September 28, 2023 • 21 mins
"The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" was a hilarious and innovative radio comedy that followed the lives of a fictionalized version of the real-life married couple, George Burns and Gracie Allen. The show was known for its unique format, with George Burns serving as the straight man and Gracie Allen as the delightfully scatterbrained and absurdly funny wife.The core of the show's humor was Gracie's zany logic and her penchant for getting herself and George into comical situations. Her misunderstandings, malapropisms, and eccentric thinking were central to the show's charm. George, on the other hand, played the role of the calm and patient husband who often tried to explain Gracie's antics to others and navigate the chaos she created.The show featured recurring characters such as Blanche Morton (played by Bea Benaderet), Gracie's best friend and a fellow participant in the comedy, and Harry Morton (played by Hal March), Blanche's husband. The ensemble cast, along with George and Gracie, contributed to the show's comedic dynamics.Each episode typically revolved around a humorous situation or misunderstanding that Gracie would instigate, leading to a series of hilarious events and exchanges. The show was known for its quick-witted humor, clever wordplay, and impeccable timing."The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" enjoyed immense popularity during its radio run, and it later transitioned successfully to television in the 1950s. George Burns and Gracie Allen's on-screen chemistry and comedic talent made them beloved figures in American entertainment history, and their radio show remains an enduring classic in the world of comedy.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Another cup of Maxwell House coffee.George, Sure, for me a cup,
Gracie. You know Maxwell House isalways good to the last drop from
that drop's good too. Yes,it's Maxwell House Coffee Time, starring George
Burns. I'm Gracie Allen with yours, Julie Tolby, read, Meredith Wilson,
(00:31):
Sarah Burner, Gale Gordon, FrankNelson will write the Maxwell House Orchestra,
and Bill Goodwin. For America's Thursdaynight comedy enjoyment, It's George and
Gracie. And for America's everyday coffeedrinking enjoyment, it's Maxwell House. Today.
More Americans buy and enjoy Maxwell Housethan any other coffee at any price.
Yes, Maxwell House always good tothe last drop. As we're looking
(01:06):
at the Burns home today, wefind George and Gracie discussing a topic that
is much too formilar to all ofus, the high cost of living.
Oh, you'll be proud of you, George. I'm finding the high cost
of living tooth and nail. Well, that's swell. How are you doing?
Oh? I'm smart. Before Ibuy anything, I ask the price,
and if it's too high, Ijust refused to pay the money.
Well, good for you. Yeah, for a month now I've charged everything,
(01:33):
But that's no advantage. The billshave to be paid, yes,
but it still don't cost you anymoney. Why not pay them with a
check. This is murder. Oh, I got the idea right out of
my own mind. Simple, isn'tit? Simplest one record? Let me
see the bills, we'll say,right here in my filing cabinet. Oh,
(01:55):
no, Gracie, not that filingsystem again. For five years now,
I've tried to find things on thatChinese puzzle. But George, it's
so easy. Everything is filed alphabetically. Now, which bill do you want
first? It's a grocery bill,all right, Look under tea. The
grocery bill is under tea for sure. We buy our groceries at Beasley's market.
(02:16):
His market is two blocks down thestreet. Teeth the two. What
if the market was four blocks downthe street, I'd file it in the
same place, teaper twice. Two? Okay, Well, here's the grocery
bill. Holy small, don't tellme. Eggs of this hard like diamonds,
(02:39):
George. Before long, hens won'tlay them on the ground anymore.
They'll go right to the bank andmake their deposit. How about the meat
fill? Where do I find that? Undersea meat? Fille is under Say
we buy our meat from the butcher. His name is Fleischenheimer. See if
(03:00):
you can't spell it, Okay,here it is. Oh no, couldn't
you find any cheap meat? Well, I've tried. Dere see they're on
the bill. Ribs eighty cents apound, shanks seventy cents a pound,
ox tails sixty cents a pounds.Is that the best you could do?
George? When you pass the tail, you're out in empty space. Fresh
(03:29):
See you're just using the high costof living for an excuse. Things can't
be this high, but they aredead. I don't believe it. This
morning, i'll do the shopping andif they charge these prices, I'll leave
my hat. I'll make up theshopping list. What are we having for
dinner? Boiled hat? Let's goto the market. Hey, here's your
(03:54):
hamburger, missus Fowler. There'll beseven dollars, lady says, would you
like that to live it? No? Thanks, I'll just put it in
the purse. Oh again, canI wait on you? Say? Yes?
I'd like three pounds of sir,lne's steak, three pounds of sirloin
steak. Yeah, they tell me, are you a veteran? No?
(04:17):
Why, well, I thought youcould finance it on a g I low.
Now look how about a nice soupbone of steer beat You can swing
that on our thirty day credit player. Now, don't buy that, George.
He's been selling me neat from thatsame steer for two years now.
I even know the staer's name,Charles, Charles. Yes, every time
(04:41):
I asked for a roast, hesays, I'll give you a piece of
chuck. Well he's not giving mea piece of anything. We'll do without
meat. Come on, you seegrace she let me wait. To bring
prices down is to refuse to paywhat they ask for things. Now watch
(05:03):
me, mister Beasley. Oh yes, mister Burns, how much is canned
tuna? Seventy cents of can?I won't pay it, that's right.
We'll plant our own tuna though.I get a kick out of your wife,
mister Burns. She's so mentally hada lesson. Be careful with those
compliments. My husband's here. Let'sget down with the shop. I'll take
(05:27):
a pound of butter. Yes,that'll be one dollar, one dollar.
Don't you wear a mask instead ofan apron? Come on, Gracy,
let's go to the vegetable apartment.Oh cash, Yeah, how much is
the sack of corn? How manyears have you got? Two? Does
(05:49):
he look like a freak? Well, now that you mentioned every I have
four ears of corn, Well Iwill be ten cents each. Okay,
Oh, wait a minute, George, you don't like cone without butter?
Yeah, that's right. I gottago back and buy a pound. You
wait here, I changed my mind. I'll take a poond of that butter.
(06:14):
Yes, sir, that'll be adollar, ten dollar. Ten a
minute ago it was a dollar.Yes, there seems to be a gradual
rise in prices. I'll eat mycorn without butter. Okay, miss,
I'll take those four ears of corn. Yes, or that will be fifteen
cents each. But you said therewere ten cents each. Oh that was
(06:38):
before the last price change. Oh, George, you better grab it before
it goes up again. Okay,here's your sixty cents. George, what
you still don't like corn without butter? I know? Oh come on,
I'll buy a half a pound.Yeah that's what I said, a half
(06:59):
a pound of butter. How much? Said? Not a dollar in a
quarter? No, no, ninetycents. Well, you see, Gracie,
I forced the price down. That'sninety cents a half palm charge it,
mister Beasley. And would you pleasehelp me carry something out of the
car. But now, my husband, he just feigned it in order to
(07:19):
get his mind off the high costof living, at least temporarily. Gracie
coaxed George the local movie to seea matinee of Life with Father. We
find them now just leaving the theater. Oh wasn't that a wonderful picture?
George William Powell reminded me so muchof my father. Father must be quite
a man. He is proud,genteel, dignified, aristocratic. And the
(07:42):
best delivery man is the fertilizer factory. Father's a big man right on top
of the heap. Yeah, somany things in life with Father reminded me
of my own family. The oldestboy going off Yale. You tell me
anyone in your family went to Yale, but brother Willie, and was Harvard
(08:05):
jealous? Oh? Yes, ButYale wouldn't let him go. They said
Harvard would just have to go onstudying. The theory of evolution from pictures.
I don't want to hear any moreabout your family. I you're still
worried about the high cost of living, aren't you? Yeah, I guess
I am you poor darling. IfI could only make some money to help
(08:28):
you, George, George, I'vegot an idea. What is it?
I will write a play about myfamily. It'll cost you about five thousand
dollars to put it on, asit'll make millions, no, Gracie,
but family plays are all the rage. Now. I remember mamma life with
father, mother wore type. Look, I can make mine a combination.
(08:48):
I'll call it. I remember Mamma'slife with Father and tights. No,
And I'll get William Powel to playfather and you can one of his sons.
Grace. The idea is ridiculous.Oh yeah, you're right. You
play the father and he'll be theson. Forget the play. Every time
you're getting one of those ideas,I get in trouble. But I want
(09:11):
to keep you from worrying about money. You're heading for a nervous breakdown,
and I want to help you.This will do it now, Gracey.
I'm going to NBC and remember you'renot going to do a play about your
family, yes, dear, orany other play? Yes, dear,
absolutely, no play. No play, no play, Meredith, How do
(09:41):
I go about putting out a play? Well, first of all, you
have to look around and find anangel in Hollywood whoa any place just so
he's wealthy. Now, Tommy Manvillehas been an angel several times. Oh
he keeps slipping back though, doesn'the? Grace? The term angel is
(10:01):
applied to a man who finances aplay. Oh, well, how about
you financing my play narrative? I'dlike to, but all my money's tied
up, it is, Yes,I tied it up my handkerchief, and
I can't get to not loose.But I could offer my services as an
actor. Oh, have you hadany stage exterience? I was always prominent
in the Mason City, Iowa Festivalof Corn. I once portrayed a bloodhound
(10:26):
and Uncle Tom's cabin. I hadbounded across the stage sniffing with my nose
to the ground. But apparently thecritic thought I had my nose in the
air. Oh really, yes,he said, I smelled to high heaven
for Meratith. I think you're justright for my play, I am.
Yeah, but first I've got tofind a backet. Don't you know any
(10:48):
rich man? Well, now,let me see. I read in the
morning paper that mister Judson, theTexas oilman, in aires in town.
He staying at the Plaza Hotel.Oh he sounds like just the man.
I'm sure I can get five thousanddollars from him. Why are you putting
on a praise to help George meetexpenses? The high cost of living has
got him so worrying. I'm afraidyou have a nervous collect Oh you're a
(11:09):
true blue help mate, Gracie.George is a lucky man. I hope
when Bill Goodwin and I get married, we'll do as well. Yeah,
I'm sure you will still be veryhappy to get are you mister Jeffson,
(11:33):
the Texas oil millionaire? Yep,ask me, ma'am. Well, howdy
park Now, sure I'm all findglad to meet a fellow Oki. Okiers
are from Oklahoma, ma'am, I'mfrom Texas. Oh, well, I'm
sure all finds glad to meet afellow TEXI I'm missus George Burns, proud
(11:56):
to know you. What part ofTexas you hail from? San Francisco.
San Francisco's in California. Oh gosh, ain't Texas took that in yet?
Yeah? I like your spirit,ma'am. You talk like a real text.
Oh I'm glad you fell far.I mean yeah, I don't own
(12:20):
a pretty little trick like you wouldbe from Texas. Now that's a healthy
street. Now look at me.Would you take me for forty five?
I hope to take you for fivethousand years. I mean I'd like you
to invest the money in a playI've written. Oh I'm afraid I don't
know nothing about show business, ma'am. I've never seen no plays, never
(12:41):
seen no movies, never even listenedto the radio, just stayed home and
made twenty two million dollars. Ohyou four man? Yeah, I been
sinking wells ever since it was aboy. When I was only fifteen,
I brought in my first wildcat World. You were smart to switch. There's
not much demand for wildcats like yoursense of humor. Man, But I
(13:13):
better stay out of this show Bisin. Oh please, mister Jetson, I'm
going to do this play to helpmy husband. The poor man is practically
out of his mind. Why youfind sweet brave little girl. Why didn't
you tell me what you're doing thisto help your mentally unbalanced husband. I
know how you feel. You see, my wife ain't too bright now see
(13:39):
him, mister Jetson my house.You don't have to say no more,
missus Burns. I can sure findfive thousand dollars for a woman whose husband,
shall we say peculiar. Let's sayhe's nuts naked. Ten thousand.
(14:01):
That's the deal. I'll draw upa contract and then i'll telephone. Thank
you, not at all. Bythe way, where is your husband?
Well he's an NBC, Yes,in BC. Is that a mental institution?
Well, yes, yes, yeah, that's what it is. NBC,
(14:22):
the National booby Coop as some peoplecall it the network. Well,
thanks again, mister Jacksons. Goodbye. Here's Nardith welsoon, I'm the orchestra.
(15:20):
Hello, dad, I see youbeat me home. Yeah, you
just had a phone called Gracie.A man wanted to speak to you.
Said he was mister Jetson, anoil millionaire. Said you'd been to see
him? What fall? Well,the car needed a quarter of oil,
(15:43):
Gracie. He mentioned ten thousand dollars. Yep, that's why I didn't buy
the quarterboil. I thought it wasa little high Gracie. Why did you
go to see mister Jetson. Well, all right, George, I'll tell
you good. Don't give me anotherwild story. I want the Well.
Mister Judson thinks you're the world's greatestsinger, and he'll give you ten thousand
(16:06):
dollars a week to advertise his oilcompany. See for a minute, I
thought you were coming up with awarhouse story. From time to time and
every clime blessings come from a baryou think. Do you think my voice
will sell gasoline? Oh? Yes, Dolly, everyone who hears your sing
(16:30):
will take ass. Wait a minute, I've got a sponsor, Maxwell House
Coffee. Oh well, they won'tconflict. Mister Judson will sponsor you as
a singer and Maxwell House will sponsoryou as a whatever you do on that
program. Oh, I don't know. I come in ans Hello Bill?
(16:53):
Oh Bill? Do you think theMaxwell House people would object if I did
a singing program? Oh you betthey would. M And I better turn
down the oil show. It's foranother product. We'll go right ahead.
For a minute, I thought youplanned to sing for Maxwell House. It's
(17:14):
the very best in coffee. Drinkingpleasure. Yet it costs but a fraction
of a penny more percupt than thecheapest coffee you can buy. Because your
voice can force Maxwell House into thebuttermilk business. The whole bill. Apparently
you haven't heard George thing lightly,give him a sample sugar throat, unleash
those atomic tonsils and spray us withthat radioactive voice time to time, and
(17:38):
never climb. Blessings come from apart. When you listen to that man,
it's hard to believe he's human.It's easy when you look at him
and he doesn't sound like a man. And when he things, it's more
(18:00):
like you've just heard a big birdsings. Again, you'll hear the biggest
bird. Never mind, critic,Just wad I get my own program for
Judson's Or yes, now, George, you run up in the past step
and vocalize, I want to talkto Bill. Okay, the some of
the name. Oh Bill, youalmost ruined thing. Wow, Well,
(18:30):
mister Judson isn't going to sponsor Georgeis singing. He sounds like a sensible
man. Actually, he thinks Georgeis a lunatic, and he thinks NBC
is the National booby coup like Isaid before, he sounds like a sensible
man. But don't tell George.He doesn't know what I'm up to say,
Gracie, I'm single, but Ithought wives never did anything without their
(18:52):
husband's permission. Ye know you aresingle? On you drop me at the
beauty shop? Okay, yes,how to I'm mister Judgson. I've come
to have Missus Burns signed this contract. Oh well, I'm the one you
(19:17):
want to see. I'm mister Burns. You're you're her husband? Yeah?
Yeah, well I guess I'll bemostly in law. No, no,
no, no, no, Iwant to talk to you. Sit down?
Sure, sure, anything you say? I thought they kept you at
NBC. Yeah, well they domost of the time, but now and
then I sneak away. Ain't ita hard place to get in and out
(19:42):
of? No? I can getyou in if you want me to.
No, I ain't ready for thatyet. Don't. Don't NBC have any
gods? Yeah, wasn't Hollywood.It's hard to tell who belongs in there
and who doesn't. Yeah, reckonit is. Could anybody come in to
(20:04):
see you, mister Burns on asee me? You gotta have a ticket.
Oh you're you're one of the biggestones there. Huh, you bet,
I am, of course now andthen I lay an egg, I
assured admire to see that, misterBurne, What did you do that got
(20:30):
you put in there? I'll showyou. Don't even the guarden where the
reboo love your soul loved me likethe flower, don't you did? The
hower lord who? The red goodbags who? That's what did it?
(20:51):
And well it might thanks, I'llsign that contract. Now give me your
pen. H No, I'd ratheryou didn't handle anything sharp. Besides,
it's your wife's play. I'm back, and I let her sign it.
My wife's playing, yeah yeah,and she's going to use the money to
(21:12):
cure your insanity. She told youjust wait. Tiled Grace, she gets hooped
Another cup of Maxwell House coffee.George, Sure, for me a cup,
Gracie. You know Maxwell House isalways good to the last drop from
that drop's good too. Yes,it's Maxwell House Coffee Time, starring George
Burns. I'm Gracie Allen with yours, Julie Tolby, read, Meredith Wilson,
(00:31):
Sarah Burner, Gale Gordon, FrankNelson will write the Maxwell House Orchestra,
and Bill Goodwin. For America's Thursdaynight comedy enjoyment, It's George and
Gracie. And for America's everyday coffeedrinking enjoyment, it's Maxwell House. Today.
More Americans buy and enjoy Maxwell Housethan any other coffee at any price.
Yes, Maxwell House always good tothe last drop. As we're looking
(01:06):
at the Burns home today, wefind George and Gracie discussing a topic that
is much too formilar to all ofus, the high cost of living.
Oh, you'll be proud of you, George. I'm finding the high cost
of living tooth and nail. Well, that's swell. How are you doing?
Oh? I'm smart. Before Ibuy anything, I ask the price,
and if it's too high, Ijust refused to pay the money.
Well, good for you. Yeah, for a month now I've charged everything,
(01:33):
But that's no advantage. The billshave to be paid, yes,
but it still don't cost you anymoney. Why not pay them with a
check. This is murder. Oh, I got the idea right out of
my own mind. Simple, isn'tit? Simplest one record? Let me
see the bills, we'll say,right here in my filing cabinet. Oh,
(01:55):
no, Gracie, not that filingsystem again. For five years now,
I've tried to find things on thatChinese puzzle. But George, it's
so easy. Everything is filed alphabetically. Now, which bill do you want
first? It's a grocery bill,all right, Look under tea. The
grocery bill is under tea for sure. We buy our groceries at Beasley's market.
(02:16):
His market is two blocks down thestreet. Teeth the two. What
if the market was four blocks downthe street, I'd file it in the
same place, teaper twice. Two? Okay, Well, here's the grocery
bill. Holy small, don't tellme. Eggs of this hard like diamonds,
(02:39):
George. Before long, hens won'tlay them on the ground anymore.
They'll go right to the bank andmake their deposit. How about the meat
fill? Where do I find that? Undersea meat? Fille is under Say
we buy our meat from the butcher. His name is Fleischenheimer. See if
(03:00):
you can't spell it, Okay,here it is. Oh no, couldn't
you find any cheap meat? Well, I've tried. Dere see they're on
the bill. Ribs eighty cents apound, shanks seventy cents a pound,
ox tails sixty cents a pounds.Is that the best you could do?
George? When you pass the tail, you're out in empty space. Fresh
(03:29):
See you're just using the high costof living for an excuse. Things can't
be this high, but they aredead. I don't believe it. This
morning, i'll do the shopping andif they charge these prices, I'll leave
my hat. I'll make up theshopping list. What are we having for
dinner? Boiled hat? Let's goto the market. Hey, here's your
(03:54):
hamburger, missus Fowler. There'll beseven dollars, lady says, would you
like that to live it? No? Thanks, I'll just put it in
the purse. Oh again, canI wait on you? Say? Yes?
I'd like three pounds of sir,lne's steak, three pounds of sirloin
steak. Yeah, they tell me, are you a veteran? No?
(04:17):
Why, well, I thought youcould finance it on a g I low.
Now look how about a nice soupbone of steer beat You can swing
that on our thirty day credit player. Now, don't buy that, George.
He's been selling me neat from thatsame steer for two years now.
I even know the staer's name,Charles, Charles. Yes, every time
(04:41):
I asked for a roast, hesays, I'll give you a piece of
chuck. Well he's not giving mea piece of anything. We'll do without
meat. Come on, you seegrace she let me wait. To bring
prices down is to refuse to paywhat they ask for things. Now watch
(05:03):
me, mister Beasley. Oh yes, mister Burns, how much is canned
tuna? Seventy cents of can?I won't pay it, that's right.
We'll plant our own tuna though.I get a kick out of your wife,
mister Burns. She's so mentally hada lesson. Be careful with those
compliments. My husband's here. Let'sget down with the shop. I'll take
(05:27):
a pound of butter. Yes,that'll be one dollar, one dollar.
Don't you wear a mask instead ofan apron? Come on, Gracy,
let's go to the vegetable apartment.Oh cash, Yeah, how much is
the sack of corn? How manyears have you got? Two? Does
(05:49):
he look like a freak? Well, now that you mentioned every I have
four ears of corn, Well Iwill be ten cents each. Okay,
Oh, wait a minute, George, you don't like cone without butter?
Yeah, that's right. I gottago back and buy a pound. You
wait here, I changed my mind. I'll take a poond of that butter.
(06:14):
Yes, sir, that'll be adollar, ten dollar. Ten a
minute ago it was a dollar.Yes, there seems to be a gradual
rise in prices. I'll eat mycorn without butter. Okay, miss,
I'll take those four ears of corn. Yes, or that will be fifteen
cents each. But you said therewere ten cents each. Oh that was
(06:38):
before the last price change. Oh, George, you better grab it before
it goes up again. Okay,here's your sixty cents. George, what
you still don't like corn without butter? I know? Oh come on,
I'll buy a half a pound.Yeah that's what I said, a half
(06:59):
a pound of butter. How much? Said? Not a dollar in a
quarter? No, no, ninetycents. Well, you see, Gracie,
I forced the price down. That'sninety cents a half palm charge it,
mister Beasley. And would you pleasehelp me carry something out of the
car. But now, my husband, he just feigned it in order to
(07:19):
get his mind off the high costof living, at least temporarily. Gracie
coaxed George the local movie to seea matinee of Life with Father. We
find them now just leaving the theater. Oh wasn't that a wonderful picture?
George William Powell reminded me so muchof my father. Father must be quite
a man. He is proud,genteel, dignified, aristocratic. And the
(07:42):
best delivery man is the fertilizer factory. Father's a big man right on top
of the heap. Yeah, somany things in life with Father reminded me
of my own family. The oldestboy going off Yale. You tell me
anyone in your family went to Yale, but brother Willie, and was Harvard
(08:05):
jealous? Oh? Yes, ButYale wouldn't let him go. They said
Harvard would just have to go onstudying. The theory of evolution from pictures.
I don't want to hear any moreabout your family. I you're still
worried about the high cost of living, aren't you? Yeah, I guess
I am you poor darling. IfI could only make some money to help
(08:28):
you, George, George, I'vegot an idea. What is it?
I will write a play about myfamily. It'll cost you about five thousand
dollars to put it on, asit'll make millions, no, Gracie,
but family plays are all the rage. Now. I remember mamma life with
father, mother wore type. Look, I can make mine a combination.
(08:48):
I'll call it. I remember Mamma'slife with Father and tights. No,
And I'll get William Powel to playfather and you can one of his sons.
Grace. The idea is ridiculous.Oh yeah, you're right. You
play the father and he'll be theson. Forget the play. Every time
you're getting one of those ideas,I get in trouble. But I want
(09:11):
to keep you from worrying about money. You're heading for a nervous breakdown,
and I want to help you.This will do it now, Gracey.
I'm going to NBC and remember you'renot going to do a play about your
family, yes, dear, orany other play? Yes, dear,
absolutely, no play. No play, no play, Meredith, How do
(09:41):
I go about putting out a play? Well, first of all, you
have to look around and find anangel in Hollywood whoa any place just so
he's wealthy. Now, Tommy Manvillehas been an angel several times. Oh
he keeps slipping back though, doesn'the? Grace? The term angel is
(10:01):
applied to a man who finances aplay. Oh, well, how about
you financing my play narrative? I'dlike to, but all my money's tied
up, it is, Yes,I tied it up my handkerchief, and
I can't get to not loose.But I could offer my services as an
actor. Oh, have you hadany stage exterience? I was always prominent
in the Mason City, Iowa Festivalof Corn. I once portrayed a bloodhound
(10:26):
and Uncle Tom's cabin. I hadbounded across the stage sniffing with my nose
to the ground. But apparently thecritic thought I had my nose in the
air. Oh really, yes,he said, I smelled to high heaven
for Meratith. I think you're justright for my play, I am.
Yeah, but first I've got tofind a backet. Don't you know any
(10:48):
rich man? Well, now,let me see. I read in the
morning paper that mister Judson, theTexas oilman, in aires in town.
He staying at the Plaza Hotel.Oh he sounds like just the man.
I'm sure I can get five thousanddollars from him. Why are you putting
on a praise to help George meetexpenses? The high cost of living has
got him so worrying. I'm afraidyou have a nervous collect Oh you're a
(11:09):
true blue help mate, Gracie.George is a lucky man. I hope
when Bill Goodwin and I get married, we'll do as well. Yeah,
I'm sure you will still be veryhappy to get are you mister Jeffson,
(11:33):
the Texas oil millionaire? Yep,ask me, ma'am. Well, howdy
park Now, sure I'm all findglad to meet a fellow Oki. Okiers
are from Oklahoma, ma'am, I'mfrom Texas. Oh, well, I'm
sure all finds glad to meet afellow TEXI I'm missus George Burns, proud
(11:56):
to know you. What part ofTexas you hail from? San Francisco.
San Francisco's in California. Oh gosh, ain't Texas took that in yet?
Yeah? I like your spirit,ma'am. You talk like a real text.
Oh I'm glad you fell far.I mean yeah, I don't own
(12:20):
a pretty little trick like you wouldbe from Texas. Now that's a healthy
street. Now look at me.Would you take me for forty five?
I hope to take you for fivethousand years. I mean I'd like you
to invest the money in a playI've written. Oh I'm afraid I don't
know nothing about show business, ma'am. I've never seen no plays, never
(12:41):
seen no movies, never even listenedto the radio, just stayed home and
made twenty two million dollars. Ohyou four man? Yeah, I been
sinking wells ever since it was aboy. When I was only fifteen,
I brought in my first wildcat World. You were smart to switch. There's
not much demand for wildcats like yoursense of humor. Man, But I
(13:13):
better stay out of this show Bisin. Oh please, mister Jetson, I'm
going to do this play to helpmy husband. The poor man is practically
out of his mind. Why youfind sweet brave little girl. Why didn't
you tell me what you're doing thisto help your mentally unbalanced husband. I
know how you feel. You see, my wife ain't too bright now see
(13:39):
him, mister Jetson my house.You don't have to say no more,
missus Burns. I can sure findfive thousand dollars for a woman whose husband,
shall we say peculiar. Let's sayhe's nuts naked. Ten thousand.
(14:01):
That's the deal. I'll draw upa contract and then i'll telephone. Thank
you, not at all. Bythe way, where is your husband?
Well he's an NBC, Yes,in BC. Is that a mental institution?
Well, yes, yes, yeah, that's what it is. NBC,
(14:22):
the National booby Coop as some peoplecall it the network. Well,
thanks again, mister Jacksons. Goodbye. Here's Nardith welsoon, I'm the orchestra.
(15:20):
Hello, dad, I see youbeat me home. Yeah, you
just had a phone called Gracie.A man wanted to speak to you.
Said he was mister Jetson, anoil millionaire. Said you'd been to see
him? What fall? Well,the car needed a quarter of oil,
(15:43):
Gracie. He mentioned ten thousand dollars. Yep, that's why I didn't buy
the quarterboil. I thought it wasa little high Gracie. Why did you
go to see mister Jetson. Well, all right, George, I'll tell
you good. Don't give me anotherwild story. I want the Well.
Mister Judson thinks you're the world's greatestsinger, and he'll give you ten thousand
(16:06):
dollars a week to advertise his oilcompany. See for a minute, I
thought you were coming up with awarhouse story. From time to time and
every clime blessings come from a baryou think. Do you think my voice
will sell gasoline? Oh? Yes, Dolly, everyone who hears your sing
(16:30):
will take ass. Wait a minute, I've got a sponsor, Maxwell House
Coffee. Oh well, they won'tconflict. Mister Judson will sponsor you as
a singer and Maxwell House will sponsoryou as a whatever you do on that
program. Oh, I don't know. I come in ans Hello Bill?
(16:53):
Oh Bill? Do you think theMaxwell House people would object if I did
a singing program? Oh you betthey would. M And I better turn
down the oil show. It's foranother product. We'll go right ahead.
For a minute, I thought youplanned to sing for Maxwell House. It's
(17:14):
the very best in coffee. Drinkingpleasure. Yet it costs but a fraction
of a penny more percupt than thecheapest coffee you can buy. Because your
voice can force Maxwell House into thebuttermilk business. The whole bill. Apparently
you haven't heard George thing lightly,give him a sample sugar throat, unleash
those atomic tonsils and spray us withthat radioactive voice time to time, and
(17:38):
never climb. Blessings come from apart. When you listen to that man,
it's hard to believe he's human.It's easy when you look at him
and he doesn't sound like a man. And when he things, it's more
(18:00):
like you've just heard a big birdsings. Again, you'll hear the biggest
bird. Never mind, critic,Just wad I get my own program for
Judson's Or yes, now, George, you run up in the past step
and vocalize, I want to talkto Bill. Okay, the some of
the name. Oh Bill, youalmost ruined thing. Wow, Well,
(18:30):
mister Judson isn't going to sponsor Georgeis singing. He sounds like a sensible
man. Actually, he thinks Georgeis a lunatic, and he thinks NBC
is the National booby coup like Isaid before, he sounds like a sensible
man. But don't tell George.He doesn't know what I'm up to say,
Gracie, I'm single, but Ithought wives never did anything without their
(18:52):
husband's permission. Ye know you aresingle? On you drop me at the
beauty shop? Okay, yes,how to I'm mister Judgson. I've come
to have Missus Burns signed this contract. Oh well, I'm the one you
(19:17):
want to see. I'm mister Burns. You're you're her husband? Yeah?
Yeah, well I guess I'll bemostly in law. No, no,
no, no, no, Iwant to talk to you. Sit down?
Sure, sure, anything you say? I thought they kept you at
NBC. Yeah, well they domost of the time, but now and
then I sneak away. Ain't ita hard place to get in and out
(19:42):
of? No? I can getyou in if you want me to.
No, I ain't ready for thatyet. Don't. Don't NBC have any
gods? Yeah, wasn't Hollywood.It's hard to tell who belongs in there
and who doesn't. Yeah, reckonit is. Could anybody come in to
(20:04):
see you, mister Burns on asee me? You gotta have a ticket.
Oh you're you're one of the biggestones there. Huh, you bet,
I am, of course now andthen I lay an egg, I
assured admire to see that, misterBurne, What did you do that got
(20:30):
you put in there? I'll showyou. Don't even the guarden where the
reboo love your soul loved me likethe flower, don't you did? The
hower lord who? The red goodbags who? That's what did it?
(20:51):
And well it might thanks, I'llsign that contract. Now give me your
pen. H No, I'd ratheryou didn't handle anything sharp. Besides,
it's your wife's play. I'm back, and I let her sign it.
My wife's playing, yeah yeah,and she's going to use the money to
(21:12):
cure your insanity. She told youjust wait. Tiled Grace, she gets hooped
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