06 - Section 06. Fanny Hill: Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure by John Cleland.

06 - Section 06. Fanny Hill: Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure by John Cleland.  
This book has been notorious since it first appeared and had been banned several times and in several countries. It is a fictional work that details the adventures of an orphaned girl who ends up working in a brothel in London. Early on she falls in love with a young man named Charles, but only to end up being separated from him. She then recounts her experiences as a prostitute who, in spite of her circumstances, manages to retain her humanity and undying faith in true love.  
⚠️If you find insult/get offended or are against extreme descriptions of sexual acts PUT THE BOOK DOWN⚠️

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Section six of Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure. This
LibriVox recording is in the public domain Memoirs of a
Woman of Pleasure by John Cleland letter the second part six, Madam,
if I have delayed the sequel of my history, it

(00:21):
has been purely to allow myself a little breathing time,
not without some hopes that instead of pressing me to
a continuation, you would have acquitted me of the task
of pursuing a confession in the course of which my
self esteem has so many wounds to sustain. I imagined, indeed,

(00:41):
that you would have been chloyed and tired with uniformity
of adventures and expressions, inseparable from a subject of this sort,
whose bottom or ground work being in the nature of
things eternally one and the same, whatever variety of forms
and modes the situations are susceptible of. There is no

(01:03):
escaping or repetition of near the same images, the same figures,
the same expressions. With this further inconvenience added to the
disgust it creates that the words joys, orders, transports, ecstasies,
and the rest of those pathetic terms so congenial, too
so received in the practice of pleasure flatten and lose

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much of their due spirits and energy by the frequency
they indispensably recur with in a narrative of which that
practice professedly composes the whole basis. I must therefore trust
to the candor of your judgment for your allowing for
the disadvantage I am necessarily under in that respect, and

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to your imagination and sensibility the pleasing task of repairing
it by their supplements. Where my descriptions flag or fail,
the one will readily place the pictures I resent before
your eyes. The other give life to the colors where
they are dull or worn with too frequent handling. What

(02:08):
you say, besides, by way of encouragement, concerning the extreme
difficulty of continuing so long in one's strain in a
mean tempered with taste, between the revoltingness of gross rank
and vulgar expressions and the ridicule of mincing metaphors and
affected circumlocutions, is so sensible as well as good natured,

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that you greatly justify me to myself for my compliance
with a curiosity that is to be satisfied so extremely
at my expense. Resuming now where I broke off in
my last I am in my way to remark to
you that it was late in the evening before I
arrived at my new lodgings, and missus Cole, after helping

(02:52):
me to range and secure my things, spent the whole
evening with me in my apartment, where we supped together
in giving me the best advice and instruction with regard
to this new stage of my profession. I was now
to enter upon and passing thus from a private deviltee
to pleasure into a public one, to become a more

(03:13):
general good, with all the advantages requisite to put my
person out to use, either for interest or pleasure, or both.
But then she observed, as I was a kind of
new face upon the town, that it was an established
rule and part of trade for me to pass for
a maid and dispose of myself as such on the

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first good occasion, without prejudice, However, to such diversions as
I might have a mind to in the interim, for
that nobody could be a greater enemy than she was,
to the losing of time. That she would, in the
meantime do her best to find out a proper person,
and would undertake to manage this nice point for me,

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if I would accept of her aid and advice to
such good purpose, that in the laws of a fictitious
maiden head, I should reap all the advantage of a
native one. Though such a delicacy of sentiments did not
extremely belong to my character at that time, I confess
against myself that I perhaps too readily closed with a

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proposal which my candor and ingenuity gave me some repugnance too,
but not enough to contradict the intention of one to
whom I had now thoroughly abandoned the direction of all
my steps for missus Cole had, I do not know
how unless by one of those unaccountable, invincible sympathies that

(04:37):
nevertheless formed the strongest links, especially of female friendship one
and god entire possession of me on her side, she
pretended that a strict resemblance she fancied she saw in
me to an only daughter whom she had lost at
my age, was the first motive of her taking to
me so affectionately as she did. It might be so

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there exist as slender motives of attachment that, gathering force
from habit and liking, have proved often more solid and
durable than those founded on much stronger reasons. But this
I know that, though I had no other acquaintance with
her than seeing her at my lodgings when I lived
with mister h where she had made errands to sell

(05:23):
me some millinery ware, she had by degrees insinuated herself
so far into my confidence that I threw myself blindly
into her hands, and came at length to regard love
and obey her implicitly, and to do her justice. I
never experienced at her hands other than a sincerity of

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tenderness and care for my interest, hardly heard of in
those of her profession. We parted that night, after having
settled a perfect unreserved agreement, and the next morning missus
Cole came and took me with her to her house
for the first time. Here, at the first sight of things,
I found everything breathed an air of decency, modesty, and order.

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In the outer parlor, or rather shop, sat three young women,
very demurely employed on millinery work, which was the cover
of a traffic in more precious commodities. But three beautifuller
creatures could hardly be seen. Two of them were extremely fair,
the eldest not above nineteen, and the third, much about

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that age, was a piquant brunette, whose black, sparkling eyes
and perfect harmony of features and shape left her nothing
to envy in her fairer companions. Their dress, too, had
the more design in it, the less it appeared to have,
being in a taste of uniform, correct neatness and elegant simplicity.

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These were the girls that composed the small domestic flock
which my governess trained up with surprising order and management,
considering the giddy wildness of young girls once got upon
the loose. But then she never continued any in her house, whom,
after a june of vitiate, she found untractable or unwilling

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to comply with the rules of it. Thus had she
insensibly formed a little family of love, in which the
members found so sensibly their account in a rare alliance
of pleasure with interest, and of a necessary outward decency,
with unbounded secret liberty, that missus Cole, who had picked
them as much for their temper as their beauty, governed

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them with ease to herself and them too. To these pupils. Then,
of hers, whom she had prepared she presented me as
a new boarder, and one that was to be immediately
admitted to all the intimacies of the house, upon which
these charming girls gave me all the marks of a
welcome reception, and indeed of being perfectly pleased with my

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figure that I could possibly expect from any of my
own sex. Bethe had been effectually brought to sacrifice all
jealousy or competition of charms to a common interest, and
considered me a partner that was bringing no despicable stock
of goods into the trade of the house. They gathered
round me, viewed me on all sides, and as my

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admission into this joyous troop made the little holiday, the
show of work was laid aside, and missus Cole, giving
me up with special recommendation to their caresses and entertainment,
went about her ordinary business of the house. The sameness
of our sex, age, profession and views soon created as

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unreserved of freedom and intimacy as if we had been
for years acquainted. They took and showed me the house,
their respective apartments, which were furnished with every article of
conveniency and luxury, and above all a spacious drawing room
where a select reveling band usually met in general parties

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of pleasure, the girls supping with their sparks and acting
their wanton pranks with unbounded licentiousness, whilst a defiance of awe,
modesty or jealousy were their standing rules by which, according
to the principles of their society, whatever pleasure was lost
on the side of sentiment was abundantly made up to

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the senses in the poignancy of variety and the charms
of ease and luxury. The authors and supporters of this
secret institution would, in the height of their humors, style
themselves the restorers of the Golden Age and its simplicity
of pleasures, before their innocence became so unjustly branded with

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the names of guilt and shame. As soon as the
evening began and the show of a shop was shut,
the academy opened, the mask of mock modesty was completely
taken off, and all the girls delivered over to their
respective calls of pleasure or interest with their men. And
none of that sex was promiscuously admitted, but only such

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as missus Kull was previously satisfied with their character and discretion.
In short, this was the safest, politest and at the
same time the most thorough house of accommodation in town,
everything being conducted so that decency made no intrenchment upon
the most libertine pleasures, in the practice of which too

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the choice of familiars of the house had found a
secret so rare and difficult of reconciling even all the
refinements of taste and delicacy with the most gross and
determinate gratifications of sensuality. After having consumed the morning in
the endearments and instructions of my new acquaintance, we went
to dinner, when missus Kull, presiding at the head of

(10:50):
her club, gave me the first idea of her management
and address. In inspiring these girls with so sensible a
love and respect for her, there was no stiffness, no reserve,
no airs of pique or little jealousies, but all was unaffectedly, gay, cheerful,
and easy. After dinner, Missus Cole, seconded by thy young ladies,

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acquainted me that there was a chapter to be held
that night in form for the ceremony of my reception
into the sisterhood, and in which, with all due reserve
to my maiden head, that was to be occasionally cooked
up for the first proper chapman, I was to undergo
a ceremonial of initiation. They were sure I should not
be displeased with embarked as I was, and moreover captivated

(11:37):
with the charms of my new companions. I was too
much prejudiced in favor of any proposal they could make,
to much as hesitate an assent which, therefore readily giving
in the style of a carte blanche, I received fresh
kisses of compliment from them, all in approval of my
docility and good nature. Now I was a sweet girl.

(12:00):
I came into things with good grace. I was not
affectedly coy. I should be the pride of the house
and the like. This point thus adjusted, the young woman
left missus Cole to talk and concert matters with me.
She explained to me that I should be introduced that
very evening to four of her best friends, one of

(12:22):
whom she had, according to the custom of the house,
favored with the preference of engaging me in the first
party of pleasure, assuring me at the same time that
they were all young gentlemen, agreeable in their persons and
unexceptionable in every respect, that united and holding together by
the band of common pleasures. They composed the chief support

(12:45):
of her house, and made very liberal presents to the
girls that pleased and humored them, so that they were,
properly speaking, the founders and patrons of this little seraglio.
Not but that she had, at proper seasons other customers
to deal with, whom she stood less upon punctilio with
than with these. For instance, it was not on one

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of them she could attempt to pass before a maid.
They were not only too knowing too much town bred
to bite at such a bait, but they were such
generous benefactors to her that it would be unpardonable to
think of it. Amidst all the flutter and emotion which
this promise of pleasure for such I conceived it stirred

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up in me. I preserved so much of the woman
as to feign just reluctance enough to make some merit
of sacrificing it to the influence of my patroness, whom
I likewise still in character, reminded of it perhaps being
right for me to go home and dress in favor
of my first impressions. But missus Cole, in opposition to this,

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assured me that the gentlemen I should be presented to, were,
by their rank and taste of things, infinitely superior to
the being touched with any glare of dress or ornaments,
such as silly women rather confound and overlay than set
off their beauty. With that these veteran voluptuaries knew better
than not to hold them in the highest contempt. They

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with whom the pure native charms alone could pass current,
and who would at any time leave a sallow, washy
painted duchess on her own hands for a ruddy, healthy, firm,
fleshed country made. And as for my part, that nature
had done enough for me to set me above, owing
the least favor to art. Concluding withal that for the

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instant occasion there was no dress like an undress. I
thought my governess too good a judge of these matters
not to be easily overruled by her, after which she
went on preaching very pathetically the doctrine of passive obedience
and not resistance to all those arbitrary tastes of pleasure,

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which are by some styled the refinements, and by others
the deprivations of it, between whom it was not the
business of a simple girl who was to profit by
pleasing to decide, but to conform to whilst I was
edifying by these wholesome lessons. Tea was brought in, and
the young ladies returning joined company with us. After a

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great deal of mixed chat, frolic and humor. One of them,
observing that there would be a good deal of time
on hand before the assembly hour, proposed that each girl
should entertain the company with that critical period of her
personal history in which she first exchanged the maiden state
for womanhood. The proposal was approved, with only one restriction

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of missus Cole, that she, on account of her age,
and I, on account of my titular maidenhead, should be
excused at least till I had undergone the forms of
the house. This obtained me a dispensation, and the promoterress
of this amusement was desired to begin. Her name was Emily,
a girl fair to excess, and whose limbs were, if possible,

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too well made, since their plump fullness was rather to
the prejudice of that delicate slimness required by the nicer
judges of beauty. Her eyes were blue and streamed, inexpressible sweetness,
and nothing could be prettier than her mouth and lips,
which closed over a range of the evenest and whitest teeth.

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Thus she began. Neither my extraction, nor the most critical
adventure of my life, is sublime enough to impeach me
of any vanity in the advancement of the proposal you
have approved of. My father and mother were, and for
aught I know are still farmers in the country not
above forty miles from town. Their barbarity to me, in

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favor of a son on whom only they vouchsafed to
bestow their tenderness, had a thousand times determined me to
fly their house and throw myself on the wide world.
But at length an accident forced me on this desperate attempt.
At the age of fifteen, I had broken a china bowl,
the pride and idol of both their hearts, and as

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an unmerciful beating was the least I had to depend
on at their hands in the silliness of those tender years,
I left the house, and at all adventures, took the
road to London. How my loss was resented, I do
not know. For till this instant I have not heard
a syllable about them. My hostalk was two broad pieces

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of my grandmother's, a few shillings silver shoe buckles, and
a silver thimble. Thus, equipped with no more clothes than
the ordinary ones I had on my back, and frightened
at every foot or noise I heard behind me. I
hurried on, and I dareswear walked a dozen miles before
I stopped from mere weariness and fatigue. At length, I

(17:59):
sat down on a stile, wept bitterly, and yet was
still rather under increased impressions of fear on the account
of my escape, which made dread worse than death, the
going back to face my unnatural parents. Refreshed by this
little repose and relieved by my tears, I was proceeding

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onward when I was overtaken by a sturdy country lad,
who was going to London to see what he could
do for himself there, and, like me, had given his
friends the slip. He could not be above seventeen. Was ruddy,
well featured enough, with uncombed flaxen hair, a little flapped hat,

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jersey frock yarn stockings, in short, a perfect plowboy. I
saw him come whistling behind me with a bundle tied
to the end of a stick his traveling equipage. We
walked by one another for some time without speaking. At length,
we joined company and agreed to keep together till we

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got to our journey's end. What his designs or ideas
were I know not, the innocence of mine I can
solemnly protest. As night drew on, it became us to
look out for some inn or shelter, to which perplexity
another was added. And that was what we should say
for ourselves if we were questioned. After some puzzle, the

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young fellow started a proposal, which I thought the finest
that could be. And what was that? Why? That we
should pass for husband and wife? I never once dreamed
of consequences. We came, presently, after having agreed on this
notable expedient to one of those hedge accommodations for foot passengers,

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at the door to which stood an old crazy beldum, who,
seeing us trudge by, invited us to lodge there. Glad
of any cover, we went in, and my fellow traveler,
taking all upon him, called for what the house afforded,
and we supped together as man and wife, which, considering
our figures and ages, could not have passed, on any one,

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but such as any thing could pass on. But when
bed time came on, we had neither of us the
courage to contradict our first account of ourselves, and what
was extremely pleasant. The young lad seemed as perplexed as
I was how to evade lying together, which was so
natural for the state we had pretended to. Whilst we

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were in this quandary, the lady takes the candle and
lights us to our apartment, through a long yard at
the end of which it stood separate from the body
of the house. Thus we suffered ourselves to be conducted
without saying a word in opposition to it, and there,
in a wretched room, with a bed answerable, we were
left to pass the night together as a thing. Quite

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of course, for my part, I was so incredibly innocent
as not even to think much more harm of going
to bed with a young man than with one of
our dairy wenches. Nor had he perhaps any other notions
than those of innocence, till such a fair occasion put
them into his head before either of us undressed. However,

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he put out the candle, and the bitterness of the
weather made it a kind of necessity for me to
go into bed. Slipping then my clothes off, I crept
under the bed clothes, where I found the young stripling
already nestled in the touch of his warm flesh, rather
pleased than alarmed me. I was indeed too much disturbed

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with the novelty of my condition to be able to sleep.
But then I had not the least thought of harm.
But oh, how powerful are the instincts of nature, How
little is there wanting to set them in action. The
young man, sliding his arm under my body, drew me
gently towards him, as if to keep himself and me warmer,

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And the heat I felt from joining our breasts kindled
another that I had hit. Hereto never felt, and was
even then a stranger to the nature of emboldened. I
suppose by my easiness he ventured to kiss me, and
I insensibly returned it, without knowing the consequence of returning it.
For on this encouragement he slipped his hand all down

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from my breast to that part of me where the
sense of feeling is so exquisitely critical, as I then
experienced by its instant taking fire upon the touch, and
glowing with a strange, tickling heat. There he pleased himself
and me by feeling till growing a little too bold,
he hurt me and made me complain. Then he took

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my hand, which he guided not unwillingly, on my side
between the twists of his closed thighs, which were extremely warm.
There he lodged and pressed it till raising it by degrees,
he made me feel the proud distinction of his sex
from mine. I was frightened at the novelty and drew

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back my hand, Yet pressed and spurred on by sensations
of a strange pleasure, I could not help asking him
what that was for. He told me he would show
me if I would let him, And, without waiting for
my answer, which he prevented by stopping my mouth with kisses,
I was far from disrelishing. He got upon me, and,

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inserting one of his thighs between mine, opened them so
as to make way for himself, and fixed me to
his purpose. Whilst I was so much out of my
usual sense, so subdued by the present power of that
new one, that between fear and desire, I lay utterly
passive till the piercing pain roused and made me cry out.

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But it was too late. He was too firm fixed
in the saddle for me to compass, flinging him with
all the struggles I could use, some of which only
served to further his point, and at length and irresistible thrust,
murdered at once my maiden head and almost me. I
now lay a bleeding witness of the necessity imposed on

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our sex to gather the first honey off the thorns.
But the pleasure rising as the pain subsided, I was
soon reconciled to fresh trials, and before morning nothing on
earth could be dearer to me than this rifler of
my virgin sweets. He was everything to me. Now. How

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we agreed to join fortunes, How we came up to
town together, where we lived some time till necessity parted
us and drove me into this course of life in
which I had been long ago battered and torn to
pieces before I came to this age, as much through
my easiness as through my inclination, had it not been

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for my finding refuge in this house. These are all
circumstances which passed the mark I proposed, So that here
my narrative ends. In the order of our sitting. It
was Harriet's turn to go on Amongst all the beauties
of our sex that I had before or have since seen, few,

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indeed were the forms that could dispute excellence with hers.
It was not delicate, but delicacy itself incarnate. Such was
the symmetry of her small but exactly fashioned limbs. Her complexion,
fair as it was, appeared, yet more fair from the
effect of two black eyes, the brilliancy of which gave

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her face more vivacity than belonged to the color of it,
which was only defended from paleness by a sweetly pleasing
blush in her cheeks that grew fainter and fainter, till
at length it died away insensibly into the overbearing white.
Then her miniature features joined to finish. The extreme sweetness

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of it, which was not belied by that of temper,
turned to indolence, languor in the pleasures of love. Pressed
to subscribe her contingent, she smiled, blushed a little, and
thus complied with our desires. My father was neither better
nor worse than a miller near the city of York,

(26:14):
and both he and my mother dying whilst I was
an infant. I fell under the care of a widow
and childless aunt housekeeper to my Lord Inn and his
seat in the county of where she brought me up
with all imaginable tenderness. I was not seventeen, as I
am not now eighteen before I had on account of

(26:35):
my person purely for fortune, I had notoriously none several
advantageous proposals. But whether nature was slow in making me
sensible in her favorite passion, or that I had not
seen any of the other sex who had stirred up
the least emotion or curiosity to be better acquainted with it,
I had, till that age, preserved a perfect innocence, even

(26:58):
of thought. While as my fears of I did not
well know what made me no more desirous of marrying
than of dying. My aunt good woman favored my timorousness,
which she looked on as childish affection, that her own
experience might probably assure her would wear off in time
and give my suitors proper answers for me. The family

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had not been down at that seat for years, so
that it was neglected and committed entirely to my aunt
and two old domestics who take care of it. Thus
I had the full range of a spacious lonely house
and gardens, situated at about half a mile distance from
any other habitation except perhaps a straggling cottage or so. Here,

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in tranquility and innocence, I grew up without any memorable
accident till one fatal day. I had, as I had
often done before, left my aunt fast asleep and secure
for some hours after dinner, and resorting to a kind
of ancient summer house at some distance from the house,
I carried my work with me and sat over a rivulet,

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which its door and window faced upon. Here I fell
into a gentle breathing slumber, which stole upon my senses
as they fainted under the excessive heat of the season
at that hour. A cane couch with my work basket
for a pillow were all the conveniences of my short repose,
For I was soon awakened and alarmed by a flounce

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and the noise of splashing in the water. I got
up to see what was the matter, and what, indeed
should it be? But the son of a neighboring gentleman,
as I afterwards found, for I had never seen him before,
who had strayed that way with his gun and heated
by his sport, and the sultriness of the day, had
been tempted by the freshness of the clear stream, so

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that presently stripping, he jumped into it. On the other side,
which bordered on a wood some trees, whereof inclined down
to the water formed a pleasing shady recess, commodious to
undress and leave his clothes under. My first emotions at
the sight of this youth naked in the water were,

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with all imaginable respect to truth, those of surprise and fear,
And in course I should immediately have run out, had
not my modesty fatally for itself interposed the objection of
the door and window being so situated that it was
scarce possible to get out and make my way along

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the bank to the house without his seeing me, which
I could not bear the thought of. So much ashamed
and confounded was I at having seen him. Condemned then
to stay till his departure should release me, I was
greatly embarrassed. How to dispose of myself? I kept some
time betwixt terror and modesty, even from looking through the window, which,

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being an old fashioned casement without any light behind me,
could hardly betray any one's being there to him from within,
then the door being so secure that without violence or
my own consent, there was no opening it from without.
But now by my own experience, I found it too
true that objects which affright us, when we cannot get

(30:18):
from them, draw out eyes as forcibly as those that
please us. I could not long withstand that nameless impulse which,
without any desire of this novel sight, compelled me towards it.
Emboldened too by my certainty of being at once unseen
and safe, I ventured by degrees to cast my eyes

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on an object so terrible and alarming to my virgin
modesty as a naked man. But as I snatched the look,
the first gleam that struck me in general was the
jewy luster of the whitest skin imaginable, which the sun
playing upon made the reflection of it perfectly be me
his face. In the confusion I was in, I could

(31:01):
not well distinguish the lineaments of any farther than that
there was a great deal of youth and freshness in it,
the frolic and various play of all his polished limbs
as they appeared above the surface in the course of
his swimming, or wantoning with the water, amused and insensibly
delighted me. Sometimes he lay motionless on his back, water

(31:22):
borne and dragging after him a fine head of hair that,
floating swept the stream in a bush of black curls.
Then the overflowing water would make a separation between his
breast and glossy white belly, at the bottom of which
I could not escape, observing so remarkable a distinction as

(31:43):
a black mossy tuft, out of which appeared to emerge
a round, softish, limber, white something that played every way
with ever the least motion or whirling eddy. I cannot say,
but that part, chiefly by a kind of natural instinct, attracted, detained,
captivated my attention. It was out of the power of

(32:07):
all my modesty to command my eye away from it, and,
seeing nothing so very dreadful in its appearance, I insensibly
locked away all my fears. But as fast as they
gave way, new desires and strange wishes took place, and
I melted as I gazed. The fire of nature that
had so long lay in dormant or concealed, began to

(32:29):
break out and made me feel my sex the first time.
He had now changed his posture, and swam prone on
his belly, striking out with his legs and arms finer
modeled than which could not have been cast, whilst his
floating locks played over a neck and shoulders whose whiteness
they delightfully set off. Then the luxuriant swell of flesh

(32:52):
that rose from the small of his back and terminated
its double cope at where the thighs are sent off,
her featly dazzled one with its watery, glistening gloss. By
this time I was so affected by this inward involution
of sentiments, so softened by this sight, that now betrayed
into a sudden transition from extreme fears to extreme desires.

(33:16):
I found these lasts so strong upon me, the heat
of the weather, too, perhaps conspiring to exalt their rage,
that nature almost fainted under them. Not that I so
much as knew precisely what was wanting to me. My
only thought was that so sweet a creature as this
youth seemed to me, could only make me happy. But

(33:39):
then the little likelihood there was of compassing an acquaintance
with him, or perhaps of ever seeing him again, dashed
my desires and turned them into torments. I was still
gazing with all the powers of my sight on this
bewitching object, when in an instant down he went. I
had heard of such things as a cramp seizing on

(34:01):
even the best swimmers, and occasioning their being drowned, And
imagining this so sudden eclipsed to be owing to it
the inconceivable fondness this unknown lad had given birth to
distracted me with the most killing terrors, insomuch that my
concern giving the wings, I flew to the door opened
it ran down to the canal, guided thither by the

(34:23):
madness of my fears for him, and the intense desire
of being an instrument to save him, though I was
ignorant how or by what means to effect it. But
was it for fears and a passion so sudden as
mine to reason. All this took up scarce the space
of a few moments. I had then just life enough
to reach the green borders of the water piece, where

(34:46):
wildly looking round for the young man and missing him. Still,
my fright and concern sunk me down in a deep swoon,
which must have lasted me some time, for I did
not come to myself. Did. I was roused out of
it by a sense of pain that pierced me to
the vitals, and awakened me to the most surprising circumstance
of finding myself not only in the arms of this

(35:08):
very same young gentleman I had been so solicitous to save,
but taken at such an advantage in my unresisting condition,
that he had actually completed his entrance into me so
far that weakened as I was by all the preceding
conflicts of mind, I had suffered, and struck dumb by
the violence of my surprise, I had neither the power

(35:31):
to cry out, nor the strength to disengage myself from
his strenuous embraces. Before urging his point, he had forced
his way and completely triumphed over my virginity, as he
might now as well see by the streams of blood
that followed his drawing out, as he had felt by
the difficulties he had met with consummating his penetration. But

(35:54):
the sight of the blood and the sense of my
condition had, as he told me afterwards, since the ungovernable
rage of his passion was somewhat appeased, now wrought so
far on him that at all risks, even of the
worst consequences, he could not find in his heart to
leave me and make off, which he might easily have done.

(36:15):
I still lay all decomposed in bleeding ruin, palpitating, speechless,
unable to get off, and frightened and fluttering like a
poor wounded partridge, and ready to faint away again at
the sense of what had befallen me. The young gentleman
was by me, kneeling, kissing my hand, and with tears

(36:36):
in his eyes, beseeching me to forgive him, and offering
all the reparation in his power. It is certain that
could I, at the instant of regaining my senses, have
called out or taken the bloodiest revenge, I would not
have stuck at it. The violation was attended to with
such aggravating circumstances, though he was ignorant of them, since

(36:58):
it was to my con for the preservation of his
life that I owned my ruin. But how quick is
the shift of passions from one extreme to another, and
how little are they acquainted with a human heart who disputed?
I could not see this amiable criminal so suddenly the
first object of my love, and as suddenly of my

(37:21):
just hate, on his knees, bedewing my hand with his
tears without relenting. He was still stark naked. But my
modesty had been already too much wounded in essentials to
be so much shocked as I should have otherwise been
with appearances. Only. In short, my anger ebbed so fast,

(37:41):
and the tide of love returned so strong upon me
that I felt it a point of my own happiness
to forgive him. The reproaches I made him were murmured
in so soft a tone. My eyes met his with
such glances, expressing more languor than resentment, that he could
not but presume his forgiveness was at no desperate distance.

(38:02):
But still he would not quit his posture of submission
till I had pronounced his pardon inform which, after the
most fervent entreaties, protestations, and promises, I had not the
power to it hauld on which, with the utmost marks
of the fear of again offending, he ventured to kiss
my lips, which I neither declined nor resented, but on

(38:24):
my mild expostulations with him upon the barbarity of his treatment,
he explained the mystery of my ruin, if not entirely
to the clearance, at least much to the alleviation of
his guilt in the eyes of a judge so partial
in his favor as I was, grown. It seems that
the circumstance of his going down or sinking, which in

(38:46):
my extreme ignorance I had mistaken for something very fatal,
was no other than a trick of diving, which I
had not ever heard, or at least attended to the
mention of. And he was so long breasts at it
that in the few moments in which I ran out
to save him, he had not yet emerged before I
fell into the swoon, in which as he rose, seeing

(39:09):
me extended on the bank, his first idea was that
some young woman was upon some design of frolic or
diversion with him, for he knew I could not have
fallen asleep there without his having seen me before, agreeably
to which notion he had ventured to approach, and finding
me without sign of life, and still perplexed as he

(39:30):
was what to think of the adventure, he took me
in his arms at all hazards, and carried me into
the summer house, of which he observed the door open.
There he laid me down on the couch and tried
as he protested in good faith by several means to
bring me to myself again, till fired, as he said,
beyond all bearing by the sight and touch of several

(39:53):
parts of me which were unguardedly exposed to him, he
could no longer govern his passion, and the less as
he was not quite sure that his first idea of
this swoon being a faint was not the very truth
of the case. Seduced then by this flattering notion, and
overcome by the present, as he styled them superhuman temptations,

(40:15):
combined with the solitude and seeming security of the attempt,
he was not enough his own master not to make it,
leaving me then just only whilst he fastened the door,
he returned with redoubled eagerness to his prey. When finding
me still entranced, he ventured to place me as he pleased,
whilst I felt no more than the dead what he

(40:38):
was about, till the pain he put me to roused
me just in time enough to be witness of a
triumph I was not able to defeat, and now scarce regretted,
for as he talked, the tone of his voice sounded
methought so sweetly in my ears. The sensible nearness of
so new and interesting an object to me, wrought so

(41:01):
powerfully upon me that, in the rising perception of things
in a new and pleasing light, I lost all sense
of the past injury. The young gentleman soon discerned the
symptoms of a reconciliation in my softened looks, and, hastening
to receive the seal of it from my lips, pressed
them tenderly to pass his pardon in the return of

(41:24):
a kiss so melting fiery, that the impression of it
being carried to my heart, and thence to my new
discovered sphere of venus, I was melted into a softness
that could refuse him nothing, when now he managed his
caresses and endearments so artfully as to insinuate the most

(41:44):
soothing consolations for the past pain, and the most pleasing
expectations of future pleasure. But whilst mere modesty kept my
eyes from seeing his, and rather declined them, I had
a glimpse of that instrument of the mischief, which was
now obviously even to me, who had scarce had snatches

(42:05):
of a comparative observation of it resuming its capacity to
renew it and grew greatly alarming with its increase of
size as he bore it, no doubt designedly hard and
stiff against one of my hands carelessly dropped. But then
he employed such tender prefacing, such winning progressions, that my

(42:26):
returning passion of desire, being now so strongly prompted by
the engaging circumstances of the sight and incendiary touch of
his naked, glowing beauties, I yielded at length at the
force of the present impressions, and he obtained of my
tacit blushing consent, all the gratifications of pleasure left in

(42:47):
the power of my poor person to bestow after he
had cropped its richest flower during my suspension of life
and abilities to guard it. Here, according to the rule
laid down, I should stop, but I am so much
in motion that I could not if I would. I
shall only add, however, that I got home without the

(43:09):
least discovery or suspicion of what had happened. I met
my young ravisher several times after, whom I now passionately loved,
and who, though not of age to claim a small
but independent fortune, would have married me, But as the
accidents that prevented it, and their consequences which threw me
on the public contained matters too moving and serious to

(43:32):
introduce at present. I cut short here. Louisa, the brunette
whom I mentioned at first, now took her turn to
treat the company with her history. I have already hinted
to you the graces of her person than which nothing
could be more exquisitely touching. I repeat touching as a

(43:52):
just distinction from striking, which is ever a less lasting
effect and more generally belongs to the fair complets. But
leaving that decision to every one's taste, I proceed to
give you Louise as narrative as follows, according to practical
maxims of life. I ought to boast of my birth,

(44:14):
since I owe it to pure love without marriage. But
this I know, it was scarce possible to inherit a
stronger propensity to that cause of my being than I did.
I was the rare production of the first essay of
a journeyman cabinet maker on his master's maid, the consequence
of which was a big belly and the loss of

(44:35):
a place. He was not in circumstances to do much
for her. And yet after all this blemish, she found means,
after she had dropped her burthen and disposed of me
to a poor relations in the country, to repair it
by marrying a pastry cook here in London, in thriving business,
on whom she soon, under favor of the complete ascendant

(44:58):
he had given her over him, passed me for a
child she had by her first husband. I had, on
that footing, been taken home, and was not six years
old when this stepfather died and left my mother in
tolerable circumstances, and without any children by him. As to
my natural father, he had betaken himself to the sea,

(45:20):
where when the truth of things came out, I was
told that he died not immensely rich, you may think,
since he was no more than a common sailor. As
I grew up under the eyes of my mother, who
kept on the business, I could not but see in
her severe watchfulness the marks of a slip, which she
did not care should be hereditary. But we no more

(45:42):
choose our passions than our features or complexion. And the
bent of mine was so strong to the forbidden pleasure
that it got the better. At length of all her
care and precaution, I was scarce twelve years old before.
That part, which she wanted so much to keep out
of harms way made me feel its impatience to be

(46:02):
taken notice of and come into play. Already it had
put forth the signs of forwardness in the sprout of
a soft down over it, which had often flattered, and
I might also say, grown under my constant touch and visitation.
So pleased was I with what I took to be
a kind of title to womanhood, that state I pined

(46:24):
to be entered of, for the pleasures I conceived were
annexed to it. And now the growing importance of that
part to me, and the new sensations in it, demolished
at once all my girlish playthings and amusements. Nature now
pointed me strongly to more solid diversions, while all the
stings of desire settled so fiercely in that little center

(46:46):
of them that I could not mistake the spot I
wanted a playfellow in. I now shunned all company in
which there was no hopes of coming at that object
of my longings, and used to shut myself up to
indulge in solidude some tender meditation of the pleasures I
strongly perceived the overture of in feeling and examining what

(47:07):
nature assured me must be the chosen avenue, the gates
for unknown bliss to enter at that I panted after.
But these meditations only increased my disorder and blew the
fire that consumed me. I was yet worse. When yielding
at length to the insupportable irritations of the little fairy

(47:28):
charm that tormented me, I seized it with my fingers,
teasing it to no end. Sometimes, in the furious excitations
of desire, I threw myself on the bed, spread my
thighs abroad, and lay as it were, expecting the longed
for relief, Till finding my illusion, I shot and squeezed

(47:50):
them together again, burning and fretting. In short, this devilish thing,
with its impetuous gourds and itching fires, led me such
a life that I could neither night nor day be
at peace with it or myself. In time, however, I
thought I had gained a prodigious prize. When figuring to

(48:11):
myself that my fingers were something of the shape of
what I pined for, I worked my way in for
one of them with great agitation and delight, yet not
without pain. Too, did I deflower myself as far as
it could reach, Proceeding with such a fury of passion
in this solitary and last shift of pleasure as extended

(48:34):
me at length, breathless on the bed in an amorous
melting trance, but frequency of use dulling the sensation, I
soon began to perceive that this work was but a paltry,
shallow expedient that went but a little way to relieve me,
and rather raised more flame than its dry and insignificant

(48:55):
titillation could rightly appease man. Alone, I almost instinctively knew,
as well as by what I had industriously picked up
at weddings and christenings, was possessed of the only remedy
that could reduce this rebellious disorder. But watched and overlooked
as I was, how to come at it was the point,

(49:17):
and that, to all appearance an invincible one. Not that
I did not rack my brains and invention how at
once to elude my mother's vigilance and procure myself the
satisfaction of my impetuous curiosity and longings for this mighty
and untasted pleasure. At length, however, a singular chance did

(49:38):
at once the work of a long course of alertness.
One day that we had dined at an acquaintances over
the way, together with a gentlewoman lodger that occupied the
first floor of our house, there started an indispensable necessity
for my mother's going down to Greenwich to accompany her.
The party was settled when I do not know what

(50:01):
genius whispered me to plead a headache, which I certainly
had not against my being included in a jaunt that
I had not the least relish for The pretext, however, passed,
and my mother, with much reluctance, prevailed with herself to
go without me, but took particular care to see me
safe home, where she consigned me into the hands of

(50:24):
an old trusty maid servant who served in the shop,
for we had not a male creature in the house.
As soon as she was gone, I told the maid
I would go up and lie down in our lodger's bed,
my not being made with a charge to her at
the same time not to disturb me, as it was
only rest I wanted. This injunction probably proved of eminent

(50:47):
service to me. As soon as I was gone into
the bed chamber, I unlaced my stays and threw myself
on the outside of the bedclothes in all the loosest undress.
Here I gave myself up to the old, insipid privy
shifts of my self, viewing self, touching self, enjoying in

(51:07):
fine to all the means of self knowledge I could
devise in search of the pleasure that fled before me,
intantalized with that unknown something that was just out of
my reach. Thus all only served to inflame myself and
to provoke violently my desires, whilst the one thing needful
to their satisfaction was not at hand, and I could

(51:30):
have bit my fingers for representing it so ill after
then wearying and fatiguing myself with grasping shadows, whilst that
most sensible part of me disdained to content itself with
less than realities. The strong yearnings, the urgent struggles of
nature towards the melting relief, and the extreme self agitations

(51:52):
I had used to come at it had wearied and
thrown me into a kind of unquiet sleep. For if
I tossed and threw about my limbs in proportion to
the distraction of my dreams, as I had reason to
believe I did. A bystander could not have helped, seeing
all for love and one there was, it seems, for

(52:12):
waking out of my very short slumber, I found my
hand locked in that of a young man who was
kneeling at my bedside and begging my pardon for his boldness.
But that, being a son to the lady to whom
this bed chamber he knew belonged, he had slipped by
the servant of the shop, as he supposed unperceived. When

(52:32):
finding me asleep. His first ideas were to withdraw, but
that he had been fixed and detained there by a
power he could better account for than resist. What shall
I say? My emotions of fear and surprise were instantly
subdued by those of the pleasure I bespoke in great
presence of mind from the turn of this adventure might take.

(52:55):
He seemed to me no other than a pitying angel
dropped out of the clouds, for he was young and
perfectly handsome, which was more than even I had asked
for man in general, being all that my utmost desires
had pointed at, I thought, then I could not put
too much encouragement into my eyes, and voice, I regretted

(53:16):
no leading advances, no matter for his after opinion of
my forwardness, so it might bring him to the point
of answering my pressing demands of present case. It was
not now with his thoughts, but his actions, that my
business immediately lay. I raised then my head and told him,

(53:36):
in a soft tone that tended to prescribe the same
key to him that his Mamma was gone out and
would not return till late at night, which I thought
no bad hint, But as it proved, I had nothing
of a novice to deal with the impressions I had
made on him from the discoveries I had betrayed of
my person in the disordered motions of it. During his

(53:58):
view of me asleep, had, as he afterwards told me
so fixed and charmingly prepared him that had I known
his dispositions, I had more to hope from his violence
than to fear from his respect, And even less than
the extreme tenderness which I threw into my voice and
eyes would have served to encourage him to make the

(54:18):
most of the opportunity. Finding then that his kisses imprinted
on my hand were taken as tamely as he could
wish he rose to my lips, and gluing his to them,
made me so faint with overcoming joy and pleasure, that
I fell back, and he with me in course, on
the bed upon which I had, by insensibly shifting from

(54:41):
the side to near the middle, invitingly made room for him.
He is now laid down by me, and the minutes,
being too precious to consume in untimely ceremony or dalliance,
my youth proceeds immediately to those extremities which all my looks,
flushing and palpitations had assured him he might attempt without

(55:02):
the fear of repulse. Those rogues the men read as
admirably on these occasions, I lay then at length, panting
for the imminent attack, with wishes far beyond my fears,
and for which it was scarce possible for a girl
barely thirteen, but all and well grown to have better dispositions.

(55:23):
He threw up my petticoat and shift, whilst my thighs were,
by an instinct of nature unfolded to their best, and
my desires had so thoroughly destroyed all modesty in me,
that even there being now naked and all laid open
to him, was part of the prelude. That pleasure deepened
my blushes at more than shame. But when his hand

(55:47):
and touches naturally attracted to their center, made me feel
all their wantonness and warmth in and round it. Oh,
how immensely different a sense of things did I perceive
there than when under my own insipid handling, And now
his waistcoat was unbuttoned, and the confinement of the breeches

(56:07):
burst through, when out started to view the amazing, pleasing
object of all my wishes, all my dreams, all my love,
the King Member. Indeed I gazed at. I devoured it
at length and breath, with my eyes intently directed to it,
till his getting upon me and placing it between my

(56:27):
thighs took from me the enjoyment of its sight, to
give me a far more grateful one in its touch,
in that part where its touch is so exquisitely affecting.
Applying it then to the minute opening for such at
that age it certainly was I met with too much
good will. I felt with too great a rapture of

(56:49):
pleasure the first insertion of it to heed much the
pain that followed. I thought nothing too dear to pay
for this the richest treat of the senses, So that
split up, torn, bleeding, mangled, I was still superiorly pleased
and hugged the author of all this delicious ruin. But

(57:10):
when soon after he made his second attack, sore as
everything was, the smart was soon put away by a
sovereign cordial, all my soft complainings were silenced, and the
pain melting fast away into pleasure. I abandoned myself over
to all its transports, and gave it the full possession

(57:32):
of my whole body and soul. For now all thought
was at an end with me. I lived but in
what I felt only, And who could describe those feelings,
those agitations, yet exalted by the charm of their novelty,
and surprise, when that part of me which had so
long hungered for the dear morsel that now so delightfully crammed,

(57:55):
it forced all my vital sensations to fix their home
there during the day of my beloved guest, who too
soon paid me for his hearty welcome in a dissolvent
richer far than I have heard of some queen treating
her paramour with in liquefied pearl and ravishingly poured into me,

(58:15):
where now myself too much melted to give it a
dry reception, I hailed it with the warmest confluence on
my side amidst all these ecstatic raptures, not unfamiliar I
presume to this good company. Thus, however, I arrived at
the very top of all my wishes by an accident unexpected, indeed,

(58:36):
but not so wonderful. For this young gentleman was just
arrived in town from college, and came familiarly to his
mother at her apartment, where he had once before been,
though by mere chance I had not seen him, so
that we knew one another by hearsay only, and finding
me stretched on his mother's bed, he readily concluded from

(58:58):
her description who it was. The rest you know. This
affair had, however, no ruinous consequences, the young gentleman escaping
then and many more times undiscovered, but the warmth of
my constitution that made the pleasures of love a kind
of necessary of life to me. Having betrayed me into

(59:19):
indiscretions fatal to my private fortune, I fell at length
to the public, from which it is probable I might
have met with the worst of ruin if my better
fate had not thrown me into this safe and agreeable refuge.
Here Louisa ended, and these little histories having brought the
time for the girls to retire and to prepare for

(59:41):
the revels of the evening, I stayed with missus Cale
till Emily came and told us the company was met
and waited for us. End of Section six.