May 22, 2025 • 49 mins
Can Long Distance Relationships really work? We will be discussing this with Koko Russo, CEO of It's A Matchmaking. Certified in matchmaking over 10 years from IAP College and the Global Love Institute. Previously, she was the founder and CEO of Genesis 2:18 Matchmaking Service. Koko also studied Youth Ministry and Psychology at Tennessee Temple University from 2008 to 2010.
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Fifty Shades of Bullshit is broadcast live Thursdays at 4PM PT on K4HD Radio - Hollywood Talk Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Fifty Shades of Bullshit TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Fifty Shades of Bullshit Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The following show contains adult content. It's not our intent
to offend anyone, but we want to inform you that
if you are a child under the age of eighteen
or get offended easily, this next show may not be
for you. The content, opinions, and subject matter of these
shows are solely the choice of your show hosts and
their guests, and not those of the Entertainment Network or
any affiliated stations. Any comments or inquiry should be directed
(00:22):
to those show hosts. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hey everyone, and welcome to fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm
your host, Christine Lalan and this is the podcast where
we uncover the truth about online dating. Now let's begin.
Hey everybody, I'm Christine, and today we have as a
co host, Steve Hi There. Welcome to Petty Shades of Bullshit.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
I've been a guest before several times, but this is
my first time as a co host, and I'm moving
up in the world.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
Moving on not.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
That's one of my favorite shows, by the way, growing up.
Uh So, welcome back. I'm happy to have you as
co host today. This is very exciting.
Speaker 5 (01:10):
Thanks. I'm building my fan base.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
There you go, We've got We've got a guest coming
on today, but we don't know if she's going to
make it yet or not. She's not arrived, so we
will see, but we will. We'll still do the topic
as if you know, we're just doing the topic, so
(01:33):
we'll see what we can do. I've been seeing her messages,
so we'll see. So how's your week been, tummy, It's.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Been very interesting. Yeah, in trying to stay out of trouble. Actually,
the weather's changed here in La so I'm enjoying going
outside more.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah, it's gorgeous. It's gonna it was getting really warm.
Today's supposed to get super hot, but I was really
hoping for the June gloom.
Speaker 5 (02:00):
Not quite there. We got another couple of weeks.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Yeah, we do, we do. So so glad that you're here.
I know. I just got an email that she says
she is on her way. She's heading into the studio now,
so uh wonderful.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
I'll tell me a little bit about her and because
we can introduce her that or till she arrives.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
No, no, we're good. I'm going to bring up her
info right now. So Coco is part of our networking
for the dating professionals. So she's been in that for
a while. Coco Russo is a she's the CEO of
(02:46):
a matchmaking company called a Matchmaking like a Matchmaking I
don't know, I'm a little confused, Monty, I know. So anyway,
she went from COO in twenty twenty four and now
she's the CEO, so it's very exciting. She's a certified
matchmaker with over ten years of experience and she's qualified
(03:09):
through the IAP College and the Global Love Institute. I
think what's her name runs the Global Love Institute. Oh,
she was going to come on the show after bring
her on. Anyway, she's sparked countless love stories and she's
studied screenwriting at Michigan State University and she was, oh,
(03:33):
she was with another company for a while, but she
is also studied in youth ministry and psychology at Tennessee
Temple University. So she's really well versed in matchmaking. And
we're actually going to talk about what are we talking about?
Long distance relationships? Can it work? And oh, Coco is here,
(03:56):
let's go Hyanna stage. Yeah, welcome back to the show.
We love seeing you here. So Coco is going to
come on in a second.
Speaker 4 (04:07):
Fantastic Coco is having problems with connections. Coco, we need
a mic if possible. It looks like you're having a
difficult staying study with your internet. You can please just
double check that for us. Sorry for That's okay.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
So Coco will come on when she can. So long
distance relationships, let's talk about that. I'm not sure they
can work, and I think that some people really really
love them. Not a big fan. So what's your take
on long distance relationship Steve, Well.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
I think there's probably some benefits because you are not
around the person all the time, you know, so you
get to have some space, and then when you are
together it can be spicy. Yeah, so I know that
that's one of the upsides. I think for people especially
who have she's around private not issues, but a desire
(05:02):
for privacy and a desire for you know, having their
own life experience.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
I get that. I mean when I had my boyfriend
for a couple of years that was down in Orange County,
you know, depending on traffic times you know where we
are today like that long distance. Actually he was an
hour to two hours away and we did not see
each other during the week. We only saw each other
(05:31):
weekends or every other weekend, and yeah, it was wonderful
when we were together because it was, you know, a
really good time. We spent a lot of time together,
and when we were like for the weekend, you know,
like the two or three days. But I'm hot as
hell in this student. I don't know if it's the
(05:54):
minibus kicking in today with the or if it's just
fucking hot, but you know, with him, it was great.
But during the week when it would be nice, when
I'm having a really tough day to be able to
just pop over to see him or him pop over
to see me and just get a hug or to
(06:15):
cuddle or that human touch. I cannot go that long
of a time without you. I start to break down.
And that's probably why I'm a I'm a breakdown, a
little mess today. I need I need some interaction.
Speaker 5 (06:34):
Crawl under their arms.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Yeah, I mean I do need that. Yeah, for sure,
when that's something that you really desire and want in
a relationship, that that could be you know, problematic if
it's long distance, and then and then on the upside,
when you are long distance, that you have to plan
your time together.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
True, which is great. I do love that, But the
the thing for me is that I really do. There
there are times I don't want to talk. I just
I just want to be with somebody, or hang out
with somebody, or just just be held. And it's hard
when that happens, because then I'm missing this human contact
(07:16):
that you know that we were talking about. And it's
really hard for me to go from not seeing somebody
for a long period of time to keep that you know,
excitement going. I don't know, it's hard for me. I
don't love it. So do you have like an experience
where you have worked, Oh, is Coco here, she's here,
(07:39):
she's here here.
Speaker 6 (07:41):
With the camera.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Oh it's okay, Well, welcome Coco, so happy to have
you here. All shit happens, you know, by the time
that we are no longer live.
Speaker 6 (07:52):
There's a lot going on in other people talking for us.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
No, no, just us pretty quiet.
Speaker 6 (07:59):
He heard, Okay, I'm back. Yeah it was another video plane. Okay,
sorry everybody.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
That's okay. What I was saying is that by the
time this airs, it's just going to be audio only anyway,
and nobody will give a shit what we look like.
Speaker 6 (08:15):
Okay, I'm dressed up, I put on makeup.
Speaker 7 (08:18):
Oh girl, the camera went out. I made my kids
get out with their father.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
You're awesome. Well, we're glad that you're at least here.
We really appreciate you. So we were just as you
probably could hear. We were just talking about, you know,
how I kind of feel about long distance relationships, and
Steve was saying that it works, you know, if you
need to have that space and time. But tell us
(08:46):
your thoughts on what long distance relationships are for you
in the dating world, as far as you being a
match meeker.
Speaker 7 (08:55):
Okay, well, actually I would love to share that. I
wasn't gonna want to tips and stuff. Start off with it.
First of all, I am divorced. I in a long
distance relationship, and me and my the individual I'm talking about,
he's not a United States longest we met in the
United States, but he's not a United States citizen.
Speaker 6 (09:14):
He is a well he's going to be. He's coming
over here.
Speaker 7 (09:18):
Yeah, so he got his paperwork and I'm not how
to get too much my person left, but he is
in Pakistan and he's also my co founder.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Oh my gosh, he's coming on next week.
Speaker 6 (09:30):
Yes, but he has been in America.
Speaker 7 (09:33):
He's he's very fluid in English.
Speaker 6 (09:36):
And stuff.
Speaker 7 (09:36):
So, but I want to talk about long distance and
what we did was we were practicing what we do
is we.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Can I just ask really quick because because the guests,
I'm sorry, the audience say no about you yet when
you say co founder, tell us just a little bit
about your your company, your business and and we haven't
met either.
Speaker 5 (09:53):
I know you've talked to Christine.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
I'm a I'm a guest co host today, so I
would love to hear just a little bit about you before.
Were you lunch into your advice?
Speaker 7 (10:02):
Yes, I first saw. My name is Keyoka Russo. I
go back cocled Russo. I am the new CEO of
ISA Matchmaking LLC. It was founded by me and my
ex CEO who gave me the company, Christyle Patra. She
is a a relationship coach and also a dating coach
and self help coach. She has a book out called
(10:22):
Beyond All Limits and she's she's great. She passed the
company on to me in two thousand and twenty four,
going to twenty twenty five and yeah, she's she's a
great person. And so I became the new CEO of it.
I graduated from the match Making Institute and I have
been doing Matchmaker since twenty twelve. I was first I
(10:43):
was just Christian matchmaking, so that was what I was doing.
I was working in the church. I used to own
a business called Genesis to eight team matchmaking, and then
after that, I after my divorce and everything, I just
went through changing it up also with my at time
business partner, and now I do ex spend.
Speaker 6 (11:00):
I don't just reach out to Christians.
Speaker 7 (11:02):
I do everyone most likely high end professional ages twenty
four to fifty five years old, so successful single mind
single men who are looking for marriage, and single men
that are looking for companionship. Our charge guards are men,
but we also accept women, like right now we're about
(11:23):
to launch our free database for women to come in.
We're relaunching July thirty first we open up. It's our
rebrand home business. And also we're very excited. I have
my team, Chrelle Johnson. She been with me for like
since yeah Genesis and then going into is a match.
She was with me for a while, so that's almost
like forty years. But she was like just playing playing
(11:45):
by ear because it was Christian and it's a match
was like actually a real no stable structure business.
Speaker 6 (11:51):
And then she does the profile writing background checks. She
has a degree in.
Speaker 7 (11:57):
Criminal justice and she's she's really she's beautiful. She's also uh,
she's a great she's a god mother and my children,
so she's like a she's like, she's like a sister
to me.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
She's coming on actually I think in June.
Speaker 6 (12:09):
Yes, and her her dad calls me his little sister.
He's like in his sixties. I'm like, I'm the same
as as your dorman, our thirdie.
Speaker 7 (12:16):
Like, that's my sister, Like, come on, George. Yeah, And
my sister's a relationship coach. She uh went to i
AP College. Her is Kemik O'Bryant. And then we have
Jay Glass who's our client coordinator and also going to
be soon as an event planner for the company. She
has finishing up her school with event planning. And she's
(12:37):
also she she'd beat cancer. So we are a team,
four women. One guy which is a business developer and
also assistant matchmaker. He has been doing match making for
for like some time as you know at cultural because
he's Pakistani, he's paying Jabbi and yeah, he's Bill a Mazar.
And then we have been we have been we all
(12:58):
have been together for a long time as a like
kind as a team. So we're mostly doing Christian religious matchmaking.
But now like we was like, hey, let's go into
is a match Kyoka rebranded, Let's make this establishment, and
let's do it differently.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
So tell us about what your experience has been like,
because like your current relationship is long distance, and then
what are your thoughts on long distance relationships long.
Speaker 6 (13:24):
I think they're beautiful. I like how I've been researching it.
Speaker 7 (13:27):
I had to think about this whole thing before I
went into this relationship. So after me and my ex husband,
Jay Risom, I.
Speaker 6 (13:35):
Met him at church and we were married.
Speaker 7 (13:37):
We got married around engaged around like two thousand and eleven,
going into two thousand and twelve, we got married, and
then around two thousand and three we twenty and twenty
and three we did we filed for divorce. Me and Billa,
which is most likely still being friends, still talking, and it
was like, hey, once everything went down, was like, hey,
let's go ahead and become a relationship, but we have
(13:58):
to do it long distance. And we had to look
into that and said, this is a this is kind
of kind of scary because you're not in the United States, anymore.
He's like, no, and we we studied it and we've
been doing it fine. We do virtual dates. That's my
favorite thing. I know it's kind of funny, but we
do like cooking dates. I love cooking, and we do
Valentine's with our first real virtual date. And it was
(14:20):
funny because I was like, Okay, I never did a
virtual date, like y'all still see me, I dressed up.
And virtual dates is good because you still got a date.
You still gotta get to know each other and you
can still do it virtual. Now you can't like be
sexual intimate, but you could be intimate as like sitting,
well do we send flowers or you know it's still
there and you still get that ye, but you see
(14:42):
how it's gonna go, and it's very hard to do.
What is a lot of emotion in it, You like
when you're gonna get over here. And it's not like
the show ninety Day Fiance. It's nothing like that. I
promise you it's nothing like that. It's not like how
you still on the shows. You know, every relationship is different.
But urists and what I have seen in research and
also if you see tiktoks and reels where people when
(15:03):
they meet each other, they do that video when they're
clapping hands and stuff. That is very good to do
the record and document your long distre relationship, and that's
what we're doing with ours. We're recording it, how long
it takes them to get here, how long it takes
us to build, and that's what we're doing.
Speaker 6 (15:19):
It's really cool because I go back and look at
the videos.
Speaker 7 (15:22):
And so it's very cool because I want to post
it when he gets here so everyone can see it.
It's like how it grew, and you could see how
our relationship grows doing long distance and it can be striften,
but it's things you have to watch out for if
you don't know the person you're doing long DISI relation.
Now this is I do online dating. That right there
is very scary because you don't know who you're talking to.
(15:43):
You might say video call and stuff like that, but
it's a whole different in what type of relation I'm in.
Speaker 6 (15:49):
So like the long distant ones, the ones that meet people.
Speaker 7 (15:51):
Online that used to ask money stuff like that, or
it's like red flags to watch out for what me
and him we did like a deep like we made
sure I was divorced we made sure he wasn't married,
We made sure there was no kids involved. We went
through the whole thing before we said, okay, let's go ahead,
let's talk. Because people get hurt in long distance relationships.
(16:14):
They could be or could be a bad thing. You
never know that person could fly over there to your country.
You'd be like, surprise, what are you doing in Japan?
Or what are you doing in England? And then there
there was susie Q or something on their sides Q
like who are you?
Speaker 2 (16:29):
I have I have done questions for you, some that
pertain more to like emotional and physical challenges.
Speaker 6 (16:36):
Yes, So when you.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Are talking about a long distance relationship, what do you
think that is the unexpected challenges that people don't usually.
Speaker 6 (16:47):
Talk about friends.
Speaker 7 (16:50):
What your friends would say about you, what you would
think I had did a like I'm a type of
person because it was my first time doing a long distance.
Even though we met in America, we knew each other
and we met again. I still wanted to make sure
I knew what I was going to, what I prepared.
I wasn't looking for the failures, but I look for
stuff that could happen, Like I read people different stories.
I ended up going through it like a friend. It
(17:11):
was like, Oh, he's never gonna come over here, or
it's not gonna happen. He probably has a girl over there.
And that's stuff that you have to block out because
people are always gonna say those things, and that's when
you get questions. Then that's when that mind. Then you
get emotional. You go to the emotional roller coaster. And
I have to see people like on a little video
somebody I went like, emotional when you're coming. I never
(17:31):
thought I was gonna go through that, but I did.
I was like, and I have nothing to get. And
I'm not talking about politics. I would not understand about
how things are going when people coming to America at
the same time of people leaving out of America. You know,
you're trying to come over here to be with someone
at a time our president is saying everyone has to go.
Even though you have a clean background and you have
the degree and everything to come over here.
Speaker 6 (17:52):
It's like a challenge. So how long as a person
in twenty twenty.
Speaker 7 (17:56):
Five, man or female, are going to fight to be
in a relationship with someone when you have your state
going against you, your country.
Speaker 6 (18:06):
No one looks at that and back then people is
to look at that.
Speaker 7 (18:08):
But now that's something I have to look at and
no one that's an emotional thing as well. But back
then it wasn't you know, it wasn't as hard as
it now. But it's like things get changed up and
we're like, what can we do? So what we did
was to understand that we were going to be established
together was we start building things that we like, We
had answers. So he had started helping me rebuild, rebrand
my business and a way when we wasn't switching money
(18:30):
off to each other, but we were paying stuff on
each set of the side to get the business going,
to show each other, hey, we're building. And that's what
also keep you connected because you got to build on
some in a long distance relationship. What is the what
is the goal? What are you trying to meet at?
What are you trying? What are you trying to accomplish
other than being together?
Speaker 6 (18:47):
M hm, you know what I see?
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Do you think that jealousy and insecurity show up more often? Yes,
in this type of situation than you know if you're
together every day.
Speaker 7 (18:58):
I think it can be when you like when somebody
like this is something we have to we had a
conversation about and we had to really take a deep
breath and pull away from each other. And it was
when it sounds crazy because I'm in my thirties, so
you might say you sound like a teenage girl. I'm
gonna go ahead and say it's embarrassing. I'm gonna throw
it out there. Why you didn't call me last week?
Speaker 6 (19:17):
What was you doing?
Speaker 7 (19:18):
Because that's the first thing, because you're like, I was
at mosque, it's Friday's prayers, Like, what was you like?
I was going to my cousin wedding? Did you marry
your cousin? It was like, no, I don't marry my cousin.
What are your reading? I'm like you two and so
it was like that stuff. It gets jealousy because you
because you also look at culture. You know, you got
(19:41):
Westman culture, then you got South agent culture, and then
you see the stereotypes of what they say. You got
the South got like videos and stuff of stories up
they married their cousin or they have an extra wife.
And that's type of stuff that I said, always be
prepared what you're going into when it's long. This is
relationship when it's overseas, and this is for people that
(20:01):
just meet people overlying, not just people that actually know people.
Also with that cause that can be stuff to have,
but that is a lot of jealousy and emotional you know,
stuff that goes to your head.
Speaker 6 (20:10):
And he had to keep saying, Koki, you know me,
you know me?
Speaker 7 (20:12):
Why are you asking me this? So it's a lot
that I went through at one point. But we grew,
but we took the breaks and we learned how to
talk to each other, what not to say to each other,
how to do things stuff. It was like hey, he
was like, I got idea. Like what He's like, you
want to do a date? I said yes. Our first
date was, like I said, blid times. We did short
films you watch like short films on YouTube.
Speaker 6 (20:34):
That was our thing.
Speaker 7 (20:35):
Then we find a short film network that starts short
little movie and they help us get like different conversations.
Then we start off with looking up with games. Then
we had to go with time schedule. That's another thing.
Speaker 6 (20:45):
I'm in America time, I'm in Central FLOORA.
Speaker 7 (20:48):
I'm I'm America. I'm in Northwest Flora, Lower Alabama, so
you know central times. And then he's in Pakistan and
it's like crazy so it's like when he's at night time,
I'm at daytime. He said this, we have to pick,
so he goes on my time frame, Like is when
I'm Central Standard time and it's ten o'clock. He could
come and we'll talk around that time. But we have
(21:08):
times when we talk and we have times when we don't.
The biggest time what really like divide us for a
couple of months was with the Indian versus Pakistan war
that was going on. That was like an emotional roller
coaster for me. But even though I was shocked, he
was still getting the business work done on.
Speaker 6 (21:27):
His end for me. Like I was like what, He's like, yeah,
I made sure all this was shipped to you. I'm
like what. I obviously sounds like, how is it a
war going on?
Speaker 7 (21:34):
He's Oh, yeah, it's we're going on. But see I
still got this going on in the back.
Speaker 6 (21:37):
So it's a lot. And I know it sounds crazy
that people like why would you go this this?
Speaker 2 (21:42):
This?
Speaker 6 (21:42):
Why would you trust anybody that's for anyone along?
Speaker 7 (21:44):
This is relationship, But it's worth it when you have
been together before and you know the person.
Speaker 6 (21:49):
Now.
Speaker 7 (21:50):
I can't really speak on someone that met someone like
overlying and don't know the person.
Speaker 6 (21:54):
But I know that's still a challenge as well.
Speaker 7 (21:55):
And then if you see this show like I'm not
trying to bring up shows, and then I get myself
like in trouble, like ninety Day Fiance across border, stuff
like that. It is really different than you not knowing
someone already.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
Yeah, yeah, I get that.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
So do you think that being long distance for say
the average person, whether it's like that they are hours
away or or you know, a huge flight away, do
you think that long distance can make the connection stronger
or just harder or stronger.
Speaker 6 (22:32):
It could be both.
Speaker 7 (22:32):
It depends on who's the person, because I have to
look at it as I have Afrid. I'm not gonna
say her name, but she's military and her husband's military.
And I said, I don't ever notice about Football Beach, Florida,
but we're a military town. If you have been down,
you got destined to Sicola and you got foot walk
beach behind destined, which is the military towers Forland Air
Force BACE. So it's a lot of military wives out
(22:53):
here and just hearing someone will say, Hey, my husband's
he's gone, or my wife she's gone, is coming back?
Or they're both in a military. It is, you know,
kind of difficult listening to that and seeing that. You know,
you gotta stay focused and trust that person that you love,
and it is hard.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Yeah. I think that having a communication plan is really
important when it comes to a long distance relationship. Whether
you are thrilled about having it or not, I think
that you have. There's a lot of steps that go
into it. I think one of them is a communication plan.
And I think you know what you were just saying
a minute ago about watching short videos together. I've actually
(23:36):
I like sharing Spotify songs together, so I'm feeling in
the moment. The song is reflecting how I'm thinking or
feeling about the person in the moment. So I like that.
Speaker 7 (23:47):
Well, I wrote a song for him. Actually I wrote
a song for him, and he was he was shocked.
He said, you wrote a song for me? I said yeah,
he was like seriously. It was it was going around
his birthday, which is in November. I wrote a song
for him and he was like, so you want to
play from? So I played from says this is you singing?
I was like, no, it's it's somebody else. But I
wrote a song has someone to sing it and everything,
(24:09):
and he's like, wow, this is good.
Speaker 6 (24:11):
He's like, it's talking.
Speaker 7 (24:12):
About me, and I was like, it's talk about how
I felt, how I And then he ended up writing
this little story that was that's cute.
Speaker 6 (24:21):
I love that well.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
I think prioritizing emotional transparency is important, Like when you
write something for somebody and you're sharing those kind of things,
it's like you personally, I think sharing your fears and
doubts and insecurities before they start to build any kind
of resentment, because there can't be miscommunication when you're you know, uh,
(24:45):
in a long distance relationship, you can.
Speaker 7 (24:47):
It was it was miscommunication on some things I'm allowed
to share, so it was it was kind of miscommunication
on what was the miscommunication that we had That was really, Oh,
what the kids?
Speaker 6 (24:58):
My kids?
Speaker 7 (24:59):
My kids they have we have when he knows my kids,
he always do my kids. Knew my kids before I
ever gave birth to them, when I was pregnant, so
he knew of my kids.
Speaker 6 (25:07):
He was just being a friend around a time and
my kids.
Speaker 7 (25:11):
That gave a miscommunication because it was over us going
to church, and that's what started the whole thing. He
was like, hey, uh, he goes to he's Muslim. My
mom father was Muslim, so I'm used to that. But
I'm not Muslim and I don't have to become Musli
if I marry him. Muslims allowed to marry no Christians.
So that's when the intero faith relationship comes in as well.
(25:35):
So our relationship is a long distance mixed with interfaith relationship.
So it's a lot, but it's at my daughter had
miscommunicated something and it almost started something that wasn't meant
to be started.
Speaker 6 (25:46):
But we are. We're like a normal couple. When if
someone wrote in the.
Speaker 7 (25:48):
Little chat thing that popped up, I couldn't do long
distance or something like that because cuddle.
Speaker 6 (25:52):
I want to cuddle, my cuddle time.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
That's me ANTHESI. I think it's hard not having the
cuddles that time and time together on a regular Yeah.
I personally feel that same thing, Anastasia. I completely agree
with you.
Speaker 6 (26:08):
For me, I need that you're such a person.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Yeah, I'm a I need physical touch. I need that
in my life. It's really difficult with that with us.
Speaker 6 (26:22):
So we're a little different. I guess everyone's different.
Speaker 7 (26:24):
No, I'm not judging anyone me because I think from
a Christian family.
Speaker 6 (26:29):
I didn't break up. I got back into the church.
I'm not like I used to be.
Speaker 7 (26:32):
I I go to the club every now and then
take a look, you go tequila shots. But I'm just
saying I'm not bombaly to be physically intimately, you know,
have intercourse anything. And he's really rooted in Islam as
well when it comes to that, so our thing physical
touch doesn't like get to now seeing each other that
(26:53):
is something like vida calls.
Speaker 6 (26:54):
We have to see each other. That bothers me. I
cannot see you.
Speaker 7 (26:58):
I can't serious surround and I want to see what's
going on. So that was an issue with me at
that point. And then my kids, my kids love him.
We do cook we do stuff with the kids like
we do cooking days. We do a lot of stuff,
but we do a lot of virtual stuff which is fun,
like we have fun and so like even the kids like,
oh he's gone zoom, camera's going off, like but I know,
(27:20):
but we have so much fun. But it's we make
it fun and sent as being how I feel about him.
I do get sad. I do wish he was actually here,
but I know it's a process and it's it has
to take times and things are changing. It's not going
to be as fast as it used to be right now.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I do think personally that a form of spicy virtual
intimacy is really important in a long distance It is,
you know, that emotional, playful, thoughtful kind of intimacy that
you need to replace who are the physical because the
physical isn't I.
Speaker 6 (27:59):
Know, But I just want to talk about.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
No, I'm talking about for other people. So what are
your thoughts?
Speaker 7 (28:06):
You know, I think it's healthy to do. I think
it's healthy to do. I think it's better than going
to only fans. I think it's you have you have
your own little own I mean, I'm not trying to
sound silly minded.
Speaker 6 (28:16):
I'm just being honest.
Speaker 7 (28:17):
You know, between that person, make sure it's private, and
make sure the individual is not setting them up. I
think Arlene or someone had on her on LinkedIn thing
that it's this new thing a lot of people doing online.
When I have the individual send them exploitation pictures of
theirselves or anything that they could use that if they
don't give them money or something like, hey, I would
(28:38):
I would throws all over the internet that you showed
me this and that. But that's something to be aware
of as well. You know, not to really do unless
you have like something private. So that's something that's going
to throw out there. Make sure you actually have a
good connection with the person before you do that anything
like that.
Speaker 6 (28:53):
But it is right has some spicy.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Well one of the things that's important to do for
people who are doing long distance and they do want
to add that spiciness to their relationship. WhatsApp is really
the only place you should be doing that at because
WhatsApp is the only app that not even the people
at WhatsApp can see it.
Speaker 6 (29:15):
Sure it can disappear.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Yeah, it's the only one that that's you know, one
hundred percent safe. So that's something.
Speaker 7 (29:24):
It's like a timer, like you could send a picture
and the time it will go and it would disappear
like uh, like how Michael Jackson does that. Let turn
and he starts to stand in one of his videos.
It disappears like that. You're like, oh, I've just seen
it and it's fading away and doesn't get safe, so right, right, So.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
I think also building your own lives. You know, distance
works best when people you know are have a full
life that they're independent of each other. Because I think
that it prevents from like over attachment and and uh,
you know what a your thoughts like Steve or Coco
(30:02):
on you know, making sure that your lives are full
outside of your relationship together.
Speaker 5 (30:08):
You know, I like that idea.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
I like that And I think I said this earlier
on before Coco joined us, that some people want to
have some of their own their own life, you know,
they don't want everything to be intermingled. And kind of
being in a long day distance relationship really can be
suitable for some people, and they could enjoy having time apart,
(30:32):
and then when they do come together, they have to
plan out make sure that the quality time that they're
spending together is in fact quality time.
Speaker 7 (30:39):
And that and that's nothing because I kind of I'm
be honest, I'm suppers that like that, because well, you
have to go up through a divorce and you.
Speaker 6 (30:47):
Have that you know, ex husband or ex web.
Speaker 7 (30:49):
Not all ex husbands and ex wives are like this,
but they have that one family member that we lurking
around on your page or that one expert, you know,
trying to see what's going on in your life.
Speaker 6 (31:00):
And me being in a long distance relationship, it.
Speaker 7 (31:03):
Kind of blocks that my personal business is my personal business,
and I don't have to worry about someone coming around
trying It has some people, if you probably don't know what
I'm talking about, it has spouses that have family members
that are like that. They're trying to find dig up
something to show their brother or their sister or something.
Speaker 6 (31:21):
And I have went through something similar like that.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
So I'm just saying, Okay, yeah, I'll go ahead, Steve.
Speaker 3 (31:28):
I'm really curious about you know, years and years ago
people used to talk about a mail order bride or something.
Oh yeah, is that still happening?
Speaker 6 (31:38):
And is it?
Speaker 7 (31:40):
We had a conversation about it, me and him, and
it happens, and certain countries that Thailand, it happens. We
were just talking about we have we have what up
on a YouTube video and I said, Dode, this happened,
and dude, I asked most about arranged marriage.
Speaker 6 (31:54):
He's like, well, like with me, I have freedom.
Speaker 7 (31:57):
Like I told you when I first met you, when
we were like just so, I have freedom to marry
whoever I want.
Speaker 6 (32:02):
It depends on the family.
Speaker 7 (32:04):
You know, some you got that strict traditional family, do
you got that modern day want to be a little
bit like a Western culture family that give their son
and daughter the right to choose. So it's also what
Mayer and brothers got like some I had a friend
that's from Thailand.
Speaker 6 (32:18):
I was talking to her about it.
Speaker 7 (32:19):
She was like, yeah, I have met girls that parents like, hey,
we we have a way for you to get to
England or you are Australia somewhere through someone that they
know that they pay just bring their virgin daughter over there.
Speaker 6 (32:32):
So I never met a real person that holds a
company like that. It does work.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
So Mickey saying that long distance relationships can work, but
it can be hard when it changes from long distance
to living together, and Steve was actually saying the same
thing earlier.
Speaker 5 (32:50):
Yeah, I have an experience like that. Back in my thirties.
I met someone in London.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
We had a long distance relationship for her couple of
years and it was great long distance because I would
call her when she was waking up in the morning
and I was I was getting ready to go to
sleep at night.
Speaker 5 (33:09):
So we managed.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
And then this was the days before there was you know,
easy long distance cost a lot of money back then,
so so we talked a couple of times.
Speaker 5 (33:17):
A week and.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
Uh, you know it was great when we had our
separate time, and then she moved here, and it turns
out our relationship was better long distance than it was
in person. And it wasn't the fault of either of us,
you know, not being compatible. I just know that when
I met her, I was producing events in London and
(33:42):
I was traveling around the world, and she got to
see me in that role. And then when she saw
me back home where I was struggling to get my
business going, I wasn't the same person. She saw me
in the leadership role over here, and then come back
and see that I'm you know, struggling with marketing and
get all my business going and all of that, and
she wanted she wanted the guy who was in charge.
(34:04):
So if you see every one when you see someone
who lived with someone, you see all their their businesses,
their flaws or their their growth edge. You know that
was really I think we were both young, and she
didn't know how to support me and my entrepreneurial ventures.
That know better than I knew how to port her
and what she was up to in her life. So
(34:26):
bringing us together and living together was you know, a
whole new challenge.
Speaker 7 (34:31):
Yeah, but we have like lived together before, way before
we were ever a couple. So but I mean, I
can't say what can happen now because I have kids.
He came, he was, like I said, he was a
friend in America when I was you know, married and
stuff like that.
Speaker 6 (34:44):
He was just around.
Speaker 7 (34:45):
So, you know, my kids are older now and I'm
divorced from their father, So him coming around the kids,
like actually in times of now that they're walking and
talking and they're doing things on other than when they
were babies and stuff, will probably be one of our
challenges as living together most likely. And we have already
(35:05):
agreed on the tech that extra slow when he comes here,
he's gonna have his own place.
Speaker 6 (35:09):
I'm gonna have. I'm not gonna move in with my kids.
Speaker 7 (35:12):
We're gonna slowly bring that in to a push and
see where it goes. So we have all we have
everything planned out for us.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
That's that's good. That's one of the things I wanted
to say was I think creating milestones are end goals
and preparing for the transition of being together is really important.
Like just having intentions, Yes, you know, will you be
closing that distance eventually? How when you know, talking about
the future is really really important. But then talking about
(35:42):
how you're going to actually implement that and how you're
going to adjust to spending your everyday life together, I
think is very valuable and a really good step to
think about when you're considering that kind of relationship.
Speaker 6 (35:56):
Yeah, especially when you have kids.
Speaker 7 (35:58):
Like when my kids they know ass just missed mister
Manzaar or a mister Muhammad or a mister Billy. They
go back and forth with it, but they know him
as that and that's all that. But my other my daughter,
she's like, I think it's more than that. She wants
to be thirteen, so she's only eight, but she's like
always trying to read people minds, says, I don't know,
y'all look at each other. But we keep it asked
for friends, and you know, he's a friend. He's a
(36:21):
business partner until he gets into the country. And then
after that, we're gonna slowly take it, slowly take it.
We're not gonna take it too slow, but not too
fast to shock my children.
Speaker 6 (36:31):
Because my children are used.
Speaker 7 (36:32):
To seeing even we have co parents in days and stuff,
so they're used to seeing me and their dad do
things and stuff like that. And then when we talk
about religion, we already understand that my kids will be
Christian and do Christian things with their dad and his
religious religion. We're not even if we have kids among
each other. That's a whole different story. But from this,
you know, it's just all respect. So it's good to
(36:54):
have everything plant that, And we took a lot of
time planning everything out how.
Speaker 6 (36:58):
It's gonna go.
Speaker 7 (36:59):
We're not gonna we don't know who perfect like this,
but we are planning for the best to suit everyone's
you know.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
That's great, that's great. I had a disastrous one, you know, Steve,
when we used to all be on Clubhouse, like a
couple of years ago. Clubhouse. Yeah, there was somebody from
Clubhouse that reached out to me and asked me to
help him produce and direct a show that he was
(37:27):
interested in developing. And so we first started talking because
of that, and then it slowly became something else. And
I think that he actually had the agenda from the beginning,
and I was just thinking it was just all business.
Looking back on it, I can see the manipulation that
was very easily done. I think that we created a
(37:50):
false sense of security, and I think we created a
false sense of really knowing each other just because of
all the talking that we did. I found that some
things were going really walky after like a couple of
months of talking to him every day and it getting
to be like, Oh, something's really off here. And then
(38:13):
all of a sudden, he started talking about selling his
house in Oklahoma, moving out here, moving in with me,
And I was like, yo, whoa, I have a high
school daughter in the midst of my house, so that's
not going to fly. So I've actually, on my own dime,
which was really dumb, flew there and met him and
(38:35):
it was horrific. So people are different and less like
you said, go go unless you know them prior or Steve,
you meeting this woman you know in person. You know
when you're starting something from online or virtually and it
is all talk that can add a It's like dating
(38:59):
on a normal in your hometown. If you're constantly chatting
and calling and not meeting, it creates a false sense
of knowing each other. That isn't reality. Best in reality
or texting.
Speaker 7 (39:12):
If they're texting more and not calling you, you gotta
find out what is the reason is whoever? Listen, don't
be scared or shy to ask or make it feel
like you're being like a bugaboo or whatever. Ask be directly,
like hey, why do I text you more? Why do
you text me more? Then let me see you?
Speaker 6 (39:29):
You know, because that, right, that's a big ref like
they're texting more than seeing you. What's what's the issue?
Speaker 7 (39:36):
I mean, I'm just saying if it was what that's
even even if someone at the same country as you
doing it, it's still a problem, like why are you
text them so much more? But when it comes to
children as a mom, as you get what I'm saying.
It's not that I don't trust him anything. It's just
my kids are used to a certain thing. And even
if I met him online, I never met him in person,
I still wouldn't let him in my house. I have
(39:57):
two little girls, there's seven and eight. Like I said,
my eight year old one to be thirteen. And I
have an oldest. She does she wants to be my oldest.
He's eleven. He's non verbal autistic, so that's a lot.
Speaker 6 (40:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (40:09):
So, and we talked about that because he sees them the
way my kid was acting. He's like so last time
I checked Avians, the baby that's him.
Speaker 6 (40:15):
Oops. I didn't even say the same.
Speaker 7 (40:17):
Sorry, and he's like he was saying hi to him,
and he was just standing and looking at him and
say he's non verbal to go wow, and he was
just bouncing some autistics. They just bounced off the wall.
They don't stop moving around. He said, Wow, he's a
lot of energy. He's just like being being bee. I said, yeah,
he's like a pinball. He's a lot. But I understand.
I expanded to him. I said, if you want to
(40:38):
be with me, and I truly want to be big,
you have to accept me and my children, not just
my cue daughters.
Speaker 6 (40:43):
Is not my special need, but I know, especially it's
a big, a big thing when a man comes into
a woman life left, especially especially if you're doing a
long distance you're not prepared. So I told him to
this is a specialty child.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
Yeah, that's that's, you know, something to really consider when
you have kids. You know, when I was dating, when
my kids were younger, you know it, I think some
men expected to meet my kids right away, and I
was like, that's not something that can happen exactly because
you have to, you know, consider if something goes south
(41:17):
in a relationship, your kids have feelings too, and they
get involved too. So that's that's a tough one.
Speaker 6 (41:25):
That's something that that's something that I wasn't thinking of.
Speaker 7 (41:27):
That's why I'm glad I said this missed out and
never said he's mommy's boyfriend or anything.
Speaker 6 (41:32):
I just say that because my children can't wait.
Speaker 7 (41:35):
Like it was like, it's Thursday, what is he's No,
it's Saturday, Saturday sadays when we do cookies and stuff,
and I'm like, he's not coming today, And I'm like what,
I'm like, I didn't say he was in a war
anything that he's not coming today. He's just you know,
it bothered my child, like is y'all still friends?
Speaker 6 (41:51):
You know?
Speaker 7 (41:51):
And but then dad, their dad knows him, so their
dad was like, you know, I know who he is
and stuff like that.
Speaker 6 (41:57):
I didn't know it. What like it's kind of shocked
to their my ex husband.
Speaker 7 (42:00):
But he was like, it makes me wonder, what was
you thinking back then when you sing it?
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Yeah, I guess I can. Yeah, have some kind of
issues in the in the relationship with your ex. You know,
you obviously have a really working relationship between your ex
and your kids. You know, I'm sure that it's always
the thought in the back of you know, your ex
(42:26):
husband's mind for his children. You know, you know who
are you bringing into your life and who are you
bringing into your kids's life.
Speaker 7 (42:33):
That's a lot, yeah, but it's always be respectful. I
know some people like I was just some chat. I
don't know what it was, but someone asked me a question.
It's like, how can an individual divorce someone? I'm not
sure you have to throw in there, divorce someone but
didn't want to be co parent with them. Why can't
you guys just be together and you and people don't
understand that you have the same thing. It's not you
(42:56):
can't just beat it with someone. It was a Christian
group that I was in. This is when I when
when they finally let me and my husband gett divorced.
I didn't know that subject was gonna come up with
some video podcast that I walked off of and I said,
I'm not gonna do this because the question came out
and then the hostess just want to target and I
said in a nice way, I was like, it's just
was not in God's planning for us to go to
(43:16):
the next chapter. You know, we got married around twenty eleven.
You know it's twenty twenty five.
Speaker 1 (43:22):
Now.
Speaker 7 (43:23):
It wasn't in God's plan for us to make it
this far for some reason. Not sound religious. Every chapter
is for a reason. The universe closed that chapter for
a reason. That's how I looked at it.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
Hey, well, and you have your children from is the
product of that relationship.
Speaker 7 (43:37):
So they were friends, we're best we're friends. Like he
was my best friend when I met and he had
no girlfriend. I was the first girl he ever talked to.
And then he tried to get me. He was funny.
Speaker 6 (43:48):
He tried to get me to talk to someone. I
was like, okay.
Speaker 7 (43:50):
He was like, I can show you how to speak
a talient and past them. And it was funny back then.
Now I'm thirty six.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
So your your business model with matchmaking? Do you do
a lot of long distance relationship matches or do most
I want.
Speaker 6 (44:07):
To do that.
Speaker 7 (44:08):
I want to be an international matchment. That was my
goal from the day I started. I always wanted to
do it. Right now, I know it's kind of difficult
for some people. I had one client before the old
CEO had left. It was hard to find him a
match overseas. When after the election, was one and stuff
like that. He started asking me questions and I was like,
(44:29):
I don't know, and what is the traveling going to
be do? So that's something like there's a lot of
new stuff that a lot of matchment is probably was
thinking about before all this, but I know a lot
is thinking because you know, some countries cannot come over here,
and cloud like I want it from this country, Well
we can't bring you know, it's different stuff that now
it's like a wake up call.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
I'm sure that's going to be tricky and not an
easy thing to work around, especially with everything that's so.
Speaker 7 (44:58):
It's very good, but I'm just saying it's a lot
a lot of people that want certain things like he wanted.
I'm not gonna name the country anything, but when I
looked at it, it was like in the yellow or
the orange that the president had it in and I
was like, I can't get you someone from that country.
Speaker 6 (45:10):
I can't even it's a matchmaker open it. I couldn't.
Speaker 7 (45:13):
Like I wouldn't even want to take that risk. I
don't want to play with no one's money. My whole
goat is is to help so help people find their truth.
So mad that I love it. I love like I
take my job serious. Anyone who knows who would let
you know. Even in the church, they were like, Kyoka
takes her job seriously. I back a long time guy,
I said. I was in my twenties. I thought you
might say, I sound like a psycho crazy lady. I
(45:36):
thought God annoying to me for this, And I was
like God annoying to me. I was in my early twenties.
I was saying, I'm going to help.
Speaker 6 (45:41):
And then when my mom it's kind of alsotold my
mom when I was a little girl. My mom was single,
and this is a lot of.
Speaker 7 (45:48):
Women Christian women in the nineties to do this, and
that if you grew up in the church or remember
searing this, it happened. I anyone remember someone were praying
for a husband back then, and I remember seeing women
say I'm praying for my husband.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
Girl.
Speaker 7 (45:58):
So I got on a articled I brought that. My
mom's like, Yoka, why did she say that? I was
like what she was like, I was in my twenties.
It was the nineties and you were in elementary school
and you got in an article said my mom used
to pray for a man.
Speaker 6 (46:13):
And that's why I came.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
Imagine some of us women do pray for a man. Sorry,
but you know, I know we're supposed to be independent
and shit. But I am meant to be with a partner.
I am meant to be with somebody you know, who
gives me back what I give them. You know, love, respect, relationship, companionship,
(46:38):
fun times, your romantic times, fucking hot sex times, you
name it. You know, I meant for me.
Speaker 6 (46:44):
She was going on dates and stuff. She was going
on dates.
Speaker 7 (46:47):
I remember being a little girl in the nineties and
she was going on dates with God. But she had
come home and she wants talking to me. She would
like to talk to one of her friends. Was like,
he's just not what God wants me to be with
right now. And that's always My mom said, I remember
you doing this yoga. Used to walk up to me,
used to wait when I come to said, I came
on for a date one night and you walked up
to me and said, Mom, I'm gonna help you get one.
Speaker 6 (47:04):
I'm praying for you and this.
Speaker 4 (47:06):
She said.
Speaker 7 (47:06):
So when you did that little article and you said that,
I was embarrassed, but she said it was a girl up.
My church was like, well, Louis, your daughter said you
was just sitting there. You were actually going out on dates.
They had something.
Speaker 6 (47:16):
They won't even go out, they just sit there. I'm like,
come on, you got to get out the house, can't.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
You can't find something if you're not out looking for it. Well, Coco,
I'm so grateful that you could be here today.
Speaker 6 (47:29):
Thank you.
Speaker 7 (47:29):
I'm a big fan of your show. I just want
to sit honest, thank you. Which is so happy, Thank
you so much.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
Oh my god. Well, we've enjoyed having you. I'm very
excited about all the other members of your business coming
on and also doing other topics with this. That's very exciting.
Speaker 6 (47:46):
I don't know the topic. They didn't tell me, but
I'm excited to see what they got.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
Yeah, it's gonna be fun. I'm very excited about it.
So tune in next week. We are having how do
you say your boyfriend's name? He also works with you.
Speaker 7 (47:59):
It's all yeah, but people, if you want to say
his whole name, however you want to say it.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
Yeah, Well, he's going to be on next week. He's
gonna be on from Pakistan. He's gonna be it's gonna.
Speaker 1 (48:10):
Be for it.
Speaker 6 (48:11):
La Laura, you pronounce it la ll like that.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
Yeah, l O H A R E.
Speaker 6 (48:17):
Laura, I'm Pressia City.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
I'm excited to have him. And Steve's going to be
back for hosting with me again next week, which is
exciting too.
Speaker 6 (48:26):
Thank you Steve so far, Thank you see for being here.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
All of you out there who comment and listen every week,
who come and participate in making comments and questions, we
love it. We love you, and we're going to be back,
same time, same place next week, and until then, let's
just keep it real and listen up. If you enjoyed
this episode, please share with your friends, like and follow
(48:51):
us on Instagram at fifty Shades of Underscore Bullshit and
Facebook at fifty Shades of Bullshit. Thanks so much for listening,
and we really hope to see you again next week
The following show contains adult content. It's not our intent
to offend anyone, but we want to inform you that
if you are a child under the age of eighteen
or get offended easily, this next show may not be
for you. The content, opinions, and subject matter of these
shows are solely the choice of your show hosts and
their guests, and not those of the Entertainment Network or
any affiliated stations. Any comments or inquiry should be directed
(00:22):
to those show hosts. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hey everyone, and welcome to fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm
your host, Christine Lalan and this is the podcast where
we uncover the truth about online dating. Now let's begin.
Hey everybody, I'm Christine, and today we have as a
co host, Steve Hi There. Welcome to Petty Shades of Bullshit.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
I've been a guest before several times, but this is
my first time as a co host, and I'm moving
up in the world.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
Moving on not.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
That's one of my favorite shows, by the way, growing up.
Uh So, welcome back. I'm happy to have you as
co host today. This is very exciting.
Speaker 5 (01:10):
Thanks. I'm building my fan base.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
There you go, We've got We've got a guest coming
on today, but we don't know if she's going to
make it yet or not. She's not arrived, so we
will see, but we will. We'll still do the topic
as if you know, we're just doing the topic, so
(01:33):
we'll see what we can do. I've been seeing her messages,
so we'll see. So how's your week been, tummy, It's.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Been very interesting. Yeah, in trying to stay out of trouble. Actually,
the weather's changed here in La so I'm enjoying going
outside more.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah, it's gorgeous. It's gonna it was getting really warm.
Today's supposed to get super hot, but I was really
hoping for the June gloom.
Speaker 5 (02:00):
Not quite there. We got another couple of weeks.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Yeah, we do, we do. So so glad that you're here.
I know. I just got an email that she says
she is on her way. She's heading into the studio now,
so uh wonderful.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
I'll tell me a little bit about her and because
we can introduce her that or till she arrives.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
No, no, we're good. I'm going to bring up her
info right now. So Coco is part of our networking
for the dating professionals. So she's been in that for
a while. Coco Russo is a she's the CEO of
(02:46):
a matchmaking company called a Matchmaking like a Matchmaking I
don't know, I'm a little confused, Monty, I know. So anyway,
she went from COO in twenty twenty four and now
she's the CEO, so it's very exciting. She's a certified
matchmaker with over ten years of experience and she's qualified
(03:09):
through the IAP College and the Global Love Institute. I
think what's her name runs the Global Love Institute. Oh,
she was going to come on the show after bring
her on. Anyway, she's sparked countless love stories and she's
studied screenwriting at Michigan State University and she was, oh,
(03:33):
she was with another company for a while, but she
is also studied in youth ministry and psychology at Tennessee
Temple University. So she's really well versed in matchmaking. And
we're actually going to talk about what are we talking about?
Long distance relationships? Can it work? And oh, Coco is here,
(03:56):
let's go Hyanna stage. Yeah, welcome back to the show.
We love seeing you here. So Coco is going to
come on in a second.
Speaker 4 (04:07):
Fantastic Coco is having problems with connections. Coco, we need
a mic if possible. It looks like you're having a
difficult staying study with your internet. You can please just
double check that for us. Sorry for That's okay.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
So Coco will come on when she can. So long
distance relationships, let's talk about that. I'm not sure they
can work, and I think that some people really really
love them. Not a big fan. So what's your take
on long distance relationship Steve, Well.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
I think there's probably some benefits because you are not
around the person all the time, you know, so you
get to have some space, and then when you are
together it can be spicy. Yeah, so I know that
that's one of the upsides. I think for people especially
who have she's around private not issues, but a desire
(05:02):
for privacy and a desire for you know, having their
own life experience.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
I get that. I mean when I had my boyfriend
for a couple of years that was down in Orange County,
you know, depending on traffic times you know where we
are today like that long distance. Actually he was an
hour to two hours away and we did not see
each other during the week. We only saw each other
(05:31):
weekends or every other weekend, and yeah, it was wonderful
when we were together because it was, you know, a
really good time. We spent a lot of time together,
and when we were like for the weekend, you know,
like the two or three days. But I'm hot as
hell in this student. I don't know if it's the
(05:54):
minibus kicking in today with the or if it's just
fucking hot, but you know, with him, it was great.
But during the week when it would be nice, when
I'm having a really tough day to be able to
just pop over to see him or him pop over
to see me and just get a hug or to
(06:15):
cuddle or that human touch. I cannot go that long
of a time without you. I start to break down.
And that's probably why I'm a I'm a breakdown, a
little mess today. I need I need some interaction.
Speaker 5 (06:34):
Crawl under their arms.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Yeah, I mean I do need that. Yeah, for sure,
when that's something that you really desire and want in
a relationship, that that could be you know, problematic if
it's long distance, and then and then on the upside,
when you are long distance, that you have to plan
your time together.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
True, which is great. I do love that, But the
the thing for me is that I really do. There
there are times I don't want to talk. I just
I just want to be with somebody, or hang out
with somebody, or just just be held. And it's hard
when that happens, because then I'm missing this human contact
(07:16):
that you know that we were talking about. And it's
really hard for me to go from not seeing somebody
for a long period of time to keep that you know,
excitement going. I don't know, it's hard for me. I
don't love it. So do you have like an experience
where you have worked, Oh, is Coco here, she's here,
(07:39):
she's here here.
Speaker 6 (07:41):
With the camera.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Oh it's okay, Well, welcome Coco, so happy to have
you here. All shit happens, you know, by the time
that we are no longer live.
Speaker 6 (07:52):
There's a lot going on in other people talking for us.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
No, no, just us pretty quiet.
Speaker 6 (07:59):
He heard, Okay, I'm back. Yeah it was another video plane. Okay,
sorry everybody.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
That's okay. What I was saying is that by the
time this airs, it's just going to be audio only anyway,
and nobody will give a shit what we look like.
Speaker 6 (08:15):
Okay, I'm dressed up, I put on makeup.
Speaker 7 (08:18):
Oh girl, the camera went out. I made my kids
get out with their father.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
You're awesome. Well, we're glad that you're at least here.
We really appreciate you. So we were just as you
probably could hear. We were just talking about, you know,
how I kind of feel about long distance relationships, and
Steve was saying that it works, you know, if you
need to have that space and time. But tell us
(08:46):
your thoughts on what long distance relationships are for you
in the dating world, as far as you being a
match meeker.
Speaker 7 (08:55):
Okay, well, actually I would love to share that. I
wasn't gonna want to tips and stuff. Start off with it.
First of all, I am divorced. I in a long
distance relationship, and me and my the individual I'm talking about,
he's not a United States longest we met in the
United States, but he's not a United States citizen.
Speaker 6 (09:14):
He is a well he's going to be. He's coming
over here.
Speaker 7 (09:18):
Yeah, so he got his paperwork and I'm not how
to get too much my person left, but he is
in Pakistan and he's also my co founder.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Oh my gosh, he's coming on next week.
Speaker 6 (09:30):
Yes, but he has been in America.
Speaker 7 (09:33):
He's he's very fluid in English.
Speaker 6 (09:36):
And stuff.
Speaker 7 (09:36):
So, but I want to talk about long distance and
what we did was we were practicing what we do
is we.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Can I just ask really quick because because the guests,
I'm sorry, the audience say no about you yet when
you say co founder, tell us just a little bit
about your your company, your business and and we haven't
met either.
Speaker 5 (09:53):
I know you've talked to Christine.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
I'm a I'm a guest co host today, so I
would love to hear just a little bit about you before.
Were you lunch into your advice?
Speaker 7 (10:02):
Yes, I first saw. My name is Keyoka Russo. I
go back cocled Russo. I am the new CEO of
ISA Matchmaking LLC. It was founded by me and my
ex CEO who gave me the company, Christyle Patra. She
is a a relationship coach and also a dating coach
and self help coach. She has a book out called
(10:22):
Beyond All Limits and she's she's great. She passed the
company on to me in two thousand and twenty four,
going to twenty twenty five and yeah, she's she's a
great person. And so I became the new CEO of it.
I graduated from the match Making Institute and I have
been doing Matchmaker since twenty twelve. I was first I
(10:43):
was just Christian matchmaking, so that was what I was doing.
I was working in the church. I used to own
a business called Genesis to eight team matchmaking, and then
after that, I after my divorce and everything, I just
went through changing it up also with my at time
business partner, and now I do ex spend.
Speaker 6 (11:00):
I don't just reach out to Christians.
Speaker 7 (11:02):
I do everyone most likely high end professional ages twenty
four to fifty five years old, so successful single mind
single men who are looking for marriage, and single men
that are looking for companionship. Our charge guards are men,
but we also accept women, like right now we're about
(11:23):
to launch our free database for women to come in.
We're relaunching July thirty first we open up. It's our
rebrand home business. And also we're very excited. I have
my team, Chrelle Johnson. She been with me for like
since yeah Genesis and then going into is a match.
She was with me for a while, so that's almost
like forty years. But she was like just playing playing
(11:45):
by ear because it was Christian and it's a match
was like actually a real no stable structure business.
Speaker 6 (11:51):
And then she does the profile writing background checks. She
has a degree in.
Speaker 7 (11:57):
Criminal justice and she's she's really she's beautiful. She's also uh,
she's a great she's a god mother and my children,
so she's like a she's like, she's like a sister
to me.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
She's coming on actually I think in June.
Speaker 6 (12:09):
Yes, and her her dad calls me his little sister.
He's like in his sixties. I'm like, I'm the same
as as your dorman, our thirdie.
Speaker 7 (12:16):
Like, that's my sister, Like, come on, George. Yeah, And
my sister's a relationship coach. She uh went to i
AP College. Her is Kemik O'Bryant. And then we have
Jay Glass who's our client coordinator and also going to
be soon as an event planner for the company. She
has finishing up her school with event planning. And she's
(12:37):
also she she'd beat cancer. So we are a team,
four women. One guy which is a business developer and
also assistant matchmaker. He has been doing match making for
for like some time as you know at cultural because
he's Pakistani, he's paying Jabbi and yeah, he's Bill a Mazar.
And then we have been we have been we all
(12:58):
have been together for a long time as a like
kind as a team. So we're mostly doing Christian religious matchmaking.
But now like we was like, hey, let's go into
is a match Kyoka rebranded, Let's make this establishment, and
let's do it differently.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
So tell us about what your experience has been like,
because like your current relationship is long distance, and then
what are your thoughts on long distance relationships long.
Speaker 6 (13:24):
I think they're beautiful. I like how I've been researching it.
Speaker 7 (13:27):
I had to think about this whole thing before I
went into this relationship. So after me and my ex husband,
Jay Risom, I.
Speaker 6 (13:35):
Met him at church and we were married.
Speaker 7 (13:37):
We got married around engaged around like two thousand and eleven,
going into two thousand and twelve, we got married, and
then around two thousand and three we twenty and twenty
and three we did we filed for divorce. Me and Billa,
which is most likely still being friends, still talking, and it
was like, hey, once everything went down, was like, hey,
let's go ahead and become a relationship, but we have
(13:58):
to do it long distance. And we had to look
into that and said, this is a this is kind
of kind of scary because you're not in the United States, anymore.
He's like, no, and we we studied it and we've
been doing it fine. We do virtual dates. That's my
favorite thing. I know it's kind of funny, but we
do like cooking dates. I love cooking, and we do
Valentine's with our first real virtual date. And it was
(14:20):
funny because I was like, Okay, I never did a
virtual date, like y'all still see me, I dressed up.
And virtual dates is good because you still got a date.
You still gotta get to know each other and you
can still do it virtual. Now you can't like be
sexual intimate, but you could be intimate as like sitting,
well do we send flowers or you know it's still
there and you still get that ye, but you see
(14:42):
how it's gonna go, and it's very hard to do.
What is a lot of emotion in it, You like
when you're gonna get over here. And it's not like
the show ninety Day Fiance. It's nothing like that. I
promise you it's nothing like that. It's not like how
you still on the shows. You know, every relationship is different.
But urists and what I have seen in research and
also if you see tiktoks and reels where people when
(15:03):
they meet each other, they do that video when they're
clapping hands and stuff. That is very good to do
the record and document your long distre relationship, and that's
what we're doing with ours. We're recording it, how long
it takes them to get here, how long it takes
us to build, and that's what we're doing.
Speaker 6 (15:19):
It's really cool because I go back and look at
the videos.
Speaker 7 (15:22):
And so it's very cool because I want to post
it when he gets here so everyone can see it.
It's like how it grew, and you could see how
our relationship grows doing long distance and it can be striften,
but it's things you have to watch out for if
you don't know the person you're doing long DISI relation.
Now this is I do online dating. That right there
is very scary because you don't know who you're talking to.
(15:43):
You might say video call and stuff like that, but
it's a whole different in what type of relation I'm in.
Speaker 6 (15:49):
So like the long distant ones, the ones that meet people.
Speaker 7 (15:51):
Online that used to ask money stuff like that, or
it's like red flags to watch out for what me
and him we did like a deep like we made
sure I was divorced we made sure he wasn't married,
We made sure there was no kids involved. We went
through the whole thing before we said, okay, let's go ahead,
let's talk. Because people get hurt in long distance relationships.
(16:14):
They could be or could be a bad thing. You
never know that person could fly over there to your country.
You'd be like, surprise, what are you doing in Japan?
Or what are you doing in England? And then there
there was susie Q or something on their sides Q
like who are you?
Speaker 2 (16:29):
I have I have done questions for you, some that
pertain more to like emotional and physical challenges.
Speaker 6 (16:36):
Yes, So when you.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Are talking about a long distance relationship, what do you
think that is the unexpected challenges that people don't usually.
Speaker 6 (16:47):
Talk about friends.
Speaker 7 (16:50):
What your friends would say about you, what you would
think I had did a like I'm a type of
person because it was my first time doing a long distance.
Even though we met in America, we knew each other
and we met again. I still wanted to make sure
I knew what I was going to, what I prepared.
I wasn't looking for the failures, but I look for
stuff that could happen, Like I read people different stories.
I ended up going through it like a friend. It
(17:11):
was like, Oh, he's never gonna come over here, or
it's not gonna happen. He probably has a girl over there.
And that's stuff that you have to block out because
people are always gonna say those things, and that's when
you get questions. Then that's when that mind. Then you
get emotional. You go to the emotional roller coaster. And
I have to see people like on a little video
somebody I went like, emotional when you're coming. I never
(17:31):
thought I was gonna go through that, but I did.
I was like, and I have nothing to get. And
I'm not talking about politics. I would not understand about
how things are going when people coming to America at
the same time of people leaving out of America. You know,
you're trying to come over here to be with someone
at a time our president is saying everyone has to go.
Even though you have a clean background and you have
the degree and everything to come over here.
Speaker 6 (17:52):
It's like a challenge. So how long as a person
in twenty twenty.
Speaker 7 (17:56):
Five, man or female, are going to fight to be
in a relationship with someone when you have your state
going against you, your country.
Speaker 6 (18:06):
No one looks at that and back then people is
to look at that.
Speaker 7 (18:08):
But now that's something I have to look at and
no one that's an emotional thing as well. But back
then it wasn't you know, it wasn't as hard as
it now. But it's like things get changed up and
we're like, what can we do? So what we did
was to understand that we were going to be established
together was we start building things that we like, We
had answers. So he had started helping me rebuild, rebrand
my business and a way when we wasn't switching money
(18:30):
off to each other, but we were paying stuff on
each set of the side to get the business going,
to show each other, hey, we're building. And that's what
also keep you connected because you got to build on
some in a long distance relationship. What is the what
is the goal? What are you trying to meet at?
What are you trying? What are you trying to accomplish
other than being together?
Speaker 6 (18:47):
M hm, you know what I see?
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Do you think that jealousy and insecurity show up more often? Yes,
in this type of situation than you know if you're
together every day.
Speaker 7 (18:58):
I think it can be when you like when somebody
like this is something we have to we had a
conversation about and we had to really take a deep
breath and pull away from each other. And it was
when it sounds crazy because I'm in my thirties, so
you might say you sound like a teenage girl. I'm
gonna go ahead and say it's embarrassing. I'm gonna throw
it out there. Why you didn't call me last week?
Speaker 6 (19:17):
What was you doing?
Speaker 7 (19:18):
Because that's the first thing, because you're like, I was
at mosque, it's Friday's prayers, Like, what was you like?
I was going to my cousin wedding? Did you marry
your cousin? It was like, no, I don't marry my cousin.
What are your reading? I'm like you two and so
it was like that stuff. It gets jealousy because you
because you also look at culture. You know, you got
(19:41):
Westman culture, then you got South agent culture, and then
you see the stereotypes of what they say. You got
the South got like videos and stuff of stories up
they married their cousin or they have an extra wife.
And that's type of stuff that I said, always be
prepared what you're going into when it's long. This is
relationship when it's overseas, and this is for people that
(20:01):
just meet people overlying, not just people that actually know people.
Also with that cause that can be stuff to have,
but that is a lot of jealousy and emotional you know,
stuff that goes to your head.
Speaker 6 (20:10):
And he had to keep saying, Koki, you know me,
you know me?
Speaker 7 (20:12):
Why are you asking me this? So it's a lot
that I went through at one point. But we grew,
but we took the breaks and we learned how to
talk to each other, what not to say to each other,
how to do things stuff. It was like hey, he
was like, I got idea. Like what He's like, you
want to do a date? I said yes. Our first
date was, like I said, blid times. We did short
films you watch like short films on YouTube.
Speaker 6 (20:34):
That was our thing.
Speaker 7 (20:35):
Then we find a short film network that starts short
little movie and they help us get like different conversations.
Then we start off with looking up with games. Then
we had to go with time schedule. That's another thing.
Speaker 6 (20:45):
I'm in America time, I'm in Central FLOORA.
Speaker 7 (20:48):
I'm I'm America. I'm in Northwest Flora, Lower Alabama, so
you know central times. And then he's in Pakistan and
it's like crazy so it's like when he's at night time,
I'm at daytime. He said this, we have to pick,
so he goes on my time frame, Like is when
I'm Central Standard time and it's ten o'clock. He could
come and we'll talk around that time. But we have
(21:08):
times when we talk and we have times when we don't.
The biggest time what really like divide us for a
couple of months was with the Indian versus Pakistan war
that was going on. That was like an emotional roller
coaster for me. But even though I was shocked, he
was still getting the business work done on.
Speaker 6 (21:27):
His end for me. Like I was like what, He's like, yeah,
I made sure all this was shipped to you. I'm
like what. I obviously sounds like, how is it a
war going on?
Speaker 7 (21:34):
He's Oh, yeah, it's we're going on. But see I
still got this going on in the back.
Speaker 6 (21:37):
So it's a lot. And I know it sounds crazy
that people like why would you go this this?
Speaker 2 (21:42):
This?
Speaker 6 (21:42):
Why would you trust anybody that's for anyone along?
Speaker 7 (21:44):
This is relationship, But it's worth it when you have
been together before and you know the person.
Speaker 6 (21:49):
Now.
Speaker 7 (21:50):
I can't really speak on someone that met someone like
overlying and don't know the person.
Speaker 6 (21:54):
But I know that's still a challenge as well.
Speaker 7 (21:55):
And then if you see this show like I'm not
trying to bring up shows, and then I get myself
like in trouble, like ninety Day Fiance across border, stuff
like that. It is really different than you not knowing
someone already.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
Yeah, yeah, I get that.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
So do you think that being long distance for say
the average person, whether it's like that they are hours
away or or you know, a huge flight away, do
you think that long distance can make the connection stronger
or just harder or stronger.
Speaker 6 (22:32):
It could be both.
Speaker 7 (22:32):
It depends on who's the person, because I have to
look at it as I have Afrid. I'm not gonna
say her name, but she's military and her husband's military.
And I said, I don't ever notice about Football Beach, Florida,
but we're a military town. If you have been down,
you got destined to Sicola and you got foot walk
beach behind destined, which is the military towers Forland Air
Force BACE. So it's a lot of military wives out
(22:53):
here and just hearing someone will say, Hey, my husband's
he's gone, or my wife she's gone, is coming back?
Or they're both in a military. It is, you know,
kind of difficult listening to that and seeing that. You know,
you gotta stay focused and trust that person that you love,
and it is hard.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Yeah. I think that having a communication plan is really
important when it comes to a long distance relationship. Whether
you are thrilled about having it or not, I think
that you have. There's a lot of steps that go
into it. I think one of them is a communication plan.
And I think you know what you were just saying
a minute ago about watching short videos together. I've actually
(23:36):
I like sharing Spotify songs together, so I'm feeling in
the moment. The song is reflecting how I'm thinking or
feeling about the person in the moment. So I like that.
Speaker 7 (23:47):
Well, I wrote a song for him. Actually I wrote
a song for him, and he was he was shocked.
He said, you wrote a song for me? I said yeah,
he was like seriously. It was it was going around
his birthday, which is in November. I wrote a song
for him and he was like, so you want to
play from? So I played from says this is you singing?
I was like, no, it's it's somebody else. But I
wrote a song has someone to sing it and everything,
(24:09):
and he's like, wow, this is good.
Speaker 6 (24:11):
He's like, it's talking.
Speaker 7 (24:12):
About me, and I was like, it's talk about how
I felt, how I And then he ended up writing
this little story that was that's cute.
Speaker 6 (24:21):
I love that well.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
I think prioritizing emotional transparency is important, Like when you
write something for somebody and you're sharing those kind of things,
it's like you personally, I think sharing your fears and
doubts and insecurities before they start to build any kind
of resentment, because there can't be miscommunication when you're you know, uh,
(24:45):
in a long distance relationship, you can.
Speaker 7 (24:47):
It was it was miscommunication on some things I'm allowed
to share, so it was it was kind of miscommunication
on what was the miscommunication that we had That was really, Oh,
what the kids?
Speaker 6 (24:58):
My kids?
Speaker 7 (24:59):
My kids they have we have when he knows my kids,
he always do my kids. Knew my kids before I
ever gave birth to them, when I was pregnant, so
he knew of my kids.
Speaker 6 (25:07):
He was just being a friend around a time and
my kids.
Speaker 7 (25:11):
That gave a miscommunication because it was over us going
to church, and that's what started the whole thing. He
was like, hey, uh, he goes to he's Muslim. My
mom father was Muslim, so I'm used to that. But
I'm not Muslim and I don't have to become Musli
if I marry him. Muslims allowed to marry no Christians.
So that's when the intero faith relationship comes in as well.
(25:35):
So our relationship is a long distance mixed with interfaith relationship.
So it's a lot, but it's at my daughter had
miscommunicated something and it almost started something that wasn't meant
to be started.
Speaker 6 (25:46):
But we are. We're like a normal couple. When if
someone wrote in the.
Speaker 7 (25:48):
Little chat thing that popped up, I couldn't do long
distance or something like that because cuddle.
Speaker 6 (25:52):
I want to cuddle, my cuddle time.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
That's me ANTHESI. I think it's hard not having the
cuddles that time and time together on a regular Yeah.
I personally feel that same thing, Anastasia. I completely agree
with you.
Speaker 6 (26:08):
For me, I need that you're such a person.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Yeah, I'm a I need physical touch. I need that
in my life. It's really difficult with that with us.
Speaker 6 (26:22):
So we're a little different. I guess everyone's different.
Speaker 7 (26:24):
No, I'm not judging anyone me because I think from
a Christian family.
Speaker 6 (26:29):
I didn't break up. I got back into the church.
I'm not like I used to be.
Speaker 7 (26:32):
I I go to the club every now and then
take a look, you go tequila shots. But I'm just
saying I'm not bombaly to be physically intimately, you know,
have intercourse anything. And he's really rooted in Islam as
well when it comes to that, so our thing physical
touch doesn't like get to now seeing each other that
(26:53):
is something like vida calls.
Speaker 6 (26:54):
We have to see each other. That bothers me. I
cannot see you.
Speaker 7 (26:58):
I can't serious surround and I want to see what's
going on. So that was an issue with me at
that point. And then my kids, my kids love him.
We do cook we do stuff with the kids like
we do cooking days. We do a lot of stuff,
but we do a lot of virtual stuff which is fun,
like we have fun and so like even the kids like,
oh he's gone zoom, camera's going off, like but I know,
(27:20):
but we have so much fun. But it's we make
it fun and sent as being how I feel about him.
I do get sad. I do wish he was actually here,
but I know it's a process and it's it has
to take times and things are changing. It's not going
to be as fast as it used to be right now.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I do think personally that a form of spicy virtual
intimacy is really important in a long distance It is,
you know, that emotional, playful, thoughtful kind of intimacy that
you need to replace who are the physical because the
physical isn't I.
Speaker 6 (27:59):
Know, But I just want to talk about.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
No, I'm talking about for other people. So what are
your thoughts?
Speaker 7 (28:06):
You know, I think it's healthy to do. I think
it's healthy to do. I think it's better than going
to only fans. I think it's you have you have
your own little own I mean, I'm not trying to
sound silly minded.
Speaker 6 (28:16):
I'm just being honest.
Speaker 7 (28:17):
You know, between that person, make sure it's private, and
make sure the individual is not setting them up. I
think Arlene or someone had on her on LinkedIn thing
that it's this new thing a lot of people doing online.
When I have the individual send them exploitation pictures of
theirselves or anything that they could use that if they
don't give them money or something like, hey, I would
(28:38):
I would throws all over the internet that you showed
me this and that. But that's something to be aware
of as well. You know, not to really do unless
you have like something private. So that's something that's going
to throw out there. Make sure you actually have a
good connection with the person before you do that anything
like that.
Speaker 6 (28:53):
But it is right has some spicy.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Well one of the things that's important to do for
people who are doing long distance and they do want
to add that spiciness to their relationship. WhatsApp is really
the only place you should be doing that at because
WhatsApp is the only app that not even the people
at WhatsApp can see it.
Speaker 6 (29:15):
Sure it can disappear.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Yeah, it's the only one that that's you know, one
hundred percent safe. So that's something.
Speaker 7 (29:24):
It's like a timer, like you could send a picture
and the time it will go and it would disappear
like uh, like how Michael Jackson does that. Let turn
and he starts to stand in one of his videos.
It disappears like that. You're like, oh, I've just seen
it and it's fading away and doesn't get safe, so right, right, So.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
I think also building your own lives. You know, distance
works best when people you know are have a full
life that they're independent of each other. Because I think
that it prevents from like over attachment and and uh,
you know what a your thoughts like Steve or Coco
(30:02):
on you know, making sure that your lives are full
outside of your relationship together.
Speaker 5 (30:08):
You know, I like that idea.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
I like that And I think I said this earlier
on before Coco joined us, that some people want to
have some of their own their own life, you know,
they don't want everything to be intermingled. And kind of
being in a long day distance relationship really can be
suitable for some people, and they could enjoy having time apart,
(30:32):
and then when they do come together, they have to
plan out make sure that the quality time that they're
spending together is in fact quality time.
Speaker 7 (30:39):
And that and that's nothing because I kind of I'm
be honest, I'm suppers that like that, because well, you
have to go up through a divorce and you.
Speaker 6 (30:47):
Have that you know, ex husband or ex web.
Speaker 7 (30:49):
Not all ex husbands and ex wives are like this,
but they have that one family member that we lurking
around on your page or that one expert, you know,
trying to see what's going on in your life.
Speaker 6 (31:00):
And me being in a long distance relationship, it.
Speaker 7 (31:03):
Kind of blocks that my personal business is my personal business,
and I don't have to worry about someone coming around
trying It has some people, if you probably don't know what
I'm talking about, it has spouses that have family members
that are like that. They're trying to find dig up
something to show their brother or their sister or something.
Speaker 6 (31:21):
And I have went through something similar like that.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
So I'm just saying, Okay, yeah, I'll go ahead, Steve.
Speaker 3 (31:28):
I'm really curious about you know, years and years ago
people used to talk about a mail order bride or something.
Oh yeah, is that still happening?
Speaker 6 (31:38):
And is it?
Speaker 7 (31:40):
We had a conversation about it, me and him, and
it happens, and certain countries that Thailand, it happens. We
were just talking about we have we have what up
on a YouTube video and I said, Dode, this happened,
and dude, I asked most about arranged marriage.
Speaker 6 (31:54):
He's like, well, like with me, I have freedom.
Speaker 7 (31:57):
Like I told you when I first met you, when
we were like just so, I have freedom to marry
whoever I want.
Speaker 6 (32:02):
It depends on the family.
Speaker 7 (32:04):
You know, some you got that strict traditional family, do
you got that modern day want to be a little
bit like a Western culture family that give their son
and daughter the right to choose. So it's also what
Mayer and brothers got like some I had a friend
that's from Thailand.
Speaker 6 (32:18):
I was talking to her about it.
Speaker 7 (32:19):
She was like, yeah, I have met girls that parents like, hey,
we we have a way for you to get to
England or you are Australia somewhere through someone that they
know that they pay just bring their virgin daughter over there.
Speaker 6 (32:32):
So I never met a real person that holds a
company like that. It does work.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
So Mickey saying that long distance relationships can work, but
it can be hard when it changes from long distance
to living together, and Steve was actually saying the same
thing earlier.
Speaker 5 (32:50):
Yeah, I have an experience like that. Back in my thirties.
I met someone in London.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
We had a long distance relationship for her couple of
years and it was great long distance because I would
call her when she was waking up in the morning
and I was I was getting ready to go to
sleep at night.
Speaker 5 (33:09):
So we managed.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
And then this was the days before there was you know,
easy long distance cost a lot of money back then,
so so we talked a couple of times.
Speaker 5 (33:17):
A week and.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
Uh, you know it was great when we had our
separate time, and then she moved here, and it turns
out our relationship was better long distance than it was
in person. And it wasn't the fault of either of us,
you know, not being compatible. I just know that when
I met her, I was producing events in London and
(33:42):
I was traveling around the world, and she got to
see me in that role. And then when she saw
me back home where I was struggling to get my
business going, I wasn't the same person. She saw me
in the leadership role over here, and then come back
and see that I'm you know, struggling with marketing and
get all my business going and all of that, and
she wanted she wanted the guy who was in charge.
(34:04):
So if you see every one when you see someone
who lived with someone, you see all their their businesses,
their flaws or their their growth edge. You know that
was really I think we were both young, and she
didn't know how to support me and my entrepreneurial ventures.
That know better than I knew how to port her
and what she was up to in her life. So
(34:26):
bringing us together and living together was you know, a
whole new challenge.
Speaker 7 (34:31):
Yeah, but we have like lived together before, way before
we were ever a couple. So but I mean, I
can't say what can happen now because I have kids.
He came, he was, like I said, he was a
friend in America when I was you know, married and
stuff like that.
Speaker 6 (34:44):
He was just around.
Speaker 7 (34:45):
So, you know, my kids are older now and I'm
divorced from their father, So him coming around the kids,
like actually in times of now that they're walking and
talking and they're doing things on other than when they
were babies and stuff, will probably be one of our
challenges as living together most likely. And we have already
(35:05):
agreed on the tech that extra slow when he comes here,
he's gonna have his own place.
Speaker 6 (35:09):
I'm gonna have. I'm not gonna move in with my kids.
Speaker 7 (35:12):
We're gonna slowly bring that in to a push and
see where it goes. So we have all we have
everything planned out for us.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
That's that's good. That's one of the things I wanted
to say was I think creating milestones are end goals
and preparing for the transition of being together is really important.
Like just having intentions, Yes, you know, will you be
closing that distance eventually? How when you know, talking about
the future is really really important. But then talking about
(35:42):
how you're going to actually implement that and how you're
going to adjust to spending your everyday life together, I
think is very valuable and a really good step to
think about when you're considering that kind of relationship.
Speaker 6 (35:56):
Yeah, especially when you have kids.
Speaker 7 (35:58):
Like when my kids they know ass just missed mister
Manzaar or a mister Muhammad or a mister Billy. They
go back and forth with it, but they know him
as that and that's all that. But my other my daughter,
she's like, I think it's more than that. She wants
to be thirteen, so she's only eight, but she's like
always trying to read people minds, says, I don't know,
y'all look at each other. But we keep it asked
for friends, and you know, he's a friend. He's a
(36:21):
business partner until he gets into the country. And then
after that, we're gonna slowly take it, slowly take it.
We're not gonna take it too slow, but not too
fast to shock my children.
Speaker 6 (36:31):
Because my children are used.
Speaker 7 (36:32):
To seeing even we have co parents in days and stuff,
so they're used to seeing me and their dad do
things and stuff like that. And then when we talk
about religion, we already understand that my kids will be
Christian and do Christian things with their dad and his
religious religion. We're not even if we have kids among
each other. That's a whole different story. But from this,
you know, it's just all respect. So it's good to
(36:54):
have everything plant that, And we took a lot of
time planning everything out how.
Speaker 6 (36:58):
It's gonna go.
Speaker 7 (36:59):
We're not gonna we don't know who perfect like this,
but we are planning for the best to suit everyone's
you know.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
That's great, that's great. I had a disastrous one, you know, Steve,
when we used to all be on Clubhouse, like a
couple of years ago. Clubhouse. Yeah, there was somebody from
Clubhouse that reached out to me and asked me to
help him produce and direct a show that he was
(37:27):
interested in developing. And so we first started talking because
of that, and then it slowly became something else. And
I think that he actually had the agenda from the beginning,
and I was just thinking it was just all business.
Looking back on it, I can see the manipulation that
was very easily done. I think that we created a
(37:50):
false sense of security, and I think we created a
false sense of really knowing each other just because of
all the talking that we did. I found that some
things were going really walky after like a couple of
months of talking to him every day and it getting
to be like, Oh, something's really off here. And then
(38:13):
all of a sudden, he started talking about selling his
house in Oklahoma, moving out here, moving in with me,
And I was like, yo, whoa, I have a high
school daughter in the midst of my house, so that's
not going to fly. So I've actually, on my own dime,
which was really dumb, flew there and met him and
(38:35):
it was horrific. So people are different and less like
you said, go go unless you know them prior or Steve,
you meeting this woman you know in person. You know
when you're starting something from online or virtually and it
is all talk that can add a It's like dating
(38:59):
on a normal in your hometown. If you're constantly chatting
and calling and not meeting, it creates a false sense
of knowing each other. That isn't reality. Best in reality
or texting.
Speaker 7 (39:12):
If they're texting more and not calling you, you gotta
find out what is the reason is whoever? Listen, don't
be scared or shy to ask or make it feel
like you're being like a bugaboo or whatever. Ask be directly,
like hey, why do I text you more? Why do
you text me more? Then let me see you?
Speaker 6 (39:29):
You know, because that, right, that's a big ref like
they're texting more than seeing you. What's what's the issue?
Speaker 7 (39:36):
I mean, I'm just saying if it was what that's
even even if someone at the same country as you
doing it, it's still a problem, like why are you
text them so much more? But when it comes to
children as a mom, as you get what I'm saying.
It's not that I don't trust him anything. It's just
my kids are used to a certain thing. And even
if I met him online, I never met him in person,
I still wouldn't let him in my house. I have
(39:57):
two little girls, there's seven and eight. Like I said,
my eight year old one to be thirteen. And I
have an oldest. She does she wants to be my oldest.
He's eleven. He's non verbal autistic, so that's a lot.
Speaker 6 (40:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (40:09):
So, and we talked about that because he sees them the
way my kid was acting. He's like so last time
I checked Avians, the baby that's him.
Speaker 6 (40:15):
Oops. I didn't even say the same.
Speaker 7 (40:17):
Sorry, and he's like he was saying hi to him,
and he was just standing and looking at him and
say he's non verbal to go wow, and he was
just bouncing some autistics. They just bounced off the wall.
They don't stop moving around. He said, Wow, he's a
lot of energy. He's just like being being bee. I said, yeah,
he's like a pinball. He's a lot. But I understand.
I expanded to him. I said, if you want to
(40:38):
be with me, and I truly want to be big,
you have to accept me and my children, not just
my cue daughters.
Speaker 6 (40:43):
Is not my special need, but I know, especially it's
a big, a big thing when a man comes into
a woman life left, especially especially if you're doing a
long distance you're not prepared. So I told him to
this is a specialty child.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
Yeah, that's that's, you know, something to really consider when
you have kids. You know, when I was dating, when
my kids were younger, you know it, I think some
men expected to meet my kids right away, and I
was like, that's not something that can happen exactly because
you have to, you know, consider if something goes south
(41:17):
in a relationship, your kids have feelings too, and they
get involved too. So that's that's a tough one.
Speaker 6 (41:25):
That's something that that's something that I wasn't thinking of.
Speaker 7 (41:27):
That's why I'm glad I said this missed out and
never said he's mommy's boyfriend or anything.
Speaker 6 (41:32):
I just say that because my children can't wait.
Speaker 7 (41:35):
Like it was like, it's Thursday, what is he's No,
it's Saturday, Saturday sadays when we do cookies and stuff,
and I'm like, he's not coming today, And I'm like what,
I'm like, I didn't say he was in a war
anything that he's not coming today. He's just you know,
it bothered my child, like is y'all still friends?
Speaker 6 (41:51):
You know?
Speaker 7 (41:51):
And but then dad, their dad knows him, so their
dad was like, you know, I know who he is
and stuff like that.
Speaker 6 (41:57):
I didn't know it. What like it's kind of shocked
to their my ex husband.
Speaker 7 (42:00):
But he was like, it makes me wonder, what was
you thinking back then when you sing it?
Speaker 2 (42:06):
Yeah, I guess I can. Yeah, have some kind of
issues in the in the relationship with your ex. You know,
you obviously have a really working relationship between your ex
and your kids. You know, I'm sure that it's always
the thought in the back of you know, your ex
(42:26):
husband's mind for his children. You know, you know who
are you bringing into your life and who are you
bringing into your kids's life.
Speaker 7 (42:33):
That's a lot, yeah, but it's always be respectful. I
know some people like I was just some chat. I
don't know what it was, but someone asked me a question.
It's like, how can an individual divorce someone? I'm not
sure you have to throw in there, divorce someone but
didn't want to be co parent with them. Why can't
you guys just be together and you and people don't
understand that you have the same thing. It's not you
(42:56):
can't just beat it with someone. It was a Christian
group that I was in. This is when I when
when they finally let me and my husband gett divorced.
I didn't know that subject was gonna come up with
some video podcast that I walked off of and I said,
I'm not gonna do this because the question came out
and then the hostess just want to target and I
said in a nice way, I was like, it's just
was not in God's planning for us to go to
(43:16):
the next chapter. You know, we got married around twenty eleven.
You know it's twenty twenty five.
Speaker 1 (43:22):
Now.
Speaker 7 (43:23):
It wasn't in God's plan for us to make it
this far for some reason. Not sound religious. Every chapter
is for a reason. The universe closed that chapter for
a reason. That's how I looked at it.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
Hey, well, and you have your children from is the
product of that relationship.
Speaker 7 (43:37):
So they were friends, we're best we're friends. Like he
was my best friend when I met and he had
no girlfriend. I was the first girl he ever talked to.
And then he tried to get me. He was funny.
Speaker 6 (43:48):
He tried to get me to talk to someone. I
was like, okay.
Speaker 7 (43:50):
He was like, I can show you how to speak
a talient and past them. And it was funny back then.
Now I'm thirty six.
Speaker 2 (43:57):
So your your business model with matchmaking? Do you do
a lot of long distance relationship matches or do most
I want.
Speaker 6 (44:07):
To do that.
Speaker 7 (44:08):
I want to be an international matchment. That was my
goal from the day I started. I always wanted to
do it. Right now, I know it's kind of difficult
for some people. I had one client before the old
CEO had left. It was hard to find him a
match overseas. When after the election, was one and stuff
like that. He started asking me questions and I was like,
(44:29):
I don't know, and what is the traveling going to
be do? So that's something like there's a lot of
new stuff that a lot of matchment is probably was
thinking about before all this, but I know a lot
is thinking because you know, some countries cannot come over here,
and cloud like I want it from this country, Well
we can't bring you know, it's different stuff that now
it's like a wake up call.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
I'm sure that's going to be tricky and not an
easy thing to work around, especially with everything that's so.
Speaker 7 (44:58):
It's very good, but I'm just saying it's a lot
a lot of people that want certain things like he wanted.
I'm not gonna name the country anything, but when I
looked at it, it was like in the yellow or
the orange that the president had it in and I
was like, I can't get you someone from that country.
Speaker 6 (45:10):
I can't even it's a matchmaker open it. I couldn't.
Speaker 7 (45:13):
Like I wouldn't even want to take that risk. I
don't want to play with no one's money. My whole
goat is is to help so help people find their truth.
So mad that I love it. I love like I
take my job serious. Anyone who knows who would let
you know. Even in the church, they were like, Kyoka
takes her job seriously. I back a long time guy,
I said. I was in my twenties. I thought you
might say, I sound like a psycho crazy lady. I
(45:36):
thought God annoying to me for this, And I was
like God annoying to me. I was in my early twenties.
I was saying, I'm going to help.
Speaker 6 (45:41):
And then when my mom it's kind of alsotold my
mom when I was a little girl. My mom was single,
and this is a lot of.
Speaker 7 (45:48):
Women Christian women in the nineties to do this, and
that if you grew up in the church or remember
searing this, it happened. I anyone remember someone were praying
for a husband back then, and I remember seeing women
say I'm praying for my husband.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
Girl.
Speaker 7 (45:58):
So I got on a articled I brought that. My
mom's like, Yoka, why did she say that? I was
like what she was like, I was in my twenties.
It was the nineties and you were in elementary school
and you got in an article said my mom used
to pray for a man.
Speaker 6 (46:13):
And that's why I came.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
Imagine some of us women do pray for a man. Sorry,
but you know, I know we're supposed to be independent
and shit. But I am meant to be with a partner.
I am meant to be with somebody you know, who
gives me back what I give them. You know, love, respect, relationship, companionship,
(46:38):
fun times, your romantic times, fucking hot sex times, you
name it. You know, I meant for me.
Speaker 6 (46:44):
She was going on dates and stuff. She was going
on dates.
Speaker 7 (46:47):
I remember being a little girl in the nineties and
she was going on dates with God. But she had
come home and she wants talking to me. She would
like to talk to one of her friends. Was like,
he's just not what God wants me to be with
right now. And that's always My mom said, I remember
you doing this yoga. Used to walk up to me,
used to wait when I come to said, I came
on for a date one night and you walked up
to me and said, Mom, I'm gonna help you get one.
Speaker 6 (47:04):
I'm praying for you and this.
Speaker 4 (47:06):
She said.
Speaker 7 (47:06):
So when you did that little article and you said that,
I was embarrassed, but she said it was a girl up.
My church was like, well, Louis, your daughter said you
was just sitting there. You were actually going out on dates.
They had something.
Speaker 6 (47:16):
They won't even go out, they just sit there. I'm like,
come on, you got to get out the house, can't.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
You can't find something if you're not out looking for it. Well, Coco,
I'm so grateful that you could be here today.
Speaker 6 (47:29):
Thank you.
Speaker 7 (47:29):
I'm a big fan of your show. I just want
to sit honest, thank you. Which is so happy, Thank
you so much.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
Oh my god. Well, we've enjoyed having you. I'm very
excited about all the other members of your business coming
on and also doing other topics with this. That's very exciting.
Speaker 6 (47:46):
I don't know the topic. They didn't tell me, but
I'm excited to see what they got.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
Yeah, it's gonna be fun. I'm very excited about it.
So tune in next week. We are having how do
you say your boyfriend's name? He also works with you.
Speaker 7 (47:59):
It's all yeah, but people, if you want to say
his whole name, however you want to say it.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
Yeah, Well, he's going to be on next week. He's
gonna be on from Pakistan. He's gonna be it's gonna.
Speaker 1 (48:10):
Be for it.
Speaker 6 (48:11):
La Laura, you pronounce it la ll like that.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
Yeah, l O H A R E.
Speaker 6 (48:17):
Laura, I'm Pressia City.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
I'm excited to have him. And Steve's going to be
back for hosting with me again next week, which is
exciting too.
Speaker 6 (48:26):
Thank you Steve so far, Thank you see for being here.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
All of you out there who comment and listen every week,
who come and participate in making comments and questions, we
love it. We love you, and we're going to be back,
same time, same place next week, and until then, let's
just keep it real and listen up. If you enjoyed
this episode, please share with your friends, like and follow
(48:51):
us on Instagram at fifty Shades of Underscore Bullshit and
Facebook at fifty Shades of Bullshit. Thanks so much for listening,
and we really hope to see you again next week
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