June 3, 2024 • 44 mins
In this episode, Dungeon Master Jason Portizo and former co-hosts Josey Diaz and Greg Genovas recount the epic story of 'The Ballad of Edgardo.' Originally aired on 'Curmudgeons and Dragons,' this tale follows the tumultuous journey of Edgardo, a brawler navigating a hostile role-playing game environment. Facing constant opposition from overpowered players and biased moderators, Edgardo forms an alliance with an unlikely companion, a player named Squid, and eventually, Goldenharl—a former enemy. Together, they navigate betrayal, exploit game mechanics, and ultimately challenge the tyrannical player, Zero. Filled with humor, camaraderie, and the triumph of underdogs, this story culminates in the legendary punch into the sun and a dramatic conclusion.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:20):
Hello adventurers. The podcast role playersand game masters to help level up your
game. I am your dungeon master, Jason Portiso, and today we are
going to continue with some greatest hitsreplays from our previous show Curmudgeons and Dragons.
This episode was a ton of funto record. The host roster at
the time was myself Jim Crocker,who you all know, one of my
(00:42):
longtime friends, Josie Diz and herDM Greg Genovas. I had just moved
into my new home and we hadn'tbuilt my home studio yet and Josie just
happened to be in town in betweensemesters from her school in England, so
we had all met at my newplace to record around my dining room table,
like podcast thing was meant to be. It was awesome. I believe
(01:03):
this was the last in a seriesof several episodes that we recorded in that
session. So this replay episode isthe first time we tried it in RPG.
Classic story something we did even onthis show with the Absurd Story which
if you hadn't heard that one isa muscless and it was hysterical. So
this is a story that made itsway around four Chan and dig and read
(01:25):
it and all the usual spots,and every time it comes up, I
have to reread it. It's writtenin that strange four Chan green tech style.
But despite that, it's a welltold story of a game gone wrong
where the underdogs uproot the corrupt systemby turning its own tricks against it.
In the end, absolute all timerclassic. But before we get into that,
(01:46):
I just want to throw the disclaimerout there that we like to keep
Hello Adventurers as a clean show,but Curmudgeons and Dragons was not. So
this episode was marked explicit in yourpodcast player just for some language. So
if you like to listen with yourkids, maybe check this one out on
your on first. But otherwise,please enjoy this replay of our retelling of
the Ballad of Edgardodor. Sometimes talkingwith friends feels like role playing, sometimes
(02:13):
it feels like combat. Join usat the round table and roll initiative.
This is Curmudgeons and Dragons. HelloAdventurers. So first of all, I'm
(02:34):
Jason Portizo. I'm here today withJosie Diaz. With Josie Diaz. Oh
that's my cue. Hello, therewe go. Great you Novus, I
did not miss my queue. Well, Pina Rose on your nose, you
stupid bitch. I will Jim ismissing his cue because he's still at Origins.
He's been there for weeks. Iknow. Josie Gregor is still in
my house. We're recording my mydining room table so until I can build
(02:57):
my studio. So there were fiveWednesdays this month weird, and so my
rotation was getting thrown off. SoI was trying to think of what to
do for the fifth week special.And we're going to try. We're going
to see how this works, andif you guys like it, please send
us an email or just comment onsomething. Let us know somehow whether you
like this idea or not. Butso we've done horror stories, We've done
(03:20):
wholesome stories. I'm just going todo a story. This is really neither
good nor bad. This is justlike a classic RPG story. It's been
all over the internet for years.I have not only read this story before,
but I've watched videos of other peoplereading this story before, just because
I love this story so much.And when I found out that greg and
Josie didn't know this story, Iwas so happy to be able to tell
(03:42):
them. So we're just going toread through the Ballad of Edgardo, and
it sort of reads like the epicof Gilbert and some of you might know
what I'm even talking about and knowhow crazy this story is. It's great.
So the format for today is I'mjust going to read the story as
it is, pretty verbatim, andanytime you guys have some sort of you
know, anything you want to addto the story, anything you want to
(04:04):
any comments to you, or ifyou want to just discuss part of it,
We're just gonna just react as wego. Okay, so I can
do that. Don't feel like youneed to wait for your turn. Don't
do we ever, Josie, tryto try to get I will attempt.
I will make the attempt. Yeah, I will try to be annoying.
(04:25):
Okay, mine? So uh.The other disclaimer is that this is written
in four chan green text style,so it's a little funny to read.
Uh, it's gonna sound a littleweird. But this is a long one,
so I'm going to just dive rightinto this. So you guys ready
for this. This is the Balladof Edgardo. Get a hankering from some
(04:45):
RP or roleplay cruise a couple forums. Something catches my eye. Some kind
of weird combination of stuff from DragonBall, z Gurin Logan, Avatar,
Last Airbender, and a few otherthemes from different shows basically and a movie
game. Honestly, kind of acool setting after reading it. Superpower does
wander around doing their own thing,having adventures and trying to stop evil shadows
(05:05):
from consuming the world. Looks cool, sign up and start making a character.
Characters had attributes, strength, speed, the usual shit traits, and
powers chosen from a big list,and Spirit, which we use for doing
cool shit, had a certain numberof points to spend on attributes max strength
and put someone to speed endurance.And a couple in Charm wanted to try
a brawler type of guy. I'llget to why that idea is a bad
(05:28):
one later. I mean, ifit's anime logic, you want to go
brawler, That's what I thought.Yeah, the hulking Bruiser is always just
like a cool like There always thefun characters for sure in those kind of
games too. I think it's justfun to be like ZANGI even just walk
around bunch of people. M Ido it all the time. Look at
(05:48):
Spirit rules before picking powers, becauseI want to do as much cool shit
as possible as you do. Spendspirit to activate powers. Different powers modified
how spirit worked and gave it anelement alignment which modified damage and other crap.
Basically, let you spend one pointof spirit to give five points a
fire damage. Neat so pretty closeto uh weigh the elements monk from what
(06:12):
I'm from what I'm hearing, andI'm trying to equivocate to a five E.
I don't know if it's directly likethat, because like spending one okay
spirit, it's kind of like keyI guess, yeah. Yeah. There
was also a raw Spirit, whichhad no modifier, but also no elemental
alignment and couldn't be resisted. Lessbang for your buck, but could be
useful. Raw Spirit could also beused to raise the stat temporarily, but
(06:33):
the higher the stat, the morespirit you had to spend. Spirit had
a cap depending on your attributes.At lower levels, it was pretty low,
like ten or twenty. If yougot lucky with my stat layout,
I had five awesome look through thepowers list to see if I can unscrew
my character. Browse through the list. Pretty basic stuff throw fire, control,
shadows, frost breath whatever. Alsomundane powers like sword fighting and free
(06:57):
running. Choose unarmed combat right thebat, because I want to punch people.
Still a bad idea. Unarmed combatis so underutilized in RPG's in general.
Yeah, yeah, there is avery cool like third party five D
class made by like one of theI can't remember off the top of my
head who has and I don't haveit in front of me. Some guy
or group that makes pretty good thirdparty content, and they kind of modified
(07:21):
the Monk class into the Pugilist.Oh yeah, and it's I want to
play this so bad it looks awesome. My pro wrestler character that I made
by by making a barge burying isbasically already in the Pugilist doing all the
things that I wanted him to dowithout having a multi class in split.
But that's another one for another time. Keep looking see something interesting tucked the
(07:43):
way in the list overflowing spirit prettyexpensive points wise for a simple power,
but my eyes lit up at whatit did. Removes the spirit cap plus
some other crap which I glanced overat the time, but more on that
in a bit. It's like,oh fuck, now, that's pretty abusable.
Figure Everyone takes it, so Itake it too. Take battle,
cry for a spirit buff and toblow the last the last of my power
(08:03):
points. Character pretty much done.Name him Edgardo because it sounded cool at
the time, still does. Readyto go at Gardo. The brawler sets
ount on his quest to do whateverthat sounds like a Texan luchador name.
Yeah, it's a good one.I think it's fun. It's a little
little Edgar, little Eduardo Edgardo,and you have to say that just fucking
(08:26):
ridiculous enough to work. I willfrom now I will only be saying it
in a in a Matador accent.Yes, Mayamo Edgardo starting the central town
where everyone else hangs out, introducemyself. Describe him as hot blooded,
hot tempered, courageous and always itchingfor adventure. Honestly, pretty flat character.
(08:50):
But whatever I thought, I thoughthe was okay. Promptly get laughed
at for making such a naive andlow brow character. Apparently everyone has made
brute anti heroes who sit in darkcorners and don't really do much of anything.
I swear that Tavern had to besome kind of eighth dimensional shape because
everyone was in their own fucking corneraway from everyone else. The side note.
(09:11):
My inspiration for reading the story toyou guys was a note that Jim
had in Our Tavern's episode about theAragorn scene and like everybody wants to be
the brooding ranger, like tucked awayin a corner, and I'm like,
oh yeah, there's like one hundredcorners in the fucking bar. And I
remember this story because of that line. So Tavern had to be some kind
of eighth dimensional shape where everyone wasin their own fucking corner. But the
(09:31):
last straw came from some asshole drinkinghis wine at the bar. At Gardo
is such a stupid name anyway,who those are fighting work? Noo.
See this is why you don't makefun of characters' names. Yeah, all
right, we have two stories aboutthat. Now the story continues, and
I quote motherfuck exactly. Edgard,though, did not walk in here to
(09:52):
be mocked by a bunch of trenchcoat wearing pricks that are trying to be
edgier than a goddamn razor blade factory, take a swing and quickly discover that
I'm well and truly but fucked.Apparently, unarmed combat was hosed from the
start, as fifts don't do shitagainst even the lightest armor and don't get
damage multipliers. Fantastic. I blowa spirit point just to get past his
(10:13):
armor do single digit damage. Fuckerlaughs and stands up. Care to try
again, you pathetic wench? Yes, yes I would, Sorry you pathetic
wretch. Sorry not you, Josie. Oh well, then my response means
nothing. I yield my time,sir, thank you, use battle cry.
(10:33):
Can't think of anything, so Ijust go with BUNSI why not incredible
and use the rest of my spiritpoints nothing. He dodges, draws his
sword and gives an eye rolling disappearbefore he blasts me out of the tavern
with sword Lightning. Whatever the fuckHe spends one spirit for that and I
nearly get one shot, even witha good amount of endurance. Fucking what.
(10:58):
So already this game is like wayunbalanced. Yeah, it's already a
shit show. So only Eldridge Knights, that's it. Yep, that's all.
That's all, and rogues with alsoEldridge powers. Yeah. So while
I'm bleeding out on the side ofthe road, I take the time to
browse some of the characters. Firstup is sword Lightning, asshole, basically
(11:20):
the same level he's got swords endlightning in his asshole. No, you
pick one or the other. Youdon't basically the same level as me,
but better in every way. Powersare better, higher spirit, good stats.
More my fault, really, becauseI fucked the character creation brows more
characters. Notice something no one has, overflowing spirit. No one ask why.
(11:45):
Turns out that if you make adecent character, you have more than
enough spirit to do whatever the fuckyou want. Even the highest level characters
only have about one hundred cap andit's rare to get even halfway down in
a normal fight. And then therewas the part that I skipped over overflowing
spirit prevented you from taking elemental powers. You're basically stuck using your raw spirit,
(12:05):
which was shit. Elemental spirit haddamage modifiers so high that even if
you resisted it, you still tooka good amount of damage. Nido Burrito
Edgardough was basically useless against everything.Since I was screwed, I pm the
mod to see if I can makea new character that wasn't crippled beyond belief.
Lol, deal with it. Youmade it, you play it.
(12:26):
That's so kind of shitty, butyou know you made your bed, did
you pay for this game, like, just like, just start a new
just be like. Oh no,I've tripped over a rock and I just
somehow managed to land on a stickthat one through my eye and through my
brain and now I'm dead. Lookslike I've got a new character. I
just got mad with Jim's out here, so I'll say a form rocks fell.
I died. Yeah, yep,I got. I just got mad
(12:48):
at Injustice again for how they treatedDick Grayson. So recap everyone's pretentious fuckquad,
the mods don't give a shit,and Edgard, though, is beyond
worthless. Great start pick myself outof the dirt and limp away to get
myself healed. Nope, I wasbroke, so I couldn't get shit.
I had to sit my hands downand wait to heal naturally, which would
(13:11):
take days. Fuck that, I'malready tired of the shit, So I
attempt to steal a potion. No, I was gonna say, I can
already feel that going wrong. Yeah, enter Militant zero spelled x E R
zero. Oh no, yes,that was his name. He plays as
like cringe too. That's in thestory. He played a little too much.
(13:31):
Kingdom Hearts or Mega man or aMeghan omnipotent Karen nipotent character number forty
seven eighty two could do anything hewanted because he'd been with the role play
the longest. I also suspect thathe's sucked the headman stick, but whatever,
that has nothing to do with anything. Just listen, Hey, what
(13:52):
are you doing? Your off timesup to you, dick Sucking privileges are
a real thing with bad GLMs.Right teleport to me instantly. I can't
do shit because I'm basically dead onmy feet. Lift me into the air
with magic psychic bullshit, so Ican't even run. He starts going on
a long speech about crime and howevil doers should be punished and how he's
the best and blah blah blah.Then he gives me an ultimatum. Beg
(14:16):
me for mercy, and I mightjust let you stay in this town.
Time to brat, otherwise I'll throwyou to the shadows. Time to brat.
Fuck no Edgard, though it doesnot beg struggle, swear, spit,
and basically do everything I can todo anything to get out of this.
Nope, I get thrown through theroof of the building. I get
(14:37):
thrown Nope. I get thrown throughthe roof of the building I was in
and soar all the way out intothe wilderness. Well, I'm dead.
Fortunately, newbies get one free reviveI cash mine in. This guy is
determined. I appreciate his determination.It's incredible. At a certain point,
you just gotta be O this game'ssocks's let's see what happens. Yeah.
Also, must be nice to havethe much time on your hands and play
(14:58):
side games. I wish I hadthat much time. Like you know,
this is the high schooler by howmuch free time he has zero gets super
fucking butt mad about it, saysI'm dead for good because he says so,
and when call him out of thisbullshit, immediately get shot down by
everyone in the community. Suddenly I'mthe bad guy for trying to steal and
picking a fight. Yeah, okay, mods, calm everyone down. Say
(15:22):
I'm alive with one health in thewilderness. Last bit of charity I'm getting.
I won't even survive the night.But then I met a guy called
Squid. We love guys folk Squid. I've never met a bad person named
squid now. Also, his nameis all capitals, so it's a it's
a proper noun. So it's likea trip called quest. You say the
whole thing right. Beast Folk werea thing so people could have cat girls
(15:46):
and wolfmen and shit like that.Fuck Yeah, a guy called Squid was
well part squid, literally just abig muscly dude with a squid for a
head. And yes, his fullname was a guy called squid, and
he insisted that everyone called him that. Told you it's like fishy Steve,
pretty cool dude, ran into thesame troubles I did. Was a punchy
guy like myself, but he punchedpeople with fire, helped me out,
(16:07):
shared a potion, and was generallya bro. We both decided to stick
together and train out here because weboth needed to get a lot stronger before
we headed back into the town.It wasn't going to be nearly that easy.
Got some nighttime me and Squid.Sorry, this is the opemide,
the mistake not made. Being aguy called Squid set up camp in a
cap so suddenly shadows because mod bullshitand Zero whined enough that I was still
(16:30):
alive. I was still pretty fuckedup, but I could hold my own
and Squid was in perfect shape.Still, we barely survived mainly because Squid's
fire damage was beastly. We bothagreed that we wouldn't survive another fight like
that, so we high tailed itout of there and back to the town.
Yeah, no, invisible force fieldprevented us from getting back in.
I wasn't surprised. There's a lotof like six year old energy in this
(16:52):
game. Yeah, this is like, there's a force field. Me my
name is Zero. Looked at themap, found the nearby town, the
hole up. It take a coupleof days to get there, though,
and we were both out of supplies. Neither of us saw any other way,
so we got to walking ed guardedthough, and a guy called Squid.
Just the two guys on the roadto adventure or the road to not
(17:14):
dying horribly and somehow getting petty revenge. But whatever, petty revenge is a
great plot hook. Yeah, I'mfine with it, or revenge should be
petty. Normally, when people traveled, there were random events that can either
be good or bad for you.It was up to how much the mods
liked you. Really, the modsdidn't like Squid or Edgardo. If we
got something good, they'd find someway to take it from us. We
(17:34):
saved the lady from bandits on thefirst day, and by that I mean
we kicked the bandits in the balls, grabbed the lady, and ran like,
hell, amazing fun. You savedthe lady. Did you accomplish the
task? Then it did great.That night, she prisoned Shank, Squid
took the little shit we had gatheredand bailed. When I tried the chaser,
(17:56):
she poofed gone, Nido burrito holes. These mods sound like a bunch
of dicks, right, Yeah,I'm starting to think the mods are the
bad guys in the story. Itsucks when you have a very very cool
setting and everyone in it it's justa piece of shit. Yep. I
really don't know why we kept goingafter that. It was obvious we were
(18:17):
unwonted, so we really should havejust quit. I think we were both
waiting on the other to give themfirst. I didn't want to admit defeat,
and I knew Squid didn't want toeither. We just had the press
on no matter what. Even whenwe met sword fighting guy again, it
had been a few days on theroad and we kept getting shit on wolves
Rain another shadow attack. Still don'tknow how we lived, but we scrapped
(18:38):
by either by running the FuG awayor through sheer luck in winning a fight.
One more day of traveling and we'dbe at the village. We were
so close that we could taste it. But then the dick from the tavern
showed up blocking the road. Nevermind how he got ahead of us,
but he was, and we hadto take it. I mean, horses
exist. No, it reminds meof the Emperor's new groove. By able
(19:02):
accounts, by peer logic, itdoesn't make any sense. Shout out to
my boy Kronk. Well, wellif it isn't the wretch from the tavern,
and he picked himself up aside dishtoo. No, that just feels
gross. I don't like it.Squid doesn't to take a hike and let
us through. But this is atoll road. You'll have to pay me
(19:23):
to pass. Let's say one thousandgold. Oh, I've played this in
Skyrim. I do. This isfuck it? What tellbody's full of shit
and nobody has that much money.It's like, oh, what a shame.
Then you'll have to pay with yourlives. He pulls a sword in
blast Squid, who somehow powers throwit. This gives me a chance to
(19:44):
get up close and well, we'veestablished I can't do funk all against this
guys. I'm banged up pretty goodat fist. Don't do shit. Only
thing I have left is spirit,a metric as ton of spirit. See,
as we were training, I washoarding points, well, not intentionally.
I gain some every day like everyoneelse, And every time Squid and
I killed something, we got alittle bit more. Squid was spending his
spirit left and right. I wasn't. And since I had overflowing spirit,
(20:08):
I had a lot more points thanI had any right to at my level.
Even if raw spirit was crap,A lot of crap could still wreck
someone's deck edgard though, had achance, a slim chance, a slim
chance, but it was better thannothing. Bonzai Bat'll cry and use all
of that spirit. Crowdchurn uppercut swordguy doesn't give a shit, actually laughs
(20:30):
in my face and doesn't even makean attempt to dodge. You're kidding,
right, We've been through this.You can't hurt me. I'm actually like,
that's how he spelled, is uf u F I think I'm doing
a pretty good job reading his laugh. Okay, you really are You're the
only one laughing asshole. My fistconnects with his chin, and so does
(20:52):
all of that raw spirit didn't donearly as much dame as as an elemental
attack would, but it was stillenough to knock him on his ass,
which gave Squid the perfect set up. He jumped on sword Guy and blew
all his spirit too. Where oncethere had been a face, there was
now a smoking crater o. SwordGuy died and to two underdogs to boot.
Predictably, he pitched a bitch fit, and so did the rest of
the players. We were murderers andoutlaws and generally horrible, horrible people for
(21:17):
deciding not to deal with the bullshitanymore. Me and Squid didn't give a
single fuck. We are right,Yeah, we earned our first actual victory.
Sure we were nearly dead, defenseless, and still had to make it
to the village, but we won. Things were looking up at least for
a little while, and we stillhad to worry about Zero and his crap.
Zero was some kind of king ortyrant or overlord or whatever, and
(21:37):
this village was in his little authorityzone. So when we finally arrived at
the village, guess what special surpriseis waiting for us. I bet at
zero being a shithead Guards. Ifyou guess invisible, immune to everything,
force Field, congratulations, give yourselfa gold star. I'm going to take
the gold star anyway, if that'sall right with you, You're just going
to take it online to him,and for good measure. He teleports in
(22:00):
and taunts us, saying he'll followus until we're broken and mad and shut
the fuck up already, he cacklesand ports away. Squid falls to his
knees. He's had enough. Wecame all this way all for nothing.
Sure, we beat someone, buthe'd be reis and in perfect health the
next day. So what do wedo now? Squid was ready to quit.
(22:21):
That Guard wouldn't have it. We'lltrain, Squid. We train.
I want some music from Rocky playingright, Yeah, I want a montage
right here. Training montage, youguys are a part two. Yeah,
there's only two parts, and byparts, I mean like it was split
(22:41):
up left and right. So thatwas the left half. Now now we're
on the right hand of the front. That's what I have. Way through.
We hiked up a nice grassy hillnear the village and then proceeded to
beat the ever loving crap out ofeach other. Whenever you got into a
fight, you got a couple ofpoints towards leveling, win or lose.
The only problem is that most characterscouldn't spar against one another, as they'll
kill each other pretty much immediately.Elemental attacks and weapons combined had huge damage
(23:04):
multipliers, so sparring would quickly endup with people dead. We didn't have
any weapons, and unarmed combat wasa days of whaling on someone to actually
kill them. The only reason Squidwas all right was because of his firepower,
so as long as we didn't useany spirit, we could beat each
other. Silly, pass out,wait a while to heal, and do
it all over again. Amazing.It was stupid, it was cheesy,
(23:26):
and it pissed everyone off, butit fucking worked the way to actually legitimately
rope a dope an entire setting.Yeah, some said that the Shadows would
attack us, but we were justclose enough to the village that they couldn't.
I'm still not sure why Zero oreven the mods let us get away
with this shit. I guess theydidn't see it as anything to actually be
worried about. Eventually we leveled upthrough it was a slow process, and
(23:49):
there were better ways of leveling,but this was all we had. Plus
it gave me another fuck ton ofspirit points and guarded though pumped up strength
first and evenly distributed the rest,got a power to double the rate at
which he gained spirit per day.I had a plan. Squid just buffed
his fire stats. It was agood way to go. Now we just
had to find somewhere to rest upproperly, somewhere to regroup. We couldn't
(24:12):
just stay and whale on each otherfor another level. We had gotten lucky
the first time, but now therewas talk of a few players jumping us.
We had to move. Neither ofus knew where the hell we were
going or what we were doing.We just hit the road and tried to
get as far away from zero andeveryone else as we could. The mods
fucked with us for the first coupleof days, but eventually they got bored
and left us alone. Sometimes theythrow a few shadows our way, but
(24:33):
it was nothing we couldn't handle.Random events just stopped happening for us.
I think it was mainly due tous not really bugging anyone anymore. We
were doing our own thing, soeveryone just kind of forgot about us,
except Zero. Somebody's got a fuckingthen dead up. Yep, he was
still mighty pissy about me living thislong. I had no idea what his
deal was. Maybe he was justthe challenge to his authority that I represented,
(24:56):
or maybe he was just a colossalprick. It also might have been
one of those dual character situations.The sword guy might have been like Zero's
other character. Maybe maybe I'm goingwith the colossal perk theory. You know
what, there's no reason those theorysolid theory just a dick. There's no
(25:17):
reason those two theories can't live intwine. Yeah, what is it?
Don't attribute to malice. We couldattribute to just being the colossal prick because
of how it goes. Yeah,I'm pretty sure either way. Either way.
Once we left his authority zone orwhatever, he sent one of his
lackeys after us. A quick lookat his character sheet, and I knew
just how much Zero hated us.His name was Golden harl and the dude
(25:37):
was basically invincible. Magic armor lethim resist all elements massively. Plus it
was super late so he could flyaround and do his ninja flippy shit.
He could heal himself completely by spendinga couple of spirit, and his spirit
refreshed basically whenever he wanted it to. It was official. The monster just
didn't give a shit. Oh,and we were screwed too. All we
could do is keep going forward andhope he didn't catch up to us.
(26:00):
He did, and damn quick too. He met us while we were traveling
along a gorge and promptly tried toknock me over the side. Golden Horror
wasn't fucking around. No words onlypain, No words only pain. I
not so desperately for Golden Horral toactually have said no words. It's the
(26:25):
first half of what he said.Greg was no words, but I think
he said it. It's funnier ifhe did say I'll say it more ominously.
Golden Horror wasn't fucking around, nowords only pain. He meant business
better. Yes, that's my damnvoice of good m M. I barely
(26:45):
managed to dodge him, which wasof course met with public outcry, but
I was dangerously close to the edge. Squid tried to fire punch with a
couple of spirit behind it, nocell, and Golden Horral got a free
counter attack, because fuck you,he's Golden Horrl. Squid is knocked down,
but it gave me an opening.I grabbed Golden Horl by his waist
and gave him a souplex. Myhigh strength let me get in a few
(27:06):
points of damage and it put mein a better position. It didn't really
matter, though, as he wasback up and fully healed the second later.
I helped Squid up, but wepretty much were already dead. Golden
Horral finally spoke up any last words, sucked my dick an he last words
(27:26):
Bondzi. The fucker was wide openand his back was at the edge of
the cliff too. Oh. Aquick PM to Squid was all it took,
and the quick plan went off likeclockwork. Squid ran diversion, going
high for a fire punch to theface. Golden Harral didn't bother to dodge.
He was invincible, after all.He forgot one thing. Raw spirit
can't be resisted. Yes, Edgardthough went in for a gut punch,
(27:52):
but with all that built up spiritfrom training in the road, it wasn't
enough to kill Golden Harral, notby a loan shot. But it wasn't
enough to knock him backwards, andthat last step was a doozy Golden Harrow
fell down into the canyon, andwe only stayed long enough to hear the
dull thud of him hitting the ground. I could practically hear Zero grinding his
teeth to powder as he tattled tothe mods. We really didn't care enough
(28:14):
to do anything. Well, well, could they possibly do it and break
any rules? Surprisingly, I barelyheard anything from Golden Harle's player, just
a simple PM saying well played,fair what good? Good for Golden Harllle's
player. Yeah, I almost feltsorry that he had to meet his end
like that. Honestly, if Iwas the player, it'd have been like,
all right, that was pretty wicked. That was pretty cool. I
(28:34):
got a hand it to you,you know what? Fair play. Yeah.
After that, we were pretty muchfree to keep going until we hit
another village. Zero couldn't get tous there, so no shield and no
bullshit. We could finally rest.Well, maybe we were still broke and
there was a small army of playersafter us. Apparently Golden Hall was a
pretty popular character, and by killinghim, we were now at the top
(28:55):
of everyone's hit list. Oh fantasticsquids. Slept in an alley and I
kept watch trying to get a plantogether. We basically had come to a
sort of unspoken agreement. Squid wastired of Zero shit, and so was
I. We wanted him dead andbroken. The problem was that too low
level characters could do fuck all againstthe guy. His level was literally Lictid
as an infinity sign, which isagain this this game is this game is
(29:21):
bad. But yeah, okay,so what is all just with that asterisk
next to everything? When Squid tookwatch, I read over the fluff of
the setting looking for something, anything, that can help us. I found
it in the city of Haven.Haven was the second biggest city in the
setting, just barely smaller than Zero'splace. It was kind of a big
deal though. See it was hometo the spirit Well, it was a
(29:42):
font of power that everyone flocked to. As long as you were in Haven,
your spirit points recharged instantly up toyour cap. Oh no, I
didn't have a cap. Oh.I still wonder how anybody in their right
mind missed this little detail overflowing spirit. It was just set up so perfectly.
(30:02):
Maybe I was being a massive batguy for exploiting this like I did,
but I don't really care. Ithink so. I think you were
within your right. At this point, you earned it right. Everyone was
after you. Yeah, everyone buta few people were complete assholes, and
I wanted their little club destroyed.It was petty, it was stupid.
It was probably hurtful to a fewpeople. But Ed Guardeddough had a mission
and a guy called Squid was goingto help him see it through if they
(30:26):
ever got to Haven in one piece. I swear we were the only two
people following the traveling rules because thehorde of players chasing us caught up a
lot quicker than they should have.We had half a day rest before we
had to hit the road again.I was useless without a build up of
spirit, and Squeak could only offendall so many people before he died.
The only route to Haven was along, winding road through the mountains,
(30:48):
and we'd be ambushed if we triedto set up camp anywhere. It would
take too long and time wasn't ontheir side. So ed Guarded, though,
had a crazy idea. What ifthey climbed over the mountains? It
was basically sue and the random eventswere especially harsh in that terrain. No
one could follow us. After all, something might happen to their super special
characters and specialist spelled spe s hu l they're super special characters. Squid
(31:14):
was on board, and he broughtup an interesting point. The mods were
ignoring us. Everyone was so pissedoff at us, but in the grand
scheme of things, we hadn't reallydone anything major. We killed the grand
total of two characters through sheer luckand broken mechanics, and I had basically
given their idle Zero a giant middlefinger for simply surviving as long as I
had, and Zero could onlys suckso much colk do just get tiring after
(31:41):
a while, your jaw starts tohurt, so we start climbing, making
rolls and getting through by the skinof our teeth. Every once in a
while a mod would glance over andmake shit hard for us, but overall
we didn't have that much trouble.That's because Tumpa was waiting for us on
the other side of the mountain.Of course, it was from our perch
we got a view of the playerscoming for us. There was no way
(32:05):
we could take them all, andif we waited, they just get to
have in and wait for us thereand then there was the guy waiting just
underneath us Golden Harrel back from thedead. They must have fished him out
of the canyon that had him rest. Or maybe he survived the fall and
healed. Who knows. We knowhe saw us, but he didn't move.
He could have just jumped up atany time he wanted and murdered us
right then and there, but hedidn't unexpected how I. After a while,
(32:29):
Squid got tired of waiting. Heclimbed down and Edgardadough followed to have
his back in case things went south. Squid asked him what he wanted.
Golden Harrel just wanted to talk.Turns out he had more to his story
than we knew about. Golden Horrorwas in this role play just as long
as Zero was, and frankly,he was tired of Zero's shit. Yes,
yes, yes yes, Goldenhaer earnedeverything he had and didn't need the
(32:52):
resort to whin into the mods toget what he wanted. When he asked
why he tried to kill us,he said he was either followed Zero's or
orders or get his shit shoved inyou know, one on one fight.
Golden Harle just couldn't compete, mainlybecause Zero could do whatever the fuck he
wanted, and though I'm bad thanI, after we killed him, he
was basically done. He was satisfiedwith it with the ending he got,
(33:13):
but instead Zero revived him and sentthem to kill us again. Golden Harral
had other plans, though Squid wassuspicious, but I believed him. I'm
still not sure why. Maybe Iwas desperate, but I told them our
planned. Technically I told everyone ourplan and it was as it was in
one of the public threads. I'man idiot assuming, Yes, this is
like the only real indication we haveof like what kind of game this was.
(33:36):
So I still don't know if thisis like purely discord or you know,
how old the story is this?This looks like it was posted in
twenty thirteen. Yeah, so likewas discoorded. It might have been Skype
or one of those third party likeI think less, some sort of forum
based thing where like everything's public.So yeah, there's so a relic from
(33:57):
the old bay. Yes, soit's never really clear what the physical mechanics
of playing this game war, butthat's not importing as the story's fucking great.
Golden Harl said he would get usto have him. His story was
over and he ceased giving a singlefuck about what anyone else had to say
about his He only had one condition. We had to promise to kill Zero
and end this once and for all. Yes, Edgardadough and Squid agreed.
(34:19):
This is our only shot, andwe weren't about to throw it away.
A massive shit storm erupted from theplayer base as we joined up with Golden
Harrel. Zero called him a traderto everything the role play stood for,
and everyone made such a fuss thatthe mods nearly banned the guy Ah so
close were nearly there. Golden Harrelhad a bit of a sway with the
mods too, and he got luckyas shit when they took his side and
(34:42):
he pointed out that he had donenothing wrong with the mods appeased. That
just left the army of players gunningfor us. The second we hit the
road, they were on us.There was no fucking around anymore, and
the travel rules were basically out ofthe picture. A horde of superpowered loaners
and misfits charged towards us, flingingfire and let and all manner of weapons,
all of them driven by their singularhatred of Edgarda. Though a guy
(35:05):
called Squid and the trader Golden Harral, Golden Horral whether the tide, taking
kunai and fireballs and shadow spears withoutso much as flinching, because fuck you,
he's Golden Horrel. God bless himright, Honestly, that's some divine
protection on him right there for somereason, And I think it's just because
the name is similar. I'm picturinghim as Goldar from Original Power Rangers.
(35:25):
Same here on. Me and Squidran behind Golden Harral as he cleared a
path getting us to the other sideof the army. As we kept going
down the path, Golden Harral stayedbehind, covering our escape. To this
day, I do not know ifhe survives or not. I will never
forget his bravery. Since everyone elsewas doing it. We ignored the shrave
of rules ourselves, arriving and havingnearly instantly zero bitch, nobody hurt him.
(35:49):
Good fucky zero Fuck this guy.There was one last obstacle, though,
one last player, King k HA I n E. Of course,
the King is already an edgy namebecause he do it, even more
because he's a white middle Scholler Caine, the Shadow answer this fucking guy.
Somebody read the Bible. I seelike this fucking guy. He had a
(36:14):
power letting him control shadow. Hisinterpretation of what this actually did was very,
very loose. It always says,love it. And since he was
in Haven, he could abuse thislike nobody's business. As soon as we
set foot in the cities, Squidand Me instantly got paralyzed. We call
him on this bullshit. Not surewhy I control the darkness in people's hearts,
(36:35):
the darkness in everyone's soul. Youare mine, he continues, and
I quote, oh, eat abag of dicks. Squid tells him that's
not how it works. Caine isn'tlistening because it's his power, and he
says, that's how it works.And where Meanwhile, I just sit back
and ask myself a question. Whycan't I hold all this spirit, spend
(37:00):
infinite spirit, break Caine's hold gracefor whining? How you can't resist me?
The darkness is in everyone's heart.I'm just a pure little bean.
Though, Okay, it's Edgardo's turnto be cheesy. You are wrong.
My soul is a shining beacon,filled with a light and a burning hope
(37:21):
that no shadow can touch. Itis a pinpoint of justice, a shining
star, that will deliver freedom tothe universe. I will root out the
darkness, the evil of this land. No shadow will be spared my light.
Caine just can't comprehend how he's aboutto lose. He tries to shadow
prouse this thing again. No cell, infinite spirit, Who the hell do
(37:42):
you think you're dealing with? Ohait, no wrong voice? Who the hell
do you think you're dealing with?Banzai swift, uppercut, battle cry,
unlimited raw spirit, punch. Cainegets punched. Yes, Caine gets punched
into the sun. Yes on theSun, home boy. Cue shit being
lost by absolutely everyone again. Squidis okay. We rest up and figure
(38:07):
out our next move. My ultrapoweronly works if I'm in Haven. That
doesn't do us a lot of good. Squid finds out that Haven's unlimited spirit
effect lingers for a day after weleave. Zero is weeks away in his
city. More players are on theirway to Haven, and even though I
have infinite Spirit, I can onlyuse it to punch people. I'll get
killed. Eventually, we're basically stuckuntil I notice that we've leveled up.
(38:29):
I don't really give a fuck aboutmy stats at this point, but there's
a power that really catches my eye. Teleportation. I have exactly enough points
to purchase it. Normally I wouldn'thave enough spirit to use it, but
haven so it works. Squid upgradedhis fire punch. It was a good
way to go. I tell Squidthat he can stay behind. This is
going to be dangerous, that wemight not come back. He tells me
(38:52):
that he's with me to the end, and he intends to see things through
and that he's got my back nomatter what. In the middle of town
square edguarded though and a guy calledSquid shared a sweaty, shirtless muscly man
hug for all the world to see, and happy pride everybody, uh and
and and, quoting the story hereverbatim, it was super homo. Yes,
(39:14):
yes, homo a little. Ithink this is coming out the last
day of Jews, so happy,so we'll put a cap on Pride with
this one, happy bride. I'mjust gonna say it again, it was
super homo. Actually, we justhad to be touching it so I could
teleport us both. But shut up, Yeah it works. We ride outside
(39:37):
the city and the shield was stillup. Zero mocked us, saying that
he was invincible behind this wall andthat we couldn't do anything. This shield
can withstand a thousand times the forceof anything that could possibly throw at it.
People just keep forgetting raw spirit can'tbe resisted by anything. I'll just
have to hit it a thousand timesharder bums. I I still flinch whenever
(39:58):
I remember typing that so damn cheesy. It's so good though. It really
is one more battle cry, blowinfinite spirit and nothing. Excuse me,
not a damn thing, no wrong. Zero refused to post an actual RP
after that. I think he hada stroke or something. He posted plenty
of the discussion threads, though everyonedid. The entire community spammed the forums,
(40:22):
declaring that I should be banned,flayed, and hung from my Shenanigans.
The next day, when I triedto log in, I found that
the forums have been shut down dueto popular opinion. I never saw a
Squid after that. We never exchangedemails or anything. I like to think
that Edgarddough is still frozen in thatmoment in time, his fist crashing through
(40:44):
the shield and connecting with Zero's bigstupid face, and Edgardo is smiling.
He won. He and Squid andGolden harle they won. They really fucking
did. Yeah, they did.That's incredible. That is the ballad of
Edgardough. Oh my god, thatdoesn't That isn't epic bordering on like the
Odyssey. It's not D and D. But tell me, this is one
(41:05):
of the greatest RPCE stories. Ilove this story. I love doing this
episode because I hadn't read this storyin a long time and I forgot how
just just just beautiful, just beautifulit is, and the pie is funny.
I'm going to put a link tothis is a screen cap of all
the original four chance stuff. IsI even on one of the D and
D or roleplay subreddits. I'm findingthis on our Slaze Green Text put it
(41:29):
on our website. So I'm callingfor Chane Walking for this. Well,
don't chan No, I'm gonna postthe screenshot of this whole thing, which
is what I read it from.So it's good enough. We'll post that
in the show notes. But ohman, what was your what was your
favorite part? Greg? Oh?My favorite part is going toward uh switching
sides, because it's absolutely you canyou can feel in horror, going in
(41:52):
horror, sorry, you can feelthe fire is just I'm done. I
had you out played me like anylegit, and he went fairly by outlaid
him. Yeah. That was like, yeah, that's just a welt just
that was my favorite was actually gotkicked off the off the cliff. That
(42:12):
was great. I also very muchlike when they were like, mods aren't
looking, Yeah, we can justdo whatever, and then you have your
training montage. It's it's the wholestory is beautiful from beginning to end,
because this is somebody that knows like, Okay, they're gonna fuck with us
no matter what we do, sowe might as well have fun with it.
(42:35):
Yeah, my favorite part had tobe I mean, there's so many
funny moments in here. Punching himinto the sun. Yeah, I think
that's that's why I lost. That'swhy I can read it. This sneaking
gets punched into this deserved to bepunched into the sun. I controlled the
darkness in your heart, shut theup and like, I stand by that
voice of thousand percent because you knowsomeone who controls the darkness, that little
(43:00):
nippling that's Mandarth. Well, godstop, that controlled the darkness speedy my
love. Oh man, I've madethem even less threatening, So I want
to do more classic tales from theInternet, like about playing tales from the
Internet like this. Do I knowa couple more at the top of my
(43:20):
head. But if there's any thatlike that that you the listener want us
to read and uh and share,and especially if it's one I never heard
of, please send it over.I want to read this thing. This
was a blast, is well myfavorite episodes we've done yet. Yeah,
so I'm glad this worked out becauseI did not know how this was going
to go. Any party thoughts,guys, Yeah, don't be a shithead
and you won't get fucking launched intothis hunt. But if you're surrounded by
(43:40):
shitheads, become the embodiment of chaos. My party thought is banzai. Guys,
thanks for listening. Well, seeyou next time. Bye bye.
Thank you for listening to Communtions andJackens. Please share this with your favorite
adventure, leave a review on Apple, and follow us on social media.
(44:04):
All links can be found at Curmudgeonsand Dragons dot com. Practice Safe Adventuring
my Friends,
Hello adventurers. The podcast role playersand game masters to help level up your
game. I am your dungeon master, Jason Portiso, and today we are
going to continue with some greatest hitsreplays from our previous show Curmudgeons and Dragons.
This episode was a ton of funto record. The host roster at
the time was myself Jim Crocker,who you all know, one of my
(00:42):
longtime friends, Josie Diz and herDM Greg Genovas. I had just moved
into my new home and we hadn'tbuilt my home studio yet and Josie just
happened to be in town in betweensemesters from her school in England, so
we had all met at my newplace to record around my dining room table,
like podcast thing was meant to be. It was awesome. I believe
(01:03):
this was the last in a seriesof several episodes that we recorded in that
session. So this replay episode isthe first time we tried it in RPG.
Classic story something we did even onthis show with the Absurd Story which
if you hadn't heard that one isa muscless and it was hysterical. So
this is a story that made itsway around four Chan and dig and read
(01:25):
it and all the usual spots,and every time it comes up, I
have to reread it. It's writtenin that strange four Chan green tech style.
But despite that, it's a welltold story of a game gone wrong
where the underdogs uproot the corrupt systemby turning its own tricks against it.
In the end, absolute all timerclassic. But before we get into that,
(01:46):
I just want to throw the disclaimerout there that we like to keep
Hello Adventurers as a clean show,but Curmudgeons and Dragons was not. So
this episode was marked explicit in yourpodcast player just for some language. So
if you like to listen with yourkids, maybe check this one out on
your on first. But otherwise,please enjoy this replay of our retelling of
the Ballad of Edgardodor. Sometimes talkingwith friends feels like role playing, sometimes
(02:13):
it feels like combat. Join usat the round table and roll initiative.
This is Curmudgeons and Dragons. HelloAdventurers. So first of all, I'm
(02:34):
Jason Portizo. I'm here today withJosie Diaz. With Josie Diaz. Oh
that's my cue. Hello, therewe go. Great you Novus, I
did not miss my queue. Well, Pina Rose on your nose, you
stupid bitch. I will Jim ismissing his cue because he's still at Origins.
He's been there for weeks. Iknow. Josie Gregor is still in
my house. We're recording my mydining room table so until I can build
(02:57):
my studio. So there were fiveWednesdays this month weird, and so my
rotation was getting thrown off. SoI was trying to think of what to
do for the fifth week special.And we're going to try. We're going
to see how this works, andif you guys like it, please send
us an email or just comment onsomething. Let us know somehow whether you
like this idea or not. Butso we've done horror stories, We've done
(03:20):
wholesome stories. I'm just going todo a story. This is really neither
good nor bad. This is justlike a classic RPG story. It's been
all over the internet for years.I have not only read this story before,
but I've watched videos of other peoplereading this story before, just because
I love this story so much.And when I found out that greg and
Josie didn't know this story, Iwas so happy to be able to tell
(03:42):
them. So we're just going toread through the Ballad of Edgardo, and
it sort of reads like the epicof Gilbert and some of you might know
what I'm even talking about and knowhow crazy this story is. It's great.
So the format for today is I'mjust going to read the story as
it is, pretty verbatim, andanytime you guys have some sort of you
know, anything you want to addto the story, anything you want to
(04:04):
any comments to you, or ifyou want to just discuss part of it,
We're just gonna just react as wego. Okay, so I can
do that. Don't feel like youneed to wait for your turn. Don't
do we ever, Josie, tryto try to get I will attempt.
I will make the attempt. Yeah, I will try to be annoying.
(04:25):
Okay, mine? So uh.The other disclaimer is that this is written
in four chan green text style,so it's a little funny to read.
Uh, it's gonna sound a littleweird. But this is a long one,
so I'm going to just dive rightinto this. So you guys ready
for this. This is the Balladof Edgardo. Get a hankering from some
(04:45):
RP or roleplay cruise a couple forums. Something catches my eye. Some kind
of weird combination of stuff from DragonBall, z Gurin Logan, Avatar,
Last Airbender, and a few otherthemes from different shows basically and a movie
game. Honestly, kind of acool setting after reading it. Superpower does
wander around doing their own thing,having adventures and trying to stop evil shadows
(05:05):
from consuming the world. Looks cool, sign up and start making a character.
Characters had attributes, strength, speed, the usual shit traits, and
powers chosen from a big list,and Spirit, which we use for doing
cool shit, had a certain numberof points to spend on attributes max strength
and put someone to speed endurance.And a couple in Charm wanted to try
a brawler type of guy. I'llget to why that idea is a bad
(05:28):
one later. I mean, ifit's anime logic, you want to go
brawler, That's what I thought.Yeah, the hulking Bruiser is always just
like a cool like There always thefun characters for sure in those kind of
games too. I think it's justfun to be like ZANGI even just walk
around bunch of people. M Ido it all the time. Look at
(05:48):
Spirit rules before picking powers, becauseI want to do as much cool shit
as possible as you do. Spendspirit to activate powers. Different powers modified
how spirit worked and gave it anelement alignment which modified damage and other crap.
Basically, let you spend one pointof spirit to give five points a
fire damage. Neat so pretty closeto uh weigh the elements monk from what
(06:12):
I'm from what I'm hearing, andI'm trying to equivocate to a five E.
I don't know if it's directly likethat, because like spending one okay
spirit, it's kind of like keyI guess, yeah. Yeah. There
was also a raw Spirit, whichhad no modifier, but also no elemental
alignment and couldn't be resisted. Lessbang for your buck, but could be
useful. Raw Spirit could also beused to raise the stat temporarily, but
(06:33):
the higher the stat, the morespirit you had to spend. Spirit had
a cap depending on your attributes.At lower levels, it was pretty low,
like ten or twenty. If yougot lucky with my stat layout,
I had five awesome look through thepowers list to see if I can unscrew
my character. Browse through the list. Pretty basic stuff throw fire, control,
shadows, frost breath whatever. Alsomundane powers like sword fighting and free
(06:57):
running. Choose unarmed combat right thebat, because I want to punch people.
Still a bad idea. Unarmed combatis so underutilized in RPG's in general.
Yeah, yeah, there is avery cool like third party five D
class made by like one of theI can't remember off the top of my
head who has and I don't haveit in front of me. Some guy
or group that makes pretty good thirdparty content, and they kind of modified
(07:21):
the Monk class into the Pugilist.Oh yeah, and it's I want to
play this so bad it looks awesome. My pro wrestler character that I made
by by making a barge burying isbasically already in the Pugilist doing all the
things that I wanted him to dowithout having a multi class in split.
But that's another one for another time. Keep looking see something interesting tucked the
(07:43):
way in the list overflowing spirit prettyexpensive points wise for a simple power,
but my eyes lit up at whatit did. Removes the spirit cap plus
some other crap which I glanced overat the time, but more on that
in a bit. It's like,oh fuck, now, that's pretty abusable.
Figure Everyone takes it, so Itake it too. Take battle,
cry for a spirit buff and toblow the last the last of my power
(08:03):
points. Character pretty much done.Name him Edgardo because it sounded cool at
the time, still does. Readyto go at Gardo. The brawler sets
ount on his quest to do whateverthat sounds like a Texan luchador name.
Yeah, it's a good one.I think it's fun. It's a little
little Edgar, little Eduardo Edgardo,and you have to say that just fucking
(08:26):
ridiculous enough to work. I willfrom now I will only be saying it
in a in a Matador accent.Yes, Mayamo Edgardo starting the central town
where everyone else hangs out, introducemyself. Describe him as hot blooded,
hot tempered, courageous and always itchingfor adventure. Honestly, pretty flat character.
(08:50):
But whatever I thought, I thoughthe was okay. Promptly get laughed
at for making such a naive andlow brow character. Apparently everyone has made
brute anti heroes who sit in darkcorners and don't really do much of anything.
I swear that Tavern had to besome kind of eighth dimensional shape because
everyone was in their own fucking corneraway from everyone else. The side note.
(09:11):
My inspiration for reading the story toyou guys was a note that Jim
had in Our Tavern's episode about theAragorn scene and like everybody wants to be
the brooding ranger, like tucked awayin a corner, and I'm like,
oh yeah, there's like one hundredcorners in the fucking bar. And I
remember this story because of that line. So Tavern had to be some kind
of eighth dimensional shape where everyone wasin their own fucking corner. But the
(09:31):
last straw came from some asshole drinkinghis wine at the bar. At Gardo
is such a stupid name anyway,who those are fighting work? Noo.
See this is why you don't makefun of characters' names. Yeah, all
right, we have two stories aboutthat. Now the story continues, and
I quote motherfuck exactly. Edgard,though, did not walk in here to
(09:52):
be mocked by a bunch of trenchcoat wearing pricks that are trying to be
edgier than a goddamn razor blade factory, take a swing and quickly discover that
I'm well and truly but fucked.Apparently, unarmed combat was hosed from the
start, as fifts don't do shitagainst even the lightest armor and don't get
damage multipliers. Fantastic. I blowa spirit point just to get past his
(10:13):
armor do single digit damage. Fuckerlaughs and stands up. Care to try
again, you pathetic wench? Yes, yes I would, Sorry you pathetic
wretch. Sorry not you, Josie. Oh well, then my response means
nothing. I yield my time,sir, thank you, use battle cry.
(10:33):
Can't think of anything, so Ijust go with BUNSI why not incredible
and use the rest of my spiritpoints nothing. He dodges, draws his
sword and gives an eye rolling disappearbefore he blasts me out of the tavern
with sword Lightning. Whatever the fuckHe spends one spirit for that and I
nearly get one shot, even witha good amount of endurance. Fucking what.
(10:58):
So already this game is like wayunbalanced. Yeah, it's already a
shit show. So only Eldridge Knights, that's it. Yep, that's all.
That's all, and rogues with alsoEldridge powers. Yeah. So while
I'm bleeding out on the side ofthe road, I take the time to
browse some of the characters. Firstup is sword Lightning, asshole, basically
(11:20):
the same level he's got swords endlightning in his asshole. No, you
pick one or the other. Youdon't basically the same level as me,
but better in every way. Powersare better, higher spirit, good stats.
More my fault, really, becauseI fucked the character creation brows more
characters. Notice something no one has, overflowing spirit. No one ask why.
(11:45):
Turns out that if you make adecent character, you have more than
enough spirit to do whatever the fuckyou want. Even the highest level characters
only have about one hundred cap andit's rare to get even halfway down in
a normal fight. And then therewas the part that I skipped over overflowing
spirit prevented you from taking elemental powers. You're basically stuck using your raw spirit,
(12:05):
which was shit. Elemental spirit haddamage modifiers so high that even if
you resisted it, you still tooka good amount of damage. Nido Burrito
Edgardough was basically useless against everything.Since I was screwed, I pm the
mod to see if I can makea new character that wasn't crippled beyond belief.
Lol, deal with it. Youmade it, you play it.
(12:26):
That's so kind of shitty, butyou know you made your bed, did
you pay for this game, like, just like, just start a new
just be like. Oh no,I've tripped over a rock and I just
somehow managed to land on a stickthat one through my eye and through my
brain and now I'm dead. Lookslike I've got a new character. I
just got mad with Jim's out here, so I'll say a form rocks fell.
I died. Yeah, yep,I got. I just got mad
(12:48):
at Injustice again for how they treatedDick Grayson. So recap everyone's pretentious fuckquad,
the mods don't give a shit,and Edgard, though, is beyond
worthless. Great start pick myself outof the dirt and limp away to get
myself healed. Nope, I wasbroke, so I couldn't get shit.
I had to sit my hands downand wait to heal naturally, which would
(13:11):
take days. Fuck that, I'malready tired of the shit, So I
attempt to steal a potion. No, I was gonna say, I can
already feel that going wrong. Yeah, enter Militant zero spelled x E R
zero. Oh no, yes,that was his name. He plays as
like cringe too. That's in thestory. He played a little too much.
(13:31):
Kingdom Hearts or Mega man or aMeghan omnipotent Karen nipotent character number forty
seven eighty two could do anything hewanted because he'd been with the role play
the longest. I also suspect thathe's sucked the headman stick, but whatever,
that has nothing to do with anything. Just listen, Hey, what
(13:52):
are you doing? Your off timesup to you, dick Sucking privileges are
a real thing with bad GLMs.Right teleport to me instantly. I can't
do shit because I'm basically dead onmy feet. Lift me into the air
with magic psychic bullshit, so Ican't even run. He starts going on
a long speech about crime and howevil doers should be punished and how he's
the best and blah blah blah.Then he gives me an ultimatum. Beg
(14:16):
me for mercy, and I mightjust let you stay in this town.
Time to brat, otherwise I'll throwyou to the shadows. Time to brat.
Fuck no Edgard, though it doesnot beg struggle, swear, spit,
and basically do everything I can todo anything to get out of this.
Nope, I get thrown through theroof of the building. I get
(14:37):
thrown Nope. I get thrown throughthe roof of the building I was in
and soar all the way out intothe wilderness. Well, I'm dead.
Fortunately, newbies get one free reviveI cash mine in. This guy is
determined. I appreciate his determination.It's incredible. At a certain point,
you just gotta be O this game'ssocks's let's see what happens. Yeah.
Also, must be nice to havethe much time on your hands and play
(14:58):
side games. I wish I hadthat much time. Like you know,
this is the high schooler by howmuch free time he has zero gets super
fucking butt mad about it, saysI'm dead for good because he says so,
and when call him out of thisbullshit, immediately get shot down by
everyone in the community. Suddenly I'mthe bad guy for trying to steal and
picking a fight. Yeah, okay, mods, calm everyone down. Say
(15:22):
I'm alive with one health in thewilderness. Last bit of charity I'm getting.
I won't even survive the night.But then I met a guy called
Squid. We love guys folk Squid. I've never met a bad person named
squid now. Also, his nameis all capitals, so it's a it's
a proper noun. So it's likea trip called quest. You say the
whole thing right. Beast Folk werea thing so people could have cat girls
(15:46):
and wolfmen and shit like that.Fuck Yeah, a guy called Squid was
well part squid, literally just abig muscly dude with a squid for a
head. And yes, his fullname was a guy called squid, and
he insisted that everyone called him that. Told you it's like fishy Steve,
pretty cool dude, ran into thesame troubles I did. Was a punchy
guy like myself, but he punchedpeople with fire, helped me out,
(16:07):
shared a potion, and was generallya bro. We both decided to stick
together and train out here because weboth needed to get a lot stronger before
we headed back into the town.It wasn't going to be nearly that easy.
Got some nighttime me and Squid.Sorry, this is the opemide,
the mistake not made. Being aguy called Squid set up camp in a
cap so suddenly shadows because mod bullshitand Zero whined enough that I was still
(16:30):
alive. I was still pretty fuckedup, but I could hold my own
and Squid was in perfect shape.Still, we barely survived mainly because Squid's
fire damage was beastly. We bothagreed that we wouldn't survive another fight like
that, so we high tailed itout of there and back to the town.
Yeah, no, invisible force fieldprevented us from getting back in.
I wasn't surprised. There's a lotof like six year old energy in this
(16:52):
game. Yeah, this is like, there's a force field. Me my
name is Zero. Looked at themap, found the nearby town, the
hole up. It take a coupleof days to get there, though,
and we were both out of supplies. Neither of us saw any other way,
so we got to walking ed guardedthough, and a guy called Squid.
Just the two guys on the roadto adventure or the road to not
(17:14):
dying horribly and somehow getting petty revenge. But whatever, petty revenge is a
great plot hook. Yeah, I'mfine with it, or revenge should be
petty. Normally, when people traveled, there were random events that can either
be good or bad for you.It was up to how much the mods
liked you. Really, the modsdidn't like Squid or Edgardo. If we
got something good, they'd find someway to take it from us. We
(17:34):
saved the lady from bandits on thefirst day, and by that I mean
we kicked the bandits in the balls, grabbed the lady, and ran like,
hell, amazing fun. You savedthe lady. Did you accomplish the
task? Then it did great.That night, she prisoned Shank, Squid
took the little shit we had gatheredand bailed. When I tried the chaser,
(17:56):
she poofed gone, Nido burrito holes. These mods sound like a bunch
of dicks, right, Yeah,I'm starting to think the mods are the
bad guys in the story. Itsucks when you have a very very cool
setting and everyone in it it's justa piece of shit. Yep. I
really don't know why we kept goingafter that. It was obvious we were
(18:17):
unwonted, so we really should havejust quit. I think we were both
waiting on the other to give themfirst. I didn't want to admit defeat,
and I knew Squid didn't want toeither. We just had the press
on no matter what. Even whenwe met sword fighting guy again, it
had been a few days on theroad and we kept getting shit on wolves
Rain another shadow attack. Still don'tknow how we lived, but we scrapped
(18:38):
by either by running the FuG awayor through sheer luck in winning a fight.
One more day of traveling and we'dbe at the village. We were
so close that we could taste it. But then the dick from the tavern
showed up blocking the road. Nevermind how he got ahead of us,
but he was, and we hadto take it. I mean, horses
exist. No, it reminds meof the Emperor's new groove. By able
(19:02):
accounts, by peer logic, itdoesn't make any sense. Shout out to
my boy Kronk. Well, wellif it isn't the wretch from the tavern,
and he picked himself up aside dishtoo. No, that just feels
gross. I don't like it.Squid doesn't to take a hike and let
us through. But this is atoll road. You'll have to pay me
(19:23):
to pass. Let's say one thousandgold. Oh, I've played this in
Skyrim. I do. This isfuck it? What tellbody's full of shit
and nobody has that much money.It's like, oh, what a shame.
Then you'll have to pay with yourlives. He pulls a sword in
blast Squid, who somehow powers throwit. This gives me a chance to
(19:44):
get up close and well, we'veestablished I can't do funk all against this
guys. I'm banged up pretty goodat fist. Don't do shit. Only
thing I have left is spirit,a metric as ton of spirit. See,
as we were training, I washoarding points, well, not intentionally.
I gain some every day like everyoneelse, And every time Squid and
I killed something, we got alittle bit more. Squid was spending his
spirit left and right. I wasn't. And since I had overflowing spirit,
(20:08):
I had a lot more points thanI had any right to at my level.
Even if raw spirit was crap,A lot of crap could still wreck
someone's deck edgard though, had achance, a slim chance, a slim
chance, but it was better thannothing. Bonzai Bat'll cry and use all
of that spirit. Crowdchurn uppercut swordguy doesn't give a shit, actually laughs
(20:30):
in my face and doesn't even makean attempt to dodge. You're kidding,
right, We've been through this.You can't hurt me. I'm actually like,
that's how he spelled, is uf u F I think I'm doing
a pretty good job reading his laugh. Okay, you really are You're the
only one laughing asshole. My fistconnects with his chin, and so does
(20:52):
all of that raw spirit didn't donearly as much dame as as an elemental
attack would, but it was stillenough to knock him on his ass,
which gave Squid the perfect set up. He jumped on sword Guy and blew
all his spirit too. Where oncethere had been a face, there was
now a smoking crater o. SwordGuy died and to two underdogs to boot.
Predictably, he pitched a bitch fit, and so did the rest of
the players. We were murderers andoutlaws and generally horrible, horrible people for
(21:17):
deciding not to deal with the bullshitanymore. Me and Squid didn't give a
single fuck. We are right,Yeah, we earned our first actual victory.
Sure we were nearly dead, defenseless, and still had to make it
to the village, but we won. Things were looking up at least for
a little while, and we stillhad to worry about Zero and his crap.
Zero was some kind of king ortyrant or overlord or whatever, and
(21:37):
this village was in his little authorityzone. So when we finally arrived at
the village, guess what special surpriseis waiting for us. I bet at
zero being a shithead Guards. Ifyou guess invisible, immune to everything,
force Field, congratulations, give yourselfa gold star. I'm going to take
the gold star anyway, if that'sall right with you, You're just going
to take it online to him,and for good measure. He teleports in
(22:00):
and taunts us, saying he'll followus until we're broken and mad and shut
the fuck up already, he cacklesand ports away. Squid falls to his
knees. He's had enough. Wecame all this way all for nothing.
Sure, we beat someone, buthe'd be reis and in perfect health the
next day. So what do wedo now? Squid was ready to quit.
(22:21):
That Guard wouldn't have it. We'lltrain, Squid. We train.
I want some music from Rocky playingright, Yeah, I want a montage
right here. Training montage, youguys are a part two. Yeah,
there's only two parts, and byparts, I mean like it was split
(22:41):
up left and right. So thatwas the left half. Now now we're
on the right hand of the front. That's what I have. Way through.
We hiked up a nice grassy hillnear the village and then proceeded to
beat the ever loving crap out ofeach other. Whenever you got into a
fight, you got a couple ofpoints towards leveling, win or lose.
The only problem is that most characterscouldn't spar against one another, as they'll
kill each other pretty much immediately.Elemental attacks and weapons combined had huge damage
(23:04):
multipliers, so sparring would quickly endup with people dead. We didn't have
any weapons, and unarmed combat wasa days of whaling on someone to actually
kill them. The only reason Squidwas all right was because of his firepower,
so as long as we didn't useany spirit, we could beat each
other. Silly, pass out,wait a while to heal, and do
it all over again. Amazing.It was stupid, it was cheesy,
(23:26):
and it pissed everyone off, butit fucking worked the way to actually legitimately
rope a dope an entire setting.Yeah, some said that the Shadows would
attack us, but we were justclose enough to the village that they couldn't.
I'm still not sure why Zero oreven the mods let us get away
with this shit. I guess theydidn't see it as anything to actually be
worried about. Eventually we leveled upthrough it was a slow process, and
(23:49):
there were better ways of leveling,but this was all we had. Plus
it gave me another fuck ton ofspirit points and guarded though pumped up strength
first and evenly distributed the rest,got a power to double the rate at
which he gained spirit per day.I had a plan. Squid just buffed
his fire stats. It was agood way to go. Now we just
had to find somewhere to rest upproperly, somewhere to regroup. We couldn't
(24:12):
just stay and whale on each otherfor another level. We had gotten lucky
the first time, but now therewas talk of a few players jumping us.
We had to move. Neither ofus knew where the hell we were
going or what we were doing.We just hit the road and tried to
get as far away from zero andeveryone else as we could. The mods
fucked with us for the first coupleof days, but eventually they got bored
and left us alone. Sometimes theythrow a few shadows our way, but
(24:33):
it was nothing we couldn't handle.Random events just stopped happening for us.
I think it was mainly due tous not really bugging anyone anymore. We
were doing our own thing, soeveryone just kind of forgot about us,
except Zero. Somebody's got a fuckingthen dead up. Yep, he was
still mighty pissy about me living thislong. I had no idea what his
deal was. Maybe he was justthe challenge to his authority that I represented,
(24:56):
or maybe he was just a colossalprick. It also might have been
one of those dual character situations.The sword guy might have been like Zero's
other character. Maybe maybe I'm goingwith the colossal perk theory. You know
what, there's no reason those theorysolid theory just a dick. There's no
(25:17):
reason those two theories can't live intwine. Yeah, what is it?
Don't attribute to malice. We couldattribute to just being the colossal prick because
of how it goes. Yeah,I'm pretty sure either way. Either way.
Once we left his authority zone orwhatever, he sent one of his
lackeys after us. A quick lookat his character sheet, and I knew
just how much Zero hated us.His name was Golden harl and the dude
(25:37):
was basically invincible. Magic armor lethim resist all elements massively. Plus it
was super late so he could flyaround and do his ninja flippy shit.
He could heal himself completely by spendinga couple of spirit, and his spirit
refreshed basically whenever he wanted it to. It was official. The monster just
didn't give a shit. Oh,and we were screwed too. All we
could do is keep going forward andhope he didn't catch up to us.
(26:00):
He did, and damn quick too. He met us while we were traveling
along a gorge and promptly tried toknock me over the side. Golden Horror
wasn't fucking around. No words onlypain, No words only pain. I
not so desperately for Golden Horral toactually have said no words. It's the
(26:25):
first half of what he said.Greg was no words, but I think
he said it. It's funnier ifhe did say I'll say it more ominously.
Golden Horror wasn't fucking around, nowords only pain. He meant business
better. Yes, that's my damnvoice of good m M. I barely
(26:45):
managed to dodge him, which wasof course met with public outcry, but
I was dangerously close to the edge. Squid tried to fire punch with a
couple of spirit behind it, nocell, and Golden Horral got a free
counter attack, because fuck you,he's Golden Horrl. Squid is knocked down,
but it gave me an opening.I grabbed Golden Horl by his waist
and gave him a souplex. Myhigh strength let me get in a few
(27:06):
points of damage and it put mein a better position. It didn't really
matter, though, as he wasback up and fully healed the second later.
I helped Squid up, but wepretty much were already dead. Golden
Horral finally spoke up any last words, sucked my dick an he last words
(27:26):
Bondzi. The fucker was wide openand his back was at the edge of
the cliff too. Oh. Aquick PM to Squid was all it took,
and the quick plan went off likeclockwork. Squid ran diversion, going
high for a fire punch to theface. Golden Harral didn't bother to dodge.
He was invincible, after all.He forgot one thing. Raw spirit
can't be resisted. Yes, Edgardthough went in for a gut punch,
(27:52):
but with all that built up spiritfrom training in the road, it wasn't
enough to kill Golden Harral, notby a loan shot. But it wasn't
enough to knock him backwards, andthat last step was a doozy Golden Harrow
fell down into the canyon, andwe only stayed long enough to hear the
dull thud of him hitting the ground. I could practically hear Zero grinding his
teeth to powder as he tattled tothe mods. We really didn't care enough
(28:14):
to do anything. Well, well, could they possibly do it and break
any rules? Surprisingly, I barelyheard anything from Golden Harle's player, just
a simple PM saying well played,fair what good? Good for Golden Harllle's
player. Yeah, I almost feltsorry that he had to meet his end
like that. Honestly, if Iwas the player, it'd have been like,
all right, that was pretty wicked. That was pretty cool. I
(28:34):
got a hand it to you,you know what? Fair play. Yeah.
After that, we were pretty muchfree to keep going until we hit
another village. Zero couldn't get tous there, so no shield and no
bullshit. We could finally rest.Well, maybe we were still broke and
there was a small army of playersafter us. Apparently Golden Hall was a
pretty popular character, and by killinghim, we were now at the top
(28:55):
of everyone's hit list. Oh fantasticsquids. Slept in an alley and I
kept watch trying to get a plantogether. We basically had come to a
sort of unspoken agreement. Squid wastired of Zero shit, and so was
I. We wanted him dead andbroken. The problem was that too low
level characters could do fuck all againstthe guy. His level was literally Lictid
as an infinity sign, which isagain this this game is this game is
(29:21):
bad. But yeah, okay,so what is all just with that asterisk
next to everything? When Squid tookwatch, I read over the fluff of
the setting looking for something, anything, that can help us. I found
it in the city of Haven.Haven was the second biggest city in the
setting, just barely smaller than Zero'splace. It was kind of a big
deal though. See it was hometo the spirit Well, it was a
(29:42):
font of power that everyone flocked to. As long as you were in Haven,
your spirit points recharged instantly up toyour cap. Oh no, I
didn't have a cap. Oh.I still wonder how anybody in their right
mind missed this little detail overflowing spirit. It was just set up so perfectly.
(30:02):
Maybe I was being a massive batguy for exploiting this like I did,
but I don't really care. Ithink so. I think you were
within your right. At this point, you earned it right. Everyone was
after you. Yeah, everyone buta few people were complete assholes, and
I wanted their little club destroyed.It was petty, it was stupid.
It was probably hurtful to a fewpeople. But Ed Guardeddough had a mission
and a guy called Squid was goingto help him see it through if they
(30:26):
ever got to Haven in one piece. I swear we were the only two
people following the traveling rules because thehorde of players chasing us caught up a
lot quicker than they should have.We had half a day rest before we
had to hit the road again.I was useless without a build up of
spirit, and Squeak could only offendall so many people before he died.
The only route to Haven was along, winding road through the mountains,
(30:48):
and we'd be ambushed if we triedto set up camp anywhere. It would
take too long and time wasn't ontheir side. So ed Guarded, though,
had a crazy idea. What ifthey climbed over the mountains? It
was basically sue and the random eventswere especially harsh in that terrain. No
one could follow us. After all, something might happen to their super special
characters and specialist spelled spe s hu l they're super special characters. Squid
(31:14):
was on board, and he broughtup an interesting point. The mods were
ignoring us. Everyone was so pissedoff at us, but in the grand
scheme of things, we hadn't reallydone anything major. We killed the grand
total of two characters through sheer luckand broken mechanics, and I had basically
given their idle Zero a giant middlefinger for simply surviving as long as I
had, and Zero could onlys suckso much colk do just get tiring after
(31:41):
a while, your jaw starts tohurt, so we start climbing, making
rolls and getting through by the skinof our teeth. Every once in a
while a mod would glance over andmake shit hard for us, but overall
we didn't have that much trouble.That's because Tumpa was waiting for us on
the other side of the mountain.Of course, it was from our perch
we got a view of the playerscoming for us. There was no way
(32:05):
we could take them all, andif we waited, they just get to
have in and wait for us thereand then there was the guy waiting just
underneath us Golden Harrel back from thedead. They must have fished him out
of the canyon that had him rest. Or maybe he survived the fall and
healed. Who knows. We knowhe saw us, but he didn't move.
He could have just jumped up atany time he wanted and murdered us
right then and there, but hedidn't unexpected how I. After a while,
(32:29):
Squid got tired of waiting. Heclimbed down and Edgardadough followed to have
his back in case things went south. Squid asked him what he wanted.
Golden Harrel just wanted to talk.Turns out he had more to his story
than we knew about. Golden Horrorwas in this role play just as long
as Zero was, and frankly,he was tired of Zero's shit. Yes,
yes, yes yes, Goldenhaer earnedeverything he had and didn't need the
(32:52):
resort to whin into the mods toget what he wanted. When he asked
why he tried to kill us,he said he was either followed Zero's or
orders or get his shit shoved inyou know, one on one fight.
Golden Harle just couldn't compete, mainlybecause Zero could do whatever the fuck he
wanted, and though I'm bad thanI, after we killed him, he
was basically done. He was satisfiedwith it with the ending he got,
(33:13):
but instead Zero revived him and sentthem to kill us again. Golden Harral
had other plans, though Squid wassuspicious, but I believed him. I'm
still not sure why. Maybe Iwas desperate, but I told them our
planned. Technically I told everyone ourplan and it was as it was in
one of the public threads. I'man idiot assuming, Yes, this is
like the only real indication we haveof like what kind of game this was.
(33:36):
So I still don't know if thisis like purely discord or you know,
how old the story is this?This looks like it was posted in
twenty thirteen. Yeah, so likewas discoorded. It might have been Skype
or one of those third party likeI think less, some sort of forum
based thing where like everything's public.So yeah, there's so a relic from
(33:57):
the old bay. Yes, soit's never really clear what the physical mechanics
of playing this game war, butthat's not importing as the story's fucking great.
Golden Harl said he would get usto have him. His story was
over and he ceased giving a singlefuck about what anyone else had to say
about his He only had one condition. We had to promise to kill Zero
and end this once and for all. Yes, Edgardadough and Squid agreed.
(34:19):
This is our only shot, andwe weren't about to throw it away.
A massive shit storm erupted from theplayer base as we joined up with Golden
Harrel. Zero called him a traderto everything the role play stood for,
and everyone made such a fuss thatthe mods nearly banned the guy Ah so
close were nearly there. Golden Harrelhad a bit of a sway with the
mods too, and he got luckyas shit when they took his side and
(34:42):
he pointed out that he had donenothing wrong with the mods appeased. That
just left the army of players gunningfor us. The second we hit the
road, they were on us.There was no fucking around anymore, and
the travel rules were basically out ofthe picture. A horde of superpowered loaners
and misfits charged towards us, flingingfire and let and all manner of weapons,
all of them driven by their singularhatred of Edgarda. Though a guy
(35:05):
called Squid and the trader Golden Harral, Golden Horral whether the tide, taking
kunai and fireballs and shadow spears withoutso much as flinching, because fuck you,
he's Golden Horrel. God bless himright, Honestly, that's some divine
protection on him right there for somereason, And I think it's just because
the name is similar. I'm picturinghim as Goldar from Original Power Rangers.
(35:25):
Same here on. Me and Squidran behind Golden Harral as he cleared a
path getting us to the other sideof the army. As we kept going
down the path, Golden Harral stayedbehind, covering our escape. To this
day, I do not know ifhe survives or not. I will never
forget his bravery. Since everyone elsewas doing it. We ignored the shrave
of rules ourselves, arriving and havingnearly instantly zero bitch, nobody hurt him.
(35:49):
Good fucky zero Fuck this guy.There was one last obstacle, though,
one last player, King k HA I n E. Of course,
the King is already an edgy namebecause he do it, even more
because he's a white middle Scholler Caine, the Shadow answer this fucking guy.
Somebody read the Bible. I seelike this fucking guy. He had a
(36:14):
power letting him control shadow. Hisinterpretation of what this actually did was very,
very loose. It always says,love it. And since he was
in Haven, he could abuse thislike nobody's business. As soon as we
set foot in the cities, Squidand Me instantly got paralyzed. We call
him on this bullshit. Not surewhy I control the darkness in people's hearts,
(36:35):
the darkness in everyone's soul. Youare mine, he continues, and
I quote, oh, eat abag of dicks. Squid tells him that's
not how it works. Caine isn'tlistening because it's his power, and he
says, that's how it works.And where Meanwhile, I just sit back
and ask myself a question. Whycan't I hold all this spirit, spend
(37:00):
infinite spirit, break Caine's hold gracefor whining? How you can't resist me?
The darkness is in everyone's heart.I'm just a pure little bean.
Though, Okay, it's Edgardo's turnto be cheesy. You are wrong.
My soul is a shining beacon,filled with a light and a burning hope
(37:21):
that no shadow can touch. Itis a pinpoint of justice, a shining
star, that will deliver freedom tothe universe. I will root out the
darkness, the evil of this land. No shadow will be spared my light.
Caine just can't comprehend how he's aboutto lose. He tries to shadow
prouse this thing again. No cell, infinite spirit, Who the hell do
(37:42):
you think you're dealing with? Ohait, no wrong voice? Who the hell
do you think you're dealing with?Banzai swift, uppercut, battle cry,
unlimited raw spirit, punch. Cainegets punched. Yes, Caine gets punched
into the sun. Yes on theSun, home boy. Cue shit being
lost by absolutely everyone again. Squidis okay. We rest up and figure
(38:07):
out our next move. My ultrapoweronly works if I'm in Haven. That
doesn't do us a lot of good. Squid finds out that Haven's unlimited spirit
effect lingers for a day after weleave. Zero is weeks away in his
city. More players are on theirway to Haven, and even though I
have infinite Spirit, I can onlyuse it to punch people. I'll get
killed. Eventually, we're basically stuckuntil I notice that we've leveled up.
(38:29):
I don't really give a fuck aboutmy stats at this point, but there's
a power that really catches my eye. Teleportation. I have exactly enough points
to purchase it. Normally I wouldn'thave enough spirit to use it, but
haven so it works. Squid upgradedhis fire punch. It was a good
way to go. I tell Squidthat he can stay behind. This is
going to be dangerous, that wemight not come back. He tells me
(38:52):
that he's with me to the end, and he intends to see things through
and that he's got my back nomatter what. In the middle of town
square edguarded though and a guy calledSquid shared a sweaty, shirtless muscly man
hug for all the world to see, and happy pride everybody, uh and
and and, quoting the story hereverbatim, it was super homo. Yes,
(39:14):
yes, homo a little. Ithink this is coming out the last
day of Jews, so happy,so we'll put a cap on Pride with
this one, happy bride. I'mjust gonna say it again, it was
super homo. Actually, we justhad to be touching it so I could
teleport us both. But shut up, Yeah it works. We ride outside
(39:37):
the city and the shield was stillup. Zero mocked us, saying that
he was invincible behind this wall andthat we couldn't do anything. This shield
can withstand a thousand times the forceof anything that could possibly throw at it.
People just keep forgetting raw spirit can'tbe resisted by anything. I'll just
have to hit it a thousand timesharder bums. I I still flinch whenever
(39:58):
I remember typing that so damn cheesy. It's so good though. It really
is one more battle cry, blowinfinite spirit and nothing. Excuse me,
not a damn thing, no wrong. Zero refused to post an actual RP
after that. I think he hada stroke or something. He posted plenty
of the discussion threads, though everyonedid. The entire community spammed the forums,
(40:22):
declaring that I should be banned,flayed, and hung from my Shenanigans.
The next day, when I triedto log in, I found that
the forums have been shut down dueto popular opinion. I never saw a
Squid after that. We never exchangedemails or anything. I like to think
that Edgarddough is still frozen in thatmoment in time, his fist crashing through
(40:44):
the shield and connecting with Zero's bigstupid face, and Edgardo is smiling.
He won. He and Squid andGolden harle they won. They really fucking
did. Yeah, they did.That's incredible. That is the ballad of
Edgardough. Oh my god, thatdoesn't That isn't epic bordering on like the
Odyssey. It's not D and D. But tell me, this is one
(41:05):
of the greatest RPCE stories. Ilove this story. I love doing this
episode because I hadn't read this storyin a long time and I forgot how
just just just beautiful, just beautifulit is, and the pie is funny.
I'm going to put a link tothis is a screen cap of all
the original four chance stuff. IsI even on one of the D and
D or roleplay subreddits. I'm findingthis on our Slaze Green Text put it
(41:29):
on our website. So I'm callingfor Chane Walking for this. Well,
don't chan No, I'm gonna postthe screenshot of this whole thing, which
is what I read it from.So it's good enough. We'll post that
in the show notes. But ohman, what was your what was your
favorite part? Greg? Oh?My favorite part is going toward uh switching
sides, because it's absolutely you canyou can feel in horror, going in
(41:52):
horror, sorry, you can feelthe fire is just I'm done. I
had you out played me like anylegit, and he went fairly by outlaid
him. Yeah. That was like, yeah, that's just a welt just
that was my favorite was actually gotkicked off the off the cliff. That
(42:12):
was great. I also very muchlike when they were like, mods aren't
looking, Yeah, we can justdo whatever, and then you have your
training montage. It's it's the wholestory is beautiful from beginning to end,
because this is somebody that knows like, Okay, they're gonna fuck with us
no matter what we do, sowe might as well have fun with it.
(42:35):
Yeah, my favorite part had tobe I mean, there's so many
funny moments in here. Punching himinto the sun. Yeah, I think
that's that's why I lost. That'swhy I can read it. This sneaking
gets punched into this deserved to bepunched into the sun. I controlled the
darkness in your heart, shut theup and like, I stand by that
voice of thousand percent because you knowsomeone who controls the darkness, that little
(43:00):
nippling that's Mandarth. Well, godstop, that controlled the darkness speedy my
love. Oh man, I've madethem even less threatening, So I want
to do more classic tales from theInternet, like about playing tales from the
Internet like this. Do I knowa couple more at the top of my
(43:20):
head. But if there's any thatlike that that you the listener want us
to read and uh and share,and especially if it's one I never heard
of, please send it over.I want to read this thing. This
was a blast, is well myfavorite episodes we've done yet. Yeah,
so I'm glad this worked out becauseI did not know how this was going
to go. Any party thoughts,guys, Yeah, don't be a shithead
and you won't get fucking launched intothis hunt. But if you're surrounded by
(43:40):
shitheads, become the embodiment of chaos. My party thought is banzai. Guys,
thanks for listening. Well, seeyou next time. Bye bye.
Thank you for listening to Communtions andJackens. Please share this with your favorite
adventure, leave a review on Apple, and follow us on social media.
(44:04):
All links can be found at Curmudgeonsand Dragons dot com. Practice Safe Adventuring
my Friends,
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