March 25, 2024 • 13 mins
A summer hobby friending a crow quickly unravels our vacationers life
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey listeners, it's e J.Miller, writer, creator, producer,
and editor here at Fast Food Horror. I just want to take a minute
out and apologize for this episode beinglate. The sumpump went in the studio
next to ours and flooded our studioarea. It delayed our recording and producing
(00:21):
and editing, thus delaying this episodeby at least a week. So again,
thank you for being patient. Andnow your favorite MC I goor Friedrich
I gore take it away. Thankyou EJ for that delightful introduction. I'm
only thankful I have a coffin thatdoubled as a canoe when the basement and
(00:45):
dungeon flooded. Now for this week'stale, entitled The Crawl by e J.
Miller, Do not friend a crow. I know it's the latest trend
(01:29):
on all the social media's and itseems fun. If you're looking for something
to kill time, or a hobbythat's cheap and easy with no real expectations.
If you're seeking a pet with noresponsibilities, if you're in search of
companionship because you're lonely. If you'rea content creator with hopes of videos to
go viral and all the likes andnew followers you'll get. It checks all
(01:55):
the boxes. It's fantastic. It'sgreat. I warn you, though,
it's not worth it. Take itfrom someone that's learned the hard way.
It's not all that it's cracked upto be. They only show the highlights,
the cute little moments, the coolclips. They do not tell you
(02:15):
about the problems it could cause,the headaches it may bring, the stress
it will impart, the loss,the nightmare of a life that may unfold.
Let my tail be a warning.I saw a few reels of people
friending crows a few months ago,Videos of these beautiful midnight feathered creatures slowly
(02:39):
becoming more trusting of their human counterparts, every day, inching closer together,
until the crow was eating out ofthe person's hand or perched upon their shoulder,
waiting outside their window for their humanflying over to them when they called.
Then the gifts started. You see, a crow is a very loyal
(03:00):
and intelligent animal, and once ithas given you its trust, it wants
to reciprocate for the kindness the personhas shown it, So it brings gifts
to its human friend, small itemsit finds here or there, whatever strikes
its fancy. That it can fitin its beak or claws and fly to
you. It might be a ribbonor a coin. It might be a
(03:23):
button, or well, let's notget ahead of ourselves, shall we.
It seemed to be easy enough.I figured this would be a fun summertime
activity while I enjoyed my vacation.Each day, after my morning run,
I would relax with a coffee outon the back porch. There is a
(03:44):
power line that runs along the rearof my yard, and, as luck
would have it, a regular perchingplace for birds of all kinds. I
plan to just wait until a crowwould appear. Then I would start lobbing
sunflower seeds until I got one oftheir attentions. That crow would then become
the focal point of my friendly seedthrowing until I gained its trust, get
(04:08):
it to move closer and closer dayafter day, show it that I am
not a threat. Then presto,crow buddy. The first three days were
not productive in my crow endeavor.Crow Dever, I sat outside for an
hour after my run, enjoying mycoffee each day, listening to my favorite
(04:30):
acid horror podcast, gray Matter,and waited for a crow. On the
morning of day four, a fewwere waiting for me there on the power
line. As I settled in withmy morning coffee, I started tossing sunflower
seeds below their position and started makingcalling sounds. I'm not sure why I
saw each in turn tilt their headto look at the sunflower seeds now scattered
(04:55):
below them and call in return,either to each other or in my direction.
In retrospect, I don't think Iwas speaking their language as much as
they were laughing at whatever I wassaying. Cawing. One by one,
they each took turns swooping down fromtheir position and picking up a few pieces
of the pro offered sunflower seed,then flew back to their position on the
(05:17):
power line. This went on forabout twenty minutes before all four flew off.
For the next eight days, thislittle exchange went on until on the
ninth day, one crow stayed onthe ground looking for more seeds as its
three friends flew off. I startedgently tossing more seeds to this one,
(05:40):
always making sure my aim fell slightlyshort so it would get him to move
closer. Day by day we didthis dance. Its friends would fly off,
and this stately fellow would fly backdown, looking for more, hopping
ever so much closer as I shortarmed again and again the seeds he sought,
until on the fifteenth day he wascomfortably at my feet. I won't
(06:03):
bother you with the rest of thedetails, only that by day twenty one
he was eating out of my hand, and by day twenty six would perch
on my shoulder to receive his extraseeds. We were crowbros. On day
twenty four, the gift started thefoundation of my problems. When I stepped
(06:25):
out onto the back porch, Ponchothat's what I named him, was waiting
for me on the arm rest ofmy chair. I watched as he placed
a coin on the arm of thechair, then eagerly waited for his morning
seeds. I walked over and pickedup the pro offered gift, a week
penny, an unexpected bonus of acollectible coin. I sat in my chair
(06:47):
as I worked the penny in onehand and handed seeds to Poncho, seated
on my shoulder with the other.I wondered where he found this little gem.
The next eight days were more ofthis. Pancho would be waiting for
me each morning on the arm ofmy chair, a gift clasped in his
beak. One day it was apink hair bow, the next it was
(07:12):
a glossy enamel button, a starearring. Then it was a cheap pair
of red heart shades, followed bya plastic ring, then a retainer.
I had put all my new treasuresinto a shoe box and placed it high
on a shelf in the den.The ninth day was a Saturday. I
was going out of town with mywife for a wedding, and we left
(07:33):
Friday evening after she got out ofwork, never thinking twice about Pancho really
other than he'd be fine. Hewas a wild animal, he lived outside.
What did he really need me for? We returned late Monday night,
and after unloading the car after afun but exhausting weekend of friends and family,
(07:56):
and went right to bed. EarlyTuesday morning, I was by a
shrill scream. I sat straight upin bed in a sleep hazed panic,
finding my wife was not there.Another scream peeled through the house that set
my hairs on the back of myneck on end. I sprinted from the
bedroom, calling my wife's name,where was she? What was wrong?
(08:16):
A cold sweat broke out across mybrow as fear sat firmly on my chest.
After a panic, searched through thehouse, I found her on the
back porch. She was okay,but shaken, physically trembling. Her gaze
fixed on my chair and Pancho.My gaze followed hers to Pancho and the
(08:41):
chair. There, Pancho sat expectantlyon the arm rest. Four gifts splayed
out in front of him, onefor Saturday, one for Sunday, one
for Monday, and one for thismorning. Not know in what order they
(09:01):
were deposited, but I will tellyou in the order of horror that they
brought me. On the arm restof the chair was a human tooth that
appeared to have been broken at theroot with a metallic filling, a sky
blue eye with the long tendons stilldangling from its base, a pinky finger
(09:24):
that showed signs of having been gnawedoff, and a bracelet with the name
Sarah spelled out in bright pink andpurple beads. Nausea overwhelmed me and I
let loose whatever was still in mystomach across the porch floor. My wife
immediately called the cops as I triedto collect myself, and that's how I
(09:50):
got here lights out. You see, there had been a missing teenager in
the area. Of the last fouritems. The tooth, the eye,
and the finger were forensically identified ashers. They didn't believe me that a
(10:11):
crow happened to bring them to myback porch. That was enough to bring
me under suspicion. It also triggereda search warrant. In the search,
the police found the shoe box ofgifts Hancho had previously given. All were
identified as Sarah's, the teenage girlwho was missing. Her name, if
(10:33):
you remember, was spelled out onthe bracelet. Again, police didn't believe
my poncho story. And then thefinal kick. A few days after I
was taken in, Sarah's body wasfound in a wooded area just yards off
a jogging trail not far from myhome. The jogging trail I had been
(10:56):
seen visiting regularly by neighbors and joggers, like daily every morning. Four weeks.
My GPS watch and the dirt ofmy sneakers didn't help me either.
All placed me at the body.My life fell apart after that. I
(11:16):
was convicted by a jury of mypeers and sentenced to fifteen years in a
state correctional facility. Being placed atthe scene and having items from the body
in my home was enough to swaythe jury and enough to sway my wife.
She left me after she sold thehouse and disposed of all my physical
belongings. I don't know where sheis and I have not spoken to her
(11:39):
since. My friends and family likewisealso wrote me off. I am the
pariah. No one wants to admitto having known me or have anything to
do with me, all because ofthat bird, Pancho. Pancho is the
reason I am here. If notfor him, I'd be free, enjoying
(12:03):
life and sipping coffee on my backporch, visiting my favorite jogging trail every
morning. One thing bothers me,though, Pancho. How did he know?
How did he know to bring methose items? I mean, those
(12:24):
specific items. It's like he knewthat I was actually responsible for her death.
He still visits me here in prisondaily, every morning, tapping at
(12:45):
the window outside my cell, cawingat me, laughing at me. I
only hope that damn bird doesn't findthe other bodies. Shott
Hey listeners, it's e J.Miller, writer, creator, producer,
and editor here at Fast Food Horror. I just want to take a minute
out and apologize for this episode beinglate. The sumpump went in the studio
next to ours and flooded our studioarea. It delayed our recording and producing
(00:21):
and editing, thus delaying this episodeby at least a week. So again,
thank you for being patient. Andnow your favorite MC I goor Friedrich
I gore take it away. Thankyou EJ for that delightful introduction. I'm
only thankful I have a coffin thatdoubled as a canoe when the basement and
(00:45):
dungeon flooded. Now for this week'stale, entitled The Crawl by e J.
Miller, Do not friend a crow. I know it's the latest trend
(01:29):
on all the social media's and itseems fun. If you're looking for something
to kill time, or a hobbythat's cheap and easy with no real expectations.
If you're seeking a pet with noresponsibilities, if you're in search of
companionship because you're lonely. If you'rea content creator with hopes of videos to
go viral and all the likes andnew followers you'll get. It checks all
(01:55):
the boxes. It's fantastic. It'sgreat. I warn you, though,
it's not worth it. Take itfrom someone that's learned the hard way.
It's not all that it's cracked upto be. They only show the highlights,
the cute little moments, the coolclips. They do not tell you
(02:15):
about the problems it could cause,the headaches it may bring, the stress
it will impart, the loss,the nightmare of a life that may unfold.
Let my tail be a warning.I saw a few reels of people
friending crows a few months ago,Videos of these beautiful midnight feathered creatures slowly
(02:39):
becoming more trusting of their human counterparts, every day, inching closer together,
until the crow was eating out ofthe person's hand or perched upon their shoulder,
waiting outside their window for their humanflying over to them when they called.
Then the gifts started. You see, a crow is a very loyal
(03:00):
and intelligent animal, and once ithas given you its trust, it wants
to reciprocate for the kindness the personhas shown it, So it brings gifts
to its human friend, small itemsit finds here or there, whatever strikes
its fancy. That it can fitin its beak or claws and fly to
you. It might be a ribbonor a coin. It might be a
(03:23):
button, or well, let's notget ahead of ourselves, shall we.
It seemed to be easy enough.I figured this would be a fun summertime
activity while I enjoyed my vacation.Each day, after my morning run,
I would relax with a coffee outon the back porch. There is a
(03:44):
power line that runs along the rearof my yard, and, as luck
would have it, a regular perchingplace for birds of all kinds. I
plan to just wait until a crowwould appear. Then I would start lobbing
sunflower seeds until I got one oftheir attentions. That crow would then become
the focal point of my friendly seedthrowing until I gained its trust, get
(04:08):
it to move closer and closer dayafter day, show it that I am
not a threat. Then presto,crow buddy. The first three days were
not productive in my crow endeavor.Crow Dever, I sat outside for an
hour after my run, enjoying mycoffee each day, listening to my favorite
(04:30):
acid horror podcast, gray Matter,and waited for a crow. On the
morning of day four, a fewwere waiting for me there on the power
line. As I settled in withmy morning coffee, I started tossing sunflower
seeds below their position and started makingcalling sounds. I'm not sure why I
saw each in turn tilt their headto look at the sunflower seeds now scattered
(04:55):
below them and call in return,either to each other or in my direction.
In retrospect, I don't think Iwas speaking their language as much as
they were laughing at whatever I wassaying. Cawing. One by one,
they each took turns swooping down fromtheir position and picking up a few pieces
of the pro offered sunflower seed,then flew back to their position on the
(05:17):
power line. This went on forabout twenty minutes before all four flew off.
For the next eight days, thislittle exchange went on until on the
ninth day, one crow stayed onthe ground looking for more seeds as its
three friends flew off. I startedgently tossing more seeds to this one,
(05:40):
always making sure my aim fell slightlyshort so it would get him to move
closer. Day by day we didthis dance. Its friends would fly off,
and this stately fellow would fly backdown, looking for more, hopping
ever so much closer as I shortarmed again and again the seeds he sought,
until on the fifteenth day he wascomfortably at my feet. I won't
(06:03):
bother you with the rest of thedetails, only that by day twenty one
he was eating out of my hand, and by day twenty six would perch
on my shoulder to receive his extraseeds. We were crowbros. On day
twenty four, the gift started thefoundation of my problems. When I stepped
(06:25):
out onto the back porch, Ponchothat's what I named him, was waiting
for me on the arm rest ofmy chair. I watched as he placed
a coin on the arm of thechair, then eagerly waited for his morning
seeds. I walked over and pickedup the pro offered gift, a week
penny, an unexpected bonus of acollectible coin. I sat in my chair
(06:47):
as I worked the penny in onehand and handed seeds to Poncho, seated
on my shoulder with the other.I wondered where he found this little gem.
The next eight days were more ofthis. Pancho would be waiting for
me each morning on the arm ofmy chair, a gift clasped in his
beak. One day it was apink hair bow, the next it was
(07:12):
a glossy enamel button, a starearring. Then it was a cheap pair
of red heart shades, followed bya plastic ring, then a retainer.
I had put all my new treasuresinto a shoe box and placed it high
on a shelf in the den.The ninth day was a Saturday. I
was going out of town with mywife for a wedding, and we left
(07:33):
Friday evening after she got out ofwork, never thinking twice about Pancho really
other than he'd be fine. Hewas a wild animal, he lived outside.
What did he really need me for? We returned late Monday night,
and after unloading the car after afun but exhausting weekend of friends and family,
(07:56):
and went right to bed. EarlyTuesday morning, I was by a
shrill scream. I sat straight upin bed in a sleep hazed panic,
finding my wife was not there.Another scream peeled through the house that set
my hairs on the back of myneck on end. I sprinted from the
bedroom, calling my wife's name,where was she? What was wrong?
(08:16):
A cold sweat broke out across mybrow as fear sat firmly on my chest.
After a panic, searched through thehouse, I found her on the
back porch. She was okay,but shaken, physically trembling. Her gaze
fixed on my chair and Pancho.My gaze followed hers to Pancho and the
(08:41):
chair. There, Pancho sat expectantlyon the arm rest. Four gifts splayed
out in front of him, onefor Saturday, one for Sunday, one
for Monday, and one for thismorning. Not know in what order they
(09:01):
were deposited, but I will tellyou in the order of horror that they
brought me. On the arm restof the chair was a human tooth that
appeared to have been broken at theroot with a metallic filling, a sky
blue eye with the long tendons stilldangling from its base, a pinky finger
(09:24):
that showed signs of having been gnawedoff, and a bracelet with the name
Sarah spelled out in bright pink andpurple beads. Nausea overwhelmed me and I
let loose whatever was still in mystomach across the porch floor. My wife
immediately called the cops as I triedto collect myself, and that's how I
(09:50):
got here lights out. You see, there had been a missing teenager in
the area. Of the last fouritems. The tooth, the eye,
and the finger were forensically identified ashers. They didn't believe me that a
(10:11):
crow happened to bring them to myback porch. That was enough to bring
me under suspicion. It also triggereda search warrant. In the search,
the police found the shoe box ofgifts Hancho had previously given. All were
identified as Sarah's, the teenage girlwho was missing. Her name, if
(10:33):
you remember, was spelled out onthe bracelet. Again, police didn't believe
my poncho story. And then thefinal kick. A few days after I
was taken in, Sarah's body wasfound in a wooded area just yards off
a jogging trail not far from myhome. The jogging trail I had been
(10:56):
seen visiting regularly by neighbors and joggers, like daily every morning. Four weeks.
My GPS watch and the dirt ofmy sneakers didn't help me either.
All placed me at the body.My life fell apart after that. I
(11:16):
was convicted by a jury of mypeers and sentenced to fifteen years in a
state correctional facility. Being placed atthe scene and having items from the body
in my home was enough to swaythe jury and enough to sway my wife.
She left me after she sold thehouse and disposed of all my physical
belongings. I don't know where sheis and I have not spoken to her
(11:39):
since. My friends and family likewisealso wrote me off. I am the
pariah. No one wants to admitto having known me or have anything to
do with me, all because ofthat bird, Pancho. Pancho is the
reason I am here. If notfor him, I'd be free, enjoying
(12:03):
life and sipping coffee on my backporch, visiting my favorite jogging trail every
morning. One thing bothers me,though, Pancho. How did he know?
How did he know to bring methose items? I mean, those
(12:24):
specific items. It's like he knewthat I was actually responsible for her death.
He still visits me here in prisondaily, every morning, tapping at
(12:45):
the window outside my cell, cawingat me, laughing at me. I
only hope that damn bird doesn't findthe other bodies. Shott
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