February 14, 2024 • 42 mins
Welcome to the Four Souls Flo podcast! We’re excited to be back today because we’re talking about L-O-V-E! It's Valentine’s Day – February 14th where, as you know, across the U.S. and some other places around the world, candy, flowers and gifts are exchanged between loved ones. A day set aside for "The Lovers" to express their affection towards one another.
Listen in as the co-hosts answer the question, "Are you giving that same kind of love to yourself?" Today we are discussing SELF-LOVE! We’re taking a deep dive into how we love self – we’re sharing our journeys towards uninhibited, unabashed and profound love for self! How we talk to self, all the ways we love on self…and how we continue to nurture self!
Listen in as the co-hosts answer the question, "Are you giving that same kind of love to yourself?" Today we are discussing SELF-LOVE! We’re taking a deep dive into how we love self – we’re sharing our journeys towards uninhibited, unabashed and profound love for self! How we talk to self, all the ways we love on self…and how we continue to nurture self!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:02):
Hello and welcome back to the FourSouls Flow podcast. This podcast is born
from friendship, family and love.We are Alison, Kim, Susan and
TSH, women who have let oursouls flow with every girl's trip, phone
call and milestone for thirty plus years. The Four Souls Podcast is committed to
having conversations that will encompass real talk, real life, and real love.
(00:27):
Now get ready, take a seatand join us. Now let's flow.
September fourteenth, twenty nineteen started offjust as any other regular day, with
aerond's to run and appointments to keep. Yet something seemed to be a miss.
Then came an early afternoon call sharingthat the unimaginable was now a reality,
(00:55):
the words that no mother, noparent would ever want to hear.
Your son has been arrested and youneed to call his cell phone. This
message alone was enough to create shockand awe. However, the information only
worsened with details of learning and altercationwith an officer had ensued, and this
(01:25):
would set a three year course offear, anxiety, agony, and separation
for a mother and a son.This story is not just any story.
This is the story of our friend, sister and co host. This story
(01:52):
is Susan's story. Well, howyou doing. First of all, sister,
it's been a moment. We're blessed, and thank you so much for
asking and you know, giving meyour platform to be able to have this
conversation. A very difficult one,but I think one that's rather needed.
(02:13):
I just want to start by tellingyou that, first of all, we
are honored and we're so thankful todayfor your vulnerability and your bravery and sharing
such a you know, deeply personaland emotional account of the experience that you've
had over the last few years.And I just think in all courtesy before
(02:38):
we dive into the episode, let'stake a moment, ladies, to welcome
back our listeners. It's been amoment. Welcome back, Thank you for
coming back, Thank you for comingback. Yes, we welcome you all
to season three, believe it ornot, of the Four Souls Flow Podcast,
(03:01):
and we're so grateful, as wesaid, to be back. This
episode is extremely near and dear toeach of our hearts because it does center
on someone who is very precious tothe three of us, and we're here
(03:22):
to listen and I'm sure learn alot as she shares her remarkable journey.
We're gonna call it from trauma toHealing. Yes, Susan, Yes,
honey. Can you take us backto the moment when this incident occurred.
(03:43):
You were running your errands and itwas a regular day. It was a
regular Saturday, appointments in the morning, nothing out of the ordinary. And
I got a call and I fromTyson's cousin, and I didn't pick up
(04:04):
because I was like, I'm busy, you know, I'll get back to
him. And he called back,and when he called back, he just
said, you know, on Susan, something happened to Tyson. Someone has
his phone and he called me,and I said okay, and he said,
(04:24):
you gotta call right now. SoI said, okay, honey,
I'm gonna I'll call. I callthe phone, my son's phone, and
this young man picks up and hestarts going into detail about what had happened.
So I'm like, wait a minute. I try to be a very
(04:46):
rational person, and I get madat people immediately. I was like,
wait a minute, what what areyou saying to me? He said,
your son goun to a fight oneighty. We're at on eighty. And
he's just kind of blabbing, andhe's telling me me all this stuff.
I said, where's my son?I don't know. I said, well
where, you know? He saidhe was with us. I guess I
(05:08):
was his girlfriend. And I'm like, now my heart is like pounding out
of my chest. And he saidthey arrested both of them. He said
they out into a fight. Andhe said, you know you could.
He starts explaining to me, andI really don't want to go into grave
detail, sure what had happened,And I could feel my chest kind of
(05:29):
tightening up. I said, okay, thank you. I get off the
phone with him, and I'm literallyI said, we told my daughter,
because I was my daughter was drivingthat day and I said she's like what
And I said, guys and gotarrested, you know, and we at
that point, we were on ourway. And you have to excuse me
because my voice is starting to tremblebecause this is taking me back. We
(05:53):
were on our way too, forher to get her hair done. And
I remember calling her father, wellshe called her dad brother, and oh
my god, he was very casualabout it. And I'm screaming into you
(06:18):
know, screaming you know, theyarrested him. You know I'm telling you
that. You know, well,I can't do any anything about it now.
This is what his comment was backto me. You know, I'm
away and blah blah blah blah.You know, but I'm gonna call my
Attorneyancy if we can get everything.Do you know where he is? And
(06:39):
I didn't really know a lot ofdetails. And I remember the guy that
I was dating at the time.I called him and he's like, SOE,
I can't understand you, because Iwas literally on the street scream.
I'm screaming, you know, becausewe'ren't we are in a time where when
black men and black women get pulledover, they usually you're burying your child.
(07:03):
So I did not know where myson was. I didn't know any
really detailed information except a lot ofpeople pulled over. This young man pulled
over, he tyson's phone. Hepicked it up. He was so detailed,
and when I mean detailed it,I was so hurt her from him,
(07:28):
How could you do that to me? That's my baby. You hurt
my baby. But I had tohave some kind of forethought. I talked
to Alison briefly on the phone,and you know, I don't think any
of us really grasped the gravity youknow what had happened. You know,
I think we all thought that itwas just gonna be but you know,
for me, I knew I couldfeel it. I felt it. So
(07:54):
I remember getting off the phone withhow I was like, you know,
okay, so this is a rap. I'm getting this to myself. I
said, I'm not doing this shitno more. And I remember then calling
Tyson's mentor. He's like an uncleto Tyson and he's known Tyson since she
was little and he works in lawenforcement. And I reached out to him
and he says, okay, giveany details. So he starts calling around
(08:18):
and he was able to find outwhere Tyson was and he says, meet
me at the barracks and I willmeet you there. I'm going to get
Tyson's phone because I want to questionthis kid because he was there. He
was a witness there. I said, okay, going into the police station.
(08:43):
So to be going in there,no one wanted to help us because
their first line of defense is toprotect their own and this was my son.
And basically asked me, why thehell are you here. It's nothing
that you can do. So theambulance pulled up and his mentor asked,
(09:11):
you know, is this for youknow? And he was like very you
know, standolfish the guy. Hedidn't want to give out any information.
They literally went in and came backout. I hadn't seen him. They
wouldn't allow me to talk to him, nothing. And I was very calm.
I didn't even cry when I wasthere. I was very calm because
(09:31):
I said, Okay, now Igot to get into this different type of
mindset with this. I go backto the car. I called another friend
of mine, a very dear friendof mine to who works in this same
genre, and and I left hima message, you know, that they
needed to speak to him about this. So we knew at that point that
(09:52):
they weren't going to release him.He was going to be sent to county
jail. There was really no Theydidn't expound on really what happened. They
only spoke from the perspective of thealtercation, from the officers perspective. We
left, and someone followed us,and my daughter and I picked up on
(10:16):
it immediately, and I think wewent to Eric and Allison's house. And
when I got there and I'm talkingto my brother, Me and my brother
just both bursted into tears because weknew, you know, what we were
looking at at that point. Asa mother, it feels like and I've
(10:41):
said this to Tash before, it'slike a perpetual death. The constantly is
like Groundhog Day with death. Becausefrom that day I left that morning he
was home and I told him,now I love him, because that's what
we do. You know, Ido that with both my children. And
I wasn't able to touch or feelhis presence, so to speak, from
(11:05):
that day on the nineteenth of fourteenthof September. I think it was till
he came home in June of twothousand and twenty two. What was that
spread of time between three years,It was a little under three years.
Three years he experienced COVID, heexperienced so my son, if you know
(11:35):
him, he is not really afraidof too many things, and the vulnerability
level was truly tested during that timefor him and for our family. You
know, you raise your kids tobe adults and to be responsible and be
respectful of others, to protect andthis an incident was should have been handled
(12:03):
I think a little bit more carefullythan what it was. And it was
something of a matter of a questionthat felt from what I read and saw,
it was from a perspective that you'rechallenging me instead of you doing what
you're supposed to do is to answera question over a speeding ticket. How
(12:30):
in the hell do you get pulledover for a speeding ticket? And you
spent three years in jail, Susan, after you process the enormity of that
day, and I know that processprobably took a long time, and I'm
sure it was a lot of backand forth, like you feel like,
okay processing it, but I'm surethere were days when you felt like,
oh, this is not processed,Like I'm dealing with this on a new
(12:52):
level constantly. But after you kindof wrapped your brain around it, how
did you begin to pivot to thenew steps which we're facing law enforcement attorneys
and the judicial system. Well,to be honest with you, it was
in succession, and it happened veryquickly, and you it's almost like you
(13:15):
know, how you plan a funeral. You still have to plan a funeral,
and you still have to you stillcry, You have to do all
of those things and that becomes yournormal. So the process of getting an
attorney was lackluster, at first.That's a totally different podcast for that for
me to be pissed off at.And when we did retain an attorney,
(13:43):
you know, there were so manyholes in that and just in let's not
even get into the judicial system thatwas. That experience is very one sided
when it comes down to people ofcolor, you are. It's bad enough
that we marginalized to begin with,and we experienced so many things. And
(14:03):
I didn't even realize that my sonhad a concussion, that he required stitches,
and you would not believe that.I didn't realize that until the day
of his hearing, and I sawhim on News twelve and you were defending
him essentially against an institution, right, yes, because they all work together.
(14:24):
Absolutely, they say it from oneside. No one speaks and says,
well, this happened, and hethe you know, the officer didn't
do this. They just speak abouthow no one just gets beat the fuck
up. Let's just keep it real. No one, even when we were
coming up, you just didn't getyour ass kicked. You opened your mouth,
you said something, and you exacerbatedthe situation. And I'm not saying
(14:48):
that that's what happened, but prettymuch a question was asked. He was
told not to ask the question.He asked, why can I ask?
The question? Is referring to theticket we don't stand. Why do you
take that information? You exert yourpower because you don't want to answer the
(15:09):
question. Do you not know?Do you need training? Do you need
to go to human resources and getthis taken care of? There are so
many There were so many holes inthe story in which was created, and
this narrative that was put in themedia, and the weird thing about it,
You tell one side of it andthen it's crickets. And I knew
(15:33):
something was wrong then because it didn'thit any other large markets. It's not
like ABC picked it up, NBC, CBS, no major outlet picked it
up. So if they do thatto him, I'm sure that there are
(15:56):
other young men that have experienced thesame thing. Sure, because we have
to hide it. And I justwant to mention because somebody mentioned the word
intimidation. I'm not sure who saidit, but I know that, and
I think it was his first hearing. I think when we went to court
(16:18):
to support you and support Tyson,when I tell you, it was a
sea of blue, as if anofficer had been killed. Yes, the
intimidation of the family and the friendsand the people trying to support. The
court room was full of blue andthe family in France was relegated to two
or three pews in the court.It's unbelievable. And you know, when
(16:44):
you have not experienced or been apart of the course, it is the
extension intimidating, extremely intimidating. Andimagine what he experienced being on the inside.
He got threats from officers that workedin the system who wanted to jump
(17:06):
him. And I am trying myvery best to make sure that my twenty
two year old has all of hisscruples together, because now you're frying him
from both ends. So there wasa lot of conversation and that was a
part that helped him because I toldhim, I said, listen, you
(17:27):
get one day to be mad.One you get one day to be mad,
because if you hold on to it, however long this is going to
be, is going to be horriblefor you. You get one day to
sit in those feelings. Let's talkabout that. I need you to move
forward because that helped me. Yeah, that's the only way I was able
(17:49):
to get through it. Let's talkabout that. Walk. I'm to Shamle.
You illustrated that through your words,and now I can see the sea
of blue. But I can alsosee a young man who is at the
prime of his life and has somuch to look forward to, who has
(18:11):
a village of support, aunties,mom, dad, friends and family and
Susan, can you take me tothat moment when you know, as you
see on court your family member issentenced and you watch them walk away and
through doors, and you don't knowwhat happens next. You don't know what
(18:38):
the timeline will be. You didn'tknow at that time so well that hearing
they there were so many hearings thathe had and they did not sentence him
until January or twenty twenty two.So the first season of four sools flow
(19:00):
they sentenced him and how they wordedit, And to Shanua and Alison,
don't tell you I was a messbecause they give you the entire time.
They don't say because you get creditswhen you're in jail. You know,
I think certain people I guess,depending on whatever the infraction is, you
(19:22):
are entitled to credits which will reduceyour time. But when you're in court,
they don't read it. To youlike that, so they say you
have to serve x amount of time. And I was not good and I
had flipped out the day he wassentenced. Yeah, I had kept my
(19:45):
composure through the entire time, andit's just through COVID, through weeks of
not talking to him, through COVID, not being able to share. And
I told him everything, like Ididn't hold back and say so and so
passed away or this person is goinghe knew everything because I did not want
him to walk home because my sonwas coming home and be shell shocked over
(20:11):
just life. So he experienced thisis what Christmas Day. We did this
today. We did that today andwe he and I. You know,
he's my youngest but outside of that, he's my son and we our relationship
(20:33):
changed quite a bit while he wasaway. Fore the better, I think,
you know. But it just itshocks me that there are people like
that, and you know it,right, you know it, But there
are people like that that just don'tcare. They don't care, they don't
care, and how they made himinto a villain. And when I lost
(20:59):
my temper the day he was sentenced, the judge stated, well, I
see where he gets it from.So they look at you through a lens
the entire time. He wouldn't neversaid that if it was a white woman.
And I know that because the dayTyson was sentenced, there were two
other men that were sentenced the sameday, and they were Italian and they
(21:22):
came in there full force in black. And when those gentlemen was sentenced,
his mother had a meltdown. Andthey said nothing. They said absolutely nothing.
But I had sheriffs follow me intothe hallway as if I had it
was gonna take my boot off andhurl it at somebody. I get to
(21:47):
feel what I feel. Sure,you've railroaded my son. So I'm gonna
say how the hell I feel.And then you have a black prosecutor,
and yeah, I'm gonna say it, a black prosecut dude who stands there
and who is laughing? And youwere there for who? Because I understand
that you see a lot of people. But even if you read his background,
(22:10):
he's never had any infractions before.This is his first time. And
I understand the brevity of the situation. I understand that. But they were
trying to sentence him for they weretrying to give him ten years in prison,
ten years, ten years and youwonder how people when they are in
(22:32):
jail don't turn up right. AndI think if we hadn't been so diligent
in coming to court and doing thethings that we were doing, they would
have never they would have tried torailroad him. They would have really just
like sent him down, you know, as far as they could. Sins
And can you talk about the experienceand hardship of incarceration on your entire family
(22:55):
and how you or what you hadto do to protect your family during this
time. Well, I will saythis, it unified us during that time,
during the time of incarceration. Wedid you know, his father and
I are no longer together. Theirfather and I are no longer together.
Rather, and we went as afamily, We made it a point to
(23:19):
go there and solidarity as a familyto go and visit with him. And
he needed that that was required forhim. And it was a very difficult
thing, you know, because therewas some guards that worked with him because
(23:40):
he was a worker there and theyknew personally how he was. And then
there were some people who I believeblue, I'm blue every day, blah,
that bullshit, and they would treatmyself and my family very differently,
you know, but you just putyour best foot forward. You try to
(24:03):
be positive, you are pleasant tothose people because it's not their fault that
they are as ignorant as they are. Allison, I think our listeners know
that you and Susan our family,and so you're a part of that familial
village. For Susan, what wereyou experiencing Your husband is the uncle,
(24:27):
it was Susan's son. What wereyou doing and what how did you know?
What did you know to do forSusan during that time? I just
tried to support her anyway I could, whether it be and and a lot
of things. You know, Susanwill tell you herself that there were a
lot of things that she needed thatshe didn't ask for m right, and
(24:51):
so in a situation such as that, sometimes you don't know how to support.
But I was there to talk,you know, I was. I
was there to listen and to giveher a hug. It was the hardest
thing I think I've ever seen hergo through. It was the hardest thing
that I've ever seen her go through. And but you know, and for
(25:15):
Eric, for my husband, youknow, it was you know, it
was just a difficult time for thefamily because you just couldn't even believe.
I think you couldn't really wrap yourhead around the whole situation that you were
even going through this. It's likeand the hardest thing, you know.
But the thing when I was ableto talk to Tyson, you know,
(25:38):
I just give him, you know, and I give his mom you know,
and his sister kudos because through thewhole time, you know, I
could hear him smile. There aretimes when you could you couldn't hear the
smile in him, but he wasreally forcing to smile. But Susan talked
to him every day, and yousaid something else, and that really resonates
(26:04):
in terms of in situations like this, not knowing what to do as a
family member or a friend. AndI know from the point of friendship,
it was very difficult because you alwaysI always wanted to Susan to know that
there was a space for her tolay that burden down whenever she needed to.
(26:27):
But I also, whenever I wasin her presence, didn't want that
to be the topic. Yes,I wanted to give her a break from
it, let's laugh and talk aboutthose other things, but also wanted her
to always know that her and tysonand the family were always, you know,
in my heart and my prayers,and so I know we kind of
(26:49):
rode that balance, and you knowwhat, I needed that And I'll tell
you I am an open book andthen I'm not and that even now this
because it's taking me back, andthat's what I wanted to talk about this
from a very positive perspective. Butit's very hard because it's my child.
(27:11):
It was it's it's difficult, youknow, to that hit me in such
a place that had never felt before. I have dealt with my father not
handling me well. I have dealtwith a husband that did not handle me
well. But I gave birth andknew this young man very well. And
(27:37):
my child and mother is a helper, Sue, you know what I mean,
Like, that's the point, susanhelplessness. When I tell you to
(28:00):
yes, wait in the days hedidn't call, she was. I was
frantic he didn't call me. Andmy daughter, though, she gets it
because her perspective is very positive andshe kind of lingers right here and that's
where she needs to linger because that'sher comfort zone, right exactly. And
(28:25):
I was white knuckling it. Astime passed, I was able to know,
okay, if he didn't call,then he's gonna call tonight at this
time, because by then we builta rapport and we had more conversations about
you know, you know, Iwas I know, I know you are
(28:47):
worried, but I'm okay, andI knew that he would do things to
make me feel well. One ofthe difficult conversations I'll tell you I had
with him one day during COVID.We had gotten so used to not going
because I'll tell you, I hatedgoing there. I hated going there.
(29:10):
I hated being in that county.I hated being driving down the street.
I hated going there, and I'msure I hated leaving with that Oh every
single time. I hated it.And one day he said, MA,
you know they lifted the restrictions.I said, I know, honey,
(29:33):
and I knew where the conversation wasgoing. He said, MA, I
need to see you all. Ireally need to see you. MA.
I said, all right, becauseI didn't want to go back because it
triggered so much in me, andthey triggered my anxiety. It was a
horrible feeling. But I was like, you know what, I ain't gonna
be like everybody else, I'm goingto see myself and I did. I
(29:55):
went Emani couldn't go. The fatherwas busy, and I went by myself.
And when I tell you, Iwhite knuckle it driving there. He
was increased in speed and with intensity, with intensity, careful intensity, may
(30:18):
I add. And I get thereand I'm shaking. You gotta go in.
You gotta give him your ID.And you know they had you go
through this thing and do your littletemperature and stuff. And I'm going and
he's like, where is that?But that's just me and you did that.
And we're talking and I'm just lookingat his face and this is what
I do. I just I wantedto just stare at every inch of him.
(30:41):
So when he would come in,I would never go sit at the
booth because I needed to see himwalk in. I said, damn said
he gets told you this is snuffingthe ground. But anyway he walks in,
I see all of them and he'sgrinning at me. I'm grinning at
him, and we're just talking aboutnonsense, literal nonsense, and this we
(31:04):
always had this thing because I couldn'ttouch him, so I will put my
hand up to the glass. Heput his hand up to the glass.
He come and walks me out asmuch as he could because it's a big
area. And he watches me andI'm waving, and I get in the
car and I'm just like, god, you know, I don't want to
leave my phone rings. It's him. Now we're gonna drive home because I
(31:29):
wanted to finish telling you blah blahblah. But the good thing about it
is that, you know, youcould look at a situation like this and
a lot of people lose their kids. And what I mean by that,
like you said that Tyson was youalways hear him smiling. Some people are
lost when they leave, and herenewed a lot of himself. He took
(31:52):
the classes, you know. Hesaid, yeah, I know how to
do this now. I said,okay, oh I got a job up
here. I said, okay,that's good. He was cooking. He
was cooking any job that they puthim in, because that's who he is
and his rapport were people changed.So I understood that there was a change
(32:14):
because there was no change with thecase. Yeah. Mm hmmm. So
please ask me a question about hisattorney. Hmmm, So how was his
attorney, Susan? How did heinteract with Tyson? How did he interact?
(32:35):
Did he interact with you? Whatwas your Did you have a lot
of experience with the attorney on Tyson'sbehalf or you know, how do you
work that kind of thing? Andcan you before you start that, can
you tell us how you found theattorney. So, yeah, so his
father found the attorney at the timehe was in school and he had seen
(32:59):
him do lecture and he thought hewould be a perfect candidate. He reached
out to him and he was morethan willing to take on the case.
Initially, Oh, he was greatthat initial hearing where the sea of blue
was there. He was able toeffectively speak while on Tyson's behalf, and
(33:25):
you know, even though it wasa hearing and not a trial, he
took it as a trial pretty much. So we were like, oh,
okay, we're in good graces,you know. Okay. So as time
went on, there would be momentswhere you put a call in you get
no call back. Now understand thatthey take on other cases. So I
(33:46):
was trying to be as diligent andpatient as I could be give a call
back. Still nothing kind of crickets. A month go by, we didn't
hear nothing, but he would popout or he would be late getting to
the hearings. So I'm like,well, you know, Daryl, you're
(34:07):
not about to start. You know, they're not here. Blah blah blah
blah, you're not here. Shesays, well, you know, I
got another case in That's county,this, that, and the other just
completely not come. So I experiencedthat a couple of times. Yeah,
as time went on, more littlemoments or times where blocks of times that
(34:29):
he would be absent and then he'dcome and he would have a conversation with
his tyson's father and I about well, this is the deal that they put
on the table. And I hadgone through this for months. So one
day in the beginning of I thinkone because during COVID it was really crickets
(34:52):
because the courts weren't open. Theyreally weren't having any hearings. So find
the beginning of twenty one, hecalls and he were having a conference call
with him, and he says,well, they came back first. He
tells us they want to offer themthree years and if we give him three
years, were given three three withthe eighty five, so that's a reduced
(35:14):
sentence, and I know, thinkof eighty five percent of the three years,
so that means and I also knowtell you that means, oh,
he'll be home by whatevery date hecomes back. And he says, well,
they you know, as I toldyou, they said five. And
I'm listening to the entire time.I'm not saying anything. Now. Sometimes
(35:34):
I can overtalk people. I knowthat about myself. I'm very much aware
of it. I said, Darryl, and I'm gonna say his name,
and I gonna say his full name, but I said, Darryl. I
said, I don't know what thefuck you need to do, but you
need to go back to the tableand tell them that's an un unacceptable deal.
You know, good and goddamn well, then he ain't to doing motherfucking
(35:58):
thing. And I've been patient withyou, and I have asked you on
numerous occasions, and you've done thislittle. You know, you you're not
around, you can't call back,and then you're gonna tell me. Just
last month they said that three wasthe eighty five. How do we get
to five years? Well, Isaid, I don't want to hear.
Well, you need to tell thatfucking prosecutor that you that you're not accepting
(36:22):
the deal. Well, that's upto Tyson. I can tell you right
now he's not gonna accept it,but you can call him and ask him
because we're paying you. His fathersaid nothing. I said, Now I'm
gonna excuse myself from this call becauseI think I've said enough and done enough
damage for today. So I excusedmyself from the call. A few days
lady calls me. I said,I just want to make sure that we're
(36:43):
good. I said, no,we're not good because you're not doing your
job anytime that they're telling you thatthey gonna give five years, and that
you told me three. What isthe problem because I don't understand what's going
on. Well, you know that'smy fault. Yes, I know that.
You don't need to tell me.I'm fully aware of that that's your
fault. Well, well, thisis what I said, Darryl. Do
(37:07):
they have proof because the way thecamera was angled, you could only see
the cars, you could not seehim. So please tell me how did
you allow them to say that?Because that's hearsay, and the records that
(37:28):
you provided me with or are redacted, So how do we know anything was
said? How do we know anyof the medical records, half of it
is redacted outside of his name anddate of birth. So how am I
supposed to figure out anything? Isaid, So you need to talk to
the judge. You need to talkto PC. He's a nice guy,
I said. I don't give afuck about this man being nice. This
(37:51):
man ain't doing a fucking thing formy family, absolutely nothing, zero.
I am trying to get my sonhome. Now. I could see if
he was out there and he wasa gang banger and he was doing some
horrendous things on the street, thenyou and I could say, you know
what, okay, But even thenI'd fight you tooth and nail on it.
(38:14):
You cannot prove a case, atleast to me, that he did
something wrong. If he didn't dosomething wrong, I'm gonna go back to
him. You do that, butI'm gonna have the conversation with Tyson.
So even from a perspective, becauseit's kind of like a who you know,
this is what I've learned later thateach county, all of the attorneys,
(38:36):
and the prosecutors work together. Fromhow I view it, and you
can make a deal because I knowKim already, and Kim knows that I
have a record of doing X,Y and Z, and she knows that
I stand by my word when Itell her that I could give this.
It's a trade off. And thenyou're gonna go back to the judge and
(38:57):
have a conversation with him on mybehalf, or we're gonna kind of like
or he'll go back to his bossor whatever. Yeah. And because he
didn't play ball so to speak withthem, he knew them, but only
really through this. He didn't haveany leeway. And I said, you're
going to tell him this because Iain't telling him shit. I told him
(39:20):
I will not tell my son that. So he goes back to my son
and he is his mother's child,and he says, well, man,
you know they want to I talkto your parents. They want to give
him five years. He said,I don't know what. Why the fuck
you? And he told him,why the fuck are you telling me this?
He said, you already know whatmy stance is on this. So
(39:43):
then, because when you were therea lot of times, you have so
much time and you read all thetime. He became very versed in the
judicial system because they have to betheir own advocates. Un Fortune and he
went back and forth with him,and he ended up using some of what
he offered to him as a wayof getting Tyson somewhat to where he was.
(40:07):
But within months he was deceased.Ah what He died in August of
twenty one. Wow, And wedidn't get a call from the office.
His girlfriend's attorney contacted his girlfriend andshe called me and starting all over and
(40:30):
then right starting all over again.Then we found out that there were quite
a bit of holes in just howhe practiced period. So, needless to
say, we didn't have it toget another attorney. And one of Tyson's
friends that Tyson met while he wasinside had said to me when he had
(40:55):
come home, he said, ifyou need anything or whatever, And I
never reached out to the young man. Mm hmmm. He contacted Tyson and
he said, I'm going to hiremy attorney for you, Tyson, and
he did and he was there todo the sentencing. Huge blessing and it's
one of his best friends now.My house, Susan Nett is such a
(41:22):
like open and revealing conversation because youknow, it really is difficult to understand
what you know, a person theirfamily goes through. You know, I
heard the expression that not only theperson is doing time, but the family
(41:45):
time with your incarcerated loved one,and my life stopped. I want to
talk about that. I want towe we said that this was a journey
for you through trauma to healing,and so let's talk about your pathway there,
(42:05):
because I mean, from the momentthis occurred, and as you were
walking through it, I know therehad to be moments of depression, moments
of anxiety. What did you tellme? How did you keep his head
(42:27):
in your head above water during thistime? Well, you know, as
I mentioned earlier, you know,I told him that one day rule that
applied to him, it also appliedto me. Yeah, And just like
everybody else, I put on weightduring COVID, and I started working out,
and as the country opened up,I started venturing out and doing a
(42:49):
lot of things with my daughter.I met with you all, and that
really for me, it was superhelpful, Like it was super super helpful
for me, and learning that itwas time for me to go into therapy.
Because you take a great or avery good look at yourself, right,
(43:13):
you take a good look at yourselfduring least I do during times like
that, and it had changed me. That was the first time in a
long time I ever felt alone becauseI became very private with it. It
(43:34):
was a private battle that I wasfighting. And my daughter's view was quite
different from mine because she's not amother, and I couldn't really relate to
their dad on how I was feelingwith it, because he paid rent inside
of me. He was there andhe lived in my body. I housed
(43:58):
him, and you know, Ibreastfed him and you know, raised him,
and my life changed quite a bit, and I just, you know,
as you both mentioned Alison and Tajabout how difficult it was, it
was. It was very difficult.So I had to find a way to
be able to give myself a voiceagain, and a voice that was positive,
(44:22):
because you can live in negativity whenthese things happen to you. You
can choose to be positive and towant to have good fortune in your life
and to still move forward. BecauseI still had to work up to the
point of COVID, right, Istill had to have normal things happen in
my life. And you can kindof sit in it if you don't watch
(44:43):
yourself. You can be depressed ifyou don't watch yourself. And I didn't
want to be that. I justdidn't how can I be good for him
if I'm not being good for me. So I had taken a step towards
healing myself and went to therapy.That was my start with it. I
started working out and really focusing onmyself, my body, my mind,
(45:07):
meditating affirmations, self care exactly.And I needed it, you know,
I really needed it because I wasI knew a part of me there was
a death, and I was it'seasy to sit in a circle and just
sit there and not want to dothings, and I just chose not to.
(45:30):
And while I was doing that,he was finding new ways to occupy
himself while he was away, youknow. And you know I mentioned he
had gotten sentenced in January of twentyof twenty two. And when he got
sentenced, you know, when wefinally figured out the numbers and everything,
(45:52):
he was going to be coming homeat June. And now it was trying
to get the correction system to kindof speak to the judicial system because they
don't talk to each other, sothey don't provide the numbers to each other
(46:15):
to say, okay, he hasall these credits. Because a lot of
people are COVID credits because of COVID, and you get good or like a
good behavior what they call good timecredits. And you had to add all
those credits together to figure out howmuch time reduces from that four year sentence
(46:35):
to get him down to probably twoand three quarters. So it was a
pain and ass but I got itdone in like a day's time. And
to look on which was horrible tolook on the state system to see my
son, you know, in hislittle infamous jumpsuit looking crazy, you know,
(46:58):
but to see that he was gonnabe least in June. On June
sixth, So he came home onJune six What a day. Yeah,
And it was a crazy day,but it was a good day, walking
towards me taking his clothes off,and I was like, okay, honey,
were gonna come on now, comecome to the car behind the card.
(47:20):
Yeah, I have to get thisoff. I understand. But the
person he was when he came homeon June sixth, he was angry,
He felt belittled, humiliated. Hehad a smile, but all of this
was behind the smile. The personhe is today, he is still working
(47:44):
towards being better, but he islight now. He doesn't carry what happened
to him as a badger honor,but he talks about it as a part
of his life and his existence asa framework to where he is today.
(48:04):
So I'm proud, you know,I'm happy. I'm glad that he's home.
Yes, And you know I hopemy story even though you could hear
the anger in my voice, youunderstand it when you experience it. And
it's a beautiful thing that our childrenget to live through it because some of
(48:27):
us don't. And I try tohug on him as much as I possibly
can now and also allow him thespace in the room to grow. Because
he went in at twenty two andhe came home at twenty five. We're
(48:47):
so thankful that he did. Butwe have a sobering statistic from the NAACP
that tells us that more than oneout of every six black men who today
should be between twenty five and fiftyfour years old, have disappeared from daily
(49:10):
life. Their absence from the communityremoves voters, workers, taxpayers, and
more. But for us, moreimportantly in our community, these are fathers
yes, and brothers yes, andsons and uncles who are not there with
(49:32):
their family. And so we celebratetoday that your son is not in that
number. He is not in thatnumber, Susan, And we are just
so thankful for your bravery today insharing your personal journey with us and your
listeners. We know you're always willingto help someone with your experiences and your
(50:00):
transparency in this podcast, and weare honored today to sing it in your
presence in this conversation, and mostimportantly grateful that God has seen fit to
return your son to you well.And I thank you, ladies, and
I'm very grateful that this is asafe place for me. You know,
(50:24):
this is a very personal story forme, and I'm hoping that this will
be able to touch someone who isexperiencing this. And You're not alone,
you know. And I believe thatmore people should be a little bit more
open with this dialogue because we needto be able to support one another in
(50:45):
this, because it can be avery lonely, you know, existence going
through it. I think I thankyou, ladies for loving me enough and
giving me the the support you know, to be able to tell the story,
you know, and the love.I really love you all, I
really do. We really appreciate yousharing your story. You too. Welcome,
(51:09):
ladies, family, family, Thankyou, thank You's such a great
young man. We talked about himon the way here. He's doing and
he's doing awesome things. He's doingawesome things. I love that. And
he is an awesome person. Well, he has an awesome mom. Yes,
(51:35):
you know this was This was areally because Ella had him hammed up
when he was and I had andI had sitting you know. So there's
a lot of love. It wasn'tjust me. It took a village.
Thank you, sir, thank you, thank you, thank you for be
(52:00):
together again. Mister Jump. Youcan find the four Souls Flow podcast wherever
you listen to your favorite podcast.We'd love to hear from you, so
go to four soulsflow dot com,hit the mic and leave us a message.
Hello and welcome back to the FourSouls Flow podcast. This podcast is born
from friendship, family and love.We are Alison, Kim, Susan and
TSH, women who have let oursouls flow with every girl's trip, phone
call and milestone for thirty plus years. The Four Souls Podcast is committed to
having conversations that will encompass real talk, real life, and real love.
(00:27):
Now get ready, take a seatand join us. Now let's flow.
September fourteenth, twenty nineteen started offjust as any other regular day, with
aerond's to run and appointments to keep. Yet something seemed to be a miss.
Then came an early afternoon call sharingthat the unimaginable was now a reality,
(00:55):
the words that no mother, noparent would ever want to hear.
Your son has been arrested and youneed to call his cell phone. This
message alone was enough to create shockand awe. However, the information only
worsened with details of learning and altercationwith an officer had ensued, and this
(01:25):
would set a three year course offear, anxiety, agony, and separation
for a mother and a son.This story is not just any story.
This is the story of our friend, sister and co host. This story
(01:52):
is Susan's story. Well, howyou doing. First of all, sister,
it's been a moment. We're blessed, and thank you so much for
asking and you know, giving meyour platform to be able to have this
conversation. A very difficult one,but I think one that's rather needed.
(02:13):
I just want to start by tellingyou that, first of all, we
are honored and we're so thankful todayfor your vulnerability and your bravery and sharing
such a you know, deeply personaland emotional account of the experience that you've
had over the last few years.And I just think in all courtesy before
(02:38):
we dive into the episode, let'stake a moment, ladies, to welcome
back our listeners. It's been amoment. Welcome back, Thank you for
coming back, Thank you for comingback. Yes, we welcome you all
to season three, believe it ornot, of the Four Souls Flow Podcast,
(03:01):
and we're so grateful, as wesaid, to be back. This
episode is extremely near and dear toeach of our hearts because it does center
on someone who is very precious tothe three of us, and we're here
(03:22):
to listen and I'm sure learn alot as she shares her remarkable journey.
We're gonna call it from trauma toHealing. Yes, Susan, Yes,
honey. Can you take us backto the moment when this incident occurred.
(03:43):
You were running your errands and itwas a regular day. It was a
regular Saturday, appointments in the morning, nothing out of the ordinary. And
I got a call and I fromTyson's cousin, and I didn't pick up
(04:04):
because I was like, I'm busy, you know, I'll get back to
him. And he called back,and when he called back, he just
said, you know, on Susan, something happened to Tyson. Someone has
his phone and he called me,and I said okay, and he said,
(04:24):
you gotta call right now. SoI said, okay, honey,
I'm gonna I'll call. I callthe phone, my son's phone, and
this young man picks up and hestarts going into detail about what had happened.
So I'm like, wait a minute. I try to be a very
(04:46):
rational person, and I get madat people immediately. I was like,
wait a minute, what what areyou saying to me? He said,
your son goun to a fight oneighty. We're at on eighty. And
he's just kind of blabbing, andhe's telling me me all this stuff.
I said, where's my son?I don't know. I said, well
where, you know? He saidhe was with us. I guess I
(05:08):
was his girlfriend. And I'm like, now my heart is like pounding out
of my chest. And he saidthey arrested both of them. He said
they out into a fight. Andhe said, you know you could.
He starts explaining to me, andI really don't want to go into grave
detail, sure what had happened,And I could feel my chest kind of
(05:29):
tightening up. I said, okay, thank you. I get off the
phone with him, and I'm literallyI said, we told my daughter,
because I was my daughter was drivingthat day and I said she's like what
And I said, guys and gotarrested, you know, and we at
that point, we were on ourway. And you have to excuse me
because my voice is starting to tremblebecause this is taking me back. We
(05:53):
were on our way too, forher to get her hair done. And
I remember calling her father, wellshe called her dad brother, and oh
my god, he was very casualabout it. And I'm screaming into you
(06:18):
know, screaming you know, theyarrested him. You know I'm telling you
that. You know, well,I can't do any anything about it now.
This is what his comment was backto me. You know, I'm
away and blah blah blah blah.You know, but I'm gonna call my
Attorneyancy if we can get everything.Do you know where he is? And
(06:39):
I didn't really know a lot ofdetails. And I remember the guy that
I was dating at the time.I called him and he's like, SOE,
I can't understand you, because Iwas literally on the street scream.
I'm screaming, you know, becausewe'ren't we are in a time where when
black men and black women get pulledover, they usually you're burying your child.
(07:03):
So I did not know where myson was. I didn't know any
really detailed information except a lot ofpeople pulled over. This young man pulled
over, he tyson's phone. Hepicked it up. He was so detailed,
and when I mean detailed it,I was so hurt her from him,
(07:28):
How could you do that to me? That's my baby. You hurt
my baby. But I had tohave some kind of forethought. I talked
to Alison briefly on the phone,and you know, I don't think any
of us really grasped the gravity youknow what had happened. You know,
I think we all thought that itwas just gonna be but you know,
for me, I knew I couldfeel it. I felt it. So
(07:54):
I remember getting off the phone withhow I was like, you know,
okay, so this is a rap. I'm getting this to myself. I
said, I'm not doing this shitno more. And I remember then calling
Tyson's mentor. He's like an uncleto Tyson and he's known Tyson since she
was little and he works in lawenforcement. And I reached out to him
and he says, okay, giveany details. So he starts calling around
(08:18):
and he was able to find outwhere Tyson was and he says, meet
me at the barracks and I willmeet you there. I'm going to get
Tyson's phone because I want to questionthis kid because he was there. He
was a witness there. I said, okay, going into the police station.
(08:43):
So to be going in there,no one wanted to help us because
their first line of defense is toprotect their own and this was my son.
And basically asked me, why thehell are you here. It's nothing
that you can do. So theambulance pulled up and his mentor asked,
(09:11):
you know, is this for youknow? And he was like very you
know, standolfish the guy. Hedidn't want to give out any information.
They literally went in and came backout. I hadn't seen him. They
wouldn't allow me to talk to him, nothing. And I was very calm.
I didn't even cry when I wasthere. I was very calm because
(09:31):
I said, Okay, now Igot to get into this different type of
mindset with this. I go backto the car. I called another friend
of mine, a very dear friendof mine to who works in this same
genre, and and I left hima message, you know, that they
needed to speak to him about this. So we knew at that point that
(09:52):
they weren't going to release him.He was going to be sent to county
jail. There was really no Theydidn't expound on really what happened. They
only spoke from the perspective of thealtercation, from the officers perspective. We
left, and someone followed us,and my daughter and I picked up on
(10:16):
it immediately, and I think wewent to Eric and Allison's house. And
when I got there and I'm talkingto my brother, Me and my brother
just both bursted into tears because weknew, you know, what we were
looking at at that point. Asa mother, it feels like and I've
(10:41):
said this to Tash before, it'slike a perpetual death. The constantly is
like Groundhog Day with death. Becausefrom that day I left that morning he
was home and I told him,now I love him, because that's what
we do. You know, Ido that with both my children. And
I wasn't able to touch or feelhis presence, so to speak, from
(11:05):
that day on the nineteenth of fourteenthof September. I think it was till
he came home in June of twothousand and twenty two. What was that
spread of time between three years,It was a little under three years.
Three years he experienced COVID, heexperienced so my son, if you know
(11:35):
him, he is not really afraidof too many things, and the vulnerability
level was truly tested during that timefor him and for our family. You
know, you raise your kids tobe adults and to be responsible and be
respectful of others, to protect andthis an incident was should have been handled
(12:03):
I think a little bit more carefullythan what it was. And it was
something of a matter of a questionthat felt from what I read and saw,
it was from a perspective that you'rechallenging me instead of you doing what
you're supposed to do is to answera question over a speeding ticket. How
(12:30):
in the hell do you get pulledover for a speeding ticket? And you
spent three years in jail, Susan, after you process the enormity of that
day, and I know that processprobably took a long time, and I'm
sure it was a lot of backand forth, like you feel like,
okay processing it, but I'm surethere were days when you felt like,
oh, this is not processed,Like I'm dealing with this on a new
(12:52):
level constantly. But after you kindof wrapped your brain around it, how
did you begin to pivot to thenew steps which we're facing law enforcement attorneys
and the judicial system. Well,to be honest with you, it was
in succession, and it happened veryquickly, and you it's almost like you
(13:15):
know, how you plan a funeral. You still have to plan a funeral,
and you still have to you stillcry, You have to do all
of those things and that becomes yournormal. So the process of getting an
attorney was lackluster, at first.That's a totally different podcast for that for
me to be pissed off at.And when we did retain an attorney,
(13:43):
you know, there were so manyholes in that and just in let's not
even get into the judicial system thatwas. That experience is very one sided
when it comes down to people ofcolor, you are. It's bad enough
that we marginalized to begin with,and we experienced so many things. And
(14:03):
I didn't even realize that my sonhad a concussion, that he required stitches,
and you would not believe that.I didn't realize that until the day
of his hearing, and I sawhim on News twelve and you were defending
him essentially against an institution, right, yes, because they all work together.
(14:24):
Absolutely, they say it from oneside. No one speaks and says,
well, this happened, and hethe you know, the officer didn't
do this. They just speak abouthow no one just gets beat the fuck
up. Let's just keep it real. No one, even when we were
coming up, you just didn't getyour ass kicked. You opened your mouth,
you said something, and you exacerbatedthe situation. And I'm not saying
(14:48):
that that's what happened, but prettymuch a question was asked. He was
told not to ask the question.He asked, why can I ask?
The question? Is referring to theticket we don't stand. Why do you
take that information? You exert yourpower because you don't want to answer the
(15:09):
question. Do you not know?Do you need training? Do you need
to go to human resources and getthis taken care of? There are so
many There were so many holes inthe story in which was created, and
this narrative that was put in themedia, and the weird thing about it,
You tell one side of it andthen it's crickets. And I knew
(15:33):
something was wrong then because it didn'thit any other large markets. It's not
like ABC picked it up, NBC, CBS, no major outlet picked it
up. So if they do thatto him, I'm sure that there are
(15:56):
other young men that have experienced thesame thing. Sure, because we have
to hide it. And I justwant to mention because somebody mentioned the word
intimidation. I'm not sure who saidit, but I know that, and
I think it was his first hearing. I think when we went to court
(16:18):
to support you and support Tyson,when I tell you, it was a
sea of blue, as if anofficer had been killed. Yes, the
intimidation of the family and the friendsand the people trying to support. The
court room was full of blue andthe family in France was relegated to two
or three pews in the court.It's unbelievable. And you know, when
(16:44):
you have not experienced or been apart of the course, it is the
extension intimidating, extremely intimidating. Andimagine what he experienced being on the inside.
He got threats from officers that workedin the system who wanted to jump
(17:06):
him. And I am trying myvery best to make sure that my twenty
two year old has all of hisscruples together, because now you're frying him
from both ends. So there wasa lot of conversation and that was a
part that helped him because I toldhim, I said, listen, you
(17:27):
get one day to be mad.One you get one day to be mad,
because if you hold on to it, however long this is going to
be, is going to be horriblefor you. You get one day to
sit in those feelings. Let's talkabout that. I need you to move
forward because that helped me. Yeah, that's the only way I was able
(17:49):
to get through it. Let's talkabout that. Walk. I'm to Shamle.
You illustrated that through your words,and now I can see the sea
of blue. But I can alsosee a young man who is at the
prime of his life and has somuch to look forward to, who has
(18:11):
a village of support, aunties,mom, dad, friends and family and
Susan, can you take me tothat moment when you know, as you
see on court your family member issentenced and you watch them walk away and
through doors, and you don't knowwhat happens next. You don't know what
(18:38):
the timeline will be. You didn'tknow at that time so well that hearing
they there were so many hearings thathe had and they did not sentence him
until January or twenty twenty two.So the first season of four sools flow
(19:00):
they sentenced him and how they wordedit, And to Shanua and Alison,
don't tell you I was a messbecause they give you the entire time.
They don't say because you get creditswhen you're in jail. You know,
I think certain people I guess,depending on whatever the infraction is, you
(19:22):
are entitled to credits which will reduceyour time. But when you're in court,
they don't read it. To youlike that, so they say you
have to serve x amount of time. And I was not good and I
had flipped out the day he wassentenced. Yeah, I had kept my
(19:45):
composure through the entire time, andit's just through COVID, through weeks of
not talking to him, through COVID, not being able to share. And
I told him everything, like Ididn't hold back and say so and so
passed away or this person is goinghe knew everything because I did not want
him to walk home because my sonwas coming home and be shell shocked over
(20:11):
just life. So he experienced thisis what Christmas Day. We did this
today. We did that today andwe he and I. You know,
he's my youngest but outside of that, he's my son and we our relationship
(20:33):
changed quite a bit while he wasaway. Fore the better, I think,
you know. But it just itshocks me that there are people like
that, and you know it,right, you know it, But there
are people like that that just don'tcare. They don't care, they don't
care, and how they made himinto a villain. And when I lost
(20:59):
my temper the day he was sentenced, the judge stated, well, I
see where he gets it from.So they look at you through a lens
the entire time. He wouldn't neversaid that if it was a white woman.
And I know that because the dayTyson was sentenced, there were two
other men that were sentenced the sameday, and they were Italian and they
(21:22):
came in there full force in black. And when those gentlemen was sentenced,
his mother had a meltdown. Andthey said nothing. They said absolutely nothing.
But I had sheriffs follow me intothe hallway as if I had it
was gonna take my boot off andhurl it at somebody. I get to
(21:47):
feel what I feel. Sure,you've railroaded my son. So I'm gonna
say how the hell I feel.And then you have a black prosecutor,
and yeah, I'm gonna say it, a black prosecut dude who stands there
and who is laughing? And youwere there for who? Because I understand
that you see a lot of people. But even if you read his background,
(22:10):
he's never had any infractions before.This is his first time. And
I understand the brevity of the situation. I understand that. But they were
trying to sentence him for they weretrying to give him ten years in prison,
ten years, ten years and youwonder how people when they are in
(22:32):
jail don't turn up right. AndI think if we hadn't been so diligent
in coming to court and doing thethings that we were doing, they would
have never they would have tried torailroad him. They would have really just
like sent him down, you know, as far as they could. Sins
And can you talk about the experienceand hardship of incarceration on your entire family
(22:55):
and how you or what you hadto do to protect your family during this
time. Well, I will saythis, it unified us during that time,
during the time of incarceration. Wedid you know, his father and
I are no longer together. Theirfather and I are no longer together.
Rather, and we went as afamily, We made it a point to
(23:19):
go there and solidarity as a familyto go and visit with him. And
he needed that that was required forhim. And it was a very difficult
thing, you know, because therewas some guards that worked with him because
(23:40):
he was a worker there and theyknew personally how he was. And then
there were some people who I believeblue, I'm blue every day, blah,
that bullshit, and they would treatmyself and my family very differently,
you know, but you just putyour best foot forward. You try to
(24:03):
be positive, you are pleasant tothose people because it's not their fault that
they are as ignorant as they are. Allison, I think our listeners know
that you and Susan our family,and so you're a part of that familial
village. For Susan, what wereyou experiencing Your husband is the uncle,
(24:27):
it was Susan's son. What wereyou doing and what how did you know?
What did you know to do forSusan during that time? I just
tried to support her anyway I could, whether it be and and a lot
of things. You know, Susanwill tell you herself that there were a
lot of things that she needed thatshe didn't ask for m right, and
(24:51):
so in a situation such as that, sometimes you don't know how to support.
But I was there to talk,you know, I was. I
was there to listen and to giveher a hug. It was the hardest
thing I think I've ever seen hergo through. It was the hardest thing
that I've ever seen her go through. And but you know, and for
(25:15):
Eric, for my husband, youknow, it was you know, it
was just a difficult time for thefamily because you just couldn't even believe.
I think you couldn't really wrap yourhead around the whole situation that you were
even going through this. It's likeand the hardest thing, you know.
But the thing when I was ableto talk to Tyson, you know,
(25:38):
I just give him, you know, and I give his mom you know,
and his sister kudos because through thewhole time, you know, I
could hear him smile. There aretimes when you could you couldn't hear the
smile in him, but he wasreally forcing to smile. But Susan talked
to him every day, and yousaid something else, and that really resonates
(26:04):
in terms of in situations like this, not knowing what to do as a
family member or a friend. AndI know from the point of friendship,
it was very difficult because you alwaysI always wanted to Susan to know that
there was a space for her tolay that burden down whenever she needed to.
(26:27):
But I also, whenever I wasin her presence, didn't want that
to be the topic. Yes,I wanted to give her a break from
it, let's laugh and talk aboutthose other things, but also wanted her
to always know that her and tysonand the family were always, you know,
in my heart and my prayers,and so I know we kind of
(26:49):
rode that balance, and you knowwhat, I needed that And I'll tell
you I am an open book andthen I'm not and that even now this
because it's taking me back, andthat's what I wanted to talk about this
from a very positive perspective. Butit's very hard because it's my child.
(27:11):
It was it's it's difficult, youknow, to that hit me in such
a place that had never felt before. I have dealt with my father not
handling me well. I have dealtwith a husband that did not handle me
well. But I gave birth andknew this young man very well. And
(27:37):
my child and mother is a helper, Sue, you know what I mean,
Like, that's the point, susanhelplessness. When I tell you to
(28:00):
yes, wait in the days hedidn't call, she was. I was
frantic he didn't call me. Andmy daughter, though, she gets it
because her perspective is very positive andshe kind of lingers right here and that's
where she needs to linger because that'sher comfort zone, right exactly. And
(28:25):
I was white knuckling it. Astime passed, I was able to know,
okay, if he didn't call,then he's gonna call tonight at this
time, because by then we builta rapport and we had more conversations about
you know, you know, Iwas I know, I know you are
(28:47):
worried, but I'm okay, andI knew that he would do things to
make me feel well. One ofthe difficult conversations I'll tell you I had
with him one day during COVID.We had gotten so used to not going
because I'll tell you, I hatedgoing there. I hated going there.
(29:10):
I hated being in that county.I hated being driving down the street.
I hated going there, and I'msure I hated leaving with that Oh every
single time. I hated it.And one day he said, MA,
you know they lifted the restrictions.I said, I know, honey,
(29:33):
and I knew where the conversation wasgoing. He said, MA, I
need to see you all. Ireally need to see you. MA.
I said, all right, becauseI didn't want to go back because it
triggered so much in me, andthey triggered my anxiety. It was a
horrible feeling. But I was like, you know what, I ain't gonna
be like everybody else, I'm goingto see myself and I did. I
(29:55):
went Emani couldn't go. The fatherwas busy, and I went by myself.
And when I tell you, Iwhite knuckle it driving there. He
was increased in speed and with intensity, with intensity, careful intensity, may
(30:18):
I add. And I get thereand I'm shaking. You gotta go in.
You gotta give him your ID.And you know they had you go
through this thing and do your littletemperature and stuff. And I'm going and
he's like, where is that?But that's just me and you did that.
And we're talking and I'm just lookingat his face and this is what
I do. I just I wantedto just stare at every inch of him.
(30:41):
So when he would come in,I would never go sit at the
booth because I needed to see himwalk in. I said, damn said
he gets told you this is snuffingthe ground. But anyway he walks in,
I see all of them and he'sgrinning at me. I'm grinning at
him, and we're just talking aboutnonsense, literal nonsense, and this we
(31:04):
always had this thing because I couldn'ttouch him, so I will put my
hand up to the glass. Heput his hand up to the glass.
He come and walks me out asmuch as he could because it's a big
area. And he watches me andI'm waving, and I get in the
car and I'm just like, god, you know, I don't want to
leave my phone rings. It's him. Now we're gonna drive home because I
(31:29):
wanted to finish telling you blah blahblah. But the good thing about it
is that, you know, youcould look at a situation like this and
a lot of people lose their kids. And what I mean by that,
like you said that Tyson was youalways hear him smiling. Some people are
lost when they leave, and herenewed a lot of himself. He took
(31:52):
the classes, you know. Hesaid, yeah, I know how to
do this now. I said,okay, oh I got a job up
here. I said, okay,that's good. He was cooking. He
was cooking any job that they puthim in, because that's who he is
and his rapport were people changed.So I understood that there was a change
(32:14):
because there was no change with thecase. Yeah. Mm hmmm. So
please ask me a question about hisattorney. Hmmm, So how was his
attorney, Susan? How did heinteract with Tyson? How did he interact?
(32:35):
Did he interact with you? Whatwas your Did you have a lot
of experience with the attorney on Tyson'sbehalf or you know, how do you
work that kind of thing? Andcan you before you start that, can
you tell us how you found theattorney. So, yeah, so his
father found the attorney at the timehe was in school and he had seen
(32:59):
him do lecture and he thought hewould be a perfect candidate. He reached
out to him and he was morethan willing to take on the case.
Initially, Oh, he was greatthat initial hearing where the sea of blue
was there. He was able toeffectively speak while on Tyson's behalf, and
(33:25):
you know, even though it wasa hearing and not a trial, he
took it as a trial pretty much. So we were like, oh,
okay, we're in good graces,you know. Okay. So as time
went on, there would be momentswhere you put a call in you get
no call back. Now understand thatthey take on other cases. So I
(33:46):
was trying to be as diligent andpatient as I could be give a call
back. Still nothing kind of crickets. A month go by, we didn't
hear nothing, but he would popout or he would be late getting to
the hearings. So I'm like,well, you know, Daryl, you're
(34:07):
not about to start. You know, they're not here. Blah blah blah
blah, you're not here. Shesays, well, you know, I
got another case in That's county,this, that, and the other just
completely not come. So I experiencedthat a couple of times. Yeah,
as time went on, more littlemoments or times where blocks of times that
(34:29):
he would be absent and then he'dcome and he would have a conversation with
his tyson's father and I about well, this is the deal that they put
on the table. And I hadgone through this for months. So one
day in the beginning of I thinkone because during COVID it was really crickets
(34:52):
because the courts weren't open. Theyreally weren't having any hearings. So find
the beginning of twenty one, hecalls and he were having a conference call
with him, and he says,well, they came back first. He
tells us they want to offer themthree years and if we give him three
years, were given three three withthe eighty five, so that's a reduced
(35:14):
sentence, and I know, thinkof eighty five percent of the three years,
so that means and I also knowtell you that means, oh,
he'll be home by whatevery date hecomes back. And he says, well,
they you know, as I toldyou, they said five. And
I'm listening to the entire time.I'm not saying anything. Now. Sometimes
(35:34):
I can overtalk people. I knowthat about myself. I'm very much aware
of it. I said, Darryl, and I'm gonna say his name,
and I gonna say his full name, but I said, Darryl. I
said, I don't know what thefuck you need to do, but you
need to go back to the tableand tell them that's an un unacceptable deal.
You know, good and goddamn well, then he ain't to doing motherfucking
(35:58):
thing. And I've been patient withyou, and I have asked you on
numerous occasions, and you've done thislittle. You know, you you're not
around, you can't call back,and then you're gonna tell me. Just
last month they said that three wasthe eighty five. How do we get
to five years? Well, Isaid, I don't want to hear.
Well, you need to tell thatfucking prosecutor that you that you're not accepting
(36:22):
the deal. Well, that's upto Tyson. I can tell you right
now he's not gonna accept it,but you can call him and ask him
because we're paying you. His fathersaid nothing. I said, Now I'm
gonna excuse myself from this call becauseI think I've said enough and done enough
damage for today. So I excusedmyself from the call. A few days
lady calls me. I said,I just want to make sure that we're
(36:43):
good. I said, no,we're not good because you're not doing your
job anytime that they're telling you thatthey gonna give five years, and that
you told me three. What isthe problem because I don't understand what's going
on. Well, you know that'smy fault. Yes, I know that.
You don't need to tell me.I'm fully aware of that that's your
fault. Well, well, thisis what I said, Darryl. Do
(37:07):
they have proof because the way thecamera was angled, you could only see
the cars, you could not seehim. So please tell me how did
you allow them to say that?Because that's hearsay, and the records that
(37:28):
you provided me with or are redacted, So how do we know anything was
said? How do we know anyof the medical records, half of it
is redacted outside of his name anddate of birth. So how am I
supposed to figure out anything? Isaid, So you need to talk to
the judge. You need to talkto PC. He's a nice guy,
I said. I don't give afuck about this man being nice. This
(37:51):
man ain't doing a fucking thing formy family, absolutely nothing, zero.
I am trying to get my sonhome. Now. I could see if
he was out there and he wasa gang banger and he was doing some
horrendous things on the street, thenyou and I could say, you know
what, okay, But even thenI'd fight you tooth and nail on it.
(38:14):
You cannot prove a case, atleast to me, that he did
something wrong. If he didn't dosomething wrong, I'm gonna go back to
him. You do that, butI'm gonna have the conversation with Tyson.
So even from a perspective, becauseit's kind of like a who you know,
this is what I've learned later thateach county, all of the attorneys,
(38:36):
and the prosecutors work together. Fromhow I view it, and you
can make a deal because I knowKim already, and Kim knows that I
have a record of doing X,Y and Z, and she knows that
I stand by my word when Itell her that I could give this.
It's a trade off. And thenyou're gonna go back to the judge and
(38:57):
have a conversation with him on mybehalf, or we're gonna kind of like
or he'll go back to his bossor whatever. Yeah. And because he
didn't play ball so to speak withthem, he knew them, but only
really through this. He didn't haveany leeway. And I said, you're
going to tell him this because Iain't telling him shit. I told him
(39:20):
I will not tell my son that. So he goes back to my son
and he is his mother's child,and he says, well, man,
you know they want to I talkto your parents. They want to give
him five years. He said,I don't know what. Why the fuck
you? And he told him,why the fuck are you telling me this?
He said, you already know whatmy stance is on this. So
(39:43):
then, because when you were therea lot of times, you have so
much time and you read all thetime. He became very versed in the
judicial system because they have to betheir own advocates. Un Fortune and he
went back and forth with him,and he ended up using some of what
he offered to him as a wayof getting Tyson somewhat to where he was.
(40:07):
But within months he was deceased.Ah what He died in August of
twenty one. Wow, And wedidn't get a call from the office.
His girlfriend's attorney contacted his girlfriend andshe called me and starting all over and
(40:30):
then right starting all over again.Then we found out that there were quite
a bit of holes in just howhe practiced period. So, needless to
say, we didn't have it toget another attorney. And one of Tyson's
friends that Tyson met while he wasinside had said to me when he had
(40:55):
come home, he said, ifyou need anything or whatever, And I
never reached out to the young man. Mm hmmm. He contacted Tyson and
he said, I'm going to hiremy attorney for you, Tyson, and
he did and he was there todo the sentencing. Huge blessing and it's
one of his best friends now.My house, Susan Nett is such a
(41:22):
like open and revealing conversation because youknow, it really is difficult to understand
what you know, a person theirfamily goes through. You know, I
heard the expression that not only theperson is doing time, but the family
(41:45):
time with your incarcerated loved one,and my life stopped. I want to
talk about that. I want towe we said that this was a journey
for you through trauma to healing,and so let's talk about your pathway there,
(42:05):
because I mean, from the momentthis occurred, and as you were
walking through it, I know therehad to be moments of depression, moments
of anxiety. What did you tellme? How did you keep his head
(42:27):
in your head above water during thistime? Well, you know, as
I mentioned earlier, you know,I told him that one day rule that
applied to him, it also appliedto me. Yeah, And just like
everybody else, I put on weightduring COVID, and I started working out,
and as the country opened up,I started venturing out and doing a
(42:49):
lot of things with my daughter.I met with you all, and that
really for me, it was superhelpful, Like it was super super helpful
for me, and learning that itwas time for me to go into therapy.
Because you take a great or avery good look at yourself, right,
(43:13):
you take a good look at yourselfduring least I do during times like
that, and it had changed me. That was the first time in a
long time I ever felt alone becauseI became very private with it. It
(43:34):
was a private battle that I wasfighting. And my daughter's view was quite
different from mine because she's not amother, and I couldn't really relate to
their dad on how I was feelingwith it, because he paid rent inside
of me. He was there andhe lived in my body. I housed
(43:58):
him, and you know, Ibreastfed him and you know, raised him,
and my life changed quite a bit, and I just, you know,
as you both mentioned Alison and Tajabout how difficult it was, it
was. It was very difficult.So I had to find a way to
be able to give myself a voiceagain, and a voice that was positive,
(44:22):
because you can live in negativity whenthese things happen to you. You
can choose to be positive and towant to have good fortune in your life
and to still move forward. BecauseI still had to work up to the
point of COVID, right, Istill had to have normal things happen in
my life. And you can kindof sit in it if you don't watch
(44:43):
yourself. You can be depressed ifyou don't watch yourself. And I didn't
want to be that. I justdidn't how can I be good for him
if I'm not being good for me. So I had taken a step towards
healing myself and went to therapy.That was my start with it. I
started working out and really focusing onmyself, my body, my mind,
(45:07):
meditating affirmations, self care exactly.And I needed it, you know,
I really needed it because I wasI knew a part of me there was
a death, and I was it'seasy to sit in a circle and just
sit there and not want to dothings, and I just chose not to.
(45:30):
And while I was doing that,he was finding new ways to occupy
himself while he was away, youknow. And you know I mentioned he
had gotten sentenced in January of twentyof twenty two. And when he got
sentenced, you know, when wefinally figured out the numbers and everything,
(45:52):
he was going to be coming homeat June. And now it was trying
to get the correction system to kindof speak to the judicial system because they
don't talk to each other, sothey don't provide the numbers to each other
(46:15):
to say, okay, he hasall these credits. Because a lot of
people are COVID credits because of COVID, and you get good or like a
good behavior what they call good timecredits. And you had to add all
those credits together to figure out howmuch time reduces from that four year sentence
(46:35):
to get him down to probably twoand three quarters. So it was a
pain and ass but I got itdone in like a day's time. And
to look on which was horrible tolook on the state system to see my
son, you know, in hislittle infamous jumpsuit looking crazy, you know,
(46:58):
but to see that he was gonnabe least in June. On June
sixth, So he came home onJune six What a day. Yeah,
And it was a crazy day,but it was a good day, walking
towards me taking his clothes off,and I was like, okay, honey,
were gonna come on now, comecome to the car behind the card.
(47:20):
Yeah, I have to get thisoff. I understand. But the
person he was when he came homeon June sixth, he was angry,
He felt belittled, humiliated. Hehad a smile, but all of this
was behind the smile. The personhe is today, he is still working
(47:44):
towards being better, but he islight now. He doesn't carry what happened
to him as a badger honor,but he talks about it as a part
of his life and his existence asa framework to where he is today.
(48:04):
So I'm proud, you know,I'm happy. I'm glad that he's home.
Yes, And you know I hopemy story even though you could hear
the anger in my voice, youunderstand it when you experience it. And
it's a beautiful thing that our childrenget to live through it because some of
(48:27):
us don't. And I try tohug on him as much as I possibly
can now and also allow him thespace in the room to grow. Because
he went in at twenty two andhe came home at twenty five. We're
(48:47):
so thankful that he did. Butwe have a sobering statistic from the NAACP
that tells us that more than oneout of every six black men who today
should be between twenty five and fiftyfour years old, have disappeared from daily
(49:10):
life. Their absence from the communityremoves voters, workers, taxpayers, and
more. But for us, moreimportantly in our community, these are fathers
yes, and brothers yes, andsons and uncles who are not there with
(49:32):
their family. And so we celebratetoday that your son is not in that
number. He is not in thatnumber, Susan, And we are just
so thankful for your bravery today insharing your personal journey with us and your
listeners. We know you're always willingto help someone with your experiences and your
(50:00):
transparency in this podcast, and weare honored today to sing it in your
presence in this conversation, and mostimportantly grateful that God has seen fit to
return your son to you well.And I thank you, ladies, and
I'm very grateful that this is asafe place for me. You know,
(50:24):
this is a very personal story forme, and I'm hoping that this will
be able to touch someone who isexperiencing this. And You're not alone,
you know. And I believe thatmore people should be a little bit more
open with this dialogue because we needto be able to support one another in
(50:45):
this, because it can be avery lonely, you know, existence going
through it. I think I thankyou, ladies for loving me enough and
giving me the the support you know, to be able to tell the story,
you know, and the love.I really love you all, I
really do. We really appreciate yousharing your story. You too. Welcome,
(51:09):
ladies, family, family, Thankyou, thank You's such a great
young man. We talked about himon the way here. He's doing and
he's doing awesome things. He's doingawesome things. I love that. And
he is an awesome person. Well, he has an awesome mom. Yes,
(51:35):
you know this was This was areally because Ella had him hammed up
when he was and I had andI had sitting you know. So there's
a lot of love. It wasn'tjust me. It took a village.
Thank you, sir, thank you, thank you, thank you for be
(52:00):
together again. Mister Jump. Youcan find the four Souls Flow podcast wherever
you listen to your favorite podcast.We'd love to hear from you, so
go to four soulsflow dot com,hit the mic and leave us a message.
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