December 6, 2023 • 29 mins
"The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" was a hilarious and innovative radio comedy that followed the lives of a fictionalized version of the real-life married couple, George Burns and Gracie Allen. The show was known for its unique format, with George Burns serving as the straight man and Gracie Allen as the delightfully scatterbrained and absurdly funny wife.The core of the show's humor was Gracie's zany logic and her penchant for getting herself and George into comical situations. Her misunderstandings, malapropisms, and eccentric thinking were central to the show's charm. George, on the other hand, played the role of the calm and patient husband who often tried to explain Gracie's antics to others and navigate the chaos she created.The show featured recurring characters such as Blanche Morton (played by Bea Benaderet), Gracie's best friend and a fellow participant in the comedy, and Harry Morton (played by Hal March), Blanche's husband. The ensemble cast, along with George and Gracie, contributed to the show's comedic dynamics.Each episode typically revolved around a humorous situation or misunderstanding that Gracie would instigate, leading to a series of hilarious events and exchanges. The show was known for its quick-witted humor, clever wordplay, and impeccable timing."The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" enjoyed immense popularity during its radio run, and it later transitioned successfully to television in the 1950s. George Burns and Gracie Allen's on-screen chemistry and comedic talent made them beloved figures in American entertainment history, and their radio show remains an enduring classic in the world of comedy.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hello, my friends, the HeinesHoney and Almond Dream Program starting George Burns
and Hines Honey, Gracie Allen withFrank Parker, Raynoble and his orchestra and
Truman Bradley speaking a hundred million strong. That's right, you can't go wrong.
(00:29):
Thank you, Thank you very much. Wow say hello. Well I'm
pretty bright up, but I'll sayit. Hello, good ladies and gentlemen.
Tonight we're going to offer the secondepisode, but you can say that
I'm not a law abiding citizen,the second episode of r KO Swiss Family
Robinson, and I'm going to obeythem. Remember, folks last week follow
(00:51):
me out of the bakery, intothe meat market, out of the meat
markets at the grocery store. Whofollowed you this morning this morning? Said
to me, aren't you see outon that beautiful and pretty little girl in
the radio? Here we go.I could have told him that I was
far from pretty, and that Iwas skinny and homely, but you didn't.
I should say, not not gonnaget me for perjury. I see
(01:12):
you're a law abiding citizen. Sure, so he kept on following me because
I could have stopped him by turningon my personality and flashing my eyes and
giving out with a big smile.But you didn't. No, they're not
gonna get me for using deadly weapons. That would beat the law, certainly.
And then he grabbed me in hisarms and he hugged me and kissed
(01:32):
me. And then he hugged meagain, kissed me. Smart. Didn't
you do anything about it? Well, I could have hollered and screamed and
yelled and kicked it. You didn't. I should say, Nah, they're
not gonna get me for disturb andthe piece. You know, every day
you get more inbicilla, every houryou get that here, and every minute
you get none of Yet sure there'sno law against that. Oh, quiet,
quiet, you remember, ladies andgentlemen, our play stopped last week
(01:55):
without boat being raped. The Swissfamily Robinson were floundering in the water.
I played the leading part, theflounder. And now Gracie is mama Robinson
is going down for the flight timeand even I'm beginning to sink you can
talk planner than that. Brother.There, I was in the middle of
the ocean with my wife and threesons depending on me. What could I
(02:17):
do to doctor from your income textI struck out in one direction, my
wife struck out in another, andmy three sons struck out in another.
Who's pitching, Bob Feller. Iwas on my back, sinking very rapidly.
Only my nose was visible above thewater. My family was swimming around
around the hall in any day.As tonight's episode opens, we're still struggling
(02:40):
in the water with no land insight before I take it out. Okay,
Hello, hein sunny speaking bar.Oh, that's so that dad?
Well, goodbye, Boh driving sixtymiles an hour, that's impossible. I
wasn't out an hour. Goodbye,b Yeah, goodbye. Wa. Well,
(03:01):
you can't do anything to me inthe first place. The car doesn't
belong to me, and anyway,I didn't have a license. Goodbye.
What the owner isn't here now,are you? No? I'm not see
Gracie give me that bye? Hehung up. George, Gracie, who
is that talking me? I meanon the other end? Oh all that
(03:24):
that magnums. They'll do anything tosell address. Look what happened to my
brand new car that I let yourdrivers have known? Oh? Your car?
Yes, my car? You meanthe one with the four wheels,
the body and the steering wheel.Yes, the new one. You mean
(03:45):
the brand new one? Yes,the brand new one. Oh, the
brand brand You couldn't mean the old. I don't mean the old one.
Whatever happened to the mind? Lookwhat happened to my brand new car that
you were driving? Well, let'snot talk about me. So your Papa
Robinson, you're going down to thisdaytime, I hope continue to say,
(04:06):
Gracie, you're the only one whocan answer this question. What happened to
my car? Signed? Anxious?What? I'm a taxpayer, a nice
fellow. I send money to mymother every week. What all right?
Every other week? Gracie, whathappened to my car? Well? Yes,
(04:28):
well, yes, give up?Yes, I give up? Yell,
here's what happened your Papa Rabbinson.Wait a minute, GEORGEO boy,
perhaps I can help you out.I wish you would. You see,
I've written some Father's Day poems,and I'm selling very cheap. Ray,
I've got enough trouble on my hands, hand troubles. What I spot to
mention hindes, honey and almond cream. If I can only think of something,
(04:49):
what do you suggest, George?Why? Look, George, these
Father's Day poems only cost five andten cents apiece selling poems? Why are
you selling poems? I need themoney? What about the salary checks each
week? Oh, that's what Iwrite the poems on. You write poems
on the back of my check,says, here's one entitled insufficient funds.
Oh, pon me, that's thewrong side, Rachie. Where's my car?
(05:15):
What's the difference between the five centcards and the ten cent cars?
Oh? The ten cent ones fitthe envelopes. Huh. You know I
love Father's Day. I'll never forget. When I was a little baby,
my daddy would tuck me in bedand watch over me for hours until I
fell asleep. And then he kissedan aid Gracie. My mother found out,
(05:38):
and she taught my daddy a lesson. He kisses a maide much better.
Now, what happened to my car? Sure? What do you think
I ought to get my daddy forFather's Day? Let's see? Is he
an outdoor man? Well he willbe in thirty days, Gracie. Well,
I can see your predicament. Oh, ex thing showing again? Where's
(05:59):
my car? Mister Burns? Yes, mister Burns, have you got a
car? Yes? Have you gota y. No, I got a
y? So what I haven't gota car? So what do you want?
A trade? Or go away?Go away? Have you got forty
nine cents? Okay, you've gotenough money to get a dollar's worth of
(06:23):
Heine's Honey and Almond Cream. Rightnow and for a short time only,
Heine's Big dollar size is on salefor forty nine cents now think of it,
less than half price for the bigfamily sized bottle of Heine's lotion.
Forty nine cents instead of a dollar. This is a swell opportunity for you
to stock up on Heinin's honeyn Almondcream for the whole summer. Heines is
extra creamy, extra softening to dryrough hens, and it will keep your
(06:46):
knees looking smooth and pretty when youwear shorts in the new bare knee fashions.
Don't forget now is the time tosave money on Heine's Honey and Almond
Cream at forty nine cents less thanhalf price. You say, fifty one
cents on the bottle even at itsregular price. This big domar size hines
as famous as the economy. Byget Heines forty nine cents special tonight,
(07:06):
and you'll have plenty of heins lotionon hand to keep your skin feeling good
looking grand and now Frank Parker,Frank sings perfidia or tonight, Frank,
I see a message in your eyes. I'm there. I find a word
(07:30):
of my dreams, of issue ofit to us. You bring a glimpse
of paradise, a can of loving. Each little smile that whispers of joys
nor the light hollow and every mineymole and brings a million all the marvel
(07:58):
lovely melomy. I'm holding heaven inmy a magic smell of hearts and wine.
And now I feel the touch ofyour hands that tell me my you
you know for the whirl singer hauntingmany. I belong to you, and
(08:26):
you belong to me. I seea messaging here and there I find the
word of my dream of it,of extasy. Do you bring a glimpse
(08:50):
of paradise, the tale of love? And each little smile let whisper of
George who be Now the lights arelow, and every tiny morn rings a
million times to the rhythm of alovely melody. I'm holding heaven in my
(09:16):
art, a magic speller heart andwy and now I feel the touch of
your hand. That tells me likeyou a four thousand dollars corn. You
(09:50):
don't know what happened, George?What about my song? Go ahead?
Sing it? Sing it, singit, sing it. I just sang
it. Well, it was good, it was fine. Spread. Oh,
thank you, Josh. I'm certainlyglad your life. Shut up,
shut up, Wait a minute.You can't talk that way to me?
Who can't You can't? Well?I did, Yeah, I see this
muscle? What muscle? Well,that's funny. It was here a minute
ago. I look on the floor. Maybe it fell down. Well enough
(10:11):
for the play actors music. There'sgonna be no play. There's gonna be
no talk, no nothing. Iwant one question answered. Where's my car?
You're pretty stubborn, notn't you?Where's my car? Well? Anyway,
I didn't hit the vegetable wagon.What's the vegetable wagon? So when
I missed? When I hit thetruck? You hit a truck? Did
(10:35):
I turn white? White? Who'sa milk truck? A milk truck?
Yeah? It's hot to drive withyour eyes closed. We're driving. You
were driving with your eyes closed.I can't better see accidents. And I
just bought it yesterday. Oh,George, here's a Father's day poem.
It'll tell you I don't want tohear it right, Well, then tell
(10:56):
you back. Here's the Papa dieana man we all his wife presented him
with five children? Ray is thatall? Isn't that enough? My brand
new car? Racy? Was thatmuch damage done? Oh? Just the
teeny weeny scratch and the finger?Oh good, you're the your car?
(11:18):
My car? Did you get me? Witnesses? Two of them? Where
are they? I'm the front thumperRacy? Where is my car now?
After the Swiss family, Robinson arock And to think I paid four thousand
dollars cash for that car and Idon't owe a cent on him. Hello,
liar, wise guy. Well,at least there's one good thing.
(11:45):
I had Truman to pay my insuranceon my car last week. Hey Truman,
Truman, you did pay the insurance, didn't you? So the Swiss
family Robinson water and all of asudden, I said, woman, what
did you do with the ninety dollars? I can? Well to tell the
truth, George, I paid theinsurance on my uncle's truck. You use
(12:05):
my money to pay the insurance onyour uncle's truck. Yes, that's a
very lucky thing too. Some womandriver ran into him this morning. A
woman driver, So the Swiss fair. Gracie, where is hello? Oh
hell bubble, say Grazie. I'vegot some wonderful news. I just got
Why George, what's the matter withyou? You look awful? Just had
a rick? Congratulations boy or girl? I mean Gracie just ran into a
(12:31):
truck? Really, anybody I know? Yes, Don Wilson, say Gracie,
I just got a telegram. That'sa book you wrote is ready for
publication? Book? You wrote abook? Yeah, how to Become President?
When does it go on sale?In nineteenth? And isn't that a
coincidence? Your book is coming outon the nineteenth, and my tounsels are
coming out on the twenty quite acoincidence. And my daddy is coming out
(12:54):
on the twenty. Pace You'll bevery very happy. Oh you know,
George, I come from a familyof writers. Except my brother. He
wrote for ten years before he foundout he had no talent? Did he
did? He quit? No?But that time he was too famous.
What's no talent doing now? Lookingfor his car? I don't think that
(13:15):
is fine. I've got enough troubles. You call that trouble. Listen to
this. I was at Cyro's lastnight, dancing with the most beautiful girl.
Yes, I didn't know she wasmarried. Yes, And we were
in the middle of a rumber whenall of a sudden the husband comes in.
And what happened I don't know.It was cut out rehearsal. Is
there anybody who wasn't completely stupid?Oh? Coming, Oh, he's got
(13:35):
an ashburn? Hello, liar,what's that for? Oh? Pardon me?
I skipped a page? Oh,I said, George, old And
here's a poem that costs ten cents. Your father is a man's best friend,
and he deserves it too. Somefathers are laid end to end,
and others have eyes of blue othercharming thing. Ray, I'm not interested
(13:58):
in your poems. I'm not afather, that's right, Ray, He's
only dad from the neck up.Oh, go go, George, George?
Are we going to continue the place? Swiss family? Robinson art worst?
I want to find out where mycar is. Well, I told
you, George, you're added toa truck that I know. Did you
get the driver's number? Yes?Well, what is it? Gladstone must
(14:20):
have been very friendly. Well,he couldn't wait to come through the windshield
to meet me, probably struck hishead through the middle and said how do
Yeah, and the tears we're runningdown his cheeks. That's very sad.
So I turned on the windshield wiper. Racie, I want you to answer
only one question. Where is mycar now? I'm Vermont between ninth and
tenth Street? Well? Is itnear ninth or near tenh ne'ar both?
(14:43):
Well? Right after rac Very,people something the s And now for those
(17:33):
who didn't hear our first episode ofSwiss Family, Robinson and I know that
there are oodles, We'll give youa brief resume of what has gone before.
After deciding to leave on a voyagefor a new country, the Robinson
family gather all their money together andput it in a strong box UPA Robinson
is heart broken and says goodbye tohis Morris chair, Goodbye Marsh, good
(17:56):
bye Sam. Despite many obstacles,Mama Robinson gets her family off without a
slip. It's cold, without aslip. Our little family has been out
at sea for three days when suddenlythe sky is overhead darkened and the sea
gets chuffy, and we hear Iphone type bone Tommy, Well soon at
(18:18):
your neighborhood theater. The following day, the ship hits a rock and we
find the Robinson family struggling in thewater. Mama, Mammy, you've gone
down eight times. I know it. You can't go down more than three
times and live. Going down eighttimes, that's remarkable. Oh well,
(18:44):
if you think that's good, ladiesand gentlemen, I will not only go
down once more, but I willdrink a glass of water at the same
time. Where are my sons,Frankie, Truman, Raymond, We're right
here, Papa Truman are fishing.Where's Raymond? We're using him for bait?
Raymond Raymond? Yes, Papa,what are you doing down there?
(19:07):
I'm playing cards with a fellow withlong white teeth. Why that's a shark,
you're telling me he's winning all theparts, getting good hands. Huh
l. He's got one of mineouts two of mine. Well, mama's
coming up again. Look, shelooks like she's going out of her mind.
Octopus, an octopus, Take itaway, Take it away, Mama,
(19:30):
it's me looking at talks too.Well, my children, it looks
like we're not going to be savedand I can't swim another stroke. No,
neither can I. I can't swimany longer either, children, Papa,
there's only one thing left to do. You mean, yes, we'll
have to walk to shore. WhLook, we're on an island in the
(20:03):
middle of the ocean. I wonderwhere we are. There's a sign there.
What does it say? Los AngelesCity limits. Well, children,
we can't find a place to liveand get something to eat, Papa,
Papa, Truman is missing. That'sright, he is missing. What a
dope he must be lost. Come. We must go into the jungle and
(20:23):
look from Oh, look that Ijust found a green snake. Old drop
it, mama. Those green sneaksare just as dangerous as the ripe ones.
I must find my son, Truman. We must press armwood and armwood
enter the jungle. Frankie, Frankie, why are you putting that saran on
(20:48):
the ground. I'm sending a trapfor Dorothy Lamore? What would you do
with your quarter? Are you kidding? I must find my son. We
must press on wooden onwood into thejungle. Shoop shop. It's choking me.
(21:10):
It's squeezing me to it's squeezing me. What is it a ball constrictor.
No, my dad's killing me.I must find my son. We
must press on wood a non wouldinto the jungle. Why say, Papa,
Look there's a gorilla, a gorilla. Ah ah ah oh, Donald,
(21:33):
I just can't scare anybody today.I must find my son. We
must press on wood, a onwood into the jungle. Mulla, Mulla,
Papa. He comes to Cannibal.Maybe he knows something about Truman.
Say Cannibal, you see my son, Mullah him tall fella him, sell
hines, honey and almond green.Mullah Mullah you you can catch him in
(21:59):
ten twenty five and fifty bottles abottle. I'll catch him for forty nine
cents. Yes, may not seeit? No, la mola wait,
I call my tribe. Hello,man, what surmounted my cannibals? Here
(22:23):
comes to chief ullah Udah got themplenty feet for everybody. There's Truman.
He's tied to a steak. Highto it. Here is the stake,
Say Cannibal, Cannibal, what's thematter with you? Me got wishbones stuck
(22:45):
in my throat. Me make wish? What do you wish? You wish
it was stuck in your throat?Mola half of these cannibals must do you?
Baby? How do you know?I can tell by that baby?
He's sitting at a mother's lips.Me not feel good? Must be somebody
I ate. I must think ofsome way to get out, mama.
(23:08):
Frankie Truman, Yes, you tryand hold a cannibal's attention while I go
over there and rescue Truman. Okay, hurry, horry, horry, horry,
honey, boys get around me.Me and my kid brother are gonna
tear off a hunk of black magic. Now, Raymond, take a card.
That's fine, now show it tothe boys. Now, Raymond,
(23:30):
what does the card say? Father? Dear, on Father's Day? I
really need you quite a lot,just as you have always said. Your
son is going to put p swell chief? How you like them?
Black magic? You like him?Pong? You kidding? Now? Weat
(23:56):
you? Right? Wait, youcannibals gotta be ashamed of yourself eating people?
What are you? Cannibals? Gohome? Neat my son, but
ah make you pay for it mydollar sixty five apiece, and believe me,
boys, I'm losing money. Ohlook over there, what's Papa doing?
(24:21):
Truman? Truman, where are youhere? I am papa. Where
under the mayonnaise? I can't seeit? Push aside those anchovies? Oh
there you are, ouch. Icouldn't help with my son. You look
so delicious, Mama, Mama noteating you? Papa? Wa monarcontom?
(24:56):
What what does that mean? Thatmeans we throw a whole family in pot
cooking the bapkin a light fire?Who got match right here? Oh boy?
Thanks kid? No, it's allno while dinner cooking. We broadcast
(25:17):
them banquet, good nav it's everybody. This Cannibal Broadcasting company, Mula the
calted board speaking Cannibal broadcasting company.What programmers this? Eat the people?
Eat the people. I wonder ifyou realize what men think of you as
(25:49):
a woman when they look at yourhands. Why one look at your hands
tells a man right away whether you'rea dainty lovable person. The soft,
smooth hands that you get by usinghands on honey almond cream may mean more
love and kisses later. And that'sno fooling, for even though your hands
are rough and red from dishwater andharsh cleansers, you'll find that a single
application of hines will give your handsa softer, more thrilling look. And
(26:12):
feel. The reason is Heines isa fine, creamy emultion. It's extra
creamy, extra softening. And rightnow Heines is on sale at an extra
special price. You can get thebig dollar size Heines Honey and Almond Cream
for only forty nine cents. That'sless than half price, and you get
over twice as much Heins lotion asin the regular fifty cent bottle. This
(26:33):
forty nine cent offered is good fora short time only, so hurry stock
up on Heines's Honey and Almond creamnow to help soften your rough hands,
soothe your sunburned skin all summer long. Get the big dollar size for only
forty nine cents. And now Graciewill sing I range sing it grace Once
(26:55):
the King of Normandy, where theQueen market them, they settled. All
the sea Shamers came. Then KathleenSham was born, and then Eileen Michael
came. Before Irene, I reada little bit of salt, the Saintness
(27:18):
Irene a dangoshlet for real completeness,manners of magnitudes and miles of youth and
fighting dancing vile, glancing out ofa blush of over exciting siren, the
saw, the capture's hearts to charmand care fall beware, and now she's
here, and now she's there,followed by her set off, she goes
(27:40):
down, she goes everybody's pet neara fall. There you are captured in
the nest antivity, which I mean, no, dad. I can see
her driving into town in u queenlittle Alice, blue gold. It's from
the picture of the same name,Fene And she's the picture in the picture
(28:04):
of a manner is the magnetism elseof youth can find it half a lot
of words. But don't you thinkthat they're exciting siren to sow the cortures
as to charm, don't care forbeware. No, she's here and now
she's there. Pardon me for slowingup, But don't you care near afore
(28:26):
day you are gonna get the airon Tippothy with cherine tippany, with charine
tippany, with charene no there onhot summer days, Hans honey and almond
(28:48):
cream feels so cool and comforting.It soothed sunburn and tender shaped skin.
It feels grand the hot tired feet. If your hands get drawn and dry
from dishwashing, gardening or working withthe car by all means, use Heines.
It's extra creamy, extra softening,and now on sale at an extra
special price, a big dollar sizefor only forty nine cents. Now's the
(29:10):
time to stock up on Hines honeyand almond cream for the entire summer.
Thank you, Truman. Well,Gracie second ill, good night Gracie.
Who's taking home tonight? Lula Mullah? Well, I suppose anything can happen
here, Saul said? And none. This is a comedy program, you
know, Hello, liar, goodnight. All. Next Wednesday, over
(29:36):
these same stations, George and Gracon, all of us will be back again.
Don't forget, and don't forget forhoneymoon hands. It's Heines, Honey
and almond Cream. Truman Bradley speaking. This is the Columbia Broadcasting Systems
Hello, my friends, the HeinesHoney and Almond Dream Program starting George Burns
and Hines Honey, Gracie Allen withFrank Parker, Raynoble and his orchestra and
Truman Bradley speaking a hundred million strong. That's right, you can't go wrong.
(00:29):
Thank you, Thank you very much. Wow say hello. Well I'm
pretty bright up, but I'll sayit. Hello, good ladies and gentlemen.
Tonight we're going to offer the secondepisode, but you can say that
I'm not a law abiding citizen,the second episode of r KO Swiss Family
Robinson, and I'm going to obeythem. Remember, folks last week follow
(00:51):
me out of the bakery, intothe meat market, out of the meat
markets at the grocery store. Whofollowed you this morning this morning? Said
to me, aren't you see outon that beautiful and pretty little girl in
the radio? Here we go.I could have told him that I was
far from pretty, and that Iwas skinny and homely, but you didn't.
I should say, not not gonnaget me for perjury. I see
(01:12):
you're a law abiding citizen. Sure, so he kept on following me because
I could have stopped him by turningon my personality and flashing my eyes and
giving out with a big smile.But you didn't. No, they're not
gonna get me for using deadly weapons. That would beat the law, certainly.
And then he grabbed me in hisarms and he hugged me and kissed
(01:32):
me. And then he hugged meagain, kissed me. Smart. Didn't
you do anything about it? Well, I could have hollered and screamed and
yelled and kicked it. You didn't. I should say, Nah, they're
not gonna get me for disturb andthe piece. You know, every day
you get more inbicilla, every houryou get that here, and every minute
you get none of Yet sure there'sno law against that. Oh, quiet,
quiet, you remember, ladies andgentlemen, our play stopped last week
(01:55):
without boat being raped. The Swissfamily Robinson were floundering in the water.
I played the leading part, theflounder. And now Gracie is mama Robinson
is going down for the flight timeand even I'm beginning to sink you can
talk planner than that. Brother.There, I was in the middle of
the ocean with my wife and threesons depending on me. What could I
(02:17):
do to doctor from your income textI struck out in one direction, my
wife struck out in another, andmy three sons struck out in another.
Who's pitching, Bob Feller. Iwas on my back, sinking very rapidly.
Only my nose was visible above thewater. My family was swimming around
around the hall in any day.As tonight's episode opens, we're still struggling
(02:40):
in the water with no land insight before I take it out. Okay,
Hello, hein sunny speaking bar.Oh, that's so that dad?
Well, goodbye, Boh driving sixtymiles an hour, that's impossible. I
wasn't out an hour. Goodbye,b Yeah, goodbye. Wa. Well,
(03:01):
you can't do anything to me inthe first place. The car doesn't
belong to me, and anyway,I didn't have a license. Goodbye.
What the owner isn't here now,are you? No? I'm not see
Gracie give me that bye? Hehung up. George, Gracie, who
is that talking me? I meanon the other end? Oh all that
(03:24):
that magnums. They'll do anything tosell address. Look what happened to my
brand new car that I let yourdrivers have known? Oh? Your car?
Yes, my car? You meanthe one with the four wheels,
the body and the steering wheel.Yes, the new one. You mean
(03:45):
the brand new one? Yes,the brand new one. Oh, the
brand brand You couldn't mean the old. I don't mean the old one.
Whatever happened to the mind? Lookwhat happened to my brand new car that
you were driving? Well, let'snot talk about me. So your Papa
Robinson, you're going down to thisdaytime, I hope continue to say,
(04:06):
Gracie, you're the only one whocan answer this question. What happened to
my car? Signed? Anxious?What? I'm a taxpayer, a nice
fellow. I send money to mymother every week. What all right?
Every other week? Gracie, whathappened to my car? Well? Yes,
(04:28):
well, yes, give up?Yes, I give up? Yell,
here's what happened your Papa Rabbinson.Wait a minute, GEORGEO boy,
perhaps I can help you out.I wish you would. You see,
I've written some Father's Day poems,and I'm selling very cheap. Ray,
I've got enough trouble on my hands, hand troubles. What I spot to
mention hindes, honey and almond cream. If I can only think of something,
(04:49):
what do you suggest, George?Why? Look, George, these
Father's Day poems only cost five andten cents apiece selling poems? Why are
you selling poems? I need themoney? What about the salary checks each
week? Oh, that's what Iwrite the poems on. You write poems
on the back of my check,says, here's one entitled insufficient funds.
Oh, pon me, that's thewrong side, Rachie. Where's my car?
(05:15):
What's the difference between the five centcards and the ten cent cars?
Oh? The ten cent ones fitthe envelopes. Huh. You know I
love Father's Day. I'll never forget. When I was a little baby,
my daddy would tuck me in bedand watch over me for hours until I
fell asleep. And then he kissedan aid Gracie. My mother found out,
(05:38):
and she taught my daddy a lesson. He kisses a maide much better.
Now, what happened to my car? Sure? What do you think
I ought to get my daddy forFather's Day? Let's see? Is he
an outdoor man? Well he willbe in thirty days, Gracie. Well,
I can see your predicament. Oh, ex thing showing again? Where's
(05:59):
my car? Mister Burns? Yes, mister Burns, have you got a
car? Yes? Have you gota y. No, I got a
y? So what I haven't gota car? So what do you want?
A trade? Or go away?Go away? Have you got forty
nine cents? Okay, you've gotenough money to get a dollar's worth of
(06:23):
Heine's Honey and Almond Cream. Rightnow and for a short time only,
Heine's Big dollar size is on salefor forty nine cents now think of it,
less than half price for the bigfamily sized bottle of Heine's lotion.
Forty nine cents instead of a dollar. This is a swell opportunity for you
to stock up on Heinin's honeyn Almondcream for the whole summer. Heines is
extra creamy, extra softening to dryrough hens, and it will keep your
(06:46):
knees looking smooth and pretty when youwear shorts in the new bare knee fashions.
Don't forget now is the time tosave money on Heine's Honey and Almond
Cream at forty nine cents less thanhalf price. You say, fifty one
cents on the bottle even at itsregular price. This big domar size hines
as famous as the economy. Byget Heines forty nine cents special tonight,
(07:06):
and you'll have plenty of heins lotionon hand to keep your skin feeling good
looking grand and now Frank Parker,Frank sings perfidia or tonight, Frank,
I see a message in your eyes. I'm there. I find a word
(07:30):
of my dreams, of issue ofit to us. You bring a glimpse
of paradise, a can of loving. Each little smile that whispers of joys
nor the light hollow and every mineymole and brings a million all the marvel
(07:58):
lovely melomy. I'm holding heaven inmy a magic smell of hearts and wine.
And now I feel the touch ofyour hands that tell me my you
you know for the whirl singer hauntingmany. I belong to you, and
(08:26):
you belong to me. I seea messaging here and there I find the
word of my dream of it,of extasy. Do you bring a glimpse
(08:50):
of paradise, the tale of love? And each little smile let whisper of
George who be Now the lights arelow, and every tiny morn rings a
million times to the rhythm of alovely melody. I'm holding heaven in my
(09:16):
art, a magic speller heart andwy and now I feel the touch of
your hand. That tells me likeyou a four thousand dollars corn. You
(09:50):
don't know what happened, George?What about my song? Go ahead?
Sing it? Sing it, singit, sing it. I just sang
it. Well, it was good, it was fine. Spread. Oh,
thank you, Josh. I'm certainlyglad your life. Shut up,
shut up, Wait a minute.You can't talk that way to me?
Who can't You can't? Well?I did, Yeah, I see this
muscle? What muscle? Well,that's funny. It was here a minute
ago. I look on the floor. Maybe it fell down. Well enough
(10:11):
for the play actors music. There'sgonna be no play. There's gonna be
no talk, no nothing. Iwant one question answered. Where's my car?
You're pretty stubborn, notn't you?Where's my car? Well? Anyway,
I didn't hit the vegetable wagon.What's the vegetable wagon? So when
I missed? When I hit thetruck? You hit a truck? Did
(10:35):
I turn white? White? Who'sa milk truck? A milk truck?
Yeah? It's hot to drive withyour eyes closed. We're driving. You
were driving with your eyes closed.I can't better see accidents. And I
just bought it yesterday. Oh,George, here's a Father's day poem.
It'll tell you I don't want tohear it right, Well, then tell
(10:56):
you back. Here's the Papa dieana man we all his wife presented him
with five children? Ray is thatall? Isn't that enough? My brand
new car? Racy? Was thatmuch damage done? Oh? Just the
teeny weeny scratch and the finger?Oh good, you're the your car?
(11:18):
My car? Did you get me? Witnesses? Two of them? Where
are they? I'm the front thumperRacy? Where is my car now?
After the Swiss family, Robinson arock And to think I paid four thousand
dollars cash for that car and Idon't owe a cent on him. Hello,
liar, wise guy. Well,at least there's one good thing.
(11:45):
I had Truman to pay my insuranceon my car last week. Hey Truman,
Truman, you did pay the insurance, didn't you? So the Swiss
family Robinson water and all of asudden, I said, woman, what
did you do with the ninety dollars? I can? Well to tell the
truth, George, I paid theinsurance on my uncle's truck. You use
(12:05):
my money to pay the insurance onyour uncle's truck. Yes, that's a
very lucky thing too. Some womandriver ran into him this morning. A
woman driver, So the Swiss fair. Gracie, where is hello? Oh
hell bubble, say Grazie. I'vegot some wonderful news. I just got
Why George, what's the matter withyou? You look awful? Just had
a rick? Congratulations boy or girl? I mean Gracie just ran into a
(12:31):
truck? Really, anybody I know? Yes, Don Wilson, say Gracie,
I just got a telegram. That'sa book you wrote is ready for
publication? Book? You wrote abook? Yeah, how to Become President?
When does it go on sale?In nineteenth? And isn't that a
coincidence? Your book is coming outon the nineteenth, and my tounsels are
coming out on the twenty quite acoincidence. And my daddy is coming out
(12:54):
on the twenty. Pace You'll bevery very happy. Oh you know,
George, I come from a familyof writers. Except my brother. He
wrote for ten years before he foundout he had no talent? Did he
did? He quit? No?But that time he was too famous.
What's no talent doing now? Lookingfor his car? I don't think that
(13:15):
is fine. I've got enough troubles. You call that trouble. Listen to
this. I was at Cyro's lastnight, dancing with the most beautiful girl.
Yes, I didn't know she wasmarried. Yes, And we were
in the middle of a rumber whenall of a sudden the husband comes in.
And what happened I don't know.It was cut out rehearsal. Is
there anybody who wasn't completely stupid?Oh? Coming, Oh, he's got
(13:35):
an ashburn? Hello, liar,what's that for? Oh? Pardon me?
I skipped a page? Oh,I said, George, old And
here's a poem that costs ten cents. Your father is a man's best friend,
and he deserves it too. Somefathers are laid end to end,
and others have eyes of blue othercharming thing. Ray, I'm not interested
(13:58):
in your poems. I'm not afather, that's right, Ray, He's
only dad from the neck up.Oh, go go, George, George?
Are we going to continue the place? Swiss family? Robinson art worst?
I want to find out where mycar is. Well, I told
you, George, you're added toa truck that I know. Did you
get the driver's number? Yes?Well, what is it? Gladstone must
(14:20):
have been very friendly. Well,he couldn't wait to come through the windshield
to meet me, probably struck hishead through the middle and said how do
Yeah, and the tears we're runningdown his cheeks. That's very sad.
So I turned on the windshield wiper. Racie, I want you to answer
only one question. Where is mycar now? I'm Vermont between ninth and
tenth Street? Well? Is itnear ninth or near tenh ne'ar both?
(14:43):
Well? Right after rac Very,people something the s And now for those
(17:33):
who didn't hear our first episode ofSwiss Family, Robinson and I know that
there are oodles, We'll give youa brief resume of what has gone before.
After deciding to leave on a voyagefor a new country, the Robinson
family gather all their money together andput it in a strong box UPA Robinson
is heart broken and says goodbye tohis Morris chair, Goodbye Marsh, good
(17:56):
bye Sam. Despite many obstacles,Mama Robinson gets her family off without a
slip. It's cold, without aslip. Our little family has been out
at sea for three days when suddenlythe sky is overhead darkened and the sea
gets chuffy, and we hear Iphone type bone Tommy, Well soon at
(18:18):
your neighborhood theater. The following day, the ship hits a rock and we
find the Robinson family struggling in thewater. Mama, Mammy, you've gone
down eight times. I know it. You can't go down more than three
times and live. Going down eighttimes, that's remarkable. Oh well,
(18:44):
if you think that's good, ladiesand gentlemen, I will not only go
down once more, but I willdrink a glass of water at the same
time. Where are my sons,Frankie, Truman, Raymond, We're right
here, Papa Truman are fishing.Where's Raymond? We're using him for bait?
Raymond Raymond? Yes, Papa,what are you doing down there?
(19:07):
I'm playing cards with a fellow withlong white teeth. Why that's a shark,
you're telling me he's winning all theparts, getting good hands. Huh
l. He's got one of mineouts two of mine. Well, mama's
coming up again. Look, shelooks like she's going out of her mind.
Octopus, an octopus, Take itaway, Take it away, Mama,
(19:30):
it's me looking at talks too.Well, my children, it looks
like we're not going to be savedand I can't swim another stroke. No,
neither can I. I can't swimany longer either, children, Papa,
there's only one thing left to do. You mean, yes, we'll
have to walk to shore. WhLook, we're on an island in the
(20:03):
middle of the ocean. I wonderwhere we are. There's a sign there.
What does it say? Los AngelesCity limits. Well, children,
we can't find a place to liveand get something to eat, Papa,
Papa, Truman is missing. That'sright, he is missing. What a
dope he must be lost. Come. We must go into the jungle and
(20:23):
look from Oh, look that Ijust found a green snake. Old drop
it, mama. Those green sneaksare just as dangerous as the ripe ones.
I must find my son, Truman. We must press armwood and armwood
enter the jungle. Frankie, Frankie, why are you putting that saran on
(20:48):
the ground. I'm sending a trapfor Dorothy Lamore? What would you do
with your quarter? Are you kidding? I must find my son. We
must press on wooden onwood into thejungle. Shoop shop. It's choking me.
(21:10):
It's squeezing me to it's squeezing me. What is it a ball constrictor.
No, my dad's killing me.I must find my son. We
must press on wood a non wouldinto the jungle. Why say, Papa,
Look there's a gorilla, a gorilla. Ah ah ah oh, Donald,
(21:33):
I just can't scare anybody today.I must find my son. We
must press on wood, a onwood into the jungle. Mulla, Mulla,
Papa. He comes to Cannibal.Maybe he knows something about Truman.
Say Cannibal, you see my son, Mullah him tall fella him, sell
hines, honey and almond green.Mullah Mullah you you can catch him in
(21:59):
ten twenty five and fifty bottles abottle. I'll catch him for forty nine
cents. Yes, may not seeit? No, la mola wait,
I call my tribe. Hello,man, what surmounted my cannibals? Here
(22:23):
comes to chief ullah Udah got themplenty feet for everybody. There's Truman.
He's tied to a steak. Highto it. Here is the stake,
Say Cannibal, Cannibal, what's thematter with you? Me got wishbones stuck
(22:45):
in my throat. Me make wish? What do you wish? You wish
it was stuck in your throat?Mola half of these cannibals must do you?
Baby? How do you know?I can tell by that baby?
He's sitting at a mother's lips.Me not feel good? Must be somebody
I ate. I must think ofsome way to get out, mama.
(23:08):
Frankie Truman, Yes, you tryand hold a cannibal's attention while I go
over there and rescue Truman. Okay, hurry, horry, horry, horry,
honey, boys get around me.Me and my kid brother are gonna
tear off a hunk of black magic. Now, Raymond, take a card.
That's fine, now show it tothe boys. Now, Raymond,
(23:30):
what does the card say? Father? Dear, on Father's Day? I
really need you quite a lot,just as you have always said. Your
son is going to put p swell chief? How you like them?
Black magic? You like him?Pong? You kidding? Now? Weat
(23:56):
you? Right? Wait, youcannibals gotta be ashamed of yourself eating people?
What are you? Cannibals? Gohome? Neat my son, but
ah make you pay for it mydollar sixty five apiece, and believe me,
boys, I'm losing money. Ohlook over there, what's Papa doing?
(24:21):
Truman? Truman, where are youhere? I am papa. Where
under the mayonnaise? I can't seeit? Push aside those anchovies? Oh
there you are, ouch. Icouldn't help with my son. You look
so delicious, Mama, Mama noteating you? Papa? Wa monarcontom?
(24:56):
What what does that mean? Thatmeans we throw a whole family in pot
cooking the bapkin a light fire?Who got match right here? Oh boy?
Thanks kid? No, it's allno while dinner cooking. We broadcast
(25:17):
them banquet, good nav it's everybody. This Cannibal Broadcasting company, Mula the
calted board speaking Cannibal broadcasting company.What programmers this? Eat the people?
Eat the people. I wonder ifyou realize what men think of you as
(25:49):
a woman when they look at yourhands. Why one look at your hands
tells a man right away whether you'rea dainty lovable person. The soft,
smooth hands that you get by usinghands on honey almond cream may mean more
love and kisses later. And that'sno fooling, for even though your hands
are rough and red from dishwater andharsh cleansers, you'll find that a single
application of hines will give your handsa softer, more thrilling look. And
(26:12):
feel. The reason is Heines isa fine, creamy emultion. It's extra
creamy, extra softening. And rightnow Heines is on sale at an extra
special price. You can get thebig dollar size Heines Honey and Almond Cream
for only forty nine cents. That'sless than half price, and you get
over twice as much Heins lotion asin the regular fifty cent bottle. This
(26:33):
forty nine cent offered is good fora short time only, so hurry stock
up on Heines's Honey and Almond creamnow to help soften your rough hands,
soothe your sunburned skin all summer long. Get the big dollar size for only
forty nine cents. And now Graciewill sing I range sing it grace Once
(26:55):
the King of Normandy, where theQueen market them, they settled. All
the sea Shamers came. Then KathleenSham was born, and then Eileen Michael
came. Before Irene, I reada little bit of salt, the Saintness
(27:18):
Irene a dangoshlet for real completeness,manners of magnitudes and miles of youth and
fighting dancing vile, glancing out ofa blush of over exciting siren, the
saw, the capture's hearts to charmand care fall beware, and now she's
here, and now she's there,followed by her set off, she goes
(27:40):
down, she goes everybody's pet neara fall. There you are captured in
the nest antivity, which I mean, no, dad. I can see
her driving into town in u queenlittle Alice, blue gold. It's from
the picture of the same name,Fene And she's the picture in the picture
(28:04):
of a manner is the magnetism elseof youth can find it half a lot
of words. But don't you thinkthat they're exciting siren to sow the cortures
as to charm, don't care forbeware. No, she's here and now
she's there. Pardon me for slowingup, But don't you care near afore
(28:26):
day you are gonna get the airon Tippothy with cherine tippany, with charine
tippany, with charene no there onhot summer days, Hans honey and almond
(28:48):
cream feels so cool and comforting.It soothed sunburn and tender shaped skin.
It feels grand the hot tired feet. If your hands get drawn and dry
from dishwashing, gardening or working withthe car by all means, use Heines.
It's extra creamy, extra softening,and now on sale at an extra
special price, a big dollar sizefor only forty nine cents. Now's the
(29:10):
time to stock up on Hines honeyand almond cream for the entire summer.
Thank you, Truman. Well,Gracie second ill, good night Gracie.
Who's taking home tonight? Lula Mullah? Well, I suppose anything can happen
here, Saul said? And none. This is a comedy program, you
know, Hello, liar, goodnight. All. Next Wednesday, over
(29:36):
these same stations, George and Gracon, all of us will be back again.
Don't forget, and don't forget forhoneymoon hands. It's Heines, Honey
and almond Cream. Truman Bradley speaking. This is the Columbia Broadcasting Systems
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