July 10, 2025 • 27 mins
A comedic series featuring a married couple navigating daily life with humor and charm. Their interactions and misadventures provide lighthearted entertainment.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
The Johnson's Wax Program with Fiver McGhee and Mollie, the
makers of Johnson's Wax Products for Home and Industry present
Fiverer McGee and Molly with Bill Thompson, Gail Gordon, Arthur
Q Brant.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
And me Harlow Wilcos.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
The script is by Don Quinn and Phil Leslie, music
by the King's Men and Goody Maill's Orchestra. Not long
ago I described a floor that had been polished with
Johnson's self Polishing glow.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Coat as having a happy shine.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
A friend of mine questioned the phrase, saying floors are
neither happy nor sad, and therefore the phrase wasn't a
good one. Well, I wonder think of it in terms
of how the lady of the house feels. There was
a time when tiresome scrubbing dulled the noleum, and no
one was happy about it, least of all the person
who did the works. Not so with Johnson's self polishing
glow coat. No, indeed, you just apply and let dry.
(01:02):
There's no rubbing or buffing, no hard work at all.
You will be happy just looking at the bright, warm luster.
Johnson's glow coat will quickly and easily give your linoleum
and other floors that shining glossy coat will protect them,
make them last years longer, and you'll be happy at
how easy they are to keep clean and lovely. I
really believe the phrase happy shine is one you'll use
(01:23):
after you use Johnson's self polishing blow coat to bring
out the beauty of your homes.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Long the right side, shine up the right side, bring
out the beauty of the all.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Missus Molly McGee of seventy nine Wistful Vista has an
aunt who is richer than a double chocolate malted, but
about as open handed as if she were carrying a
pint of loose diamonds. However, this Christmas she really loosened
up to the extents of well.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Listen to Fibber McGhee and.
Speaker 4 (01:59):
Molly a good old Aunt Sarah bless her steel plate
at old hard imagine her doing a thing.
Speaker 5 (02:12):
Like this for us.
Speaker 6 (02:12):
Well, I always told you Aunt Sarah's heart was in
the right place, McGee.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
The thing being in the right place ain't necessarily always
sometimes always too good to see. I walked into a
bear trap once that was in exactly the right place
to catch a bear. But as I often say life
is like a jar peanut butter. Why I don't know.
I'm no philosopher.
Speaker 6 (02:31):
Well, anyway, I think it was pretty sweet of ant
Sarah to send us eat a ten dollars gift certificate
on the Bontown department store.
Speaker 7 (02:38):
Pretty thoughtful.
Speaker 4 (02:39):
Yeah, I've put more thought than that in scratching my elbow. However,
I'll admit old Sarah Driscoll has softened up a little.
Speaker 5 (02:46):
She thinks more of a butt.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
Than a game, more than in April.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Hey, what're you gonna do with yours?
Speaker 7 (02:52):
I'm gonna save it till I really want something. How
about you?
Speaker 4 (02:56):
I'm gonna go down to the bon Ton and blow
my ten bucks on the silliest pool. It's just uselessless
gimmick I can find in the joint.
Speaker 6 (03:02):
I see, when did this shopping expedition get underweight?
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Ah?
Speaker 4 (03:06):
Right now, I had to go out anyway, I might
as well drop in on the bond Town at the
same time.
Speaker 7 (03:09):
I know you forgot to mail the last of our
Christmas card?
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Was there all took care of.
Speaker 4 (03:13):
I mailed the last of the cards to the people
we forgot the thought of us at the last minute
and send us cards too. Late for us to send
them Christmas cards for Christmas yesterday?
Speaker 6 (03:25):
Would you mind running over that again with a little
more punctuation.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
I mailed the last of the cards.
Speaker 7 (03:30):
Tell me later, No, forget the whole thing.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
Come in, well, my gosh, if it ain't the weather man.
Speaker 7 (03:36):
Hi, for get home, mister Williams, do come in.
Speaker 8 (03:39):
Thank you missus McGee? Hello McGee. Did I by any
chance leave my overshoes here yesterday? No, you didn't, foggy.
I had to go over on your back porch and
get them here? They are, Oh, thank you. Our forecasts
indicate bad weather coming.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Oh.
Speaker 6 (03:54):
By the way, mister Williams, did your offer send up
those weather balloons with all the instruments drapped onto?
Speaker 9 (04:00):
Oh?
Speaker 8 (04:00):
Yes, yes, every morning. As a matter of fact, I
was a pioneer in weather ballooning. I sent up the
first balloon equipped with weather instruments and short wave radio.
I stood on the ground and listened to the results
with headphones. It was amazing.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
My gosh, how bet it was foggy. What do you hear?
Speaker 8 (04:17):
Thirteen minutes of Mark Perkins and a few bars of
Carmon LOMBARDA.
Speaker 6 (04:24):
Well, I don't want to ask your government of vision
to betray any information, mister Williams, But do you think
we'll have an early spring?
Speaker 8 (04:31):
No, missus McGee, I think this will be a long
hard winter set an instruments. That prediction is the result
of my observations of nature McGhee. Or I have noticed
that when we have a long hard winter, the rabbit's
fur is heavier, the bark on the hickory tree is thicker,
and you wait longer for a street car.
Speaker 7 (04:50):
So why do you think this will be a long
hard winter?
Speaker 8 (04:53):
My wife's brother every fall until now he's come to
visit us with two extra shirts on a pocket comb.
This time he brought a trunk, a portable phonograph, and
the first lesson of a correspondence course. Yes, it looks
like a long hard winter. Well, good day. Probably they
(05:20):
had it all in feety's round. Okay, you going down
the bunk on with me?
Speaker 6 (05:23):
Yes, I guess that will be gee, Although I don't
know why you have to spend your gift certificates so quickly.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
Wow, I'm scared of Sarah will reconsider and stop payming
on it. And this is the first year she hasn't
sent me them. Corny wool socks that she knits, you
know them green and orange ones that never fit.
Speaker 6 (05:37):
Oh, I wouldn't say never, mcgie. That isn't fair, dance Sarah.
When did any socks she ever knitted for me ever fitted?
I can tell you exactly. Remember the green one, she
said in nineteen thirty nine, and the orange one she
said in nineteen forty five.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
What that got to do with a fit?
Speaker 7 (05:50):
Well, the left.
Speaker 6 (05:51):
Hand one of the green pair, in the right hand
one of the orange pair fits you perfectly.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
In sixteen years she sent me one pair that fit
one sock and want orange. Gosh, pull up my pants
and I look like a traffic signal. Well, sir, this
year by George, I'm gonna buy Something's the dog going prebolously.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
Hell me in?
Speaker 7 (06:11):
Oh hi, old time, Hello there, mister old timer.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Colder kids, Hey, you know something? Poor Night's New Year's Eve? Eh,
you kids.
Speaker 10 (06:19):
Gonna go out and stet around any old timer.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
I'll tell you how it is with us. On New
Year's Eve, we gave up fighting our way through a
bunch of yokels with more dollars than cents to pay
forty bucks to sit at the table the size of
a milk and stool next to the kitchen door of
a minkline mess hall.
Speaker 6 (06:35):
For at midnight to put on paper caps and link
arms with a bunch of people you wouldn't associate with
in the daytime and sing shit out acquaintance to be forgotten.
That case, they certainly showed me.
Speaker 4 (06:46):
And everybody yells Happy New Year with tears running down
into their ginger ale. And by that time you've got
a headache and your wife has lost her gloves, and
the waiter brings you a check he's been carrying around
for six weeks waiting for some pidgeon like you.
Speaker 6 (06:58):
And you wait thirty minutes for the kicking girl to
find your coat to taint in plain sight.
Speaker 7 (07:03):
But she's angry.
Speaker 6 (07:04):
Because you only tip her a dollar and go outside
to find that the parking lot boys have been listening
to your car radio and your battery's dead, and so
is nineteen forty seven.
Speaker 11 (07:11):
And so are you.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
So we're staying homes.
Speaker 10 (07:17):
Well, everybody's his own taste, Johnny, I'm gonna have my fun. Well,
I'm still too old to have any regrets.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
I like the excitement of New Year's Eve.
Speaker 10 (07:34):
Crowds, yelling women, crime fenders, crunching.
Speaker 12 (07:36):
And the happy cries of the pickpockets.
Speaker 5 (07:40):
Yes, sir, I'm.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Gonna swing it this year. Good for you. Oh, by
the way, Johnny, can I borrow alone?
Speaker 12 (07:46):
If your watch it's for a party. New Year's Eve
is watch, Yes, it's watch party. I wanna watch the
old years sneak out.
Speaker 10 (07:53):
Like it was a shame of itself, like it ought
to be, and the New Year creep in like it
was scared of death.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
And you can't blame it. H good old nineteen forty seven,
the year of the three trains?
Speaker 4 (08:05):
What three trains?
Speaker 10 (08:06):
The Freedom Train, the Friendship train, and six inches more
than the galls skirts Nada had them.
Speaker 7 (08:16):
You don't care for the new look, mister old timer?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
What's new about a daughter? It's all stuff to me.
Speaker 10 (08:22):
In my time, I've seen calves appear and disappear like
I heard a cattle passing a.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Picket fans.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Personally. Then new long skirts kind of embarrass me.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Looks like they're losing.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
Whenever I meet a woman with her skirt down to
her ankles, I expect her to scream, wop and grab
her strict and doc.
Speaker 5 (08:37):
For a doorway.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Dude, that is pretty good, kid.
Speaker 5 (08:45):
But that ain't the way I hear it.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Way I heard it one fire fans to Tuther Colare say.
Speaker 13 (08:51):
He says, these.
Speaker 10 (08:57):
Little skirts are gonna make it tough for a young
feller to pick.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
A girl, ain't they.
Speaker 10 (09:01):
Hodd Chon says ton of fire Well says the first
fire up to.
Speaker 12 (09:05):
Now her boy wanted to know if this girl was
not need He just had to look.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Now he's got to listen.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Hell emails from the orchestra iron.
Speaker 11 (09:22):
Now be some changes made.
Speaker 7 (10:00):
Oh that's fun, sad, ye say, it's said, See.
Speaker 6 (11:00):
Why it's an off the big storm, Againe. You certainly
find something here for your gift certificates that you've gotten,
knoweth Leu's farm. I'm sure you don't want to spend
it wisely.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
No, I'm gonna get something foolish and extravagant. If it
takes me all day, I'm gonna go through this store
like a snapshot of Gregory Peck to a girl's dormitory. Now,
let me say, snardy folks, is that something I can
do for you?
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (11:19):
Thank you very much. Are you a clerk?
Speaker 5 (11:21):
Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Here at the store at home, I'm afore walker. White's
got a new baby. Well, here's our problem, dad.
Speaker 4 (11:29):
You see, I got a gift certificate for tend But hey,
ain't you the guy that used to deliver our groceries?
Speaker 5 (11:33):
Yes, sir, I quit the grocery in this last week.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
Why if it's any of our business, which it isn't,
so don't tell us if you want to be rude.
Speaker 11 (11:41):
Well, you see it.
Speaker 5 (11:42):
My brother took cold and it turned into the morning
and they took him to the hospital.
Speaker 7 (11:45):
Oh that's too bad.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Yeah, for two weeks there he just kind of hovered
between life and the Saturday evening post.
Speaker 5 (11:52):
Then they brought him home.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
And you quit the grocery so you can stay home
and look after him.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Me.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
No, No, that was in Oregon nineteen thirty six.
Speaker 7 (12:00):
Nineteen thirty six. My goodness.
Speaker 6 (12:02):
What's your brother getting sick in nineteen thirty six got
to do if you're quitting the grocery store last week?
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Well, man, the way I look at it, when a
fellaw wants to quit a job, one excuse is good
as another.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Or do something might show you folks.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
Now we're just powling around. Dad got a ten dollars
gift certificate to spend when I find something I don't
particularly need.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
Well, we got eight fours full of stuff we don't need.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
I'm glad to sell you any part of it.
Speaker 11 (12:27):
Just call me a calling, Will Will?
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Where are you, Oh Will?
Speaker 7 (12:32):
Robin Earth? Was that?
Speaker 13 (12:33):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (12:34):
That's our will call apartment ms McGee.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
But I was saying, if.
Speaker 5 (12:39):
There's anything I can do, just look.
Speaker 9 (12:40):
Me up out all the gates up.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Huh.
Speaker 6 (12:43):
The new electric stove with a little wind in the
oven so you can peek in and see what's cooking.
Speaker 7 (12:47):
Isn't that sweet?
Speaker 4 (12:48):
What's new about that? We got a glass window on
our oven at home.
Speaker 7 (12:51):
Yeah, but this one has a little steel Venetian blind
on the inside. What do you suppose that's for?
Speaker 5 (12:57):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
I suppose that's for basketball women that want to cook
a runk roast or something. Hey, let's go over here
in the sporting good section. I might go for a
new fly rod.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
You know what, the new fly rod?
Speaker 7 (13:16):
Yep. I don't know why you should want a fly rod.
You can't even hit him with a pole. A pold newspaper.
Doesn't seem to be many clerks around here, doesn't or
customers either?
Speaker 4 (13:32):
No, not much like the week before Christmas. Boy, the
pushing around. I took him here. Then if I could
have been haled through my feet, I could have vacuumed
the whole store. Do you see anything in here for
ten bucks?
Speaker 12 (13:42):
No?
Speaker 9 (13:43):
I don't.
Speaker 7 (13:43):
Oh, yes, there's an archery set.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Exactly, No archery for.
Speaker 5 (13:47):
Me, kid.
Speaker 4 (13:47):
I've been scared of Bo's narrow since I was thirteen
years old. Why us kids were playing William Tow and
I put an apple on another kid's head. You remember
a toe headed kid in Peoria named Hardy Harry Hardy.
Speaker 7 (13:57):
Oh, of course i'd do. You boys used to call him.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Pool cool heart. Yeah that's the guy.
Speaker 5 (14:03):
Anyway.
Speaker 4 (14:03):
I put an apple on his head, walked back forty paces,
turned around and strung my bowl. Foolhardy stood there like
a rock. He had a lot of faith in my marksmanship.
Speaker 7 (14:11):
Yeah, he had a very accurate nick name too.
Speaker 6 (14:13):
So what happened?
Speaker 4 (14:14):
I whipped my finger and held it up to test
the wind. Then I notch as an arrow, draws it
back to the hilt and whine.
Speaker 5 (14:23):
Then what did you do there?
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Kill? O'Malley high pal?
Speaker 4 (14:26):
Hey, where'd you pop up from? Omaha?
Speaker 7 (14:29):
We didn't see you around here a minute ago. Mister Wilcotson.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Oh, I was behind the counter, down on the floor,
on my hands and knees. Hey, have you noticed the
linoleum floor in here?
Speaker 6 (14:36):
Well, not not particularly, mister Wilcox, but it's very nansome
now that you mention it new?
Speaker 5 (14:41):
Is it new?
Speaker 2 (14:42):
This linoleum is six years old?
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Gee?
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Imagine it looking.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
As good as this after being tramped on by all
those Christmas shoppers this year and other years, tracking in
dust and slush and ran dirt.
Speaker 4 (14:52):
I wonder how they keep it looking so bright and gleaming.
Sat little Fibber, the fun loving McGee, his bright blue
eyes twin with mischief as he sneaked a sly look
at his contracts.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I know, I'll bet every good housekeeper knows Molly Johnson's
self polishing glocal selenoleum protection that makes dust and dirt
so easy to wipe up, that's so easy to apply
and so quick to dry to a mirror like polish.
Why if Johnson's glowcal can give even a busy store
such an air of quiet quality, don't you suppose.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
You look waxy?
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Yess?
Speaker 4 (15:28):
Pal far bit from me to get between a man's
bread and a man's butter but enough is enough?
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Okay, okay, how do you kids make off for Christmas?
Speaker 12 (15:37):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (15:37):
We a wonderful Christmas, mister Wilcox.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
Hey, what a surprise we got from Molly's answer.
Speaker 7 (15:41):
You speak of my aunt swer A Ris.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Is she the one that so.
Speaker 4 (15:45):
Said it that baby is so tight fisted her manicurist
has to use a fluoroscope?
Speaker 7 (15:51):
But not this year.
Speaker 6 (15:52):
She sent a seat a ten dollars gift certificate on
the bomb tom, mister Wheelcox, And I'm saving not mine.
Speaker 4 (15:57):
I'm shooting the wad as of today before she escort
back and sends me some more than corny socks.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Oh is he the one who knits those horrible wolf socks?
Speaker 7 (16:05):
That's ants there, mister wot's the very one.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
You've seen them things, Junior. In the first place, they
don't fit. In the second place, the colors are awful.
Speaker 6 (16:13):
They do look a bit like a prairie fire has
seen through the bottom of an iodine bottle.
Speaker 4 (16:18):
So I'm gonna blow my ten bucks certificates before the
old moose changes her mind. Got any ideas of what
I can get?
Speaker 2 (16:22):
First?
Speaker 1 (16:23):
All dot bo on the bar, well, I'd suggest you
go into the annex. Pal that's three holes over and
to the left. I saw a sign in there that
said this department closing out by now dirty.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Oh wonderful. What are they telling dirt?
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Well?
Speaker 6 (16:41):
Oh, let me see mom just a minute age you
were telling me about when you were thirteen and putting
apple on little food took.
Speaker 7 (16:47):
Your bone hair.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
Please, will the head shipping clerk please report to the
loaning platforms. Three of our drivers are loaded.
Speaker 5 (16:54):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (16:56):
Well, this ain't getting my ten gift certificate spent.
Speaker 5 (16:59):
Let's go over in the Harbor department.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
I'll see if I see anything you like, Miss McGee.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
I got some mumple fine tools here. Huh, here's a
socket wrench in case any of your sockets get loose. No,
is this your department too, Bud?
Speaker 4 (17:10):
I thought you were up in front.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Of the store. Well, kind of short on health today,
seems like short on customers too. Say I got something
more in the sporting goods at might interest you, Miss McGee.
Got a good price on it too.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Okay, what is it?
Speaker 4 (17:20):
I might taking off your hands?
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Well, it's one of them collapsible sixteen man rubber life rats,
you know, just a thing for duck hut with a.
Speaker 7 (17:26):
No no, no, thank you.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
We have one.
Speaker 4 (17:29):
Yeah, yeah, I got one. Bud picked it up at
the Surplar store, although it would be handy to have
a spare one.
Speaker 7 (17:34):
No, no, no, Mige. We just look around some mare, sir.
We caught you. If we find anything we want.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Well, I'm always glad to help.
Speaker 5 (17:41):
Well, oh, hordy, doctor Camel, something I can do for you?
Speaker 4 (17:44):
No thanks, Carl, I'm just cutting through to the office.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
Oh hello doctor, Well him, Molly, where's it?
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Oh?
Speaker 9 (17:50):
There you are, beetle Puss.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
I haven't seen you since Christmas.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
Yes, it's been a wonderful week for us too, Baggie.
Let's have more like it this coming year, shall we.
Speaker 7 (18:01):
Oh McGhee, don't talk to the doctor like that. Well,
did you have a nice Christmas? Doctor?
Speaker 13 (18:07):
Wonderful Molly. And before I forget it, and I'd like
to forget it as soon as possible, I want to
thank little droops Nude here for his lovely Christmas necktie.
Thanks for the Christmas necktie, droop Snude. That's okay, big bucket.
It was a necktie, wasn't it. That's how they diagnosed
it at the men's counter here. Well, certainly it's a necktie,
(18:30):
you big bag of duffel?
Speaker 2 (18:31):
What do you think it was?
Speaker 13 (18:32):
We had quite an interesting discussion about that, my boy.
My housekeeper, who spent some time in the Orient, thought
it was the sash of an East Mongolian witch doctor's
ceremonial robes, and I thought he looked more like a
belly band off of Brazilian Lamabuster's Sunday saddle.
Speaker 7 (18:51):
Well, I'm surprised you didn't know what it was right away.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Doctor.
Speaker 7 (18:53):
You sent me gee one dislike it last Christmas, just
like it.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
He sent me the same one last Christmas, and he
knows it too.
Speaker 7 (19:02):
Oh no, you didn't send the same necktie back to him.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
He certainly he's not gonna leave me struck with a
monstrosity like that.
Speaker 13 (19:09):
But you can't say I didn't try him, my boy,
And you can't say I won't try again next year too.
Speaker 5 (19:15):
Then what brings you down here today, Molly? You're not
still Christmas shopping?
Speaker 7 (19:19):
Well, I guess you might call it that.
Speaker 9 (19:21):
Doctor.
Speaker 6 (19:21):
Aunt Sarah sent McGee a gift certificate this year, and
he's down here trying to spend it.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
I'm looking for something I've always wanted and couldn't afford. Doctor,
something unnecessary, just some silly, useless, expensive luxury.
Speaker 5 (19:32):
Oh well you'll find it all right. And Molly's had
a thing like that for years she has I have
what you.
Speaker 12 (19:39):
You know?
Speaker 5 (19:39):
Your kids?
Speaker 2 (19:48):
The kingsman man, what are you doing New Year's Eve?
The bell ring and the horn.
Speaker 5 (19:59):
And the queen are finally kissing?
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Will I be with you?
Speaker 7 (20:08):
Will you be with me?
Speaker 11 (20:11):
Or will I be a messy?
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Maybe it's much too late for me to say, but
I'm fa I ask you anyway? What are you doing
New Years Year? Wonder whose hearts will hold you good
night when it's twelve o'clock tomorrow night, welcoming in the
new year you?
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Maybe I'm crazy to.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Suppose I'll never be the one you chose all the thousand.
Speaker 11 (20:50):
Invitations you recee.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Just in case I stand a little chense, here comes
a question sid me in a vat.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
What are you doing? New Yes?
Speaker 5 (21:03):
Why are you doing now yearsy?
Speaker 3 (21:06):
Maybe I'm crazy to suppose I never be the one
you chose hall of the thousand.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Invitations you re see.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
By Wanna be there with you to ring out the
old ring.
Speaker 11 (21:23):
In the new hay?
Speaker 3 (21:26):
No I could ever be.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
To me with you?
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Ys for a great big department store like this money.
They haven't got anything that I really want from my
(21:53):
gift certificate.
Speaker 7 (21:54):
Don't get it discouraged, Dary. We still have two more
floors left to look on. This is only the sixth floor.
Speaker 4 (21:59):
You know, I've gone at that plastic riveter's helmet with
the extra sections that bolt on to cover knots on
your head would have been swelled, that have just.
Speaker 7 (22:06):
Been Who's here, mister wimp a fall high whim?
Speaker 9 (22:10):
Hello, folks? Are you exchanging something too?
Speaker 12 (22:15):
No?
Speaker 7 (22:15):
Just shopping around, mister wimble. You down here to exchange
some presents?
Speaker 9 (22:19):
No, but sweetie face is sweetie face? That's my big
old wife.
Speaker 14 (22:25):
She came down to exchange a whole lot of little
bitty gifts that she can't use for one big gift that.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
She can use.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
That's a woman for you, exchanging all her presence?
Speaker 9 (22:33):
Is she No, she's exchanging all my presence, mister mcgon.
Speaker 14 (22:37):
She tore me to wait here and not dare leave
until she got back, and then she went upstairs to
the exchange desk.
Speaker 7 (22:43):
Waiting for people. Get softly tiresome, doesn't it?
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Oh?
Speaker 9 (22:46):
It certainly does.
Speaker 14 (22:48):
Now I'm getting pretty annoyed with her to believe me,
she doesn't show up in exactly five minutes, I'm going
home without it.
Speaker 9 (22:55):
I'll show him.
Speaker 4 (22:56):
That's that stuff went good for you?
Speaker 5 (22:59):
How long?
Speaker 9 (22:59):
Even when since Friday morning?
Speaker 6 (23:06):
Well then I think giving her another five minutes is completely.
Speaker 4 (23:09):
Fair, mister. Yeah, you can afford to be generous. Whim Remember,
women are the weaker sex.
Speaker 9 (23:14):
How is that again, mister?
Speaker 7 (23:17):
He just said that women are the weaker sex, mister wimple.
Speaker 9 (23:19):
Oh oh, yes. One thing I like about mister McGee.
He's always joking.
Speaker 4 (23:27):
Are you taking your Christmas tree down yet?
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Win?
Speaker 14 (23:29):
No, we always burn ours in the fireplace on New
Year's Eve, mister McGee, I cut the tree up into
short pieces and build a fire, And at twelve o'clock
they lighted, and all of sweet faces relatives sit around
the fire.
Speaker 9 (23:39):
And drink a toast to the New Year.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
Have a gee time, her relatives do where are you
all this time?
Speaker 2 (23:45):
When?
Speaker 14 (23:46):
Oh I peeked out at them through the banisters and
my doctor Denton pajamas.
Speaker 7 (23:52):
Do you mean they don't even let you join in
the festivities?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
No, not, George, that's a not race.
Speaker 9 (23:59):
No, No it isn't, mister McGee, I have more friend
than Henny, isn't.
Speaker 14 (24:05):
In nine years, they've never discovered who loosens the corks
and the champagne two days before, and who clogs up
the chimney so everybody gets to coughing, And who puts
all the forty five calibery carthages into the fireplace under
the logs.
Speaker 4 (24:21):
My gosh, whip your laddle to knock off the whole
knob some night.
Speaker 9 (24:25):
Yeah, what a happy new year that will be?
Speaker 12 (24:32):
Well goodbye?
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Say well, hey molly, look, oh boy?
Speaker 4 (24:43):
Are these beautiful? And get alold of the price? Five
pairs for ten dollars?
Speaker 7 (24:47):
Sweetheart, those are wool socks.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
I thought you were tired.
Speaker 4 (24:49):
I haven't got any socks like these, baby.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Look at those plaids, Look at that weave.
Speaker 5 (24:54):
He found something you like, mister McGee.
Speaker 4 (24:56):
Finally, well he seems to like these. Just give me
five pair of these, dad, and here's my gift certificate.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Well, I must say you made a wise purchase, mister McGee.
Ordinarily we sell them talks at four dollars a pair.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Yeah, what I tell you?
Speaker 4 (25:09):
I do I know a bargain? Or am I a chump?
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (25:14):
You know these aren't regular machine knit socks.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Mister McGee, these are a special knit behind exclusive for
the Bonton.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
Somebody in Scotland.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
I suppose no, No, it's.
Speaker 5 (25:22):
An old lady in pure you.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Briscoaler.
Speaker 5 (25:26):
Name is Sarah Driscoll.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
They say she don't have to do it for a
living either, say she's rolled in money. Why you know
one of our sails meat.
Speaker 5 (25:35):
Well, imagine that they walk that off without even taking.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Her saales slip.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
A year and a day from now we'll be grazing
another new year on that day. Your home can be
more beautiful than it is tonight if during the year
you have polished your flaws for nature and would work
with genuine Johnson's wax. Regular use of Johnson's wax brings
out the beauty of your home. It's true that Johnson's
wax adds richness and warmth as well as gloss.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
To find things.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
The next three hundred and sixty seven days will work
less hardship on your floors and furniture because if they're waxed,
they're protected. Then two housework is easier because dust and
dirt vanished from wax surfaces with a quick white or
a light dusting, and speaking of making things easier, attention,
all snow shovelers. Snow and slush won't.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Stick to your shovel blade.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
If it's waxed with Johnson's Wax, your shovel will stay
light and clean without pounding or scraping. Yes, you can
even make snow shoveling easier with genuine Johnson's wangs.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
Well, you didn't say the word all the way home?
Speaker 2 (26:32):
You tired?
Speaker 7 (26:33):
No fuelial, No, I feel fine.
Speaker 4 (26:36):
You ain't mad because about them socks?
Speaker 12 (26:38):
No?
Speaker 4 (26:39):
Oh my gosh, what is the matter?
Speaker 7 (26:40):
Why something bothers me? Huh?
Speaker 6 (26:42):
Whatever happens to little fool Hardy back there in fury
with the appleony fails.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
When you drew back the bowstring and wine, the string busted,
Then the bell rang and recess was over.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Oh is that all? Yeah?
Speaker 6 (26:57):
Okay, good night, Happy New Year to all of you
from everybody, and we're seeing and whistle vistas.
Speaker 7 (27:05):
Good night all s
The Johnson's Wax Program with Fiver McGhee and Mollie, the
makers of Johnson's Wax Products for Home and Industry present
Fiverer McGee and Molly with Bill Thompson, Gail Gordon, Arthur
Q Brant.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
And me Harlow Wilcos.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
The script is by Don Quinn and Phil Leslie, music
by the King's Men and Goody Maill's Orchestra. Not long
ago I described a floor that had been polished with
Johnson's self Polishing glow.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Coat as having a happy shine.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
A friend of mine questioned the phrase, saying floors are
neither happy nor sad, and therefore the phrase wasn't a
good one. Well, I wonder think of it in terms
of how the lady of the house feels. There was
a time when tiresome scrubbing dulled the noleum, and no
one was happy about it, least of all the person
who did the works. Not so with Johnson's self polishing
glow coat. No, indeed, you just apply and let dry.
(01:02):
There's no rubbing or buffing, no hard work at all.
You will be happy just looking at the bright, warm luster.
Johnson's glow coat will quickly and easily give your linoleum
and other floors that shining glossy coat will protect them,
make them last years longer, and you'll be happy at
how easy they are to keep clean and lovely. I
really believe the phrase happy shine is one you'll use
(01:23):
after you use Johnson's self polishing blow coat to bring
out the beauty of your homes.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Long the right side, shine up the right side, bring
out the beauty of the all.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Missus Molly McGee of seventy nine Wistful Vista has an
aunt who is richer than a double chocolate malted, but
about as open handed as if she were carrying a
pint of loose diamonds. However, this Christmas she really loosened
up to the extents of well.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Listen to Fibber McGhee and.
Speaker 4 (01:59):
Molly a good old Aunt Sarah bless her steel plate
at old hard imagine her doing a thing.
Speaker 5 (02:12):
Like this for us.
Speaker 6 (02:12):
Well, I always told you Aunt Sarah's heart was in
the right place, McGee.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
The thing being in the right place ain't necessarily always
sometimes always too good to see. I walked into a
bear trap once that was in exactly the right place
to catch a bear. But as I often say life
is like a jar peanut butter. Why I don't know.
I'm no philosopher.
Speaker 6 (02:31):
Well, anyway, I think it was pretty sweet of ant
Sarah to send us eat a ten dollars gift certificate
on the Bontown department store.
Speaker 7 (02:38):
Pretty thoughtful.
Speaker 4 (02:39):
Yeah, I've put more thought than that in scratching my elbow. However,
I'll admit old Sarah Driscoll has softened up a little.
Speaker 5 (02:46):
She thinks more of a butt.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
Than a game, more than in April.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Hey, what're you gonna do with yours?
Speaker 7 (02:52):
I'm gonna save it till I really want something. How
about you?
Speaker 4 (02:56):
I'm gonna go down to the bon Ton and blow
my ten bucks on the silliest pool. It's just uselessless
gimmick I can find in the joint.
Speaker 6 (03:02):
I see, when did this shopping expedition get underweight?
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Ah?
Speaker 4 (03:06):
Right now, I had to go out anyway, I might
as well drop in on the bond Town at the
same time.
Speaker 7 (03:09):
I know you forgot to mail the last of our
Christmas card?
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Was there all took care of.
Speaker 4 (03:13):
I mailed the last of the cards to the people
we forgot the thought of us at the last minute
and send us cards too. Late for us to send
them Christmas cards for Christmas yesterday?
Speaker 6 (03:25):
Would you mind running over that again with a little
more punctuation.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
I mailed the last of the cards.
Speaker 7 (03:30):
Tell me later, No, forget the whole thing.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
Come in, well, my gosh, if it ain't the weather man.
Speaker 7 (03:36):
Hi, for get home, mister Williams, do come in.
Speaker 8 (03:39):
Thank you missus McGee? Hello McGee. Did I by any
chance leave my overshoes here yesterday? No, you didn't, foggy.
I had to go over on your back porch and
get them here? They are, Oh, thank you. Our forecasts
indicate bad weather coming.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Oh.
Speaker 6 (03:54):
By the way, mister Williams, did your offer send up
those weather balloons with all the instruments drapped onto?
Speaker 9 (04:00):
Oh?
Speaker 8 (04:00):
Yes, yes, every morning. As a matter of fact, I
was a pioneer in weather ballooning. I sent up the
first balloon equipped with weather instruments and short wave radio.
I stood on the ground and listened to the results
with headphones. It was amazing.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
My gosh, how bet it was foggy. What do you hear?
Speaker 8 (04:17):
Thirteen minutes of Mark Perkins and a few bars of
Carmon LOMBARDA.
Speaker 6 (04:24):
Well, I don't want to ask your government of vision
to betray any information, mister Williams, But do you think
we'll have an early spring?
Speaker 8 (04:31):
No, missus McGee, I think this will be a long
hard winter set an instruments. That prediction is the result
of my observations of nature McGhee. Or I have noticed
that when we have a long hard winter, the rabbit's
fur is heavier, the bark on the hickory tree is thicker,
and you wait longer for a street car.
Speaker 7 (04:50):
So why do you think this will be a long
hard winter?
Speaker 8 (04:53):
My wife's brother every fall until now he's come to
visit us with two extra shirts on a pocket comb.
This time he brought a trunk, a portable phonograph, and
the first lesson of a correspondence course. Yes, it looks
like a long hard winter. Well, good day. Probably they
(05:20):
had it all in feety's round. Okay, you going down
the bunk on with me?
Speaker 6 (05:23):
Yes, I guess that will be gee, Although I don't
know why you have to spend your gift certificates so quickly.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
Wow, I'm scared of Sarah will reconsider and stop payming
on it. And this is the first year she hasn't
sent me them. Corny wool socks that she knits, you
know them green and orange ones that never fit.
Speaker 6 (05:37):
Oh, I wouldn't say never, mcgie. That isn't fair, dance Sarah.
When did any socks she ever knitted for me ever fitted?
I can tell you exactly. Remember the green one, she
said in nineteen thirty nine, and the orange one she
said in nineteen forty five.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
What that got to do with a fit?
Speaker 7 (05:50):
Well, the left.
Speaker 6 (05:51):
Hand one of the green pair, in the right hand
one of the orange pair fits you perfectly.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
In sixteen years she sent me one pair that fit
one sock and want orange. Gosh, pull up my pants
and I look like a traffic signal. Well, sir, this
year by George, I'm gonna buy Something's the dog going prebolously.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
Hell me in?
Speaker 7 (06:11):
Oh hi, old time, Hello there, mister old timer.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Colder kids, Hey, you know something? Poor Night's New Year's Eve? Eh,
you kids.
Speaker 10 (06:19):
Gonna go out and stet around any old timer.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
I'll tell you how it is with us. On New
Year's Eve, we gave up fighting our way through a
bunch of yokels with more dollars than cents to pay
forty bucks to sit at the table the size of
a milk and stool next to the kitchen door of
a minkline mess hall.
Speaker 6 (06:35):
For at midnight to put on paper caps and link
arms with a bunch of people you wouldn't associate with
in the daytime and sing shit out acquaintance to be forgotten.
That case, they certainly showed me.
Speaker 4 (06:46):
And everybody yells Happy New Year with tears running down
into their ginger ale. And by that time you've got
a headache and your wife has lost her gloves, and
the waiter brings you a check he's been carrying around
for six weeks waiting for some pidgeon like you.
Speaker 6 (06:58):
And you wait thirty minutes for the kicking girl to
find your coat to taint in plain sight.
Speaker 7 (07:03):
But she's angry.
Speaker 6 (07:04):
Because you only tip her a dollar and go outside
to find that the parking lot boys have been listening
to your car radio and your battery's dead, and so
is nineteen forty seven.
Speaker 11 (07:11):
And so are you.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
So we're staying homes.
Speaker 10 (07:17):
Well, everybody's his own taste, Johnny, I'm gonna have my fun. Well,
I'm still too old to have any regrets.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
I like the excitement of New Year's Eve.
Speaker 10 (07:34):
Crowds, yelling women, crime fenders, crunching.
Speaker 12 (07:36):
And the happy cries of the pickpockets.
Speaker 5 (07:40):
Yes, sir, I'm.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Gonna swing it this year. Good for you. Oh, by
the way, Johnny, can I borrow alone?
Speaker 12 (07:46):
If your watch it's for a party. New Year's Eve
is watch, Yes, it's watch party. I wanna watch the
old years sneak out.
Speaker 10 (07:53):
Like it was a shame of itself, like it ought
to be, and the New Year creep in like it
was scared of death.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
And you can't blame it. H good old nineteen forty seven,
the year of the three trains?
Speaker 4 (08:05):
What three trains?
Speaker 10 (08:06):
The Freedom Train, the Friendship train, and six inches more
than the galls skirts Nada had them.
Speaker 7 (08:16):
You don't care for the new look, mister old timer?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
What's new about a daughter? It's all stuff to me.
Speaker 10 (08:22):
In my time, I've seen calves appear and disappear like
I heard a cattle passing a.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Picket fans.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Personally. Then new long skirts kind of embarrass me.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Looks like they're losing.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
Whenever I meet a woman with her skirt down to
her ankles, I expect her to scream, wop and grab
her strict and doc.
Speaker 5 (08:37):
For a doorway.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Dude, that is pretty good, kid.
Speaker 5 (08:45):
But that ain't the way I hear it.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Way I heard it one fire fans to Tuther Colare say.
Speaker 13 (08:51):
He says, these.
Speaker 10 (08:57):
Little skirts are gonna make it tough for a young
feller to pick.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
A girl, ain't they.
Speaker 10 (09:01):
Hodd Chon says ton of fire Well says the first
fire up to.
Speaker 12 (09:05):
Now her boy wanted to know if this girl was
not need He just had to look.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Now he's got to listen.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Hell emails from the orchestra iron.
Speaker 11 (09:22):
Now be some changes made.
Speaker 7 (10:00):
Oh that's fun, sad, ye say, it's said, See.
Speaker 6 (11:00):
Why it's an off the big storm, Againe. You certainly
find something here for your gift certificates that you've gotten,
knoweth Leu's farm. I'm sure you don't want to spend
it wisely.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
No, I'm gonna get something foolish and extravagant. If it
takes me all day, I'm gonna go through this store
like a snapshot of Gregory Peck to a girl's dormitory. Now,
let me say, snardy folks, is that something I can
do for you?
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (11:19):
Thank you very much. Are you a clerk?
Speaker 5 (11:21):
Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Here at the store at home, I'm afore walker. White's
got a new baby. Well, here's our problem, dad.
Speaker 4 (11:29):
You see, I got a gift certificate for tend But hey,
ain't you the guy that used to deliver our groceries?
Speaker 5 (11:33):
Yes, sir, I quit the grocery in this last week.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
Why if it's any of our business, which it isn't,
so don't tell us if you want to be rude.
Speaker 11 (11:41):
Well, you see it.
Speaker 5 (11:42):
My brother took cold and it turned into the morning
and they took him to the hospital.
Speaker 7 (11:45):
Oh that's too bad.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Yeah, for two weeks there he just kind of hovered
between life and the Saturday evening post.
Speaker 5 (11:52):
Then they brought him home.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
And you quit the grocery so you can stay home
and look after him.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
Me.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
No, No, that was in Oregon nineteen thirty six.
Speaker 7 (12:00):
Nineteen thirty six. My goodness.
Speaker 6 (12:02):
What's your brother getting sick in nineteen thirty six got
to do if you're quitting the grocery store last week?
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Well, man, the way I look at it, when a
fellaw wants to quit a job, one excuse is good
as another.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Or do something might show you folks.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
Now we're just powling around. Dad got a ten dollars
gift certificate to spend when I find something I don't
particularly need.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
Well, we got eight fours full of stuff we don't need.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
I'm glad to sell you any part of it.
Speaker 11 (12:27):
Just call me a calling, Will Will?
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Where are you, Oh Will?
Speaker 7 (12:32):
Robin Earth? Was that?
Speaker 13 (12:33):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (12:34):
That's our will call apartment ms McGee.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
But I was saying, if.
Speaker 5 (12:39):
There's anything I can do, just look.
Speaker 9 (12:40):
Me up out all the gates up.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Huh.
Speaker 6 (12:43):
The new electric stove with a little wind in the
oven so you can peek in and see what's cooking.
Speaker 7 (12:47):
Isn't that sweet?
Speaker 4 (12:48):
What's new about that? We got a glass window on
our oven at home.
Speaker 7 (12:51):
Yeah, but this one has a little steel Venetian blind
on the inside. What do you suppose that's for?
Speaker 5 (12:57):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
I suppose that's for basketball women that want to cook
a runk roast or something. Hey, let's go over here
in the sporting good section. I might go for a
new fly rod.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
You know what, the new fly rod?
Speaker 7 (13:16):
Yep. I don't know why you should want a fly rod.
You can't even hit him with a pole. A pold newspaper.
Doesn't seem to be many clerks around here, doesn't or
customers either?
Speaker 4 (13:32):
No, not much like the week before Christmas. Boy, the
pushing around. I took him here. Then if I could
have been haled through my feet, I could have vacuumed
the whole store. Do you see anything in here for
ten bucks?
Speaker 12 (13:42):
No?
Speaker 9 (13:43):
I don't.
Speaker 7 (13:43):
Oh, yes, there's an archery set.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Exactly, No archery for.
Speaker 5 (13:47):
Me, kid.
Speaker 4 (13:47):
I've been scared of Bo's narrow since I was thirteen
years old. Why us kids were playing William Tow and
I put an apple on another kid's head. You remember
a toe headed kid in Peoria named Hardy Harry Hardy.
Speaker 7 (13:57):
Oh, of course i'd do. You boys used to call him.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Pool cool heart. Yeah that's the guy.
Speaker 5 (14:03):
Anyway.
Speaker 4 (14:03):
I put an apple on his head, walked back forty paces,
turned around and strung my bowl. Foolhardy stood there like
a rock. He had a lot of faith in my marksmanship.
Speaker 7 (14:11):
Yeah, he had a very accurate nick name too.
Speaker 6 (14:13):
So what happened?
Speaker 4 (14:14):
I whipped my finger and held it up to test
the wind. Then I notch as an arrow, draws it
back to the hilt and whine.
Speaker 5 (14:23):
Then what did you do there?
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Kill? O'Malley high pal?
Speaker 4 (14:26):
Hey, where'd you pop up from? Omaha?
Speaker 7 (14:29):
We didn't see you around here a minute ago. Mister Wilcotson.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
Oh, I was behind the counter, down on the floor,
on my hands and knees. Hey, have you noticed the
linoleum floor in here?
Speaker 6 (14:36):
Well, not not particularly, mister Wilcox, but it's very nansome
now that you mention it new?
Speaker 5 (14:41):
Is it new?
Speaker 2 (14:42):
This linoleum is six years old?
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Gee?
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Imagine it looking.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
As good as this after being tramped on by all
those Christmas shoppers this year and other years, tracking in
dust and slush and ran dirt.
Speaker 4 (14:52):
I wonder how they keep it looking so bright and gleaming.
Sat little Fibber, the fun loving McGee, his bright blue
eyes twin with mischief as he sneaked a sly look
at his contracts.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I know, I'll bet every good housekeeper knows Molly Johnson's
self polishing glocal selenoleum protection that makes dust and dirt
so easy to wipe up, that's so easy to apply
and so quick to dry to a mirror like polish.
Why if Johnson's glowcal can give even a busy store
such an air of quiet quality, don't you suppose.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
You look waxy?
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Yess?
Speaker 4 (15:28):
Pal far bit from me to get between a man's
bread and a man's butter but enough is enough?
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Okay, okay, how do you kids make off for Christmas?
Speaker 12 (15:37):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (15:37):
We a wonderful Christmas, mister Wilcox.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
Hey, what a surprise we got from Molly's answer.
Speaker 7 (15:41):
You speak of my aunt swer A Ris.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Is she the one that so.
Speaker 4 (15:45):
Said it that baby is so tight fisted her manicurist
has to use a fluoroscope?
Speaker 7 (15:51):
But not this year.
Speaker 6 (15:52):
She sent a seat a ten dollars gift certificate on
the bomb tom, mister Wheelcox, And I'm saving not mine.
Speaker 4 (15:57):
I'm shooting the wad as of today before she escort
back and sends me some more than corny socks.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Oh is he the one who knits those horrible wolf socks?
Speaker 7 (16:05):
That's ants there, mister wot's the very one.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
You've seen them things, Junior. In the first place, they
don't fit. In the second place, the colors are awful.
Speaker 6 (16:13):
They do look a bit like a prairie fire has
seen through the bottom of an iodine bottle.
Speaker 4 (16:18):
So I'm gonna blow my ten bucks certificates before the
old moose changes her mind. Got any ideas of what
I can get?
Speaker 2 (16:22):
First?
Speaker 1 (16:23):
All dot bo on the bar, well, I'd suggest you
go into the annex. Pal that's three holes over and
to the left. I saw a sign in there that
said this department closing out by now dirty.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Oh wonderful. What are they telling dirt?
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Well?
Speaker 6 (16:41):
Oh, let me see mom just a minute age you
were telling me about when you were thirteen and putting
apple on little food took.
Speaker 7 (16:47):
Your bone hair.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
Please, will the head shipping clerk please report to the
loaning platforms. Three of our drivers are loaded.
Speaker 5 (16:54):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (16:56):
Well, this ain't getting my ten gift certificate spent.
Speaker 5 (16:59):
Let's go over in the Harbor department.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
I'll see if I see anything you like, Miss McGee.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
I got some mumple fine tools here. Huh, here's a
socket wrench in case any of your sockets get loose. No,
is this your department too, Bud?
Speaker 4 (17:10):
I thought you were up in front.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Of the store. Well, kind of short on health today,
seems like short on customers too. Say I got something
more in the sporting goods at might interest you, Miss McGee.
Got a good price on it too.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Okay, what is it?
Speaker 4 (17:20):
I might taking off your hands?
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Well, it's one of them collapsible sixteen man rubber life rats,
you know, just a thing for duck hut with a.
Speaker 7 (17:26):
No no, no, thank you.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
We have one.
Speaker 4 (17:29):
Yeah, yeah, I got one. Bud picked it up at
the Surplar store, although it would be handy to have
a spare one.
Speaker 7 (17:34):
No, no, no, Mige. We just look around some mare, sir.
We caught you. If we find anything we want.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Well, I'm always glad to help.
Speaker 5 (17:41):
Well, oh, hordy, doctor Camel, something I can do for you?
Speaker 4 (17:44):
No thanks, Carl, I'm just cutting through to the office.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
Oh hello doctor, Well him, Molly, where's it?
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Oh?
Speaker 9 (17:50):
There you are, beetle Puss.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
I haven't seen you since Christmas.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
Yes, it's been a wonderful week for us too, Baggie.
Let's have more like it this coming year, shall we.
Speaker 7 (18:01):
Oh McGhee, don't talk to the doctor like that. Well,
did you have a nice Christmas? Doctor?
Speaker 13 (18:07):
Wonderful Molly. And before I forget it, and I'd like
to forget it as soon as possible, I want to
thank little droops Nude here for his lovely Christmas necktie.
Thanks for the Christmas necktie, droop Snude. That's okay, big bucket.
It was a necktie, wasn't it. That's how they diagnosed
it at the men's counter here. Well, certainly it's a necktie,
(18:30):
you big bag of duffel?
Speaker 2 (18:31):
What do you think it was?
Speaker 13 (18:32):
We had quite an interesting discussion about that, my boy.
My housekeeper, who spent some time in the Orient, thought
it was the sash of an East Mongolian witch doctor's
ceremonial robes, and I thought he looked more like a
belly band off of Brazilian Lamabuster's Sunday saddle.
Speaker 7 (18:51):
Well, I'm surprised you didn't know what it was right away.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Doctor.
Speaker 7 (18:53):
You sent me gee one dislike it last Christmas, just
like it.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
He sent me the same one last Christmas, and he
knows it too.
Speaker 7 (19:02):
Oh no, you didn't send the same necktie back to him.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
He certainly he's not gonna leave me struck with a
monstrosity like that.
Speaker 13 (19:09):
But you can't say I didn't try him, my boy,
And you can't say I won't try again next year too.
Speaker 5 (19:15):
Then what brings you down here today, Molly? You're not
still Christmas shopping?
Speaker 7 (19:19):
Well, I guess you might call it that.
Speaker 9 (19:21):
Doctor.
Speaker 6 (19:21):
Aunt Sarah sent McGee a gift certificate this year, and
he's down here trying to spend it.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
I'm looking for something I've always wanted and couldn't afford. Doctor,
something unnecessary, just some silly, useless, expensive luxury.
Speaker 5 (19:32):
Oh well you'll find it all right. And Molly's had
a thing like that for years she has I have
what you.
Speaker 12 (19:39):
You know?
Speaker 5 (19:39):
Your kids?
Speaker 2 (19:48):
The kingsman man, what are you doing New Year's Eve?
The bell ring and the horn.
Speaker 5 (19:59):
And the queen are finally kissing?
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Will I be with you?
Speaker 7 (20:08):
Will you be with me?
Speaker 11 (20:11):
Or will I be a messy?
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Maybe it's much too late for me to say, but
I'm fa I ask you anyway? What are you doing
New Years Year? Wonder whose hearts will hold you good
night when it's twelve o'clock tomorrow night, welcoming in the
new year you?
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Maybe I'm crazy to.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Suppose I'll never be the one you chose all the thousand.
Speaker 11 (20:50):
Invitations you recee.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Just in case I stand a little chense, here comes
a question sid me in a vat.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
What are you doing? New Yes?
Speaker 5 (21:03):
Why are you doing now yearsy?
Speaker 3 (21:06):
Maybe I'm crazy to suppose I never be the one
you chose hall of the thousand.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Invitations you re see.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
By Wanna be there with you to ring out the
old ring.
Speaker 11 (21:23):
In the new hay?
Speaker 3 (21:26):
No I could ever be.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
To me with you?
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Ys for a great big department store like this money.
They haven't got anything that I really want from my
(21:53):
gift certificate.
Speaker 7 (21:54):
Don't get it discouraged, Dary. We still have two more
floors left to look on. This is only the sixth floor.
Speaker 4 (21:59):
You know, I've gone at that plastic riveter's helmet with
the extra sections that bolt on to cover knots on
your head would have been swelled, that have just.
Speaker 7 (22:06):
Been Who's here, mister wimp a fall high whim?
Speaker 9 (22:10):
Hello, folks? Are you exchanging something too?
Speaker 12 (22:15):
No?
Speaker 7 (22:15):
Just shopping around, mister wimble. You down here to exchange
some presents?
Speaker 9 (22:19):
No, but sweetie face is sweetie face? That's my big
old wife.
Speaker 14 (22:25):
She came down to exchange a whole lot of little
bitty gifts that she can't use for one big gift that.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
She can use.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
That's a woman for you, exchanging all her presence?
Speaker 9 (22:33):
Is she No, she's exchanging all my presence, mister mcgon.
Speaker 14 (22:37):
She tore me to wait here and not dare leave
until she got back, and then she went upstairs to
the exchange desk.
Speaker 7 (22:43):
Waiting for people. Get softly tiresome, doesn't it?
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Oh?
Speaker 9 (22:46):
It certainly does.
Speaker 14 (22:48):
Now I'm getting pretty annoyed with her to believe me,
she doesn't show up in exactly five minutes, I'm going
home without it.
Speaker 9 (22:55):
I'll show him.
Speaker 4 (22:56):
That's that stuff went good for you?
Speaker 5 (22:59):
How long?
Speaker 9 (22:59):
Even when since Friday morning?
Speaker 6 (23:06):
Well then I think giving her another five minutes is completely.
Speaker 4 (23:09):
Fair, mister. Yeah, you can afford to be generous. Whim Remember,
women are the weaker sex.
Speaker 9 (23:14):
How is that again, mister?
Speaker 7 (23:17):
He just said that women are the weaker sex, mister wimple.
Speaker 9 (23:19):
Oh oh, yes. One thing I like about mister McGee.
He's always joking.
Speaker 4 (23:27):
Are you taking your Christmas tree down yet?
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Win?
Speaker 14 (23:29):
No, we always burn ours in the fireplace on New
Year's Eve, mister McGee, I cut the tree up into
short pieces and build a fire, And at twelve o'clock
they lighted, and all of sweet faces relatives sit around
the fire.
Speaker 9 (23:39):
And drink a toast to the New Year.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
Have a gee time, her relatives do where are you
all this time?
Speaker 2 (23:45):
When?
Speaker 14 (23:46):
Oh I peeked out at them through the banisters and
my doctor Denton pajamas.
Speaker 7 (23:52):
Do you mean they don't even let you join in
the festivities?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
No, not, George, that's a not race.
Speaker 9 (23:59):
No, No it isn't, mister McGee, I have more friend
than Henny, isn't.
Speaker 14 (24:05):
In nine years, they've never discovered who loosens the corks
and the champagne two days before, and who clogs up
the chimney so everybody gets to coughing, And who puts
all the forty five calibery carthages into the fireplace under
the logs.
Speaker 4 (24:21):
My gosh, whip your laddle to knock off the whole
knob some night.
Speaker 9 (24:25):
Yeah, what a happy new year that will be?
Speaker 12 (24:32):
Well goodbye?
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Say well, hey molly, look, oh boy?
Speaker 4 (24:43):
Are these beautiful? And get alold of the price? Five
pairs for ten dollars?
Speaker 7 (24:47):
Sweetheart, those are wool socks.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
I thought you were tired.
Speaker 4 (24:49):
I haven't got any socks like these, baby.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Look at those plaids, Look at that weave.
Speaker 5 (24:54):
He found something you like, mister McGee.
Speaker 4 (24:56):
Finally, well he seems to like these. Just give me
five pair of these, dad, and here's my gift certificate.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Well, I must say you made a wise purchase, mister McGee.
Ordinarily we sell them talks at four dollars a pair.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Yeah, what I tell you?
Speaker 4 (25:09):
I do I know a bargain? Or am I a chump?
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (25:14):
You know these aren't regular machine knit socks.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Mister McGee, these are a special knit behind exclusive for
the Bonton.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
Somebody in Scotland.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
I suppose no, No, it's.
Speaker 5 (25:22):
An old lady in pure you.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Briscoaler.
Speaker 5 (25:26):
Name is Sarah Driscoll.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
They say she don't have to do it for a
living either, say she's rolled in money. Why you know
one of our sails meat.
Speaker 5 (25:35):
Well, imagine that they walk that off without even taking.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Her saales slip.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
A year and a day from now we'll be grazing
another new year on that day. Your home can be
more beautiful than it is tonight if during the year
you have polished your flaws for nature and would work
with genuine Johnson's wax. Regular use of Johnson's wax brings
out the beauty of your home. It's true that Johnson's
wax adds richness and warmth as well as gloss.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
To find things.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
The next three hundred and sixty seven days will work
less hardship on your floors and furniture because if they're waxed,
they're protected. Then two housework is easier because dust and
dirt vanished from wax surfaces with a quick white or
a light dusting, and speaking of making things easier, attention,
all snow shovelers. Snow and slush won't.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Stick to your shovel blade.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
If it's waxed with Johnson's Wax, your shovel will stay
light and clean without pounding or scraping. Yes, you can
even make snow shoveling easier with genuine Johnson's wangs.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
Well, you didn't say the word all the way home?
Speaker 2 (26:32):
You tired?
Speaker 7 (26:33):
No fuelial, No, I feel fine.
Speaker 4 (26:36):
You ain't mad because about them socks?
Speaker 12 (26:38):
No?
Speaker 4 (26:39):
Oh my gosh, what is the matter?
Speaker 7 (26:40):
Why something bothers me? Huh?
Speaker 6 (26:42):
Whatever happens to little fool Hardy back there in fury
with the appleony fails.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
When you drew back the bowstring and wine, the string busted,
Then the bell rang and recess was over.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Oh is that all? Yeah?
Speaker 6 (26:57):
Okay, good night, Happy New Year to all of you
from everybody, and we're seeing and whistle vistas.
Speaker 7 (27:05):
Good night all s
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