August 17, 2022 • 11 mins
This week, Tom Hardy edges closer to a meeting with Professor Dumbledore to borrow his time turner… but Dumbledore and Professor Snape have other ideas.
Find Tom on Twitter at https://www.twitter.com/HardysHardest
and on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/hardys_hardest_hats
All in association with Cold Callers Comedy - find them at https://linktr.ee/ColdCallersComedy
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/hardy-s-hardest-hats--5266950/support.
Find Tom on Twitter at https://www.twitter.com/HardysHardest
and on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/hardys_hardest_hats
All in association with Cold Callers Comedy - find them at https://linktr.ee/ColdCallersComedy
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/hardy-s-hardest-hats--5266950/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hardy's Hard His Hats is brought toyou an association with Cold Callers Comedy.
You can find Cold Callers Comedy onTwitter at cold Callers, on Instagram at
cold Callers Underscore Comedy, and onFacebook at Cold Callers Comedy. And if
you head over to YouTube dot comforward slash cold Callers you'll find our music
videos and comedy sketches there. Andif you can't be bothered to do any
(00:23):
of that, well, stop pullingyour pud and stop thumbing it. Do
you want me to get that?I mean I don't, not really,
but I mean they're good. Probablyare gonna keep knocking unless I get it.
Yeah, okay, fine, allright, Hello fellas, Hi Tom,
(00:45):
Hi Bain, Hello, Gold GirlsComedy, Baine. You know our
names. You don't have to beso formal, very well, Hello mister
and missus Cold Callers. Who's themissus? Listen, ladies, I think
you know Amy, we don't.It's the ratings, mate, They're not
great, They're not ardy enough.I'm just wondering why we're getting such bad
(01:10):
reviews. Um. Maybe the focusis too much on hats now, mate,
people love the acts. I don't. Maybe people find it confusing that
there's so many toms you fucking work. Oh nothing nothing um or maybe it's
a bit violent. You're right,it is a bit violent. Maybe it
(01:34):
should be a lot more violent.People love a bit of violand especially stylized
violent like a King's man. Ohyou know the one. He gets given
a piano as a kid after hisfather died on some mission in Agrabar or
some shit. Then he had tochoose between a dog that he loved the
pieces or his soul mate, thepiano mate. He couldn't choose, so
(01:59):
they didn't him into the Spark Kidsfor the same reason he wasn't allowed to
play classical music. He's short,stabbyan's he can't hold a garden and he
can only play rock and roll music. And it okay, trust me needs
to be stylized. Bain showed themwhat I mean. Dog, Tom,
(02:20):
you don't you really don't mean We'refine. You don't need to shoot.
I don't think this is a goodidea. I will be sued for using
this music. That's the last ofyour worries. Besides, I'm gonna second
(02:55):
you have done. You had abrasyde you die. That was beautiful,
(03:29):
way not doing again, but slower. How hot is y'all? How hot
is it? How hot is y'all? How hot is? How hot is
y'all? Time? Time? Whatis your fucking h mate? Hello and
(03:54):
welcome to another magical episode of Hearty'sHardest Hats, the show that proves hatters
make of man? Do you knowwhat that means? If you don't,
then buy my new book, TomHardy's Ptilosophy, The Philosophy of Hats.
(04:14):
As always, I'm your host,Tom Hardy from It's a Peaky Blinders.
It's a peaky blinders, a peakyblinders. One dream, one soul,
one prize, one goal, onegolden glance of what should be. It's
(04:38):
a peaky blinds, one sharp oflight that shows the way no more too
man can win this day. It'sa peaky blind as the ber rings inside
your mind is challenging it doors oftime. It's a piky blinders. The
(05:01):
way thing seems eternity a day willdoor off signer. Is this a peaky
blinders? It's a piky blinders.They can be only worm this rage that
(05:25):
loss of fashngges will soon be darto be quiet. Sorry. Now,
After last week's episode of infiltrating aschool for whiches and wizard fox. I'm
getting closer and closer to meeting Dumbledore, so why can use his time travel
powers to set my past mistakes rightand hopefully smashes fucking wizard hat wearing heading
(05:49):
with my nimbers two thousand. Now, that is not a euphemism for my
bristly cock. I'm actually talking abouta broomstick in a saying that I would
use my womb brew to clean outBelatrick's or Stranger's basement oofed full of cobwebs.
I've been doing pretty well with mystudies so far, but I'm struggling
with defense against the dark cass.Apparently it has nothing to do with perennium
(06:13):
sonning or anal cleanliness. How towipe proper and bleaching your anus. I
wish I'd known that before, asit is rather uncomfortable in it. But
on the plus side, you coulddefinitely eat your dinner off it. Anyway,
I'm in Potion's class at the moment. I'm not sure what we're making
as I didn't hear what the teachersaid. As I've been doing this introduction
for the benefit of you, listenersare we're making polyjuice potion. But do
(06:38):
you fuck off? Does anything seemto be the problem, mister Kendall lad
No, Professor Slagorne, I'm fine. It's just that Ronnie is trying to
distract me. You easily, mayboy. You can't be distracting your fellow
students. I wasn't sad. Iwas just telling him what we were making.
Is he didn't hear you? Ohthat's it? Throwed me under the
(06:59):
bus. I don't you after allwe've been through. I never told anyone
how you want to smash the mine'sbackdoors in? Do you want to what?
Jericho? I can't believe you've beentalking about me like that. I
know a mine. He's an absolutepeg. You should be ashamed of himself.
Your ginger canod came to make yourpoly juice potion? My lolly blue?
(07:21):
What poly juice potion? Collie dogocean? No, it's poly juice
potion, prolly juice. Isn't thatthis rain? No, it's pully not
brolly. Shan't your fucking mouth gingernuts. I heard what he said,
poly juice potion. I've got this. It's paid sixty two. Got it.
(07:46):
Here is flaxuede, not grass lacewingflies, let says, Oh,
get in there, your little sackers. Horn of bacon. It's by corn
where Excuse me for not hearing ofa fucking bi corn. I'm just trying
(08:07):
to help. She does know hersstuff. Jerrychoke, keep it in your
pants weasily right, last ingredient skinof boomslang. Now mix it up.
I know I've seen cocktail right rightright right down the hatch, jerrycho Now
(08:39):
that doesn't sit well, that's doinglaps. That's gone right through quick.
Where's the nearest chitter. The girl'stoilet is next door, but that's where
moaning myrtle haunts. Well, she'sgonna have something else to moan about him
when it moves. Mister candle docome in hello, Professor bumble Snow,
(09:13):
do you know what I've called youinto my office? Have I been a
naughty boy? Very naughty boy?Look? If this is about the big
bird in the painting, I'm sorry, okay, I didn't realize her and
any Henry it'd split up. Ohno, it's not about that. I'm
sure you know, Professor Snape.M mister candleman, or should I say
(09:33):
mister hardy m mister Thomas Hardy.How did you? How did you know?
It seems you signed your real nameon your potion's book. Oh you
also put th on your luggage,right, And whenever someone asked your name,
(09:54):
you say trum Hardy from Peaky fuckingBlinders, and then you remember and
you say Jericho Candlenut. Yeah,that's all pretty damning evidence. Are you
even a wizard? Yeah? Ofcourse really, Hagrid said, I was.
What is this? Then? Where'sa twig? It's a round,
right, That's why I'm meant?And why don't you have one? Look?
(10:16):
I know it was in the backto school shopping this, but I
thought it was just optional, likewhen I asked you to buy riding boots
for drama's school. Listen, misterHarvey, We're not don't know. We
just want to know why you've comehere. Look the thing is, wait
a minute, who the fuck areyou? I'm professor Lumbledore. No you're
not. You're a completely different person. Quiet. Now, there is the
(10:37):
gentleman here who thinks he cannot helpyou. Yes, another wizard of sorts,
a professor like you. Two.No, I'm a doctor, doctor
Stephen Strange. Have we merited?No? Definitely not really I remember you
being bigger though no, I definitelywasn't a dragon. You fucking were,
it seems you and your large friendBaine. Of course, I had a
(11:00):
bit of damage to the variance oftime, creating a multiverse of madness.
Well, I was going to saveconverging timelines, but I guess madness works.
Can you help me set things?Strike? Doctor? I fear we
don't have much time. Oh time, mister Hardy, is all we have
dom moved. What a line.Time to be continued, myte
Hardy's Hard His Hats is brought toyou an association with Cold Callers Comedy.
You can find Cold Callers Comedy onTwitter at cold Callers, on Instagram at
cold Callers Underscore Comedy, and onFacebook at Cold Callers Comedy. And if
you head over to YouTube dot comforward slash cold Callers you'll find our music
videos and comedy sketches there. Andif you can't be bothered to do any
(00:23):
of that, well, stop pullingyour pud and stop thumbing it. Do
you want me to get that?I mean I don't, not really,
but I mean they're good. Probablyare gonna keep knocking unless I get it.
Yeah, okay, fine, allright, Hello fellas, Hi Tom,
(00:45):
Hi Bain, Hello, Gold GirlsComedy, Baine. You know our
names. You don't have to beso formal, very well, Hello mister
and missus Cold Callers. Who's themissus? Listen, ladies, I think
you know Amy, we don't.It's the ratings, mate, They're not
great, They're not ardy enough.I'm just wondering why we're getting such bad
(01:10):
reviews. Um. Maybe the focusis too much on hats now, mate,
people love the acts. I don't. Maybe people find it confusing that
there's so many toms you fucking work. Oh nothing nothing um or maybe it's
a bit violent. You're right,it is a bit violent. Maybe it
(01:34):
should be a lot more violent.People love a bit of violand especially stylized
violent like a King's man. Ohyou know the one. He gets given
a piano as a kid after hisfather died on some mission in Agrabar or
some shit. Then he had tochoose between a dog that he loved the
pieces or his soul mate, thepiano mate. He couldn't choose, so
(01:59):
they didn't him into the Spark Kidsfor the same reason he wasn't allowed to
play classical music. He's short,stabbyan's he can't hold a garden and he
can only play rock and roll music. And it okay, trust me needs
to be stylized. Bain showed themwhat I mean. Dog, Tom,
(02:20):
you don't you really don't mean We'refine. You don't need to shoot.
I don't think this is a goodidea. I will be sued for using
this music. That's the last ofyour worries. Besides, I'm gonna second
(02:55):
you have done. You had abrasyde you die. That was beautiful,
(03:29):
way not doing again, but slower. How hot is y'all? How hot
is it? How hot is y'all? How hot is? How hot is
y'all? Time? Time? Whatis your fucking h mate? Hello and
(03:54):
welcome to another magical episode of Hearty'sHardest Hats, the show that proves hatters
make of man? Do you knowwhat that means? If you don't,
then buy my new book, TomHardy's Ptilosophy, The Philosophy of Hats.
(04:14):
As always, I'm your host,Tom Hardy from It's a Peaky Blinders.
It's a peaky blinders, a peakyblinders. One dream, one soul,
one prize, one goal, onegolden glance of what should be. It's
(04:38):
a peaky blinds, one sharp oflight that shows the way no more too
man can win this day. It'sa peaky blind as the ber rings inside
your mind is challenging it doors oftime. It's a piky blinders. The
(05:01):
way thing seems eternity a day willdoor off signer. Is this a peaky
blinders? It's a piky blinders.They can be only worm this rage that
(05:25):
loss of fashngges will soon be darto be quiet. Sorry. Now,
After last week's episode of infiltrating aschool for whiches and wizard fox. I'm
getting closer and closer to meeting Dumbledore, so why can use his time travel
powers to set my past mistakes rightand hopefully smashes fucking wizard hat wearing heading
(05:49):
with my nimbers two thousand. Now, that is not a euphemism for my
bristly cock. I'm actually talking abouta broomstick in a saying that I would
use my womb brew to clean outBelatrick's or Stranger's basement oofed full of cobwebs.
I've been doing pretty well with mystudies so far, but I'm struggling
with defense against the dark cass.Apparently it has nothing to do with perennium
(06:13):
sonning or anal cleanliness. How towipe proper and bleaching your anus. I
wish I'd known that before, asit is rather uncomfortable in it. But
on the plus side, you coulddefinitely eat your dinner off it. Anyway,
I'm in Potion's class at the moment. I'm not sure what we're making
as I didn't hear what the teachersaid. As I've been doing this introduction
for the benefit of you, listenersare we're making polyjuice potion. But do
(06:38):
you fuck off? Does anything seemto be the problem, mister Kendall lad
No, Professor Slagorne, I'm fine. It's just that Ronnie is trying to
distract me. You easily, mayboy. You can't be distracting your fellow
students. I wasn't sad. Iwas just telling him what we were making.
Is he didn't hear you? Ohthat's it? Throwed me under the
(06:59):
bus. I don't you after allwe've been through. I never told anyone
how you want to smash the mine'sbackdoors in? Do you want to what?
Jericho? I can't believe you've beentalking about me like that. I
know a mine. He's an absolutepeg. You should be ashamed of himself.
Your ginger canod came to make yourpoly juice potion? My lolly blue?
(07:21):
What poly juice potion? Collie dogocean? No, it's poly juice
potion, prolly juice. Isn't thatthis rain? No, it's pully not
brolly. Shan't your fucking mouth gingernuts. I heard what he said,
poly juice potion. I've got this. It's paid sixty two. Got it.
(07:46):
Here is flaxuede, not grass lacewingflies, let says, Oh,
get in there, your little sackers. Horn of bacon. It's by corn
where Excuse me for not hearing ofa fucking bi corn. I'm just trying
(08:07):
to help. She does know hersstuff. Jerrychoke, keep it in your
pants weasily right, last ingredient skinof boomslang. Now mix it up.
I know I've seen cocktail right rightright right down the hatch, jerrycho Now
(08:39):
that doesn't sit well, that's doinglaps. That's gone right through quick.
Where's the nearest chitter. The girl'stoilet is next door, but that's where
moaning myrtle haunts. Well, she'sgonna have something else to moan about him
when it moves. Mister candle docome in hello, Professor bumble Snow,
(09:13):
do you know what I've called youinto my office? Have I been a
naughty boy? Very naughty boy?Look? If this is about the big
bird in the painting, I'm sorry, okay, I didn't realize her and
any Henry it'd split up. Ohno, it's not about that. I'm
sure you know, Professor Snape.M mister candleman, or should I say
(09:33):
mister hardy m mister Thomas Hardy.How did you? How did you know?
It seems you signed your real nameon your potion's book. Oh you
also put th on your luggage,right, And whenever someone asked your name,
(09:54):
you say trum Hardy from Peaky fuckingBlinders, and then you remember and
you say Jericho Candlenut. Yeah,that's all pretty damning evidence. Are you
even a wizard? Yeah? Ofcourse really, Hagrid said, I was.
What is this? Then? Where'sa twig? It's a round,
right, That's why I'm meant?And why don't you have one? Look?
(10:16):
I know it was in the backto school shopping this, but I
thought it was just optional, likewhen I asked you to buy riding boots
for drama's school. Listen, misterHarvey, We're not don't know. We
just want to know why you've comehere. Look the thing is, wait
a minute, who the fuck areyou? I'm professor Lumbledore. No you're
not. You're a completely different person. Quiet. Now, there is the
(10:37):
gentleman here who thinks he cannot helpyou. Yes, another wizard of sorts,
a professor like you. Two.No, I'm a doctor, doctor
Stephen Strange. Have we merited?No? Definitely not really I remember you
being bigger though no, I definitelywasn't a dragon. You fucking were,
it seems you and your large friendBaine. Of course, I had a
(11:00):
bit of damage to the variance oftime, creating a multiverse of madness.
Well, I was going to saveconverging timelines, but I guess madness works.
Can you help me set things?Strike? Doctor? I fear we
don't have much time. Oh time, mister Hardy, is all we have
dom moved. What a line.Time to be continued, myte
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