September 25, 2025 • 49 mins
Everyone has a hidden “algorithm” that guides who they swipe on, fall for, or run from — whether it’s based on past trauma, love languages, astrology, or subconscious patterns. Join Christine and guest host Steve as they dig into what drives your choices and how to reset that “algorithm” if it’s leading you astray.
Fifty Shades of Bullshit is broadcast live Thursdays at 4PM PT on K4HD Radio - Hollywood Talk Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Fifty Shades of Bullshit TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Fifty Shades of Bullshit Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
Fifty Shades of Bullshit is broadcast live Thursdays at 4PM PT on K4HD Radio - Hollywood Talk Radio (www.k4hd.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Fifty Shades of Bullshit TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).
Fifty Shades of Bullshit Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The following show contains adult content. It's not our intent
to offend anyone, but we want to inform you that
if you are a child under the age of eighteen
or get offended easily, this next show may not be
for you. The content, opinions, and subject matter of these
shows are solely the choice of your show hosts and
their guests, and not those of the Entertainment Network or
any affiliated stations. Any comments or inquiry should be directed
(00:22):
to those show hosts. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hey everyone, and welcome to Fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm
your host, Christine Lalan and this is the podcast where
we uncover the truth about online dating. Now let's begin.
Hey everybody, I'm Christine and I'm Steve, and we are
back with fifty Shades of Bullshit again this week. Hello everybody, Hello, Hello,
(00:54):
how you doing, Steve?
Speaker 3 (00:55):
I'm good. You know I've been thinking of this topic.
You sent me a little message is last week and
I let the wheels turn a little bit and we
didn't talk about it, but I was really good. I'm
really curious to see what you thought I meant and
what I actually meant about our topic, which is what
is your spiritual algorithm.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Right, Yeah, I'm interested to see how we both were thinking,
because you know, it's open for interpretation obviously, and I'm
sure there's many ways of thinking about it. I think
I came at it more of a you know.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Love and.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Dating kind of way. What what's yours?
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Well, I began wondering about, you know, just they began
maybe a couple of years ago, we started hearing the
word algorithm. Now, of course it's been used for of course,
certainly in science and technology, but we started I think
the general public started to get really interested and recognize
the word as we started to get ads sent to
(02:03):
us on Instagram, Facebook, whatever, and we began to wait
a minute. I was just talking about a breadmaker to
a friend of mine. Why am I all of a
sudden getting ads for breadmakers and links to Amazon? And
then all of a sudden, all of these, all this
information is being pushed to us. And in fact, I
jokingly say breadmaker. But I actually did a test. Remember
(02:26):
when we had all of the electronic equipment that everybody said, oh,
it's always listening to you. It is what you said.
So I started a test where I would just randomly
say I want a bread maker. I'm looking for a
breadmaker just now. I didn't preface it saying a L
e x A. I didn't preface it saying SI R I.
(02:49):
I didn't. I didn't say it because then, of course
that's the cue you just verbally, right, Yeah, that's the
cue for those systems to listen. I would just kind
of randomly, I'd be driving in my car say I
want a breadmaker, and I was sure that I would
start getting ads for breadmakers. But no, I never did nothing,
not a note really.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Yeah, so it happens to me all the time.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Really without without giving a queue to you know. So
that's interesting. I am pretty mindful about the things I
click on. In fact, something sometimes i'll click on something like,
oh darn, I know I'm going to now start getting
all of this information. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
I feel the same way, you know. I did the
I did the test too. I was on the phone
with a friend and I said some I just did.
I did that on purpose, too. I said one thing
on purpose, and within minutes of getting off the phone
with my friend, Facebook, Instagram, ads everywhere all about it.
(03:53):
And then it wasn't like maybe a month or so ago,
I was I did it again, I did what you said.
I set it out loud, and then by a little
bit A few minutes later, maybe ten, fifteen, twenty minutes later,
I open up my web browser and a banner for
(04:15):
an AD was exactly for what I set out loud.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Yeah, that's so interesting. Yeah, Now I know when I
do a search for something, I know I'm going to
start getting I know, if I get some kind of
spam trying to sell me something, if I accidentally or
intentionally click on it. Every now telemarketer is going to
start calling me about that. But I have not had
it happen yet. Start getting pushed ads or something I'm
(04:41):
just talking about. But that's when you asked me, Hey,
what should we talk about this week? I started thinking,
what is it that we're attracting in our lives that's
not just spiritually but emotionally. What are the patterns that
I am attracting that keep reoccurring? And what are the
cues that I keep putting out to the universe triggered
(05:02):
that coming my way? So, and then I know you
did some research in between, So I love to hear
what you were looking for.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
Yeah, I was kind of like looking at it as
kind of like, well, my tech algorithms, you know, like
my TikTok, my Instagram, they're pretty much.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Showing me what I like, you know. And then I
got to thinking, you know, what is my inner spiritual algorithm?
You know, what is it noticing? What is it attracting?
What is it bringing negatively into my life? Right? So
I was like, well, what patterns are showing up for
(05:43):
me with love, with friendships, with work? And is those
algorithms serving me? So I was like also comparing it
to what I look for on my TV, you know,
with Hulu and Netflix and stuff, and I'll look for
(06:03):
one thing, one thing, and I'll get ten movies about
that one thing or shows about that one thing. And
it's like what you were saying, you know, is that
what am I? I was thinking about it as thinking
about it like I was just giving those examples for
technology and for television with our streaming networks. That's how
(06:26):
the first time I heard it though, is hearing somebody say, oh,
you looked up something on my Netflix and now you
screwed up my algorithm. I'm like, what is that?
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
So so I kind of thought about it as like that,
and I thought, well, what am I doing inwardly that
I am now creating my algorithm for my love life,
my friendships, my my work, you know. And then it
really got me thinking, you know, what kind of patterns
(06:58):
have I been creating just by my own thought patterns?
And that has to do a lot with what I've
been teaching over the years for manifesting. You know, what
are you thinking mainly about? What are you putting into
your pattern of your life?
Speaker 3 (07:16):
Yeah, it's interesting. I have this conversation with a friend
of mine where we were talking about a mutual friend
that always seems to have drama around them so that
they can show up and be heroic. So and this
friend that I was talking to is like, yeah, why
(07:37):
I never you know, I'm just drama free. I'm not
there when shit's going down. I just it's just not
my thing. But I could see when we were talking
about this other friends like, oh, they're always there when
the ship goes now because something about their life lesson
or whatever it is about them that the the urge
(08:00):
or desire to show up and save the day is
part of their current life pattern or lessons Like oh, so,
I mean, looking, what is mine? What are the things
that I keep putting out or attracting in the universe,
so I get to be a particular way. And it
reminded me of one other thing I have this mentor.
(08:23):
I used to produce events all over the world and
transformational events. And one of the people that I worked with,
she's one of the pioneers in the personal development world,
and there were always breakdowns that she would show up
around her. And we were having this conversation once I
learned so much from her, and she said, you know,
(08:45):
unworkability shows up around me so it can get handled
and resolved. I thought that is fascinating. So whenever we
would be producing an event, all the messes would show
up when she'd walk into the room so that things
could get resolved and handled really powerfully. So suddenly you're
(09:06):
competent with something, and all of a sudden she walks
in and I'm a gundering fool because all of my
clumsiness comes to the surface. And I learned so much
by having to upgrade my level of efficiency and success
and effectiveness. It was so powerful, always would be with her.
The funny thing is, though I have to say this
is funny, it was always weird going to dinner with
(09:28):
her because the food would always come out right because
it happened all around her always. We'd laugh about this,
you know, she'd always have to send her food back,
like if she could just turn it on and off,
it would have been.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
You just seriously gave me some massive fucking insight into
my own life, because as you were talking a minute
ago about how you know there's certain people in life
that are always there when the drama happens because they
can be the hero, and I thought, huh, I feel
like I'm that way, but the opposite, not quite the
(10:04):
hero thing. I was thinking in my head how I was,
And then you described your friend who's the chaos coordinator
basically right. So that's how it is in my life.
I see it. As everybody tends to call me for solutions,
(10:24):
I'll bring up Janice. Whenever Janice has any kind of
situation that she's feeling anxious, overwhelmed, unsure, anything, she imediately
text me and say, I need you know, I need
I need help. This is what I'm dealing with. And
I'll instantly know what she needs to do. Yeah, and
(10:47):
then I'll give her the right words for the pep
talk to put her in the right frame of mind,
and then I'll give her an inner incantonation or an
inner thought or exercise to do inside of her to
start projecting that inner to outer And she doesn't even
(11:08):
realize that's how I'm doing it. But when it happens,
everybody turns to me. And it's like that with my work.
I'm an event producer. Yeah, so I fix all the messages,
so it's like, I'm I'm just like you're saying that
friend of yours. So I think that there are certain
people that do like that. In a way, it kind
(11:31):
of reminds me of the people the parents who make
their kids sick so that they can always, you know,
like nurture them and take care of them.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
And Munchausen by proxies. There's a psychological condition right movie
The Sixth Sense. I frustrated in that movie where your
parents actually make their children sick so that they get
sympathy or they can be the rescuer. Really pretty fascinating.
But but I I was just.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Going to say, what we were talking about with that
is different than what that was.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Yeah, So I think and here's why I was excited
about having this conversation that we actually orchestrate all of it.
We co created, either consciously or unconsciously. So the dynamic
that you just described with Dannis that you are like
puzzle pieces that fit together and found each other because
(12:32):
she can show up in life as needing something and
you could show up as the one to provide it.
So my curiosity is, are those roles that you want
to keep or you know, is it time to upgrade
sometimes and say listen, Dana's you are capable, you are powerful.
(12:53):
You don't even to sort this out for you, like
what's going to happen when you're not available? Sometimes?
Speaker 2 (12:58):
All apart, I think that she starts to There's two
things about that I want to talk about. Is the
first thing is I think that as she and I
do this journey together. We've been friends for four years
about the time that I started my podcast, and her
and I, you know, she has grown so much and
(13:20):
she's so much more capable of handling things because when
she knows, instead of to panic, because I'm going to
tell you what she used to be, she used to
immediately panic and shut down and go into you know
that can't breathe, I can't think mode. Now she doesn't
do that she immediately thinks, I'm just going to call Christine,
(13:43):
And then there are times that she can't reach me,
that she's actually thought, Okay, I can't reach her, But
what would.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
She tell me?
Speaker 2 (13:51):
And the other thing I was going to say is
she's that way for me too. When you say it's
a puzzle piece, I think that ninety five percent of
my friend group, the people i'm friends with, they return
that to me as well. We are givers and takers
and we are for each other in those same ways.
(14:13):
And I think that's great.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
I love that well. I think there's a part of
this when it comes to like I used to work
a lot with parents, and you know, parents who are
constantly rescuing their young person I'm talking in their childhood years.
If they're constantly stepping in to rescue them or resolve
something or help them with homework. Not say don't do that,
(14:40):
but if they're always stepping in, they don't give their
children the chance to, you know, fall down and skin
their knees a few times, and they don't discover, at
least in their childhood. They may later in life how
resilient they really are, how resourceful they really are, and
a lot of times I would say with parents, you know,
(15:01):
instead of giving answers, give them back some questions, you know,
like in fact very young. A lot of times you remember,
you know, the Terrible twos or is it two or four?
Where they're saying why why why? All the time. I
think it's between two and four, So why why?
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Why? Why?
Speaker 3 (15:17):
And the the exhausted parent who keeps trying to answer
the question. And I was with a friend of mine
once with their child, and their child was saying why,
and I said, well, you're really creative, what do you think?
And the child started coming up with all these creative
answers about why, and they're my friend was like the
(15:40):
lift up their jaw. They were shock. It was like,
how did.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
You do that?
Speaker 3 (15:43):
I said, well, listen, what they wanted was your presence.
They you know, they didn't really want your answers, and
sometimes they do want answers, of course, but what they
wanted then was your presence. And you're listening, and look
how excited they got about and you know, coming up
with lots of wise and this is especially in that
(16:03):
stage of their life, and the kind of question they
were asking. I don't remember what it was, but it
was like bruteal for them to just be creative and
imagine it. So it really was a learning moment for
me and for my friend who was the parent as
well as the child. Is pretty pretty awesome.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
I love that because you were when you were saying that,
I was hearing in my head, you know, parent example.
So it's like friend example, work example. It applies it
everywhere that say, let's go back to the child thing again.
So if say your child is having an issue with
(16:44):
a teacher or or a friend or just anything in life,
and they're struggling and they're having a hard time and
a parent comes in and just fixes it all the
time for them, Like you said, they don't learn the
skills and tools that they need to solve those problems
in the future. And one of the things I was
(17:05):
thinking is that, you know, as parents, we have to
teach our kids by example, how do we handle the
stressful moments, how do we handle fixing solutions and problems.
And by showing them, showing people that we can create
these tools and find ways of solving problems, that it
(17:28):
also helps the child start to you know, really start
to think how how could I fix that? Or and
then I like the idea of not only showing example,
but asking questions, like say your teenager comes to you
and they're broken hearted. They had a heartbreak, their boyfriend,
you know, broke their hearts. And instead of the parents
(17:50):
going I'm going to kill them, you know, I'm gonna
kick as as Let's say, you know, how is it
showing up for you?
Speaker 3 (17:56):
How?
Speaker 2 (17:56):
How do you think that healing would work for you?
Speaker 1 (18:00):
How? You know?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Do you think this is something you should move forward
with to get back with or break up? You know
what I mean? It's like it's just like you said,
using words, using examples, and I like that.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Well. A lot of times I will say with clients
or friends, is how do you want me to support
you here? Because yeah, that's good. Times you want an answer,
It's like, listen, I have no idea where to go,
I don't know what to do. Give me some ideas,
give me you know what should I do? Like, you know,
that might be what I want in that moment? Or
(18:35):
I think, more often and more common in relationships is
what people really want. It's just the listener. Can I
just say this and have you not judge it and
just just let me say it and be listened to
and really received. And I think more often than not,
that's that's what we want, so that we could work
it out for ourselves. And I think that just like
(18:56):
we use the example of clicking the button and then
being in the same algorithm again, if we if our
automatic response is to give someone an answer, it's just
like clicking clicking the button and you know, getting more
of the same junk mail or whatever. It's because we've
now looped in because I'm used to playing the role
(19:17):
of rescuing you or giving you the answer rather than oh,
let me pause here and ask you what you think
would really support you. Yeah. I love that. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
So for me also, one of the things that I
was really focusing on when I was thinking about, you know,
algorithms spiritual is it part of my life? You know,
what do I do? Part of it was, you know,
what you focus on expands. So if you're focusing say,
what the universe feeds you, you know, is what you
(19:52):
tune into. So it's kind of like law of attraction
or the vibes that you're doing. So if you're constantly
talking about bad dates, probably going to keep attracting bad dates.
If you're constantly focusing, Like I have my hurt thumb.
I'm constantly focusing on my hurt thumb. It's gonna throb
when I don't think about it. The only time I
noticed is when I bump it, hit it, or try
(20:14):
to use it. But if you're conscious, you're conscientiously curating
your your feed or your your code of what you
believe in your insecurities. It's like, are you allowing that
to create the algorithm for you? It's like people with
shitty jobs never find great better jobs if they're just
(20:36):
focusing on the shitty job.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
And what do they do? They complain about things. And
I think complaints are a language that we traffic in
and it just perpetuates the algorithm. So you know, the algorithm,
it just keeps creating more of what we don't want.
And I think we tell you use the magic word,
are we consciously creating? Well, right, We're always creating. And
(21:02):
I think that when we have something to celebrate that
we love, that we are proud of and we don't
acknowledge that we created it, then you know we may
or may not continue to create it. But I think
celebrating what works and what we want and what we're
joyful about in our lives. Is a piece a half
(21:24):
of the equation to keep creating more of that? Then
I think there's another piece that we tend to overlook
a lot. One is that part about complaining? But why
did I create this? If it's unfavorable, if I don't
like it, if it's painful, well, and why do I
keep creating it? And you and I have this conversation before,
(21:44):
like why did I create this part of my life? Well?
There was something to learn here for me.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Right exactly? It's like, is it something to learn? Is
it something that's going to create something that makes you
have a stronger backbone or more gumption or you know,
be kinder or you know what I mean? Just kind
of like help shave you, shape you well, just like
you know, algorithms and say tech sub are unconscious or
(22:17):
our subconscious is is you know, also guiding that algorithm
for our own personal thing. And I kind of was
like relating it to dating. It's like swiping because I
watched that movie Swipe last night on Netflix about the
women who created Bumble, and.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
It's so good.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Okay, so good, but so freaking good. Anyway, It's kind
of like we're creating our own pattern when we're constantly
swiping right on the wrong person, on the wrong type
of person, the wrong kind of Do you understand what
I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
It's like our producer, Rebel sent us in the chat.
Are these things we think into the universe? Are we
thinking things into existence? Well yes, I don't. I think yes, yes.
But are we conscious of the thinking we're thinking or
are we creating it unconsciously? And I think yeah, I
(23:19):
think nothing exists in the universe without thought.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Well, here is where I say your past.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Because and I just clarify that because that came down weird. Yeah,
I said nothing exists in the universe without thought. What
I mean is nothing exists in our experience of the
universe without thought. So it might exist outside of our experience,
Like what exists for you might not exist for me. Yes,
(23:49):
what exists for me does not exist without my thinking
and awareness of it. Otherwise it's just happening and not
unbeknownst to me. It ain't happened in exactly.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Well, it's like no, no, no, no no. Because it
made me think of something that is really important that
I found out recently. I really wish i'd gathered that
info because I'm just gonna vaguely talk about it. Okay,
I saw something and saw this scientific journal type thing article. Okay,
(24:25):
talking about how much we are actually perceiving in our
own personal world. We can't see past ten percent ish
of what's in front of us. There are things in
front of me that I cannot see, and that might
scare a lot of people. It's like getting in the
(24:46):
water and not being able to see the bottom of
the water. And some people can't do that. Like I
went swimming in a pond a couple of weeks ago
with somebody. It was fucking full of algae. It was
bring to the greenest max. I jumped right in and
went to town. I didn't fucking care. What's a fitch
you're going to do to me? Bite me cares. My
(25:08):
friend barely put their toes in because they were afraid
of what was under the unknown. And our life daily
is like that. It's like we only see ten fifteen
percent of it. So what we are being shaped as.
So this is one of the things I was talking about,
is how trauma childhood experiences, past relationships, those program are
(25:35):
inner thoughts. They program without getting help, without getting you know,
therapy or or some type of self help without getting
past trauma, getting getting through childhood experiences, getting healing from
past relationships. Those are the things that are shaping our thoughts.
(26:00):
So if someone is always constantly thinking about their trauma,
past childhood, bad experiences, past relationship bad experiences, they're gonna
expect nothing but bad experiences constantly. So they're creating their
own algorithm of bad experiences. Because I did that. I
grew up in trauma, and I took that trauma with
(26:20):
me into every fucking relationship. So I was pulling in
the same type of man that I grew up with
in subtle different ways, but they all had the same
shit as that because he had all of the bad stuff.
And then I was picking men that had bits and pieces,
(26:43):
thinking they were better, but not really knowing how to
pick properly without healing. Once I started healing, my algorithms
are different. Men show up for me, Different people in
my life show up for me different ways. My friends
now show up for me.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
You know, you ever had someone show up who you
knew they were different. It's like, oh my gosh, And
then all of a sudden, some element that was so
familiar came up. I was like, oh my god, there
I go again.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Yeah, once in a while, somebody else slipped through the
unemotional the the emotionally unavailable.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
Show up sneaky one, isn't it like you keep? You've
gone through a B C type A B C D
E F G all these Oh I found all the
flavors unavailable that I thought there were, and uneath this
person who is so different, and oh my god, and
(27:46):
then all of a sudden, this unavailable trait slips in
and like, oh my god, where did that come from?
You're just the new version of unavailable. It's so funny.
It is because I didn't. I just I clicked on
the album them again.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
You know, here's what I think about that. I see
it as universal. Some people call it god, some people
call it whatever they want to call it. I call
it universe. My universe is my God. My God is
my universe, my higher self is my God, you know
what I mean? Especially since I went through my whole
uh thing with the psychedelics, it just really shaped me
(28:23):
differently in that aspect. So when I look at that,
I see it as oh my god, I just lost
my Oh my god. It just went flat on my head.
What did you just say? Right before I.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Started, I was talking about unavailable? Suddenly y flavor of unavailable.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
I see it in the universe, God or whatever, taking
somebody and going, ah, this person's different, but they're still
emotionally unavailable. Let's see if they still follow the same
patterns or not. And when you catch it faster, you're
learning faster, you're going to be You're going to get
better and better and better. But if you're still even
(29:07):
though you're choosing different people, they still are emotionally unavailable.
You're still picking it and you're not noticing it right away,
then you still got work to do.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Well. Yeah, it's like there's a whole curriculum and we
thought we worked our way through the unavailable curriculum, and
then all of a sudden, there's a new freaking lesson.
Wait a minute, right, I thought, you know, well, I
guess I'm forever in life learning lessons about unavailable.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
So, you know, well, a lot several people presented themselves
to me over the last few months who just and
I don't necessarily mean dating, I mean like in general,
who were just unemotionally unavailable, emotionally unavailable period, and I
just still. I thought faster, and I'm like, yep, nope,
(29:54):
this is not the direction I need to go. The
universe gave me a sign. I said, where do I go?
What direction do I go? And then here was this
you know, emotionally unavailable person. Yeah, and I went, yep, nope,
that's the direction I'm supposed to go over here because
it showed me. Now, I couldn't chose that direction being
attracted to the light of them, their energy, the concepts
(30:18):
of what they have going on. But then that patterns
there and if I didn't recognize it, then I could
fall back into it.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
But I see it like that, Yeah, well, you know me,
I'm all about supporting people moving from victimhood to consciousness
and the ability to be the creator of their experience.
And it's not to say that people might not get
victimized by circumstances, but to take responsibility means really, oh,
(30:48):
I created this. I created this experience not from a
place of guilt or shame, but I brought in another
piece of the curriculum. You know, So even if it's unpleasant,
and you know, you keep choosing someone who's aggressive or
someone who's you know we've used the example unavailable, but
(31:10):
what what's your flavor that you keep creating that's unpleasant?
And what is the lesson here? Like if we could
if we could let go of the guilt or the
shame and let go of oh why did I do
this again? Or or we could let go of blaming
the perpetrator out there, then we could really sit in
(31:32):
the seat of being in power to be curious, how
did I bring this flavor in again? Oh, a new
flavor of this kind of person? What is the lesson here?
Because we got a life curriculum. We don't know how
many years we're going to have, but at least a
whole curriculum to experience.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Well, it's funny because it's funny that you said it
that way, because it just made me think that we
start saying things over and over like oh, yeah, well
I'll do with that tomorrow, or I'll get a therapist
next week, and we just don't realize that how much
life is passing us by by putting things off and
creating that pattern because tomorrow may not come for that person,
(32:16):
or me or you or anybody that tomorrow may not come,
you know, So for me, I was thinking like, how
can people reset their algorithm for their life, you know,
for dating, for work, for anything. And one of the
ways that I came up with a couple of different ways,
and one of them was thinking, you know, therapy or journaling,
(32:39):
journaling if you're not into therapy, or maybe both, because
what that does is it's to find the root of
the pattern, Like what is it that we're doing that's
causing the unemotional the unavailable people, or the violent people
or the whatever. So finding the root of the pattern,
(33:01):
I think is the most important thing, and that's the
first step, and that's either getting into therapy or journaling
or maybe you might have some other suggestions. But the
other one I thought about was maybe starting out smaller
if it helps with shifting your daily habits like meditation
(33:24):
and affirmations gratitude. That could also help with your journaling
is you know, by meditating having certain types of affirmations
puts you in a better mindset. So if you're constantly
struggling with I cannot find guys who are single. All
the good ones are freaking dacon, you know, all the
(33:47):
best ones are gay. I like saying that one a lot,
and that's creating a pattern. So by creating an affirmation
or a meditation or gratitude to the things that you want,
it's listing the things that you really, truly, corarely want
(34:08):
with somebody. Then it can start to create shifting different
daily habits. And when you do that, you start choosing differently.
And when you start choosing differently, even if it feels
uncomfortable at first, those are incredible steps because it's getting
you out of your comfortability that allows you to change
(34:30):
the pattern of what you're doing, saying, feeling, thinking.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
You know, yeah, well, one of the things that I
think is really useful is to make sure that you,
for your own life, are differentiating between a crisis moment
and a moment of growth, because let's basically, there are
moments where if the house is on fire, you don't
start wondering about, oh, it's not nice. You know, maybe
(34:57):
we should do the landscaping differently, or maybe we should
have put in a sprinkler system. That's the time when
the house is on fire, put the fire out. And
you know, we could extrapolate on whatever that might be
emotionally in someone's life that there are crisis situations that
need to be dealt with and and but then if
you're not in a crisis, then I would say, and
(35:19):
this is one of the ways I live my life
is I'm I'm always in a growth inquiry, like I'm
always looking for some way to explore and grow who
I am. How do I get to be this way?
What's possible? Where if I made choices that limit what's possible?
Where do I have limiting beliefs and all of those things,
So that I'm always curious and exploring and not trying
(35:43):
to solve a problem, unless, of course, like I said,
it's a crisis. You know, like I'm not problem solving
because I think if if the things that we're doing,
like if you meditate in order to be more peaceful,
well that is almost like you're trying to solve a problem.
If that little phrase in order to this, if you're
if you're really stuck on the result, But if you meditate,
(36:06):
to meditate and really see what, Like I have no
idea what meditation is going to provide for me. Some
people said it's going to make me more peaceful. Some
people said it's going to this and that. Well, let's
investigate and see what it's like. Rather than being putting
all my attention on trying to be more peaceful. Let's
be in an inquiry without being attached to some lesson
(36:29):
to be learned. And I think that's a rich, rich
way to experience life.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
Also, though, if you think about it, if you are,
say then you're meditating, to meditate, a lot of answers
can come to you during that time by just clearing
your mind and you know, thinking about you know, those
type of things. But if you're also thinking about it,
if you're if you're doing the actions, like you say,
(36:58):
just to be not to solve a problem, that a
lot of the problems will start to be solved for
you in messages. And I see signs and synchronicities all
the time, and I think that that kind of leans
towards what we're talking about is are people actually paying
attention to synchronicities and signs once they've asked for solutions,
(37:22):
Because asking for a solution but then not being open
to the goddamn sign of it is not going to
pict your problem. So when I say that, like, if
you're hearing songs or getting messages from a text, or
are you open your Facebook and there's you know, blah,
blah blah, and you're thinking about it. Do you trust
(37:43):
those signs or do you just wipe past them? Do
you just keep going? And just a real fast example,
because we only have ten minutes left, a real fast
example is about a week or two ago, I've been
really I've been struggling for the last year to know
where I'm going to know. I keep saying I'm going
to go to Europe, but with my new job, I'm
(38:03):
struggling with the time difference. And I thought, well, going
to Europe right now would be difficult, even more so
than the time difference for me now, and I just
decided to meditate. And then and then I did. I
just meditated, and then I said in my meditation, Hey, spirit, guides,
you know, angels, ancestors, universe, whatever I want, I'm looking
(38:27):
for a sign or or a direction of where I'm
supposed to go. How can I solve the problem of
having these list of things I want and need and
yet still solve a problem that I'm having. And the
very next day, several things came across my attention that
(38:50):
gave me an answer to that. And then a friend
texted me and said, Hey, I'm in this exact place
that I'd been shown, shown and shown, and then I
had my answer. So now I know where I'm moving
to for the first six months that I leave here. Awesome,
and it's Mexico. I'm going to apply a del carmen Mexico.
(39:14):
It's in the same time zone as the people I
work with. It's giving me the same things here that
I want from here there, meaning the ocean, the beach,
but yet feel more tropical, which I don't have here.
More rain, more blue ocean, you know, more clean sand,
and yet be able to take my massive fucking nut
(39:37):
of a living expense every month that I kill myself
here for will will decrease by you know, let's just
say I spend five thousand dollars. Let's say the truth,
I spend five thousand or more just to be poor here,
just to be poor, just to skim by, whereas in Mexico,
(39:59):
were I'm going, my entire living expense will be one
thousand dollars. So it solved the problem for me of
being able to give me all the things I wanted
and be able to lower my living expenses so that
I could save more for when I do find the
place that I want to be. So you got to
(40:20):
look for those things. And here's my best suggestion on
how to see those things, Okay, by raising your standards,
by healing old wounds, by being intentional about what kind
of love and life that we're looking to attract, which
then gives us our algorithm. You know, It's kind of
(40:44):
like if you were to say, here's an example for
y'all if my spiritual algorithm, if your spiritual algorithm was
like your TikTok page, would it just be dogs, tacos,
and you know, emotionally unavailable men. Okay, So what I
(41:05):
would encourage you to do is look at what your
set patterns are bringing you and then say, oh, I
can change my algorithm on TikTok by just searching for
other things that will bring different things to my to
my algorithm. It's the same thing with your life. When
(41:26):
you start focusing on the things you're wanting to attract,
then those things start coming. So you're changing your algorithm.
Speaker 3 (41:35):
Right, Yeah, that's great.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
How would you say that we've got We've got another
seven minutes or so. I'm just curious what your thoughts are,
maybe some solutions, some things to really start helping people
rethink and reprogram their algorithm for their life.
Speaker 3 (41:56):
You know, I think one of the biggest lessons that
I've been learning and I'm still learning and still wrestling
with and still exploring, is the whole idea of non attachment.
I know that. You know, it's spoken of in many
different ways and many different spiritual beliefs, and I think
(42:19):
it's I think attachment. You know, attachment would be like
if you are now set on Mexico and something happened
and you couldn't go there, that you Yeah, so that's
not attachment. You know, I'd come up with another solution. So, yeah,
being attached to a solution is a pitfall.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Yes, here's the thing. I was attached to going to
Spain first and then doing my thing. I was attached
to it. I was sold to it, I was married
to it. I was fucking tied to it. And when
things were coming up that were going to make it
really difficult, I started to panic and think what am
I going to do now?
Speaker 3 (43:00):
Yes, So that's a great symptom of being attached, is
that all of a sudden, I'm panicking and there's like this,
I've got to force this to happen and work out
we see.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
The thing that makes me feel comfortable about this is
that by going to Mexico one, I'm super close to
the US. Still, okay, it's not a difficult place to go.
I've been there before. I'm very comfortable with it. I
have friends there, it's in the right time zone. It's
gonna save me money. If I don't like it, I leave.
That's how simple it is. If I feel unsafe or
(43:34):
or not happy, I just change. That's all there is
to it. I just okay, Well, if I don't like
the cat videos I'm seeing on TikTok, I'm gonna now
google dogg videos and I'm just gonna change.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
The algorithm, try to reach out and explore.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Now, a couple of things in the studio said, are
these things we think into the universe? Remember when when
when she'd asked that, But we don't. She also goes
on to say, but we don't know if we're going
to want or what we think we want. So is
that why we keep trying.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
We don't know if we're going to want what we
think we want. That way, we keep trying.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
What's that about, rebel?
Speaker 3 (44:17):
You keep trying to when you keep one things you
want something, you get it, you don't actually want it trying.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I see.
Speaker 3 (44:24):
You keep putting these things you think you want it.
It's human want what you don't have, but when you
get it, you don't necessarily want it.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
I think that's kind of like leaning towards what Steve
was just saying, Are you too attached to the outcome?
Speaker 1 (44:39):
You know?
Speaker 2 (44:39):
Are you?
Speaker 3 (44:41):
Are you so attached that you get it and it's
not what you want but you keep trying to go
for it anyway. Yeah, it's like I think I should
want this, and then you know, I think that's true
a lot from people with their relationship with money, then money,
the relationshippings of it, the money, what represents buying all
the things that money represents what you know, really, they
(45:04):
think that's going to make them happy, and they get
the money or they get the new car, the things
that are symbols of money, and it ends up not
being what they really wanted. So they're they're kind of
on a hamster wheel trying to keep get more of
what they think they want when maybe that really wasn't
what they.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
Wanted, right. But if what they do is take a
different energy and put it into the money, and then
they also change the energy of the outcome, meaning letting
it go, not caring if that is the exact ending,
just knowing that you're going down a path that's going
to lead you where you're eventually supposed to go, and
(45:46):
maybe that's the direction you start, you know what I mean.
So it's like money if you're putting a different feeling
to it, like, oh, money is just there. So what's
another way you can think of it? How do I
think of it? I think it differently. I don't see
it as how money can make me happy. I see
it as how money can move some of the difficulties
(46:07):
that I'm having out of the way so that I
can now focus on the things that are really important
and special to the people in my life and my
own life. So I don't see money as a powerful
thing to make me happy. I see it as a
tool to just be able to do the things I
(46:28):
need to do to get to where I need to go.
Speaker 3 (46:31):
Yeah, well, I'm excited to see what you learn moving
to Mexico, where the value of money is different. I
think you might see the value of relationships changing and
the value of money being less significant because the culture
there might be have a different relationship with money. We
(46:51):
very much in this country, in our capitalist country, and
you know, a lot of agreement around it. It's a
lot of conversation around what money means.
Speaker 2 (47:02):
I think I had this weird thing with money, you know,
for a while, because we never had it. I've never
I had not had it in the past, and so
it was always an elusive thing that we're constantly seeking
and trying to get. And I always saw it as
I couldn't have the things I really needed when I
didn't have the money, and when I had the money,
I would spend it on the things I needed, but
(47:23):
then I wouldn't have it, and then it was this
angry cycle. And now I just see it. I just
put different energy on it, and I don't see it
as the outcome anymore. I see it as a tool,
a tool that I use like anything else in I
like my computer, my phone, you know, the things in
my in my home that helped me do the things
(47:44):
I need to do. And I don't put that kind
of all end all be all energy on it anymore.
Speaker 3 (47:50):
Yeah, So I guess maybe the answer to are One
of the themes of the show is what one way to
really know what your spiritual algorithm is is to really
get in touch with what's important to you.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
One hundred percent. Thanks for being here and talking about
this topic with this was amazing. I appreciate. It's actually
a really fun topic to talk about. So next week,
just so everybody knows, next week, I've got Thomas Sawyer
on the show, and he is going to come and
talk to us about the psychic world, aliens, all kinds
(48:28):
of stuff. He's gonna give me a topic and we're
gonna chat. But what's really exciting is that Thomas is
coming on because I'm going to introduce him as my
new co host for my second podcast, not this podcast,
my other podcast that's going to be all about the
psychic work. So that one is going to be at
the end of October. We'll keep you posting on that,
(48:50):
but I'm going to introduce Thomas to you next week,
So come back for that if you would, uh, And
until then, let's just keep this shit real. If you
enjoyed this episode, please share with your friends, like and
follow us on Instagram at fifty Shades of Underscore Bullshit
(49:13):
and Facebook at fifty Shades of Bullshit. Thanks so much,
for listening, and we really hope to see you again
next week.
The following show contains adult content. It's not our intent
to offend anyone, but we want to inform you that
if you are a child under the age of eighteen
or get offended easily, this next show may not be
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shows are solely the choice of your show hosts and
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any affiliated stations. Any comments or inquiry should be directed
(00:22):
to those show hosts. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hey everyone, and welcome to Fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm
your host, Christine Lalan and this is the podcast where
we uncover the truth about online dating. Now let's begin.
Hey everybody, I'm Christine and I'm Steve, and we are
back with fifty Shades of Bullshit again this week. Hello everybody, Hello, Hello,
(00:54):
how you doing, Steve?
Speaker 3 (00:55):
I'm good. You know I've been thinking of this topic.
You sent me a little message is last week and
I let the wheels turn a little bit and we
didn't talk about it, but I was really good. I'm
really curious to see what you thought I meant and
what I actually meant about our topic, which is what
is your spiritual algorithm.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Right, Yeah, I'm interested to see how we both were thinking,
because you know, it's open for interpretation obviously, and I'm
sure there's many ways of thinking about it. I think
I came at it more of a you know.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Love and.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Dating kind of way. What what's yours?
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Well, I began wondering about, you know, just they began
maybe a couple of years ago, we started hearing the
word algorithm. Now, of course it's been used for of course,
certainly in science and technology, but we started I think
the general public started to get really interested and recognize
the word as we started to get ads sent to
(02:03):
us on Instagram, Facebook, whatever, and we began to wait
a minute. I was just talking about a breadmaker to
a friend of mine. Why am I all of a
sudden getting ads for breadmakers and links to Amazon? And
then all of a sudden, all of these, all this
information is being pushed to us. And in fact, I
jokingly say breadmaker. But I actually did a test. Remember
(02:26):
when we had all of the electronic equipment that everybody said, oh,
it's always listening to you. It is what you said.
So I started a test where I would just randomly
say I want a bread maker. I'm looking for a
breadmaker just now. I didn't preface it saying a L
e x A. I didn't preface it saying SI R I.
(02:49):
I didn't. I didn't say it because then, of course
that's the cue you just verbally, right, Yeah, that's the
cue for those systems to listen. I would just kind
of randomly, I'd be driving in my car say I
want a breadmaker, and I was sure that I would
start getting ads for breadmakers. But no, I never did nothing,
not a note really.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Yeah, so it happens to me all the time.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Really without without giving a queue to you know. So
that's interesting. I am pretty mindful about the things I
click on. In fact, something sometimes i'll click on something like,
oh darn, I know I'm going to now start getting
all of this information. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
I feel the same way, you know. I did the
I did the test too. I was on the phone
with a friend and I said some I just did.
I did that on purpose, too. I said one thing
on purpose, and within minutes of getting off the phone
with my friend, Facebook, Instagram, ads everywhere all about it.
(03:53):
And then it wasn't like maybe a month or so ago,
I was I did it again, I did what you said.
I set it out loud, and then by a little
bit A few minutes later, maybe ten, fifteen, twenty minutes later,
I open up my web browser and a banner for
(04:15):
an AD was exactly for what I set out loud.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Yeah, that's so interesting. Yeah, Now I know when I
do a search for something, I know I'm going to
start getting I know, if I get some kind of
spam trying to sell me something, if I accidentally or
intentionally click on it. Every now telemarketer is going to
start calling me about that. But I have not had
it happen yet. Start getting pushed ads or something I'm
(04:41):
just talking about. But that's when you asked me, Hey,
what should we talk about this week? I started thinking,
what is it that we're attracting in our lives that's
not just spiritually but emotionally. What are the patterns that
I am attracting that keep reoccurring? And what are the
cues that I keep putting out to the universe triggered
(05:02):
that coming my way? So, and then I know you
did some research in between, So I love to hear
what you were looking for.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
Yeah, I was kind of like looking at it as
kind of like, well, my tech algorithms, you know, like
my TikTok, my Instagram, they're pretty much.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Showing me what I like, you know. And then I
got to thinking, you know, what is my inner spiritual algorithm?
You know, what is it noticing? What is it attracting?
What is it bringing negatively into my life? Right? So
I was like, well, what patterns are showing up for
(05:43):
me with love, with friendships, with work? And is those
algorithms serving me? So I was like also comparing it
to what I look for on my TV, you know,
with Hulu and Netflix and stuff, and I'll look for
(06:03):
one thing, one thing, and I'll get ten movies about
that one thing or shows about that one thing. And
it's like what you were saying, you know, is that
what am I? I was thinking about it as thinking
about it like I was just giving those examples for
technology and for television with our streaming networks. That's how
(06:26):
the first time I heard it though, is hearing somebody say, oh,
you looked up something on my Netflix and now you
screwed up my algorithm. I'm like, what is that?
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
So so I kind of thought about it as like that,
and I thought, well, what am I doing inwardly that
I am now creating my algorithm for my love life,
my friendships, my my work, you know. And then it
really got me thinking, you know, what kind of patterns
(06:58):
have I been creating just by my own thought patterns?
And that has to do a lot with what I've
been teaching over the years for manifesting. You know, what
are you thinking mainly about? What are you putting into
your pattern of your life?
Speaker 3 (07:16):
Yeah, it's interesting. I have this conversation with a friend
of mine where we were talking about a mutual friend
that always seems to have drama around them so that
they can show up and be heroic. So and this
friend that I was talking to is like, yeah, why
(07:37):
I never you know, I'm just drama free. I'm not
there when shit's going down. I just it's just not
my thing. But I could see when we were talking
about this other friends like, oh, they're always there when
the ship goes now because something about their life lesson
or whatever it is about them that the the urge
(08:00):
or desire to show up and save the day is
part of their current life pattern or lessons Like oh, so,
I mean, looking, what is mine? What are the things
that I keep putting out or attracting in the universe,
so I get to be a particular way. And it
reminded me of one other thing I have this mentor.
(08:23):
I used to produce events all over the world and
transformational events. And one of the people that I worked with,
she's one of the pioneers in the personal development world,
and there were always breakdowns that she would show up
around her. And we were having this conversation once I
learned so much from her, and she said, you know,
(08:45):
unworkability shows up around me so it can get handled
and resolved. I thought that is fascinating. So whenever we
would be producing an event, all the messes would show
up when she'd walk into the room so that things
could get resolved and handled really powerfully. So suddenly you're
(09:06):
competent with something, and all of a sudden she walks
in and I'm a gundering fool because all of my
clumsiness comes to the surface. And I learned so much
by having to upgrade my level of efficiency and success
and effectiveness. It was so powerful, always would be with her.
The funny thing is, though I have to say this
is funny, it was always weird going to dinner with
(09:28):
her because the food would always come out right because
it happened all around her always. We'd laugh about this,
you know, she'd always have to send her food back,
like if she could just turn it on and off,
it would have been.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
You just seriously gave me some massive fucking insight into
my own life, because as you were talking a minute
ago about how you know there's certain people in life
that are always there when the drama happens because they
can be the hero, and I thought, huh, I feel
like I'm that way, but the opposite, not quite the
(10:04):
hero thing. I was thinking in my head how I was,
And then you described your friend who's the chaos coordinator
basically right. So that's how it is in my life.
I see it. As everybody tends to call me for solutions,
(10:24):
I'll bring up Janice. Whenever Janice has any kind of
situation that she's feeling anxious, overwhelmed, unsure, anything, she imediately
text me and say, I need you know, I need
I need help. This is what I'm dealing with. And
I'll instantly know what she needs to do. Yeah, and
(10:47):
then I'll give her the right words for the pep
talk to put her in the right frame of mind,
and then I'll give her an inner incantonation or an
inner thought or exercise to do inside of her to
start projecting that inner to outer And she doesn't even
(11:08):
realize that's how I'm doing it. But when it happens,
everybody turns to me. And it's like that with my work.
I'm an event producer. Yeah, so I fix all the messages,
so it's like, I'm I'm just like you're saying that
friend of yours. So I think that there are certain
people that do like that. In a way, it kind
(11:31):
of reminds me of the people the parents who make
their kids sick so that they can always, you know,
like nurture them and take care of them.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
And Munchausen by proxies. There's a psychological condition right movie
The Sixth Sense. I frustrated in that movie where your
parents actually make their children sick so that they get
sympathy or they can be the rescuer. Really pretty fascinating.
But but I I was just.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Going to say, what we were talking about with that
is different than what that was.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Yeah, So I think and here's why I was excited
about having this conversation that we actually orchestrate all of it.
We co created, either consciously or unconsciously. So the dynamic
that you just described with Dannis that you are like
puzzle pieces that fit together and found each other because
(12:32):
she can show up in life as needing something and
you could show up as the one to provide it.
So my curiosity is, are those roles that you want
to keep or you know, is it time to upgrade
sometimes and say listen, Dana's you are capable, you are powerful.
(12:53):
You don't even to sort this out for you, like
what's going to happen when you're not available? Sometimes?
Speaker 2 (12:58):
All apart, I think that she starts to There's two
things about that I want to talk about. Is the
first thing is I think that as she and I
do this journey together. We've been friends for four years
about the time that I started my podcast, and her
and I, you know, she has grown so much and
(13:20):
she's so much more capable of handling things because when
she knows, instead of to panic, because I'm going to
tell you what she used to be, she used to
immediately panic and shut down and go into you know
that can't breathe, I can't think mode. Now she doesn't
do that she immediately thinks, I'm just going to call Christine,
(13:43):
And then there are times that she can't reach me,
that she's actually thought, Okay, I can't reach her, But
what would.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
She tell me?
Speaker 2 (13:51):
And the other thing I was going to say is
she's that way for me too. When you say it's
a puzzle piece, I think that ninety five percent of
my friend group, the people i'm friends with, they return
that to me as well. We are givers and takers
and we are for each other in those same ways.
(14:13):
And I think that's great.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
I love that well. I think there's a part of
this when it comes to like I used to work
a lot with parents, and you know, parents who are
constantly rescuing their young person I'm talking in their childhood years.
If they're constantly stepping in to rescue them or resolve
something or help them with homework. Not say don't do that,
(14:40):
but if they're always stepping in, they don't give their
children the chance to, you know, fall down and skin
their knees a few times, and they don't discover, at
least in their childhood. They may later in life how
resilient they really are, how resourceful they really are, and
a lot of times I would say with parents, you know,
(15:01):
instead of giving answers, give them back some questions, you know,
like in fact very young. A lot of times you remember,
you know, the Terrible twos or is it two or four?
Where they're saying why why why? All the time. I
think it's between two and four, So why why?
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Why? Why?
Speaker 3 (15:17):
And the the exhausted parent who keeps trying to answer
the question. And I was with a friend of mine
once with their child, and their child was saying why,
and I said, well, you're really creative, what do you think?
And the child started coming up with all these creative
answers about why, and they're my friend was like the
(15:40):
lift up their jaw. They were shock. It was like,
how did.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
You do that?
Speaker 3 (15:43):
I said, well, listen, what they wanted was your presence.
They you know, they didn't really want your answers, and
sometimes they do want answers, of course, but what they
wanted then was your presence. And you're listening, and look
how excited they got about and you know, coming up
with lots of wise and this is especially in that
(16:03):
stage of their life, and the kind of question they
were asking. I don't remember what it was, but it
was like bruteal for them to just be creative and
imagine it. So it really was a learning moment for
me and for my friend who was the parent as
well as the child. Is pretty pretty awesome.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
I love that because you were when you were saying that,
I was hearing in my head, you know, parent example.
So it's like friend example, work example. It applies it
everywhere that say, let's go back to the child thing again.
So if say your child is having an issue with
(16:44):
a teacher or or a friend or just anything in life,
and they're struggling and they're having a hard time and
a parent comes in and just fixes it all the
time for them, Like you said, they don't learn the
skills and tools that they need to solve those problems
in the future. And one of the things I was
(17:05):
thinking is that, you know, as parents, we have to
teach our kids by example, how do we handle the
stressful moments, how do we handle fixing solutions and problems.
And by showing them, showing people that we can create
these tools and find ways of solving problems, that it
(17:28):
also helps the child start to you know, really start
to think how how could I fix that? Or and
then I like the idea of not only showing example,
but asking questions, like say your teenager comes to you
and they're broken hearted. They had a heartbreak, their boyfriend,
you know, broke their hearts. And instead of the parents
(17:50):
going I'm going to kill them, you know, I'm gonna
kick as as Let's say, you know, how is it
showing up for you?
Speaker 3 (17:56):
How?
Speaker 2 (17:56):
How do you think that healing would work for you?
Speaker 1 (18:00):
How? You know?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Do you think this is something you should move forward
with to get back with or break up? You know
what I mean? It's like it's just like you said,
using words, using examples, and I like that.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Well. A lot of times I will say with clients
or friends, is how do you want me to support
you here? Because yeah, that's good. Times you want an answer,
It's like, listen, I have no idea where to go,
I don't know what to do. Give me some ideas,
give me you know what should I do? Like, you know,
that might be what I want in that moment? Or
(18:35):
I think, more often and more common in relationships is
what people really want. It's just the listener. Can I
just say this and have you not judge it and
just just let me say it and be listened to
and really received. And I think more often than not,
that's that's what we want, so that we could work
it out for ourselves. And I think that just like
(18:56):
we use the example of clicking the button and then
being in the same algorithm again, if we if our
automatic response is to give someone an answer, it's just
like clicking clicking the button and you know, getting more
of the same junk mail or whatever. It's because we've
now looped in because I'm used to playing the role
(19:17):
of rescuing you or giving you the answer rather than oh,
let me pause here and ask you what you think
would really support you. Yeah. I love that. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
So for me also, one of the things that I
was really focusing on when I was thinking about, you know,
algorithms spiritual is it part of my life? You know,
what do I do? Part of it was, you know,
what you focus on expands. So if you're focusing say,
what the universe feeds you, you know, is what you
(19:52):
tune into. So it's kind of like law of attraction
or the vibes that you're doing. So if you're constantly
talking about bad dates, probably going to keep attracting bad dates.
If you're constantly focusing, Like I have my hurt thumb.
I'm constantly focusing on my hurt thumb. It's gonna throb
when I don't think about it. The only time I
noticed is when I bump it, hit it, or try
(20:14):
to use it. But if you're conscious, you're conscientiously curating
your your feed or your your code of what you
believe in your insecurities. It's like, are you allowing that
to create the algorithm for you? It's like people with
shitty jobs never find great better jobs if they're just
(20:36):
focusing on the shitty job.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
And what do they do? They complain about things. And
I think complaints are a language that we traffic in
and it just perpetuates the algorithm. So you know, the algorithm,
it just keeps creating more of what we don't want.
And I think we tell you use the magic word,
are we consciously creating? Well, right, We're always creating. And
(21:02):
I think that when we have something to celebrate that
we love, that we are proud of and we don't
acknowledge that we created it, then you know we may
or may not continue to create it. But I think
celebrating what works and what we want and what we're
joyful about in our lives. Is a piece a half
(21:24):
of the equation to keep creating more of that? Then
I think there's another piece that we tend to overlook
a lot. One is that part about complaining? But why
did I create this? If it's unfavorable, if I don't
like it, if it's painful, well, and why do I
keep creating it? And you and I have this conversation before,
(21:44):
like why did I create this part of my life? Well?
There was something to learn here for me.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Right exactly? It's like, is it something to learn? Is
it something that's going to create something that makes you
have a stronger backbone or more gumption or you know,
be kinder or you know what I mean? Just kind
of like help shave you, shape you well, just like
you know, algorithms and say tech sub are unconscious or
(22:17):
our subconscious is is you know, also guiding that algorithm
for our own personal thing. And I kind of was
like relating it to dating. It's like swiping because I
watched that movie Swipe last night on Netflix about the
women who created Bumble, and.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
It's so good.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Okay, so good, but so freaking good. Anyway, It's kind
of like we're creating our own pattern when we're constantly
swiping right on the wrong person, on the wrong type
of person, the wrong kind of Do you understand what
I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
It's like our producer, Rebel sent us in the chat.
Are these things we think into the universe? Are we
thinking things into existence? Well yes, I don't. I think yes, yes.
But are we conscious of the thinking we're thinking or
are we creating it unconsciously? And I think yeah, I
(23:19):
think nothing exists in the universe without thought.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Well, here is where I say your past.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Because and I just clarify that because that came down weird. Yeah,
I said nothing exists in the universe without thought. What
I mean is nothing exists in our experience of the
universe without thought. So it might exist outside of our experience,
Like what exists for you might not exist for me. Yes,
(23:49):
what exists for me does not exist without my thinking
and awareness of it. Otherwise it's just happening and not
unbeknownst to me. It ain't happened in exactly.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Well, it's like no, no, no, no no. Because it
made me think of something that is really important that
I found out recently. I really wish i'd gathered that
info because I'm just gonna vaguely talk about it. Okay,
I saw something and saw this scientific journal type thing article. Okay,
(24:25):
talking about how much we are actually perceiving in our
own personal world. We can't see past ten percent ish
of what's in front of us. There are things in
front of me that I cannot see, and that might
scare a lot of people. It's like getting in the
(24:46):
water and not being able to see the bottom of
the water. And some people can't do that. Like I
went swimming in a pond a couple of weeks ago
with somebody. It was fucking full of algae. It was
bring to the greenest max. I jumped right in and
went to town. I didn't fucking care. What's a fitch
you're going to do to me? Bite me cares. My
(25:08):
friend barely put their toes in because they were afraid
of what was under the unknown. And our life daily
is like that. It's like we only see ten fifteen
percent of it. So what we are being shaped as.
So this is one of the things I was talking about,
is how trauma childhood experiences, past relationships, those program are
(25:35):
inner thoughts. They program without getting help, without getting you know,
therapy or or some type of self help without getting
past trauma, getting getting through childhood experiences, getting healing from
past relationships. Those are the things that are shaping our thoughts.
(26:00):
So if someone is always constantly thinking about their trauma,
past childhood, bad experiences, past relationship bad experiences, they're gonna
expect nothing but bad experiences constantly. So they're creating their
own algorithm of bad experiences. Because I did that. I
grew up in trauma, and I took that trauma with
(26:20):
me into every fucking relationship. So I was pulling in
the same type of man that I grew up with
in subtle different ways, but they all had the same
shit as that because he had all of the bad stuff.
And then I was picking men that had bits and pieces,
(26:43):
thinking they were better, but not really knowing how to
pick properly without healing. Once I started healing, my algorithms
are different. Men show up for me, Different people in
my life show up for me different ways. My friends
now show up for me.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
You know, you ever had someone show up who you
knew they were different. It's like, oh my gosh, And
then all of a sudden, some element that was so
familiar came up. I was like, oh my god, there
I go again.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Yeah, once in a while, somebody else slipped through the
unemotional the the emotionally unavailable.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
Show up sneaky one, isn't it like you keep? You've
gone through a B C type A B C D
E F G all these Oh I found all the
flavors unavailable that I thought there were, and uneath this
person who is so different, and oh my god, and
(27:46):
then all of a sudden, this unavailable trait slips in
and like, oh my god, where did that come from?
You're just the new version of unavailable. It's so funny.
It is because I didn't. I just I clicked on
the album them again.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
You know, here's what I think about that. I see
it as universal. Some people call it god, some people
call it whatever they want to call it. I call
it universe. My universe is my God. My God is
my universe, my higher self is my God, you know
what I mean? Especially since I went through my whole
uh thing with the psychedelics, it just really shaped me
(28:23):
differently in that aspect. So when I look at that,
I see it as oh my god, I just lost
my Oh my god. It just went flat on my head.
What did you just say? Right before I.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Started, I was talking about unavailable? Suddenly y flavor of unavailable.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
I see it in the universe, God or whatever, taking
somebody and going, ah, this person's different, but they're still
emotionally unavailable. Let's see if they still follow the same
patterns or not. And when you catch it faster, you're
learning faster, you're going to be You're going to get
better and better and better. But if you're still even
(29:07):
though you're choosing different people, they still are emotionally unavailable.
You're still picking it and you're not noticing it right away,
then you still got work to do.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Well. Yeah, it's like there's a whole curriculum and we
thought we worked our way through the unavailable curriculum, and
then all of a sudden, there's a new freaking lesson.
Wait a minute, right, I thought, you know, well, I
guess I'm forever in life learning lessons about unavailable.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
So, you know, well, a lot several people presented themselves
to me over the last few months who just and
I don't necessarily mean dating, I mean like in general,
who were just unemotionally unavailable, emotionally unavailable period, and I
just still. I thought faster, and I'm like, yep, nope,
(29:54):
this is not the direction I need to go. The
universe gave me a sign. I said, where do I go?
What direction do I go? And then here was this
you know, emotionally unavailable person. Yeah, and I went, yep, nope,
that's the direction I'm supposed to go over here because
it showed me. Now, I couldn't chose that direction being
attracted to the light of them, their energy, the concepts
(30:18):
of what they have going on. But then that patterns
there and if I didn't recognize it, then I could
fall back into it.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
But I see it like that, Yeah, well, you know me,
I'm all about supporting people moving from victimhood to consciousness
and the ability to be the creator of their experience.
And it's not to say that people might not get
victimized by circumstances, but to take responsibility means really, oh,
(30:48):
I created this. I created this experience not from a
place of guilt or shame, but I brought in another
piece of the curriculum. You know, So even if it's unpleasant,
and you know, you keep choosing someone who's aggressive or
someone who's you know we've used the example unavailable, but
(31:10):
what what's your flavor that you keep creating that's unpleasant?
And what is the lesson here? Like if we could
if we could let go of the guilt or the
shame and let go of oh why did I do
this again? Or or we could let go of blaming
the perpetrator out there, then we could really sit in
(31:32):
the seat of being in power to be curious, how
did I bring this flavor in again? Oh, a new
flavor of this kind of person? What is the lesson here?
Because we got a life curriculum. We don't know how
many years we're going to have, but at least a
whole curriculum to experience.
Speaker 2 (31:52):
Well, it's funny because it's funny that you said it
that way, because it just made me think that we
start saying things over and over like oh, yeah, well
I'll do with that tomorrow, or I'll get a therapist
next week, and we just don't realize that how much
life is passing us by by putting things off and
creating that pattern because tomorrow may not come for that person,
(32:16):
or me or you or anybody that tomorrow may not come,
you know, So for me, I was thinking like, how
can people reset their algorithm for their life, you know,
for dating, for work, for anything. And one of the
ways that I came up with a couple of different ways,
and one of them was thinking, you know, therapy or journaling,
(32:39):
journaling if you're not into therapy, or maybe both, because
what that does is it's to find the root of
the pattern, Like what is it that we're doing that's
causing the unemotional the unavailable people, or the violent people
or the whatever. So finding the root of the pattern,
(33:01):
I think is the most important thing, and that's the
first step, and that's either getting into therapy or journaling
or maybe you might have some other suggestions. But the
other one I thought about was maybe starting out smaller
if it helps with shifting your daily habits like meditation
(33:24):
and affirmations gratitude. That could also help with your journaling
is you know, by meditating having certain types of affirmations
puts you in a better mindset. So if you're constantly
struggling with I cannot find guys who are single. All
the good ones are freaking dacon, you know, all the
(33:47):
best ones are gay. I like saying that one a lot,
and that's creating a pattern. So by creating an affirmation
or a meditation or gratitude to the things that you want,
it's listing the things that you really, truly, corarely want
(34:08):
with somebody. Then it can start to create shifting different
daily habits. And when you do that, you start choosing differently.
And when you start choosing differently, even if it feels
uncomfortable at first, those are incredible steps because it's getting
you out of your comfortability that allows you to change
(34:30):
the pattern of what you're doing, saying, feeling, thinking.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
You know, yeah, well, one of the things that I
think is really useful is to make sure that you,
for your own life, are differentiating between a crisis moment
and a moment of growth, because let's basically, there are
moments where if the house is on fire, you don't
start wondering about, oh, it's not nice. You know, maybe
(34:57):
we should do the landscaping differently, or maybe we should
have put in a sprinkler system. That's the time when
the house is on fire, put the fire out. And
you know, we could extrapolate on whatever that might be
emotionally in someone's life that there are crisis situations that
need to be dealt with and and but then if
you're not in a crisis, then I would say, and
(35:19):
this is one of the ways I live my life
is I'm I'm always in a growth inquiry, like I'm
always looking for some way to explore and grow who
I am. How do I get to be this way?
What's possible? Where if I made choices that limit what's possible?
Where do I have limiting beliefs and all of those things,
So that I'm always curious and exploring and not trying
(35:43):
to solve a problem, unless, of course, like I said,
it's a crisis. You know, like I'm not problem solving
because I think if if the things that we're doing,
like if you meditate in order to be more peaceful,
well that is almost like you're trying to solve a problem.
If that little phrase in order to this, if you're
if you're really stuck on the result, But if you meditate,
(36:06):
to meditate and really see what, Like I have no
idea what meditation is going to provide for me. Some
people said it's going to make me more peaceful. Some
people said it's going to this and that. Well, let's
investigate and see what it's like. Rather than being putting
all my attention on trying to be more peaceful. Let's
be in an inquiry without being attached to some lesson
(36:29):
to be learned. And I think that's a rich, rich
way to experience life.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
Also, though, if you think about it, if you are,
say then you're meditating, to meditate, a lot of answers
can come to you during that time by just clearing
your mind and you know, thinking about you know, those
type of things. But if you're also thinking about it,
if you're if you're doing the actions, like you say,
(36:58):
just to be not to solve a problem, that a
lot of the problems will start to be solved for
you in messages. And I see signs and synchronicities all
the time, and I think that that kind of leans
towards what we're talking about is are people actually paying
attention to synchronicities and signs once they've asked for solutions,
(37:22):
Because asking for a solution but then not being open
to the goddamn sign of it is not going to
pict your problem. So when I say that, like, if
you're hearing songs or getting messages from a text, or
are you open your Facebook and there's you know, blah,
blah blah, and you're thinking about it. Do you trust
(37:43):
those signs or do you just wipe past them? Do
you just keep going? And just a real fast example,
because we only have ten minutes left, a real fast
example is about a week or two ago, I've been
really I've been struggling for the last year to know
where I'm going to know. I keep saying I'm going
to go to Europe, but with my new job, I'm
(38:03):
struggling with the time difference. And I thought, well, going
to Europe right now would be difficult, even more so
than the time difference for me now, and I just
decided to meditate. And then and then I did. I
just meditated, and then I said in my meditation, Hey, spirit, guides,
you know, angels, ancestors, universe, whatever I want, I'm looking
(38:27):
for a sign or or a direction of where I'm
supposed to go. How can I solve the problem of
having these list of things I want and need and
yet still solve a problem that I'm having. And the
very next day, several things came across my attention that
(38:50):
gave me an answer to that. And then a friend
texted me and said, Hey, I'm in this exact place
that I'd been shown, shown and shown, and then I
had my answer. So now I know where I'm moving
to for the first six months that I leave here. Awesome,
and it's Mexico. I'm going to apply a del carmen Mexico.
(39:14):
It's in the same time zone as the people I
work with. It's giving me the same things here that
I want from here there, meaning the ocean, the beach,
but yet feel more tropical, which I don't have here.
More rain, more blue ocean, you know, more clean sand,
and yet be able to take my massive fucking nut
(39:37):
of a living expense every month that I kill myself
here for will will decrease by you know, let's just
say I spend five thousand dollars. Let's say the truth,
I spend five thousand or more just to be poor here,
just to be poor, just to skim by, whereas in Mexico,
(39:59):
were I'm going, my entire living expense will be one
thousand dollars. So it solved the problem for me of
being able to give me all the things I wanted
and be able to lower my living expenses so that
I could save more for when I do find the
place that I want to be. So you got to
(40:20):
look for those things. And here's my best suggestion on
how to see those things, Okay, by raising your standards,
by healing old wounds, by being intentional about what kind
of love and life that we're looking to attract, which
then gives us our algorithm. You know, It's kind of
(40:44):
like if you were to say, here's an example for
y'all if my spiritual algorithm, if your spiritual algorithm was
like your TikTok page, would it just be dogs, tacos,
and you know, emotionally unavailable men. Okay, So what I
(41:05):
would encourage you to do is look at what your
set patterns are bringing you and then say, oh, I
can change my algorithm on TikTok by just searching for
other things that will bring different things to my to
my algorithm. It's the same thing with your life. When
(41:26):
you start focusing on the things you're wanting to attract,
then those things start coming. So you're changing your algorithm.
Speaker 3 (41:35):
Right, Yeah, that's great.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
How would you say that we've got We've got another
seven minutes or so. I'm just curious what your thoughts are,
maybe some solutions, some things to really start helping people
rethink and reprogram their algorithm for their life.
Speaker 3 (41:56):
You know, I think one of the biggest lessons that
I've been learning and I'm still learning and still wrestling
with and still exploring, is the whole idea of non attachment.
I know that. You know, it's spoken of in many
different ways and many different spiritual beliefs, and I think
(42:19):
it's I think attachment. You know, attachment would be like
if you are now set on Mexico and something happened
and you couldn't go there, that you Yeah, so that's
not attachment. You know, I'd come up with another solution. So, yeah,
being attached to a solution is a pitfall.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Yes, here's the thing. I was attached to going to
Spain first and then doing my thing. I was attached
to it. I was sold to it, I was married
to it. I was fucking tied to it. And when
things were coming up that were going to make it
really difficult, I started to panic and think what am
I going to do now?
Speaker 3 (43:00):
Yes, So that's a great symptom of being attached, is
that all of a sudden, I'm panicking and there's like this,
I've got to force this to happen and work out
we see.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
The thing that makes me feel comfortable about this is
that by going to Mexico one, I'm super close to
the US. Still, okay, it's not a difficult place to go.
I've been there before. I'm very comfortable with it. I
have friends there, it's in the right time zone. It's
gonna save me money. If I don't like it, I leave.
That's how simple it is. If I feel unsafe or
(43:34):
or not happy, I just change. That's all there is
to it. I just okay, Well, if I don't like
the cat videos I'm seeing on TikTok, I'm gonna now
google dogg videos and I'm just gonna change.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
The algorithm, try to reach out and explore.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Now, a couple of things in the studio said, are
these things we think into the universe? Remember when when
when she'd asked that, But we don't. She also goes
on to say, but we don't know if we're going
to want or what we think we want. So is
that why we keep trying.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
We don't know if we're going to want what we
think we want. That way, we keep trying.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
What's that about, rebel?
Speaker 3 (44:17):
You keep trying to when you keep one things you
want something, you get it, you don't actually want it trying.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I see.
Speaker 3 (44:24):
You keep putting these things you think you want it.
It's human want what you don't have, but when you
get it, you don't necessarily want it.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
I think that's kind of like leaning towards what Steve
was just saying, Are you too attached to the outcome?
Speaker 1 (44:39):
You know?
Speaker 2 (44:39):
Are you?
Speaker 3 (44:41):
Are you so attached that you get it and it's
not what you want but you keep trying to go
for it anyway. Yeah, it's like I think I should
want this, and then you know, I think that's true
a lot from people with their relationship with money, then money,
the relationshippings of it, the money, what represents buying all
the things that money represents what you know, really, they
(45:04):
think that's going to make them happy, and they get
the money or they get the new car, the things
that are symbols of money, and it ends up not
being what they really wanted. So they're they're kind of
on a hamster wheel trying to keep get more of
what they think they want when maybe that really wasn't
what they.
Speaker 2 (45:22):
Wanted, right. But if what they do is take a
different energy and put it into the money, and then
they also change the energy of the outcome, meaning letting
it go, not caring if that is the exact ending,
just knowing that you're going down a path that's going
to lead you where you're eventually supposed to go, and
(45:46):
maybe that's the direction you start, you know what I mean.
So it's like money if you're putting a different feeling
to it, like, oh, money is just there. So what's
another way you can think of it? How do I
think of it? I think it differently. I don't see
it as how money can make me happy. I see
it as how money can move some of the difficulties
(46:07):
that I'm having out of the way so that I
can now focus on the things that are really important
and special to the people in my life and my
own life. So I don't see money as a powerful
thing to make me happy. I see it as a
tool to just be able to do the things I
(46:28):
need to do to get to where I need to go.
Speaker 3 (46:31):
Yeah, well, I'm excited to see what you learn moving
to Mexico, where the value of money is different. I
think you might see the value of relationships changing and
the value of money being less significant because the culture
there might be have a different relationship with money. We
(46:51):
very much in this country, in our capitalist country, and
you know, a lot of agreement around it. It's a
lot of conversation around what money means.
Speaker 2 (47:02):
I think I had this weird thing with money, you know,
for a while, because we never had it. I've never
I had not had it in the past, and so
it was always an elusive thing that we're constantly seeking
and trying to get. And I always saw it as
I couldn't have the things I really needed when I
didn't have the money, and when I had the money,
I would spend it on the things I needed, but
(47:23):
then I wouldn't have it, and then it was this
angry cycle. And now I just see it. I just
put different energy on it, and I don't see it
as the outcome anymore. I see it as a tool,
a tool that I use like anything else in I
like my computer, my phone, you know, the things in
my in my home that helped me do the things
(47:44):
I need to do. And I don't put that kind
of all end all be all energy on it anymore.
Speaker 3 (47:50):
Yeah, So I guess maybe the answer to are One
of the themes of the show is what one way to
really know what your spiritual algorithm is is to really
get in touch with what's important to you.
Speaker 2 (48:05):
One hundred percent. Thanks for being here and talking about
this topic with this was amazing. I appreciate. It's actually
a really fun topic to talk about. So next week,
just so everybody knows, next week, I've got Thomas Sawyer
on the show, and he is going to come and
talk to us about the psychic world, aliens, all kinds
(48:28):
of stuff. He's gonna give me a topic and we're
gonna chat. But what's really exciting is that Thomas is
coming on because I'm going to introduce him as my
new co host for my second podcast, not this podcast,
my other podcast that's going to be all about the
psychic work. So that one is going to be at
the end of October. We'll keep you posting on that,
(48:50):
but I'm going to introduce Thomas to you next week,
So come back for that if you would, uh, And
until then, let's just keep this shit real. If you
enjoyed this episode, please share with your friends, like and
follow us on Instagram at fifty Shades of Underscore Bullshit
(49:13):
and Facebook at fifty Shades of Bullshit. Thanks so much,
for listening, and we really hope to see you again
next week.
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