September 28, 2023 • 29 mins
"The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" was a hilarious and innovative radio comedy that followed the lives of a fictionalized version of the real-life married couple, George Burns and Gracie Allen. The show was known for its unique format, with George Burns serving as the straight man and Gracie Allen as the delightfully scatterbrained and absurdly funny wife.The core of the show's humor was Gracie's zany logic and her penchant for getting herself and George into comical situations. Her misunderstandings, malapropisms, and eccentric thinking were central to the show's charm. George, on the other hand, played the role of the calm and patient husband who often tried to explain Gracie's antics to others and navigate the chaos she created.The show featured recurring characters such as Blanche Morton (played by Bea Benaderet), Gracie's best friend and a fellow participant in the comedy, and Harry Morton (played by Hal March), Blanche's husband. The ensemble cast, along with George and Gracie, contributed to the show's comedic dynamics.Each episode typically revolved around a humorous situation or misunderstanding that Gracie would instigate, leading to a series of hilarious events and exchanges. The show was known for its quick-witted humor, clever wordplay, and impeccable timing."The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" enjoyed immense popularity during its radio run, and it later transitioned successfully to television in the 1950s. George Burns and Gracie Allen's on-screen chemistry and comedic talent made them beloved figures in American entertainment history, and their radio show remains an enduring classic in the world of comedy.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
From Hollywood, The George Burns andGray Seal and Joe for Harmel and fam
Crazy Peace Boy Foo, Spare RebuBoom Spain, George Burns, Gray Cellen,
(00:26):
Arti, Shan Ways Orchestra, theSingingly We're the Smooth ec Last but
not Leaston with buddhiston Monday Evening Franksall the Burns an Allan show to your
(01:08):
house And in just one sentence,I'm going to tell you why spam is
so popular with families everywhere. Ready, when you buy spam, you know
exactly what you're getting for just asshown on the label, spam is pure
pork shoulder with ham meat added,your guarantee of goodness and quality. And
combine that with the many uses forthis delicious meat, it's only natural that
spam is a hit cold or hot, as you'll discover by trying the easy
(01:30):
recipes on the label after you buyspam when you shop tomorrow. And please,
mister Shaw, I'm running out ofbreath, but I'm all through,
so put a musical period on thisfor meat. Please. And here they
(01:53):
are, those two spambassadors of fun, gearge and great things. Thank you
very much. Hello back, HelloGracey. Say you should have been with
me. Saturday night I went toa party at Irene Dunn's house. By
the way. But what's Irene donedoing? Done doing? What kind of
(02:14):
English is that? It kind ofEnglish is that? I said, what's
Irene done doing? It means what'sIrene done? Gracie. Isn't Irene done
a motion picture style? Well?Yes, i's are in my favorite wine.
Well that's the picture that Irene donedid, Done did? Oh,
(02:35):
that's even worth and done doing?George. Maybe I can help you.
You see, Gracie, Irene donetold me that Done called you. Oh
what Irene done told you all Rochester. Look, Gracie. When Irene done
does a picture, it doesn't meanthat Irene done done a picture. It
means Irene done dinner picture. Andthe picture that Done did is what Done's
(03:00):
done? Do you feel all right, Daddy? But why did you have
to stop us? I think yousay, when that's the guitar players,
what is it? Saniela? Isaw that picture with that Iden Gun and
that Kenny Grunt. He's wonderful KennyGrant. You mean carry Grant remembering the
(03:24):
picture when she puts her arms aroundhim and hugged him and squeezed him.
Yeah, well, Kenny grunt hardy, would they keep that South American pocket
carcuss? Quiet? Okay, pupsyand stop with that pupsy. That's what
the girl called me here last week. And now it's all over. Oh,
(03:45):
jud I knew I had something totell you. You know that three
little girl with Zappie last week,the one you promised to make a new
partner on the radio. You meanElsie Tralla Fast, Yeah, that's the
one. Puppy. Stop calling mepupsi. And I was only fooling when
I promised to put her on theradio. Don't tell me that she's taking
it to heart. Oh who worsethan that, she's taking it to court.
She's taking it the court. Yeah. And when she told me that
(04:08):
she was suing you for ten thousanddollars, I told her a thing,
A couple ten thousand dollars, Yes, I said to R I said,
I said, I said, Elsie, by the time you get through buying
the clothes to wear in front ofthe jury, paying your lawyer, and
paying your court, it senses youwill have nothing left out of the ten
thousand. Well what's the sense ofit, that's right? Did she see
your point. She certainly did.Were good. Now she's suing you for
(04:30):
two hundred thousand. You had liveda hundred two hundred thousand. Oh,
don't worry about it, George.A friend of mine was sued for one
hundred and fifty thousand dollars and hedidn't pay a cent. Well, Otie,
I'd like to meet him, andyou can talk to him tomorrow.
We're good visiting hours and from twoto four, certainly in a lovely mess.
(04:54):
Now i'll have to get a lawyer, and we'll probably cost me thousands
of dollars. Oh, not thelawyer I hired for you. You hire
the law from me. Yeah,and he's very cheat. Well, how
do you know a cheap Well,I have lunch with him the game.
I had to pay my own check. Gracie. Did anybody ever tell you
that you were a little imbecilic?Yeah? The technic run right. Yes,
you didn't mean, because I neversaw him again. Everything happens to
(05:18):
me. A lawsuit for one hundredthousand or two hundred thousand dollars, sen
your burdens. What if you're lookingfor a good law you get my uncle,
he kindled. The driver was Katethe driver's kids. You mean Alexander
drivers from Devil's Island. No,the taxi drivers from Corney Island. Two
(05:40):
hundred thousand dollars. I wouldn't paythat else. She travel a fast and
nickel. Good for you, George. That'll help me a whole lot.
That will help you. I'll beable to tell our listeners that both you
and spam are in the cam wellthat hit the spot, Thank George.
(06:02):
And here I was saving my moneyfor when I was old and decrepit,
and just when you are. Lookwhat happened. This whole thing is absurd.
Well, George's ride at Elsie's nothingbut a gold digger. And I
told her plenty too. I toldher that before she'd get a dime from
you, George, you draw allyour money out of the bank. Oh
(06:23):
that wouldn't frighten a girl like Elsie. Oh it wouldn't. Huh. It's
scared as so that she tied upyour bank account, tied up my bank
account. Oh look, George passedout. Well, I can't understand it,
budd. Wouldn't you think he'd beinterested in what I'm telling him?
(06:44):
While the boss is out the lutibab Charlie and little will sing Terry Verry
be oh er byby oh er byjy bean. He waits for her each
night, he needs her balcony.He banks to all the time, but
(07:10):
no, she want agree. Givening, she throws a rose and blows a
kiss from a bla bob derby beach, Derby beach sholeanness so in love when
the moon go, and I believethere's a handsome alle Every night he's saying,
(07:35):
oh, happily, so he's ladylove canny in a man who's soul
robbers more. He repeats his sarenaher and his heart beat so fetso moore.
When she raised her vene shoes shake, she bethink, he bethinks beIN
(07:58):
chilly raban oh oh chimvili. Hewaits Harry's riving either balcony chilly. Then
he wakes to all the tight.No, she won't agree. Now she
won't agree. Jim beyling. Shethrows, she throks, throws up kiss
my paphone, chimp the bean,chimp the bean. She sings to hurry
(08:22):
slight under the pama lights. Hewaits for her heat light. He chill,
He thanks you hold the time,but no she won't be jew She
throws her rose and blows the kidsfrom up by chimp the thing, shimp
(08:46):
the thing. Now they seem lovethere, wore so much you love,
Chilie. Oh chis oh? Oh, Judge is still out, Autie,
(09:13):
Hold his head? Will I givehim another spoonful of this medicine? Who,
Gracie, that's extract of bitters,that's extractor pitters. That's terrible stuff
right now? Hold his head?Will I give m another spoonful? Woo,
another spoonful, Gracie here spilling halfof that medicine on his chin.
Wipe it off. I can't.It brings my fingers. Listen to I
(09:37):
got some bad news. Oh gee, still out? Huh yeah, hold
his head, Audie, who listeneverything listen, Elsie sweetheart is outside and
he's a big bruiser and I can'thold him. And he says he's gonna
come in here and mop up thefloor with George. She like calver Hill.
Oh no, no, he andJudge him off up this flow with
Athney Hill. Look, gee,this is awful. What do we do?
(09:58):
How vague and me going to Syriustonight? Oh look it is George
coming to No just you now.Oh, oh, he's coming out of
his faint. Shall I tell anybodyelse? He's sweetheart, That big bruisoo's
coming here to beat him up.No, no, not that he'll fight
(10:18):
again. He'll fight again. That'sall right, bet so. I just
plenty of medicine left. Where amI? Oh? I know, m
boy, there's laws was certainly lefta better taste in my mouth. Greasy,
(10:41):
that's Elsie, sweetheart. Hey,shal Man, that's probably my lawyer.
Let him in, mister Burns beforeI opened the door. Do your
insurance policies carry double indemnity in caseof death by accident? Well? Yes,
you are a very lucky man.Warrant you now? Man? Will
(11:03):
you let my lawyer in? Willyou asked for it? Who's George Burns?
Oh? Here comes malicious? I'mGeorge Burns. Oh so you're George
Burns. That's what about you andElsie Talapas. Although he doesn't know her,
he believes he's never heard of thehand of George Croly. I know
Elsie Trallapas, I know very welland me sure you're gonna help me out
(11:24):
of this lego, jam, Imight as well tell you the truth.
Good I'll give me a straight fromthe shoulder versus just how well did you
know Elsie trallapass Well, I'm nota man who likes the post. But
on the other hand, this isno time to hold anything back. Calling
doctor Kilder, calling doctor h Onenight, about a week ago, I
(11:46):
was taking her home in a taxiand I put my arm around her like
this, Yeah, but I helda little tighter. Do you mean like
this? Wait a minute, notthat tight? That was tight? Of
Christ? Couldn't they killed me?And after I took Elsie home, we
were standing in the hallway sing yourburdens, standing in the holler with Elsie,
sing your burns, and we werepushing the hallway. Hey, pupsy,
(12:09):
what is it, sanuel A?Can I have your pooth powder after
you get your teeth knocked out.I'm not gonna get my teeth knocked out.
I know something that you don't know. Autie, will you keep that
Staale character quiet? So we werestanding in the hallway and I put my
(12:31):
lips against Elsie's and George Joyce,will I tell my number? Now?
What number? Get out of townbefore it's too late. Party, You're
not playing that number? No,no, this is a number. You're
playing aartie. Let me get tothe piano. When they pro showers will
come your way. Be careful,pupsy of what you say. We're trying
(12:54):
to tell you. Take it onthe lambs. The low is the what
just thinking he is. If youwant to continue about them, just keep
your mouth shut. Quiet quiet,anyway, mister, I was standing in
the hallway with Elsie and sheets whowere arms are sim Simon, stop slamming
the door. You know what hatebangs? You hate bangs, Then keep
(13:18):
your mouth shut. You've said enough, so quiet quiet, Yeah, what's
going on? This guy behind youis pretty tough. You'll be looking up
that Daisy's that you won't be ableto smell. Wa wa wa wa wa.
Why Elsie's boyfriend home? Oh goodevening? Foreign lord, O,
(14:01):
look what's going on here here?I am worrying about two hundred thousand dollars
lawsuit and everybody's singing. Say thatElsie ever happened to mention her boyfriend?
Yeah? Hard to say something.She's gone around with some dope or something.
Dope. Hold your hat's boys,here it comes. You didn't say
dope, didn't you. Here's somebig dope or something? Sound man,
Why are you opening the door?There's nobody going out. That's what you
(14:24):
think, mister Burns. I thinkwe can talk to you over better in
the alley. Yeah, it's twonoisy in here. Come on, let's
go. Did George, Judge,don't done? What Ivan done? Done?
He was again? What Iving done? Done? Iving done? Told
me it's Elsie's boyfriends boyving done?Who's afraid of Elsie's boyfriend? Why?
With one hand I can crump himto pieces, I'm Elsie's boyfriend. And
with the other hand I could Ohwhat happened? Oh? George is saying,
(14:48):
it's I hold his hands when Igive him some medicine. Yeah,
when he comes to when it comesto tell him that he's not only being
sued for two hundred thousand dollars forbreach of contact, but I'm sewing him
for three hundred thousand for any nationof affections. Goodbye, everybody, goodbye,
pup, Say, but what arewe gonna do with Georgie painted again?
Can't anybody do something? I can'tdo something. I'll be delightful your
(15:15):
Thingoe. Those losquegitos loquez morsitos areyou namucha conquistasa puesto lok kid on kila
boya gonna say ya manada he yesme nava met nada nasa nada masque Ama
(15:39):
you kire one nada noa goo navamasque they me nata soya one o besto
a me nada nada vesta they donava enzo sa me? Are there you
kill to one? Nova? Nous in novel no the moss say,
(16:19):
Oh, Addie hold his head,I'll give me another spoonful? Woo gracy?
Is this medicine good for fading?With marvel? For fading? Oh?
Do you know every time I givemy daddy's spoonful? He fan?
WHOA? What happened? Who amI? George Birds? Where am I
George Bird? Oh? Who typesthese things? Anyway? Right? Where
(16:45):
am I? On the spam program? What's what? Spam? What spam?
Or you must be gruggy if youdon't remember what spam is? What?
George? Spam is what you havefried with eggs for breakfast. Spam
is what you have for lunch,slice cold and spandwiches. Spam is what
you have baked hole for dinner.Yes, I remember? And you ask
me what spam. Why, George, you should be ashamed of yourself.
(17:06):
I'm a bad boy. Why everybodyknows that spam is tender, delicious meat,
all ready to eat as it comesfrom the can alright him, shots,
easy to serve, economically use spamis the reason housewives are spending less
time in the kitchen and still givingtheir families good food. On the dot,
I apologized by spamish wonderful, ThanksGeorge. Yes, okay, sit
down now, ladies. Here's agrand suggestion for dinner tomorrow night. Open
(17:30):
a can of spam. Spam.As I said before, it's all ready
to eat. So just slice spamand serve with tomatoes, corn on the
cob, a simple dessert, andyour favorite beverage. You'll have nothing but
compliments from the whole gang because themeaty flavor, the grand taste of spam
satisfies even the huskiest appetite. Andwhen you try the other recipes on the
(17:51):
label, you'll discover spam has dozensof uses cold or hot. So remember
you'll spend a lot of time outof the kitchen when you keep spam on
your pam. Rachel, it needsno refrigeration. Get a supply when you
shop tomorrow, just say to yourfood dealer, I want spam. I
want spam, slices, dion fry, baked cold or hunk. Oh.
(18:26):
Now, I remember Elsie travel fastboyfriend. What happened to him? He's
gone. I wish that lawyer wouldcome being sued for two hundred thousand dollars.
Why if I lose that case,it'll be like taking the straight off
my back. Well, here comesstriptease burns now, striptease burns. Yeah,
because her boyfriend is suing you forthree hundred thousand, three hundred thousand.
(18:47):
Oh, he hold his head.Oh, say George, George looks
flushed. Has anybody got a thermometer? Here's one, Senor bog I got
it off the wall. That's abarometer, not a therm In his condition,
he's not the difference. Oh giveit a need bide open his mouth?
Idi money, this is awful.Well, what's wrong with George?
(19:08):
What does it say? He's partlycloudy in the southern region? Id he
(22:14):
hold his head? Who but takethe barometer out of George's mouth. Oh,
here it is, and I'll puthis teeth back in. Now'll give
him another So Racie, that's thethirtieth spoonful you've given him and it hasn't
Donny money. Good. Now,well, then why are you making him
finish all that terrible medicine? Iwant to get my nickel back in the
bottle. Oh oh, where ishe? Who? Lawyer? He's supposed
(22:41):
to be here? Oh my head? What's the matter, George? I
don't feel that I've got spots infront of my eyes. Oh then that
stuff I gave you, the fakefake? Yeah, look what it says
here in the bottle. Good fora moving spot, Gracie. That's carbona.
(23:03):
Send your burnens. Yes, whatis it? Senual a? Once
I had a date with Brenda andCarbona. Brenda and Carbona. The carbona
makes you sick? Brend there's adoll. They would just send that broken
down a top layer back to localAto. Two. Must be him,
Come in, Harvist Burns. Yes, my name is Jules Kobe, attorney
(23:27):
in law. I'm calling the referenceto the OC Telepas case. Well,
I'm glad you're hear, mister Kobe, as I'd like to explain the whole
thing to you. That's what attorney'sa Forrest Burns. Well, now,
to begin with, I did takeElsie Tralepass out a few times. She
was young and pretty, and afterall, I'm only human. You don't
say anything you can't prove. I'vegot that Thomast Burns Well. Anyway,
(23:56):
the first night I met her,we drove out to the beach and radio
was playing, and I had thepot of gold on. Is that pretty
of the daddy? Would you be? Quiets your Edmster Burns. I'm writing
it down. So we were drivingalong and I kept telling her how pretty
she was and how smart she was, and pretty soon we came to a
(24:18):
lonely spot and I ran out ofcompliments. So that's a new one.
Most goals run out of gas,Pracye. For your information, there are
lots of couples who don't neck inpot cause yeah, the woods to follow
them. All right, So maybeI kissed her a few times, But
please, Gracie, it's very importantthat the lawyer hears my story. I've
(24:41):
got that down with Burns. Ofcourse, that wouldn't look very good to
a jury. So when we getthe court, mister Kolby, let's cut
out the kissing. You mean youand he'll Jet's hold hand Gracie when they
keepsdale your ed mister Burns, I'vegot that down. Well, you can
tell the jury that I'm a manof very fine characters, mister Koby.
That nets you. He doesn't evenknow you. Well if he doesn't know
(25:02):
George, and he can say it. Oh well, this cast is always
kidding me like this, mister Kobe. But they'll be glad to be character
witness. Is pomb me, won'tyou boys, or you bet your life
we will, George, I'll beglad to stand up in court and tell
him what a wonderful guy you are. Oh thanks, But how much does
it pay? You know? NowYou've got me so confused. I don't
(25:25):
know which way to turn. OhLos Angeles drive, Uh huh, a
lot of quine friends, senior votes. What is it, senior? At
fifty cents, I will tell thejudy that you are a perfect gentleman.
Fifty cents h I won't pay it, all right, so I'll say you're
(25:45):
good for nothing. He does thatdown, mister Kobe. Poor Georgie started
out looking for a character witness,and look what happened. No witness,
no character. Oh keep tell anyway, mister Kobe. I met the Elsie
travel Fast in a restaurant and younever saw anybody eat so much in your
life. She ordered a double PorterhouseState and in two seconds she looked up
at me and what do you thinkshe said? I've got that down,
(26:07):
mister Burns. That was exactly whatshe said. You see, it really
was a lot of innocent fun.Oh so that's what happened, well,
nodding exactly. That's what I wantyou to tell the jury. If the
opposing side knew the real facts,I wouldn't have a leg to stand on.
(26:29):
You see, between you and me, I did promise to put Elsie
trailer Fass on the radio. Guy. See what you mean, mister Burns,
and believe me, I can't possiblylose this case. Good day.
There's a great lawyer, see Gracey. He says he can't lose. Oh
that's what he says. I'll betyalla, I will beat him. My
(26:51):
lawyer, my lawyer, Yes,who's there? How tralapass is lawyer Elsie
trailer Facer whoa he hold a head? Before George and Gracie returned to say
(27:26):
good night, they want me totell you that spam is a mighty good
meal time hint for your household tomorrowand every day ask for spam spam when
you shop tomorrow and fry the easyrecipes on the label. Well, thanks
Bud. Oh, Gracie, it'slike good night, well, good night.
And by the way, George,he has some good news. You
know it didn't do Elsie Talafas anygood to tie up your money. Well,
Gracie, why well I found outthat you? Thank you sailed?
(27:48):
Oh body, hold a head?Well will George come to by next week?
Will he win the case? Willhe have to pay a hundred thousand
dollars? What will happen? Whocares? Good night? Listen again next
(28:15):
Monday night, same time, samestation for George Burns and Great the Island
with Artie Shawn's Orchestra and the smoothiesbrought to you by Hormel and Spam.
Until then, this is but Heastonreminding you to remember the full rhot spam
hits with fun. Have you triedHormel chill concarney. You may think you
(28:42):
don't like chili, but chili concarney the way Hormel makes it is different
and everybody likes it. Double yourmoney back if you don't like it.
Try Hormel Chili con Carney tomorrow.This is the National Broadcasting Company.
From Hollywood, The George Burns andGray Seal and Joe for Harmel and fam
Crazy Peace Boy Foo, Spare RebuBoom Spain, George Burns, Gray Cellen,
(00:26):
Arti, Shan Ways Orchestra, theSingingly We're the Smooth ec Last but
not Leaston with buddhiston Monday Evening Franksall the Burns an Allan show to your
(01:08):
house And in just one sentence,I'm going to tell you why spam is
so popular with families everywhere. Ready, when you buy spam, you know
exactly what you're getting for just asshown on the label, spam is pure
pork shoulder with ham meat added,your guarantee of goodness and quality. And
combine that with the many uses forthis delicious meat, it's only natural that
spam is a hit cold or hot, as you'll discover by trying the easy
(01:30):
recipes on the label after you buyspam when you shop tomorrow. And please,
mister Shaw, I'm running out ofbreath, but I'm all through,
so put a musical period on thisfor meat. Please. And here they
(01:53):
are, those two spambassadors of fun, gearge and great things. Thank you
very much. Hello back, HelloGracey. Say you should have been with
me. Saturday night I went toa party at Irene Dunn's house. By
the way. But what's Irene donedoing? Done doing? What kind of
(02:14):
English is that? It kind ofEnglish is that? I said, what's
Irene done doing? It means what'sIrene done? Gracie. Isn't Irene done
a motion picture style? Well?Yes, i's are in my favorite wine.
Well that's the picture that Irene donedid, Done did? Oh,
(02:35):
that's even worth and done doing?George. Maybe I can help you.
You see, Gracie, Irene donetold me that Done called you. Oh
what Irene done told you all Rochester. Look, Gracie. When Irene done
does a picture, it doesn't meanthat Irene done done a picture. It
means Irene done dinner picture. Andthe picture that Done did is what Done's
(03:00):
done? Do you feel all right, Daddy? But why did you have
to stop us? I think yousay, when that's the guitar players,
what is it? Saniela? Isaw that picture with that Iden Gun and
that Kenny Grunt. He's wonderful KennyGrant. You mean carry Grant remembering the
(03:24):
picture when she puts her arms aroundhim and hugged him and squeezed him.
Yeah, well, Kenny grunt hardy, would they keep that South American pocket
carcuss? Quiet? Okay, pupsyand stop with that pupsy. That's what
the girl called me here last week. And now it's all over. Oh,
(03:45):
jud I knew I had something totell you. You know that three
little girl with Zappie last week,the one you promised to make a new
partner on the radio. You meanElsie Tralla Fast, Yeah, that's the
one. Puppy. Stop calling mepupsi. And I was only fooling when
I promised to put her on theradio. Don't tell me that she's taking
it to heart. Oh who worsethan that, she's taking it to court.
She's taking it the court. Yeah. And when she told me that
(04:08):
she was suing you for ten thousanddollars, I told her a thing,
A couple ten thousand dollars, Yes, I said to R I said,
I said, I said, Elsie, by the time you get through buying
the clothes to wear in front ofthe jury, paying your lawyer, and
paying your court, it senses youwill have nothing left out of the ten
thousand. Well what's the sense ofit, that's right? Did she see
your point. She certainly did.Were good. Now she's suing you for
(04:30):
two hundred thousand. You had liveda hundred two hundred thousand. Oh,
don't worry about it, George.A friend of mine was sued for one
hundred and fifty thousand dollars and hedidn't pay a cent. Well, Otie,
I'd like to meet him, andyou can talk to him tomorrow.
We're good visiting hours and from twoto four, certainly in a lovely mess.
(04:54):
Now i'll have to get a lawyer, and we'll probably cost me thousands
of dollars. Oh, not thelawyer I hired for you. You hire
the law from me. Yeah,and he's very cheat. Well, how
do you know a cheap Well,I have lunch with him the game.
I had to pay my own check. Gracie. Did anybody ever tell you
that you were a little imbecilic?Yeah? The technic run right. Yes,
you didn't mean, because I neversaw him again. Everything happens to
(05:18):
me. A lawsuit for one hundredthousand or two hundred thousand dollars, sen
your burdens. What if you're lookingfor a good law you get my uncle,
he kindled. The driver was Katethe driver's kids. You mean Alexander
drivers from Devil's Island. No,the taxi drivers from Corney Island. Two
(05:40):
hundred thousand dollars. I wouldn't paythat else. She travel a fast and
nickel. Good for you, George. That'll help me a whole lot.
That will help you. I'll beable to tell our listeners that both you
and spam are in the cam wellthat hit the spot, Thank George.
(06:02):
And here I was saving my moneyfor when I was old and decrepit,
and just when you are. Lookwhat happened. This whole thing is absurd.
Well, George's ride at Elsie's nothingbut a gold digger. And I
told her plenty too. I toldher that before she'd get a dime from
you, George, you draw allyour money out of the bank. Oh
(06:23):
that wouldn't frighten a girl like Elsie. Oh it wouldn't. Huh. It's
scared as so that she tied upyour bank account, tied up my bank
account. Oh look, George passedout. Well, I can't understand it,
budd. Wouldn't you think he'd beinterested in what I'm telling him?
(06:44):
While the boss is out the lutibab Charlie and little will sing Terry Verry
be oh er byby oh er byjy bean. He waits for her each
night, he needs her balcony.He banks to all the time, but
(07:10):
no, she want agree. Givening, she throws a rose and blows a
kiss from a bla bob derby beach, Derby beach sholeanness so in love when
the moon go, and I believethere's a handsome alle Every night he's saying,
(07:35):
oh, happily, so he's ladylove canny in a man who's soul
robbers more. He repeats his sarenaher and his heart beat so fetso moore.
When she raised her vene shoes shake, she bethink, he bethinks beIN
(07:58):
chilly raban oh oh chimvili. Hewaits Harry's riving either balcony chilly. Then
he wakes to all the tight.No, she won't agree. Now she
won't agree. Jim beyling. Shethrows, she throks, throws up kiss
my paphone, chimp the bean,chimp the bean. She sings to hurry
(08:22):
slight under the pama lights. Hewaits for her heat light. He chill,
He thanks you hold the time,but no she won't be jew She
throws her rose and blows the kidsfrom up by chimp the thing, shimp
(08:46):
the thing. Now they seem lovethere, wore so much you love,
Chilie. Oh chis oh? Oh, Judge is still out, Autie,
(09:13):
Hold his head? Will I givehim another spoonful of this medicine? Who,
Gracie, that's extract of bitters,that's extractor pitters. That's terrible stuff
right now? Hold his head?Will I give m another spoonful? Woo,
another spoonful, Gracie here spilling halfof that medicine on his chin.
Wipe it off. I can't.It brings my fingers. Listen to I
(09:37):
got some bad news. Oh gee, still out? Huh yeah, hold
his head, Audie, who listeneverything listen, Elsie sweetheart is outside and
he's a big bruiser and I can'thold him. And he says he's gonna
come in here and mop up thefloor with George. She like calver Hill.
Oh no, no, he andJudge him off up this flow with
Athney Hill. Look, gee,this is awful. What do we do?
(09:58):
How vague and me going to Syriustonight? Oh look it is George
coming to No just you now.Oh, oh, he's coming out of
his faint. Shall I tell anybodyelse? He's sweetheart, That big bruisoo's
coming here to beat him up.No, no, not that he'll fight
(10:18):
again. He'll fight again. That'sall right, bet so. I just
plenty of medicine left. Where amI? Oh? I know, m
boy, there's laws was certainly lefta better taste in my mouth. Greasy,
(10:41):
that's Elsie, sweetheart. Hey,shal Man, that's probably my lawyer.
Let him in, mister Burns beforeI opened the door. Do your
insurance policies carry double indemnity in caseof death by accident? Well? Yes,
you are a very lucky man.Warrant you now? Man? Will
(11:03):
you let my lawyer in? Willyou asked for it? Who's George Burns?
Oh? Here comes malicious? I'mGeorge Burns. Oh so you're George
Burns. That's what about you andElsie Talapas. Although he doesn't know her,
he believes he's never heard of thehand of George Croly. I know
Elsie Trallapas, I know very welland me sure you're gonna help me out
(11:24):
of this lego, jam, Imight as well tell you the truth.
Good I'll give me a straight fromthe shoulder versus just how well did you
know Elsie trallapass Well, I'm nota man who likes the post. But
on the other hand, this isno time to hold anything back. Calling
doctor Kilder, calling doctor h Onenight, about a week ago, I
(11:46):
was taking her home in a taxiand I put my arm around her like
this, Yeah, but I helda little tighter. Do you mean like
this? Wait a minute, notthat tight? That was tight? Of
Christ? Couldn't they killed me?And after I took Elsie home, we
were standing in the hallway sing yourburdens, standing in the holler with Elsie,
sing your burns, and we werepushing the hallway. Hey, pupsy,
(12:09):
what is it, sanuel A?Can I have your pooth powder after
you get your teeth knocked out.I'm not gonna get my teeth knocked out.
I know something that you don't know. Autie, will you keep that
Staale character quiet? So we werestanding in the hallway and I put my
(12:31):
lips against Elsie's and George Joyce,will I tell my number? Now?
What number? Get out of townbefore it's too late. Party, You're
not playing that number? No,no, this is a number. You're
playing aartie. Let me get tothe piano. When they pro showers will
come your way. Be careful,pupsy of what you say. We're trying
(12:54):
to tell you. Take it onthe lambs. The low is the what
just thinking he is. If youwant to continue about them, just keep
your mouth shut. Quiet quiet,anyway, mister, I was standing in
the hallway with Elsie and sheets whowere arms are sim Simon, stop slamming
the door. You know what hatebangs? You hate bangs, Then keep
(13:18):
your mouth shut. You've said enough, so quiet quiet, Yeah, what's
going on? This guy behind youis pretty tough. You'll be looking up
that Daisy's that you won't be ableto smell. Wa wa wa wa wa.
Why Elsie's boyfriend home? Oh goodevening? Foreign lord, O,
(14:01):
look what's going on here here?I am worrying about two hundred thousand dollars
lawsuit and everybody's singing. Say thatElsie ever happened to mention her boyfriend?
Yeah? Hard to say something.She's gone around with some dope or something.
Dope. Hold your hat's boys,here it comes. You didn't say
dope, didn't you. Here's somebig dope or something? Sound man,
Why are you opening the door?There's nobody going out. That's what you
(14:24):
think, mister Burns. I thinkwe can talk to you over better in
the alley. Yeah, it's twonoisy in here. Come on, let's
go. Did George, Judge,don't done? What Ivan done? Done?
He was again? What Iving done? Done? Iving done? Told
me it's Elsie's boyfriends boyving done?Who's afraid of Elsie's boyfriend? Why?
With one hand I can crump himto pieces, I'm Elsie's boyfriend. And
with the other hand I could Ohwhat happened? Oh? George is saying,
(14:48):
it's I hold his hands when Igive him some medicine. Yeah,
when he comes to when it comesto tell him that he's not only being
sued for two hundred thousand dollars forbreach of contact, but I'm sewing him
for three hundred thousand for any nationof affections. Goodbye, everybody, goodbye,
pup, Say, but what arewe gonna do with Georgie painted again?
Can't anybody do something? I can'tdo something. I'll be delightful your
(15:15):
Thingoe. Those losquegitos loquez morsitos areyou namucha conquistasa puesto lok kid on kila
boya gonna say ya manada he yesme nava met nada nasa nada masque Ama
(15:39):
you kire one nada noa goo navamasque they me nata soya one o besto
a me nada nada vesta they donava enzo sa me? Are there you
kill to one? Nova? Nous in novel no the moss say,
(16:19):
Oh, Addie hold his head,I'll give me another spoonful? Woo gracy?
Is this medicine good for fading?With marvel? For fading? Oh?
Do you know every time I givemy daddy's spoonful? He fan?
WHOA? What happened? Who amI? George Birds? Where am I
George Bird? Oh? Who typesthese things? Anyway? Right? Where
(16:45):
am I? On the spam program? What's what? Spam? What spam?
Or you must be gruggy if youdon't remember what spam is? What?
George? Spam is what you havefried with eggs for breakfast. Spam
is what you have for lunch,slice cold and spandwiches. Spam is what
you have baked hole for dinner.Yes, I remember? And you ask
me what spam. Why, George, you should be ashamed of yourself.
(17:06):
I'm a bad boy. Why everybodyknows that spam is tender, delicious meat,
all ready to eat as it comesfrom the can alright him, shots,
easy to serve, economically use spamis the reason housewives are spending less
time in the kitchen and still givingtheir families good food. On the dot,
I apologized by spamish wonderful, ThanksGeorge. Yes, okay, sit
down now, ladies. Here's agrand suggestion for dinner tomorrow night. Open
(17:30):
a can of spam. Spam.As I said before, it's all ready
to eat. So just slice spamand serve with tomatoes, corn on the
cob, a simple dessert, andyour favorite beverage. You'll have nothing but
compliments from the whole gang because themeaty flavor, the grand taste of spam
satisfies even the huskiest appetite. Andwhen you try the other recipes on the
(17:51):
label, you'll discover spam has dozensof uses cold or hot. So remember
you'll spend a lot of time outof the kitchen when you keep spam on
your pam. Rachel, it needsno refrigeration. Get a supply when you
shop tomorrow, just say to yourfood dealer, I want spam. I
want spam, slices, dion fry, baked cold or hunk. Oh.
(18:26):
Now, I remember Elsie travel fastboyfriend. What happened to him? He's
gone. I wish that lawyer wouldcome being sued for two hundred thousand dollars.
Why if I lose that case,it'll be like taking the straight off
my back. Well, here comesstriptease burns now, striptease burns. Yeah,
because her boyfriend is suing you forthree hundred thousand, three hundred thousand.
(18:47):
Oh, he hold his head.Oh, say George, George looks
flushed. Has anybody got a thermometer? Here's one, Senor bog I got
it off the wall. That's abarometer, not a therm In his condition,
he's not the difference. Oh giveit a need bide open his mouth?
Idi money, this is awful.Well, what's wrong with George?
(19:08):
What does it say? He's partlycloudy in the southern region? Id he
(22:14):
hold his head? Who but takethe barometer out of George's mouth. Oh,
here it is, and I'll puthis teeth back in. Now'll give
him another So Racie, that's thethirtieth spoonful you've given him and it hasn't
Donny money. Good. Now,well, then why are you making him
finish all that terrible medicine? Iwant to get my nickel back in the
bottle. Oh oh, where ishe? Who? Lawyer? He's supposed
(22:41):
to be here? Oh my head? What's the matter, George? I
don't feel that I've got spots infront of my eyes. Oh then that
stuff I gave you, the fakefake? Yeah, look what it says
here in the bottle. Good fora moving spot, Gracie. That's carbona.
(23:03):
Send your burnens. Yes, whatis it? Senual a? Once
I had a date with Brenda andCarbona. Brenda and Carbona. The carbona
makes you sick? Brend there's adoll. They would just send that broken
down a top layer back to localAto. Two. Must be him,
Come in, Harvist Burns. Yes, my name is Jules Kobe, attorney
(23:27):
in law. I'm calling the referenceto the OC Telepas case. Well,
I'm glad you're hear, mister Kobe, as I'd like to explain the whole
thing to you. That's what attorney'sa Forrest Burns. Well, now,
to begin with, I did takeElsie Tralepass out a few times. She
was young and pretty, and afterall, I'm only human. You don't
say anything you can't prove. I'vegot that Thomast Burns Well. Anyway,
(23:56):
the first night I met her,we drove out to the beach and radio
was playing, and I had thepot of gold on. Is that pretty
of the daddy? Would you be? Quiets your Edmster Burns. I'm writing
it down. So we were drivingalong and I kept telling her how pretty
she was and how smart she was, and pretty soon we came to a
(24:18):
lonely spot and I ran out ofcompliments. So that's a new one.
Most goals run out of gas,Pracye. For your information, there are
lots of couples who don't neck inpot cause yeah, the woods to follow
them. All right, So maybeI kissed her a few times, But
please, Gracie, it's very importantthat the lawyer hears my story. I've
(24:41):
got that down with Burns. Ofcourse, that wouldn't look very good to
a jury. So when we getthe court, mister Kolby, let's cut
out the kissing. You mean youand he'll Jet's hold hand Gracie when they
keepsdale your ed mister Burns, I'vegot that down. Well, you can
tell the jury that I'm a manof very fine characters, mister Koby.
That nets you. He doesn't evenknow you. Well if he doesn't know
(25:02):
George, and he can say it. Oh well, this cast is always
kidding me like this, mister Kobe. But they'll be glad to be character
witness. Is pomb me, won'tyou boys, or you bet your life
we will, George, I'll beglad to stand up in court and tell
him what a wonderful guy you are. Oh thanks, But how much does
it pay? You know? NowYou've got me so confused. I don't
(25:25):
know which way to turn. OhLos Angeles drive, Uh huh, a
lot of quine friends, senior votes. What is it, senior? At
fifty cents, I will tell thejudy that you are a perfect gentleman.
Fifty cents h I won't pay it, all right, so I'll say you're
(25:45):
good for nothing. He does thatdown, mister Kobe. Poor Georgie started
out looking for a character witness,and look what happened. No witness,
no character. Oh keep tell anyway, mister Kobe. I met the Elsie
travel Fast in a restaurant and younever saw anybody eat so much in your
life. She ordered a double PorterhouseState and in two seconds she looked up
at me and what do you thinkshe said? I've got that down,
(26:07):
mister Burns. That was exactly whatshe said. You see, it really
was a lot of innocent fun.Oh so that's what happened, well,
nodding exactly. That's what I wantyou to tell the jury. If the
opposing side knew the real facts,I wouldn't have a leg to stand on.
(26:29):
You see, between you and me, I did promise to put Elsie
trailer Fass on the radio. Guy. See what you mean, mister Burns,
and believe me, I can't possiblylose this case. Good day.
There's a great lawyer, see Gracey. He says he can't lose. Oh
that's what he says. I'll betyalla, I will beat him. My
(26:51):
lawyer, my lawyer, Yes,who's there? How tralapass is lawyer Elsie
trailer Facer whoa he hold a head? Before George and Gracie returned to say
(27:26):
good night, they want me totell you that spam is a mighty good
meal time hint for your household tomorrowand every day ask for spam spam when
you shop tomorrow and fry the easyrecipes on the label. Well, thanks
Bud. Oh, Gracie, it'slike good night, well, good night.
And by the way, George,he has some good news. You
know it didn't do Elsie Talafas anygood to tie up your money. Well,
Gracie, why well I found outthat you? Thank you sailed?
(27:48):
Oh body, hold a head?Well will George come to by next week?
Will he win the case? Willhe have to pay a hundred thousand
dollars? What will happen? Whocares? Good night? Listen again next
(28:15):
Monday night, same time, samestation for George Burns and Great the Island
with Artie Shawn's Orchestra and the smoothiesbrought to you by Hormel and Spam.
Until then, this is but Heastonreminding you to remember the full rhot spam
hits with fun. Have you triedHormel chill concarney. You may think you
(28:42):
don't like chili, but chili concarney the way Hormel makes it is different
and everybody likes it. Double yourmoney back if you don't like it.
Try Hormel Chili con Carney tomorrow.This is the National Broadcasting Company.
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