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July 10, 2025 48 mins
Coach Lena Ehrenberg shares smart strategies for online dating safety—spotting red flags, setting boundaries, and protecting your heart and identity. Lena’s journey began in the South of France, where she realized she had the power to change her story. Now a certified coach, she helps women stop wasting time on the wrong men and start dating with confidence. More on Lena: lenaehrenberg.com | IG: @havemorelove

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The following show contains adult content. It's not our intent
to offend anyone, but we want to inform you that
if you are a child under the age of eighteen
or get offended easily, this next show may not be
for you. The content, opinions, and subject matter of these
shows are solely the choice of your show hosts and
their guests, and not those of the Entertainment Network or
any affiliated stations. Any comments or inquiry you should be

(00:22):
directed to those show hosts. Thank you for listening.

Speaker 2 (00:30):
Hey everyone, and welcome to Fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm
your host, Christine Lalan and this is the podcast where
we uncover the truth about online dating.

Speaker 3 (00:41):
Now let's begin. Hey everyone, I'm Christine.

Speaker 4 (00:46):
And I'm Steve.

Speaker 3 (00:48):
Thank you, listen your cue.

Speaker 5 (00:52):
This is fifty Shades of Bullshit. Thank you for coming back.
Welcome everyone, Hey Steve. How's it going going good?

Speaker 4 (00:59):
Maybe hi almost chair?

Speaker 6 (01:01):
Okay, yeah, I know.

Speaker 4 (01:05):
And I'm like oh oh oh oh yeah, that's me
like you.

Speaker 3 (01:09):
That's the way it is these days.

Speaker 6 (01:11):
How you been.

Speaker 4 (01:12):
I'm good. I'm good. I'm very interesting in this interest
in this topic we're talking about today.

Speaker 5 (01:16):
It's like, oh, okay, well, We've talked about different ways
of staying safe, and I'm I'm excited to talk to
Lena again because you know, this is it's been a
while since she's been here. And I think that I
think that a good ninety ninety five percent of people
these days who are dating are coming out on websites,

(01:39):
dating sites, you know.

Speaker 3 (01:41):
Things that are a matchmakers, things like that.

Speaker 5 (01:44):
But you just still have to be safe and it's
crazy world out there.

Speaker 3 (01:49):
Yeah, So what's your week been like? Anything exciting happening
for you?

Speaker 4 (01:54):
Well, if I might say from our last week's podcast,
it was very interesting talking about manifestation. I've just had
that in my awareness all week. Yes, have you been practicing?

Speaker 5 (02:08):
Yeah, I'm so upset at myself because I I in
a second when we bring Lena on, I'm gonna go
grab my books. But I bought three of the seven
or eight books that Devin has written. Wow, I had
no idea that he had written so many books. And
I've been communicating with him and I've been using the

(02:29):
chart that shows what your rhythm is, and so I
start my rhythm on Monday, and so I've been preparing
and thinking and getting ready for my manifest for that
rhythm of three six nine that he was talking about.
And now that I've read the first the book about

(02:50):
the three six nine rhythm, it makes a lot more sense.
It's a lot more you know. It also helped that
we were on the website, I mean, a podcast with him.
So yes, I'm very excited to get it started.

Speaker 4 (03:04):
And well, for me, the last week was the third
of July, so I figured, well, I'll just start that day.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
Oh gotcha.

Speaker 7 (03:12):
I just wrote down something for myself, a little declaration
or an intention, and then I did on the sixth something,
and I did on the ninth something, and now I
don't know what today it stays, but it's just something
about I wanted to keep it as really as simple
as possible, just focusing my attention on what my attention
on my intention, and let's just keep it simple, because

(03:35):
I get way too complicated with things and then I
stopped doing them or.

Speaker 4 (03:38):
I don't even do it.

Speaker 1 (03:40):
Well.

Speaker 5 (03:40):
I think we need to get you on your proper rhythm,
because there are specific days based on the day you
were born of what your thirty six day rhythm is.
And he sent me the link. I'll send that to
you if there's anybody out there listen who wants that link,

(04:01):
you just have to email me at the fifty Shades
of Bullshit at Gmail. Don't forget why instead of the
eye for Shit. And I know, but that rhythm because
I was going to start on the third too, and
I realized I had missed my rhythm by starting on
the third. So I start Monday. Monday's day one for me,

(04:25):
So I set my intention on Monday, and then Ondayday Wednesday.
So Wednesday is when I actually start the first thing
where I write from there. So I've been preparing for
that and I'm like chomping at the bit to get
at it, you know. But I am registering in my mind,

(04:48):
really all the synchronicities and all the things that are
falling into place, especially since I've been reading his books,
and also I've been listening to the podcast that he
has off of his website.

Speaker 6 (05:03):
And.

Speaker 5 (05:05):
It is really fascinating to hear all this info, and
I have to listen to it several times because it
really is intense, and it's really talking about the way
light binds and how light is a full circle and
how the sun is part of that and how all
these things work together in this world and it's kind

(05:27):
of crazy and really amazing.

Speaker 3 (05:29):
So cool time.

Speaker 4 (05:32):
Stay tuned. I can't wait to hear it, hear more.

Speaker 3 (05:38):
We're talking.

Speaker 5 (05:40):
So if you all didn't tune in for last week,
thank you Rebel. Last week we had Devon On Devin
is A. He died, was dead for both experience. Yes,
he died for about thirty minutes. He was he came
back and he had been downloaded with all of this

(06:01):
information from in between time, that in between stage of
the light and earth and you know, being alive in
this plane. And he talks about the rhythm of three
six nine and how to manifest properly. So if anybody
is interested in that, go back and listen to the
episode and email us and I will send you the

(06:24):
link so that you know exactly what your thirty six
day rhythm is. Because I've heard for years about how
we really shouldn't be thirty days twenty eight to thirty
thirty one days for a month. It's supposed to be
thirty six. There's not supposed to be twelve months in
a year.

Speaker 3 (06:44):
They's supposed to be thirteen.

Speaker 5 (06:46):
They change these cycles to fit a certain type of calendar,
and it doesn't even line up with the Mayan calendar.
It doesn't line up with any of the others that
are supposed to be properly the correct time.

Speaker 3 (06:59):
So in that when.

Speaker 5 (07:01):
I looked at my rhythm, okay, I took a screenshot
of it. In my rhythm, it tells me my Gregorian calendar,
which is three hundred and sixty five days. I'm fifty
seven years, four months and like twenty three days now
something like that. The actual calendar that's supposed to be

(07:23):
is four hundred and thirty two days, which means that
I would be forty eight years old, five months and
thirty three days old instead of fifty seven. So that
maybe that's also why I look in my forties.

Speaker 4 (07:39):
Absolutely, let's take it, I say it.

Speaker 5 (07:43):
But it tells you where you are in that cycle position,
and it tells you in the thirty six day month
position where you are. So I screenshoted this on July eighth,
two days ago, and I was in day thirty one
of thirty six, so six days lands on Sunday and
then Monday's my day one again. So that's what I'm

(08:05):
working on to start my manifesting. And won't you start
getting into that rhythm? But I'll text you this, okay,
so you can check and see if you're on the
right rhythm.

Speaker 4 (08:16):
Yeah. I think one of the things that was most
interesting for me out of the last session that we did,
last podcast that we did, was I allowed myself to
just not focus on what I would normally be skeptic about,
skeptical about. I just got curious and I thought to myself, well,

(08:36):
is this something that is firming of what I want
in my life anyways, whether I believe the model that
he downloaded or laid out, whether or not I believe,
Who cares if you believe something or not if you're
willing to experiment and it's moving me in the direction
of what I want for my life anyways, So right

(08:58):
cares about whether you're believe you know, they were leave.

Speaker 3 (09:02):
You know, agreed, agreed.

Speaker 5 (09:05):
If only people would open their minds just a little
bit and say, oh, okay, I'm a little skeptical, I
don't really know if I believe that. But then if
they tried it and saw what it did for them,
Like it's It's a lot of people like to talk
about positive affirmations or positive thinking or positive this is
positive that that's that's what manifesting is. Yeah, it's just

(09:29):
being positive about what you want, being very intent on
what you want.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
It's like, you know, things like that, and.

Speaker 5 (09:37):
It's so I thought I was off, so I took
a drink so I would.

Speaker 3 (09:45):
And I choked. Anyway, all right, well, welcome back, Steve.

Speaker 5 (09:50):
I'm happy to have you. My week is really exciting.
I leave for Vegas this weekend. I'm shooting a commercial
promo video for a company I got hired to do that.

Speaker 3 (10:03):
With my excuse me, oh, i'g on it falling apart.
I am a falling apart with my production company. And
then I haven't been home to.

Speaker 5 (10:13):
Wyoming in two years. Wow, and I am missing my
family and my friends. So I'm going home next week
for a few days and I get to see Janis.

Speaker 4 (10:25):
Oh awesome.

Speaker 3 (10:26):
Yeah, I'm very excited about in Wyoming.

Speaker 4 (10:28):
Or isn't she in Colorado?

Speaker 3 (10:30):
She's in Colorado.

Speaker 5 (10:30):
I have to fly into Colorado and drive to Wyoming.

Speaker 4 (10:35):
Gotcha.

Speaker 3 (10:35):
It's a whole process.

Speaker 4 (10:37):
Gotcha.

Speaker 5 (10:38):
It's a big like where do I fly into how
do I get a rental car?

Speaker 3 (10:43):
Blah blah blah blah blah. So it's a journey.

Speaker 5 (10:47):
Or I drive seventeen hours there and seventeen hours back.
And that's a no candy, that's a lot. My body's
too old for so let me uh. Let's bring on
uh Lena. I'm going to introduce her real quick. I'm
gonna read her bio leo leo, Dad, I'm doing well already.

(11:10):
Lena's evolution began when she was lost in the south
of France. It was the first time in her life
that she realized that she had a power to choose
how her story would turn out for her. She did
find her way home and eventually joined a coaching program
that focused on relationships. She wanted all of her relationships
to be better, starting with the one she had with herself.

(11:32):
She started as a general life coach, then earned her certification.
Now she helps women figure out how to date so
they can stop wasting time with men who are not
who are nice but not forever. So let's bring on Lena.
She is a previous guess.

Speaker 6 (11:49):
Hello, how are you Christine? Okay, I'm choking to I've
been sitting back here and say, had a little prayer
for you not to chow.

Speaker 3 (11:57):
I'm like diet. Welcome Lena, you look beautiful.

Speaker 6 (12:01):
It's great to see you, so you high Steve. Nice
to see you.

Speaker 3 (12:07):
I love it.

Speaker 5 (12:07):
So today we're actually talking about how to keep yourself
safe online while you're dating, and we are very excited
to chat with you about this.

Speaker 3 (12:18):
I do have questions.

Speaker 5 (12:20):
I have practical dating advice for that kind of thing,
but we're very excited to hear your thoughts and how
people you know, what's it like out there? How can
they stay safe? You know what your ideas on this?

Speaker 6 (12:35):
Okay, well great, So what I did a bunch of research.
I do have my own ideas from working with clients
and for myself being online and doing all of that,
but I kept coming across the same types of advice
and the same ways to avoid scammers, which were basically

(12:55):
all about reactions to what they were doing. Meaning, he's
going to say I love you too quickly, he's going
to ask you for money. I shouldn't say he they
but it is women statistically get scammed more often than men,
but men do get scammed. So I want to acknowledge
that for your audience. Absolutely so. Probably the first thing

(13:21):
that a scammer is going to do is going to
want to get you off the dating app or the
site as quickly as possible. Hey, let's chat on WhatsApp.
When I hear WhatsApp, I'm like, no, thank you, I
do want to do a plug. Having said that, first
and foremost, if you're dating, and especially if you're dating
on apps and online in whatever way you are, please

(13:45):
get a digital number, get a Google number to use
when you are ready to take it off the app.
But maybe you're still not ready. You still don't know
this person well enough. And there are so many ways
to be able to keep ourselves safe. And that's really one,
really good, solid one text and chat through a Google number.

Speaker 5 (14:09):
Yeah, I wish i'd done that earlier, you know. And
then I got to the point that I'm like, whatever,
I'm already using my number. But you know, quite frankly,
I think that's the number one thing right there, is
making sure that your numbers protected.

Speaker 6 (14:25):
Yeah, that your your numbers protected, your your location is protected,
and yeah. So and it's it's easy and it's free,
so why not gift that to yourself?

Speaker 3 (14:38):
Right right?

Speaker 6 (14:39):
So? So another thing that is very general practice is
if they make plans to see you at all, they're
canceling them. So these are kind of the all the
things that I've seen on all the lists out there.
These are the top four. Right, It's all about they
say I love you too quickly, They ask you for money,

(15:01):
they want to move off the dating site, they keep
canceling their plans. So when I coach my clients, we
talk about the fact that there is so much they
out in the world of dating advice. All the focus
is on these other people. Making a list about these
other people and what do I want that's about them?

(15:24):
And what are they going to do? And what are
they going to think of me? And it's very they
they they, and I just bring it back immediately to
start from yourself. So we start every time I start
with someone new, we start with values and knowing rock
solid who you are, what your values are. And so

(15:47):
I started thinking about being safe online from the same
place right everything. You know, there's a lot of stuff
that we cannot control in life, but there were so
many things that if we understood that we can take
the control back and know that it has to start

(16:09):
with ourselves, we would be so much happier. And so
I started to dig a little and all of the
articles that I saw about people who had been scammed
and a lot of them were talking about, you know,
like from the Netflix shows, and they were interviews with

(16:30):
people and some people had been wonderful and so helpful
to come forward and really talk about and share their
experience so they could help other people. And they all
were talking about in that moment in time when the
relationships started, that they were feeling vulnerable, that they were

(16:51):
feeling scared, that a lot of women had just gone
through a breakup, a divorce, or had not dated in
a very long time. So they really were talking about
how they were being and feeling in that moment. And
I thought, that's really the key, because if you're not

(17:15):
really able to protect yourself in that moment that you
start the relationship, all these other all this other device,
you know, this advice doesn't really work because you're not
noticing the signs. You're not hearing it. You're not you know,
you're not. What it comes down to is what I've

(17:36):
realized is that real red flags are the things that
we ignore, or we allow, or we justify. So like
someone someone who doesn't you know, either isn't making a
date with you or keeps making dates and then canceling

(17:56):
them with you. And you know, if You've already started
to feel like it's been so long since I've dated
this really attractive man is interested in me. I really
don't want to mess this up. I'm well, I believe him.
Why wouldn't he be telling me the truth? And it's
that And yeah, believing someone who doesn't have a track

(18:19):
record with you is not trust right.

Speaker 5 (18:23):
How how would you see that someone could verify that
someone is who they are before they even get to
that point.

Speaker 6 (18:31):
Well, there's there's ways to run, you know, photos through
you know, there's a whole Google different way.

Speaker 3 (18:40):
There's a Google. There's a Google uh odd, well.

Speaker 6 (18:45):
Yeah, there's a Google app called I think it's called Lens.

Speaker 5 (18:48):
Actually, just in your Google search, okay, if you hit
the right here on the side of your Google Search
is a little thing that's a camera. If you hit
that camera thing and you upload a photo, so I
screenshot those and then you upload it and it'll tell
you if if that person is someone who's known through

(19:13):
ig or modeling online or or known as a scam, known.

Speaker 3 (19:20):
For photos being used as a scam. So yeah, there
are there is that.

Speaker 6 (19:25):
There is that And I did that too because I've
been approached by people obviously, I just had somebody email
me through my business website, like went to my website
and you know, got the email that I used there
for potential clients and sent me an email that was
so terrible it made me laugh. You know, it's I

(19:46):
think there's okay. So I had the experience on Facebook
that somebody approached me, and I was already in on
hyper alert because of a couple of other things before
I even ran the photo. The first is anybody who's
got a picture in a uniform. I know people who
are doctors, they don't use a picture of them in

(20:09):
their scrubs or in a white lab coat online because
online and dating is personal and that's separate from what
they do for a living. So it's medical uniforms, it's
first responder uniforms, it's any type of military uniforms. Unfortunately,
a lot of people put pictures of themselves or pictures

(20:31):
with flags, all of the things that are meant to
heighten our emotions. And you know, I'm just thinking about
this now. It's all of the visuals that we've all
learned to trust are now being used used to get
us to trust this person. So you know, everybody's got rules,

(20:54):
and a lot of people have major rules. I always
say Rule one is, until you meet someone in person,
they're not a real person. They're just not a person.

Speaker 3 (21:05):
I agree, agreed, agreed, one hundred percent.

Speaker 4 (21:09):
What will say if I could just say, I will
say that doing a video call with someone can really
help qualify them. It's not a deal, but it can
certainly bring you a step, big step closer to see.
Am I willing to have coffee with them?

Speaker 6 (21:24):
Absolutely? Which is why I also say, whether you think
someone is a scammer or not, I really urge all
of my clients to have a phone conversation, if not video,
but a phone conversation, because you know that's the other thing.
There are a lot of people who are just making
plans to meet everybody in person, and that gets exhausting.

(21:46):
It can be exhausting when you can have a phone
call with someone or a video call that can really
help you decide whether you want to meet that person.

Speaker 3 (21:55):
Yeah, a video car is tricky sometimes.

Speaker 5 (21:58):
There are plenty of time in the past when I
was online dating and they would say, oh, yeah, that's
video call and it was the same person from the photos,
but it was a video and they tried to pass
it off as a video call. So there's a lot
of bs in that area, and you just have to
be careful, you know.

Speaker 6 (22:18):
Yeah. And so one thing about that though, is that
what I what's a lot of people put a lot
of time into just one conversation, and a conversation is
not a relationship. So even if this person is a
real person, if you haven't met someone within I'd say

(22:40):
probably two weeks. Unless you're looking for a long distance relationship,
you have to be willing to walk away. You have
to be willing to. I hope that you've continued chatting
with other people to your meeting, but you have to
be willing to, you know. And if someone let's say,
this is someone who makes states and then cancels them,

(23:01):
and I would say that even the first time that
that happened, my response would.

Speaker 3 (23:07):
Be bye, Felicia.

Speaker 6 (23:09):
Yeah, exactly, by Felicia. But if you don't want to
say bye forever Felicia, you can say, hey, you know what,
it doesn't sound like we're on the same path right now,
why don't you give me a call down the road
if you ever have time to meet and then walk away.
But again, let's go back to the mindset of this person.

(23:30):
You have to be willing to walk away. And a
lot of people the minute they make a connection with
someone they think is a someone. And even if they're
just messaging, what are you telling yourself? Are you telling yourself, Oh,
this person is so attractive, I'm lucky that they that
they are talking to me. Oh, it's been so long

(23:52):
since I've had a relationship. I'm really lucky this person
wants to engage with me. Are you telling yourself? Romantic
love is the best kind of love and no other
love counts because I have a lot of love in
my life.

Speaker 4 (24:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (24:07):
Right.

Speaker 1 (24:08):
We have a.

Speaker 4 (24:08):
Question in the chat that you're kind of pointing to,
and this is Charles. He says, why do you think
we're blind to the red flags in front of us?
And how can we be sure to see them? I
think what you're pointing to is if you your image,
if your self image is one of like you don't
see or feel or in touch with your own value,

(24:28):
You're gonna overlook these and you're gonna be completely blind
to them. You don't know who you are. And if
it looks like there's scarcity out there and quality people
and all of a sudden someone shows up who's giving
you some kind of validation, then you might be more
inclined to overlook these things.

Speaker 5 (24:46):
Exactly exactly they're targeting, you know, people who are fresh
out of a doors, freshly widowed, people who are vulnerable,
who are just need that attention and they're getting it
from somebody and they see a tractive photo and they're like,
oh my god, he's so into me, and he just

(25:09):
he's married with two kids, and he is forty five
years old, and he's saying he's twenty fun you know
what I mean. It's like, or he's sixty five and he's,
you know, pretending to be this picture.

Speaker 6 (25:19):
He's even that. So the person, the person who started
out targeting me, it was actually how many people. Because
my experience was somebody approached me on Facebook and I
was already highly skeptical and I did my due diligence,
and I saw immediately that the photo was had been

(25:40):
used with a million different names. So I thought, oh,
I've got nothing to do for a little while.

Speaker 3 (25:47):
I've had fun with these fools.

Speaker 6 (25:49):
Yeah, And that is the only reason to stay in
contact with someone. If you want to feel like you
want to have a little fun and you can stretch
it out. And what was really interesting to me is
I stretched it out to the point where it started
off with perfect, perfectly written English, grammar, spelling, punctuation, all

(26:11):
of it. And after about two days of that, when
they felt like they had me on the hook, then
it became I don't know how many different people. Then
it was, you know, a complete sentence. And that's the
other thing though, that I haven't seen on these lists.
That's a huge red flag, and I'm not There are

(26:33):
a lot of people for whom English is a second language,
and I have a lot of respect for people who
who speak and write more than one language, which I don't,
but they're even there. You can kind of tell. I
can usually tell if English is a second language because
it's usually just the tenses, right, it's not total. You

(26:54):
can't understand what they're even trying to say, right, So
that's another thing to look for too. But yeah, going
back to that question and your point, Steve, if you're
going into this knowing who you are, you will really
more be able to see and not want to justify

(27:15):
something that you can see is not right.

Speaker 5 (27:17):
Well, it's funny because over the years I've had at
least three times over the years that I've I can
spot somebody who's a scammer from a far away.

Speaker 3 (27:30):
I have this like innate thing.

Speaker 5 (27:32):
So I have had fun with it, and I'm the
one actually zin Okay, get them to the point. I
literally have gotten them to the point that they break
down because I say to them, now, I know that
you're not who you say you are, and I and

(27:55):
I start manipulating them, and they have actually out and
show me real pictures, real video, real who they are.
They have broken down and told me why they do it,
where they're doing it, from what you know. All these things.

Speaker 6 (28:14):
I love it, you are skilled.

Speaker 4 (28:16):
I love it, but I do want to know what
is some of what are some of the things underneath it?
I mean, I'll tell you.

Speaker 5 (28:24):
So all three of them we're from uh different parts
of Africa, okay, different lower income struggling nations Okay, countries
within Africa. And they have said that job scarcity is

(28:46):
really difficult. They are struggling. They can't feed their families.
So they go to these internet cafes and they go
online and they steal the photos, they create these stories
and they all share them and they all take turns.
They rotate, and they go into these untraceable areas, you know,

(29:08):
for these coffee houses or internet cafes, and they use
the computers that are there and they just work it.
That's their job. They're talking to hundreds of people at
the same time, and they're hoping that they can get
ten dollars from here, five dollars from there, two hundred

(29:28):
from there.

Speaker 3 (29:29):
They start out big.

Speaker 5 (29:30):
They start out at ten thousand, two thousand to five thousand,
you know, things like that. They get as low as
five hundred. I've heard they said that they'll even if
they have hundreds of people on the line, thousands of
people on the line, they'll aast for ten twenty bucks
because if it just keeps coming that they it just

(29:51):
they get invested in the point to where they're like,
they don't care about the person. They don't see the
person as a person. They see it as a job.

Speaker 3 (30:00):
Up and uh.

Speaker 5 (30:03):
A few of them over the years have tried to
stay and contact me and telling me that they've fallen
for me and bullshit like that. It's hilarious, Like I
call them for you for real, I'm like, whatever, but
it's really funny, and you know, I've had some real
conversations with these people, like literal conversation video chats where
they're talking to me and saying, yeah, you know, I

(30:25):
don't you know. I've One guy said I never thought
i'd tell anybody. He's like, but you were so easy
to talk to, and you just kind of got it
out of me.

Speaker 3 (30:33):
I said, I have that talent, and it was it's interesting. Uh,
it's just a job.

Speaker 5 (30:41):
It's and it's typically someone you might envision it being
somebody that's cat fishing you or scamming you, but a
lot of the catfishes that are say like, I don't know,
some two hundred pound I mean three hundred pound guy
in his shorts sitting in front of his computers pretending

(31:02):
he's a girl with a guy.

Speaker 3 (31:03):
That's just a thrill. That's different.

Speaker 5 (31:07):
That is somebody really needing a connection with somebody and
they're afraid that they're not going to be liked for
who they are. These internet scams are people from other
countries with you know, not a lot of money, not
a lot of opportunities to make money, and they are
taking whatever they can along the way.

Speaker 4 (31:27):
I wonder if there is if they've done, if they'd
run statistics on whether they're more effective being engaging with
women or engaging with men, because I'm quite sure that
there are times that I have someone who's a man
who's coming after me, trying to talk me and just

(31:49):
sending me pictures of women. It's just like, Okay, come on,
I know this is probably some guy sitting in an
internet cafe.

Speaker 3 (31:58):
I'm looking real quick.

Speaker 6 (32:01):
That's a really interesting question.

Speaker 3 (32:03):
It says to hear.

Speaker 5 (32:04):
Men statistically report more financial loss per scam, whereas women
report more cases of being targeted, but often with smaller
dollar amounts. So again, like I said, they're getting women
on the line, and then there are some that go
after the men because they're looking for the bigger pay

(32:24):
the bigger payday.

Speaker 4 (32:26):
So I have an idea, Lena, maybe you can compile
some suggestions and we can start a consulting firm for
people who have bad grammar and we can coach them
and how to be more effective with their That would
be great.

Speaker 6 (32:42):
What a great idea.

Speaker 4 (32:44):
Get a percentage of their cut just for correcting their grammar.

Speaker 6 (32:48):
I don't know. I think I'd rather go teach English
in an elementary school the correct grammar. Actually, yeah, well.

Speaker 5 (32:55):
I do have some common red flags for this actual scenario.
They like, like Lena said, they they avoid live calls,
video chats, their profile pictures professionally modeled or overly polished.
They fall in love or become intensely interested very quickly.

(33:17):
They always have a sob story, a medical emergencies, stuck overseas,
lost wallet, you know, blah blah blah, can't get to
an ATM bullshit. But the big one is that they
ask for gift cards, crypto transfers, wire transfers, and they
ask for itune cards and things like that, So be

(33:38):
aware of of those.

Speaker 6 (33:41):
You know what's really interesting about that. You just reminded
me about something. So that's that that movie The Tinder Swindler, Right,
this guy who took so many women for so much money,
and he just presented himself as this huge player. What
I don't understand is it was the same line. Though
here's and this is not you know, someone working like

(34:05):
what you were just talking about. There are people out
there who are playing this game at a astronomical level financially.
So I can't imagine that if someone who was presenting
himself to be incredibly wealthy suddenly told me that he

(34:26):
needed me to send him money. I can't imagine that.
I wouldn't at least say.

Speaker 5 (34:33):
Why right, Well, I think it's a psychological thing. These
these people are very good at getting to the root
of what.

Speaker 3 (34:44):
Makes people give up the dollar.

Speaker 5 (34:47):
And that is an emotional tie. They don't ask too soon.
They make sure they get the person to fall for
them first and get them to fall in love with
the concept overall kind of situation, the possibility. Women fall
in love with the possibility of men, not the what

(35:09):
men's abilities are. So they they do play on those
women with money tend to be more freer with giving
up money because it's like, oh, well they've got money too.
They're used to that, you know, so they I don't know,
it's it's an interesting concept, but I do know that

(35:31):
as long as they can get to the heart strings,
they're much more likely to get to the purse strings.

Speaker 6 (35:38):
Yeah. Absolutely, you have to which is which, and you
do have to be careful. But I just keep going
back to the same route, which is the stronger a
belief you have in yourself and the less that you're
looking outside of yourself for any sense of filling a need. Yes,

(36:03):
that is already going to put you in a much
stronger position to not be swept up in that.

Speaker 3 (36:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (36:11):
Yeah, and I you, how do you create an experience
of worth and value when you're feeling like you don't
have any value?

Speaker 3 (36:20):
Ah, that's such a good question.

Speaker 4 (36:21):
Well, like you, you know you have someone who is
not dated in a long time, or going on a
lot of dates that don't materialize into someone they haven't
met someone. I'll tell you one for me is the
better relationships that I have with my friends, the higher
the bar for meeting somebody who's like I.

Speaker 6 (36:39):
Have also read that exactly, yeah, and to that point,
exactly like you read it in my bio. When I
got to a point in my life where where I
realized that I did not have the relationships that I
wanted to have. And I wasn't only talking about dating,
but I noticed that that might be the first thing

(37:00):
that a woman notices, you know. But then when I
looked around the rest of my life, I had good friends,
but I'd never been someone who had a lot of friends,
And so I started to really think about that and
think about what do I want? And I realized then
when I really gave myself the time to think about it.

(37:20):
I needed to have a better, more solid relationship with
myself first, and so that was where I put the focus.
And it wasn't easy to do that. It's like admitting
something really hard to yourself. But I guess what I'm
saying is that if you are someone who feels like

(37:41):
you don't have a lot of people in your life
or don't have the love in your life that you
feel like you'd like to have, rather than going out
and asking people in the world to fill that for you,
start with yourself. And I don't mean that there's something
wrong with you, right right right to start with yourself,

(38:03):
Start with building a relationship with yourself. Start with enjoying yourself.
Figure out what you like, figure out what you love,
figure out what makes you tick. All the things that
you would do for another person in a relationship, do
it for yourself. Build from there and then you're going

(38:24):
to be able to build so many more stronger relationships
and your dance will come along with that. If that's
something that you want.

Speaker 3 (38:34):
Right also, you know, think about it.

Speaker 5 (38:37):
You are who you surround yourself with, so you have
to be aware of who you have in your life,
who do you know, associate with because, as Steve said,
as you raise that bar for yourself for your friends,
you're not gonna you're gonna gonna go with a low
level you know.

Speaker 3 (38:56):
Interest, you know what I mean?

Speaker 6 (38:58):
Well, that was that's what comes along with that exactly.
I love that you said the bar is raised so high,
you're gonna there are I think, you know, this is
what's really hard for a lot of people who are
doing the work and who are you know, having better
relationships with themselves and expanding their friendships. Some of us
may have some people in our lives who are not

(39:18):
necessarily good for us, who are not supportive, who are
not loving, who might you know? And there comes a
point where you may have to really be willing to
complete that relationship to be able to move forward and
not have that relationship keep holding you back. And I

(39:39):
know that that's easier said than done, but it's necessary sometimes.

Speaker 4 (39:42):
Right.

Speaker 3 (39:43):
Well, I have some practical advice.

Speaker 5 (39:47):
To help you stay away from scammers online before we're
done with time. Trust actions not words. If you've heard
anything what Lena or any of us has said today,
trust the actions, not the word. Never ever, ever, ever
send money, no matter what I don't care if their
kid is dying or their dog is in the emergency.

(40:10):
Don't ever send money. You don't know this person no
matter what. Stick to the apps until you till they
earn your trust. Don't just give your number out willy nilly,
like Lena said, get a Google number.

Speaker 4 (40:25):
Get a Google number.

Speaker 6 (40:26):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 5 (40:27):
Insist on a video called early. If they won't do it,
move on. Do a reverse image search, just like we
just said earlier. Do an image it's called reverse image search.

Speaker 3 (40:41):
It's very easy to do.

Speaker 5 (40:43):
You can get it on ten I it's t I
N E y E or Google reverse image search. Watch
for too much, too soon. That's the love bombing. You're
my soulmate.

Speaker 3 (40:56):
Let's build a life together. And that's what the days, weeks,
and months are you fucking kidding me? Okay?

Speaker 5 (41:04):
Be careful with what you share. Do not send newts,
Do not send private information. Do not send your address.
If they say I want to send you a gift,
I want to send you flowers. Do not ever until
you meet them and then you know who they are.
Be careful with watch for vague or scripted answers. Tell

(41:27):
a trusted friend everything. If you're texting and and starting
to call with somebody, and you're gonna meet with somebody,
have someone have your what's it called location?

Speaker 6 (41:39):
Location?

Speaker 5 (41:40):
Yeah, And the last and most important thing that I
think is important is trust your freaking gut.

Speaker 3 (41:46):
If something fills off, don't do it exactly.

Speaker 6 (41:50):
And I want to add something if I made to that.
That was a great comprehensive list. And when Christine said,
even if their dog is dying, even if their kid
is dying, even if whatever I want you to think
about it in these terms, that isn't happening. That is
what they say is happening.

Speaker 4 (42:10):
And I say one more thing about that too. If
they don't have a network of friends and family, you
can step in and support them. And why do you
want to be connected with this person anyways? Your dog's dying,
have your neighbor take you?

Speaker 6 (42:30):
And the other thing, Oh, that's the other thing. And
you know on dating apps, obviously you don't know, but
on Facebook you can see that someone's got three friends.
That's a no, yeah, that's a no.

Speaker 3 (42:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (42:43):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (42:44):
You know.

Speaker 5 (42:44):
I have always said so many times it's so funny
when someone come approaches me and they're like, oh my god,
this and that's happening, and I say, wow, you know
this is a great opportunity for your friends and family
to step up for you. That's amazing, good for you.
And they're like, oh no, And I say then the
answer no, Missy said, so just don't have anyone? Ah, well,

(43:10):
you know there are some real people on dating sites.

Speaker 3 (43:13):
You just have to be diligent.

Speaker 5 (43:16):
There are real people that will meet you and make
a date and be interested in dating.

Speaker 3 (43:22):
But see, this is the thing I'm going to go
off of what Lena said.

Speaker 5 (43:26):
If you've done the work for yourself and you have
your own life.

Speaker 3 (43:31):
Going, and you were happy and you were.

Speaker 5 (43:34):
Fulfilled within yourself, You're going to see that those kind
of situations are not going to come to you as much,
or you're going to notice the red flag sooner. And
I will tell you I've done variations of dating throughout
these last fifteen years that I've been not married, single okay,

(43:55):
and I've watched the cycle for how I am. And
in these last three years that I started doing all
the work and changing my life and working on me,
and I'm fucking happy as hell, Okay, I have. I
went back on the dating sites the most recent time
that I went back on the dating sites. I have

(44:15):
not had one scammer, right, right, not not one.

Speaker 3 (44:19):
My profile is different.

Speaker 4 (44:21):
Yeah, I have a little Uh, let's see if we
can end on a positive note. What are one or
two green flags about someone that you could look at
and say, wow, okay, okay.

Speaker 6 (44:33):
Green flags are people who have even before you engage
with them, they have great pictures. They're showing you something
about their themselves. Their words are showing you they're painting pictures.
They're not when you start to message you can have
they have. You're having a conversation in your messages, and
they know how to engage and keep a conversation going.

(44:56):
And when you move to a phone call, they know
how to hold a phone conversation. You know, they don't
just they're not just doing this all the time. So
those are green flags. And the biggest green flag that
I could tell you is that there's mutual interest and
you act on it. You don't have to wonder if

(45:17):
someone wants to see you. They're asking you out on
a date. They're making that plan, they're following through. They're
not just sending a like and thinking that that's all
that there is to making a connection. They are as
involved in making a connection with you as you are

(45:41):
with them. And I mean, like my chest just felt
lighter when I said that. You'll feel it. You'll feel
it and it'll just change everything. And to your point, Christine,
I love what you just said. I love hearing about
how your last three days three years of God. And
the thing about that is that are there still going

(46:03):
to be scammers in the world. Yes, there are, And
there are probably some people who think I only attract
this type of person. I only attract scammers or whomever. No,
it's not that you are attracting these people. It's that
something about them is attractive to you and you are

(46:26):
engaging with them.

Speaker 3 (46:28):
One hundred percent. Energy feeds energy.

Speaker 6 (46:32):
And Christine is no longer engaging.

Speaker 3 (46:35):
M M, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 5 (46:38):
There's you know, there's a lot of people that, uh
will like your photo and not send a message. My
go to, by the way, works like magic. If y'all
want it, I will tell you I always send the
message a like without a message question mark classic plot twist.
I'm hooked, What's next? And it is the most engaging

(47:05):
situation that I've ever had. Scammers tend to go away
because they are seeing that I'm you know, and it
it starts the conversation better and it's not you got.

Speaker 3 (47:18):
To get past the high. How are you great? How
are you beautiful? Oh wonderful, good morning, beautiful? Fuck that shit. Okay,
let's have a real conversation, and if we don't, I'm
blocking and deleting exactly. I love that.

Speaker 5 (47:33):
Thank you for coming today, Lena. I really appreciate you.
Happy to have you back.

Speaker 6 (47:38):
Thank you, I appreciate you, thank you for having me
and Steve absolutely thank you.

Speaker 3 (47:44):
I know Steve You're the best as always.

Speaker 5 (47:48):
Thank you everyone for coming and and joining us today.
We are going to be here again next week. Next
week we're talking about poly relationships, so that's gonna be
a really good one. We've got a couple of guests
coming on, so come back for that when you have
a second And until next week, same time, same place.

Speaker 3 (48:08):
Let's just keep this shit real.

Speaker 2 (48:11):
If you enjoyed this episode, please share with your friends,
like and follow us on Instagram at fifty Shades.

Speaker 3 (48:19):
Of Underscore Bullshit.

Speaker 2 (48:22):
And Facebook at fifty Shades of Bullshit. Thanks so much
for listening, and we really hope to see you again
next week.
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