May 1, 2025 • 48 mins
Julie Demsey is a Rapid Results Mindset Coach, hypnotherapist, and former Silicon Valley executive turned transformational guide. She’s the author of FOUND: Swiping right on me to find love, and she’s passionate about helping people remove the subconscious blocks that hold them back — not just in love, but in every area of life. Through her coaching and hypnotherapy work, Julie empowers her clients to create rapid, lasting change, and finally step into the life (and love) they deserve.
Fifty Shades of Bullshit is broadcast live Thursdays at 4PM PT on K4HD Radio - Hollywood Talk Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Fifty Shades of Bullshit TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Fifty Shades of Bullshit Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
Fifty Shades of Bullshit is broadcast live Thursdays at 4PM PT on K4HD Radio - Hollywood Talk Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Fifty Shades of Bullshit TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Fifty Shades of Bullshit Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The following show contains adult content. It's not our intent
to offend anyone, but we want to inform you that
if you are a child under the age of eighteen
or get offended easily, this next show may not be
for you. The content, opinions, and subject matter of these
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(00:22):
to those show hosts.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Thank you for listening.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Hey everyone, and welcome to Fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm
your host, Christine Lalan and this is the podcast where
we uncover the truth about online dating.
Speaker 4 (00:41):
Now let's begin.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Hey everybody, welcome back. This is Christine and we are
on fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm very very excited about today.
It is a topic that's as any of you who
listen to the show know. It's me and dear to
my heart, we have Julie Dimsey on today and we
(01:04):
are going to be talking about finding love by finding
yourself first. So let me tell you a little about Julie.
I'm very very excited. I think I've been trying to
get Julie on the show for a while, and she's
a very good friend of our very good friend Janice
and I did an episode on Janie's podcast recently. We
(01:26):
talked about it when Janie was here and Julie was
on that episode. I think it was called what was
I Fucking Thinking? Something like that anyway, But Julie Dimpsey
is a rapid results mindset coach That is interesting to
me because I cannot wait to hear what that's about.
She is a hypnotherapist and a former Silicon Valley executive
(01:48):
Turns transformizational guide. She's the I want to know about
that too, Julie. She's the author of Found Sweets, Wiping
Right on Me to Find Love. She's passionate about helping
people remove the subconscious box that hold them back, not
just in love, but in every area of their life.
(02:10):
Through her coaching and hypnotherapy work, Julie empowers her clients
to create rapid, lasting change and finally step into the
life and love they deserve. And that's the kind of
fucking bio I want to hear. Julie, Welcome to fifty
Shades of Bullshit. I am so thrilled you're here.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Thank you. I'm really excited to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Here we go. We're on this path, We're gonna go,
and we're gonna see where it takes us. I know
a lot of people script their their podcasts. No thank you.
I'm a shoot from the hip kind of girl. So
why the fuck not. Let's do it first, Julie, I
want to hear about this whole rapid results mindset. And
(02:57):
you know, hypnotherapist, I love that.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
Yep, yep. So hypnotherapy is all about being able to
access the subconscious mind to get to the root ouse
of issues that are holding us back. And you and
I are smart people, right we could sit here and
talk till we're blue in the face. We know the
problems we have, but we're not able to shift those
and that's because we're not in our subconscious mind right now.
(03:23):
Hypnotherapy allows me to take a client down into access
that area. So it actually feels very similar to a
conversation we'd be having right now, but with your eyes closed,
your conscious mind kind of set aside, so your subconscious
mind can pull back out all of that information that
is necessary to make that shame.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
It's wild. I love that. Okay, this might be too much.
I am told I'm too much a lot, so I
kind of like to go with it. But have you ever,
how would it be if someone ever was to do that, say,
live in front of a live audience.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
I'd be reticent to do that. From the Standparis, you
don't know what's going to come up. So for me, like, yeah,
it's all about infidentiality, right. So the therapy takes about
two hours, by the way, So I mean, if you
want to try it and get you in a hypnotic state,
I'm going to have to try this. Yeah, yeah, I
(04:27):
mean the reality of it is, I'm very careful about
confidentiality because we don't know what's going to come out,
and I've had all sorts of things come out with clients,
and I don't think that's something somebody would want to
experience in front of an audience.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
I was curious because I know they do a lot
of you know, hipposing, you know, and I'm just I'm
curious what would come out of my mouth. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
That's uh, that's well, and it's not I mean, it's
not that surprising. The standpoint of it is something that's
within you. There are people who've been surprised at what
came up from for them. Because very often it can
be a very minor thing that happened to us, where
somebody snubbed us or said something to us that we
(05:16):
don't even remember. It can be something deeper, you know,
I've dealt with some serious trauma. I've heard pretty much
all of it. But the beauty of it is how
healing it can be. So if we want to bring
it back to dating, right, For example, I worked with
a client and I'm keeping the confidential melody because there's
(05:37):
no names here, but I worked at a client who
was in her forties who hadn't had a date since
her twenties earlyties because she had hurt so deeply and
wasn't able to heal from that hurt. And we were
able to go back and capture what that was, reframe it,
and allow the mind to start healing and looking at
(05:58):
things differently. So that's who are the mindset. That part
of it comes in too, right, because we have all
of these cognitive thoughts and beliefs and maybe patterns that
we need to let go that we don't realize that
we have. And even just using our own mind and
shifting the words that we're saying. So if I'm out
(06:20):
there saying there are no good men, my brain is calculating,
even when I'm not thinking about it, there are no
good men, which means I could be introduced to somebody
and I don't even notice them because my brain believes
there's no good men.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Agreed how to brain.
Speaker 4 (06:37):
So if shift that thought and we say it only
takes one and the perfect man is out there for
me and I know he's his way to me and
I to him, we might not believe it second, but
if we keep saying that to ourselves every day for
thirty days, our mind recalculates and starts believing we've created
(06:58):
a new neuropathway for that love.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
That love that you know that makes me think back
to a time which was my entire life up until,
you know, the last couple of years that you know,
I've said it a hundred times on this show, and
I'll keep saying it. I never believed in loving yourself.
I just thought it was a bunch of malarkey that
you know, other people loving me was enough, you know.
(07:24):
And it wasn't until I got on my healing journey
that I started to discover these things. And you know, recently,
I've been thinking back onto specific times in my life,
picturing myself in those moments and realizing that the reason why,
maybe I know, I said that completely wrong, The reason
(07:44):
why not maybe I wasn't finding the right people in
my life is because I didn't respect myself. I didn't
love myself. I didn't have moments of clarity where I
could becomfortable alone, live life comfortably alone. You know, all
(08:04):
those things I was very uncomfortable alone ever. Couldn't go
out to eat by myself, couldn't do things by myself,
couldn't go to the movies by myself. Now I'm a
completely part different person, you know. And I know it
was because there were moments in my life, or all
those moments in my life that I didn't love and
respect myself. And this is why it's such an important
(08:26):
topic for me to have on the show, because I
truly believe that we cannot move forward with a partner
until we are our own partners.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
One hundred percent. One hundred percent. And it's interesting you
say that about doing things alone, because I ran a
workshop with about fifteen to twenty women that were fifty
plus and all starting their daily journey again, and they're like,
oh no, I couldn't go anywhere alone. And I worked
with them. I said, okay, who do you go grocery
(08:58):
shopping with while I go on my own? Well, you
can do things alone, right.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
I hated it, but I did.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
Yeah. We retrain the brain and say, there are actually
a lot of things you can do alone, and you
do do alone. So let's start small at the grocery store,
just when you're standing in line, talk to one person,
and then you start building up that resilience and the ability.
But it does it comes back to that self love
and that self belief. And so often what happens, especially
(09:28):
you know, when we've been through it a few times,
people are like, oh no, I can't do this. I'm
just gonna wait. I'm going to wait till that person
comes along.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Yes, no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
You need to enjoy your life now. So the best
thing you can do to get into that relationship is
find that love for yourself, find what lights you up.
And it's when you're in that space that you're ready
and accepting for somebody else to come into your life.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I agree, I do have to see that, you know,
I do believe in soulmates, people who are really you know,
traveled through different lifetimes together. And I truly believe that
what I now know different than I always believed before,
is that my soulmate isn't the other half of me.
(10:17):
That I am my own soulmate. I am my own
whole person, and I have soul connections with other people,
which allows me to have fuller, you know, relationships, because
I'm not relying on them to fill my vessel. My
(10:37):
vessel's full and you know they just warmed my vessel
or or add flavor to my vessel, but they don't
you know you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Well, one of the worst lines ever and you see
it in a lot of movies. You complete me. That
is such a lie, It really is. If you need somebody,
if you really truly leave, you need somebody to complete you.
That means you are not complete and you're going to
be very needy in that relationship. You're not going to
(11:08):
show up as your full self, able to equal partner.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Yes, you know, that was one of my top six
things that I wanted to make sure we covered today
was dating from wholeness, not from a lack you know, neess.
That you know, the healthiest relationships happen to be when
both people feel whole on their own because they can
compliment each other and not one person or the other
(11:35):
is carrying the load of the relationship.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
One hundred percent. However, often, especially females of you know,
my age group, and even younger women I'm still hearing,
are taught that they need to find somebody to love them. Yes, right,
so ye're worried about and this goes both ways and
for all genders and whatever else. But individuals worry about
(12:02):
do they like me? Do they want me? And that's
a persent the wrong question exactly to be do I
want them? Are they worth of me? And what we
make that shift is when we can start stepping into
healthy relationships. But that took me a long time personally
to understand, and that's something I work with a lot
(12:23):
of clients on and I talk about in the book.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
I Love That No. So one of the things that
I think that is important in you know, finding that
love for yourself before we find love in others, is
you retract and you attract what you reflect. You know
what I mean. It's like if you're expecting a healthy,
like fulfilling relationship and you're still treating yourself really shitty
(12:50):
and poorly. It's kind of setting the standard for how
other people are treating you. You're showing other people this
is okay to do to me because I do it
to myself.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
So get rid of me, you complete me and move
to I teach people how to treat.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Me, that's great, that's great.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
By showing them how I treat myself.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
I love that. I absolutely love that. So when you're
talking to people about preparing to find love and you're
looking inward and you're finding yourself, what are some of
the key points that you think that people need to
know from the beginning of how to move forward? Other
(13:38):
than you know, you complete me as a bunch of bullshit,
and we reflect you know, how we should be, how
we should be treated.
Speaker 4 (13:47):
Well, I think it's really important to kind of sit
down and think about what what do I have to offer.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Nice?
Speaker 4 (13:56):
That's what am I looking at for somebody else to offer?
And the line up? So if I'm someone to provide
all of these things that I don't have, I need
to find those in myself first before I can receive those, right.
So I like to say the reason I wrote the
book was I wanted. I want people to become kind, compassionate,
(14:19):
and respectful to themselves so they can do the same
thing for others. If we could get everybody out there,
the dating pool would be so much better. Right, But
that's where it starts. It starts from within. So what
do I need to do? I'm not showing up for
myself in that way? How do I say that? Right?
(14:39):
So I start thinking what are my needs? What are
my needs that aren't being fulfilled? What are the thoughts
that I'm having If I'm thinking, Oh my gosh, I'm
not deserving of somebody, or I don't like the way
I look, I don't like the way I feel.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
More, change that.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
Change the words. Catch yourself. The most important thing is
to catch the words you're using when you talk to yourself. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
I think a lot of people think they're not enough.
Speaker 4 (15:07):
Yeah, or they've been.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Treated like they're not enough. So therefore it becomes a
seed in your head that grows that. It's a nasty
buying that you have to take out well, and.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
It's something that often propels us to move forward, thinking
I'm not enough, So I've got to do more, and
I've got.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
To be more.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
But when we're younger, that actually helps us to a
certain degree to propel us forward in to succeed. And
then it gets to the point where it's holding us
back because we've got those negative, looping thoughts that I'm
not enough, I'm not good enough, I'm not giving enough,
I'm not doing whatever it might be, and we've got
to go whoa stop. Let's listen to those thoughts, Let's
(15:46):
reframe those, Let's look for proof points. Okay, you know
I'm not good enough. Well, how old are you? Let's
write down all the things that you've accomplished in all
of the years you've been on the planet. Like I
have clients do that and they're just away, Wow, I
didn't realize how amazing, right, right, because you don't think
(16:08):
about that. Like, for every compliment somebody gives us, you know,
it's overshadowed by ten things that somebody said negative. Right,
We hear all of that, and it takes, you know,
ten times as many compliments to let that go. Our
(16:29):
brains are naturally, unfortunately triggered that way, so we need
to learn to rewire them to remember the good things,
to think kindly about ourselves, to repeat those positive thoughts
to catch the negative ones and to shift those.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
So I started this podcast about three and a half
years ago, and it was my experiment. Okay, it was
my experiment to see if I could find people to
help other people grow in the way that I wanted
to grow. And I wanted to implement everything that everybody
(17:08):
talked about on my podcast and see if it worked.
And that was a really amazing thing for me, and
a handful of years ago, I think it's about two
and a half almost three years ago, now, I learned
about shit, what's it breath work?
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Oh? Yes, I'm going to on Sunday. Wow.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Okay, So breath work is incredible. And I went into
my first breath work not knowing what the actual fuck
was gonna happen. And I'm glad I didn't know, because
it was greater than any expectation that I could have
ever done. And I met myself in my first in
(17:54):
one of my previous lives, and I saw, you know,
a vision of some of the things that happened, and
was incredible. But the most incredible thing that I learned
in that first breathwork session is that I listened to
the instructor and the instructor said, look, you know, let
happen whatever needs to happen. If you need a scream,
(18:16):
cry shout, nobody else can hear you. You're in the
comfort of your home alone, and you're just listening to it,
you know, through your phone or whatever, computer or whatever.
And I'm doing this and I realize that I have
never been good enough for anybody. I wasn't good enough
for my parents. I wasn't good enough for my kids,
I wasn't good enough for my husband's I wasn't good
(18:38):
enough for friends. I wasn't ever fucking good enough. And
I was losing my mind during this breath work, going
why am I hearing this in my head? Why am
I feeling this? And then all of a sudden, that
shell fucking cracked and I just was like what, And
I realized it just hit me so hard. I'm not
(18:58):
good enough for me. I didn't give a shit anymore
if I was good enough for anybody else, I'm fucking
good enough for me. And that changed the game for me,
and I walked through life I just not really caring
if anybody likes me, if anybody gives a shit, if
anybody you know the man you know wants me. I'm happy.
(19:22):
I'm fucking happy, and my my joy spills into other
people's lives and that is much better than trying to
make them happy by something I'm doing for them or
to them or whatever. It is. Just my joy is
my joy, and it becomes other people's joy, and that
(19:42):
is the greatest gift I gave myself right there, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
I love that so much. And let me tell you,
like we've been in conversation, not here, but other places,
other places. Yeah, I can see the difference in you
can you really real, really beautiful? Yeah? Thank you?
Speaker 2 (20:01):
You know I had a glow up. What happens with
self healing? Okay, when you self heal, there's a lot
of shit that happens. Because when I started self healing,
I started understanding that I was good enough. I'm enough.
I'm enough. That was big too, that's.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
A big one. Say that in front of the mirror. Yeah,
every day I'm enough. I love myself.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
It's amazing, right, But what else? What else happened is
I've always had decent skin, I really have. But you know,
I'm a fifty seven year old woman who looks fifteen
ten fifteen, twenty years younger, than what I am. And
some people see me here on camera and that's that's fine.
In person, I think I'm even better. And you know,
(20:50):
my hair grew out. My hair is so soft and
shiny and beautiful. And I've been through menopause and people
are like what, And I'm almost sixty and I'm not
great yet. I've got some but you know what I mean.
I lost thirty pounds. I glowed up. And I think
that when people find who they are, discovered that they're amazing,
(21:14):
that they love themselves. These are the things that will
happen for.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
You one hundred percent. We actually we could often call
that the hypnotherapy facelift. AH love that, right. It's the
same type of thing where they come out feeling re
energized and they look ten years younger.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
I love it. I love it. It's beautiful. It's a
beautiful thing.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
That's one of the things that I wanted to make
sure that we had talked about, is that that glow up.
There was a story that I have. I had a
couple of people send in some stories for themselves, and
one woman said that she had an accidental glow up,
and it says she said, I decided to go on
(21:59):
a six month d D Talks. I focused on healing
from my ex and started therapy. I joined a pole
fitness class, which I want to do, and fell in love.
But I fell in love with myself. Ironically, she said,
I I met my new partner in her last d
(22:19):
Talks weekend because she was glowing from confidence and not
looking for anyone but herself. She found somebody amazing.
Speaker 4 (22:29):
Story. I love that.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
I love it. Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
It comes from the inside out one hundred percent. That's
so important. We'll do it. It's accessible to all of us.
It is.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
I mean, I don't know. I mean we talk about
a lot of bullshit on this show. We talked about
creating dating stories, husband's ex wives, you know, mental health,
our periods, you know, menopause. We talk about all kinds
of shit. But when I do bring a guest on,
such as yourself, I think is very important that people
understand that there are people out there here to help them.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
Yes. No, And that's when I say it's accessible to
all of us. It is, and asking for help is
strength not weakness. You know, I'm a coach and I
still work with a coach for myself all the time.
Like I said a minute ago, I'm going to a
breath work workshop this week because hypnotherapy I have hard
(23:28):
time getting out of being a therapist. So if I'm
trying to have a session for me, I start thinking, oh,
I do that differently, so right, breathwork similar but different.
All of these types, You've got to find what works
for you, and the practitioner who works for you and
finds it going to be on your side and help
you with that glow up because you know, it takes
(23:50):
a village. We've got to have our team of people
around us, whether they're paid professionals, friends, family, whatever, community.
You know, we need all of that to make us
to help us become that person that we want to be.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Absolutely, absolutely, I think that there is some things that
people should keep in mind that it will help you
on your dating journey while you're healing and heeling before hookups.
I think is super important because unhealed wounds attract chaos.
(24:32):
You know, when you've worked through past pain, you choose
differently and better, and that I'm a walking testament to
that too. I'd like to tek someone to step up.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
Yeah, yeah, I mean we you know, I say, our
picker is broken very often, right, we don't pick the
right people when we're coming from it out of past wounds,
hurts and traumas, and we tend to repeat that until
we work through that on our own. So that's why
it's so important, because not only do we feel better
(25:05):
about ourselves, but we have better experiences when we get
into dating.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Yeah, you know, we were talking about a second ago
about you know, not being able to be alone. I
think that solitude versus loneliness is an important factor in
you know, finding peace within yourself because when you're feeling lonely,
it builds like a okay, so when you're learning how
(25:33):
to be alone, it builds emotional independence. And I think
that that is just like a really magnetic thing that
people can be attracted to.
Speaker 4 (25:42):
Yes, And I think we also need to remember if
I look back to the end of my marriage, I listen,
I've been single for a while by choice because I
haven't met somebody that I feel I want to bring
into my life. And yeah, there are moments where I
feel lonely and I'd like to have that person, But
I am never as lonely as I was when I
(26:04):
was in that bad relationship.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
Oh my God.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
Lonely doesn't happen when you're in the house by yourself always.
It can happen when with other people. It can happen
at a party where when you're at the wrong party
with the wrong people.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Yes, I have a set of friends that I love.
I love this couple. I go to their parties and
I hate it. They're the only ones I really I
know everybody pretty much at their parties. I was their
wedding planner. I've known them for a long time, and
the problem is is that I don't know, I can't connect.
(26:43):
Something is off there, and when that happens, it can
feel really kind of in a lonely state. When you're
in a place of a bunch of people and you
should be having fun too, it happens, it doesn't mean
that you know something's wrong with them or something wrong
with you. It just means even in the wrong place
to it.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
I'd like to adjust the word should. You said I
should be having fun too, and that's not fairly the case.
What we want to be doing is looking at the
situation and going this isn't the right situation for me,
and so I'm going to take myself out of this
situation and put myself in another one that I'm going
to enjoy. I used to go to these dinner parties
(27:25):
when I lived in San Francisco that pulled together a
bunch of different people, and it was different people every time.
And there were some people that were at those like
eight or ten different dinner parties, the same people that
I never met, right because we just there wasn't that
energy that pulled us together. There are others that became
best friends. So this happens at work, it happens at play,
(27:47):
it happens with potential significant others. There is something within
us that brings us together and says this is the
right person in the right situation, and not everybody's going
to be that, and that's okay. So if we're in
a situation like that, don't punish yourself and say, oh
my gosh, I should be having fun because they're having fun.
It's like, this isn't my tribe, and that's okay. I'm
(28:09):
going to go hang out with my other tribe. And
now I know that I love this couple and I'm
going to do stuff with just them, not with a
whole group of people.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Yeah, I love that, you know, there's you know, a
thing about you know, romantic love isn't the only love
because a lot of people are on this mission to
find romantic love. And I had a couple of things
that I wanted to address with that is self love,
community love, friendships, and that those are really powerful and necessary.
(28:42):
That you know, people you know, should be building their
community and their own personal you know, circle before I
think they start bringing other people into the mix.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
Yeah, one hundred percent. I have a group of girlfriends
here that you know, we end the conversation with love,
you you know, and that, like I think we need
to normalize that and bring that we can get those
good vibes. Like you said, there's all types of love
that are fulfilling in different ways, and we need all
of them to be thriving human beings right exactly. That
(29:18):
doesn't mean we need to be in a relationship. We
need to have that love coming from somewhere, from with
us and then surrounding us with people and experiences that
we love.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
True. I love that. I also think one of the
last things that I had for this part of it
today is I think that when you start to learn
what you're worth is you start to see red flags
a little easier because it like sharpens your intuition. And
(29:51):
in the past, when people aren't healthy and they're not
loving themselves, they're not liking things, you know, they're overlooking
toxic behaviors. Do you do you you agree with that
or do you think that's a b I.
Speaker 4 (30:03):
Agree with that, And I want to say that as
you're healing, as you're coming into yourself, if you find
yourself experiencing somebody with those toxic traits, don't punish yourself
because the likelihood is you would have met that person
years ago and stayed with them for a year, and
(30:24):
now you've gone on three dates with them and said
I'm done. So we need we need to recognize that
within ourselves because often I see that happening with people.
They're like, well, I still went out with a jackass,
you know, and you saw it blah blah blah, And
I'm like, yes, but five years ago you would marry them,
(30:44):
and now you went on three dates and said goodbye.
So we need to realize and see that project that
we have in ourselves.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
Absolutely, that's a great lesson, Julie. Honestly, I think that,
if anything, people should really try to get that out
of this is because you know, we do beat ourselves up.
For me, we're thinking we're still making the same mistakes,
but we're not making the same mistakes because we didn't
date them for fucking five years and stay with them
while they treat as like garbage and gas lit us.
(31:14):
You know, you know, that's that's important to you know,
to know.
Speaker 4 (31:19):
Yeah, I think it's also important to realize that in
the olden days, sound like I'm a hundred, you didn't
meet as many people, right. The apps give us exposure
to so many more people. So it used to be
we'd go on three dates and one of them ended
up and you know, with different people, and one of
(31:40):
them ended up in a relationship. And now you go
on one hundred. I'm exaggerating, maybe, but me find water,
you don't. And the reality of the matter is it's
not that we are not finding love. It's that you're
looking for the needle in the haystack, and the haystack
used to be that bag and now it's this big right,
(32:02):
So we're getting exposed to so many more people. In
the brain goes, oh, there's not somebody for me, because
all of these people aren't right, and we need to
remember that it only takes one, and that because we've
been through that many, we're getting rid of that many.
And it's just that we have because of the apps.
We have too much exposure, we have too much choice,
(32:24):
and come back to the paradox of choice, and what
happens often is you've got so much choice that nobody
steps up to be good enough because you're always thinking, well,
there's going to be somebody who has more of what
I want to offer, and at some point to say,
I trust myself that I'm in the right place. I
know who I am, I know who I want. This
(32:46):
is the right person. I'm going to give them a chance.
I'm going to be open and vulnerable, and we're going
to see where this goes.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
I love that. I love that, And that kind of
ties in with one of the other stories that this
woman's sent in. She said that she had a like
a therapy. First date is the title of her Little
inter Year. She said that after years of failed relationships,
(33:14):
she finally did eight months of therapy before re entering
the dating world, and her first date after therapy, she
calmly told the guy what her triggers were, what her
boundaries were and what she was looking for, and it
turned out that he absolutely loved it. It's not something
he had ever experienced before. And now they're married and happy.
Speaker 4 (33:37):
Amazing.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
Don't you love that?
Speaker 4 (33:40):
Yeah, that's wonderful.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
I know. I love that we focus.
Speaker 4 (33:45):
On the wrong things. Right, the dating apps should be
putting those those types of things to match on as
opposed to how tall you are, whether you have fish
in your picture or not, etc.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Right, I think you should say, what are your boundaries?
You know what? What what is important to you? What
do you what are you looking for? Because you know
a lot of people, you know, cite people. My daughter
is an s is an Oh god, she's oh god,
damn it. She's gonna hate me for this, but I
(34:19):
can't remember. It's sign language class.
Speaker 4 (34:21):
She she is.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Really good at this ship. And we talk a lot about,
you know, cited people and unsited people. And I find
I know quite a few unsited people, and they lead
with who the person is, what you know, what do
they bring to to the relationship because they can't see them,
And we on our daily basis tend to base what
(34:43):
we want on site, meaning how tall they are, what
color hair they have, what color eyes they have, what
color skin they have, what their build is, you know,
all these things that really are irrelevant to how compatible
you are with a person.
Speaker 4 (35:00):
And I'll take that a step further. The brain likes
what's familiar, correct, So we're likely to be attracted to
that guy that looks like the shitty ex boyfriend because
it's familiar and we don't even realize that's what we're doing. Yes, right,
And so if you know, I've thought about building a
(35:22):
better dating app, and if it would, i'd love to
be able to do it, and I've actually worked through
how I would do it, and nobody would see pictures,
nobody would be swiping on pictures or people. It would
be just what we're talking about. You know. You'd start
by talking about here's here's how I want to show up,
Here's what i'd like and date to be like, here's
(35:43):
what I want a partner to be like, the types
of things we'd like to share. And you need to
find those commonalities before you get what a person looks like,
because then you're going to pay better. Right, And I
can tell you from my life experience, I've meant absolutely
gorgeous men who I've gotten to know, and I'm like,
(36:03):
did I think they were so good looking? And I've
met some other men. I was sure of it, and
I get to know that, and all of a sudden,
I find them handsome. And that's because the personality, how
they treat people, all of these things come out and
make somebody more attractive. So we've been trained I have,
(36:25):
I've got it. This is on my list of things
to research. But we have been trained to think that
if we are visually attracted to somebody, it's a good thing, right,
And we're trained especially Oh yeah, men are very visual.
I think men are trained to be very visual. I
don't think by nature and by birth that is true.
(36:46):
I think we hear that often enough and we believe it.
But it's hard to get people to say, oh, you know.
I mean because I've actually interviewed a lot of people,
I've done user case studies to try and find out,
and everybody still wants those pictures because that's for you
used to. That's what the dating apps have trained us.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
On a date. There is a matchmaking company in LA.
They suck so bad. Oh my god, they're so horrible.
They're the worst ever. And I'm happy to disclaim that
over and over and over and over. If anybody ever
wants to know, I'll happily tell them. But it's called
(37:29):
the La Singles. They suck. Well, let me tell you
what they do. I thought I would like them years ago.
I joined them, and I thought I would like them
because they did not base everything off of pictures. You
weren't allowed to see any pictures before you went on
a date with somebody. They were supposed to match you
by personality, likes, dislikes. You know, they should have gone deeper.
(37:53):
They did not. They went very kind of minimal surface.
And every single stupid guy that they sent me on.
Not every man is stupid, but every fucking one they
sent me on was. And and there are a lot
of dumb women out there, so I'm not, you know,
saying one or the other. But it sucked because they
(38:13):
didn't really take the time to find out if people
were even remotely capable of being attracted to each other
on a deeper level, even though they were trying not
to do pictures. I would have happily dated half of
these men by their looks alone, if that's what it
came down to. But they were not great for me.
(38:39):
At all. Yeah, they didn't take that into accountability. I
do believe that you can love somebody, or care for somebody,
or or be attracted to somebody by who they are
as a person and not, you know, not by their looks.
I think too many of our people are caught up
in that.
Speaker 4 (38:56):
Yeah, yeah, it comes back to our values and again
starting with ourselves, because if we don't know who our
values are or who we are, what we want. And
I can't tell you how many women I've worked with
who have been wives and moms for so many years
that I say, what do you like to do? What
would you? You know, they don't even know what they
(39:18):
want for breakfast because they're so used to making what
everybody else wants. Right, So it comes back to figuring
out what are my values? What do I want? What
is important to me? And I love that story you
were talking about where this woman was so able to
clearly articulate that.
Speaker 2 (39:37):
I love it.
Speaker 4 (39:37):
And guess what again, you come back to your teaching
somebody how to treat you by sharing that information. She
was when she was vulnerable, she was clear, she was direct,
and that's how she wanted to be treated in return,
and boom, well, A.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
Great thing about that is that, oh rebel said, esl, Yes,
thank you very much.
Speaker 4 (40:01):
Yeah, so.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Ah should I forgot what I was gonna say when
I do. That's something else, right.
Speaker 4 (40:12):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
I don't have a clue where the fuck I was
going anyway, Sorry about that. I do think that, you know,
there are certain things as we grow, as we heal.
And I say those two words a lot because when
we are finding who we are, when we are discovering that,
(40:33):
you know, we are special, we are magical. On those journeys,
we can outgrow people because people who are in our
lives who knew us as the unhealed version, don't understand
sometimes where you're heading or what's happening. And I think
(40:54):
that my youngest daughter sees it, and we have a
better relationship than ever I think my Unfortunately, my two
older daughters don't want to take the time to get
to know my new version. It's not that I was
a bad mom or hurt my kids or beat my kids,
or we're terrible to my kids. But I was unhealed. Yeah,
(41:16):
so I raised children while I was unhealed, and I
was still trying to survive through so much trauma that
I didn't know how to raise children properly. So I
think that there's a lot of aspects of our life
that we're changing and growing for not just dating. You know,
(41:36):
it works with our parents and our children and our friends,
and you know, sometimes we outgrow people. Sometimes we grow
into ourselves to be better people for the people in
our life one hundred percent.
Speaker 4 (41:47):
And while I worked with clients and they do the work,
they start seeing the people around them shifting and they're like, Wow,
I have a better relationship with all of these people.
And then sometimes it's a more difficult relationship because you know,
I'm working with a client now that we were working
on business and showing up in that way, but it
(42:08):
came back down to setting boundaries and being strong about that.
And now there's some tension with his wife, and so
we need to work through that because people who are
around you who aren't used to having those boundaries tend
to push back, right, So then it's worth they Okay,
so let's take that into consideration and show that person
(42:33):
loving care instead of getting angry that they're angry without
pushing back. So we when we learned to rise to
that occasion and we had that conversation. He's like, that's
a good point. I'm meeting this with anger instead of
with understanding that I didn't have these boundaries before and
they're used to that and something shifted, and so having
(42:54):
that awareness and still being true to ourselves. It's not
saying don't hold those boundaries, but it's helping people around
us to understand, Hey, I've shifted and this is really
important to me. So let's talk about how we can
make the shift work for both of us.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
I love that. I love that, you know that kind
of I have. I mean, I got we get a
lot of responses from women on this show, but we
do have a lot of male followers. Thank god. I
love that more than anything. But one of our listeners
wrote in and it was so amazing. It really touches
(43:30):
on you know what we're talking about right now. And
he the title was the solo honeymoon. You know we
always see that the woman in movies and TV go
on the solo moon. This is the guy. He said
that he planned destination wedding with his fiance and it
never happened. But instead of canceling, he said, I went alone,
(43:52):
toasted myself at dinner and I journaled every night, and
I spent time getting to know myself. He said. It
was the trip that changed how I saw love. Someone's
killing me, he said.
Speaker 4 (44:06):
In six months.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
Later, he met someone who loved that he had done that.
So I think that that is there's this magic in
you know, taking that time. And I do think that
it can be very tricky with people that are already
in your life. You know, a lot of like all
my friends are so amazing. They're like, you know, Christine,
(44:30):
you're glowing up and you're happy, and you're you're doing great,
and I love that. And then there's people who are
now gone for my life, and I'm sad that those
people are gone, but I'm really grateful that they were
part of my life in some way. And you know,
not everybody's meant forever. And I get that. And once
(44:51):
we learned that it's okay to let people go on
their own life journeys, that some people aren't meant to
be there always, that people flat and flow and come
and go, and it's all right.
Speaker 4 (45:03):
Yeah, that whole reasonency is in our lifetime thing is
really true.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
Oh that's my favorite thing.
Speaker 4 (45:11):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
It's true that I just think that a lot of
people tend to focus on the negative in life. When
you talk about divorce, people are like or relationships, they say,
you know, fifty percent land and divorce. Well, nobody fucking
talks about the fifty percent that doesn't. Yeah, you know
(45:33):
what everybody is yah.
Speaker 4 (45:36):
So here's the thing. Out of the fifty percent, how
many of those people are happy on each side? Right?
That's really what we should be looking at. How are
people staying in something because it's good? Are they moving
in because moving on because they need to work on
themselves and attract something different. You know, we're tracking the
wrong number. What percent of those people are happy?
Speaker 2 (45:59):
Exactly? I agree? One hundred percent? You know, and and
sometimes not everybody is picking correctly. We've talked about the
bad picker and uh, you know, if you I just
think that it's important to try to go on this
journey of healing and self discovery, uh, before we get married,
(46:21):
before we get into serious relationships. I think that these
are things that we should be teaching our kids how
to do. If we are not, then we don't know
how to do it. So I'm trying very hard to
teach my daughter by example and by you know, talking
to her about you know, what's important, and I hope
(46:42):
that that is, you know, coming across to her. But
it's not an easy thing.
Speaker 4 (46:47):
It's not, but it's worthwhile.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
It really is, it really is. We are almost out
of time. I think that you know, what you do
is incredible, Julie. I think that you're a beautiful, incredible
human being inside and out. For anybody who is needing
to discover who they are and maybe wants to figure
(47:11):
out if if they are on the right path in
their life for themselves, Julie is the person to talk to.
It's very easy to reach her. Julie dim c d
E M s e y dot com. J U l
I E d E M s e y dot com.
Reach out to Julie. She's incredible. She's also an I
(47:31):
G under her name as well. Julie, we'd love you here.
You're You're amazing. I don't want to wait this long
again to have you back. I'd like to have you
back sooner than later. Let's come together and talk about
another topic and you know, and and and do that
because you're you're an incredible woman. Thank you everybody who
(47:52):
comes every week and joins us. We appreciate all of
our new and longtime listeners, and we will be back again,
same time next week, same place, and until then, Hank tight, Julie,
I'd love to talk to you after the show for
a second, and until then, let's just keep this shit
real good Bob.
Speaker 3 (48:12):
If you enjoyed this episode, please share with your friends,
like and follow us on Instagram at fifty Shades of
Underscore Bullshit and Facebook at fifty Shades of Bullshit.
Speaker 2 (48:26):
Thanks so much for listening, and we really hope to
see you again next week.
The following show contains adult content. It's not our intent
to offend anyone, but we want to inform you that
if you are a child under the age of eighteen
or get offended easily, this next show may not be
for you. The content, opinions, and subject matter of these
shows are solely the choice of your show hosts and
their guests, and not those of the Entertainment Network or
any affiliated stations. Any comments or inquiry should be directed
(00:22):
to those show hosts.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Thank you for listening.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Hey everyone, and welcome to Fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm
your host, Christine Lalan and this is the podcast where
we uncover the truth about online dating.
Speaker 4 (00:41):
Now let's begin.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Hey everybody, welcome back. This is Christine and we are
on fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm very very excited about today.
It is a topic that's as any of you who
listen to the show know. It's me and dear to
my heart, we have Julie Dimsey on today and we
(01:04):
are going to be talking about finding love by finding
yourself first. So let me tell you a little about Julie.
I'm very very excited. I think I've been trying to
get Julie on the show for a while, and she's
a very good friend of our very good friend Janice
and I did an episode on Janie's podcast recently. We
(01:26):
talked about it when Janie was here and Julie was
on that episode. I think it was called what was
I Fucking Thinking? Something like that anyway, But Julie Dimpsey
is a rapid results mindset coach That is interesting to
me because I cannot wait to hear what that's about.
She is a hypnotherapist and a former Silicon Valley executive
(01:48):
Turns transformizational guide. She's the I want to know about
that too, Julie. She's the author of Found Sweets, Wiping
Right on Me to Find Love. She's passionate about helping
people remove the subconscious box that hold them back, not
just in love, but in every area of their life.
(02:10):
Through her coaching and hypnotherapy work, Julie empowers her clients
to create rapid, lasting change and finally step into the
life and love they deserve. And that's the kind of
fucking bio I want to hear. Julie, Welcome to fifty
Shades of Bullshit. I am so thrilled you're here.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Thank you. I'm really excited to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Here we go. We're on this path, We're gonna go,
and we're gonna see where it takes us. I know
a lot of people script their their podcasts. No thank you.
I'm a shoot from the hip kind of girl. So
why the fuck not. Let's do it first, Julie, I
want to hear about this whole rapid results mindset. And
(02:57):
you know, hypnotherapist, I love that.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
Yep, yep. So hypnotherapy is all about being able to
access the subconscious mind to get to the root ouse
of issues that are holding us back. And you and
I are smart people, right we could sit here and
talk till we're blue in the face. We know the
problems we have, but we're not able to shift those
and that's because we're not in our subconscious mind right now.
(03:23):
Hypnotherapy allows me to take a client down into access
that area. So it actually feels very similar to a
conversation we'd be having right now, but with your eyes closed,
your conscious mind kind of set aside, so your subconscious
mind can pull back out all of that information that
is necessary to make that shame.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
It's wild. I love that. Okay, this might be too much.
I am told I'm too much a lot, so I
kind of like to go with it. But have you ever,
how would it be if someone ever was to do that, say,
live in front of a live audience.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
I'd be reticent to do that. From the Standparis, you
don't know what's going to come up. So for me, like, yeah,
it's all about infidentiality, right. So the therapy takes about
two hours, by the way, So I mean, if you
want to try it and get you in a hypnotic state,
I'm going to have to try this. Yeah, yeah, I
(04:27):
mean the reality of it is, I'm very careful about
confidentiality because we don't know what's going to come out,
and I've had all sorts of things come out with clients,
and I don't think that's something somebody would want to
experience in front of an audience.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
I was curious because I know they do a lot
of you know, hipposing, you know, and I'm just I'm
curious what would come out of my mouth. I don't know.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
That's uh, that's well, and it's not I mean, it's
not that surprising. The standpoint of it is something that's
within you. There are people who've been surprised at what
came up from for them. Because very often it can
be a very minor thing that happened to us, where
somebody snubbed us or said something to us that we
(05:16):
don't even remember. It can be something deeper, you know,
I've dealt with some serious trauma. I've heard pretty much
all of it. But the beauty of it is how
healing it can be. So if we want to bring
it back to dating, right, For example, I worked with
a client and I'm keeping the confidential melody because there's
(05:37):
no names here, but I worked at a client who
was in her forties who hadn't had a date since
her twenties earlyties because she had hurt so deeply and
wasn't able to heal from that hurt. And we were
able to go back and capture what that was, reframe it,
and allow the mind to start healing and looking at
(05:58):
things differently. So that's who are the mindset. That part
of it comes in too, right, because we have all
of these cognitive thoughts and beliefs and maybe patterns that
we need to let go that we don't realize that
we have. And even just using our own mind and
shifting the words that we're saying. So if I'm out
(06:20):
there saying there are no good men, my brain is calculating,
even when I'm not thinking about it, there are no
good men, which means I could be introduced to somebody
and I don't even notice them because my brain believes
there's no good men.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Agreed how to brain.
Speaker 4 (06:37):
So if shift that thought and we say it only
takes one and the perfect man is out there for
me and I know he's his way to me and
I to him, we might not believe it second, but
if we keep saying that to ourselves every day for
thirty days, our mind recalculates and starts believing we've created
(06:58):
a new neuropathway for that love.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
That love that you know that makes me think back
to a time which was my entire life up until,
you know, the last couple of years that you know,
I've said it a hundred times on this show, and
I'll keep saying it. I never believed in loving yourself.
I just thought it was a bunch of malarkey that
you know, other people loving me was enough, you know.
(07:24):
And it wasn't until I got on my healing journey
that I started to discover these things. And you know, recently,
I've been thinking back onto specific times in my life,
picturing myself in those moments and realizing that the reason why,
maybe I know, I said that completely wrong, The reason
(07:44):
why not maybe I wasn't finding the right people in
my life is because I didn't respect myself. I didn't
love myself. I didn't have moments of clarity where I
could becomfortable alone, live life comfortably alone. You know, all
(08:04):
those things I was very uncomfortable alone ever. Couldn't go
out to eat by myself, couldn't do things by myself,
couldn't go to the movies by myself. Now I'm a
completely part different person, you know. And I know it
was because there were moments in my life, or all
those moments in my life that I didn't love and
respect myself. And this is why it's such an important
(08:26):
topic for me to have on the show, because I
truly believe that we cannot move forward with a partner
until we are our own partners.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
One hundred percent. One hundred percent. And it's interesting you
say that about doing things alone, because I ran a
workshop with about fifteen to twenty women that were fifty
plus and all starting their daily journey again, and they're like,
oh no, I couldn't go anywhere alone. And I worked
with them. I said, okay, who do you go grocery
(08:58):
shopping with while I go on my own? Well, you
can do things alone, right.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
I hated it, but I did.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
Yeah. We retrain the brain and say, there are actually
a lot of things you can do alone, and you
do do alone. So let's start small at the grocery store,
just when you're standing in line, talk to one person,
and then you start building up that resilience and the ability.
But it does it comes back to that self love
and that self belief. And so often what happens, especially
(09:28):
you know, when we've been through it a few times,
people are like, oh no, I can't do this. I'm
just gonna wait. I'm going to wait till that person
comes along.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Yes, no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
You need to enjoy your life now. So the best
thing you can do to get into that relationship is
find that love for yourself, find what lights you up.
And it's when you're in that space that you're ready
and accepting for somebody else to come into your life.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I agree, I do have to see that, you know,
I do believe in soulmates, people who are really you know,
traveled through different lifetimes together. And I truly believe that
what I now know different than I always believed before,
is that my soulmate isn't the other half of me.
(10:17):
That I am my own soulmate. I am my own
whole person, and I have soul connections with other people,
which allows me to have fuller, you know, relationships, because
I'm not relying on them to fill my vessel. My
(10:37):
vessel's full and you know they just warmed my vessel
or or add flavor to my vessel, but they don't
you know you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Well, one of the worst lines ever and you see
it in a lot of movies. You complete me. That
is such a lie, It really is. If you need somebody,
if you really truly leave, you need somebody to complete you.
That means you are not complete and you're going to
be very needy in that relationship. You're not going to
(11:08):
show up as your full self, able to equal partner.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Yes, you know, that was one of my top six
things that I wanted to make sure we covered today
was dating from wholeness, not from a lack you know, neess.
That you know, the healthiest relationships happen to be when
both people feel whole on their own because they can
compliment each other and not one person or the other
(11:35):
is carrying the load of the relationship.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
One hundred percent. However, often, especially females of you know,
my age group, and even younger women I'm still hearing,
are taught that they need to find somebody to love them. Yes, right,
so ye're worried about and this goes both ways and
for all genders and whatever else. But individuals worry about
(12:02):
do they like me? Do they want me? And that's
a persent the wrong question exactly to be do I
want them? Are they worth of me? And what we
make that shift is when we can start stepping into
healthy relationships. But that took me a long time personally
to understand, and that's something I work with a lot
(12:23):
of clients on and I talk about in the book.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
I Love That No. So one of the things that
I think that is important in you know, finding that
love for yourself before we find love in others, is
you retract and you attract what you reflect. You know
what I mean. It's like if you're expecting a healthy,
like fulfilling relationship and you're still treating yourself really shitty
(12:50):
and poorly. It's kind of setting the standard for how
other people are treating you. You're showing other people this
is okay to do to me because I do it
to myself.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
So get rid of me, you complete me and move
to I teach people how to treat.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Me, that's great, that's great.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
By showing them how I treat myself.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
I love that. I absolutely love that. So when you're
talking to people about preparing to find love and you're
looking inward and you're finding yourself, what are some of
the key points that you think that people need to
know from the beginning of how to move forward? Other
(13:38):
than you know, you complete me as a bunch of bullshit,
and we reflect you know, how we should be, how
we should be treated.
Speaker 4 (13:47):
Well, I think it's really important to kind of sit
down and think about what what do I have to offer.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Nice?
Speaker 4 (13:56):
That's what am I looking at for somebody else to offer?
And the line up? So if I'm someone to provide
all of these things that I don't have, I need
to find those in myself first before I can receive those, right.
So I like to say the reason I wrote the
book was I wanted. I want people to become kind, compassionate,
(14:19):
and respectful to themselves so they can do the same
thing for others. If we could get everybody out there,
the dating pool would be so much better. Right, But
that's where it starts. It starts from within. So what
do I need to do? I'm not showing up for
myself in that way? How do I say that? Right?
(14:39):
So I start thinking what are my needs? What are
my needs that aren't being fulfilled? What are the thoughts
that I'm having If I'm thinking, Oh my gosh, I'm
not deserving of somebody, or I don't like the way
I look, I don't like the way I feel.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
More, change that.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
Change the words. Catch yourself. The most important thing is
to catch the words you're using when you talk to yourself. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
I think a lot of people think they're not enough.
Speaker 4 (15:07):
Yeah, or they've been.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Treated like they're not enough. So therefore it becomes a
seed in your head that grows that. It's a nasty
buying that you have to take out well, and.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
It's something that often propels us to move forward, thinking
I'm not enough, So I've got to do more, and
I've got.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
To be more.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
But when we're younger, that actually helps us to a
certain degree to propel us forward in to succeed. And
then it gets to the point where it's holding us
back because we've got those negative, looping thoughts that I'm
not enough, I'm not good enough, I'm not giving enough,
I'm not doing whatever it might be, and we've got
to go whoa stop. Let's listen to those thoughts, Let's
(15:46):
reframe those, Let's look for proof points. Okay, you know
I'm not good enough. Well, how old are you? Let's
write down all the things that you've accomplished in all
of the years you've been on the planet. Like I
have clients do that and they're just away, Wow, I
didn't realize how amazing, right, right, because you don't think
(16:08):
about that. Like, for every compliment somebody gives us, you know,
it's overshadowed by ten things that somebody said negative. Right,
We hear all of that, and it takes, you know,
ten times as many compliments to let that go. Our
(16:29):
brains are naturally, unfortunately triggered that way, so we need
to learn to rewire them to remember the good things,
to think kindly about ourselves, to repeat those positive thoughts
to catch the negative ones and to shift those.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
So I started this podcast about three and a half
years ago, and it was my experiment. Okay, it was
my experiment to see if I could find people to
help other people grow in the way that I wanted
to grow. And I wanted to implement everything that everybody
(17:08):
talked about on my podcast and see if it worked.
And that was a really amazing thing for me, and
a handful of years ago, I think it's about two
and a half almost three years ago, now, I learned
about shit, what's it breath work?
Speaker 4 (17:28):
Oh? Yes, I'm going to on Sunday. Wow.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Okay, So breath work is incredible. And I went into
my first breath work not knowing what the actual fuck
was gonna happen. And I'm glad I didn't know, because
it was greater than any expectation that I could have
ever done. And I met myself in my first in
(17:54):
one of my previous lives, and I saw, you know,
a vision of some of the things that happened, and
was incredible. But the most incredible thing that I learned
in that first breathwork session is that I listened to
the instructor and the instructor said, look, you know, let
happen whatever needs to happen. If you need a scream,
(18:16):
cry shout, nobody else can hear you. You're in the
comfort of your home alone, and you're just listening to it,
you know, through your phone or whatever, computer or whatever.
And I'm doing this and I realize that I have
never been good enough for anybody. I wasn't good enough
for my parents. I wasn't good enough for my kids,
I wasn't good enough for my husband's I wasn't good
(18:38):
enough for friends. I wasn't ever fucking good enough. And
I was losing my mind during this breath work, going
why am I hearing this in my head? Why am
I feeling this? And then all of a sudden, that
shell fucking cracked and I just was like what, And
I realized it just hit me so hard. I'm not
(18:58):
good enough for me. I didn't give a shit anymore
if I was good enough for anybody else, I'm fucking
good enough for me. And that changed the game for me,
and I walked through life I just not really caring
if anybody likes me, if anybody gives a shit, if
anybody you know the man you know wants me. I'm happy.
(19:22):
I'm fucking happy, and my my joy spills into other
people's lives and that is much better than trying to
make them happy by something I'm doing for them or
to them or whatever. It is. Just my joy is
my joy, and it becomes other people's joy, and that
(19:42):
is the greatest gift I gave myself right there, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
I love that so much. And let me tell you,
like we've been in conversation, not here, but other places,
other places. Yeah, I can see the difference in you
can you really real, really beautiful? Yeah? Thank you?
Speaker 2 (20:01):
You know I had a glow up. What happens with
self healing? Okay, when you self heal, there's a lot
of shit that happens. Because when I started self healing,
I started understanding that I was good enough. I'm enough.
I'm enough. That was big too, that's.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
A big one. Say that in front of the mirror. Yeah,
every day I'm enough. I love myself.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
It's amazing, right, But what else? What else happened is
I've always had decent skin, I really have. But you know,
I'm a fifty seven year old woman who looks fifteen
ten fifteen, twenty years younger, than what I am. And
some people see me here on camera and that's that's fine.
In person, I think I'm even better. And you know,
(20:50):
my hair grew out. My hair is so soft and
shiny and beautiful. And I've been through menopause and people
are like what, And I'm almost sixty and I'm not
great yet. I've got some but you know what I mean.
I lost thirty pounds. I glowed up. And I think
that when people find who they are, discovered that they're amazing,
(21:14):
that they love themselves. These are the things that will
happen for.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
You one hundred percent. We actually we could often call
that the hypnotherapy facelift. AH love that, right. It's the
same type of thing where they come out feeling re
energized and they look ten years younger.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
I love it. I love it. It's beautiful. It's a
beautiful thing.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
That's one of the things that I wanted to make
sure that we had talked about, is that that glow up.
There was a story that I have. I had a
couple of people send in some stories for themselves, and
one woman said that she had an accidental glow up,
and it says she said, I decided to go on
(21:59):
a six month d D Talks. I focused on healing
from my ex and started therapy. I joined a pole
fitness class, which I want to do, and fell in love.
But I fell in love with myself. Ironically, she said,
I I met my new partner in her last d
(22:19):
Talks weekend because she was glowing from confidence and not
looking for anyone but herself. She found somebody amazing.
Speaker 4 (22:29):
Story. I love that.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
I love it. Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
It comes from the inside out one hundred percent. That's
so important. We'll do it. It's accessible to all of us.
It is.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
I mean, I don't know. I mean we talk about
a lot of bullshit on this show. We talked about
creating dating stories, husband's ex wives, you know, mental health,
our periods, you know, menopause. We talk about all kinds
of shit. But when I do bring a guest on,
such as yourself, I think is very important that people
understand that there are people out there here to help them.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
Yes. No, And that's when I say it's accessible to
all of us. It is, and asking for help is
strength not weakness. You know, I'm a coach and I
still work with a coach for myself all the time.
Like I said a minute ago, I'm going to a
breath work workshop this week because hypnotherapy I have hard
(23:28):
time getting out of being a therapist. So if I'm
trying to have a session for me, I start thinking, oh,
I do that differently, so right, breathwork similar but different.
All of these types, You've got to find what works
for you, and the practitioner who works for you and
finds it going to be on your side and help
you with that glow up because you know, it takes
(23:50):
a village. We've got to have our team of people
around us, whether they're paid professionals, friends, family, whatever, community.
You know, we need all of that to make us
to help us become that person that we want to be.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Absolutely, absolutely, I think that there is some things that
people should keep in mind that it will help you
on your dating journey while you're healing and heeling before hookups.
I think is super important because unhealed wounds attract chaos.
(24:32):
You know, when you've worked through past pain, you choose
differently and better, and that I'm a walking testament to
that too. I'd like to tek someone to step up.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
Yeah, yeah, I mean we you know, I say, our
picker is broken very often, right, we don't pick the
right people when we're coming from it out of past wounds,
hurts and traumas, and we tend to repeat that until
we work through that on our own. So that's why
it's so important, because not only do we feel better
(25:05):
about ourselves, but we have better experiences when we get
into dating.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
Yeah, you know, we were talking about a second ago
about you know, not being able to be alone. I
think that solitude versus loneliness is an important factor in
you know, finding peace within yourself because when you're feeling lonely,
it builds like a okay, so when you're learning how
(25:33):
to be alone, it builds emotional independence. And I think
that that is just like a really magnetic thing that
people can be attracted to.
Speaker 4 (25:42):
Yes, And I think we also need to remember if
I look back to the end of my marriage, I listen,
I've been single for a while by choice because I
haven't met somebody that I feel I want to bring
into my life. And yeah, there are moments where I
feel lonely and I'd like to have that person, But
I am never as lonely as I was when I
(26:04):
was in that bad relationship.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
Oh my God.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
Lonely doesn't happen when you're in the house by yourself always.
It can happen when with other people. It can happen
at a party where when you're at the wrong party
with the wrong people.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Yes, I have a set of friends that I love.
I love this couple. I go to their parties and
I hate it. They're the only ones I really I
know everybody pretty much at their parties. I was their
wedding planner. I've known them for a long time, and
the problem is is that I don't know, I can't connect.
(26:43):
Something is off there, and when that happens, it can
feel really kind of in a lonely state. When you're
in a place of a bunch of people and you
should be having fun too, it happens, it doesn't mean
that you know something's wrong with them or something wrong
with you. It just means even in the wrong place
to it.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
I'd like to adjust the word should. You said I
should be having fun too, and that's not fairly the case.
What we want to be doing is looking at the
situation and going this isn't the right situation for me,
and so I'm going to take myself out of this
situation and put myself in another one that I'm going
to enjoy. I used to go to these dinner parties
(27:25):
when I lived in San Francisco that pulled together a
bunch of different people, and it was different people every time.
And there were some people that were at those like
eight or ten different dinner parties, the same people that
I never met, right because we just there wasn't that
energy that pulled us together. There are others that became
best friends. So this happens at work, it happens at play,
(27:47):
it happens with potential significant others. There is something within
us that brings us together and says this is the
right person in the right situation, and not everybody's going
to be that, and that's okay. So if we're in
a situation like that, don't punish yourself and say, oh
my gosh, I should be having fun because they're having fun.
It's like, this isn't my tribe, and that's okay. I'm
(28:09):
going to go hang out with my other tribe. And
now I know that I love this couple and I'm
going to do stuff with just them, not with a
whole group of people.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Yeah, I love that, you know, there's you know, a
thing about you know, romantic love isn't the only love
because a lot of people are on this mission to
find romantic love. And I had a couple of things
that I wanted to address with that is self love,
community love, friendships, and that those are really powerful and necessary.
(28:42):
That you know, people you know, should be building their
community and their own personal you know, circle before I
think they start bringing other people into the mix.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
Yeah, one hundred percent. I have a group of girlfriends
here that you know, we end the conversation with love,
you you know, and that, like I think we need
to normalize that and bring that we can get those
good vibes. Like you said, there's all types of love
that are fulfilling in different ways, and we need all
of them to be thriving human beings right exactly. That
(29:18):
doesn't mean we need to be in a relationship. We
need to have that love coming from somewhere, from with
us and then surrounding us with people and experiences that
we love.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
True. I love that. I also think one of the
last things that I had for this part of it
today is I think that when you start to learn
what you're worth is you start to see red flags
a little easier because it like sharpens your intuition. And
(29:51):
in the past, when people aren't healthy and they're not
loving themselves, they're not liking things, you know, they're overlooking
toxic behaviors. Do you do you you agree with that
or do you think that's a b I.
Speaker 4 (30:03):
Agree with that, And I want to say that as
you're healing, as you're coming into yourself, if you find
yourself experiencing somebody with those toxic traits, don't punish yourself
because the likelihood is you would have met that person
years ago and stayed with them for a year, and
(30:24):
now you've gone on three dates with them and said
I'm done. So we need we need to recognize that
within ourselves because often I see that happening with people.
They're like, well, I still went out with a jackass,
you know, and you saw it blah blah blah, And
I'm like, yes, but five years ago you would marry them,
(30:44):
and now you went on three dates and said goodbye.
So we need to realize and see that project that
we have in ourselves.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
Absolutely, that's a great lesson, Julie. Honestly, I think that,
if anything, people should really try to get that out
of this is because you know, we do beat ourselves up.
For me, we're thinking we're still making the same mistakes,
but we're not making the same mistakes because we didn't
date them for fucking five years and stay with them
while they treat as like garbage and gas lit us.
(31:14):
You know, you know, that's that's important to you know,
to know.
Speaker 4 (31:19):
Yeah, I think it's also important to realize that in
the olden days, sound like I'm a hundred, you didn't
meet as many people, right. The apps give us exposure
to so many more people. So it used to be
we'd go on three dates and one of them ended
up and you know, with different people, and one of
(31:40):
them ended up in a relationship. And now you go
on one hundred. I'm exaggerating, maybe, but me find water,
you don't. And the reality of the matter is it's
not that we are not finding love. It's that you're
looking for the needle in the haystack, and the haystack
used to be that bag and now it's this big right,
(32:02):
So we're getting exposed to so many more people. In
the brain goes, oh, there's not somebody for me, because
all of these people aren't right, and we need to
remember that it only takes one, and that because we've
been through that many, we're getting rid of that many.
And it's just that we have because of the apps.
We have too much exposure, we have too much choice,
(32:24):
and come back to the paradox of choice, and what
happens often is you've got so much choice that nobody
steps up to be good enough because you're always thinking, well,
there's going to be somebody who has more of what
I want to offer, and at some point to say,
I trust myself that I'm in the right place. I
know who I am, I know who I want. This
(32:46):
is the right person. I'm going to give them a chance.
I'm going to be open and vulnerable, and we're going
to see where this goes.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
I love that. I love that, And that kind of
ties in with one of the other stories that this
woman's sent in. She said that she had a like
a therapy. First date is the title of her Little
inter Year. She said that after years of failed relationships,
(33:14):
she finally did eight months of therapy before re entering
the dating world, and her first date after therapy, she
calmly told the guy what her triggers were, what her
boundaries were and what she was looking for, and it
turned out that he absolutely loved it. It's not something
he had ever experienced before. And now they're married and happy.
Speaker 4 (33:37):
Amazing.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
Don't you love that?
Speaker 4 (33:40):
Yeah, that's wonderful.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
I know. I love that we focus.
Speaker 4 (33:45):
On the wrong things. Right, the dating apps should be
putting those those types of things to match on as
opposed to how tall you are, whether you have fish
in your picture or not, etc.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
Right, I think you should say, what are your boundaries?
You know what? What what is important to you? What
do you what are you looking for? Because you know
a lot of people, you know, cite people. My daughter
is an s is an Oh god, she's oh god,
damn it. She's gonna hate me for this, but I
(34:19):
can't remember. It's sign language class.
Speaker 4 (34:21):
She she is.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Really good at this ship. And we talk a lot about,
you know, cited people and unsited people. And I find
I know quite a few unsited people, and they lead
with who the person is, what you know, what do
they bring to to the relationship because they can't see them,
And we on our daily basis tend to base what
(34:43):
we want on site, meaning how tall they are, what
color hair they have, what color eyes they have, what
color skin they have, what their build is, you know,
all these things that really are irrelevant to how compatible
you are with a person.
Speaker 4 (35:00):
And I'll take that a step further. The brain likes
what's familiar, correct, So we're likely to be attracted to
that guy that looks like the shitty ex boyfriend because
it's familiar and we don't even realize that's what we're doing. Yes, right,
And so if you know, I've thought about building a
(35:22):
better dating app, and if it would, i'd love to
be able to do it, and I've actually worked through
how I would do it, and nobody would see pictures,
nobody would be swiping on pictures or people. It would
be just what we're talking about. You know. You'd start
by talking about here's here's how I want to show up,
Here's what i'd like and date to be like, here's
(35:43):
what I want a partner to be like, the types
of things we'd like to share. And you need to
find those commonalities before you get what a person looks like,
because then you're going to pay better. Right, And I
can tell you from my life experience, I've meant absolutely
gorgeous men who I've gotten to know, and I'm like,
(36:03):
did I think they were so good looking? And I've
met some other men. I was sure of it, and
I get to know that, and all of a sudden,
I find them handsome. And that's because the personality, how
they treat people, all of these things come out and
make somebody more attractive. So we've been trained I have,
(36:25):
I've got it. This is on my list of things
to research. But we have been trained to think that
if we are visually attracted to somebody, it's a good thing, right,
And we're trained especially Oh yeah, men are very visual.
I think men are trained to be very visual. I
don't think by nature and by birth that is true.
(36:46):
I think we hear that often enough and we believe it.
But it's hard to get people to say, oh, you know.
I mean because I've actually interviewed a lot of people,
I've done user case studies to try and find out,
and everybody still wants those pictures because that's for you
used to. That's what the dating apps have trained us.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
On a date. There is a matchmaking company in LA.
They suck so bad. Oh my god, they're so horrible.
They're the worst ever. And I'm happy to disclaim that
over and over and over and over. If anybody ever
wants to know, I'll happily tell them. But it's called
(37:29):
the La Singles. They suck. Well, let me tell you
what they do. I thought I would like them years ago.
I joined them, and I thought I would like them
because they did not base everything off of pictures. You
weren't allowed to see any pictures before you went on
a date with somebody. They were supposed to match you
by personality, likes, dislikes. You know, they should have gone deeper.
(37:53):
They did not. They went very kind of minimal surface.
And every single stupid guy that they sent me on.
Not every man is stupid, but every fucking one they
sent me on was. And and there are a lot
of dumb women out there, so I'm not, you know,
saying one or the other. But it sucked because they
(38:13):
didn't really take the time to find out if people
were even remotely capable of being attracted to each other
on a deeper level, even though they were trying not
to do pictures. I would have happily dated half of
these men by their looks alone, if that's what it
came down to. But they were not great for me.
(38:39):
At all. Yeah, they didn't take that into accountability. I
do believe that you can love somebody, or care for somebody,
or or be attracted to somebody by who they are
as a person and not, you know, not by their looks.
I think too many of our people are caught up
in that.
Speaker 4 (38:56):
Yeah, yeah, it comes back to our values and again
starting with ourselves, because if we don't know who our
values are or who we are, what we want. And
I can't tell you how many women I've worked with
who have been wives and moms for so many years
that I say, what do you like to do? What
would you? You know, they don't even know what they
(39:18):
want for breakfast because they're so used to making what
everybody else wants. Right, So it comes back to figuring
out what are my values? What do I want? What
is important to me? And I love that story you
were talking about where this woman was so able to
clearly articulate that.
Speaker 2 (39:37):
I love it.
Speaker 4 (39:37):
And guess what again, you come back to your teaching
somebody how to treat you by sharing that information. She
was when she was vulnerable, she was clear, she was direct,
and that's how she wanted to be treated in return,
and boom, well, A.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
Great thing about that is that, oh rebel said, esl, Yes,
thank you very much.
Speaker 4 (40:01):
Yeah, so.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Ah should I forgot what I was gonna say when
I do. That's something else, right.
Speaker 4 (40:12):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
I don't have a clue where the fuck I was
going anyway, Sorry about that. I do think that, you know,
there are certain things as we grow, as we heal.
And I say those two words a lot because when
we are finding who we are, when we are discovering that,
(40:33):
you know, we are special, we are magical. On those journeys,
we can outgrow people because people who are in our
lives who knew us as the unhealed version, don't understand
sometimes where you're heading or what's happening. And I think
(40:54):
that my youngest daughter sees it, and we have a
better relationship than ever I think my Unfortunately, my two
older daughters don't want to take the time to get
to know my new version. It's not that I was
a bad mom or hurt my kids or beat my kids,
or we're terrible to my kids. But I was unhealed. Yeah,
(41:16):
so I raised children while I was unhealed, and I
was still trying to survive through so much trauma that
I didn't know how to raise children properly. So I
think that there's a lot of aspects of our life
that we're changing and growing for not just dating. You know,
(41:36):
it works with our parents and our children and our friends,
and you know, sometimes we outgrow people. Sometimes we grow
into ourselves to be better people for the people in
our life one hundred percent.
Speaker 4 (41:47):
And while I worked with clients and they do the work,
they start seeing the people around them shifting and they're like, Wow,
I have a better relationship with all of these people.
And then sometimes it's a more difficult relationship because you know,
I'm working with a client now that we were working
on business and showing up in that way, but it
(42:08):
came back down to setting boundaries and being strong about that.
And now there's some tension with his wife, and so
we need to work through that because people who are
around you who aren't used to having those boundaries tend
to push back, right, So then it's worth they Okay,
so let's take that into consideration and show that person
(42:33):
loving care instead of getting angry that they're angry without
pushing back. So we when we learned to rise to
that occasion and we had that conversation. He's like, that's
a good point. I'm meeting this with anger instead of
with understanding that I didn't have these boundaries before and
they're used to that and something shifted, and so having
(42:54):
that awareness and still being true to ourselves. It's not
saying don't hold those boundaries, but it's helping people around
us to understand, Hey, I've shifted and this is really
important to me. So let's talk about how we can
make the shift work for both of us.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
I love that. I love that, you know that kind
of I have. I mean, I got we get a
lot of responses from women on this show, but we
do have a lot of male followers. Thank god. I
love that more than anything. But one of our listeners
wrote in and it was so amazing. It really touches
(43:30):
on you know what we're talking about right now. And
he the title was the solo honeymoon. You know we
always see that the woman in movies and TV go
on the solo moon. This is the guy. He said
that he planned destination wedding with his fiance and it
never happened. But instead of canceling, he said, I went alone,
(43:52):
toasted myself at dinner and I journaled every night, and
I spent time getting to know myself. He said. It
was the trip that changed how I saw love. Someone's
killing me, he said.
Speaker 4 (44:06):
In six months.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
Later, he met someone who loved that he had done that.
So I think that that is there's this magic in
you know, taking that time. And I do think that
it can be very tricky with people that are already
in your life. You know, a lot of like all
my friends are so amazing. They're like, you know, Christine,
(44:30):
you're glowing up and you're happy, and you're you're doing great,
and I love that. And then there's people who are
now gone for my life, and I'm sad that those
people are gone, but I'm really grateful that they were
part of my life in some way. And you know,
not everybody's meant forever. And I get that. And once
(44:51):
we learned that it's okay to let people go on
their own life journeys, that some people aren't meant to
be there always, that people flat and flow and come
and go, and it's all right.
Speaker 4 (45:03):
Yeah, that whole reasonency is in our lifetime thing is
really true.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
Oh that's my favorite thing.
Speaker 4 (45:11):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
It's true that I just think that a lot of
people tend to focus on the negative in life. When
you talk about divorce, people are like or relationships, they say,
you know, fifty percent land and divorce. Well, nobody fucking
talks about the fifty percent that doesn't. Yeah, you know
(45:33):
what everybody is yah.
Speaker 4 (45:36):
So here's the thing. Out of the fifty percent, how
many of those people are happy on each side? Right?
That's really what we should be looking at. How are
people staying in something because it's good? Are they moving
in because moving on because they need to work on
themselves and attract something different. You know, we're tracking the
wrong number. What percent of those people are happy?
Speaker 2 (45:59):
Exactly? I agree? One hundred percent? You know, and and
sometimes not everybody is picking correctly. We've talked about the
bad picker and uh, you know, if you I just
think that it's important to try to go on this
journey of healing and self discovery, uh, before we get married,
(46:21):
before we get into serious relationships. I think that these
are things that we should be teaching our kids how
to do. If we are not, then we don't know
how to do it. So I'm trying very hard to
teach my daughter by example and by you know, talking
to her about you know, what's important, and I hope
(46:42):
that that is, you know, coming across to her. But
it's not an easy thing.
Speaker 4 (46:47):
It's not, but it's worthwhile.
Speaker 2 (46:49):
It really is, it really is. We are almost out
of time. I think that you know, what you do
is incredible, Julie. I think that you're a beautiful, incredible
human being inside and out. For anybody who is needing
to discover who they are and maybe wants to figure
(47:11):
out if if they are on the right path in
their life for themselves, Julie is the person to talk to.
It's very easy to reach her. Julie dim c d
E M s e y dot com. J U l
I E d E M s e y dot com.
Reach out to Julie. She's incredible. She's also an I
(47:31):
G under her name as well. Julie, we'd love you here.
You're You're amazing. I don't want to wait this long
again to have you back. I'd like to have you
back sooner than later. Let's come together and talk about
another topic and you know, and and and do that
because you're you're an incredible woman. Thank you everybody who
(47:52):
comes every week and joins us. We appreciate all of
our new and longtime listeners, and we will be back again,
same time next week, same place, and until then, Hank tight, Julie,
I'd love to talk to you after the show for
a second, and until then, let's just keep this shit
real good Bob.
Speaker 3 (48:12):
If you enjoyed this episode, please share with your friends,
like and follow us on Instagram at fifty Shades of
Underscore Bullshit and Facebook at fifty Shades of Bullshit.
Speaker 2 (48:26):
Thanks so much for listening, and we really hope to
see you again next week.
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