July 7, 2025 • 18 mins
Too many people attempt to change the perception of themselves with words. But how people see you is simply a collection of their observations of your behaviors and actions. There is no shortcut to this process.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Hacking Your Leadership. I'm Chris and I'm Lorenzo.
And Lorenzo on this.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Episode, I want to talk about an interaction I have
with somebody the other day that for some reason I
just kind of dwelled on a little bit and kind
of replayed in my mind and was thinking about it.
And it's an interaction that I think I've had, you know,
many times over my life, but but for some reason,
this one stuck out of me. I was talking with
somebody and I asked them a question and their response
(00:26):
to me was, well, if I'm being honest, blah blah
blah blah blah, and they and they gave me their answer.
And I don't know why it doesn't I don't always
think this, but for some reason when they said that,
my kind of knee jerk in my own head was,
what do you mean if you're being honest? Are you
saying that before this moment in our conversation you weren't
being honest like I do. I need to look at
(00:48):
everything else you said before this moment as suspect or
or is it you know, kind of the old adage
of if a person starts a sentence with if I'm
being honest. Blah blah blah.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
It means that more than likely what they've just said
to you is not honest. You know, it could go
either way.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
But what it made me think of is the importance
of making sure that you understand if you're in a
leadership role or a role of influence at all, your
values are conveyed through your behaviors a thousand to one
compared to how they come out.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
In your words. And the more that.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
You try to articulate your values, the more I think
it can be easy to think that your words are
kind of making up the slack, you know, like, oh,
where people don't see my behaviors, that where people don't
see my values in my behaviors, they'll hear it from
me and my words. And therefore that that does the
same thing. Not only does it not do the same thing,
(01:48):
it sometimes can hurt you. It can hurt versus. Just
kind of taking the road of you know, the quiet
slowness of the tortoise and the hair, the slow and steady.
It's okay if it doesn't feel like you're winning the
race in the moment that an interaction you have with
somebody they got the wrong impression, or they might think
(02:10):
something differently of you than how you want to be conveyed.
Trying to articulate your values in words makes you.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Come off as self serving.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
And if instead you just stay the course and continue
making decisions where your behaviors show your values, then that
will work out better for you in the long run,
because the person you interacted with is very likely to
be watching your behaviors anyway based on the previous interaction,
because everybody's always trying to validate or dispel things they
(02:46):
believe about you. Right, we're creatures of patterns, and we
want to predict each other because that's, you know, where
our own personal safety comes in. I want to know
how my leader is going to react in this moment.
I want my people to know how I'm going to
react in this moment. The way they know that is
by watching my behaviors. The way I know that is
by watching their behaviors. And if I see something, if
I see a behavior that doesn't fit with what with
(03:08):
the pattern that I already think, I'm likely to want
to go Oh, I need to watch more closely because
is my pattern.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Wrung or is this one piece of information.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Of Fluke and the pattern is right, right, So it
can go both ways, but you can't impact that belief
in others by your words, only by your actions.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Yeah, I think it's it's such a great call out.
I think sometimes we can self soothe in the words
that we use and really kind of feel ourselves and
kind of stand up with you know, ten toes down
and our head back and talk about what we believe
and why it matters, and you know, all our takes
(03:49):
on a lot of things. But the reality is it's
always going to come down to the behaviors and the
things that we actually do, the way that we show
up all the time, the you know, it's it's kind
of the to your point around the like if I'm
being honest, right, it's like when I hear people say
something like, well I just you know, I'm so humble, Okay, Well,
like if you actually understand the word like humility, just
(04:13):
the fact that you made that statement is like that
says you're not actually not like like to self describe
yourself that you would mean Like those are the things
where it's like no, like like I you know, I
want to be humble, I want to lead with humility.
Like that's Okay, that's a great statement, but like your
people are those around you can get to assign that
to you based upon the behaviors that you have. I'm trustworthy, Chris,
(04:37):
you just have to trust me, bro right. I don't
get to like, okay, you could say, all right, well
that's I'm glad that you're trustworthy. You should be trustworthy,
but now I'm going to keep an eye and make
sure that everything you're doing is trustworthy You're right, versus
just being trustworthy.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
You know.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Like again, it's those are the things where I think
from a from a leadership standpoint and from a understand
of the importance of your behaviors. How you show up
and the consistency in which that happens is critical to
building relationships that are built within trust and integrity and
(05:15):
understanding and transparency. Like you say it all the time,
It's like the every interaction is an opportunity to pour
into what this relationship is going to be or how
your people will see you, right, And that's that's a
critical part of that is like am I am I
doing things in such a way that I am authentic,
that I'm doing what I say, that I'm that I'm
(05:36):
making sure that how I talk, what I talk about,
the things that I do are aligned with how my
team or my leaders see me and see me as
a leader and understand me as a leader. Those things
are the most critical because that is really reflective of
then who I am as a leader versus just what
I say I am as a leader, and and that
that really is the space that I think. Sometimes I
(06:00):
see a lot of leaders falter there because they don't
even hear what they're saying, Like like I one of
my biggest pet peeves, and I hear this from time
to time somebody will say something like, you know, yeah,
I'm so excited for this thing, or this approach has
been amazing, this strategy has been unreal, because it's just
(06:21):
it's just allowed us to really connect with our people
and provide them with, you know, a level of support
and clarity that they didn't have before. And then I
scratched my head and I said, Okay, well, well why
why didn't they have it before? Because isn't that your job?
Like aren't you supposed to do that all the time?
(06:41):
Like aren't you supposed to provide clarity and support to
your people? Like why is it this thing or this
strategy or this tool. Now all of a sudden, is
this now forcing you to go and support your.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
People and be clear?
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Like like, but we don't even think about it when
we say those things sometimes of what are we implying
to the previous? So your whole like if I'm being
honest to comment, like, if I'm saying that now, what
was I being before?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Right?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
So if and if I have to say it up front.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
What am I really saying?
Speaker 3 (07:07):
And in like, at what point do I have to
make sure that you're being honest with me in the future.
If you said it once, I need you to preface
that every time so I know you're being honest. Like
I just think that, Like, those are the things where
our words can stumble us up, But the thing that
will never stumble you up is the actual behaviors that
you do every day and the way that you show
(07:28):
up for people and the way that you interact with them.
Those things are going to have a lot more weight
to how people perceive you and how they believe you
from a leadership standpoint than just the words that you say.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Right, right, So let's so let's talk about why people
do that.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Right, So, if if you if we if we go
from the standpoint of that, you know, all all people's
impression of you is is a a kind of a
summary or an average of the last you know, dozen
interactions that you've had with them. Now, if you're if
you're talking about like personal very long term relationships, romantic
relationship with friendships, it's probably more than you know a
(08:06):
dozen a dozen things. But when it comes to you know,
business relationships and professional relationships, you know, it takes a
few interactions to develop a sense of a pattern with somebody,
and then if a behavior or an action happens that
doesn't align with that, then you start to question the pattern, right,
and you look for more information. But we're always looking
(08:28):
for more information subconsciously. And where that trips people up
is leader's time is finite, and because of that, you
only have a certain number of interactions with a person
that where those interactions kind of inform their opinion about you.
And I think a lot of people are very quick
(08:48):
to try to convey something with their words versus their
actions because they're trying to make sure that that interaction
counted right. It's like, I want to be seen as
trust worthy, but this interaction didn't give me an opportunity
to be seen as trustworthy because trust wasn't an issue
in this interaction. So I'm gonna find a way of
(09:10):
telling this person at the end, Hey, you know what
you can you can depend on me. I want I'm
I'm a trustworthy person. But that had nothing to do
with the interaction, and and that can hurt the relationship
more than not saying anything and just trusting that over
time the person's opinion of you will grow and form
and and and develop based on the very strong evidence
(09:34):
of whatever your behaviors are strong one way or the other,
that one any behavior is is worth you know, thousands
of interactions of words, right, it's just the the actions
are what are what count. And even if you have
an off day and you have one interaction with somebody
where you came off not as how you want to
(09:54):
be seen, you can address that.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
You can talk to them about it right there.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
You can say hey, but ye to own it, of course,
like this is not how I want to be seen
by you.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
I don't you know.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
I had something else going on and that's why I
came off that way. There's no excuse for it. But
I just want to let you know that's that's what
it is. If that really is true. When you say that,
that's fine to say, because what you're essentially doing is
you're asking a person, Hey, you know what, be mindful
of my actions going forward. I'm telling you that what
you saw out of my behavior is not who I
actually am. That that's the aberration, that's not the pattern,
(10:28):
that's the fluke. And so I'm telling you watch out
because the other things you see from me will be
more in line with what I believe the pattern is
of who I actually am, and not with the fluke.
If you're lying or lying to yourself, then your behavior
will align with what you say the fluke is and
they'll just it'll just strengthen their opinion of you as
being terrible. But if it truly is real, then you
(10:49):
can say that to them. But just know that the
behavior matters so much more. And and trying to articulate
what you want people to see out of you, or
are fabricating moments to be able to showcase a behavior,
even if that behavior really is you, that will you'll
come off as fake and that won't give you the
(11:11):
credit you're looking for versus just kind of the slow
and steady.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Do you do those behaviors over time?
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Know that the the opportunities to display them need to
be organic for them to count, and that on a
long enough timeline it will work out if that truly
is how you.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Behave Yeah, I completely agree with that and with that
it brings us to this episode of one minute Hack.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
But first a few words from our sponsors. All right,
this episode is one minute Hack. Here's what I want
you to do.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
I want you to come up with a couple of
questions that you can ask your direct reports, if you
have them, and whether you have direct reports or not,
some peers, people you work alongside closely. You want to
ask some questions to kind of figure out how you
show up as either a leader or as a colleague.
And these questions can go along the lines of what
do I do that supports you in your role? And
(12:01):
what do I do that doesn't support you in your role?
Like what can I do differently? Or what have I
done that could be that could create hurdles for you
or roadblocks in getting your work done.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
It's really really.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Imperative that you are able to answer those questions on
behalf of them in your own head Prior to asking them,
because the goal isn't to glean more information. The goal
is primarily to see whether or not there's alignment between
how you precede the situation and how they precede the situation.
And so if you don't believe that you've created any
(12:34):
roadblocks for anybody, and you're truly trying to like find
that information out, if you hear a response of oh, no,
you don't do anything poor, like this is great, you
support me perfectly, it's possible that's true, or it's possible
that you don't have the relationship with them that you
need to be able to ask that question and they're not.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Giving you the right answer, they're not giving you a
truthful answer. But if you can.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Answer the question by realizing that there are people with
whom you have a relationship that has been hurt by
roadblocks that you've put in place, either inadvertently or intentionally
or based on your prioritization, that you especially ask those
people because you want to hear them articulate the thing
(13:17):
that you already think in your head and be able
to see if that's true. Once you get that information
from those people you're asking, you'll be able to see
whether how you want to be perceived by people aligns
with the things that you say and the things that
you do, and if you're hearing a lot of information
that doesn't align with how you want to be viewed.
The only way to change that perception is by repeated
(13:40):
behaviors over time that change the pattern people see in
you and ultimately change their perception of you. It will
take a dozen or more interactions with a person, which
depending on how how long you work with them, it
could take a few weeks or several months to make
that change happen. It will happen. People do disc card
(14:00):
old information. It's just that the new pattern needs to
be stronger than the old pattern, and how long that
old pattern was in place will impact it. And how
long you can get the new pattern going, we'll we'll
influence it. But but doing that is the only way
to make it lasting and to make you know, people
not just kind of question your behavior as suspect or
(14:20):
as self serving.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Yeah, it's it's tough because you want to gain information
and understand how you're showing up for your team and
your people without telling them exactly what you're doing with
the information, Because then by default, like you can influence
the outcome and the answer, sure, and then you're and
then you're not helping it all.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
So let's self serving it just by asking technically.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Exactly right, and you think of like like three sixty
assessments and things like, there are other tools that you
have out there to understand some things around your leadership
and your impact and your influence. But when you're really
kind of boiling it down to like are my words
matching my actions and how are my actions showing up
for others, it really takes some time to under stand
how do you get that info in a way that
(15:04):
allows someone to be honest with you and to be
able to share how you're showing up while also not
making it overly obvious as to what you're asking or
you know, kind of planting the seed of what you
want to hear or what you think or or how
you believe you're showing up. It's like if I said,
(15:25):
you know, Chris, I'm just working on my ability to
be more transparent with the information that I have and
what I share with you, Like, how am I doing
with that transparency? You know what I'm saying, Like I've
already let you down the course right, yes, correct to say, like, Okay,
a different question, Chris, I want to make sure you
have all the information that you need to be successful
(15:45):
in the role. Can you give me an example or
a time when maybe like the information that I gave
to you was either delayed or you didn't have enough
to be as effective.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
As you wanted to have. That sounds very different, very.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
Different, right, And it it allowed because again it opens
the door to getting the information and getting the examples
and getting the clarity that you need to realize then like,
am I actually going to have an impact here on
my own behavior? And am I getting true, authentic insights
that will help me to redirect it?
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Well?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
I think that the reason why that works that way,
the reason why the example the first example you gave
is a terrible one and the second example you gave
is a good one. The reason why it works that
way is because the first example is essentially a person
trying to influence how they're perceived. The second example is
a person trying to change their behavior, and behavior is
(16:40):
all that matters because the behavior becomes how you're perceived.
Because we all we are is the collective of our actions.
And so if you start with the question with I
want to be more transparent, then what you're essentially saying
is I don't want to change my behavior. I want
to change how I'm perceived. And it's impossible to change
(17:00):
how you're perceived without actually changing your behavior. So you're
essentially telling the person I'm looking for a shortcut here,
help me out here. I want to change the way
you perceive me without having to actually do any real work.
So let's walk this through together, right, and and and
that is essentially what you said to the person. But
if you talk about it from a behavioral standpoint, when
have I done this right? When have I done this
(17:22):
not right? And you and you use that in order
to influence your future behavior, trusting that those future behaviors
will influence how that person perceives you. It's just it
takes work. It takes the hard work. There's no magic pill.
There's just interactions with a person over time where they
can con see they can see a consistent pattern in
your behavior, and and any any attempt to circumvent that
(17:47):
difficult but very effective process, it will it will hurt
the relationship more than will help it. And and a
true dedication to it not only helps that one relationship,
it will help every relationship you have in business and
in your role as a.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Leader, absolutely And with that it brings us to the
end of this episode. This is hocking your leadership. I'm
Lorenzo and I'm Chris, and we'll talk to you all
next time.
Welcome to Hacking Your Leadership. I'm Chris and I'm Lorenzo.
And Lorenzo on this.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Episode, I want to talk about an interaction I have
with somebody the other day that for some reason I
just kind of dwelled on a little bit and kind
of replayed in my mind and was thinking about it.
And it's an interaction that I think I've had, you know,
many times over my life, but but for some reason,
this one stuck out of me. I was talking with
somebody and I asked them a question and their response
(00:26):
to me was, well, if I'm being honest, blah blah
blah blah blah, and they and they gave me their answer.
And I don't know why it doesn't I don't always
think this, but for some reason when they said that,
my kind of knee jerk in my own head was,
what do you mean if you're being honest? Are you
saying that before this moment in our conversation you weren't
being honest like I do. I need to look at
(00:48):
everything else you said before this moment as suspect or
or is it you know, kind of the old adage
of if a person starts a sentence with if I'm
being honest. Blah blah blah.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
It means that more than likely what they've just said
to you is not honest. You know, it could go
either way.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
But what it made me think of is the importance
of making sure that you understand if you're in a
leadership role or a role of influence at all, your
values are conveyed through your behaviors a thousand to one
compared to how they come out.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
In your words. And the more that.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
You try to articulate your values, the more I think
it can be easy to think that your words are
kind of making up the slack, you know, like, oh,
where people don't see my behaviors, that where people don't
see my values in my behaviors, they'll hear it from
me and my words. And therefore that that does the
same thing. Not only does it not do the same thing,
(01:48):
it sometimes can hurt you. It can hurt versus. Just
kind of taking the road of you know, the quiet
slowness of the tortoise and the hair, the slow and steady.
It's okay if it doesn't feel like you're winning the
race in the moment that an interaction you have with
somebody they got the wrong impression, or they might think
(02:10):
something differently of you than how you want to be conveyed.
Trying to articulate your values in words makes you.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Come off as self serving.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
And if instead you just stay the course and continue
making decisions where your behaviors show your values, then that
will work out better for you in the long run,
because the person you interacted with is very likely to
be watching your behaviors anyway based on the previous interaction,
because everybody's always trying to validate or dispel things they
(02:46):
believe about you. Right, we're creatures of patterns, and we
want to predict each other because that's, you know, where
our own personal safety comes in. I want to know
how my leader is going to react in this moment.
I want my people to know how I'm going to
react in this moment. The way they know that is
by watching my behaviors. The way I know that is
by watching their behaviors. And if I see something, if
I see a behavior that doesn't fit with what with
(03:08):
the pattern that I already think, I'm likely to want
to go Oh, I need to watch more closely because
is my pattern.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Wrung or is this one piece of information.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Of Fluke and the pattern is right, right, So it
can go both ways, but you can't impact that belief
in others by your words, only by your actions.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Yeah, I think it's it's such a great call out.
I think sometimes we can self soothe in the words
that we use and really kind of feel ourselves and
kind of stand up with you know, ten toes down
and our head back and talk about what we believe
and why it matters, and you know, all our takes
(03:49):
on a lot of things. But the reality is it's
always going to come down to the behaviors and the
things that we actually do, the way that we show
up all the time, the you know, it's it's kind
of the to your point around the like if I'm
being honest, right, it's like when I hear people say
something like, well I just you know, I'm so humble, Okay, Well,
like if you actually understand the word like humility, just
(04:13):
the fact that you made that statement is like that
says you're not actually not like like to self describe
yourself that you would mean Like those are the things
where it's like no, like like I you know, I
want to be humble, I want to lead with humility.
Like that's Okay, that's a great statement, but like your
people are those around you can get to assign that
to you based upon the behaviors that you have. I'm trustworthy, Chris,
(04:37):
you just have to trust me, bro right. I don't
get to like, okay, you could say, all right, well
that's I'm glad that you're trustworthy. You should be trustworthy,
but now I'm going to keep an eye and make
sure that everything you're doing is trustworthy You're right, versus
just being trustworthy.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
You know.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Like again, it's those are the things where I think
from a from a leadership standpoint and from a understand
of the importance of your behaviors. How you show up
and the consistency in which that happens is critical to
building relationships that are built within trust and integrity and
(05:15):
understanding and transparency. Like you say it all the time,
It's like the every interaction is an opportunity to pour
into what this relationship is going to be or how
your people will see you, right, And that's that's a
critical part of that is like am I am I
doing things in such a way that I am authentic,
that I'm doing what I say, that I'm that I'm
(05:36):
making sure that how I talk, what I talk about,
the things that I do are aligned with how my
team or my leaders see me and see me as
a leader and understand me as a leader. Those things
are the most critical because that is really reflective of
then who I am as a leader versus just what
I say I am as a leader, and and that
that really is the space that I think. Sometimes I
(06:00):
see a lot of leaders falter there because they don't
even hear what they're saying, Like like I one of
my biggest pet peeves, and I hear this from time
to time somebody will say something like, you know, yeah,
I'm so excited for this thing, or this approach has
been amazing, this strategy has been unreal, because it's just
(06:21):
it's just allowed us to really connect with our people
and provide them with, you know, a level of support
and clarity that they didn't have before. And then I
scratched my head and I said, Okay, well, well why
why didn't they have it before? Because isn't that your job?
Like aren't you supposed to do that all the time?
(06:41):
Like aren't you supposed to provide clarity and support to
your people? Like why is it this thing or this
strategy or this tool. Now all of a sudden, is
this now forcing you to go and support your.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
People and be clear?
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Like like, but we don't even think about it when
we say those things sometimes of what are we implying
to the previous? So your whole like if I'm being
honest to comment, like, if I'm saying that now, what
was I being before?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Right?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
So if and if I have to say it up front.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
What am I really saying?
Speaker 3 (07:07):
And in like, at what point do I have to
make sure that you're being honest with me in the future.
If you said it once, I need you to preface
that every time so I know you're being honest. Like
I just think that, Like, those are the things where
our words can stumble us up, But the thing that
will never stumble you up is the actual behaviors that
you do every day and the way that you show
(07:28):
up for people and the way that you interact with them.
Those things are going to have a lot more weight
to how people perceive you and how they believe you
from a leadership standpoint than just the words that you say.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Right, right, So let's so let's talk about why people
do that.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Right, So, if if you if we if we go
from the standpoint of that, you know, all all people's
impression of you is is a a kind of a
summary or an average of the last you know, dozen
interactions that you've had with them. Now, if you're if
you're talking about like personal very long term relationships, romantic
relationship with friendships, it's probably more than you know a
(08:06):
dozen a dozen things. But when it comes to you know,
business relationships and professional relationships, you know, it takes a
few interactions to develop a sense of a pattern with somebody,
and then if a behavior or an action happens that
doesn't align with that, then you start to question the pattern, right,
and you look for more information. But we're always looking
(08:28):
for more information subconsciously. And where that trips people up
is leader's time is finite, and because of that, you
only have a certain number of interactions with a person
that where those interactions kind of inform their opinion about you.
And I think a lot of people are very quick
(08:48):
to try to convey something with their words versus their
actions because they're trying to make sure that that interaction
counted right. It's like, I want to be seen as
trust worthy, but this interaction didn't give me an opportunity
to be seen as trustworthy because trust wasn't an issue
in this interaction. So I'm gonna find a way of
(09:10):
telling this person at the end, Hey, you know what
you can you can depend on me. I want I'm
I'm a trustworthy person. But that had nothing to do
with the interaction, and and that can hurt the relationship
more than not saying anything and just trusting that over
time the person's opinion of you will grow and form
and and and develop based on the very strong evidence
(09:34):
of whatever your behaviors are strong one way or the other,
that one any behavior is is worth you know, thousands
of interactions of words, right, it's just the the actions
are what are what count. And even if you have
an off day and you have one interaction with somebody
where you came off not as how you want to
(09:54):
be seen, you can address that.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
You can talk to them about it right there.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
You can say hey, but ye to own it, of course,
like this is not how I want to be seen
by you.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
I don't you know.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
I had something else going on and that's why I
came off that way. There's no excuse for it. But
I just want to let you know that's that's what
it is. If that really is true. When you say that,
that's fine to say, because what you're essentially doing is
you're asking a person, Hey, you know what, be mindful
of my actions going forward. I'm telling you that what
you saw out of my behavior is not who I
actually am. That that's the aberration, that's not the pattern,
(10:28):
that's the fluke. And so I'm telling you watch out
because the other things you see from me will be
more in line with what I believe the pattern is
of who I actually am, and not with the fluke.
If you're lying or lying to yourself, then your behavior
will align with what you say the fluke is and
they'll just it'll just strengthen their opinion of you as
being terrible. But if it truly is real, then you
(10:49):
can say that to them. But just know that the
behavior matters so much more. And and trying to articulate
what you want people to see out of you, or
are fabricating moments to be able to showcase a behavior,
even if that behavior really is you, that will you'll
come off as fake and that won't give you the
(11:11):
credit you're looking for versus just kind of the slow
and steady.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Do you do those behaviors over time?
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Know that the the opportunities to display them need to
be organic for them to count, and that on a
long enough timeline it will work out if that truly
is how you.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Behave Yeah, I completely agree with that and with that
it brings us to this episode of one minute Hack.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
But first a few words from our sponsors. All right,
this episode is one minute Hack. Here's what I want
you to do.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
I want you to come up with a couple of
questions that you can ask your direct reports, if you
have them, and whether you have direct reports or not,
some peers, people you work alongside closely. You want to
ask some questions to kind of figure out how you
show up as either a leader or as a colleague.
And these questions can go along the lines of what
do I do that supports you in your role? And
(12:01):
what do I do that doesn't support you in your role?
Like what can I do differently? Or what have I
done that could be that could create hurdles for you
or roadblocks in getting your work done.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
It's really really.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Imperative that you are able to answer those questions on
behalf of them in your own head Prior to asking them,
because the goal isn't to glean more information. The goal
is primarily to see whether or not there's alignment between
how you precede the situation and how they precede the situation.
And so if you don't believe that you've created any
(12:34):
roadblocks for anybody, and you're truly trying to like find
that information out, if you hear a response of oh, no,
you don't do anything poor, like this is great, you
support me perfectly, it's possible that's true, or it's possible
that you don't have the relationship with them that you
need to be able to ask that question and they're not.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Giving you the right answer, they're not giving you a
truthful answer. But if you can.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
Answer the question by realizing that there are people with
whom you have a relationship that has been hurt by
roadblocks that you've put in place, either inadvertently or intentionally
or based on your prioritization, that you especially ask those
people because you want to hear them articulate the thing
(13:17):
that you already think in your head and be able
to see if that's true. Once you get that information
from those people you're asking, you'll be able to see
whether how you want to be perceived by people aligns
with the things that you say and the things that
you do, and if you're hearing a lot of information
that doesn't align with how you want to be viewed.
The only way to change that perception is by repeated
(13:40):
behaviors over time that change the pattern people see in
you and ultimately change their perception of you. It will
take a dozen or more interactions with a person, which
depending on how how long you work with them, it
could take a few weeks or several months to make
that change happen. It will happen. People do disc card
(14:00):
old information. It's just that the new pattern needs to
be stronger than the old pattern, and how long that
old pattern was in place will impact it. And how
long you can get the new pattern going, we'll we'll
influence it. But but doing that is the only way
to make it lasting and to make you know, people
not just kind of question your behavior as suspect or
(14:20):
as self serving.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Yeah, it's it's tough because you want to gain information
and understand how you're showing up for your team and
your people without telling them exactly what you're doing with
the information, Because then by default, like you can influence
the outcome and the answer, sure, and then you're and
then you're not helping it all.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
So let's self serving it just by asking technically.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Exactly right, and you think of like like three sixty
assessments and things like, there are other tools that you
have out there to understand some things around your leadership
and your impact and your influence. But when you're really
kind of boiling it down to like are my words
matching my actions and how are my actions showing up
for others, it really takes some time to under stand
how do you get that info in a way that
(15:04):
allows someone to be honest with you and to be
able to share how you're showing up while also not
making it overly obvious as to what you're asking or
you know, kind of planting the seed of what you
want to hear or what you think or or how
you believe you're showing up. It's like if I said,
(15:25):
you know, Chris, I'm just working on my ability to
be more transparent with the information that I have and
what I share with you, Like, how am I doing
with that transparency? You know what I'm saying, Like I've
already let you down the course right, yes, correct to say, like, Okay,
a different question, Chris, I want to make sure you
have all the information that you need to be successful
(15:45):
in the role. Can you give me an example or
a time when maybe like the information that I gave
to you was either delayed or you didn't have enough
to be as effective.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
As you wanted to have. That sounds very different, very.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
Different, right, And it it allowed because again it opens
the door to getting the information and getting the examples
and getting the clarity that you need to realize then like,
am I actually going to have an impact here on
my own behavior? And am I getting true, authentic insights
that will help me to redirect it?
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Well?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
I think that the reason why that works that way,
the reason why the example the first example you gave
is a terrible one and the second example you gave
is a good one. The reason why it works that
way is because the first example is essentially a person
trying to influence how they're perceived. The second example is
a person trying to change their behavior, and behavior is
(16:40):
all that matters because the behavior becomes how you're perceived.
Because we all we are is the collective of our actions.
And so if you start with the question with I
want to be more transparent, then what you're essentially saying
is I don't want to change my behavior. I want
to change how I'm perceived. And it's impossible to change
(17:00):
how you're perceived without actually changing your behavior. So you're
essentially telling the person I'm looking for a shortcut here,
help me out here. I want to change the way
you perceive me without having to actually do any real work.
So let's walk this through together, right, and and and
that is essentially what you said to the person. But
if you talk about it from a behavioral standpoint, when
have I done this right? When have I done this
(17:22):
not right? And you and you use that in order
to influence your future behavior, trusting that those future behaviors
will influence how that person perceives you. It's just it
takes work. It takes the hard work. There's no magic pill.
There's just interactions with a person over time where they
can con see they can see a consistent pattern in
your behavior, and and any any attempt to circumvent that
(17:47):
difficult but very effective process, it will it will hurt
the relationship more than will help it. And and a
true dedication to it not only helps that one relationship,
it will help every relationship you have in business and
in your role as a.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Leader, absolutely And with that it brings us to the
end of this episode. This is hocking your leadership. I'm
Lorenzo and I'm Chris, and we'll talk to you all
next time.
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