February 28, 2023 • 26 mins
Mental Health Professional Tracey Moore joins us a conversation about her journey in mental health.
Tracey Moore has a passion for working with dating, engaged or married couples in identifying their relationship strengths, while gaining a better understanding of underlying dynamics needed to support growth. As an Ordained Minister, MSG Tracey Moore (Retired) provides spiritual guidance to Individuals, Couples, Families and groups in various settings.
Learn more about her podcast at www.podbean.com/justmetherapy.
Give it to the People Live is a visual and audio podcast which provides our listeners with an opportunity to meet and greet BIPOC and Women entrepreneurs and business owners, partners, and service providers. Each episode features a great conversation and insight into intriguing businesses, programs, and organizations focused on building a Growth Mindset and Mental Wealth.
Tracey Moore has a passion for working with dating, engaged or married couples in identifying their relationship strengths, while gaining a better understanding of underlying dynamics needed to support growth. As an Ordained Minister, MSG Tracey Moore (Retired) provides spiritual guidance to Individuals, Couples, Families and groups in various settings.
Learn more about her podcast at www.podbean.com/justmetherapy.
Give it to the People Live is a visual and audio podcast which provides our listeners with an opportunity to meet and greet BIPOC and Women entrepreneurs and business owners, partners, and service providers. Each episode features a great conversation and insight into intriguing businesses, programs, and organizations focused on building a Growth Mindset and Mental Wealth.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening. When you're tuned in,
you're with Lady Business and give it to the People
Radio where you're going to get enlightened, enhanced, empowered, and enriched.
Make sure that you always tune in to give it
to the People Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Good day, beautiful people. We are here today because we're
going to be talking to an amazing mental health professional
today and so I don't want to take up too
much time. I just want to bring Tracy more on
so that you can understand what she does and what
is important about mental health and of course the Just
Meet Therapy podcast. So I'm Chisa Pennix Brown. I'll be
(00:44):
your host as we explore the background to tell you
about the three different mental health professionals that bring this
podcast together. And I'm very excited for you to meet
Tracy Moore, so let's bring her on. Tracy. Hey, it's Brown.
How are you good to see you? And wonderful? Yes,
(01:05):
good to see you too. So when we talk about
mental health, what made you even get into this profession
in the first place, and then we'll dive into a
little bit of your background, But what made you say
you know what? This is the career for me, Actually,
it's one of those things that find you when you're
not looking for it. And when I when I say
(01:26):
my life kind of pushed me to here that now
that I'm here, I notice what I'm supposed to do
because I've been doing it all my life. So it
really doesn't feel like work. So it's just something I've
always done and now now it comes a little check
right now and then. But the just the pleasure is
just something that it's just something that's been a part
(01:48):
of me. So it really never feels like work and
its something I've always done professionally. That's where I'm at
now from a new career. Yes, now, just tell us
about some of your past experiences with your old career. Okay,
So I was in the military, actually joined the military
(02:09):
right after high school at eighteen and I did thirty
three years. So when I retired back in twenty eighteen,
I've just fell into the mental health I went to
school at Liberty University, so my background is in marriage
and family therapy. I got my athlete my life coaching.
(02:31):
I've been done that for about two years now. I
am licensing this year. I do my licensure for my
MFT this year, and just with the military thirty three years,
you get a whole lot of counseling and I'm thirty
three years wow, okay, And so what was it like
(02:52):
transitioning from the military and then going into the mental
health profession because one thing that I know about the
military is and then not to be on a sad
side of things, but you always see where there are
a high rate of suicide. You see that there is
a lot of PTSD that happens because of the experiences
that people go through. And so you know, I've never
(03:13):
been in the military, but having a husband whose father
was in the military, and who has a sister whose
husband is still in the military, he has a niece's
in the military now, So from that perspective, I'm used
to being, you know, around it from that way. But
for people who don't necessarily know, you know, maybe what
is some of the things that possibly said, Okay, well, look,
I'm transitioning from this and I see that people need help,
(03:35):
and what made you focus in that that particular area
as far as like marriage. So for me, it was
just an extension of what I was already doing again
for years, So with my level, I retired as a
first sergeant. I did a sergeant major roles. It's kind
(03:56):
of like the highest in the enlistic area, so you
count so day in and day, that's part of your job.
So the military itself, my give back to the military
was me coming into the mental health just from my
experience being with a family and see the impact mental
(04:16):
impact on separation or like you said, PTSD, the challenges
within the military. Again, this was just an extension and
that's probably why I did the marriage portion and the
family because the impact even on my own being separated
from my family seven years on deployment, I saw the
impact the mental impact coming back home. Saw the transition
(04:40):
of you know you at home, but you you're a
foreigner in your own home because you have to make
that mental adjustment. How your mindset is for the military's
way different to what we call civilian life. So even
making that transition coming in or going out, seeing I
was a drill sergeant for you years and seeing the
(05:01):
impact of what came in and what we had to
do to do a product going out. So always have
a good thing about family, love family. I love my family,
and just support so that that formly unit can make
or breakthrough. You know they say happy wife, happy life.
Well a husband got to be together to, the children
got to be together to just like a collective thing.
(05:24):
So move, you know, fast forward here I am. And
that's kind of like the area definitely with marriage because
of just the impact and when two together and one
can move, ten thousand and two can move a whole
lot more. Definitely. Now, I like the fact that you
it was the way that you said it. You said
something about the product, like you see what came in
(05:48):
and then you know what type of product that you
needed to turn out. And I think that that's really
a good way to look at therapy. Like the whole
point is that we're coming in with our problems and
it's not trying to say that you can solve everything
that we have as far as the issue, but that
hopefully you could maybe alleviate some of that stretch. You
could give us some things to cope or to deal with,
and so hopefully by the time that people finish, you know,
(06:10):
doing therapy with you, they are a different product. So
is that kind of how you might look at some
of your clients, like, look, let me help you, because
I know that you can be better, Oh, most definitely.
And I have this running joke within myself, like I
don't like long term relationships. So you know, life hits
everybody differently, and most of the time when you come
(06:32):
to therapy, coming because it hits you hard and it's
just so much going on and you're trying to figure
out everything at the same time. But for me, like
I feel, we all have those solutions within us and
it's just a matter of unpacking it. So if I
can help you change a perspective, you might see it
(06:52):
one way, but when you start looking at it this way,
it might not be as bad as you really think,
because all these other things that are happening might make
this feel bad. And then again, just the concept from
the military is a belief system. People come from all
walks of life, and we have to make them believe
one system. And if we can get all of them
(07:14):
people to believe these poor values, what's your pore values?
And if you believe that I'm a soldier with or
without a uniform, I'll be a social for life. And
I retired in twenty eighteen because of those core values
and what I believe in. So if I operate on
what I believe in regardless of my situation, I don't
lose sight of who I am. I mean, that's powerful,
(07:39):
you know what. I don't know if I ever really
looked at it like that from the perspective of getting
everybody to believe in the same thing. And it is
a lot when people have all these different types of
backgrounds and religions and coming from different states, speaking different languages.
You know, even if you talk about the colloquialisms and
you know, all of those type of things that you
do with jargon and you know, just grammar, it does
(08:02):
mean that you have to in a way assimilate people
to kind of understand that this is a way to
do things. And so you know, it's kind of interesting
when you put it that way. So with your clients,
getting them to kind of understand, you know, and I
would assume some of your core values, then are you know,
elicited to them, which can maybe kind of shape the
(08:23):
way that they think about things, and then just give
them a new perspective as well. Yeah, and I don't
necessarily like say, I'm not going to change my core values,
but they might not be yours. So whatever your values are,
your belief system, then that's what we move from there.
And if I don't understand it, I got to get
a better understanding. You might not even understand it, Like
(08:45):
some people choose I believe this, I'm scared of a
dog just because my mom is scared of a dog.
That don't really make you scared of a dog. So
the traditionally, and you know, we just accustomed to doing
things the way others have done it because that's what
we see, whether we agree or not. But if that's
not what I believe and I want to make a difference,
(09:05):
it's okay to choose you. And that's why I like that.
That that name just me like, if I need to
rethink or recondition what I've been used to because this
is who I am, then let me be that. And
these are my values. And I have to help support
what you believe, and now it doesn't have to match
(09:26):
my belief. I need to strengthen your belief. Make sure
you're doing what you're doing because that's what you believe,
not what others believe or they want you to believe. Yeah,
I mean I think in the way that you're doing things,
you know, especially if you talk about marriage. People were
brought up totally completely different. And you know, a person
(09:49):
may feel like being disrespected or they may feel like,
you know, this is not the way that a man
or a woman you know, is supposed to do something
because of how they were brought up. So if you
could just give us a little bit of insight when
people have this like internal conflict in their relationships, you know,
what is something that you can do to kind of
(10:10):
get them to see listen, listen to each other first, right,
and would I would imagine that that would be one
of the things, but to at least get them to
understand the other person's perspective because just you know, and
experience with things, I would imagine that a lot of
times people just aren't listening. And that's probably a bigger
part of you helping them to maybe even be better communicators.
(10:32):
And and you hit, you hit everything right on the head.
It's like, get that understanding if we respond sometimes dude,
we don't understand if I understood why you woke up
with a headache because you ate too much. You know,
you had too much sugar last night, and I know
your attitude when you when you wake up like that.
If I understand that to get that better understanding. And
(10:55):
sometimes it's just like you know, y'all both saying the
same thing. One just hollering and one one is whispering
why that person responded like that. And sometimes you know,
we go into relationships with secrets or not necessary secrets
that I don't want to tell them. This is what
happened to me when I was fourteen or fifteen. But
(11:16):
yet I'm operating based on past pain. So if you
understood that I was touched inappropriately that way, that's why
I don't like you to hug me. I'm not rejecting you.
It's just that I still haven't dealt with somebody coming
from behind me and grabbing me because it puts me
back into this place. And so now we get into
(11:36):
an argument because I feel defensive or I push you away.
If you understood that, again, I say that was one
of my triggers. We're not gonna have two or three
days when we're not speaking, or you going out to
get somebody else to feel you, because I can't feel
you right now because I'm just in my moment. So
that understanding and communication and if I can get or
(11:57):
help your other person is municating. Y'all understand the different
parts of communication, because it's not always what's coming out
of your mouth. You got a lot of nonverbal communications.
So I can look and say, oh, this is not
the time to ask that question about spending more money
when I know you are type bud you know. So
(12:17):
it's just different things. And you know, two coming in.
You got two individuals that's coming together trying to be one.
And that's kind of hard because you was brought up
a different way. He was brought up a different way.
And if y'all don't want that too, especially, I definitely
believe in pre marriage're counseling that if ahead of time
(12:40):
that hey, the dating part is over. Now when them
bills and babies come, there's on avenue. And if you
hadn't even to discuss that, how we're going to educate
our children? What religion are going to do? Do we
save money? Do we always spend? And it's different when
you start trying to bring those two things together. And
a lot of times you come in with a lot
of expectations, Oh they should have known, but what if
(13:01):
they need know? And again, help me to understand why
you act like that, why you spend a lot of money?
You know, yeah, and you know this situation that you're
bringing up, I have a friend that is in a
situation that's like almost completely mirrors that, and I'm sitting
here listening, Like you know, I think that a lot
of times people don't recognize that they actually do need counseling,
(13:25):
but they continue to argue, and they might think they
arguing is just a regular thing. And so a lot
of times I would say, do you find that the
men or the women are the one to reach out
a little bit more when it comes to recognizing that
there is an issue and that they're going to take
the step to actually talk to a therapist. For me,
(13:47):
it all depends on what month it is. You know,
if it's February and you don't get what you want,
then I'm going to get more calls just to me.
It's like the women are more aggravated, you know, around
the things where oh he failed to do something. For
the men, they when they get tired of fighting or
(14:08):
tired of arguing, it depends on what their limit is
they reach out. So I've had women med it doesn't matter,
but I've even had something like can I do this
fill out this application? For her? No, it's no secret,
she gotta know she comeing to therapy. And yeah, so
a lot of times if one person might be ready
(14:32):
and the other person is not ready for me, that's
still okay. They're not ready for couple counseling. But you
are individuals being up as part of a couple. So
you still can go and get individual help because guess what,
when you change, they have to change because you give
them a different response. Because if you're always yelling, they're
(14:53):
gonna yell back. But the moment you don't yell, how
do I respond? And not yelling because I'm used to
you coming to me. So if you you start making
your own individual changes and like say, stop pointing a
finger that way to see, Okay, what am I contributing?
What things can I do or not do? What issues
do I have? And again a lot of those things
we project on our partner, but it's really some internal
(15:17):
pains and things that we really hadn't done dealt with.
And if we fix those, man, that man and that
woman be like, well, I'm so glad you finally talked
to somebody about that. Yeah. Yeah, but I think that
you bring up an excellent point. You know, even if
you are a couple, you still have to realize that
you are an individual person and you recognizing that there's
(15:38):
something wrong with you and needing to get therapy, needing
to get help, needing to have that consultation like that
can make a whole lot of difference because I think
oftentimes people just don't see somebody else's perspective, or you
have people that it's not going to make a difference,
like they're always right, and then sometimes you need that
objective eye that you're able to give them in order
(16:00):
to let them see where you know, you might really
not be right. You know, this may be a different avenue,
or maybe even if they are right, but maybe it's
the approach, is the tone, then maybe you can give
them some type of other options to be able to
express themselves that would work for their partner, because I
think that oftentimes sometimes people are just reckless with their mouth. Definitely, yeah,
(16:27):
and that's the problem for a lot of people. I
think maybe more people would be more receptive if somebody
wasn't so combative, you know, or so defensive, and then
you teaching them how to do that as individuals, do
you find like after a person does the individual counseling
that you know, they start to make those changes and
then they are able to transition into couple's counseling. Oh,
(16:51):
it's highly recommend it at least if you come and
talk to me, because a lot of times within couples counseling,
they try to resolve individual issues. So I have a
couple come to me because we're having marriage issues, my
focus is on their marriage issues. Within that content, if
(17:14):
I can see like, okay, you might need help here,
my recommendation is you need to go do individual counseling,
and the things that your individual counselor works on, when
you bring it back within the couple's counseling, you'll see
that difference again, like if it's that attitude, if it's procrastination, whatever,
those things that are working individually. So now we can
(17:36):
get this household unit to operate as one and you
still have individualism, but you get that addressed on the outside.
And that is most most definitely highly recommended because that's
what it is. It's like you're doing individual counseling here
and here trying to bring them together to go as
(17:57):
one with the same goals with the Again, if you
wanted to marry yourself, you wouldn't have married somebody else.
That's why you should always you should always be you. You know,
I don't like how we mimic, Like what happens at
one sixty five should be happening at one sixty nine.
(18:19):
Separate people live over there. So it's good you might
have it. Can take some advice, but you got to
know what works for you. And again, really look within,
is it me or is it him? Is it him
or her? Or is it me? And if I can
address me, then what you gotta deal with? Baby? You
go do you? So when we come together, we can
(18:41):
do us. Yeah. Now, I really I love the idea
of being able to just understand what you need individually
and then you also need as a couple because they
may not necessarily be the same things, and then being
able to just make that work. And I think if
more people would take the approach your providing, it would
(19:02):
keep a lot of marriages together. Now, have you noticed
like some changes in the types of issues that people
have come to you with since COVID happened, Because you know,
there was a higher divorce rate during that time frame.
People were actually able to see well, you know, I
really don't like this person that much. You know, I
really don't want this anymore because they were together more.
(19:24):
But have there been any other type of behavioral changes
or things that maybe have been trends since that timeframe?
For me, the the issues are still the same. Now,
you just faced with your issues. Without COVID, you had
an escape. You didn't know that your husband was like
this or your wife was really anique free, you know,
(19:46):
like you can't do nothing, you know, so but now
you get you get forced to deal with and it's like,
I don't want to do I don't want all this.
This is too much, and so now it's like, but
I've never changed. You just never really seen a part
of me. And coming together, you really got to see
you really smell the breath in the morning. You really
(20:08):
was like, do I really have to cook again? You know,
working from home, and then all of the noise and
the children. You got to learn a new math, all
of that. That's a lot. So now it's more like
being overwhelmed and stressed out was there before COVID. Now
you just handled it more because again you didn't. We
lost our outlets when COVID happened. You got forced to
(20:30):
come into a box that you wasn't familiar, but it
was like visiting. Now you had to live there. You
had the liber hall all day. You couldn't go to
the boys, you couldn't go out with the girls. You
had to deal with this and it's something you wasn't
accustomed to, so now you got to learn a new Well,
I think it, I mean, honestly, I think it depends,
(20:51):
of course who you were or who you are, because
people may have changed in that timeframe, but just being
able to still have that outlet, how do you feel
like basically the telemedicine has been able to help more
people because if you couldn't come to the office, you
were still able to consult with your clients, either over
the phone or online as well. Right, Yes, so I
(21:14):
love telehealth. Telehealth is not for everyone, depending on what
your concern is. So if you got you know, this
is a busy body and you can't focus, telehealth ain't
gonna be good. A child is highly recommended that they
come in office because of that attention span and they
(21:35):
overwhelmed with the zoom stuff, so you get you get
a break. A lot of people didn't like coming into
the office because the stigma of I'm not going into counseling.
So tell Health allowed you to have that privacy at
your own home and nobody got to know. You know
that you got an appointment today, so you're head home.
(21:56):
So I think it was like, okay, y'all, maybe I'll
reach out now because nobody hall see me, but I
can get the help that I needed. So I love it.
And it saves on gas. It does save one gas.
It definitely saves on gas. Well, I think that you know,
just the things that you've expressed have definitely give us
a lot of insight. I definitely see now why you
(22:20):
specifically focus with the family and the marriage unit because
it is an important thing. And when we talk about
just being able to continually build, having a happy home
does make you know anything else that's going on in
the world a lot easier to deal with because a
lot of people go home to unhappy places. So if
the world outside is unhappy and then you got to
(22:41):
come home to an unhappy place, you know, that's a
miserable situation. So just being able to at least have
a place that is like a respite for you to
be able to say, look, I can kind of control
some of the things that go on, I can be nice,
I can have a nice situation. I think that that's
to me one of the things that you're able to
help people understand because it's always going to be some
(23:02):
craziness going on, but the part of therapy that you're
providing gives them ways to be in accordance right and
in alignment with each other. So I love that right now.
Is there anything you'd like to leave people with, like
as a note for them to consider coming to a
(23:23):
mental health professional when in that check it out? If
it's just if you sit there and you got to
keep questioning yourself, like, man, should I go, Like I
think something wrong with me? I have this? Then you
go because you can go for free consultations just to
talk and then say, well you can even online. It's
(23:44):
like different assessments that you can take, like stress or whatever,
and if you score high on one of those assessments,
then just go talk to somebody, whether it's a therapist
or your primary care to be like, look, I have
a lot going on. What you recommend and some medication
is not for everybody. But that's self talk and just
being able to get some of those things off of
(24:06):
your chest and out of your mind is a stressful ye.
As a stressfuliever, whether it's a therapist or a best friend,
you need to get it out so win in doubt,
just check it out. Yeah, And I mean that's one
of the reasons why you guys started the podcast in
the first place, to be able to help people. And
so what would you say is your favorite? You know,
like moment so far and doing the just Me therapy podcasts,
(24:30):
the favorite episode the moment when we actually was like
in the park. I like getting out in the community
and meeting people and just seeing seeing you and allowing
them to see me and my true self. You know,
I think you should be true to yourself with whoever
you are, whatever you are, to always be you and
(24:50):
if you can talk from that basis, not trying to
be anybody else. And I just love to connect. When
we were out in the park, oh, I love that. Now.
That was just so just to meet and really see
the faces. And we got some feedback like whether it
helped or not or yeah, I'm interested in that. So
that that's just amazing to me. I like, I like
the connect, I like the connect. I love that all right, Well,
(25:11):
Tracy I want to thank you so much for sharing
your time with us and giving us some insight into
you know, your way of doing therapy, and then also
just telling us to really be ourselves at every moment
that we could possibly be ourselves because we can't really
be anybody else. So I'm already taken what I'm playing like.
That's that's what people really need to know, and so
(25:32):
they don't need to put on any airrors when they
come to therapy. Be yourself and bring your full self
to therapy. And most definitely because you don't get in here.
It's just and I love that realness, you know that.
All right, Well, thank you so much, and we're going
to end this episode. But now you can check out
Tracy and then you can continue to listen to the
Just Meet Therapy podcasts and just go to just Meethapy
(25:54):
dot com and you will be able to listen to
past episodes and new episodes are coming soon. All right,
this is a bye, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Thank you so much for listening to give it to
the people radio. Make sure that you follow us online
at Ladybusiness dot com. L A D Y B I
Z N E s S. We look forward to helping
you grow, sustain and maintain your business.
Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening. When you're tuned in,
you're with Lady Business and give it to the People
Radio where you're going to get enlightened, enhanced, empowered, and enriched.
Make sure that you always tune in to give it
to the People Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Good day, beautiful people. We are here today because we're
going to be talking to an amazing mental health professional
today and so I don't want to take up too
much time. I just want to bring Tracy more on
so that you can understand what she does and what
is important about mental health and of course the Just
Meet Therapy podcast. So I'm Chisa Pennix Brown. I'll be
(00:44):
your host as we explore the background to tell you
about the three different mental health professionals that bring this
podcast together. And I'm very excited for you to meet
Tracy Moore, so let's bring her on. Tracy. Hey, it's Brown.
How are you good to see you? And wonderful? Yes,
(01:05):
good to see you too. So when we talk about
mental health, what made you even get into this profession
in the first place, and then we'll dive into a
little bit of your background, But what made you say
you know what? This is the career for me, Actually,
it's one of those things that find you when you're
not looking for it. And when I when I say
(01:26):
my life kind of pushed me to here that now
that I'm here, I notice what I'm supposed to do
because I've been doing it all my life. So it
really doesn't feel like work. So it's just something I've
always done and now now it comes a little check
right now and then. But the just the pleasure is
just something that it's just something that's been a part
(01:48):
of me. So it really never feels like work and
its something I've always done professionally. That's where I'm at
now from a new career. Yes, now, just tell us
about some of your past experiences with your old career. Okay,
So I was in the military, actually joined the military
(02:09):
right after high school at eighteen and I did thirty
three years. So when I retired back in twenty eighteen,
I've just fell into the mental health I went to
school at Liberty University, so my background is in marriage
and family therapy. I got my athlete my life coaching.
(02:31):
I've been done that for about two years now. I
am licensing this year. I do my licensure for my
MFT this year, and just with the military thirty three years,
you get a whole lot of counseling and I'm thirty
three years wow, okay, And so what was it like
(02:52):
transitioning from the military and then going into the mental
health profession because one thing that I know about the
military is and then not to be on a sad
side of things, but you always see where there are
a high rate of suicide. You see that there is
a lot of PTSD that happens because of the experiences
that people go through. And so you know, I've never
(03:13):
been in the military, but having a husband whose father
was in the military, and who has a sister whose
husband is still in the military, he has a niece's
in the military now, So from that perspective, I'm used
to being, you know, around it from that way. But
for people who don't necessarily know, you know, maybe what
is some of the things that possibly said, Okay, well, look,
I'm transitioning from this and I see that people need help,
(03:35):
and what made you focus in that that particular area
as far as like marriage. So for me, it was
just an extension of what I was already doing again
for years, So with my level, I retired as a
first sergeant. I did a sergeant major roles. It's kind
(03:56):
of like the highest in the enlistic area, so you
count so day in and day, that's part of your job.
So the military itself, my give back to the military
was me coming into the mental health just from my
experience being with a family and see the impact mental
(04:16):
impact on separation or like you said, PTSD, the challenges
within the military. Again, this was just an extension and
that's probably why I did the marriage portion and the
family because the impact even on my own being separated
from my family seven years on deployment, I saw the
impact the mental impact coming back home. Saw the transition
(04:40):
of you know you at home, but you you're a
foreigner in your own home because you have to make
that mental adjustment. How your mindset is for the military's
way different to what we call civilian life. So even
making that transition coming in or going out, seeing I
was a drill sergeant for you years and seeing the
(05:01):
impact of what came in and what we had to
do to do a product going out. So always have
a good thing about family, love family. I love my family,
and just support so that that formly unit can make
or breakthrough. You know they say happy wife, happy life.
Well a husband got to be together to, the children
got to be together to just like a collective thing.
(05:24):
So move, you know, fast forward here I am. And
that's kind of like the area definitely with marriage because
of just the impact and when two together and one
can move, ten thousand and two can move a whole
lot more. Definitely. Now, I like the fact that you
it was the way that you said it. You said
something about the product, like you see what came in
(05:48):
and then you know what type of product that you
needed to turn out. And I think that that's really
a good way to look at therapy. Like the whole
point is that we're coming in with our problems and
it's not trying to say that you can solve everything
that we have as far as the issue, but that
hopefully you could maybe alleviate some of that stretch. You
could give us some things to cope or to deal with,
and so hopefully by the time that people finish, you know,
(06:10):
doing therapy with you, they are a different product. So
is that kind of how you might look at some
of your clients, like, look, let me help you, because
I know that you can be better, Oh, most definitely.
And I have this running joke within myself, like I
don't like long term relationships. So you know, life hits
everybody differently, and most of the time when you come
(06:32):
to therapy, coming because it hits you hard and it's
just so much going on and you're trying to figure
out everything at the same time. But for me, like
I feel, we all have those solutions within us and
it's just a matter of unpacking it. So if I
can help you change a perspective, you might see it
(06:52):
one way, but when you start looking at it this way,
it might not be as bad as you really think,
because all these other things that are happening might make
this feel bad. And then again, just the concept from
the military is a belief system. People come from all
walks of life, and we have to make them believe
one system. And if we can get all of them
(07:14):
people to believe these poor values, what's your pore values?
And if you believe that I'm a soldier with or
without a uniform, I'll be a social for life. And
I retired in twenty eighteen because of those core values
and what I believe in. So if I operate on
what I believe in regardless of my situation, I don't
lose sight of who I am. I mean, that's powerful,
(07:39):
you know what. I don't know if I ever really
looked at it like that from the perspective of getting
everybody to believe in the same thing. And it is
a lot when people have all these different types of
backgrounds and religions and coming from different states, speaking different languages.
You know, even if you talk about the colloquialisms and
you know, all of those type of things that you
do with jargon and you know, just grammar, it does
(08:02):
mean that you have to in a way assimilate people
to kind of understand that this is a way to
do things. And so you know, it's kind of interesting
when you put it that way. So with your clients,
getting them to kind of understand, you know, and I
would assume some of your core values, then are you know,
elicited to them, which can maybe kind of shape the
(08:23):
way that they think about things, and then just give
them a new perspective as well. Yeah, and I don't
necessarily like say, I'm not going to change my core values,
but they might not be yours. So whatever your values are,
your belief system, then that's what we move from there.
And if I don't understand it, I got to get
a better understanding. You might not even understand it, Like
(08:45):
some people choose I believe this, I'm scared of a
dog just because my mom is scared of a dog.
That don't really make you scared of a dog. So
the traditionally, and you know, we just accustomed to doing
things the way others have done it because that's what
we see, whether we agree or not. But if that's
not what I believe and I want to make a difference,
(09:05):
it's okay to choose you. And that's why I like that.
That that name just me like, if I need to
rethink or recondition what I've been used to because this
is who I am, then let me be that. And
these are my values. And I have to help support
what you believe, and now it doesn't have to match
(09:26):
my belief. I need to strengthen your belief. Make sure
you're doing what you're doing because that's what you believe,
not what others believe or they want you to believe. Yeah,
I mean I think in the way that you're doing things,
you know, especially if you talk about marriage. People were
brought up totally completely different. And you know, a person
(09:49):
may feel like being disrespected or they may feel like,
you know, this is not the way that a man
or a woman you know, is supposed to do something
because of how they were brought up. So if you
could just give us a little bit of insight when
people have this like internal conflict in their relationships, you know,
what is something that you can do to kind of
(10:10):
get them to see listen, listen to each other first, right,
and would I would imagine that that would be one
of the things, but to at least get them to
understand the other person's perspective because just you know, and
experience with things, I would imagine that a lot of
times people just aren't listening. And that's probably a bigger
part of you helping them to maybe even be better communicators.
(10:32):
And and you hit, you hit everything right on the head.
It's like, get that understanding if we respond sometimes dude,
we don't understand if I understood why you woke up
with a headache because you ate too much. You know,
you had too much sugar last night, and I know
your attitude when you when you wake up like that.
If I understand that to get that better understanding. And
(10:55):
sometimes it's just like you know, y'all both saying the
same thing. One just hollering and one one is whispering
why that person responded like that. And sometimes you know,
we go into relationships with secrets or not necessary secrets
that I don't want to tell them. This is what
happened to me when I was fourteen or fifteen. But
(11:16):
yet I'm operating based on past pain. So if you
understood that I was touched inappropriately that way, that's why
I don't like you to hug me. I'm not rejecting you.
It's just that I still haven't dealt with somebody coming
from behind me and grabbing me because it puts me
back into this place. And so now we get into
(11:36):
an argument because I feel defensive or I push you away.
If you understood that, again, I say that was one
of my triggers. We're not gonna have two or three
days when we're not speaking, or you going out to
get somebody else to feel you, because I can't feel
you right now because I'm just in my moment. So
that understanding and communication and if I can get or
(11:57):
help your other person is municating. Y'all understand the different
parts of communication, because it's not always what's coming out
of your mouth. You got a lot of nonverbal communications.
So I can look and say, oh, this is not
the time to ask that question about spending more money
when I know you are type bud you know. So
(12:17):
it's just different things. And you know, two coming in.
You got two individuals that's coming together trying to be one.
And that's kind of hard because you was brought up
a different way. He was brought up a different way.
And if y'all don't want that too, especially, I definitely
believe in pre marriage're counseling that if ahead of time
(12:40):
that hey, the dating part is over. Now when them
bills and babies come, there's on avenue. And if you
hadn't even to discuss that, how we're going to educate
our children? What religion are going to do? Do we
save money? Do we always spend? And it's different when
you start trying to bring those two things together. And
a lot of times you come in with a lot
of expectations, Oh they should have known, but what if
(13:01):
they need know? And again, help me to understand why
you act like that, why you spend a lot of money?
You know, yeah, and you know this situation that you're
bringing up, I have a friend that is in a
situation that's like almost completely mirrors that, and I'm sitting
here listening, Like you know, I think that a lot
of times people don't recognize that they actually do need counseling,
(13:25):
but they continue to argue, and they might think they
arguing is just a regular thing. And so a lot
of times I would say, do you find that the
men or the women are the one to reach out
a little bit more when it comes to recognizing that
there is an issue and that they're going to take
the step to actually talk to a therapist. For me,
(13:47):
it all depends on what month it is. You know,
if it's February and you don't get what you want,
then I'm going to get more calls just to me.
It's like the women are more aggravated, you know, around
the things where oh he failed to do something. For
the men, they when they get tired of fighting or
(14:08):
tired of arguing, it depends on what their limit is
they reach out. So I've had women med it doesn't matter,
but I've even had something like can I do this
fill out this application? For her? No, it's no secret,
she gotta know she comeing to therapy. And yeah, so
a lot of times if one person might be ready
(14:32):
and the other person is not ready for me, that's
still okay. They're not ready for couple counseling. But you
are individuals being up as part of a couple. So
you still can go and get individual help because guess what,
when you change, they have to change because you give
them a different response. Because if you're always yelling, they're
(14:53):
gonna yell back. But the moment you don't yell, how
do I respond? And not yelling because I'm used to
you coming to me. So if you you start making
your own individual changes and like say, stop pointing a
finger that way to see, Okay, what am I contributing?
What things can I do or not do? What issues
do I have? And again a lot of those things
we project on our partner, but it's really some internal
(15:17):
pains and things that we really hadn't done dealt with.
And if we fix those, man, that man and that
woman be like, well, I'm so glad you finally talked
to somebody about that. Yeah. Yeah, but I think that
you bring up an excellent point. You know, even if
you are a couple, you still have to realize that
you are an individual person and you recognizing that there's
(15:38):
something wrong with you and needing to get therapy, needing
to get help, needing to have that consultation like that
can make a whole lot of difference because I think
oftentimes people just don't see somebody else's perspective, or you
have people that it's not going to make a difference,
like they're always right, and then sometimes you need that
objective eye that you're able to give them in order
(16:00):
to let them see where you know, you might really
not be right. You know, this may be a different avenue,
or maybe even if they are right, but maybe it's
the approach, is the tone, then maybe you can give
them some type of other options to be able to
express themselves that would work for their partner, because I
think that oftentimes sometimes people are just reckless with their mouth. Definitely, yeah,
(16:27):
and that's the problem for a lot of people. I
think maybe more people would be more receptive if somebody
wasn't so combative, you know, or so defensive, and then
you teaching them how to do that as individuals, do
you find like after a person does the individual counseling
that you know, they start to make those changes and
then they are able to transition into couple's counseling. Oh,
(16:51):
it's highly recommend it at least if you come and
talk to me, because a lot of times within couples counseling,
they try to resolve individual issues. So I have a
couple come to me because we're having marriage issues, my
focus is on their marriage issues. Within that content, if
(17:14):
I can see like, okay, you might need help here,
my recommendation is you need to go do individual counseling,
and the things that your individual counselor works on, when
you bring it back within the couple's counseling, you'll see
that difference again, like if it's that attitude, if it's procrastination, whatever,
those things that are working individually. So now we can
(17:36):
get this household unit to operate as one and you
still have individualism, but you get that addressed on the outside.
And that is most most definitely highly recommended because that's
what it is. It's like you're doing individual counseling here
and here trying to bring them together to go as
(17:57):
one with the same goals with the Again, if you
wanted to marry yourself, you wouldn't have married somebody else.
That's why you should always you should always be you. You know,
I don't like how we mimic, Like what happens at
one sixty five should be happening at one sixty nine.
(18:19):
Separate people live over there. So it's good you might
have it. Can take some advice, but you got to
know what works for you. And again, really look within,
is it me or is it him? Is it him
or her? Or is it me? And if I can
address me, then what you gotta deal with? Baby? You
go do you? So when we come together, we can
(18:41):
do us. Yeah. Now, I really I love the idea
of being able to just understand what you need individually
and then you also need as a couple because they
may not necessarily be the same things, and then being
able to just make that work. And I think if
more people would take the approach your providing, it would
(19:02):
keep a lot of marriages together. Now, have you noticed
like some changes in the types of issues that people
have come to you with since COVID happened, Because you know,
there was a higher divorce rate during that time frame.
People were actually able to see well, you know, I
really don't like this person that much. You know, I
really don't want this anymore because they were together more.
(19:24):
But have there been any other type of behavioral changes
or things that maybe have been trends since that timeframe?
For me, the the issues are still the same. Now,
you just faced with your issues. Without COVID, you had
an escape. You didn't know that your husband was like
this or your wife was really anique free, you know,
(19:46):
like you can't do nothing, you know, so but now
you get you get forced to deal with and it's like,
I don't want to do I don't want all this.
This is too much, and so now it's like, but
I've never changed. You just never really seen a part
of me. And coming together, you really got to see
you really smell the breath in the morning. You really
(20:08):
was like, do I really have to cook again? You know,
working from home, and then all of the noise and
the children. You got to learn a new math, all
of that. That's a lot. So now it's more like
being overwhelmed and stressed out was there before COVID. Now
you just handled it more because again you didn't. We
lost our outlets when COVID happened. You got forced to
(20:30):
come into a box that you wasn't familiar, but it
was like visiting. Now you had to live there. You
had the liber hall all day. You couldn't go to
the boys, you couldn't go out with the girls. You
had to deal with this and it's something you wasn't
accustomed to, so now you got to learn a new Well,
I think it, I mean, honestly, I think it depends,
(20:51):
of course who you were or who you are, because
people may have changed in that timeframe, but just being
able to still have that outlet, how do you feel
like basically the telemedicine has been able to help more
people because if you couldn't come to the office, you
were still able to consult with your clients, either over
the phone or online as well. Right, Yes, so I
(21:14):
love telehealth. Telehealth is not for everyone, depending on what
your concern is. So if you got you know, this
is a busy body and you can't focus, telehealth ain't
gonna be good. A child is highly recommended that they
come in office because of that attention span and they
(21:35):
overwhelmed with the zoom stuff, so you get you get
a break. A lot of people didn't like coming into
the office because the stigma of I'm not going into counseling.
So tell Health allowed you to have that privacy at
your own home and nobody got to know. You know
that you got an appointment today, so you're head home.
(21:56):
So I think it was like, okay, y'all, maybe I'll
reach out now because nobody hall see me, but I
can get the help that I needed. So I love it.
And it saves on gas. It does save one gas.
It definitely saves on gas. Well, I think that you know,
just the things that you've expressed have definitely give us
a lot of insight. I definitely see now why you
(22:20):
specifically focus with the family and the marriage unit because
it is an important thing. And when we talk about
just being able to continually build, having a happy home
does make you know anything else that's going on in
the world a lot easier to deal with because a
lot of people go home to unhappy places. So if
the world outside is unhappy and then you got to
(22:41):
come home to an unhappy place, you know, that's a
miserable situation. So just being able to at least have
a place that is like a respite for you to
be able to say, look, I can kind of control
some of the things that go on, I can be nice,
I can have a nice situation. I think that that's
to me one of the things that you're able to
help people understand because it's always going to be some
(23:02):
craziness going on, but the part of therapy that you're
providing gives them ways to be in accordance right and
in alignment with each other. So I love that right now.
Is there anything you'd like to leave people with, like
as a note for them to consider coming to a
(23:23):
mental health professional when in that check it out? If
it's just if you sit there and you got to
keep questioning yourself, like, man, should I go, Like I
think something wrong with me? I have this? Then you
go because you can go for free consultations just to
talk and then say, well you can even online. It's
(23:44):
like different assessments that you can take, like stress or whatever,
and if you score high on one of those assessments,
then just go talk to somebody, whether it's a therapist
or your primary care to be like, look, I have
a lot going on. What you recommend and some medication
is not for everybody. But that's self talk and just
being able to get some of those things off of
(24:06):
your chest and out of your mind is a stressful ye.
As a stressfuliever, whether it's a therapist or a best friend,
you need to get it out so win in doubt,
just check it out. Yeah, And I mean that's one
of the reasons why you guys started the podcast in
the first place, to be able to help people. And
so what would you say is your favorite? You know,
like moment so far and doing the just Me therapy podcasts,
(24:30):
the favorite episode the moment when we actually was like
in the park. I like getting out in the community
and meeting people and just seeing seeing you and allowing
them to see me and my true self. You know,
I think you should be true to yourself with whoever
you are, whatever you are, to always be you and
(24:50):
if you can talk from that basis, not trying to
be anybody else. And I just love to connect. When
we were out in the park, oh, I love that. Now.
That was just so just to meet and really see
the faces. And we got some feedback like whether it
helped or not or yeah, I'm interested in that. So
that that's just amazing to me. I like, I like
the connect, I like the connect. I love that all right, Well,
(25:11):
Tracy I want to thank you so much for sharing
your time with us and giving us some insight into
you know, your way of doing therapy, and then also
just telling us to really be ourselves at every moment
that we could possibly be ourselves because we can't really
be anybody else. So I'm already taken what I'm playing like.
That's that's what people really need to know, and so
(25:32):
they don't need to put on any airrors when they
come to therapy. Be yourself and bring your full self
to therapy. And most definitely because you don't get in here.
It's just and I love that realness, you know that.
All right, Well, thank you so much, and we're going
to end this episode. But now you can check out
Tracy and then you can continue to listen to the
Just Meet Therapy podcasts and just go to just Meethapy
(25:54):
dot com and you will be able to listen to
past episodes and new episodes are coming soon. All right,
this is a bye, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Thank you so much for listening to give it to
the people radio. Make sure that you follow us online
at Ladybusiness dot com. L A D Y B I
Z N E s S. We look forward to helping
you grow, sustain and maintain your business.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!