March 17, 2024 • 44 mins
Welcome to the Four Souls Flo podcast! Are you feeling vibrant today? Are you feeling sassy today? Are you feeling young and cheeky as me and my cousins like to say? Well, this is a very interesting conversation for our listeners today, because we’re talking about our age, but more specifically, we’re going to talk about our ‘subjective’ or ‘perceived’ age. Many of us don’t ‘feel’ that we are the age we actually are. For some of us, there is a difference between our chronological age and how old we actually feel – this is known as our ‘subjective’ or 'perceived' age. Let's talk about it!
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(00:02):
Hello and welcome back to the FourSouls Flow podcast. This podcast is going
from friendship, family and love.We are Alison, Kim, Susan and
TSH, women who have let oursouls flow with every Girl's trip, phone
call and milestone for thirty plus years. The Four Souls Podcast is committed to
having conversations that will encompass real talk, real life, and real love.
(00:27):
Now get ready, take a seatand join us. Now much flow.
Welcome to the Four Souls Flow podcast. High Soul, Hey, how are
you listen? Y'all walked in herea little quieter than normal, So I'm
gonna start by asking a question.How is everybody feeling today? Are you?
(00:49):
Are you feeling vibrant? Are youfeeling sass sea today? I don't
know. Are you feeling young andcheeky? Me and like to joke around
and say, well, this shouldbe a very interesting conversation for our listeners
today because today we're talking about ourage, but more specifically, we're talking
(01:11):
about something called subjective or perceived age, because many of us actually don't feel
that we are the age that weare. For some of us, there's
a difference between what is the chronologicalage and how old we actually feel,
So this is what we're talking abouttoday's subjective age. I wanted to share
(01:36):
a recent blog that I read thatwas titled That's Not My Age The grown
Up Guide to Great Style, andin it, the author Adrian Wiper wrote
an article entitled how old do youfeel? She says, imagine for a
moment that you had no birth certificateand your age was simply based on the
(01:57):
way you feel inside. How oldwould you say you are? Like your
height or your shoe size. Thenumber of years that have passed since you
first entered the world is an unchangeablefact. But everyday experiences suggest that we
often don't experience aging in the sameway, with many people feeling either older
(02:24):
or younger than they really are.Very interesting. What do you think about
that? Well, it's seconds.For me, it's not a day.
Sometimes like today, I feel littleold. No, my feet, oh,
(02:45):
my foot hurts. They're looking andthe feelers two different things. But
thank you very much, my foothurts, and I know it is because
I'm aging. M so you know, and right now, in this very
moment, it feels good because I'mnot walking on it, so I feel
(03:05):
like I'm in my forties Right now, when I get up to walk,
I'm probably gonna be about sixty fiveto seventy if you want me to be
real with you, So true.I understand necessary because last week my foot
was two weeks ago, my footwas killing me all out of them.
I'm like, what is going on? Right? And I said, well,
we're gonna have to We're gonna haveto find out what's going on because
(03:27):
I'm not putting up with this.I can't be walking around here like this,
feeling feeling all old, you know, So true, So true.
What you have to say to Seam, How are you feeling today? I
feel good? And I think Isaid this before. It depends on the
day, like you said. Butwhat I think it's interesting is I often
(03:51):
wonder like, what is fifty sixsupposed to feel like? What is it?
Right? So? Yeah, whenI thought about it being fifty six,
that I think about what it wouldfeel like, what it would look
like. Yeah, So I thinkit's interesting because you don't. It's like
what is it supposed to feel like? Right? Yeah? I think it
depends on what your perception is aboutand what you've seen modeled for you at
(04:14):
that age. You know, sometimeswhen I think about relatives that I knew
who were around this age, Ithought, oh, you know, she's
fifty something. She was old then. But now that I've arrived at the
age, I don't feel like whatI suspected that they must have felt like
at that age. And I thinkthat's right based on your age, because
(04:39):
you were younger. Right when you'reyoung, people who are older you're thinking,
oh yeah, oh my god,I can't imagine what fifty six must
be like. Oh my gosh.Yes, I told Kim when we were
talking about this, you know,getting you know, this episode together,
I said, you know, whenwe worked, I worked at the doctor's
office, and you know, youwould bring people in, you know,
(05:01):
bring the patients in, you know, you had you know, their demographics,
you know, the age fifty seven, said fifty seven. I said,
they're looking pretty good. I said, so, all right, that's
what fifty s even looked like tome. But didn't it be something that
be like, hmm, that's fiftyseven. I don't know, so you
only you can only understand it fromwhat you see, you know, like
(05:25):
when you I mean, because youcan see a fifty seven year old and
they're just you know, looking reallywell and doing things and being very vital
and then you can see someone elsethat you know, that's fifty seven and
they don't have that same vitality.And you know, and I know my
(05:45):
husband likes to say, you know, it's the age and not the mileage.
It's the it's the It's not theage, it's the mileage, right,
And it depends I guess when hesays that, it depends on the
life experiences and what life has broughtyou. Sometimes, you know, we
can be perceived to be a littleolder depending on things that we've had to
(06:08):
go through, right but then orthe lifestyles that we lived. Right but
at fifty seven, I don't knowwhat it's supposed to look like. I'm
just walking through it. So letme ask this based on the things that
you said about how you feel today. Some people have aches and pains,
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others are feeling okay, what wouldyou say your age was if you had
to name an age today? Hmm, today today, right now, in
this moment, I'm definitely a goodforty. I'm not walking around either pain
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he shooting up my foot. Inthis moment right now, I feel forty.
I feel like even though I havegrayes. I still feel like I
look like i'm so, but Iam very much wisdom wise, I think
I'm fifty seven and you know,an experienced life, experience wise, you
know, even a little older attimes. So about you? For me
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today, I'm gonna say I wouldsay fifty fifty today. I'm feeling I'm
feeling close to my age today becauseI had a lot going on today and
I feel like I'm struggling to keeppace with the activity of my day today.
(07:35):
It's been a freaky Friday. SoI'm gonna have to stay close to
my age today. Yeah, whatabout you? Oh no, I would
say I have wrote that I reallyfeel like forty maybe forty five. Okay,
I'm good, you know today I'mreally going today. But yeah,
(08:01):
yeah, forty five. I agree. In this moment, I would say
forty forty five. Yeah. Theirdays. I get up and I'm like,
oh, I feel thirty today.Come on, hey, it's a
real good day. Yes, youknow, really, no, because let
(08:22):
me tell you when they and firstmorning, let me tell you every bit
of miss Jane Pittman. When Iget up, Okay, no, I'm
being serious. I get up andI hear the cracking. I feel like
a cane should be at my bedside. Yeah, that slow movement to swing
them legs. Though, I tellI yell at myself. I said,
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stand up straight, No girl,take your time. That's when I say
to myself. But with all ofthat said, you don't have days when
you like get up and you're justlike ran the go and you jump out
of bed and you get your daygone and things that just it might not
be in the day, but thereare certainly moments that happened along the way,
maybe out on the town. It'ssomething feeling very thirty something. Now,
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that's unless I have hells on thatright. Like especially there's something like
I know I'm working on getting toit. Yeah, exactly get it.
You know, moving my job.It's still slow. It's still slow,
you know because Jane is she onthe back. I'm telling you, I
know I have arthritis in my lowerback, and that's what I'm saying it,
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right, But once I get up, I'm always determined to get through
my dad. So I know Ihave to be somewhere at seven o'clock in
the morning. I'm up at six, if not five thirty, so I
can pace myself and do because Ilike to be on time. I'll be
outside to Shama's house. I'm like, okay, come here, let's roll
because that's just me and I likemy day to be like that because I
need to accomplish exactly what I needto accomplish. And we do the sound
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effects. So do not take thislittle out. Okay. We had a
conversation on your life structure. Iam. I'm a type. We had
a conversation and we were talking aboutour age and how our age is classified
as middle age and I think wasit Jutah? She was like, well
no, because we're so, Iwant to ask you what do those titles
(10:18):
mean to you? So, ifyou're not middle aged, does that mean
you're a senior citizen in the inthe titling of categorizing of what the world
thinks in terms of age, whatwould you if you're not middle aged?
What are you? Susan? BecauseI don't give a damn about when nobody
think about my age and what theyperceive that. You know, because my
(10:41):
kids are talking about you old.I'm not old. I'm just older than
you, and be thankful that Iam. So you know, I don't
give a damn. You know I'mnot middle I'm not too young, I'm
not too old. I think I'mright where I'm supposed to be. Yes,
do you think you'll ever use thosetitles for yourself? Do you see
yourself as being a senior the scene? What what that means? Well?
(11:01):
If I do use it, Iwill only use it with myself. It
cannot go past me and Jane inthe morning. Okay, that's how I
think. And I'm just because Iknow what my audle looks like. I'm
working on the inside. I alreadyis not gonna go nowhere, and Jane
is staying with me. Okay,I'm not hoping for it, kin,
and I'm not shaking while walking unlessI want to. Hello, come on,
(11:26):
come on, listen, listen.It's so trill. According to a
twenty twenty survey of Americans conducted byLet's Get Checked, fifty seven is commonly
thought of as officially old. Kissall of it, according to the service.
(11:52):
But the reason I say, likefor me when I think of myself
as middle aged, But I understand kind of logically, unless i'm living
to you know, it's not middleI don't identify with senior citizen because a
senior citizen. For me, whenI look at that, that is someone
(12:13):
who's one retired, you know,kind of chilling doing what they want to
do. Yes, yes, I'mnot at that stage, and I don't
see considering myself a senior citizen untilI am at that stage exactly. And
I don't have a problem with takingon that title and me to take on
that title. Yes, right,I say, we you know, normalize
aging first of all, this normalizedagent, because it's what's the alternative.
(12:39):
Yeah, but I think, justlike you said, your article says,
so, I think there is atotally different perception than what we see it
as. Because I'm sitting here watchingcommercials about come seniors come to Florida,
fifty five fifty five any housing,any any benefits that you're getting me aarp.
I'm going to start getting the mayorand the males. True, so
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true, it is it's very subjective. Well, you know what, here's
the thing too, that subjective agethat you're talking about, it also has
a big effect on both our physicaland mental health. And so it's really
the reason why they say people beginat a certain age to either fade,
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begin to fade, or they continueto flourish. And I wanted to ask,
to what extent do you think thatfeeling younger may determine some of the
decisions that you make in your lifeor do or does feeling older or younger
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have any impact on how you makedecisions in life? Or do you not
think about it at all? Well, I think in terms of the physicality
is obviously if you feel good physically, you feel younger, you're going to
do things right. You have amentality, if you're able to be more
social, whatever that is for you, whatever more social is for you.
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I'm feeling good about going out doingthe things that you love to do.
I feel like when you start thinkingabout, oh, I'm aging and slowing
down, it kind of eliminates thosethings for you, and I might lose
contact with friends. All of thosethings just stay of mind. It is
it is how you feel like.I feel like, if you feel young,
you're going to be acting young.Yeah, right, I think,
And I think it's certainly maybe tosome extent, because there are some things
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that I visualize for myself that reallyI know now that there were some physical
limitations with myself. Like I'm seeingall these people roller skate and I'm like,
oh, I sure would love toroll down the branch Brook Park one
day. And y'all, y'all knowwhat I mean. No, y'all have
(15:05):
seen us just swinging around these rinks. And let's keep me ask this question
now, if we were put intoan environment we went to a roller skating
ring, yes, right, wouldyou roller skate? See, I'm the
girl who would try, like Imight bust my but I like girl,
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I'm gonna try. I would trywith the walker. I would try.
I would like to walk. Ilove it. So my question, right,
if you loved it, then whycan't you do it now? Because
I'm not a scared I don't knowhow to work. I'm not scared to
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do it. It's just that,you know, I have other things that
limit me to do it. Youknow, I don't want to fall.
You know, let's not go there. But anyway, but do you think
that that's a deterrent for you?Those ailments that you are mentioning, right,
are they a deterrent for you tojust try it? I would try
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it, Okay, That's that's thequestion. I love because I love the
roll escape. I was always okay, Well, let's talk about something else.
What about jumping rope because jump up. I'll still do this. I've
a jump rope. But I'm gonnatell you I told you all before about
that. Look okay, five yearsago. No we're not doing it,
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you know, And I'm gonna tellyou why because I could race. But
here is the thing, But thatwas five years ago. But the state
of mind that I don't think Ican rese that, well, well,
we have limitations with everything. Don'tlimit don't limit yourself because that one time
a band camp you fell, okay, live right now you get to do
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it over again every day. Wellwhat that names, though, is the
importance of continuing with your physicality sothat you're able to do those things even
if it's you know, some ofit is mind over matters. Some of
it really is can I do thatanymore? That's what I'm watched this thing
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on Instagram and it was a challengefor older people to skip try skipping.
When is the last time you skipped? If one of you now skip around
the studio, would to skip?Because that's the challenge, And yeah,
I'm you know, And it's thephysicality part, right, It's just knowing
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on limitations and certain things and whenwe don't do it, you lose it.
You lose it. You lose itif you don't do it. So
true, So let me ask aquestion. So all these things that you're
thinking about in your mind, areyou thinking, oh, I can do
it? On your mind thinking Idon't know if I can do because my
mind is like, well, Ican try to do that. So I'm
(18:07):
really reckoning yes, your your body. Yes, yes, there are some
things I both. There are somethings I already know. I'm like,
at least I've told myself I can'tdo that, And there are some things
that I'm feeling like, yes,I can do that, and then I
do it, and I'm like ooh. And let me ask you answer your
(18:29):
question. The things that you've toldyourself you can't do, is it based
on age or those things that youwould not think you could do even if
you were a younger person as ayounger person. Very good question. It's
a good question. I think alot of them have to do with age,
aging and the physical of what I'mfeeling in my physical body. You
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know, most of them, Mostof the things, they're not mental things.
If you ask me something mental,I feel like I'm still sharp enough
to do almost any mental thing.But if you asked me about something physical,
it depends right and on the dayand on a minute. And the
reason I say is because I thinkeven as a young person, easing the
physicality of it can be the same. As a young person, if you
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feel like you can't do something,or you don't know how to ride a
bike or do this or do that, you feel like your body can't do
it. Yeah, and as weget older, we tend to think,
oh, our body just can't doit. I give an example. I
went into the ocean a while back, and I felt like, you know,
I could do anything, because therewas one time when I could do
I felt like respecting the ocean now, but I feel like I could do
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anything in the ocean. I couldclimb in, I could climb out.
And I had a very difficult timegetting out of the ocean, to the
point where I almost frightened myself.Once I got and I was near the
shore, but the ways were comingin, they kept sweeping me back out
and just trying to balance myself andstand up and walk to the shore.
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And now, you know, Iremember a woman like on the edge,
like, oh, do I needto call somebody? Maybe it's only ten
more seconds, don't go nowhere?So true. Well, you know the
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other part of it. We talkedabout a lot about the physicality too,
but this article also talked about theimpact of feeling younger and its connection to
sort of thwarting off depression and thingslike that, And and I do agree
with that. I mean, Ithink a lot of times people begin to
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get older, they mellow themselves ina way and start to disconnect. I
think ty she were talking about thatconnection or someone was saying something about connection
to people, and how do youkeep that? You know? How do
you keep as social life as youget older? You know? How do
you do that when so many ofyour contemporaries are no longer in your social
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circle for whatever reasons. You know, they have limitations, you know.
So how do you all feel aboutthe mental impact of aging and how you
feel as you age mentally? Areyou experiencing some of that now already or
no. I will say that I'vebecome more private, but I do value
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my friendships and the people that Iam connected to, I stay connected to.
I think it's a state of mind. I think it's a choice that
you make, and it's easy tome some people to go into the collective
because that's what everybody else is doing. And I've always kind of been myself,
so I always make it a pointto do, Hey, how you
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doing. You know, girl,we're going here, you know, because
I to me staying communicated and bondedto other people as a part of me
being very much alive, because withoutthat, you know, I don't really
feel you know, loneliness is nota good feeling. It is not a
good feeling. And when we getolder, even though we want to hibernate
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and kind of be by ourselves,yeah that works. There are days that
I won't be bothered with new damnbuddy, and I take those days,
you know, on stride. Butfor the most part, I need the
connection with other people that keeps mefeeling young, that keeps me feeling relevant
and alive, you know what I'msaying. And that was a lot easier
when we lived a different way,especially in community, you know what I
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mean. I think there was atime when we saw a lot more multi
generational living, which you know,when you're younger, you never think about
that. But now I see whyolder people stayed vibrant when they live with
the children and grandchildren, and therewas always someone around, you know.
You know, Tash, I rememberyou and I talking about, like we
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got to figure out a plan nowwhen we get old, like how can
we be able to be connected andnot feel that isolation. So I think
that's a real concern and it's vital, and especially for people, you know,
as you're if you're a parent andyou have children who are out and
moving away and doing different things orwhatever, it's so vital to keep in
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contact and have relationships with your family. Yeah, right, And I know,
like you said, we talk about, you know, let's start planning,
right because what we can do isbe three hours away from each other
like that, it's not going towork. As you get older, you
need the support of your family.So just like Susan said, I think
it's vital, and I think likeit's one of the first things that happened
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and you don't even realize it,right, you just stop talking to some
one for some reason. You're gettingolder, you're not going out to be
right, and before you know,you know, you're isolated. So it's
just important for people. And ifit's not because everybody doesn't have family and
all that but listen, find acommunity. Find your community, whatever it
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is, absolutely find your community andstay connected to that community. I'm experiencing
that now with with a relative ofmine. As matter of fact, in
a couple of weeks, I'll begoing to assist her. You know,
I told you all that I wasgoing to do that. So and she
isolates herself from a lot of thingsbecause she wants to be independent. You
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know, her husband has passed on, and you know she wants to be
independent. And then now that sheis getting older, you got to I
have to drive literally six hours toget to her to be there for two
days, but it's worth it tome because I need her to know that
I'm here for her. My childrenhave already started talking about buying homes or
(25:07):
a multi family duplex together with asmall house so we can all be together.
Problem I have with that is thatthe other person that created my children
with me maybe in this little farmingsystem, can I say amen to help?
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Yeah, pray. But the pointthat I'm making is that they've already
started thinking that way and making plansfor that. You know, as with
when I was coming up, oohgirl, let me get away from everybody,
because I wanted to have my independence, you know, but I also
see now that you need that.We need that system. We need the
community. It's the community connection.It's the and I think sometimes the the
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mental weight of actually aging itself,you know, like sometimes people don't want
to go there in their mind aboutwhat will it mean for me to be
eighty or ninety? What will thatlook like? You know? What will
my health be like? Will Ibe independent? Will I have all my
faculties? You know? Will peopletake advantage of me at that age?
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Will I have the luxury of aduplex to be with my family, or
will I be carted off to put, you know, a nursing home somewhere
with strangers who are taking care ofme? And I mean, if you
think about it long enough, it'lltake you to a place. My dad
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lived literally in Alabama and I amin New Jersey. Hello to you too.
And towards the end for him,it was very difficult for us to
get to him, and the sadnessthat he gave. The very last time
I saw him, he was hegotta go, and he knew that it
was the last time we all did. It was the last time that we
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were going to physically see him alive. You have to make choices to me
that you were going to be closeraround around your family and your community because
we keep each other alive. Yes, you know, we really keep each
other alive and relevant. Well,let's talk about that. What are some
things then? Knowing all of thesethings, knowing that aging has its various
(27:30):
impacts on us through physical changes,mental changes, social changes. What are
your tips and tricks for folks aboutliving vitally staying youthful? You know,
how do you do that? Forexample, some of the things I read
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about were, first of all,just learning how to cope with change?
Are you good with change now?As your age? How are you deal
How are you a person with change? Because change can be challenging, challenging
that's even you know what I thinkabout that. When you know a person
gets older and you want them tobe in community, and you say,
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listen, we want you here,we want you to leave there and come
there. A lot of older peopleare resistant to that. They like they're
independency, they like they're independence,and they like they have become accustomed to
whatever that surrounding is, even ifthey're having a difficulty in that space it's
a space they know, it's familiarto safe. They feel safe, and
they have their friends. They've builttheir own families, like you were referring
(28:37):
to before, to Shamla, Andwhen they build their own families, a
lot of times they don't, youknow, their actual biological family is very
secondary, you know, because it'scomfort. It's a comfort zone for them.
So I guess they're suggesting starting asearly as you can't, getting yourself
accustomed to change and being open tochange. Change, keep yourself open to
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change. The other one is findingmeaning and joy in things. That's interesting
too, because you know what Ido find like some of the things as
I'm aging some of the things thatused to be so magical and spark a
spark, The spark is not sospark. It's a different like what the
(29:26):
hell spark? What this is bullshit? You know what? I remember when
I used to like this get justaway from me. Were in the car
and the car coming here, andI hooked up my phone to charge it,
(29:47):
yes, and I was pulling upthe directions and the music game on.
I was bumping is music so loud? And someone else's She answered our
own question, She said, oh, you being there just stringing that you
(30:11):
want me trying to figure out directionand the same and me and Sham will
go places together and I will pastthe exit and it will reride. I
just need you know, I gottaget it together, because I do.
(30:32):
I do. Like once we starttalking and once the first bit of information
for the directions, I'm like,good because now I can focus here and
talk to her at the same timeand still listen and know that it'll reroute
us. Come on, it'll throwus off by two minutes or so.
But I was like, what isthis music was going on? And I
said, oh, yes, wetalked about the next one already, so
(30:57):
skip past it, which is stayingcouldn't acted when there was a robust conversation.
The next one is getting and stayingactive, which we kind of talked
about to ye, it's important skipeverything. I'm gonna try to skip every
day. I think today I'm goingto go home and try to skip when
(31:18):
I go home. I'm gonna tryto get me a little walking yet,
you know, staying active and howdo how do people like stay active as
you get older? Like I mean, yeah, people still doing hits at
sixty five, Like I don't Iguess some people might be. It's probably
a low impact one. Yeah,but walking is their thing because honestly,
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as I'm thinking about it, likethe when I'm exercising now, I don't
see myself exercising like this, I'msixty five, Like, I just don't.
I think it'll be other ways.You're doing things that you love,
just whether it's playing ten. Wewere watching those things with those seniors dancing
line dance together. Yes, yes, that would be great. And there
(32:04):
are so many things right out therenow that we can do. We don't
have to be lifting heavyweights anymore,having a personal trainer, but there or
other. Yeah, we just haveto do it, you know. And
has anyone played a pickleball? Yeah? No, no either either, but
I want to. Okay, weshould get on. Like I paid instructor
(32:29):
her her mom. It was amazingto me because this was what almost twenty
years ago. She was saying howshe had she didn't start working out until
she was like, huh, likeforty eight or something like that. And
let me tell you when when Ihad her as an instructor, she was
like seventy and she was getting it. We had to keep up with her.
(32:50):
It's never too late, you know, you just got to keep acting.
And especially said you just always haveto keep moving. A lot of
older swimmers out there all the wordaerobics and all of the robics. Well
I hated myself aerobics, right,But you know what, that's one of
the things that for me has beena challenge with this working from home because
I find myself sitting a lot inways that I would not have done.
(33:16):
I can be sitting at that computerthat in the office, like before I
know it, it's like three hourshas gone by. I'm like, wow
when And so I was sudden,Kim. I think I started setting my
alarms like every hour, just getup and just walk for a couple of
minutes. Yeah, but working fromhome, that's been one of the challenges
(33:37):
for me. Yeah, and Ithink that for me, I think that
when we were in the you know, when we were you know restricted,
you know, during the pandemic,it was so it seemed like it was
so easy to just Okay, wellI did that, and now I got
you know, like fifteen minutes Ican go out and walk or take mommy
(33:59):
out WAF or whatever. And nowit's like when I work from home,
those couple of days that I dowork from home, it's like I can't
find time to get anything done,Like I can't even find time to get
outside, and before you know it, it's dark and you know you're going
into the next day, and soyou've gotten no exercise other than up and
down the stairs. And you knowthat adapting to change thing, trying to
(34:25):
Yeah, the last one is keepingthe mind sharp. That's a good one.
I remember you used to do likedouco or something. Word and word
games are very good because the stimulatesyour your your brain and we need to
keep that read good. That's somethingthat you had said before doing something new,
(34:52):
learning learning something new. Yeah,go ahead. I was just gonna
say it's true because even for me, I can think about the amount of
information that I used to be ableto process without thinking about it's just processing
information so younger, it was somuch easier. Now. I really do
(35:13):
be like, okay, wait aminute, take this, dougget. Yeah
right, yes, even the memory, it worries me my memory, and
I'm like, is this just youknow, is it too much? Am
I I feel? For Sometimes it'sreally that I'm either undiagnosed ADHD or I'm
(35:35):
not in the moment, or youhave to ask yourself, like, I'm
not fading in memory, am I? Because I can't. There are not
a lot of things that I canhold on to the way that I used
to hold on. Even if Iread something, I you know, I
can read it, enjoy it,and then people if you ask me about
it too far away, like whatwas did you read so? And some
(35:58):
like I did read it, butI don't right that. I find it's
interesting when that happens because you thinkabout what you just said, Kim.
Being able to memorize certain things interms of your short term memory, yes,
but yeah a song from thirty yearsis it that you're what you want?
(36:23):
What you remember, what you don'tremember is not really important to you
to remember memory. But I'm justthinking about statistically, your your long term
memory is the one that stands out. And I've noticed that we both my
parents as they got older. Myfather was eighty eight when he died.
My mother was sixty five, butalso suffered from mental illness. She could
(36:45):
not remember who the hell me andmy brothers were a lot of times long
term was us as little kids,yes, And that always stood out for
me. And even with Aunt Betty, it was the long term memory.
But there's I'm sorry, there's alsosomething to be said about that is a
(37:06):
function of the brain. Right,that's somebody who is ill or they have
some type of illness or something,right so, but people who don't have
any of that. How does thebrain react to new information and storing new
information as opposed to information that you'vehad all your life? Why can you
recall all that old information and sometimescan't recall Like sometimes look, you'll call
(37:27):
me, be like girl, whatyou did last weekend? I'll be like,
girl, let me think, waita minute, and you try to
tell me about your trying to figureout sun roof. I said, you
know the thing up there? Rememberthe word? I was like the girl
for me. I feel like maybeeven with long term memory, there are
(37:49):
some long term memories I can remember, especially if it's you know, a
traumatic memory or something like clearly seemyself jumping on that board and hitting you
in the head with a rock.Yes, but it was both a lot.
But I can't. But we reallyhave something but I can't. For
(38:13):
example, I'm always afraid of ofclass reunions because my friends who I'm close
to they'll call me girl. Youremember, you know Sabrina who was right
next door. Do you remember youwere in two o two and she was
in two or four in the dormAnd I'm like, no, I don
know Sabrina. But you know what'sinteresting. We were in a call car
(38:35):
and you were talking about something.You talked about your first and second grade
teacher, and I was like,my second grade teacher, do I remember
her name? Missus? Will remembermy second grade teachers? I remember Missus
Williams because she took me to thewiz on Broadway. You can't get that
we don't remember out second grade teachers. We was traumatized in the second grade,
So must that happened? I know, And I can't remember what it
(38:59):
was that it was. I hadMissus Bird, I had, you know,
my first grade teacher, Missus Osbornebecause she was Newark. Can't get
there. In the fourth grade teacher, you drew a blank baby? Remember
the second grade teacher? I knowit was the lead and fifth grade.
(39:19):
You know. I just had thisconversation with your husband over the weekend.
He was like divvying them out tobe and I was just like, okay,
I'm well, I'm leaving. Hehas a great I don't remember why
you he said that, you knowright now, his memory isn't that wonderful,
but he has a good memory.He remembers a lot. Well,
you'll make a good team. Somebodyhad to keep a good memory. I
(39:47):
don't know. Some people I don'tremember. I don't have a good memory.
Is it just because you let thingsgo? Like I don't know,
I think it's done. You werejust like, yeah, some things I
do like, yeah, oh Ido too. Well, I'm doing that.
I'm doing that more now, youknow, because it's like, you
know, I got a lot goingon sometimes and I'm like remember that.
(40:12):
Yeah. So mommy will be like, well, what about my I don't
know, let me look it up. I don't. And that's what mommy
said. I said, how doyou? How do you? How do
you? What kind of I askedher today? I said what can you
get? Because mother is in hernineties ninety and I said, how do
you? What do you have tooffer a younger person in order to stay
(40:37):
young? She said, stay activeand write it down? All right?
She said, write it down,she said, because if you really want
to remember something, you just youneed to write it down and that way
you always have a reference point togo back to and and you know and
remember that that one thing because thereas you age, you're gonna forget things
(40:58):
more and more. And she has. I mean, you know, she
was really very good up until youknow, like maybe the last few years.
With the things that she remembers.She can recall, but you talk
about long term, like Susan wassaying, she can talk you all day
long, but if you ask herwhat she had for breakfast, she had
(41:20):
no idea. Let me think,I didn't write it down. I can't
remember breakfast, so I don't.I'm gonna take a little side step.
Then I asked her to dance.And so how what what is the age
that you really feel? What isyour subjective age? Man? She said
sixty A right, yes, maybeshe don't want Maybe we better go to
(41:44):
That's what I'm talking about about.I'll take it. She said, my
seventy three on your old sister saidshe fit forty seven. I love it.
I said, ahead, Well,we take a page out of those
books and do all of these thingsthat we know and that we will learn
(42:05):
today. Say yes, stay active, keep yourself sharp, do all of
those things that keep you on theroad to a subjective age, and it's
a good thing to keep a subjectiveage. It's good to be a chronological
age. But if you can tellyourself subjectively and keep yourself feeling young,
I think it's gonna make a difference. Yeah, indeed, all right,
(42:30):
thirty somethings for forty something. Okay, I'll take thirty. There you go
too. So let me ask aquestion because I was thinking about this and
I was like, I felt likeI never thought about aging, and so
probably I turn like fifty fifty one, maybe because it was the first time
(42:53):
I felt like I saw myself aging, like I look away. Yes,
oh wait a minute, yeah right, like yeah, they said at forty
two, and it's BBC article thatwe were reading that you that you start
to really see the signs of likeforty two of your aging process. And
I feel like it's always easier tosee other people aging. Yeah you yes,
(43:16):
yes, yes, And I saidthis before I started noticing it around
COVID time more than ever because Iwas looking at yeah. Maybe that's oh
yeah, yes, that's when ithappened to the way look at our Wait
but wait a minute, but thinkabout this Also they said that during COVID
(43:36):
time, when all that was happening, was when people started getting the most
plastic surgery on their faces. Andyes, because the exact same thing.
You're looking at yourself constantly, Sonow you see the cross everything you're seeing
everyone, you're smiling. Now it'sthe smile. Now I'm like, let
me stop smiling, right they did. Yeah, they said people, more
(43:57):
people was going to get listen.Yeah, mat than any other time because
he was on. They called itthe zoom facelosk. Hello, amazing,
Thank you ladies, this is great, this conversation. You can find the
four Souls Flow podcast wherever you listento your favorite podcast. We'd love to
(44:19):
hear from you, so go tofour souls flow dot com, hit the
mic and leave us a message
Hello and welcome back to the FourSouls Flow podcast. This podcast is going
from friendship, family and love.We are Alison, Kim, Susan and
TSH, women who have let oursouls flow with every Girl's trip, phone
call and milestone for thirty plus years. The Four Souls Podcast is committed to
having conversations that will encompass real talk, real life, and real love.
(00:27):
Now get ready, take a seatand join us. Now much flow.
Welcome to the Four Souls Flow podcast. High Soul, Hey, how are
you listen? Y'all walked in herea little quieter than normal, So I'm
gonna start by asking a question.How is everybody feeling today? Are you?
(00:49):
Are you feeling vibrant? Are youfeeling sass sea today? I don't
know. Are you feeling young andcheeky? Me and like to joke around
and say, well, this shouldbe a very interesting conversation for our listeners
today because today we're talking about ourage, but more specifically, we're talking
(01:11):
about something called subjective or perceived age, because many of us actually don't feel
that we are the age that weare. For some of us, there's
a difference between what is the chronologicalage and how old we actually feel,
So this is what we're talking abouttoday's subjective age. I wanted to share
(01:36):
a recent blog that I read thatwas titled That's Not My Age The grown
Up Guide to Great Style, andin it, the author Adrian Wiper wrote
an article entitled how old do youfeel? She says, imagine for a
moment that you had no birth certificateand your age was simply based on the
(01:57):
way you feel inside. How oldwould you say you are? Like your
height or your shoe size. Thenumber of years that have passed since you
first entered the world is an unchangeablefact. But everyday experiences suggest that we
often don't experience aging in the sameway, with many people feeling either older
(02:24):
or younger than they really are.Very interesting. What do you think about
that? Well, it's seconds.For me, it's not a day.
Sometimes like today, I feel littleold. No, my feet, oh,
(02:45):
my foot hurts. They're looking andthe feelers two different things. But
thank you very much, my foothurts, and I know it is because
I'm aging. M so you know, and right now, in this very
moment, it feels good because I'mnot walking on it, so I feel
(03:05):
like I'm in my forties Right now, when I get up to walk,
I'm probably gonna be about sixty fiveto seventy if you want me to be
real with you, So true.I understand necessary because last week my foot
was two weeks ago, my footwas killing me all out of them.
I'm like, what is going on? Right? And I said, well,
we're gonna have to We're gonna haveto find out what's going on because
(03:27):
I'm not putting up with this.I can't be walking around here like this,
feeling feeling all old, you know, So true, So true.
What you have to say to Seam, How are you feeling today? I
feel good? And I think Isaid this before. It depends on the
day, like you said. Butwhat I think it's interesting is I often
(03:51):
wonder like, what is fifty sixsupposed to feel like? What is it?
Right? So? Yeah, whenI thought about it being fifty six,
that I think about what it wouldfeel like, what it would look
like. Yeah, So I thinkit's interesting because you don't. It's like
what is it supposed to feel like? Right? Yeah? I think it
depends on what your perception is aboutand what you've seen modeled for you at
(04:14):
that age. You know, sometimeswhen I think about relatives that I knew
who were around this age, Ithought, oh, you know, she's
fifty something. She was old then. But now that I've arrived at the
age, I don't feel like whatI suspected that they must have felt like
at that age. And I thinkthat's right based on your age, because
(04:39):
you were younger. Right when you'reyoung, people who are older you're thinking,
oh yeah, oh my god,I can't imagine what fifty six must
be like. Oh my gosh.Yes, I told Kim when we were
talking about this, you know,getting you know, this episode together,
I said, you know, whenwe worked, I worked at the doctor's
office, and you know, youwould bring people in, you know,
(05:01):
bring the patients in, you know, you had you know, their demographics,
you know, the age fifty seven, said fifty seven. I said,
they're looking pretty good. I said, so, all right, that's
what fifty s even looked like tome. But didn't it be something that
be like, hmm, that's fiftyseven. I don't know, so you
only you can only understand it fromwhat you see, you know, like
(05:25):
when you I mean, because youcan see a fifty seven year old and
they're just you know, looking reallywell and doing things and being very vital
and then you can see someone elsethat you know, that's fifty seven and
they don't have that same vitality.And you know, and I know my
(05:45):
husband likes to say, you know, it's the age and not the mileage.
It's the it's the It's not theage, it's the mileage, right,
And it depends I guess when hesays that, it depends on the
life experiences and what life has broughtyou. Sometimes, you know, we
can be perceived to be a littleolder depending on things that we've had to
(06:08):
go through, right but then orthe lifestyles that we lived. Right but
at fifty seven, I don't knowwhat it's supposed to look like. I'm
just walking through it. So letme ask this based on the things that
you said about how you feel today. Some people have aches and pains,
(06:30):
others are feeling okay, what wouldyou say your age was if you had
to name an age today? Hmm, today today, right now, in
this moment, I'm definitely a goodforty. I'm not walking around either pain
(06:50):
he shooting up my foot. Inthis moment right now, I feel forty.
I feel like even though I havegrayes. I still feel like I
look like i'm so, but Iam very much wisdom wise, I think
I'm fifty seven and you know,an experienced life, experience wise, you
know, even a little older attimes. So about you? For me
(07:14):
today, I'm gonna say I wouldsay fifty fifty today. I'm feeling I'm
feeling close to my age today becauseI had a lot going on today and
I feel like I'm struggling to keeppace with the activity of my day today.
(07:35):
It's been a freaky Friday. SoI'm gonna have to stay close to
my age today. Yeah, whatabout you? Oh no, I would
say I have wrote that I reallyfeel like forty maybe forty five. Okay,
I'm good, you know today I'mreally going today. But yeah,
(08:01):
yeah, forty five. I agree. In this moment, I would say
forty forty five. Yeah. Theirdays. I get up and I'm like,
oh, I feel thirty today.Come on, hey, it's a
real good day. Yes, youknow, really, no, because let
(08:22):
me tell you when they and firstmorning, let me tell you every bit
of miss Jane Pittman. When Iget up, Okay, no, I'm
being serious. I get up andI hear the cracking. I feel like
a cane should be at my bedside. Yeah, that slow movement to swing
them legs. Though, I tellI yell at myself. I said,
(08:45):
stand up straight, No girl,take your time. That's when I say
to myself. But with all ofthat said, you don't have days when
you like get up and you're justlike ran the go and you jump out
of bed and you get your daygone and things that just it might not
be in the day, but thereare certainly moments that happened along the way,
maybe out on the town. It'ssomething feeling very thirty something. Now,
(09:07):
that's unless I have hells on thatright. Like especially there's something like
I know I'm working on getting toit. Yeah, exactly get it.
You know, moving my job.It's still slow. It's still slow,
you know because Jane is she onthe back. I'm telling you, I
know I have arthritis in my lowerback, and that's what I'm saying it,
(09:30):
right, But once I get up, I'm always determined to get through
my dad. So I know Ihave to be somewhere at seven o'clock in
the morning. I'm up at six, if not five thirty, so I
can pace myself and do because Ilike to be on time. I'll be
outside to Shama's house. I'm like, okay, come here, let's roll
because that's just me and I likemy day to be like that because I
need to accomplish exactly what I needto accomplish. And we do the sound
(09:54):
effects. So do not take thislittle out. Okay. We had a
conversation on your life structure. Iam. I'm a type. We had
a conversation and we were talking aboutour age and how our age is classified
as middle age and I think wasit Jutah? She was like, well
no, because we're so, Iwant to ask you what do those titles
(10:18):
mean to you? So, ifyou're not middle aged, does that mean
you're a senior citizen in the inthe titling of categorizing of what the world
thinks in terms of age, whatwould you if you're not middle aged?
What are you? Susan? BecauseI don't give a damn about when nobody
think about my age and what theyperceive that. You know, because my
(10:41):
kids are talking about you old.I'm not old. I'm just older than
you, and be thankful that Iam. So you know, I don't
give a damn. You know I'mnot middle I'm not too young, I'm
not too old. I think I'mright where I'm supposed to be. Yes,
do you think you'll ever use thosetitles for yourself? Do you see
yourself as being a senior the scene? What what that means? Well?
(11:01):
If I do use it, Iwill only use it with myself. It
cannot go past me and Jane inthe morning. Okay, that's how I
think. And I'm just because Iknow what my audle looks like. I'm
working on the inside. I alreadyis not gonna go nowhere, and Jane
is staying with me. Okay,I'm not hoping for it, kin,
and I'm not shaking while walking unlessI want to. Hello, come on,
(11:26):
come on, listen, listen.It's so trill. According to a
twenty twenty survey of Americans conducted byLet's Get Checked, fifty seven is commonly
thought of as officially old. Kissall of it, according to the service.
(11:52):
But the reason I say, likefor me when I think of myself
as middle aged, But I understand kind of logically, unless i'm living
to you know, it's not middleI don't identify with senior citizen because a
senior citizen. For me, whenI look at that, that is someone
(12:13):
who's one retired, you know,kind of chilling doing what they want to
do. Yes, yes, I'mnot at that stage, and I don't
see considering myself a senior citizen untilI am at that stage exactly. And
I don't have a problem with takingon that title and me to take on
that title. Yes, right,I say, we you know, normalize
aging first of all, this normalizedagent, because it's what's the alternative.
(12:39):
Yeah, but I think, justlike you said, your article says,
so, I think there is atotally different perception than what we see it
as. Because I'm sitting here watchingcommercials about come seniors come to Florida,
fifty five fifty five any housing,any any benefits that you're getting me aarp.
I'm going to start getting the mayorand the males. True, so
(13:07):
true, it is it's very subjective. Well, you know what, here's
the thing too, that subjective agethat you're talking about, it also has
a big effect on both our physicaland mental health. And so it's really
the reason why they say people beginat a certain age to either fade,
(13:30):
begin to fade, or they continueto flourish. And I wanted to ask,
to what extent do you think thatfeeling younger may determine some of the
decisions that you make in your lifeor do or does feeling older or younger
(13:52):
have any impact on how you makedecisions in life? Or do you not
think about it at all? Well, I think in terms of the physicality
is obviously if you feel good physically, you feel younger, you're going to
do things right. You have amentality, if you're able to be more
social, whatever that is for you, whatever more social is for you.
(14:16):
I'm feeling good about going out doingthe things that you love to do.
I feel like when you start thinkingabout, oh, I'm aging and slowing
down, it kind of eliminates thosethings for you, and I might lose
contact with friends. All of thosethings just stay of mind. It is
it is how you feel like.I feel like, if you feel young,
you're going to be acting young.Yeah, right, I think,
And I think it's certainly maybe tosome extent, because there are some things
(14:39):
that I visualize for myself that reallyI know now that there were some physical
limitations with myself. Like I'm seeingall these people roller skate and I'm like,
oh, I sure would love toroll down the branch Brook Park one
day. And y'all, y'all knowwhat I mean. No, y'all have
(15:05):
seen us just swinging around these rinks. And let's keep me ask this question
now, if we were put intoan environment we went to a roller skating
ring, yes, right, wouldyou roller skate? See, I'm the
girl who would try, like Imight bust my but I like girl,
(15:26):
I'm gonna try. I would trywith the walker. I would try.
I would like to walk. Ilove it. So my question, right,
if you loved it, then whycan't you do it now? Because
I'm not a scared I don't knowhow to work. I'm not scared to
(15:48):
do it. It's just that,you know, I have other things that
limit me to do it. Youknow, I don't want to fall.
You know, let's not go there. But anyway, but do you think
that that's a deterrent for you?Those ailments that you are mentioning, right,
are they a deterrent for you tojust try it? I would try
(16:11):
it, Okay, That's that's thequestion. I love because I love the
roll escape. I was always okay, Well, let's talk about something else.
What about jumping rope because jump up. I'll still do this. I've
a jump rope. But I'm gonnatell you I told you all before about
that. Look okay, five yearsago. No we're not doing it,
(16:34):
you know, And I'm gonna tellyou why because I could race. But
here is the thing, But thatwas five years ago. But the state
of mind that I don't think Ican rese that, well, well,
we have limitations with everything. Don'tlimit don't limit yourself because that one time
a band camp you fell, okay, live right now you get to do
(16:57):
it over again every day. Wellwhat that names, though, is the
importance of continuing with your physicality sothat you're able to do those things even
if it's you know, some ofit is mind over matters. Some of
it really is can I do thatanymore? That's what I'm watched this thing
(17:22):
on Instagram and it was a challengefor older people to skip try skipping.
When is the last time you skipped? If one of you now skip around
the studio, would to skip?Because that's the challenge, And yeah,
I'm you know, And it's thephysicality part, right, It's just knowing
(17:45):
on limitations and certain things and whenwe don't do it, you lose it.
You lose it. You lose itif you don't do it. So
true, So let me ask aquestion. So all these things that you're
thinking about in your mind, areyou thinking, oh, I can do
it? On your mind thinking Idon't know if I can do because my
mind is like, well, Ican try to do that. So I'm
(18:07):
really reckoning yes, your your body. Yes, yes, there are some
things I both. There are somethings I already know. I'm like,
at least I've told myself I can'tdo that, And there are some things
that I'm feeling like, yes,I can do that, and then I
do it, and I'm like ooh. And let me ask you answer your
(18:29):
question. The things that you've toldyourself you can't do, is it based
on age or those things that youwould not think you could do even if
you were a younger person as ayounger person. Very good question. It's
a good question. I think alot of them have to do with age,
aging and the physical of what I'mfeeling in my physical body. You
(18:51):
know, most of them, Mostof the things, they're not mental things.
If you ask me something mental,I feel like I'm still sharp enough
to do almost any mental thing.But if you asked me about something physical,
it depends right and on the dayand on a minute. And the
reason I say is because I thinkeven as a young person, easing the
physicality of it can be the same. As a young person, if you
(19:14):
feel like you can't do something,or you don't know how to ride a
bike or do this or do that, you feel like your body can't do
it. Yeah, and as weget older, we tend to think,
oh, our body just can't doit. I give an example. I
went into the ocean a while back, and I felt like, you know,
I could do anything, because therewas one time when I could do
I felt like respecting the ocean now, but I feel like I could do
(19:37):
anything in the ocean. I couldclimb in, I could climb out.
And I had a very difficult timegetting out of the ocean, to the
point where I almost frightened myself.Once I got and I was near the
shore, but the ways were comingin, they kept sweeping me back out
and just trying to balance myself andstand up and walk to the shore.
(20:02):
And now, you know, Iremember a woman like on the edge,
like, oh, do I needto call somebody? Maybe it's only ten
more seconds, don't go nowhere?So true. Well, you know the
(20:29):
other part of it. We talkedabout a lot about the physicality too,
but this article also talked about theimpact of feeling younger and its connection to
sort of thwarting off depression and thingslike that, And and I do agree
with that. I mean, Ithink a lot of times people begin to
(20:51):
get older, they mellow themselves ina way and start to disconnect. I
think ty she were talking about thatconnection or someone was saying something about connection
to people, and how do youkeep that? You know? How do
you keep as social life as youget older? You know? How do
you do that when so many ofyour contemporaries are no longer in your social
(21:14):
circle for whatever reasons. You know, they have limitations, you know.
So how do you all feel aboutthe mental impact of aging and how you
feel as you age mentally? Areyou experiencing some of that now already or
no. I will say that I'vebecome more private, but I do value
(21:40):
my friendships and the people that Iam connected to, I stay connected to.
I think it's a state of mind. I think it's a choice that
you make, and it's easy tome some people to go into the collective
because that's what everybody else is doing. And I've always kind of been myself,
so I always make it a pointto do, Hey, how you
(22:03):
doing. You know, girl,we're going here, you know, because
I to me staying communicated and bondedto other people as a part of me
being very much alive, because withoutthat, you know, I don't really
feel you know, loneliness is nota good feeling. It is not a
good feeling. And when we getolder, even though we want to hibernate
(22:25):
and kind of be by ourselves,yeah that works. There are days that
I won't be bothered with new damnbuddy, and I take those days,
you know, on stride. Butfor the most part, I need the
connection with other people that keeps mefeeling young, that keeps me feeling relevant
and alive, you know what I'msaying. And that was a lot easier
when we lived a different way,especially in community, you know what I
(22:47):
mean. I think there was atime when we saw a lot more multi
generational living, which you know,when you're younger, you never think about
that. But now I see whyolder people stayed vibrant when they live with
the children and grandchildren, and therewas always someone around, you know.
You know, Tash, I rememberyou and I talking about, like we
(23:08):
got to figure out a plan nowwhen we get old, like how can
we be able to be connected andnot feel that isolation. So I think
that's a real concern and it's vital, and especially for people, you know,
as you're if you're a parent andyou have children who are out and
moving away and doing different things orwhatever, it's so vital to keep in
(23:32):
contact and have relationships with your family. Yeah, right, And I know,
like you said, we talk about, you know, let's start planning,
right because what we can do isbe three hours away from each other
like that, it's not going towork. As you get older, you
need the support of your family.So just like Susan said, I think
it's vital, and I think likeit's one of the first things that happened
(23:56):
and you don't even realize it,right, you just stop talking to some
one for some reason. You're gettingolder, you're not going out to be
right, and before you know,you know, you're isolated. So it's
just important for people. And ifit's not because everybody doesn't have family and
all that but listen, find acommunity. Find your community, whatever it
(24:21):
is, absolutely find your community andstay connected to that community. I'm experiencing
that now with with a relative ofmine. As matter of fact, in
a couple of weeks, I'll begoing to assist her. You know,
I told you all that I wasgoing to do that. So and she
isolates herself from a lot of thingsbecause she wants to be independent. You
(24:44):
know, her husband has passed on, and you know she wants to be
independent. And then now that sheis getting older, you got to I
have to drive literally six hours toget to her to be there for two
days, but it's worth it tome because I need her to know that
I'm here for her. My childrenhave already started talking about buying homes or
(25:07):
a multi family duplex together with asmall house so we can all be together.
Problem I have with that is thatthe other person that created my children
with me maybe in this little farmingsystem, can I say amen to help?
(25:30):
Yeah, pray. But the pointthat I'm making is that they've already
started thinking that way and making plansfor that. You know, as with
when I was coming up, oohgirl, let me get away from everybody,
because I wanted to have my independence, you know, but I also
see now that you need that.We need that system. We need the
community. It's the community connection.It's the and I think sometimes the the
(25:59):
mental weight of actually aging itself,you know, like sometimes people don't want
to go there in their mind aboutwhat will it mean for me to be
eighty or ninety? What will thatlook like? You know? What will
my health be like? Will Ibe independent? Will I have all my
faculties? You know? Will peopletake advantage of me at that age?
(26:23):
Will I have the luxury of aduplex to be with my family, or
will I be carted off to put, you know, a nursing home somewhere
with strangers who are taking care ofme? And I mean, if you
think about it long enough, it'lltake you to a place. My dad
(26:45):
lived literally in Alabama and I amin New Jersey. Hello to you too.
And towards the end for him,it was very difficult for us to
get to him, and the sadnessthat he gave. The very last time
I saw him, he was hegotta go, and he knew that it
was the last time we all did. It was the last time that we
(27:07):
were going to physically see him alive. You have to make choices to me
that you were going to be closeraround around your family and your community because
we keep each other alive. Yes, you know, we really keep each
other alive and relevant. Well,let's talk about that. What are some
things then? Knowing all of thesethings, knowing that aging has its various
(27:30):
impacts on us through physical changes,mental changes, social changes. What are
your tips and tricks for folks aboutliving vitally staying youthful? You know,
how do you do that? Forexample, some of the things I read
(27:52):
about were, first of all,just learning how to cope with change?
Are you good with change now?As your age? How are you deal
How are you a person with change? Because change can be challenging, challenging
that's even you know what I thinkabout that. When you know a person
gets older and you want them tobe in community, and you say,
(28:14):
listen, we want you here,we want you to leave there and come
there. A lot of older peopleare resistant to that. They like they're
independency, they like they're independence,and they like they have become accustomed to
whatever that surrounding is, even ifthey're having a difficulty in that space it's
a space they know, it's familiarto safe. They feel safe, and
they have their friends. They've builttheir own families, like you were referring
(28:37):
to before, to Shamla, Andwhen they build their own families, a
lot of times they don't, youknow, their actual biological family is very
secondary, you know, because it'scomfort. It's a comfort zone for them.
So I guess they're suggesting starting asearly as you can't, getting yourself
accustomed to change and being open tochange. Change, keep yourself open to
(29:02):
change. The other one is findingmeaning and joy in things. That's interesting
too, because you know what Ido find like some of the things as
I'm aging some of the things thatused to be so magical and spark a
spark, The spark is not sospark. It's a different like what the
(29:26):
hell spark? What this is bullshit? You know what? I remember when
I used to like this get justaway from me. Were in the car
and the car coming here, andI hooked up my phone to charge it,
(29:47):
yes, and I was pulling upthe directions and the music game on.
I was bumping is music so loud? And someone else's She answered our
own question, She said, oh, you being there just stringing that you
(30:11):
want me trying to figure out directionand the same and me and Sham will
go places together and I will pastthe exit and it will reride. I
just need you know, I gottaget it together, because I do.
(30:32):
I do. Like once we starttalking and once the first bit of information
for the directions, I'm like,good because now I can focus here and
talk to her at the same timeand still listen and know that it'll reroute
us. Come on, it'll throwus off by two minutes or so.
But I was like, what isthis music was going on? And I
said, oh, yes, wetalked about the next one already, so
(30:57):
skip past it, which is stayingcouldn't acted when there was a robust conversation.
The next one is getting and stayingactive, which we kind of talked
about to ye, it's important skipeverything. I'm gonna try to skip every
day. I think today I'm goingto go home and try to skip when
(31:18):
I go home. I'm gonna tryto get me a little walking yet,
you know, staying active and howdo how do people like stay active as
you get older? Like I mean, yeah, people still doing hits at
sixty five, Like I don't Iguess some people might be. It's probably
a low impact one. Yeah,but walking is their thing because honestly,
(31:40):
as I'm thinking about it, likethe when I'm exercising now, I don't
see myself exercising like this, I'msixty five, Like, I just don't.
I think it'll be other ways.You're doing things that you love,
just whether it's playing ten. Wewere watching those things with those seniors dancing
line dance together. Yes, yes, that would be great. And there
(32:04):
are so many things right out therenow that we can do. We don't
have to be lifting heavyweights anymore,having a personal trainer, but there or
other. Yeah, we just haveto do it, you know. And
has anyone played a pickleball? Yeah? No, no either either, but
I want to. Okay, weshould get on. Like I paid instructor
(32:29):
her her mom. It was amazingto me because this was what almost twenty
years ago. She was saying howshe had she didn't start working out until
she was like, huh, likeforty eight or something like that. And
let me tell you when when Ihad her as an instructor, she was
like seventy and she was getting it. We had to keep up with her.
(32:50):
It's never too late, you know, you just got to keep acting.
And especially said you just always haveto keep moving. A lot of
older swimmers out there all the wordaerobics and all of the robics. Well
I hated myself aerobics, right,But you know what, that's one of
the things that for me has beena challenge with this working from home because
I find myself sitting a lot inways that I would not have done.
(33:16):
I can be sitting at that computerthat in the office, like before I
know it, it's like three hourshas gone by. I'm like, wow
when And so I was sudden,Kim. I think I started setting my
alarms like every hour, just getup and just walk for a couple of
minutes. Yeah, but working fromhome, that's been one of the challenges
(33:37):
for me. Yeah, and Ithink that for me, I think that
when we were in the you know, when we were you know restricted,
you know, during the pandemic,it was so it seemed like it was
so easy to just Okay, wellI did that, and now I got
you know, like fifteen minutes Ican go out and walk or take mommy
(33:59):
out WAF or whatever. And nowit's like when I work from home,
those couple of days that I dowork from home, it's like I can't
find time to get anything done,Like I can't even find time to get
outside, and before you know it, it's dark and you know you're going
into the next day, and soyou've gotten no exercise other than up and
down the stairs. And you knowthat adapting to change thing, trying to
(34:25):
Yeah, the last one is keepingthe mind sharp. That's a good one.
I remember you used to do likedouco or something. Word and word
games are very good because the stimulatesyour your your brain and we need to
keep that read good. That's somethingthat you had said before doing something new,
(34:52):
learning learning something new. Yeah,go ahead. I was just gonna
say it's true because even for me, I can think about the amount of
information that I used to be ableto process without thinking about it's just processing
information so younger, it was somuch easier. Now. I really do
(35:13):
be like, okay, wait aminute, take this, dougget. Yeah
right, yes, even the memory, it worries me my memory, and
I'm like, is this just youknow, is it too much? Am
I I feel? For Sometimes it'sreally that I'm either undiagnosed ADHD or I'm
(35:35):
not in the moment, or youhave to ask yourself, like, I'm
not fading in memory, am I? Because I can't. There are not
a lot of things that I canhold on to the way that I used
to hold on. Even if Iread something, I you know, I
can read it, enjoy it,and then people if you ask me about
it too far away, like whatwas did you read so? And some
(35:58):
like I did read it, butI don't right that. I find it's
interesting when that happens because you thinkabout what you just said, Kim.
Being able to memorize certain things interms of your short term memory, yes,
but yeah a song from thirty yearsis it that you're what you want?
(36:23):
What you remember, what you don'tremember is not really important to you
to remember memory. But I'm justthinking about statistically, your your long term
memory is the one that stands out. And I've noticed that we both my
parents as they got older. Myfather was eighty eight when he died.
My mother was sixty five, butalso suffered from mental illness. She could
(36:45):
not remember who the hell me andmy brothers were a lot of times long
term was us as little kids,yes, And that always stood out for
me. And even with Aunt Betty, it was the long term memory.
But there's I'm sorry, there's alsosomething to be said about that is a
(37:06):
function of the brain. Right,that's somebody who is ill or they have
some type of illness or something,right so, but people who don't have
any of that. How does thebrain react to new information and storing new
information as opposed to information that you'vehad all your life? Why can you
recall all that old information and sometimescan't recall Like sometimes look, you'll call
(37:27):
me, be like girl, whatyou did last weekend? I'll be like,
girl, let me think, waita minute, and you try to
tell me about your trying to figureout sun roof. I said, you
know the thing up there? Rememberthe word? I was like the girl
for me. I feel like maybeeven with long term memory, there are
(37:49):
some long term memories I can remember, especially if it's you know, a
traumatic memory or something like clearly seemyself jumping on that board and hitting you
in the head with a rock.Yes, but it was both a lot.
But I can't. But we reallyhave something but I can't. For
(38:13):
example, I'm always afraid of ofclass reunions because my friends who I'm close
to they'll call me girl. Youremember, you know Sabrina who was right
next door. Do you remember youwere in two o two and she was
in two or four in the dormAnd I'm like, no, I don
know Sabrina. But you know what'sinteresting. We were in a call car
(38:35):
and you were talking about something.You talked about your first and second grade
teacher, and I was like,my second grade teacher, do I remember
her name? Missus? Will remembermy second grade teachers? I remember Missus
Williams because she took me to thewiz on Broadway. You can't get that
we don't remember out second grade teachers. We was traumatized in the second grade,
So must that happened? I know, And I can't remember what it
(38:59):
was that it was. I hadMissus Bird, I had, you know,
my first grade teacher, Missus Osbornebecause she was Newark. Can't get
there. In the fourth grade teacher, you drew a blank baby? Remember
the second grade teacher? I knowit was the lead and fifth grade.
(39:19):
You know. I just had thisconversation with your husband over the weekend.
He was like divvying them out tobe and I was just like, okay,
I'm well, I'm leaving. Hehas a great I don't remember why
you he said that, you knowright now, his memory isn't that wonderful,
but he has a good memory.He remembers a lot. Well,
you'll make a good team. Somebodyhad to keep a good memory. I
(39:47):
don't know. Some people I don'tremember. I don't have a good memory.
Is it just because you let thingsgo? Like I don't know,
I think it's done. You werejust like, yeah, some things I
do like, yeah, oh Ido too. Well, I'm doing that.
I'm doing that more now, youknow, because it's like, you
know, I got a lot goingon sometimes and I'm like remember that.
(40:12):
Yeah. So mommy will be like, well, what about my I don't
know, let me look it up. I don't. And that's what mommy
said. I said, how doyou? How do you? How do
you? What kind of I askedher today? I said what can you
get? Because mother is in hernineties ninety and I said, how do
you? What do you have tooffer a younger person in order to stay
(40:37):
young? She said, stay activeand write it down? All right?
She said, write it down,she said, because if you really want
to remember something, you just youneed to write it down and that way
you always have a reference point togo back to and and you know and
remember that that one thing because thereas you age, you're gonna forget things
(40:58):
more and more. And she has. I mean, you know, she
was really very good up until youknow, like maybe the last few years.
With the things that she remembers.She can recall, but you talk
about long term, like Susan wassaying, she can talk you all day
long, but if you ask herwhat she had for breakfast, she had
(41:20):
no idea. Let me think,I didn't write it down. I can't
remember breakfast, so I don't.I'm gonna take a little side step.
Then I asked her to dance.And so how what what is the age
that you really feel? What isyour subjective age? Man? She said
sixty A right, yes, maybeshe don't want Maybe we better go to
(41:44):
That's what I'm talking about about.I'll take it. She said, my
seventy three on your old sister saidshe fit forty seven. I love it.
I said, ahead, Well,we take a page out of those
books and do all of these thingsthat we know and that we will learn
(42:05):
today. Say yes, stay active, keep yourself sharp, do all of
those things that keep you on theroad to a subjective age, and it's
a good thing to keep a subjectiveage. It's good to be a chronological
age. But if you can tellyourself subjectively and keep yourself feeling young,
I think it's gonna make a difference. Yeah, indeed, all right,
(42:30):
thirty somethings for forty something. Okay, I'll take thirty. There you go
too. So let me ask aquestion because I was thinking about this and
I was like, I felt likeI never thought about aging, and so
probably I turn like fifty fifty one, maybe because it was the first time
(42:53):
I felt like I saw myself aging, like I look away. Yes,
oh wait a minute, yeah right, like yeah, they said at forty
two, and it's BBC article thatwe were reading that you that you start
to really see the signs of likeforty two of your aging process. And
I feel like it's always easier tosee other people aging. Yeah you yes,
(43:16):
yes, yes, And I saidthis before I started noticing it around
COVID time more than ever because Iwas looking at yeah. Maybe that's oh
yeah, yes, that's when ithappened to the way look at our Wait
but wait a minute, but thinkabout this Also they said that during COVID
(43:36):
time, when all that was happening, was when people started getting the most
plastic surgery on their faces. Andyes, because the exact same thing.
You're looking at yourself constantly, Sonow you see the cross everything you're seeing
everyone, you're smiling. Now it'sthe smile. Now I'm like, let
me stop smiling, right they did. Yeah, they said people, more
(43:57):
people was going to get listen.Yeah, mat than any other time because
he was on. They called itthe zoom facelosk. Hello, amazing,
Thank you ladies, this is great, this conversation. You can find the
four Souls Flow podcast wherever you listento your favorite podcast. We'd love to
(44:19):
hear from you, so go tofour souls flow dot com, hit the
mic and leave us a message
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