April 4, 2023 • 29 mins
Give it to the People Live is a visual and audio podcast which provides our listeners with an opportunity to meet and greet BIPOC and Women entrepreneurs and business owners, partners, and service providers. Each episode features a great conversation and insight into intriguing businesses, programs, and organizations focused on building a Growth Mindset and Mental Wealth.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. When you're tuned in,
you're with Lady Business and give it to the People
Radio where you're going to get enlightened, enhanced, empowered and enriched.
Make sure that you always tune in to give it
to the People Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
All right, welcome back. We are here to give you.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
All the good things that you need about the Just
Meet Therapy podcast. And so what we're doing is we're
interviewing each one of the three mental health professionals that
is a part of this podcast that helps make this
podcast so wonderful and just kind of giving a little
insight about who they are and the type of therapy
that they do. But this way, you know who these
ladies are. And so I'm going to bring on today
(00:44):
Sharena Smith.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
So Sharena, how are you, darling? I'm good, Thank you
so much. Yes, okay, so you look beautiful. I'm one
in here with a little child face. All right.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
So when we talk about therapy, right, and you know,
just thinking about you've been a therapist for a while,
you've been doing mental health for a while, but what
got you into this profession in the first place. I've
always knew that my calling was to help people. I
(01:16):
come and I also come from a background where we
were conditioned to serve, So that's time to the field.
And also I have a lot of previous experiences as
it relates to life where it has taught me and
brought me to this space now as it relates to
being a mental health therapist. Now, when you talk about
(01:40):
just some of that experience and you know, just looking
at that, is there a specific area that you focus
on and what made you focus on that area for therapy?
So the specific area I've focused on is my tonal health,
and that is working with women that have different types
(02:01):
of concerns as it relates to women concerns in general,
and also have a background as it.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Relates to a doula.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
So basically, as a doodler, what I do is I
coach women and delivering babies. So I have a lot
of experience as it relates to helping women get through
day to day experiences as it relates to difficulty and
also different type society stressors that they may experience. Okay, now,
would that be things like even people who are having
(02:32):
issues getting pregnant or like any type of disease kind
of things like maybe I can't think of the word
that I'm looking for, but like autoimmune diseases, because I
would imagine that that's something where a lot of women
wouldn't want to come to therapy, you know when they
have that. Would that be kind of like some of
the ideas and the concepts that you cover. Yeah, So
(02:52):
basically different types of health concerns can it can cause
women to not become pregnant. Also genetic concerns, environmental concerns
as it relates to different types of stresses that they
may encounter, and also their thoughts, their thought pattern can
affect them as it relates to get impregnant. So there's
(03:14):
a lot of concerns that may cause concerns as it
elects to women not being able to have carry babies
throughout the whole course. And also atheris it could be
very difficult for women. And I have my own personal
experience also because I lost five.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Kids oh wow, you miscarriage in early delivery before I
was blessed with the two that I have now.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
So I know that there are a variety of concerns
that can cause women to have difficulty as it relates
to not being able to have kids. But on the
flip side. You know, this is my spiritual belief. This
is just me as it relates to our therapy platform
(04:04):
regarding just Me podcasts. I utilize my faith a lot
as it relates to moving through difficulty and also meeting
women where they are. Yeah, and I think that that's
an important thing because a lot of times in therapy,
people think that they're supposed to just pop in and
poof one, two sessions and they're done and now they're
healed and everything is good, and it's not reality. So
(04:27):
when a person is saying, look, I'm thinking about coming
to therapy and you mentioned faith in there, one of
the things that I know that.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
You are passionate about is a serenity prayer.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
So can you give us a little background on that,
and then how do you utilize faith in your practice.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Of being able to help people with their mental health?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Okay, so, first of all, when it comes to my
faith as a therapist, you're not supposed to project your
type of religious beliefs on your clients.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
That is unethical for us to do. So what.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
The way I do things is make sure that I'm
grounded as it relates to the information that I provide
to my consumers without as I said before, projecting my
religious belief on people. So when I think of the
sen Serenity prayer, that definds my mindset as a therapist
(05:21):
and also as a woman. That prayer, it was created
by Winford kring Wiggle and it was that was an
early version version that was written in nineteen thirty three
and an updated version that was attributed to Wren Hall
Never in nineteen forty three. And that prayer defines like
(05:43):
really letting go of situations. Because what I find is
when it comes to me and a lot of women
that I serve, you know, we hold on to a
lot of things that are beyond our control.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Yes, you definitely, yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
And when we do that, we're pretty much setting ourselves up.
So with the prayer I was going to, with the prayer,
you know, when you're looking at it, it says, God,
grant me the serenity to accept the things that I
cannot change.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Right, And so what does that mean to you?
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Relinquish and control, you know, really not allow myself to
be in control of all situations.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
And what happens is.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Whenever you do that, when you relinquish control on yourself,
not to be hurt because what happens is is that
when you attempt to be in control, you're hurting yourself
because what you're doing is you're projecting your beliefs from
other people. And so what I learned is I am
(06:51):
me and you are you, and what you want may
not be what I want. So I have to support
you as it relates to where you are and you
know what, I have to accept that.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
So that is.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
What I mean as it relates to you know, accepting things.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
That I you know I can't change.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
And then the next part is and this is I
think my favorite part, the courage to change the things
that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
So what does that part mean to you?
Speaker 1 (07:24):
So basically, when it comes to that, I don't depend
on my own strength as it relates to have encourage,
because if I depend on my own strength, that means
that I'm depending on me and when I do that,
that means I'm depending on my flesh as it relates
(07:47):
to really doing things, and you can't do that because
when it comes to your emotions and your strength, it
changes all the time. So I have to depend on
a higher power as it relates to give me the
wisdom to know that his courage is with me and
(08:07):
I can change things with his assistance. He gives me
the wisdom, and then the next part is living one
day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time. Now,
for me, I would say, if I were to try
to relate this, everybody is so into their phones now, right,
and so when you look at that, it probably is
(08:29):
a major factor in why people are even coming to
therapy now and comparing themselves to other people and looking
at what other people are doing, and you know, maybe
they're not enjoying those moments at a time, but how
do you interpret that? So living one day at a time,
it's like really remaining in the present. And while we
(08:49):
remaining in the present, that really helps us out a
lot because of what it does is it boosts our memory,
It increased our focus. It also reduces stress, it helps
navigate our emotions, and it also helps us as it
(09:11):
relates to controlling our thoughts. But lastly, showing your self
kindness by not allowing yourself to be on overload. So
we need to really think about and this is what
I do at a time is live one day at
a time and enjoy one moment at a time, because that's.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
All I can control.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
I would imagine that sometimes even if people are really
trying to do that, that that can be something that
can be difficult. So being able to help them cope
with that and allow them to understand that, you know,
you can just focus on today as opposed to worrying
about the next day.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Because to me, a lot of the reason to go
to therapy.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Is to try to get your mind focused, right, like
to stay in a path where you can achieve something
and you know, you want to have an ending result
and you want.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
To feel better, right.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
And I always say, you know, the therapy is not
going to solve every problem, but it can definitely help
you to feel better. And sometimes I think people just
have to listen to, you know, the advice that you're
giving in order for them to understand why they even
feel bad in the first place. And you know, just
living in that moment makes sense. And then the next
part of it is accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.
(10:23):
Like to me, when we're talking about that, it seems like,
you know, bad things are going to happen, Like no
matter how much therapy you get, no matter how great
things are going, there can always be something bad that
will happen.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
But you know, how do you interpret that?
Speaker 1 (10:39):
So, yeah, you're right, So we have to recognize that
life bring bad things and as we discussed earlier, a
lot of bad things that happen, they're not in our control.
So what I tell people is is that you have
to move through the process because us, when you move
(11:00):
through the process, there's another side, because trouble does not
last all always, and also feeling bad does not last always.
So I tell people, and I try to tell myself,
is welcome the hardships. Welcome, Welcome them into your life
because the more you move towards them, the less anxiety
(11:22):
that you have, and it does get better in time.
And that's what therapy has assisted a lot of people with,
you know, with helping them move through the process and
us being therapist helping them move through the process with grace.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Now, even though I know you said, you know, you
can't push your religion on anybody, and I understand that.
And you know, one of the things I can say
that I've always hated is before I found what you know,
what I do for my religious beliefs, you know, I
hate it when people would always try to make you
do something like make you go to church, make you,
you know, listen to them because all of a sudden
(12:02):
they found God or you know whatever. And it was
always like a person wanted to preach to you. And
I understand that people kind of want you to be
on one accord with them, but I think that you
just have to kind of find things on your own.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
So you know, when I said in the beginning, your.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Faith, regardless of religion, your faith still kind of guides
you into how you deal with people, right, And so
that has nothing to do with religion.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
It is this is this is what I believe.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
And that's, you know, one of the things that can
help you to be a better therapist because you do
have some type of grounding in a way that you
do things. And so when we look at that and
we look at this serenity prayer and we say, okay,
this is basically to me, like you're guiding principles right
for how you.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Want to help other people. And so you have that
mindset in there.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Do you have like clients who are like on one
side of the spectrum and because they're so far.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Into religion, you know, maybe they don't.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
See the logic and things, or maybe they grew up
a certain way so they only focus on it the
way that they've been taught as opposed to looking at
other people's perspectives. Yes, so basically a lot of people
hide behind religion because of the way they were taught,
(13:19):
and that is, you know that their higher power will
fix everything for them. Don't worry about it, just leave
it up to that higher power. And so what I
try to encourage people is that it takes work on
your behalf. So whenever I encourage them to understand that
(13:40):
it takes work on their behalf, then I'm assisting them
with moving out of denial because a lot of people
are in denial as it relates to, you know, really
linking to religion and not really addressing the problem. So
once I'm able to do that, I'm able to bring
them in the president. But yes, we see that all
(14:01):
the time as it relates to people just coping and
doing things based upon how they were taunt when they
were a child. But what is the current What the
concern is is that that's not you now.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
M hm hm, Well that's what you do?
Speaker 1 (14:23):
You like you have me sitting here, like so many
questions I want to ask from that, because do people
people know they change, but is it that they need
to come to therapy to realize that they've changed, Like
they know that they're not who they were ten years ago,
five years ago, twenty years ago. But it's like sometimes
(14:43):
I think it might take you asking those questions in
order to get people to understand that they really have
changed and maybe that their belief system can still be
a core of who they are, but maybe they actually
believe some new stuff now or maybe there's an opportunity
to let.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Some new things come into their lives.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Yeah, so that is a benefit as it relates to
attending therapy, because you're right.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
People know when they're not who they used to be.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
It's just that, you know the world that we live in,
people are hungry for acceptance. So when they're hungry for acceptance,
they try to fit into what the.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
World say they are and what they should be.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
So in therapy, what we do is we help people
to accept who they are. And once we encourage them
to accept who they are and they feel that warmth
and they feel that support, then they're able to move forward.
So a lot of times, people feel as if that
(15:52):
they're alone and they don't have the support to help
them move along and know who they are in life.
M h m. I mean that's that's a powerful thing though,
you know, when I'm sitting here and I'm thinking about it,
because you know, there are so many changes, and you know,
one of the questions that I've asked your counterparts as well,
(16:15):
have been you know, have you noticed any trends that
have been happening, like in the difference in your clients
maybe the things that they're coming to you for or
just the way that they're feeling, or topics or something
that have changed from pre COVID to now.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
What have been some of those changes or trends that
you're seeing.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Some of the trends that I'm seeing is Number one,
people are tired. People are mostly drained. They're tired, They're
very angry, and a lot of the emotional concerns that
they have comes from years and years of bottled up pain.
(16:58):
You know, when we when we were in COVID, we
were isolated and all we had was our thoughts. So
now we're coming out of COVID and people are wanting
us to get back to whatever we were doing before,
and people cannot do that because a lot of emotions
have surface and a lot of trauma from the past
(17:19):
has surfaced, and they can't move forward until they deal
with those concerns. Another thing that we're seeing now is
that people are learning their identity earlier, really figuring out
who they really are now. So we have people all
ages that are coming in therapy and saying, you know what,
(17:43):
Number one, I don't know who.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
I am and I want to know who I am.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Or number two is that I know who I am,
but with the people around me a set who I
really am. You know what, That's an amazing thing because
what I can say is, and I'm just talking about
pre COVID, you know, there were some changes that I
specifically made. And what I've learned is you can tell
(18:08):
people I'm not going to do that anymore, or there
is a boundary, or okay, I know that that's what
I used to do, but we're new.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
You can tell people.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
That, and it's like they don't believe you until either
you you know, you show them in your behavior or
sometimes you have to verbally lash out because they don't
believe that's your your No, this.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
New person, and I don't think that it comes overnight.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
And I definitely say, you know, going to some therapy
during the time of COVID has definitely helped me to see,
you know, just the person and the things that I
want to do and how I want to do things differently.
And in just discovering that, I would say that understanding
that there are things that I'm just not going to
do anymore, right, Like there is a limit, there is
(18:58):
a timeframe, there's an expiration, there's also a just we're
not even going there. And I think that, you know,
with being in therapy, people can then have a better
sense of mental health because maybe you do help them
to set those boundaries that they weren't you know, willing
to accept before or didn't think that they.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Could put into place.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
So what would be some advice for people who are like, listen,
I do need to set some boundaries, you know, like
I'm not who that who I used to be. You know,
I could see what she used to like or he
used to look like, but they're a little bit different now.
What would be some advice you could say to them
to help with those boundaries.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Okay, so basically make.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Sure that number one you know what your boundaries are.
Number two, you understand your boundaries. Number three, make sure
that your boundaries are clear. You have to make sure
your boundaries are clear. And that can be done as
it relates to communicating your boundaries to whoever they need
to be communicated to and allow them spaces to ask questions.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
You can ask, you.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Can allow them specs to ask questions, but at the
end of the day, you have to just make sure
you stick with those boundaries and be very consistent. So
what happens is people watch us all the time, so
there are times when people communicate boundaries but they're bound
(20:24):
but whatever they communicate it, they're not consistent with it.
So that's why it makes it very difficult for people
to understand your boundaries.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
And it goes back to the serenity prayer. Prayer.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
People want to be in control. They want to be
in control of you. They want you to do what
they do, or they want you to do what they
think is right for you. It does not work that
way because, as I said earlier, I am me and
you are you, So you can't make me do some
(21:00):
then that I don't want to do.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
M Now, that's good advice.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Like it is, and it's such a simple phrase. It's
such a simple statement, but what a person actually would
sit and take the time to reflect on that we're
not the same person. And so you know, even in
a marriage, you know, anything, a friendship of you know,
a sibling, whatever those relationships were, even if we were twins,
(21:26):
we're still to different people. And so you have to
kind of understand that this is what I need now.
And I think that when you're talking about communicating those needs,
that's a huge thing. You know, Like, so what would
you say thus far has been like your favorite moment
or your favorite episode, you know since you started.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Doing the podcast?
Speaker 1 (21:44):
What kind of is a this is a sharena moment
where you felt like, this is what I love to
do and this is why we started the podcast. What
I really what my favorite moment of the podcast thus
far is when we discuss expectations. Okay, and that is
(22:06):
something I used to struggle with because I would project.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
My expectations on other people.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
And when I projected my expectations of other people, I
was just hurt.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
All the time.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
And so now I am becoming more realistic as it
relates to expectations. So what I do is based upon
Just Me therapy podcasts. I look at all my relationships.
I am very intentional as it relates to looking at
(22:43):
all my relationships. And when I look at my relationships,
I look at people as who they are. So if
one of my friends they are Laza Fair and they don't,
they do not have a lot of goals for themselves.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
They just like to just live who they like. They
just like to live in the moment.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Then that's my expectation for them as it relates to
me and them being friends.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
So really being realistic as.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
It relates to expectations, and in some cases, you cannot
expect a whole lot from certain people because that is
just not them. So what I'm doing now, I am
protecting my thoughts and feelings and make sure that my
expectations in general for people are not high. And another
(23:42):
thing is people are human. They make mistakes, you know, things.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Change, So I do not put.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
A lot of faith in people as it relates to
them making me happy because it's not there job. Yeah,
So I get expectations and make sure that I am
very careful as it relates to how I project expectations
on other people to help fulfill me as a person.
(24:13):
M M.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
That's a word right there. Like I really wish more
people understood that.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
So if you had, you know, like one thing to
say to people as to you know, why they should
listen to the podcast, but also why they should get
some mental health help, what would be your reason or
what would you say to them to say, listen, come
on over here and get this help, come on over
here and listen to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
What would be the reason that people should definitely do that.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
I think people should come listen to the podcast because
it allows them grace.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Yeah, it allows you to go ahead, no, go ahead,
you have. It allows you grace to.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Do things different, It allows you grace to forgive, and
it allows you it allows you grace as it relates
to really moving forward and accepting who you are.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Yeah, I'm wonder a lot just listening to some of
those things.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
And I would say, you know, with you talking about
the expectation, I have definitely been one of those people
who was just like, well, this is what I thought
it was going to be, and you know, I get
flustered when that stuff does.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Not work out the way that I wanted to.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
But I'm working on you know, just personally saying Okay,
well what's a backup plan?
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Well? What else can I do?
Speaker 1 (25:33):
And so I always try to have a backup plan
just in case something is going to mess up, because
you know, you plan for, you know, things to be
excellent and then everything doesn't always work out that way.
And so you know, having the ability to you know,
even give yourself, like you said that grace, I think
it allows for room for improvement.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
And so yeah, I definitely love that idea.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
All right, Well, I just want to thank you so
much for you know, just participating, just allowing people to
get insight into who you are and you know, some
of the things that you deal with have dealt with,
and you know, I think it really gives us a
lot more understanding of, you know, the type of people
that you have as clients and then your philosophy on
(26:19):
how you deal with people. And I really love the
idea of being able to use that serenity prayer as
a help to people. And you know, the thing that
I think is interesting, and you can kind of chime
in about this, is that even though it's called the
serenity prayer, if it didn't have that word prayer in there, right,
the lessons would still be valuable in what is inside
of it. So you know, when you kind of look
(26:40):
at that and you can share that with other people,
then I think the religious connotation can get taken out
of it because you understand that control, like you said,
is really the biggest issue, right and us being able
to look at what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
To make a situation better or not.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
So just as like a final wrap up on the
serenity prayer, if a person is saying, look at the
religious part, I'm not interested in that, but what do
you want them to get from that serenity prayer? So
to accept that there are certain things that you can't control.
Number two, things will happen. Number Three, you have to
(27:21):
move through the process. You can stay stuck, but if
you stay stuck in situations, it's not getting you anywhere.
You have to move through the process. And when you
move through the process, it takes work. And also you
want to depend on things that are positive and very
(27:48):
helpful for you to move through the process. So find
support systems that can give you wisdom. Most of the time,
people with experiences similar as you also live in one
day at a time.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
There's a lot of troubles within.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
This day, so we don't need to worry about tomorrow,
like really staying in the moment. Also, accept hardships. It
will come. I mean, it's just a part of life.
So invite the hardships in because the more you invite
them in, the less anxiety that you have, and just
move through them with hope that things would get better. Also, lastly, surrender.
(28:32):
Surrender is Surrendering is very important because there are a
lot of things.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
That you may not understand.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
You know what, you may not know the answers as
it relates to why they happen, especially when I reflect
back on my losses.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Regarding the children that I lose.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
So I can stay there and cry and not do anything,
or I will surrender and say it was not my will.
For I'm going to trust and continue to move through
the process.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
We'll hope that things will get better.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
M hm m.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
That's great advice. That's great advice.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Well, I appreciate that, and again, thank you for your
time and for everybody. You can go check out past
episodes at just meethapy dot com. You can check out
the past episodes and then new episodes are coming.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
So thank you again. Sharina for your.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Time and everybody. Check out Just Meet Therapy podcast, Thank
you so much for listening to Give It to the
People Radio. Make sure that you follow us online at
Ladybusiness dot com l A D Y b I z
n E s S. We look forward to helping you grow,
sustain and maintain your business
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. When you're tuned in,
you're with Lady Business and give it to the People
Radio where you're going to get enlightened, enhanced, empowered and enriched.
Make sure that you always tune in to give it
to the People Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
All right, welcome back. We are here to give you.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
All the good things that you need about the Just
Meet Therapy podcast. And so what we're doing is we're
interviewing each one of the three mental health professionals that
is a part of this podcast that helps make this
podcast so wonderful and just kind of giving a little
insight about who they are and the type of therapy
that they do. But this way, you know who these
ladies are. And so I'm going to bring on today
(00:44):
Sharena Smith.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
So Sharena, how are you, darling? I'm good, Thank you
so much. Yes, okay, so you look beautiful. I'm one
in here with a little child face. All right.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
So when we talk about therapy, right, and you know,
just thinking about you've been a therapist for a while,
you've been doing mental health for a while, but what
got you into this profession in the first place. I've
always knew that my calling was to help people. I
(01:16):
come and I also come from a background where we
were conditioned to serve, So that's time to the field.
And also I have a lot of previous experiences as
it relates to life where it has taught me and
brought me to this space now as it relates to
being a mental health therapist. Now, when you talk about
(01:40):
just some of that experience and you know, just looking
at that, is there a specific area that you focus
on and what made you focus on that area for therapy?
So the specific area I've focused on is my tonal health,
and that is working with women that have different types
(02:01):
of concerns as it relates to women concerns in general,
and also have a background as it.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Relates to a doula.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
So basically, as a doodler, what I do is I
coach women and delivering babies. So I have a lot
of experience as it relates to helping women get through
day to day experiences as it relates to difficulty and
also different type society stressors that they may experience. Okay, now,
would that be things like even people who are having
(02:32):
issues getting pregnant or like any type of disease kind
of things like maybe I can't think of the word
that I'm looking for, but like autoimmune diseases, because I
would imagine that that's something where a lot of women
wouldn't want to come to therapy, you know when they
have that. Would that be kind of like some of
the ideas and the concepts that you cover. Yeah, So
(02:52):
basically different types of health concerns can it can cause
women to not become pregnant. Also genetic concerns, environmental concerns
as it relates to different types of stresses that they
may encounter, and also their thoughts, their thought pattern can
affect them as it relates to get impregnant. So there's
(03:14):
a lot of concerns that may cause concerns as it
elects to women not being able to have carry babies
throughout the whole course. And also atheris it could be
very difficult for women. And I have my own personal
experience also because I lost five.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Kids oh wow, you miscarriage in early delivery before I
was blessed with the two that I have now.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
So I know that there are a variety of concerns
that can cause women to have difficulty as it relates
to not being able to have kids. But on the
flip side. You know, this is my spiritual belief. This
is just me as it relates to our therapy platform
(04:04):
regarding just Me podcasts. I utilize my faith a lot
as it relates to moving through difficulty and also meeting
women where they are. Yeah, and I think that that's
an important thing because a lot of times in therapy,
people think that they're supposed to just pop in and
poof one, two sessions and they're done and now they're
healed and everything is good, and it's not reality. So
(04:27):
when a person is saying, look, I'm thinking about coming
to therapy and you mentioned faith in there, one of
the things that I know that.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
You are passionate about is a serenity prayer.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
So can you give us a little background on that,
and then how do you utilize faith in your practice.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Of being able to help people with their mental health?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Okay, so, first of all, when it comes to my
faith as a therapist, you're not supposed to project your
type of religious beliefs on your clients.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
That is unethical for us to do. So what.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
The way I do things is make sure that I'm
grounded as it relates to the information that I provide
to my consumers without as I said before, projecting my
religious belief on people. So when I think of the
sen Serenity prayer, that definds my mindset as a therapist
(05:21):
and also as a woman. That prayer, it was created
by Winford kring Wiggle and it was that was an
early version version that was written in nineteen thirty three
and an updated version that was attributed to Wren Hall
Never in nineteen forty three. And that prayer defines like
(05:43):
really letting go of situations. Because what I find is
when it comes to me and a lot of women
that I serve, you know, we hold on to a
lot of things that are beyond our control.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Yes, you definitely, yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
And when we do that, we're pretty much setting ourselves up.
So with the prayer I was going to, with the prayer,
you know, when you're looking at it, it says, God,
grant me the serenity to accept the things that I
cannot change.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Right, And so what does that mean to you?
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Relinquish and control, you know, really not allow myself to
be in control of all situations.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
And what happens is.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Whenever you do that, when you relinquish control on yourself,
not to be hurt because what happens is is that
when you attempt to be in control, you're hurting yourself
because what you're doing is you're projecting your beliefs from
other people. And so what I learned is I am
(06:51):
me and you are you, and what you want may
not be what I want. So I have to support
you as it relates to where you are and you
know what, I have to accept that.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
So that is.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
What I mean as it relates to you know, accepting things.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
That I you know I can't change.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
And then the next part is and this is I
think my favorite part, the courage to change the things
that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
So what does that part mean to you?
Speaker 1 (07:24):
So basically, when it comes to that, I don't depend
on my own strength as it relates to have encourage,
because if I depend on my own strength, that means
that I'm depending on me and when I do that,
that means I'm depending on my flesh as it relates
(07:47):
to really doing things, and you can't do that because
when it comes to your emotions and your strength, it
changes all the time. So I have to depend on
a higher power as it relates to give me the
wisdom to know that his courage is with me and
(08:07):
I can change things with his assistance. He gives me
the wisdom, and then the next part is living one
day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time. Now,
for me, I would say, if I were to try
to relate this, everybody is so into their phones now, right,
and so when you look at that, it probably is
(08:29):
a major factor in why people are even coming to
therapy now and comparing themselves to other people and looking
at what other people are doing, and you know, maybe
they're not enjoying those moments at a time, but how
do you interpret that? So living one day at a time,
it's like really remaining in the present. And while we
(08:49):
remaining in the present, that really helps us out a
lot because of what it does is it boosts our memory,
It increased our focus. It also reduces stress, it helps
navigate our emotions, and it also helps us as it
(09:11):
relates to controlling our thoughts. But lastly, showing your self
kindness by not allowing yourself to be on overload. So
we need to really think about and this is what
I do at a time is live one day at
a time and enjoy one moment at a time, because that's.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
All I can control.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
I would imagine that sometimes even if people are really
trying to do that, that that can be something that
can be difficult. So being able to help them cope
with that and allow them to understand that, you know,
you can just focus on today as opposed to worrying
about the next day.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Because to me, a lot of the reason to go
to therapy.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Is to try to get your mind focused, right, like
to stay in a path where you can achieve something
and you know, you want to have an ending result
and you want.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
To feel better, right.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
And I always say, you know, the therapy is not
going to solve every problem, but it can definitely help
you to feel better. And sometimes I think people just
have to listen to, you know, the advice that you're
giving in order for them to understand why they even
feel bad in the first place. And you know, just
living in that moment makes sense. And then the next
part of it is accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.
(10:23):
Like to me, when we're talking about that, it seems like,
you know, bad things are going to happen, Like no
matter how much therapy you get, no matter how great
things are going, there can always be something bad that
will happen.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
But you know, how do you interpret that?
Speaker 1 (10:39):
So, yeah, you're right, So we have to recognize that
life bring bad things and as we discussed earlier, a
lot of bad things that happen, they're not in our control.
So what I tell people is is that you have
to move through the process because us, when you move
(11:00):
through the process, there's another side, because trouble does not
last all always, and also feeling bad does not last always.
So I tell people, and I try to tell myself,
is welcome the hardships. Welcome, Welcome them into your life
because the more you move towards them, the less anxiety
(11:22):
that you have, and it does get better in time.
And that's what therapy has assisted a lot of people with,
you know, with helping them move through the process and
us being therapist helping them move through the process with grace.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Now, even though I know you said, you know, you
can't push your religion on anybody, and I understand that.
And you know, one of the things I can say
that I've always hated is before I found what you know,
what I do for my religious beliefs, you know, I
hate it when people would always try to make you
do something like make you go to church, make you,
you know, listen to them because all of a sudden
(12:02):
they found God or you know whatever. And it was
always like a person wanted to preach to you. And
I understand that people kind of want you to be
on one accord with them, but I think that you
just have to kind of find things on your own.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
So you know, when I said in the beginning, your.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Faith, regardless of religion, your faith still kind of guides
you into how you deal with people, right, And so
that has nothing to do with religion.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
It is this is this is what I believe.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
And that's, you know, one of the things that can
help you to be a better therapist because you do
have some type of grounding in a way that you
do things. And so when we look at that and
we look at this serenity prayer and we say, okay,
this is basically to me, like you're guiding principles right
for how you.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Want to help other people. And so you have that
mindset in there.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Do you have like clients who are like on one
side of the spectrum and because they're so far.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Into religion, you know, maybe they don't.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
See the logic and things, or maybe they grew up
a certain way so they only focus on it the
way that they've been taught as opposed to looking at
other people's perspectives. Yes, so basically a lot of people
hide behind religion because of the way they were taught,
(13:19):
and that is, you know that their higher power will
fix everything for them. Don't worry about it, just leave
it up to that higher power. And so what I
try to encourage people is that it takes work on
your behalf. So whenever I encourage them to understand that
(13:40):
it takes work on their behalf, then I'm assisting them
with moving out of denial because a lot of people
are in denial as it relates to, you know, really
linking to religion and not really addressing the problem. So
once I'm able to do that, I'm able to bring
them in the president. But yes, we see that all
(14:01):
the time as it relates to people just coping and
doing things based upon how they were taunt when they
were a child. But what is the current What the
concern is is that that's not you now.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
M hm hm, Well that's what you do?
Speaker 1 (14:23):
You like you have me sitting here, like so many
questions I want to ask from that, because do people
people know they change, but is it that they need
to come to therapy to realize that they've changed, Like
they know that they're not who they were ten years ago,
five years ago, twenty years ago. But it's like sometimes
(14:43):
I think it might take you asking those questions in
order to get people to understand that they really have
changed and maybe that their belief system can still be
a core of who they are, but maybe they actually
believe some new stuff now or maybe there's an opportunity
to let.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Some new things come into their lives.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Yeah, so that is a benefit as it relates to
attending therapy, because you're right.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
People know when they're not who they used to be.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
It's just that, you know the world that we live in,
people are hungry for acceptance. So when they're hungry for acceptance,
they try to fit into what the.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
World say they are and what they should be.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
So in therapy, what we do is we help people
to accept who they are. And once we encourage them
to accept who they are and they feel that warmth
and they feel that support, then they're able to move forward.
So a lot of times, people feel as if that
(15:52):
they're alone and they don't have the support to help
them move along and know who they are in life.
M h m. I mean that's that's a powerful thing though,
you know, when I'm sitting here and I'm thinking about it,
because you know, there are so many changes, and you know,
one of the questions that I've asked your counterparts as well,
(16:15):
have been you know, have you noticed any trends that
have been happening, like in the difference in your clients
maybe the things that they're coming to you for or
just the way that they're feeling, or topics or something
that have changed from pre COVID to now.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
What have been some of those changes or trends that
you're seeing.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Some of the trends that I'm seeing is Number one,
people are tired. People are mostly drained. They're tired, They're
very angry, and a lot of the emotional concerns that
they have comes from years and years of bottled up pain.
(16:58):
You know, when we when we were in COVID, we
were isolated and all we had was our thoughts. So
now we're coming out of COVID and people are wanting
us to get back to whatever we were doing before,
and people cannot do that because a lot of emotions
have surface and a lot of trauma from the past
(17:19):
has surfaced, and they can't move forward until they deal
with those concerns. Another thing that we're seeing now is
that people are learning their identity earlier, really figuring out
who they really are now. So we have people all
ages that are coming in therapy and saying, you know what,
(17:43):
Number one, I don't know who.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
I am and I want to know who I am.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Or number two is that I know who I am,
but with the people around me a set who I
really am. You know what, That's an amazing thing because
what I can say is, and I'm just talking about
pre COVID, you know, there were some changes that I
specifically made. And what I've learned is you can tell
(18:08):
people I'm not going to do that anymore, or there
is a boundary, or okay, I know that that's what
I used to do, but we're new.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
You can tell people.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
That, and it's like they don't believe you until either
you you know, you show them in your behavior or
sometimes you have to verbally lash out because they don't
believe that's your your No, this.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
New person, and I don't think that it comes overnight.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
And I definitely say, you know, going to some therapy
during the time of COVID has definitely helped me to see,
you know, just the person and the things that I
want to do and how I want to do things differently.
And in just discovering that, I would say that understanding
that there are things that I'm just not going to
do anymore, right, Like there is a limit, there is
(18:58):
a timeframe, there's an expiration, there's also a just we're
not even going there. And I think that, you know,
with being in therapy, people can then have a better
sense of mental health because maybe you do help them
to set those boundaries that they weren't you know, willing
to accept before or didn't think that they.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Could put into place.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
So what would be some advice for people who are like, listen,
I do need to set some boundaries, you know, like
I'm not who that who I used to be. You know,
I could see what she used to like or he
used to look like, but they're a little bit different now.
What would be some advice you could say to them
to help with those boundaries.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Okay, so basically make.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Sure that number one you know what your boundaries are.
Number two, you understand your boundaries. Number three, make sure
that your boundaries are clear. You have to make sure
your boundaries are clear. And that can be done as
it relates to communicating your boundaries to whoever they need
to be communicated to and allow them spaces to ask questions.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
You can ask, you.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Can allow them specs to ask questions, but at the
end of the day, you have to just make sure
you stick with those boundaries and be very consistent. So
what happens is people watch us all the time, so
there are times when people communicate boundaries but they're bound
(20:24):
but whatever they communicate it, they're not consistent with it.
So that's why it makes it very difficult for people
to understand your boundaries.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
And it goes back to the serenity prayer. Prayer.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
People want to be in control. They want to be
in control of you. They want you to do what
they do, or they want you to do what they
think is right for you. It does not work that
way because, as I said earlier, I am me and
you are you, So you can't make me do some
(21:00):
then that I don't want to do.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
M Now, that's good advice.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Like it is, and it's such a simple phrase. It's
such a simple statement, but what a person actually would
sit and take the time to reflect on that we're
not the same person. And so you know, even in
a marriage, you know, anything, a friendship of you know,
a sibling, whatever those relationships were, even if we were twins,
(21:26):
we're still to different people. And so you have to
kind of understand that this is what I need now.
And I think that when you're talking about communicating those needs,
that's a huge thing. You know, Like, so what would
you say thus far has been like your favorite moment
or your favorite episode, you know since you started.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Doing the podcast?
Speaker 1 (21:44):
What kind of is a this is a sharena moment
where you felt like, this is what I love to
do and this is why we started the podcast. What
I really what my favorite moment of the podcast thus
far is when we discuss expectations. Okay, and that is
(22:06):
something I used to struggle with because I would project.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
My expectations on other people.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
And when I projected my expectations of other people, I
was just hurt.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
All the time.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
And so now I am becoming more realistic as it
relates to expectations. So what I do is based upon
Just Me therapy podcasts. I look at all my relationships.
I am very intentional as it relates to looking at
(22:43):
all my relationships. And when I look at my relationships,
I look at people as who they are. So if
one of my friends they are Laza Fair and they don't,
they do not have a lot of goals for themselves.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
They just like to just live who they like. They
just like to live in the moment.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Then that's my expectation for them as it relates to
me and them being friends.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
So really being realistic as.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
It relates to expectations, and in some cases, you cannot
expect a whole lot from certain people because that is
just not them. So what I'm doing now, I am
protecting my thoughts and feelings and make sure that my
expectations in general for people are not high. And another
(23:42):
thing is people are human. They make mistakes, you know, things.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Change, So I do not put.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
A lot of faith in people as it relates to
them making me happy because it's not there job. Yeah,
So I get expectations and make sure that I am
very careful as it relates to how I project expectations
on other people to help fulfill me as a person.
(24:13):
M M.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
That's a word right there. Like I really wish more
people understood that.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
So if you had, you know, like one thing to
say to people as to you know, why they should
listen to the podcast, but also why they should get
some mental health help, what would be your reason or
what would you say to them to say, listen, come
on over here and get this help, come on over
here and listen to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
What would be the reason that people should definitely do that.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
I think people should come listen to the podcast because
it allows them grace.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Yeah, it allows you to go ahead, no, go ahead,
you have. It allows you grace to.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Do things different, It allows you grace to forgive, and
it allows you it allows you grace as it relates
to really moving forward and accepting who you are.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Yeah, I'm wonder a lot just listening to some of
those things.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
And I would say, you know, with you talking about
the expectation, I have definitely been one of those people
who was just like, well, this is what I thought
it was going to be, and you know, I get
flustered when that stuff does.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Not work out the way that I wanted to.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
But I'm working on you know, just personally saying Okay,
well what's a backup plan?
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Well? What else can I do?
Speaker 1 (25:33):
And so I always try to have a backup plan
just in case something is going to mess up, because
you know, you plan for, you know, things to be
excellent and then everything doesn't always work out that way.
And so you know, having the ability to you know,
even give yourself, like you said that grace, I think
it allows for room for improvement.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
And so yeah, I definitely love that idea.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
All right, Well, I just want to thank you so
much for you know, just participating, just allowing people to
get insight into who you are and you know, some
of the things that you deal with have dealt with,
and you know, I think it really gives us a
lot more understanding of, you know, the type of people
that you have as clients and then your philosophy on
(26:19):
how you deal with people. And I really love the
idea of being able to use that serenity prayer as
a help to people. And you know, the thing that
I think is interesting, and you can kind of chime
in about this, is that even though it's called the
serenity prayer, if it didn't have that word prayer in there, right,
the lessons would still be valuable in what is inside
of it. So you know, when you kind of look
(26:40):
at that and you can share that with other people,
then I think the religious connotation can get taken out
of it because you understand that control, like you said,
is really the biggest issue, right and us being able
to look at what we're doing.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
To make a situation better or not.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
So just as like a final wrap up on the
serenity prayer, if a person is saying, look at the
religious part, I'm not interested in that, but what do
you want them to get from that serenity prayer? So
to accept that there are certain things that you can't control.
Number two, things will happen. Number Three, you have to
(27:21):
move through the process. You can stay stuck, but if
you stay stuck in situations, it's not getting you anywhere.
You have to move through the process. And when you
move through the process, it takes work. And also you
want to depend on things that are positive and very
(27:48):
helpful for you to move through the process. So find
support systems that can give you wisdom. Most of the time,
people with experiences similar as you also live in one
day at a time.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
There's a lot of troubles within.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
This day, so we don't need to worry about tomorrow,
like really staying in the moment. Also, accept hardships. It
will come. I mean, it's just a part of life.
So invite the hardships in because the more you invite
them in, the less anxiety that you have, and just
move through them with hope that things would get better. Also, lastly, surrender.
(28:32):
Surrender is Surrendering is very important because there are a
lot of things.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
That you may not understand.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
You know what, you may not know the answers as
it relates to why they happen, especially when I reflect
back on my losses.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Regarding the children that I lose.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
So I can stay there and cry and not do anything,
or I will surrender and say it was not my will.
For I'm going to trust and continue to move through
the process.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
We'll hope that things will get better.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
M hm m.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
That's great advice. That's great advice.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Well, I appreciate that, and again, thank you for your
time and for everybody. You can go check out past
episodes at just meethapy dot com. You can check out
the past episodes and then new episodes are coming.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
So thank you again. Sharina for your.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Time and everybody. Check out Just Meet Therapy podcast, Thank
you so much for listening to Give It to the
People Radio. Make sure that you follow us online at
Ladybusiness dot com l A D Y b I z
n E s S. We look forward to helping you grow,
sustain and maintain your business
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!