December 3, 2023 • 28 mins
"The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" was a hilarious and innovative radio comedy that followed the lives of a fictionalized version of the real-life married couple, George Burns and Gracie Allen. The show was known for its unique format, with George Burns serving as the straight man and Gracie Allen as the delightfully scatterbrained and absurdly funny wife.The core of the show's humor was Gracie's zany logic and her penchant for getting herself and George into comical situations. Her misunderstandings, malapropisms, and eccentric thinking were central to the show's charm. George, on the other hand, played the role of the calm and patient husband who often tried to explain Gracie's antics to others and navigate the chaos she created.The show featured recurring characters such as Blanche Morton (played by Bea Benaderet), Gracie's best friend and a fellow participant in the comedy, and Harry Morton (played by Hal March), Blanche's husband. The ensemble cast, along with George and Gracie, contributed to the show's comedic dynamics.Each episode typically revolved around a humorous situation or misunderstanding that Gracie would instigate, leading to a series of hilarious events and exchanges. The show was known for its quick-witted humor, clever wordplay, and impeccable timing."The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show" enjoyed immense popularity during its radio run, and it later transitioned successfully to television in the 1950s. George Burns and Gracie Allen's on-screen chemistry and comedic talent made them beloved figures in American entertainment history, and their radio show remains an enduring classic in the world of comedy.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hellotion my friends behind Tony and AlmondCream programs starring George Burns and hin A
(00:20):
Tony, Gracie Allen with Frank Barker, Reynovo, the Union Pacific Man and
Coming Bradley speaking and you can't like, you can't go along, Michael,
Hi Bang you like your thank yourflank of Burma. Well, before we
(00:45):
start, I want to tell ourlisteners that we're here in Omaha, Nebraska
for Gracie's convention, which will beheld Friday night. Right now, we're
broadcasting from the Exaving Coliseum in frontof thousands of people. Oh yes,
it's wonderful to stand up here andlook out into those side open sass.
I want to thank Omaha for it'swonderful reception. And that goes for all
the towns and cities along the way. Oh yes, and we traveled on
(01:07):
the Presidential Special and oh what serviceon the Union Specific and what a train
well in honor of it, Georgeisn't wearing nothing but railroad ties, Racie,
aren't yourself? Everybody here in costumes, thousands of men wearing beds.
Oh yes, it's the hair raisingexperience. You said it. Oh,
(01:29):
I'm all in from hollering bev ohded wasba? What's that? Well,
it's the game everybody plays. Ifyou see a man with a big ya
hall a beeba, it's five points, and if you see a man with
a mustache, it's only three points. Well, what would you get for
a face like mine? A mask? Well? Thank you, oh,
thank you. Did George one ofthose wistrinos kis me home last night?
(01:53):
Did he make a fuzz over you? Well, I had to kiss him
through a straw, well, Moffsaid. And now, ladies and gentlemen,
I want you to meet the membersof our caves. First, our
announcer Truman Bradley, Well, Truman, what did you gotta say, ladies
(02:14):
and gentlemen, members of the Chamberof Commerce, citizens of Nebraskan friends.
It fills me with great pleasure tosay that you can get that any toilet
goods county in ten twenty five fiftycent side, Truman, we traveled thousands
of miles together here, didn't youforget something? Oh? Yeah? Also
the dollar size? Well that's fine. And now I want you to meet
our romantic tennor bee ba bee backquiet, Frank Walker, thank you very
(02:42):
much, And I want to thankthe Secretary of State for this introduction.
I'm not the Secretary of State.I don't know. You look like Haull
to me, Frank, you saidthat two weeks ago. Well, you
better have an answer for that,brother. You're gonna hear it often,
and I'll want you to meet aRochester leader rain O Ball. Thanks awfully,
(03:07):
and I want to thank the Secretaryof agricouse. All right, so
I'm the Secretary of Agriculture. Watchthe joke. Well, I don't quite
know, George, and I'm workingon it. Ray, are you nuts?
You better think I have an answerfor that, brother, because I'm
going to hear that often. Gracie. I here, it's the Indian village.
Last night the chief White Buffalo Hightinducted you into the tribe. Oh
(03:28):
yes, I knew. Indian nameis Thinkers Milaja. I'm too bad they
didn't do anything for George. Ohwell, go worry Truman in his happy
hunting down sitting bull is blacking overGeorge, because when I'm in the right
house, You'll be sitting pretty Tuman. Truman, did you know that Jim
(03:49):
Fowley was made a member of theOmaha tribe. Yeah, but they scouted
him. That's rather a ball statement. I mean, oh, David,
quiet, why is it, mistermiss Alan? Here the nineteen thousand straws
you ordered? Nineteen thousand straws.Oh well, I'm going out in the
audience and take a straw boat ifyou know what I mean. I think
(04:12):
I know it. Short of amouse to mouth campus, yes, yes,
miss Island, as they say inOmaha, Tata Tata Tata, Tata,
tatara Taata. Where did that comefrom from the picture of the same
name. And now, ladies andgentlemen, I want you to meet the
(04:32):
rest of our cash. And herethey are Bubbles Kelly, thank you,
and I'm very glad to be here. Do you know how I was born
in this part of the country?Were bubbles, Masora, Kansas and Nebraska?
Well that's you where it was was. Are you better be careful with
those crass partners. I've got agun, and when I shoot, I
(04:55):
should stray from the hip walk theway out there. You know, Bubbles
is really worth a wait and go. Now, wait a minute, it's
fun, it's fun, but I'mpart of this. I think I've got
a little beef coming. Oh congratulations, boy a girl you know, bubbles
never gets solved. Look at her. It's not a pretty face. You
(05:18):
know. I love to watch bubbleslast. It's just so much of it
has a good time. As amatter of fact, the freight agent of
the Union Pacific. Yes, comein, mister Burns. Yes me Indian,
brave, Indian brave, Me gotarrow arrow? Yes? Where's your
bowl in my hair? Well?Is there anybody in this program that isn't
(05:43):
a complete imbecile? Oh coming?Oh boy? I was afraid of that
great thing I bought you at present? From No? From me? Oh,
I guess can't wait too a graphic? Why it's beautiful? Or where
you shouldn't have done it? Look, George, just to take your breath
away? What is it? Apackage of tents in ray? Don't you
(06:08):
ever think of bringing a nice presentto a girl? Well, George,
Once I took a box of chocolatesto a girl and we sat in the
parlor and she turned down the light. What happened? I couldn't find the
chocolates. You know, George,I met a girl last night who was
nuts about you, and I justcouldn't help making a date for you.
Well, thanks, Frankie, Yes, and she's a very important person too.
You know she wants you to takeit down to the jubilee ceremonies.
(06:30):
Golden spikes. Oh, she's gota mouthful of them. Frank fevers Wyatt,
with those fevers, Frank, Ican take up my own girls.
Yeah, that's the way they look. Frank. If you think you can
rib me, you're silly. You'vegot about as much chance of burning me
up as Grace she has her beingelected. Oh yeah, well you don't
think I'm going to be elected House. Well, I'll show you, of
(06:53):
all you ladies in the audi intoour own favorite scene in the White House.
Please hold your husband's up in theair. Ah had a super value
Heines Honey and Almond Cream, bigdollar size, only forty nine cents.
Let me tell you this is thebiggest bargain Heines has ever offered. Never
before have you been able to walkup to a toilet goods counter laid on
(07:15):
only forty nine cents and then returnget the big dollar size Hines Honey and
Almond Cream. This big ecomedy bottlecontains more than twice as much lotion as
the regular fifty cent size Hins.Now's the time for you to get all
the hinds lotion you need for thesummer, to help those red rough hands
look purtier, to comfort tender skinafter shaving, and to soothe sunburned.
You'll get more than double the usualamount of lotion for your money in this
(07:35):
kind's autograph special. And you alsogot a Gracie Alan autograph. It's on
the bottle and it's detachable. Thisamazing money saving offer on Heines's Honey and
Almond cream will last for a shorttime only, so don't waste time thinking
about getting Hinz, go out andget it. Ask can any toilet goods
counter for Heinz forty nine cents specialthe dollar size for only forty nine cents
(07:56):
for only a little while longer fortynine cents And now Frank Park Tonight.
Frank has chosen a special convention songwritten by Walter Donaldson and Johnny Mercer.
It's called on behalf of the VisitingFireman Frank, blow me down, look
at for the town. I havea hair, lay us one over there,
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say how have you been? Andhow's the next to Kim Pallas?
Look who just blew in? Onbehalf of the Visiting Firemen from Kansas City.
Let's have a smile on me onbehalf of the gentleman slicked up and
looking pretty. Let's make it toooffree like the gobin all of Carolina,
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call the gobin ball of Carolina.Come on, behalf of the visiting fireman
of any city. Let's have asmile on me on behalf of the visiting
fireman from norm al askar. Let'shave a smile on me on behalf of
the gentleman who live in all Nebraska. Let's make it too awfree like the
(09:05):
car all of Carolina or all thenobles of Carolina. How on behalf of
the visiting firemen from California. Let'shave a smile on me on behalf of
a president shall cannidate Miss Bracy Allen. Let's have a smile on me on
be halfful of Georgie burns, mixedup and lucky pretty. Let's make it
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too awfree like the carn of Carolinacalled the novel of Carolinas. Only half
of the president shall cannidate Miss BracyAllen. That's I have a smile on
me, only half of the gentlemen, that's part above the all our carbons.
Let's have a smile on me onbe half around the count pick up
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and he get pretty, let's makeit too awfree. So the men were
whispers about an into It's a thereis nothing else to do. I'm a
gentleman and sponsors of the alarm andperf a smile, Frank, How how
(10:22):
can you hold a note so long? Say I'm a Kenny Baker with bustles
sound more like a Nelson Netty withoutriders. Oh, Joge, I forgot
to tell you. I was outwith a fellow last night and he's coming
up here to tell everybody who's goingto nominate me Friday night? Is that
all? Yeah? You know,I know the nominated before I know,
I know. Ohh my daddy ishalf nominated. All the time he's telling
(10:45):
me, where did you meet thisfellow that's coming up at the other end
of a straw? At the otherend of a straw? Well, who
is he? Butler? Uh?Mayor Butler a moment, and after I
take for the sod, he saidto me, Racy, you you met
(11:05):
Maya Butler? Yeah, last night. And then we were both talking about
running the document and we laughed somuch I fell out of the hammock.
Out of a hammock. Yeah,boy, can he's bringing? Will you?
You were in a hammock with themayor? Good? Well while this
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was going on, Where was GovernorCochran? Well? Who do you think
was pushing the hammock? Gracie,where did you meet the mayor between eighteen
and ninetiesh and Chestnut Street? Thatthat happens to be a hot number?
So is it all? Look,Bracie, All I want to know,
(11:50):
is Maya Butler really coming up heretonight? Well? If he isn't there,
I never lived to see a thirdterm full of the mayor is really
coming up here? Right? Butit got a little speech that he didn't
say. Boys, see how thissounds. Ladies and gentlemen, citizens of
Omaha, honored guests and friends.I know that you're not here to listen
to a speech for me. Goodyou listen to may do a one step?
(12:11):
One step? Yeah, one stepthat is finished too danced out,
deflue plump, Ladies and gentlemen,beaver quiet, Ladies and gentlemen, citizens
of Beaver, I mean beavers ofOmaha, Beavers of Beaver Beavers. Please,
(12:33):
folks, ladies and gentlemen, Iknow that you're not here to listen
to a speech for me? Whatis the bubble? I'm not feeling more.
I've got a plat where between eighteenthand nineteenth and Chester Street. Ladies
and gentlemen, I know that you'renot here to listen to a speech for
me. Hello, and why don'tyou shut up? Wise guy? If
(12:58):
he were here, I'd punch himright in the mode. You would punch
horn the nose. I wonder whattook him so long? I was only
kidding you see, I want callhim beaver and you get side, call
me beaver and whole nice beard you'vegot on there, buddy. You know,
once I had a bed like yourhorse, but I cut it off.
Once I had a face like yours, but I couldn't cut it off,
so I grew this beard. What'swhat's wrong with my face? You
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better have an answer for that,brother. You're going to hear it often,
Ladies and gentlemen. The man willlove your seeks. Ladies, you
want to hear the seach teenage lastnight? What did he say? Oh?
He said he loved did there?That's a pretty silly screech. Well,
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the old gray mare ring what itused to be? I suppose Governor
Cochman were still pushing the hammock.Well this was going on? No he
was he snapping his bubblegum, Gracie. Are you sure the mayor is coming
up? I must get up withthe speech, Ladies and gentlemen. I
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know that you're not here to listento a speech for me. Yes,
uh, that Mayor Mattick give youa present like I do. Well,
they know. Will I believe you'rejealous? Well not only more? And
I've been naturalized, natural naturalized wherebetween eighteenth and nineteenth on Chestnut Street.
Boys. Will you listen to thisspeech please, ladies and gentlemen. And
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George is right. If Mayor Butler'scoming up here and George is trying to
get a speech ready, by theleast we can do is listen to them.
Yeah, fun and fun and Georgeyes, quiet and I mean it.
Let's give him a chance. Andif anyone opens his mouth, I
leave, Ladies and gentlemen. That'sdid it. Ladies and gentlemen, I
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know that you're not George. Iwas pretty rot in a frank to build
you up and walk out on you. Why I'd be burned up too if
I were telling people that highds,honeynumon and we made rough red hands,
soft, smooth and white. Andsomebody walked out on me between eighteenth and
nineteen on Chesnut Street. Where doeshe go? All right, all right,
ladies and gentlemen, I'll go outand get him. Ladies and gentlemen,
citizens of Omaha. Gosh, lookthere he is the mayor. No,
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look, Braley, if anybody yellsthat word once more, I'm going
to leave. What word beaver?That did it? I'm going crazy.
I tell you a secret. Ifit went through this huge crowd, I
can take a here so long.You know, Gracey, this is the
first time you and I have everbeen alone. Oh, yes, especially
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in Omaha. Do you like myconvention? Yeah? You got pretty eyes
too? Oh you have too too? What two eyes? Yes? But
he is a more outstanding I say, thanks, alf Say Ray, I've
got a choked up feeling inside andit's it's hard to talk, is it
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love? No, it's my girdle. Ray. Did you have a dream
of having a home with me?No? With the FHA. You know,
I'm building a home and all Ineed now is a wife. Well,
why don't you get a wife?Well, how about you? Oh,
I'd rather get a husband. Wouldyou rather that I had a beard
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than just my face? Yes,wouldn't you? Yes? But it would
take so long to raise a beard. How long did it take to raise
your face? For a long longtime? Oh, it's a long long
face. When you replied, didyou ever have mumps? No, only
marbles? Oh, momsterod are theyas painful as marbles? Well, I
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don't know. I've never sat onmumps. I'd like to sit on momp
and I'd like to eat crackers anddead Do you get a bang out of
them? Only if the fire packersGracie. When I get married, I'd
like an ivy covered check where theroses blue more year long and sunshines all
the day. Oh, I knowjust the place well between nineteen and nineteen
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Chestnut Tree. Now we hear theUnion perciptic band. I'm the direction of
Don Diefe Shortting playing the old Graymay still Statt. Ladies and gentlemen,
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you just had a fifty piece UnionPacific man who, by the way,
made the train trip with us allthe way from Los Angeles to Omar,
and boys, that was really grandy, you know, George. Every one
of them is a union man.Do they hold union code? Frank,
I'll say they do. I losteighty butts of them on the train trip.
Oh, George, I was atTrading University yesterday and I went through
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the Kennedy houses and I had morefun. In fact, al must write
a little of thanks to the principal, Gracie. Colleges don't have any principles.
Oh, no, wonder I hadsuch fun. The name of the
fraternity was probably Bays to Lake andNeuber. Oh well, I'm not saying
yes, I'm my way to takeyou invicy near Butler's sell off my handle
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by. Look, Gracie, whydon't you lay up, Maya Butler?
Why should I lay am? Most? Are you doing a swell job?
Oh, George, I went toBoystown yesterday and you know what surprised me
the most? No, what doyou know? It's full little boys?
Well, what did you expect?Or a bigger luh, a bigger love?
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Well, things are bad all overboys. I've got to rehearse the
speech, may but what's coming upwithin? Well, I better get this
ready, Ladies and gentlemen, thecitizens of Omaha all come in. George
Burns and Gracie Allen I'm sorry,but we're in the middle of a speech,
you see, I don't know.I want to welcome you and Miss
(20:29):
Allen and the rest of your troopto Omaha. Well that's nice of your
kid, but you see, we'rebusy. Any minute now, I've got
to introduce the Mayor of Omaha,and I'm rehearsing my speech. But you
would know about that. What areyou going to say, mister Burns.
Well, the listener, ladies andgentlemen, citizens of Omaha, honor,
guests, and friends. I knowthat you're not here to listen to a
speech for me, but without furtherdelay, it gives me great pleasure to
(20:52):
present Mayor Butler of Omaha. Thankyou very very much. Ladies and gentlemen.
Wait a minute, you're Maya Butler. Well, I ain't you hoodie
press. Why don't you tell methis was Maya Butler? I thought you
(21:19):
knew. I didn't recognize him withoutthe hammocks, without the hammocks. Yeah,
one hammock. Well, what Imean is this, This is a
man who was with me last nightwho what happened was I was in the
hammock with a man and I toldhim I was the next President of the
United States, and he said,well, if you're the next president of
the United States, and I'm mayButler shir oh, it's all right.
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I'm delighted to meet you and missAllen and on behalf of the great metropolis
of Omaha. I want to takethis opportunity to welcome surprise party candidate and
her entire company and to extend ourheartfelt flicitations. And furthermore, Oh,
pardon me beaver. Mister Maya,where did you pick up that word beav
(22:10):
between eighteenth and nineteenth? And justice, I don't know, am I nuts.
You'd better get an answer for that, brother, you're going to hear
it all. And furthermore, inbehalf of the citizens of Omaha, I
would like to ask miss Allen afew questions about her platform. Why may
(22:33):
that? Lad's it showing? Forgetthe formality? Call me Dan? Oh
now, please, you know you'renot mot today, Dan in the radio.
Don't mind the Irana. That's allright, mister Burns. I think
she's very amusing. Okay, there'sa big way here. We can build
(22:55):
an auditorium. What is his wife? Would you give me an angle on
how to run the governments? Oh? Well, now, what did you
like day? I'm not married?Who say say he's pretty? You know
what, I'm in the White House. I'm gonna make you Secretary of the
Interiors so we can have some nextray pictures taken together place, Miss Allen.
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If you're elected, will you bringback prosperity? Oh, Danny,
but you I do anything that's aload office mine. Miss Allen. Are
you in favor of treaties with Europeand Asia? Well, no, no,
I'd rather have treaties with children quaens, of course if you like our
meals, but personally I like much. Yes, much's very good with Europe
(23:41):
in Asia, Miss Allen. Whatdo you think of Sounder Wagner's latest proposal?
Oh? Well I turned him down. Y'all know my time ray sa
Place. After all, he's fromthere, Miss Allen. What are you
going to do about the Federal Reserve? Oh? If you like them,
Danny, I'll be glad to putup a few John w Yes. Stop
(24:02):
ways, Miss Allen. I knowyou won't have any trouble with the Senate
after you're elected, but will yoube able to manage the House? Oh,
Danny, blokey you I've even scrubbedline. I don't mind her.
Mister Maya, have you got anaspirin brother? Well, yes, I
always carry them. You'rana, wouldyou mind getting me a glass of water?
(24:23):
Oh? Gladly, you know,Gracie, this is the first time
you and I have ever been alone. Oh. So many household jobs are
terribly hard on your hands. Theylook red and sandpapery, your fingers wrasped
(24:44):
on everything you touch. But don'tgive up. You can help your hands
definitely and quickly. Even one applicationof Hades honey and almond cream leaves your
hands feeling smoother, looking softer.And don't forget right now you can save
money on Hines honey and almond creamright now, and for only a little
while longer, you can get it'sa big dollar size of Hinds Honey aumond
cream for only forty nine cents.That's super value. The dollar bottle of
Hines is always a money saving value, but now at forty nine cents,
(25:07):
it's the kind of buyer's opportunity thatyou can't miss. And in addition to
saving over fifty cents on Hines,you also get a Gracy Alan autograph.
It's on the bottle and it's detachable, ready to go into your autograph collection.
Hurry up now get Hian's autograph special. While getting is good the big
dollar size for only forty nine cents. What a bargain it is. So
go out and buy a Hindes Honeynorumond cream at half price right now,
(25:29):
while this forty nine cent special last. Well, raca boto gracefully. He's
the ten little skipper in the line. Hoo hoo. Mist Even big politicians
(25:49):
don't know one you knew rating doesn'tknow about that. Neither. They used
to voo gratfully to bring the prayeragain lightly right and the wrong. Also
keep voting all the law, myfriend, I I think so, thanks,
(26:19):
but you might be here focusing mysong. Gracy. I'll figure out,
figure out, Oh Gracy, there'ssomething you auto more. I'm for
Gracy to lead the by the Marytake hundred minutes long. That's like you
can the wrong. Would like ajudge in the cars. Thanks, although
(26:42):
Gracy, so I could be bymyself. He's learn for Gracy, then
I'll be happy on the show.If she's elected. I've been elected,
then I just say home, paysolitaire and get that silly dame. Out
of my head. I'll pain tothem and and said, if you can't
(27:15):
cut your name, you can talkto the next and you can't go wrong.
Isn't it fun? Tag it okay? Run my jars hind hand PREMI
(27:41):
only ten cents and thirty nine centseach and let me tell you they're filled
with the finest hand cream that Hindscan make. Lusty, fragrance, not
a bit sticky. Ask for Hyan'shand payment the nearest toilet goods counter and
get the Hinds lotion special to thedollar size for only forty nine cents.
What Regie say, good eye,oh good night. And I want to
thank them, but that's a thingso nice and joining in the fun.
(28:02):
And to show my appreciation there,Butler, I've got something for you,
oh Eve, the night program atCary's Rocket. See you're not gonna rain
oble, good night. All thisis swimming. Radney Speaks Tonight, Burns
and Allen Show's broadcast through Columbia's Omahastation k o I L. This is
a Columbia broadcasting system
Hellotion my friends behind Tony and AlmondCream programs starring George Burns and hin A
(00:20):
Tony, Gracie Allen with Frank Barker, Reynovo, the Union Pacific Man and
Coming Bradley speaking and you can't like, you can't go along, Michael,
Hi Bang you like your thank yourflank of Burma. Well, before we
(00:45):
start, I want to tell ourlisteners that we're here in Omaha, Nebraska
for Gracie's convention, which will beheld Friday night. Right now, we're
broadcasting from the Exaving Coliseum in frontof thousands of people. Oh yes,
it's wonderful to stand up here andlook out into those side open sass.
I want to thank Omaha for it'swonderful reception. And that goes for all
the towns and cities along the way. Oh yes, and we traveled on
(01:07):
the Presidential Special and oh what serviceon the Union Specific and what a train
well in honor of it, Georgeisn't wearing nothing but railroad ties, Racie,
aren't yourself? Everybody here in costumes, thousands of men wearing beds.
Oh yes, it's the hair raisingexperience. You said it. Oh,
(01:29):
I'm all in from hollering bev ohded wasba? What's that? Well,
it's the game everybody plays. Ifyou see a man with a big ya
hall a beeba, it's five points, and if you see a man with
a mustache, it's only three points. Well, what would you get for
a face like mine? A mask? Well? Thank you, oh,
thank you. Did George one ofthose wistrinos kis me home last night?
(01:53):
Did he make a fuzz over you? Well, I had to kiss him
through a straw, well, Moffsaid. And now, ladies and gentlemen,
I want you to meet the membersof our caves. First, our
announcer Truman Bradley, Well, Truman, what did you gotta say, ladies
(02:14):
and gentlemen, members of the Chamberof Commerce, citizens of Nebraskan friends.
It fills me with great pleasure tosay that you can get that any toilet
goods county in ten twenty five fiftycent side, Truman, we traveled thousands
of miles together here, didn't youforget something? Oh? Yeah? Also
the dollar size? Well that's fine. And now I want you to meet
our romantic tennor bee ba bee backquiet, Frank Walker, thank you very
(02:42):
much, And I want to thankthe Secretary of State for this introduction.
I'm not the Secretary of State.I don't know. You look like Haull
to me, Frank, you saidthat two weeks ago. Well, you
better have an answer for that,brother. You're gonna hear it often,
and I'll want you to meet aRochester leader rain O Ball. Thanks awfully,
(03:07):
and I want to thank the Secretaryof agricouse. All right, so
I'm the Secretary of Agriculture. Watchthe joke. Well, I don't quite
know, George, and I'm workingon it. Ray, are you nuts?
You better think I have an answerfor that, brother, because I'm
going to hear that often. Gracie. I here, it's the Indian village.
Last night the chief White Buffalo Hightinducted you into the tribe. Oh
(03:28):
yes, I knew. Indian nameis Thinkers Milaja. I'm too bad they
didn't do anything for George. Ohwell, go worry Truman in his happy
hunting down sitting bull is blacking overGeorge, because when I'm in the right
house, You'll be sitting pretty Tuman. Truman, did you know that Jim
(03:49):
Fowley was made a member of theOmaha tribe. Yeah, but they scouted
him. That's rather a ball statement. I mean, oh, David,
quiet, why is it, mistermiss Alan? Here the nineteen thousand straws
you ordered? Nineteen thousand straws.Oh well, I'm going out in the
audience and take a straw boat ifyou know what I mean. I think
(04:12):
I know it. Short of amouse to mouth campus, yes, yes,
miss Island, as they say inOmaha, Tata Tata Tata, Tata,
tatara Taata. Where did that comefrom from the picture of the same
name. And now, ladies andgentlemen, I want you to meet the
(04:32):
rest of our cash. And herethey are Bubbles Kelly, thank you,
and I'm very glad to be here. Do you know how I was born
in this part of the country?Were bubbles, Masora, Kansas and Nebraska?
Well that's you where it was was. Are you better be careful with
those crass partners. I've got agun, and when I shoot, I
(04:55):
should stray from the hip walk theway out there. You know, Bubbles
is really worth a wait and go. Now, wait a minute, it's
fun, it's fun, but I'mpart of this. I think I've got
a little beef coming. Oh congratulations, boy a girl you know, bubbles
never gets solved. Look at her. It's not a pretty face. You
(05:18):
know. I love to watch bubbleslast. It's just so much of it
has a good time. As amatter of fact, the freight agent of
the Union Pacific. Yes, comein, mister Burns. Yes me Indian,
brave, Indian brave, Me gotarrow arrow? Yes? Where's your
bowl in my hair? Well?Is there anybody in this program that isn't
(05:43):
a complete imbecile? Oh coming?Oh boy? I was afraid of that
great thing I bought you at present? From No? From me? Oh,
I guess can't wait too a graphic? Why it's beautiful? Or where
you shouldn't have done it? Look, George, just to take your breath
away? What is it? Apackage of tents in ray? Don't you
(06:08):
ever think of bringing a nice presentto a girl? Well, George,
Once I took a box of chocolatesto a girl and we sat in the
parlor and she turned down the light. What happened? I couldn't find the
chocolates. You know, George,I met a girl last night who was
nuts about you, and I justcouldn't help making a date for you.
Well, thanks, Frankie, Yes, and she's a very important person too.
You know she wants you to takeit down to the jubilee ceremonies.
(06:30):
Golden spikes. Oh, she's gota mouthful of them. Frank fevers Wyatt,
with those fevers, Frank, Ican take up my own girls.
Yeah, that's the way they look. Frank. If you think you can
rib me, you're silly. You'vegot about as much chance of burning me
up as Grace she has her beingelected. Oh yeah, well you don't
think I'm going to be elected House. Well, I'll show you, of
(06:53):
all you ladies in the audi intoour own favorite scene in the White House.
Please hold your husband's up in theair. Ah had a super value
Heines Honey and Almond Cream, bigdollar size, only forty nine cents.
Let me tell you this is thebiggest bargain Heines has ever offered. Never
before have you been able to walkup to a toilet goods counter laid on
(07:15):
only forty nine cents and then returnget the big dollar size Hines Honey and
Almond Cream. This big ecomedy bottlecontains more than twice as much lotion as
the regular fifty cent size Hins.Now's the time for you to get all
the hinds lotion you need for thesummer, to help those red rough hands
look purtier, to comfort tender skinafter shaving, and to soothe sunburned.
You'll get more than double the usualamount of lotion for your money in this
(07:35):
kind's autograph special. And you alsogot a Gracie Alan autograph. It's on
the bottle and it's detachable. Thisamazing money saving offer on Heines's Honey and
Almond cream will last for a shorttime only, so don't waste time thinking
about getting Hinz, go out andget it. Ask can any toilet goods
counter for Heinz forty nine cents specialthe dollar size for only forty nine cents
(07:56):
for only a little while longer fortynine cents And now Frank Park Tonight.
Frank has chosen a special convention songwritten by Walter Donaldson and Johnny Mercer.
It's called on behalf of the VisitingFireman Frank, blow me down, look
at for the town. I havea hair, lay us one over there,
(08:18):
say how have you been? Andhow's the next to Kim Pallas?
Look who just blew in? Onbehalf of the Visiting Firemen from Kansas City.
Let's have a smile on me onbehalf of the gentleman slicked up and
looking pretty. Let's make it toooffree like the gobin all of Carolina,
(08:41):
call the gobin ball of Carolina.Come on, behalf of the visiting fireman
of any city. Let's have asmile on me on behalf of the visiting
fireman from norm al askar. Let'shave a smile on me on behalf of
the gentleman who live in all Nebraska. Let's make it too awfree like the
(09:05):
car all of Carolina or all thenobles of Carolina. How on behalf of
the visiting firemen from California. Let'shave a smile on me on behalf of
a president shall cannidate Miss Bracy Allen. Let's have a smile on me on
be halfful of Georgie burns, mixedup and lucky pretty. Let's make it
(09:30):
too awfree like the carn of Carolinacalled the novel of Carolinas. Only half
of the president shall cannidate Miss BracyAllen. That's I have a smile on
me, only half of the gentlemen, that's part above the all our carbons.
Let's have a smile on me onbe half around the count pick up
(09:54):
and he get pretty, let's makeit too awfree. So the men were
whispers about an into It's a thereis nothing else to do. I'm a
gentleman and sponsors of the alarm andperf a smile, Frank, How how
(10:22):
can you hold a note so long? Say I'm a Kenny Baker with bustles
sound more like a Nelson Netty withoutriders. Oh, Joge, I forgot
to tell you. I was outwith a fellow last night and he's coming
up here to tell everybody who's goingto nominate me Friday night? Is that
all? Yeah? You know,I know the nominated before I know,
I know. Ohh my daddy ishalf nominated. All the time he's telling
(10:45):
me, where did you meet thisfellow that's coming up at the other end
of a straw? At the otherend of a straw? Well, who
is he? Butler? Uh?Mayor Butler a moment, and after I
take for the sod, he saidto me, Racy, you you met
(11:05):
Maya Butler? Yeah, last night. And then we were both talking about
running the document and we laughed somuch I fell out of the hammock.
Out of a hammock. Yeah,boy, can he's bringing? Will you?
You were in a hammock with themayor? Good? Well while this
(11:28):
was going on, Where was GovernorCochran? Well? Who do you think
was pushing the hammock? Gracie,where did you meet the mayor between eighteen
and ninetiesh and Chestnut Street? Thatthat happens to be a hot number?
So is it all? Look,Bracie, All I want to know,
(11:50):
is Maya Butler really coming up heretonight? Well? If he isn't there,
I never lived to see a thirdterm full of the mayor is really
coming up here? Right? Butit got a little speech that he didn't
say. Boys, see how thissounds. Ladies and gentlemen, citizens of
Omaha, honored guests and friends.I know that you're not here to listen
to a speech for me. Goodyou listen to may do a one step?
(12:11):
One step? Yeah, one stepthat is finished too danced out,
deflue plump, Ladies and gentlemen,beaver quiet, Ladies and gentlemen, citizens
of Beaver, I mean beavers ofOmaha, Beavers of Beaver Beavers. Please,
(12:33):
folks, ladies and gentlemen, Iknow that you're not here to listen
to a speech for me? Whatis the bubble? I'm not feeling more.
I've got a plat where between eighteenthand nineteenth and Chester Street. Ladies
and gentlemen, I know that you'renot here to listen to a speech for
me. Hello, and why don'tyou shut up? Wise guy? If
(12:58):
he were here, I'd punch himright in the mode. You would punch
horn the nose. I wonder whattook him so long? I was only
kidding you see, I want callhim beaver and you get side, call
me beaver and whole nice beard you'vegot on there, buddy. You know,
once I had a bed like yourhorse, but I cut it off.
Once I had a face like yours, but I couldn't cut it off,
so I grew this beard. What'swhat's wrong with my face? You
(13:22):
better have an answer for that,brother. You're going to hear it often,
Ladies and gentlemen. The man willlove your seeks. Ladies, you
want to hear the seach teenage lastnight? What did he say? Oh?
He said he loved did there?That's a pretty silly screech. Well,
(13:43):
the old gray mare ring what itused to be? I suppose Governor
Cochman were still pushing the hammock.Well this was going on? No he
was he snapping his bubblegum, Gracie. Are you sure the mayor is coming
up? I must get up withthe speech, Ladies and gentlemen. I
(14:05):
know that you're not here to listento a speech for me. Yes,
uh, that Mayor Mattick give youa present like I do. Well,
they know. Will I believe you'rejealous? Well not only more? And
I've been naturalized, natural naturalized wherebetween eighteenth and nineteenth on Chestnut Street.
Boys. Will you listen to thisspeech please, ladies and gentlemen. And
(14:28):
George is right. If Mayor Butler'scoming up here and George is trying to
get a speech ready, by theleast we can do is listen to them.
Yeah, fun and fun and Georgeyes, quiet and I mean it.
Let's give him a chance. Andif anyone opens his mouth, I
leave, Ladies and gentlemen. That'sdid it. Ladies and gentlemen, I
(14:50):
know that you're not George. Iwas pretty rot in a frank to build
you up and walk out on you. Why I'd be burned up too if
I were telling people that highds,honeynumon and we made rough red hands,
soft, smooth and white. Andsomebody walked out on me between eighteenth and
nineteen on Chesnut Street. Where doeshe go? All right, all right,
ladies and gentlemen, I'll go outand get him. Ladies and gentlemen,
citizens of Omaha. Gosh, lookthere he is the mayor. No,
(15:11):
look, Braley, if anybody yellsthat word once more, I'm going
to leave. What word beaver?That did it? I'm going crazy.
I tell you a secret. Ifit went through this huge crowd, I
can take a here so long.You know, Gracey, this is the
first time you and I have everbeen alone. Oh, yes, especially
(15:33):
in Omaha. Do you like myconvention? Yeah? You got pretty eyes
too? Oh you have too too? What two eyes? Yes? But
he is a more outstanding I say, thanks, alf Say Ray, I've
got a choked up feeling inside andit's it's hard to talk, is it
(15:54):
love? No, it's my girdle. Ray. Did you have a dream
of having a home with me?No? With the FHA. You know,
I'm building a home and all Ineed now is a wife. Well,
why don't you get a wife?Well, how about you? Oh,
I'd rather get a husband. Wouldyou rather that I had a beard
(16:18):
than just my face? Yes,wouldn't you? Yes? But it would
take so long to raise a beard. How long did it take to raise
your face? For a long longtime? Oh, it's a long long
face. When you replied, didyou ever have mumps? No, only
marbles? Oh, momsterod are theyas painful as marbles? Well, I
(16:42):
don't know. I've never sat onmumps. I'd like to sit on momp
and I'd like to eat crackers anddead Do you get a bang out of
them? Only if the fire packersGracie. When I get married, I'd
like an ivy covered check where theroses blue more year long and sunshines all
the day. Oh, I knowjust the place well between nineteen and nineteen
(17:07):
Chestnut Tree. Now we hear theUnion perciptic band. I'm the direction of
Don Diefe Shortting playing the old Graymay still Statt. Ladies and gentlemen,
(19:04):
you just had a fifty piece UnionPacific man who, by the way,
made the train trip with us allthe way from Los Angeles to Omar,
and boys, that was really grandy, you know, George. Every one
of them is a union man.Do they hold union code? Frank,
I'll say they do. I losteighty butts of them on the train trip.
Oh, George, I was atTrading University yesterday and I went through
(19:26):
the Kennedy houses and I had morefun. In fact, al must write
a little of thanks to the principal, Gracie. Colleges don't have any principles.
Oh, no, wonder I hadsuch fun. The name of the
fraternity was probably Bays to Lake andNeuber. Oh well, I'm not saying
yes, I'm my way to takeyou invicy near Butler's sell off my handle
(19:48):
by. Look, Gracie, whydon't you lay up, Maya Butler?
Why should I lay am? Most? Are you doing a swell job?
Oh, George, I went toBoystown yesterday and you know what surprised me
the most? No, what doyou know? It's full little boys?
Well, what did you expect?Or a bigger luh, a bigger love?
(20:08):
Well, things are bad all overboys. I've got to rehearse the
speech, may but what's coming upwithin? Well, I better get this
ready, Ladies and gentlemen, thecitizens of Omaha all come in. George
Burns and Gracie Allen I'm sorry,but we're in the middle of a speech,
you see, I don't know.I want to welcome you and Miss
(20:29):
Allen and the rest of your troopto Omaha. Well that's nice of your
kid, but you see, we'rebusy. Any minute now, I've got
to introduce the Mayor of Omaha,and I'm rehearsing my speech. But you
would know about that. What areyou going to say, mister Burns.
Well, the listener, ladies andgentlemen, citizens of Omaha, honor,
guests, and friends. I knowthat you're not here to listen to a
speech for me, but without furtherdelay, it gives me great pleasure to
(20:52):
present Mayor Butler of Omaha. Thankyou very very much. Ladies and gentlemen.
Wait a minute, you're Maya Butler. Well, I ain't you hoodie
press. Why don't you tell methis was Maya Butler? I thought you
(21:19):
knew. I didn't recognize him withoutthe hammocks, without the hammocks. Yeah,
one hammock. Well, what Imean is this, This is a
man who was with me last nightwho what happened was I was in the
hammock with a man and I toldhim I was the next President of the
United States, and he said,well, if you're the next president of
the United States, and I'm mayButler shir oh, it's all right.
(21:45):
I'm delighted to meet you and missAllen and on behalf of the great metropolis
of Omaha. I want to takethis opportunity to welcome surprise party candidate and
her entire company and to extend ourheartfelt flicitations. And furthermore, Oh,
pardon me beaver. Mister Maya,where did you pick up that word beav
(22:10):
between eighteenth and nineteenth? And justice, I don't know, am I nuts.
You'd better get an answer for that, brother, you're going to hear
it all. And furthermore, inbehalf of the citizens of Omaha, I
would like to ask miss Allen afew questions about her platform. Why may
(22:33):
that? Lad's it showing? Forgetthe formality? Call me Dan? Oh
now, please, you know you'renot mot today, Dan in the radio.
Don't mind the Irana. That's allright, mister Burns. I think
she's very amusing. Okay, there'sa big way here. We can build
(22:55):
an auditorium. What is his wife? Would you give me an angle on
how to run the governments? Oh? Well, now, what did you
like day? I'm not married?Who say say he's pretty? You know
what, I'm in the White House. I'm gonna make you Secretary of the
Interiors so we can have some nextray pictures taken together place, Miss Allen.
(23:19):
If you're elected, will you bringback prosperity? Oh, Danny,
but you I do anything that's aload office mine. Miss Allen. Are
you in favor of treaties with Europeand Asia? Well, no, no,
I'd rather have treaties with children quaens, of course if you like our
meals, but personally I like much. Yes, much's very good with Europe
(23:41):
in Asia, Miss Allen. Whatdo you think of Sounder Wagner's latest proposal?
Oh? Well I turned him down. Y'all know my time ray sa
Place. After all, he's fromthere, Miss Allen. What are you
going to do about the Federal Reserve? Oh? If you like them,
Danny, I'll be glad to putup a few John w Yes. Stop
(24:02):
ways, Miss Allen. I knowyou won't have any trouble with the Senate
after you're elected, but will yoube able to manage the House? Oh,
Danny, blokey you I've even scrubbedline. I don't mind her.
Mister Maya, have you got anaspirin brother? Well, yes, I
always carry them. You'rana, wouldyou mind getting me a glass of water?
(24:23):
Oh? Gladly, you know,Gracie, this is the first time
you and I have ever been alone. Oh. So many household jobs are
terribly hard on your hands. Theylook red and sandpapery, your fingers wrasped
(24:44):
on everything you touch. But don'tgive up. You can help your hands
definitely and quickly. Even one applicationof Hades honey and almond cream leaves your
hands feeling smoother, looking softer.And don't forget right now you can save
money on Hines honey and almond creamright now, and for only a little
while longer, you can get it'sa big dollar size of Hinds Honey aumond
cream for only forty nine cents.That's super value. The dollar bottle of
Hines is always a money saving value, but now at forty nine cents,
(25:07):
it's the kind of buyer's opportunity thatyou can't miss. And in addition to
saving over fifty cents on Hines,you also get a Gracy Alan autograph.
It's on the bottle and it's detachable, ready to go into your autograph collection.
Hurry up now get Hian's autograph special. While getting is good the big
dollar size for only forty nine cents. What a bargain it is. So
go out and buy a Hindes Honeynorumond cream at half price right now,
(25:29):
while this forty nine cent special last. Well, raca boto gracefully. He's
the ten little skipper in the line. Hoo hoo. Mist Even big politicians
(25:49):
don't know one you knew rating doesn'tknow about that. Neither. They used
to voo gratfully to bring the prayeragain lightly right and the wrong. Also
keep voting all the law, myfriend, I I think so, thanks,
(26:19):
but you might be here focusing mysong. Gracy. I'll figure out,
figure out, Oh Gracy, there'ssomething you auto more. I'm for
Gracy to lead the by the Marytake hundred minutes long. That's like you
can the wrong. Would like ajudge in the cars. Thanks, although
(26:42):
Gracy, so I could be bymyself. He's learn for Gracy, then
I'll be happy on the show.If she's elected. I've been elected,
then I just say home, paysolitaire and get that silly dame. Out
of my head. I'll pain tothem and and said, if you can't
(27:15):
cut your name, you can talkto the next and you can't go wrong.
Isn't it fun? Tag it okay? Run my jars hind hand PREMI
(27:41):
only ten cents and thirty nine centseach and let me tell you they're filled
with the finest hand cream that Hindscan make. Lusty, fragrance, not
a bit sticky. Ask for Hyan'shand payment the nearest toilet goods counter and
get the Hinds lotion special to thedollar size for only forty nine cents.
What Regie say, good eye,oh good night. And I want to
thank them, but that's a thingso nice and joining in the fun.
(28:02):
And to show my appreciation there,Butler, I've got something for you,
oh Eve, the night program atCary's Rocket. See you're not gonna rain
oble, good night. All thisis swimming. Radney Speaks Tonight, Burns
and Allen Show's broadcast through Columbia's Omahastation k o I L. This is
a Columbia broadcasting system
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