June 19, 2025 • 49 mins
Can tradition and modern romance coexist? Matchmaker Radha Patel, founder of Single to Shaadi, joins us to explore the tension between South Asian cultural values and today’s dating world. From arranged marriages to swiping right, we dive into what love looks like for Desi singles balancing family expectations with personal desires. Radha dishes real talk, cultural insight, and spicy truths about finding love on your own terms.
Fifty Shades of Bullshit is broadcast live Thursdays at 4PM PT on K4HD Radio - Hollywood Talk Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Fifty Shades of Bullshit TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Fifty Shades of Bullshit Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
Fifty Shades of Bullshit is broadcast live Thursdays at 4PM PT on K4HD Radio - Hollywood Talk Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Fifty Shades of Bullshit TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Fifty Shades of Bullshit Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The following show contains adult content. It's not our intent
to offend anyone, but we want to inform you that
if you are a child under the age of eighteen
or get offended easily, this next show may not be
for you. The content, opinions, and subject matter of these
shows are solely the choice of your show hosts and
their guests, and not those of the Entertainment Network or
any affiliated stations. Any comments or inquiry you should be
(00:21):
directed to those show hosts. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hey everyone, and welcome to Fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm
your host, Christine Lalan and this is the podcast where
we uncover the truth about online dating.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Now let's begin.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Hey everybody, I'm.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Christine and I'm Janis.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
And this is fifty Shades of Bullshit.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Hello, Hey, hey everyone.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
Happy to have you back, Janis, thanks for co hosting today.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
My pleasure as always, happy happy.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
So how's that I know you went on a vacation.
Speaker 5 (01:05):
Yeah, my first vacation in over a year, Chris, Yeah,
it was also it was a bunch of first so
it was Chris and my first official vacation together. Christine
was actually privy to the first time we were out
of state together, but that's a conversation for another time.
So it was our first out of state vacation together,
(01:27):
and it was our first vacation.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
With a couple who were really close with and.
Speaker 5 (01:31):
We everyone is quite surprised by this, but we went
to Mount Rushmore and we had an obsolete blast that
was just last weekend and we're all still that kind
of riding the high from it.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
It was. It was great.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
I love Mount Rushmore. It's so beautiful out there. Did
you see, oh my god.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
The Crazy Horse worse?
Speaker 5 (01:50):
Yes, So this was one of the very unexpected parts
of the trip. Anyone listening, if you want to go
to Mount Rushmore, it is actually a lot of people
say they're let down. We were not at all. The
surrounding towns around it are just absolutely beautiful. We had
the best time. It's absolutely gorgeous. And yes, we ended
(02:12):
up at Crazy Horse. We all wanted to see it.
We all thought that Crazy Horse was a more recently
developed monument, so we rock up. They charged us thirty
five dollars car to enter, and we are all like,
oh my god, should we do this. It turns out
we were getting ourselves into, you know, an a like
(02:36):
multi acre museum and come to find out that Crazy
Horse has actually been under construction since Mount Brushmore was dedicated.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
So I had no idea. It was really really cool.
It was super super special.
Speaker 5 (02:52):
We had a great time, learned, a lot of things,
got educated. There was a lot of like unexpected things
that happened. And that's what's really great when you travel
with easy olling people who don't have agendas and just
like going.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
With the flow. It was wonderful, very happy about it.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
Well, I went out there for my honeymoon with my
older two daughters. Dad Roger. Well, we went, No, we
went to South Dakota and we stayed at where what
was that town? Uh, it's the town. No, it's the
(03:29):
town where all of the bikers go to. Okay, it's
the big town. I gotta look it up, all right.
It's the town where everybody goes for the Sturgis thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
So Sturgis has that little town and it's uh, it's amazing.
It's such a beautiful place. And they were just starting
let's see, Alexa was this is in ninety four, nineteen
ninety four that I went, and the Crazy Horse was
(04:06):
just getting like really kind of started.
Speaker 5 (04:10):
Well, but it had already been by that point thirty
five years in the making, believe it or not. Yeah,
they started doing it in nineteen forty seven.
Speaker 4 (04:21):
It was barely anything when we were there.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
That's amazing. Yeah, I had no idea. And it's funny.
Speaker 5 (04:28):
The man who started the whole thing, he actually said
when he died, He's like, it's not gonna be finished
when I die. And I don't think it's gonna be
finished when y'all die, But just keep it going.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Yeah, and it's beautiful and yeah, no end in sight.
Speaker 5 (04:43):
But that's like part of the excitement about it is
like becoming the history.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
And we'll see what happens. It was a lovely experience.
Speaker 4 (04:52):
Nice. I love that. Well, I'm glad you had a
great trip.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Me too.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
I'm I'm actually lea for Nashville this coming week.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
I'm so mad I can't go.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I know.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
I got a new I got a new part time job.
I'm going to me the event coordinator for a real
estate company that is really up and coming. In three years,
they have built so fast that they're in forty states
throughout the United States, and they will be in all
fifty states by the end of this year and in Canada.
(05:29):
So I'm going to be doing their trade shows all
over the world and I'm going to be doing their
events all over the country.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Yes, this is meant for you. I'm happy.
Speaker 4 (05:40):
I'm very very excited about it. I'm still doing my
cannabis stuff and I'm still doing my filming.
Speaker 6 (05:46):
Oh my god, tell us about the pies.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
I was trying to explain this to my friends. We
get a cannabis pie.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
Yeah, so it's many pies, mini cakes, ice cream, cinnamon rolls,
and brownies, and there's some food items I'm doing. I'm
doing grilled cheeses and pizzas, things like that that are
all infused and it's really magical.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
And you taste it, it gets you high.
Speaker 4 (06:13):
Well, yeah, this is the thing. Typically, if you're going
to eat a gummy or you're gonna eat something that
has cannabis in it some kind of like say normal
brownie like that they make, it's very dry, it's not
very good quality, and the weed that they put in
it is very very low quality. It's just a bunch
(06:34):
of random leftover stuff that they throw in and it
can actually not kind of go well with a lot
of different people's Uh. You know, when you eat a gummy,
it doesn't always work for somebody, or it does. It
just kind of makes you feel like you have a hangover.
And it's because of the poor quality. Now I use
(06:55):
the highest quality you can get it myself. I have
a machine that extracts it, and I infuse it myself
with organic products, and it is the purest that you
can get. And I've been putting it into my food,
my baked items, which are award winning, and people are
(07:20):
going crazy. I can text saying I haven't slept more
than two hours in ten years a night. I fall asleep,
I wake up, I fall asleep, I wake up. This
woman texted me and said that she slept through eight
hours the first time she ate my edibles. And then
(07:40):
I have another woman who's a client who broke her
back and she's been in a lot of pain and
she's been eating my edibles and she said she's paying free.
She's sleeping Christiane. So it's going really, really well.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
I have an idea for a product.
Speaker 5 (08:00):
Okay, I'm thinking infused potato skins. Okay, Okay, we got that,
because that is satisfying.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
It's a common bunch of food and yeah, let's do
some yeah, potato skins.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
We'll do some samples.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
We'll work.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
How all of that's going really well? And I just
got a promotional video booking. I'm going to be flying
to Vegas in three weeks uh to do a promotional
video for an h OA product for hoas, a security
product for hoas.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
So far, okright, you I'm curious to learn more about that.
These are not organizations that have really the best reputation
right now.
Speaker 4 (08:50):
Well, ho ways are all across the world. They are
four I think they have four million people in there,
n h o as throughout the US alone, And they
are developing a software for the security for HOAS. And
I'm doing the promotional video.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
For its great. Yeah, super, I'm excited.
Speaker 4 (09:17):
But that's you know, all the good stuff. I'm excited
about this episode. I'm I'm happy to have Rada join us.
We're going to I'm going to introduce Rada here so
she can come on and start talking to us about
her topic. Today, we're actually talking about South Asian love
in a modern world. Can tradition in modern romance coexist? Well,
(09:43):
Today we have matchmaker Rada Patel, founder of Single two
Saudi joins us to explore the tension between South Asian
cultural values in today's dating world. From arranged marriages to
swiping right, we dive into what love looks like for
South Asian singles, balancing family expectations with personal desires. Rada
(10:06):
dishes real talk, cultural insight in spicy truths about finding
love on your own terms. Let's bring in Rada.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
All right, let's do this.
Speaker 6 (10:16):
Hey, Hello, Christine, Hi Jannis.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
So happy to be here.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
Yeah, I'm happy to have you today. Welcome to the show.
I can't believe I haven't had you on sooner. Here
we are, though, Thank.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
You so much. I know, working right, love.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
It, love it, so welcome. Rada. You are based out of.
Speaker 6 (10:36):
Where I'm based out of Dallas, Texas, but I kind
of grew up all over the place. I'm originally from
the East Coast. I lived in a over a decade
in Chicago, and I've been in Dallas since twenty twenty.
So that's home.
Speaker 5 (10:46):
Now.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
What got you?
Speaker 5 (10:48):
So what is your I guess like connection to how
did you come to specify or like specifically work with
South South Asians considering where you're from?
Speaker 6 (10:58):
Yeah, so I am South Asian I'm Indian. My parents
came over in the seventies, you know, doing that wave
of immigration, and so I grew up in a very
like a rural part of Maryland. My parents had businesses,
and it was very hard to identify and find other
people that look like me. And I craved that culture
and I really was excited. This is pre Internet for
all you young kids out there, right, we had to
(11:21):
order magazines if you wanted to like really get in
touch with cultural stuff. And then I just knew that
that's that was like what I was missing, is like
that identity piece of me. Fast forward, I go to
college and I'm seeing all these Indian people from around
the you know, around the state and around the country,
and really like they were proud of being Indian. They
knew so much more about their culture. And I quickly
(11:42):
jumped in and was like, I want to do everything
I could possibly be about being brown. And so I
just you know, I was on the Indian dance team.
I was part of an Indian sorority. I just like
was really excited about the culture. Then, you know, I
was looking for marriage, and I knew it was important
for my family and for me to also have that
heritage and that rule piece. So I was only dating
other South Asians or Indian people. Fast forward, you know,
(12:05):
I had kids, this and that, but my world, my
network was really really Indian, very South Asian, and being
the networker that I am, the talker that I am,
the conversations naturally kept coming up around my friends and
family about hey, do you know single people? You know
lots of people, you do work here, you're involved in politics, whatever,
how about single people? And the theme just kept coming up,
(12:27):
And obviously, you know, it's such a big part of
everyone's life. South Asian culture, especially marriages are like the
thing you know about since you're born. I thought, let
me try my hands at it, and that's how I
got started.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
I love that. Where do most of your clients live?
Speaker 6 (12:44):
So we work with clients all over the US in Canada.
I think one of the things that you'll find it's
different with South Asian so it is changing with this
gen Z population is we look for a lot of
the cultural similarities, a lot of that value driven approach,
and so distance isn't as important for us. And with
so many people being immigrants, like you know, not many
your second generation or third generation. They haven't really put
(13:05):
down routes, so distance their location has never been an
issue for Indian daters.
Speaker 4 (13:09):
Oh that's good. So when you were working with a client,
are you typically are they typically looking for love based
connections or traditional arrangements?
Speaker 3 (13:20):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (13:21):
I think that, Like it's a little bit of both.
We don't do the classic arranged marriage. I think that's
where mom and dad come in that community aspect. Everybody's
pushing it since said you know, I think you turn eighteen.
But from our perspective, I think we add in the
cultural nuances, Like we understand why maybe being a vegetarian
is important to somebody and why they would look for
(13:42):
that in a partner. We understand even like the ethnic makeup, right,
languages are very different, some traditions are very different. So
I think I bring that understanding towards that modern approach
of my values align? Am I mean? Are we socially
the same? And am I going to fall in love
with this person?
Speaker 4 (14:00):
Do you find that you with the different cultures in
South Asian cultural backgrounds? Does that work when you're trying
to match or does it matter that they have different
types of backgrounds?
Speaker 3 (14:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (14:17):
Like connuances, do you need to get for a couple
to click right.
Speaker 6 (14:22):
Yeah, Like if I'm for one part of India and
my parents speak this language versus another part of India,
I would say that like by the time they get
to me, while the clients get to me, they've kind
of already worked those channels to their community members and family.
And I think that one of the beauty of being
South Asian American, that umbrella term, is that American is
such a big part of it. Most of us we
(14:44):
grew up here. Maybe we have like family members, distant
family members, we haven't been back to the motherland that
often that connection is not so tenuous as what it
was for our parents. So for us, and I know
this like so many of Michael, as long as you're brown,
as long as they eat in food, right, like, we
can make it work. That's the culture we're looking for.
Speaker 4 (15:05):
Is there family expectations the factor into these type of
matchmaking or does is it traditionally like now, maybe what's
your age range that you're matching, is it twenty something
to fifty something? And does the family expectations factor in?
Speaker 6 (15:25):
I think with the word matchmaking, it is so traditional
right that people when they google and they find us.
They think, yeah, she's going to be this auntie who
has a rolodex of people that are our homily and
she's gonna you know, But then they meet me and
I don't work with parents. That's one of our number
one rules. If you go to our website or tagline
is we are not your parents matchmaker.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
And I would hear more about that. Let's circle back.
Speaker 6 (15:48):
To Yeah, but because of the nuances that we don't,
we want to make sure that we're balancing that aspect
of love and long term compatibility. So age range wise,
we work with clients only over the age of twenty
live because I want to make sure they have some
dating under their belt. Right speaking, it's like, okay, long
term relationship, but you have to date, you have to
(16:08):
have your heart broken. You need to see what that's
like before you understand what you want out of a
long term relationship. Exact spot for singles is that mid
thirties early forties age range. But we also have a
program that's called Second Time Shahti that really helps with
people who are dating a second time around. Right maybe
they have kids, maybe get divorced later in life, maybe
(16:29):
they're looking for love until they hit their fifties, and
that's a segment that I think in traditional Indian dating
it gets ignored a lot. Right, we don't talk about
those people.
Speaker 5 (16:40):
Because divorce is a taboo or what exactly is the.
Speaker 6 (16:46):
Yeah, I would say divorce is a taboo. And there's
so much tradition and joy and celebration around marriages. It's
such a big part of our culture. People focus on
the young kids and getting them married, so that it
often feels like people in their fifth forties and fifties
get overlooked. And I'm proud to say that we you know,
we have the specialized program. And as I mentioned, most
(17:06):
of my singles or late thirties, early forties, when the
traditional community might be like, oh, it's too late for them,
you know, they hit their exploration date.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Yeah, I like that. Actually, when when you are offering
them these services, are you also offering them feedback or
dating advice or coaching advice to really get them on
that solid matching spot where do you just match and
then they do their own thing.
Speaker 6 (17:37):
I learned early on that matchmaking is not it's not
a perfect science, right. It's really like you see two
things on paper, it might work out, but the nuance
that each individual brings is what's going to determine if
that match is successful or not. So coaching and feedback
is a huge part of what we do. We also
absolutely offer coaching packages when we're working one on one
(18:00):
with you for a couple of months to help you
through your swiping game, through our setups. You know, just
making sure you're approaching dating in a way that makes
sense because you could meet you're a perfect person, whether
it's through me or whether it's online. But if your
headspace isn't right, the timing isn't right, it's still not
going to work out. And that's why I kind of
tell people that matchmaking is not magic at the end
(18:20):
of the day. It really is what.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
We know.
Speaker 5 (18:23):
We all on this show and through our community. When
it comes to coach, I mean, what would you say
is one of the biggest.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Challenges that people want to get support around.
Speaker 6 (18:36):
Yeah, I think it's that the concept of dating in
our community. It's like it was so taboo. It's like, no,
we don't date, we get married. But as I mentioned earlier,
you need to interact with other people. You need to
see what being intimate with people feels like before you
make that ultimate decision, and it's not a death sentence.
Just because you pick somebody doesn't mean you're stuck with
them forever, obviously, but let's just make sure that there's
(18:57):
not so much anxiety around picking that right person right.
If anybody's seen the new movie Materialists that just came out,
I wrote a really cool blog piece and podcast on it.
She does such a good job boiling down the matchmaking
industry to a math equation, and at the end of
the day, if the math doesn't align on paper, which
(19:18):
is what we do, the chances of success are maybe
going to diminish. And that's as much as we can
do is get you, guys to be that same number
two plus two equals for as much as possible. But
what you bring to the table ultimately is going to decide.
Speaker 5 (19:32):
With all types of coaching and dating, Yeah, you're only
going to be as successful as what you bring to it.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
Yeah, I was. I was curious. One of the comments
actually kind of touched on that. It says, is it
taboo for all types in dating? What Misty, I think
is kind of referring to something that I was actually
going to ask you, is do you match people who
are maybe outside of the culture, Like, do you match
(20:03):
people who maybe they are South Asian or the Indian
but they are attracted to maybe more of a westernized
person what or or a person of a different color
or ethnicity. Do you match those type of situations or
is it just you know, South Asian or Indian.
Speaker 6 (20:25):
In order to be in a niche, you know, we
do have to stick with a certain demographic. Otherwise it
would just be opening it up for everybody and I
would be just one of those mainstream app matchmakers type
of things. But that being said, there's so much diversity
in South Asian culture. I'll tell I'll give you some examples.
You know, the West Indians also identify as South Asian
(20:45):
because you know, even though they've been in the in
let's say Guyana or Barbados for hundreds of years, their
ethnic roots and origins still go back to India. So
I all take West Indian clients. I you know, I've
worked with Middle Eastern sometimes if they they you know,
they can self select. But I really don't turn people away.
I actually even had somebody who was a Roma client.
(21:07):
She was born and raised in America, but her family
is Roma ancestry and they originated from India generations ago
as well. It just depends right, and my clients themselves
are very open minded and that's where our coaching piece
comes in. So if you work with us in a
coaching capacity, yeah, we're gonna help you swipe and match
with any color, ethnicity, you know, even gender orientation and
(21:28):
sexual like. We we're the only matchmaker of South Asian
matchmakers that work with the queer community.
Speaker 7 (21:33):
Oh my god, God, I was gonna ask you about
that was exactly because you had you had touched on
the divorce and things like that, but I was actually
gonna ask you what about the LGBTQ plus community.
Speaker 4 (21:49):
You have matches that you do within the community for that.
Speaker 6 (21:54):
Yeah, it's it's a small segment, I will say, just
because it's still such a speaking of taboos. Not a
lot of South Asian you know, queer people are out
publicly things like that. But we do so much around education.
We partner with other matchmakers that are queer matchmakers. I
don't want to turn anybody away. If you feel like
you identify with our community, we'll figure out a way
(22:15):
to help you.
Speaker 4 (22:17):
Yes, what about support for like interfaith or intercultural matches?
What do you do for.
Speaker 6 (22:24):
That same right, if you tell me doing the intake interview,
hey I'm Hindu, but I don't care what I match
with when we're going to match you with anybody, right,
And then I think support piece. This is a little
bit where we partner more than offer on our own services.
But once couples are in a relationship, that's when we
kind of get up hands off because matchmaking is about
helping you find your person. Once you do, there's so
(22:47):
many more nuances to relationships. Like dynamics, we partner with
a lot of good coaches and a lot of other
relationship experts, so we still have that ecosystem, but that's
where we maybe take a step back and allow them
to build that relationship.
Speaker 5 (22:59):
How often is that come up the religious aspect, because
I think that's perfectly valid if you definitely want to
date someone who is your same religion.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
I'm not I have no judgment against that. I'm just curious.
Speaker 6 (23:12):
I would say it has to come up every time
because in the initial application, we're asking what are you
looking for? I you know, citizenship status, immigration, whatever and faith. Right,
that's always going to come up. And if you sell
any hinge or any dating app you go on, they're
going to ask you your preferred faith. So unfortunately that
does come up.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
Do people want to date within their faith most of
the time some of the time just carrious?
Speaker 6 (23:34):
Probably eighty percent?
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Yeah, okay, which I totally get.
Speaker 5 (23:37):
I'm Mormon or ex Mormon, so yeah, okay, no, because
that being in a niche community.
Speaker 6 (23:43):
That's kind of what I'm offering, right, is that if
you're on these mainstream dating apps, you might every ten
swipes find a brown person.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
With me.
Speaker 6 (23:50):
Every match is going to be a certain type of
brown person.
Speaker 4 (23:52):
Oh yeah, I get that.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
You know.
Speaker 4 (23:54):
It's funny. I get a lot of Indian men who
really like me because my blonde hair, blue eyes, and
light skin. You know, I have dated quite a few.
They're wonderful men, wonderful men. It just wasn't a match
for me. But I think that Indian men are just incredible.
I think they're very kind. I think that some of
(24:15):
them are very romantic. Maybe not always, you know, some
of them are come from a traditional kind of thing,
and maybe that's not a value. How do you work
with people who are like younger and and want that
kind of thing, But maybe they've not really had experience
with that.
Speaker 6 (24:32):
And I think experience is the key, right That's where
I try to convince them that every interaction doesn't have
to end in marriage. I get, you know, especially when
I see a lot of rejections coming from the people
I set them up with, I'm like, you know, what
are we actually looking for right now? Is the first
date a three hour interview where you're talking about what
college your kids are.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Going to go to?
Speaker 6 (24:50):
Or is it more like I watched this on TV
the other day and it was so funny. Have you
heard of this comedian?
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Right?
Speaker 5 (24:55):
Like?
Speaker 6 (24:56):
That's what I try to get them to understand, and
it's the programming Robson's birth saying like, you got to marry, well, like,
this is something you have to do. I have clients
who say they they just want to date, right and
we offer a database approach so that they can kind
of come and go as they need. They don't have
to find their person in a time period per se,
and they'll stick with me just because they like the
(25:16):
fact that, hey, when they're looking to meet somebody, I
might introduce them. They have a good relationship for a
couple of months, and then they move on with their life.
It's not always about Ennigan marriage, right, right.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
But you have people Sorry to interrupt, I just want
to hear come back to the whole. You said that
you have.
Speaker 5 (25:31):
Clients around the country and that location is not as important.
So would you say a lot most of your clients
are long distance relationships. How does this work exactly with
people being matched all over the country.
Speaker 6 (25:45):
Yeah, most of our matches if we try to aim
for driving distance, because if you're not going to meet
in the first couple of weeks, the chances are it's
never going to work out. But some ore more traditional clients.
They're the ones who are like, if it lines up
on paper, I'm flying out next weekend. And that's what
they're specifically looking for because I got as I mentioned,
why I take them twenty five and olders. Maybe they've
already been dating for five seven years. Maybe they feel
(26:05):
like they've quote unquote exhausted the local dating pool and
that's why they're opening up for long distance. But with
the way the population centers are right in New York,
New Jersey area, in Texas because I'm daised here, and
then in the San Francisco those are like our three huge,
bigger locations they're all the driving distance and companies a lot,
so why they might why say they're open a long
(26:27):
distance it's somebody you could see, for seably on a
weekend trip.
Speaker 4 (26:31):
That's good because you know, I can't imagine. Do you
find with the type of people that you are having
to match okay, do you find that they tend to
get to marriage faster or do you think that you
have a lot more success with people just like moving
in dating long term or is it like marriage pretty quick?
Speaker 6 (26:57):
I think the people who are more serious because as
I mentioned, they've been trying on their own, this is
a goal that they want in their life to be
in a relationship. Maybe it's just timing, Maybe it's something
that they don't realize is happening, like what they're bringing
to the table. So I think that we do find
success and people who are quote unquote serious and that's
what they want, not just casual dating. Not the wrong
with casual dating. You need to do that to get
(27:18):
to where you are. But if you're going to take
the time to work with the matchmaker and kind of
do the work that it takes, I think that you're
going to be more serious.
Speaker 5 (27:26):
A matchmaker who just who specializes in casual dating.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
That would be interesting.
Speaker 5 (27:33):
Really, we have not come across any matchmakers who specializing
casual dating.
Speaker 4 (27:38):
We have not well no, but if you think about it,
you know, it's not like people will have goals to
be casual dating. I think that you know, when you're
being matched, you have this idea of what possibly you
want or don't want, but then when you get into
a situation, it turns into maybe moving in together and
(28:01):
having a long term relationship that's like three or four
years before they get married, so you never know, or
they could just be dating for several years and you know,
not go anywhere. So it's hard to like determine what
that's going to be. Like I would think, I think.
Speaker 6 (28:16):
Marriage is the end goal. Yeah, so like you can
be in a kind relationship and not you know, I
think that are for South Asia, particularly my clients, they're
not looking just to be in a live in or
like a long term they want marriage.
Speaker 3 (28:29):
Yep. Cool, fair enough. And also I think that.
Speaker 5 (28:30):
That's super important to be super specific about what you
are here for, what your demographic wants, and that you
are going to make it happen, help to make it happen.
Speaker 4 (28:40):
Well, with the first generational clients, do you get a
lot of those like just here for the first time
from India?
Speaker 6 (28:49):
Yeah, And I would say that's probably one of the
biggest segmentation lines for my clients. It's were you born
and raised here or were you born and raised elsewhere?
And as you mentioned, I've seen earlier, right like, it
just wasn't a fit for you and some of those
Indian guys you dated because culturally, if you grew up
watching Friends and Boy Meets World and like eating cereal
(29:09):
and sugary snacks and right like. But and then in
India maybe they were like a very different culture. They
learned English as a second language. You weren't exposed to
the same when they come here. You know, while on
paper like oh this seems fine, you're very educated or
the same age whatever, socioeconomically, I think that the comfortability
of like you get where I come from, and it
(29:32):
doesn't line up for both sides.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
You know.
Speaker 6 (29:34):
It used to be when I was growing up, it
was like, oh, I don't want to date immigrants. It
was like really big thing, and it was one of
my criteria, like this guy needs to have been raised
in America. But now as I take on more recently
emigrated clients. They sail to me, I don't want somebody
ABCD we call it American born. Confused they see they like,
I don't want somebody an American born because they don't
(29:54):
know what I went through and they don't get my
family background.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
Right I can. I can also so see that, especially
with men who maybe come from India and then there's
a woman who a girl who's been born and raised
here culturally, like their mindsets are in two completely different places,
especially if he is, you know, involved in his traditions
(30:19):
and she maybe isn't as traditional or wasn't raised she
was americanized. That can I see issues there.
Speaker 5 (30:27):
But this brings up a good question. I mean, where
is the gender mix here? Do you have lots of
women reaching out? I mean, is men hoping to connect
with women? Women who are confused?
Speaker 3 (30:39):
And yeah, tell us more about like the breakdown of
your client Yeah.
Speaker 6 (30:44):
My database is sixty five percent women thirty five percent men.
Oh yeah, which is very interesting like for most South Asians.
I work with a lot of other Indian matchmakers as well,
and we all have more women than men. I never
thought that, right, Although larger on apps and things. It's
more men than women. Now here's where I say that
I align with that broader trend my gen Z clients.
(31:09):
So under thirty the men. I have more men that
are signing up from that age range. And I think
it's because we talk about that loneliness epidemic, that socializing piece,
and I think that with the Internet and all that,
men haven't they're not as good at socializing and they
think that being in a relationship is what's missing from
(31:29):
their life. And then I'll also add into that the
immigrant piece as well. These men are leaving India. They've
been surrounded by women. Everything's been done for them their
whole lives. They come here and they feel lost. I
need want my life to get my social circle back,
to help me make dinner on you know. Like so
the under thirty I'm seeing more men.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
Oh that's interesting. How are you finding your clientele? Is
it like word of mouth? Are you guys? Are you
really prevalent in the community that it that it really works?
Speaker 6 (32:02):
Media is huge, you know you ladies know being in
podcasts and you know, just always having to put yourself
out there. My website, I'm very proud of it. We've
been in business for seven ish years. If you google
anything Indian matchmaking, we're always the top social media as well. Right,
we do a lot of kind of playing. It's like
affordable marketing, but word of mouth is the biggest. I
(32:25):
told you earlier, I don't work with parents. The number
one inquiry forms are filled out from their parents parents.
Speaker 3 (32:33):
Christ if we talk about that for a.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
Second, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (32:37):
I know about this parent aspect because now it's come
up twice.
Speaker 3 (32:41):
So generally speaking, what is the parental role.
Speaker 5 (32:46):
In Indiana people dating?
Speaker 3 (32:49):
And then how? I don't know.
Speaker 5 (32:50):
I just want to dig, like dive more into this.
What do you typically see and why? Is like what
not only how do you set yourself apart? Or why
are you set apart? But what would be I don't
know the typical printal.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
Role in these things?
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Agree?
Speaker 3 (33:08):
I mean for Christina and I this this is foreign
to us.
Speaker 6 (33:10):
So yeah, yeah, and I think traditionally, I'll tell you
just from what I know from my parents and other
people in my peer group, parents were involved because you know,
as soon as the kid is old enough, it's like
it's a it's I don't want to say a business transaction,
but marriages have to happen. There is no ifens or
butts about it. Sometimes we hear tragedies from those situations
(33:32):
because they force these marriages or like you know, they're
hiding things. But traditionally parents have always been involved. They
have an overt responsibility in our culture to get their
children married. So you juxtapose that to now the American
or the Western mindset, you don't have a community to
dip into to be like, hey, so and so those brothers,
(33:53):
niece is single because your neighbors are white or black
or Mexican, and so you might be isolated. We talked
a little bit about the communities. If I speak this
certain language and now I'm in the middle of you know, Boofu, Michigan,
and maybe I do have Indian friends, but they're not
that same background or that same community. When it comes
to get your children settled, their instinct is to go
back to that, well, we have to marry within the community.
(34:15):
And so I think parents are overtly concerned about what's
going to happen if their child is thirty not married,
and that's the reason why they're seeking out the ways
to find matches for their kids.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
But as the thirty year old engaged with this type.
Speaker 5 (34:30):
Of mindset and ways of going about doing things, Because
if you're raised in America, I would like this would
be a completely different way than your peers going about
marriage and dating.
Speaker 4 (34:41):
But they're still being raised by traditional Indian families period.
Speaker 6 (34:47):
Yeah. Yeah, And this is where the hybrid approach comes in, right, Like,
we don't do arranged marriages per son anymore. I call
them introduced. So if your aunt Sally showed you a
boy that goes to her church and you're like, all right,
I'm twenty eight, it's a Thursday night, I had nothing
to do. Let me go to dinner with him, that's
kind of the approach it is now with parents. Maybe
I'm a little bit more intense in our culture, but
(35:08):
it's like, right, hey, I found this guy online. They're
the ones who are on the matrimony sides. They're the
ones who are looking for profiles. But then they could
ultimately go to their son and daughter and be like,
check out this person. Would you like to go out
with them? Or would you like to meet them? Maybe
not go out, but would you like to meet them?
And so I think that the singles are at least
open and receptive to be like, Okay, who did mom
(35:29):
find knowing that there's no pressure, like I don't have
to date this girl and I don't have to get married.
So there's this like the new modern version of parental matchmak.
Speaker 4 (35:38):
Yeah, I know. The moms are really involved a lot.
Even one of the ones I was dating five about
six or seven years ago, he was divorced and he
had cousin the kids and his mom lived with him
to help him take care of the children. And I
was just like, I'm never going to be able to
(35:59):
meet your family, am I? And he's like not really,
And I was like, then, why aren't we wasting your time?
You know, I get you're attracted to me, and he
was very handsome, but they're just it wasn't gonna work.
So I get that the moms are very very involved,
even if they're not living with them, and a lot
of them do they still live with their families.
Speaker 6 (36:20):
Yeah. Yeah, there's a little there's a big tradition of
saying like generationally together, especially with the children and grandchildren
come in. There's that guilt trip, right, like you can't
put them in daycare. You need family around. And so
that's another reason why I think that even my you know,
people who grew up here are still seeking that traditional
aspect because those are the nuances that only other South
Asian people would get. I'll give you another example. At
(36:43):
least this guy was divorced, the mom was living with him.
I know so many, even my own clients, who are
like in their late thirties of the early forties and
still live at home and that's not considered weird. Maybe
in your forties it's a little weird, but it's not
something that anybody would bling twice at and be like, oh,
why is he still living at home? Because we're just
culturally raised that way.
Speaker 4 (37:02):
Yeah, yeah, exactly, And that's why I got it. You know,
when I was talking to him, I was like, but
all your family like lives within you know, when this
is you're not going to be able to He's like, no,
the dating.
Speaker 5 (37:18):
Is different too, because he's not going to like bring
you home for a.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
Sleepover or like a hook up or something right.
Speaker 6 (37:26):
Exactly, which makes you question or this is where the
coaching comes in. Then if you're not going to be
hooking up with this person, right, but then you're also
not going to bring him home to mom. What what
are we trying to do here.
Speaker 4 (37:37):
He was trying to just hook up with me.
Speaker 3 (37:39):
That's where at your house?
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (37:41):
Yeah, he just wanted to like just go out and
then just you know, hook up with me. And I
was like, dude, no, this is I'm not your side piece.
Speaker 6 (37:53):
Not a wife, side piece of his mom and daughters exactly.
Speaker 4 (37:58):
Do you have any like stand out examples of a
successful match.
Speaker 6 (38:04):
Yeah, my favorite match is our first wedding that we
ever got under our belts. Yeah. So the gentleman had
been working with me for a little over a year.
As they mentioned, we do what's called a database. The
once you interview and you get registered, then we just
send you matches kind of like a dating up. If
you're interested, then we'll introduce you. You pay for that, and
you move forward. So he'd been with us for about
a year, maybe three or four dates we'd sent him
(38:26):
on the girl. This was literally her first person we
had introduced her to. They went out on a first date.
Both of them texted me separately right away to say,
this was the best first date. I really think something's
going to come of this, like thank you so much,
and fast forward a year later, he proposed. Two years later,
they got married. I went to the wedding like it
(38:48):
was my favorite. Now I'm like, we need a baby, exactly,
we need a baby on the website.
Speaker 3 (38:56):
Yeah, what would they like?
Speaker 5 (38:58):
What made them thatch so success was there are a
few different things that.
Speaker 6 (39:03):
A key is strike while the iron is hot. One
of the things I hate about modern dating, especially on
the apps, is that you chat and chat and chat
and you have like a pseudo relationship just through chat.
I laughing and this one client, she's like, we got
into a fight. I'm like, you've never met him in
person getting into a fight with this guy on texting.
(39:23):
Think you would really help for the two of them
is they met within the week of meeting, and I
think that they just vibe. But like they went to dinner,
they went for drinks like that all just the vibes
were great. That neither of them were like getting into
the weeds about where, you know, where are kids going
to go to college? And this and that, So that
they enjoyed themselves and that really made it a successful
first date, and that made them want to see each
(39:44):
other again. I can't tell you, ladies, how many times
they get the one and done. They go to dinner
one time and they're like, I don't feel it anymore.
Speaker 5 (39:51):
Well, and Christine and I talk a lot about chemistry
versus compatibility, and we won't go into it, but that's
a perfect example because you are madging people who have
similar value and so intrinsically there's a compatibility, there's a
compatibility factor or potential, and so for so many to
say no, I didn't feel it, that's actually kind of
(40:13):
a shame.
Speaker 6 (40:14):
It is that paradox of choice or that magic wand right,
like she hates three out of four, but wait till
I get somebody who it's five out of four.
Speaker 4 (40:22):
What Yeah, and then they're like forty five and still
not fucking married.
Speaker 6 (40:27):
Yep, Yeah, I know them forever singles they think that
they're like I have a chip on their show, Like
they think they're so big and bad. There's a problem
with everybody that they meet. Oh I don't know, buddy, Yeah,
I get that.
Speaker 4 (40:41):
It's well, that's a problem in dating in general. People
expect something big and bold and you know, like love
at first sight to strike them, and then when they don't,
they they kind of like just have issues with everything
and then they find a nitpick everything and it's just
it's it's a pandemic that people are not, you know,
(41:06):
being able to find a person to you know, just
have some kind of relationship with, because they're so worried about, oh,
you know, is this person one hundred percent? You know,
like you don't fucking know until you start getting to
know them and date them.
Speaker 6 (41:22):
And let me add in another layer, there's this thing
called Bollywood. So that's like our cinema industry, and Bollywood
has just nothing more perpetuated stereotypes around love and romance. Yeah,
like what women should look like, how men should behave right,
Like there's a big masochistic problem, like like you know,
(41:45):
she's more problem in India because of they think that,
like you know, just just keep bothering her, just keep
chasing after her, she'll eventually say yes. So those are
another trope now in modern Bollywood, the bodies and the
you can just see the like unrealistic expectations and it's
just adding another layer of what people think they deserve
when it comes to real life dating.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
Yeah, thank you for saying that.
Speaker 5 (42:08):
I was actually going to ask Christina and I are blonde,
white bitches and I was just curious, maybe what you
think that, like the two of us might find most
surprising about either your business or your matches or what
people are experiencing your clients.
Speaker 6 (42:27):
Let's see from like an American Blonde Nations perspective.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
I don't know.
Speaker 6 (42:33):
I think it's kind of like you said, Christine, like
it's a dating culture overall. It seeps into every niche
and every nuance, you know, not just necessarily Indian. Probably
the most surprising is the fact that you know, people
are more serious and like they are literally looking for marriage,
which we talked about, and then that family aspect bringing
in so much culture. I don't think that any other
(42:54):
ethnicity has so many layers around culture and religion and
immigration and faith and just just like levels of faith
that that's a big thing. Politics, right, there's just so
much involved. We live in a global world. So if
there's an election happening in India, I'm seeing people in
America fighting and about it. I'm like, we don't live there.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
Does it matter. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (43:15):
I do think that a lot of Middle Eastern European
cultures are very similar to that, and then they come
here to the States and then they want to stay
within their own communities for marriage and stuff, And I'm
sure it gets really tricky because, like you said, there's
just not a massive community of all these different cultures
(43:39):
that religiously culturally, you know, family wise, really you know,
mesh and work. I'm sure it's a difficult situation.
Speaker 6 (43:48):
Socioeconomic too, right, Like I come from a working class background.
There's a whole wave of people that came over as
doctors and nurses when there was a shortage in the eighties.
So socioeconomic backgrounds is an a thing where you have
to match on. You know, that's probably a surprising fact.
It doesn't come up that often.
Speaker 5 (44:06):
Yeah, I think it's a beautiful thing that there's so
many people out there to keep your business in business.
Speaker 3 (44:12):
Who say, these are my values, this is my background.
I wanted to preserve this so much so that I'm going.
Speaker 5 (44:18):
To seek out somebody who can help me facilitate that.
Speaker 3 (44:23):
I think it's a lovely thing.
Speaker 6 (44:24):
Here's a u surprising thing, maybe like their relationship to
your culture. This is something I ask everybody as well,
because some people are like me, a little miss India
who just love everything about being Indian, and then some
people are very much more Americanized, like they're you know,
don't identify with so much of the Indian culture. So
on that scale too, you have to fit like, are
you going to go out to watch a Bollywood movie
you need Indian food every weekend? Or is it like, no,
(44:46):
We're gonna go to the club and maybe go to
temple once a year type of thing, watch some MBA
go nuggets.
Speaker 4 (44:54):
Yeah, I'm sure that there's there's a lot of factors
and I love that. Are you one of the most
prevalent matchmaking companies for Indian or is there others that you.
Speaker 6 (45:07):
There are others, but we're the largest database because we
make it so approachable. So I work with a lot
of other matchmakers and we'll match our clients with theirs.
It's kind of like I have that large dating pool,
but I'm probably the most recognizable. There's a lot of
international brands as well that have offices here. But again,
then you're getting into that very traditional element of it.
Speaker 4 (45:27):
I love that. So when did you get married, Rada?
Speaker 6 (45:30):
I got married in two thousand and nine, way back
in the day.
Speaker 4 (45:35):
Was that before you started matchmaking or after? Yeah?
Speaker 6 (45:38):
Absolutely so. I met my husband ironically at a speed
dating event that was held by one of our ethnic convention,
like an annual convention, and I just happened to go
that year. He happened to be there that year, and
that's when we met. Ironically. Now, you know, twenty three
years later, I actually host those speed dating events and
trying to get people to people ask me doesn't work.
(46:00):
I'm like, yes it does. I'm an example.
Speaker 3 (46:03):
Yes, let's dating. Try it.
Speaker 6 (46:06):
I love that, especially now when people are like, you
see all these studies out there, and then people don't
want to use the apps anymore. They're coind of were
hit that thirteen fourteen year, like since Tinder came on
the stage, people are tired of it, and so speed dating.
You know, my events are probably my second largest revenue
generator right now because it's low barrier to entry. You
(46:26):
buy a ticket, you show up. It's local, right because
it's it's usually held at a neighborhood restaurant or bar,
and it's two hours. You need ten, you know, ten
or twelve people. If it works out, great, just maybe
get a date or two. If not, whatever, you have
drink mets some people.
Speaker 4 (46:40):
Does work that. I love that. I actually think that's
really cool. I've I love that. There are certain types
of speed dating that really work. I think your average
person going to a speed dating doesn't always work out.
I mean I've been to a couple and they've been
like blops, you know, but I can understand how somebody
(47:04):
who has a real ethnic pool that it's.
Speaker 5 (47:07):
A very Yeah, attention people.
Speaker 3 (47:14):
I can see that.
Speaker 6 (47:15):
I can that's what you're looking for.
Speaker 4 (47:17):
Yeah, exactly, Well, Rona, I really appreciate you coming on
and talking with us today. Time went really fast.
Speaker 6 (47:25):
It was fun, so fun. I feel like this for hours.
Speaker 4 (47:30):
I know, anytime you want to come back, you let
me know. If you've got something you want a topic
to talk about, you can come on and uh, I'm
happy to have you anytime. So for uh, we're doing
a podcast next week, an episode next week about friends
helping each other be accountable for like advice and supporting
(47:57):
each other. It's really cool. Steeve's back on with one
of his accountability friends, which is gonna be fun. So
we love having amazing guests. So you're you're awesome, Roda.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
I really appreciate you, y you Christine, and.
Speaker 4 (48:11):
I'm really fascinated by all the different ethnic type of
matchmaking and you know, it's you know, people still have
traditions they want to keep, and I love that you
came on and talk to us about this. This is fascinating.
Speaker 3 (48:27):
Thank you.
Speaker 6 (48:27):
I love what you ladies are doing. I love your show.
I love that you guys are just calling it out
how dating is right now, because it's hard. It's hard
out there. People are lonely, and so if you know
you're not the only one, it helps.
Speaker 4 (48:40):
Yeah, it's a lot, and it's nice to have support
and commend you on that. I'm sure a lot of
people are very grateful for your service. So, but thank
you Rod again, Janis, thanks for coming on and supporting
me today as my co host, and to all of
everybody who came and listen, again, thank you so much.
We really appreciate you being here, and we're going to
(49:01):
be back again, same time, same place, same time, same
place next week, and until then, let's just keep this
shit real.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
If you enjoyed this episode, please share with your friends,
like and follow us on Instagram at fifty Shades.
Speaker 4 (49:17):
Of Underscore Bullshit and Facebook at fifty Shades of Bullshit.
Thanks so much for listening, and we really hope to
see you again next week.
The following show contains adult content. It's not our intent
to offend anyone, but we want to inform you that
if you are a child under the age of eighteen
or get offended easily, this next show may not be
for you. The content, opinions, and subject matter of these
shows are solely the choice of your show hosts and
their guests, and not those of the Entertainment Network or
any affiliated stations. Any comments or inquiry you should be
(00:21):
directed to those show hosts. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hey everyone, and welcome to Fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm
your host, Christine Lalan and this is the podcast where
we uncover the truth about online dating.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Now let's begin.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Hey everybody, I'm.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Christine and I'm Janis.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
And this is fifty Shades of Bullshit.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Hello, Hey, hey everyone.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
Happy to have you back, Janis, thanks for co hosting today.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
My pleasure as always, happy happy.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
So how's that I know you went on a vacation.
Speaker 5 (01:05):
Yeah, my first vacation in over a year, Chris, Yeah,
it was also it was a bunch of first so
it was Chris and my first official vacation together. Christine
was actually privy to the first time we were out
of state together, but that's a conversation for another time.
So it was our first out of state vacation together,
(01:27):
and it was our first vacation.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
With a couple who were really close with and.
Speaker 5 (01:31):
We everyone is quite surprised by this, but we went
to Mount Rushmore and we had an obsolete blast that
was just last weekend and we're all still that kind
of riding the high from it.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
It was. It was great.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
I love Mount Rushmore. It's so beautiful out there. Did
you see, oh my god.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
The Crazy Horse worse?
Speaker 5 (01:50):
Yes, So this was one of the very unexpected parts
of the trip. Anyone listening, if you want to go
to Mount Rushmore, it is actually a lot of people
say they're let down. We were not at all. The
surrounding towns around it are just absolutely beautiful. We had
the best time. It's absolutely gorgeous. And yes, we ended
(02:12):
up at Crazy Horse. We all wanted to see it.
We all thought that Crazy Horse was a more recently
developed monument, so we rock up. They charged us thirty
five dollars car to enter, and we are all like,
oh my god, should we do this. It turns out
we were getting ourselves into, you know, an a like
(02:36):
multi acre museum and come to find out that Crazy
Horse has actually been under construction since Mount Brushmore was dedicated.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
So I had no idea. It was really really cool.
It was super super special.
Speaker 5 (02:52):
We had a great time, learned, a lot of things,
got educated. There was a lot of like unexpected things
that happened. And that's what's really great when you travel
with easy olling people who don't have agendas and just
like going.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
With the flow. It was wonderful, very happy about it.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
Well, I went out there for my honeymoon with my
older two daughters. Dad Roger. Well, we went, No, we
went to South Dakota and we stayed at where what
was that town? Uh, it's the town. No, it's the
(03:29):
town where all of the bikers go to. Okay, it's
the big town. I gotta look it up, all right.
It's the town where everybody goes for the Sturgis thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
So Sturgis has that little town and it's uh, it's amazing.
It's such a beautiful place. And they were just starting
let's see, Alexa was this is in ninety four, nineteen
ninety four that I went, and the Crazy Horse was
(04:06):
just getting like really kind of started.
Speaker 5 (04:10):
Well, but it had already been by that point thirty
five years in the making, believe it or not. Yeah,
they started doing it in nineteen forty seven.
Speaker 4 (04:21):
It was barely anything when we were there.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
That's amazing. Yeah, I had no idea. And it's funny.
Speaker 5 (04:28):
The man who started the whole thing, he actually said
when he died, He's like, it's not gonna be finished
when I die. And I don't think it's gonna be
finished when y'all die, But just keep it going.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Yeah, and it's beautiful and yeah, no end in sight.
Speaker 5 (04:43):
But that's like part of the excitement about it is
like becoming the history.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
And we'll see what happens. It was a lovely experience.
Speaker 4 (04:52):
Nice. I love that. Well, I'm glad you had a
great trip.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Me too.
Speaker 4 (04:57):
I'm I'm actually lea for Nashville this coming week.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
I'm so mad I can't go.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I know.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
I got a new I got a new part time job.
I'm going to me the event coordinator for a real
estate company that is really up and coming. In three years,
they have built so fast that they're in forty states
throughout the United States, and they will be in all
fifty states by the end of this year and in Canada.
(05:29):
So I'm going to be doing their trade shows all
over the world and I'm going to be doing their
events all over the country.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Yes, this is meant for you. I'm happy.
Speaker 4 (05:40):
I'm very very excited about it. I'm still doing my
cannabis stuff and I'm still doing my filming.
Speaker 6 (05:46):
Oh my god, tell us about the pies.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
I was trying to explain this to my friends. We
get a cannabis pie.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
Yeah, so it's many pies, mini cakes, ice cream, cinnamon rolls,
and brownies, and there's some food items I'm doing. I'm
doing grilled cheeses and pizzas, things like that that are
all infused and it's really magical.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
And you taste it, it gets you high.
Speaker 4 (06:13):
Well, yeah, this is the thing. Typically, if you're going
to eat a gummy or you're gonna eat something that
has cannabis in it some kind of like say normal
brownie like that they make, it's very dry, it's not
very good quality, and the weed that they put in
it is very very low quality. It's just a bunch
(06:34):
of random leftover stuff that they throw in and it
can actually not kind of go well with a lot
of different people's Uh. You know, when you eat a gummy,
it doesn't always work for somebody, or it does. It
just kind of makes you feel like you have a hangover.
And it's because of the poor quality. Now I use
(06:55):
the highest quality you can get it myself. I have
a machine that extracts it, and I infuse it myself
with organic products, and it is the purest that you
can get. And I've been putting it into my food,
my baked items, which are award winning, and people are
(07:20):
going crazy. I can text saying I haven't slept more
than two hours in ten years a night. I fall asleep,
I wake up, I fall asleep, I wake up. This
woman texted me and said that she slept through eight
hours the first time she ate my edibles. And then
(07:40):
I have another woman who's a client who broke her
back and she's been in a lot of pain and
she's been eating my edibles and she said she's paying free.
She's sleeping Christiane. So it's going really, really well.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
I have an idea for a product.
Speaker 5 (08:00):
Okay, I'm thinking infused potato skins. Okay, Okay, we got that,
because that is satisfying.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
It's a common bunch of food and yeah, let's do
some yeah, potato skins.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
We'll do some samples.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
We'll work.
Speaker 4 (08:23):
How all of that's going really well? And I just
got a promotional video booking. I'm going to be flying
to Vegas in three weeks uh to do a promotional
video for an h OA product for hoas, a security
product for hoas.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
So far, okright, you I'm curious to learn more about that.
These are not organizations that have really the best reputation
right now.
Speaker 4 (08:50):
Well, ho ways are all across the world. They are
four I think they have four million people in there,
n h o as throughout the US alone, And they
are developing a software for the security for HOAS. And
I'm doing the promotional video.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
For its great. Yeah, super, I'm excited.
Speaker 4 (09:17):
But that's you know, all the good stuff. I'm excited
about this episode. I'm I'm happy to have Rada join us.
We're going to I'm going to introduce Rada here so
she can come on and start talking to us about
her topic. Today, we're actually talking about South Asian love
in a modern world. Can tradition in modern romance coexist? Well,
(09:43):
Today we have matchmaker Rada Patel, founder of Single two
Saudi joins us to explore the tension between South Asian
cultural values in today's dating world. From arranged marriages to
swiping right, we dive into what love looks like for
South Asian singles, balancing family expectations with personal desires. Rada
(10:06):
dishes real talk, cultural insight in spicy truths about finding
love on your own terms. Let's bring in Rada.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
All right, let's do this.
Speaker 6 (10:16):
Hey, Hello, Christine, Hi Jannis.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
So happy to be here.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
Yeah, I'm happy to have you today. Welcome to the show.
I can't believe I haven't had you on sooner. Here
we are, though, Thank.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
You so much. I know, working right, love.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
It, love it, so welcome. Rada. You are based out of.
Speaker 6 (10:36):
Where I'm based out of Dallas, Texas, but I kind
of grew up all over the place. I'm originally from
the East Coast. I lived in a over a decade
in Chicago, and I've been in Dallas since twenty twenty.
So that's home.
Speaker 5 (10:46):
Now.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
What got you?
Speaker 5 (10:48):
So what is your I guess like connection to how
did you come to specify or like specifically work with
South South Asians considering where you're from?
Speaker 6 (10:58):
Yeah, so I am South Asian I'm Indian. My parents
came over in the seventies, you know, doing that wave
of immigration, and so I grew up in a very
like a rural part of Maryland. My parents had businesses,
and it was very hard to identify and find other
people that look like me. And I craved that culture
and I really was excited. This is pre Internet for
all you young kids out there, right, we had to
(11:21):
order magazines if you wanted to like really get in
touch with cultural stuff. And then I just knew that
that's that was like what I was missing, is like
that identity piece of me. Fast forward, I go to
college and I'm seeing all these Indian people from around
the you know, around the state and around the country,
and really like they were proud of being Indian. They
knew so much more about their culture. And I quickly
(11:42):
jumped in and was like, I want to do everything
I could possibly be about being brown. And so I
just you know, I was on the Indian dance team.
I was part of an Indian sorority. I just like
was really excited about the culture. Then, you know, I
was looking for marriage, and I knew it was important
for my family and for me to also have that
heritage and that rule piece. So I was only dating
other South Asians or Indian people. Fast forward, you know,
(12:05):
I had kids, this and that, but my world, my
network was really really Indian, very South Asian, and being
the networker that I am, the talker that I am,
the conversations naturally kept coming up around my friends and
family about hey, do you know single people? You know
lots of people, you do work here, you're involved in politics, whatever,
how about single people? And the theme just kept coming up,
(12:27):
And obviously, you know, it's such a big part of
everyone's life. South Asian culture, especially marriages are like the
thing you know about since you're born. I thought, let
me try my hands at it, and that's how I
got started.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
I love that. Where do most of your clients live?
Speaker 6 (12:44):
So we work with clients all over the US in Canada.
I think one of the things that you'll find it's
different with South Asian so it is changing with this
gen Z population is we look for a lot of
the cultural similarities, a lot of that value driven approach,
and so distance isn't as important for us. And with
so many people being immigrants, like you know, not many
your second generation or third generation. They haven't really put
(13:05):
down routes, so distance their location has never been an
issue for Indian daters.
Speaker 4 (13:09):
Oh that's good. So when you were working with a client,
are you typically are they typically looking for love based
connections or traditional arrangements?
Speaker 3 (13:20):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (13:21):
I think that, Like it's a little bit of both.
We don't do the classic arranged marriage. I think that's
where mom and dad come in that community aspect. Everybody's
pushing it since said you know, I think you turn eighteen.
But from our perspective, I think we add in the
cultural nuances, Like we understand why maybe being a vegetarian
is important to somebody and why they would look for
(13:42):
that in a partner. We understand even like the ethnic makeup, right,
languages are very different, some traditions are very different. So
I think I bring that understanding towards that modern approach
of my values align? Am I mean? Are we socially
the same? And am I going to fall in love
with this person?
Speaker 4 (14:00):
Do you find that you with the different cultures in
South Asian cultural backgrounds? Does that work when you're trying
to match or does it matter that they have different
types of backgrounds?
Speaker 3 (14:17):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (14:17):
Like connuances, do you need to get for a couple
to click right.
Speaker 6 (14:22):
Yeah, Like if I'm for one part of India and
my parents speak this language versus another part of India,
I would say that like by the time they get
to me, while the clients get to me, they've kind
of already worked those channels to their community members and family.
And I think that one of the beauty of being
South Asian American, that umbrella term, is that American is
such a big part of it. Most of us we
(14:44):
grew up here. Maybe we have like family members, distant
family members, we haven't been back to the motherland that
often that connection is not so tenuous as what it
was for our parents. So for us, and I know
this like so many of Michael, as long as you're brown,
as long as they eat in food, right, like, we
can make it work. That's the culture we're looking for.
Speaker 4 (15:05):
Is there family expectations the factor into these type of
matchmaking or does is it traditionally like now, maybe what's
your age range that you're matching, is it twenty something
to fifty something? And does the family expectations factor in?
Speaker 6 (15:25):
I think with the word matchmaking, it is so traditional
right that people when they google and they find us.
They think, yeah, she's going to be this auntie who
has a rolodex of people that are our homily and
she's gonna you know, But then they meet me and
I don't work with parents. That's one of our number
one rules. If you go to our website or tagline
is we are not your parents matchmaker.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
And I would hear more about that. Let's circle back.
Speaker 6 (15:48):
To Yeah, but because of the nuances that we don't,
we want to make sure that we're balancing that aspect
of love and long term compatibility. So age range wise,
we work with clients only over the age of twenty
live because I want to make sure they have some
dating under their belt. Right speaking, it's like, okay, long
term relationship, but you have to date, you have to
(16:08):
have your heart broken. You need to see what that's
like before you understand what you want out of a
long term relationship. Exact spot for singles is that mid
thirties early forties age range. But we also have a
program that's called Second Time Shahti that really helps with
people who are dating a second time around. Right maybe
they have kids, maybe get divorced later in life, maybe
(16:29):
they're looking for love until they hit their fifties, and
that's a segment that I think in traditional Indian dating
it gets ignored a lot. Right, we don't talk about
those people.
Speaker 5 (16:40):
Because divorce is a taboo or what exactly is the.
Speaker 6 (16:46):
Yeah, I would say divorce is a taboo. And there's
so much tradition and joy and celebration around marriages. It's
such a big part of our culture. People focus on
the young kids and getting them married, so that it
often feels like people in their fifth forties and fifties
get overlooked. And I'm proud to say that we you know,
we have the specialized program. And as I mentioned, most
(17:06):
of my singles or late thirties, early forties, when the
traditional community might be like, oh, it's too late for them,
you know, they hit their exploration date.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Yeah, I like that. Actually, when when you are offering
them these services, are you also offering them feedback or
dating advice or coaching advice to really get them on
that solid matching spot where do you just match and
then they do their own thing.
Speaker 6 (17:37):
I learned early on that matchmaking is not it's not
a perfect science, right. It's really like you see two
things on paper, it might work out, but the nuance
that each individual brings is what's going to determine if
that match is successful or not. So coaching and feedback
is a huge part of what we do. We also
absolutely offer coaching packages when we're working one on one
(18:00):
with you for a couple of months to help you
through your swiping game, through our setups. You know, just
making sure you're approaching dating in a way that makes
sense because you could meet you're a perfect person, whether
it's through me or whether it's online. But if your
headspace isn't right, the timing isn't right, it's still not
going to work out. And that's why I kind of
tell people that matchmaking is not magic at the end
(18:20):
of the day. It really is what.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
We know.
Speaker 5 (18:23):
We all on this show and through our community. When
it comes to coach, I mean, what would you say
is one of the biggest.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Challenges that people want to get support around.
Speaker 6 (18:36):
Yeah, I think it's that the concept of dating in
our community. It's like it was so taboo. It's like, no,
we don't date, we get married. But as I mentioned earlier,
you need to interact with other people. You need to
see what being intimate with people feels like before you
make that ultimate decision, and it's not a death sentence.
Just because you pick somebody doesn't mean you're stuck with
them forever, obviously, but let's just make sure that there's
(18:57):
not so much anxiety around picking that right person right.
If anybody's seen the new movie Materialists that just came out,
I wrote a really cool blog piece and podcast on it.
She does such a good job boiling down the matchmaking
industry to a math equation, and at the end of
the day, if the math doesn't align on paper, which
(19:18):
is what we do, the chances of success are maybe
going to diminish. And that's as much as we can
do is get you, guys to be that same number
two plus two equals for as much as possible. But
what you bring to the table ultimately is going to decide.
Speaker 5 (19:32):
With all types of coaching and dating, Yeah, you're only
going to be as successful as what you bring to it.
Speaker 4 (19:39):
Yeah, I was. I was curious. One of the comments
actually kind of touched on that. It says, is it
taboo for all types in dating? What Misty, I think
is kind of referring to something that I was actually
going to ask you, is do you match people who
are maybe outside of the culture, Like, do you match
(20:03):
people who maybe they are South Asian or the Indian
but they are attracted to maybe more of a westernized
person what or or a person of a different color
or ethnicity. Do you match those type of situations or
is it just you know, South Asian or Indian.
Speaker 6 (20:25):
In order to be in a niche, you know, we
do have to stick with a certain demographic. Otherwise it
would just be opening it up for everybody and I
would be just one of those mainstream app matchmakers type
of things. But that being said, there's so much diversity
in South Asian culture. I'll tell I'll give you some examples.
You know, the West Indians also identify as South Asian
(20:45):
because you know, even though they've been in the in
let's say Guyana or Barbados for hundreds of years, their
ethnic roots and origins still go back to India. So
I all take West Indian clients. I you know, I've
worked with Middle Eastern sometimes if they they you know,
they can self select. But I really don't turn people away.
I actually even had somebody who was a Roma client.
(21:07):
She was born and raised in America, but her family
is Roma ancestry and they originated from India generations ago
as well. It just depends right, and my clients themselves
are very open minded and that's where our coaching piece
comes in. So if you work with us in a
coaching capacity, yeah, we're gonna help you swipe and match
with any color, ethnicity, you know, even gender orientation and
(21:28):
sexual like. We we're the only matchmaker of South Asian
matchmakers that work with the queer community.
Speaker 7 (21:33):
Oh my god, God, I was gonna ask you about
that was exactly because you had you had touched on
the divorce and things like that, but I was actually
gonna ask you what about the LGBTQ plus community.
Speaker 4 (21:49):
You have matches that you do within the community for that.
Speaker 6 (21:54):
Yeah, it's it's a small segment, I will say, just
because it's still such a speaking of taboos. Not a
lot of South Asian you know, queer people are out
publicly things like that. But we do so much around education.
We partner with other matchmakers that are queer matchmakers. I
don't want to turn anybody away. If you feel like
you identify with our community, we'll figure out a way
(22:15):
to help you.
Speaker 4 (22:17):
Yes, what about support for like interfaith or intercultural matches?
What do you do for.
Speaker 6 (22:24):
That same right, if you tell me doing the intake interview,
hey I'm Hindu, but I don't care what I match
with when we're going to match you with anybody, right,
And then I think support piece. This is a little
bit where we partner more than offer on our own services.
But once couples are in a relationship, that's when we
kind of get up hands off because matchmaking is about
helping you find your person. Once you do, there's so
(22:47):
many more nuances to relationships. Like dynamics, we partner with
a lot of good coaches and a lot of other
relationship experts, so we still have that ecosystem, but that's
where we maybe take a step back and allow them
to build that relationship.
Speaker 5 (22:59):
How often is that come up the religious aspect, because
I think that's perfectly valid if you definitely want to
date someone who is your same religion.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
I'm not I have no judgment against that. I'm just curious.
Speaker 6 (23:12):
I would say it has to come up every time
because in the initial application, we're asking what are you
looking for? I you know, citizenship status, immigration, whatever and faith. Right,
that's always going to come up. And if you sell
any hinge or any dating app you go on, they're
going to ask you your preferred faith. So unfortunately that
does come up.
Speaker 5 (23:29):
Do people want to date within their faith most of
the time some of the time just carrious?
Speaker 6 (23:34):
Probably eighty percent?
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Yeah, okay, which I totally get.
Speaker 5 (23:37):
I'm Mormon or ex Mormon, so yeah, okay, no, because
that being in a niche community.
Speaker 6 (23:43):
That's kind of what I'm offering, right, is that if
you're on these mainstream dating apps, you might every ten
swipes find a brown person.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
With me.
Speaker 6 (23:50):
Every match is going to be a certain type of
brown person.
Speaker 4 (23:52):
Oh yeah, I get that.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
You know.
Speaker 4 (23:54):
It's funny. I get a lot of Indian men who
really like me because my blonde hair, blue eyes, and
light skin. You know, I have dated quite a few.
They're wonderful men, wonderful men. It just wasn't a match
for me. But I think that Indian men are just incredible.
I think they're very kind. I think that some of
(24:15):
them are very romantic. Maybe not always, you know, some
of them are come from a traditional kind of thing,
and maybe that's not a value. How do you work
with people who are like younger and and want that
kind of thing, But maybe they've not really had experience
with that.
Speaker 6 (24:32):
And I think experience is the key, right That's where
I try to convince them that every interaction doesn't have
to end in marriage. I get, you know, especially when
I see a lot of rejections coming from the people
I set them up with, I'm like, you know, what
are we actually looking for right now? Is the first
date a three hour interview where you're talking about what
college your kids are.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Going to go to?
Speaker 6 (24:50):
Or is it more like I watched this on TV
the other day and it was so funny. Have you
heard of this comedian?
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Right?
Speaker 5 (24:55):
Like?
Speaker 6 (24:56):
That's what I try to get them to understand, and
it's the programming Robson's birth saying like, you got to marry, well, like,
this is something you have to do. I have clients
who say they they just want to date, right and
we offer a database approach so that they can kind
of come and go as they need. They don't have
to find their person in a time period per se,
and they'll stick with me just because they like the
(25:16):
fact that, hey, when they're looking to meet somebody, I
might introduce them. They have a good relationship for a
couple of months, and then they move on with their life.
It's not always about Ennigan marriage, right, right.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
But you have people Sorry to interrupt, I just want
to hear come back to the whole. You said that
you have.
Speaker 5 (25:31):
Clients around the country and that location is not as important.
So would you say a lot most of your clients
are long distance relationships. How does this work exactly with
people being matched all over the country.
Speaker 6 (25:45):
Yeah, most of our matches if we try to aim
for driving distance, because if you're not going to meet
in the first couple of weeks, the chances are it's
never going to work out. But some ore more traditional clients.
They're the ones who are like, if it lines up
on paper, I'm flying out next weekend. And that's what
they're specifically looking for because I got as I mentioned,
why I take them twenty five and olders. Maybe they've
already been dating for five seven years. Maybe they feel
(26:05):
like they've quote unquote exhausted the local dating pool and
that's why they're opening up for long distance. But with
the way the population centers are right in New York,
New Jersey area, in Texas because I'm daised here, and
then in the San Francisco those are like our three huge,
bigger locations they're all the driving distance and companies a lot,
so why they might why say they're open a long
(26:27):
distance it's somebody you could see, for seably on a
weekend trip.
Speaker 4 (26:31):
That's good because you know, I can't imagine. Do you
find with the type of people that you are having
to match okay, do you find that they tend to
get to marriage faster or do you think that you
have a lot more success with people just like moving
in dating long term or is it like marriage pretty quick?
Speaker 6 (26:57):
I think the people who are more serious because as
I mentioned, they've been trying on their own, this is
a goal that they want in their life to be
in a relationship. Maybe it's just timing, Maybe it's something
that they don't realize is happening, like what they're bringing
to the table. So I think that we do find
success and people who are quote unquote serious and that's
what they want, not just casual dating. Not the wrong
with casual dating. You need to do that to get
(27:18):
to where you are. But if you're going to take
the time to work with the matchmaker and kind of
do the work that it takes, I think that you're
going to be more serious.
Speaker 5 (27:26):
A matchmaker who just who specializes in casual dating.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
That would be interesting.
Speaker 5 (27:33):
Really, we have not come across any matchmakers who specializing
casual dating.
Speaker 4 (27:38):
We have not well no, but if you think about it,
you know, it's not like people will have goals to
be casual dating. I think that you know, when you're
being matched, you have this idea of what possibly you
want or don't want, but then when you get into
a situation, it turns into maybe moving in together and
(28:01):
having a long term relationship that's like three or four
years before they get married, so you never know, or
they could just be dating for several years and you know,
not go anywhere. So it's hard to like determine what
that's going to be. Like I would think, I think.
Speaker 6 (28:16):
Marriage is the end goal. Yeah, so like you can
be in a kind relationship and not you know, I
think that are for South Asia, particularly my clients, they're
not looking just to be in a live in or
like a long term they want marriage.
Speaker 3 (28:29):
Yep. Cool, fair enough. And also I think that.
Speaker 5 (28:30):
That's super important to be super specific about what you
are here for, what your demographic wants, and that you
are going to make it happen, help to make it happen.
Speaker 4 (28:40):
Well, with the first generational clients, do you get a
lot of those like just here for the first time
from India?
Speaker 6 (28:49):
Yeah, And I would say that's probably one of the
biggest segmentation lines for my clients. It's were you born
and raised here or were you born and raised elsewhere?
And as you mentioned, I've seen earlier, right like, it
just wasn't a fit for you and some of those
Indian guys you dated because culturally, if you grew up
watching Friends and Boy Meets World and like eating cereal
(29:09):
and sugary snacks and right like. But and then in
India maybe they were like a very different culture. They
learned English as a second language. You weren't exposed to
the same when they come here. You know, while on
paper like oh this seems fine, you're very educated or
the same age whatever, socioeconomically, I think that the comfortability
of like you get where I come from, and it
(29:32):
doesn't line up for both sides.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
You know.
Speaker 6 (29:34):
It used to be when I was growing up, it
was like, oh, I don't want to date immigrants. It
was like really big thing, and it was one of
my criteria, like this guy needs to have been raised
in America. But now as I take on more recently
emigrated clients. They sail to me, I don't want somebody
ABCD we call it American born. Confused they see they like,
I don't want somebody an American born because they don't
(29:54):
know what I went through and they don't get my
family background.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
Right I can. I can also so see that, especially
with men who maybe come from India and then there's
a woman who a girl who's been born and raised
here culturally, like their mindsets are in two completely different places,
especially if he is, you know, involved in his traditions
(30:19):
and she maybe isn't as traditional or wasn't raised she
was americanized. That can I see issues there.
Speaker 5 (30:27):
But this brings up a good question. I mean, where
is the gender mix here? Do you have lots of
women reaching out? I mean, is men hoping to connect
with women? Women who are confused?
Speaker 3 (30:39):
And yeah, tell us more about like the breakdown of
your client Yeah.
Speaker 6 (30:44):
My database is sixty five percent women thirty five percent men.
Oh yeah, which is very interesting like for most South Asians.
I work with a lot of other Indian matchmakers as well,
and we all have more women than men. I never
thought that, right, Although larger on apps and things. It's
more men than women. Now here's where I say that
I align with that broader trend my gen Z clients.
(31:09):
So under thirty the men. I have more men that
are signing up from that age range. And I think
it's because we talk about that loneliness epidemic, that socializing piece,
and I think that with the Internet and all that,
men haven't they're not as good at socializing and they
think that being in a relationship is what's missing from
(31:29):
their life. And then I'll also add into that the
immigrant piece as well. These men are leaving India. They've
been surrounded by women. Everything's been done for them their
whole lives. They come here and they feel lost. I
need want my life to get my social circle back,
to help me make dinner on you know. Like so
the under thirty I'm seeing more men.
Speaker 4 (31:50):
Oh that's interesting. How are you finding your clientele? Is
it like word of mouth? Are you guys? Are you
really prevalent in the community that it that it really works?
Speaker 6 (32:02):
Media is huge, you know you ladies know being in
podcasts and you know, just always having to put yourself
out there. My website, I'm very proud of it. We've
been in business for seven ish years. If you google
anything Indian matchmaking, we're always the top social media as well. Right,
we do a lot of kind of playing. It's like
affordable marketing, but word of mouth is the biggest. I
(32:25):
told you earlier, I don't work with parents. The number
one inquiry forms are filled out from their parents parents.
Speaker 3 (32:33):
Christ if we talk about that for a.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
Second, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (32:37):
I know about this parent aspect because now it's come
up twice.
Speaker 3 (32:41):
So generally speaking, what is the parental role.
Speaker 5 (32:46):
In Indiana people dating?
Speaker 3 (32:49):
And then how? I don't know.
Speaker 5 (32:50):
I just want to dig, like dive more into this.
What do you typically see and why? Is like what
not only how do you set yourself apart? Or why
are you set apart? But what would be I don't
know the typical printal.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
Role in these things?
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Agree?
Speaker 3 (33:08):
I mean for Christina and I this this is foreign
to us.
Speaker 6 (33:10):
So yeah, yeah, and I think traditionally, I'll tell you
just from what I know from my parents and other
people in my peer group, parents were involved because you know,
as soon as the kid is old enough, it's like
it's a it's I don't want to say a business transaction,
but marriages have to happen. There is no ifens or
butts about it. Sometimes we hear tragedies from those situations
(33:32):
because they force these marriages or like you know, they're
hiding things. But traditionally parents have always been involved. They
have an overt responsibility in our culture to get their
children married. So you juxtapose that to now the American
or the Western mindset, you don't have a community to
dip into to be like, hey, so and so those brothers,
(33:53):
niece is single because your neighbors are white or black
or Mexican, and so you might be isolated. We talked
a little bit about the communities. If I speak this
certain language and now I'm in the middle of you know, Boofu, Michigan,
and maybe I do have Indian friends, but they're not
that same background or that same community. When it comes
to get your children settled, their instinct is to go
back to that, well, we have to marry within the community.
(34:15):
And so I think parents are overtly concerned about what's
going to happen if their child is thirty not married,
and that's the reason why they're seeking out the ways
to find matches for their kids.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
But as the thirty year old engaged with this type.
Speaker 5 (34:30):
Of mindset and ways of going about doing things, Because
if you're raised in America, I would like this would
be a completely different way than your peers going about
marriage and dating.
Speaker 4 (34:41):
But they're still being raised by traditional Indian families period.
Speaker 6 (34:47):
Yeah. Yeah, And this is where the hybrid approach comes in, right, Like,
we don't do arranged marriages per son anymore. I call
them introduced. So if your aunt Sally showed you a
boy that goes to her church and you're like, all right,
I'm twenty eight, it's a Thursday night, I had nothing
to do. Let me go to dinner with him, that's
kind of the approach it is now with parents. Maybe
I'm a little bit more intense in our culture, but
(35:08):
it's like, right, hey, I found this guy online. They're
the ones who are on the matrimony sides. They're the
ones who are looking for profiles. But then they could
ultimately go to their son and daughter and be like,
check out this person. Would you like to go out
with them? Or would you like to meet them? Maybe
not go out, but would you like to meet them?
And so I think that the singles are at least
open and receptive to be like, Okay, who did mom
(35:29):
find knowing that there's no pressure, like I don't have
to date this girl and I don't have to get married.
So there's this like the new modern version of parental matchmak.
Speaker 4 (35:38):
Yeah, I know. The moms are really involved a lot.
Even one of the ones I was dating five about
six or seven years ago, he was divorced and he
had cousin the kids and his mom lived with him
to help him take care of the children. And I
was just like, I'm never going to be able to
(35:59):
meet your family, am I? And he's like not really,
And I was like, then, why aren't we wasting your time?
You know, I get you're attracted to me, and he
was very handsome, but they're just it wasn't gonna work.
So I get that the moms are very very involved,
even if they're not living with them, and a lot
of them do they still live with their families.
Speaker 6 (36:20):
Yeah. Yeah, there's a little there's a big tradition of
saying like generationally together, especially with the children and grandchildren
come in. There's that guilt trip, right, like you can't
put them in daycare. You need family around. And so
that's another reason why I think that even my you know,
people who grew up here are still seeking that traditional
aspect because those are the nuances that only other South
Asian people would get. I'll give you another example. At
(36:43):
least this guy was divorced, the mom was living with him.
I know so many, even my own clients, who are
like in their late thirties of the early forties and
still live at home and that's not considered weird. Maybe
in your forties it's a little weird, but it's not
something that anybody would bling twice at and be like, oh,
why is he still living at home? Because we're just
culturally raised that way.
Speaker 4 (37:02):
Yeah, yeah, exactly, And that's why I got it. You know,
when I was talking to him, I was like, but
all your family like lives within you know, when this
is you're not going to be able to He's like, no,
the dating.
Speaker 5 (37:18):
Is different too, because he's not going to like bring
you home for a.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
Sleepover or like a hook up or something right.
Speaker 6 (37:26):
Exactly, which makes you question or this is where the
coaching comes in. Then if you're not going to be
hooking up with this person, right, but then you're also
not going to bring him home to mom. What what
are we trying to do here.
Speaker 4 (37:37):
He was trying to just hook up with me.
Speaker 3 (37:39):
That's where at your house?
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (37:41):
Yeah, he just wanted to like just go out and
then just you know, hook up with me. And I
was like, dude, no, this is I'm not your side piece.
Speaker 6 (37:53):
Not a wife, side piece of his mom and daughters exactly.
Speaker 4 (37:58):
Do you have any like stand out examples of a
successful match.
Speaker 6 (38:04):
Yeah, my favorite match is our first wedding that we
ever got under our belts. Yeah. So the gentleman had
been working with me for a little over a year.
As they mentioned, we do what's called a database. The
once you interview and you get registered, then we just
send you matches kind of like a dating up. If
you're interested, then we'll introduce you. You pay for that, and
you move forward. So he'd been with us for about
a year, maybe three or four dates we'd sent him
(38:26):
on the girl. This was literally her first person we
had introduced her to. They went out on a first date.
Both of them texted me separately right away to say,
this was the best first date. I really think something's
going to come of this, like thank you so much,
and fast forward a year later, he proposed. Two years later,
they got married. I went to the wedding like it
(38:48):
was my favorite. Now I'm like, we need a baby, exactly,
we need a baby on the website.
Speaker 3 (38:56):
Yeah, what would they like?
Speaker 5 (38:58):
What made them thatch so success was there are a
few different things that.
Speaker 6 (39:03):
A key is strike while the iron is hot. One
of the things I hate about modern dating, especially on
the apps, is that you chat and chat and chat
and you have like a pseudo relationship just through chat.
I laughing and this one client, she's like, we got
into a fight. I'm like, you've never met him in
person getting into a fight with this guy on texting.
(39:23):
Think you would really help for the two of them
is they met within the week of meeting, and I
think that they just vibe. But like they went to dinner,
they went for drinks like that all just the vibes
were great. That neither of them were like getting into
the weeds about where, you know, where are kids going
to go to college? And this and that, So that
they enjoyed themselves and that really made it a successful
first date, and that made them want to see each
(39:44):
other again. I can't tell you, ladies, how many times
they get the one and done. They go to dinner
one time and they're like, I don't feel it anymore.
Speaker 5 (39:51):
Well, and Christine and I talk a lot about chemistry
versus compatibility, and we won't go into it, but that's
a perfect example because you are madging people who have
similar value and so intrinsically there's a compatibility, there's a
compatibility factor or potential, and so for so many to
say no, I didn't feel it, that's actually kind of
(40:13):
a shame.
Speaker 6 (40:14):
It is that paradox of choice or that magic wand right,
like she hates three out of four, but wait till
I get somebody who it's five out of four.
Speaker 4 (40:22):
What Yeah, and then they're like forty five and still
not fucking married.
Speaker 6 (40:27):
Yep, Yeah, I know them forever singles they think that
they're like I have a chip on their show, Like
they think they're so big and bad. There's a problem
with everybody that they meet. Oh I don't know, buddy, Yeah,
I get that.
Speaker 4 (40:41):
It's well, that's a problem in dating in general. People
expect something big and bold and you know, like love
at first sight to strike them, and then when they don't,
they they kind of like just have issues with everything
and then they find a nitpick everything and it's just
it's it's a pandemic that people are not, you know,
(41:06):
being able to find a person to you know, just
have some kind of relationship with, because they're so worried about, oh,
you know, is this person one hundred percent? You know,
like you don't fucking know until you start getting to
know them and date them.
Speaker 6 (41:22):
And let me add in another layer, there's this thing
called Bollywood. So that's like our cinema industry, and Bollywood
has just nothing more perpetuated stereotypes around love and romance. Yeah,
like what women should look like, how men should behave right,
Like there's a big masochistic problem, like like you know,
(41:45):
she's more problem in India because of they think that,
like you know, just just keep bothering her, just keep
chasing after her, she'll eventually say yes. So those are
another trope now in modern Bollywood, the bodies and the
you can just see the like unrealistic expectations and it's
just adding another layer of what people think they deserve
when it comes to real life dating.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
Yeah, thank you for saying that.
Speaker 5 (42:08):
I was actually going to ask Christina and I are blonde,
white bitches and I was just curious, maybe what you
think that, like the two of us might find most
surprising about either your business or your matches or what
people are experiencing your clients.
Speaker 6 (42:27):
Let's see from like an American Blonde Nations perspective.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
I don't know.
Speaker 6 (42:33):
I think it's kind of like you said, Christine, like
it's a dating culture overall. It seeps into every niche
and every nuance, you know, not just necessarily Indian. Probably
the most surprising is the fact that you know, people
are more serious and like they are literally looking for marriage,
which we talked about, and then that family aspect bringing
in so much culture. I don't think that any other
(42:54):
ethnicity has so many layers around culture and religion and
immigration and faith and just just like levels of faith
that that's a big thing. Politics, right, there's just so
much involved. We live in a global world. So if
there's an election happening in India, I'm seeing people in
America fighting and about it. I'm like, we don't live there.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
Does it matter. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (43:15):
I do think that a lot of Middle Eastern European
cultures are very similar to that, and then they come
here to the States and then they want to stay
within their own communities for marriage and stuff, And I'm
sure it gets really tricky because, like you said, there's
just not a massive community of all these different cultures
(43:39):
that religiously culturally, you know, family wise, really you know,
mesh and work. I'm sure it's a difficult situation.
Speaker 6 (43:48):
Socioeconomic too, right, Like I come from a working class background.
There's a whole wave of people that came over as
doctors and nurses when there was a shortage in the eighties.
So socioeconomic backgrounds is an a thing where you have
to match on. You know, that's probably a surprising fact.
It doesn't come up that often.
Speaker 5 (44:06):
Yeah, I think it's a beautiful thing that there's so
many people out there to keep your business in business.
Speaker 3 (44:12):
Who say, these are my values, this is my background.
I wanted to preserve this so much so that I'm going.
Speaker 5 (44:18):
To seek out somebody who can help me facilitate that.
Speaker 3 (44:23):
I think it's a lovely thing.
Speaker 6 (44:24):
Here's a u surprising thing, maybe like their relationship to
your culture. This is something I ask everybody as well,
because some people are like me, a little miss India
who just love everything about being Indian, and then some
people are very much more Americanized, like they're you know,
don't identify with so much of the Indian culture. So
on that scale too, you have to fit like, are
you going to go out to watch a Bollywood movie
you need Indian food every weekend? Or is it like, no,
(44:46):
We're gonna go to the club and maybe go to
temple once a year type of thing, watch some MBA
go nuggets.
Speaker 4 (44:54):
Yeah, I'm sure that there's there's a lot of factors
and I love that. Are you one of the most
prevalent matchmaking companies for Indian or is there others that you.
Speaker 6 (45:07):
There are others, but we're the largest database because we
make it so approachable. So I work with a lot
of other matchmakers and we'll match our clients with theirs.
It's kind of like I have that large dating pool,
but I'm probably the most recognizable. There's a lot of
international brands as well that have offices here. But again,
then you're getting into that very traditional element of it.
Speaker 4 (45:27):
I love that. So when did you get married, Rada?
Speaker 6 (45:30):
I got married in two thousand and nine, way back
in the day.
Speaker 4 (45:35):
Was that before you started matchmaking or after? Yeah?
Speaker 6 (45:38):
Absolutely so. I met my husband ironically at a speed
dating event that was held by one of our ethnic convention,
like an annual convention, and I just happened to go
that year. He happened to be there that year, and
that's when we met. Ironically. Now, you know, twenty three
years later, I actually host those speed dating events and
trying to get people to people ask me doesn't work.
(46:00):
I'm like, yes it does. I'm an example.
Speaker 3 (46:03):
Yes, let's dating. Try it.
Speaker 6 (46:06):
I love that, especially now when people are like, you
see all these studies out there, and then people don't
want to use the apps anymore. They're coind of were
hit that thirteen fourteen year, like since Tinder came on
the stage, people are tired of it, and so speed dating.
You know, my events are probably my second largest revenue
generator right now because it's low barrier to entry. You
(46:26):
buy a ticket, you show up. It's local, right because
it's it's usually held at a neighborhood restaurant or bar,
and it's two hours. You need ten, you know, ten
or twelve people. If it works out, great, just maybe
get a date or two. If not, whatever, you have
drink mets some people.
Speaker 4 (46:40):
Does work that. I love that. I actually think that's
really cool. I've I love that. There are certain types
of speed dating that really work. I think your average
person going to a speed dating doesn't always work out.
I mean I've been to a couple and they've been
like blops, you know, but I can understand how somebody
(47:04):
who has a real ethnic pool that it's.
Speaker 5 (47:07):
A very Yeah, attention people.
Speaker 3 (47:14):
I can see that.
Speaker 6 (47:15):
I can that's what you're looking for.
Speaker 4 (47:17):
Yeah, exactly, Well, Rona, I really appreciate you coming on
and talking with us today. Time went really fast.
Speaker 6 (47:25):
It was fun, so fun. I feel like this for hours.
Speaker 4 (47:30):
I know, anytime you want to come back, you let
me know. If you've got something you want a topic
to talk about, you can come on and uh, I'm
happy to have you anytime. So for uh, we're doing
a podcast next week, an episode next week about friends
helping each other be accountable for like advice and supporting
(47:57):
each other. It's really cool. Steeve's back on with one
of his accountability friends, which is gonna be fun. So
we love having amazing guests. So you're you're awesome, Roda.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
I really appreciate you, y you Christine, and.
Speaker 4 (48:11):
I'm really fascinated by all the different ethnic type of
matchmaking and you know, it's you know, people still have
traditions they want to keep, and I love that you
came on and talk to us about this. This is fascinating.
Speaker 3 (48:27):
Thank you.
Speaker 6 (48:27):
I love what you ladies are doing. I love your show.
I love that you guys are just calling it out
how dating is right now, because it's hard. It's hard
out there. People are lonely, and so if you know
you're not the only one, it helps.
Speaker 4 (48:40):
Yeah, it's a lot, and it's nice to have support
and commend you on that. I'm sure a lot of
people are very grateful for your service. So, but thank
you Rod again, Janis, thanks for coming on and supporting
me today as my co host, and to all of
everybody who came and listen, again, thank you so much.
We really appreciate you being here, and we're going to
(49:01):
be back again, same time, same place, same time, same
place next week, and until then, let's just keep this
shit real.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
If you enjoyed this episode, please share with your friends,
like and follow us on Instagram at fifty Shades.
Speaker 4 (49:17):
Of Underscore Bullshit and Facebook at fifty Shades of Bullshit.
Thanks so much for listening, and we really hope to
see you again next week.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com