February 22, 2024 • 29 mins
"The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" was a hilarious and innovative radio comedy that followed the lives of a fictionalized version of the real-life married couple, George Burns and Gracie Allen. The show was known for its unique format, with George Burns serving as the straight man and Gracie Allen as the delightfully scatterbrained and absurdly funny wife.The core of the show's humor was Gracie's zany logic and her penchant for getting herself and George into comical situations. Her misunderstandings, malapropisms, and eccentric thinking were central to the show's charm. George, on the other hand, played the role of the calm and patient husband who often tried to explain Gracie's antics to others and navigate the chaos she created.The show featured recurring characters such as Blanche Morton (played by Bea Benaderet), Gracie's best friend and a fellow participant in the comedy, and Harry Morton (played by Hal March), Blanche's husband. The ensemble cast, along with George and Gracie, contributed to the show's comedic dynamics.Each episode typically revolved around a humorous situation or misunderstanding that Gracie would instigate, leading to a series of hilarious events and exchanges. The show was known for its quick-witted humor, clever wordplay, and impeccable timing."The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" enjoyed immense popularity during its radio run, and it later transitioned successfully to television in the 1950s. George Burns and Gracie Allen's on-screen chemistry and comedic talent made them beloved figures in American entertainment history, and their radio show remains an enduring classic in the world of comedy.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
From Hollywood. The George Burns andGracie Allen Show for horm Allen Spam,
Crazy Boy Spam, ribub Boom Spam. George Burns and Gracie Allen Artie Show
(00:28):
when his orchestra singing Glee, We'rethe Smoothie his three Last but not Leaston
with love Euston. Yes, Georgeand Gracie have dropped in for another visit.
(01:08):
Of course you've been expecting them.But what about those folks who drop
in unexpectedly at meal time? Well, don't fuss, Just serve spam Spam.
This tender, juicy meat is perfectfor hurry up meals. It's all
ready to eat. Just open thespam, can slice it and serve with
sliced tomato or a salad. Spamis always ready for quick action because this
(01:30):
delicious meat doesn't need refrigeration and therich, satisfying goodness, the tempting taste
of spam always makes a hip.Get a supply of spam when you shop
tomorrow and try the easy recipes onthe label. You'll discover the easy way
to please your unexpected guests. Becausecold or hot spam hits the spot.
(02:05):
They all together just like spam andeggs. Why are the stars of my
show? And here they are inperson, George and Gracie A thank you
very much. Folks. You'll haveto forgive me if I'm a little out
of breads. But the minute wehear Addie Shaw's music, all of us
on the stage here we just haveto do. Oh yes, George,
(02:25):
did you see that and me doingthe rumber? What was that? Ottie
show? Was playing a fox trot? Why were you and Bud doing a
rumba? Well, Bud used tobe a football player. Well what's the
football player got to do with arumba? Oh he's used to keep in
the backfield in motion, I sayso, Bud, the rumber is the
only dance you can do. Ohno, George, do you know the
(02:46):
can can? Uh? It's fullof spam spam nice plug plug. Oh
thanks George. You're a pretty gooddancer yourself. Oh, it's really nothing.
Of course, I was a studentof Najinski. Really, you say
something in a Djinski temper, it'snot a language. Djinski was an internationally
(03:08):
famous dancer. At one time hehad the world's largest ballet. Well,
why did he go on a dietGracie. I'm sure you've seen ballet dancing.
Look, I'll give you a demonstration. I'll put my foot out like
this. See. Then I'll pointmy toe and place my hand on my
hip like this, then throw myhead back gracefully like this. Oh,
(03:31):
isn't he pretty? Yes, I'ma little dream boat. I'll never I'll
never forget. One night in Cleveland, the ballet was doing the Dance of
the Fawn, and there I wasin an amber spotlight, singing the pipes
of pan. The audience was spellbound. Singer burns, you sang the pipes
of pan. Yes, Senually Isang the pipes of pan, which was
(03:52):
worse. Your pipes are your pan, Adie. Will you put a muzzle
in that South Americ and guitar player? Sure, George, but first I'll
have to take it off the pianoplayer. We'll take it off now,
George. Don't let him upset you. I happen to know that you know
a lot about the theater. Infact, my grandfather used to tell me
about seeing you on the stage whenwhen you were a kid, No,
(04:15):
when he was a kid. Ohwell, anyway, I do know a
lot about the theater. My fatherand mother were act this. As a
matter of fact, I was bornon the stage. Did you get much
of a hand? Yes? Foran n care, I diet a minuet
with a stalk stock. You know, I once saw a stalk that looked
like a duck. How can astalk look like a duck? Well,
(04:36):
I don't know. Maybe he wearhis legs down delivering to bing Crosby as
well. Maybe where was I?Oh, yes, Nazinski. Ah,
those were the days. What actuallyhad in bought ball Bangkuff and Girley didn't
fesh in the league Croveney brothers andCroveney. Where can you find talent like
(04:58):
that today? Well? I don'tknow that the rest of them, but
I do know what didn't test isdoing different? First? Yeah, fresh,
what's he doing? He's an assistantto a doorknop polisher, assistant to
a donop polish. Yeah, whatdoes he do? Well, he's the
fellow that goes and the other fellowpolishes. That's that's some job, George.
(05:24):
As long as you're in an oldtime mood, we smoothies would like
to sing a real oldie. Alabamybun okay, kids are alabamy bound You
know. I used to do thatin Vordville too. Those were the days,
you know, folks, Vordville isin my blood. Oh so that's
where it went. Hardie, youand Budge and the rest of you can
kid all you want to, butif it hadn't been for vord Bulle,
(05:46):
I wouldn't have met Gracie. Remember, Remember Gracie. The first time we
met at the Hill Street Theater atNork. You came into my dressing room.
Yes, and you had a pictureof that balloon dancer on the wall,
that's right. And the minute Isaw you, I took the picture
down and put it in the wastebasket. And then you put the waist
basket in the safe. And thencame all those tough years. I struggled
(06:13):
and struggled and worked my fingers tothe bone. Yeah, but you couldn't
open the s thos. I'm Alabamibound. There'll be no ev gv's hanging
down. You just gave them meanesstaking man on the earth all one words,
(06:39):
super mututies in a number, butjust near the jute sound. I
know that soon we're going to coverground. And then all saw the world
and all here I go. I'llAlabami bound balla belly waiting morning this game,
(07:08):
I mean it stick. Get theman owners you put on twitches in
an upper versa. Just in thechichi now with bound she covered down,
here I go, Chichi blow.I'm alabamy bowood by blues. Very's I
(07:40):
singing every old things into good byeblues. Nothing bad left in morning and
afternoon. I'm out of baby boundingog b GI's hanging around, hanging around,
hanging around, leave in town.I just gave the meanest ticket man
(08:01):
on the all. I'm worth thebest that deep easy and love poburg.
Just do the gje sound. Iknow the seon. We're gonna come the
ground and then Hollisoda world will know. Here I go. I'm mail of
(08:24):
bevery bo, I'm oil the babybow. We're leaving this town from now
on that I'm crowns were round ofbaby by smoothies. That was beautiful.
Well tonight, ladies and gentlemen,we're gonna do a play. We're gonna
(08:46):
give you odd version of the popularMGM picture gold Rush Maisie in this story,
as we're not gonna do go RushMazie. We're not Now I sat
up two days utnight and change thewhole title. Well, what is it
now, Gracey, that's some twistthat took you two days and to night.
How did you happen to think ofchanging Maizie to Gracie? Just blind
(09:09):
luck? I guess. Well,all right, I'll do it your way.
Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, We'regonna do a playing title, gold
Rush Gracie. And I know you'regonna like it because it's got a lot
of old numbers. And I lovealdum so I mean may const numerous les
A. What did SANUELI say?George? He says you he knows you
love old numbers. Oh he does. He saw you out with one last
(09:33):
night, SAMUELI every week you startsome new trouble. Why don't you go
home and stay home? I gonnado that. My father she has the
neasles. My father she has themeasles. Your father too. Look Sanor
your father he has the measles.Your mother she has the measles. Your
(09:56):
brothers they have the measles. Catching, isn't it well? Tonight, ladies
and gentlemen, we're going to doa playing title. Go Rush Gracie.
No, no, no, Ichanged the title. What is it now?
Of the Brown Derby, Gracie ofthe Brown This is a story about
a gold mine. What do youthink the Brown Derby is? All right?
(10:24):
Then, so tonight, ladies andgentlemen, we're gonna do a playing
title, Gracie of the Brown Derby. Mister Burne, look, I know
you went to Harvard for four yearsand that you're very unhappy because you're a
sound man. But that's It's notthat. Would you mind if I slammed
the door just once? Why Iread tonight's script and I noticed that there
are no sound effects for me?Well, you're still getting paid. Yes,
(10:46):
I am getting paid. Could Iplease slam the door just once?
Well, all right, slam thedoor now I feel better? Why I
refuse to accept charity. Tonight,ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna do a
(11:07):
play entitled Gracie of the Brown Derby. It changed the title. What is
it? She was killed wearing slacksor she died like a man. All
right, ladies and gentlemen, tonight, we're gonna do a playing title she
(11:28):
was killed wearing slacks or she diedlike a man. George, George,
I hate to interrupt, but tonight. I'd like to repeat Fantasy, the
number I played on the opening show, because it's a very fine musician waiting
to hear it. Who need Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna do
a playing title. She was killedwearing slacks. I think I'm a lowly
(11:48):
sound man. Sound man, soundstop grumbling to think. I've got one
brother who won the Pulitzer Prize andanother brother who won the Nobel Prize.
You've been telling me about those twogenius brothers for a week. Yes,
and they're ashamed of my being asound man. Well, if they're ashamed
of you, why don't you quit? If I quit, they don't eat.
(12:13):
All right, ladies and gentlemen,Tonight, we're gonna do a play
entitle. Senor Burns, What doesit, Saguela? How about the park
for me? In the sketch?Sketch it's sketch. You don't even know
your ABC's I do too, ABC. Well there's more tonight, ladies and
(12:41):
gentlemen, We're gonna do a playingtitle. She was killed wearing slacks or
she died like a man? NowI changed the title. The title is
the bus Drivers who wear Pajamas orthey die by nineties. Ray see is
this the last? It's positively thelast title. Ladies and gentlemen, Tonight
(13:05):
we're going to do a playing title. The bus drivers will wear pajamas.
Are they come in? George Burnsand Gracia Ellen. Yes, I'm Joyce
Moon. Oh, Joyce Moon,George. I forgot to tell you.
This young lady is from Fergus Falls, Minnesota, and she has been chosen
Queen of the Lakes at the MinneapolisAquitania. Go ahead, Joyce, mister
Burns and Miss Allen, the peopleof Minnesota have sent me as a goodwill
(13:26):
ambassador to inform you that we andMinnesota are naming two lakes after you,
Lake Burns and Lake Allen. Nametwo lakes after Swoo, Gracie, say
something. I don't know what tosay. I have been a lake before,
Cracie. Please, here are twojars of water, one from Lake
(13:48):
Burns and one from Lake Allen.As we knew you were too busy to
come to Minnesota to christ and thelakes, we brought the lakes here to
christen you well. Thank you verymuch, oh, thank you. And
before you go back, Miss Moran, I must give you some water.
From our Los Angeles river as soonas I can find a shovel, Miss
(14:15):
Moan. We just can't wait untilwe see those two lakes. Oh they're
very pretty lake. You know alake Burns in Lake ewl have a little
bayte How long have they been married? About two years? Well, goodbye,
I've got running along. Goods Moan, and thank you and thanks to
(14:37):
the people of Minnesota. This iswhat I do for a living. Quiet
sound man, pardon me, oldman. River Tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
We're definitely gonna do a playing titledthe Bus Drivers Aware Pajamas or they
drive by nighty. No, no, no, now I've really got the
(15:01):
title. Now why I didn't thinkof this before? I'll never understand?
This will really for you? What'sthe title? Go Rush Mazie Hot he
played flanks, say, Judge,isn't it wonderful having two Minnesota lakes named
(18:08):
after us? Yes? Gracy,but we have to go there. How
are we going to find them?There were ten thousand lakes in Minnesota,
but there's only one spam spam.What's spam got to do without finding the
lakes? Will you'd be surprised,Judge? Spell spam backwards, spam backward.
Let me say, now, mapsthat spells naps. Sure, so
if we want to find out legs, all we have to do is look
(18:29):
at some naps. Well, Bud, there's another reason use for spam.
It's a good blood too, George, because spam is so easy to use.
This delicious, tender meat goes handin hand with warm weather lunches and
suppers when Neil time rolls around.Just opened a can of spam. Slice
this grand tasting meat and serve withyour favorite salad or make plain spamwiches.
Spam is all ready to eat assoon as the can is opened. Now
(18:52):
here's another hint. Follow the spamplatter idea that Bubble served at luncheon in
Gracie's honor the other day. Puta mound of cottage cheese on a platter,
then a ring of sliced tomato,and surround the platter with slices of
spam. Decorate with Radish's knowlives andyou're all set to entertain in grand stuff.
Oh and boy was that good?Yes, Gracie. The meaty flavor,
the satisfying taste of spam makes themeal complete. And you can see
(19:15):
it so easy. When the familysays what do we eat? Surprise them
with spam SBA M. Then trythe easy recipes on the label. Be
sure to ask your food dealer forspam, a hormale product when you shop
tomorrow. Slice it, dice it, r it, bake it cold,
(19:36):
A hot sway hits the bush.And now for a play, and you
can make up your own title budset the same. The scene of our
story opens in a typical frontier dancehall. The cafe elbow just a joint.
(19:56):
All the dance hall hosts are workinghard trying to make an honest mink
coat. In the center of thefloor, we find our heroin gold Rush
Gracie. Well, the dances allthe killer delly Shaw and I sure enjoyed
it. I'm mad about you,gold Rush Gracie. You got me walking
(20:18):
around in circles? Well is yourbow legs? What else can you do?
Hello? Gold Rush Gracie. SheriffBurns, Sheriff, You're just in
time? Did I Dawson is here? Did I Dawson? Yeah? Why
he's a killer quick? Let's calleda postle. I can't why not?
The posse's outside having kittens out ofmy way? Go rush out get him?
(20:40):
Wherezy, Oh, there he goes, he's heading for the free lunch
counter. Well out of my way. Ouch, you've got him, sheriff,
I got him. Well, wheredid I get them? Between the
chocolver and the coal cuts have somemighty painful place. Well there goes dead
Eye Dawson, the only real badman in the town, the only man
(21:02):
I could have loved and married.I love bad men. I love good
men, love tallman, love shortman. I love me. I like
this for years. I know,I know, col Rush, Gracie.
According to the terms of your father'swill, if you're not married by five
o'clock today, your gold mine goesback to the one your father hates the
most. You mean Tomama, Yes, I mean Tomama, And go rush.
(21:26):
You've only got a few minutes leftto pick out a man and get
married. What do you say,Nick, give me a drum roll?
Right now? Come on, boys, get around me. Boy. You
all know I'm gonna lose the goldmine if I don't get married before five
o'clock. So now we're gonna holdthe contest, and the toughest man gets
(21:48):
me and my goal man a minute, boys, wait a minute, The
man I'm married, must be asbad as my pappy. What does your
pappy do? Well? He oncemet an Italian with a saw threat and
pappy did something. It was terrible. What did he do? He tied
knocks in a spaghetti? He did? Did he make way for gold rush?
(22:10):
Races? New husband? Full rush? You don't have to look any
further. I am the beddest manin town. The rest of these here
fellas are all sissies, sissies?Did you hear that man? This fellow
says that you're all sisses? Well? Are you all sisses? Well?
Are you all sissies? Well?Are you? Don't rush this kid?
We're trying to think, well,gold rush, you better make up your
(22:37):
mind. You've got to get You'vegot to get married to somebody away.
Here comes bullet head Hoaston, he'llgall up through the window. He's riding
for trouble. Whoa that is afresh mark or unit? This kid?
You call that riding for trouble.When my tappy road there was real trouble.
(23:00):
I'll come, well, you didn'tknow how to ride? Oh well,
out of my way? Armits go, rush, Gracie. If you're
looking for a real bad man tomarry. I'm a man with a record
on my right arm here I've gottattooed names of the man I've killed.
On my left arm, I've gottattooed all the names of the banks have
held up. And on my backI've got tattooed. Well, you wouldn't
be interested? Yes, have what? Can I let me read it?
(23:23):
Listen byes. Fuzzy Fuzzy was abear. Fuzzy Muzzy had no hair.
Fuzzy buzzy, buzzy fuzzy orusy.Oh what do you think of fuzzy Wuzzy?
It's pretty lousy. You've got apoem tattooed on your back and your
(23:44):
record tattooed on your arms. Eh, I got something on my chest too.
Well, what is it, Ladiesand gentlemen For a tasty snack?
Just opened a can of spam.It's all ready to eat. You'll find
everybody in the house likes its meatyflavored and needs no refrigeration. And there's
nothing like spam for lunch. Youcall yourself bad, I'm plenty bad to
day for lunches. I had hamburger, That is bad. You ain't half
(24:07):
as tough as my pappy. Mypappy would take a telephone book and tear
it with two fingers like this,say, tearing your phone book with two
fingers, that's wonderful, gold Rush, Gracie. How did you ever do
it? Easy? It was itGlendale phone book? Well, it's no
use, gold Rush Gracie. You'llhave to go a long way to find
anybody as tough as your pappy.From there to here it is far.
(24:30):
Yes, you're tougher than her pappy, you really think? So what makes
you so bad? I'm the blacksheep of my family. I'm in bad
with my uncle, I'm in badwith my father, I'm in bad with
my cousin. And it's no good. What it's too many and one bad?
(24:56):
Well, gol Rush, your timeis just about up. Well,
I guess I'm going to lose thegold mine after all. Oh, don't
take it too hot. Come onover to the piano and I'll sing your
little song. Oh we'll come awayoff they bring flows all that all stop
(25:21):
shareff stop. After hearing you sing, I made up my mind that you're
the man I'm gonna marry because nobodycan be as bad as you are?
Is that soll? And now,ladies, and gentlemen. That was the
story of gold Rush Gracie. Nownow now, I changed the title quiet,
Quiet Gracie. When I was saying, I'm nobody's baby, play it
(25:41):
off. I used to be mymother's baby. But when I smile,
my dad went wild. Whenever wehad company, they bounced me on their
knee, and the neighbors thought Iwas a darling child. I think once
(26:02):
I was everybody's baby. But rightnow I'm lonesome as can be. You
see, I'm nobody baby. Iwonder why each night and day I pray
(26:26):
the fun of the ball. Oh, please send me down somebody to love,
but nobody wants me on blue somehow. Won't someone here by, please
and take a chance with me,because I'm nobody's baby. Now, Oh
(26:51):
dear, oh, dear bedrins,fair facts, what shall I do?
Sign perplexed? While why oh whydo they shy shy when they spire that
gleam in my eye? I'm fivefor two with eyes of blue, and
(27:12):
people tell me I'm attractive. Ican cook and sew and sew and sew,
but my evenings aren't very active.So won't you hear my cry and
take a chance on e because I'mnobody's bababy. No, but I'll get
somebody's baby time. Friends. Whenthe weather is hot and sultry and the
(28:02):
appetites are dull, here's the wayto give your family grand tasting food that's
easy to fix. Just open acan of spam, tender, juicy meat
that's all ready to eat, sliceit and serve with your favorite summer salad.
The delicious taste, the meaty,satisfying flavor of spam. Win's approval
from the huskiest appetite. Ask yourfood dealer for spam when you shop tomorrow.
Try the easy recipes on the label. Be sure you ask for S
(28:26):
B A M. Spam. ThanksSpot Well, Gracie sa good night,
Oh, good night, Gracie.Wasn't that nice to have two lakes?
Yes? But Jack then he hada mountain named after him, a mountain,
Yeah, that mount Baldy. Goodnight. Talk. Be with us
(28:59):
again next Monday night, same time, same station, for another George Burns
and Gracie Allen Show with Ardie Shawn, his Orchestra and the Smoothies. Until
then, this is but Houston remindingyou to remember that cold or hot spam
hits the spot. Have you triedHormale Chili con carney. You may think
(29:30):
you don't like chili, but chilicon carney the way Hormel makes it is
different and everybody likes it. Doubleyour money back. If you don't like
it. Try Hormale Chili caen Carneytomorrow. This is the National Broadcasting Company
From Hollywood. The George Burns andGracie Allen Show for horm Allen Spam,
Crazy Boy Spam, ribub Boom Spam. George Burns and Gracie Allen Artie Show
(00:28):
when his orchestra singing Glee, We'rethe Smoothie his three Last but not Leaston
with love Euston. Yes, Georgeand Gracie have dropped in for another visit.
(01:08):
Of course you've been expecting them.But what about those folks who drop
in unexpectedly at meal time? Well, don't fuss, Just serve spam Spam.
This tender, juicy meat is perfectfor hurry up meals. It's all
ready to eat. Just open thespam, can slice it and serve with
sliced tomato or a salad. Spamis always ready for quick action because this
(01:30):
delicious meat doesn't need refrigeration and therich, satisfying goodness, the tempting taste
of spam always makes a hip.Get a supply of spam when you shop
tomorrow and try the easy recipes onthe label. You'll discover the easy way
to please your unexpected guests. Becausecold or hot spam hits the spot.
(02:05):
They all together just like spam andeggs. Why are the stars of my
show? And here they are inperson, George and Gracie A thank you
very much. Folks. You'll haveto forgive me if I'm a little out
of breads. But the minute wehear Addie Shaw's music, all of us
on the stage here we just haveto do. Oh yes, George,
(02:25):
did you see that and me doingthe rumber? What was that? Ottie
show? Was playing a fox trot? Why were you and Bud doing a
rumba? Well, Bud used tobe a football player. Well what's the
football player got to do with arumba? Oh he's used to keep in
the backfield in motion, I sayso, Bud, the rumber is the
only dance you can do. Ohno, George, do you know the
(02:46):
can can? Uh? It's fullof spam spam nice plug plug. Oh
thanks George. You're a pretty gooddancer yourself. Oh, it's really nothing.
Of course, I was a studentof Najinski. Really, you say
something in a Djinski temper, it'snot a language. Djinski was an internationally
(03:08):
famous dancer. At one time hehad the world's largest ballet. Well,
why did he go on a dietGracie. I'm sure you've seen ballet dancing.
Look, I'll give you a demonstration. I'll put my foot out like
this. See. Then I'll pointmy toe and place my hand on my
hip like this, then throw myhead back gracefully like this. Oh,
(03:31):
isn't he pretty? Yes, I'ma little dream boat. I'll never I'll
never forget. One night in Cleveland, the ballet was doing the Dance of
the Fawn, and there I wasin an amber spotlight, singing the pipes
of pan. The audience was spellbound. Singer burns, you sang the pipes
of pan. Yes, Senually Isang the pipes of pan, which was
(03:52):
worse. Your pipes are your pan, Adie. Will you put a muzzle
in that South Americ and guitar player? Sure, George, but first I'll
have to take it off the pianoplayer. We'll take it off now,
George. Don't let him upset you. I happen to know that you know
a lot about the theater. Infact, my grandfather used to tell me
about seeing you on the stage whenwhen you were a kid, No,
(04:15):
when he was a kid. Ohwell, anyway, I do know a
lot about the theater. My fatherand mother were act this. As a
matter of fact, I was bornon the stage. Did you get much
of a hand? Yes? Foran n care, I diet a minuet
with a stalk stock. You know, I once saw a stalk that looked
like a duck. How can astalk look like a duck? Well,
(04:36):
I don't know. Maybe he wearhis legs down delivering to bing Crosby as
well. Maybe where was I?Oh, yes, Nazinski. Ah,
those were the days. What actuallyhad in bought ball Bangkuff and Girley didn't
fesh in the league Croveney brothers andCroveney. Where can you find talent like
(04:58):
that today? Well? I don'tknow that the rest of them, but
I do know what didn't test isdoing different? First? Yeah, fresh,
what's he doing? He's an assistantto a doorknop polisher, assistant to
a donop polish. Yeah, whatdoes he do? Well, he's the
fellow that goes and the other fellowpolishes. That's that's some job, George.
(05:24):
As long as you're in an oldtime mood, we smoothies would like
to sing a real oldie. Alabamybun okay, kids are alabamy bound You
know. I used to do thatin Vordville too. Those were the days,
you know, folks, Vordville isin my blood. Oh so that's
where it went. Hardie, youand Budge and the rest of you can
kid all you want to, butif it hadn't been for vord Bulle,
(05:46):
I wouldn't have met Gracie. Remember, Remember Gracie. The first time we
met at the Hill Street Theater atNork. You came into my dressing room.
Yes, and you had a pictureof that balloon dancer on the wall,
that's right. And the minute Isaw you, I took the picture
down and put it in the wastebasket. And then you put the waist
basket in the safe. And thencame all those tough years. I struggled
(06:13):
and struggled and worked my fingers tothe bone. Yeah, but you couldn't
open the s thos. I'm Alabamibound. There'll be no ev gv's hanging
down. You just gave them meanesstaking man on the earth all one words,
(06:39):
super mututies in a number, butjust near the jute sound. I
know that soon we're going to coverground. And then all saw the world
and all here I go. I'llAlabami bound balla belly waiting morning this game,
(07:08):
I mean it stick. Get theman owners you put on twitches in
an upper versa. Just in thechichi now with bound she covered down,
here I go, Chichi blow.I'm alabamy bowood by blues. Very's I
(07:40):
singing every old things into good byeblues. Nothing bad left in morning and
afternoon. I'm out of baby boundingog b GI's hanging around, hanging around,
hanging around, leave in town.I just gave the meanest ticket man
(08:01):
on the all. I'm worth thebest that deep easy and love poburg.
Just do the gje sound. Iknow the seon. We're gonna come the
ground and then Hollisoda world will know. Here I go. I'm mail of
(08:24):
bevery bo, I'm oil the babybow. We're leaving this town from now
on that I'm crowns were round ofbaby by smoothies. That was beautiful.
Well tonight, ladies and gentlemen,we're gonna do a play. We're gonna
(08:46):
give you odd version of the popularMGM picture gold Rush Maisie in this story,
as we're not gonna do go RushMazie. We're not Now I sat
up two days utnight and change thewhole title. Well, what is it
now, Gracey, that's some twistthat took you two days and to night.
How did you happen to think ofchanging Maizie to Gracie? Just blind
(09:09):
luck? I guess. Well,all right, I'll do it your way.
Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, We'regonna do a playing title, gold
Rush Gracie. And I know you'regonna like it because it's got a lot
of old numbers. And I lovealdum so I mean may const numerous les
A. What did SANUELI say?George? He says you he knows you
love old numbers. Oh he does. He saw you out with one last
(09:33):
night, SAMUELI every week you startsome new trouble. Why don't you go
home and stay home? I gonnado that. My father she has the
neasles. My father she has themeasles. Your father too. Look Sanor
your father he has the measles.Your mother she has the measles. Your
(09:56):
brothers they have the measles. Catching, isn't it well? Tonight, ladies
and gentlemen, we're going to doa playing title. Go Rush Gracie.
No, no, no, Ichanged the title. What is it now?
Of the Brown Derby, Gracie ofthe Brown This is a story about
a gold mine. What do youthink the Brown Derby is? All right?
(10:24):
Then, so tonight, ladies andgentlemen, we're gonna do a playing
title, Gracie of the Brown Derby. Mister Burne, look, I know
you went to Harvard for four yearsand that you're very unhappy because you're a
sound man. But that's It's notthat. Would you mind if I slammed
the door just once? Why Iread tonight's script and I noticed that there
are no sound effects for me?Well, you're still getting paid. Yes,
(10:46):
I am getting paid. Could Iplease slam the door just once?
Well, all right, slam thedoor now I feel better? Why I
refuse to accept charity. Tonight,ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna do a
(11:07):
play entitled Gracie of the Brown Derby. It changed the title. What is
it? She was killed wearing slacksor she died like a man. All
right, ladies and gentlemen, tonight, we're gonna do a playing title she
(11:28):
was killed wearing slacks or she diedlike a man. George, George,
I hate to interrupt, but tonight. I'd like to repeat Fantasy, the
number I played on the opening show, because it's a very fine musician waiting
to hear it. Who need Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna do
a playing title. She was killedwearing slacks. I think I'm a lowly
(11:48):
sound man. Sound man, soundstop grumbling to think. I've got one
brother who won the Pulitzer Prize andanother brother who won the Nobel Prize.
You've been telling me about those twogenius brothers for a week. Yes,
and they're ashamed of my being asound man. Well, if they're ashamed
of you, why don't you quit? If I quit, they don't eat.
(12:13):
All right, ladies and gentlemen,Tonight, we're gonna do a play
entitle. Senor Burns, What doesit, Saguela? How about the park
for me? In the sketch?Sketch it's sketch. You don't even know
your ABC's I do too, ABC. Well there's more tonight, ladies and
(12:41):
gentlemen, We're gonna do a playingtitle. She was killed wearing slacks or
she died like a man? NowI changed the title. The title is
the bus Drivers who wear Pajamas orthey die by nineties. Ray see is
this the last? It's positively thelast title. Ladies and gentlemen, Tonight
(13:05):
we're going to do a playing title. The bus drivers will wear pajamas.
Are they come in? George Burnsand Gracia Ellen. Yes, I'm Joyce
Moon. Oh, Joyce Moon,George. I forgot to tell you.
This young lady is from Fergus Falls, Minnesota, and she has been chosen
Queen of the Lakes at the MinneapolisAquitania. Go ahead, Joyce, mister
Burns and Miss Allen, the peopleof Minnesota have sent me as a goodwill
(13:26):
ambassador to inform you that we andMinnesota are naming two lakes after you,
Lake Burns and Lake Allen. Nametwo lakes after Swoo, Gracie, say
something. I don't know what tosay. I have been a lake before,
Cracie. Please, here are twojars of water, one from Lake
(13:48):
Burns and one from Lake Allen.As we knew you were too busy to
come to Minnesota to christ and thelakes, we brought the lakes here to
christen you well. Thank you verymuch, oh, thank you. And
before you go back, Miss Moran, I must give you some water.
From our Los Angeles river as soonas I can find a shovel, Miss
(14:15):
Moan. We just can't wait untilwe see those two lakes. Oh they're
very pretty lake. You know alake Burns in Lake ewl have a little
bayte How long have they been married? About two years? Well, goodbye,
I've got running along. Goods Moan, and thank you and thanks to
(14:37):
the people of Minnesota. This iswhat I do for a living. Quiet
sound man, pardon me, oldman. River Tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
We're definitely gonna do a playing titledthe Bus Drivers Aware Pajamas or they
drive by nighty. No, no, no, now I've really got the
(15:01):
title. Now why I didn't thinkof this before? I'll never understand?
This will really for you? What'sthe title? Go Rush Mazie Hot he
played flanks, say, Judge,isn't it wonderful having two Minnesota lakes named
(18:08):
after us? Yes? Gracy,but we have to go there. How
are we going to find them?There were ten thousand lakes in Minnesota,
but there's only one spam spam.What's spam got to do without finding the
lakes? Will you'd be surprised,Judge? Spell spam backwards, spam backward.
Let me say, now, mapsthat spells naps. Sure, so
if we want to find out legs, all we have to do is look
(18:29):
at some naps. Well, Bud, there's another reason use for spam.
It's a good blood too, George, because spam is so easy to use.
This delicious, tender meat goes handin hand with warm weather lunches and
suppers when Neil time rolls around.Just opened a can of spam. Slice
this grand tasting meat and serve withyour favorite salad or make plain spamwiches.
Spam is all ready to eat assoon as the can is opened. Now
(18:52):
here's another hint. Follow the spamplatter idea that Bubble served at luncheon in
Gracie's honor the other day. Puta mound of cottage cheese on a platter,
then a ring of sliced tomato,and surround the platter with slices of
spam. Decorate with Radish's knowlives andyou're all set to entertain in grand stuff.
Oh and boy was that good?Yes, Gracie. The meaty flavor,
the satisfying taste of spam makes themeal complete. And you can see
(19:15):
it so easy. When the familysays what do we eat? Surprise them
with spam SBA M. Then trythe easy recipes on the label. Be
sure to ask your food dealer forspam, a hormale product when you shop
tomorrow. Slice it, dice it, r it, bake it cold,
(19:36):
A hot sway hits the bush.And now for a play, and you
can make up your own title budset the same. The scene of our
story opens in a typical frontier dancehall. The cafe elbow just a joint.
(19:56):
All the dance hall hosts are workinghard trying to make an honest mink
coat. In the center of thefloor, we find our heroin gold Rush
Gracie. Well, the dances allthe killer delly Shaw and I sure enjoyed
it. I'm mad about you,gold Rush Gracie. You got me walking
(20:18):
around in circles? Well is yourbow legs? What else can you do?
Hello? Gold Rush Gracie. SheriffBurns, Sheriff, You're just in
time? Did I Dawson is here? Did I Dawson? Yeah? Why
he's a killer quick? Let's calleda postle. I can't why not?
The posse's outside having kittens out ofmy way? Go rush out get him?
(20:40):
Wherezy, Oh, there he goes, he's heading for the free lunch
counter. Well out of my way. Ouch, you've got him, sheriff,
I got him. Well, wheredid I get them? Between the
chocolver and the coal cuts have somemighty painful place. Well there goes dead
Eye Dawson, the only real badman in the town, the only man
(21:02):
I could have loved and married.I love bad men. I love good
men, love tallman, love shortman. I love me. I like
this for years. I know,I know, col Rush, Gracie.
According to the terms of your father'swill, if you're not married by five
o'clock today, your gold mine goesback to the one your father hates the
most. You mean Tomama, Yes, I mean Tomama, And go rush.
(21:26):
You've only got a few minutes leftto pick out a man and get
married. What do you say,Nick, give me a drum roll?
Right now? Come on, boys, get around me. Boy. You
all know I'm gonna lose the goldmine if I don't get married before five
o'clock. So now we're gonna holdthe contest, and the toughest man gets
(21:48):
me and my goal man a minute, boys, wait a minute, The
man I'm married, must be asbad as my pappy. What does your
pappy do? Well? He oncemet an Italian with a saw threat and
pappy did something. It was terrible. What did he do? He tied
knocks in a spaghetti? He did? Did he make way for gold rush?
(22:10):
Races? New husband? Full rush? You don't have to look any
further. I am the beddest manin town. The rest of these here
fellas are all sissies, sissies?Did you hear that man? This fellow
says that you're all sisses? Well? Are you all sisses? Well?
Are you all sissies? Well?Are you? Don't rush this kid?
We're trying to think, well,gold rush, you better make up your
(22:37):
mind. You've got to get You'vegot to get married to somebody away.
Here comes bullet head Hoaston, he'llgall up through the window. He's riding
for trouble. Whoa that is afresh mark or unit? This kid?
You call that riding for trouble.When my tappy road there was real trouble.
(23:00):
I'll come, well, you didn'tknow how to ride? Oh well,
out of my way? Armits go, rush, Gracie. If you're
looking for a real bad man tomarry. I'm a man with a record
on my right arm here I've gottattooed names of the man I've killed.
On my left arm, I've gottattooed all the names of the banks have
held up. And on my backI've got tattooed. Well, you wouldn't
be interested? Yes, have what? Can I let me read it?
(23:23):
Listen byes. Fuzzy Fuzzy was abear. Fuzzy Muzzy had no hair.
Fuzzy buzzy, buzzy fuzzy orusy.Oh what do you think of fuzzy Wuzzy?
It's pretty lousy. You've got apoem tattooed on your back and your
(23:44):
record tattooed on your arms. Eh, I got something on my chest too.
Well, what is it, Ladiesand gentlemen For a tasty snack?
Just opened a can of spam.It's all ready to eat. You'll find
everybody in the house likes its meatyflavored and needs no refrigeration. And there's
nothing like spam for lunch. Youcall yourself bad, I'm plenty bad to
day for lunches. I had hamburger, That is bad. You ain't half
(24:07):
as tough as my pappy. Mypappy would take a telephone book and tear
it with two fingers like this,say, tearing your phone book with two
fingers, that's wonderful, gold Rush, Gracie. How did you ever do
it? Easy? It was itGlendale phone book? Well, it's no
use, gold Rush Gracie. You'llhave to go a long way to find
anybody as tough as your pappy.From there to here it is far.
(24:30):
Yes, you're tougher than her pappy, you really think? So what makes
you so bad? I'm the blacksheep of my family. I'm in bad
with my uncle, I'm in badwith my father, I'm in bad with
my cousin. And it's no good. What it's too many and one bad?
(24:56):
Well, gol Rush, your timeis just about up. Well,
I guess I'm going to lose thegold mine after all. Oh, don't
take it too hot. Come onover to the piano and I'll sing your
little song. Oh we'll come awayoff they bring flows all that all stop
(25:21):
shareff stop. After hearing you sing, I made up my mind that you're
the man I'm gonna marry because nobodycan be as bad as you are?
Is that soll? And now,ladies, and gentlemen. That was the
story of gold Rush Gracie. Nownow now, I changed the title quiet,
Quiet Gracie. When I was saying, I'm nobody's baby, play it
(25:41):
off. I used to be mymother's baby. But when I smile,
my dad went wild. Whenever wehad company, they bounced me on their
knee, and the neighbors thought Iwas a darling child. I think once
(26:02):
I was everybody's baby. But rightnow I'm lonesome as can be. You
see, I'm nobody baby. Iwonder why each night and day I pray
(26:26):
the fun of the ball. Oh, please send me down somebody to love,
but nobody wants me on blue somehow. Won't someone here by, please
and take a chance with me,because I'm nobody's baby. Now, Oh
(26:51):
dear, oh, dear bedrins,fair facts, what shall I do?
Sign perplexed? While why oh whydo they shy shy when they spire that
gleam in my eye? I'm fivefor two with eyes of blue, and
(27:12):
people tell me I'm attractive. Ican cook and sew and sew and sew,
but my evenings aren't very active.So won't you hear my cry and
take a chance on e because I'mnobody's bababy. No, but I'll get
somebody's baby time. Friends. Whenthe weather is hot and sultry and the
(28:02):
appetites are dull, here's the wayto give your family grand tasting food that's
easy to fix. Just open acan of spam, tender, juicy meat
that's all ready to eat, sliceit and serve with your favorite summer salad.
The delicious taste, the meaty,satisfying flavor of spam. Win's approval
from the huskiest appetite. Ask yourfood dealer for spam when you shop tomorrow.
Try the easy recipes on the label. Be sure you ask for S
(28:26):
B A M. Spam. ThanksSpot Well, Gracie sa good night,
Oh, good night, Gracie.Wasn't that nice to have two lakes?
Yes? But Jack then he hada mountain named after him, a mountain,
Yeah, that mount Baldy. Goodnight. Talk. Be with us
(28:59):
again next Monday night, same time, same station, for another George Burns
and Gracie Allen Show with Ardie Shawn, his Orchestra and the Smoothies. Until
then, this is but Houston remindingyou to remember that cold or hot spam
hits the spot. Have you triedHormale Chili con carney. You may think
(29:30):
you don't like chili, but chilicon carney the way Hormel makes it is
different and everybody likes it. Doubleyour money back. If you don't like
it. Try Hormale Chili caen Carneytomorrow. This is the National Broadcasting Company
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