June 22, 2025 • 6 mins
In cases involving a sadistic partner, which are often highly sensitive and rely heavily on the victim's narrative, the need for diverse, corroborating evidence becomes paramount. Allegations of sexual abuse are frequently met with strong denials or counter-accusations , and courts are "extremely fair-minded" due to the "lasting repercussions" on asset distribution and child custody. Corroboration from medical records, police reports, objective witness accounts, and digital trails lends significant credibility to the victim's testimony, reducing the risk of the case being dismissed as isolated incidents or a "he said, she said" scenario.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You've found Askalus. You've found Askallas, the podcast that takes
a deep dive into the societal currents shaping our lives.
We'll explore the often unseen forces at play, go beyond
the brief and examine the research, dissect the data, and
most importantly, if you're seeking to understand what's shaping our society,
(00:21):
this is the place.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
We're tackling a really tough but extremely important topic. We're
looking at divorce cases where one partner displays sexually sadistic behaviors.
Our goal here is to really clarify the difference between
consensual sexual interests and actual diagnosable disorders and crucially, how
New York State law views these situations. We'll pull out
the key points you need to know about what counts
(00:44):
as actionable abuse legally right.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
And it's vital right off the bat for you to
understand a key distinction. We are absolutely not discussing consensual
BDSM here, sexual sadism disorder SSD. According to the DSM
five that's the big diagnostic manual involved recurrent intense sexual
arousal from someone else's suffering physical or psychological. But here's
the critical part, the absolute threshold these fantasies or urges
(01:08):
must be act upon with someone who is not consenting,
or they cause the person experiencing them significant distress or impairment.
And this pattern needs to be there for at least
six months.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Okay, so you have consensual practices like BDSM built on
things like safe sane in consensual or risk awar consensual kink.
It's all about knowing agreement. So how does that total
lack of consent in SSD change everything? How does it
become legally defined abuse instead of just a private interest.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
That lack of consent is precisely the bright line. It
changes the entire legal landscape. And it's interesting. SSD is
diagnosed almost entirely in males. Onset is often around say
nineteen years old. Research sometimes points to differences in brain activation,
maybe front of temporal areas, but connecting it to the
relationship dynamic well Sadistic behavior often correlates with a really
(01:56):
high need for power or aggressive tendencies, and it very
frequently overlaps with antisocial personality disorder that means a profound
lack of empathy, no real remorse. So what you often
see isn't just isolated sexual acts, but a much wider
systematic pattern of coercive control in the relationship itself.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Okay, that makes sense. Establishing that difference is key. So
now let's connect this to the legal side here in
New York. New York requires a ground for divorce. It's
a fault based state, and the ground of cruel and
inhuman treatment seems highly relevant here.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Exactly, cruel and inhuman treatment, legally speaking, is defined as
conduct that so endangers the physical or mental well being
of the other spouse that it basically makes living together
unsafe or just improper. It's behavior that's just too harmful
to continue the marriage. And this definitely includes mental and
emotional cruelty. The statue even explicitly mentions refusal of sex
(02:51):
or force sex under this category.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Right, and the law in New York emphasizes that it
needs to be consistent and repetitive behavior. It can't just
be one isolated incident. So you put that together with
what you just explained about SSD being recurrent and intense.
How does the clinical definition mesh with that legal standard?
What does it mean in court?
Speaker 3 (03:09):
That's where it clicks together. Legally, the clinical definition of SSD,
its recurrent and intense nature inherently satisfies that legal need
for habitual or consistent and repetitive conduct. It's not just
a description, it fits the legal test. And obviously the
non consensual infliction of suffering clearly meets the extreme nature
(03:30):
requirement of the cruelty ground. So this allows a court
to formally recognize a pattern of abuse, and that finding
can have well, really significant consequences for things like child custody,
how assets are divided, and even spousal support.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Of course, we have to talk about the person experiencing this.
The psychological toll must be immense. We're talking trauma, deep shame,
self doubt, sometimes even problems with memory, feeling unable to
stand up for themselves. These aren't just feelings. They create
real roadblocks in a legal case.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Absolutely, and that's why a UMMA informed legal approach is
so essential. You have to understand how trauma affects someone.
Getting corroborating evidence becomes critical because, frankly, allegations of sexual
abuse are often met with flat out denial. So you
need to gather things like detailed testimony from the client,
of course, but also medical records physical injuries, yes, but
(04:19):
also mental health records. Maybe a PTSD diagnosis, police reports
if they exist, digital evidence, texts, emails, maybe recordings if
legally obtained, and very importantly, testimony from other people like
friends or family who witness things.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
And with all that psychological complexity, what about expert witnesses?
How do professionals like forensic psychologists help the court understand
what's really going on?
Speaker 3 (04:40):
They play a crucial role. An expert can explain the
complex and dynamics of abuse, why a victim might behave
in certain ways that seem counterintuitive, how trauma impacts memory
or testimony. They provide essential context for the judge. And
we should also mention the immediate protections available. Things like
orders of protection or TA can provide immediate safety through
(05:02):
stay away orders or temporary custody. Violating them is actually
a criminal offense, and as we said, proving this kind
of abuse directly impacts those major divorce outcomes custody where
domestic violence must be considered by the court, potentially shifting
the division of assets and influencing spousal support to address
the economic damage caused by the abuse.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
So wrapping this up, it seems the core message for you,
our listener, is that the line between consensual interests, and
a clinical disorder like SSD is absolutely fundamental. It dictates
legal strategy and potential outcomes. Especially in New York, Improving
this kind of abuse takes careful, thorough documentation, and an
approach that really understands and centers the victim's traumatic experience.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
And that leads to a final thought, perhaps for you
to mull over. In our legal system, which often really
prioritizes tangible, physical proof, what does it genuinely mean to
prove the kind of profound harm caused by psychological and
emotional abuse, harm that's often invisible to the naked eye.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
That's a powerful question.
You've found Askalus. You've found Askallas, the podcast that takes
a deep dive into the societal currents shaping our lives.
We'll explore the often unseen forces at play, go beyond
the brief and examine the research, dissect the data, and
most importantly, if you're seeking to understand what's shaping our society,
(00:21):
this is the place.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
We're tackling a really tough but extremely important topic. We're
looking at divorce cases where one partner displays sexually sadistic behaviors.
Our goal here is to really clarify the difference between
consensual sexual interests and actual diagnosable disorders and crucially, how
New York State law views these situations. We'll pull out
the key points you need to know about what counts
(00:44):
as actionable abuse legally right.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
And it's vital right off the bat for you to
understand a key distinction. We are absolutely not discussing consensual
BDSM here, sexual sadism disorder SSD. According to the DSM
five that's the big diagnostic manual involved recurrent intense sexual
arousal from someone else's suffering physical or psychological. But here's
the critical part, the absolute threshold these fantasies or urges
(01:08):
must be act upon with someone who is not consenting,
or they cause the person experiencing them significant distress or impairment.
And this pattern needs to be there for at least
six months.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Okay, so you have consensual practices like BDSM built on
things like safe sane in consensual or risk awar consensual kink.
It's all about knowing agreement. So how does that total
lack of consent in SSD change everything? How does it
become legally defined abuse instead of just a private interest.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
That lack of consent is precisely the bright line. It
changes the entire legal landscape. And it's interesting. SSD is
diagnosed almost entirely in males. Onset is often around say
nineteen years old. Research sometimes points to differences in brain activation,
maybe front of temporal areas, but connecting it to the
relationship dynamic well Sadistic behavior often correlates with a really
(01:56):
high need for power or aggressive tendencies, and it very
frequently overlaps with antisocial personality disorder that means a profound
lack of empathy, no real remorse. So what you often
see isn't just isolated sexual acts, but a much wider
systematic pattern of coercive control in the relationship itself.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Okay, that makes sense. Establishing that difference is key. So
now let's connect this to the legal side here in
New York. New York requires a ground for divorce. It's
a fault based state, and the ground of cruel and
inhuman treatment seems highly relevant here.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Exactly, cruel and inhuman treatment, legally speaking, is defined as
conduct that so endangers the physical or mental well being
of the other spouse that it basically makes living together
unsafe or just improper. It's behavior that's just too harmful
to continue the marriage. And this definitely includes mental and
emotional cruelty. The statue even explicitly mentions refusal of sex
(02:51):
or force sex under this category.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Right, and the law in New York emphasizes that it
needs to be consistent and repetitive behavior. It can't just
be one isolated incident. So you put that together with
what you just explained about SSD being recurrent and intense.
How does the clinical definition mesh with that legal standard?
What does it mean in court?
Speaker 3 (03:09):
That's where it clicks together. Legally, the clinical definition of SSD,
its recurrent and intense nature inherently satisfies that legal need
for habitual or consistent and repetitive conduct. It's not just
a description, it fits the legal test. And obviously the
non consensual infliction of suffering clearly meets the extreme nature
(03:30):
requirement of the cruelty ground. So this allows a court
to formally recognize a pattern of abuse, and that finding
can have well, really significant consequences for things like child custody,
how assets are divided, and even spousal support.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Of course, we have to talk about the person experiencing this.
The psychological toll must be immense. We're talking trauma, deep shame,
self doubt, sometimes even problems with memory, feeling unable to
stand up for themselves. These aren't just feelings. They create
real roadblocks in a legal case.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Absolutely, and that's why a UMMA informed legal approach is
so essential. You have to understand how trauma affects someone.
Getting corroborating evidence becomes critical because, frankly, allegations of sexual
abuse are often met with flat out denial. So you
need to gather things like detailed testimony from the client,
of course, but also medical records physical injuries, yes, but
(04:19):
also mental health records. Maybe a PTSD diagnosis, police reports
if they exist, digital evidence, texts, emails, maybe recordings if
legally obtained, and very importantly, testimony from other people like
friends or family who witness things.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
And with all that psychological complexity, what about expert witnesses?
How do professionals like forensic psychologists help the court understand
what's really going on?
Speaker 3 (04:40):
They play a crucial role. An expert can explain the
complex and dynamics of abuse, why a victim might behave
in certain ways that seem counterintuitive, how trauma impacts memory
or testimony. They provide essential context for the judge. And
we should also mention the immediate protections available. Things like
orders of protection or TA can provide immediate safety through
(05:02):
stay away orders or temporary custody. Violating them is actually
a criminal offense, and as we said, proving this kind
of abuse directly impacts those major divorce outcomes custody where
domestic violence must be considered by the court, potentially shifting
the division of assets and influencing spousal support to address
the economic damage caused by the abuse.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
So wrapping this up, it seems the core message for you,
our listener, is that the line between consensual interests, and
a clinical disorder like SSD is absolutely fundamental. It dictates
legal strategy and potential outcomes. Especially in New York, Improving
this kind of abuse takes careful, thorough documentation, and an
approach that really understands and centers the victim's traumatic experience.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
And that leads to a final thought, perhaps for you
to mull over. In our legal system, which often really
prioritizes tangible, physical proof, what does it genuinely mean to
prove the kind of profound harm caused by psychological and
emotional abuse, harm that's often invisible to the naked eye.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
That's a powerful question.
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