A Man s Home Is Her an episode of Grand Hotel

Please enjoy A Man s Home Is Her a great episode of the legendaryGrand Hotel - A Classic Old Time radio Show.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
That are a wye v e ra y v E. Rave Cream Shampool
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(00:25):
and colors against the night sky.Rave Cream Shampoos Memmophillboard announces another exciting evening
in the world of may Lee BrandMarquee stars Endulay and features Beryl Vaughn in
a hilarious story of love and confusionthat titles a Man's Home is Her Gattle.

(00:50):
An odd greeting from our young starOrenzulay, tag you Crave Kerby and
on behalf of Rave Cream Shampoo.I extend a hearty welcome to you all,
w ten gec. Those are hamradio call letters. They sounds simple,

(01:14):
harmless enough, don't Well, That'swhat Dick Murray thought, But his
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(01:38):
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(02:04):
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(02:30):
Murray is an amateur radio operator andhis wife, Jane, collects tropical fish.
Nice hobbies both of them, exceptthat Dick spends more time with his
radio than he does with Jane.So while he sits in there one room
apartment busily tuning in, Jane ismaking final preparations to tune out. Dick,
Are you going to say that radiophoneof yours all d age? She's

(02:51):
coming back. It's her turn totalk now. How excited you don't seem
to understand that I'm packing dish WT W tin. Yeah, we shurning?
Okay over, Oh she's calling you, dick, kiss. She doesn't
mean enough saying Jane, well glad, and let's ask some more dope on
that new antenna over. Oh piffle. It's the fold diapole with three hundred

(03:14):
dollars as at all. How fascinating. I'll bet her mother was fightened by
a screwdriver. Please, Jane,please, how can I listen? That's
what I wonder? How can youlisten to that nonsense day and night?
Q r X minute, dick,somebody at the door, probably a man
in a white coat with a straightjacket. I'll be maybe she'll be back,

(03:35):
but I won't see. You knowyou're being great childish, don't I'm
being very childie when you sit thereby the hour babbling c QC A BBD
and how many volts on your filaments? I didn't ask her how many volts
she had on her filament. It'ssilly, that's what it is. My
radio isn't silly. But I canshow you something in there is Where are
you going? How far can yougo in a one room apartment? You're

(03:57):
forgetting the kitchen net. Oh sure, s you're in the bath too,
but I think I can find myway back. Say just as long as
you like, just you are xminutes. Don't you use that radio double
talk on me? Richard Murray,Hello, w TNJ L w GC back
again, Jack will get lost.I don't think i've closed you by last
day. Oh dude, by allmeans it's Harvey. Glad, it's Harvey,

(04:20):
not one of the Harvey girls.Hard you're a riot, sister,
say Dick. I'm so sorry,gladys Ha had at least I can find
the switch shut off that receiver.Yes, miss nuts and Boat said she
had to go. Now, hey, what are you doing with my tropical
fish? Do you think I spendmy time on a silly hobby? Do

(04:43):
you all right? Look at theseThese sea serpents are yours? They are
not sea serpents. They're Chinese terrestaurant full eye, Oh they are.
Well, you have to keep theterrestri eye for and eyes swimming around in
my tobacco humidor well, all theother things are full. Yeah you said
it. The punch bowl, mygolf toky cup, and the glass coffee
maker, all of them full ofstupid looking fish. And will you please

(05:05):
tell me what that object is?It's swimming around in my shaving mug.
Don't tell me that's a face.Of course, it's a pencil fish.
Oh great, I'll almost shaved withit this morning. It's really very remarkable.
Sure, sure, pencil fish.I suppose it writes underwater. Oh,

(05:28):
Dick, I think it's plain enoughthat you have no interest anymore in
me. You're in us. That'sridiculous, Jane, Just because not go
over it all again? All right, all right, I got to help
you with your bag, No,thank you, I can carry them.
Jane. You realize what you're doing, of course, naturally I'm leaving you.
Do have fun with your knobs anddials, Dick, and be careful
not to fall off your kili cycles. But what are you going to say,

(05:51):
Jane? That shouldn't matter to you. Should I'll get in touch with
you later, and not by wight. Just a minute, Jane, Now,
what is it if you're really goingto get a divorce, don't write
an apartment in your own name?Why not? Well, look like you've
deserted me. I suppose you'd liketo be the one to start the divorce
proceedings. Don't worry, I'll neveruse your name again. Farewell Marcony,

(06:14):
goodbye, James. Well well,well, well, my dear, what
can I do for you your indeed? I am yes, Sir Elwood Marden
Norther real estate king can make thatstatement. Does call me Elwood? That's

(06:36):
my slogan. Does call me Elwood? Yes, well, I'm looking for
an apartment? Good? Good,You want to buy an apartment house?
Well, my dear, you're lucky, Yes you are. It just happens
I have a very fine building forfale with sixty four apartments made no excuse

(06:58):
me, this demis I don't wantto buy an apartment house. Oh you
don't want to buy now? Youchange your mind already? Have you will?
That's probably the fastest deal I everlost. However, I have another
proposition that might interest you, anew building with eighty four apartment I didn't
call me Elwood, please Elwood.I just want one apartment for myself.

(07:21):
Oh you want to rent an apartment? Yes, just one apartment? Would
you like it right down down withthe theater distr Yes, yes, that
would be nice and newly decorated,of course, with the complete suit of
new furniture. Oh how charming,mister Mardon. Where is it in my
dreams? My dear, I haven'thad an apartment for rend since shortly after

(07:46):
John took his other wife. Ohoh, but I have to have a
place to live, mister Margina,I mean Elwood. You see, I've
just left my husband. That's avery foolish to do these days. But
where can I go? Don't lookat me, my dear young woman.
My wife and I are very happyto get as she tells me. And

(08:09):
I'm going to assure you that inthis pooltime there isn't so much as no
broom closet for rent. However,if you'd like to leave your name,
something may break, but I don'tknow what I'd be able to cope with
it if it did. And yourname, my dear, Oh my name
is Jane Whome. I mean it'snot Jane Gladys. It's not Jane Gladys.

(08:31):
That's right, it's Gladys Harvey,not one of a Harvey girl,
Miss Gladys Harvey. It's right.You have a phone? Oh, yes,
yes, I have one for thetime being. Its name two four
one for well. I have onlywon myself, But I think I can
get through if anything comes out.And where you stay is staying. Oh

(08:54):
it's harsh central. Oh yeah,good good Bell. You may hear from
me. You're still quite young,but thank you very much. Goodbye,
Dreamer. Hello, Elwood, Marsand the real estate Kings. I'll call
the Ellwood. Hello. My nameis Richard Murray. Good. I have

(09:16):
a problem. My wife just leftme and I had nothing to do with
it. I'll denied, I denyeverything. No, no, no,
mister Morrison. I mean now thatshe and are separated. I like the
Coper apartment. Too many memories init? Could you read it for me?
I don't believe it. I didn'thear it. I am I couldn't

(09:37):
help, mister Morrison. What's thematter? Just call me Elwood? All
right? What's the matter? Elwood'san apartment for rences you did saying to
you mes, don't get excited.I just want to give it up,
that's all. Will you take theaddress please, it's the address. I've
almost forgotten how to write her.I must get hold of myself. It's

(09:58):
five for three to one Oakwood Avenue, apartment eleven airs. Oh here you
right it? Oh no, no, you're on the telephone, answer them,
Oh my goodness, fifty four thirtyone copewood An eleven air. Do
you think if you find someone torend it ladder? Can I find someone

(10:24):
right holding herself out? But no, yes, yes, of course I
must get hold of myself. I'vehad someone there right away, I said,
missus Harvey right away. Yeah,well you bring her up. I'm
leaving at once you find the dooropen. I'll get in touch with you
later. Yes, all right,mister later Murray. Where is that young

(10:48):
lady who was just in here?Miss miss miss Harvey? Oh, miss
Harvey Gladys. Oh no, oh, no, dear, she's gone of
course, but see oh yes herphone number. I have to call her.

(11:16):
Jane, I thought you're gone forgood. Please let me and Jack.
I must talk to you. Isee you brought your bags back too.
I couldn't find any place to go, so yes, I understand,
Jane. I've been miserable since leftmyself. Do you want to come back
to me? Well, it isn'texactly that, Jick. I mean,
it's well, it's just that you'llhave to move out instead of me.

(11:37):
Oh, I see you're leaving me, so I move out now, don't
be angry, Dick. We haveto be practical about this. But I
just called the real estate. Imean, yes, yes, of course
of course you want to move backor back? I plan to move out
right away. You have my midsterpacked out of the door. See I'll

(11:58):
be done. Well. You didn'tthink i'd stay here alone, did you?
Well? Of course, until Ididn't expect you. Well, now,
don't you worry about it. Youjust make yourself comfortable, unpack all
those things and put them all away, and just be let at home.
Oh that's terribly nice music. Youknow, sometimes you can be awfully thoughtful.
Now you're just saying that because it'strue. But we did. Where

(12:22):
will you be staying the Blue Turner, my buddy in the marine. Do
you'll have a room. Oh well, I guess I'll be going. Well,
maybe that's for me. Hello mistermorson El speaking. Is this miss
Hobby? Oh? Yes, yes, this is the gee. I want

(12:43):
you to be calm. I canjust pick you pie all apart when I
tell you the news? Can youtell me the news? What are you
talking about? I don't believe inmyself when I'm saying it, But I
found you. Oh well, that'snice of you. But I won't be
needing it now, of course,what you will be needing it? That's

(13:09):
right, that's Hobby, Miss Hobby, who you You can't do this to
me. Nobody ever turns down inthe apartment. Now let's start all over
again. But I already have anapartment. You can't ask the county two.
There are two making apartments, notin the whole United States. Now
this is the poy. Don't yourealize this one I'm open is the first

(13:33):
making apartment. That again, whataddress open? Avenue fifty four or thirty
one eleven era. And you shouldtell just a minute, just a minute,
who told you about this apartment?A man need Murray? Richard Murray?
Oh he did, Diddy, andhe knows that somebody will be coming

(13:56):
right away to take it. Mindof these things? You a high city,
no wonder he was so generous allof a sudden, are you talking
to James? Believe you don't botyou about Missy. I'll understand. Please
leave me. Oh no, no, I said I'll take it. I
said I'll take it. I'll bein to see you. Mister Marsden's goodbye.

(14:22):
Who wasn't Oh just a man abouta a pencil, say, oh,
now I suppose he has one withan oraser. Well along, James,
Oh, Dick, yes, wheredid you say you were planning to
say? I told you a lieutenant, a corporal, lieutenant, United States
Marine Corps. Well he was acorporal. I forgot to tell you,

(14:46):
Dick. This postcard came for youtoday. It's from your old friend Blue.
He's re enlisted. Re enlisted,huh, and he doesn't have an
apartment anymore. But hey, myway, James, come in, come
in. The curtain falls on Actone of a man palm is her castle.

(15:24):
Act two follows in just a moment, Remember those depressing dimouts during the
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(16:07):
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(16:30):
Get raised Today. As our secondDick opens, Dick is still pounding
on the door of his apartment andyelling open that door, Jane, open
the door. What do you wantthe neighbors to think? Sanging on the
door and yelling like that. Idon't care what they're saying. You said
you were leaving, Remember well Iam. And you'd better be thinking about

(16:52):
where you're going, Jane. Idon't think you better unpacked yet. There's
something I have to tell you.Oh, he's no hurry to excuse me.
I have to hang up my cue. No, I don't do that,
James. You know, it's reallyvery nice to have a mistake myself.
I'm telling you you hadn't better.Oh not Ellwood hold of that guy
was where he rings this apartment?Els Sea, just call me Elwood.

(17:18):
Yeah, I know, I know, I listened, el would This is
Richard Murray. Yes, look aboutmy apartment. I don't want to rent
it now, don't no, misterMurry, I'm olding you. I'm not
a well man. Now look I'llexplain you. See, I told my
wife she could live, and nowI can't get her out, So the
degles off. The apartment isn't forrent anymore. I don't you know it

(17:42):
because I just readit it to amiss Gladys Harvey. You rended it.
Oh no, let me tell you, mister Murray, but you have to
leave when missus Harvey comes to takeover. That was the arrangement. You
offered the forment, and I vesitedand I don't depend on it. I
please. I am not in theunranting business, and I sometimes want business,

(18:06):
but I can't go through with it. I haven't even got a place
to stay myself. I can't moveout. But listen, I oh,
oh are you still here? Whydon't you try to Ymca Jane? Don't
open those bags? Why not didn'tyou give me the apartment? Yes?
I did? Then I'm putting mythings bad? Don't please? Oh?

(18:27):
Why all right? What are youJane? When you left me and then
came back again, I told youyou could live here, and I said
that was sweet of you. Yeah, but it wasn't at all. You're
just being modest now, Jane,looks he do me befoor. I told
you that I'd already called up areal estate agent and told him to rant
the apartment. Okay, I forgetyou. And why don't you stop putting
your things back in the door.Oh, I don't think anybody will take

(18:48):
the apartment try to wage it,but just see the agent's already rented it.
Yes, because I'm miss Harvey,Gladys Harvey. She's coming here to
move in Harvey, missus Harvey nor. Yes, she must be the young
woman I walked up the stairs withwhen I came home. I remember now
she told me that she changed yourmind. Miss Harvey isn't running the apartment

(19:11):
at all. She isn't. Ohthere's wonderful, Jane, And we can
stay here after all we did.Yeah, we don't have to move now.
I don't have to move. We'reseparated, remember, And you gave
the apartment to me. Why don'tyou try the veteran service centers. Jane,
there isn't a place in town tostay. Now, we're just gonna
have to place this situation sensibly.Oh I'm sure you are. We are
you said so yourself. We haveto face facts. Okay, we're separated,

(19:36):
but you have no place to go, and neither'll buy that, So
you'll have to share the apartment.That's all that is doing. Isn't that
a little less? Shall we stayweird? You can live your life if
that's the way you want it,and I can live mine. Oh of
course in a one room apartment.Will practically never see each other. Maybe
you'll write once in a while soi'll know what you're doing. Come on

(19:56):
the serious, Jane. What elsecan we do? Oh right, I'll
try it, but don't you interferewith me, And I won't interfere with
you. Okay, And you useyour earphones on that wacky wireless of yours,
or I'll throw it out of mywindow. All right, But just
you remember this. Either you keepthose technicolor sardines on your side or I'll
have them for breakfast. Oh me, Now, just remember from the door

(20:36):
knobs to the picture of my motheron the wall. It's the middle of
the roof. Must I have halfof your mother on my side. We're
only separated, Dick, She's stillhalf your mother in law, all right.
Anyway, it's a profile. You'vegot the half of the mouth.
Let's see. I have the doorto the kitchenette on my side and you

(20:56):
have the other door on your side. Of course we can take turns us
in the kitchen neck naturally and wecan both use naturally. Here, you
take this lamp over on your side. Now we'll both have one. Thanks,
Jane. This will be nice sincethey gonna shave what all don't need
lens cord and the bulb. Well, I guess that's just about taking care

(21:21):
of everything, almost, Jane.Almost For what do he means, have
we divided up everything in the room? Oh, I think so. I've
tried to be very sare about it. Well, I was just thinking i'd
have a little trouble sleeping on thebookcase. Oh you mean the bed.
That's like you've never tried sleeping inthe bathtub before? Have you dig the

(21:42):
bathtub? Sungary line? Dear,I'm a good two inches on my side.
Don't forget your agreement. I didn'tagree to sleep in the bathtub.
Oh good night? Now what sick? How shuld I know? Yes?

(22:03):
Who is it? Not? Notas harm? Oh? Oh, Jane,
I thought you said you didn't wantto rent the apartment? Now did
I think? I'll go through theloss? Dick down the fire skin.
You stay right here. If wehave to move, we have to move.
That's all. Let's face it,all right, don't matter that I'm
coming. Hello, dig Hello,I just came over to see the layout.

(22:25):
Oh well, I didn't think youwere interested anymore. Oh how can
you say that? Sick? Ofcourse I'm interested. Oh well, this
is missus Murray. Jane, thisis Harvey. Oh you what huh?
Soul? I mean? Hello?Do you have a license? Missus Murray?
Oh yes, yes, it's allLeo. You don't think i'd be
living with him if I didn't have, do you? No? I don't

(22:47):
suppose you could stand it. Well, it won't take us long and get
our stuff together and get out.It's Harvey. Oh you were leading?
Oh yes, Oh that's a shame. I thought we might all be here
together for a while together. No, I hardly think that'd work. I
mean, we're a little cramped asit is. Oh, I don't behind
the bed looks comfortable. Well,I wouldn't know about that. Oh it

(23:10):
is, it is. We lostit on the bed. Then, well,
didn't you bring any of your thingswith you? No, Dick,
I don't have any partable equipment.You don't looks like you have a pretty
good location here, Dick. Ohyeah, this is bad. How are
you getting out? I suppose we'llwalk. Believe it to Dick to come

(23:30):
up with the wise crack Missus Murray. Yeah, he's a panic. Oh
no, no, I don't know. I'll see. Why don't we just
throw the windows open? You nevercan tell who might come in, are
you mister? Yes, that's right. No estate man, huh no,
no, no, I'm all rightmoney elwood. We might as well get

(23:52):
this thing settled right now. Oh, thank you, thank you. I
just received missus Harley. Oh yes, I see she's here. How do
you do, Missus Harvey? Hi? What Jane? You were speaking me?
Gladys? Your wife is quite young. Mister Murray and Charlie you make
a lovely couple. Thank you.Oh but that's right, you're separated,

(24:14):
aren't you separated? Why? Dick? I didn't know. Oh no,
please don't tell me you didn't know. Well, I didn't think I had
to say anything to her, really, mister Murray, they're probably the gentlemanly
way to go about it. Justwalk out on her these days. I
suppose you're only saying, why shouldI tell her to? No matter,
Let's get down to business now,miss Harvey. Yeah, Jane, please

(24:37):
don't interrupt? And yeah, shallwe get down to business? Looks stranger.
I don't know who you are.But if I'm in the way here,
say so and I'll leave. Butit seems to me that between you
and your husband, well I don'thave a husband. You don't. Don't
tell me you two have been divorcedalready. I have never been married.
Oh, mister Murray, tomorry me? Why you old fuddy doddy tick and

(25:03):
I are just good friends? Buthow good friends can you be? That?
I'm very sty but I don't thinkI care for your visitors. I'll
see you again when the place isquite so cutting I do me now what
a temper, mister. I don'tthink i'd blame you for not wanting to
be married to that little good fire. Heaven forbid, I've got troubles enough

(25:27):
as it is. Yes, butlook, I'm wondering if she still wants
the apartment now. Just wouldn't doit any good if she did not.
Well, I'm glad to hear that, because you see Miss Harvey here has
resited. Heaven's to my dear,Miss Harvey. That was Miss Harvey.
We just went out the door.Mister Marry. Don't you try to confuse
me. Confuse you. Look Ellwood, this is my wife. Oh,

(25:52):
I see you, and Miss Harveyhas been married already. No, no,
no, Miss Harvey and I haven'tbeen married. Miss Harvey and I
will never be married. Noyes you, Miss Harvey, Miss Harvey Darling is
your sugar voice radio operator friend?W ten g A L I you mean,
yes, dear, so apparently justdrapped it. You see your radio

(26:14):
station? My gush, well,and who's the Miss Harvey who ranted our
apartment? Don't get yourself so excited, Dick, I am you. That's
what I've been telling you. Thisyoung woman came to me. So you
rented the apartment, Jane, andyou gave Miss Harvey's name. It's the
first one I thought of, Dick. If I could just understand it.
This is probably the craziest deal inthe history of the real estate business.
Well, and you certainly set arecord. Let me out of here,

(26:37):
let me out there you are,and we'll never never forget you. I
hope that hope be mutual. Excuseme. I think I'll go up and
have a nervous break though. Allright, you do that, and I'll
call you Friday. Don't call meelviood Oh for miss Drill. It's poor

(26:59):
l You know, if there weren'tso tragic, it'll be funny, yes,
wouldn't it. Well, I packedmy bags again on the way.
Oh, Dick, you're not leaving, of course, But I'm the one
who's supposed to be leaving, remembering. No, Jane, please I'll go.
Oh Dick promised me one thing.What did jewels stay? And let
me go? Oh? No,absolutely not, I'm saying. I mean

(27:22):
I'm leaving. You see. Well, anyway, we can't both stay.
We can't. No, well,of course we can't, not even if
I were to give up my tropicalfish. No, Jane, No,
not that way. What's wrong withtropical fish? Just as there are hobbies
I like tennis radio fen Well,hey say that again. You know I

(27:42):
read someplace that a wife should shareher husband's hobbies. You did, huh,
Dick? Just what is a dipole? Antenna? Well, Jane,
antenna? Well have you to makeone? You take a pencil fish?
No, no, I mean youtake a well, you know, Jane,

(28:04):
I think I'm gonna like tropical fish. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

(28:30):
We're glad you enjoyed the night's play. Next week we'll be back with
another hilarious comedy. East is Eastand West is West and when they meet
lookout. In this story, Iplayed a part of a writer who suddenly
finds that his Long Island fiance isengaged to a dun total bunk busting cowboy.
I know you won't want to missnot at home on the Range,

(28:52):
So why not join us again nextweek when Rave Shampoo will present Grand Marquis

(29:12):
to Night's original play, A Man'sHome is Her Castle, was written by
Jane Clark and produced by Norman Countin. Old Toulay played Dick and Berrel Vaughan
was Jane. The orchestra was conductedby Joseph griccy Or, with original music
composed by Emo sorestru Be with usagain next week when Grand Marquis, when

(29:32):
a gang plays with light and colorhigh in the gay airwaves, inviting you
to join our audience for a performance. Song not at home on the rays,
Girls, to get a man thinkingyou are something special, restless when

(29:56):
he's not with you, planning tosee you again tomorrow to his emotions with
perfume, gay unforgettable Yankee clover byRichard Hudnut. And where this youthful,
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smooth on Yankee clover, toilet water, top to toe for captivating all day
freshness when dressed, Always a finaltouch of Yankee clover perfume on ear tip's

(30:21):
throat and palms per it counts most. This is the gay way, the
Yankee clover way to keep romance everlonging and eager. Yankee clover, you
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(30:41):
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(31:02):
Broadcasting Governor mm hm M