October 22, 2023 • 29 mins
The Burns and Allen Show - All Promises Are Fictitious
"The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" was a hilarious and innovative radio comedy that followed the lives of a fictionalized version of the real-life married couple, George Burns and Gracie Allen. The show was known for its unique format, with George Burns serving as the straight man and Gracie Allen as the delightfully scatterbrained and absurdly funny wife.The core of the show's humor was Gracie's zany logic and her penchant for getting herself and George into comical situations. Her misunderstandings, malapropisms, and eccentric thinking were central to the show's charm. George, on the other hand, played the role of the calm and patient husband who often tried to explain Gracie's antics to others and navigate the chaos she created.The show featured recurring characters such as Blanche Morton (played by Bea Benaderet), Gracie's best friend and a fellow participant in the comedy, and Harry Morton (played by Hal March), Blanche's husband. The ensemble cast, along with George and Gracie, contributed to the show's comedic dynamics.Each episode typically revolved around a humorous situation or misunderstanding that Gracie would instigate, leading to a series of hilarious events and exchanges. The show was known for its quick-witted humor, clever wordplay, and impeccable timing."The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" enjoyed immense popularity during its radio run, and it later transitioned successfully to television in the 1950s. George Burns and Gracie Allen's on-screen chemistry and comedic talent made them beloved figures in American entertainment history, and their radio show remains an enduring classic in the world of comedy.
"The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" was a hilarious and innovative radio comedy that followed the lives of a fictionalized version of the real-life married couple, George Burns and Gracie Allen. The show was known for its unique format, with George Burns serving as the straight man and Gracie Allen as the delightfully scatterbrained and absurdly funny wife.The core of the show's humor was Gracie's zany logic and her penchant for getting herself and George into comical situations. Her misunderstandings, malapropisms, and eccentric thinking were central to the show's charm. George, on the other hand, played the role of the calm and patient husband who often tried to explain Gracie's antics to others and navigate the chaos she created.The show featured recurring characters such as Blanche Morton (played by Bea Benaderet), Gracie's best friend and a fellow participant in the comedy, and Harry Morton (played by Hal March), Blanche's husband. The ensemble cast, along with George and Gracie, contributed to the show's comedic dynamics.Each episode typically revolved around a humorous situation or misunderstanding that Gracie would instigate, leading to a series of hilarious events and exchanges. The show was known for its quick-witted humor, clever wordplay, and impeccable timing."The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" enjoyed immense popularity during its radio run, and it later transitioned successfully to television in the 1950s. George Burns and Gracie Allen's on-screen chemistry and comedic talent made them beloved figures in American entertainment history, and their radio show remains an enduring classic in the world of comedy.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I losing my friends. The HindesHoney Almond Cream program. O. Cracy
Crazy, She's the best little skipperin the line, Bracy Crazy. Won't
you please give me little girl?I'm George Burns and I'm Honey Gracie Allen
(00:23):
with Mike Parker, Raynoble and hisorchestra and coman Bradley speaking a fend Ray.
I'm the name Proun. That's right, you can't go home, Thank
you, thank you very much.What what are you laughing at? This
(00:46):
is the college program, isn't it. That's right? Well, the orient
is is supposed to laugh. Ohoh, well, then give me a
favorite lasso. Oh come on,let's see. Wait a minute, wait
(01:07):
a minute, we can only findit. J justp that laugh something come
in Burns an Allen program. Yes, what the what are you laughing at?
I was a little late getting here. Well that takes care of the
first joke. Yeah right, jod. It looks like a breath of spring.
That's a beautiful sake that you haveon for Franks. He looks like
(01:30):
a picture. Really, yes,the Shining Hour. Well, I get
compliments on this super wherever I go, and I've wanted out in a lot
of places. Yeah, I cansee the places. You can even ask
Frank Parker. I'm considered a verysmart dresser. Isn't that right, Frankie?
That's right. They are dressed onten dollars a year. You've got
(01:51):
to be smart. How did Iget into this mess? So wrapping up
to flike, let me tell yousomething, George, what do you do
with your old clothes? You welsome? This happens to be an English in
part? Say it does look alittle like an eaton jacket? Eaton what?
Eaton? Math? Eating? Goaway? Say, Judge, do
(02:13):
you know what your student really lookslike? It looks like it's going stead
It was bing Crosby shirks. Well, I really resent that because Crosby Shirke
is really from dictating. Ah,Judge, stop worrying. A street like
that is nothing to sneeze in andsay them by its quiet. Let's talk
about something else, all right,But don't ask me about my campaign?
(02:34):
May I want? I've been sobusy with my campaign I haven't even had
time to be elected. But we'renot going to talk about it now.
I'm not even gonna think about it. If I think about it, I'll
talk about it, and I hateto talk about anything. I've got to
think about it. You're telling me, Well, I think about the matter.
I get imagine acting the next presidentof the United States to pay cash
for a thing like that. Paycash. Yes, they wouldn't even take
(02:55):
the Supreme Court as a credit reference. Who uh who wanted this case?
The conductor on the bus, hewas probably a hooverman. I was on
government business too, government business.Yes, I was on my way down
to get my daddy's relief check.Why doesn't your daddy get us old relief
check? You can't. He's picketingthe Swiss embassy. He's picketing the Swiss
(03:21):
embassy. Yes, that's Swiss.She's gives a hiccough. Well, it
wouldn't happen if he ran the holesthrough a meat crime. A great thing.
Look what I've got for you,Why Ray Noble? Yes, I
saw it in the window and itjust seemed to be the real you.
Oh thanks, Alan rapid. WhyRay? You shouldn't have done it,
(03:46):
But it's just the thing I wanted. I was born in June, so
it's simply perfect. What is it, bubble dum, Ray? How did
you happen to pick that out.Why I've been around. I know what
did it cost? You cost meforty six dollars my gossa magnums, Well
(04:06):
I just did. I had athank you they but I'll save me to
it next to my heart. Thisisn't a romance. This is a contusion
of fact. Oh Grazzie, I'mgoing over there to write a poem about
you, and it is no underthe piano. Well, so, fellow,
then remember me, mister Byans,I'm the tailor. Oh yes,
(04:29):
I remember. I was listening onyour broadcast and I hide them making comical
remarks about your suits, and inhides me because the suits cost one hundred
and twenty five dollars. See wise, guys, and you thought I were
sheep. Go ahead, Adrian,tell him about the other shoot that cost
me. Thank you, Yes,and an overcoat he bought four hundred and
fifty dollars. He bought two suitsand an overcoat for four hundred to ten
(04:49):
dollars. This was two years ago, and I've yet to see Nicol.
Get out of here before I kickyou out, You know, el the
doors closed? Where am I agenius? Will you get out of hair?
Did judge if you didn't want topay him. You could have given
(05:10):
them money to check. Oh yeah, I paid for those clothes two years
ago. Hello, you should live. So that's the last time I'll ever
get a suit from him. Yousaid it ray see cheap. I'm not
cheap. Didn't I take it aCereal's restaurant the other night? Uh?
Huh? Or what do you thinkthat caused? Oh, thirty thousand dollars
(05:31):
without the yawning in front peasant whilerice arm deep salad, crake shusettes.
All that food went into a prettylittle figure. Oh well, thanks,
and I got a neat little facetoo. Oh don't worry, George.
You can get credit anyplace. Everybodysays you've got an honest face. Thanks,
thankye. Everybody that looks at yousays honest. Is that a face?
(05:54):
I just as soon not hear aboutmy face or my suit now,
And I'm not gonna mention my presidentialcan either. Well good on the top
of all my campaign. WELLI inthe middle of the night, my mother
gave out the biggest scream you everheard. What happened? What happens?
The feet turned black? Turned worse? What did you do? What did
we do? We said for adoctors. What did the doctor do?
(06:15):
You just took off his sackings andwe all went at sleep again. Maybe
you've got spring fever these days,you'd probably like to play hooky from washing
the dishes. No one knows betterthan you how dishwater makes your hands feel
so puffy and dry. But listen, the moment you finish the dishes,
give your hands the creamy comfort ofhinds honey and almond cream. Hains is
(06:38):
so nice and fragrant. It feelsgood and soothing the tender hands. It's
the extra creamy, extra softening emulsionthat contains two extra vitamins A and D.
You know what, Every creamy dropof heins goes right to work,
hoping to ease away that harsh,chapped look, coaxing back a lovable,
smooth feeling. Treet your hands toheinds honey and almond cream every day to
(06:59):
help keep them soft and thrilling.In spite of rough household jobs. You
can smooth hinds on your hands asyou work. You know it isn't a
bit sticky. In fact, thousandsof women say they love heines as a
powder bass too. It goes onso smoothly and helps your powder cling lightly
with a soft, youthful looking bloom. You can get Hiness honey almond cream
at your favorite toilet goods counter inseveral convenient sizes. Start using heinz Hi
(07:21):
n d s Tonight for soft,romantic, kissable hens. Now, Frank
Parker thanks true From the musical productionThe King Steps Out, I'm going to
sing Stars in My Eyes, writtenby Fritz Kreisler and Darthy Field. My
song has wings, turn rings,long mighty motion, flow like sunlight,
(07:57):
a scream. My stap is dayalong my way, the road to have
my fee, my love array,my be pain, my life is not
(08:20):
company a in my long my feefor the pain, my long long,
(08:43):
I am less for that, yourlong laid to rod gods in my will
all when you with mine in yourlaw, no name, we all beside.
(09:26):
When you till your law for me, no s'll be t in the
mile never brand younger. That's merry. That as the I got to tell
(10:00):
you that. At my convention inOmaha, the women are wearing old fashioned
calico dresses and the men are wearingsuits like they bore back in eighteen seventy.
But Gracie, where can I geta suit like that? Oh?
Jud lend them the suit you're wearing. This is not an eighteen seventy suit.
Don't ask the tailor. Oh no, no, And another thing,
don't forget You boys have to growbids for the Omaha Convention. Is it
(10:22):
compulsory? So it's apple? Apple? Yeah? Whatsapple the pie I had
last night? Gracie. The wholething doesn't fit. Oh that's what you
get for walking up two flights.Stop with that suit, said Gracie.
If I raise the beard, it'llcover my personality. Is that bad?
No, it's apple. I gotto get out of here. Well,
(10:43):
I'll tell you one thing. Ifit wasn't for a bid, my aunt
wouldn't be able to keep my unclehome night. What is that going to
do with it? Well? Shewinds his dead up in a closed ring
and hides the handle. This isa thing like that is infallible. No,
it's apple. Well, well,folks, we've finally got a piece
of plot on the show. Sayray, how is the poem coming?
(11:05):
Oh pretty well, Gracey rae.But I've got written so far. The
title is spring is the thing withI sigh? Oh my oh, that's
beautiful, Ray, Yes, nicetitle proceed catalog. Well here's the poem.
A day in spring is like arose, and a rose is like
a honey bee. But you cansing you with his nose learning God can
make a tree? Is that all? A tree is like the stars on
(11:33):
high, except it's in the ground, And stars are like your bluish eyes,
except your eyes are brown. LookRay, where are you trying to
go with this? Well? I'mtrying to get I Love you Gracie into
the poem, but I can't seemto make it rhyme. That must be
difficult. No, it's go away, go away, Judge. Next time
(11:54):
I see shakes it out, tellhim about Ray Noble's talent. This may
surprise you, but he's dead Shakespeare. Well, that's a nice tl praid.
Hello Gracie, Oh hello Bubble.Did you get the plane tickets to
Dallas? Yes? And did youhear the good new No? I just
got an offer from the group theaterin the yard the group theater? What
(12:16):
do they want you to play?The group? The group of plane tickets?
What are theyful? Where are yougoing? Oh? Oh, this
Friday, I'm flying to Dallas tomake a speech. At the Variety Club
get together. Well, Batie,I'm sorry that they won't let you take
your kangaroo or on the plane.All is that too bad? And she
had a bag all packed. Dallaswill certainly be disappointed. Oh no,
(12:39):
they won't judge. I'm taking you, thank you. Why don't you take
Bubbles with you? The Dallas?I cancel. I've got to make a
test appearance. Found a radio program. What programs me? The People?
Me? The People? Yes,either back or Hippie Lobby on line in
the traket How did you go?You go already? Oh you shouldn't.
(13:09):
All of the house. The othernight Bubbles out of Date with Don Wilson,
and you should have seen the threeof them when they went out together.
There was more excitement. The threeof them went out, Bubbles down
in the front of the house.Those kids really go places and through things.
George, I must tell you this, it's very amusing. Well,
(13:31):
Truman, we can use something likethat on the program. Yeah. Well,
the other night at the party,Yes, I got up and told
a very funny story. Were theguests sur christ When I didn't mention hies
honey in almond cream? You didn'tmatch? No, and when I got
to the punchline of the story,it really knocked him for a loop because
I didn't say a word about howheind honey and almond cream will make rough
red hands smooth, white and softand filling to touch. I say,
(13:52):
and where was this party at thesponsor's house? Well, the next time
you tell a story, don't mentionthe hand I mean, either, George,
That would kill the joke. Andyou're just the guy who can do
it too, George, is thatnice? No Apple? I finally doctor
cyclops in the house. Oh,Gracie, I've rewritten my poem and it's
(14:13):
much better now. Yes, yes, listen, A robin has a breast
of fiery red and so has abowl of chili. But chili has no
feathers on his head, so itmust feel rather silly. Oh yeah,
but it still doesn't rhyme with Ilove you, Gracie. No, George.
But it's getting closer. Oh,I think it's getting closer. Hello,
(14:35):
I'm funny, Gracie, I wasspeaking. Yes, I'm still running
for presidence. What do I thinkfarmers should be subsidized? Well, sure,
if you can do it well,wrong't show Gracie, will you guarantee
that. No, I'll just haveto take my word, take your own
word. Well say that again?Please? Oh how would I take care
(14:56):
of emergency relief? Well? Ijust old board gas station. Oh,
thank you, and I think you'regreat presidential timber too. Goodbye? Who
is that Charlie McCarthy? I don'ttalk about ivery way. That's a grand
(17:56):
no wonder to get such a bighit at the Palace Hotel in San Francis.
What's the pleasure, gracious crazie.I think I've got it. Oh
I always knew you had it,but I didn't know where. Ray.
I just gave you a compliment andthanks, o boy. I'll smoke it
later. But first I want Crazyto hear my poem. Yeah, but
don't drop the ashes on the rug. Well, here you go. If
I could sing like a meadow lockand lay two eggs of blue, I'd
(18:18):
rather be just a soap worm.And it's too stuck for you. I'm
inspired. You take my hand.If it's that woman here, Ray?
Did that come out of Did thatcome out of your own head? Oh?
Rather short of a wood carving,I thought, say, Crazy,
I just finished having that seat.You're going to make a Dower already,
(18:40):
my bobbles, it only took youthree days. Wait. You see,
every time I got at the endof the line and heard the typewriter bell,
I went out to lunch. Letme have it. Oh and boys,
now I want you boys to tellme what you really think of this
peace. Hello everybody, I'm gladto be back in Dallas, and I
am before I go any fether,I want to announce it. All promises
(19:03):
in this speech are the tissues,and any similarities to persons living are like
George Burns is purely coincidental. I'mnot dead. You want to bet give
me odds. We got America.Your country needs me, so pop out
of bed, my mother bed.Now is the time for all good men
(19:27):
to come to the aid of asecond little party. If you know who
I mean, I know what youmean. Uh, it's catching on week.
This country is purely utilitarian. Arethere any questions, Gracie? What
does the utilitarian mean? Are thereany answers? Then I'll continue continue be
(19:51):
fine. It's the true that thisis a baby's country, and every baby
needs a change. My political rivalsay that what this country needs is more
milk for the babies without delay.They say, let's take the bull by
the horns. Well that's foolish.They could never get knocked them. Or
I'll go I'll try it, sayfellow voters, what this country needs is
(20:14):
plenty, and even though it's impossible, I'll be glad to do it.
Hello, thank my friends. Today, millions of people are living who will
never do it again. Ray,millions of being born for the first time.
You've got something, and millions aredoing nothing because it's the best job
they've had this week. And whenyou listen to the radio every ten minutes,
(20:38):
what are you here? My wayis the spryway. Friends. If
you want an honest president, don'tforget Racy Allen on election day. I've
never stolen a nickel, and allI want is a chance to thank you.
(20:59):
Moving A speech like that is evenbigger than Don Wilson. Oh you
need Saddy, Yes, tiny,Saddy Yes, So Gracy. I loved
your speech, especially where you mentionedHi Honey, almond cream or Droman.
She didn't mention Hines honey and almondcrank, but I did. Nah and
a big boy too, well,crazy, I don't think it fits.
(21:21):
You don't or what can you expect? He walked up two flights. Frank,
just exactly, wat's the matter withmy shuit? Well? I don't
know, George. It's not thecolor because pale fudge looks good on you.
Not the fit because George, that'sthe way you're built. Who that's
notice, not the style because thosesuits may come back again. Then why
is it Frank jealousy? Though it'shappling. I'll see you later. I
(21:44):
think I'll go get myself run over. Oh, don't mind him, George.
Frank, I think you've got alot of nets to say things like
that. Someday you may be theoldest one out, Like George. It's
too too well now I feel better. Hello, Oh how are you?
It's Judge Jesso Georgie. Yes,yes, I'm ready to the papers,
Judge, and congratulations. But Ithought you were going to get married Friday.
(22:07):
Oh your wife made you wait tillSaturday. Oh there's no school Saturday.
I don't like that, And Ididn't say I just don't want to
school. I think, Gracey,I made a new start with my perm
and I think it's much better enough. Oh good, I hear that if
(22:30):
I had the wings of a butterfly, I got flatter here and there.
A butterfly never has to say,but it has no whiskers anywhere, right,
if you're trying to rhyme, breCome in good evening, miss Allen.
Remember me, I was here lastweek. I'm the census enumerator.
Oh Will, I'm glad to seeyou again. I just heard a choice
bit of gossip, and I can'tkeep it to myself any longer. Well,
(22:51):
I'm sorry, but we're not interestedin other people's affairs. What they
do is their own business. Theysinkuts belonged to them. There's no concern
aboues. What did you hear?Well? I don't know whether I should
say anything or not, but thatwoman who lives around the corner from you,
Oh, miss Hemingway, Yes,missus Hemingway. Hemingway as to get
(23:11):
the second way. Well, mydear, it seems how far does this
program go in New York City?Good? I wouldn't want this to go
any further. Didn't go any further? Missus Hemingway's husband? Which one?
Which one? How many husbands doesshe go? Don't be nosy? Go
ahead, mister. Well, itseems that every time he goes to San
(23:33):
Francisco, he doesn't go to SanFrancisco. No, No, isn't that
just like a man? Yes,we'll tell me all about it. When
he goes to San Francisco? Wherehe doesn't go? Where does he go?
Oakland? Really? Yes? Fortunatelyfor missus Hemingway, Sally Rand is
(23:53):
a very good friend of the family. Well, that's the miscast that's going
on here. I thought all censusinformation was strictly confidential. Oh pull missus
hemming Way. All the time thather husband is away, she does nothing
but tastes the floor. No,yes, every night of the coconut grove.
You know his secretary, that beautifullittle blonde. Oh you mean a
(24:15):
pretty one who always leaves with stickon his collar. Mm hmm. Oh,
she's a wonderful typist. Yes,probably takes one hundred and twenty kisses
a minute. But it's too badabout her shorthand. What's the matter with
her shorthand? Well, his wife'sgloves won't sit here. Well, I've
got to run along. Wait aminute, before you got the house that
the Hemingway's living. Is that aone story house or two story house?
(24:37):
Please, mister Burns, how dareyou we sense us take as a pledge
to secrecy. Good day. Wheredoes you meet him? Oh, isn't
a cute. When I'm elected,I'm going to give him a much better
John Is that's all? Yes,I'm a secret service. Yes there's an
undercover man and he can stay there. At last, I've got the thun,
Gracie. It is when springtime knocksupon my side. Oh my heart
(25:00):
sings like a joyous rabbit. Butrabbits don't appreciate love, so then it's
just another habit, they tell you, sighing on. There's no way to
make that rhyme. It's absolutely impossibleto get a rhyme. With birds and
bees and size of blue above you. You can write and write and write
and nap. You'll never run.Gracie, I love you Before I did
it, you did it once more. An opportunity for you to get a
(25:26):
copy of Gracy's campaign song. Votefor Gracie. Everybody's humming it and wants
it. Now. All you haveto do is this. Listen. Just
write your name of address on theback of a high and honey and almond
cream carton, send one curtain ofthe twenty five cent size or one of
the fifty cent size, or onedollar sized carton, or if you use
the ten cent size, send twocartons. Address your envelope to Gracie Allen,
(25:47):
Hollywood, California, and say,when you buy your hands you'll find
out what an extra creamy lotion cando for your hands. Why even one
application of this fine fragrant lotion helpsmake chapped hands feel softer, look smoother
right away. Hines contains two vitaminstwo vitamins A and D. Use Heines
regularly for soft, thrilling, honeymoonhands, the kind of hands he wants
to hold. You can get Heinshoney almond cream at any toilet goods counter
(26:11):
Get Heines tonight and send the Hinescarton tomorrow. Shore to Gracy Allen for
your copy of her dizzy campaign songVote for Gracie. Address your envelope to
Gracie Allen, Hollywood, California,and now Gracie will chaning sweet Partake a
Piper. Oh, I'm dedicating mysong to the members of the Axa then,
who are holding their banquerty Nomahafey night. Do you remember by Yuba who
(26:37):
played the tuba and laid the rumbaA popular pe the peanut. Thender was
a salt send nut to mention,take a long piece. Of course you
read the sandy flow of dammy theold accordion. Now, well, while
we're on the subjects, don't youknow why the fagini began to you be
(26:59):
savy? That's the well known phase. But your heart becomes full of care
of drums when the tea potato pipersplays. Go on through your habit,
shout of you, hoorays because youcan't hold back your jumps and jack whims
pease potato piper plays. Go notan educated there's a fascinating it's not exactly
(27:26):
beautiful. It's gord I can Idon't know. I guess you pology n
being trying. New dancers go hersdown their rays and the world joins in.
Here's the great big grim when thesweet potato pipers play. Now when
you vote, fall graze at me. Here's what a case cast the vote
(27:52):
all the plane. There's no fastlypotato piper plays. Came the inauguration,
it will shot to pray watch thedisc of a mask kicking up this mask
when the peas potato piper play atthe presidential ball at all? Now we'll
(28:12):
sinslee have this tip, a pistonon a pie, and a pipe and
arms pipe. All the boys incongress to show you play. All the
world joined in the place bag andwhen the free potato pipers, Sweet potato
Piper Place. Don't forgot two Hindspreparations for your hands. One is the
(28:41):
famous Himes lotion that pours from thebottle. The other is the brand new,
brand new Heinds hand cream and jars. Like the famous lotion itself,
this new Heind's hand cream helps togive you softer, smoother hands in spite
of housework or outdoor work. GoodNight, goodnight them the back again.
Next one's not the same time.Listen for Columbia Broadcasting question. Thank m HM
I losing my friends. The HindesHoney Almond Cream program. O. Cracy
Crazy, She's the best little skipperin the line, Bracy Crazy. Won't
you please give me little girl?I'm George Burns and I'm Honey Gracie Allen
(00:23):
with Mike Parker, Raynoble and hisorchestra and coman Bradley speaking a fend Ray.
I'm the name Proun. That's right, you can't go home, Thank
you, thank you very much.What what are you laughing at? This
(00:46):
is the college program, isn't it. That's right? Well, the orient
is is supposed to laugh. Ohoh, well, then give me a
favorite lasso. Oh come on,let's see. Wait a minute, wait
(01:07):
a minute, we can only findit. J justp that laugh something come
in Burns an Allen program. Yes, what the what are you laughing at?
I was a little late getting here. Well that takes care of the
first joke. Yeah right, jod. It looks like a breath of spring.
That's a beautiful sake that you haveon for Franks. He looks like
(01:30):
a picture. Really, yes,the Shining Hour. Well, I get
compliments on this super wherever I go, and I've wanted out in a lot
of places. Yeah, I cansee the places. You can even ask
Frank Parker. I'm considered a verysmart dresser. Isn't that right, Frankie?
That's right. They are dressed onten dollars a year. You've got
(01:51):
to be smart. How did Iget into this mess? So wrapping up
to flike, let me tell yousomething, George, what do you do
with your old clothes? You welsome? This happens to be an English in
part? Say it does look alittle like an eaton jacket? Eaton what?
Eaton? Math? Eating? Goaway? Say, Judge, do
(02:13):
you know what your student really lookslike? It looks like it's going stead
It was bing Crosby shirks. Well, I really resent that because Crosby Shirke
is really from dictating. Ah,Judge, stop worrying. A street like
that is nothing to sneeze in andsay them by its quiet. Let's talk
about something else, all right,But don't ask me about my campaign?
(02:34):
May I want? I've been sobusy with my campaign I haven't even had
time to be elected. But we'renot going to talk about it now.
I'm not even gonna think about it. If I think about it, I'll
talk about it, and I hateto talk about anything. I've got to
think about it. You're telling me, Well, I think about the matter.
I get imagine acting the next presidentof the United States to pay cash
for a thing like that. Paycash. Yes, they wouldn't even take
(02:55):
the Supreme Court as a credit reference. Who uh who wanted this case?
The conductor on the bus, hewas probably a hooverman. I was on
government business too, government business.Yes, I was on my way down
to get my daddy's relief check.Why doesn't your daddy get us old relief
check? You can't. He's picketingthe Swiss embassy. He's picketing the Swiss
(03:21):
embassy. Yes, that's Swiss.She's gives a hiccough. Well, it
wouldn't happen if he ran the holesthrough a meat crime. A great thing.
Look what I've got for you,Why Ray Noble? Yes, I
saw it in the window and itjust seemed to be the real you.
Oh thanks, Alan rapid. WhyRay? You shouldn't have done it,
(03:46):
But it's just the thing I wanted. I was born in June, so
it's simply perfect. What is it, bubble dum, Ray? How did
you happen to pick that out.Why I've been around. I know what
did it cost? You cost meforty six dollars my gossa magnums, Well
(04:06):
I just did. I had athank you they but I'll save me to
it next to my heart. Thisisn't a romance. This is a contusion
of fact. Oh Grazzie, I'mgoing over there to write a poem about
you, and it is no underthe piano. Well, so, fellow,
then remember me, mister Byans,I'm the tailor. Oh yes,
(04:29):
I remember. I was listening onyour broadcast and I hide them making comical
remarks about your suits, and inhides me because the suits cost one hundred
and twenty five dollars. See wise, guys, and you thought I were
sheep. Go ahead, Adrian,tell him about the other shoot that cost
me. Thank you, Yes,and an overcoat he bought four hundred and
fifty dollars. He bought two suitsand an overcoat for four hundred to ten
(04:49):
dollars. This was two years ago, and I've yet to see Nicol.
Get out of here before I kickyou out, You know, el the
doors closed? Where am I agenius? Will you get out of hair?
Did judge if you didn't want topay him. You could have given
(05:10):
them money to check. Oh yeah, I paid for those clothes two years
ago. Hello, you should live. So that's the last time I'll ever
get a suit from him. Yousaid it ray see cheap. I'm not
cheap. Didn't I take it aCereal's restaurant the other night? Uh?
Huh? Or what do you thinkthat caused? Oh, thirty thousand dollars
(05:31):
without the yawning in front peasant whilerice arm deep salad, crake shusettes.
All that food went into a prettylittle figure. Oh well, thanks,
and I got a neat little facetoo. Oh don't worry, George.
You can get credit anyplace. Everybodysays you've got an honest face. Thanks,
thankye. Everybody that looks at yousays honest. Is that a face?
(05:54):
I just as soon not hear aboutmy face or my suit now,
And I'm not gonna mention my presidentialcan either. Well good on the top
of all my campaign. WELLI inthe middle of the night, my mother
gave out the biggest scream you everheard. What happened? What happens?
The feet turned black? Turned worse? What did you do? What did
we do? We said for adoctors. What did the doctor do?
(06:15):
You just took off his sackings andwe all went at sleep again. Maybe
you've got spring fever these days,you'd probably like to play hooky from washing
the dishes. No one knows betterthan you how dishwater makes your hands feel
so puffy and dry. But listen, the moment you finish the dishes,
give your hands the creamy comfort ofhinds honey and almond cream. Hains is
(06:38):
so nice and fragrant. It feelsgood and soothing the tender hands. It's
the extra creamy, extra softening emulsionthat contains two extra vitamins A and D.
You know what, Every creamy dropof heins goes right to work,
hoping to ease away that harsh,chapped look, coaxing back a lovable,
smooth feeling. Treet your hands toheinds honey and almond cream every day to
(06:59):
help keep them soft and thrilling.In spite of rough household jobs. You
can smooth hinds on your hands asyou work. You know it isn't a
bit sticky. In fact, thousandsof women say they love heines as a
powder bass too. It goes onso smoothly and helps your powder cling lightly
with a soft, youthful looking bloom. You can get Hiness honey almond cream
at your favorite toilet goods counter inseveral convenient sizes. Start using heinz Hi
(07:21):
n d s Tonight for soft,romantic, kissable hens. Now, Frank
Parker thanks true From the musical productionThe King Steps Out, I'm going to
sing Stars in My Eyes, writtenby Fritz Kreisler and Darthy Field. My
song has wings, turn rings,long mighty motion, flow like sunlight,
(07:57):
a scream. My stap is dayalong my way, the road to have
my fee, my love array,my be pain, my life is not
(08:20):
company a in my long my feefor the pain, my long long,
(08:43):
I am less for that, yourlong laid to rod gods in my will
all when you with mine in yourlaw, no name, we all beside.
(09:26):
When you till your law for me, no s'll be t in the
mile never brand younger. That's merry. That as the I got to tell
(10:00):
you that. At my convention inOmaha, the women are wearing old fashioned
calico dresses and the men are wearingsuits like they bore back in eighteen seventy.
But Gracie, where can I geta suit like that? Oh?
Jud lend them the suit you're wearing. This is not an eighteen seventy suit.
Don't ask the tailor. Oh no, no, And another thing,
don't forget You boys have to growbids for the Omaha Convention. Is it
(10:22):
compulsory? So it's apple? Apple? Yeah? Whatsapple the pie I had
last night? Gracie. The wholething doesn't fit. Oh that's what you
get for walking up two flights.Stop with that suit, said Gracie.
If I raise the beard, it'llcover my personality. Is that bad?
No, it's apple. I gotto get out of here. Well,
(10:43):
I'll tell you one thing. Ifit wasn't for a bid, my aunt
wouldn't be able to keep my unclehome night. What is that going to
do with it? Well? Shewinds his dead up in a closed ring
and hides the handle. This isa thing like that is infallible. No,
it's apple. Well, well,folks, we've finally got a piece
of plot on the show. Sayray, how is the poem coming?
(11:05):
Oh pretty well, Gracey rae.But I've got written so far. The
title is spring is the thing withI sigh? Oh my oh, that's
beautiful, Ray, Yes, nicetitle proceed catalog. Well here's the poem.
A day in spring is like arose, and a rose is like
a honey bee. But you cansing you with his nose learning God can
make a tree? Is that all? A tree is like the stars on
(11:33):
high, except it's in the ground, And stars are like your bluish eyes,
except your eyes are brown. LookRay, where are you trying to
go with this? Well? I'mtrying to get I Love you Gracie into
the poem, but I can't seemto make it rhyme. That must be
difficult. No, it's go away, go away, Judge. Next time
(11:54):
I see shakes it out, tellhim about Ray Noble's talent. This may
surprise you, but he's dead Shakespeare. Well, that's a nice tl praid.
Hello Gracie, Oh hello Bubble.Did you get the plane tickets to
Dallas? Yes? And did youhear the good new No? I just
got an offer from the group theaterin the yard the group theater? What
(12:16):
do they want you to play?The group? The group of plane tickets?
What are theyful? Where are yougoing? Oh? Oh, this
Friday, I'm flying to Dallas tomake a speech. At the Variety Club
get together. Well, Batie,I'm sorry that they won't let you take
your kangaroo or on the plane.All is that too bad? And she
had a bag all packed. Dallaswill certainly be disappointed. Oh no,
(12:39):
they won't judge. I'm taking you, thank you. Why don't you take
Bubbles with you? The Dallas?I cancel. I've got to make a
test appearance. Found a radio program. What programs me? The People?
Me? The People? Yes,either back or Hippie Lobby on line in
the traket How did you go?You go already? Oh you shouldn't.
(13:09):
All of the house. The othernight Bubbles out of Date with Don Wilson,
and you should have seen the threeof them when they went out together.
There was more excitement. The threeof them went out, Bubbles down
in the front of the house.Those kids really go places and through things.
George, I must tell you this, it's very amusing. Well,
(13:31):
Truman, we can use something likethat on the program. Yeah. Well,
the other night at the party,Yes, I got up and told
a very funny story. Were theguests sur christ When I didn't mention hies
honey in almond cream? You didn'tmatch? No, and when I got
to the punchline of the story,it really knocked him for a loop because
I didn't say a word about howheind honey and almond cream will make rough
red hands smooth, white and softand filling to touch. I say,
(13:52):
and where was this party at thesponsor's house? Well, the next time
you tell a story, don't mentionthe hand I mean, either, George,
That would kill the joke. Andyou're just the guy who can do
it too, George, is thatnice? No Apple? I finally doctor
cyclops in the house. Oh,Gracie, I've rewritten my poem and it's
(14:13):
much better now. Yes, yes, listen, A robin has a breast
of fiery red and so has abowl of chili. But chili has no
feathers on his head, so itmust feel rather silly. Oh yeah,
but it still doesn't rhyme with Ilove you, Gracie. No, George.
But it's getting closer. Oh,I think it's getting closer. Hello,
(14:35):
I'm funny, Gracie, I wasspeaking. Yes, I'm still running
for presidence. What do I thinkfarmers should be subsidized? Well, sure,
if you can do it well,wrong't show Gracie, will you guarantee
that. No, I'll just haveto take my word, take your own
word. Well say that again?Please? Oh how would I take care
(14:56):
of emergency relief? Well? Ijust old board gas station. Oh,
thank you, and I think you'regreat presidential timber too. Goodbye? Who
is that Charlie McCarthy? I don'ttalk about ivery way. That's a grand
(17:56):
no wonder to get such a bighit at the Palace Hotel in San Francis.
What's the pleasure, gracious crazie.I think I've got it. Oh
I always knew you had it,but I didn't know where. Ray.
I just gave you a compliment andthanks, o boy. I'll smoke it
later. But first I want Crazyto hear my poem. Yeah, but
don't drop the ashes on the rug. Well, here you go. If
I could sing like a meadow lockand lay two eggs of blue, I'd
(18:18):
rather be just a soap worm.And it's too stuck for you. I'm
inspired. You take my hand.If it's that woman here, Ray?
Did that come out of Did thatcome out of your own head? Oh?
Rather short of a wood carving,I thought, say, Crazy,
I just finished having that seat.You're going to make a Dower already,
(18:40):
my bobbles, it only took youthree days. Wait. You see,
every time I got at the endof the line and heard the typewriter bell,
I went out to lunch. Letme have it. Oh and boys,
now I want you boys to tellme what you really think of this
peace. Hello everybody, I'm gladto be back in Dallas, and I
am before I go any fether,I want to announce it. All promises
(19:03):
in this speech are the tissues,and any similarities to persons living are like
George Burns is purely coincidental. I'mnot dead. You want to bet give
me odds. We got America.Your country needs me, so pop out
of bed, my mother bed.Now is the time for all good men
(19:27):
to come to the aid of asecond little party. If you know who
I mean, I know what youmean. Uh, it's catching on week.
This country is purely utilitarian. Arethere any questions, Gracie? What
does the utilitarian mean? Are thereany answers? Then I'll continue continue be
(19:51):
fine. It's the true that thisis a baby's country, and every baby
needs a change. My political rivalsay that what this country needs is more
milk for the babies without delay.They say, let's take the bull by
the horns. Well that's foolish.They could never get knocked them. Or
I'll go I'll try it, sayfellow voters, what this country needs is
(20:14):
plenty, and even though it's impossible, I'll be glad to do it.
Hello, thank my friends. Today, millions of people are living who will
never do it again. Ray,millions of being born for the first time.
You've got something, and millions aredoing nothing because it's the best job
they've had this week. And whenyou listen to the radio every ten minutes,
(20:38):
what are you here? My wayis the spryway. Friends. If
you want an honest president, don'tforget Racy Allen on election day. I've
never stolen a nickel, and allI want is a chance to thank you.
(20:59):
Moving A speech like that is evenbigger than Don Wilson. Oh you
need Saddy, Yes, tiny,Saddy Yes, So Gracy. I loved
your speech, especially where you mentionedHi Honey, almond cream or Droman.
She didn't mention Hines honey and almondcrank, but I did. Nah and
a big boy too, well,crazy, I don't think it fits.
(21:21):
You don't or what can you expect? He walked up two flights. Frank,
just exactly, wat's the matter withmy shuit? Well? I don't
know, George. It's not thecolor because pale fudge looks good on you.
Not the fit because George, that'sthe way you're built. Who that's
notice, not the style because thosesuits may come back again. Then why
is it Frank jealousy? Though it'shappling. I'll see you later. I
(21:44):
think I'll go get myself run over. Oh, don't mind him, George.
Frank, I think you've got alot of nets to say things like
that. Someday you may be theoldest one out, Like George. It's
too too well now I feel better. Hello, Oh how are you?
It's Judge Jesso Georgie. Yes,yes, I'm ready to the papers,
Judge, and congratulations. But Ithought you were going to get married Friday.
(22:07):
Oh your wife made you wait tillSaturday. Oh there's no school Saturday.
I don't like that, And Ididn't say I just don't want to
school. I think, Gracey,I made a new start with my perm
and I think it's much better enough. Oh good, I hear that if
(22:30):
I had the wings of a butterfly, I got flatter here and there.
A butterfly never has to say,but it has no whiskers anywhere, right,
if you're trying to rhyme, breCome in good evening, miss Allen.
Remember me, I was here lastweek. I'm the census enumerator.
Oh Will, I'm glad to seeyou again. I just heard a choice
bit of gossip, and I can'tkeep it to myself any longer. Well,
(22:51):
I'm sorry, but we're not interestedin other people's affairs. What they
do is their own business. Theysinkuts belonged to them. There's no concern
aboues. What did you hear?Well? I don't know whether I should
say anything or not, but thatwoman who lives around the corner from you,
Oh, miss Hemingway, Yes,missus Hemingway. Hemingway as to get
(23:11):
the second way. Well, mydear, it seems how far does this
program go in New York City?Good? I wouldn't want this to go
any further. Didn't go any further? Missus Hemingway's husband? Which one?
Which one? How many husbands doesshe go? Don't be nosy? Go
ahead, mister. Well, itseems that every time he goes to San
(23:33):
Francisco, he doesn't go to SanFrancisco. No, No, isn't that
just like a man? Yes,we'll tell me all about it. When
he goes to San Francisco? Wherehe doesn't go? Where does he go?
Oakland? Really? Yes? Fortunatelyfor missus Hemingway, Sally Rand is
(23:53):
a very good friend of the family. Well, that's the miscast that's going
on here. I thought all censusinformation was strictly confidential. Oh pull missus
hemming Way. All the time thather husband is away, she does nothing
but tastes the floor. No,yes, every night of the coconut grove.
You know his secretary, that beautifullittle blonde. Oh you mean a
(24:15):
pretty one who always leaves with stickon his collar. Mm hmm. Oh,
she's a wonderful typist. Yes,probably takes one hundred and twenty kisses
a minute. But it's too badabout her shorthand. What's the matter with
her shorthand? Well, his wife'sgloves won't sit here. Well, I've
got to run along. Wait aminute, before you got the house that
the Hemingway's living. Is that aone story house or two story house?
(24:37):
Please, mister Burns, how dareyou we sense us take as a pledge
to secrecy. Good day. Wheredoes you meet him? Oh, isn't
a cute. When I'm elected,I'm going to give him a much better
John Is that's all? Yes,I'm a secret service. Yes there's an
undercover man and he can stay there. At last, I've got the thun,
Gracie. It is when springtime knocksupon my side. Oh my heart
(25:00):
sings like a joyous rabbit. Butrabbits don't appreciate love, so then it's
just another habit, they tell you, sighing on. There's no way to
make that rhyme. It's absolutely impossibleto get a rhyme. With birds and
bees and size of blue above you. You can write and write and write
and nap. You'll never run.Gracie, I love you Before I did
it, you did it once more. An opportunity for you to get a
(25:26):
copy of Gracy's campaign song. Votefor Gracie. Everybody's humming it and wants
it. Now. All you haveto do is this. Listen. Just
write your name of address on theback of a high and honey and almond
cream carton, send one curtain ofthe twenty five cent size or one of
the fifty cent size, or onedollar sized carton, or if you use
the ten cent size, send twocartons. Address your envelope to Gracie Allen,
(25:47):
Hollywood, California, and say,when you buy your hands you'll find
out what an extra creamy lotion cando for your hands. Why even one
application of this fine fragrant lotion helpsmake chapped hands feel softer, look smoother
right away. Hines contains two vitaminstwo vitamins A and D. Use Heines
regularly for soft, thrilling, honeymoonhands, the kind of hands he wants
to hold. You can get Heinshoney almond cream at any toilet goods counter
(26:11):
Get Heines tonight and send the Hinescarton tomorrow. Shore to Gracy Allen for
your copy of her dizzy campaign songVote for Gracie. Address your envelope to
Gracie Allen, Hollywood, California,and now Gracie will chaning sweet Partake a
Piper. Oh, I'm dedicating mysong to the members of the Axa then,
who are holding their banquerty Nomahafey night. Do you remember by Yuba who
(26:37):
played the tuba and laid the rumbaA popular pe the peanut. Thender was
a salt send nut to mention,take a long piece. Of course you
read the sandy flow of dammy theold accordion. Now, well, while
we're on the subjects, don't youknow why the fagini began to you be
(26:59):
savy? That's the well known phase. But your heart becomes full of care
of drums when the tea potato pipersplays. Go on through your habit,
shout of you, hoorays because youcan't hold back your jumps and jack whims
pease potato piper plays. Go notan educated there's a fascinating it's not exactly
(27:26):
beautiful. It's gord I can Idon't know. I guess you pology n
being trying. New dancers go hersdown their rays and the world joins in.
Here's the great big grim when thesweet potato pipers play. Now when
you vote, fall graze at me. Here's what a case cast the vote
(27:52):
all the plane. There's no fastlypotato piper plays. Came the inauguration,
it will shot to pray watch thedisc of a mask kicking up this mask
when the peas potato piper play atthe presidential ball at all? Now we'll
(28:12):
sinslee have this tip, a pistonon a pie, and a pipe and
arms pipe. All the boys incongress to show you play. All the
world joined in the place bag andwhen the free potato pipers, Sweet potato
Piper Place. Don't forgot two Hindspreparations for your hands. One is the
(28:41):
famous Himes lotion that pours from thebottle. The other is the brand new,
brand new Heinds hand cream and jars. Like the famous lotion itself,
this new Heind's hand cream helps togive you softer, smoother hands in spite
of housework or outdoor work. GoodNight, goodnight them the back again.
Next one's not the same time.Listen for Columbia Broadcasting question. Thank m HM
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