June 12, 2025 • 47 mins
This week, we’re getting real about fear—how it controls us, how it shows up in our love lives, and how to finally stop letting it run the show. Our special guest is Julie Demsey, a Rapid Results Mindset Coach, hypnotherapist, and author of FOUND: Swiping Right on Me to Find Love. A former Silicon Valley executive turned transformational guide, Julie specializes in helping people uncover and release the subconscious fears that keep them stuck—not just in dating, but in every area of life.
Fifty Shades of Bullshit is broadcast live Thursdays at 4PM PT on K4HD Radio - Hollywood Talk Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Fifty Shades of Bullshit TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Fifty Shades of Bullshit Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
Fifty Shades of Bullshit is broadcast live Thursdays at 4PM PT on K4HD Radio - Hollywood Talk Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Fifty Shades of Bullshit TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Fifty Shades of Bullshit Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The following show contains adult content. It's not our intent
to offend anyone, but we want to inform you that
if you are a child under the age of eighteen
or get offended easily, this next show may not be
for you. The content, opinions, and subject matter of these
shows are solely the choice of your show hosts and
their guests, and not those of the Entertainment Network or
any affiliated stations. Any comments or inquiry should be directed
(00:22):
to those show hosts. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hey everyone, and welcome to Fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm
your host, Christine Lalan and this is the podcast where
we uncover the truth about online dating.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Now let's begin.
Speaker 4 (00:44):
Yes, hey everyone, I'm Christine.
Speaker 5 (00:47):
And I'm Steve. I'm becoming the regular temporary guest host.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
I love it and this is fifty Shades of Bullshit. Everybody.
We are having some while interesting, technical difficulties today. We
almost weren't able to do the show, but we are
thrilled to be here. Even if there are a few glitches,
it's all good.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
It.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
It just reminds me of the good old days when
we started out and we were glitching everywhere. There's always
a learning curb. Curb, you know, so curb. I cannot
speak either. So Hi here we are talking on a
podcast where I can't speak. So thanks for being here again, Steve.
How are you.
Speaker 5 (01:30):
I'm good.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
I'm good.
Speaker 5 (01:31):
I always love being a guest with you or guest
host or a guest co host or whatever you call me.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
I love it.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
I love it. I'm glad you're here.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
You know.
Speaker 4 (01:41):
After before we get into the show. The show's called
Facing Fear and Reclaiming Power. I want to tell this
cute little story that happened today. Okay, I played I
played Matchmaker in real life. So I'm in the post
office after work. It's still work, I'm still working, but
I'm dropping off stuff at the post office before I
(02:02):
head here, and there's this little old lady standing in line,
and then it was a little old man standing in line.
And I say little old because they're shorter than me,
you know, and they're cute as hell. They're like seventies eighties.
Until I asked the old guy and he's like, I'm
ninety two. But don't tell anybody. I said, I won't
(02:23):
tell anybody. So anyway, nobody right, they don't know him,
so it's all good. We are standing in line and
they're chatting, this little lady and guy, and she goes
up but it turns out they're not together. So she's
up there, she does her stuff and she walks out
(02:45):
and he turns around and looks at me and goes, man,
didn't she have beautiful hair? And I said, yes, she did.
Do you know her? And he goes, no, I'd like
to know her. I go, well, is she go? Ask her?
And he goes, oh, no, I can't. So I go,
We're gonna find out if she's single. So I start
to turn and the girl ahead of him goes running
(03:08):
past me.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
She runs out the door and says, hey, ma'am, are
you single?
Speaker 5 (03:15):
This is a group setup?
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Uh huh.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
So then the lady goes, yes, I am. Why she goes,
please don't go anywhere, Please don't go anywhere. So I go, sir,
she's single. I go get out there, and he goes,
what do I do? I said, you ask her for
a number and ask her out. He goes, what about
my spot in line? I said, I'm saving your spot
(03:39):
in line. Now go get her, tiger, and he goes
running out there. The girl comes back in and we're
all like watching out the window, me her and this
other lady. Now more people are coming in and we're
like filling them in. We're matchmaking here, folks. They're talking
and we're like, she gonna ask, he's gonna give her,
And then she gives them his her number and we
(04:02):
all start cheering. Hear you think probably, And the guy
who's doing the working at the post office is like,
oh my goodness, where's my matchmaker. People in line are like,
we're single, we're single. And then the old guy comes
back in with a beaming smile and he's like, thank
(04:23):
you for saving my spot and thank you for matchmaking.
She said yes no, and we're like great. So I'm like, hey, Tom,
how old are you. He's like ninety two. Don't tell anybody,
I swear to god, I thought he was like seventy
eight to eighty two. No, but I'm definitely younger than him.
And she was just this tiny, skinny little thing with
(04:46):
his big head of blonde hair and it was wavy
and it was beautiful. And I just said to Tom
as he was leaving, I said, hey, Tom, we just
need to be invited to the wedding. I'm like, okay.
So now then after that, everybody was saying, don't forget me,
(05:07):
I'm single too.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Uh huh.
Speaker 5 (05:09):
You know, it's interesting, quite an interesting segue into fear,
because look at this two ninety three years old still
afraid to say, hey, I like you, or hey I'm
interested in you, or hey, you know, are you single?
Whatever it is that it sound almost sounds like there
was this quality of boyishness that came out when he
(05:30):
was talking to you.
Speaker 4 (05:31):
Yes, isn't that cute?
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (05:33):
And it's it's so great to know that I don't
have to feel so bad when that comes up for
me too.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
It actually feels so good to be part of that
kind of thing. Well, I want to bring Julie in
real quick because we're going to be talking about this
stuff and I love I want her input too, So
I want to introduce Julie Dimpsey. She was on this
show a handful of months ago and I can't remember exactly,
but I'll look it up. She is a Rapid Result
(06:01):
mindset coach, a hypnotherapist and author of found Swiping Right
On Me to Find Love. She is a former Seemi
Valley executive turns transformer transformational guide. Julie specializes in helping
people undercover, excuse me, uncover and release the subconscious fears
(06:23):
that keep them stuck, not just in dating, but in
every area of life. Let's bring Julie on. Julie, my
girl with you. So happy you're here with us again.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
I'm single too, Are you gonna set me up yet?
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (06:39):
You're not looking for a ninety two year old.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Though now I'm not that. When my grandfather was that age, yeah,
he would have needed you, Christine. He would have done
that all on his own. I've got a channel on
my grandpa times.
Speaker 4 (06:53):
Well, you know, I flirted with a dude in my
elevator that's not from my building yesterday. I was really
hoping he would say, oh, you know you live here obviously,
But you know, I try to be as outgoing and
open and personable as possible, and I don't think that
a lot of people do because of fear. Fear of rejection,
(07:17):
fear of the unknown, fear that someone might be you know,
maybe not single whatever.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
Yep, there's so many fears that hold people back when
it comes to dating. And it's not just dating, it's
also getting into relationships, and it's a lot of things
they hold from childhood, from fears that were created around
different aspects of their life, then about not fitting in,
not being enough, not being lovable, and then we go
(07:43):
on through our dating and relationship years and get unfortunately
a lot of reconfirmation of those things a lot of
the time, and so it holds people in fear. And
when they're in fear, they're not able to show up
as their true authentic self, that is, that lovable being
that they want to show to the world.
Speaker 4 (08:03):
Yeah, yeah, I think that many fears today are about
you know, survival, but also about rejection, failure, vulnerability, being judged.
And it's our subconscious minds that keep us in these
loops of patterns of like keep us safe, you know,
(08:24):
but actually instead of it keeping us safe, it's keeping us.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
Small exactly exactly. You know. I had a client a
while back who was in her forties and she had
the love of her life when she was like late teens,
early twenties, and he broke her heart and she didn't
have a date since then because she was so fearful, Yeah,
(08:49):
to give her heart and this would happen again. And
we were able to successfully do a hippotherapy session where
we're able to rewire her thoughts and beliefs and open
her up to the possibility and happy to report she
started dating not long after that. But it takes some
real serious contemplation, if not on your own with a professional,
(09:11):
to be able to look aside and say, what are
those things that you know started out in life protecting
me and are now holding me back and really examining
and realizing that's what's happening and being ready to say
I want to switch that, I want to change that.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
Yeah, that's one of the things that I had listed
as a tool today was shift mindset shifts with hypnosis
and how it can be a subconscious way of unblocking
subconscious issues and it can really help with a fear
(09:51):
loop of being able to choose different type of responses.
I think that's very valuable.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Yeah, And they're actually they're often there are issues that
we are conscious of or aware of, and we're smart,
capable people, but we're not able to get into the
subconscious mind where they're stored to shift and makes a
new meaning for those Often sometimes we can right, there's
work we can do, Like the brain likes what's familiar
(10:19):
and if it's become familiar to hold that fear that's
keeping us from getting into relationships or dating or whatever,
or creating bad relationships, then we can start examining what
those things are, noticing them, right, So it's all about
I've got to notice, become aware, and then we can
(10:39):
start shifting, shifting what is familiar to the brain. So
instead of you know, waking up every day and going,
I'm not going to be able to find love, I'm
not lovable. There's all these problems. I'm afraid of love,
creating new mantras for yourself, waking up in the morning
and saying look in the mirror, and start with saying
to yourself, which is not an easy thing to do,
(11:01):
I love you. A lot of people are fearful of that.
So start there and get to the point where you
can you're able to do that, and then open yourself up. Yeah,
open yourself up to saying I'm deserving of love. I
am worthy of love. Love is coming to me.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
Mm hm.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
You know, we don't want to say I'm no longer
afraid of love, because.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
What is the word fear is still.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
There exactly exactly.
Speaker 4 (11:27):
I love that, Julie, So I have a little list
here that is how fear shows up in love, work,
and self expression. How it shows up in dating is
rejection and feeling like you're not being enough. How it
can show up in a career is fear of success
(11:48):
or failure and an impostor syndrome that's very big. And
in daily life fear of setting boundaries or speaking up
for being seen. That was my That was my list.
What's your thoughts, Steve on those type of things that
show up in different parts of life.
Speaker 5 (12:08):
Well, it's interesting because you said that last one being seen,
I think more than anything else, that's that's what we
want as human beings, to be seen and valued, appreciated,
and I think in some ways it also terrifies us,
you know, so we it's kind of this double edged
sword of like we really want to pick up space
and be appreciated and seeing for all of us, the good,
(12:30):
the bad, the crazy and known, and then yet we
hold it back in some ways for fear that it
might not be accepted. So it's kind of very interesting.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
I think it kind of reflects also when people are like, oh,
I want to be in a relationship, I want to
be in love, I want to find this. I want
to find that, but then they don't do the work
to get to that. And that's also kind of what's
that word I'm looking for where you're doing one thing
but saying another, or saying one thing but not doing
(13:02):
the follow up work. It's like self sabotaging.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
Yeah, yeah, and that is fun. It's really when people
say I want a relationship, but they're also saying, you know,
it's kind of an oxymoron because I want the relationship,
but I don't want to get hurt, So I'm not
going to try for the relationship because I might get hurt.
I have a fear of being hurt. And even if
somebody is out trying to date but they're holding that
(13:28):
fear in their heart, things aren't going to probably go
so well because we can innately sense that, or we
innately do things to self sabotage.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
How do you think fear goes away, Julie, How do
you do you think the fear ever goes away with people?
Or do you think it's just how we relate to it.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Well, I think it's how we relate to it. We
don't want fear to ever completely go away because we
might step into a bad situation if we let it go.
I mean, fear is there to protect us, excuse me.
So we want that healthy level of fear. But what
we what we need to do is identify where is
that boundary between what's healthy m hm and what's over
(14:12):
kind of over the line and holding me back. So again,
you know, as I was saying, the first step towards
that is really realizing that's what's going on. And sometimes
we can self identify and sometimes we need help with
somebody pointing that out to us because we don't often
think of it as fear.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
Right, how do you how do you balance honoring fear
without making about letting it make your choices for you?
Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Like that does? It's having a conversation with yourself right
and seeing, Okay, this is healthy fear. Is this something
that's going to save me from going on a date
with an axe murderer that I should be able to
sense and don't want to do, versus saying, you know,
it's really looking at it and going Okay, this nice
(15:03):
guy just asked me out, and I'm really excited, but
I'm scared to go out, or there's something that's making
me nervous, and it's having a talk with yourself saying, Okay,
what am I nervous about? Okay, I'm actually nervous because
my last relationship didn't end well and I didn't want
it to end, and I have feared that the same
thing's going to happen again. So okay, I'm fearful that
(15:27):
that will happen again. What if I don't go on
the date. Well, if I don't go on the date,
I don't have the choice chance of love. What if
I go on the date, Well, I might get hurt,
but I might also have an amazing time. Do I
want to stop myself from trying to explore this and
kind of going through it logically in the mind where
it's like, Okay, I still have a little bit of
(15:48):
fear inside that I might get hurt, but logically I
know that this is what I want to do, and
it's it's pushing through it a little bit, right, it's
being strong saying Okay, I can hold this fear and
I can still take an action with it.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
Yeah. And I also like what you said a second
ago where you were talking about asking yourself, you know
what am I afraid of? Because I think that could
also answer if you're answering hmm, I was getting a
bad vibe or something didn't feel right, that's then acknowledging
that you have an intuition or a feeling about something
that maybe isn't fear directly related to, you know, being
(16:28):
afraid of a situation rather than a person.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, And that's a healthy fear to say, Okay, intuitively,
I think something might be wrong here, But then you've
got to explore am I putting that onto this situation
because I really don't want to get hurt? Or am
I putting this onto this situation because this person has
given me signals that they might not be safe. And
(16:53):
it's trusting yourself. It's you've really got to trust yourself,
especially if you're feeling like this not might not be safe.
And I can tell you, like I've through the work
that I've been doing, my intuition has heightened and I
can have a con like just be you know, messaging
with somebody new and get that feeling right. I was
(17:15):
just talking about this with somebody yesterday where two guys
might say, send me the same exact text, and one
of them I like, smile and the other one I'm
like annoyed by and I haven't met yet, so what
is that. That's my intuition of who I might actually
click with and who I want, and I've tested that
(17:36):
out by actually going on some dates and my intuition's right.
Speaker 4 (17:40):
Yes, I love that.
Speaker 5 (17:41):
I have a very unfortunately familiar experience on some of
the dating apps where someone will respond and I'll just
have this hit that this is a fake profile and
they're just trolling for what they call it or I
(18:02):
forgot what the word is, but it's there's and there
are some hints in what they say, like there's typos
or their grammar is improper. But there's also that feeling
that you just mentioned that's like, oh this feels, And
the number of times that I've engaged anyways just because
I'm bored wondering how it's going to show up.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
That's kind of funny.
Speaker 5 (18:22):
But I know what you're talking about, biotext you can
still feel it.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Yeah, wild energy is everywhere. We're all actually connected energetically,
and I don't think people really realize that when we're
arguing with another person, we're arguing with another part of ourselves.
It's like when we hate a person or a culture
or whatever. We're hating something that's just innately part of
all of us. And it's crazy because our energies are
(18:50):
really connected. And you know, people think that it, you know,
feeling energy or feeling this or that is woo woo,
but it really isn't. It's it's scientific and well we
all have it and we're all connected in that way.
Speaker 5 (19:03):
Yeah, it's like, what are all the unconscious cues that
my nervous system is picking up on that if you
haven't yet found a way to measure, but we feel it.
There's something and I think we call it intuition. And
then there are people kind of dismissive about the word intuition,
but there are subtleties that we can sense that we
(19:24):
don't know how we're sensing it, but somehow, I mean,
there's billions of neurons gathering information and feeding it, like
billions billions of neurons. That's a lot of information that
we how can we actually articulate what this is?
Speaker 3 (19:39):
But we feel it?
Speaker 4 (19:41):
Yeah, And a lot of people will use the word
gut feeling, you know as well, So people need to
trust that. I didn't trust it when I was younger,
I just thought that I had like, I just had
this fucking stomach, and why did I get all weird?
Sometimes I just didn't get it. And because I was
living in trauma. So once I was removed from that
(20:02):
and you know, I understood what it was, I started
to understand that trusting my gut, my intuition, my instincts
was really important and it's changed my life. And I
think that other people can really tune into that and
help themselves.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Yeah, and if you think that's too go back to
what Steve said, and there's you know, billions into it,
scientifically proven, and that's what the healthy fear is, right,
it's pulling that together and going I'm going to use
this information. I'm going to pay attention to this information.
(20:37):
It's important.
Speaker 4 (20:39):
Now I took I wrote down some questions for you
regarding how to take that power back, how to move
through once we've acknowledged that we're fearing something, how do
we move forward to you know, overcoming, breaking through taking
power back? So, can you walk us through a practical
(21:00):
way that someone listening today can start to shift a
fear that they're stuck in.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Yes, So, if it's a fear, let's take one, I'm.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
Not lovable, Okay, perfect right If.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
The fear is I am afraid that I'm not lovable,
so somebody is going to break my heart. It's going
back to looking at is that true? Is that really true?
Looking at proof points? Well, I have good friends that
love me, I have family members that love me. And
then coming back to the origin of I love myself.
(21:37):
And if you're not there yet, that's the first place
to start with the work, Yes, getting to the point
where you can feel that self love, because if it's
not something you can give to yourself, somebody else can't
give it to you. But we start there, and so
we look for those proof points. Let me say, okay,
I am actually lovable and I'm worthy of love, and
I've got proof in the past that I have been loved. Well,
(22:00):
is it rational to believe that everybody on this planet
should love me? Do I love everybody on this planet?
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Now?
Speaker 4 (22:07):
Point right point?
Speaker 3 (22:09):
Why should I be fearful of somebody not wanting to
enter into a relationship I love that. My mindset to say,
you know what, that's not the right person for me.
So I'm not going to be afraid of that. I'm
going to embrace that I'm going to embrace the fact
that I am going to find the right person and
along the way, they are going to be people that
(22:32):
aren't right for me, and that's perfect. Okay. So you're
preparing your mind to step through and get to the
point where you say, okay, So with all of these
things thought about, considered and bringing that into my mindset,
and the best way to do this again is it's
hard for it to happen overnight, but our brain will
(22:53):
take in new information create new neural pathways over a
period of thirty days. So keep this a little bit
and thinking it and practicing it every day for thirty days,
and by the end of the thirty days, it becomes
familiar to think about that and say, okay, so I
love myself, I'm deserving of love. I realize that not
(23:14):
everybody is going to love me, and I'm not going
to love everybody, and that's okay. So I feel secure,
and I'm ready to feel secure taking that next step
to explore, knowing that it's not something to be afraid of,
but something to be embraced, because each time I do that,
I'm getting closer to the person who is right for me.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
I love that also, I think that a lot of
people might be hearing this today and thinking, Okay, I
may not love myself very much. How do I get
to the place to get to that place to be
that person? My own personal opinion is my two choices
(23:59):
I I lean towards is breath work helps you find
yourself quite well, and shadow work, which is approaching your
inner younger self in giving them grace and love and
support and you know, working through that, that's what that's
what works for me. Steve, do you have a suggestion,
(24:20):
and Julie do you as well?
Speaker 5 (24:21):
Yeah? I thought of one that fits in with shadow
work is some of our beliefs. And I think one
of the primary beliefs I've noticed in myself is scarcity. Like,
just as there are billions of neurons in our bodies
receiving information, there are billions of human beings out there,
and when I am attracted to one, I start thinking like,
oh my god, I'm fixated this is the one, And
then it puts all this pressure on oh my god,
(24:43):
you know what if they don't like so, I might
override some of that gut feeling that is telling me
maybe you know so, I'm so fixated, my attention is
out there rather than really trusting and tuning into my embody.
So what if I could just tune in is yeah,
they may look like eye candy, but really not a
mass for me. They're just not the kind of person
(25:06):
that feel good around or whatever. So you trusting that
part of ourselves is really you can get out of
a scarcity mindset.
Speaker 4 (25:14):
I love that, Scarce. I wouldn't have thought of that.
That's actually really good.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
What about you, Julie, Well, I'm sure you can guess
what I'm going to add. I love all of those,
and I'm going to add hypnotherapy yay, right in mindset
coaching as well. All of these are tools and you've
got to find the one that's right for you, right.
And we like to think that we should go along,
you know, I know I was to do everything on
(25:39):
your own. You're really you know, it's weakness to ask
for help. It is strength to ask for help. And
the way we get to the place we want to
be on our life is creating a team around us
or helping to support that growth in those shifts, and
all of those things are really beautiful ways to work
(26:02):
through and different tools that can be used.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
I love I love that. That is great. Here's another
one for you. What is one small fear that someone
could be facing today who's listening, that could make a
big impact on their confidence. So one small fear that
someone could be facing today that they could that could
be making a big impact on their on their confidence.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Yeah, I'm afraid of what I'm afraid of? What something
somebody's thinking about me? Oh right, just walking down the street,
somebody gives you a funny look and you're like, oh,
they're judging me, Oh yes, right, Or you look at
you know, you see somebody else and or that person
who's judging you looks like they have it all together
(26:49):
and you're like, oh my god, I'm not as whatever
as they are. So so it's look, stopping the comparison.
Speaker 4 (26:57):
Oh that's a good one, carring yourself to others.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
People, And it's stopping worrying what anybody else thinks and
realizing that there's only one person that matters. Yes, and
the best way to build your mother well watching she'd
say the same, so.
Speaker 5 (27:17):
But she's still in my head, right.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
But it's really coming back to that conversation with yourself
and saying I am enough and coming from that that
self belief and building your own confidence. So there's that
voice of mom or anybody else gets reduced. And the
(27:46):
biggest thing is being as kind to yourself as you
would be to somebody else in the world that you
really care about, because we tend to forget that we
are harder on ourselves than we are anybody. And a
lot of the work I'm doing with clients so like,
do you hear yourself when you say that to you know,
your daughter, your best friend, whoever, And they're like absolutely not,
(28:09):
Well why would why?
Speaker 5 (28:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (28:12):
You know when you were just talking about that, I
had a flash of when I did my very first
breath work session yep, and I had no idea what
it was going to be like or how it was
going to be and what all. I just was like,
gonna go with the flow. And in the middle of it,
the guy guiding you originally at the beginning says, hey,
(28:35):
if you start to feel this pain in your body,
get up on all fours and rock through it and
just keep breathing through it because it is trauma coming through.
And I was like, oh shit, okay, I didn't think
anything about it. I'm like that's just not gonna happen
to me. Oh yes it did, and I'm rocking, and
all of a sudden, I just the word shot out
(28:56):
of my mouth. I'm not good enough. I've never been
fucking good enough. And all this pain just started just
rising and calming, and it was like this voice, this thought.
I don't know if it was my mom, my grandma,
my inner whatever, or my subconscious that said, what the
(29:17):
fuck does it matter? You're good enough for yourself. You
have always been good enough for yourself. And once I
started letting that go, I just started crying and thinking
I am good enough for myself. All of that was gone,
like I've never since then. This was like maybe two
(29:37):
or three years ago, two and a half years ago
that I've it doesn't matter who I meet. I don't
care if I'm good enough for them. I'm good enough
for me, so therefore I'm good enough. So what does
it matter? And it has made all the difference in
my life.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
I love that.
Speaker 4 (29:54):
I love that it makes a difference.
Speaker 5 (29:57):
I have a question, Ma, asked question about hypnotherapy, and
maybe you could shed some light on how that really works,
because I know a lot of a lot of modalities
particularly cognitive modalities. Have you identify a belief or a
limiting belief or an issue and then try to connect
the dots to see where this What were the origins
of that somatic work? Not necessarily connecting the dots, but
(30:23):
feeling it in your body, creating some movements like what
you just talked about with breath work. That was just
movement and breath that allowed something to come up.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Well, where that?
Speaker 5 (30:31):
Where did that come from? So my question about hypnotherapy
is it something we're connecting the dots consciously? Is is
necessary or even one of the goals or don't tell
us a little bit about that?
Speaker 3 (30:44):
So yes, and now it's okay.
Speaker 4 (30:46):
I was expecting a great question.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Yeah, it is a great question. So for some we
want to get we want to get to that root
cause and we want to understand. And the difference between
like cognitive behavioral therapy and talk therapy is then you
talk through all of it and it takes a long time.
Speaker 4 (31:07):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
Listen. It has its place, but it does take a
long time because you're talking through everything, and it's the
self discovery, Like I personally get tired of hearing, well,
what do you think I'm like, what the fuck do
you think? Yeah, here, I didn't need help. So the
beauty of hypnotherapy is you get into the subconscious mind.
(31:30):
You get to connect with that and have that conversation.
So you can do that either getting to the root
cause and then understanding and very often it's something that
happened when you were a child. So I'll take the
person back and say, Okay, let's re examine that if
you were a child, you didn't deserve to be treated
(31:52):
that way. Let's reprogram that and say that's not me,
that's no longer me. I'm now this age, I'm capable
to have a voice for myself, and you reprogram right
shift whatever it is you need to shift based on
those original thoughts beliefs that have come to your subconscious
mind so that you're able to shift what's being held
(32:13):
in the subconscious. Now, for some people there's a really
deep trauma that they don't want to go revisit at all.
So it's getting them into the subconscious. It's understanding before
we get to that point a little bit about what
that trauma is. So you can help through words to
shift thoughts and beliefs without hating to completely identify what
(32:37):
that origin was, so done either way, It can be
done either way, and it depends, you know. I listen,
when I was taught how to do hypnotherapy, there was
a prescribed formula of how you elicit a session. Now,
doing this for seven years, I've got that in the
(32:57):
back of my mind, but I use my intuition. Does
this person need that understanding or is that something that's
going to open a wound that's so deep that's going
to harm that We need to go in a different
way and figure out how to just create the words,
because for some people it's just enough to have those
reassuring words of who they are now and come to
(33:19):
the understanding and belief of who they deserve to be
without going back to that original.
Speaker 4 (33:26):
Do you find that people are afraid of what they
could subconsciously say during a session like this, that it
deters them from it. Can we maybe explain to them
what it could be like that it's not something to
be afraid of or something.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Yeah, well, I don't know, because I mean, if I'm
working with somebody and I feel that they're a little
bit hesitant, I help them to understand. First of all,
your subconscious mind protects you Okay, So it's only going
to go as far as you are ready to go today.
Speaker 4 (34:02):
Okay, that's good, that's great.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
Okay, something you're not ready for. Like once I was
working with a client who it was business and she
wanted to get into she needed to present her business
and had a fear of public speaking. And while we
were in I understood that there was a deeper fear
in there, which was the fear of being hurt. And
(34:24):
so I kind of gave a suggestion of when we
were talking about something from her history, would it be
fair to say, I'm like, okay, like she's not ready
to go there, that's it. We'll just focus on. And
I knew that unlocked so much more than the fear
of public speaking.
Speaker 5 (34:44):
You could tell.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
Her subconscious mind wasn't going to let her go. Yeah,
that's what I Yeah, I have had a crime confess
to me, right, and so I've heard it all. So
that's the other thing I let clients like, I've heard
it all and there's no judgment here. This is the
safe place. So I can't tell you, like the percentage
of people that come out of a session and say
(35:08):
I've never shared that in my life, and they going,
I've never shared that in my life. What are you
going to do? What's going to happen. There's a relief
of being able to have let that go because they
can trust you to a safe place for them exactly.
And so they come out and that's the first thing
they say. And the second thing they say is I
(35:30):
feel so light. I feel because there was this heavy
thing that's been weighing them down that nobody knew about,
and now somebody knows, and there's still loved and there's
still a good person and everything's still okay.
Speaker 4 (35:47):
How do you think how do you balance honoring fear
without letting it making choices for you?
Speaker 3 (35:57):
It's again having it comes back to what we talked
about already, having that conversation with yourself or with a
professional to have them help you through that so that
you're really examining it.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
Can I say a question already?
Speaker 1 (36:10):
No?
Speaker 3 (36:10):
No, no, no no. I'm just saying I feel like I.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
Feel like all of a sudden, I thought, did I
fucking lose my mind?
Speaker 5 (36:16):
And ask because you and I were talking about that before, Julie.
Speaker 4 (36:21):
I was like, wait a minute, there was I wanted
to ask you this, But I.
Speaker 5 (36:23):
Think I asked between the two of us, you remember.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
Yeah, it's it's that. The answer is the same to
the things I was talking about before. It's having an honest,
open conversation with yourself to be able to address it
rather than just a quick reaction. And the best way
to start that conversation is coming back to your breath work,
taking three deep breaths, calm and relax yourself and get
(36:47):
your nervous system into a place where you can examine
with a calm mind, rather than having yourself in that
heightened fight or fright response. So calming yourself down, saying
this is okay, it's safe to think about this and
to ponder this, and let's just work through it. Is
this rational or is it irrational? Is it a little
(37:07):
bit irrational or a little bit rational, But it's something
that needs to be pushed through, and you know, you
play with your own boundaries again, like the same way
the subconscious mind works. Is this something I'm ready to examine?
And sometimes the best way to do that is to
get yourself into kind of a meditative state, which is
(37:29):
close to hypnotic state, and see what comes up. Ask
yourself the question like where is this fear coming from
what should I be doing with it? And just sit
and quiet and see what comes up and because something
well and I'm you know, I'm still always surprised when
all of a sudden out of nowhere. And you don't
(37:50):
have to be sitting doing that either. Like for me,
where I get the most clarity is when I'm out
for a walk in nature and I just leave it
to the universe, say give me the information that I
need to have today.
Speaker 5 (38:04):
Have another question, And this is a term that I
use a lot of my work, and I know that
a lot of modalities use this. So what about integration?
So once people have some opening or some insight in
a session with you, how do you I'm assuming and
you're nodding your head, so you know you use that
term or that model too. How do people integrate what
(38:24):
they've what's opened for them in a session with you?
And how do you support the nitor?
Speaker 3 (38:28):
Yes, so we do at the end of a session
what I call a transformation, where we are integrating the
new information and creating that as information we want to
stay with us. So we're creating those new neuropathways. And
for hypnotherapy clients, when they've been through that session. I
make a recording with that new integrated language that they
(38:51):
listen to. It's eight to twelve minute recording that they
listen to at least once a day for at least
thirty days to really ingrain that with those those new neuropathways,
so that it becomes a new thought, a new belief.
And the more that you repeat that, the more automatic
it becomes to go to that new thought and belief.
Speaker 4 (39:15):
I love that, you know, Steve, that that feel was
in my head. I couldn't put it into words. I
was like, how am I going to ask her? How
do they you know what I mean? And you asked it.
I love this pot So I do have a question
for you, though, Julie, is is it possible for people
to do this virtually with you or do they have
(39:36):
to be in person? How how does this process work?
Speaker 3 (39:39):
Yeah? So I see people in my home office and
I see people from around the world virtually. And it
was funny because when I started doing this, you know,
zoom wasn't the big thing. And they called it skypnosis
because they really, yes, I'm dating myself. They called it
skype ghypnosis, and they're like, just as effective and I
(40:01):
can't tell you my fear of doing my first online session.
I was so nervous. I'm like, this is I don't
know if this is going to work. And actually it's
stronger sometimes than in person because somebody is at home
in their own comfortable space safety sola. So it's one
(40:22):
hundred percent just as effective, if not more. I love that. Yeah,
I love that. I love it.
Speaker 4 (40:30):
Do you think there's a difference between courage and fearlessness
and which one should we be aiming for? Because I
say all the time, I am fucking fearless now, But
is it courage or is it fearlessness that I'm You know.
Speaker 3 (40:46):
Well, if we come back to what the brain hears
and fearlessness, it still starts with fear.
Speaker 4 (40:54):
Thank you and thank you for setting that straight in
my mind.
Speaker 3 (40:57):
So like courageous, prageous, hearing courage. I love that.
Speaker 5 (41:05):
If I just imagine as a somatic practitioner, what that
brings up in my body. Fearless is like embracing myself
already to run forward and charge for like I'm a crusader,
whereas courageousness is more like a posture.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
See even this, the old bird learned something new I
love that because I have been for a while now,
I have lost this heavy fear in life, and so
I constantly say I'm just fearless now.
Speaker 3 (41:39):
You know.
Speaker 4 (41:40):
And I just it didn't feel right, and I but
I didn't know what else to use. So courageous or
courage I love that so much more.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
Yeah, it's always going to the positive word. And you know,
there are so many words that have a negative connotation, right,
like failure, for example, has such a negative connotation. And
I work with people who are starting businesses, new businesses
all the time, and the reality of the fact is
the majority of new businesses will quote unquote fait. And
(42:14):
so what I always work with people to understand is
we need to redefine what failure means, because in my
book only the only failure there is is if you
don't learn from what you're doing and shutting down a business.
Worked with many people who've shut down a business and
gone back to corporate life that they hated, and now
they love it so because they've been able to take
(42:37):
the skills and the understanding and the way they handle
things into the new. And then if you want to
tie that back to dating, let's think about rather than
a relationship failed, it had its right ending, and I'm
on to find a new one that's going to serve
both of us better than the past one did, and
(42:58):
that past relationship served its per this tip.
Speaker 4 (43:01):
Yeah, because I see everything as a learning experience. You know,
I may have dated somebody who wasn't the right person,
but I got something from it that makes me a
better partner for my next opportunity. Or it also shapes
my brain into yes, this is a boundary. Yes, this
is a value to me. Yes, these are things that
(43:23):
I need in my life, and I wouldn't have discovered
them if I hadn't dated a certain you Steve, you
were going to say something.
Speaker 5 (43:31):
And second, yeah, like we can recontextualize failure, like I
was meant to have this lesson with this person, so
rather than oh my god, what a what a horrible relationship.
But like Julie was saying, if you're not learning the lesson,
you keep repeating that and keep being drawn to the
same kind of person. It's like, Okay, you didn't learn
the lesson. I've had repeats before. I guess I didn't
(43:54):
learn the lesson.
Speaker 4 (43:55):
Again, Yes I didn't. Yeah, Well that's the whole point
of being here, being here on earth, the life that
you're in right now. We're here to learn whatever challenges
we're supposed to do, whatever whatever opportunities we're supposed to do.
It's about learning. I mean, this is the whole point. Julie.
How do they find you?
Speaker 3 (44:15):
Well, they can find me on my website, which you
see my game there. That's how it spelled Juliedempsey dot com.
Speaker 4 (44:22):
I'm gonna spell it for them really quick. It's j
for all those who are listening. J U l I
E d E M s ISN sam E y Julie Dimsey.
Speaker 3 (44:35):
Yep, Julie deemps dot com. It's funny you say that
I do the same thing with the s is in Sam.
Speaker 4 (44:40):
Yes, because that you know that sounds like S and
F are so close.
Speaker 3 (44:45):
Yes, But how else?
Speaker 4 (44:46):
They can find you on Instagram and things like that.
Speaker 3 (44:48):
On Instagram they can send me an email at Julie
at julidems dot com. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (44:54):
I love that. I think taking a step towards understanding
or acknowledge that there is growth, there is fear, there
is things that you want to get past and move
forward to be the best version of yourself. To be
that higher version to you having all the love you want,
all the light you want, having all the joy you want.
(45:16):
And I think acknowledging it but then taking steps to
figure out what works for you, and I think that
this is the type of thing that really could work
for a lot of people.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
Yeah. I love this, and I think it's great to
acknowledge your progress. And it's also just as important to
if you have a setback, you don't beat yourself up
about it, you know. So we go back and we're like, oh,
I'm learning that lesson again. You don't sit there and
I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I didn't believe.
You know, I didn't learn that. Learn that already be
kind to yourself and say, okay, I just needed that
(45:48):
one more time to really set it in.
Speaker 4 (45:50):
And now I've got it right, Julie, I am looking
up your last episode real quick with us before we leave.
It was episode one, so it was like six episodes ago,
and it was called finding Love by finding Yourself. And
if you have an opportunity to go back and listen
(46:10):
to that one, that is an incredible one. Just like today, Julie,
You're an amazing guest. I love having you here, and
Steve always comes up with the questions I can't seem
to get, so this is a great combo today. I'm
loving it.
Speaker 3 (46:25):
Yeah, lots of fun.
Speaker 4 (46:27):
It is really great. Yeah, thank you Julie for always
being here when I ask you. You're just like on it.
And I had crazy shit happening this week, so you
were going to just be handling the last minute thing.
So my hat's off to you. Thank you, and Steve,
you're the man, thanks for being here. Yeah, well, time
(46:48):
fly is way too fast. We are going to be
here again next week, same time, same place, and until then,
let's just keep this shit real.
Speaker 6 (46:58):
If you enjoyed this episode, please share with your friends,
like and follow us on Instagram at fifty Shades of
Underscore Bullshit and Facebook at fifty Shades of Bullshit.
Speaker 3 (47:12):
Thanks so much for
Speaker 4 (47:13):
Listening, and we really hope to see you again next
week
The following show contains adult content. It's not our intent
to offend anyone, but we want to inform you that
if you are a child under the age of eighteen
or get offended easily, this next show may not be
for you. The content, opinions, and subject matter of these
shows are solely the choice of your show hosts and
their guests, and not those of the Entertainment Network or
any affiliated stations. Any comments or inquiry should be directed
(00:22):
to those show hosts. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hey everyone, and welcome to Fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm
your host, Christine Lalan and this is the podcast where
we uncover the truth about online dating.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Now let's begin.
Speaker 4 (00:44):
Yes, hey everyone, I'm Christine.
Speaker 5 (00:47):
And I'm Steve. I'm becoming the regular temporary guest host.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
I love it and this is fifty Shades of Bullshit. Everybody.
We are having some while interesting, technical difficulties today. We
almost weren't able to do the show, but we are
thrilled to be here. Even if there are a few glitches,
it's all good.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
It.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
It just reminds me of the good old days when
we started out and we were glitching everywhere. There's always
a learning curb. Curb, you know, so curb. I cannot
speak either. So Hi here we are talking on a
podcast where I can't speak. So thanks for being here again, Steve.
How are you.
Speaker 5 (01:30):
I'm good.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
I'm good.
Speaker 5 (01:31):
I always love being a guest with you or guest
host or a guest co host or whatever you call me.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
I love it.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
I love it. I'm glad you're here.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
You know.
Speaker 4 (01:41):
After before we get into the show. The show's called
Facing Fear and Reclaiming Power. I want to tell this
cute little story that happened today. Okay, I played I
played Matchmaker in real life. So I'm in the post
office after work. It's still work, I'm still working, but
I'm dropping off stuff at the post office before I
(02:02):
head here, and there's this little old lady standing in line,
and then it was a little old man standing in line.
And I say little old because they're shorter than me,
you know, and they're cute as hell. They're like seventies eighties.
Until I asked the old guy and he's like, I'm
ninety two. But don't tell anybody. I said, I won't
(02:23):
tell anybody. So anyway, nobody right, they don't know him,
so it's all good. We are standing in line and
they're chatting, this little lady and guy, and she goes
up but it turns out they're not together. So she's
up there, she does her stuff and she walks out
(02:45):
and he turns around and looks at me and goes, man,
didn't she have beautiful hair? And I said, yes, she did.
Do you know her? And he goes, no, I'd like
to know her. I go, well, is she go? Ask her?
And he goes, oh, no, I can't. So I go,
We're gonna find out if she's single. So I start
to turn and the girl ahead of him goes running
(03:08):
past me.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
She runs out the door and says, hey, ma'am, are
you single?
Speaker 5 (03:15):
This is a group setup?
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Uh huh.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
So then the lady goes, yes, I am. Why she goes,
please don't go anywhere, Please don't go anywhere. So I go, sir,
she's single. I go get out there, and he goes,
what do I do? I said, you ask her for
a number and ask her out. He goes, what about
my spot in line? I said, I'm saving your spot
(03:39):
in line. Now go get her, tiger, and he goes
running out there. The girl comes back in and we're
all like watching out the window, me her and this
other lady. Now more people are coming in and we're
like filling them in. We're matchmaking here, folks. They're talking
and we're like, she gonna ask, he's gonna give her,
And then she gives them his her number and we
(04:02):
all start cheering. Hear you think probably, And the guy
who's doing the working at the post office is like,
oh my goodness, where's my matchmaker. People in line are like,
we're single, we're single. And then the old guy comes
back in with a beaming smile and he's like, thank
(04:23):
you for saving my spot and thank you for matchmaking.
She said yes no, and we're like great. So I'm like, hey, Tom,
how old are you. He's like ninety two. Don't tell anybody,
I swear to god, I thought he was like seventy
eight to eighty two. No, but I'm definitely younger than him.
And she was just this tiny, skinny little thing with
(04:46):
his big head of blonde hair and it was wavy
and it was beautiful. And I just said to Tom
as he was leaving, I said, hey, Tom, we just
need to be invited to the wedding. I'm like, okay.
So now then after that, everybody was saying, don't forget me,
(05:07):
I'm single too.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Uh huh.
Speaker 5 (05:09):
You know, it's interesting, quite an interesting segue into fear,
because look at this two ninety three years old still
afraid to say, hey, I like you, or hey I'm
interested in you, or hey, you know, are you single?
Whatever it is that it sound almost sounds like there
was this quality of boyishness that came out when he
(05:30):
was talking to you.
Speaker 4 (05:31):
Yes, isn't that cute?
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (05:33):
And it's it's so great to know that I don't
have to feel so bad when that comes up for
me too.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
It actually feels so good to be part of that
kind of thing. Well, I want to bring Julie in
real quick because we're going to be talking about this
stuff and I love I want her input too, So
I want to introduce Julie Dimpsey. She was on this
show a handful of months ago and I can't remember exactly,
but I'll look it up. She is a Rapid Result
(06:01):
mindset coach, a hypnotherapist and author of found Swiping Right
On Me to Find Love. She is a former Seemi
Valley executive turns transformer transformational guide. Julie specializes in helping
people undercover, excuse me, uncover and release the subconscious fears
(06:23):
that keep them stuck, not just in dating, but in
every area of life. Let's bring Julie on. Julie, my
girl with you. So happy you're here with us again.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
I'm single too, Are you gonna set me up yet?
Speaker 1 (06:39):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (06:39):
You're not looking for a ninety two year old.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Though now I'm not that. When my grandfather was that age, yeah,
he would have needed you, Christine. He would have done
that all on his own. I've got a channel on
my grandpa times.
Speaker 4 (06:53):
Well, you know, I flirted with a dude in my
elevator that's not from my building yesterday. I was really
hoping he would say, oh, you know you live here obviously,
But you know, I try to be as outgoing and
open and personable as possible, and I don't think that
a lot of people do because of fear. Fear of rejection,
(07:17):
fear of the unknown, fear that someone might be you know,
maybe not single whatever.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
Yep, there's so many fears that hold people back when
it comes to dating. And it's not just dating, it's
also getting into relationships, and it's a lot of things
they hold from childhood, from fears that were created around
different aspects of their life, then about not fitting in,
not being enough, not being lovable, and then we go
(07:43):
on through our dating and relationship years and get unfortunately
a lot of reconfirmation of those things a lot of
the time, and so it holds people in fear. And
when they're in fear, they're not able to show up
as their true authentic self, that is, that lovable being
that they want to show to the world.
Speaker 4 (08:03):
Yeah, yeah, I think that many fears today are about
you know, survival, but also about rejection, failure, vulnerability, being judged.
And it's our subconscious minds that keep us in these
loops of patterns of like keep us safe, you know,
(08:24):
but actually instead of it keeping us safe, it's keeping us.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
Small exactly exactly. You know. I had a client a
while back who was in her forties and she had
the love of her life when she was like late teens,
early twenties, and he broke her heart and she didn't
have a date since then because she was so fearful, Yeah,
(08:49):
to give her heart and this would happen again. And
we were able to successfully do a hippotherapy session where
we're able to rewire her thoughts and beliefs and open
her up to the possibility and happy to report she
started dating not long after that. But it takes some
real serious contemplation, if not on your own with a professional,
(09:11):
to be able to look aside and say, what are
those things that you know started out in life protecting
me and are now holding me back and really examining
and realizing that's what's happening and being ready to say
I want to switch that, I want to change that.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
Yeah, that's one of the things that I had listed
as a tool today was shift mindset shifts with hypnosis
and how it can be a subconscious way of unblocking
subconscious issues and it can really help with a fear
(09:51):
loop of being able to choose different type of responses.
I think that's very valuable.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Yeah, And they're actually they're often there are issues that
we are conscious of or aware of, and we're smart,
capable people, but we're not able to get into the
subconscious mind where they're stored to shift and makes a
new meaning for those Often sometimes we can right, there's
work we can do, Like the brain likes what's familiar
(10:19):
and if it's become familiar to hold that fear that's
keeping us from getting into relationships or dating or whatever,
or creating bad relationships, then we can start examining what
those things are, noticing them, right, So it's all about
I've got to notice, become aware, and then we can
(10:39):
start shifting, shifting what is familiar to the brain. So
instead of you know, waking up every day and going,
I'm not going to be able to find love, I'm
not lovable. There's all these problems. I'm afraid of love,
creating new mantras for yourself, waking up in the morning
and saying look in the mirror, and start with saying
to yourself, which is not an easy thing to do,
(11:01):
I love you. A lot of people are fearful of that.
So start there and get to the point where you
can you're able to do that, and then open yourself up. Yeah,
open yourself up to saying I'm deserving of love. I
am worthy of love. Love is coming to me.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
Mm hm.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
You know, we don't want to say I'm no longer
afraid of love, because.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
What is the word fear is still.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
There exactly exactly.
Speaker 4 (11:27):
I love that, Julie, So I have a little list
here that is how fear shows up in love, work,
and self expression. How it shows up in dating is
rejection and feeling like you're not being enough. How it
can show up in a career is fear of success
(11:48):
or failure and an impostor syndrome that's very big. And
in daily life fear of setting boundaries or speaking up
for being seen. That was my That was my list.
What's your thoughts, Steve on those type of things that
show up in different parts of life.
Speaker 5 (12:08):
Well, it's interesting because you said that last one being seen,
I think more than anything else, that's that's what we
want as human beings, to be seen and valued, appreciated,
and I think in some ways it also terrifies us,
you know, so we it's kind of this double edged
sword of like we really want to pick up space
and be appreciated and seeing for all of us, the good,
(12:30):
the bad, the crazy and known, and then yet we
hold it back in some ways for fear that it
might not be accepted. So it's kind of very interesting.
Speaker 4 (12:41):
I think it kind of reflects also when people are like, oh,
I want to be in a relationship, I want to
be in love, I want to find this. I want
to find that, but then they don't do the work
to get to that. And that's also kind of what's
that word I'm looking for where you're doing one thing
but saying another, or saying one thing but not doing
(13:02):
the follow up work. It's like self sabotaging.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
Yeah, yeah, and that is fun. It's really when people
say I want a relationship, but they're also saying, you know,
it's kind of an oxymoron because I want the relationship,
but I don't want to get hurt, So I'm not
going to try for the relationship because I might get hurt.
I have a fear of being hurt. And even if
somebody is out trying to date but they're holding that
(13:28):
fear in their heart, things aren't going to probably go
so well because we can innately sense that, or we
innately do things to self sabotage.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
How do you think fear goes away, Julie, How do
you do you think the fear ever goes away with people?
Or do you think it's just how we relate to it.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Well, I think it's how we relate to it. We
don't want fear to ever completely go away because we
might step into a bad situation if we let it go.
I mean, fear is there to protect us, excuse me.
So we want that healthy level of fear. But what
we what we need to do is identify where is
that boundary between what's healthy m hm and what's over
(14:12):
kind of over the line and holding me back. So again,
you know, as I was saying, the first step towards
that is really realizing that's what's going on. And sometimes
we can self identify and sometimes we need help with
somebody pointing that out to us because we don't often
think of it as fear.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
Right, how do you how do you balance honoring fear
without making about letting it make your choices for you?
Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Like that does? It's having a conversation with yourself right
and seeing, Okay, this is healthy fear. Is this something
that's going to save me from going on a date
with an axe murderer that I should be able to
sense and don't want to do, versus saying, you know,
it's really looking at it and going Okay, this nice
(15:03):
guy just asked me out, and I'm really excited, but
I'm scared to go out, or there's something that's making
me nervous, and it's having a talk with yourself saying, Okay,
what am I nervous about? Okay, I'm actually nervous because
my last relationship didn't end well and I didn't want
it to end, and I have feared that the same
thing's going to happen again. So okay, I'm fearful that
(15:27):
that will happen again. What if I don't go on
the date. Well, if I don't go on the date,
I don't have the choice chance of love. What if
I go on the date, Well, I might get hurt,
but I might also have an amazing time. Do I
want to stop myself from trying to explore this and
kind of going through it logically in the mind where
it's like, Okay, I still have a little bit of
(15:48):
fear inside that I might get hurt, but logically I
know that this is what I want to do, and
it's it's pushing through it a little bit, right, it's
being strong saying Okay, I can hold this fear and
I can still take an action with it.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
Yeah. And I also like what you said a second
ago where you were talking about asking yourself, you know
what am I afraid of? Because I think that could
also answer if you're answering hmm, I was getting a
bad vibe or something didn't feel right, that's then acknowledging
that you have an intuition or a feeling about something
that maybe isn't fear directly related to, you know, being
(16:28):
afraid of a situation rather than a person.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, And that's a healthy fear to say, Okay, intuitively,
I think something might be wrong here, But then you've
got to explore am I putting that onto this situation
because I really don't want to get hurt? Or am
I putting this onto this situation because this person has
given me signals that they might not be safe. And
(16:53):
it's trusting yourself. It's you've really got to trust yourself,
especially if you're feeling like this not might not be safe.
And I can tell you, like I've through the work
that I've been doing, my intuition has heightened and I
can have a con like just be you know, messaging
with somebody new and get that feeling right. I was
(17:15):
just talking about this with somebody yesterday where two guys
might say, send me the same exact text, and one
of them I like, smile and the other one I'm
like annoyed by and I haven't met yet, so what
is that. That's my intuition of who I might actually
click with and who I want, and I've tested that
(17:36):
out by actually going on some dates and my intuition's right.
Speaker 4 (17:40):
Yes, I love that.
Speaker 5 (17:41):
I have a very unfortunately familiar experience on some of
the dating apps where someone will respond and I'll just
have this hit that this is a fake profile and
they're just trolling for what they call it or I
(18:02):
forgot what the word is, but it's there's and there
are some hints in what they say, like there's typos
or their grammar is improper. But there's also that feeling
that you just mentioned that's like, oh this feels, And
the number of times that I've engaged anyways just because
I'm bored wondering how it's going to show up.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
That's kind of funny.
Speaker 5 (18:22):
But I know what you're talking about, biotext you can
still feel it.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Yeah, wild energy is everywhere. We're all actually connected energetically,
and I don't think people really realize that when we're
arguing with another person, we're arguing with another part of ourselves.
It's like when we hate a person or a culture
or whatever. We're hating something that's just innately part of
all of us. And it's crazy because our energies are
(18:50):
really connected. And you know, people think that it, you know,
feeling energy or feeling this or that is woo woo,
but it really isn't. It's it's scientific and well we
all have it and we're all connected in that way.
Speaker 5 (19:03):
Yeah, it's like, what are all the unconscious cues that
my nervous system is picking up on that if you
haven't yet found a way to measure, but we feel it.
There's something and I think we call it intuition. And
then there are people kind of dismissive about the word intuition,
but there are subtleties that we can sense that we
(19:24):
don't know how we're sensing it, but somehow, I mean,
there's billions of neurons gathering information and feeding it, like
billions billions of neurons. That's a lot of information that
we how can we actually articulate what this is?
Speaker 3 (19:39):
But we feel it?
Speaker 4 (19:41):
Yeah, And a lot of people will use the word
gut feeling, you know as well, So people need to
trust that. I didn't trust it when I was younger,
I just thought that I had like, I just had
this fucking stomach, and why did I get all weird?
Sometimes I just didn't get it. And because I was
living in trauma. So once I was removed from that
(20:02):
and you know, I understood what it was, I started
to understand that trusting my gut, my intuition, my instincts
was really important and it's changed my life. And I
think that other people can really tune into that and
help themselves.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Yeah, and if you think that's too go back to
what Steve said, and there's you know, billions into it,
scientifically proven, and that's what the healthy fear is, right,
it's pulling that together and going I'm going to use
this information. I'm going to pay attention to this information.
(20:37):
It's important.
Speaker 4 (20:39):
Now I took I wrote down some questions for you
regarding how to take that power back, how to move
through once we've acknowledged that we're fearing something, how do
we move forward to you know, overcoming, breaking through taking
power back? So, can you walk us through a practical
(21:00):
way that someone listening today can start to shift a
fear that they're stuck in.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Yes, So, if it's a fear, let's take one, I'm.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
Not lovable, Okay, perfect right If.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
The fear is I am afraid that I'm not lovable,
so somebody is going to break my heart. It's going
back to looking at is that true? Is that really true?
Looking at proof points? Well, I have good friends that
love me, I have family members that love me. And
then coming back to the origin of I love myself.
(21:37):
And if you're not there yet, that's the first place
to start with the work, Yes, getting to the point
where you can feel that self love, because if it's
not something you can give to yourself, somebody else can't
give it to you. But we start there, and so
we look for those proof points. Let me say, okay,
I am actually lovable and I'm worthy of love, and
I've got proof in the past that I have been loved. Well,
(22:00):
is it rational to believe that everybody on this planet
should love me? Do I love everybody on this planet?
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Now?
Speaker 4 (22:07):
Point right point?
Speaker 3 (22:09):
Why should I be fearful of somebody not wanting to
enter into a relationship I love that. My mindset to say,
you know what, that's not the right person for me.
So I'm not going to be afraid of that. I'm
going to embrace that I'm going to embrace the fact
that I am going to find the right person and
along the way, they are going to be people that
(22:32):
aren't right for me, and that's perfect. Okay. So you're
preparing your mind to step through and get to the
point where you say, okay, So with all of these
things thought about, considered and bringing that into my mindset,
and the best way to do this again is it's
hard for it to happen overnight, but our brain will
(22:53):
take in new information create new neural pathways over a
period of thirty days. So keep this a little bit
and thinking it and practicing it every day for thirty days,
and by the end of the thirty days, it becomes
familiar to think about that and say, okay, so I
love myself, I'm deserving of love. I realize that not
(23:14):
everybody is going to love me, and I'm not going
to love everybody, and that's okay. So I feel secure,
and I'm ready to feel secure taking that next step
to explore, knowing that it's not something to be afraid of,
but something to be embraced, because each time I do that,
I'm getting closer to the person who is right for me.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
I love that also, I think that a lot of
people might be hearing this today and thinking, Okay, I
may not love myself very much. How do I get
to the place to get to that place to be
that person? My own personal opinion is my two choices
(23:59):
I I lean towards is breath work helps you find
yourself quite well, and shadow work, which is approaching your
inner younger self in giving them grace and love and
support and you know, working through that, that's what that's
what works for me. Steve, do you have a suggestion,
(24:20):
and Julie do you as well?
Speaker 5 (24:21):
Yeah? I thought of one that fits in with shadow
work is some of our beliefs. And I think one
of the primary beliefs I've noticed in myself is scarcity. Like,
just as there are billions of neurons in our bodies
receiving information, there are billions of human beings out there,
and when I am attracted to one, I start thinking like,
oh my god, I'm fixated this is the one, And
then it puts all this pressure on oh my god,
(24:43):
you know what if they don't like so, I might
override some of that gut feeling that is telling me
maybe you know so, I'm so fixated, my attention is
out there rather than really trusting and tuning into my embody.
So what if I could just tune in is yeah,
they may look like eye candy, but really not a
mass for me. They're just not the kind of person
(25:06):
that feel good around or whatever. So you trusting that
part of ourselves is really you can get out of
a scarcity mindset.
Speaker 4 (25:14):
I love that, Scarce. I wouldn't have thought of that.
That's actually really good.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
What about you, Julie, Well, I'm sure you can guess
what I'm going to add. I love all of those,
and I'm going to add hypnotherapy yay, right in mindset
coaching as well. All of these are tools and you've
got to find the one that's right for you, right.
And we like to think that we should go along,
you know, I know I was to do everything on
(25:39):
your own. You're really you know, it's weakness to ask
for help. It is strength to ask for help. And
the way we get to the place we want to
be on our life is creating a team around us
or helping to support that growth in those shifts, and
all of those things are really beautiful ways to work
(26:02):
through and different tools that can be used.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
I love I love that. That is great. Here's another
one for you. What is one small fear that someone
could be facing today who's listening, that could make a
big impact on their confidence. So one small fear that
someone could be facing today that they could that could
be making a big impact on their on their confidence.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Yeah, I'm afraid of what I'm afraid of? What something
somebody's thinking about me? Oh right, just walking down the street,
somebody gives you a funny look and you're like, oh,
they're judging me, Oh yes, right, Or you look at
you know, you see somebody else and or that person
who's judging you looks like they have it all together
(26:49):
and you're like, oh my god, I'm not as whatever
as they are. So so it's look, stopping the comparison.
Speaker 4 (26:57):
Oh that's a good one, carring yourself to others.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
People, And it's stopping worrying what anybody else thinks and
realizing that there's only one person that matters. Yes, and
the best way to build your mother well watching she'd
say the same, so.
Speaker 5 (27:17):
But she's still in my head, right.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
But it's really coming back to that conversation with yourself
and saying I am enough and coming from that that
self belief and building your own confidence. So there's that
voice of mom or anybody else gets reduced. And the
(27:46):
biggest thing is being as kind to yourself as you
would be to somebody else in the world that you
really care about, because we tend to forget that we
are harder on ourselves than we are anybody. And a
lot of the work I'm doing with clients so like,
do you hear yourself when you say that to you know,
your daughter, your best friend, whoever, And they're like absolutely not,
(28:09):
Well why would why?
Speaker 5 (28:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (28:12):
You know when you were just talking about that, I
had a flash of when I did my very first
breath work session yep, and I had no idea what
it was going to be like or how it was
going to be and what all. I just was like,
gonna go with the flow. And in the middle of it,
the guy guiding you originally at the beginning says, hey,
(28:35):
if you start to feel this pain in your body,
get up on all fours and rock through it and
just keep breathing through it because it is trauma coming through.
And I was like, oh shit, okay, I didn't think
anything about it. I'm like that's just not gonna happen
to me. Oh yes it did, and I'm rocking, and
all of a sudden, I just the word shot out
(28:56):
of my mouth. I'm not good enough. I've never been
fucking good enough. And all this pain just started just
rising and calming, and it was like this voice, this thought.
I don't know if it was my mom, my grandma,
my inner whatever, or my subconscious that said, what the
(29:17):
fuck does it matter? You're good enough for yourself. You
have always been good enough for yourself. And once I
started letting that go, I just started crying and thinking
I am good enough for myself. All of that was gone,
like I've never since then. This was like maybe two
(29:37):
or three years ago, two and a half years ago
that I've it doesn't matter who I meet. I don't
care if I'm good enough for them. I'm good enough
for me, so therefore I'm good enough. So what does
it matter? And it has made all the difference in
my life.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
I love that.
Speaker 4 (29:54):
I love that it makes a difference.
Speaker 5 (29:57):
I have a question, Ma, asked question about hypnotherapy, and
maybe you could shed some light on how that really works,
because I know a lot of a lot of modalities
particularly cognitive modalities. Have you identify a belief or a
limiting belief or an issue and then try to connect
the dots to see where this What were the origins
of that somatic work? Not necessarily connecting the dots, but
(30:23):
feeling it in your body, creating some movements like what
you just talked about with breath work. That was just
movement and breath that allowed something to come up.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Well, where that?
Speaker 5 (30:31):
Where did that come from? So my question about hypnotherapy
is it something we're connecting the dots consciously? Is is
necessary or even one of the goals or don't tell
us a little bit about that?
Speaker 3 (30:44):
So yes, and now it's okay.
Speaker 4 (30:46):
I was expecting a great question.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Yeah, it is a great question. So for some we
want to get we want to get to that root
cause and we want to understand. And the difference between
like cognitive behavioral therapy and talk therapy is then you
talk through all of it and it takes a long time.
Speaker 4 (31:07):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
Listen. It has its place, but it does take a
long time because you're talking through everything, and it's the
self discovery, Like I personally get tired of hearing, well,
what do you think I'm like, what the fuck do
you think? Yeah, here, I didn't need help. So the
beauty of hypnotherapy is you get into the subconscious mind.
(31:30):
You get to connect with that and have that conversation.
So you can do that either getting to the root
cause and then understanding and very often it's something that
happened when you were a child. So I'll take the
person back and say, Okay, let's re examine that if
you were a child, you didn't deserve to be treated
(31:52):
that way. Let's reprogram that and say that's not me,
that's no longer me. I'm now this age, I'm capable
to have a voice for myself, and you reprogram right
shift whatever it is you need to shift based on
those original thoughts beliefs that have come to your subconscious
mind so that you're able to shift what's being held
(32:13):
in the subconscious. Now, for some people there's a really
deep trauma that they don't want to go revisit at all.
So it's getting them into the subconscious. It's understanding before
we get to that point a little bit about what
that trauma is. So you can help through words to
shift thoughts and beliefs without hating to completely identify what
(32:37):
that origin was, so done either way, It can be
done either way, and it depends, you know. I listen,
when I was taught how to do hypnotherapy, there was
a prescribed formula of how you elicit a session. Now,
doing this for seven years, I've got that in the
(32:57):
back of my mind, but I use my intuition. Does
this person need that understanding or is that something that's
going to open a wound that's so deep that's going
to harm that We need to go in a different
way and figure out how to just create the words,
because for some people it's just enough to have those
reassuring words of who they are now and come to
(33:19):
the understanding and belief of who they deserve to be
without going back to that original.
Speaker 4 (33:26):
Do you find that people are afraid of what they
could subconsciously say during a session like this, that it
deters them from it. Can we maybe explain to them
what it could be like that it's not something to
be afraid of or something.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Yeah, well, I don't know, because I mean, if I'm
working with somebody and I feel that they're a little
bit hesitant, I help them to understand. First of all,
your subconscious mind protects you Okay, So it's only going
to go as far as you are ready to go today.
Speaker 4 (34:02):
Okay, that's good, that's great.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
Okay, something you're not ready for. Like once I was
working with a client who it was business and she
wanted to get into she needed to present her business
and had a fear of public speaking. And while we
were in I understood that there was a deeper fear
in there, which was the fear of being hurt. And
(34:24):
so I kind of gave a suggestion of when we
were talking about something from her history, would it be
fair to say, I'm like, okay, like she's not ready
to go there, that's it. We'll just focus on. And
I knew that unlocked so much more than the fear
of public speaking.
Speaker 5 (34:44):
You could tell.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
Her subconscious mind wasn't going to let her go. Yeah,
that's what I Yeah, I have had a crime confess
to me, right, and so I've heard it all. So
that's the other thing I let clients like, I've heard
it all and there's no judgment here. This is the
safe place. So I can't tell you, like the percentage
of people that come out of a session and say
(35:08):
I've never shared that in my life, and they going,
I've never shared that in my life. What are you
going to do? What's going to happen. There's a relief
of being able to have let that go because they
can trust you to a safe place for them exactly.
And so they come out and that's the first thing
they say. And the second thing they say is I
(35:30):
feel so light. I feel because there was this heavy
thing that's been weighing them down that nobody knew about,
and now somebody knows, and there's still loved and there's
still a good person and everything's still okay.
Speaker 4 (35:47):
How do you think how do you balance honoring fear
without letting it making choices for you?
Speaker 3 (35:57):
It's again having it comes back to what we talked
about already, having that conversation with yourself or with a
professional to have them help you through that so that
you're really examining it.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
Can I say a question already?
Speaker 1 (36:10):
No?
Speaker 3 (36:10):
No, no, no no. I'm just saying I feel like I.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
Feel like all of a sudden, I thought, did I
fucking lose my mind?
Speaker 5 (36:16):
And ask because you and I were talking about that before, Julie.
Speaker 4 (36:21):
I was like, wait a minute, there was I wanted
to ask you this, But I.
Speaker 5 (36:23):
Think I asked between the two of us, you remember.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
Yeah, it's it's that. The answer is the same to
the things I was talking about before. It's having an honest,
open conversation with yourself to be able to address it
rather than just a quick reaction. And the best way
to start that conversation is coming back to your breath work,
taking three deep breaths, calm and relax yourself and get
(36:47):
your nervous system into a place where you can examine
with a calm mind, rather than having yourself in that
heightened fight or fright response. So calming yourself down, saying
this is okay, it's safe to think about this and
to ponder this, and let's just work through it. Is
this rational or is it irrational? Is it a little
(37:07):
bit irrational or a little bit rational, But it's something
that needs to be pushed through, and you know, you
play with your own boundaries again, like the same way
the subconscious mind works. Is this something I'm ready to examine?
And sometimes the best way to do that is to
get yourself into kind of a meditative state, which is
(37:29):
close to hypnotic state, and see what comes up. Ask
yourself the question like where is this fear coming from
what should I be doing with it? And just sit
and quiet and see what comes up and because something
well and I'm you know, I'm still always surprised when
all of a sudden out of nowhere. And you don't
(37:50):
have to be sitting doing that either. Like for me,
where I get the most clarity is when I'm out
for a walk in nature and I just leave it
to the universe, say give me the information that I
need to have today.
Speaker 5 (38:04):
Have another question, And this is a term that I
use a lot of my work, and I know that
a lot of modalities use this. So what about integration?
So once people have some opening or some insight in
a session with you, how do you I'm assuming and
you're nodding your head, so you know you use that
term or that model too. How do people integrate what
(38:24):
they've what's opened for them in a session with you?
And how do you support the nitor?
Speaker 3 (38:28):
Yes, so we do at the end of a session
what I call a transformation, where we are integrating the
new information and creating that as information we want to
stay with us. So we're creating those new neuropathways. And
for hypnotherapy clients, when they've been through that session. I
make a recording with that new integrated language that they
(38:51):
listen to. It's eight to twelve minute recording that they
listen to at least once a day for at least
thirty days to really ingrain that with those those new neuropathways,
so that it becomes a new thought, a new belief.
And the more that you repeat that, the more automatic
it becomes to go to that new thought and belief.
Speaker 4 (39:15):
I love that, you know, Steve, that that feel was
in my head. I couldn't put it into words. I
was like, how am I going to ask her? How
do they you know what I mean? And you asked it.
I love this pot So I do have a question
for you, though, Julie, is is it possible for people
to do this virtually with you or do they have
(39:36):
to be in person? How how does this process work?
Speaker 3 (39:39):
Yeah? So I see people in my home office and
I see people from around the world virtually. And it
was funny because when I started doing this, you know,
zoom wasn't the big thing. And they called it skypnosis
because they really, yes, I'm dating myself. They called it
skype ghypnosis, and they're like, just as effective and I
(40:01):
can't tell you my fear of doing my first online session.
I was so nervous. I'm like, this is I don't
know if this is going to work. And actually it's
stronger sometimes than in person because somebody is at home
in their own comfortable space safety sola. So it's one
(40:22):
hundred percent just as effective, if not more. I love that. Yeah,
I love that. I love it.
Speaker 4 (40:30):
Do you think there's a difference between courage and fearlessness
and which one should we be aiming for? Because I
say all the time, I am fucking fearless now, But
is it courage or is it fearlessness that I'm You know.
Speaker 3 (40:46):
Well, if we come back to what the brain hears
and fearlessness, it still starts with fear.
Speaker 4 (40:54):
Thank you and thank you for setting that straight in
my mind.
Speaker 3 (40:57):
So like courageous, prageous, hearing courage. I love that.
Speaker 5 (41:05):
If I just imagine as a somatic practitioner, what that
brings up in my body. Fearless is like embracing myself
already to run forward and charge for like I'm a crusader,
whereas courageousness is more like a posture.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
See even this, the old bird learned something new I
love that because I have been for a while now,
I have lost this heavy fear in life, and so
I constantly say I'm just fearless now.
Speaker 3 (41:39):
You know.
Speaker 4 (41:40):
And I just it didn't feel right, and I but
I didn't know what else to use. So courageous or
courage I love that so much more.
Speaker 3 (41:50):
Yeah, it's always going to the positive word. And you know,
there are so many words that have a negative connotation, right,
like failure, for example, has such a negative connotation. And
I work with people who are starting businesses, new businesses
all the time, and the reality of the fact is
the majority of new businesses will quote unquote fait. And
(42:14):
so what I always work with people to understand is
we need to redefine what failure means, because in my
book only the only failure there is is if you
don't learn from what you're doing and shutting down a business.
Worked with many people who've shut down a business and
gone back to corporate life that they hated, and now
they love it so because they've been able to take
(42:37):
the skills and the understanding and the way they handle
things into the new. And then if you want to
tie that back to dating, let's think about rather than
a relationship failed, it had its right ending, and I'm
on to find a new one that's going to serve
both of us better than the past one did, and
(42:58):
that past relationship served its per this tip.
Speaker 4 (43:01):
Yeah, because I see everything as a learning experience. You know,
I may have dated somebody who wasn't the right person,
but I got something from it that makes me a
better partner for my next opportunity. Or it also shapes
my brain into yes, this is a boundary. Yes, this
is a value to me. Yes, these are things that
(43:23):
I need in my life, and I wouldn't have discovered
them if I hadn't dated a certain you Steve, you
were going to say something.
Speaker 5 (43:31):
And second, yeah, like we can recontextualize failure, like I
was meant to have this lesson with this person, so
rather than oh my god, what a what a horrible relationship.
But like Julie was saying, if you're not learning the lesson,
you keep repeating that and keep being drawn to the
same kind of person. It's like, Okay, you didn't learn
the lesson. I've had repeats before. I guess I didn't
(43:54):
learn the lesson.
Speaker 4 (43:55):
Again, Yes I didn't. Yeah, Well that's the whole point
of being here, being here on earth, the life that
you're in right now. We're here to learn whatever challenges
we're supposed to do, whatever whatever opportunities we're supposed to do.
It's about learning. I mean, this is the whole point. Julie.
How do they find you?
Speaker 3 (44:15):
Well, they can find me on my website, which you
see my game there. That's how it spelled Juliedempsey dot com.
Speaker 4 (44:22):
I'm gonna spell it for them really quick. It's j
for all those who are listening. J U l I
E d E M s ISN sam E y Julie Dimsey.
Speaker 3 (44:35):
Yep, Julie deemps dot com. It's funny you say that
I do the same thing with the s is in Sam.
Speaker 4 (44:40):
Yes, because that you know that sounds like S and
F are so close.
Speaker 3 (44:45):
Yes, But how else?
Speaker 4 (44:46):
They can find you on Instagram and things like that.
Speaker 3 (44:48):
On Instagram they can send me an email at Julie
at julidems dot com. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (44:54):
I love that. I think taking a step towards understanding
or acknowledge that there is growth, there is fear, there
is things that you want to get past and move
forward to be the best version of yourself. To be
that higher version to you having all the love you want,
all the light you want, having all the joy you want.
(45:16):
And I think acknowledging it but then taking steps to
figure out what works for you, and I think that
this is the type of thing that really could work
for a lot of people.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
Yeah. I love this, and I think it's great to
acknowledge your progress. And it's also just as important to
if you have a setback, you don't beat yourself up
about it, you know. So we go back and we're like, oh,
I'm learning that lesson again. You don't sit there and
I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I didn't believe.
You know, I didn't learn that. Learn that already be
kind to yourself and say, okay, I just needed that
(45:48):
one more time to really set it in.
Speaker 4 (45:50):
And now I've got it right, Julie, I am looking
up your last episode real quick with us before we leave.
It was episode one, so it was like six episodes ago,
and it was called finding Love by finding Yourself. And
if you have an opportunity to go back and listen
(46:10):
to that one, that is an incredible one. Just like today, Julie,
You're an amazing guest. I love having you here, and
Steve always comes up with the questions I can't seem
to get, so this is a great combo today. I'm
loving it.
Speaker 3 (46:25):
Yeah, lots of fun.
Speaker 4 (46:27):
It is really great. Yeah, thank you Julie for always
being here when I ask you. You're just like on it.
And I had crazy shit happening this week, so you
were going to just be handling the last minute thing.
So my hat's off to you. Thank you, and Steve,
you're the man, thanks for being here. Yeah, well, time
(46:48):
fly is way too fast. We are going to be
here again next week, same time, same place, and until then,
let's just keep this shit real.
Speaker 6 (46:58):
If you enjoyed this episode, please share with your friends,
like and follow us on Instagram at fifty Shades of
Underscore Bullshit and Facebook at fifty Shades of Bullshit.
Speaker 3 (47:12):
Thanks so much for
Speaker 4 (47:13):
Listening, and we really hope to see you again next
week
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