December 3, 2023 • 29 mins
"The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" was a hilarious and innovative radio comedy that followed the lives of a fictionalized version of the real-life married couple, George Burns and Gracie Allen. The show was known for its unique format, with George Burns serving as the straight man and Gracie Allen as the delightfully scatterbrained and absurdly funny wife.The core of the show's humor was Gracie's zany logic and her penchant for getting herself and George into comical situations. Her misunderstandings, malapropisms, and eccentric thinking were central to the show's charm. George, on the other hand, played the role of the calm and patient husband who often tried to explain Gracie's antics to others and navigate the chaos she created.The show featured recurring characters such as Blanche Morton (played by Bea Benaderet), Gracie's best friend and a fellow participant in the comedy, and Harry Morton (played by Hal March), Blanche's husband. The ensemble cast, along with George and Gracie, contributed to the show's comedic dynamics.Each episode typically revolved around a humorous situation or misunderstanding that Gracie would instigate, leading to a series of hilarious events and exchanges. The show was known for its quick-witted humor, clever wordplay, and impeccable timing."The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" enjoyed immense popularity during its radio run, and it later transitioned successfully to television in the 1950s. George Burns and Gracie Allen's on-screen chemistry and comedic talent made them beloved figures in American entertainment history, and their radio show remains an enduring classic in the world of comedy.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
As my friends behinds Honey and AlmondCream program. I'm George Burns and Hindes
Honey, Gracie Allen with Frank ParkerLeNoble and his orchestra and Truman Bradley speaking
a hundred million songs. That's like, you can't go wrong. I go
(00:30):
Thank you very very much. Wow. Well, I'm very happy to be
here on Treasure Treasure Island at theSan Francisco World's Friend o mine. You
know I'm not all my friends,you know. George Davis brought in San
Francisco as another as are you whitekeeper a secret? Well that's right,
George, you know it's my daddysaid, but he says, Tom,
why bring that up? Well thenlet's drop up. Yeah you're good,
(00:54):
Yes, good class. My wifetime Bishop. You know, my whole
family is in San Francisco. Butmy daddy, this is my uncle in
my house across the day and hecommutes. Eh, yeah, every ten
years. That's very interesting. He'sno fashion, I know, I know,
well, no fashion. After anotherwas your daddy born in San Francisco?
(01:15):
Shout San Francis? Have you alwaysbeen this busy? Grace? Well,
I got that right from following younow daddy's putback. Well, at
least your daddy has his good pints. I don't mind, Josh, folks,
he's a Los Angeles boy. Well, well, well, what isn't
that market street donomies? Your Frank, I'm not a Los Angeles boy.
(01:42):
I was born on the outskirts ofLos Angeles. Boston, dog, what
do you think of my hometown?Oh? I think it's terrific. Do
you know, Gracie, there areforty thousand beautiful girls here. Frank,
what are you up to? Threethousand, six hundred and thirty four apples?
Those girls? You know? Thereare other ways of getting a bank
on the life, Oh you andyour bubble gum. Yes, well it's
(02:07):
a noble experiment. Gracie, ismy grand to be back in your hometown
and get such a nice hand.And speaking of nice hands, thank you,
thank you. You don't have dead, Gracie, San Francisco. And
never thought that you'd be a presidentialcandidate this year? Why not? Why
should I be an exception? Tellme, Gracie, has the town changed
(02:30):
much that you were here last?Oh? Yes, well I've been reading
the local papers nicely, where men'scloth cost a fortune now and then men's
close cost a fortune. But that'swhat it said. It said Jilli Rose
just got a twenty thousand dollars suitthat happens to be a Seattle model.
(02:52):
So I don't care if it hastwo president parents. It's still not fight
thousand dollars. Look, when it'ssad suit, it meant lawsuit happens to
be a girl. Oh oh,well, then maybe Billy Brows kissed.
Yet how can he kiss a girlso much taller than he is? Well,
maybe some of us fends put himup foot ea or he jumped.
(03:14):
Maybe have all been having fun here? Oh? Ray bubbles, Yes,
I have lunch today and three restaurantsthree three restaurants, Yes, bubbles,
he's all over town. Yes,I'm sake that way, I know,
I know a bubbles. Do youlike a tagging food and hu? Have
you? Have you tried themaggios?Yes? And they're delicious with meat ball
(03:35):
bubbles Themaggio's a bull players. Maybehe had them on the home place.
Well, I certainly slid into thatone. Oh rain, oball, what's
the rest of it? Yes,a great grayfull So sorry I'm late.
You see, I'm playing at thePatty's Hotel. And I have a little
trouble getting here the street throll gownup. Well, Ray, no,
(03:58):
but that's impossible. I read inthe paper where the street commissioner said that
as a whole, the street anddames all ride, yes, a long
ride. As a whole. Howare they are? Street? Well,
I went on present, I'm goingto have a long talk with their rosses.
Why great? So I was goingto pick you some flowers here at
(04:21):
the fairground, but there was asign there that said do not pick the
flower. So I picked the sign. Oh thanks, Rod in my hair?
You you you picked the sign?Well, why not, George?
There was no sign there saying donot pick the sign commitment. I've got
a presence for you too. Reallyhuh. Put your arms down me like
(04:43):
this? Uh huh, A littlecloser like this? Mm now put your
face next to mine. I uh, what do I do? Now?
Why don't you go on nature bowdiameateur pressure? Why don't Oh? Yeah,
folks get in on the special saleof Hinds honey and Almond clean the
(05:05):
big dollar size, only forty ninecents for a limited time only. Well,
I never heard of such a thingin my whole life, unless it
was last week on an hour programs, y Shaye Gray Shay Truman is doing
the talking, not Aga, I'mdoing the talking. Honey, you didn't
recognize my voice. Now let's seewhere at that. Oh yes, I
will get a college goods carta andI puck down forty nine cents. And
(05:26):
what did I get? Why thatbig dollar size of hind sunning and almond
cream. Let's a half size andI'll say just two one cents on the
spot and then it there. Imade up my mind that I'd say fifty
one cents every day, just buybound hand big dollar sauce for only forty
nine cents. Oh, I'm jerky. What do you know? I got
my autograph on the Heins bottle.And that's why this highs forty nine cent
(05:49):
specialist Paul the Heinds autograph bottle.You get more Hedes, honey and almond
cream for your money than ever before. And in addition, you got a
Gracie Allen autograph right on the bottle. And it's detachable that it's regular price.
This dollar size hines as famous asthe economy bottle, and now at
less than half price, it's phenomenal. It's genuine fine fragrant hinds. The
extra creamy extra softening lotion for dryrough hands. Get your hinds forty nine
(06:14):
cent Special Tonight have Softer smoother handsfor good and now. Frank Parker Tonight
Frank singing Stars in My Eyes byFittz Chrysler, taken from the show The
King Steps Up. My hom hasweengward likely long motions flow like on my
(06:47):
free, my stapy gay on angmy way hard hardy Eve, remember my
long live, my life is mycompany, my all this, the passion
(07:30):
is read, I am long,I am glass, all of that go
longlo not my wit. When youwith a line me not be my tars
(08:16):
in my all away to min youwith my line a line not y t
in min your long or me heyin the mile. Je's beautiful. You
(09:05):
did a grand job. Oh thanksGeorge. Wait a minute, Gracie.
George is supposed to say that,well he's outside phoning, Well that's funny.
Who does he know up here thatcan let him a Nichols? Basically,
how do you like it here?On? Well, Truman, it's
pretty enough to be a fair.It is a fair grace, and it's
Paul Fair for forty and it isbeautiful. So it's beautiful. Now fair
for forty. Listen, everybody,I've got it all arranged. I just
(09:33):
poked at JAJ Clifford, and he'scoming over here tonight. Not Jay J
Clifford, that's right. Who isthat? Who is that? Politically he's
the most powerful man on this partof the country. And as your campaign
manager, I'm telling you that ifwe could get him on our side,
you're as good as being in theWhite House. Oh well, what do
you think I ought to do whenhe comes in? Let me do the
toy and you just smile. Oh, leave it to me. I'll just
(09:54):
drop my eyes. Yes, justdrop your eyes. And if he's a
gentleman, he'll pick him up.Stop with that silly talk and listen.
JJ Clifford is the man who getsbehind you, takes hold of things and
makes you quick. Ah a Nastiapant a Nastia pan. I don't hope
he doesn't rub me the wrong way. Now, look, Gracie, hey,
George, you deserve a lot ofcredit lining up a big shot like
(10:16):
JJ Clifford. Thanks. I methim at the Press Club, that's all.
I don't let any grass grow undermy feet. While a little grass
wouldn't urt, it might cover upthose shoes. Yeah, well, JJ
clippers is just about soul. Andthere's one thing you want to know me
before he gets here. What's that? Now he's got a red beard and
he's very sensitive about it. IfI had a red bed, I'd bet
he's dognitive about it too. Well, you'd be sensitive if you had a
(10:37):
brain. He is God. Wellwith a red beard, Gracie, we
can play that game, Beva bevak. He happens to run this part of
the country. And if any ofyou hollow beaver, you know what you're
gonna get five point. We're notplaying beaver. And don't mention this bed.
Yeah, hello, just to makegracious for you. Oh hhow oh
(11:00):
hell bestie, it's my sister.Yeah what oh you don't say? Oh
that's a stream by. So Ileft my car park to the top of
(11:20):
most street here and I forgot toput the brakes on. The funniest thing
is the car is running down thehill. Well, what's funny about that?
Somebody might get kill It's impossible there'ssomebody in the car. What about
the pedestrians? Cars movies so fastthey won't have time to get in.
Well, that's your headache and youcan wear it. Oh, by the
(11:41):
way, you must have missed thatincubator building here at the fairs. You
know they've got tiny babies there theway, only three ounces. How do
they live? They charge of missionthere go, let's see those babies can
always use a little changes. Nowlisten, everybody, this may be JJ
(12:05):
Clipper, So no wife, scrapsof bottles? Be it? Come in
good evening, miss Alans. Yeah, my name is Agasa Pinwhistle, My
ma, How can you remember thingslike that? Listen? Yes, mam
Gracie, don't you remember me?I was your teacher in the third grade?
Oh, miss Pinwhistle. However Ididn't recognize you without your slip showing
(12:33):
to be my teacher. How youdo, miss Penwhistle. I'll bet Gracie
gave you lots of trouble in school. Oh, no, you can be
very proud of your daughter. Mydaughter. Yes, Gracie always had an
active mind. She learned things veryquickly. We're always backward. Yeah,
I think I know what you mean, miss Pinwhistle. Remember how I was
(12:56):
all getting mixed up in arithmetic andhistory. I used to think that to
times three was Napoleon? Two timesthree was Napoleon? Well, of course
I was suing when I was alittle girl. Oh I love better than
that. Now anybody knows the twoguys three is here? You say that?
For a minute, I thought Ihad you say, miss skin Whistle.
(13:16):
Whatever happened to Oakland and Berkeley?Oh they're in Kansas City. Oakland
and Berkeley are in Kansas City.Well, those are the twins who sat
in fun of me. Oh well, why did they name twins Oakland and
Berkeley? Well because they were onlyfive minutes apart. I know they're twincesss
(13:37):
Minneapolis to Saint Paul, Oh greasy? Whatever happened to that little girl you
used to play with all the time? Which one you need? Who the
woman sat in the back of you, That sickly little girl who was so
free and ane? She's still mygirlfriend. Bubbles you're in and the mid
tin whistle are Oh hello, misstin whistle Bugles. I hardly know you,
(13:58):
haven't you You can on a littleweek all about two hundred and seventy
five times saying miss Penwhistle. Seeingyou here reminds me of my school days.
You know, my teacher used toslap me when I was naughty.
Yeah, she was a right yellowMickey Rooney. Yes, but it never
hurts. And the reason it neverhurt was that my teacher had soft hands,
that omen a little music boys.All right, we're gonna take it
(14:20):
wrong and miss penwhistle, Yeah,because she used time, honey and almond
cream. And it wasn't the tencentime, no, it wasn't the twenty
five cents, the fifty cent side, No, it was the dollar size.
And would you believe it? Thisten whistle today? You can get
it for only forty nine cents,that's right, yes, sir, miss
(14:46):
Winwickle. Whatever happened to that stillyboy who sat next to me, you
know, the one who called megoogie? Which one? Well, you
know, the one with the buckteeth, the one who used to buy
it. I love you on myguests, he bet I love you on
you? Yes? And don't youremember the sin whistle? He said?
For hours and go like this?Let me see, oh thinking, yeah,
(15:13):
the sin? Whatever became of thatgood looking history teacher? Well I
got to go gracey. Well rememberwhen he tried to kiss you? Well
I didn't kiss him, did I? Well, I don't know did you
know not? Because he was ahistory teacher. It was a principal I
was thinking of. Oh he waspretty girl. Wow, Ray, that
(18:03):
was man. I certainly enjoyed it. Oh thanks boys, I fed again.
Oh no, no, no,no. Oh by the way,
Gracie, right after the broadcast,how about you and me being my guest
that Billy Roses acquitator. Well I'llbe back to go runs. But I've
been there again. Well that's smartbetter. You know. I was there
the other night. And Johnny Weissmulleris really a swimmer. He starts out
with the Australian calls. Yeah,I give you everything. Francisco car.
(18:26):
There's no such a thing as theSan Francisco crawl. Oh no, the
jet down at set five o'clock.Anyway, that's that speed of Johnny Weissmulli's
is great. Oh yes, he'sback. He's good. I saw him
last night too. Did you seehim go into wall those dives? See?
And I was king to me Dan, he said, good, h
(18:48):
this is probably JJ clipping. Iremember Frank, and that goes for everybody.
No Wise cracks about his red beardand the some on your Toe campaign
defends upon this yes, come in. Is Gracie here? And I'm Gray?
Who's this? Don't you remember me? Gracie? I'm Raul. I
used to go to school with you. Why so how you've chews? Yeah?
I've grown, I've got on longpaths, so have I. Grace
(19:15):
take it. Gracie? You rememberthe day you left school twenty years ago?
You gave me a sandwich? Uhhuh, Well I brought it back
to you. You mean you keptthe sandwich all these years. I don't
like peanut butter and vice a hersasave Vale used to be the modest by
in the Bagsay I still am.Remember the fun we used to have in
(19:41):
school? We drop our books underthe desk, and then we'd ben down
and pick them up, And thenthen we drop them again and we'd pick
them up again. You have rockfun? Where did the fun come in?
Under the desk for y'all? Books? Read? Hello? Rallo rollo?
This is double Remember Bubble? Iremember part of her? Why?
(20:04):
How does that nice you? Butafter junkscap, I don't worry it anymore.
It makes me look too tall.Yeah, you'll look much prettier this
way. As all as whatever happenedto the little boy? Who sat right
across from me. You mean allhe used to do was stinky? Oh
yeah, I haven't seen him inyears. Well why did he do a
(20:26):
b You was constantly to go withChetfield. I wouldn't paler around with Stinky.
He was adupe or quiet Einstein,Gracie. Who is this fellow Ray
Noble who always wants to be alonewith you? I'd like to punch him
right in the nose. Now,look here, I resent that old boy.
I'm Ray Noble, and if Iwant to be alone with Gracy,
I'll be alone with him. Yeahwhat about me? Now, I don't
(20:48):
have to be alone with Gracy.Oh but you am fighting me. I
look here, I say, ifyou'll sit outside a repulse, Oh yeah,
then I'll repulse you. I'll repulseyou and I will push you right
back again. What's going on here? Well? These brides are really repositive.
You said it, and boys stepoutside? Oh my code? All
right? I will say that sandwichthat Ronald brought that couldn't have been twenty
(21:12):
years old? Well it was.If you'd a case like this, bubbles,
you ate a sandwich that was twentyyears old, Why shouldn't she It's
too old? To be outside.That's nice because the sandwich and there will
need a lot of nice pickle.Yeah yeah, Well listen everybody, this
must be JJ Clifford, and rememberno jokes about us. Red good,
(21:33):
come in quiet, quiet, Howare you doing, mister Clifford? How
do you do? Mister Burns?Quiet quiet, mister Clipper. This is
Gracey Allen. What are you laughingat? Miss Allen? Did I tell
you, mister Cliffard, would yourbusby Red? She means this is the
first time she's met you. Shehas no pediment. Oh yeah, yeah,
(21:56):
Miss Allen, no doubt. MisterBurns has told you I'm in a
position to sweep you in the office. Well y, you've got just a
facefi it. Well, not thechange subject, that's the Cufford. But
I want you to meet Bubbles andTruman Bradley and this is Frank Parker.
Well Beaver, can you spare adime? One? Yes? Yeah,
(22:21):
what's going on? He's a tenorhe's got to rehearse now, Miss Allen.
If our district is going to supportyou, we want to know what
you can do for us. Solet's not beat around the bush. Yeah,
not by the hell who said that? Missus Clifford, what about the
power and Water project? Remember?Oh yeah, hetch hetchy, hetch hetchy.
(22:42):
Could she please look? I haven'ttime for all this foolishness. Now,
miss Allen, let's get down thebrass tack. Well, what did
I go to the bell tabrid?This is a very important man, miss
Allen. If you're elected president,what are you going to do about our
street maintenance? You most of ourstreet run up hill? Oh don't worry,
(23:02):
I'll let them run down. Wellthat's a no slant, Gracie.
He means what kind of aid willyou give californialy two times a day?
Federal and state? Now i'm him. You certainly squeezed him. That come
in looks with Ray Noble and apoliceman. Mister Burns, you better keep
(23:22):
these two fellows in here. Wedon't allow that kind of stuff here at
the fair? What were they doing? Fighting on? No? Dancing together
at the pavilion. Well, misterClifford, I want to apologize for all
this confusion. Oh yes, Ido. Big upon as the George who
is a step J. J.Cliffin looks like Santa Claus's high blood presser.
I can see that two people aretaking my coming up here as a
(23:45):
joke. My standing in this communityis a very important one and I do
not intend to subject myself to ridicule. Good joye a minute, mister Clifford.
You see, we're here at theWorld's Fair, and we're all having
a lot of fun and a lotof laughs. So and well, and
will you will you? Will youtalk to them? Okay, mister Clifford.
We realize that you're one of themost influential men in the States,
sir, And if we did havea bit of fun, it wasn't premeditated.
(24:07):
I assure you. As for havingfun at your expenses out of the
question. After all, what canwe possibly say that would be any funnier
than that broken down beard you're wearing. Oh oh, that coach California.
Well, I've had enough of this. And mister Burns, if you ever
happen to be in the Richmond district, don't bother to look me up Richmond
to live on falk Avenue. GoDid I six sixty eight stut it down
(24:30):
on the first stock? I livedon the second? Speak that is a
fly. Girls are wearing short skirtsthat stopped just above the knee and high
foughts that stopped just below the knees. For those barre knees are certainly okay
with the male population as long asthe knees are smooth and pretty. So
(24:51):
be sure to smooth Fines Honey andalmond cream on your knees before you wear
the new bare knee fashions. Hinesis extra creamy, extra softening for rough
sandpapery hands, and it's just asgrand for roughnes And say, right now
is the time to buy Hines.It's on special sale. The big dollar
size Heines Honey and Almond cream isonly forty nine cents, yes, less
than half price. Just go toany toilet goods card and ask for Heinz
(25:12):
Autograph Special. You get over twiceas much lotion for your money, and
you also got a Gracie Allen autographon the bottle and it's detachable. You
can add it to your autograph collection. I don't forget get Heines forty nine
cent special while the getting is good. This amazing offer lasts for a limited
time only. The big dollar sizeHeines Honey and Almond cream are only forty
nine cents, and now Gracie willsing Tennessee fresh fry. I'm American jewelry
(25:36):
as girls. Time is climb andI able time to time the cops for
the timeoumedan llamas when the thing's agame name And ain't you never been to
(26:06):
Attendant Shries? A int there fishfor you bring a douncown. If you've
never been to Attendant speech Fries,then you chunk of ever try in your
mouth. You ain't taste his comradewhen you dry, then the pound of
(26:30):
butter. You ain't from your sweetto sell rind and don't be so if
you've never been to Attendant speech Fries, there's a that's a lot about the
polic you don't know. And nowirrespective, chus be come you've been to
a camelized candy some reason you wekind of I have no man just because
(26:57):
you been general joy the calanda ifyou jump the caacking and then the lucky
luck is all with me and fantasysay the busy three look you everding you
(27:19):
the chiney crime. That's the samethe same that you've never been on us
free that's now come on the liney jam W's that down to I?
Though there's a lot a lot abouta pic Joe are you wearing a new
(27:42):
nylon stocking, then take care ofthem. Many sales girls handling stockings tell
us they use high and Tonney andalmondream to keep hands feeling soft and smooth
help prevent snagging. Fine Horse handsis extra creamy, extra softening, and
Alicon sail at an extra special price, the big dollar size for only forty
nine cents. Wow, Gracie,say good night. Oh no, wait
(28:02):
jode A. Ladies and gentlemen,the change of Thomas has asked me to
think of a way to make Safransistem more beautiful. Darlet's I'm going back
to Los Angeles to do it.Good night. We're lucky to live in
a country where we can sing freely, talk freely. So let's stop a
moment, thank our stars we're Americans, and give a thought to the poor
(28:26):
unfortunates abroad. Give more than thethoughts give to the Red Cross. Help
the Red Cross rush relief for thehelpless women and children caught in the grief
of war. Send a dime ora dollar or more if you can,
to your local Red Cross chapter.Thank you well, don't forget George and
(28:51):
Gracie and all of us will beback again next Wednesday at the same time,
and don't forget also or honeymoon Hends, it's times honey and Almond tream
Woman Bradley wishing you to night.This is the Columbia Broadcasting Question
As my friends behinds Honey and AlmondCream program. I'm George Burns and Hindes
Honey, Gracie Allen with Frank ParkerLeNoble and his orchestra and Truman Bradley speaking
a hundred million songs. That's like, you can't go wrong. I go
(00:30):
Thank you very very much. Wow. Well, I'm very happy to be
here on Treasure Treasure Island at theSan Francisco World's Friend o mine. You
know I'm not all my friends,you know. George Davis brought in San
Francisco as another as are you whitekeeper a secret? Well that's right,
George, you know it's my daddysaid, but he says, Tom,
why bring that up? Well thenlet's drop up. Yeah you're good,
(00:54):
Yes, good class. My wifetime Bishop. You know, my whole
family is in San Francisco. Butmy daddy, this is my uncle in
my house across the day and hecommutes. Eh, yeah, every ten
years. That's very interesting. He'sno fashion, I know, I know,
well, no fashion. After anotherwas your daddy born in San Francisco?
(01:15):
Shout San Francis? Have you alwaysbeen this busy? Grace? Well,
I got that right from following younow daddy's putback. Well, at
least your daddy has his good pints. I don't mind, Josh, folks,
he's a Los Angeles boy. Well, well, well, what isn't
that market street donomies? Your Frank, I'm not a Los Angeles boy.
(01:42):
I was born on the outskirts ofLos Angeles. Boston, dog, what
do you think of my hometown?Oh? I think it's terrific. Do
you know, Gracie, there areforty thousand beautiful girls here. Frank,
what are you up to? Threethousand, six hundred and thirty four apples?
Those girls? You know? Thereare other ways of getting a bank
on the life, Oh you andyour bubble gum. Yes, well it's
(02:07):
a noble experiment. Gracie, ismy grand to be back in your hometown
and get such a nice hand.And speaking of nice hands, thank you,
thank you. You don't have dead, Gracie, San Francisco. And
never thought that you'd be a presidentialcandidate this year? Why not? Why
should I be an exception? Tellme, Gracie, has the town changed
(02:30):
much that you were here last?Oh? Yes, well I've been reading
the local papers nicely, where men'scloth cost a fortune now and then men's
close cost a fortune. But that'swhat it said. It said Jilli Rose
just got a twenty thousand dollars suitthat happens to be a Seattle model.
(02:52):
So I don't care if it hastwo president parents. It's still not fight
thousand dollars. Look, when it'ssad suit, it meant lawsuit happens to
be a girl. Oh oh,well, then maybe Billy Brows kissed.
Yet how can he kiss a girlso much taller than he is? Well,
maybe some of us fends put himup foot ea or he jumped.
(03:14):
Maybe have all been having fun here? Oh? Ray bubbles, Yes,
I have lunch today and three restaurantsthree three restaurants, Yes, bubbles,
he's all over town. Yes,I'm sake that way, I know,
I know a bubbles. Do youlike a tagging food and hu? Have
you? Have you tried themaggios?Yes? And they're delicious with meat ball
(03:35):
bubbles Themaggio's a bull players. Maybehe had them on the home place.
Well, I certainly slid into thatone. Oh rain, oball, what's
the rest of it? Yes,a great grayfull So sorry I'm late.
You see, I'm playing at thePatty's Hotel. And I have a little
trouble getting here the street throll gownup. Well, Ray, no,
(03:58):
but that's impossible. I read inthe paper where the street commissioner said that
as a whole, the street anddames all ride, yes, a long
ride. As a whole. Howare they are? Street? Well,
I went on present, I'm goingto have a long talk with their rosses.
Why great? So I was goingto pick you some flowers here at
(04:21):
the fairground, but there was asign there that said do not pick the
flower. So I picked the sign. Oh thanks, Rod in my hair?
You you you picked the sign?Well, why not, George?
There was no sign there saying donot pick the sign commitment. I've got
a presence for you too. Reallyhuh. Put your arms down me like
(04:43):
this? Uh huh, A littlecloser like this? Mm now put your
face next to mine. I uh, what do I do? Now?
Why don't you go on nature bowdiameateur pressure? Why don't Oh? Yeah,
folks get in on the special saleof Hinds honey and Almond clean the
(05:05):
big dollar size, only forty ninecents for a limited time only. Well,
I never heard of such a thingin my whole life, unless it
was last week on an hour programs, y Shaye Gray Shay Truman is doing
the talking, not Aga, I'mdoing the talking. Honey, you didn't
recognize my voice. Now let's seewhere at that. Oh yes, I
will get a college goods carta andI puck down forty nine cents. And
(05:26):
what did I get? Why thatbig dollar size of hind sunning and almond
cream. Let's a half size andI'll say just two one cents on the
spot and then it there. Imade up my mind that I'd say fifty
one cents every day, just buybound hand big dollar sauce for only forty
nine cents. Oh, I'm jerky. What do you know? I got
my autograph on the Heins bottle.And that's why this highs forty nine cent
(05:49):
specialist Paul the Heinds autograph bottle.You get more Hedes, honey and almond
cream for your money than ever before. And in addition, you got a
Gracie Allen autograph right on the bottle. And it's detachable that it's regular price.
This dollar size hines as famous asthe economy bottle, and now at
less than half price, it's phenomenal. It's genuine fine fragrant hinds. The
extra creamy extra softening lotion for dryrough hands. Get your hinds forty nine
(06:14):
cent Special Tonight have Softer smoother handsfor good and now. Frank Parker Tonight
Frank singing Stars in My Eyes byFittz Chrysler, taken from the show The
King Steps Up. My hom hasweengward likely long motions flow like on my
(06:47):
free, my stapy gay on angmy way hard hardy Eve, remember my
long live, my life is mycompany, my all this, the passion
(07:30):
is read, I am long,I am glass, all of that go
longlo not my wit. When youwith a line me not be my tars
(08:16):
in my all away to min youwith my line a line not y t
in min your long or me heyin the mile. Je's beautiful. You
(09:05):
did a grand job. Oh thanksGeorge. Wait a minute, Gracie.
George is supposed to say that,well he's outside phoning, Well that's funny.
Who does he know up here thatcan let him a Nichols? Basically,
how do you like it here?On? Well, Truman, it's
pretty enough to be a fair.It is a fair grace, and it's
Paul Fair for forty and it isbeautiful. So it's beautiful. Now fair
for forty. Listen, everybody,I've got it all arranged. I just
(09:33):
poked at JAJ Clifford, and he'scoming over here tonight. Not Jay J
Clifford, that's right. Who isthat? Who is that? Politically he's
the most powerful man on this partof the country. And as your campaign
manager, I'm telling you that ifwe could get him on our side,
you're as good as being in theWhite House. Oh well, what do
you think I ought to do whenhe comes in? Let me do the
toy and you just smile. Oh, leave it to me. I'll just
(09:54):
drop my eyes. Yes, justdrop your eyes. And if he's a
gentleman, he'll pick him up.Stop with that silly talk and listen.
JJ Clifford is the man who getsbehind you, takes hold of things and
makes you quick. Ah a Nastiapant a Nastia pan. I don't hope
he doesn't rub me the wrong way. Now, look, Gracie, hey,
George, you deserve a lot ofcredit lining up a big shot like
(10:16):
JJ Clifford. Thanks. I methim at the Press Club, that's all.
I don't let any grass grow undermy feet. While a little grass
wouldn't urt, it might cover upthose shoes. Yeah, well, JJ
clippers is just about soul. Andthere's one thing you want to know me
before he gets here. What's that? Now he's got a red beard and
he's very sensitive about it. IfI had a red bed, I'd bet
he's dognitive about it too. Well, you'd be sensitive if you had a
(10:37):
brain. He is God. Wellwith a red beard, Gracie, we
can play that game, Beva bevak. He happens to run this part of
the country. And if any ofyou hollow beaver, you know what you're
gonna get five point. We're notplaying beaver. And don't mention this bed.
Yeah, hello, just to makegracious for you. Oh hhow oh
(11:00):
hell bestie, it's my sister.Yeah what oh you don't say? Oh
that's a stream by. So Ileft my car park to the top of
(11:20):
most street here and I forgot toput the brakes on. The funniest thing
is the car is running down thehill. Well, what's funny about that?
Somebody might get kill It's impossible there'ssomebody in the car. What about
the pedestrians? Cars movies so fastthey won't have time to get in.
Well, that's your headache and youcan wear it. Oh, by the
(11:41):
way, you must have missed thatincubator building here at the fairs. You
know they've got tiny babies there theway, only three ounces. How do
they live? They charge of missionthere go, let's see those babies can
always use a little changes. Nowlisten, everybody, this may be JJ
(12:05):
Clipper, So no wife, scrapsof bottles? Be it? Come in
good evening, miss Alans. Yeah, my name is Agasa Pinwhistle, My
ma, How can you remember thingslike that? Listen? Yes, mam
Gracie, don't you remember me?I was your teacher in the third grade?
Oh, miss Pinwhistle. However Ididn't recognize you without your slip showing
(12:33):
to be my teacher. How youdo, miss Penwhistle. I'll bet Gracie
gave you lots of trouble in school. Oh, no, you can be
very proud of your daughter. Mydaughter. Yes, Gracie always had an
active mind. She learned things veryquickly. We're always backward. Yeah,
I think I know what you mean, miss Pinwhistle. Remember how I was
(12:56):
all getting mixed up in arithmetic andhistory. I used to think that to
times three was Napoleon? Two timesthree was Napoleon? Well, of course
I was suing when I was alittle girl. Oh I love better than
that. Now anybody knows the twoguys three is here? You say that?
For a minute, I thought Ihad you say, miss skin Whistle.
(13:16):
Whatever happened to Oakland and Berkeley?Oh they're in Kansas City. Oakland
and Berkeley are in Kansas City.Well, those are the twins who sat
in fun of me. Oh well, why did they name twins Oakland and
Berkeley? Well because they were onlyfive minutes apart. I know they're twincesss
(13:37):
Minneapolis to Saint Paul, Oh greasy? Whatever happened to that little girl you
used to play with all the time? Which one you need? Who the
woman sat in the back of you, That sickly little girl who was so
free and ane? She's still mygirlfriend. Bubbles you're in and the mid
tin whistle are Oh hello, misstin whistle Bugles. I hardly know you,
(13:58):
haven't you You can on a littleweek all about two hundred and seventy
five times saying miss Penwhistle. Seeingyou here reminds me of my school days.
You know, my teacher used toslap me when I was naughty.
Yeah, she was a right yellowMickey Rooney. Yes, but it never
hurts. And the reason it neverhurt was that my teacher had soft hands,
that omen a little music boys.All right, we're gonna take it
(14:20):
wrong and miss penwhistle, Yeah,because she used time, honey and almond
cream. And it wasn't the tencentime, no, it wasn't the twenty
five cents, the fifty cent side, No, it was the dollar size.
And would you believe it? Thisten whistle today? You can get
it for only forty nine cents,that's right, yes, sir, miss
(14:46):
Winwickle. Whatever happened to that stillyboy who sat next to me, you
know, the one who called megoogie? Which one? Well, you
know, the one with the buckteeth, the one who used to buy
it. I love you on myguests, he bet I love you on
you? Yes? And don't youremember the sin whistle? He said?
For hours and go like this?Let me see, oh thinking, yeah,
(15:13):
the sin? Whatever became of thatgood looking history teacher? Well I
got to go gracey. Well rememberwhen he tried to kiss you? Well
I didn't kiss him, did I? Well, I don't know did you
know not? Because he was ahistory teacher. It was a principal I
was thinking of. Oh he waspretty girl. Wow, Ray, that
(18:03):
was man. I certainly enjoyed it. Oh thanks boys, I fed again.
Oh no, no, no,no. Oh by the way,
Gracie, right after the broadcast,how about you and me being my guest
that Billy Roses acquitator. Well I'llbe back to go runs. But I've
been there again. Well that's smartbetter. You know. I was there
the other night. And Johnny Weissmulleris really a swimmer. He starts out
with the Australian calls. Yeah,I give you everything. Francisco car.
(18:26):
There's no such a thing as theSan Francisco crawl. Oh no, the
jet down at set five o'clock.Anyway, that's that speed of Johnny Weissmulli's
is great. Oh yes, he'sback. He's good. I saw him
last night too. Did you seehim go into wall those dives? See?
And I was king to me Dan, he said, good, h
(18:48):
this is probably JJ clipping. Iremember Frank, and that goes for everybody.
No Wise cracks about his red beardand the some on your Toe campaign
defends upon this yes, come in. Is Gracie here? And I'm Gray?
Who's this? Don't you remember me? Gracie? I'm Raul. I
used to go to school with you. Why so how you've chews? Yeah?
I've grown, I've got on longpaths, so have I. Grace
(19:15):
take it. Gracie? You rememberthe day you left school twenty years ago?
You gave me a sandwich? Uhhuh, Well I brought it back
to you. You mean you keptthe sandwich all these years. I don't
like peanut butter and vice a hersasave Vale used to be the modest by
in the Bagsay I still am.Remember the fun we used to have in
(19:41):
school? We drop our books underthe desk, and then we'd ben down
and pick them up, And thenthen we drop them again and we'd pick
them up again. You have rockfun? Where did the fun come in?
Under the desk for y'all? Books? Read? Hello? Rallo rollo?
This is double Remember Bubble? Iremember part of her? Why?
(20:04):
How does that nice you? Butafter junkscap, I don't worry it anymore.
It makes me look too tall.Yeah, you'll look much prettier this
way. As all as whatever happenedto the little boy? Who sat right
across from me. You mean allhe used to do was stinky? Oh
yeah, I haven't seen him inyears. Well why did he do a
(20:26):
b You was constantly to go withChetfield. I wouldn't paler around with Stinky.
He was adupe or quiet Einstein,Gracie. Who is this fellow Ray
Noble who always wants to be alonewith you? I'd like to punch him
right in the nose. Now,look here, I resent that old boy.
I'm Ray Noble, and if Iwant to be alone with Gracy,
I'll be alone with him. Yeahwhat about me? Now, I don't
(20:48):
have to be alone with Gracy.Oh but you am fighting me. I
look here, I say, ifyou'll sit outside a repulse, Oh yeah,
then I'll repulse you. I'll repulseyou and I will push you right
back again. What's going on here? Well? These brides are really repositive.
You said it, and boys stepoutside? Oh my code? All
right? I will say that sandwichthat Ronald brought that couldn't have been twenty
(21:12):
years old? Well it was.If you'd a case like this, bubbles,
you ate a sandwich that was twentyyears old, Why shouldn't she It's
too old? To be outside.That's nice because the sandwich and there will
need a lot of nice pickle.Yeah yeah, Well listen everybody, this
must be JJ Clifford, and rememberno jokes about us. Red good,
(21:33):
come in quiet, quiet, Howare you doing, mister Clifford? How
do you do? Mister Burns?Quiet quiet, mister Clipper. This is
Gracey Allen. What are you laughingat? Miss Allen? Did I tell
you, mister Cliffard, would yourbusby Red? She means this is the
first time she's met you. Shehas no pediment. Oh yeah, yeah,
(21:56):
Miss Allen, no doubt. MisterBurns has told you I'm in a
position to sweep you in the office. Well y, you've got just a
facefi it. Well, not thechange subject, that's the Cufford. But
I want you to meet Bubbles andTruman Bradley and this is Frank Parker.
Well Beaver, can you spare adime? One? Yes? Yeah,
(22:21):
what's going on? He's a tenorhe's got to rehearse now, Miss Allen.
If our district is going to supportyou, we want to know what
you can do for us. Solet's not beat around the bush. Yeah,
not by the hell who said that? Missus Clifford, what about the
power and Water project? Remember?Oh yeah, hetch hetchy, hetch hetchy.
(22:42):
Could she please look? I haven'ttime for all this foolishness. Now,
miss Allen, let's get down thebrass tack. Well, what did
I go to the bell tabrid?This is a very important man, miss
Allen. If you're elected president,what are you going to do about our
street maintenance? You most of ourstreet run up hill? Oh don't worry,
(23:02):
I'll let them run down. Wellthat's a no slant, Gracie.
He means what kind of aid willyou give californialy two times a day?
Federal and state? Now i'm him. You certainly squeezed him. That come
in looks with Ray Noble and apoliceman. Mister Burns, you better keep
(23:22):
these two fellows in here. Wedon't allow that kind of stuff here at
the fair? What were they doing? Fighting on? No? Dancing together
at the pavilion. Well, misterClifford, I want to apologize for all
this confusion. Oh yes, Ido. Big upon as the George who
is a step J. J.Cliffin looks like Santa Claus's high blood presser.
I can see that two people aretaking my coming up here as a
(23:45):
joke. My standing in this communityis a very important one and I do
not intend to subject myself to ridicule. Good joye a minute, mister Clifford.
You see, we're here at theWorld's Fair, and we're all having
a lot of fun and a lotof laughs. So and well, and
will you will you? Will youtalk to them? Okay, mister Clifford.
We realize that you're one of themost influential men in the States,
sir, And if we did havea bit of fun, it wasn't premeditated.
(24:07):
I assure you. As for havingfun at your expenses out of the
question. After all, what canwe possibly say that would be any funnier
than that broken down beard you're wearing. Oh oh, that coach California.
Well, I've had enough of this. And mister Burns, if you ever
happen to be in the Richmond district, don't bother to look me up Richmond
to live on falk Avenue. GoDid I six sixty eight stut it down
(24:30):
on the first stock? I livedon the second? Speak that is a
fly. Girls are wearing short skirtsthat stopped just above the knee and high
foughts that stopped just below the knees. For those barre knees are certainly okay
with the male population as long asthe knees are smooth and pretty. So
(24:51):
be sure to smooth Fines Honey andalmond cream on your knees before you wear
the new bare knee fashions. Hinesis extra creamy, extra softening for rough
sandpapery hands, and it's just asgrand for roughnes And say, right now
is the time to buy Hines.It's on special sale. The big dollar
size Heines Honey and Almond cream isonly forty nine cents, yes, less
than half price. Just go toany toilet goods card and ask for Heinz
(25:12):
Autograph Special. You get over twiceas much lotion for your money, and
you also got a Gracie Allen autographon the bottle and it's detachable. You
can add it to your autograph collection. I don't forget get Heines forty nine
cent special while the getting is good. This amazing offer lasts for a limited
time only. The big dollar sizeHeines Honey and Almond cream are only forty
nine cents, and now Gracie willsing Tennessee fresh fry. I'm American jewelry
(25:36):
as girls. Time is climb andI able time to time the cops for
the timeoumedan llamas when the thing's agame name And ain't you never been to
(26:06):
Attendant Shries? A int there fishfor you bring a douncown. If you've
never been to Attendant speech Fries,then you chunk of ever try in your
mouth. You ain't taste his comradewhen you dry, then the pound of
(26:30):
butter. You ain't from your sweetto sell rind and don't be so if
you've never been to Attendant speech Fries, there's a that's a lot about the
polic you don't know. And nowirrespective, chus be come you've been to
a camelized candy some reason you wekind of I have no man just because
(26:57):
you been general joy the calanda ifyou jump the caacking and then the lucky
luck is all with me and fantasysay the busy three look you everding you
(27:19):
the chiney crime. That's the samethe same that you've never been on us
free that's now come on the liney jam W's that down to I?
Though there's a lot a lot abouta pic Joe are you wearing a new
(27:42):
nylon stocking, then take care ofthem. Many sales girls handling stockings tell
us they use high and Tonney andalmondream to keep hands feeling soft and smooth
help prevent snagging. Fine Horse handsis extra creamy, extra softening, and
Alicon sail at an extra special price, the big dollar size for only forty
nine cents. Wow, Gracie,say good night. Oh no, wait
(28:02):
jode A. Ladies and gentlemen,the change of Thomas has asked me to
think of a way to make Safransistem more beautiful. Darlet's I'm going back
to Los Angeles to do it.Good night. We're lucky to live in
a country where we can sing freely, talk freely. So let's stop a
moment, thank our stars we're Americans, and give a thought to the poor
(28:26):
unfortunates abroad. Give more than thethoughts give to the Red Cross. Help
the Red Cross rush relief for thehelpless women and children caught in the grief
of war. Send a dime ora dollar or more if you can,
to your local Red Cross chapter.Thank you well, don't forget George and
(28:51):
Gracie and all of us will beback again next Wednesday at the same time,
and don't forget also or honeymoon Hends, it's times honey and Almond tream
Woman Bradley wishing you to night.This is the Columbia Broadcasting Question
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.