February 9, 2024 • 29 mins
"The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" was a hilarious and innovative radio comedy that followed the lives of a fictionalized version of the real-life married couple, George Burns and Gracie Allen. The show was known for its unique format, with George Burns serving as the straight man and Gracie Allen as the delightfully scatterbrained and absurdly funny wife.The core of the show's humor was Gracie's zany logic and her penchant for getting herself and George into comical situations. Her misunderstandings, malapropisms, and eccentric thinking were central to the show's charm. George, on the other hand, played the role of the calm and patient husband who often tried to explain Gracie's antics to others and navigate the chaos she created.The show featured recurring characters such as Blanche Morton (played by Bea Benaderet), Gracie's best friend and a fellow participant in the comedy, and Harry Morton (played by Hal March), Blanche's husband. The ensemble cast, along with George and Gracie, contributed to the show's comedic dynamics.Each episode typically revolved around a humorous situation or misunderstanding that Gracie would instigate, leading to a series of hilarious events and exchanges. The show was known for its quick-witted humor, clever wordplay, and impeccable timing."The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" enjoyed immense popularity during its radio run, and it later transitioned successfully to television in the 1950s. George Burns and Gracie Allen's on-screen chemistry and comedic talent made them beloved figures in American entertainment history, and their radio show remains an enduring classic in the world of comedy.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
Driver, Will you hurry up,I'll be late for the broadcast. See
Gracie won't know what to do withoutme. Now, don't worry, we'll
get there in time. Popsy,don't call me POPSI My name is George
Burns. All right now you're gonnaput me on the radio and I'm gonna
be your new partner like you promise, Oh Shore Show, I'll put you
on the radio now. Please,Elsie the driver is looking and see the
(00:30):
broadcast. No anything but that driver, Please hurry, I'll miss the broadcast
from Hollywood. The George Burns andGracie Allen Show for horm Allen Spam,
(00:51):
crazy Spam, rebat food Spam,George Burns and Gracie Allen, Artie Shaw
Rai's Orchestra singingly We're the Smoothie three, last one not Easton with the reason
(01:48):
another Burns an all enid at yourhouse. So you can depend on Artie
Shaw and the Smoothies for music that'ssweet, on George and Gracie for fun
that's neat, and on spam fora meal of delicious meat. Yes,
spam is grand tasting meat that's allready to eat as soon as you open
the can wholesome food because spam isa perfect blend of pure poor shoulder with
ham meat added just as shown onthe label. That's your assurance of goodness
(02:12):
and quality. Combine that with thedozens of easy uses for spam, and
it's only natural that this delicious meatis one of America's favorite meal time aids.
Ask for spam when you shop tomorrow. Try the easy recipes on the
label and discover that cold or hotspam hits the spot now or Spam's meat
(02:45):
Hearts. George and Gracie, thankyou, thank you very much. Gracie.
Where's George? You don't know we'reon the air. He's not here.
He Isn't that too bad? Andhe loves this program. Oh,
Gracie, you know where he waslast? Last? Oh? Yes,
(03:09):
he was last in a popularity poll. Well, Gracie, this is awful.
What are we going to do.We've got to find him, all
right, Bud, let's go lookfor him. We'll drive out to the
beach and if he's not there,then we'll take a walk through Griffith Park
and if he's not there, thenwe'll go over and sit in the balcony
of the Paramount theater. You thinkhe'll be in any of these places.
(03:30):
Well, what if he is.We've got a right to lead our own
lives. Gracie, this is awful. We've got to find George. When
was the last time you saw him? Oh no, let me see.
The last time I saw him.He was out with a girl. Say,
maybe something happened. Oh no,When George is out with the girl,
nothing never happens. So m s. Maybe he's out windows shopping.
(03:53):
Nah, no, he's got enoughwindows. On the other hand, maybe
he's just staying home and enjoying usSunday, enjoying a sunbath. Yes,
you know the girl across the streettakes one every afternoon and George. No,
no, let's see, it's toolate for that sunbath. Maybe he's
downstairs. Hello, Maybe he's downstairs. Maybe he's chatting with somebody who likes
(04:15):
him on the radio. Oh no, you look awful silly talking to himself.
She who you're talking about? GeorgeByrd's not here, He isn't.
Were terribly worried, Dear, Iwonder what's keeping George. Maybe went to
a cocktail party, never slept raShe remember me? What George? But
(04:36):
look, George is here already,George is here? Why George is here?
Well, already give him a fanfare. I wonder what's keeping George?
(05:03):
Maybe you overslept? Quiet, quiet, George, Where have you been?
Well? I was out with Ohwhere have I been? Oh? Yes,
where have I been? I've justbeen to a doctor's, to a
doctor, Yes, a very famousdoctor, a Smith. That's it,
the doctor Smith. Everybody knows ofme. Oh was the doctor sitting on
your lap? Sitting on my lap? Yes, there's lip bruge in your
(05:26):
face. Oh that red spot?Yes, that's my blood pressure, blood
pressure way up on your forehead.Well, but maybe it's high blood pressure
when you see it? Is?My blood pressure is one ninety two,
looks more like tangy number five.Please, Gracie, I'm not a well
man. I got dressed this morningand I had a sinking feeling around my
(05:47):
knees. Maybe you forgot your suspenders. Look, Gracie, I'm a very
sick man. You see see beneaththis opening and we going up? So
what is it? Samuel A SenorBurns, Why don't you have the druggists
send over a dream of sodium bycarbonate? Uh? A dream? All
(06:10):
right? Drum, senor dram dramah, watch your language. Well,
I think I will go to thedrug store, say sarmonon, will you
please open the door? Mister burnI know, I know you've been to
Harvard for four years, but I'min no mood to listen to you,
So will you please open the door? Mister Burns is a student of medicine.
(06:31):
May I suggest a remedy for yourailment before you go to bed tonight?
Just take a super saturated solution ofmono acetic acid estro salasilic acid.
Why that's that's aspirin, don it? I could never think of that word.
And now the smoothies were saying,Madame Lasanga and Gracie while they're singing,
I'm gonna run down to the drugstore to the drugs. Do what
(06:54):
they sell pills? Don't they surethey'll sell to anybody if you've got the
money. Maybe they'll have something thatwill put me to sleep tonight. Well,
did you ever hear of a sleepingpowder? Sleeping powder? Well,
why did you find out what putsthe power to sleep in? You're the
same thing I thought you aulder slowlyso loud? Have you ever been embarrassed?
(07:20):
When you're in a smart cat hoolewhen they played the Cuban tempo is
your dancing white lesson there's the studioon Main Street over Tony's folding store.
We're very small and the best man. Hey, you never's a long Six
(07:40):
lessons from Madam Zonga. You'll dothe roomba and little Lacunga sex lessons in
Madam's Caveta, and you will imagineyou're down in Avana for Latin dolls will
(08:01):
help you to start while finding arhythm. You might les your heart seas
lessons for Madam La Zunga, andyou'll discover what practice can do. You
count one, two, three,use your hip and your ees found you
(08:24):
bring now the Latin in you.Zita gives you less than one. Chiquita
gives you lesson two. The Madamwill supervise every step and exercise. The
Madam shows you how to walk,and then I'm gonna get with the job.
When the Madam starts to squawk,that's Cuban double talking me. My
(08:48):
sakety you. We'll rosita are chikeitado, but don't take them. The
matter's the best. Why Alsie timeis my names that I I will give
you the lessons. So why shouldyou fear. We're tired of fool and
we've had enough. We want yourlessons because you've got the stuff. Would
you like zaruma with a little twistor like kanda you can't resist? Well,
(09:11):
I'll pick a rumba with a littletwist. Well I'll pick lakanga.
I won't resist. Oh, comes, this talk has gone fair enough.
I will give you the lessons andshow you the stuff. One two three
kick one two three stuffs. Oh, you boys, you learn so quick.
I make much money at the endof the week. One two three
kick one two three kick. Nowyou boys have had enough. I tell
(09:33):
you something you have to stuff.Six lesson a madama zonga we learned too,
rumba and the new La Kana Rumbala conga fromdam la Zonga. Gee,
(10:00):
Gracie, George isn't here yet.I guess he's still down at the
drug store. He honesty, Maybehe really is sick. Goshall hope he
recovers in a hurry, because wecan't get along without him on the show.
It says here, Oh, Gracie, do you think I ought to
go down with? Hello? Spansme not speaking. May I speak to
pupsy, Popsy? We have nopupsy here. Popsy Burns the star of
(10:24):
the spam program. Oh oh sure, Popsy. Yeah, he's the one
we spend all morning at the beachplaying piggyback, playing piggyback with Popsy.
Huh. So that's why he waslate for the broadcast. Yeah, he
was in such a hurry that heforgot to pay the cab fare and I
had to pay. It's all that'spupsy, all right, anyway, tell
(10:46):
him Elsie Tralla fast called and thenI left my compact in his cold pocket
and to bring it to rehearsal tomorrow. Rehearsal. What rehearsal? You promised
to put me on the radio?Put you on the radio? Yeah,
you mean instead of a bowl ofwater lilies. Oh you don't understand.
(11:07):
You see, I'm gonna be hisnew partner. Is that soul? Well?
Haul out that. I know justwhat type of girl you are.
You have a pretty little cupid mouthand you use tangy number five. How
did you know that? Oh it'swritten all of a pupsy's face. Gracie
and find her over. George willbe glad to see her really? Yeah,
(11:28):
miss travel fast Pupsy just stuck hishead in the door and said for
you to come right over. Whythe darling will be right over and get
in this for me. So Georgeis going to get a new partner.
I can't understand why George would takea strange girl and promised to put her
on the radio and promise to makeher a star. Oh, maybe he
(11:50):
likes to play piggyback. How doyou like that twentieth century wolf coming in
late and saying he was sick.A big grown up man like that spending
all day at the beach playing piggybackwith a beautiful girl should happen to me?
Say when when George finds out thatwe do know about this girl,
he'll really get sick. Yeah,Oh, give me the phone. I
(12:11):
better call a doctor. Operate operated, give me a Gladstone one one three
one, Gracie, you better hurry. I'll watch for George. Hello,
doctor Kelso's office, or will youhave the doctor come over to the Burns
and nowand program right away? He'soperating in Joey Brown's mouth. But I'll
tell him when he comes out.Gracie quick, hang out, George is
coming. Oh goodbye? Look whenyou please stop slamming the door. Some
(12:37):
man, I'm in a terrible state. My body aches and I feel a
headache coming. I know, misterBurns, and I'll be right here at
the door to let her in.Gracie, I'm a little sick. This
program is too much for me.Well maybe you're on the wrong program.
Wrong program. Well, maybe youshould be on We the pupsy uh we
(13:01):
we the what? Well, youknow the pups in program with h Well,
never mind, I'm not well.Can't you see I'm a little pale.
Now, if you had a littleshovel, you could go back to
the beach. Look, well,you people stop. I'm I'm so sick.
(13:22):
It's got me scared. I meanI might even have to quit the
radio. Don't worry, Senor Bards. You can always open up an antique
shop like Eddie Comming Better Eddie cantCamon bears and a port of cheese.
What are you a local boy?Listen, folks, I'd like to lie
(13:50):
down, George. You can lieon the sofa. Well, you can
lie in the other room, oryou can lie in this room. You
can lie any place. Gracie,I don't care where I lie said it.
What's the matter with you people?The way you actually think I wasn't
telling the truth? Oh well,a sound man. There's somebody knocking at
the door. Very well, misterBurns, Ladies and gentlemen, your attention
(14:13):
please, while a graduate of Harvardclass of twenty nine goes to work.
I opened the door thusly, andI close it dustly, and my father
thought I'd be a failure. Quiet, quiet, good evening. I am
(14:35):
doctor kelsel. Oh, there's apatient, doctor patient. Gracie was worried
about you, George, so shecalled a doctor. Look, I'm not
that sick. A fellow has alittle cold, and they sent for doctor.
Coals can sometimes be very dangerous.Mister Burns, open your mouth and
say ah yah, thancuse me,pardon me? Uh say ah, mister
(14:58):
Burns, well this she's gonna finenow. Personally, I avoid coals by
drying myself thoroughly after taking a shower, a sham shower. Racie, this,
this, this fellow certainly knows alot about coal. He should have
had one for years. Say killedthere, I think my coal is getting
(15:20):
a little better. You know,you you people in show business should be
careful. I've treated picture stars likeRobert Taylor and Clark Gable. Please please,
doctor Taylor and gab her nothing tosneeze at. From now on,
I'll have the scripts typed on Kleenexwhen I treated. When I treated mister
(15:41):
Gable, he was playing in thepicture, called her her Hurray, hurricane
s doctor, it's gone with thewind? What's gone with the wind?
Your teeth? Look? Doctor,will you please go away? I'm a
(16:02):
new nervest man. Will you uh? Will you stick out your tongue?
Mister Burns? All right, furtherfurther? Ah, what a spot for
a ski jump? Gracie? Whydid you send for this fellow? You
know you've got to be very carefulabout your Yes, germs, Yes,
I can see that. For yearswe doctors have been trying to stop germs
(16:27):
from spreading. Well, why don'tyou make them wear little girdles? Gracie?
Will you stop helping him? Look, doctor, this is more serious
than I thought. I'd better usethe port of ale X ray machine on
(16:47):
you. Mister Burns. Get alittle closer, please, all right,
now stand still. M this isamazing. Oh doctor, let me take
a look. Will blow me down? If you didn't doctor. What do
you say? I see a roundblack thing in front of your heart,
in front of my heart. There'ssomething written on it, it says to
(17:11):
Elsie with love from Popsy. It'sa compact compact Ardie the music quick s.
(20:22):
Well, that was adishaw plank kingfor a day, you know,
ADDI that was really a grand job, Thanks Popsy. I'll wait a minute.
I'm not PUPSI no, let mesee the compact. But isn't there
something that you'd like to say?Now? Yes, well say it?
What's your phone number? But areyou going to talk about phone numbers?
(20:42):
Or about spam? Oh? Spam? Of course, spam is always handy
to talk about and handy to usetoo. In emergencies when unexpected guests arrive,
the modern housewife zips open a canof spam instead of calling for help.
She knows spam will provide a rich, nourishing meal and please even the
huskiest appetite. You see, spamkeeps without refrigeration, so this delicious,
(21:07):
easy to use meat is always readyfor quick action. Joyce, let me
see the compact. Gray, seeButter's talking. Sure, everybody's talking,
bud. So when the doorbell ringsunexpectedly. All you do is put on
your best smile and say, comeon in, cousin Christopher, you haven't
any meal time problems with spam.Just open a can of this tender,
juicy meat, slice and a rangeon a platter with a cool vegetable salad.
(21:30):
Whip up a simple dessert a tallglass of iced tea, and you'll
make the family and guests say that'sfor me. Let me see the compact
gray Sea butters trying to make anannouncement the sportcast coach from California to New
York. Yeah, and the compactgoes from Popsy to Elsa Bud. Everybody
likes the meaty flavor, the satisfyingtaste of spam. Spam is good hot
(21:51):
too. Serve it fried with eggsfor breakfast, or have baked spam for
dinner. Just try those easy recipeson the label of the spam can.
You can have anyone them ready toserve in a jiffy, So be prepared
for last minute or unexpected meals.Be sure to ask for spam sbam when
you shop tomorrow. Slice it nice, it ry, bake it cold or
(22:15):
hut. Scam hits the fut andnow that compact yet in your pocket?
Well, Gracie, do you wantto hear the truth? No, I
don't want to hear the truth.I want to hear what happened. Well,
(22:37):
if you have to know, Iwas at a cafe last night and
they gave those compacts out to everybody. What was Elsie written on it?
Elsie? Well it was a publicitystunt and it was for Elsie the cow
that said Elsie, she's a Jerseycow. She sounded more like she came
from Brooklyn to me. Well,I don't care what you think. It's
the truth. Elsie is a cow. Come in, Popsy. Uh huh?
(23:03):
Here I go. Oh no,don't look now, Ferdinand, but
your cow is here. Look misswill you wait outside? No, no,
come in, Elsie. I wantto hear you and Pupsy do a
little billing and mooing. Gracie,will you be quiet? But George,
(23:23):
she's gonna be your new partner.My partner? Uh huh my partner,
Racie? How can she be mypartner? She hasn't any talent. Why,
Pupsy, there's not what you toldme in the text. I didn't
mean that, and stop calling mepupsy. But you said you were going
to work with me. That's ridiculous, mss trallifast. What could you and
I do together? Well, youcould always play piggyback, piggyback. Look
(23:48):
when you all stop? Yeah,we ought to leave Georgie alone. Stop
getting them excited, Thanks Shardy.He's nothing to book for that. He's
nothing to ridicule, he's nothing tolaugh at. In fact, he's just
nothing. Gracie. I don't wantany new partner. I couldn't do anything
without you. Where would I go? I'm too old to go back to
Gus Edwards. By George. Ithink you and Elsie will make a swell
(24:19):
team. Gracie, she knows nothingabout radio. Besides, she's got a
job. She's a dietician. Youmean she picks his glasses. No,
I work with vitamins and calories.What station did they on, Gracie.
Vitamins and calories are not on theradio and cap calorie. Look I hardly
(24:42):
know this girl. I never promisedto put her on the radio. Oh
you did so, POOPSI do youknow, miss Allen. A lot of
people say I'll be another Molly McGhee. Well you'll be swelled together because George
is a terrific vibb Elsie with yourwait outside your burns, look, Elsie,
(25:04):
will your weight out and your burns? Look, Elsie, just go
outside. And hey, Poopsy,stop stop calling me pupsy. What do
you want, samuel A? NotElsie in her cheek. She's got very
pretty dumples. Dumples. It's dimples, not dumples. All you've got to
do is take you out, Takeyou out? Yes, why, Poopsy,
(25:26):
I didn't know you care? Whatif I dunk to deserve all this?
You promised to put Elsie on theradio. Oh, Poopsy, I've
got a new radio show, allPickgana. It's gonna be wonderful. I
got my uncle's band, Duke Pringleand his ruditude and tam and instead of
the smoothies, I've got a schoolchum of mine, Lelanie o'briar. Sounds
(25:48):
fine. Guess who I got forthe announcer? Who my brother in law
Stamuel will oh go for Junior?Ah that wonderful. I can just hear
that program now, Crazy Up People, the Popsy program starring George and Elsie,
spammurryball Balls, fair Popsy Burns andElsie. Trail Evans, Duke Prindlan's
(26:15):
routing Dude and Ken for singing Glee. We've got Lelani O'Brien last, but
not liston. We've Samuel Logo PopJunior. Why why this is awful?
I've had enough of this, Elsie? Why don't you go home? Spam
program? But Easton speaking Hello,but I want to talk to George Burns.
(26:37):
Oh yes, sir, George,it's a sponsor. I knew that's
what happened. Hello, I'm sorryabout that. I listen to the whole
show and I think that new combinationis sensational. What new combination? Gracy
Allen and Elsie Tralla Fast, andI'm going to sign them up. You're
gonna sign up Gracie Allen and ElsieTralla Fast? What about me? You
(26:59):
can go play Piggyback Popsy. BeforeGeorge and Gracie say good night, Gracie
(27:33):
wanted me to tell you that whenMama brings the family for supper, Spam
will headline the meal. It's soeasy to use this grand tasting meat.
Just open the can and spam isall ready to eat. And Gracie's brother
won't find spam as Sissy's meal eitherfor the meaty flavor. The satisfying taste
of spam pleases even the huskiest appetite. Keep spam on your pantry shelf.
(27:53):
It doesn't need refrigeration. Get asupply when you shop tomorrow ask for SPA
m Spam. Thanks Bud, Saygood night, good night, Come on,
Grecy, I'll take you home.Come on, Grey, come on
take you home to put me onthe radios. Good night folk. Listen
(28:45):
again next Monday night, same time, same station for George Burns and Gracie
Allen with Already Shaw and his orchestraand the smoothies brought to you by Hormel
and Spam. Until then, thisis Bud Houston reminding you to remember that
cold or hot spam hits the spot. Have you tried Hormale chili con carney.
(29:23):
You may think you don't like chili, but chili con carney, the
way Hormel makes it is different andeverybody likes it. Double your money back
if you don't like it. TryHormale Chili con carney tomorrow. This is
the National Broadcasting Company
Driver, Will you hurry up,I'll be late for the broadcast. See
Gracie won't know what to do withoutme. Now, don't worry, we'll
get there in time. Popsy,don't call me POPSI My name is George
Burns. All right now you're gonnaput me on the radio and I'm gonna
be your new partner like you promise, Oh Shore Show, I'll put you
on the radio now. Please,Elsie the driver is looking and see the
(00:30):
broadcast. No anything but that driver, Please hurry, I'll miss the broadcast
from Hollywood. The George Burns andGracie Allen Show for horm Allen Spam,
(00:51):
crazy Spam, rebat food Spam,George Burns and Gracie Allen, Artie Shaw
Rai's Orchestra singingly We're the Smoothie three, last one not Easton with the reason
(01:48):
another Burns an all enid at yourhouse. So you can depend on Artie
Shaw and the Smoothies for music that'ssweet, on George and Gracie for fun
that's neat, and on spam fora meal of delicious meat. Yes,
spam is grand tasting meat that's allready to eat as soon as you open
the can wholesome food because spam isa perfect blend of pure poor shoulder with
ham meat added just as shown onthe label. That's your assurance of goodness
(02:12):
and quality. Combine that with thedozens of easy uses for spam, and
it's only natural that this delicious meatis one of America's favorite meal time aids.
Ask for spam when you shop tomorrow. Try the easy recipes on the
label and discover that cold or hotspam hits the spot now or Spam's meat
(02:45):
Hearts. George and Gracie, thankyou, thank you very much. Gracie.
Where's George? You don't know we'reon the air. He's not here.
He Isn't that too bad? Andhe loves this program. Oh,
Gracie, you know where he waslast? Last? Oh? Yes,
(03:09):
he was last in a popularity poll. Well, Gracie, this is awful.
What are we going to do.We've got to find him, all
right, Bud, let's go lookfor him. We'll drive out to the
beach and if he's not there,then we'll take a walk through Griffith Park
and if he's not there, thenwe'll go over and sit in the balcony
of the Paramount theater. You thinkhe'll be in any of these places.
(03:30):
Well, what if he is.We've got a right to lead our own
lives. Gracie, this is awful. We've got to find George. When
was the last time you saw him? Oh no, let me see.
The last time I saw him.He was out with a girl. Say,
maybe something happened. Oh no,When George is out with the girl,
nothing never happens. So m s. Maybe he's out windows shopping.
(03:53):
Nah, no, he's got enoughwindows. On the other hand, maybe
he's just staying home and enjoying usSunday, enjoying a sunbath. Yes,
you know the girl across the streettakes one every afternoon and George. No,
no, let's see, it's toolate for that sunbath. Maybe he's
downstairs. Hello, Maybe he's downstairs. Maybe he's chatting with somebody who likes
(04:15):
him on the radio. Oh no, you look awful silly talking to himself.
She who you're talking about? GeorgeByrd's not here, He isn't.
Were terribly worried, Dear, Iwonder what's keeping George. Maybe went to
a cocktail party, never slept raShe remember me? What George? But
(04:36):
look, George is here already,George is here? Why George is here?
Well, already give him a fanfare. I wonder what's keeping George?
(05:03):
Maybe you overslept? Quiet, quiet, George, Where have you been?
Well? I was out with Ohwhere have I been? Oh? Yes,
where have I been? I've justbeen to a doctor's, to a
doctor, Yes, a very famousdoctor, a Smith. That's it,
the doctor Smith. Everybody knows ofme. Oh was the doctor sitting on
your lap? Sitting on my lap? Yes, there's lip bruge in your
(05:26):
face. Oh that red spot?Yes, that's my blood pressure, blood
pressure way up on your forehead.Well, but maybe it's high blood pressure
when you see it? Is?My blood pressure is one ninety two,
looks more like tangy number five.Please, Gracie, I'm not a well
man. I got dressed this morningand I had a sinking feeling around my
(05:47):
knees. Maybe you forgot your suspenders. Look, Gracie, I'm a very
sick man. You see see beneaththis opening and we going up? So
what is it? Samuel A SenorBurns, Why don't you have the druggists
send over a dream of sodium bycarbonate? Uh? A dream? All
(06:10):
right? Drum, senor dram dramah, watch your language. Well,
I think I will go to thedrug store, say sarmonon, will you
please open the door? Mister burnI know, I know you've been to
Harvard for four years, but I'min no mood to listen to you,
So will you please open the door? Mister Burns is a student of medicine.
(06:31):
May I suggest a remedy for yourailment before you go to bed tonight?
Just take a super saturated solution ofmono acetic acid estro salasilic acid.
Why that's that's aspirin, don it? I could never think of that word.
And now the smoothies were saying,Madame Lasanga and Gracie while they're singing,
I'm gonna run down to the drugstore to the drugs. Do what
(06:54):
they sell pills? Don't they surethey'll sell to anybody if you've got the
money. Maybe they'll have something thatwill put me to sleep tonight. Well,
did you ever hear of a sleepingpowder? Sleeping powder? Well,
why did you find out what putsthe power to sleep in? You're the
same thing I thought you aulder slowlyso loud? Have you ever been embarrassed?
(07:20):
When you're in a smart cat hoolewhen they played the Cuban tempo is
your dancing white lesson there's the studioon Main Street over Tony's folding store.
We're very small and the best man. Hey, you never's a long Six
(07:40):
lessons from Madam Zonga. You'll dothe roomba and little Lacunga sex lessons in
Madam's Caveta, and you will imagineyou're down in Avana for Latin dolls will
(08:01):
help you to start while finding arhythm. You might les your heart seas
lessons for Madam La Zunga, andyou'll discover what practice can do. You
count one, two, three,use your hip and your ees found you
(08:24):
bring now the Latin in you.Zita gives you less than one. Chiquita
gives you lesson two. The Madamwill supervise every step and exercise. The
Madam shows you how to walk,and then I'm gonna get with the job.
When the Madam starts to squawk,that's Cuban double talking me. My
(08:48):
sakety you. We'll rosita are chikeitado, but don't take them. The
matter's the best. Why Alsie timeis my names that I I will give
you the lessons. So why shouldyou fear. We're tired of fool and
we've had enough. We want yourlessons because you've got the stuff. Would
you like zaruma with a little twistor like kanda you can't resist? Well,
(09:11):
I'll pick a rumba with a littletwist. Well I'll pick lakanga.
I won't resist. Oh, comes, this talk has gone fair enough.
I will give you the lessons andshow you the stuff. One two three
kick one two three stuffs. Oh, you boys, you learn so quick.
I make much money at the endof the week. One two three
kick one two three kick. Nowyou boys have had enough. I tell
(09:33):
you something you have to stuff.Six lesson a madama zonga we learned too,
rumba and the new La Kana Rumbala conga fromdam la Zonga. Gee,
(10:00):
Gracie, George isn't here yet.I guess he's still down at the
drug store. He honesty, Maybehe really is sick. Goshall hope he
recovers in a hurry, because wecan't get along without him on the show.
It says here, Oh, Gracie, do you think I ought to
go down with? Hello? Spansme not speaking. May I speak to
pupsy, Popsy? We have nopupsy here. Popsy Burns the star of
(10:24):
the spam program. Oh oh sure, Popsy. Yeah, he's the one
we spend all morning at the beachplaying piggyback, playing piggyback with Popsy.
Huh. So that's why he waslate for the broadcast. Yeah, he
was in such a hurry that heforgot to pay the cab fare and I
had to pay. It's all that'spupsy, all right, anyway, tell
(10:46):
him Elsie Tralla fast called and thenI left my compact in his cold pocket
and to bring it to rehearsal tomorrow. Rehearsal. What rehearsal? You promised
to put me on the radio?Put you on the radio? Yeah,
you mean instead of a bowl ofwater lilies. Oh you don't understand.
(11:07):
You see, I'm gonna be hisnew partner. Is that soul? Well?
Haul out that. I know justwhat type of girl you are.
You have a pretty little cupid mouthand you use tangy number five. How
did you know that? Oh it'swritten all of a pupsy's face. Gracie
and find her over. George willbe glad to see her really? Yeah,
(11:28):
miss travel fast Pupsy just stuck hishead in the door and said for
you to come right over. Whythe darling will be right over and get
in this for me. So Georgeis going to get a new partner.
I can't understand why George would takea strange girl and promised to put her
on the radio and promise to makeher a star. Oh, maybe he
(11:50):
likes to play piggyback. How doyou like that twentieth century wolf coming in
late and saying he was sick.A big grown up man like that spending
all day at the beach playing piggybackwith a beautiful girl should happen to me?
Say when when George finds out thatwe do know about this girl,
he'll really get sick. Yeah,Oh, give me the phone. I
(12:11):
better call a doctor. Operate operated, give me a Gladstone one one three
one, Gracie, you better hurry. I'll watch for George. Hello,
doctor Kelso's office, or will youhave the doctor come over to the Burns
and nowand program right away? He'soperating in Joey Brown's mouth. But I'll
tell him when he comes out.Gracie quick, hang out, George is
coming. Oh goodbye? Look whenyou please stop slamming the door. Some
(12:37):
man, I'm in a terrible state. My body aches and I feel a
headache coming. I know, misterBurns, and I'll be right here at
the door to let her in.Gracie, I'm a little sick. This
program is too much for me.Well maybe you're on the wrong program.
Wrong program. Well, maybe youshould be on We the pupsy uh we
(13:01):
we the what? Well, youknow the pups in program with h Well,
never mind, I'm not well.Can't you see I'm a little pale.
Now, if you had a littleshovel, you could go back to
the beach. Look, well,you people stop. I'm I'm so sick.
(13:22):
It's got me scared. I meanI might even have to quit the
radio. Don't worry, Senor Bards. You can always open up an antique
shop like Eddie Comming Better Eddie cantCamon bears and a port of cheese.
What are you a local boy?Listen, folks, I'd like to lie
(13:50):
down, George. You can lieon the sofa. Well, you can
lie in the other room, oryou can lie in this room. You
can lie any place. Gracie,I don't care where I lie said it.
What's the matter with you people?The way you actually think I wasn't
telling the truth? Oh well,a sound man. There's somebody knocking at
the door. Very well, misterBurns, Ladies and gentlemen, your attention
(14:13):
please, while a graduate of Harvardclass of twenty nine goes to work.
I opened the door thusly, andI close it dustly, and my father
thought I'd be a failure. Quiet, quiet, good evening. I am
(14:35):
doctor kelsel. Oh, there's apatient, doctor patient. Gracie was worried
about you, George, so shecalled a doctor. Look, I'm not
that sick. A fellow has alittle cold, and they sent for doctor.
Coals can sometimes be very dangerous.Mister Burns, open your mouth and
say ah yah, thancuse me,pardon me? Uh say ah, mister
(14:58):
Burns, well this she's gonna finenow. Personally, I avoid coals by
drying myself thoroughly after taking a shower, a sham shower. Racie, this,
this, this fellow certainly knows alot about coal. He should have
had one for years. Say killedthere, I think my coal is getting
(15:20):
a little better. You know,you you people in show business should be
careful. I've treated picture stars likeRobert Taylor and Clark Gable. Please please,
doctor Taylor and gab her nothing tosneeze at. From now on,
I'll have the scripts typed on Kleenexwhen I treated. When I treated mister
(15:41):
Gable, he was playing in thepicture, called her her Hurray, hurricane
s doctor, it's gone with thewind? What's gone with the wind?
Your teeth? Look? Doctor,will you please go away? I'm a
(16:02):
new nervest man. Will you uh? Will you stick out your tongue?
Mister Burns? All right, furtherfurther? Ah, what a spot for
a ski jump? Gracie? Whydid you send for this fellow? You
know you've got to be very carefulabout your Yes, germs, Yes,
I can see that. For yearswe doctors have been trying to stop germs
(16:27):
from spreading. Well, why don'tyou make them wear little girdles? Gracie?
Will you stop helping him? Look, doctor, this is more serious
than I thought. I'd better usethe port of ale X ray machine on
(16:47):
you. Mister Burns. Get alittle closer, please, all right,
now stand still. M this isamazing. Oh doctor, let me take
a look. Will blow me down? If you didn't doctor. What do
you say? I see a roundblack thing in front of your heart,
in front of my heart. There'ssomething written on it, it says to
(17:11):
Elsie with love from Popsy. It'sa compact compact Ardie the music quick s.
(20:22):
Well, that was adishaw plank kingfor a day, you know,
ADDI that was really a grand job, Thanks Popsy. I'll wait a minute.
I'm not PUPSI no, let mesee the compact. But isn't there
something that you'd like to say?Now? Yes, well say it?
What's your phone number? But areyou going to talk about phone numbers?
(20:42):
Or about spam? Oh? Spam? Of course, spam is always handy
to talk about and handy to usetoo. In emergencies when unexpected guests arrive,
the modern housewife zips open a canof spam instead of calling for help.
She knows spam will provide a rich, nourishing meal and please even the
huskiest appetite. You see, spamkeeps without refrigeration, so this delicious,
(21:07):
easy to use meat is always readyfor quick action. Joyce, let me
see the compact. Gray, seeButter's talking. Sure, everybody's talking,
bud. So when the doorbell ringsunexpectedly. All you do is put on
your best smile and say, comeon in, cousin Christopher, you haven't
any meal time problems with spam.Just open a can of this tender,
juicy meat, slice and a rangeon a platter with a cool vegetable salad.
(21:30):
Whip up a simple dessert a tallglass of iced tea, and you'll
make the family and guests say that'sfor me. Let me see the compact
gray Sea butters trying to make anannouncement the sportcast coach from California to New
York. Yeah, and the compactgoes from Popsy to Elsa Bud. Everybody
likes the meaty flavor, the satisfyingtaste of spam. Spam is good hot
(21:51):
too. Serve it fried with eggsfor breakfast, or have baked spam for
dinner. Just try those easy recipeson the label of the spam can.
You can have anyone them ready toserve in a jiffy, So be prepared
for last minute or unexpected meals.Be sure to ask for spam sbam when
you shop tomorrow. Slice it nice, it ry, bake it cold or
(22:15):
hut. Scam hits the fut andnow that compact yet in your pocket?
Well, Gracie, do you wantto hear the truth? No, I
don't want to hear the truth.I want to hear what happened. Well,
(22:37):
if you have to know, Iwas at a cafe last night and
they gave those compacts out to everybody. What was Elsie written on it?
Elsie? Well it was a publicitystunt and it was for Elsie the cow
that said Elsie, she's a Jerseycow. She sounded more like she came
from Brooklyn to me. Well,I don't care what you think. It's
the truth. Elsie is a cow. Come in, Popsy. Uh huh?
(23:03):
Here I go. Oh no,don't look now, Ferdinand, but
your cow is here. Look misswill you wait outside? No, no,
come in, Elsie. I wantto hear you and Pupsy do a
little billing and mooing. Gracie,will you be quiet? But George,
(23:23):
she's gonna be your new partner.My partner? Uh huh my partner,
Racie? How can she be mypartner? She hasn't any talent. Why,
Pupsy, there's not what you toldme in the text. I didn't
mean that, and stop calling mepupsy. But you said you were going
to work with me. That's ridiculous, mss trallifast. What could you and
I do together? Well, youcould always play piggyback, piggyback. Look
(23:48):
when you all stop? Yeah,we ought to leave Georgie alone. Stop
getting them excited, Thanks Shardy.He's nothing to book for that. He's
nothing to ridicule, he's nothing tolaugh at. In fact, he's just
nothing. Gracie. I don't wantany new partner. I couldn't do anything
without you. Where would I go? I'm too old to go back to
Gus Edwards. By George. Ithink you and Elsie will make a swell
(24:19):
team. Gracie, she knows nothingabout radio. Besides, she's got a
job. She's a dietician. Youmean she picks his glasses. No,
I work with vitamins and calories.What station did they on, Gracie.
Vitamins and calories are not on theradio and cap calorie. Look I hardly
(24:42):
know this girl. I never promisedto put her on the radio. Oh
you did so, POOPSI do youknow, miss Allen. A lot of
people say I'll be another Molly McGhee. Well you'll be swelled together because George
is a terrific vibb Elsie with yourwait outside your burns, look, Elsie,
(25:04):
will your weight out and your burns? Look, Elsie, just go
outside. And hey, Poopsy,stop stop calling me pupsy. What do
you want, samuel A? NotElsie in her cheek. She's got very
pretty dumples. Dumples. It's dimples, not dumples. All you've got to
do is take you out, Takeyou out? Yes, why, Poopsy,
(25:26):
I didn't know you care? Whatif I dunk to deserve all this?
You promised to put Elsie on theradio. Oh, Poopsy, I've
got a new radio show, allPickgana. It's gonna be wonderful. I
got my uncle's band, Duke Pringleand his ruditude and tam and instead of
the smoothies, I've got a schoolchum of mine, Lelanie o'briar. Sounds
(25:48):
fine. Guess who I got forthe announcer? Who my brother in law
Stamuel will oh go for Junior?Ah that wonderful. I can just hear
that program now, Crazy Up People, the Popsy program starring George and Elsie,
spammurryball Balls, fair Popsy Burns andElsie. Trail Evans, Duke Prindlan's
(26:15):
routing Dude and Ken for singing Glee. We've got Lelani O'Brien last, but
not liston. We've Samuel Logo PopJunior. Why why this is awful?
I've had enough of this, Elsie? Why don't you go home? Spam
program? But Easton speaking Hello,but I want to talk to George Burns.
(26:37):
Oh yes, sir, George,it's a sponsor. I knew that's
what happened. Hello, I'm sorryabout that. I listen to the whole
show and I think that new combinationis sensational. What new combination? Gracy
Allen and Elsie Tralla Fast, andI'm going to sign them up. You're
gonna sign up Gracie Allen and ElsieTralla Fast? What about me? You
(26:59):
can go play Piggyback Popsy. BeforeGeorge and Gracie say good night, Gracie
(27:33):
wanted me to tell you that whenMama brings the family for supper, Spam
will headline the meal. It's soeasy to use this grand tasting meat.
Just open the can and spam isall ready to eat. And Gracie's brother
won't find spam as Sissy's meal eitherfor the meaty flavor. The satisfying taste
of spam pleases even the huskiest appetite. Keep spam on your pantry shelf.
(27:53):
It doesn't need refrigeration. Get asupply when you shop tomorrow ask for SPA
m Spam. Thanks Bud, Saygood night, good night, Come on,
Grecy, I'll take you home.Come on, Grey, come on
take you home to put me onthe radios. Good night folk. Listen
(28:45):
again next Monday night, same time, same station for George Burns and Gracie
Allen with Already Shaw and his orchestraand the smoothies brought to you by Hormel
and Spam. Until then, thisis Bud Houston reminding you to remember that
cold or hot spam hits the spot. Have you tried Hormale chili con carney.
(29:23):
You may think you don't like chili, but chili con carney, the
way Hormel makes it is different andeverybody likes it. Double your money back
if you don't like it. TryHormale Chili con carney tomorrow. This is
the National Broadcasting Company
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