May 2, 2024 • 12 mins
A glimpse into the inner workings of the office, of the angel of death.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:28):
Welcome listeners to another episode of FastFood Horror. In this episode, we
take a peek into the offices ofthe Angel of Death in this tale entitled
aod inc by E. J.Miller. For Sephony, please hold my
(00:56):
calls for the next hour. Ihave to review these cases from the new
hires. Thank you. And forSephony, call Charon over at Sticks and
cancel our lunch meeting. Just reschedule. Tell him it'll be my treat at
that old Greek restaurant Olympus. Thankyou. Honestly, that man is obsessed
(01:17):
with boats. How he can evenstomach to eat a meal on one is
ridiculous. The waves, the constantup and down, the pitching, the
rocking. I'm getting nauseous just thinkingabout it. Speaking of which, for
Sephony, yes, please take therest of the day off. Yes with
pay. You're welcome. Enjoy yourday. Bye. The only thing worse
(01:44):
than eating a meal on a boatis your attitude. It is such a
downer, so depressing. Blah blah. My husband is the devil, blah
blah. All right, let's reviewthese case flots for Sephanie. When she
could buster her up, the ambitionseparated these three new hires from the arrest
(02:06):
to have, in her opinion,impressive task completions. Let's see if they've
figured out how to effectively and efficientlyexecute their job. And let's see who
is angel of death of the monthamongst the new hires. Case eleven dashed
twenty four to sixty six. ClaimLuke Stephens, AOD agent intern Mega Ah
(02:34):
Bob from Accounting's Kid. Let's seehow this claim played out. The claim
Luke Stephens had gone out to alocal establishment and met with friends for a
few beverages on Friday evening. Aftera few games of pool and many many
failed attempts to convince a mate toaccompany him home to his trailer, he
called it a knight and began thedrive home through the Louisiana Bayou. It
(02:55):
was during this drive I found myopportunity to initiate the claim. I conjured
a tornado to run through his trailerpark and strike his dwelling exactly upon his
arrival. Unfortunately, the claim decidedat that moment to pull over, exit
his vehicle, and relieve himself alongthe roadside, then inexplicably stare into space,
(03:19):
delaying his arrival. So I divertedthe twister to hit his neighbor's front
yard, Miss Dorothea Dix, whowas an avid collector of yard gnomes and
flamingoes. I had the twister hurledthe flamingos in the claim's direction. One
flamingo with its steel stake, struckthe claim through his abdomen. I felt
satisfied that this would be a fatalblow, and yet it was not,
(03:45):
as the claim began to remove thestake from his body. Upon extricating the
flamingo, he held it aloft likea victorious knight wood after unsheathing a sword,
which is when he was struck bylightning by the storm I had created
to bring about the twister. Iwatched him stagger then fall into the water
of the bayou. I figured thelightning had done the job, or he
(04:09):
would at least drown. However,the cold water must have shocked his nervous
system, as the claim began tosplash about and began to wade out of
the water, making a terrible noise, which is what attracted the gator that
swam up behind him and ate theclaim. Claim executed at two thirty two
(04:29):
am Saturday. Well, that wasremarkable. Wasn't it good effort that Gator
saved you? Though? Let's seewhat our next intern did. Case nineteen
Dashed twenty two sixty one claim BusterFireball McCoy, AOD agent in turned Hermes
(04:50):
the claim stuntman. Buster Fireball McCoywas readying his custom built performance motorcycle with
a booster rocket attached outside the PalaceCasino for his latest show. On this
date, he was scheduled to performa death defying stunt where he would race
down the main street in front ofthe casino at more than ninety miles an
(05:11):
hour, take his bike through afour story loop de loop, then take
flight as he exited the bottom ofthe loop, igniting a rocket and driving
his bike off the ramp and overa large reflecting pool, landing safely on
the other side. I saw myopportunity and put my plans into play.
(05:32):
Through the power of suggestion, Iplaced the thought in the casino owner's head,
how much more picture esque it wouldlook for the thousands in attendants and
those watching at home, not tomention, for the publicity photos that they
could use on social media and advertisementsif the fountains in the reflecting pool were
on. I reinforced this by nudginghis pride that since he was paying the
(05:57):
tab, it was the least Bustercould do. After Buster acquiesced to this
small request and not seeing the dangerthe fourteen foot plumes of water could present,
I then conjured up a slight breezeblowing from east to west. This
made sure that any and all missedmade from the fountains would be blowing directly
(06:18):
up Buster and specifically his rocket propelledmotorcycle. At exactly nine fourteen pm Central
Standard time, Buster came hurtling downMain Street building up to ninety miles an
hour, with a light mist dampeninghim as he entered the loop. I
watched with the rest of the audiencein awe as he climbed the four story
(06:40):
loop to its summit, then rocketeddown the other side, completing the three
sixty to the crowd's delight, andcoming up on the exit of the loop
and the ramp. I watched asBuster tensed and waited for his moment to
ignite the booster rocket at the baseof the ramp at more than ninety miles
an hour to propel him successfully overthe reflecting pond and now the unplanned fountains.
(07:06):
At the exact moment, Buster hitthe button on the throttle to ignite
the rocket just feet from the endof the ramp, but because it was
damp, it did not ignite.A panic, Buster hit the button again
and again and was launched into theair at less than the speed he anticipated
or needed to clear the reflecting pool. At the moment he hit the apex
(07:30):
of his height from the ramp.In mid air, some forty feet up,
Buster went to pull the rip cordon his emergency parachute. The parachute
deployed, but was wet due tothe mist and served little purpose as he
began to drop to the earth.However, it was at that moment the
(07:50):
rocket ignited and sent a surprise anddamp Buster up, up, up,
and into an electronic bit bill boardadvertising accident attorneys Eisenberg, Katzenberg, Heisenberg,
and Wiener. I am still awaiting for the final report, but
it appears Buster was electrocuted upon highimpact with the electronic sign The claim was
(08:15):
fully executed at nine eighteen pm CentralStandard time. WHOA, I did not
see that coming, and probably neitherdid Buster. I'll have to set a
reminder for myself to find that videoon YouTube and our final intern bo,
let's see what he has done.Case twenty one Dash thirty four thirty one
(08:39):
Claim Travis Scott, AOD agent internbo. The claim Travis Scott was taking
a joy ride with three other highlyinebriated friends in a small, cramped compact
vehicle they had borrowed from the ownerwithout his permission, down a twisting mountain
road late one evening. It wasduring his descent that Travis the driver noticed
(09:03):
the brakes no longer worked. Perhapsthis is why the owner had the vehicle
parked in the driveway and not inthe garage. Perhaps this was the reason
there were tools scattered around the vehiclewhen they found it. Perhaps this was
the reason why it was so easyto steal, as the door was unlocked
and the key still in the ignition, all of which I made sure they
(09:24):
did not take into consideration, asI consistently suggested and amplified to all what
a great adventure this would be,and they would look back at it and
laugh when they were older and sober. Travis, in a moment of self
preservation, realized that at his speedand the continued downward descent of the road
they would surely crash horribly, andTravis, without saying a word to his
(09:48):
friends, jumped from the vehicle.Travis tumbled and rolled across the road and
then down the side of the mountain, breaking an arm and suffering many cuts
and abrasions before coming to rest inthe middle of the road. You see,
the mountain road was a switchback,a zig zagging path down the steep
mountain. Travis staggered to his feetand got his wits about him just before
(10:13):
a car, the car he hadabandoned with his friends still in it.
The car his friends saw he hadjumped from and quickly gained some control of,
came barreling down the mountain side andstruck him, sending him again tumbling
down the side of the mountain.Again, he rolled and tumbled down the
steep mountain side, breaking ribs beforehe again found himself in the middle of
(10:37):
the road. Travis staggered to hisfeet just in time to get struck by
a vehicle, the same vehicle hehad abandoned, the same vehicle that had
struck him the first time, Thesame vehicle being operated by his highly intoxicated
friends, who could only manage tosteer and get one leg into the driver's
(10:58):
side where the brakes didn't work.I report that the claim was struck four
more times four more times by thesame vehicle, six times in total,
suffering multiple injuries, none dealing thefatal blow. However, the claim,
after rolling and tumbling down the finalembankment, came to rest at the bottom
(11:20):
of the switchback road at the feetof a Sasquatch who carried him off to
her den. As it was unfortunatelymating season, the claim was finally then
executed hours later at approximately seven thirtyseven am Pacific time. I can't,
Oh my, I just can't.Who brought this guy into the company?
(11:43):
Sasquatch? Death by Sasquatch? Howjust how? Just give it to Hermes
and I'll have to send an emailto HR for intern Bow to have additional
training. Oh my gosh, deathby Sasquatch.
Welcome listeners to another episode of FastFood Horror. In this episode, we
take a peek into the offices ofthe Angel of Death in this tale entitled
aod inc by E. J.Miller. For Sephony, please hold my
(00:56):
calls for the next hour. Ihave to review these cases from the new
hires. Thank you. And forSephony, call Charon over at Sticks and
cancel our lunch meeting. Just reschedule. Tell him it'll be my treat at
that old Greek restaurant Olympus. Thankyou. Honestly, that man is obsessed
(01:17):
with boats. How he can evenstomach to eat a meal on one is
ridiculous. The waves, the constantup and down, the pitching, the
rocking. I'm getting nauseous just thinkingabout it. Speaking of which, for
Sephony, yes, please take therest of the day off. Yes with
pay. You're welcome. Enjoy yourday. Bye. The only thing worse
(01:44):
than eating a meal on a boatis your attitude. It is such a
downer, so depressing. Blah blah. My husband is the devil, blah
blah. All right, let's reviewthese case flots for Sephanie. When she
could buster her up, the ambitionseparated these three new hires from the arrest
(02:06):
to have, in her opinion,impressive task completions. Let's see if they've
figured out how to effectively and efficientlyexecute their job. And let's see who
is angel of death of the monthamongst the new hires. Case eleven dashed
twenty four to sixty six. ClaimLuke Stephens, AOD agent intern Mega Ah
(02:34):
Bob from Accounting's Kid. Let's seehow this claim played out. The claim
Luke Stephens had gone out to alocal establishment and met with friends for a
few beverages on Friday evening. Aftera few games of pool and many many
failed attempts to convince a mate toaccompany him home to his trailer, he
called it a knight and began thedrive home through the Louisiana Bayou. It
(02:55):
was during this drive I found myopportunity to initiate the claim. I conjured
a tornado to run through his trailerpark and strike his dwelling exactly upon his
arrival. Unfortunately, the claim decidedat that moment to pull over, exit
his vehicle, and relieve himself alongthe roadside, then inexplicably stare into space,
(03:19):
delaying his arrival. So I divertedthe twister to hit his neighbor's front
yard, Miss Dorothea Dix, whowas an avid collector of yard gnomes and
flamingoes. I had the twister hurledthe flamingos in the claim's direction. One
flamingo with its steel stake, struckthe claim through his abdomen. I felt
satisfied that this would be a fatalblow, and yet it was not,
(03:45):
as the claim began to remove thestake from his body. Upon extricating the
flamingo, he held it aloft likea victorious knight wood after unsheathing a sword,
which is when he was struck bylightning by the storm I had created
to bring about the twister. Iwatched him stagger then fall into the water
of the bayou. I figured thelightning had done the job, or he
(04:09):
would at least drown. However,the cold water must have shocked his nervous
system, as the claim began tosplash about and began to wade out of
the water, making a terrible noise, which is what attracted the gator that
swam up behind him and ate theclaim. Claim executed at two thirty two
(04:29):
am Saturday. Well, that wasremarkable. Wasn't it good effort that Gator
saved you? Though? Let's seewhat our next intern did. Case nineteen
Dashed twenty two sixty one claim BusterFireball McCoy, AOD agent in turned Hermes
(04:50):
the claim stuntman. Buster Fireball McCoywas readying his custom built performance motorcycle with
a booster rocket attached outside the PalaceCasino for his latest show. On this
date, he was scheduled to performa death defying stunt where he would race
down the main street in front ofthe casino at more than ninety miles an
(05:11):
hour, take his bike through afour story loop de loop, then take
flight as he exited the bottom ofthe loop, igniting a rocket and driving
his bike off the ramp and overa large reflecting pool, landing safely on
the other side. I saw myopportunity and put my plans into play.
(05:32):
Through the power of suggestion, Iplaced the thought in the casino owner's head,
how much more picture esque it wouldlook for the thousands in attendants and
those watching at home, not tomention, for the publicity photos that they
could use on social media and advertisementsif the fountains in the reflecting pool were
on. I reinforced this by nudginghis pride that since he was paying the
(05:57):
tab, it was the least Bustercould do. After Buster acquiesced to this
small request and not seeing the dangerthe fourteen foot plumes of water could present,
I then conjured up a slight breezeblowing from east to west. This
made sure that any and all missedmade from the fountains would be blowing directly
(06:18):
up Buster and specifically his rocket propelledmotorcycle. At exactly nine fourteen pm Central
Standard time, Buster came hurtling downMain Street building up to ninety miles an
hour, with a light mist dampeninghim as he entered the loop. I
watched with the rest of the audiencein awe as he climbed the four story
(06:40):
loop to its summit, then rocketeddown the other side, completing the three
sixty to the crowd's delight, andcoming up on the exit of the loop
and the ramp. I watched asBuster tensed and waited for his moment to
ignite the booster rocket at the baseof the ramp at more than ninety miles
an hour to propel him successfully overthe reflecting pond and now the unplanned fountains.
(07:06):
At the exact moment, Buster hitthe button on the throttle to ignite
the rocket just feet from the endof the ramp, but because it was
damp, it did not ignite.A panic, Buster hit the button again
and again and was launched into theair at less than the speed he anticipated
or needed to clear the reflecting pool. At the moment he hit the apex
(07:30):
of his height from the ramp.In mid air, some forty feet up,
Buster went to pull the rip cordon his emergency parachute. The parachute
deployed, but was wet due tothe mist and served little purpose as he
began to drop to the earth.However, it was at that moment the
(07:50):
rocket ignited and sent a surprise anddamp Buster up, up, up,
and into an electronic bit bill boardadvertising accident attorneys Eisenberg, Katzenberg, Heisenberg,
and Wiener. I am still awaiting for the final report, but
it appears Buster was electrocuted upon highimpact with the electronic sign The claim was
(08:15):
fully executed at nine eighteen pm CentralStandard time. WHOA, I did not
see that coming, and probably neitherdid Buster. I'll have to set a
reminder for myself to find that videoon YouTube and our final intern bo,
let's see what he has done.Case twenty one Dash thirty four thirty one
(08:39):
Claim Travis Scott, AOD agent internbo. The claim Travis Scott was taking
a joy ride with three other highlyinebriated friends in a small, cramped compact
vehicle they had borrowed from the ownerwithout his permission, down a twisting mountain
road late one evening. It wasduring his descent that Travis the driver noticed
(09:03):
the brakes no longer worked. Perhapsthis is why the owner had the vehicle
parked in the driveway and not inthe garage. Perhaps this was the reason
there were tools scattered around the vehiclewhen they found it. Perhaps this was
the reason why it was so easyto steal, as the door was unlocked
and the key still in the ignition, all of which I made sure they
(09:24):
did not take into consideration, asI consistently suggested and amplified to all what
a great adventure this would be,and they would look back at it and
laugh when they were older and sober. Travis, in a moment of self
preservation, realized that at his speedand the continued downward descent of the road
they would surely crash horribly, andTravis, without saying a word to his
(09:48):
friends, jumped from the vehicle.Travis tumbled and rolled across the road and
then down the side of the mountain, breaking an arm and suffering many cuts
and abrasions before coming to rest inthe middle of the road. You see,
the mountain road was a switchback,a zig zagging path down the steep
mountain. Travis staggered to his feetand got his wits about him just before
(10:13):
a car, the car he hadabandoned with his friends still in it.
The car his friends saw he hadjumped from and quickly gained some control of,
came barreling down the mountain side andstruck him, sending him again tumbling
down the side of the mountain.Again, he rolled and tumbled down the
steep mountain side, breaking ribs beforehe again found himself in the middle of
(10:37):
the road. Travis staggered to hisfeet just in time to get struck by
a vehicle, the same vehicle hehad abandoned, the same vehicle that had
struck him the first time, Thesame vehicle being operated by his highly intoxicated
friends, who could only manage tosteer and get one leg into the driver's
(10:58):
side where the brakes didn't work.I report that the claim was struck four
more times four more times by thesame vehicle, six times in total,
suffering multiple injuries, none dealing thefatal blow. However, the claim,
after rolling and tumbling down the finalembankment, came to rest at the bottom
(11:20):
of the switchback road at the feetof a Sasquatch who carried him off to
her den. As it was unfortunatelymating season, the claim was finally then
executed hours later at approximately seven thirtyseven am Pacific time. I can't,
Oh my, I just can't.Who brought this guy into the company?
(11:43):
Sasquatch? Death by Sasquatch? Howjust how? Just give it to Hermes
and I'll have to send an emailto HR for intern Bow to have additional
training. Oh my gosh, deathby Sasquatch.
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