Episode Transcript
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From New York. The George Burnsand Gracie Allen Show, would Beatrice fair
facts for Hormelle and Spam? Georgeand Grace Samoa Sam what John George Burns,
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Gracey Allen u shown where the talkis gone singingly with the smoothy three
who shots the bonds. Here's JimmyWallington. It's Monday night and time for
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Burns and Alan. And when thekitchen clock warns, hurry up mother,
time for the youngsters to come runninghome. Take it easy and solve the
school lunch problem with spam. Spam. Spam is that delicious meat, originated
and made only by Hormel. It'spacked in a hand can, all ready
to eat as soon as it's open, No fuss, no bother. Just
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cut off slices of this taste temptingmeat, put between slices of buttered bread,
and say to the hungry youngsters,have a spam which the perfect combination
of sweet, juicy pork shoulder andtender ham. Spam has an extra goodness
and meaty flavor all its own.Youngsters, go for spam in a big
way. Fry spam tomorrow. Whenyou see the easy recipes on the label.
You'll discover you can serve spam coldor hot. It's America's popular meal
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time aide. So ask your fooddealer for spa m spam. And now
we bring you George Burns, who'sfit to be tied because Spam's meatheart.
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Gracie hasn't arrived yet. Tile that'sfine, we're on the air. Or
no, Gracie. Jimmy, haveyou seen them? Oh? Sure,
sure, I've seen them both both. Yeah. A matter of fact,
they've been together every night this week, together together with whom George. You
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know, I'm the last one inthe world to start any trouble. I
know, I know, Jimmy,But I was at the Ritz cocktail lounge
and right at the next booth,you know, the place where they have
those curtains. Yes, well,look George, for all I know,
it may be Platani. Look,Jimmy, who was Gracie with We'll do
me a favorite with him. AskGardie Shaw, all right, I will
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Audie Artie Shaw senior Burns. Hehasn't come in yet. Autie hasn't come
in either. You smell a mice. Wait a minute, hey, Jimmy,
it can't be that Artie Shaw.And Gracie are they together? Well,
George, I've only been with itfor four weeks. I know from
nothing. I'm staying with you therest of the season. Well, I'll
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give that guy a piece of mymind when he gets here. Fire him,
get rid of him. I knowa musician who can play rings around
that Shaw. And besides, I'llwork cheaper, Samuel, Ee, you
want to lead the band? Whynot? What's Artie Shaw got that I
haven't got? And don't answer thatquestion? How do you like that?
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Gracie and Shaw cocktailer boots with curtains, both late for the show and we're
on the air. I wonder whereit can be? Nold cab driver once
more around the park always knits thrilling, Aughtie, you and I alone in
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the cab. Just think we've beentogether for thirty four weeks, and for
thirty three weeks you never even lookedat me, and I never looked at
you. And last week you lookedat me and I looked at you,
And here we are looking at eachother. Hello, Aughtie. Yes,
I'm holding your hand. I'm holdingyours too. Oh. I knew someone
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was holding you, but I didn'tknow it was you. Well, it's
me Addie. Yes, Gracie,now that I'm holding your hand, you
know what I'm thinking of? What? Oh? I hate to tell you?
Come on and tell me. Well, promise you won't look at me
when I say this, all right, I promise. They're moving the aquarium
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up to the bronx. Now I'mworried about my musicians. It's poor fish
always in the park. Beautiful.Look at those swans over there with those
beautiful long necks. If I wereswan, i'd have a long neck too.
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I love long necks. Driver oncemore around the park. You know,
Gracie, this is wonderful, butwe really must get back to the
studio. Oh there's one thing Iwant to know Audi, what's Gracie Adi?
I followed your career and I knowI'm not your first love, But
there's one thing You've just got totell me. What's that? Well,
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now that you've held their boats inyour arms, which one do you like?
That? And me? Or yourclarinet? Gracie, You'll have to
give me a little time on thatone. I do you come cooking?
I love it? Oh, well, when I'm out wreaking, you can
be home cooking. Look Gracie,it's getting very late. Oh and just
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think how happy we'll be growing alltogether, the three of us, the
three of us, Yes, youand I in fantasy. But Gracie,
we'd better get back to the studiobefore the broadcast is over, and we'd
better not walk in at the sametime. Well, I guess you're right.
Driver, once more around the park, Jimmy tried on the standards.
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The show was putting her half overand they're still not here. You said
you saw Gracie in a boot atthe Reds, but I didn't say he
was with Artie. But Artie wasthere, wasn't he? But I didn't
say he was with Gracie. Whatyou say that you peeked through the curtains?
Yeah, and what do you thinkthey were doing? Well? Eating
spandwiches? Eating spandwiches? Yeah,yeah, you know that's that delicious park
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shoulder with him? Meat added,How could you think of spam at a
time like this? I know fromnothing. I'm staying with you the rest
of the season. Smoothies, willyou will you do me a favor and
do your number right now? I'llfind those people I'm called a rich cocktail
bar. Having your burns. IfI will you, i'd fire that Shaw.
Why don't you get him two weeksnotice? Starting last month? I
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think I will some nerve that Shaw. He's taking the wrong altitude. Altitude
he's in your attitude. Altitude meanshigh. At the cocktail bar, he's
drinking milk. Wow, okay,opera, I get me the rich Calton.
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Please tells the song at my lifetill we can hear it at close
of the day, will be father, sweetest songs, just the song as
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one life. When the lights allLord camly comments, be weary said the
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day, and Lord still do usin twilight? There it comes, there,
it comes. It comes to youwhen the play green shadows start a
father, just when you will hearof college? You's your teeth? He
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is never here? Is lovely waiter? Was Auntie Shawn, Gracie Alambath?
Oh? Well when did they leave? I see how long were they there?
Hello? Everybody? How jim me? Who aartie AARTI where's audio?
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Oh? Now, don't tell mehe's late. Well, I am surprised.
You know that old saying the earlyworm catches a bird, I mean
the early bird catches the worm.Had exactly that again, doesn't make any
difference because the worm is the same. Ends at both ends. Business job,
Where where have you been? Whatside are you, Gracie? Where
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have you been? Where have Ibeen? Yeah? Where have I been?
Where have I been? George?Which reading? Did you like this?
Gracy? Where were you? Wherewas I? Well? I wasn't
in the music hall? Oh?I did walk down to thy seventh Street.
I was yet Milgram. Yeah,that's where I was. I was
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a Milgram George. That's a beautifulshop. You must buy your clothes in
because it looks beautiful. Dress,yes, said, dress is a simple
and Milgram's closes at six o'clock.It does. Oh, then I must
have been locked in. That's whereI was. I was locked in.
You were locked in? Ye?Well, if you were locked in,
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how did you get out? Yeah? How did I get out? I
must have gotten now, Sure I'mhere. I wasn't here. I'd be
locked in. I'm not locked in, so I must have cuff now I
must have gotten out. I rangthe burglar alarm. That's what I did.
I rang the burglar alarm. Yourang the burglar alarm, Yeah,
and the burglar came down and leftme out at a bird will let you
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out. Huh you don't believe it? Huh, No, didn't sound good
to me. Would you believe itif I said Bud Duckerman? No,
thank you, Stateman, Gracie.I want the truth, well as as
long as you're going to be stubbornabout it. I was with a sick
friend. Were the sick friend?Yeah? And if you don't believe it,
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when I've only got one more what'sthe name of the sick friend?
Well, I don't know. Hewas too sick to tell me. He
had pneumonia, had pneumonia, doublepneumonia, double pneumonia. It wasn't exactly
double pneumonia. It was the sortof a single neumonia like a three quarter
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had a cold. Yeah, Ihad a cold. Was exactly a call.
He sneeze, sneeze, sneeze once, just seeze. Fact. He
was never even sick. The healthiestwarm the world. It's strong as a
bull, strong as a bull.Will play sometimes I feel like a motherless
child. Hey, stop the music. What was that? Hey that's that
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clarinet? Oh so you sneaked inhuh come here shore, Yes, mister
Burns, you can stop with that, Yes, mister Burne stuff. Do
you happen to know that we've beenon the air for twenty minutes? Yeah,
I heard it. George, whowas really a killer? You were
never funny in your life? Okay, fellas, here we go. Wait
a minute, wait a minute withthat on Why Auntie Shure I'm ashamed of
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you? Were the only thing thatcould make anyone this lay to a broadcast
would be a cyclone or a tornadoor else. You met a very beautiful
girl. Oh boy, Audie,where have you been? Well? I
sat up with a sick friend,a sick party that won't work and the
one about Milgram is dead too?Part party? What really went on behind
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those little curtains? Hello, stop, hollo shopper party? What went on?
Well? Look, Gracie, Gracieread me one of her brother Willie's
letters, didn't you, Gracie?I kid? Oh the letter? Oh,
my brother's letter, Willie's letter.You see, I get so many
letters. I didn't know which brotheryou meant he's won the army? You
know, No, I know Iknow my brother. You know I know
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that? Is it? Fourt DictionalJersey now Fort Myers, Florida? Forty
Susie? What's that got to dowith this. Oh, this is even
better than the Milgram's story. Ohanyway, Susie, who was a very
smart girl, suddenly remembered one afternoonthat she hadn't planned dinner, and the
clock on the wall said, ha, hard, it's five o'clock. What
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are you gonna have for dinner,dearie? But Susie only laughed and said,
whenever the occasion calls for delicious meat, serves spam. Friends, you
will be pleasantly surprised when you discoverhow spam baked for dinner is a real
taste tempter that satisfies the family completely. That's because spam. Spam is a
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perfect blend of sweet, juicy parkshoulder meat and tender ham seasoned in a
better way, cooked to a deliciousextra goodness. Plan a meal around baked
spam. It's so easy. Justopen a can of spam, place the
meat in a shallow baking dish,and bake according to the recipe on the
label. In a jiffy, youwill take to the table a main course
so distinctive in meaty flavor, sofilled with lip smacking satisfaction that the family
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will say spam is really elegant eatinggive the folks bake like a dog.
He holds me on his see whenyou stop, everybody is beginning to think
that your head is full of sillyromantis. Yeah, well, don't believe
that Judge is nothing in it.Jelly or somebody a coming, good evening.
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I'm Beatrice Fairfax. Re secon wipethe flu you signed, Gracie Anonymous
Ellen, Gracie, anonymous Allen Gracie. What's happened to you? Why?
I don't know, Judge, butAllison side in New Yorker. I'm decide
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myself all day long. I'm sidemyself. I go on the phone booth
and beside myself, pretty crowded inthe phone booths. Beside yourself, Fairfax,
have you ever been beside yourself?Set quiet? I think miss Allen
has been bitten by the love bone. Oh no, no, he only
holds my hand by clarinet. Wow, Hello, Senorita fir five, I
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have a sweetheart. You give adviceto the love Warren love warm, it's
love lon warn means something very old, tired, ready to be thrown away.
Oh you know the lord is there'sFairfax that gives you an idea of
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what I have to put up with. Oh yes, Joe, doesn't he
say? Silly? Ten? You'reall right, You're fine. When you
see, love is a strange thingthat brings people together and then suddenly marks
them off their feet. I say, just like the subway. That's what
she means. You know, Missfair Facts, your work must be so
interesting. I'm surprised you don't takeit up. Yes, you'll start any
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minute. Will as a matter offact, that he's fascinating. Of course,
my correspondence is tremendous. Well eexercise, O take that off.
Not that's the best feel like potatoesdoesn't mean that. What I mean,
Miss Allen, is that I getup every morning at six am and start
pounding my typewriting. Oh well,I know just how you feel. You
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know. I'm in a nasty moodmyself early in the morning. A matter
of fact, I do a littlewriting too. I just finished an article
for Liberty and it'll be on thenews stands tomorrow. It's called how to
Get Rich Quick, and it's greatfor people who have only a half an
hour for lunch. You see,miss Fairfax, And nothing phases that great
brain to me either. Yes,there is a subject you can give me
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advice on I always wanted to getrich. Oh, well, there's really
nothing. Do not take Jimmy Wallingtonhad take Addie show the Audie's already taken.
You better take Jimmy Wallington. JimmyWallington. Yes, and Jimmy Wallington.
He's that tall fellow whoselves spam inour program. Oh and by the
way, Sam is park shoulder withhandmade at it And you must try to
simply delicious. Is Jimmy Wallington amillionaire? Nobody's got a mus dash?
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She means, she means has hegot millions? Oh no, only one
mustache? That's what I meant.Yes, but isn't it cute? Oh
Jimmy, turn around? How doyou do? Miss Fairfax? Say it
is cute? Yes, it's alittle dog. Well I've got to run
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along. Wait, Miss Fairfax.Now I want you to meet something that
is really something. But before youmeet him, you must promise me one
thing that you won't talk for fiveminutes, that you'll just stand there and
look at him. Auntie, comehere, there he is hollow, hollow.
Oh my god, Now Auntie,stand up straight. Now smile,
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Miss Fairfax. Now Audi turned sidewaysso she can see your profile. Now,
miss Fairfax, feel as muscle.Wait a minute, one, I
feel as muscle, Miss Fairfact.Now Autie, throw your head down,
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Miss Fairfax. Isn't it pretty good? Josh? You can't talk that way
to Gracie. That goes for you, Jo, And you can't talk that
way to Altie. That's right.I'm going wait for me baby, goodbye,
Jo Bye. Wait a minute,where are you two going? Once
more around the park, once moreyour recipes on the label tomorrow, ask
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for spam. Thanks Jimmy, andgood night everybody. Good night, Gracie.
I thought you left with Aarnie.Well I came back to get some
cats there hollow wow. Good night. Joins again next week, same time,
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same station for another Burns at Islandshow with Artie Shaw, his Artifa
and this movie Jimmy Wallington reminding youto remember that older hot Bam hit the fun