February 14, 2024 • 29 mins
"The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" was a hilarious and innovative radio comedy that followed the lives of a fictionalized version of the real-life married couple, George Burns and Gracie Allen. The show was known for its unique format, with George Burns serving as the straight man and Gracie Allen as the delightfully scatterbrained and absurdly funny wife.The core of the show's humor was Gracie's zany logic and her penchant for getting herself and George into comical situations. Her misunderstandings, malapropisms, and eccentric thinking were central to the show's charm. George, on the other hand, played the role of the calm and patient husband who often tried to explain Gracie's antics to others and navigate the chaos she created.The show featured recurring characters such as Blanche Morton (played by Bea Benaderet), Gracie's best friend and a fellow participant in the comedy, and Harry Morton (played by Hal March), Blanche's husband. The ensemble cast, along with George and Gracie, contributed to the show's comedic dynamics.Each episode typically revolved around a humorous situation or misunderstanding that Gracie would instigate, leading to a series of hilarious events and exchanges. The show was known for its quick-witted humor, clever wordplay, and impeccable timing."The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" enjoyed immense popularity during its radio run, and it later transitioned successfully to television in the 1950s. George Burns and Gracie Allen's on-screen chemistry and comedic talent made them beloved figures in American entertainment history, and their radio show remains an enduring classic in the world of comedy.
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(00:00):
From Hollywood, The George Burns andGracie Allen Show for horm Allen's Farms,
Crazy Spam, YbO boom Stave,George Burns, Gracie Allen, Ardie Show,
(00:27):
Raised Orchestra for Singing Glee, We'rethe Smoothie. See Last but Not
Leaston with Bud heaston Monday Evening FrankClad That Burns and Allen Show to your
(01:08):
house And in just one sentence,I'm going to tell you why spam is
so popular with families everywhere. Ready, when you buy spam, you know
exactly what you're getting for justice shownon the labels, Spam is pure pork
shoulder with ham meat added, yourguarantee of goodness and quality. And combine
that with the many uses for thisdelicious meat, it's only natural that spam
is a hit cold or hot,as you'll discover by trying the easy recipes
(01:30):
on the label after you buy spamwhen you shop tomorrow. And please,
mister Searan running out of breath,but I'm all through, so put up
musical period on this for me,please. And here they are, those
(01:53):
two spambassadors of fun, George andGraythie. Thank you very much. That
well Gracie, say you should havebeen with me Saturday night. I went
to a party at Irene Dun's house. By the way, Bud, what's
Irene done doing? And doing?What kind of English is that? Kind
(02:15):
of English is that? I said? What's Irene done doing? It means
what's Irene done, Gracie? Isan Irene done a motion picture style?
Well? Yes, I saw inmy favorite line, Well that's the picture
that Irene done did. Then didOh that's even worse than done doing.
(02:38):
Well, George, maybe I canhelp you. You see, Gracie,
Irene Dunn told me that the Junetold you what Irene Duhn told you all
Rochester. Look, Gracie, whenIrene Downe does a picture, it doesn't
mean that Irene done done a picture. It means Irene down did a picture.
And the picture that Don did iswhat Gun's done. Do you feel
(03:04):
all right, Daddy? But whydid you have to start with us?
Say that's the guitar player? Whydoes that samuel a? I saw that
picture with that Iden Gun and thatKenny Grunt. He's wonderful. Kenny Grunty.
You mean carry Grant remembering the picturewhen she puts her arms around him
(03:27):
and hugged him and squeezed him.Yeah, well, Kenny grunk hardy,
will you keep that South American pocketcock and is quiet? Okay, pupsy,
and stop with that Pupsji. That'swhat the girl called me here last
week. And now it's all over. Oh, Judge, I knew I
had something to tell you. Youknow that wee little girl was ACU last
(03:49):
week, the one you promised tomake a new partner on the radio.
You mean, Elsie Trawler Firs.Yeah, that's the one. Pup Stop
calling me PUPSI. And I wasonly fooling when I promised to put her
on the radio. Don't tell methat she's taking it to heart. Oh
worse than that, she's taking itto carts. She's taking it to court.
Yeah. And when she told methat she was doing you for ten
thousand dollars, I told her asinger a couple ten thousand dollars, Yeah,
(04:15):
I said to her, I said, I said, I said,
Elsie, by the time you getthrough buying the clothes to wear in front
of the jury, paying your lawyer, and paying your cottage sensus, you
have nothing left out of the tenthousand. Well, what's the sense of
it. That's right. Did shesee your points? Certainly did were good?
Now she's doing it, But twohundred thousand your wad lived on a
hundred two hundred thousand. Oh,don't worry about it, George. Your
(04:40):
friend of mine was sued for onehundred and fifty thousand dollars and he didn't
pay a cent. Well Outie,I'd like to meet him, and you
can talk to him tomorrow. We'regood visiting hours from two to four.
Well, I certainly in a lovelymess. Now I'll have to get a
lawyer and it'll probably cost me thousandsof dollars. Oh, not the lawyer
I hired for you. You hirea lay from me? Yeah, well,
(05:01):
how do you know? Is shewho? I had lunch with him?
The game? I had to paymy own check. Rasgie, did
anybody ever tell you that you werea little in brasilic? Yeah? The
technic one right? Yes, yougive me because I never saw him again.
Everything happens to me. A lawsuitfor one hundred thousand or two hundred
(05:21):
thousand dollars, Senor Burns, Oh, what if you're looking for a good
lawyer, get my uncle, hekindled. The driver's Kate the drivers,
kise you mean Alexander drivers from Devil'sIsland. No, the taxi drivers from
Coney Island. Two hundred thousand dollars. I wouldn't pay that else you'd travel
(05:43):
fast and nickel. Good for you, George. That'll help me a whole
lot. That will help you.I'll be able to tell our listeners that
both you and spamm are in thecan. Well that hit the spot.
But thank George. And here Iwas saving my money from when I was
(06:04):
old and decrepit, and just whereyou are. Look what happened. This
whole thing is absurd. Well,George is right that Elsie has nothing but
a gold digger. And I toldher plenty too. I told her,
before she get a dime from you, George, you draw your money out
of the bank. Ah, thatwouldn't frighten a girl like Elsie. Oh
(06:24):
it wouldn't. Huh. It's scaredas though that she tied up your bank
account, tied up my bank account. Oh look, George passed out.
Well, I can't understand it,Bud. Wouldn't you think he'd be interested
in what I'm telling him? Whilethe bosses out the po These bad Charlie
(06:46):
and little will sing carry Barry bevybean. He waits for her each night.
He needs her balcony, sing methanks to hold the time, but
(07:10):
no she would agree. Jimmyving.She throws a rose and blows a kiss
from the ball. Jiby bee,jiby bee, shioter been so in love
win mole in the belie. There'sa handsome heaven that he's saying, so
(07:35):
happily. So he's dy long candyin a man soul robbers moon. He
repeats his sarena and his heart beat. So fucket some more. When she
raised her veneto shape Jimmy things,Jimmy ji, Jimmy raby, Oh,
(08:00):
Jimmy. He waits parisman, heneeds a balcony, Jimmy bean. He
makes to all the time. Knowshe won't agree, No, she won't
agree. Jimmy Bean, she throws. She throws rose up to smuffer bones,
jimp to be super bee. Shesings to hurry snipe under the pamel
(08:24):
like he waits for her eats night. He needs her balcony. Jim He
makes you hold the tank, butno she walady. Jemmy, She throws
her rose and blows the kids froma paba jip and bean sjup the bee
(08:48):
now they say him love. Therewas so much in womble jimmy. Oh
h oh, Judge is still out. I do he hold his head while
(09:13):
I give m another spoonful of thismedicine. Gracie. That's extract of bitters.
That's extract of bitters. That's terriblestuff. I know. Hold his
head, wellman, have a spoonful. Bop, I love a spoonful.
Gracie is filling half of that medicineon his chin. Wipe it off.
I can't. It brings my fingers. Listen, George, I've got some
(09:37):
bad news. Oh Gee, stillout? Huh yeah, hold his head
adiop goop. Listen listen. Elsiesweetheart is outside and he's a big bruiser
and I can't hold him. Andhe says he's gonna come in here and
mop up the floor with George.Would like call for help? Oh no,
no, he and Judge can mopup this flow with Athney help.
Bo Gee, this is awful.What do we do about you? Let
(10:00):
me going to see her tonight?Oh? Look is George coming to no?
Just you now? Oh oh,he's coming out of his feet.
Shall I tell him about Elsie sweetheart, that big bruise who is coming here
to beat him up? No,no, not that he'll fight again.
He'll fight again. I'm all rightthere, that's plenty of edicone left where
(10:31):
am I? Oh? I know? Hm, boy, there's lawsuit,
a shirt and left to bite.Taste in my mouth greasy, that's Elsie
sweetheart. Hey, salmon, that'sprobably my lawyer. Let him in,
mister Burns before I open the door. Do your insurance policies carry double indemnity
in case of death by accident?Well, yes, you are a very
(10:56):
lucky man. Warrant you no manwhen you let my lawyer in? Well
you asked for it. Who's GeorgeBurns? Oh? Here comes malicious.
I'm George Burns. Oh so you'reGeorge burn that's all. What about you
and Ellis Teliphs Although he doesn't know, he's never height of the hand of
(11:18):
George Shortney. I know Elsie fastI know very well, and that's sure
you're gonna help me out of thislego. Jam, I might as well
tell you the truth. Good,I'll give any a straight from the shoulder
vice versas. Just how well didyou know Elsie telifass Well, I'm not
a man who likes the post.But on the other hand, this is
no time to hold anything back.Calling doctor kill their calling doctor h One
(11:45):
night, about a week ago,I was taking your home in a taxi
and I put my arm around herlike this, yeah, but I held
her a little tighter. I meanlike this, Wait a minute, not
that tight. That was kind ofcrush killed me. And after I took
Elsie home, we were standing inthe hallway sen your burns, standing in
the halldery with Elsie, send yourburns, and we were posting the hallway.
(12:07):
Hey, pupsy, what is it? Samuel A? Can I have
your tooth powder after you get yourteeth knocked out. I'm not gonna get
my teeth knocked out. I knowsomething that you don't know, Hartie.
Will you keep that stale character quiet? So we were standing in the hallway
(12:31):
and I put my lips against Elsie'sand she org, George, shall I
play my number? Now? Whatnumber? Get out of town before it's
too late. Ah, you're notplaying that number. No, No,
this is a number you're playing,HARTI. Let me get to the piano.
When a pro shows will come yourway, be careful pupsy of what
(12:52):
you say. We're trying to tellyou take it on the lamb. This
follow is the singles. If youwant to continue for them, just keep
your mouth shut, quiet, quiet, Anyway, mister, I was standing
in the hallway with Elsie and sheetsof her arms. Summon, stop slamming
(13:13):
the door. You know what,hate bangs? You hate bangs, Then
keep your mouth shut. You saidenough? Quiet? Quiet? Yeah,
what's going on? This guy behindyou is pretty tough. You'll be looking
at that daisies that you won't beable to smell. Whoah, whah wah
wah wah, whoaver Elsie's boyfriend?Um, oh, good evening forest long.
(14:01):
Look what's going on here here?I am worrying about two hundred thousand
dollars lawsuit and everybody's singing. Saythat Elsie ever happen to mention her boyfriend?
Yeah, I had to say something. She's going around with some dope
or something. Dope. Hold yourhats, boys, here it comes.
You did say dope, didn't you. Here's some big dope or something.
Sound man, Why are you openingthe door. There's nobody going out,
(14:22):
that's what you think, Hey,mister Burns, I think we can talk
to this over better in the alley. It's too noisy in here. Come
on, let's go to George,Judge, Joe don with iman dun dounn
you'll begun what I'm in doune doneirene dune told me it's Elsie's boyfriend.
Boy gone. Who's afraid of Elsie'sboyfriend? Why? With one hand I
can crump him to pieces. I'mElsie's boyfriend, and with the other hand,
(14:43):
I can oh what happened? Oh? George is saying, I hold
his hands and I gi him somemore medicine when it comes to when it
comes to tell him that he's notonly being sued for two hundred thousand dollars
for breach of contact, but I'msewing him for three hundred thousand for alienation
of affection. Goodbye everybody, goodbyePopsy. But what are we gonna do
(15:05):
with Georgia fainted again? Can anybodydo something? I can't do something.
I'll be delightful your thing. Gobuena squirty los guegitos and loc is me
puego the morcitos aquistasa puesto loki kikanna say yamna hey, yes me nada
(15:35):
mena, the nasonna the mosquiam youcare wan na noag nada mosquis mensia guando
basso a me nada nada vesi thenava yodo para? Are there your care?
(16:00):
One noble nos in novele no themos skill Oh, how he hold
(16:21):
his head? I'll give them anotherspoonful. Boo boo racy. Is this
medicine good for fading? You know? Every time I give my daddy's spoonful?
He says, Oh, oh,what happened? Who am I?
George Burns? Where am I GeorgeBurns? Oh? Who types these things?
Anyway? Why? Where am Ion the spam program? What spam?
(16:48):
What spam? Boy? You mustbe gruggy if you don't remember what
spam is, why, George.Spam is what you have fried with eggs
for breakfast. Spam is what youhave for lunch, sliced cold and spandwiches.
Spam is what you have baked wholefor dinner. Oh yes, but
I remember, and you asked mewhat spam? Why? George? You
should be ashamed of yourself. I'ma bad boy. Yes. Why everybody
(17:08):
knows that spam is tender, deliciousmeat already to eat as it comes from
the can, all right for them, shocks, easy to serve, economical
to use. Spam is the reasonhousewives are spending less time in the kitchen
and still giving their families good food. On the dot, I apologize,
but sam is wonderful. Well,thanks, George. Yes I didn't made
it by those Okay, sit downnow, ladies. Here's a grand suggestion
(17:30):
for dinner tomorrow night. Open acan of spam. Spam. As I
said before, it's all ready toeat. So just slice spam and serve
with tomatoes, corn on the cob, a simple dessert, and your favorite
beverage. You'll have nothing but complimentsfrom the whole gang because the meaty flavor,
the grand taste of spam satisfies eventhe huskiest appetite. And when you
try the other recipes on the label, you'll discover spam has dozens of uses,
(17:53):
cold or hot. So remember you'llspend a lot of time out of
the kitchen when you keep spam onyour pam relf. It needs no refrigeration.
Get a supply when you shop tomorrow. Just say to your food dealer,
I want spam. I want spam, Slice it, dice it,
fry bacon cold norha Oh, nowI remember else you travel a fast boyfriend?
(18:27):
What happened to him? He's gone. I wish that lawyer would come
being sued for two hundred thousand dollars. Why if I lose that case,
it'll be like taking the straight offmy bike. Well, here comes striptease
burns, now strip tease burns.Yeah, because her boyfriend is suing you
for three hundred thousand, three hundredthousand. Oh he holds his head.
(18:49):
Oh boo, say George. Georgelooks flushed. Has anybody got a thermometer?
Here's one, send your bug Igot it off the wall. That's
a barometer, not a thermonde Inhis condition, he's not the difference.
Give it me, But open isnot ardie mony. This is awful.
What's wrong with George? What doesit say? He's probably cloudy in the
(19:11):
southern region. He hold his head. But take the barometer out of George's
(22:18):
mouth. Oh, here it is, and I'll put his teeth back in.
Now give him another crazy that's thethirtieth spoonful you've given him and hasn't
done him any good. Well,then why are you making him finish all
that terrible medicine. I want toget my nickel back in the bottle.
Oh oh, where is he lawyer? He's supposed to be here. Oh
(22:42):
my head, what's not a George? I don't feel that I've got spots
in front of my eyes. Ohthe next stuff? I gave him a
stake fake, Yeah, in thebottle. Good for a moving spot,
Cracy. That's carbona, Senor Burns. Yes, what is it, Samuel?
(23:06):
Once? I had a date withBrenda and Carbona. Brenda and Carbona.
Corbona makes you sick? Brenda's adoll? All right? Will you
just send that broken down gu topplayer back to local Aido to this to
be him? Come in, irmstBurns. Yes, her name is Jules
(23:27):
Kobe, attorney in law. I'mcalling the reference to the Elsie Tullipus case.
Well, I'm glad you hear,mister Kobe, as I'd like to
explain the whole thing to you.That's what attorney's a forbist Burns. Well,
now, to begin with, Idid take Elsie Tralla pass out a
few times. She was young andpretty, and after all, I'm only
human. Yeah, don't say anythingyou can't prove. I've got that,
(23:53):
armister Burns. Well, anyway,the first night I met her, we
drove out to the beach and theradio was playing, and I had the
pot of gold on Is that prettythan a day? Will you be quiet
your Headminster Burns, I'm writing itdown. So we were driving along and
I kept telling her how pretty shewas and how smart she was, And
(24:17):
pretty soon we came to a lonelyspot and I ran out of compliments.
So afternoon and most of those runout of gas. Pracy. For your
information, there are lots of coupleswho don't neck in partcast. Yeah,
the woods to pull them all right, So maybe I chessed her a few
(24:37):
times. But please, Gracie,it's very important that the lawyer here's my
story. I've got that down withBurns. Of course, that wouldn't look
very good to a jury. Sowhen we get the court, mister Kobe,
let's cut out the kissing. Youmean you and he'll just hold hands.
Racy, Willie keeps tale your HeadminsterBurns, I've got that down.
Well, you can tell the jurythat I'm a man of very fine characters.
(24:59):
Mister Nephew, he doesn't even knowyou. Well if he doesn't know
George, and he can say it. Oh well, this cast is always
kidding me like this, mister Kobe. But they'll be glad to be character
witnesses for me, won't you boys? Oh you bet your life we will.
George, I'll be glad to standup in court and tell him what
a wonderful guy you are. Ohthanks, But how much does it pay?
(25:22):
You know? Now You've got meso confused. I don't know which
way to turn. Oh Los Angelesdriver, huh? A lot of quine
friends, senor vernons, what isit, samuel A? For fifty cents,
I will tell the Julie that youare a perfect gentleman. Fifty cents
huh. I won't pay it allright, so I'll say you're good for
(25:45):
nothing. Does that down, misterKobe. Poor George. He started out
looking for a character witness, andlook what happened. No witness, no
character. Oh keep still anyway,mister Kobe. I met this Elsea trawler
fast in a restaurant, and younever saw anybody eat so much in your
life. She ordered a double PorterhouseState, and in two seconds she looked
up at me, and what doyou think? She said, I've got
(26:07):
that down, mister Burns. Thatwas exactly what she said. You see,
it really was a lot of innocentfun. Oh so that's what happened,
well nodding, that's what I wantyou to tell the jury. If
the opposing side knew the real facts, I wouldn't have a leg to stand
(26:29):
on. You see, between youand me, I did promise to put
Elsie Tralli pass on the radio.I see what you mean, mister Burns,
and believe me, I can't possiblylose this case. Good day,
good day. There's a great lawyer, see Gracie. He says he can't
lose. Oh that's what he said. I'll bet you all I will beat
him. My lawyer, my lawyer. Yes, who was there? Trala
(26:55):
passes lawyer Elsie travel paces hold hishead before George and Gracie returned to say
(27:26):
good night. They want me totell you that spam is a mighty good
meal time hint for your household.Tomorrow and every day, ask for spam
spam when you shop tomorrow and trythe easy recipes on the label. Oh
thanks, Bud, oh Grecie.It's say good night, oh good night.
And by the way, George hehad some good news. You know
it didn't do Elsey tells, hasany good to tie up your money?
(27:47):
Well? I found out that youdidn't just sail. Oh well, will
George come to by next week?Will he win the case? Will he
have to pay one hundred thousand dollars? What will happen? Who cares?
Good night? Listen again next Mondaynight, same time, same station for
(28:17):
George Burns and Great the Allen withArdie Shawn his Orchestra and the smoothies brought
to you by horm El and Spam. Until then, this is what heaston
reminding you to remember that pulled orhot spam hits the ft. If you
(28:41):
tried Hormale Chili con carney, youmay think you don't like chili, but
chili con carney the way Hormel makesit is different and everybody likes it.
Double your money back. If youdon't like it, try Hormale Chili con
Carney tomorrow. This is the NationalBroadcasting Company
From Hollywood, The George Burns andGracie Allen Show for horm Allen's Farms,
Crazy Spam, YbO boom Stave,George Burns, Gracie Allen, Ardie Show,
(00:27):
Raised Orchestra for Singing Glee, We'rethe Smoothie. See Last but Not
Leaston with Bud heaston Monday Evening FrankClad That Burns and Allen Show to your
(01:08):
house And in just one sentence,I'm going to tell you why spam is
so popular with families everywhere. Ready, when you buy spam, you know
exactly what you're getting for justice shownon the labels, Spam is pure pork
shoulder with ham meat added, yourguarantee of goodness and quality. And combine
that with the many uses for thisdelicious meat, it's only natural that spam
is a hit cold or hot,as you'll discover by trying the easy recipes
(01:30):
on the label after you buy spamwhen you shop tomorrow. And please,
mister Searan running out of breath,but I'm all through, so put up
musical period on this for me,please. And here they are, those
(01:53):
two spambassadors of fun, George andGraythie. Thank you very much. That
well Gracie, say you should havebeen with me Saturday night. I went
to a party at Irene Dun's house. By the way, Bud, what's
Irene done doing? And doing?What kind of English is that? Kind
(02:15):
of English is that? I said? What's Irene done doing? It means
what's Irene done, Gracie? Isan Irene done a motion picture style?
Well? Yes, I saw inmy favorite line, Well that's the picture
that Irene done did. Then didOh that's even worse than done doing.
(02:38):
Well, George, maybe I canhelp you. You see, Gracie,
Irene Dunn told me that the Junetold you what Irene Duhn told you all
Rochester. Look, Gracie, whenIrene Downe does a picture, it doesn't
mean that Irene done done a picture. It means Irene down did a picture.
And the picture that Don did iswhat Gun's done. Do you feel
(03:04):
all right, Daddy? But whydid you have to start with us?
Say that's the guitar player? Whydoes that samuel a? I saw that
picture with that Iden Gun and thatKenny Grunt. He's wonderful. Kenny Grunty.
You mean carry Grant remembering the picturewhen she puts her arms around him
(03:27):
and hugged him and squeezed him.Yeah, well, Kenny grunk hardy,
will you keep that South American pocketcock and is quiet? Okay, pupsy,
and stop with that Pupsji. That'swhat the girl called me here last
week. And now it's all over. Oh, Judge, I knew I
had something to tell you. Youknow that wee little girl was ACU last
(03:49):
week, the one you promised tomake a new partner on the radio.
You mean, Elsie Trawler Firs.Yeah, that's the one. Pup Stop
calling me PUPSI. And I wasonly fooling when I promised to put her
on the radio. Don't tell methat she's taking it to heart. Oh
worse than that, she's taking itto carts. She's taking it to court.
Yeah. And when she told methat she was doing you for ten
thousand dollars, I told her asinger a couple ten thousand dollars, Yeah,
(04:15):
I said to her, I said, I said, I said,
Elsie, by the time you getthrough buying the clothes to wear in front
of the jury, paying your lawyer, and paying your cottage sensus, you
have nothing left out of the tenthousand. Well, what's the sense of
it. That's right. Did shesee your points? Certainly did were good?
Now she's doing it, But twohundred thousand your wad lived on a
hundred two hundred thousand. Oh,don't worry about it, George. Your
(04:40):
friend of mine was sued for onehundred and fifty thousand dollars and he didn't
pay a cent. Well Outie,I'd like to meet him, and you
can talk to him tomorrow. We'regood visiting hours from two to four.
Well, I certainly in a lovelymess. Now I'll have to get a
lawyer and it'll probably cost me thousandsof dollars. Oh, not the lawyer
I hired for you. You hirea lay from me? Yeah, well,
(05:01):
how do you know? Is shewho? I had lunch with him?
The game? I had to paymy own check. Rasgie, did
anybody ever tell you that you werea little in brasilic? Yeah? The
technic one right? Yes, yougive me because I never saw him again.
Everything happens to me. A lawsuitfor one hundred thousand or two hundred
(05:21):
thousand dollars, Senor Burns, Oh, what if you're looking for a good
lawyer, get my uncle, hekindled. The driver's Kate the drivers,
kise you mean Alexander drivers from Devil'sIsland. No, the taxi drivers from
Coney Island. Two hundred thousand dollars. I wouldn't pay that else you'd travel
(05:43):
fast and nickel. Good for you, George. That'll help me a whole
lot. That will help you.I'll be able to tell our listeners that
both you and spamm are in thecan. Well that hit the spot.
But thank George. And here Iwas saving my money from when I was
(06:04):
old and decrepit, and just whereyou are. Look what happened. This
whole thing is absurd. Well,George is right that Elsie has nothing but
a gold digger. And I toldher plenty too. I told her,
before she get a dime from you, George, you draw your money out
of the bank. Ah, thatwouldn't frighten a girl like Elsie. Oh
(06:24):
it wouldn't. Huh. It's scaredas though that she tied up your bank
account, tied up my bank account. Oh look, George passed out.
Well, I can't understand it,Bud. Wouldn't you think he'd be interested
in what I'm telling him? Whilethe bosses out the po These bad Charlie
(06:46):
and little will sing carry Barry bevybean. He waits for her each night.
He needs her balcony, sing methanks to hold the time, but
(07:10):
no she would agree. Jimmyving.She throws a rose and blows a kiss
from the ball. Jiby bee,jiby bee, shioter been so in love
win mole in the belie. There'sa handsome heaven that he's saying, so
(07:35):
happily. So he's dy long candyin a man soul robbers moon. He
repeats his sarena and his heart beat. So fucket some more. When she
raised her veneto shape Jimmy things,Jimmy ji, Jimmy raby, Oh,
(08:00):
Jimmy. He waits parisman, heneeds a balcony, Jimmy bean. He
makes to all the time. Knowshe won't agree, No, she won't
agree. Jimmy Bean, she throws. She throws rose up to smuffer bones,
jimp to be super bee. Shesings to hurry snipe under the pamel
(08:24):
like he waits for her eats night. He needs her balcony. Jim He
makes you hold the tank, butno she walady. Jemmy, She throws
her rose and blows the kids froma paba jip and bean sjup the bee
(08:48):
now they say him love. Therewas so much in womble jimmy. Oh
h oh, Judge is still out. I do he hold his head while
(09:13):
I give m another spoonful of thismedicine. Gracie. That's extract of bitters.
That's extract of bitters. That's terriblestuff. I know. Hold his
head, wellman, have a spoonful. Bop, I love a spoonful.
Gracie is filling half of that medicineon his chin. Wipe it off.
I can't. It brings my fingers. Listen, George, I've got some
(09:37):
bad news. Oh Gee, stillout? Huh yeah, hold his head
adiop goop. Listen listen. Elsiesweetheart is outside and he's a big bruiser
and I can't hold him. Andhe says he's gonna come in here and
mop up the floor with George.Would like call for help? Oh no,
no, he and Judge can mopup this flow with Athney help.
Bo Gee, this is awful.What do we do about you? Let
(10:00):
me going to see her tonight?Oh? Look is George coming to no?
Just you now? Oh oh,he's coming out of his feet.
Shall I tell him about Elsie sweetheart, that big bruise who is coming here
to beat him up? No,no, not that he'll fight again.
He'll fight again. I'm all rightthere, that's plenty of edicone left where
(10:31):
am I? Oh? I know? Hm, boy, there's lawsuit,
a shirt and left to bite.Taste in my mouth greasy, that's Elsie
sweetheart. Hey, salmon, that'sprobably my lawyer. Let him in,
mister Burns before I open the door. Do your insurance policies carry double indemnity
in case of death by accident?Well, yes, you are a very
(10:56):
lucky man. Warrant you no manwhen you let my lawyer in? Well
you asked for it. Who's GeorgeBurns? Oh? Here comes malicious.
I'm George Burns. Oh so you'reGeorge burn that's all. What about you
and Ellis Teliphs Although he doesn't know, he's never height of the hand of
(11:18):
George Shortney. I know Elsie fastI know very well, and that's sure
you're gonna help me out of thislego. Jam, I might as well
tell you the truth. Good,I'll give any a straight from the shoulder
vice versas. Just how well didyou know Elsie telifass Well, I'm not
a man who likes the post.But on the other hand, this is
no time to hold anything back.Calling doctor kill their calling doctor h One
(11:45):
night, about a week ago,I was taking your home in a taxi
and I put my arm around herlike this, yeah, but I held
her a little tighter. I meanlike this, Wait a minute, not
that tight. That was kind ofcrush killed me. And after I took
Elsie home, we were standing inthe hallway sen your burns, standing in
the halldery with Elsie, send yourburns, and we were posting the hallway.
(12:07):
Hey, pupsy, what is it? Samuel A? Can I have
your tooth powder after you get yourteeth knocked out. I'm not gonna get
my teeth knocked out. I knowsomething that you don't know, Hartie.
Will you keep that stale character quiet? So we were standing in the hallway
(12:31):
and I put my lips against Elsie'sand she org, George, shall I
play my number? Now? Whatnumber? Get out of town before it's
too late. Ah, you're notplaying that number. No, No,
this is a number you're playing,HARTI. Let me get to the piano.
When a pro shows will come yourway, be careful pupsy of what
(12:52):
you say. We're trying to tellyou take it on the lamb. This
follow is the singles. If youwant to continue for them, just keep
your mouth shut, quiet, quiet, Anyway, mister, I was standing
in the hallway with Elsie and sheetsof her arms. Summon, stop slamming
(13:13):
the door. You know what,hate bangs? You hate bangs, Then
keep your mouth shut. You saidenough? Quiet? Quiet? Yeah,
what's going on? This guy behindyou is pretty tough. You'll be looking
at that daisies that you won't beable to smell. Whoah, whah wah
wah wah, whoaver Elsie's boyfriend?Um, oh, good evening forest long.
(14:01):
Look what's going on here here?I am worrying about two hundred thousand
dollars lawsuit and everybody's singing. Saythat Elsie ever happen to mention her boyfriend?
Yeah, I had to say something. She's going around with some dope
or something. Dope. Hold yourhats, boys, here it comes.
You did say dope, didn't you. Here's some big dope or something.
Sound man, Why are you openingthe door. There's nobody going out,
(14:22):
that's what you think, Hey,mister Burns, I think we can talk
to this over better in the alley. It's too noisy in here. Come
on, let's go to George,Judge, Joe don with iman dun dounn
you'll begun what I'm in doune doneirene dune told me it's Elsie's boyfriend.
Boy gone. Who's afraid of Elsie'sboyfriend? Why? With one hand I
can crump him to pieces. I'mElsie's boyfriend, and with the other hand,
(14:43):
I can oh what happened? Oh? George is saying, I hold
his hands and I gi him somemore medicine when it comes to when it
comes to tell him that he's notonly being sued for two hundred thousand dollars
for breach of contact, but I'msewing him for three hundred thousand for alienation
of affection. Goodbye everybody, goodbyePopsy. But what are we gonna do
(15:05):
with Georgia fainted again? Can anybodydo something? I can't do something.
I'll be delightful your thing. Gobuena squirty los guegitos and loc is me
puego the morcitos aquistasa puesto loki kikanna say yamna hey, yes me nada
(15:35):
mena, the nasonna the mosquiam youcare wan na noag nada mosquis mensia guando
basso a me nada nada vesi thenava yodo para? Are there your care?
(16:00):
One noble nos in novele no themos skill Oh, how he hold
(16:21):
his head? I'll give them anotherspoonful. Boo boo racy. Is this
medicine good for fading? You know? Every time I give my daddy's spoonful?
He says, Oh, oh,what happened? Who am I?
George Burns? Where am I GeorgeBurns? Oh? Who types these things?
Anyway? Why? Where am Ion the spam program? What spam?
(16:48):
What spam? Boy? You mustbe gruggy if you don't remember what
spam is, why, George.Spam is what you have fried with eggs
for breakfast. Spam is what youhave for lunch, sliced cold and spandwiches.
Spam is what you have baked wholefor dinner. Oh yes, but
I remember, and you asked mewhat spam? Why? George? You
should be ashamed of yourself. I'ma bad boy. Yes. Why everybody
(17:08):
knows that spam is tender, deliciousmeat already to eat as it comes from
the can, all right for them, shocks, easy to serve, economical
to use. Spam is the reasonhousewives are spending less time in the kitchen
and still giving their families good food. On the dot, I apologize,
but sam is wonderful. Well,thanks, George. Yes I didn't made
it by those Okay, sit downnow, ladies. Here's a grand suggestion
(17:30):
for dinner tomorrow night. Open acan of spam. Spam. As I
said before, it's all ready toeat. So just slice spam and serve
with tomatoes, corn on the cob, a simple dessert, and your favorite
beverage. You'll have nothing but complimentsfrom the whole gang because the meaty flavor,
the grand taste of spam satisfies eventhe huskiest appetite. And when you
try the other recipes on the label, you'll discover spam has dozens of uses,
(17:53):
cold or hot. So remember you'llspend a lot of time out of
the kitchen when you keep spam onyour pam relf. It needs no refrigeration.
Get a supply when you shop tomorrow. Just say to your food dealer,
I want spam. I want spam, Slice it, dice it,
fry bacon cold norha Oh, nowI remember else you travel a fast boyfriend?
(18:27):
What happened to him? He's gone. I wish that lawyer would come
being sued for two hundred thousand dollars. Why if I lose that case,
it'll be like taking the straight offmy bike. Well, here comes striptease
burns, now strip tease burns.Yeah, because her boyfriend is suing you
for three hundred thousand, three hundredthousand. Oh he holds his head.
(18:49):
Oh boo, say George. Georgelooks flushed. Has anybody got a thermometer?
Here's one, send your bug Igot it off the wall. That's
a barometer, not a thermonde Inhis condition, he's not the difference.
Give it me, But open isnot ardie mony. This is awful.
What's wrong with George? What doesit say? He's probably cloudy in the
(19:11):
southern region. He hold his head. But take the barometer out of George's
(22:18):
mouth. Oh, here it is, and I'll put his teeth back in.
Now give him another crazy that's thethirtieth spoonful you've given him and hasn't
done him any good. Well,then why are you making him finish all
that terrible medicine. I want toget my nickel back in the bottle.
Oh oh, where is he lawyer? He's supposed to be here. Oh
(22:42):
my head, what's not a George? I don't feel that I've got spots
in front of my eyes. Ohthe next stuff? I gave him a
stake fake, Yeah, in thebottle. Good for a moving spot,
Cracy. That's carbona, Senor Burns. Yes, what is it, Samuel?
(23:06):
Once? I had a date withBrenda and Carbona. Brenda and Carbona.
Corbona makes you sick? Brenda's adoll? All right? Will you
just send that broken down gu topplayer back to local Aido to this to
be him? Come in, irmstBurns. Yes, her name is Jules
(23:27):
Kobe, attorney in law. I'mcalling the reference to the Elsie Tullipus case.
Well, I'm glad you hear,mister Kobe, as I'd like to
explain the whole thing to you.That's what attorney's a forbist Burns. Well,
now, to begin with, Idid take Elsie Tralla pass out a
few times. She was young andpretty, and after all, I'm only
human. Yeah, don't say anythingyou can't prove. I've got that,
(23:53):
armister Burns. Well, anyway,the first night I met her, we
drove out to the beach and theradio was playing, and I had the
pot of gold on Is that prettythan a day? Will you be quiet
your Headminster Burns, I'm writing itdown. So we were driving along and
I kept telling her how pretty shewas and how smart she was, And
(24:17):
pretty soon we came to a lonelyspot and I ran out of compliments.
So afternoon and most of those runout of gas. Pracy. For your
information, there are lots of coupleswho don't neck in partcast. Yeah,
the woods to pull them all right, So maybe I chessed her a few
(24:37):
times. But please, Gracie,it's very important that the lawyer here's my
story. I've got that down withBurns. Of course, that wouldn't look
very good to a jury. Sowhen we get the court, mister Kobe,
let's cut out the kissing. Youmean you and he'll just hold hands.
Racy, Willie keeps tale your HeadminsterBurns, I've got that down.
Well, you can tell the jurythat I'm a man of very fine characters.
(24:59):
Mister Nephew, he doesn't even knowyou. Well if he doesn't know
George, and he can say it. Oh well, this cast is always
kidding me like this, mister Kobe. But they'll be glad to be character
witnesses for me, won't you boys? Oh you bet your life we will.
George, I'll be glad to standup in court and tell him what
a wonderful guy you are. Ohthanks, But how much does it pay?
(25:22):
You know? Now You've got meso confused. I don't know which
way to turn. Oh Los Angelesdriver, huh? A lot of quine
friends, senor vernons, what isit, samuel A? For fifty cents,
I will tell the Julie that youare a perfect gentleman. Fifty cents
huh. I won't pay it allright, so I'll say you're good for
(25:45):
nothing. Does that down, misterKobe. Poor George. He started out
looking for a character witness, andlook what happened. No witness, no
character. Oh keep still anyway,mister Kobe. I met this Elsea trawler
fast in a restaurant, and younever saw anybody eat so much in your
life. She ordered a double PorterhouseState, and in two seconds she looked
up at me, and what doyou think? She said, I've got
(26:07):
that down, mister Burns. Thatwas exactly what she said. You see,
it really was a lot of innocentfun. Oh so that's what happened,
well nodding, that's what I wantyou to tell the jury. If
the opposing side knew the real facts, I wouldn't have a leg to stand
(26:29):
on. You see, between youand me, I did promise to put
Elsie Tralli pass on the radio.I see what you mean, mister Burns,
and believe me, I can't possiblylose this case. Good day,
good day. There's a great lawyer, see Gracie. He says he can't
lose. Oh that's what he said. I'll bet you all I will beat
him. My lawyer, my lawyer. Yes, who was there? Trala
(26:55):
passes lawyer Elsie travel paces hold hishead before George and Gracie returned to say
(27:26):
good night. They want me totell you that spam is a mighty good
meal time hint for your household.Tomorrow and every day, ask for spam
spam when you shop tomorrow and trythe easy recipes on the label. Oh
thanks, Bud, oh Grecie.It's say good night, oh good night.
And by the way, George hehad some good news. You know
it didn't do Elsey tells, hasany good to tie up your money?
(27:47):
Well? I found out that youdidn't just sail. Oh well, will
George come to by next week?Will he win the case? Will he
have to pay one hundred thousand dollars? What will happen? Who cares?
Good night? Listen again next Mondaynight, same time, same station for
(28:17):
George Burns and Great the Allen withArdie Shawn his Orchestra and the smoothies brought
to you by horm El and Spam. Until then, this is what heaston
reminding you to remember that pulled orhot spam hits the ft. If you
(28:41):
tried Hormale Chili con carney, youmay think you don't like chili, but
chili con carney the way Hormel makesit is different and everybody likes it.
Double your money back. If youdon't like it, try Hormale Chili con
Carney tomorrow. This is the NationalBroadcasting Company
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