the
door of a dark closet where there was some old
furniture kept and some cases of liquor. She drew me
in after her, and fastening the door upon us. We
had no light, but what came through a long crevice
in the partition between ours and the light closet where
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the scene of action lay, so that, sitting on those
low cases, we could, with the greatest ease as well
as clearness, see all objects ourselves unseen only by applying
our eyes close to the crevice where the molding of
a panel had warped or started a little on the
other side. The young gentleman was the first person I saw,
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with his back directly towards me, looking at a print.
Polly was not yet come in less than a minute,
though the door opened and she came in, and at
the noise door made, he turned about and came to
meet her with an air of the greatest tenderness and satisfaction.
After saluting her, he led her to a couch that
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fronted us, where they both sat down, and the young
genuine helped her to a glass of wine with some
naples biscuit on a salver. Presently, when they had exchanged
a few kiss and questions in broken English on one side,
he began to unbutton and in fine stripped to his shirt,
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as if this had been the signal greed on for
pulling off all their clothes, the scheme which the heat
of the season perfectly favored. Polly began to draw her pins,
and as she had no stays to unlace, she was
in a trice with her gallant's officious assistance, undressed to
all but her shift. When he saw this, his breeshes
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were immediately loosened waist in knee bands and slipped over
his ankles clean off. His shirt collar was unbuttoned too, then,
first giving Polly an encouraging kiss, he stole as it
were the shift of the girl, who, being I suppose,
broke and familiarized to this humor, blushed indeed, but less
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denied did at the apparition of her, now standing stark naked,
just as she came out of the hands of pure
nature with her black hair loose and afloat down her
dazzling white neck and shoulders, whilst the deep incarnation of
her cheeks went off gradually into the hue of glazed snow.
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For such were the blended tints and polish of her skin.
The girl could not be above eighteen, her face regular
and sweet featured, her shape exquisite, Nor could I help
envying her two ripe and chanting breasts, finely plumped out
in flesh, but withal so round, so firm that they
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sustained themselves in scorn of any stay. Then their nipples,
pointing different ways, marked their pleasing separation. Beneath them lay
the delicious tract of the belly, which terminated in a
parting or rift. Scarce discernible that modesty seemed to retire
downwards and seek shelter between two plump, fleshy thighs. The
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curling hair that overspread its delightful front clothed it with
the richest sable fur in the universe. In short, she
was evidently a subject for the painters to court, her,
sitting to them for a pattern of female beauty in
all the true price and pomp of nakedness. The young
Italian still in his shirt, stood gazing and transported at
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the sight of beauties that might have fired a dying hermit.
His eager eyes devoured her, and she shifted attitudes at
his discretion. Neither were his hands excluded their share of
the high feast, but wandered on the hunt of pleasure
over every part an inch of her body, so qualified
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to afford the most exquisite sense of it. In the meantime,
one could not help observing the swell of his shirt.
Before that bolstered out and showed the condition of things
behind the curtain, But he soon removed it by slipping
his shirt over his head. And now as to nakedness,
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they had nothing to reproach one another. The young gentleman,
by Phoebe's guess, was about two and twenty, tall and
well limbed. His body was finely formed and of a
most vigorous make, square shouldered and broad chested. His face
was not remarkable in any way, but for a nose
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inclining to the Roman eyes large black and sparkling, and
a ruddiness in his cheeks that was the more a grace.
For his complexion was of the brownest, not of that
dusky dun color, which excludes the idea of freshness, but
of that clear olive glass, which, glowing with life, dazzles
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perhaps less than fairness, and yet pleases more when it
pleases at all. His hair, being too short to tie,
fell no lower than his neck in short, easy curls,
and he had a few springs about his paps that
garnished his chest in a style of strength and manliness.
Then his grand movement, which seemed to rise out of
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a thicket of curling hair that spread from de root
all round thighs and belly up to the navel, stood
stiff and upright, but of a size to frighten me
by sympathy for the small tender part which was the
object of its fury, and which now lay exposed to
my fairest view. For he had, immediately, on stripping off
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his shirt, gently pushed her down on the couch, which
stood conveniently to break her willing fall. Her thighs were
spread out to their utmost extension, and discovered between them
the mark of the sex, the red centered cleft of flesh,
whose lips, vermillioning inwards, expressed a small rubid line. In
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sweet miniature such as Guido's touch of coloring could never
attain to the life or delicacy of Phoebe. At this
gave me a gentle job to prepare me for a
whispered question whether I thought my little maiden head was
much less, but my attention was too much engrossed, too
much enrapt with all I saw to be able to
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give her any answer. By this time the young gentleman
had changed her posture from lying breath to lengthwise on
the couch, but her thighs were still spread, and the
mark lay fair for him, who, now kneeling between them,
displayed to us a side view of that fierce erect
machine of his, which threatened no less than splitting the
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tender victim, who lay smiling at the uplifted stroke, nor
seemed to decline it. He looked upon his weapon himself
with some pleasure, and guiding it with his hand to
the inviting slit, drew aside the lips and lodged it
after some thrusts, which Polly seemed even to assist about
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half way. But there it stuck, I suppose from its
growing thickness. He draws it again, and just wetting it
with spittle, re enters and with ease. Sheathed it now
up to the hilt, at which Polly gave a deep sigh,
which was quite another tone than one of pain. He thrusts.
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She heaves, at first gently and in regular cadence, but
presently the transport began to be too violent to observe
any order or measure. Their motions were too rapid, their
kisses too feerce and fervent for nature to support such fury.
Long both seemed to me out of themselves. Their eyes
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darted fires. Oh oh, I can't bear it, it's too much,
I'd die, I'm going, were Polly's expressions of ecstasy. His
joys were more silent, but soon broken. Murmurs, sighs, heart fetched,
and at length a despatching frost, as if he would
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have forced himself up her body, and then motionless languor
of all his limbs all showed that the die away
moment was come upon him, which she gave signs of
joining with by the wild frowing of her hands, about,
closing her eyes, and giving a deep sob, in which
she seemed to expire in an agony of bliss. When
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he had finished his stroke and got off from her,
she lay still without the least motion, breathless as it
should seem, with pleasure. He replaced her again, breathwise on
the couch, unable to sit up, with her thighs open,
between which I could observe a kind of white liquid
like froth, hanging about the outward lips of that recently
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opened wound, which now glowed with a deeper red. Presently,
she gets up, and, throwing her arms round him, seemed
far from undelighted with the trial he had put her to.
To judge at least the fondness with which she eyed
and hung upon him. For my part, I will not
pretend to describe what I felt all over majuring this scene.
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But from that instant adieu, all fears of what man
could do unto me they were now changed into such
ardent desires, such ungovernable longings, that I could have pulled
the first of fat sex that should present himself by
the sleeve, and offered him the bauble which I now
imagined the laws of would be again. I could not
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too soon procure myself. Phoebe, who had more experience, and
to whom such sights were not so new, could not, however,
be unmoved at so warm a scene, and, drawing me
softly from the peep hole for fear of being overheard,
guided me as near the door as possible, all passive
and obedient to her least signals. Here was no room
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to either sit or lie, but making me stand with
my back towards the door, she lifted up my petticoats,
and with her busy fingers failed to visit and explore
that part of me where now the heat and irritations
were so violent that I was perfectly sick and ready
to die with desire. That the bare touch of her
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finger in that critical place had the effect of a
fire to a train, and her hand instantly made her
sensible to what a pitch I was wound up and
melted by the side. She had thus procured me satisfied. Then,
with her success in allaying a heat that would have
made me impatient of seeing the continuation of the transactions
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between our amorous couple, she brought me again to the
crevice so favorable to our curiosity. We had certainly been
but a few instants away from it, and yet on
our return we saw everything in good forwardness for recommencing
the tender hostilities the young foreigner was sitting down fronting
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us on the couch, with Polly upon one knee, who
had her arms round his neck, whilst the extreme whiteness
of her skin was not undelightfully contrasted by the smooth,
glossy brown of her lovers. But who could count the fierce,
unnumbered kisses given and taken, in which I could often
discover their exchanging the velvet frost, when both their mouths
(32:24):
were double tongued, and seemed to favor the mutual insertion
with the greatest gust and delight. In the meantime, his
red headed champion, that has so lately fled the pit,
quelled and abashed, was now recovered to the top of
his condition, perked and crusted up between Polly's sighs, who
(32:45):
was not wanting on her part to coax and keep
it in good humor, stroking it with her head down,
and received even its velvet tip between the lips of
not its proper mouth. Whether she did this out of
an any particular pleasure, or whether it was to render
it more glib and easy of entrance, I could not tell.
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But it had such an effect that the young gentleman
seemed by his eyes that sparkled with more excited luster
and his inflamed countenance. To receive increase of pleasure, he
got up, and, taking Polly in his arms, embraced her
and said something too softly for me to hear, leading
her withal to the foot of the couch, and taking
(33:29):
delight to slap her thighs and posteriors with that stiff
sinew of his, which hit them with the spring that
he gave it with his hand, and made them resound again,
But hurt her about as much as he meant to
hurt her, for she seemed to have as frolic a
taste as himself. But guess my surprise when I saw
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the lazy young robe lie down on his back and
gently pulled down Polly upon him, who, giving way to
his humors, straddled and with her hands, conducted her blind
favorite to the right place, and, following her impulse, ran
directly upon the flaming point of this weapon of pleasure,
which she staked herself upon, up pierced and infixed to
(34:12):
the extremest hair breadth of it. Thus she sat on
him a few instants, enjoying and relishing her situation, whilst
he toyed with her provoking breasts. Sometimes she would stoop
to meet his kiss, but presently the sting of pleasure
spurred them up to fierce. Her action. Then began the
(34:33):
storm of heaves, which from the undermost combatant were thrusts
at the same time, he crossing his hands over her
and drawing her home to him with the sweet violence.
The inverted strokes of envil over hammer soon brought on
the critical period in which all the signs of a
close conspiring ecstasy informed us of the point they were at.
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For me, I could bear to see no more. I
was so overcome, so inflamed at the second part of
the same play, that mad to un intolerable degree. I hugged,
I clasped Phoebe as if she had the wherewithal to
relieve me. Pleased, however, with and pitying the taking she
could feel me in, she drew me towards the door,
(35:21):
and opening it as softly as she could. We both
got off undiscovered, and she reconducted me to my own room, where,
unable to keep my legs in the agitation I was in,
I instantly threw myself down on the bed, where I
lay transported, though ashamed at what I felt. Phoebe lay
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down by me and asked me archly, if, now that
I had seen the enemy and fully considered him, I
was still afraid of him? Or did I think I
could venture to come to a close engagement with him?
To all which not a word on my side, I sighed,
and could scarce breathe. She takes hold of my hand, and,
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having rolled up her own petticoats, forced it half, strivingly
towards those parts where now grown more, knowing I missed
the main object of my wishes, and finding not even
the shadow of what I wanted, where everything was so
flat or so hollow in the vexation I was in
at it, I should have withdrawn my hand, but for
(36:24):
fear of disobliging her, abandoning it then entirely to her management,
she made use of it, as she thought proper, to
procure herself, rather the shadow than the substance of any pleasure.
For my part, I now pined for more solid food,
and promised tacitly to myself that I would not be
put off much longer with this foolery from woman to
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woman if missus Brown did not soon provide me with
the essential specific In short, I had all the air
of not being able to wait the arrival of my
Lord b though he was now expected in the very
few days. Nor did I wait for him, for love
itself took charge of the disposal of me in spite
(37:07):
of interest or gross lust. It was now two days
after the closet scene that I got up about six
in the morning, and, leaving my bed fellow fast asleep,
stole down with no other thought than of taking a
little fresh air in a small garden which our back
parlor opened into, and from which my confinement debarred me.
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At the times company came to the house, But now
sleep in silence reigned all over it. I opened the
parlor door, and well surprised was I at seeing by
the side of a fire, half out a young gentleman
in the old lady's elbow chair, with his legs laid
upon another fast asleep, and left there by his thoughtless companions,
(37:53):
who had drank him down, and then went off with
every one his mistress, whilst he stayed behind by the
see of the old matron, who would not disturb or
turn him out in that condition. At one in the
morning and beds. It is more than probable there were
none to spare. On the table still remained the punch
(38:13):
bowl and glasses strewed about in their usual disorder after
a drunken rebel. But when I drew nearer to view
the sleeping astray heavens, what a sight. No no term
of years, no turn of fortune, could ever erase the
lightning like impression his form made on me. Yes, dearest
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object of my earliest passion, I command forever the remembrance
of thy first appearance to my ravished eyes. It calls
thee up present, and I see THEE now figure to yourself, madam,
a fair stripling between eighteen and nineteen, with his head
reclined on one of the sides of the chair, His
(39:00):
hair in disordered curls irregularly, shading a face on which
all the roseate bloom of youth and all the manly
graces conspired to fix my eyes and heart. Even the
languor and paleness of his face, in which the momentary
triumph of the lily over the rose was owing to
the excesses of the night, gave an inexpressible sweetness to
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the finest features imaginable. His eyes, closed in sleep, displayed
the meeting edges of their lids, beautifully bordered with long eyelashes,
over which no pencil could have described. Two more regular
arches than dose that grazed his forehead, which was high,
perfectly white and smooth. Then a pair of vermilion lips,
(39:48):
pouting and swelling to the touch, as if a bee
had freshly stung them, seemed to challenge me to get
the gloves off. This lovely sleeper had not the modesty
and rest respect, which in both sexes are insuperable from
a true passion checked my impulses. But on seeing his
shirt collar unbuttoned and a bosom whiter than a drift
(40:11):
of snow, the pleasure of considering it could not bribe
me to lengthen it at the hazard of a health
that began to be my life's concern. Love that made
me timid taught me to be tender too. With a
trembling hand, I took hold of one of his, and
waking him as gently as possible. He started, and, looking
(40:33):
at first a little wildly, said, with a voice that
sent its harmonious sound to my heart. Pray, child, what
o'clock is it? I told him, and added that he
might catch cold if he slept longer with his breast
open in the cool of the morning air. On this
he thanked me with a sweetness perfectly agreeing with that
(40:54):
of his features and eyes. The last, now broad open
and eagerly surveyed me, carried the sprightly fires they sparked
with directly to my heart. It seems that having drank
too freely before he came upon the rake with some
of his young companions, he had put himself out of
a condition to go through all the weapons with them,
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and crowned the knight with getting a mistress, so that
seeing me in the loose undress, he did not doubt
but I was one of the misses of the house,
sent in to repair his loss of time. But though
he seized that notion, and a very obvious one, it
was without hesitation yet whether my figure made a more
(41:38):
than ordinary impression on him, or whether it was natural politeness.
He addressed me in a manner far from roode, though
still on the foot of one of the house pliers,
come to amuse him, and giving me the first kiss
that I ever relished from man in my life, asked
me if I could favor him with my company, assuring
(41:59):
me that he would make it worth my while, but
had not even new born love, that true refiner of lust,
opposed so sudden a surrender. The fear of being surprised
by the house was a sufficient bar to my compliance.
I told him then, in a tone set me by
love itself, that for reasons I had not time to
(42:20):
explain to him, I could not stay with him, and
might not even ever see him again. With a sigh
at these last words, which broke from the bottom of
my heart, my conqueror, who, as he afterwards told me,
had been struck with my appearance and liked me as
much as he could think of liking any one in
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my supposed way of life, asked me briskly at once
if I would be kept by him, and that he
would take a lodging for me directly and relieve me
from any engagements. He presumed I might be under to
the house rash, sudden, undigested, and even dangerous, as this
offer might be from a perfect stranger, and that stranger
(43:03):
a giddy boy. The prodigious love I was struck with
for him had put a charm into his voice. There
was no resisting and blinded me to every objection I could,
at that instant have died for him, think if I
could resist an invitation to live with him. Thus, my heart,
(43:24):
beating strong to the proposal, dictated my answer, after scarce
a minute's pause, that I would accept of his offer
and make my escape to him in what way he pleased,
and that I would be entirely at his disposal, let
it be good or bad. I have often since wondered
that so great an easiness did not disgust him or
(43:46):
make me too cheap in his eyes. But my fate
had so appointed it that, in his fears of the
hazard of the town, he had been some time looking
out for a girl to take into keeping, and my
person happening to hit his fancy. It was, by one
of those miracles reserved to love, that we struck the
bargain in the instant, which we sealed by an exchange
(44:09):
of kisses, that the hopes of a more uninterrupted enjoyment
engaged him to content himself with. Never, however, did dear
youth carry in his person more wherewith to justify the
turning of a girl's head and making her set all
consequences at defiance for the sake of following a gallant,
(44:30):
For besides all the perfections of manly beauty which were
assembled in his form, he had an air of neatness
and gentility, a certain smartness in the carriage and port
of his head that yet more distinguished him. His eyes
were sprightly and full of meaning. His looks had in
them something at once sweet and commanding. His complexion out
(44:53):
bloomed the lovely colored rose, while its inimitable tender, vivid
glow clearly save from the reproach of wanting life of
raw and dough like, which is commonly made to those
so extremely fair as he was. Our little plan was
that I should get out about seven the next morning,
(45:14):
which I could readily promise, as I knew where to
get the key of the street door, and he would
wait at the end of the street with a coach
to convey me safe off, after which he would send
and clear any debt incurred by my stay at missus Brown's,
who he only judged in gross might not care to
part with one he thought so fit to draw custom
(45:36):
to the house. I then just hinted to him not
to mention in the house his having seen such a
person as me, for reasons I would explain to him
more at leisure. Then, for fear of a miscarrying by
being seen together, I tore myself from him with a
bleeding heart, and stole up softly to my room, where
(45:57):
I found Phoebe, still fast asleep, and hurrying off my
few clothes lay down by her. With a mixture of
joy and anxiety that may be easier conceived than expressed.
The risks of missus Brown's discovering my purpose of disappointments
misery ruin all vanished before this new kindled flame, the seeing,
(46:20):
the touching, the being. If but for a night with
this idol of my fond, virgin heart appeared to me
a happiness above the purchase of my liberty or life,
he might use me ill let him. He was the master, happy,
too happy even to receive death. At so dear a
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hand to this purpose were the reflections of the whole day,
of which every minute seemed to me a little eternity.
How often did I visit the clock, Nay, was tempted
to advance a tedious hand, as if that would have
advanced the time with it. Had those of the house
made the least observations on me, they must have remarked
(47:04):
something extraordinary from the discomposure I could not help betraying,
especially when at dinner mention was made of the charmingest
youth having been there and stayed breakfast. Oh, he was
such a beauty. I should have died for him. They
would pull caps for him. And the fooleries, which, however,
(47:25):
was throwing oil on a fire. I was sorely put
to it to smother the blaze of the fluctuations of
my mind. The whole day produced one good effect, which
was that, through mere fatigue I slept tolerably well till
five in the morning, when I got up, and, having
dressed myself, waited under the double tortures of fear and
(47:46):
impatience for the appointed hour. It came. At last, the dear, critical,
dangerous hour came, and, now supported only by the courage
love lent me, I ventured a tiptoe downstairs, leaving my
box behind for fear of being surprised with it. In
going out, I got to the street door, the key
(48:07):
whereof was always laid on the chair by our bedside,
in trusted with Phoebe, who, having not the least suspicion
of my entertaining any design to go from them, nor
indeed had I, but the day before made no reserve
or concealment of it from me. I opened the door
with great ease. Love that emboldened protected me too, and
(48:29):
now got safe into the street. I saw my new
guardian angel waiting at the coach door, ready open. How
I got to him I know not. I suppose I flew,
But I was in the coach in a trice, and
he by the side of me, with his arms clasped
round me and giving me the kiss of welcome. The
(48:50):
coachman had his orders and drove to them. My eyes
were instantly filled with tears, but tears of the most
delicious delight. To find myself in the arms of that
beauteous youth was a rapture that my little heart swam
in past or future were equally out of the question
with me The present was as much as all my
(49:12):
powers of life were sufficient to bear the transport of
without fainting. Nor were the most tender embraces, the most
soothing expressions, wanting on his side to assure me of
his love and of never giving me cause to repent
the bold step I had taken in throwing myself thus
entirely upon his honor and generosity. But alas this was
(49:36):
no merit in me, for I was drove to it
by a passion too impetuous for me to resist. And
I did what I did because I could not help
it in that instant, for time was now annihilated with me.
We landed at a public house in Chelsea, hospitably commodious
for the reception of duet parties of pleasure, where a
(49:58):
breakfast of chocolate was prepared for us. An old, jolly
stager who kept it and understood life perfectly well, breakfasted
with us and leering archly at me, gave us both
joy and said we were well paired in faith that
a great many gentlemen and ladies used his house, but
(50:19):
he had never seen a handsomer couple. He was sure
I was a fresh peace. I looked so country, so innocent. Well,
my spouse was a lucky man, all which the common
landlords can't not only pleased and soothed me, but helped
to divert my confusion at being with my new sovereign, whom,
(50:39):
now the minute approached, I began to fear to be
alone with a timidity which true love had a greater
share in than even maiden bashfulness. I wished, I dotd
I could have died for him. And yet I know
not how or why I dreaded the point which had
been the object of my fears. Wishes, My pulses beat
(51:02):
fears amidst a flush of the warmest desires. This struggle
of the passions, however, this conflict betwixt modesty and lovesick longings,
made me burst again into tears, which he took, as
he had done before, only for the remains of concern
and emotion at the suddenness of my change of condition,
(51:23):
in committing myself to his care, and in consequence of
that idea, did and said all that he thought would
most comfort and reinspirit me. After breakfast, Charles, the dear
familiar name, I must take the liberty henceforward to distinguish
my adorness by, with a smile full of meaning, took
(51:44):
me gently by the hand and said, come, my dear,
I will show you a room that commands a fine
prospect over some gardens. And without waiting for an answer,
in which he relieved me extremely, he led me up
into a chamber airy and lightsome, where all seeing of
prospects was out of the question, except that of a
(52:04):
bed which had all the air of having recommended the
room to him. Charles had just slipped the bolt of
the door, and running caught me in his arms, and,
lifting me from the ground, with his lips glued to mine,
bore me trembling, panting, dying with soft fears and tender
wishes to the bed, where his impatience would not suffer
(52:26):
him to undress me more than just unpinning my handkerchief
and gown and unlacing my stays. My bosom was now
bare and rising in the warmest frobs presented to his sight,
and feeling the firm, hard swell of a pair of
young breasts such as may be imagined of a girl
not sixteen, fresh out of the country and never before handled.
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But even their pride, whiteness, fashion pleasing resistance to the
touch could not bribe his restless hands from roving. But
giving them the loose my petticoats and shift were soon
taken up, and their stronger center of attraction laid open
to their tender invasion. My fears, however, made me mechanically
(53:12):
close my thighs, but the very touch of his hand
insinuated between them, disclosed them, and opened away for the
main attack. In the meantime, I lay fairly exposed to
the examination of his eyes and hands, quiet and unresisting,
which confirmed him the opinion he proceeded so cavalierly upon
(53:33):
that I was no novice in these matters, since he
had taken me out of a common body house. Nor
had I said one thing to prepossess him of my virginity,
And if I had, he would sooner have believed it
that I took him for a collie that would swallow
such an improbability than that I was still mistress of
the darling treasure that hid in mine, so eagerly sought
(53:57):
after by the men, and which they never dake for
but to destroy. Being now too high wound up to
bear a delay, he unbuttoned, and, drawing out the engine
of love, assaults drove it currently as at already made breach. Then, then,
for the first time did I feel that stiff horn,
(54:18):
hard gristle battering against the tender part. But imagine to
yourself his surprise when he found, after several vigorous pushes
which hurt me extremely, that he made not the least impression.
I complained, but tenderly complained that I could not bear it.
Indeed he hurt me. Still, he thought no more than that,
(54:40):
being so young, the largeness of his machine, for few
men could dispute sighs with him, made all the difficulty,
And that possible, I had not been enjoyed by any
so advantageously made in that part as himself. For still,
that my virgin flower was yet uncropped, never entered into
his head, and he would have thought it idling with
(55:02):
time and words to have questioned me upon it. He
tries again. Still no admittance, still no penetration. But he
had hurt me yet more, whilst my extreme love made
me bear extreme pain, almost without a groan. At length,
after repeated fruitless trials, he lay down, panting by me,
(55:24):
kissed my falling tears, and asked me tenderly, what was
the meaning of so much complaining? And if I had
not borne it better from others than I did from him?
I answered, with a simplicity framed to persuade that he
was the first man that ever served me. So. Truth
is powerful, and it is not always that we do
(55:45):
not believe what we eagerly wish end of section two,
Section two of Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure. This
LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Memoirs of a
Woman of Pleasure by John Cleland letter the first part
two about eleven at night, my two ladies came home, and,
(00:21):
having received rather a favorable account from Martha, who had
run down to let them in for mister Croft's that
was the name of my brute, was gone out of
the house. After waiting till he had tired his patience
for Missus Browne's return. They came thundering up stairs, and
seeing me pale, my face bloody, and all the marks
(00:43):
of the most thorough dejection, they employed themselves more to
comfort and reinspirit me than in making me the reproaches.
I was weak enough to fear I who had so
many jesture, and stronger to retort upon them. Missus brown
withdrawn Phoebe, came presently to bed to me, and what
with the answer she drew from me, what with her
(01:04):
own method of palpably satisfying herself. She soon discovered that
I had been more frightened than hurt, upon which I suppose,
being herself seized with sleep and reserving her lectures and
instructions till the next morning she left me properly, speaking
to my unrest, For after tossing and turning the greatest
(01:25):
part of the night, and tormenting myself with the falsest
notions and apprehensions of things, I fell, through mere fatigue
into a kind of delirious doze, out of which I
waked late in the morning in a violent fever, a
circumstance which was extremely critical to reprieve me, at least
for a time, from the attacks of a wretch infinitely
(01:47):
more terrible to me than death itself. The interested care
that was taken of me during my illness, in order
to restore me to a condition of making good the
bad's engagements or of enduring further trials, had, however, such
an effect on my grateful disposition, that I even thought
myself obliged to my undoers for their attention to promote
(02:11):
my recovery, and above all, for the keeping out of
my sight of that brutal ravisher, the author of my disorder.
On their finding, I was too strongly moved at the
bare mention of his name. Youth is soon raised, and
a few days were sufficient to conquer the fury of
my fever. But what contributed most to my perfect recovery
(02:33):
and to my reconciliation with life, was the timely news
that mister Croft's, who was a merchant of considerable dealings,
was arrested at the King's suit for nearly forty thousand
pounds on account of his driving a certain contraband trade,
and that his affairs were so desperate that, even were
it in his inclination, it would not be in his
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power to renew his designs upon me, for he was
instantly thrown into a prison which it was not likely
he would get out of in haste. Missus Brown, who
had touched his fifty guineas advanced to so little purpose
and lost all hopes of the remaining hundred, began to
look upon my treatment of him with a more favorable eye.
(03:18):
And as they had observed my temper to be perfectly
tractable and conformable to their views, all the girls that
composed her flock were suffered to visit me, and had
their cue to dispose me, by their conversation, to a
perfect resignation of myself to Missus Brown's direction. Accordingly, they
were let in upon me, and all that frolic and
(03:40):
thoughtless gayety in which those giddy creatures consumed their leisure
made me envy, a condition of which I only saw
the fair side, insomuch that the being one of them
became even my ambition, a disposition which they all carefully cultivated.
And I wanted now nothing but to restore my health,
that I my be able to undergo the ceremony of
(04:02):
the initiation conversation. Example. All in short, contributed in that
house to corrupt my native purity, which had taken no
route in education. Whilst now the inflammable principle of pleasure,
so easily fired at my age, made strange work within me,
and all the modesty I was brought up in the habit,
(04:24):
not the instruction of began to melt away like jew
before the sun's heat. Not to mention that I made
a vice of necessity from the constant fears I had
of being turned out to starve. I was soon pretty
well recovered, and at certain hours allowed to range all
over the house, but cautiously kept from seeing any company
(04:45):
till the arrival of Lord B from Bath, to whom
Missus Brown in respect to his experienced generosity on such
occasions proposed to offer the perusal of that trinket of mine,
which bears so great an imaginary value, and his lordship
being expected in town in less than a fortnight, Missus
Brown judged I would be entirely renewed in beauty and
(05:08):
freshness by that time, and afford her the chance of
a better bargain than she had driven with mister Crofts.
In the meantime, I was so thoroughly, as they call it,
brought over, so tame to their whistle, that had my
cage door been set open, I had no idea that
I ought to fly anywhere sooner than stay where I was,
(05:30):
nor had I the least sense of regretting my condition,
but waited very quietly for whatever Missus Brown should order
concerning me, who, on her side, by herself and her agents,
took more than the necessary precautions to lull and lay asleep,
All just reflections on my destination. Preachments of morality over
(05:50):
the left shoulder, a life of joy painted in the
gayest colors, caresses promises, indulgent treatment. Nothing. In short, was
wanting to domesticate me entirely, and to prevent my going
out anywhere to get better advice, alas I dreamed of
no such thing. Hiththerto, I had been indebted only to
(06:11):
the girls of the house for the corruption of my innocence.
Their luscious talk, in which modesty was far from respected,
their description of their engagements with men, had given me
a tolerable insight into the nature and mysteries of their profession,
at the same time that they highly provoked an itch
of florid, warm spirited blood through every vein. But above
(06:34):
all my bed fellow, Phoebe, whose pupil I more immediately was,
exerted her talents in giving me the first tinctures of pleasure.
Whilst nature now warmed and wantoned with discoveries so interesting
piqued a curiosity which Phoebe artfully wetted, and, leading me
from question to question of her own suggestion, explained to
(06:56):
me all the mysteries of Venus. But I could not
long remain in such a house as that without being
an eye witness of more than I could conceive from
her descriptions. One day, about twelve at noon, being thoroughly
recovered from my fever, I happened to be in Missus
Brown's dark closet, where I had not been half an
(07:17):
hour resting upon the maid's settle bed before I heard
a rustling in the bed chamber, separated from the closet
only by two sash doors, before the glasses of which
were drawn two yellow damask curtains, but not so close
as to exclude the full view of the room from
any person in the closet. I instantly crept softly and
(07:39):
posted myself, so that, seeing everything minutely, I could not
myself be seen. And who should come in but the
venerable mother Abbess herself, handed in by a tall, brawny
young horse grenadier molded in the Hercules style, in fine
the choice of the most experienced dame in those affairs
in all London. Oh, how still and hush did I
(08:03):
keep at my stand, lest any noise should balk my
curiosity of bringing Madam into the closet. But I had
not much reason to fear either, for she was so
entirely taken up with her present great concern that she
had no sense of attention to spare to anything else.
Droll was it to see that clumsy, fat figure of
(08:24):
hers flopped down on the foot of the bed opposite
to the closet door, so that I had a full
front view of all her charms. Her paramour sat down
by her. He seemed to be a man of very
few words and a great stomach for proceeding instantly to
the essentials. He gave her some hearty smacks, and, thrusting
(08:44):
his hands into her breasts, disengaged them from her stays
in scorn of whose confinement they broke loose and swagged
down naval low. At least a more enormous pair did
my eyes never behold, nor of a worse color, flagging, soft,
and most lovingly contiguous. Yet such as they were, this
(09:05):
neck beef eater seemed to paw them with a most
unenviable gust, seeking in vain to confine or cover one
of them with a hand scarce less than a shoulder
of mutton. After toying with them thus some time, as
if they had been worth it, he laid her down
pretty briskly, and canting up her petticoat, made barely a
(09:25):
mask of them, to her broad red face that blushed
with nothing but brandy. As he stood on one side,
unbuttoning his waistcoat and breeches, Her fat brawny thighes hung down,
and the whole greasy landscape lay fairly open to my view.
A wide, open mouthed gap, overshaded with a grisly bush,
(09:47):
seemed held out like a beggar's wallet for its provision.
But I soon had my eyes called off by a
more striking object that entirely engrossed them. Her sturdy stallion
had now unbu and produced, naked, stiff, and erect, that
wonderful machine which I had never seen before, and which,
for the interest my own seat of pleasure began to
(10:10):
take furiously. In it I stared at with all the
eyes I had. However, my senses were too much flurried,
too much consented in that now burning spot of mine,
to observe anything more than, in general the make and
turn of that instrument, from which the instinct of nature,
yet more than all I had heard of it, now
(10:30):
strongly informed me I was to expect that supreme pleasure
which she had placed in the meeting of those parts
so admirably fitted for each other. Long however, the young
spark did not remain before giving it two or three shakes.
By way of brandishing it, he threw himself upon her,
and his back being now towards me, I could only
(10:53):
take his being engulfed for granted by the directions he
moved in, and the impossibility of missing so sticking a mark.
And now the beds shook, the curtains rattled, so that
I could scarce hear the sighs and murmurs, the heaves
and pantings that accompanied the action from the beginning to
the end, the sound, in sight of which thrilled to
(11:14):
the very soul of me, and made every vein of
my body circulate liquid fires. The emotion grew so violent
that it almost intercepted my respiration. Prepared then and disposed
as I was by the discourse of my companions and
Phoebe's minute detail of everything, no wonder that such a
sight gave the last dying blow to my native innocence.
(11:38):
Whilst they were in the heat of the action. Guided
by nature only, I stole my hand, up my petticoats,
and with fingers all on fire, seized and yet more
inflamed that center of all my senses. My heart palpitated
as if it would force its way through my bosom.
I breathed with pain. I twisted my thighs, wheezed, and
(12:00):
compressed the lips of that virgin slit, and following mechanically
the example of Phoebe's manual operation on it, as far
as I could find admission, brought on at last the
critical ecstasy. The melting flow into which nature spent with
excess of pleasure, dissolves and dies away, after which my
(12:21):
senses recovered coolness enough to observe the rest of the
transaction between this happy pair. The young fellow had just
dismounted when the old lady immediately sprung up with all
the vigor of youth, derived no doubt from her late refreshment,
and making him sit down, began in her turn to
kiss him, to pat and pinch his cheeks, and play
(12:42):
with his hair, all which he received with an air
of indifference and coolness that showed him to me much
altered from what he was when he first went on
to the breach. My pious governess, however, not being above
calling in auxiliaries, unlocks of little case of cordials that
stood near the bed, and made him pledge her in
(13:04):
a very plentiful dram after which and a little amorous parley,
Madam sat herself down upon the same place at the
bed's foot, and the young fellow standing sideway by her, She,
with the greatest effrontery imaginable, unbuttons his breeches, and removing
his shirt, draws out his affair so shrunk and diminished
(13:26):
that I could not but remember the difference now crestfallen
or just faintly lifting its head. But our experienced matron
very soon, by chafing it with her hands, brought it
to swell to that size and erection I had before
seen it up to. I admired, then, upon a fresh account,
and with a nicer survey, the texture of that capital
(13:48):
part of a man, the flaming red head as it
stood uncapped, the whiteness of the shaft, and a shrub
growth of curling hair that embrowned the roots of it,
the roundish bag that dangled down from it, all exacted
my eager attention and renewed my flame. But as the
main affair was now at the point the industrious dame
(14:09):
had labored to bring it to, she was not in
the humor to put off the payment of her pains, but,
laying herself down, drew him gently upon her, and thus
they finished in the same manner as before the old
last act. This over they both went out lovingly together,
the old Lady having first made him a present, as
(14:30):
near as I could observe, of three or four pieces,
he being not only her particular favorite on account of
his performances, but a retainer to the house from whose
sight she had taken great care. He tearedo to secret me,
lest he might not have had patience to wait for
my lord's arrival, but have insisted on being his taster,
(14:51):
which the old lady was under too much subjection to
him to dare dispute with him, for every girl of
the house fell to him in course, and the old
lady only now and then got her turn, in consideration
of the maintenance he had, and which he could scarce
be accused of not earning from her. As soon as
I heard them go downstairs, I stole up softly to
(15:13):
my own room, out of which I had luckily not
been missed. There I began to breathe fear, and to
give a loose to those warm emotions which the sight
of such an encounter had raised in me. I laid
me down on the bed, stretched myself out, joining and ardently,
wishing and requiring any means to divert or allay the
(15:35):
rekindled rage and tumult of my desires, which all pointed
strongly to their pole man. I felt about the bed
as if I sought for something that I grasped in
my waking dream, and, not finding it, could have cried
for vexation, every part of me glowing with stimulating fires.
(15:55):
At length, I resorted to the only present remedy, that
of attempts at digitation, where the smallness of the theater
did not yet afford room enough for action, and where
the pain my fingers gave me in striving for admission,
though they procured me a slight satisfaction for the present,
started an apprehension which I could not be easy till
(16:19):
I had communicated to Phoebe and received her explanations upon it.
The opportunity, however, did not offer till next morning, for
Phoebe did not come to bed till long after I
was gone to sleep. As soon then as we were
both awake. It was but in course to bring our
lyabd chat to land on the subject of my uneasiness,
(16:41):
to which a recital of the love scene I had
thus by chance been spectatress off served for a preface.
Phoebe could not bear it to the end without more
than one interruption by peals of laughter, and my ingenious
way of relating matters did not a little heighten the
joke to her, But on her sounding me how the
(17:01):
sight had affected me, without mincing or hiding the pleasurable
emotions it had inspired me with, I told her at
the same time that one remark had perplexed me, and
that very considerably, I said she, What was that, why,
replied I, Having very curiously and attentively compared the size
(17:24):
of that enormous machine, which did not appear, at least
to my fearful imagination less than my wrist, and at
least three of my handfuls long, to that of the
tender small part of me which was framed to receive it.
I cannot conceive its being possible to afford it entrance
without dying, perhaps in the greatest pain, since you well
(17:47):
know that even a finger thrust in there hurts me
beyond bearing. As to my mistresses and yours, I can
plainly distinguish a different dimensions of them from mine, palpable
to the touch and visible to the eye, so that
in short, great as the promised pleasure may be, I
am afraid of the pain of the experiment. Phoebe at
(18:09):
this redoubled her laugh, and whilst I expected a very
serious solution of my doubts and apprehensions in this matter,
only told me that she never heard of a mortal
wound being given in those parts by that terrible weapon,
and that some she knew, younger and as delicately made
as myself, had outlived the operation. That she believed, at
(18:31):
the worst I should take a great deal of killing.
That true it was, there was a great diversity of
sizes in those parts, owing to nature child bearing frequent
overstretching with unmerciful machines, but that at a certain age
and habit of body, even the most experience in those
affairs could not well distinguish between the maid and the woman,
(18:54):
supposing to an absence of all artifice and things in
their natural situation. That since chance had thrown in my
way one side of that sort, she would procure me
another that should feast my eyes more delicately and go
a great way in the cure of my fears from
that imaginary disproportion. On this, she asked me if I
(19:15):
knew Polly Phillips undoubtedly says I the fair girl, which
was so tender of me when I was sick, and
has been, as you told me, but two months in
the house the same, says Phoebe. You must know then
she is kept by a young Genuesese merchant, whom his uncle,
who is immensely rich, and whose darling he is sent
(19:39):
over here with an English merchant his friend, on a
pretext of settling some accounts, but in reality to humor
his inclinations for traveling and seeing the world. He met
casually with this Polly, once in company, and taking a
liking to her, makes it worth her while to keep
entirely to him. He it comes to her here twice
(20:01):
or thrice a week, and she receives him in her
light closet up one pair of stairs, where he enjoys
her in a taste. I suppose peculiar to the heat,
or perhaps the caprices of his own country. I say
no more, but to morrow, being his day, you shall
see what passes between them from a place only known
(20:22):
to your mistress and myself. You may be sure in
the ply I was now taking, I had no objection
to the proposal, and was rather a tiptoe for its accomplishment.
At five in the evening next day, Phoebe, punctual to
her promise, came to me as I sat alone in
my own room, and beckoned me to follow her. We
(20:44):
went down the back stairs very softly, and opening the
door of a dark closet where there was some old
furniture kept and some cases of liquor. She drew me
in after her, and fastening the door upon us. We
had no light, but what came through a long crevice
in the partition between ours and the light closet where
(21:04):
the scene of action lay, so that, sitting on those
low cases, we could, with the greatest ease as well
as clearness, see all objects ourselves unseen only by applying
our eyes close to the crevice where the molding of
a panel had warped or started a little on the
other side. The young gentleman was the first person I saw,
(21:27):
with his back directly towards me, looking at a print.
Polly was not yet come in less than a minute,
though the door opened and she came in, and at
the noise door made, he turned about and came to
meet her with an air of the greatest tenderness and satisfaction.
After saluting her, he led her to a couch that
(21:48):
fronted us, where they both sat down, and the young
genuine helped her to a glass of wine with some
naples biscuit on a salver. Presently, when they had exchanged
a few kiss and questions in broken English on one side,
he began to unbutton and in fine stripped to his shirt,
(22:09):
as if this had been the signal greed on for
pulling off all their clothes, the scheme which the heat
of the season perfectly favored. Polly began to draw her pins,
and as she had no stays to unlace, she was
in a trice with her gallant's officious assistance, undressed to
all but her shift. When he saw this, his breeshes
(22:30):
were immediately loosened waist in knee bands and slipped over
his ankles clean off. His shirt collar was unbuttoned too, then,
first giving Polly an encouraging kiss, he stole as it
were the shift of the girl, who, being I suppose,
broke and familiarized to this humor, blushed indeed, but less
(22:52):
denied did at the apparition of her, now standing stark naked,
just as she came out of the hands of pure
nature with her black hair loose and afloat down her
dazzling white neck and shoulders, whilst the deep incarnation of
her cheeks went off gradually into the hue of glazed snow.
(23:12):
For such were the blended tints and polish of her skin.
The girl could not be above eighteen, her face regular
and sweet featured, her shape exquisite, Nor could I help
envying her two ripe and chanting breasts, finely plumped out
in flesh, but withal so round, so firm that they
(23:33):
sustained themselves in scorn of any stay. Then their nipples,
pointing different ways, marked their pleasing separation. Beneath them lay
the delicious tract of the belly, which terminated in a
parting or rift. Scarce discernible that modesty seemed to retire
downwards and seek shelter between two plump, fleshy thighs. The
(23:57):
curling hair that overspread its delightful front clothed it with
the richest sable fur in the universe. In short, she
was evidently a subject for the painters to court, her,
sitting to them for a pattern of female beauty in
all the true price and pomp of nakedness. The young
Italian still in his shirt, stood gazing and transported at
(24:20):
the sight of beauties that might have fired a dying hermit.
His eager eyes devoured her, and she shifted attitudes at
his discretion. Neither were his hands excluded their share of
the high feast, but wandered on the hunt of pleasure
over every part an inch of her body, so qualified
(24:40):
to afford the most exquisite sense of it. In the meantime,
one could not help observing the swell of his shirt.
Before that bolstered out and showed the condition of things
behind the curtain, But he soon removed it by slipping
his shirt over his head. And now as to nakedness,
(25:01):
they had nothing to reproach one another. The young gentleman,
by Phoebe's guess, was about two and twenty, tall and
well limbed. His body was finely formed and of a
most vigorous make, square shouldered and broad chested. His face
was not remarkable in any way, but for a nose
(25:22):
inclining to the Roman eyes large black and sparkling, and
a ruddiness in his cheeks that was the more a grace.
For his complexion was of the brownest, not of that
dusky dun color, which excludes the idea of freshness, but
of that clear olive glass, which, glowing with life, dazzles
(25:42):
perhaps less than fairness, and yet pleases more when it
pleases at all. His hair, being too short to tie,
fell no lower than his neck in short, easy curls,
and he had a few springs about his paps that
garnished his chest in a style of strength and manliness.
Then his grand movement, which seemed to rise out of
(26:06):
a thicket of curling hair that spread from de root
all round thighs and belly up to the navel, stood
stiff and upright, but of a size to frighten me
by sympathy for the small tender part which was the
object of its fury, and which now lay exposed to
my fairest view. For he had, immediately, on stripping off
(26:28):
his shirt, gently pushed her down on the couch, which
stood conveniently to break her willing fall. Her thighs were
spread out to their utmost extension, and discovered between them
the mark of the sex, the red centered cleft of flesh,
whose lips, vermillioning inwards, expressed a small rubid line. In
(26:50):
sweet miniature such as Guido's touch of coloring could never
attain to the life or delicacy of Phoebe. At this
gave me a gentle job to prepare me for a
whispered question whether I thought my little maiden head was
much less, but my attention was too much engrossed, too
much enrapt with all I saw to be able to
(27:13):
give her any answer. By this time the young gentleman
had changed her posture from lying breath to lengthwise on
the couch, but her thighs were still spread, and the
mark lay fair for him, who, now kneeling between them,
displayed to us a side view of that fierce erect
machine of his, which threatened no less than splitting the
(27:35):
tender victim, who lay smiling at the uplifted stroke, nor
seemed to decline it. He looked upon his weapon himself
with some pleasure, and guiding it with his hand to
the inviting slit, drew aside the lips and lodged it
after some thrusts, which Polly seemed even to assist about
(27:56):
half way. But there it stuck, I suppose from its
growing thickness. He draws it again, and just wetting it
with spittle, re enters and with ease. Sheathed it now
up to the hilt, at which Polly gave a deep sigh,
which was quite another tone than one of pain. He thrusts.
(28:17):
She heaves, at first gently and in regular cadence, but
presently the transport began to be too violent to observe
any order or measure. Their motions were too rapid, their
kisses too feerce and fervent for nature to support such fury.
Long both seemed to me out of themselves. Their eyes
(28:38):
darted fires. Oh oh, I can't bear it, it's too much,
I'd die, I'm going, were Polly's expressions of ecstasy. His
joys were more silent, but soon broken. Murmurs, sighs, heart fetched,
and at length a despatching frost, as if he would
(28:59):
have forced himself up her body, and then motionless languor
of all his limbs all showed that the die away
moment was come upon him, which she gave signs of
joining with by the wild frowing of her hands, about,
closing her eyes, and giving a deep sob, in which
she seemed to expire in an agony of bliss. When
(29:23):
he had finished his stroke and got off from her,
she lay still without the least motion, breathless as it
should seem, with pleasure. He replaced her again, breathwise on
the couch, unable to sit up, with her thighs open,
between which I could observe a kind of white liquid
like froth, hanging about the outward lips of that recently
(29:46):
opened wound, which now glowed with a deeper red. Presently,
she gets up, and, throwing her arms round him, seemed
far from undelighted with the trial he had put her to.
To judge at least the fondness with which she eyed
and hung upon him. For my part, I will not
pretend to describe what I felt all over majuring this scene.
(30:10):
But from that instant adieu, all fears of what man
could do unto me they were now changed into such
ardent desires, such ungovernable longings, that I could have pulled
the first of fat sex that should present himself by
the sleeve, and offered him the bauble which I now
imagined the laws of would be again. I could not
(30:32):
too soon procure myself. Phoebe, who had more experience, and
to whom such sights were not so new, could not, however,
be unmoved at so warm a scene, and, drawing me
softly from the peep hole for fear of being overheard,
guided me as near the door as possible, all passive
and obedient to her least signals. Here was no room
(30:56):
to either sit or lie, but making me stand with
my back towards the door, she lifted up my petticoats,
and with her busy fingers failed to visit and explore
that part of me where now the heat and irritations
were so violent that I was perfectly sick and ready
to die with desire. That the bare touch of her
(31:16):
finger in that critical place had the effect of a
fire to a train, and her hand instantly made her
sensible to what a pitch I was wound up and
melted by the side. She had thus procured me satisfied. Then,
with her success in allaying a heat that would have
made me impatient of seeing the continuation of the transactions
(31:38):
between our amorous couple, she brought me again to the
crevice so favorable to our curiosity. We had certainly been
but a few instants away from it, and yet on
our return we saw everything in good forwardness for recommencing
the tender hostilities the young foreigner was sitting down fronting
(31:59):
us on the couch, with Polly upon one knee, who
had her arms round his neck, whilst the extreme whiteness
of her skin was not undelightfully contrasted by the smooth,
glossy brown of her lovers. But who could count the fierce,
unnumbered kisses given and taken, in which I could often
discover their exchanging the velvet frost, when both their mouths
(32:24):
were double tongued, and seemed to favor the mutual insertion
with the greatest gust and delight. In the meantime, his
red headed champion, that has so lately fled the pit,
quelled and abashed, was now recovered to the top of
his condition, perked and crusted up between Polly's sighs, who
(32:45):
was not wanting on her part to coax and keep
it in good humor, stroking it with her head down,
and received even its velvet tip between the lips of
not its proper mouth. Whether she did this out of
an any particular pleasure, or whether it was to render
it more glib and easy of entrance, I could not tell.
(33:06):
But it had such an effect that the young gentleman
seemed by his eyes that sparkled with more excited luster
and his inflamed countenance. To receive increase of pleasure, he
got up, and, taking Polly in his arms, embraced her
and said something too softly for me to hear, leading
her withal to the foot of the couch, and taking
(33:29):
delight to slap her thighs and posteriors with that stiff
sinew of his, which hit them with the spring that
he gave it with his hand, and made them resound again,
But hurt her about as much as he meant to
hurt her, for she seemed to have as frolic a
taste as himself. But guess my surprise when I saw
(33:49):
the lazy young robe lie down on his back and
gently pulled down Polly upon him, who, giving way to
his humors, straddled and with her hands, conducted her blind
favorite to the right place, and, following her impulse, ran
directly upon the flaming point of this weapon of pleasure,
which she staked herself upon, up pierced and infixed to
(34:12):
the extremest hair breadth of it. Thus she sat on
him a few instants, enjoying and relishing her situation, whilst
he toyed with her provoking breasts. Sometimes she would stoop
to meet his kiss, but presently the sting of pleasure
spurred them up to fierce. Her action. Then began the
(34:33):
storm of heaves, which from the undermost combatant were thrusts
at the same time, he crossing his hands over her
and drawing her home to him with the sweet violence.
The inverted strokes of envil over hammer soon brought on
the critical period in which all the signs of a
close conspiring ecstasy informed us of the point they were at.
(34:58):
For me, I could bear to see no more. I
was so overcome, so inflamed at the second part of
the same play, that mad to un intolerable degree. I hugged,
I clasped Phoebe as if she had the wherewithal to
relieve me. Pleased, however, with and pitying the taking she
could feel me in, she drew me towards the door,
(35:21):
and opening it as softly as she could. We both
got off undiscovered, and she reconducted me to my own room, where,
unable to keep my legs in the agitation I was in,
I instantly threw myself down on the bed, where I
lay transported, though ashamed at what I felt. Phoebe lay
(35:42):
down by me and asked me archly, if, now that
I had seen the enemy and fully considered him, I
was still afraid of him? Or did I think I
could venture to come to a close engagement with him?
To all which not a word on my side, I sighed,
and could scarce breathe. She takes hold of my hand, and,
(36:02):
having rolled up her own petticoats, forced it half, strivingly
towards those parts where now grown more, knowing I missed
the main object of my wishes, and finding not even
the shadow of what I wanted, where everything was so
flat or so hollow in the vexation I was in
at it, I should have withdrawn my hand, but for
(36:24):
fear of disobliging her, abandoning it then entirely to her management,
she made use of it, as she thought proper, to
procure herself, rather the shadow than the substance of any pleasure.
For my part, I now pined for more solid food,
and promised tacitly to myself that I would not be
put off much longer with this foolery from woman to
(36:47):
woman if missus Brown did not soon provide me with
the essential specific In short, I had all the air
of not being able to wait the arrival of my
Lord b though he was now expected in the very
few days. Nor did I wait for him, for love
itself took charge of the disposal of me in spite
(37:07):
of interest or gross lust. It was now two days
after the closet scene that I got up about six
in the morning, and, leaving my bed fellow fast asleep,
stole down with no other thought than of taking a
little fresh air in a small garden which our back
parlor opened into, and from which my confinement debarred me.
(37:29):
At the times company came to the house, But now
sleep in silence reigned all over it. I opened the
parlor door, and well surprised was I at seeing by
the side of a fire, half out a young gentleman
in the old lady's elbow chair, with his legs laid
upon another fast asleep, and left there by his thoughtless companions,
(37:53):
who had drank him down, and then went off with
every one his mistress, whilst he stayed behind by the
see of the old matron, who would not disturb or
turn him out in that condition. At one in the
morning and beds. It is more than probable there were
none to spare. On the table still remained the punch
(38:13):
bowl and glasses strewed about in their usual disorder after
a drunken rebel. But when I drew nearer to view
the sleeping astray heavens, what a sight. No no term
of years, no turn of fortune, could ever erase the
lightning like impression his form made on me. Yes, dearest
(38:37):
object of my earliest passion, I command forever the remembrance
of thy first appearance to my ravished eyes. It calls
thee up present, and I see THEE now figure to yourself, madam,
a fair stripling between eighteen and nineteen, with his head
reclined on one of the sides of the chair, His
(39:00):
hair in disordered curls irregularly, shading a face on which
all the roseate bloom of youth and all the manly
graces conspired to fix my eyes and heart. Even the
languor and paleness of his face, in which the momentary
triumph of the lily over the rose was owing to
the excesses of the night, gave an inexpressible sweetness to
(39:24):
the finest features imaginable. His eyes, closed in sleep, displayed
the meeting edges of their lids, beautifully bordered with long eyelashes,
over which no pencil could have described. Two more regular
arches than dose that grazed his forehead, which was high,
perfectly white and smooth. Then a pair of vermilion lips,
(39:48):
pouting and swelling to the touch, as if a bee
had freshly stung them, seemed to challenge me to get
the gloves off. This lovely sleeper had not the modesty
and rest respect, which in both sexes are insuperable from
a true passion checked my impulses. But on seeing his
shirt collar unbuttoned and a bosom whiter than a drift
(40:11):
of snow, the pleasure of considering it could not bribe
me to lengthen it at the hazard of a health
that began to be my life's concern. Love that made
me timid taught me to be tender too. With a
trembling hand, I took hold of one of his, and
waking him as gently as possible. He started, and, looking
(40:33):
at first a little wildly, said, with a voice that
sent its harmonious sound to my heart. Pray, child, what
o'clock is it? I told him, and added that he
might catch cold if he slept longer with his breast
open in the cool of the morning air. On this
he thanked me with a sweetness perfectly agreeing with that
(40:54):
of his features and eyes. The last, now broad open
and eagerly surveyed me, carried the sprightly fires they sparked
with directly to my heart. It seems that having drank
too freely before he came upon the rake with some
of his young companions, he had put himself out of
a condition to go through all the weapons with them,
(41:17):
and crowned the knight with getting a mistress, so that
seeing me in the loose undress, he did not doubt
but I was one of the misses of the house,
sent in to repair his loss of time. But though
he seized that notion, and a very obvious one, it
was without hesitation yet whether my figure made a more
(41:38):
than ordinary impression on him, or whether it was natural politeness.
He addressed me in a manner far from roode, though
still on the foot of one of the house pliers,
come to amuse him, and giving me the first kiss
that I ever relished from man in my life, asked
me if I could favor him with my company, assuring
(41:59):
me that he would make it worth my while, but
had not even new born love, that true refiner of lust,
opposed so sudden a surrender. The fear of being surprised
by the house was a sufficient bar to my compliance.
I told him then, in a tone set me by
love itself, that for reasons I had not time to
(42:20):
explain to him, I could not stay with him, and
might not even ever see him again. With a sigh
at these last words, which broke from the bottom of
my heart, my conqueror, who, as he afterwards told me,
had been struck with my appearance and liked me as
much as he could think of liking any one in
(42:41):
my supposed way of life, asked me briskly at once
if I would be kept by him, and that he
would take a lodging for me directly and relieve me
from any engagements. He presumed I might be under to
the house rash, sudden, undigested, and even dangerous, as this
offer might be from a perfect stranger, and that stranger
(43:03):
a giddy boy. The prodigious love I was struck with
for him had put a charm into his voice. There
was no resisting and blinded me to every objection I could,
at that instant have died for him, think if I
could resist an invitation to live with him. Thus, my heart,
(43:24):
beating strong to the proposal, dictated my answer, after scarce
a minute's pause, that I would accept of his offer
and make my escape to him in what way he pleased,
and that I would be entirely at his disposal, let
it be good or bad. I have often since wondered
that so great an easiness did not disgust him or
(43:46):
make me too cheap in his eyes. But my fate
had so appointed it that, in his fears of the
hazard of the town, he had been some time looking
out for a girl to take into keeping, and my
person happening to hit his fancy. It was, by one
of those miracles reserved to love, that we struck the
bargain in the instant, which we sealed by an exchange
(44:09):
of kisses, that the hopes of a more uninterrupted enjoyment
engaged him to content himself with. Never, however, did dear
youth carry in his person more wherewith to justify the
turning of a girl's head and making her set all
consequences at defiance for the sake of following a gallant,
(44:30):
For besides all the perfections of manly beauty which were
assembled in his form, he had an air of neatness
and gentility, a certain smartness in the carriage and port
of his head that yet more distinguished him. His eyes
were sprightly and full of meaning. His looks had in
them something at once sweet and commanding. His complexion out
(44:53):
bloomed the lovely colored rose, while its inimitable tender, vivid
glow clearly save from the reproach of wanting life of
raw and dough like, which is commonly made to those
so extremely fair as he was. Our little plan was
that I should get out about seven the next morning,
(45:14):
which I could readily promise, as I knew where to
get the key of the street door, and he would
wait at the end of the street with a coach
to convey me safe off, after which he would send
and clear any debt incurred by my stay at missus Brown's,
who he only judged in gross might not care to
part with one he thought so fit to draw custom
(45:36):
to the house. I then just hinted to him not
to mention in the house his having seen such a
person as me, for reasons I would explain to him
more at leisure. Then, for fear of a miscarrying by
being seen together, I tore myself from him with a
bleeding heart, and stole up softly to my room, where
(45:57):
I found Phoebe, still fast asleep, and hurrying off my
few clothes lay down by her. With a mixture of
joy and anxiety that may be easier conceived than expressed.
The risks of missus Brown's discovering my purpose of disappointments
misery ruin all vanished before this new kindled flame, the seeing,
(46:20):
the touching, the being. If but for a night with
this idol of my fond, virgin heart appeared to me
a happiness above the purchase of my liberty or life,
he might use me ill let him. He was the master, happy,
too happy even to receive death. At so dear a
(46:40):
hand to this purpose were the reflections of the whole day,
of which every minute seemed to me a little eternity.
How often did I visit the clock, Nay, was tempted
to advance a tedious hand, as if that would have
advanced the time with it. Had those of the house
made the least observations on me, they must have remarked
(47:04):
something extraordinary from the discomposure I could not help betraying,
especially when at dinner mention was made of the charmingest
youth having been there and stayed breakfast. Oh, he was
such a beauty. I should have died for him. They
would pull caps for him. And the fooleries, which, however,
(47:25):
was throwing oil on a fire. I was sorely put
to it to smother the blaze of the fluctuations of
my mind. The whole day produced one good effect, which
was that, through mere fatigue I slept tolerably well till
five in the morning, when I got up, and, having
dressed myself, waited under the double tortures of fear and
(47:46):
impatience for the appointed hour. It came. At last, the dear, critical,
dangerous hour came, and, now supported only by the courage
love lent me, I ventured a tiptoe downstairs, leaving my
box behind for fear of being surprised with it. In
going out, I got to the street door, the key
(48:07):
whereof was always laid on the chair by our bedside,
in trusted with Phoebe, who, having not the least suspicion
of my entertaining any design to go from them, nor
indeed had I, but the day before made no reserve
or concealment of it from me. I opened the door
with great ease. Love that emboldened protected me too, and
(48:29):
now got safe into the street. I saw my new
guardian angel waiting at the coach door, ready open. How
I got to him I know not. I suppose I flew,
But I was in the coach in a trice, and
he by the side of me, with his arms clasped
round me and giving me the kiss of welcome. The
(48:50):
coachman had his orders and drove to them. My eyes
were instantly filled with tears, but tears of the most
delicious delight. To find myself in the arms of that
beauteous youth was a rapture that my little heart swam
in past or future were equally out of the question
with me The present was as much as all my
(49:12):
powers of life were sufficient to bear the transport of
without fainting. Nor were the most tender embraces, the most
soothing expressions, wanting on his side to assure me of
his love and of never giving me cause to repent
the bold step I had taken in throwing myself thus
entirely upon his honor and generosity. But alas this was
(49:36):
no merit in me, for I was drove to it
by a passion too impetuous for me to resist. And
I did what I did because I could not help
it in that instant, for time was now annihilated with me.
We landed at a public house in Chelsea, hospitably commodious
for the reception of duet parties of pleasure, where a
(49:58):
breakfast of chocolate was prepared for us. An old, jolly
stager who kept it and understood life perfectly well, breakfasted
with us and leering archly at me, gave us both
joy and said we were well paired in faith that
a great many gentlemen and ladies used his house, but
(50:19):
he had never seen a handsomer couple. He was sure
I was a fresh peace. I looked so country, so innocent. Well,
my spouse was a lucky man, all which the common
landlords can't not only pleased and soothed me, but helped
to divert my confusion at being with my new sovereign, whom,
(50:39):
now the minute approached, I began to fear to be
alone with a timidity which true love had a greater
share in than even maiden bashfulness. I wished, I dotd
I could have died for him. And yet I know
not how or why I dreaded the point which had
been the object of my fears. Wishes, My pulses beat
(51:02):
fears amidst a flush of the warmest desires. This struggle
of the passions, however, this conflict betwixt modesty and lovesick longings,
made me burst again into tears, which he took, as
he had done before, only for the remains of concern
and emotion at the suddenness of my change of condition,
(51:23):
in committing myself to his care, and in consequence of
that idea, did and said all that he thought would
most comfort and reinspirit me. After breakfast, Charles, the dear
familiar name, I must take the liberty henceforward to distinguish
my adorness by, with a smile full of meaning, took
(51:44):
me gently by the hand and said, come, my dear,
I will show you a room that commands a fine
prospect over some gardens. And without waiting for an answer,
in which he relieved me extremely, he led me up
into a chamber airy and lightsome, where all seeing of
prospects was out of the question, except that of a
(52:04):
bed which had all the air of having recommended the
room to him. Charles had just slipped the bolt of
the door, and running caught me in his arms, and,
lifting me from the ground, with his lips glued to mine,
bore me trembling, panting, dying with soft fears and tender
wishes to the bed, where his impatience would not suffer
(52:26):
him to undress me more than just unpinning my handkerchief
and gown and unlacing my stays. My bosom was now
bare and rising in the warmest frobs presented to his sight,
and feeling the firm, hard swell of a pair of
young breasts such as may be imagined of a girl
not sixteen, fresh out of the country and never before handled.
(52:51):
But even their pride, whiteness, fashion pleasing resistance to the
touch could not bribe his restless hands from roving. But
giving them the loose my petticoats and shift were soon
taken up, and their stronger center of attraction laid open
to their tender invasion. My fears, however, made me mechanically
(53:12):
close my thighs, but the very touch of his hand
insinuated between them, disclosed them, and opened away for the
main attack. In the meantime, I lay fairly exposed to
the examination of his eyes and hands, quiet and unresisting,
which confirmed him the opinion he proceeded so cavalierly upon
(53:33):
that I was no novice in these matters, since he
had taken me out of a common body house. Nor
had I said one thing to prepossess him of my virginity,
And if I had, he would sooner have believed it
that I took him for a collie that would swallow
such an improbability than that I was still mistress of
the darling treasure that hid in mine, so eagerly sought
(53:57):
after by the men, and which they never dake for
but to destroy. Being now too high wound up to
bear a delay, he unbuttoned, and, drawing out the engine
of love, assaults drove it currently as at already made breach. Then, then,
for the first time did I feel that stiff horn,
(54:18):
hard gristle battering against the tender part. But imagine to
yourself his surprise when he found, after several vigorous pushes
which hurt me extremely, that he made not the least impression.
I complained, but tenderly complained that I could not bear it.
Indeed he hurt me. Still, he thought no more than that,
(54:40):
being so young, the largeness of his machine, for few
men could dispute sighs with him, made all the difficulty,
And that possible, I had not been enjoyed by any
so advantageously made in that part as himself. For still,
that my virgin flower was yet uncropped, never entered into
his head, and he would have thought it idling with
(55:02):
time and words to have questioned me upon it. He
tries again. Still no admittance, still no penetration. But he
had hurt me yet more, whilst my extreme love made
me bear extreme pain, almost without a groan. At length,
after repeated fruitless trials, he lay down, panting by me,
(55:24):
kissed my falling tears, and asked me tenderly, what was
the meaning of so much complaining? And if I had
not borne it better from others than I did from him?
I answered, with a simplicity framed to persuade that he
was the first man that ever served me. So. Truth
is powerful, and it is not always that we do
(55:45):
not believe what we eagerly wish end of section two,
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