February 9, 2024 • 29 mins
"The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" was a hilarious and innovative radio comedy that followed the lives of a fictionalized version of the real-life married couple, George Burns and Gracie Allen. The show was known for its unique format, with George Burns serving as the straight man and Gracie Allen as the delightfully scatterbrained and absurdly funny wife.The core of the show's humor was Gracie's zany logic and her penchant for getting herself and George into comical situations. Her misunderstandings, malapropisms, and eccentric thinking were central to the show's charm. George, on the other hand, played the role of the calm and patient husband who often tried to explain Gracie's antics to others and navigate the chaos she created.The show featured recurring characters such as Blanche Morton (played by Bea Benaderet), Gracie's best friend and a fellow participant in the comedy, and Harry Morton (played by Hal March), Blanche's husband. The ensemble cast, along with George and Gracie, contributed to the show's comedic dynamics.Each episode typically revolved around a humorous situation or misunderstanding that Gracie would instigate, leading to a series of hilarious events and exchanges. The show was known for its quick-witted humor, clever wordplay, and impeccable timing."The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" enjoyed immense popularity during its radio run, and it later transitioned successfully to television in the 1950s. George Burns and Gracie Allen's on-screen chemistry and comedic talent made them beloved figures in American entertainment history, and their radio show remains an enduring classic in the world of comedy.
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(00:00):
From Hollywood. The George Burns andGracie Allen Show for Harm Allen Spam,
Crazy for Spam, Ribo Boom Spam, George Burns, Gracy Allen, are
(00:29):
Shaw ran his orchest Straw, thesinging Glee. We're the Smoothies three last,
but not listen with Bud He says, yes, it burns an Alanie
(01:08):
at your house again. Fun andlaughs with George and Gracie, and a
hint on how you can laugh atOld Man warm Weather. Serve spam and
vegetable salad. There's a cool,inviting meal you can sum to your table
at a moment's notice, a mealthat gives the family planty to eat.
Easy. Sure, just open acan of spam spelled spam slice and put
on a plate with the salad.Those juicy, tender slices of spam really
(01:32):
make the meal. Spam is grandtasting meat with a flavor that's downright good.
So ask your food dealer for spam. Serve it tomorrow, try those
easy recipes on the label. Thenyou can vacation from the kitchen and have
a good laugh on Old Man warmWeather. Now for the stars of our
(02:01):
show, those two Spa Ambassadors arefun. George and Gracy, thank you
very much. Hello Gracie, HelloBud. What do you think of the
hot weather we've been having? Oh? Boy, I wish I knew how
to keep cool. Oh I knowwhat we could do. But we can
(02:21):
go down to the beach and sitin the sand and I'll hold your hand
and you can hug me and Ican kiss you again, Gracie will let
cool us off. No, butwe may as well enjoy the heat,
if you know what I mean.I think he knows what you mean.
And Gracie, quiet about the heat. The tourists might be listening. Tourists.
(02:46):
What's a tourist watch tourists? Yeah, look, Gracie, let's say
you leave the studio, you crossHollywood and Vine, you get on a
bush. It's impossible. What's impossibleacross Holly wouldn't Vine? Right? Forget
Pollywood and find you get on thetrain in Los Angeles and you travel and
travel and travel and travel. Whatare you still in Los Angeles? Well,
(03:13):
I'll try to explain what a touristis again. I'm in the brown
derby eating what are you eating?A chicken sandwich? Wipe meter dock me?
What's the difference. Well, thenI come out of the brown derby.
There are people waiting out there withpaper and pencils. Are they ready
for you? Yes? What arethey credits? It's still very warm and
(03:38):
as a matter of fact, it'sgetting hot of book. Oh judge,
if you're that warm, why don'tyou do with my brother dad? What
does he do? Well? Heknows how to keep cool. Yeah,
every morning, every morning he spendstwo hours under a cold shower. Well,
how does he stand there? Hedoesn't turn the water on? Which
hair? Which Which brother? Isthat? That's the one that's smarter than
(04:00):
I am? Oh, the halfwith the toll one. Yeah, yeah,
the good looking kid. Yeah,the golfer, yes, yes,
the one who got his head caughtin the frigidair. His head got caught
in frigidad. Well, yeah,you see, he didn't believe the light
went out when you closed the door. Of course, that's a nice way
to keep cool. I don't thinkso. That's a crazy way, but
(04:23):
it is the best thing to do, is what my daddy thought of yesterday?
What's that? Well, he attachedan electric fan to his nose.
Attached an electric fan to his nose. Yeah, where's your daddy now claning
over Kansas City. I uh,I really think I was better off with
the tourist. Come in four yearsin Harvard and all I do is open
(04:48):
and close doors. Sound Man,stop grumbling and open the door. I'll
do it, but my heart isan minute. Mister Burns. Yes,
you've got a wonderful program, andI think you're great. And I have
come all the way from New Yorkto Los Angeles to get your autograph while
you're just in timers, Sir,I've been trying to explain to Grace youe
what a tourist is. Now.Have you came all the way from New
(05:10):
York to Los Angeles and you wantmy autograph? What are you? Your
brother Willie? Remember just for that, go back to the hotel and take
my shud off quickly. Soundman,these door slams that you give out each
week, you're gonna knock down thebuilding, mister Burns. Bing Crosby says,
(05:31):
boo boo boo boom. For that, he gets ten thousand dollars.
Ted Lewis, is everybody happy?Twelve thousand dollars? Jack Benny terrific vocabulary
instead of saying hello again, Jelloagain twenty thousand dollars. I have translated
into English the ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics discoveredon the tomb of King Herod third,
(05:56):
covering the period from the Second Dynastythrough the Peloponnesian War. And this is
what I do for a living.All right, right after the broadcast,
I'll give you a gold star anda Tucci role. And now the Smoothies,
bab Charlie and Little are gonna singand you're going to company, So
(06:20):
care hey, guitar a guitar player, Samuel, what is it? Now?
There's one member in the orchestra whosings much better than the Smoothies.
He is the greatest singer in thecountry. But he has two mothers to
tell you? Who is that?Me? You're the greatest singer in the
country. You really think so?So so, the Smoothies were saying,
(06:46):
Jack, how could I think sostupid? I know what a tourist is,
well, good, good? Whatis the tourist? You probably will
see. A tourist is a personwho travels from place to place, so
never stops, oh Rose Downes.And now the Smoothies were saying, okay,
(07:12):
give up, okay, okay,sanyol. As long as it's such
a good singer, come up here. I'd like to hear you sing introduction
Autie not in the mood? Wellhe's not in the mood. Well never
(07:38):
mind, ODDI. What are yougonna play tonight? A little French number
entitled the plur vois Drill? Whatdoes that mean in English? April showers?
Why did you say it in French? Well, Senior Lee doesn't like
the number and he doesn't understand French. Where does the Senori like April showers?
Why it's a beautiful number. Showwe'll come away? What a murder
(08:05):
a lot? I suppose if SenorLEI doesn't like it, you'll have to
play something else. Yep, tonightI'm gonna play temptation. Fine? Why
he puts up with that? SenorLee is more than I can understand,
Say, judge, you just don'tunderstand the Latin people, but you do
it well. I was in SouthAmerica. I know exactly how they live.
All night long, they sit underthe moon and make love, and
(08:26):
they sit under the moon all nightmake well? Yeah, what are they
doing the daytime? They sit underthe sun? Cool body? Temptation?
Please? That that was Temptation bythe number one band of the nation.
(11:26):
It's pretty cute. And really,I've never heard you play that number.
I've never heard you play that numberso well before that was one. That's
mighty nice of you to say that, George, I really mean it.
Lot. If you care to smokea cigar with me, Oh, I'd
love to. All right, I'llsmoke it down here and then you can
have it. Wow. Thanks kid. Did George while I saw was doing
(11:46):
his number A costumes a ride forthe kitty party? Oh, Gracie,
you and George going to a kittieparty tonight. Look, Gracie, I'll
go to the Coconut Grove because Ilove it and I love Betty Dutch's music.
But I'm not getting into that LordFauntleroy suit. Some fun I had
at the last kittie party. Ispent ten minutes bobbing for apples and twenty
minutes bobbing for your teeth. Thatwas a cute sight. All those grown
(12:11):
up movie stars with lollipops in theirmouths. Oh all of them didn't have
lollipops. No, Joey Brown hada chocolate covered shovel. Kitty parties,
it's not bad enough that you haveto go dressed up like five year old,
rollicking rollo. You've got to entertainwith that tiny tot stuff. After
all, I'm not exactly five yearsold. You're not exactly ten, certainly,
(12:33):
not exactly twenty, that's right,not exactly forty? Right? Could
I go? I like this foryears? Don't don't, just don't fu.
But how old do I look toyou? Well? Roughly, George,
your face looks about thirty. Hereyou are, Gracie. Let's mooth
it out, and it looks atleast sixty. There you are, George.
(12:54):
Not going to that kitty party.I want you entertained. What are
you going to do? Razzi?Oh? I know a very cute story.
It goes like this. Die onephill is a nice little boy and
he saw a little angle woman whohad nobody to play with, and a
nice little boy felt so sorry forthe little angleworm that he took out his
pen, knight, and he cutthe little angle woman in hat. And
then he said, now a littleangle woman who have somebody to play with?
(13:22):
That's my god, very cute.But see, I don't know any
stories, George, George, here'sa little poem, you can tell.
Jack and Jill went up the hillto fetch a pail of water. Jack
fell down and broke his crown seedoctor coin credit Tennis. I'm uh still
not performing well, George. Lookhere's one little Jack Horner sat in a
(13:46):
corner eating a can of spam.He stuck in his thumb and pulled out
some meat, which is not onlya pure pork product, but is a
perfect blend of the choicest cuts porkshoulder, the juiciest, sweetest meat,
combined with ham meat, well knownfor tenderness and flavor. And said,
what a good boy? Am Istill not performing? But George, why
(14:07):
don't you do a little poem likethis? I don't want to hear it
good. I always use a dialphonewith me. It never fails. I
never get my number, but itnot acures my nails. I'm still not
performing, mister Burns. If you'llallow a sound bad allowed. Here is
a simple little poem which I recitedwhen I was six years old. Poem
(14:31):
species aromatic Rosa bacilli a red speciesgenus Viola septuri a blue c two H
four oh sixteen is a split carbohydrate, And so are you? Why do
you work, you think, II love that, still not performing in
(14:52):
your burns. I have a children'spoem. We keep and keep it,
cap and keep it. I'm I'ma little wildflower growing wilder every hour.
Nobody tries to cultivate me. Kardam, but the wise smell boys. I've
(15:13):
got a te olt for you.Forget the poems, and I'm not going.
I've got a beautiful costume for you, a little short hands, the
dusty brown color and a big bone, a little sail had. Are you
look off a cute du No,no, you're too old with a dapper
And now the smoothies were saying,or the sun halfway with I think maybe
(15:37):
I sing now well, I thinkmaybe I let you and I hope you're
in the mood and production of it. Not in the mood, senior le.
I don't think you ever sang inyour life about Buddy that I sung
(16:00):
Carmen in South America. I wasthere. I can picture it now here.
I am in the middle of thearena, the great a single in
the world, just like a tarrierdoes. Thousands of people applauding, the
lights dimmed down. I opened mymouth. The fool rushes out smoothies.
The song get up, part ofthe hat a pillow wherever the doll screen.
(16:30):
Get up, come on, getout, and made the sun half
way. Maybe a fortune waiting ormaybe an exit lay Get up, Come
on, get out and made thesun half way. Gain as you begin
to a band scrub, get outwith your version of the road to man
(16:53):
the lad don't ever expect the rightside? Served up? Do you want
a train? Get up? Comeon, get out, you're late and
meet son half way. You hada good night, you didn't count sheep,
eat up to that going back tosleep. Hey, sleep behead,
don't you know what you're missing?Hey, sleep behead? Life can really
(17:18):
be geeze so gay, so stophiding me. Hi up. Whenever dormans
gain, get up, get out, get on your way and meet son
hand way. There may be afortune waiting or maybe an age you play.
Get up, get up and meetson halfway. Get into the tub
(17:41):
tub and start two events from Whydon't you give out with your version all
the rod you manually don't ever expectthe right side? And I served up
to you ball the trade. Whydon't you get up, get up and
meet son way? Come on,get up, Sonny outside, get out
(18:03):
of it. You're on the rightside. Give me the stay small rage.
You did a grand job, So, George, can I take the
microphone for a second. Here,I'm loud, Excuse me please, I
got a little problem here. Seeplatter scatter, fatter, gosh, gee,
(18:27):
platter chatter. My goodness, it'smatter. Well I got another swell
poem here, Gracie, except thatI can't make the last line run.
Well, I'm good at that.Give you the test and I'll do my
desk. Hey, go ahead,in the good old summertime, have something
just right when you dine. You'llmake a hit with spam on a platter.
(18:47):
That's where I'm stuck, Gracie,I need something to rhyme with platter.
Well, that's easy, but listen, you'll make a hit with spam
on the platter. But really,you know there's nothing better. Dot fad
racy and thanks. That's what Ineeded to get me started on a swell
suggestion for a grand warm weather meala spam summer platter. Open a can
or two of spam spam, sliceand arrange around a large platter. Next
(19:12):
a circle of luscious sliced tomatoes,then a ring of your favorite cheese sliced.
Decorate the platter with crisp celery radishes, olives and raw carrots, with
potato salad, iced tear, coffee, and the simple dessert you bring to
your table a perfect summer meal.Just wait until Dad and the youngsters taste
those juicy slices of spam. Deliciousmeat that pleases every appetite because spam is
(19:33):
meat with a hearty he man flavor. You like it too, because spam
is so easy to use, readyto eat just as it comes from the
can. Spam is always handy becauseit keeps without refrigeration. Serve a Spam
summer platter soon. Ask your fooddealer for spam when you shop tomorrow and
try the easy recipes on the label. Then you'll discover that cold or hot
(19:53):
spam hits the spot. Slice it, dice right, they get cold law.
It's this fun small days that wasreally swell. Judge. I saw
(20:15):
all the costumes of the kiddie partytonight, and Jorgie Jessel's wife's costume is
the prettiest it is. Yes,Oh, it's very cute. She's gonna
wear a little Bobby socks and alittle baby bonnet and a little white play
dress and a blue sash on.It probably be very happy and a thing
like that it should be it wasa wedding gown. Well, it's it's
too bad, Grass. See,I won't be able to see the dress.
(20:37):
We won't get there until after nine, and missus Jessel will be home
before that. Doctor zartis no.The curfew law curfu law. What's that?
It's the law that's just been passedin California. It's for the protection
of juveniles. Who are they?Before you were eighteen? What way it
(20:59):
seventeen? According to the new curfewlaw, if you're under eighteen and you're
out after nine o'clock, an officercomes up and serves you with a writ.
Just me No. If your brother'sout, the officer comes up and
saves him with a writ. Andif his brother's already saves him with a
writ. Now do you know whatit is? Yeah? The Ritz brothers.
The only one who can explain alaw like this to you. Gracie
(21:19):
is a jurist. But you don'teven know what a jurist is. I
do too, what's a jurist?You? Cross Tally wouldn't bind you get
in a bus and you think it'syour brother will he turns out to be
on a Roosevelt. Look. Curfewis the saying that's impossible to explain to
an idiot, mister Burns, Ithink I can explain it to you.
(21:40):
Well, thanks some man, Thanksoodles. I'll admit I haven't had a
college education. So no matter whatyou're explaining, you're wasting your time because
I can't understand it. So goback to your door, peasant. That's
what I do for a living.How did I get mixed up in a
thing like this? None of thiswould have happened if you put on your
kiddie costume in the first place.All right, I'll go off stage and
(22:03):
put it on right now, andI'll leave it to the rest of the
cast and see if it doesn't lookso I will come right there. Oh,
but I wish you were going tothe party. It's going to be
a swell party. Mickey Rooney isgoing to bring Anne Sheridan and Charles Boy.
That's a funny thing. If MickeyRooney is bringing Anne Sheridan. With
that new curfew law, Mickey,you'll have to be home by nine o'clock.
(22:23):
Yeah, or else he'd be arrestedfor Austin arson Gracie Arson means burned
up. If you had to leaveVan Sheridan at nine o'clock, you'd be
burned up too. Well, it'ssure is tough on these kids, with
these curfew officers. But boy,I'd give anything to go to the party.
(22:44):
Well, I've just got two ticketsfor the kiddie party. One is
George's and one is mine. Ohwait a minute, George is getting dressed
up as a baby. We canphone the curfew officer. He'll take George
home and put him to bed,and you and I can go to the
party. That's wonderful, think ofthat. Oh dear, who knows the
number of the curfew officer? Well, I think it's a rotten trick.
(23:07):
You're playing on as nice a fellowas George. The number is Gladstone one
one three one. Well I'll goand call it, but I don't forget
everybody. When George comes in,tell him how nicely young he looks.
Oh, here he comes here.I am dad, dad, dad,
(23:32):
dad? Oh how are you alittle boy? Where's your mama? See
George, that's how young you look. I didn't know you. Oh stop,
ahdi, How do you like mein my kiddy costume? When I
walked in? Did you notice myrattle? Yeah? You ought to get
your joint oil just for that.I'll take my Shirley Temple doll and Fracchi
skull. That's a nice bowl you'vegot on your hat, George. Thanks,
(23:55):
it's a nice bow. It's anice bow you have on your legs.
Oh yeah, I'll glad. Youshouldn't say things like that about George
Lakes like here's a few and farbetween. Pardon me, but I got
(24:18):
a call from a mister Hoaston.Oh so I guess you're the little girl
or boy. What a cute littleboy, and what a cute houtfit?
How old are you? I'll goglobble, globble, my, you look
older than that, all right,so I'm I'll go glubble couple and a
half a little five year old boysmoking cigars? Yes, and I dink
(24:41):
too what I think? Oh George, you can speak quieter than that.
Well, come along with me,my little man, I can't. I
got a door to a party atthe Coconut Dough. I'm the curfew off.
I'm gonna have a lot. Waita minute, braba, I happen
to be a very old man.Mister. Did you ever see a five
(25:06):
year old with a face like mine? Yeah? He came in second,
Yes it did, Hollywood part Idon't know who framed this, but all
I know is that I'm not goingto any kiddy party here, Gracie,
you can have the ticket. Okakoh, come on, Curfu officer.
We're going to a party. Gracie. You're going out with that curfew officer?
(25:26):
What about me? But you cango with the next week. I'll
go to the party, miss Allen, but I'll have to take you home
by nine o'clock. Oh I'm lovedeighteen, but I'm not. Well,
that's fine. Don't kape my associatedwith work on tadi Adi? What does
(25:48):
the sanuel want now? Now he'sin the mood to sing? Well,
all right, come down here andsing. Is the audience in the moon?
Audience? Are you in the moon? They're not in the mood?
Well all I send y'all, don'tsing and don't bother me and don't come
back next week. Senor Burns,that did it? Or you're going to
(26:11):
quest No, now I'm in themood now they's ma the b though okay
a pair of honey. The blo came no me up and done here
I go CD. Now they's mahiero bizarre to lean the voca diego.
(26:42):
They are Mori pasion loco aciendo porkyyo do vegas son no longevo sdbc lovivo
to n Rasian brill old named diego. I'm kat Macy's taking Grandma the people
(27:06):
who, Now there's my hillo thesong to lendable call Seego. They are
morripasion local cacien thor borphy only whonow there's my only hololis My George and
(28:04):
Gracie have asked me to suggest youtry a spam summer platter at your house
real soon. You like the deliciousmeaty flavor of spam the way it satisfies
husky appetites, So just open acan of spam, slice this grand tasting
meat and let it headline a platterof tomatoes, cheese, crisp, celery
and favorite summer fixens. That's theeasy way to good warm weather meals.
(28:25):
Ask for spam spam when you shoptomorrow. Try the simple recipes on the
label. Thank you, Bud,Gracie. Second night, Oh good night.
Oh, say George seniorle some ladyfeels too romantic. I feel like
kissing somebody, well Hobart kissing metheir pucket. Well, not in the
mood. Goodnight, Let's name again. Next Monday night, same time,
(28:51):
Saints Station for George Burns and GracieAllen with Ardie Shaw and his Orchestra and
the smoothies, brought to you byhorm All and Spam. Until then,
this is but Houston reminding you toremember that cold or hot spam hits the
spot. Good Night, h
From Hollywood. The George Burns andGracie Allen Show for Harm Allen Spam,
Crazy for Spam, Ribo Boom Spam, George Burns, Gracy Allen, are
(00:29):
Shaw ran his orchest Straw, thesinging Glee. We're the Smoothies three last,
but not listen with Bud He says, yes, it burns an Alanie
(01:08):
at your house again. Fun andlaughs with George and Gracie, and a
hint on how you can laugh atOld Man warm Weather. Serve spam and
vegetable salad. There's a cool,inviting meal you can sum to your table
at a moment's notice, a mealthat gives the family planty to eat.
Easy. Sure, just open acan of spam spelled spam slice and put
on a plate with the salad.Those juicy, tender slices of spam really
(01:32):
make the meal. Spam is grandtasting meat with a flavor that's downright good.
So ask your food dealer for spam. Serve it tomorrow, try those
easy recipes on the label. Thenyou can vacation from the kitchen and have
a good laugh on Old Man warmWeather. Now for the stars of our
(02:01):
show, those two Spa Ambassadors arefun. George and Gracy, thank you
very much. Hello Gracie, HelloBud. What do you think of the
hot weather we've been having? Oh? Boy, I wish I knew how
to keep cool. Oh I knowwhat we could do. But we can
(02:21):
go down to the beach and sitin the sand and I'll hold your hand
and you can hug me and Ican kiss you again, Gracie will let
cool us off. No, butwe may as well enjoy the heat,
if you know what I mean.I think he knows what you mean.
And Gracie, quiet about the heat. The tourists might be listening. Tourists.
(02:46):
What's a tourist watch tourists? Yeah, look, Gracie, let's say
you leave the studio, you crossHollywood and Vine, you get on a
bush. It's impossible. What's impossibleacross Holly wouldn't Vine? Right? Forget
Pollywood and find you get on thetrain in Los Angeles and you travel and
travel and travel and travel. Whatare you still in Los Angeles? Well,
(03:13):
I'll try to explain what a touristis again. I'm in the brown
derby eating what are you eating?A chicken sandwich? Wipe meter dock me?
What's the difference. Well, thenI come out of the brown derby.
There are people waiting out there withpaper and pencils. Are they ready
for you? Yes? What arethey credits? It's still very warm and
(03:38):
as a matter of fact, it'sgetting hot of book. Oh judge,
if you're that warm, why don'tyou do with my brother dad? What
does he do? Well? Heknows how to keep cool. Yeah,
every morning, every morning he spendstwo hours under a cold shower. Well,
how does he stand there? Hedoesn't turn the water on? Which
hair? Which Which brother? Isthat? That's the one that's smarter than
(04:00):
I am? Oh, the halfwith the toll one. Yeah, yeah,
the good looking kid. Yeah,the golfer, yes, yes,
the one who got his head caughtin the frigidair. His head got caught
in frigidad. Well, yeah,you see, he didn't believe the light
went out when you closed the door. Of course, that's a nice way
to keep cool. I don't thinkso. That's a crazy way, but
(04:23):
it is the best thing to do, is what my daddy thought of yesterday?
What's that? Well, he attachedan electric fan to his nose.
Attached an electric fan to his nose. Yeah, where's your daddy now claning
over Kansas City. I uh,I really think I was better off with
the tourist. Come in four yearsin Harvard and all I do is open
(04:48):
and close doors. Sound Man,stop grumbling and open the door. I'll
do it, but my heart isan minute. Mister Burns. Yes,
you've got a wonderful program, andI think you're great. And I have
come all the way from New Yorkto Los Angeles to get your autograph while
you're just in timers, Sir,I've been trying to explain to Grace youe
what a tourist is. Now.Have you came all the way from New
(05:10):
York to Los Angeles and you wantmy autograph? What are you? Your
brother Willie? Remember just for that, go back to the hotel and take
my shud off quickly. Soundman,these door slams that you give out each
week, you're gonna knock down thebuilding, mister Burns. Bing Crosby says,
(05:31):
boo boo boo boom. For that, he gets ten thousand dollars.
Ted Lewis, is everybody happy?Twelve thousand dollars? Jack Benny terrific vocabulary
instead of saying hello again, Jelloagain twenty thousand dollars. I have translated
into English the ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics discoveredon the tomb of King Herod third,
(05:56):
covering the period from the Second Dynastythrough the Peloponnesian War. And this is
what I do for a living.All right, right after the broadcast,
I'll give you a gold star anda Tucci role. And now the Smoothies,
bab Charlie and Little are gonna singand you're going to company, So
(06:20):
care hey, guitar a guitar player, Samuel, what is it? Now?
There's one member in the orchestra whosings much better than the Smoothies.
He is the greatest singer in thecountry. But he has two mothers to
tell you? Who is that?Me? You're the greatest singer in the
country. You really think so?So so, the Smoothies were saying,
(06:46):
Jack, how could I think sostupid? I know what a tourist is,
well, good, good? Whatis the tourist? You probably will
see. A tourist is a personwho travels from place to place, so
never stops, oh Rose Downes.And now the Smoothies were saying, okay,
(07:12):
give up, okay, okay,sanyol. As long as it's such
a good singer, come up here. I'd like to hear you sing introduction
Autie not in the mood? Wellhe's not in the mood. Well never
(07:38):
mind, ODDI. What are yougonna play tonight? A little French number
entitled the plur vois Drill? Whatdoes that mean in English? April showers?
Why did you say it in French? Well, Senior Lee doesn't like
the number and he doesn't understand French. Where does the Senori like April showers?
Why it's a beautiful number. Showwe'll come away? What a murder
(08:05):
a lot? I suppose if SenorLEI doesn't like it, you'll have to
play something else. Yep, tonightI'm gonna play temptation. Fine? Why
he puts up with that? SenorLee is more than I can understand,
Say, judge, you just don'tunderstand the Latin people, but you do
it well. I was in SouthAmerica. I know exactly how they live.
All night long, they sit underthe moon and make love, and
(08:26):
they sit under the moon all nightmake well? Yeah, what are they
doing the daytime? They sit underthe sun? Cool body? Temptation?
Please? That that was Temptation bythe number one band of the nation.
(11:26):
It's pretty cute. And really,I've never heard you play that number.
I've never heard you play that numberso well before that was one. That's
mighty nice of you to say that, George, I really mean it.
Lot. If you care to smokea cigar with me, Oh, I'd
love to. All right, I'llsmoke it down here and then you can
have it. Wow. Thanks kid. Did George while I saw was doing
(11:46):
his number A costumes a ride forthe kitty party? Oh, Gracie,
you and George going to a kittieparty tonight. Look, Gracie, I'll
go to the Coconut Grove because Ilove it and I love Betty Dutch's music.
But I'm not getting into that LordFauntleroy suit. Some fun I had
at the last kittie party. Ispent ten minutes bobbing for apples and twenty
minutes bobbing for your teeth. Thatwas a cute sight. All those grown
(12:11):
up movie stars with lollipops in theirmouths. Oh all of them didn't have
lollipops. No, Joey Brown hada chocolate covered shovel. Kitty parties,
it's not bad enough that you haveto go dressed up like five year old,
rollicking rollo. You've got to entertainwith that tiny tot stuff. After
all, I'm not exactly five yearsold. You're not exactly ten, certainly,
(12:33):
not exactly twenty, that's right,not exactly forty? Right? Could
I go? I like this foryears? Don't don't, just don't fu.
But how old do I look toyou? Well? Roughly, George,
your face looks about thirty. Hereyou are, Gracie. Let's mooth
it out, and it looks atleast sixty. There you are, George.
(12:54):
Not going to that kitty party.I want you entertained. What are
you going to do? Razzi?Oh? I know a very cute story.
It goes like this. Die onephill is a nice little boy and
he saw a little angle woman whohad nobody to play with, and a
nice little boy felt so sorry forthe little angleworm that he took out his
pen, knight, and he cutthe little angle woman in hat. And
then he said, now a littleangle woman who have somebody to play with?
(13:22):
That's my god, very cute.But see, I don't know any
stories, George, George, here'sa little poem, you can tell.
Jack and Jill went up the hillto fetch a pail of water. Jack
fell down and broke his crown seedoctor coin credit Tennis. I'm uh still
not performing well, George. Lookhere's one little Jack Horner sat in a
(13:46):
corner eating a can of spam.He stuck in his thumb and pulled out
some meat, which is not onlya pure pork product, but is a
perfect blend of the choicest cuts porkshoulder, the juiciest, sweetest meat,
combined with ham meat, well knownfor tenderness and flavor. And said,
what a good boy? Am Istill not performing? But George, why
(14:07):
don't you do a little poem likethis? I don't want to hear it
good. I always use a dialphonewith me. It never fails. I
never get my number, but itnot acures my nails. I'm still not
performing, mister Burns. If you'llallow a sound bad allowed. Here is
a simple little poem which I recitedwhen I was six years old. Poem
(14:31):
species aromatic Rosa bacilli a red speciesgenus Viola septuri a blue c two H
four oh sixteen is a split carbohydrate, And so are you? Why do
you work, you think, II love that, still not performing in
(14:52):
your burns. I have a children'spoem. We keep and keep it,
cap and keep it. I'm I'ma little wildflower growing wilder every hour.
Nobody tries to cultivate me. Kardam, but the wise smell boys. I've
(15:13):
got a te olt for you.Forget the poems, and I'm not going.
I've got a beautiful costume for you, a little short hands, the
dusty brown color and a big bone, a little sail had. Are you
look off a cute du No,no, you're too old with a dapper
And now the smoothies were saying,or the sun halfway with I think maybe
(15:37):
I sing now well, I thinkmaybe I let you and I hope you're
in the mood and production of it. Not in the mood, senior le.
I don't think you ever sang inyour life about Buddy that I sung
(16:00):
Carmen in South America. I wasthere. I can picture it now here.
I am in the middle of thearena, the great a single in
the world, just like a tarrierdoes. Thousands of people applauding, the
lights dimmed down. I opened mymouth. The fool rushes out smoothies.
The song get up, part ofthe hat a pillow wherever the doll screen.
(16:30):
Get up, come on, getout, and made the sun half
way. Maybe a fortune waiting ormaybe an exit lay Get up, Come
on, get out and made thesun half way. Gain as you begin
to a band scrub, get outwith your version of the road to man
(16:53):
the lad don't ever expect the rightside? Served up? Do you want
a train? Get up? Comeon, get out, you're late and
meet son half way. You hada good night, you didn't count sheep,
eat up to that going back tosleep. Hey, sleep behead,
don't you know what you're missing?Hey, sleep behead? Life can really
(17:18):
be geeze so gay, so stophiding me. Hi up. Whenever dormans
gain, get up, get out, get on your way and meet son
hand way. There may be afortune waiting or maybe an age you play.
Get up, get up and meetson halfway. Get into the tub
(17:41):
tub and start two events from Whydon't you give out with your version all
the rod you manually don't ever expectthe right side? And I served up
to you ball the trade. Whydon't you get up, get up and
meet son way? Come on,get up, Sonny outside, get out
(18:03):
of it. You're on the rightside. Give me the stay small rage.
You did a grand job, So, George, can I take the
microphone for a second. Here,I'm loud, Excuse me please, I
got a little problem here. Seeplatter scatter, fatter, gosh, gee,
(18:27):
platter chatter. My goodness, it'smatter. Well I got another swell
poem here, Gracie, except thatI can't make the last line run.
Well, I'm good at that.Give you the test and I'll do my
desk. Hey, go ahead,in the good old summertime, have something
just right when you dine. You'llmake a hit with spam on a platter.
(18:47):
That's where I'm stuck, Gracie,I need something to rhyme with platter.
Well, that's easy, but listen, you'll make a hit with spam
on the platter. But really,you know there's nothing better. Dot fad
racy and thanks. That's what Ineeded to get me started on a swell
suggestion for a grand warm weather meala spam summer platter. Open a can
or two of spam spam, sliceand arrange around a large platter. Next
(19:12):
a circle of luscious sliced tomatoes,then a ring of your favorite cheese sliced.
Decorate the platter with crisp celery radishes, olives and raw carrots, with
potato salad, iced tear, coffee, and the simple dessert you bring to
your table a perfect summer meal.Just wait until Dad and the youngsters taste
those juicy slices of spam. Deliciousmeat that pleases every appetite because spam is
(19:33):
meat with a hearty he man flavor. You like it too, because spam
is so easy to use, readyto eat just as it comes from the
can. Spam is always handy becauseit keeps without refrigeration. Serve a Spam
summer platter soon. Ask your fooddealer for spam when you shop tomorrow and
try the easy recipes on the label. Then you'll discover that cold or hot
(19:53):
spam hits the spot. Slice it, dice right, they get cold law.
It's this fun small days that wasreally swell. Judge. I saw
(20:15):
all the costumes of the kiddie partytonight, and Jorgie Jessel's wife's costume is
the prettiest it is. Yes,Oh, it's very cute. She's gonna
wear a little Bobby socks and alittle baby bonnet and a little white play
dress and a blue sash on.It probably be very happy and a thing
like that it should be it wasa wedding gown. Well, it's it's
too bad, Grass. See,I won't be able to see the dress.
(20:37):
We won't get there until after nine, and missus Jessel will be home
before that. Doctor zartis no.The curfew law curfu law. What's that?
It's the law that's just been passedin California. It's for the protection
of juveniles. Who are they?Before you were eighteen? What way it
(20:59):
seventeen? According to the new curfewlaw, if you're under eighteen and you're
out after nine o'clock, an officercomes up and serves you with a writ.
Just me No. If your brother'sout, the officer comes up and
saves him with a writ. Andif his brother's already saves him with a
writ. Now do you know whatit is? Yeah? The Ritz brothers.
The only one who can explain alaw like this to you. Gracie
(21:19):
is a jurist. But you don'teven know what a jurist is. I
do too, what's a jurist?You? Cross Tally wouldn't bind you get
in a bus and you think it'syour brother will he turns out to be
on a Roosevelt. Look. Curfewis the saying that's impossible to explain to
an idiot, mister Burns, Ithink I can explain it to you.
(21:40):
Well, thanks some man, Thanksoodles. I'll admit I haven't had a
college education. So no matter whatyou're explaining, you're wasting your time because
I can't understand it. So goback to your door, peasant. That's
what I do for a living.How did I get mixed up in a
thing like this? None of thiswould have happened if you put on your
kiddie costume in the first place.All right, I'll go off stage and
(22:03):
put it on right now, andI'll leave it to the rest of the
cast and see if it doesn't lookso I will come right there. Oh,
but I wish you were going tothe party. It's going to be
a swell party. Mickey Rooney isgoing to bring Anne Sheridan and Charles Boy.
That's a funny thing. If MickeyRooney is bringing Anne Sheridan. With
that new curfew law, Mickey,you'll have to be home by nine o'clock.
(22:23):
Yeah, or else he'd be arrestedfor Austin arson Gracie Arson means burned
up. If you had to leaveVan Sheridan at nine o'clock, you'd be
burned up too. Well, it'ssure is tough on these kids, with
these curfew officers. But boy,I'd give anything to go to the party.
(22:44):
Well, I've just got two ticketsfor the kiddie party. One is
George's and one is mine. Ohwait a minute, George is getting dressed
up as a baby. We canphone the curfew officer. He'll take George
home and put him to bed,and you and I can go to the
party. That's wonderful, think ofthat. Oh dear, who knows the
number of the curfew officer? Well, I think it's a rotten trick.
(23:07):
You're playing on as nice a fellowas George. The number is Gladstone one
one three one. Well I'll goand call it, but I don't forget
everybody. When George comes in,tell him how nicely young he looks.
Oh, here he comes here.I am dad, dad, dad,
(23:32):
dad? Oh how are you alittle boy? Where's your mama? See
George, that's how young you look. I didn't know you. Oh stop,
ahdi, How do you like mein my kiddy costume? When I
walked in? Did you notice myrattle? Yeah? You ought to get
your joint oil just for that.I'll take my Shirley Temple doll and Fracchi
skull. That's a nice bowl you'vegot on your hat, George. Thanks,
(23:55):
it's a nice bow. It's anice bow you have on your legs.
Oh yeah, I'll glad. Youshouldn't say things like that about George
Lakes like here's a few and farbetween. Pardon me, but I got
(24:18):
a call from a mister Hoaston.Oh so I guess you're the little girl
or boy. What a cute littleboy, and what a cute houtfit?
How old are you? I'll goglobble, globble, my, you look
older than that, all right,so I'm I'll go glubble couple and a
half a little five year old boysmoking cigars? Yes, and I dink
(24:41):
too what I think? Oh George, you can speak quieter than that.
Well, come along with me,my little man, I can't. I
got a door to a party atthe Coconut Dough. I'm the curfew off.
I'm gonna have a lot. Waita minute, braba, I happen
to be a very old man.Mister. Did you ever see a five
(25:06):
year old with a face like mine? Yeah? He came in second,
Yes it did, Hollywood part Idon't know who framed this, but all
I know is that I'm not goingto any kiddy party here, Gracie,
you can have the ticket. Okakoh, come on, Curfu officer.
We're going to a party. Gracie. You're going out with that curfew officer?
(25:26):
What about me? But you cango with the next week. I'll
go to the party, miss Allen, but I'll have to take you home
by nine o'clock. Oh I'm lovedeighteen, but I'm not. Well,
that's fine. Don't kape my associatedwith work on tadi Adi? What does
(25:48):
the sanuel want now? Now he'sin the mood to sing? Well,
all right, come down here andsing. Is the audience in the moon?
Audience? Are you in the moon? They're not in the mood?
Well all I send y'all, don'tsing and don't bother me and don't come
back next week. Senor Burns,that did it? Or you're going to
(26:11):
quest No, now I'm in themood now they's ma the b though okay
a pair of honey. The blo came no me up and done here
I go CD. Now they's mahiero bizarre to lean the voca diego.
(26:42):
They are Mori pasion loco aciendo porkyyo do vegas son no longevo sdbc lovivo
to n Rasian brill old named diego. I'm kat Macy's taking Grandma the people
(27:06):
who, Now there's my hillo thesong to lendable call Seego. They are
morripasion local cacien thor borphy only whonow there's my only hololis My George and
(28:04):
Gracie have asked me to suggest youtry a spam summer platter at your house
real soon. You like the deliciousmeaty flavor of spam the way it satisfies
husky appetites, So just open acan of spam, slice this grand tasting
meat and let it headline a platterof tomatoes, cheese, crisp, celery
and favorite summer fixens. That's theeasy way to good warm weather meals.
(28:25):
Ask for spam spam when you shoptomorrow. Try the simple recipes on the
label. Thank you, Bud,Gracie. Second night, Oh good night.
Oh, say George seniorle some ladyfeels too romantic. I feel like
kissing somebody, well Hobart kissing metheir pucket. Well, not in the
mood. Goodnight, Let's name again. Next Monday night, same time,
(28:51):
Saints Station for George Burns and GracieAllen with Ardie Shaw and his Orchestra and
the smoothies, brought to you byhorm All and Spam. Until then,
this is but Houston reminding you toremember that cold or hot spam hits the
spot. Good Night, h
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